All language subtitles for Archer s01e06 Skorpio.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:05,298 I get to go to the French Riviera on the ISIS dime to do what? 2 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,800 Locate a stolen shipment of Redeye missiles... 3 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:12,055 ...and kill the arms dealer trying to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio. 4 00:00:12,222 --> 00:00:13,932 ARCHER: Whoa, what, is diabetes busy? 5 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:18,186 Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's a reason the bounty on him is so high. 6 00:00:18,353 --> 00:00:21,606 Like, high enough to redo my kitchen? - Ugh. What did I tell you? 7 00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:25,026 That Saltillo tile is terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous. 8 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,404 And Mexican whore-house-y. So I'm sure your cook feels at home. 9 00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:31,282 Hey, Pita isn't a whore. - Not until you got a hold of her. 10 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,910 First of all... - Oh, shut up. The bounty on Skorpio... 11 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:37,121 ...is more than enough for a new kitchen... - I also have the nook... 12 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:41,209 And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable medical expenses. 13 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,628 Ugh. Like, one time that happened. 14 00:00:43,795 --> 00:00:45,964 It's pretty late. Why don't you take a cab? 15 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,050 [IN HEAVY MEXICAN ACCENT] Mr. Sterling? I have problem. 16 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,260 I'll pay for it. 17 00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:51,553 [VOMITING] 18 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,721 Again? Seriously, Pita... 19 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,726 You're killing me here. Again? This was supposed to be coconut shrimp. 20 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,480 One, three times. But it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom. 21 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:06,276 Why don't you wear a vasectomy? - This again? Don't you want a grandkid? 22 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:10,321 Well, if I did, I'd just scrape all your previous mishaps into a big pile... 23 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:13,491 ...and knit a onesie for it. - Jesus Christ. 24 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:16,202 Sorry, I've been fasting and I'm edgy. - Still though... 25 00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:18,997 Sterling. - Okay. If there's money left... 26 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,124 ...after the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe. 27 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:22,625 You do want the assignment? 28 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,628 Yeah, I want it. - You really, really, really want it? 29 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,005 Yes. I really want it. 30 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,840 Well, too bad. Because guess what. 31 00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:30,174 Womp-womp. 32 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,844 Why does she get the mission? - Because I said so. 33 00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:34,929 Either way, we have a plane to catch. 34 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,306 We? Why are you going? 35 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:39,517 I'm going to, um, a conference? 36 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,270 Oh, well, isn't that convenient? 37 00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:45,690 If you think that's convenient, wait till you see my new kitchen. 38 00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:50,111 Ha! Seriously though, you should look through some of her design catalogs. 39 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,062 So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France? 40 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,606 Isn't that kind of sudden? - No, baby. 41 00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:29,567 Sudden is wanting to move in with somebody after four months. 42 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,903 Talking. Just talking about it. 43 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,947 You know, I mean, jeez, I moved in with my last girlfriend... 44 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,367 ...after four weeks. - What are you, a lesbian? 45 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:40,203 Why, would you be into that? Just curious. 46 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:44,832 Which was an odd word choice right there, and am I talking out loud? 47 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:48,169 Now remember, I want the entire data system on those new servers... 48 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,880 ...or I will just make it rain pink slips. 49 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,132 I'm not doing that. - That's a poor motivator. 50 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:56,094 Lana, I want you to call or text me at the top of every hour. 51 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,055 I'll call or text at the... - I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon. 52 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,723 Well, it's all on this schedule. 53 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,601 Oh, no, honey. The doors are closing and I didn't get the... 54 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,228 Oh, so close. 55 00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,939 So your conference wouldn't be for control freaks... 56 00:03:08,106 --> 00:03:12,610 ...who micro-manage everything, would it? - What? No, that's not why I'm... 57 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:16,239 But look, you be careful with Skorpio. He won't hesitate to kill you. 58 00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:17,448 [CELL PHONE CHIRPS] 59 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,243 Unless I get smothered to death. - Oh. That's just pathetic. 60 00:03:20,410 --> 00:03:24,956 But even though Cyril may be clingy... - Oh. Saran Wrap could take a lesson. 61 00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:28,501 ...You used to complain constantly that Sterling was emotionally distant. 62 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,336 Yeah, I was just being nice, though. 63 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:34,257 I wonder if he's like that because I used to spank him with a wooden spoon. 64 00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:38,469 Uh... Yeah, I don't know about that, but it might explain the ping-pong paddle. 65 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,971 [SPEAKS IN FRENCH] 66 00:03:40,138 --> 00:03:42,473 MALORY: My point is, dear, you can trust Cyril. 67 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,976 Now you go have a fun assassination. 68 00:03:45,143 --> 00:03:48,438 Okay, and you go have fun at your thing. 69 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:52,525 Oh, I will. Bye, dear. Did you rent a boat? 70 00:03:52,692 --> 00:03:57,113 [IN RUSSIAN ACCENT] Da, is very... Ahem. Pretty nice boat. 71 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,657 It better be, Mr. Sex-Tape. 72 00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:03,494 And you, scuff that luggage, and I'll out your hamstrings for you. 73 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:07,373 I think we're making some progress. - Where, in opposite-world? 74 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:11,669 We're never gonna finish all this. - We can, if certain people would help. 75 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:15,798 I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in... 76 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:19,635 ...Fort Kickass. - Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help. 77 00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,221 Hey, I'm helping Cyril. Text her again. 78 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:25,183 I am, if you'd shut up. - And really pour out your feelings. 79 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,144 Don't listen to him, he's just trying to... - ARCHER: Shut up! 80 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,480 Cyril, bare your soul. 81 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:34,901 JAKOV: So, heh-heh, did I say is nice boat, or what? 82 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,069 Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did... 83 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:40,031 ...which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself... 84 00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:41,657 ...aboard the Chum Guzzler. 85 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,201 [LAUGHS] 86 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,453 I am just getting that. 87 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:48,039 MALORY: Well, I know what you're not getting. 88 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:51,375 Give it. I'm serious. Give me my phone. - No, get off. Cut it out. 89 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,711 Cyril, goddamn it, you're smothering Lana. 90 00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,714 Pam, I will hit you in the face. Aha-ha-ow! 91 00:04:56,881 --> 00:05:00,468 Don't listen to her, Cyril. If there's one thing women totally love... 92 00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:02,386 ...it's to be smothered by men. 93 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,139 Heh. Like you'd know. - Or choked, in your case. 94 00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,433 Cyril, trust me. Give her some space. 95 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,520 But why hasn't she called? I mean, what if she's in danger? 96 00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,126 Or... Or... - ARCHER: Cyril, come on. 97 00:05:12,522 --> 00:05:14,732 Worst-case scenario, her cover got blown... 98 00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,901 ...and Skorpio's raping her senseless... - Oh! 99 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:19,570 ...before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. 100 00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:21,864 What is wrong with you? - How can you say that? 101 00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,574 What? I said "worst-case." 102 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:24,784 [JAKOV SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 103 00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,286 Leave that to your field agent. 104 00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,789 Why must you always micro-manage? 105 00:05:29,956 --> 00:05:32,333 I don't. And if you will recall... 106 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 ...I used to be an excellent field agent. 107 00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:37,839 Da, is why I fall in love with you. 108 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,633 My God, Kolya, we were so young. 109 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,053 Young and in love, and in Berlin. 110 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:48,349 On that magical moonlit night, beneath the Bridge of Spies. 111 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:52,270 The night before you break my heart, and disappear for nine months. 112 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:57,149 Kolya, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 113 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,193 What is in this drink? 114 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,113 Sorry, is ice from cooler. 115 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,658 Somehow it got butter all over it. - WOMAN: Aah! 116 00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,952 Hey, don't be queen of drama. 117 00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:10,746 That wasn't me, you idiot. 118 00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,039 [SCREAMING] 119 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,541 Oh, dear God. 120 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,127 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 121 00:06:16,294 --> 00:06:17,336 Cyril, give it to me. - I bet that's Lana. 122 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:20,298 It's my phone. Pam put yours in the blender. - Come on. 123 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,885 PAM: It's called tough love, Cyril. - The secret ingredient is phone. 124 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:27,680 Hello. Mother. What? Really? 125 00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:30,016 And you're sure it was Lana? - What was Lana? 126 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:33,769 Okay, I'm on it. What? Yes. God. - Come on. 127 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:37,106 What did she say? - Well, she's still really pro-vasectomy. 128 00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,775 About Lana. - Oh, right. Yeah, so... 129 00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,321 ...remember that worst-case scenario we talked about? 130 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,781 Oh, my God. - Yes, yes, I remember. 131 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,993 Archer, if anything... - Cyril, relax. I will rescue her. 132 00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:52,288 So, Krieger? How's about a roadie? 133 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,502 ARCHER: It would be nice to know what kind of danger I'm facing. 134 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,869 MALORY [OVER RADIO]: What danger? They do it outpatient. 135 00:07:00,922 --> 00:07:03,507 ARCHER: What...? Not the vasectomy, the rescue. 136 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,217 How would I know? I'm at a conference. 137 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,427 [SEAGULLS CRYING] 138 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,888 Wait a minute. - You don't have a minute. 139 00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:10,765 Now, will you just put a lid on it? 140 00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:14,518 ARCHER: All right, I'm going. - Shitty flying rats. 141 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,103 Just put the damn lid on it. 142 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:20,441 Commence Operation: "Something about I rescue Lana... 143 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:24,028 ...and she begs me to take her back, so then Cyril commits suicide." 144 00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,530 I swear to God I had something for this. 145 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,952 Seriously, are you just bailing on this whole assignment, or what? 146 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:35,289 Who gives a gosh-damn about that? Lana's captured, maybe even... 147 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,541 Rescued, Kenny Crybaby. 148 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:42,046 Come on. I bet Mr. Archer already went all double-oh-ninja on Skorpio's ass. 149 00:07:42,213 --> 00:07:43,381 Waa-paah! 150 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,341 Karate sound. - You really think so? 151 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,885 Cyril, right this second... 152 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,221 ...I bet he's untying Lana... 153 00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:52,306 ...taking off her ball gag... - Her what? 154 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,393 ...And she's looking up into his steely-blue eyes... 155 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,728 ...and parting her moist lips... 156 00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,939 Wait a minute. - Yeah, hang on, crazy pants. 157 00:08:00,106 --> 00:08:03,317 Let her talk, woman. - As he takes her in his rippling... 158 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:06,946 ...Rambo-y arms, throws her down... - Oh, my God... 159 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:10,408 ...and then Unh, Unh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 160 00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,577 That's right! Give it to me! Uhn! 161 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,123 Damn it, look what you... Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere? 162 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,209 I've got some in the lab. - I mean, maybe it's not that... 163 00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:23,838 ...but there's only one way to find out. - Give me that. 164 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:25,756 ARCHER: Oh, Jesus, God. 165 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,718 I thought I gave you a fake number. - CYRIL: What? 166 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,887 Archer, it's me. - Cyril? Hey, I can't really talk right now. 167 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:35,641 Well, that's too bad, Mr. Man. Now, you just put Lana on the phone. 168 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:40,104 Well, Cyril I can't really do that either. - He says he can't put her on. 169 00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:44,400 [GRUNTING AND MOANING] 170 00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:47,570 Archer, put her on the phone. - Cyril, buddy, look... 171 00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:50,489 ...when I see her, I will tell her to call you... 172 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,117 ...but I can't freaking talk right now! 173 00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:56,037 Archer? Hello? He hung up. 174 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,329 Probably cause he's all: 175 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,664 [GRUNTING] 176 00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:01,417 Oh, my God, I can't breathe. 177 00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:04,420 [GURGLING] 178 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:09,675 [SOBBING] 179 00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:13,095 And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co-workers. 180 00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:16,640 That and no one ever lets me. - I've had good results with ether. 181 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643 Oh, no! 182 00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:21,645 [MUFFLED SCREAMING] 183 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,116 MALORY: Oh, my God, Nikolai, something's wrong. 184 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:32,656 Is just fat dripping from kebabs. 185 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,326 Not that. Kolya, my people need help. 186 00:09:35,493 --> 00:09:38,913 Do you have any KGB agents nearby? - Meh... 187 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,792 "Meh" what? - I just don't feel so comfortable... 188 00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:47,171 ...discussing KGB operations with you. - What? I tell you everything. 189 00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:51,467 Da, but is a little unprofessional. 190 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,637 ARCHER: Swear to God, Lana better be dead on a slab... 191 00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:57,348 ...or begging for mercy over a vat of acid... 192 00:09:57,515 --> 00:09:59,600 ...or a shark tank or... 193 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,312 Drinking champagne in a bikini? - Oh, screw me. 194 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,274 SKORPIO [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]: Two minutes, my love. I am just now again... 195 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,111 ...re-shaving my balls again. 196 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,197 First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation. 197 00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:16,867 And not that it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex with Skorpio. 198 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,494 Oh, really? - No. God. 199 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,122 I just kept putting him off, making him re-shave his balls. 200 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,707 Oh. So you can hang out on a boat? 201 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,252 It's a mega-yacht. And I just... 202 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,878 I needed a break from Cyril. 203 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,756 Who thinks you got captured, or killed. 204 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,550 What was that all about? - Um... 205 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,176 [SCREAMING] 206 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:38,722 [LAUGHING] 207 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,518 Uh... I actually forget what that was. I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard. 208 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:46,730 Jesus. You are so irresponsible. - Oh, really? Go ask Pita who's irresponsible. 209 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,816 Hey, she knew the job was risky going in. 210 00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,652 And since you didn't do your job... - I Will, all right? 211 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,487 Just give me like a week. 212 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,823 Too late! You had your chance and you blew it. 213 00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:59,034 Now, how's my disguise? - Depends. Who are you supposed to be? 214 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,620 Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper... 215 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,539 ...of the USS Rough Service? 216 00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:04,748 [MUFFLED CHUCKLING] 217 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,209 What, they're your clothes, idiot. - Uhn! 218 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,212 Oh, damn it, that was the guy in charge of the chocolate fountain. 219 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,090 There's a chocolate fountain? - Oh. There's everything. 220 00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,759 Great champagne, ridiculous food... 221 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,596 ...a whole, like, squad of hot little Filipina masseuses. 222 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,181 Skeet? - Probably. I just... 223 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:24,101 ...really need some me time before I have to go back to Cyril and his whole... 224 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,437 Curiously oppressive brand of love? 225 00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:30,357 I mean, come on, haven't I earned that? - Yes, we have. I'm staying. 226 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,109 What? No. No, you're not. - Yes. 227 00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:36,280 Yes, I am. Or would you prefer I tell Cyril you slept with Skorpio? 228 00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,408 Even you wouldn't stoop that low. - Lana, come on... 229 00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:41,493 ...this is me, remember? 230 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,745 [GROANS] 231 00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:44,496 Unprofessional? 232 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:47,458 From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team... 233 00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:49,710 ...just to make a sex tape of me? 234 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,297 Ha. And entire KGB art department... 235 00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:56,008 ...to airbrush wrinkles off your old ass. 236 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,886 I want to leave, please. Right now. 237 00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:02,514 So who's stopping you? 238 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,724 Hmm. 239 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,060 Hmm. 240 00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:09,396 Smiles everyone, smiles. 241 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:13,234 For this party, everything must be as perfect... 242 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,569 ...as my beautiful companion. - Ha-ha. 243 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:19,823 Because in one hour, the world's most dangerous terrorists... 244 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:25,955 ...will gather here, on the Argo, to bid on my humble wares. 245 00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:29,833 Wait, wait, you. Chocolate-fountain guy. 246 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,169 You look, uh... 247 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,838 ...different. - Oh! 248 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:39,343 Um, I guess I've been working out? - Yes, I can see that. 249 00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:42,137 Quick. Bring me some duct tape. - I, uh... 250 00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,598 Because this malaka is ripped. 251 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,850 [LAUGHING] 252 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:50,604 Come, my dear. Before the party, I must relax... 253 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,856 ...on top of you. - Ugh. 254 00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,360 No excuses, huh? My balls are smooth. 255 00:12:56,902 --> 00:13:00,948 And you know I love that. - Not as much as I love chocolate. 256 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:06,120 Oh-hoh-hoh. So, you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes. 257 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,788 I would prefer not to. 258 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:08,998 [GUNS COCKING] 259 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,709 Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody? 260 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,211 Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh? 261 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,171 Yeah, he's not an easy read. 262 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,215 And I drove her right into his arms. 263 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,425 [SOBBING] 264 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,885 His big, tan, muscle-bulgy arms. 265 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,805 Cyril, come on. Don't listen to... 266 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,224 What the hell is your name now, anyway? 267 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,060 I don't even remember. - PAM: Exactly. So... 268 00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:31,228 [SNORTING] 269 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,898 What are you snorting off me? - It's mostly MSG. 270 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,485 The flavor enhancer. - Which you so need. 271 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,154 Pipe down, pipe cleaner. 272 00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:42,990 And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay? 273 00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:46,076 Probably fraught with danger. - You really think so? 274 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:49,163 I bet they're fighting for their lives. 275 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,748 Wow. 276 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,334 Yeah, that... 277 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,085 [LAUGHS] 278 00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,712 That got a little dark. 279 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:02,051 So now we have champagne, huh? 280 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:06,764 Um, got anything a little stronger? - Or way stronger. Like poison? 281 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,100 Mm. I think I have just the thing. 282 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,854 Oh, my God. - Ready the shark tank for my guests... 283 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:17,608 ...Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS. - What? 284 00:14:17,775 --> 00:14:18,942 You knew the whole time? 285 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,236 How you say...? Womp-womp. 286 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:26,116 All right, you heard Mr. Skorpio. - No, just Skorpio. 287 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,869 Remember? How we're doing that from now on? 288 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:33,207 Sorry, sir. - Hang on just one second. 289 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:35,584 Where was this enthusiasm before? 290 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,753 I know, right? Now he wants to contribute. 291 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,132 M... Ha-ha. Oh, funny. Actually, I'm getting this. 292 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,550 [CHATTERING] 293 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,304 Damn, I had something for this too. Damn it. 294 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,931 Eat grenade, stupids. 295 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:50,766 [GRENADE EXPLODES] 296 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,268 Oh, well, now what? - Ugh. 297 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,270 Are you still here? 298 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,940 Where'd you get a grenade? - Hanging from the lampshade. 299 00:14:58,107 --> 00:14:59,149 Wait, what? 300 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,484 [GUNSHOTS] 301 00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,653 [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 302 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:07,324 What? Did he just call me a whore? - Now, why on earth would he do that? 303 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:11,036 Because he turns women into whores. 304 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,996 Just ask his slutty Mexican cook. 305 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,623 Oh, my God, yes. 306 00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:17,209 We should call her, because I would literally... 307 00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:19,795 ...murder somebody for some migas right now. 308 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:23,674 Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me. 309 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,884 And I'm so open to that. 310 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,761 And, Cyril, ignore her. 311 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,681 Nothing's going on between Archer and Lana. 312 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,809 Although... - Although what? 313 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,854 Well, every ISIS agent has a company-issued... 314 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,523 ...life-insurance policy, and... 315 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,691 And what? 316 00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:45,195 You're my beneficiary! - Your what? 317 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,698 On my company life insurance. 318 00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:49,032 Oh, my God. 319 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,784 I mean, if this goes tits-up. 320 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,539 Now? Really? 321 00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:58,917 Oh, right. Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse... 322 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,712 ...and said, "Help me showcase my intellect." 323 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:04,214 Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci. 324 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,967 Uh, I think it's pronounced, "Knock-off." 325 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,552 [GRUNTS] 326 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:13,474 Right after I get back, I'm changing that stupid policy. Ugh! 327 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,351 Yes, you're my beneficiary. 328 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:21,565 How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone? 329 00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,650 But that doesn't mean anything. I mean... 330 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,695 ...they could've forgotten to fill out new beneficiary forms... 331 00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:30,199 Cyril, they have to update those Bennie forms every quarter. 332 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,408 [CHUCKLES] 333 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:35,204 Ouch. - But that means... Oh, my God. 334 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,748 Damn ass-hammered shit! 335 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:41,752 What? - Benefits! I forgot to spend the balance... 336 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,087 ...in my goddamn flex account! 337 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,424 Are you date-of-employment, or...? - Calendar-year! 338 00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,718 Ouch. - That's just leaving money on the table. 339 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:50,928 How did you forget that? 340 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,765 I guess I was busy fantasizing about Archer and Lana having intercourse! 341 00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:56,058 [SOBBING] 342 00:16:56,225 --> 00:17:01,104 Ouch. - Cyril, come on, hon, we all were. 343 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,315 And you expect me to believe that? 344 00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:07,277 I don't care. Just like I don't ever think about you. 345 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,404 Reloading. - Firing. 346 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:13,617 So when you filled out your insurance, you weren't thinking about my muscular arms... 347 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:20,123 ...or my ass, in the combat-firing stance? - No, I wasn't. I don't. I mean, I'm... 348 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,960 So full of shit, your eyes are brown. 349 00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:29,383 No, they're... Oh, my God, they're green. 350 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,634 [EXPLOSION] 351 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,303 Like emeralds. How did I never see that? 352 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,430 Lana, your eyes are amazing. - Archer. 353 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,433 I mean, not compared to your tits, but... Ow! Ow! 354 00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,435 What is your problem? 355 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,813 You. And plus, I have a boyfriend. 356 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,440 Oh, right, how could I forget Mr. Cling? 357 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:46,817 [SOBBING] 358 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,444 Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go. 359 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:53,198 Oh, God, he's stronger than he looks. 360 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,826 Get him out of here! 361 00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,911 Because these corporate bag-munchers... 362 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,372 ...owe me 630 dollars... 363 00:18:00,539 --> 00:18:04,167 ...for my goddamn flex account! 364 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,504 I cannot believe you shot me. 365 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,339 God, you know how much I hate that. 366 00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,342 You better get used to it. - Kill them, you fools. Kill them. 367 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,678 Oh, my God. I am gonna die... 368 00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:17,180 ...and you're the last man I was in bed with. 369 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:21,476 Well, one of them. Don't worry, I won't tell Cyril. Probably. 370 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:22,686 [CLICKING] 371 00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:25,856 Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer! - Lana.Lana. 372 00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:28,859 Do you trust me? - What? No, I don't trust you. 373 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:32,195 Well, that's too bad. Because guess what. 374 00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:39,745 Oh, my God. Nikolai. Our son. 375 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,706 Our what? Oh, so... 376 00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,876 ...remember that little something I wanted to tell you? 377 00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:51,632 A little something? Oh, that is just classic you. 378 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,468 So I'm a little late. - A lot late. 379 00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:58,305 No one could have survived that. 380 00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:01,558 Oh, man! Whoo! 381 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,810 I am awesome! 382 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:07,356 Ugh. And it just keeps on getting better. 383 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:08,982 Lana? - Asshole? 384 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,819 Oh, my God. Was that not epic? 385 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,697 First of all... - Nikolai, look, they're alive. 386 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:19,159 Oh, thank God. - Thank God? 387 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:23,747 For what? The lying woman I risk my career for? 388 00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:26,458 The son she don't told me of? 389 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:30,504 Or maybe my damn security deposit? 390 00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:34,424 MALORY: Security deposit. What was it, a pair of flip-flops? 391 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,094 Half the bounty. Come on, I deserve it. - Ha! 392 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,971 Too bad. So you can just paddle that hole in your foot... 393 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,432 ...right on back to your cheesy, Mexican kitchen... 394 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,768 Oh, I'll get a new kitchen. 395 00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:48,021 Let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a talk with Cyril. 396 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,357 Ha! About what, exactly? 397 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:52,693 How you cried during a two-man threesome? 398 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,779 Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, Lana. 399 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:58,323 Yeah, and now I know. And when I tell Pam... 400 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,367 ...so will everybody in the office. 401 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,869 Oh, is that how you wanna play it? - Yeah. 402 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:07,791 Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then! And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend. 403 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:12,546 I will. Oh, and Cyril may be clingy, but at least I know I can trust him. 404 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,425 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - CHERYL: Cyril, come on. 405 00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:19,803 Snap out of it, seriously. It's not like we burned down the mainframe. 406 00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:21,138 You really need to relax. 407 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:24,141 How'? My life is ruined. Again. 408 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,893 Look, what happens on this scratchy green office rug... 409 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,521 ...stays on this scratchy green office rug, okay? 410 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:30,981 You mean... 411 00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:34,818 ...this, what we just did, you'll keep this our secret? 412 00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,612 Yeah. God, Cyril. 413 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,949 You can trust me. You know, probably. 414 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,159 Probably? 415 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,119 Womp-womp. 416 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:19,863 [English - US - PSDH] 417 00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:24,463 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34039

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.