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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:05,067 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 2 00:00:05,067 --> 00:00:08,234 ♪ Songs that made the hit parade ♪ 3 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:11,400 ♪ Guys like us we had it made ♪ 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,801 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 5 00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:17,234 ♪ And you knew where you were then ♪ 6 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:20,434 ♪ Girls were girls and men were men ♪ 7 00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:25,567 ♪ Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again ♪ 8 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,767 ♪ Didn't need no welfare state ♪ 9 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,834 ♪ Everybody pulled his weight ♪ 10 00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:35,834 ♪ Gee, our old LaSalle Ran great ♪ 11 00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:41,767 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 12 00:00:45,701 --> 00:00:47,701 GLORIA: Mmm, I love this tea. 13 00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:49,868 MIKE: More sake! We're gonna get crazy! 14 00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:53,400 We're gonna get crazy! Hey, I wanna propose a toast. 15 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,734 To Bob and Lorraine. 16 00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:57,534 Yeah, happy seventh anniversary! 17 00:00:57,534 --> 00:01:00,000 Seven years! [CHUCKLES] 18 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,400 [KISSING SOUNDS] 19 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,033 [KISSING CONTINUES] 20 00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:08,834 [KISSING CONTINUES LOUDLY] 21 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,167 To the next seven years. 22 00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:12,901 Maybe by then, you'll get married. 23 00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:16,834 - Married? - Why should we get married? We love each other. 24 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,033 - [SIGHS] - [KISSING CONTINUES] 25 00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:23,234 [KISSING CONTINUES] 26 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,534 This is delicious. 27 00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:29,868 Yeah, mine's terrific, too. 28 00:01:29,868 --> 00:01:31,601 - [TAPPING] - This is delicious. 29 00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:33,033 MIKE: Hello there? 30 00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:34,100 Hello there? 31 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,400 What are we eating? 32 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,534 [LAUGHS] That's called ika. 33 00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:40,267 And that's tako. 34 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,033 That's cute. Ika, tako. 35 00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:44,667 Yeah. It's very good. 36 00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:47,701 Yeah. That's raw squid and that's pickled octopus. 37 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,701 Anything wrong? 38 00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:09,167 No, no, no, no, it's just I remembered 39 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:11,267 that I'm on a squid-free diet. 40 00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:13,667 And you won't believe this, 41 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,834 but I had pickled octopus for lunch. 42 00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:17,234 Yeah? Where? 43 00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:19,000 At McDonald's. They have a-- 44 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,834 They have a new Octopus McMuffin there. 45 00:02:33,868 --> 00:02:36,868 So, you guys have been together 46 00:02:36,868 --> 00:02:39,200 such a long time, it's just like being married. 47 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,267 So why don't you get married? 48 00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:45,534 Why do you need marriage when you have a good relationship as it is? 49 00:02:45,534 --> 00:02:48,567 Oh, yeah. See, we think alike. 50 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:51,434 Marriage doesn't change that. So do we. 51 00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:52,934 We have the same interests. 52 00:02:52,934 --> 00:02:54,100 So do we. 53 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:57,267 Sometimes we stay up all night and talk. 54 00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:58,567 So do we. 55 00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:01,601 Sometimes, we stay up all night and don'ttalk. 56 00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:02,534 [BOB CHUCKLING] 57 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:08,934 So did we. 58 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,667 Do you realize that practically every couple we know 59 00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:15,167 who got married when you two did 60 00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:18,167 is either separated, divorced or miserable? 61 00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:20,100 Well, we're not separated or divorced. 62 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,667 Or miserable! 63 00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:26,000 That's why we wanted you to celebrate with us tonight, huh? 64 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,667 - Seven years! - Yes, yes, yes. 65 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,133 Our turn to toast. 66 00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:30,133 Oh, okay. 67 00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,501 To the only married couple we know 68 00:03:32,501 --> 00:03:35,000 who is still together and happy. 69 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,300 Oh, that's nice. To us, honey. 70 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,200 I mean, you may not have the same kind of passion, 71 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,834 but--well, you have other things. 72 00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:46,868 Oh, look at them. Look at them. 73 00:03:46,868 --> 00:03:48,367 - They are so-- - Together. 74 00:03:48,367 --> 00:03:49,701 Oh, yeah. 75 00:03:49,701 --> 00:03:51,367 You are so together, 76 00:03:51,367 --> 00:03:53,968 you're even beginning to look alike. 77 00:03:55,701 --> 00:03:57,467 BOB: Here's to you. 78 00:03:58,634 --> 00:03:59,734 Mmm, seven years. 79 00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:12,167 I'm so glad you and Mike can have a weekend alone in the mountains. 80 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:14,667 You're gonna love the Poconos. 81 00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,000 They're in Pennsylvania, you know. 82 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,167 Yeah. 83 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,501 When I was a little girl, 84 00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:24,934 every Easter I used to visit my Aunt Emma in Strasburg. 85 00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:28,334 I'll never forget my little cousin Richard. 86 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:34,100 He used to drink buttermilk and tie me to trees. 87 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,067 Why did he tie you to trees? 88 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:40,634 I don't even know why he drank buttermilk. 89 00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:43,501 But I know the Poconos. 90 00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:45,200 Yeah, Michael and I figured 91 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,868 it'd be a nice place to spend a weekend. 92 00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:50,033 We're gonna catch up on our reading 93 00:04:50,033 --> 00:04:52,534 and take nice, long hikes in the woods 94 00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:54,701 and get some of that fresh mountain air. 95 00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:59,300 Oh, my, ain't this pretty! 96 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,467 Oh, where did you get it? 97 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,801 Uh, in the mail, I'll pack it. 98 00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:04,801 Oh, no, I'll pack it. 99 00:05:04,801 --> 00:05:06,133 No, Ma, I'm a big girl now. I can pack it. 100 00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:07,467 No, I'll pack it. 101 00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,968 I ain't embarrassed. 102 00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:09,968 Well, neither am I. 103 00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:12,634 [LAUGHS] 104 00:05:12,634 --> 00:05:15,133 MIKE: Gloria, what's taking you so long? 105 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,467 We gotta get going! 106 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,968 GLORIA: All right, keep your pants on! 107 00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:21,000 Tell him that when you're in your love nest 108 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,767 down in the "Poke Your Nose." 109 00:05:23,901 --> 00:05:25,667 You dirty guy. 110 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:27,167 Well, I may be a little dirty, 111 00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:29,167 but I'm on target. 112 00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:30,834 Well, there's an old saying. 113 00:05:30,834 --> 00:05:33,167 If everything is good in the hen house, 114 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,334 youse don't have to go out to the store for eggs. 115 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,234 [CHUCKLES] 116 00:05:37,234 --> 00:05:40,467 Where'd you pick up that choice bit of wisdom? 117 00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:43,334 Well, you can find wise little wisdoms like that 118 00:05:43,334 --> 00:05:45,667 you get your nose outta that educational TV, 119 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,234 tune in on Hee-Haw now and then. 120 00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:52,534 - Ma? - Yeah? 121 00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:54,701 Can I ask you a question? 122 00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:56,367 Sure. 123 00:05:56,367 --> 00:06:01,033 Uh, how are things between you and Daddy? 124 00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:04,534 Oh, there ain't nothing between me and him. 125 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:07,300 No, I mean, 126 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:13,000 are things the same now as they were when you got married? 127 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:18,400 Well, the dollar don't buy as much as it used to. 128 00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:25,501 No, Ma, I mean the things we don't talk about. 129 00:06:25,501 --> 00:06:29,534 What things we don't talk about? 130 00:06:29,534 --> 00:06:31,167 [EXHALES] 131 00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:36,334 Are things the same between you and Daddy 132 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:39,434 as when you first got married? 133 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,868 Oh. 134 00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:49,167 Now I know what things we're talking about 135 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:52,033 that we don't talk about. 136 00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:54,400 Yeah, well, are things the same? 137 00:06:56,167 --> 00:07:01,667 Well, Gloria, you can't be newlyweds forever. 138 00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:04,133 Oh. 139 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,968 But Michael and I promised each other 140 00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:08,367 the honeymoon would never end. 141 00:07:08,367 --> 00:07:11,300 Oh, Gloria, it's gotta end. 142 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,501 Otherwise, you never get your housework done. 143 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:23,467 You know, they say that Russian spy satellite 144 00:07:23,467 --> 00:07:25,133 that crashed up in Canada 145 00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:28,400 gave cancer to a cow in Carbondale, Illinois. 146 00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:31,767 What do ya think of that, Meathead? 147 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:33,334 Not a heck of a lot, Arch. 148 00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:35,667 Oh, you better start thinking of some of these things. 149 00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,000 You read this here paper. 150 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,267 This paper'll make you think twice. 151 00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:42,000 And by the by, 152 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,334 you and Gloria going off this weekend down to "Poke Your Nose" there, 153 00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:49,667 if youse think that it's gonna put everything right, it's wrong. 154 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:52,501 Hey, there is nothing wrong between Gloria and me. 155 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:54,601 - [CHORTLES] - There isn't, Arch! 156 00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:57,834 I-it's like the thermostat on the wall. 157 00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,167 If I turn it down a few degrees, 158 00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:00,334 we're not gonna freeze. 159 00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:03,701 We just wouldn't be as hot as we were. 160 00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:06,701 Oh, jeez. 161 00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,868 I warned you about this years ago. 162 00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:11,300 I knew youse was gonna blow out your thermostat. 163 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,868 Look, Arch, Gloria and I just need some time 164 00:08:16,868 --> 00:08:19,601 alone together, away from everything. 165 00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:22,534 Well, yeah, but I tell ya the "Poke Your Nose" is the wrong place. 166 00:08:22,534 --> 00:08:24,200 You shoulda did what I done 167 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,701 with Edith, in a similar situation. 168 00:08:26,701 --> 00:08:30,200 I took her down to Florida, to Disney World. 169 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,701 Oh, that's a great place. 170 00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,534 And when you're done with all the love stuff, 171 00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:36,634 just step outside. You have your real fun on the rides. 172 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:41,234 GLORIA: Ma, you got our number up there in case of an emergency. 173 00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:42,400 Yeah. 174 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,434 And I left you the doctor's number. 175 00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:46,567 - Yeah. - And no candy for Joey. 176 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,901 Yeah. I mean, no. 177 00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:49,734 He's gotta be in bed by 8:00. 178 00:08:49,734 --> 00:08:51,067 Yeah. 179 00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,067 Bye, Grandpa. 180 00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,067 Yeah, bye, Little Girl. 181 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,067 You have a nice time down there. 182 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,901 - Bye, Ma! - Have a wonderful time! 183 00:08:57,901 --> 00:08:59,400 Oh! 184 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,601 What're you doin'? I ain't going nowhere! 185 00:09:01,601 --> 00:09:06,000 - Oh, sorry. - Joey should be up in about an hour. 186 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,834 Now, don't let him play with any rocks, 187 00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:10,334 and don't let Daddy leave his matches out on the table. 188 00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:12,367 Don't worry, we'll take good care of him. 189 00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:17,367 Oh, my, ain't it nice they can have a weekend in the mountains. 190 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:20,367 Oh, the scenery is so beautiful. 191 00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:21,968 They ain't gonna see it. 192 00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:26,367 Oh! You! 193 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,801 Oh, stop! [LAUGHS] 194 00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,400 Sensational afternoon, honey. 195 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,801 Yeah, that walk in the woods as beautiful, wasn't it? 196 00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:43,834 Oh, yeah, I love the woods. 197 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:47,100 And I love that huge fireplace in the lobby. 198 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,267 Yeah, it's a beautiful fire. 199 00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:51,234 I just wish they wouldn't use Presto logs. 200 00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:54,467 Where do Presto logs come from? 201 00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,834 I don't know. I think Presto trees. 202 00:09:56,834 --> 00:10:01,033 I notice you haven't mentioned the great gin game. 203 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,634 Could it be because I beat the pants off you? 204 00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:06,200 Uh, if you must know the truth, 205 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,267 I happened to let you win. Ha! 206 00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:09,834 That's right, that's right. 207 00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,234 I let you win because I happen to be such a swell guy. 208 00:10:12,234 --> 00:10:15,033 You let me win. Sure. Yeah, I let you win. 209 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,667 All right, I don't care, even if you threw the game, 210 00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:22,300 you still owe me $12 million. I tell you what. 211 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,901 We'll go double or nothing for the 12 million. 212 00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:26,234 Pick a number between one and ten. 213 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,367 Um...nine. 214 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,734 I owe you $24 million. 215 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,868 And while we're at it, 216 00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:35,234 I noticed that we're not mentioning 217 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,200 the great ping-pong game we played. 218 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,000 That's because I let you win. 219 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,234 You let me win? 21-0? 220 00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:43,000 Yeah, well, when I throw a game, 221 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,133 I really throw a game. 222 00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:46,767 Honey, you gotta pull from the heel. 223 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:47,901 I am pulling from the heel. No, you're not. 224 00:10:47,901 --> 00:10:49,601 I got the heel. This is the heel. 225 00:10:49,601 --> 00:10:51,667 I'm pulling it right from the heel. It's not coming off. 226 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,133 I know. I can't help that. 227 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:55,300 You need different leverage, Michael. 228 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,434 Yeah, right. Push up. Push up. 229 00:10:57,434 --> 00:10:59,834 No, get down-- Let me get it this way. 230 00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,400 Michael. There. There we go. 231 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,200 Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? 232 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,100 You trying to make a wish? 233 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,467 It's coming. I got it now. I got it now. 234 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:09,901 Here it...comes. 235 00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:11,734 There it...goes. 236 00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:12,868 There. 237 00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:15,534 Yeah. That was easy. 238 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,601 Uh.... 239 00:11:35,601 --> 00:11:37,300 what should we do now? 240 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,100 Um--(clears throat)-- 241 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,234 why don't we finish unpacking? 242 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,734 Oh. Yeah. Okay. 243 00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:46,100 I mean, we still have all of tonight and tomorrow 244 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,367 to, you know. Yeah. Heh heh. 245 00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:52,100 Hey, feast your eyes on this! 246 00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,734 Hello! You like it? 247 00:11:53,734 --> 00:11:54,801 Wow. 248 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:55,968 Should I wear it? 249 00:11:55,968 --> 00:11:58,033 Well, yeah, of course you should wear it. 250 00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,100 Not now. 251 00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:11,467 Not now? 252 00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:13,801 Well, I-I think it-- 253 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:16,734 it's a little bit casual for the dining room. 254 00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:23,033 Oh, you mean we're gonna eat first. 255 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,968 Well, yeah, I-I thought we'd eat first. 256 00:12:24,968 --> 00:12:26,801 Y-you see the menu? 257 00:12:26,801 --> 00:12:29,100 Prime rib, strawberry shortcake. 258 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,801 - Yeah, okay. - Yeah. 259 00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:33,667 Uh, we should change for the dining room. 260 00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:35,167 We'll change, right, for the dining room. 261 00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:36,133 That's all. 262 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,701 The romance has gone out of our marriage. 263 00:12:57,701 --> 00:12:59,667 [GLORIA CRYING] 264 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:01,734 Why, because we're gonna have dinner? 265 00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:08,033 No, because we came here to rekindle our romance. 266 00:13:08,033 --> 00:13:09,334 I have absolutely no complaints 267 00:13:09,334 --> 00:13:11,234 about the dinners in our marriage. 268 00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:15,667 So I--uhh-- 269 00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,133 So... 270 00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,567 what're we gonna do after dinner? 271 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,300 Well, after dinner, 272 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,300 we'll do... 273 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,100 stuff. 274 00:13:29,968 --> 00:13:33,133 What "stuff"? Watch basketball on TV? 275 00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,634 Of course not! We're here to rekindle. 276 00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:39,000 - We're not gonna watch a dumb old basketball game. - Good. 277 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,300 Especially the way the Knicks are playing lately, it's... 278 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:45,667 It's my fault. It's all my fault. 279 00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,601 It's not your fault! They're in a very tough division. 280 00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:55,000 No, Michael, you know I'm talking about us. 281 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,000 Now, we came here 282 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,400 to sort of make up for everything this weekend, right? 283 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,567 Right. 284 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Now? 285 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,968 All right, all right. 286 00:14:13,968 --> 00:14:16,234 Okay! Hey. 287 00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,400 Let's rekindle. 288 00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:25,300 Uh, wh-what should we do? 289 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,901 You wanna kiss first, then-- 290 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,367 Okay. 291 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:35,901 There, we did that. 292 00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:39,133 Uh, why don't we sit down? 293 00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:40,968 Because I'm not comfortable with my neck, you know-- 294 00:14:40,968 --> 00:14:42,634 Yeah, all right, we'll just, uh, sit over here. 295 00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,801 See, that'll be a little bit more comfortable. 296 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,334 - There. - Okay. 297 00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:48,501 Yeah, uh, honey, could you get-- 298 00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:49,501 - I'm sorry. - It's--yeah. 299 00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:50,834 You're pressing against, you know-- 300 00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:52,000 Just move your-- 301 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,667 Get--no, no-- get your feet-- 302 00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:55,334 Now, uh, why-- 303 00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,200 What's--why isn't this-- there's something wrong. 304 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,667 Nothing, I just have this feeling 305 00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,334 that I'm too heavy for your lap. 306 00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,000 No, no, no, it's not you, it's me. 307 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,300 It's--I've always had very poor circulation in my thighs. 308 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,667 Just see if you can get your feet up. 309 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,267 Get them up around-- 310 00:15:10,267 --> 00:15:11,934 Ah, get--there! That's it! 311 00:15:11,934 --> 00:15:12,868 That's it! 312 00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:15,200 That's it. 313 00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:19,300 Now hold that. 314 00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:20,968 Go ahead. 315 00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,567 Go a--go ahead. 316 00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:26,634 No, no, you know what's wrong? 317 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,801 It's the chair. 318 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,634 A chair is a place for kindling. 319 00:15:29,634 --> 00:15:31,467 It's not a place for rekindling. 320 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,133 For rekindling, you gotta go to a bed. 321 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,300 Let's go to the bed. Come on. 322 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,801 Uh, would you like to carry me over there? 323 00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:38,901 Why? You tired? 324 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:44,634 No, I just thought it might be romantic. 325 00:15:44,634 --> 00:15:46,267 Oh, oh, yeah! Sure! Sure, romantic. 326 00:15:46,267 --> 00:15:49,300 That's better. There we go. 327 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,634 [GROANING] 328 00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:52,501 Honey, you think you could walk the rest of the way? 329 00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:54,167 My back's hurting. 330 00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,834 Sure, sure, sweetheart. 331 00:15:55,834 --> 00:15:56,934 Sorry. 332 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,834 - Oh. - It's bigger than the bed at home. 333 00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:03,834 Yeah. Much more. 334 00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,501 [BOTH SIGHING] 335 00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:07,667 - You comfortable? - Oh, yeah. 336 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,400 - Isn't this better? - Much. 337 00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,934 [BOTH SIGH HEAVILY] 338 00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:19,534 [CLEARS THROAT] 339 00:16:22,701 --> 00:16:24,601 You know what's wrong? 340 00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:25,968 W-we're approaching this thing 341 00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,801 in a very familiar manner. 342 00:16:27,801 --> 00:16:29,467 I think if we--if we do something different, 343 00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:31,934 if we do something exciting... 344 00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:36,133 You don't wanna... 345 00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,400 tie me to a tree, do you? 346 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,300 What? 347 00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,300 Oh, never mind. 348 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,701 Yeah, no, I just thought that 349 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,934 we're in our same side of the bed that we're always on. 350 00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:50,300 What if we switch sides? 351 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,567 Oh, that's a good idea. 352 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:53,300 Let's switch sides. It'll be more exciting. 353 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,634 Hey, I feel more excited already on this side. 354 00:16:56,634 --> 00:16:57,901 - Here, here we go. - Okay. 355 00:16:57,901 --> 00:16:59,167 Here we go. 356 00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,334 [MUFFLED] See, isn't that better? 357 00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,667 - Isn't that nice? - Mmm-hmm. 358 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,334 - You know what's wrong? - Yeah. 359 00:17:03,334 --> 00:17:04,667 It's my shoes. 360 00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,334 I can't do this with my shoes on. 361 00:17:06,334 --> 00:17:07,901 It's too sleazy. 362 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,767 No, no, you know what's wrong? 363 00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:14,267 It is not the poor circulation in your thighs, 364 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,934 and it is not the chair, 365 00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,267 and it is not what side of the bed we're on. 366 00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:20,434 It is that-- 367 00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:23,200 The romance has gone out of our marriage. 368 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,601 Gloria, don't say that! 369 00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:27,267 But it's true! 370 00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,634 What's happened to us?! 371 00:17:29,634 --> 00:17:33,934 We used to be such animals! 372 00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:38,133 We're still animals! We are still animals! 373 00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:43,000 We're--we're just, uh, just a little housebroken, that's all. 374 00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:49,801 I, uh, I-- 375 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:55,133 I read somewhere that it's a biological fact 376 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:59,400 that a man reaches his prime at the age of 17. 377 00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:06,267 But you were in Chicago when you were 17. 378 00:18:07,667 --> 00:18:11,434 It looks like I missed your entire prime. 379 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,334 [CRIES] 380 00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:17,667 I want us to be like Bob and Lorraine! 381 00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:20,334 Hey, hey, forget Bob and Lorraine! 382 00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:22,000 You think they're happy? 383 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,667 Hah! They're not happy! 384 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,834 The only reason that they're always kissing in public 385 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,667 is because they're trying to cover up 386 00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:30,667 the fact that--that they're so unhappy! 387 00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:32,334 They're trying to prove to the world 388 00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:35,133 that it's better to live together than to be married. 389 00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,667 Well, maybe it is! 390 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,534 Maybe--maybe if we weren't married, 391 00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:43,200 we wouldn't be so bored with each other. 392 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,367 We wouldn't have so much trouble 393 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,300 showing affection to each other. 394 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,701 Hey, we don't have any trouble showing affection! 395 00:18:48,701 --> 00:18:49,868 We can show affect-- 396 00:18:49,868 --> 00:18:52,200 Hey, you--you want me to show affection? 397 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,300 I'll show-- Get over here! 398 00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:02,367 Oh, Michael. You can't just order up affection. 399 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:04,033 It has to come naturally. 400 00:19:04,033 --> 00:19:07,234 It has to be spontaneous. 401 00:19:07,234 --> 00:19:09,434 None of this is spontaneous. 402 00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:13,100 [EXHALES] 403 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:16,133 I guess we're just going to have to face reality. 404 00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:18,200 What are you saying? 405 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,567 That we just don't seem 406 00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:24,033 to feel the same way about each other anymore. 407 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:26,734 What are you saying? 408 00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:28,734 Maybe... 409 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,634 we shouldn't be married to each other anymore. 410 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,467 What are you saying? 411 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:38,767 That maybe we should get a d-- 412 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,734 d-- 413 00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:41,734 d-- 414 00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:42,868 Divorce? 415 00:19:42,868 --> 00:19:43,934 Yeah, that's it. 416 00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:52,000 Excuse me. 417 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:01,901 [SCREAMING] 418 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:02,934 Michael! 419 00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,634 [CONTINUES SCREAMING] 420 00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:08,300 Mich--Michael, you're overreacting. 421 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,601 [SCREAMS] 422 00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:14,734 Michael, you're being over-emotional. 423 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:15,734 Now, if you come out, 424 00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,534 we can discuss this intelligently. 425 00:20:17,534 --> 00:20:20,467 [HIGH-PITCHED CRYING] But you wanna get a divorce. 426 00:20:21,934 --> 00:20:23,667 I'm sorry, honey, I didn't get that. 427 00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:24,701 What did you say? 428 00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:28,934 You wanna get a divorce. [SCREAMS] 429 00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:31,434 Michael, Michael honey, you're so upset. 430 00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:35,033 Please, we can work this out. 431 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,300 Michael. 432 00:20:38,601 --> 00:20:41,801 Michael, say something to me. 433 00:20:41,801 --> 00:20:44,434 Michael, please. 434 00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,901 Michael, I don't like this when you don't talk, Michael. 435 00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:50,734 Michael, you're making me very, very, nervous. 436 00:20:50,734 --> 00:20:51,868 You know what, Michael? 437 00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:55,234 You're forcing me to break down the door, 438 00:20:55,234 --> 00:20:56,534 you know? 439 00:20:56,534 --> 00:20:59,767 And, well, I don't want my size to fool you, Michael, 440 00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:03,033 'cause I might be small, but I can do it. 441 00:21:03,033 --> 00:21:04,701 Honey? 442 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:08,267 Michael, I'm--I'm going to break it down 443 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,267 on the count of three, 444 00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:12,434 and you're gonna be real sorry because the management 445 00:21:12,434 --> 00:21:14,133 is gonna make you pay for damages. 446 00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,767 Michael? 447 00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:19,701 Okay then. 448 00:21:31,033 --> 00:21:33,601 Okay, Michael. 449 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:37,467 One...two... 450 00:21:37,467 --> 00:21:38,767 Oh! 451 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,033 Oh, honey, honey, 452 00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:43,300 where was "three"? 453 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,567 I didn't hear "three." 454 00:21:44,567 --> 00:21:47,400 You never said "three." 455 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,934 I'm sorry. It's just that I never did that before, 456 00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:51,868 and I thought you were supposed to run on two and hit on three. 457 00:21:51,868 --> 00:21:54,100 No, no, you always say "three." 458 00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:56,534 You always must complete the final three, the full. 459 00:21:56,534 --> 00:21:58,434 [LAUGHING] Is your stomach okay? 460 00:21:58,434 --> 00:22:01,100 Yeah. How's your shoulder? 461 00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:03,601 Well, I can go like this, 462 00:22:03,601 --> 00:22:05,133 but I used to be able to go like this. 463 00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:17,167 I thought I'd...do it. 464 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:18,734 Get a divorce! 465 00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:39,334 W-We don't have to get divorced, do we? 466 00:22:39,334 --> 00:22:41,033 Oh, no. 467 00:22:41,033 --> 00:22:43,667 Because, Gloria, I'm thinkin' 468 00:22:43,667 --> 00:22:45,868 we have a lot of things together, 469 00:22:45,868 --> 00:22:47,868 don't we? 470 00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:48,901 Oh, yeah. 471 00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:50,868 What? 472 00:22:50,868 --> 00:22:53,934 Well, respect? 473 00:22:53,934 --> 00:22:56,734 Respect. We respect each other. 474 00:22:56,734 --> 00:22:59,300 Yeah, yeah, we have that. What else? 475 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,467 W-We're very comfortable with each other. 476 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:02,901 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one, 477 00:23:02,901 --> 00:23:06,400 and--and we have Joey. 478 00:23:09,367 --> 00:23:12,934 And we have a--we have a deep-seated friendship. 479 00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:16,167 Yeah. 480 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,701 Mmm. 481 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,400 Gloria? Yeah? 482 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,067 Gloria? Oh, yeah. 483 00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:30,567 I think we're being spontaneous. 484 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:32,734 No, no, no, honey, 485 00:23:32,734 --> 00:23:33,767 don't say it or it isn't. 486 00:23:33,767 --> 00:23:35,601 Yeah, keep going. Keep going. 487 00:23:35,601 --> 00:23:37,234 Wait a minute, wait a minute. In the bathroom? 488 00:23:37,234 --> 00:23:39,200 Yes. Keep going, keep going. 489 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,901 Wait, what if the maid comes in? 490 00:23:40,901 --> 00:23:42,300 I don't want her. I want you. 491 00:24:07,067 --> 00:24:10,601 All in the Family was recorded on tape before a live audience. 492 00:24:10,651 --> 00:24:15,201 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34613

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