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1
00:00:02,934 --> 00:00:05,100
Hey, little girl,
there's no sense in trying to talk to a meathead.
2
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,167
And, for once
and for all,
3
00:00:06,167 --> 00:00:07,968
you stop calling
my husband a meathead.
4
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:14,000
MIKE: Joey, Joey!
5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,133
Archie, Archie,
they mean it.
6
00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:19,300
They're really
goin' tonight.
7
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:20,801
They wouldn't stay
for the last dinner.
8
00:00:20,801 --> 00:00:22,667
What the hell
do I care what they do?
9
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,701
Archie, please
do something.
10
00:00:25,701 --> 00:00:28,434
Oh, I am certainly gonna
do something, Edith.
11
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:31,667
I'm gonna hold open
that front door for them.
12
00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:33,234
No!
13
00:00:35,634 --> 00:00:38,734
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
14
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:42,000
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
15
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,200
♪ Guys like us,
we had it made ♪
16
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,701
♪ Those were the days ♪
17
00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:51,234
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
18
00:00:51,234 --> 00:00:54,400
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
19
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:59,567
♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪
20
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:02,734
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
21
00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:05,701
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
22
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:09,701
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪
23
00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:15,567
♪ Those were the days ♪
24
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:24,133
I wanna know why that Meathead
couldn't wait here in New York for a promotion.
25
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:29,234
Or why the hell he had
to run out to California to be a dumb assistant professor.
26
00:01:29,234 --> 00:01:33,167
Because they pay higher
for that out in California.
27
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:37,367
Money don't mean everything.
28
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:39,801
I don't like the idea
of California.
29
00:01:39,801 --> 00:01:42,467
I'm kinda scared
of California.
30
00:01:42,467 --> 00:01:44,067
Hey, you know somethin'?
31
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:47,801
There's a very high percentage
of people gets murdered in California?
32
00:01:47,801 --> 00:01:51,734
People get murdered
in New York, too.
33
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:56,501
Yes, but when you're murdered
in New York, at least the police can tell you why.
34
00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:08,467
You get murdered
out in California for no good reason.
35
00:02:08,467 --> 00:02:11,834
I don't wanna talk
about murders.
36
00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:15,734
Oh, let me tell you,
there's some weird murders out there in California.
37
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:19,868
You could get murdered
by some rich kid who's tired of playin' the guitar.
38
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,200
But you can't tell
that Meathead nothin'.
39
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,634
You can't tell him nothin'!
He knows everything!
40
00:02:27,634 --> 00:02:31,100
If he was bendin' over here,
I'd like to walk up behind him and give him--
41
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,634
Oh, jeez! Oh, oh!
Cramp in the leg!
42
00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:34,300
Cramp in the leg!
Cramp in the leg!
43
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,634
Hurry up! Hurry up!
44
00:02:35,634 --> 00:02:37,734
Pull the heel
and push the toes!
45
00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,968
Jeez! Oh! Oh, God.
46
00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:42,133
Ahh. Ahh.
47
00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:44,734
We are gonna see 'em again--
48
00:02:44,734 --> 00:02:48,467
when we go out there
to California next year.
49
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,067
Oh, what for?
50
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,367
For their tenth anniversary.
51
00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:55,767
They're gonna repeat their vows
and get married again.
52
00:02:55,767 --> 00:03:00,033
Don't you wanna see your
little girl get married again?
53
00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:03,334
Only if she marries
somebody else.
54
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:07,534
Archie, I can't believe
that you mean that. Let me get up, Edith.
55
00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:10,534
Another cramp!
Another cramp! The left leg!
56
00:03:10,534 --> 00:03:14,133
Get it! Oh, Edith,
this one's for life!
57
00:03:16,067 --> 00:03:20,100
Michael, I'm only gonna
ask you one more time.
58
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:23,167
I want you and Daddy
to kiss and make up.
59
00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:24,667
I'll kiss and make up,
60
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,901
but you know where
he's gonna have to kiss me. Michael.
61
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:27,834
You got it!
62
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,334
All right, Mr. Stubborn,
63
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,501
then I'm gonna go talk
to Ma and Daddy myself.
64
00:03:32,501 --> 00:03:33,834
Talk to 'em.
I don't care.
65
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,000
Shh, shh, shh.
66
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,501
Aah!
67
00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:41,734
No, please,
don't wake up Joey.
68
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:42,868
Oh, Ma.
69
00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:46,701
Gloria, I'm gonna
miss you so much.
70
00:03:46,701 --> 00:03:48,567
Me too, Ma,
71
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:50,734
but we're gonna
see you next year
72
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:52,701
on our tenth anniversary.
73
00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:57,534
Oh, Gloria, your father
is so mad now,
74
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:59,734
I don't think
he'd go to California
75
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:02,601
even to see John Wayne.
76
00:04:02,601 --> 00:04:07,167
But, Ma, we can't
get married again
77
00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:10,567
without you there!
78
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:13,634
Don't cry.
79
00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:14,901
Wait a minute.
80
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,467
Wait,
I just got an idea.
81
00:04:16,467 --> 00:04:17,667
You know what?
82
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:20,000
What if we got married again
right here in this house
83
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000
tomorrow before we leave.
84
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,801
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
85
00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:25,033
But what about Mike
and your father?
86
00:04:25,033 --> 00:04:27,367
They ain't talkin'
to each other.
87
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,501
Oh, but it'll be a great
way to get everybody
88
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:30,767
talking to each other
again, Ma.
89
00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:33,667
There ceremony will be
with just the four of us,
90
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:38,100
nobody else, and I know how
to make Daddy agree to it.
91
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,901
We'll be married this time
by a minister.
92
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:44,100
Oh, yeah.
93
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:47,767
But it ain't your tenth
anniversary yet.
94
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:49,000
Well, so what?
95
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,300
We'll move it up a year.
96
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,400
I mean, what's a year?
97
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,767
At least we'll all
be together.
98
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:56,934
We're all gonna be
together another year?
99
00:04:56,934 --> 00:04:59,434
No, but, Archie,
100
00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:03,234
Mike and Gloria are gonna
get married again
101
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,534
here tomorrow,
before they leave,
102
00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:08,200
by a minister.
103
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,200
Oh, come on, won't that
make you happy, Daddy?
104
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,167
If I say no,
what are you gonna do?
105
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:14,968
Hit me on top
of my head again?
106
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:17,868
Oh, I'm sorry I did that
to you tonight.
107
00:05:17,868 --> 00:05:19,901
I gotta go tell Michael.
108
00:05:19,901 --> 00:05:20,934
Ah, to hell with him!
109
00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:22,467
Oh!
110
00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:25,000
I knew that was
gonna happen, see?
111
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,601
Nobody gives a damn
what I say in this house no more.
112
00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,701
I might as well be talkin'
to the wall here.
113
00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,067
Hiya, wall,
how you doin' there?
114
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:34,767
Archie, please don't
talk to the wall.
115
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:35,801
Why not?
116
00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:37,534
It makes me nervous.
117
00:05:37,534 --> 00:05:39,300
Oh, jeez.
118
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:42,033
Stick around, wall,
I'll talk to you later.
119
00:05:42,033 --> 00:05:43,868
Hey, hey, don't push me!
Don't push me!
120
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:45,167
I am not talking to him!
121
00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:46,667
I said I'm not
talking to him.
122
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,067
- I'm not talking
to that man! - Hey, you listen to me.
123
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,200
You talk in this house,
you talk to me.
124
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,334
You know
the old sayin'--
125
00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:53,734
Love me, love my dog.
126
00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:02,968
You don't have a dog.
127
00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:04,634
Then shut up!
128
00:06:04,634 --> 00:06:05,701
No, no, no.
129
00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:08,968
Mike, ain't you two
ever gonna make up?
130
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,701
- No!
- No!
131
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,834
Michael,
do you love me?
132
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:13,901
Oh, Gloria,
don't start this.
133
00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:14,901
Do you love me?
134
00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:16,801
Yes, yes, I love you.
I love you.
135
00:06:16,801 --> 00:06:19,734
That's nice.
136
00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:22,000
And, Daddy,
do you love me?
137
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,067
Oh, come on,
little girl,
138
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:24,634
don't start anything
like this, will ya?
139
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,100
- Do you--
- Oh, jeez, all right!
140
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,133
All right, then.
141
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:29,968
If you both love me,
142
00:06:29,968 --> 00:06:31,934
then you'll both
make up with each other,
143
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,701
or else you're both
gonna lose me,
144
00:06:33,701 --> 00:06:36,234
because, Michael, I'll send
you off to California alone,
145
00:06:36,234 --> 00:06:40,033
and, Daddy, I'll pack up Joey
and move to Canada.
146
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,801
And I'll go with ya.
147
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:45,400
Stifle yourself.
148
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,033
Now, you two
gonna shake hands?
149
00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,334
- No.
- No.
150
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,667
You gonna shake hands?
151
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,634
BOTH: Ow, the hair,
the hair!
152
00:06:51,634 --> 00:06:53,000
All right,
all right, all right.
153
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,801
Yeah!
154
00:06:54,801 --> 00:06:57,000
Now we can
all get some sleep.
155
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,033
[JOEY CRYING]
156
00:06:58,033 --> 00:06:59,567
Oh, look,
you woke up the baby.
157
00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:00,868
There you go.
There you go.
158
00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:02,767
- It's your fault.
- Oh, jeez, it's in the toe.
159
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,467
It's in the toe!
Ooh, God, ooh.
160
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,934
I'll bet
that really hurts, huh?
161
00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:09,734
It hurts like hell.
162
00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:10,667
Too bad.
163
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:19,367
Archie,
would you hook me?
164
00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:21,834
Thought I hooked you
30 years ago.
165
00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:24,067
Oh, oh.
[LAUGHS]
166
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:25,634
Help you
with your coat.
167
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,968
Oh, come on, I don't
have to wear a coat.
168
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:29,000
Oh, sure.
169
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,033
Oh, come on,
Edith, will ya?
170
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:32,467
We're just going
to a weddin',
171
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:33,601
not out to dinner.
172
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:38,100
Oh, Archie, you wanna
look nice, don't ya?
173
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,300
Oh, jeez, all this
fussin' for what?
174
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,801
God, you'd think you and me
was gettin' married.
175
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:51,968
Forget it, forget it,
forget it, forget it.
176
00:07:51,968 --> 00:07:54,834
But, Archie, no,
177
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,834
when Mike and Gloria
repeat their vows,
178
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,734
we could
repeat ours, too.
179
00:07:59,734 --> 00:08:01,467
No dice, no dice,
Edith, none of that.
180
00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:02,901
Yeah, it would be
so romantic.
181
00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,868
Oh, it will be dumb.
182
00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,934
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
183
00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:09,000
There's nothing wrong
with two people
184
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,701
showing the world
that they love each other.
185
00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:14,834
Dumb diddle-ee-um dumb,
dumb, dumb.
186
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,734
Case closed.
187
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,367
Oh, well, jeez.
188
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:29,834
Stop naggin', Edith.
189
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,567
I didn't say a word.
190
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,133
That's the worst
kind of naggin'.
191
00:08:40,701 --> 00:08:43,901
You're doin' it again,
Edith.
192
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:46,434
The answer is still "no,"
understand?
193
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:49,467
No. And that ends it.
194
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,701
Now, listen...
195
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,767
...and listen good.
196
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:04,200
Don't expect me...
197
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,234
to do this
every 29 years.
198
00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:10,033
Oh, thank you, Archie.
199
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:17,701
Ma and Daddy,
Reverend Chong is here.
200
00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,601
EDITH:
We'll be right down.
201
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,367
ARCHIE:
This is so silly.
202
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:24,100
Reverend Chong,
if it's okay with you,
203
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,300
Michael and I would like you
to read this passage
204
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,434
during the ceremony,
205
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,400
'cause we had it read
at our first wedding.
206
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,300
Oh,
this will be fine.
207
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,901
EDITH: Here we come!
208
00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:35,234
Surprise, everybody.
209
00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:37,868
♪ Here comes the other
bride and groom ♪
210
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:38,901
Ah, don't do that.
211
00:09:38,901 --> 00:09:40,901
♪ All dressed
in brown and blue ♪
212
00:09:40,901 --> 00:09:42,033
Would you cut it out?
213
00:09:42,033 --> 00:09:43,033
It's so embarrassing,
Edith.
214
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:44,434
[CONTINUES SINGING]
215
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:47,667
You wanna get divorced before
you get remarried, huh?
216
00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:49,467
Hello,
Reverend Chong.
217
00:09:49,467 --> 00:09:52,033
You remember my husband,
Archie Bunker.
218
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,067
Yes.
219
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,734
Oh, yeah, yeah,
220
00:09:54,734 --> 00:09:55,834
you're the guy that refused
221
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,133
to baptize Joey
behind their backs.
222
00:09:58,133 --> 00:10:00,934
- That's right.
- Why don't you refuse to do this?
223
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,200
This is kosher.
224
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,567
Ah, jeez.
225
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:07,567
Oh, Ma, Daddy,
you're gettin' remarried, too.
226
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,000
It had nothin'
to do with me.
227
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000
It's your mother's idea.
228
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,033
Is it all right?
229
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,367
Oh, sure, Ma.
230
00:10:12,367 --> 00:10:15,133
BOTH: Oh, is it all right,
Reverend Chong?
231
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:17,801
Look at the
Andrews Sisters here.
232
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:18,868
Yes, of course.
233
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,334
Of course
it's all right.
234
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:22,634
Oh, then I'll be
your bridesmaid,
235
00:10:22,634 --> 00:10:23,767
and you can be mine.
236
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:25,467
Oh, yeah!
237
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:27,334
Well, I'll be
my own best-man,
238
00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:30,334
and you can be
whatever it is you are.
239
00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:32,901
Is that all right there,
Reverend Chin?
240
00:10:32,901 --> 00:10:33,901
- Chang.
- Chong.
241
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,000
Whatever.
242
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:44,767
♪ Oh, promise me ♪
243
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:50,734
♪ That someday you and I ♪
244
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:54,834
♪ Will take our love
together-- ♪
245
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:55,868
[PRESSES KEY]
246
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:57,968
Hey, Edith,
hey, hey, Edith, hey,
247
00:10:57,968 --> 00:10:59,634
we really don't
need no music.
248
00:10:59,634 --> 00:11:01,801
The Reverend here
is in an awful hurry.
249
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:04,567
He has to get right back
to his restaurant. Come on.
250
00:11:05,801 --> 00:11:08,000
CHONG: Uh, shall we
start the ceremony?
251
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,033
Where do we stand?
252
00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:10,634
Brides here,
Mr. Stivic here,
253
00:11:10,634 --> 00:11:12,300
uh, Mr. Bunker
right here.
254
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,534
Yeah, okay, okay,
dearly beloved, dearly beloved,
255
00:11:14,534 --> 00:11:15,567
dearly beloved,
here we go.
256
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:16,901
[CLEARS THROAT]
Dearly beloved--
257
00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:17,901
Good.
258
00:11:17,901 --> 00:11:19,801
Uh, before we commence,
259
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:21,634
Mr. Stivic asked
that I read a passage
260
00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:23,400
for this
beautiful occasion.
261
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,701
- Oh, jeez.
- Daddy.
262
00:11:25,701 --> 00:11:27,234
You gotta stand when
you're gettin' married.
263
00:11:27,234 --> 00:11:28,534
A little respect.
264
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:31,167
I thought he was doin'
an intermission number.
265
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:34,000
Uh, the passage
is as follows--
266
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,167
"Sing and dance together
and be joyous,
267
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:39,701
"but let each one
of you be alone,
268
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:41,734
"for the pillars
of the temple stand apart,
269
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:45,100
"and the oak tree
and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow,
270
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,634
"for if one tree tries
to overshadow the other,
271
00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:50,667
then that one
will wither and die."
272
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,200
Why do you
look at me on "die"?
273
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,234
[CLEARS THROAT]
274
00:12:00,234 --> 00:12:01,767
Do you, Gloria,
275
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:04,167
take Michael to be your
lawful, wedded husband?
276
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,667
I do.
277
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:06,868
And do you, Michael,
278
00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:08,667
take Gloria to be
your lawful, wedded wife?
279
00:12:08,667 --> 00:12:09,667
I do.
280
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:10,701
And, Mrs. Bunker--
281
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:13,300
Oh, I do!
282
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,667
Let the poor man
finish here, will ya?
283
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,267
I knew what
he was gonna say.
284
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,033
Do you, Archibald,
285
00:12:20,033 --> 00:12:21,167
Oh...
286
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,567
[LAUGHS]
287
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:26,467
Just make believe
he ain't here.
288
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:27,501
Go ahead.
289
00:12:27,501 --> 00:12:28,534
Do you, Archibald,
290
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,634
take Edith to be
your lawful wedded wife?
291
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:33,567
[EXHALES]
292
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,601
Archie.
293
00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:36,968
Give me a minute,
will you, Edith?
294
00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:38,000
All right, all right,
295
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,734
it's only a joke, a joke.
296
00:12:39,734 --> 00:12:40,767
It's only a joke, huh?
297
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:44,567
Well, do you,
or don't you?
298
00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:46,267
I do.
Get off my back.
299
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,100
The rings,
please.
300
00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:54,133
Now,
repeat after me.
301
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:55,434
I, Michael,
give you this ring...
302
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:57,334
I, Michael,
give you this ring...
303
00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:58,801
As a symbol of my vow.
304
00:12:58,801 --> 00:13:00,367
As a symbol of my vow.
305
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,767
And, now,
Mrs. Bunker.
306
00:13:02,767 --> 00:13:05,167
I can't get it off.
It's stuck.
307
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,200
Since when?
308
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,968
Since 29 years.
309
00:13:07,968 --> 00:13:09,968
Oh, well, perhaps
we should dispense with the ring.
310
00:13:09,968 --> 00:13:11,167
Yeah,
we don't need it.
311
00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,968
Oh, no, you gotta have
a ring, or it ain't legal.
312
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:15,434
All right,
hey, little girl,
313
00:13:15,434 --> 00:13:17,334
give me a loan
of yours there, will ya?
314
00:13:17,334 --> 00:13:18,367
Oh, sure.
315
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:19,868
Don't spit all over it,
would ya?
316
00:13:19,868 --> 00:13:21,567
It doesn't hurt.
317
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:22,601
All right.
318
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:23,634
Now,
repeat after me.
319
00:13:23,634 --> 00:13:24,667
Yeah, I will,
go ahead.
320
00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,200
I, Archibald,
give you this ring--
321
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,767
Hold it, hold it.
Do you mind?
322
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,267
"I, Archie," huh?
323
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,734
All right. What?
324
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:31,868
Give you this ring.
325
00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:33,234
Give you this ring. What?
326
00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,868
As a symbol of my vow.
327
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:35,868
As a what?
328
00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,501
Symbol of my vow.
329
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:38,601
Symbol of my what?
330
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:39,601
Vow.
331
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,534
Vow.
332
00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:48,000
It don't fit.
333
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,033
Whose fault is that?
You let your fingers go.
334
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,334
Uh, by the power
vested in me,
335
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,067
I now pronounce you
husbands and wives.
336
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,501
Grooms, you may
kiss your brides.
337
00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:58,434
Oh.
338
00:14:04,033 --> 00:14:05,901
He said,
"kiss the bride,"
339
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:07,901
not "eat the face
off her."
340
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,133
If you are ready,
341
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,167
I shall now take
the wedding picture.
342
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:15,534
Oh, a wedding picture.
343
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:17,367
Now, when I count
to three,
344
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:20,400
I want you to say,
uh, "chop suey," huh?
345
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,300
You never see an Oriental
without a camera.
346
00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:28,567
Now, get together,
get together.
347
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,567
Closer, closer.
348
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:30,901
Put your hand in
like this.
349
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:34,267
All right.
One, two, three.
350
00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:36,133
ALL: Chop suey!
351
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:46,534
[HORN HONKS]
352
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,701
Yeah, we'll be with you
in a minute!
353
00:14:51,701 --> 00:14:53,234
Honey, hurry up,
the cab's here.
354
00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:54,334
GLORIA: I'm hurryin'.
355
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:56,467
...good time
in California.
356
00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:59,300
You're gonna see
Disneyland,
357
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:01,801
and you're gonna meet
Mickey Mouse,
358
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:02,968
and Donald Duck.
359
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:05,100
GLORIA: Ma, would you
bring Joey up here?
360
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,434
I gotta get him ready.
361
00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:07,868
All right, come on
upstairs, Joey.
362
00:15:07,868 --> 00:15:09,834
Yeah, well, I can do that,
Edith, you know?
363
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:11,400
No, I'll do it,
I'll do it.
364
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,868
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
365
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,567
Edith, I wanna do it.
366
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:16,434
I think he went potty.
367
00:15:16,434 --> 00:15:19,701
Oh, you do it.
368
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,801
Yeah, uh, just give us
a few more minutes.
369
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:22,834
Atta boy.
370
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,501
[LAUGHS]
371
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,767
[SIGHS]
372
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,734
Well...
373
00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,167
I guess this is it.
374
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:03,501
You wouldn't be tryin'
to make me feel good,
375
00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:04,968
would you there?
376
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:08,834
Arch...
377
00:16:11,234 --> 00:16:13,133
...I wanna thank you.
378
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:20,100
Well, go ahead.
379
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,200
I wanna thank you for...
380
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,834
for all the years you let me
live here, and...
381
00:16:31,601 --> 00:16:35,267
...for all
the free meals, and...
382
00:16:35,267 --> 00:16:38,167
...for all the nice times
we had together.
383
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:41,200
I--I know there was a lot
of arguing and fighting,
384
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,100
but we...we did
have some nice times.
385
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:50,100
Yeah,
there was nice times.
386
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:56,033
You been like
a father to me.
387
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,501
Well, hey, you know,
388
00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:02,934
you been just like
a son to me.
389
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:05,367
You never did nothin'
I ever told you to do.
390
00:17:06,601 --> 00:17:08,701
Hey, Arch, uh,
391
00:17:08,701 --> 00:17:11,100
we want you and Ma
to come visit us out there.
392
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:15,334
Oh, uh,
maybe your mother-in-law can do that, but you know...
393
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,868
I--I think you'd
like it out there.
394
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:18,667
Nah,
I don't think so.
395
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,667
Sure, fresh juice
every morning.
396
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:23,968
Well, you know me,
I always take the canned.
397
00:17:23,968 --> 00:17:25,501
Lots of sunshine?
398
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,934
Yeah, well, I burn easy.
399
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:29,701
Pacific Ocean?
400
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:33,000
Yeah, well, I don't
like an ocean
401
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,467
where the sun goes down.
402
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:37,200
I like an ocean
where the sun comes up, you know?
403
00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:45,200
I'm gonna miss you.
404
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,400
Well, listen,
I--I'm gonna...
405
00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:53,868
...you know, I...
406
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:57,367
Hey, listen...
407
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,767
...you just take...
408
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:04,601
...very good care
of Gloria and Joseph.
409
00:18:04,601 --> 00:18:06,934
Those are two things you never
have to worry about, Arch,
410
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:07,868
I promise.
411
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,167
EDITH: ...And we'll
put your coat on.
412
00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:13,400
GLORIA: Michael,
I think Joey's hungry.
413
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,067
Would you get him
a glass of milk
414
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,167
and a cookie,
or somethin'?
415
00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:17,467
Oh, sure.
Come on, pal.
416
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:20,200
You know, I think I could
use a snack myself.
417
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,901
Yeah, eat somethin'.
418
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,934
I read in the papers
where millions of Americans
419
00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:26,901
starve to death
on the way to airports.
420
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,400
Ma?
421
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:50,200
Gloria.
422
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,434
Oh, Ma.
423
00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:55,133
Oh, Gloria.
424
00:18:56,801 --> 00:18:59,534
Hey, Edith, Edith, Edith,
come on now, huh?
425
00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:02,567
Don't start
slobberin' now, please.
426
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,567
I love you, Ma.
427
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,934
I love you, Gloria.
428
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:23,367
Hey.
429
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,000
I love you, Daddy.
430
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,634
Well, your daddy certainly
loves you, little girl.
431
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,567
[CRYING]
432
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:37,934
[HORN HONKS]
433
00:19:37,934 --> 00:19:39,267
[GLORIA WHIMPERS]
434
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:40,934
Yeah, the taxi meter's
runnin' out there,
435
00:19:40,934 --> 00:19:42,067
you know?
436
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,901
You better call them two
out of the kitchen, huh?
437
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,734
Yeah, do that.
438
00:19:46,734 --> 00:19:49,934
Michael,
the cab driver's honkin'.
439
00:19:49,934 --> 00:19:51,300
Okay, honey.
440
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,334
You wanna take Joey?
441
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:56,367
Oh, Joey.
442
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,400
Goodbye, Joey.
443
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,467
Say goodbye to Grandma.
444
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:00,467
Say goodbye to Grandpa.
445
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,667
So long, Joe.
So long, Joe.
446
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,667
- Goodbye.
- So long, Joe.
447
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,267
EDITH: Remember
Grandma loves you.
448
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:07,634
[SOBBING]
449
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,234
I love you, Mike.
450
00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:16,701
I love you, Ma.
451
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,601
Hey, the taxi meter's
runnin' on there, you know?
452
00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:32,734
It's gotta be at least
a $15 ride out there.
453
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:34,534
You don't wanna
add to it, you know?
454
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:35,868
There's no use
in doin' that.
455
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:38,634
They...charge you enough
for them rides.
456
00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:39,667
Yeah.
457
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:40,701
Yeah.
458
00:20:40,701 --> 00:20:43,267
EDITH: Gloria, Gloria!
459
00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:45,767
Goodbye.
460
00:20:45,767 --> 00:20:47,200
Goodbye, Ma.
461
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,567
Goodbye, Joey.
462
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:52,801
Goodbye, Mike.
463
00:20:52,801 --> 00:20:53,734
Bye, Ma.
464
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:10,501
- Arch--
- Hey, listen, have a good trip there, huh?
465
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:11,534
Have a good trip.
466
00:21:11,534 --> 00:21:12,567
Oh, yeah.
467
00:21:12,567 --> 00:21:13,501
Yeah.
468
00:21:18,901 --> 00:21:26,767
I--I know you always
thought I hated you...
469
00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:28,300
...but I love you.
470
00:21:33,267 --> 00:21:35,200
Hey, uh...
471
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,200
...you be sure
and send, uh, postcards
472
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,601
every now and then,
will ya?
473
00:21:39,601 --> 00:21:42,133
Because your mother-in-law,
474
00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:44,100
she's--she's wanna...
475
00:21:45,601 --> 00:21:47,534
...she's gonna
wanna know that...
476
00:21:47,534 --> 00:21:51,067
...you're all right,
you know?
477
00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:58,601
Well,
that's a good sky.
478
00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:00,834
Well, take off,
and have a good trip.
479
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:02,901
Yeah, bye, Arch.
480
00:22:13,701 --> 00:22:15,133
[CAB DOOR CLOSES]
481
00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:20,868
[ENGINE STARTS]
482
00:22:22,601 --> 00:22:26,067
[TAXI DRIVES OFF]
483
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:50,267
[SOBS]
484
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:07,667
[BLOWS]
485
00:23:13,734 --> 00:23:16,834
I got ya a beer,
Archie.
486
00:23:17,968 --> 00:23:20,234
Here I come.
487
00:23:29,834 --> 00:23:32,167
H-Here's your beer.
488
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:34,033
Yeah,
leave it there, Edith.
489
00:24:00,868 --> 00:24:03,100
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
490
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,033
ROB REINER: All in the Family
was recorded on tape
491
00:24:31,033 --> 00:24:33,100
before a live audience.
492
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:37,700
Repair and Synchronization by
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