All language subtitles for Anger Management s02e90 Charlie & The 100th.eng

Thank you so much for coming
by on Saturday night, Charlie.

My hot water heater
was broken for a week

and if you hadn't mediated
between me and my landlord,

I would have shoved his head
down my garbage disposal,

which also isn't working,

so I wouldn't have gotten
that satisfying grindy noise.

You recognized you were losing control

and you picked up the phone.

Good eye, Patrick. Good eye.

Peanuts for a story.
Peanuts for a story.

Who else wants peanuts for a story?

What the hell are you doing, Charlie?

We are not at a baseball game.

( Yells )
I'll have one!

I can't change a 20.

Here, take two.

I had the best time last night.

I went down to the ballpark
to watch batting practice

and an old teammate of mine
is now the GM.

Hell, that's outstanding, Charlie.

Do you have an ice-cold beer in there?

As a matter of fact, I do.

That'll be $11.50.

$11.50?

The prices here are outrageous.

I should have got drunk
in the parking lot.

Anyway, I was talking
to the first baseman

who is in a bit of a slump.

So I gave him some
visualization techniques

and later on in the game,
the guy hits two home runs.

Sounds like they should have paid you.

Well, they gave me this hat,

but that didn't feel like enough,

so I stole a case of peanuts.

Hot peanuts. Who wants hot peanuts?

Can we talk about what a brainless,

babbling idiot
my boyfriend over here is?

Can you believe what you're hearing?

I'm her boyfriend.

There's a buyer who owns a chain of
shoe stores down in Orange County

that Nolan wants me
to stop doing business with

because he thinks he's hitting on me.

That's because when he comes
over to our house to do business

he hits on you right in front of me.

The guy is not hitting on me.

Nolan, you are jealous for nothing.

Oh, Lacey, you are so naive.

I'm gonna kill this guy.

You're not killing anybody.

Look, I'll come over the next
time the guy is there

and make sure that Nolan
doesn't get himself in trouble.

As long as it's not
tonight, because tonight

Charlie's coming over to
my place to save my marriage.

Me and my wife are in the middle
of a big Sleep Number fight.

Ed, what are you fighting about?

You each get to pick your own number.

Well, why does she get to sleep
on a different number?

We're married. That means we're
supposed to do stuff together.

I don't get it, Ed.

A Sleep Number bed
should bring you closer.

It saved the marriage of every one
of those couples in the commercial.

It says right underneath,
"These are not actors."

Now give me back your peanuts.

I just looked at the expiration date.

They're from 1992.

So, Charlie, what time is your
baseball buddy coming by?

'Cause I thought we might get
our picture taken together

or get his autograph
or be the mama of his babies.

He should be here any minute,

but, Brett, no autographs, no pictures,

and as far as the baby thing
goes, you're welcome to try.

I hope Roger gets here soon. I'm
supposed to be at Ed's in an hour.

What are you going to Ed's for?

Him and his wife are having
some problems in bed

and I said I'd stop by
and help them figure it out.

You going there to witness
or to hold things in place?

All right, Charlie,

this is no longer a drink with friends.

This is an intervention.

Every time one of your
patients has an anger problem,

you step in and solve it for them.

That's why they're not
getting any better.

Well, sure, they are.

Just the other day,
a meter maid gave Ed a ticket

and not once during his verbal assault

did he mention that she was a Latina.

- Charlie.
- All right, look.

I wish my patients were further along

and I didn't have to talk
about their progress

using the word "assault."

But they're not doing better.

What else can I do except help them?

Not help them. That way you'll
actually be helping them.

Oh, my God, I'm so done
with this conversation.

I'm finished with him, but
now we're gonna talk about

why you can't pay attention to
anything unless it's about you.

Okay, well, can we do it during sex?

Fine.

Hey, wild thing.

He he. Roger.

Um, why are you wearing that?

I saw you yesterday
and you weren't Jewish.

Oh, I forgot I was wearing it.

- I was just at a funeral.
- I'm sorry. Who died?

Oh, this old guy who was with the
organization for, like, 35 years.

Case of peanuts goes missing.
I suspect him,

I fire him, he goes home,
he blows his brains out.

You caught me on the surveillance
cameras taking the peanuts, didn't you?

Yeah.
( Laughs )

I was really hoping
for a better reaction.

Come on, man, I got
a yarmulke and everything.

I had a blast last night. It was so
great to be back around the game again.

Good, man. Good.
Well, I'm glad to hear that,

because I was thinking after watching
you help Fernandez out of his slump,

I was thinking it might be nice
to have you around all the time.

I'd like you to be
the team psychologist.

You mean, like a consultant?

I mean a full-time gig. I want you to
go on the road with us, everything.

Wow, it's like my dream job,

but I don't know, Rog.

I got my prison clinic.
I got my group at home.

And these guys
are super dependent on me.

Well, wouldn't want you to
screw up your patients' lives.

You know, maybe
I'm screwing up their lives

if I don't take it.

- Oh, crap. Put your yarmulke back on.
- Huh?

Put on the yarmulke.

- Hey, aren't you...
- No, I'm sorry, Brett.

He's looking for a nice Jewish girl.

I can do that.

Orthodox.

Damn it.

Anger Management 2x90
Charlie & The 100th Episode

So, how's everybody doing today?

- Terrible.
- Me, too.

I'm also having an awful day.

And I can't be happy when she's unhappy.

That's the rule.

Well, good. I'm glad everybody's
in a cheerful mood.

It'll make it easier
to handle this bad news.

I'm gonna be making a change.

You're bringing somebody new
into the group, aren't you?

Hope it ain't a black man.

Because if it is, I'll have
to start worrying

about what comes out of my mouth.

It's not that.

You know that I love
this group more than anything.

But I've been offered
an incredible opportunity

to be the sports psychologist
for my old team

and... I'm gonna take it.

Wait, you aren't breaking
up with us, are you?

Because you don't do that face to face.

You do it over a text.

I'm not breaking up.

I'm giving you all the freedom to
learn how to be more self-reliant.

This is a lot like the time
my dad walked out on us

to work as a psychologist for
a major league baseball team.

Nolan, that never happened.

You're creating
alternate histories again.

That's just what my dad would say.

He's a psychologist.
His name is Charlie.

Look, you guys have no idea

how much progress you've all made.

Lacey, instead of desperately
trying to get money from men,

you have your own shoe company

and you're in a healthy
relationship with Nolan.

And it'd be so much better
if you'd just stick around

and made sure he keeps
doing everything I want.

God!

Nolan, you're in a borderline
abusive relationship

with Lacey, but it works for you.

And you're so much more confident
than when you came to this group.

Without this group, I'll die.

See? You spoke up for yourself.

And look at you, Patrick.

You're on your way
to becoming a great designer.

And you're not afraid
of your dead mother anymore.

( Whispers ) I still see her
ghost when I'm in the shower.

But you're not afraid.

And, Ed. Ed, you have
conquered your anger

enough to get back
together with your wife.

And last night you actually agreed
on the firmness of your bed.

There's no way I'm gonna top that,

so I am dropping the mic
and walking away.

Well, don't drop it too quick,

because now that we're back together,

I'm beginning to remember
why I left her.

Charlie, can I talk to you?

All right, guys. Let's take a five.

You're breaking up our
partnership with a text message?

You can't do that.

You women need to get together
and figure out the rules.

Obviously, I was gonna sit down
and talk to you about it.

I don't think I can handle
the clinic by myself.

The whole program was your idea.

Jordan, you can do this. I know you can.

Who's always saying,

"Charlie, you contribute nothing"?

Come on, who says it?

I guess I do.

And who's always saying, "Charlie",

you do more harm than good
with those prisoners"?

I guess that's me, too.

There you go.

( Sighs )
You really think I can do this?

Who's always saying, "Charlie,
I don't care what you think."

- "You're an idiot"?
- That's definitely me.

Thanks, Charlie. You sure you don't
need this for your road trip?

Nah, I don't need to bring much.

After the home stand, it's a
short trip down to San Diego.

Well, have a great time in Mexico.

Oh, I will. Javier's place
is right on the beach.

And we always have so much fun.

I think I'm starting
to fall for this guy.

I mean, sometimes you meet
someone and you just know...

they're really rich.

Is he "I don't need to give
you alimony anymore" rich?

'Cause if so, I'm starting
to fall for him, too.

Well, he is raking it in
with his dollmaking business.

I mean, he's got a boat,
a penthouse in Tijuana,

security guards, like,
16 different nicknames,

It's all good. I'll see
you when I get back.

All right.

Would you like me to bring
you a doll as a souvenir?

No. Maybe a small one.

Adios.

( Knocking )

Coming.

( Banging )
Coming.

For the hundredth time, I'm coming.

Hey, guys. What are you doing here?

You can't go.

Sure, I can. I got my driver's license.

Look, my luggage rolls
in every direction.

Not like the crappy suitcase
I just gave Jen.

You're not going anywhere.
We sabotaged your car.

- Didn't we, Ed?
- No.

I'm no good with these modern cars.

I yanked on some wires,
but I think all I did

was disable his DVD player.

Well, I've never watched
a DVD once in there,

but that's devastating.

You can't leave, Charlie.
My landlord just informed me

that he wants to put carpeting
over my hardwood floors.

And if a truck pulls up with a
roll of synthetic, beige Monsanto,

I will raze the building
and salt the earth.

And my shoe distributor is
coming up again for a meeting

and Nolan's getting ready to fight him.

This morning, he ate eggs
instead of a bowl of Skittles.

He's in training.

I'm dedicated and I'm not
gonna taste the rainbow again

until that guy tastes my fists.

Guys, please stop. This is
all my fault to begin with.

I kept intervening so you guys never got
a chance to solve your own problems.

But it's done. I'm going.

Fine, we'll leave.

Thank you.

Can I take your bag to the car for you?

Why, so you can run off with
it and make me miss the game?

Okay, never mind.

Can we at least have a hug?

Sure.

Ed, grab the bag and run!

I got it!

Ow! Son of a bitch! My back!

Whoa. What's all this?

Now that I'm running the clinic,

I want to remind people that this
is a place that nourishes the soul.

I'd like to taste your soul.

Brr-rr. I feel like you just did.

Now, have a seat by the fountain.

( Water trickling )

This is where I'm gonna be interviewing
prisoners. How does it make you feel?

Like we're doing a morning
talk show at a prison.

( Sighs )
All right.

I'm gonna let the first prisoner in.

Oh, my God. There's like
50 prisoners out there.

What the hell is going on?

You didn't hear the news?

The governor commuted
a boatload of sentences

to take care of prison crowding.

You're gonna be preparing
like 1,000 guys

to hit the streets in the next week.

Well, luckily I have my calming

aromatherapy candle.

- That's really gonna help?
- Yes.

I'm gonna take a couple of deep breaths,

light the curtains on fire,
and when this place burns,

it'll give me a day or two to
figure out what I'm gonna do.

Wow, being in a locker room really
takes me back to my playing days.

Can almost hear the manager saying,
"Goodson, you're killing my career"

and quit stealing peanuts."

You're really gonna enjoy
working with these guys.

Come on. All right,
everybody, gather around.

Listen up.

You might recognize this guy.

Charlie Goodson. he used
to catch for this team.

My hair was different
and I had a mask on.

Anyway, he's our new team psychologist.

If you have anything, anything
that is bothering you at all,

you take it up with this man.
He can help you out.

- They're all yours.
- Thanks.

Hey, Charlie. Dave Loftus.

- Welcome aboard.
- Second base, right?

That's right.

Look, this is kind of tough for me

to talk about, but I
have some father issues.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Your father was mad at me for
banging your mom all night.

If that's the reason
you're batting .200,

maybe we should talk about it.

- Hey, Jed Zeal, right?
- Yeah.

Heard you had a problem with the press.
If you want my help with that, let me know.

I could use your help.

I ripped the crotch in this thing.

You can sew it up for me.

Great group of guys, huh?

I don't think your players
want anything to do with me.

Well, look, even if they
don't, who gives a damn?

You're back in the show.
There's travel, there's women.

Plus, once this works out with us,

maybe you pick up a
basketball or football team.

Yeah, you're right. You're right.
This will be great.

( Phone chimes )

- Hello?
- Charlie, it's Nolan.

I've got another job now, buddy.
You can't do this anymore.

Look, do you have
a recognizance I can borrow?

- A what?
- They said I could get out,

but "not on my own recognizance."

I guess I need somebody else's.

You're in jail? You didn't attack
that shoe buyer guy, did you?

I was trying to handle it
on my own like you said.

So I climbed over the guy's
gate to choke him out,

but my belt loop got caught
and the cops grabbed me.

I never got what all those belt
loops were supposed to do anyway.

They're for belts, Nolan.

And everybody who buys pants

is just supposed to know that?

Hey, I'm sorry about what
I said about your mother.

- No, that's okay.
- And I'll apologize to her tonight...

when I'm done banging her.
( Laughs )

It's funny. I got my mom on the phone.

She says she doesn't know you.
Oh, wait, wait, wait

You must be "Hair-trigger" Loftus.

Yeah, Mom. Yeah, he's right here.

No, he's not crying now.

- Jordan?
- Hey, Charlie!

Just cleaning out my coffee pot.

Got to keep it clean.

I just came by to pick up
a couple of things.

I see you've redecorated.

Oh, I just haven't had
a chance to straighten up

since the governor decided
to clean out the prisons

and triple my workload.

That would explain
the garbage in the fountain.

But it doesn't explain the smell.

I know, but in the defense
of three of the prisoners,

it does look like a very fancy urinal.

( Laughs )

( Sobbing )

- Are you okay?
- Sure!

I would be totally behind,

but I have been awake
for three days straight.

Me and coffee, we did it together.

But now coffee's gone
and I'm really sad.

( Sobbing )

- Charlie!
- Guys.

Oh, my God! Thank goodness you're here.

We wanted to help her
clean up the place,

but she won't let us.

Watch. Hey, Jordan.

Let me file these for you.

( Growls ) Don't touch those!
I'm not finished yet!

Wow. You just scared
a bunch of murderers.

That's what you can do for me.
Go get me some coffee.

I don't care where you have to
go or who you have to kill.

- All right.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

She doesn't mean that.
She just wants some coffee.

Damn, now it's just an errand.

Like that's any fun.

Hey, I've got 15 minutes
till my next patient.

Let's hang out and get caught up.

I just ordered coffee. How you been?

Well...

I bailed Nolan out of jail,

talked him out of
strangling a shoe buyer,

and bought him a pair
of yoga pants to avoid

another stressful belt loop situation.

Charlie, there you go again

needing to be needed by your patients.

It's totally dysfunctional.

Hey, hey, hey, he's not
For him or for you?

( Laughs ) I love it when
my horses dance like that.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hey, Charlie. You got my tickets?

Yes, I do.

And they are right above the dugout.

Dugout? I'm not behind home plate?

Dad, these are excellent
seats and they're free.

Why can't free tickets
be behind home plate?

Or at least on the third base side.

You know how much I hate
the first base side.

Okay, one more complaint

and a couple of egg shells
and some coffee grinds

are gonna be sitting
right above the dugout.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, it's okay.

It's okay, I'm sorry I complained.

- You really put me in my place.
- Thank you.

Three rows back.
I'll bring my binoculars.

So your job... how's it feel
to be back in that world again?

It's awesome, Dad. It's
what I was meant to do.

Good to hear, Charlie.
Hey, thanks for the tickets.

And by the way, how about
a few bucks for parking?

Fine.

No, wait, the parking is at least 20.

This is only a 10.

No, wait, I'll take the 10.

Take the bus.

No, how about some money for a snack?

It's all bruised.

Get out of my house.

All right, guys. Let's start this up.

Who wants to go first?

I just want to tell everybody
what I've learned

from almost making the biggest
mistake of my life.

- I think...
- Very touching.

Charlie, I still don't understand.

Why did you give up the baseball job?

Well, you guys are...

you're screwed up and you need me.

So you came back for us?

That's the nicest thing
a man's ever done for me.

Hey!

Me, too.

Me, too.

I had a fella jump on
a grenade for me in Vietnam,

so... I'm good.

No, no. This is about me.

I came back because I'm screwed up

and I need you.

This entire relationship
is completely dysfunctional.

As long as the American
Psychological Association

doesn't catch on, we'll keep it going.

So...

who wants to start?

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