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00:00:01,628 --> 00:00:04,172
Torvald Utne.
- ARCHER: The Olympic shot-putter?
2
00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:06,925
The chairman of the UN
Intelligence Committee.
3
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,844
Do you not even skim
the briefings in your inbox?
4
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:13,389
I have an inbox?
- Utne decides which spy agency...
5
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:16,434
...gets the insanely lucrative
UN contract.
6
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,937
And as you may or...
7
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,273
...probably don't know,
for six years running...
8
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,943
...the contract has
gone to ODIN.
9
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,779
Ugh. The Organization
of Douche Bags In... In...
10
00:00:27,946 --> 00:00:30,615
Wait, I had something.
- Douche-baggery notwithstanding...
11
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:33,451
Nowheresville.
- ...their ground floor isn't a laundromat.
12
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:36,746
Wash-and-fold, technically.
- ISIS needs that UN contract.
13
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:40,208
So I am going to woo
Mr. Torvald Utne...
14
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:41,459
Gross.
15
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,795
...with a dinner party.
Tonight.
16
00:00:43,962 --> 00:00:46,256
And you're uninviting me in advance.
- Normally, yes.
17
00:00:46,506 --> 00:00:50,009
But this party is different.
And very important...
18
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,637
...so absolutely nothing can go wrong.
19
00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:55,306
Then we better keep
Dr. Bellows away from Jeannie...
20
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,058
No, no dates.
- I Dream of Jeannie.
21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,769
No one is bringing a date,
so don't you bring a date.
22
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:02,647
I don't wanna get there
and be the only one without a date.
23
00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:06,568
And I don't want another one of your sullen
whores using my medicine cabinet...
24
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,571
...like a Pez dispenser.
25
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,448
Peggy, you will probably
kill me for this...
26
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:15,451
...but, senator,
we now have a subway museum...
27
00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,328
[WOMAN GRUNTS
THEN GUESTS GASP]
28
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,623
If... Are you still big into trains?
29
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:24,335
That wasn't her fault.
Who puts OxyContin in a Xanax bottle?
30
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:27,046
People with servants, idiot.
- If they steal pills...
31
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:31,467
...how does it help to switch the labels?
- Because they can't read English.
32
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:35,138
Ha, ha. I'm gonna leave you to think
about that whole line of reasoning...
33
00:01:35,305 --> 00:01:37,432
You think.
- And what scheme you're hatching...
34
00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:40,476
...for this dinner party.
- There's no scheme-hatchery.
35
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:41,853
MAN [ON PHONE]:
Hello?
36
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:43,771
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]
37
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,692
Do you mind? It's the caterer.
- ARCHER: Right. Okay, sure.
38
00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:49,979
MALORY: Your instructions are clear?
- Ja. No problem.
39
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,321
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
40
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,698
Oh, I have other call. Yeah, okay.
41
00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:55,366
Hello? Oh.
- MAN: Hello?
42
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,494
Da, da.
- So your instructions are clear?
43
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:01,205
Da.
- Excellent.
44
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:05,335
Uta, get dressed, we work tonight.
- UTA: But, Mani, what about The Fantasticks?
45
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,587
Tomorrow, liebchen,
I promise, but to...
46
00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:08,838
[GROANS]
47
00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:12,216
You brought this ridiculous thing.
- Is it so ridiculous...
48
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:17,221
...to ready my body for the baby?
- Uta. Please do not start this.
49
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,557
Just ready your body for work, hmm?
50
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,559
Fine. What is the job?
51
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:25,104
Two jobs. The first,
we make a big phony attempt...
52
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:29,192
...to kill Torvald Utne.
- Okay. And the second?
53
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,861
We kill Torvald Utne.
54
00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:05,978
MALORY:
So your instructions are clear?
55
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,899
Drinks and fish balls.
You ring first bell for dinner.
56
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:14,278
And on second bell,
I come out, all John Wooey...
57
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,115
...screaming crazy
and shooting blanks.
58
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,827
Then I throw myself in front of Utne,
shielding him with my supple body...
59
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,788
...as you're gunned down by ISIS agents.
60
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:26,290
Who are also shooting blanks.
61
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:28,543
Mm-hm.
- And loud ones.
62
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:32,714
Because for Utne to buy it,
everyone must act surprised.
63
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,633
Oh, I'm sure they will.
- Yeah, me too.
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00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,302
Mani, I have a bad feeling for this.
65
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:41,222
Why? Only I will have real bullets.
66
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,725
This is taking chocolate from a baby.
67
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,144
Oh, no, we won't give
our baby chocolate.
68
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,896
Ugh.
- He can have carob.
69
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,941
CHERYL: Thanks for inviting us to your
swanky dinner party, Ms. Archer.
70
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:54,402
Yeah, I could get used to this.
71
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:58,489
Don't. You're only here because I may
need you to take one for the team.
72
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:02,452
Torvald is an incorrigible poon hound.
- TORVALD: Ha, ha.
73
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:05,621
Those are enormous in size.
- LANA: Oh, well...
74
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:10,001
Uh, thank you. Kind of.
- May I please cup one in my hand?
75
00:04:10,168 --> 00:04:12,754
Ooh. See, here's the thing...
- We're actually together.
76
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,131
Cyril, go get some gravlax.
77
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,009
Torvald, feel free to cup
anything in the room.
78
00:04:18,176 --> 00:04:21,262
LANA: Uh... Oh, you were
talking about my guns.
79
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,181
Strange that you
wear them to a party.
80
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,142
Normally I wouldn't, but Malory...
- But that's ISIS for you.
81
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,019
Always primed and ready
for action.
82
00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:30,104
[PANTING]
83
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,191
TORVALD: This is good to know.
- Yeah, how about that?
84
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:37,528
Which is why you should
consider ISIS for the UN contract.
85
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,782
Our agents are highly trained
in many disciplines.
86
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,658
[LANA GRUNTS
THEN TORVALD GROANS]
87
00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:45,119
Like Krav Maga, for instance.
- My arm, my arm.
88
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,038
You're breaking my arm.
- Lana.
89
00:04:47,205 --> 00:04:51,042
Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?
- Yes, it hurt. What is wrong with you?
90
00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:55,046
Nothing but too much enthusiasm
for the opportunity to serve the UN.
91
00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:57,173
Oh, and hands like the Truckasaurus.
- Hey.
92
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:01,052
Gravlax, anyone?
- No. No gravlax. I need painkillers.
93
00:05:01,219 --> 00:05:03,429
Cyril, in my medicine cabinet... Wait, no.
- Aah.
94
00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,056
[DOORBELL RINGS]
95
00:05:05,223 --> 00:05:08,059
I have to get it myself,
just right after I get that.
96
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,561
Hello.
97
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,438
You're late.
- What is that smell?
98
00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:13,815
Gravlax and failure.
99
00:05:14,232 --> 00:05:16,567
I think Lana just broke
Torvalds hand.
100
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,821
Truckasaurus. Ha, ha!
- And we won't win that contract if...
101
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,573
Who on God's green earth
dressed you?
102
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:26,118
Nobody, that's why I'm late.
Woodhouse just disappeared.
103
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,578
WOODHOUSE:
Only temporarily, sir.
104
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:30,998
Why are you here?
- Actually sir, I'm with Carina.
105
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583
Who?
- Carina.
106
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,377
Ugh.
- I changed it again.
107
00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:37,421
I feel that Carina better captures
my sensual womanhood.
108
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,632
Yeah, she so totally does.
109
00:05:39,799 --> 00:05:41,801
You said no dates.
- I said no such thing.
110
00:05:41,968 --> 00:05:44,887
Well, your mouth did.
- Well, your mouth better get over there...
111
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,764
...and make Torvald happy.
- Um, phrasing?
112
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:50,518
Regale him with exciting
tales of ISIS exploits.
113
00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:54,272
Take his mind off Lana's huge,
Johnny Benchian fingers.
114
00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:56,941
Can we get off my fingers?
- Yeah, they are pretty big.
115
00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:59,148
First time I've heard you complain.
- Hi-ho! Ha, ha.
116
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:02,113
Seriously, who wants gravlax?
- Sterling, go. Regale him.
117
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,657
I think he's already being regaled.
- PAM: Meatballs!
118
00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:06,367
Oh, for... Torvald.
119
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,369
Bet you get that a lot, huh, Torvie?
120
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,663
[IN SWEDISH ACCENT]
Swedish meatballs.
121
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,915
Get away from me,
you disgusting woman.
122
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,918
Wow. So even Pam got a date.
- A man, even.
123
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,213
But suave master-spy,
Sterling Archer, stands alone.
124
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,965
Just like the cheese.
125
00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:24,218
I have a...
- And a very handsome cheese, at that.
126
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,145
I don't even know
how you got out, Woodhouse.
127
00:06:26,304 --> 00:06:27,972
[WHISPERS] Alone.
- And I do have a date.
128
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,725
You do? Where is she?
- She is parking.
129
00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,810
Oh, yeah? What's she driving?
A Snuffleupagus?
130
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:34,270
[ARCHER LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
131
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:35,980
Uh, oh, wait.
Uh, with all that...
132
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:38,649
...sexy European lingerie modeling...
- Mm-hm?
133
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:42,320
...to pay for her European
med school that she's going to...
134
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,739
...she probably never had time
to learn to drive.
135
00:06:44,906 --> 00:06:47,074
She sounds fabulous.
136
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,745
Gravlax?
- Thanks, no. I'm allergic to cat piss.
137
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:52,330
Go away.
138
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,166
JAKOV: So your instructions are clear?
- Oh.
139
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:59,003
Why must you micromanage
everything? Yeah, yeah, okay.
140
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:01,213
[BOTH SPEAK IN GERMAN]
141
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,716
You know what second-hand
smoke does to a fetus.
142
00:07:03,883 --> 00:07:06,260
Uta, after we kill Utne...
143
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:10,264
...we need to have
a very long and serious talk.
144
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,683
TORVALD:
No. I need a painkiller, not a...
145
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,269
Torvald.
- What is that? A calcium supplement?
146
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:19,023
Trust me, dear, these work wonders.
- Okay.
147
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:20,608
But what I have seen...
148
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:24,111
...ISIS is a distant second
to ODIN. Very distant.
149
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,947
What about the
groundbreaking work...
150
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,200
...Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS
in our Applied Research Division?
151
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,994
Yeah, tell him about the sex-robot.
- The what?
152
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,872
Yes... The what?
- I call him Fister Roboto.
153
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,375
But it doesn't just fist. Tell him.
- Pam!
154
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:41,170
He's a fully integrated
multi-fetish artificial being.
155
00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:45,967
That is the most disgusting...
- Shut up. Shut, shut. And the best part...
156
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,554
...is that he's learning.
- ISIS clearly is not the agency for us.
157
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,890
Rotten gravlax, sex-bots,
and, uh...
158
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,518
...except for the Negress,
the women are...
159
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:58,646
Willing to do whatever it takes.
160
00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:01,399
Still gross.
- And such rudeness.
161
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:05,236
Fister Roboto wouldn't take that.
- He's just too damn sensitive.
162
00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:08,739
As also am I. So if you will excuse...
163
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:13,661
There, there. Let that calcium
citrate seep into your bones.
164
00:08:13,828 --> 00:08:15,538
What about Trinette?
She said that?
165
00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:18,708
How about Jade?
Oh, no, never mind.
166
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:22,378
Destiny? No, she's not passable.
With that Adam's apple...
167
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,672
...she looks like she swallowed
a Rubik's Cube.
168
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,090
WOMAN: Excuse me, sir.
- I...
169
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,596
You are looking for a date?
- Are you working?
170
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:35,266
Mm. You could
say that, yes.
171
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:39,437
ARCHER: Then we need to lock down
your cover story. And, uh...
172
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,897
...I need to hit an ATM.
173
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,694
Torvald, please, don't go yet.
174
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:49,405
You haven't even tried the fish balls.
- No need.
175
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:53,284
There is plenty of fishiness going
on at ISIS without your balls.
176
00:08:53,451 --> 00:08:55,119
Maybe I should go say something.
177
00:08:55,286 --> 00:08:58,289
Where's the damn fish balls, already?
I could kill for some food.
178
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,458
Sure it wouldn't be the first time.
- Lana.
179
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:03,085
No, I just meant like
she literally killed somebody.
180
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,212
Then ate their corpse.
I saw where you were going.
181
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,422
You know...
182
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,966
When I served in
the King's African Rifles...
183
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:12,720
...the local Zambezi tribesmen
called human flesh...
184
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:15,806
..."long pig."
185
00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:18,434
Never much cared for it.
186
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,311
Torvald, at least stay for dinner.
187
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,814
I think you'll be very surprised by...
- I detest surprises.
188
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,901
Which is why the contract
will remain with ODIN.
189
00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:28,444
Mani, do something.
190
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,237
Utne is leaving.
191
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,823
Okay, okay, we go
ahead of schedule.
192
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,950
Find some Tupperware,
we take food to go.
193
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,161
But you promised me Ruby Foo's.
194
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:40,331
Yeah, I also promised you a baby.
How's that working out for you?
195
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:44,627
Hey, does that cook seem weird?
- Normal-weird or German-weird?
196
00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:46,796
Now, good night, and good...
197
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,839
Evening, you...
198
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,175
...beautiful girl.
199
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:53,677
Hello.
- You're not, um, leaving, are you?
200
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,431
No, not if you are staying, Miss...?
201
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,184
Oh, um... Yup.
- H?bsch.
202
00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:03,062
Elke H?bsch.
- A pleasure, my dear.
203
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:06,315
I am Torvald...
- Utne, I know.
204
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:10,194
I am a great admirer.
- You know he's not the shot-putter, right?
205
00:10:10,361 --> 00:10:13,197
Of course he is not
the shot-putter.
206
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,449
But I am sure he is very strong.
207
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,702
Ha, ha. Unlike these drinks.
Come, my dear...
208
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:21,455
...let us find something potable.
209
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:25,543
Whoa. Wait a minute. Hey, Utne. Utne!
Would you shut up?
210
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,589
We just need to keep
Torvald happy until dinner.
211
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:30,965
And what about my happiness,
Mother?
212
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:33,717
Well?
- Oh, was that not rhetorical?
213
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,886
[ELKE LAUGHING]
214
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,389
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]
215
00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,474
The Needle?
Why is she here?
216
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,270
Oh, that Russian prick.
He sent two teams again.
217
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:48,065
And if the Needle kills Utne,
we won't even get our per diem.
218
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,234
But what if you kill them both?
219
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:52,736
Oh. Yeah, I could do this.
220
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,989
ARCHER: Hey, help.
- Ah! Help with what, sir?
221
00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:58,826
No, I was addressing you as "help."
What's the story on those fish balls?
222
00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:02,163
Coming right out.
- Hurry it up. All I've had today is, like...
223
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,582
...six gummy bears and some Scotch.
224
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,916
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]
225
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,503
This is why I don't get you nice things.
- Not that. Him. Uta, that was Duchess.
226
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,549
That was Duchess?
- Yeah, the deadliest agent there is.
227
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,968
Oh, my God.
228
00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:17,845
I can't believe they fell for that.
229
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:20,431
But if he's on the plan
of Frau Archer...
230
00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:24,935
What if her plan is a big fat set-up?
What if they mean to kill us?
231
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,688
Oh! Mani, the baby.
- Ah.
232
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,691
Okay. So now we go
to Plan Manfred.
233
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,903
And then Ruby Foo's.
- Well, we will see.
234
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:37,698
Really? A European lingerie model.
235
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:41,035
Only to pay for European
med school. Ha, ha.
236
00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:44,705
Like to get a physical from her.
- Or with her. Ha, ha.
237
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,124
Ow, ow, ow!
- I wonder if Dr. Panty Model knows...
238
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,710
...how many pounds it takes
to snap a collarbone?
239
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,631
She probably uses the metric system.
- Yeah, what do they use? Kilowatts?
240
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:58,010
No, in this case it would be pascals.
- Ugh. Hey, Europe, be gayer.
241
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,888
Lana. Release him.
- As you wish.
242
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:05,142
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
- I find your mannish hands disturbing.
243
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:06,810
I think they're kind of sexy.
244
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,980
Excuse me?
- They're fingers, Pam, not kielbasas.
245
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:13,817
But keep them limbered up.
I have a big surprise planned for dinner...
246
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,862
...and I need you ready,
locked and loaded.
247
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:21,825
Yeah, so do you maybe want to let us
in on your little scheme-hatchery?
248
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:23,327
No.
249
00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:26,080
Oh, if I were 20 years younger.
250
00:12:26,247 --> 00:12:28,540
I can make you feel like you are.
- Mm.
251
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:31,627
I would like, I think,
that very much.
252
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,088
Well then go find an ATM,
- I'm sorry?
253
00:12:34,255 --> 00:12:36,924
Oh, me too. I must leave for a moment.
254
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:40,177
Excuse me.
- Yeah, sorry, don't mind me.
255
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,806
Hey, are you having a good time?
- Oh, I am. Ha, ha.
256
00:12:43,973 --> 00:12:47,851
Good to hear. Please excuse us.
Mm-hm.
257
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,937
Keep her out of
the medicine cabinet.
258
00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:52,815
One more dead body in here,
and that bitch Trudy Beekman...
259
00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:55,526
...will have me right back
in front of the co-op board.
260
00:12:55,693 --> 00:12:57,945
You don't get along
with your neighbors anywhere.
261
00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:00,948
Who could with a woman who
wallpapered her guest bathroom...
262
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,866
...with vintage
New Yorker covers?
263
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,619
Yes, major.
I am in position...
264
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,205
...and ready to eliminate
the target.
265
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:10,958
Excellent.
ODIN will find it much harder...
266
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:13,711
...to bribe a dead man
for the UN contract.
267
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,380
And I will find it
much more enjoyable...
268
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:19,133
...to work with the woman
who runs ISIS.
269
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:23,637
What do you mean "with"?
- Against. Obviously. Duh.
270
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,515
Obviously. And so I still think...
271
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,350
...you should let me kill
everybody here.
272
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:33,772
Nyet. Under no circumstances
are you to harm the hostess. Who, um...
273
00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,099
Whose name I have no way of knowing.
- ARCHER: Hey. What the hell are you doing?
274
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,069
Uh, Botox.
275
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,071
Not from the
medicine cabinet. No.
276
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,907
Don't use this. She switches
all the labels on her medicine.
277
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:48,037
Why?
- I think there's, like, a racial component.
278
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,539
But for all we know,
this could be insulin.
279
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:53,417
Oh, your mother is a diabetic?
- How should I know?
280
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:56,086
UTA: Why don't you just
pour it on everybody's?
281
00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,341
Because our employer was very clear:
We are not to harm the hostess.
282
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,259
But her I want to poison
most of all.
283
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:05,763
Are you lazy Huns ready, or what?
- Oh. Ha, ha. Hello, yep.
284
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:09,808
Good. So on the second bell...
- I come out shooting blanks. See?
285
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,353
Uta is just, uh,
polishing the gun.
286
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,774
Give me that. Some idiot dropped
a fish ball on my Azerbaijani rug.
287
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,609
[DOOR CLOSES
THEN UTA LAUGHS]
288
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,694
I am that idiot.
- Ach.
289
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,781
Why are you so immature?
290
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,449
I'm 19.
291
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,618
Elke? ls everything all right?
292
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,453
Wunderbar, Torvald.
293
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:32,247
How are you?
- I am fantastic, my dear.
294
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,751
Those calcium supplements
are amazing.
295
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,212
You're gonna need some calcium,
after I...
296
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:40,672
...do something bad to your bones.
297
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,199
JAKOV [OVER RADIO]: Hello?
- Hello?
298
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:44,301
Can you hear me? Come in.
- What?
299
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,637
Wait. What the hell?
- What is the frequency?
300
00:14:46,804 --> 00:14:49,640
Kenneth?
- Turn off. Turn off. Turn off.
301
00:14:49,807 --> 00:14:52,893
ARCHER:
What? I can't hear you, tiny man.
302
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,772
Oh, great. Thanks, Mother,
for replacing the baby aspirin with LSD.
303
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,774
God, that is just...
304
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,651
...hmm, classic her.
305
00:15:03,112 --> 00:15:04,696
MALORY:
Places, everyone.
306
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,907
Is everyone comfy?
- ARCHER: Relatively.
307
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,283
Sterling and Lana?
308
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:11,328
You both have a clear line
of sight to the kitchen?
309
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,996
Yes?
- Sure, I think so.
310
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,290
Well, then let's eat. First bell.
311
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,793
Wow. Forgot how much
I hated that.
312
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,837
Oh, that's right.
313
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,590
I kept it on the nightstand to wake Nanny
whenever Sterling wet the bed.
314
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,134
ALL: Ha-ha-ha!
- I... Mother!
315
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,262
Sissy bed-wetter.
316
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:32,057
Wait, whose bed?
- It was always "don't ask, don't tell."
317
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:35,018
ARCHER: Woodhouse. What are you doing?
- Uh, sitting down, sir.
318
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,271
What, at the table? Like people?
- MALORY: Sterling.
319
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,940
Sterling!
- What? Look, he thinks he's people.
320
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:43,193
This Archer is a gigantic
douche bag.
321
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,945
Oh, Torvald.
322
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:48,365
Who cares about him?
- Oh.
323
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,451
Woodhouse, dear,
please have a seat.
324
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,453
Very kind of you, ma'am.
- MALORY: Shut up.
325
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,372
Torvald, a toast?
- Sure, go crazy.
326
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:57,458
Oh...
- MALORY: Then, um...
327
00:15:58,459 --> 00:16:00,377
Hooray. Dig in.
- ARCHER: Wow.
328
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:03,714
And what is this we're eating?
- It smells vaguely poisonous.
329
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:06,383
It does smell vaguely poisonous.
330
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,720
Are you sure she has the right plate?
- Pretty sure.
331
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:12,097
Oh, Uta.
- What? I am pretty sure.
332
00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:13,432
[MANFRED SIGHS]
333
00:16:13,599 --> 00:16:16,602
Don't worry,
this is a normal smell.
334
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,813
This is called Janssons frestelse.
- Frestel...?
335
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:24,067
Yes, frestelse.
It means "temptation."
336
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,905
Oh, Torvald.
I am very tempted.
337
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:32,910
Yes, and I am tempted to give
ISIS the UN contract, Malory.
338
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,412
Hmm? I mean, you are?
339
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,916
Well, it depends on your frestelse.
- Mmm.
340
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,667
Tell me, my dear,
is it tempting?
341
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,419
[ELKE GRUNTS]
342
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,505
Elke, what is the matter?
Are you...?
343
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,340
[ALL GASP]
344
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:48,091
Um...
- What?
345
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,511
That's the wrong plate, Uta.
346
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,803
[IN WHINY VOICE]
Uta.
347
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,555
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
That's how you talk.
348
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:56,099
Perfidy.
- No, Torvald, there's no perfidy.
349
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,937
You poison my food over a contract?
- Torvald, I swear I didn't...
350
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,524
When I am finished with ISIS,
you won't be able to get a contract...
351
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,984
...for a pre-paid mobile phone.
- No, no!
352
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:10,113
I will tear you down
brick by perfidious brick.
353
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,074
[ALL SCREAM]
354
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,285
It's okay.
- Aah!
355
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,412
It's okay, they're just blanks.
356
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,414
Oh.
- Well, see, you say that.
357
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:23,293
But they were blanks. Weren't they?
- Uh, only if the back of his skull picked...
358
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,796
...that exact moment to explode outwards.
- What?
359
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,089
CHERYL: Ugh!
- Oh, my God.
360
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:29,800
Damn it. Where are those Germans?
- PAM: What?
361
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,636
UTA:
I should not do this in my condition.
362
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:36,640
What condition? Your only condition
is that you are a stupid crazy girl.
363
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:40,310
Do not speak to me like a child, Manfred.
I hate when you do that.
364
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,728
I think you like it. Ja.
365
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,649
Because I think you have some serious
and unresolved issues with your father.
366
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:48,318
Yeah? And maybe
that is why I date...
367
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,404
...a wrinkled old man
like you.
368
00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:51,822
[GAS PS]
369
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:54,491
Wow.
- I didn't mean that.
370
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:57,452
No, no, it's okay. I think we both knew it.
- Oh, Mani.
371
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,455
Just strange to hear it out loud.
372
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,836
Oh, for shit's sake.
- And they didn't do one dish.
373
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:08,505
This is funny to you?
- I ate a bunch of that LSD...
374
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:11,216
...you had labeled as baby Aspirin.
- That was baby Aspirin.
375
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,843
Uh.
- LANA: Hey, guys?
376
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,261
Wait, what?
- What, uh...'?
377
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,972
What's the plan here?
- I shall fetch a rug.
378
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:21,101
No you will not. That rug was
a gift from the Azeri Khan himself.
379
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:25,272
And besides, we're not going far.
380
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:29,776
Is that hard to do? With those
big old ballpark frankenfingers?
381
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,362
Shut up.
382
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,531
Hurry, the Beekmans
will be back any time.
383
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,199
And nobody touch anything.
384
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,285
ARCHER:
God, Cyril, would you go?
385
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:42,456
Unh. I should be carrying her.
- Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.
386
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:45,792
MALORY: See? Just look at this bathroom.
- PAM: I kind of like it.
387
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,961
MALORY:
Exactly. All right, drop them there...
388
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,672
...next to that awful Louis Quinze repro.
389
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,215
[BODIES THUD]
390
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,927
MALORY: Now then. We want this to look
like a classic hooker-murder-suicide...
391
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,555
...so, Cyril, take Sterling's gun...
392
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,224
...and pump a round into his prostitute.
- CYRIL: Wait, what?
393
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,394
MALORY: Everyone shoots the chippy.
That way, we're all in it together.
394
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,230
Think of it as a team-building exercise.
395
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,276
CYRIL: ODIN gets to go on Outward Bound.
- MALORY: ODIN can suck it. Now shoot.
396
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:12,527
CYRIL:
Oh, Jesus.
397
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:13,987
[SILENCED GUNSHOTS]
398
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,989
MALORY: You're next.
- ARCHER: Cyril, that was pathetic.
399
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,493
MALORY: Come on. Everybody shoots.
- CHERYL: Hey, I wanna go. Barn!
400
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,723
MALORY: Now, Sterling, drop your gun
between the bodies, and...
401
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:26,166
ARCHER: No. Have you never seen CSI?
This is already, like, Clue Town.
402
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,252
MALORY: Not for long. Dr. Krieger, dear?
- ARCHER: What? Oh.
403
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,714
MALORY: Cyril, call 911 from their phone
and leave it off the hook...
404
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,634
...and, Sterling.
- ARCHER: But this gun, it was a gift.
405
00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:38,428
MALORY:
Oh, please. Nobody gives you gifts.
406
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,055
ARCHER:
You don't know.
407
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:43,100
MALORY:
Whatever you say, dear. Dr. Krieger?
408
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:44,434
[FLAME IGNITES]
409
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,852
[ALL GASP]
410
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,105
MALORY: Now, then...
- ARCHER: Still didn't get the contract.
411
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:52,067
MALORY: Oh, but I will.
And I'll get to see Trudy Beekman...
412
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:55,570
...try to explain this little barbecue
to the co-op board.
413
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,572
WOODHOUSE:
That smell takes me back.
414
00:19:57,739 --> 00:20:01,326
Just like a Zambezi feast.
- PAM: Yeah, I'm kind of hungry.
415
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:05,122
Is that weird?
- MALORY: It would be weirder if you weren't.
416
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,928
CYRIL:
Well this torte's a winner, Malory.
417
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,751
What was the name again?
- Kladdkaka.
418
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,837
[LAUGHING]
419
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,798
[ALL LAUGHING]
420
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,553
Stop it!
421
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,097
I'm sorry. That... That's a funny word.
422
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:26,059
Oh, I thought we were laughing
at the dead people we set on fire.
423
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,894
[LAUGHS]
424
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,981
Um, sorry.
425
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:16,943
[English - US - PSDH]
426
00:21:16,993 --> 00:21:21,543
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