Original subtitles

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

( whistling, tapping beat to Saber Dance by Khachaturian )

( whistling, tapping continues )

Do you have to whistle like that?

Don't you like music?

If that's music, a tea kettle is a pipe organ.

Besides, you're coolin' off my soup here.

( whistles briefly )

Here we are, pork chops!

Oh, boy, that's my favorite.

Gloria, how come we never have pork chops at home?

Because they're two dollars a pound.

Ooh, I got these today at Klemmer's for 89 cents a pound.

No, Ma, I was at Klemmer's butcher shop this morning,

and they was two dollars a pound.

Oh, it was an afternoon special.

An afternoon special?

Yeah, he's always doing interesting things like that.

Last Wednesday, I was the 415th customer of the month.

Tell them, tell them.

And he gave me a special on sirloin steak,

a dollar a pound!

I don't see how he can afford to sell at those prices.

What's do, grow his own beef?

Maybe it's his way of advertising.

Oh, no, he told me not to say a word to nobody.

'Cause he don't want the people coming in just for the specials.

Why even think about it?

Butchers is like bus drivers and band leaders,

they're all looney.

I feel sorry for him.

He lost his wife last year and he misses her something terrible.

Oh, what'd she die of?

Well, she cut her finger while she was slicing baloney.

She was helping him in the store.

Ah, jeez.

And then it got infected.

Not the baloney--her finger.

And the story is-- We're off to the races.

Ma, these days people don't die from an infected finger.

No, she didn't.

We're at the post...

See, she was going to the drugstore for some iodine--

And we're in the startin' gate...

And this car hit her while she was crossing the street.

We're off and runnin'.

And that killed her?

Certainly not.

How would you know?

Because we ain't even reached the quarter pole yet.

Well, the car that hit her was an ambulance.

And we're in the clubhouse turn...

So they put her into it, then they rushed her to the hospital.

We're in the stretch...

And the next day, that's where she died.

Photo finish.

No...food poisoning.

See, Mr. Klemmer said it was the bad meat

they gave her to eat at the hospital.

Why zero in on the bad meat?

Anything they give you at the hospital is liable to kill you.

Or send you home looking like a tree.

He's such a nice man. Oh, we have so much fun talking things over.

Wait a minute, I forgot the rose!

I wonder Mr. Klemmer's doing all these things for Ma.

I told you before, he's looney.

I think you better face facts, Arch.

You're married to a very loveable woman.

Well, that loveable woman's

married to a very loveable guy.

Boy, are you smug.

I'm what?

Smug. You're smug.

No, that ain't me, little girl.

That's the Hungarian cheese your mother bought.

No, Daddy.

Don't you think it's possible that another man could find Ma attractive?

Well, anything is possible.

But I mean, for her going for another guy,

why should she go for beer when she's already got champagne?

You really are smug.

Hey, Edith, will you come get this cheese the hell out of here?

Open the window, little girl, it's starting to get to me.

Mrs. Bunker, what a nice surprise to see you here.

Oh, hello, Mr. Klemmer. I'm always here on Thursday.

Yes, I know.

You look just beautiful today,

like a prime rib roast.

[GIGGLES]

I mean that as a compliment.

They're $2.39 a pound.

$2.39. Oh, my. Thank you very much.

But if you come in before 11:00 tomorrow, $1.30.

I'll be there. [GIGGLES]

Oh, allow me.

Oh, no, no! No, please! Please!

No, I take pleasure in doing it.

Oh, Mr. Klemmer.

You know,

you have a wonderful smile, Mrs. Bunker.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Klemmer.

My name is Albrecht.

Albreth?

Albrecht. But you can call me Al.

Oh. Al...

Excuse me.

You know, you remind me very much

of my darling Greta, may she rest in peace.

Very much like her.

Oh.

You know something, Mr. Klemmer?

Eh, eh!

Oh, Al.

You oughta find yourself another Greta.

Who would want to have a worn-out old buck like me?

Oh, there are lots of women who'd like to have a worn-out old buck like you.

Mrs. Bunker?

Edith.

Edit.

Edith.

Edit...th.

Are you telling me that I have a "chanth"?

Sure.

Of course.

When I was a little girl,

my mother always used to tell me that if you wish for something hard enough,

you're gonna get it.

Oh, and I'll never forget a doll that I wanted in a toy store.

Oh, it was a beautiful doll.

She had real hair and she wore pearls,

and she said "Mama" and she wet.

[GIGGLES]

How I wished for that doll.

And you got it?

No.

The girl that lived next door to me got it.

I guess she wished harder than me.

Oh, I wish I could buy you that doll.

Oh.

It was the last one they had.

I can't get over how much you remind me of Greta.

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

We had such wonderful times together.

We liked the same things...

Chinese food, Franklin Delano Roosevelt,

the Andrews Sisters.

[GASPS] I love the Andrews Sisters!

You do?

♪ Don't sit under the apple tree ♪

♪ With anyone else but me ♪

♪ Anyone else but me ♪

♪ Anyone else but me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

Oh, yes, you know, Greta, Greta and I,

we used to sing all these songs.

Greta played the piano, we sang--

Oh, Archie and me do that!

- You do? - Yeah!

I play and he sings. You oughta come over and join us sometime.

Oh, I would enjoy that.

Good. How about tonight?

- You mean that? - Yeah!

We'll sit around and have coffee and cake,

and then we'll sing old songs.

You mean, we'll sing like--

Yeah! How about 7:30?

You...you mean...

sing like we used to?

Mrs. Bunker...

Edith.

Edit...th.

You have no idea

how happy you have made me.

[SNIFFS]

Here you go, honey.

Edith, I'm off and I'm in a hurry.

Where are you going?

I'm going down to the saloon, Edith.

That kid called in sick. Harry's alone.

Archie, Mr. Klemmer is coming over tonight!

Who?

Mr. Klemmer, the butcher.

Oh, the guy that all the dogs are always following?

Yeah. We were supposed to sit around

and then sing, and have an evening.

I told you about it.

Edith, you can't hold me to things like that.

You know I never listen to what you tell me.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh, what am I gonna tell him?

Tell him not to grind so much fat in his hamburgers.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

You gonna answer it? You wanna run upstairs and hide,

then I'll holler "Yoo-hoo, Edith, your date is here!"

Oh, Archie!

Coming!

Oh, good evening, Mr. Klemmer. Come in.

You know my husband, Archie.

Yes, I do.

At ease there, Klemmer.

I hardly recognize you without your bloody apron.

Mr. Klemmer likes to be called Al.

Oh, yeah? Why?

'Cause that's his name.

I brought you a present.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that!

Why not?

It's a standing rib roast.

Oh, thank you very much.

Why don't you take off your coat and sit down?

I'll put this in the fridge.

Archie, did you know Mr. Klemmer was born in Germany?

Oh, yeah, something told me, yeah.

When I was over your way, you know, during WW II, the big one,

I was in the, eh, I was in the Air Corps there,

and we sure dropped a lot of hardware on youse Jerries-- uh...

uh, Krauts... well, you know.

You know what youse are, you know.

I, uh, put some coffee on,

and we'll have some nice oatmeal cookies.

And I brought this.

Oh, look at all these wonderful old songs!

Oh! They don't write songs like this no more.

I hope you play in the key that I sing.

[LAUGHS]

I hope you sing in the key that I play.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I, uh, I hate to leave in the middle of all this "hillalarity" here,

but I gotta go to work.

Wait a minute, Archie! Here's one you like.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ When I'm calling you ♪

♪ Huh huh huh ♪

♪ I won't be back till two ♪

♪ Nothing but all of my love ♪

♪ To you ♪

[HUMMING '40s SONG]

What do you mean by that?

Huh?

Uh--nothin'. Nothin'.

Just, uh, let's take a break here,

I just think I'll make a call to home, huh? Yeah.

Hey, Barney, how's it going?

Oh, hi there, Barney old buddy.

Come on in, belly up to the bar here.

What can we serve you, old pal,

a nice cold brew?

[CRYING]

Gee, Barney!

Maybe you need something stronger, huh?

[SOBBING] Oh, boy, Harry,

get him somethin' there.

Hey, Barney, Barney,

come on there, old pal.

Barney, this ain't you.

Hey, what happened?

[CRYING] Nothing.

I can't talk about it.

Oh, come on, Barney. Hey, we're pals here.

You gotta share your troubles with your pals.

Well, unless you want a loan or something like that.

Come on, Barney.

Tell us.

My wife left me.

[SOBS]

Oh.

Oh, Barney, no.

Not Mabel.

No, Blanche!

What am I gonna do, Arch?

Well, Barney, jeez, I think the question is...

what did you do to her?

I didn't do nothing to her.

Barney, you must've said something.

I don't see how I could have.

I hardly ever talk to her.

[SOBS]

Barney, eh, is it another guy?

Well, the exterminator came over to the house.

He sprayed a couple of times, you know,

knocked off the termites, knocked off the cockroaches.

And it looks like he knocked off Blanche.

What am I gonna do, eh?

Well, for starters, I wouldn't pay the exterminator bill.

I really miss her, Arch.

Like the old philosopher says, you know,

a woman is like a street car...

the oceans are full of 'em.

Yeah, but not like Blanche.

Not like Blanche.

You see, I miss Blanche like you'd miss Edith.

Eh, the trouble with women is

you never know what they're thinkin' or what they're gonna do.

Yeah.

♪ What a wonderful day ♪

♪ For you and me ♪

♪ Church bells will chime ♪

♪ You will be mine ♪

♪ In apple blossom time ♪

You know something?

I am having a wonderful time.

Me, too. Here's a cute one.

♪ Mares eat oats and does eat oats ♪

♪ And little lambs eat ivy ♪

♪ A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? ♪

You know, I have a confession to make.

I never know what the song means.

Neither do I.

Listen, listen. Listen, listen.

This one is for you.

[SINGING IN GERMAN]

Oh!

[SINGING IN GERMAN]

Oh!

I feel like I'm at The Lawrence Welk Show.

That's beautiful. What does it mean?

It means...

"I kiss your hand, madame,

and dream it would be more."

Ahh.

Ohhhh.

Ohhhhh...

You have such beautiful hands.

Oh, here's a nice song.

No, no, please.

No more music. Let's just talk.

Oh, all right.

You know, all the times you have been coming into the--into the shop,

I was hoping for a time like this

where we could be alone together.

Oh, you shouldn't talk like that, Mr. Klemmer.

"Al," liebchen.

Al-lebe-shen.

You don't--you don't know,

you don't know what I feel for you.

- Oh, no! - Edit...th.

Please, no!

Mr. Lebe-shen-- I mean, Mr. Klemmer.

Uh, I-I ain't interested in nothing like that.

But this morning, you said I had a chance.

Oh, but not with me.

I meant somebody else out there.

Oh!

I better give you back your standing rib roast.

No, no, no, no.

That's for you to keep.

I-I am so sorry, I--

I am deeply embarrassed.

Oh, me too.

Oh, my.

I'm sorry, dear Mr. Klemmer.

Why? Why are you sorry, for what?

For being so dumb.

I should have known. Pork chops, 89 cents a pound.

Hi, Edith, I'm home.

Archie!

Ooh! For me?

Why, certainly they're for you.

You didn't think I'd bring them in for him, did you?

Oh, they're beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

I'll put them in water.

How about coffee, Edith?

Coffee would kill them.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, wonder how late it's getting to be

for anybody who's gotta go home.

Quarter to ten!

I made some fresh coffee.

It'll be ready in a minute.

I'm sorry, I can't stay.

I had a wonderful time.

Good-bye, Mrs. Bunker.

Good-bye, Mr. Klemmer.

Well, good night, Mr. Bunker.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, like they say, uh, "alveedazoom."

You know...

you have a wonderful wife.

Yeah.

Well, you really didn't have to tell me that.

Well, now that I got to know you there, Klemmer,

when I'm passing your butcher store there,

I'll give you a wave hello, you know,

and you can wave back to me,

only don't wave with the cleaver in your hand, you know?

Well... [GERMAN]

Eh?

Be happy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks very much. Yeah.

I-I'll do that, yeah.

Thank you for the beautiful flowers.

Oh, hey, Edith, you deserve them, huh?

Hey...

it's funny about some of them Germans, huh?

I mean, they're jolly and friendly and all of that, but...

they just can't tell the difference between, uh...

what belongs to them and what belongs to the next guy.

Archie, are you jealous?

Oh, no, Edith! Why would I be jealous?

You're just being nice to a lonely guy there.

Nah, you know me, Edith.

Jeez.

So what was you doing here tonight, huh?

Oh, just...

we sat around and sang.

Yeah, sitting on a piano bench, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

I played and we sang songs.

He sang me a song in German.

What'd he sing you, a march?

It was...

♪ Da da, da da da da ♪

♪ Madame ♪

♪ Da da da ♪

Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember that old thing.

Yeah, it went, um...

♪ In dreams I kiss your hand ♪

♪ Madame ♪

♪ Your dainty fingertips ♪

♪ And when in slumberland ♪

♪ Madame ♪

♪ I'm longing for your lips ♪

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, oh.

Well, what are you thinking about there, Edith?

[SIGHS]

I was thinking about...

where I'm gonna buy my meat now.

All in the Family was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0