All language subtitles for All In the Family s09e25 or.eng

* Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played *

* Songs that made
the hit parade *

* Guys like us,
we had it made *

* Those were the days *

* And you knew
where you were then *

* Girls were girls,
and men were men *

* Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again *

* Didn't need
no welfare state *

* Everybody
pulled his weight *

* Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great *

[DOG GROWLING]

ARCHIE: Get the hell out
of here, you mutt, ya!

Get out of here!
Get out of here!

Get out of here!
Get out! Get out!

[DOG CONTINUES GROWLING]

Aah...

Get out of here!

Go on home.
Go chase the mailman!

[DOG CONTINUES GROWLING]

Ah.

Hey, Edith,
where are you?

EDITH:
I'm in the kitchen.

Geez, I know that.

Barney's dog

is a cross
between a cocker spaniel

and a rattlesnake.

Ooh, what happened
to the paper?

I didn't like
the morning news, so I bit it.

Oh, Archie,
you didn't do that.

Your teeth ain't
sharp enough.

Here's your bakery--

Oh, good, you got more
than I asked you to get.

Yeah, I got plenty.

Good, 'cause we're having
company for breakfast.

Company? You ain't never
supposed to have company for breakfast.

You ain't supposed
to have company no time

without at least
two weeks' notice.

You're gonna love
this one.

No, I ain't.
I ain't a loving person.

Guess who's comin'
to breakfast.

Edith!

Oh, geez, is that--
is that who I think it is?

Yeah, yeah.
It's her!

Oh.

- Oh.
- Edith!

- Oh, oh, oh.
- Oh.

Remember me?

Yeah, sure.
Doris Day?

No, Louise Jefferson.

I know that, Edith.

- Archie...
- Can't even have a joke.

Oh, Louise,
you look wonderful.

I know.

That's just what I
was gonna say to you...

Love what you've done
with your hair.

Oh, I ain't done nothing
with my hair.

I just wash it
and dry it and roll it

and brush it and comb it
and sometimes dye it.

Oh, geez. Just--
Geez about dyeing hair.

- Let's have our coffee.
- Makes everybody feel so old, old.

Take your coat.

Ooh. Archie, look at this.
A beautiful mink.

Ooh, ooh-ooh.

It's gorgeous there,
gorgeous, Louise, yeah.

Well, it's nice to see you.
Sit down, sit down.

Oh, thank you, Archie.

Not that I want to say
anything, Louise,

but, you know, a lot
of people nowadays,

they think it's kind
of un-American, you know,

to walk around with
a lot of dead live animals on your back.

No, Archie, they grow
them little minks on ranches,

special for coats.

Edith, it don't make
no difference

whether you
chase the animals around the ranch

or you chase them through
the streets of New York.

Somebody has got to club
the animal to death.

Oh, no, they don't do that.

Well, what the hell
do you think they do,

unzip them?

Oh--
[GIGGLES]

Come on, Louise,
have a bear claw.

You know,
speaking of animals

puts me in mind of,
well, your husband George, you know?

I mean, geez, we ain't seen
much of him lately.

Well, I guess
he ain't got no time to go slumming nowadays,

you know, with the five
cleaning establishments.

Seven.

Oh, whoop-dee-doo,
seven there.

Listen, I am a businessman
myself, Louise.

You know, I bought
Kelsey's saloon down there,

but one of these days,
if I get the time,

I would love to drop in
on George.

Well, if you can't come
in person,

just send your clothes.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So what brings you here,
Louise?

- You mind if I ask
a question, huh? - Mm, mm.

So, what brings you
here, Louise?

Well, our house
is ready for renting,

all but the drapes, which I'm
going to pick up right now.

And some people are coming
to look at the house.

Would you show it
to them for me, Edith?

ARCHIE: Ooh.

Me? Oh, I don't know.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
She could do that.

You could do that.
You could do that!

But I ain't never showed
a house before.

It's easy to show it--
show it to people. Understand?

You just take them in,
you show them through all of the rooms,

and you say, "Isn't this
a positively doll's house?" Huh?

Please, Edith?

Yeah! Yeah.

- All right, I'll try.
- Yeah, she'll do it.

Oh, my. I ain't been
back next door

since Mike and Gloria
and Joey left.

Oh, my,
it's gonna be sad.

I'll bet when I walk
through the rooms,

I'll hear voices.

Oh, stay with us, Lord.

That's one of her old-time
problems, Louise, you know.

Sometimes she hears voices.

What's wrong with that?

Sometimes I hear voices, too.

Yeah, but you don't crawl
into bed with me at night

and tell me
what the voices say.

Thank goodness.

Oh, I must run.

Oh, could I take this
with me for later?

Yeah, would you like
to take a nice, soft speckled banana?

- No, thanks.
- All right.

All the information
you may need

will be in this envelope,
and here are the keys.

Oh, all right.

- And I'll call back later.
- Yeah.

Now, if anybody wants
to rent the house,

just call
George's secretary.

- All right.
- Oh, whoa ho ho, secretary.

But the man has
seven stores, don't he have seven secretaries?

Only one. He may be rich,
but he's still cheap.

Oh, Edith, good-bye.
Oh, good-bye. See you.

Oh, oh.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

See you later.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, you know, Louise
is pretty funny, you know?

I love them jokes
she's making about George.

Oh, yeah.

But don't you ever try
nothing like that,

you wouldn't be funny.

Edith, come on.
Will you go around the other way?

Sit down in your chair!

How did I ever
live this long?

And you.

You know, you nearly
blew our chance

to pick the new
neighbors here

and root out
the wrong ones.

Who are the wrong ones?

Oh, you know what I mean.

We want to keep
the neighborhood the way it is.

What way is it?

Come on, Edith,

the way it is since
the Jeffersons

moved back into the city.

I don't know
what you mean.

Oh, you know
what I mean all right.

And don't be giving me
the long-face stare,

I know what you're
thinking up there, I'm some kind of a racist.

Listen, I'll tell you,
that George Jefferson,

there's the biggest
racist of 'em all!

He hates white people.

And listen.

There's a lot of guys just
like him today, you know?

Hey, the world
has changed, Edith.

This ain't like them
olden, golden days,

you know, with the old South,
where all the colored people,

they--they loved their fine
old white folkses back home.

Nowadays that's all gone.
It's gone.

That's like that picture,
Gone With the...

uh, Clark Gable.

Archie, you're--

- What, what?
- You're talking...

- What, what?
- I'm trying to think of the word you always use.

You're talking...

Sense.

Crapola.

Don't tell me
what "rent" means.

Everybody
knows what "rent" is.

"Rent" is what we pay
the landlord here every month.

I'm trying to tell you
that "rent" in Shakespeare

means something else.

Like this.

"Oh, see the rent
the envious Casca made."

Who's Casca?

You know, talking
to you is like talking to a giant mushroom.

That's Shakespeare,
you cluck.

Julius Caesar.

Oh, yeah, we studied
Shakespeare in high school.

I hated it.

You hated Shakespeare?

No, high school.

"Young Cassius hath
a lean and hungry look,

let me have about me
men that are fat."

Hiya, fellas.

Speaking of which.

Listen, whatever youse
is talking about there,

stop, 'cause I got
great news for youse.

I know. Alice Faye
is in town.

Don't be
a wise guy, Barney.

Now listen, the Jefferson
house is up for rent, and it's chic there.

It's just been "remodelized"
and everything.

And some lucky guy
is gonna get it, see?

Why lucky?

He'll be right
next door to me.

[SING-SONG]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on, fellas,
what do you say? Harry, what about you?

Are you kidding?
We just put in new linoleum throughout.

Oh, well, Barney.

Look, I been in my house
30 years.

Why would I want to move
across the street?

I just thought there might be
a little gypsy left in you.

What about some
of the guys at the lodge?

Hey, Step Gidnic.
He's a nice guy.

Though he does scream
a lot at night.

Why?

His wife
punches him around.

Geez, if I give a woman
a name like Step Gidnic,

I'd expect to be punched
around myself.

Hey, how about Hank?

Nah, nah, he's stupid.

Stupid don't keep you
awake nights.

Oh, yes, it does.
It does.

It does.

Come on, guys,
come on, help me, huh?

Geez, Edith
is showing the place.

If we don't come up
with a decent tenant,

she'll rent
to Famous Amos or somebody.

Yeah, it's a positively
doll's house.

Well, you...you are
quite a saleslady, Mrs. Bunker.

Oh, thank you.

I love it.

I really would love
to take it.

Good.

[SIGHS]

But I'm afraid
I'll have to pass.

Yeah, I don't think
Arthur would like it,

and he makes
all the decisions.

Bye.

[GIGGLES]
Thank you.

Bye. I'm sorry.

Bye.

It's a lovely house.

The upstairs is so...
homey, and sunny.

I'm so glad you like it,
Mrs...Lewis?

Mm-hmm.

The back bedroom
gets the afternoon sun,

in the afternoon,

when the sun is out.

Gloria,
that's my daughter,

she used to take a sunbath
right under the window,

while she
was watching Joey--

that's my grandson--

in his sandbox,
in the backyard.

But once, while she
was watching Joey,

she caught a man
watching her.

Oh, he don't live
around here no more.

Oh, that's good.

Well, this seems
just right for me.

And my husband Ed
trusts my taste,

so it looks like we're gonna
be neighbors, Mrs. Bunker.

I'm so glad,
Mrs. Lewis.

Call me Polly.

You, too.

Oh, I mean, I don't mean
that you should call me Po--

I mean that I should
call you Polly,

and you should call me
Edith, that's what I mean.

Do you see what I mean?

[LAUGHS]

Okay, Polly,
I mean, Edith.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You know, if your husband
and my husband get along

half as well
as you and I do,

well...I couldn't ask
for anything more.

Oh, yeah...

Oh. Oh.

- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- ARCHIE: I'm home.

Yeah, that's right.

No, it's not.

Hi there, kiddo.
What are you doing, your homework?

I'm stuck
on my arithmetic.

Oh, well, hey, that used
to be my best subject there.

I'll unstuck you.
What's your problem?

"A and B are in a race.

"A is running
four miles an hour

"and started
two hours before B,

"who is running
twice as fast as A.

How long will it take B
to catch up with A?"

B...

will never
catch up with A.

Why not?

Listen. When I
was going to school,

B was trying to catch A.

And if B ain't
caught A up to now...

[CHUCKLES]
You know what I mean, huh?

I'll bet you'd like to have
a beer with me, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna
give you one...

when B catches A.
[CHUCKLES]

We got new neighbors.

Oh, the new neighbors.
Did you get a look at them?

I saw the lady.

Yeah? Well...
what's she like?

She's nice.

Eh, I mean...
what does she look like?

She's pretty.

Come on, I mean, eh...

What kind of...
color is she?

A regular color.

Well, swell,
why didn't you say so?

That's what we want
around here.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Oh, damn.

Oh, no, you don't.

Why the hell the whole world
has to beat a path to my doorbell?

Damn.

If he's selling mouse traps...

Oh, Mr. Bunker?

And if you are
selling magazines, uh...

nobody in this house
uh...knows how to read.

I'm not selling anything.
I'm from next door.

Oh, you workin' there, huh?

You think I'm the maid,
don't you?

Ah...well,
what else could you be?

I mean to say, uh...

I'm your new neighbor,
Polly Lewis. How do you do?

Ohh, you two
are meetin'.

That's good.

- Come on in, Polly.
- Thank you.

This is my husband Archie.

Archie,
this is Polly Lewis--

BOTH: our new neighbor.

Yeah, I know.

Uh...I just made
a mistake here, Edith--

It's your fault.

I--I took her for
the maid next door.

How stupid of me.

Oh, yeah.

I wish I were the maid.

Then I wouldn't have
to do windows.

Oh, yeah, you wouldn't
have to do the windows.

That's a good...

Excuse me, I just
gotta go inside and...

[MUMBLING]
kill the kid.

EDITH: Here's your cleaner
you asked me for.

Hey.

Just what
exactly is your idea of a regular color?

A color you see
all the time.

You're gonna be hungry
doing all that work,

so I'm gonna bring you
some sandwiches over later.

- Oh, thank you.
- Don't worry about food.

- I'll see you later.
- Yeah. Bye.

Ain't she nice?

[IMITATES EDITH]

"Ain't she nice?"

Hands off the chair!

What's the matter?

Ahh.

Listen.

You know that I always
been a fair-minded guy.

Listen.

I accept that we're
living in a country

where democracy's
got us by the throats.

Right.

I admit that people
got a right to be where they want to be.

But does that always
have to be next door to me?

The Jeffersons
lived next door to you.

That's right.

And I done my bit
with the Jeffersons.

How often does
a guy have to prove that he ain't prejudiced?

Polly is
such a nice person.

Whoo-hoo, but so
was Louise Jefferson.

But look at George.
George Jefferson. Gee--

How would you like
to have another George living next door to you?

We ain't gonna
have another George

living next door to us.

And how do you know that?

Because her husband's
name is Ed.

Archie, don't worry.

Nice women
have nice husbands.

Don't judge
the whole world by your case.

God, what's the sense
of talking to you?

You never get
what I mean.

Listen.

You know damn well there's
certain things about me

I ain't never gonna change.

But you're asking me
to make out like I'm gonna.

That's right.

The house looks
great, darling.

I couldn't have picked
a better one myself.

I knew you'd like it.

And wait until you meet
our neighbor, Edith Bunker.

She's a lovely person.

Oh, yeah? Well,
how about Mr. Bunker?

Edith tells the most
wonderful stories.

I love to hear her talk.

Yeah, but, uh...
how about Mr. Bunker?

Well. You remember
the TV show Roots?

Yeah.

You remember the man
with the whip?

Yeah.

Same guy, no whip.

Oh, God.

But you're gonna have
to meet him sometime,

so when you do,
please, Ed, be nice.

Ooh, why not?

I hated him in Roots,

but I'll give him
a second chance.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That must be Edith.

- Hi. Here I am.
- Edith. Come in.

- Oh, hello.
- How are you?

Edith Bunker,
I'd like you to meet my husband, Ed Lewis.

How do you do,
Mr. Lewis?

Well, it's a pleasure,
Mrs. Bunker.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Thank you.
- Excuse me.

Uh, being as how
you're gonna be eatin' sandwiches over here,

I thought I'd
bring over some beer

for you to wash
them down with.

Thank you. Come in.

Yeah. Thank you,
I'll come in.

Oh, hello, Archie.

Don't--don't
wet me, Edith.

Archie, this is
Polly's husband Ed.

Ed, this is
my husband Archie.

Yeah. Well,
how do you do?

I want to welcome you here
to the neighborhood there...

- What was it, Fred?
- Ed.

- Ed.
- Ed! Okay. Hey.

Ed, Ed. Hey, it's
in there forever.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, come sit down.

We don't have any chairs,

but we do have
a great window seat.

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey.
Many is the time when my family was there,

we'd all be at that
there window seat, I'm--

Ah, holy cow.

Ah, well, actually,
it was more of a-- I couldn't help

but glance at the fact there
that you're wearing...

a rod.

D'you ever use that
in your line of work?

Oh, once in a while.

But I sure hate pulling
that trigger, though.

You do, huh?

I hate spillin' blood.

Yeah, I agree with that.

They make us account
for every bullet.

You mean the mob
is running short of money?

The city is.

I'm with the police.
I'm a detective.

Oh, oh! That's--

Oh, well, I mean, who
could have knew there, hey?

Hey, Edith, guess what I
just figured out over here?

The man is with
the city police department.

He's a detective, huh?

- Oh, well, have a sandwich.
- How do you like that?

Well, it's great
to have the law living right next door.

Oh, listen. Being as
you're a detective, see,

and you're our new
next-door neighbor,

um, I--I wonder
if--if I could ask

whether there might be some
possibility in the future

that there would be
an outside chance

of maybe fixing a ticket?

You see, I got
an open garbage can rap hanging over me.

I'm in vice.

Vice? Well, don't vice
cover open garbage cans?

No. Lids do.

I told you so.

Put a lid on it.

POLLY: Have you
had dinner?

- No, I haven't.
- Have a sandwich.

- Those are ham and cheese.
- I've been glancing down there.

- How about some cold beer?
- Great.

- ED: I think
I ought to have a beer. - Ain't this cozy?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Oh, Archie,
please don't do that.

[***]

All in the Family was
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for live responses.

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