All language subtitles for All In the Family s07e18 Mike Goes Skiing.eng

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

Fellas! I got it!

I got it, I got it
I got it!

Well, don't bring it
into my office.

You want to get rid of it,
take it to the clinic.

I am talking
about a fabulous weekend

at my uncle's ski lodge
at Lake Placid,

stocked with food,
booze, ski equipment,

and all expenses paid.
Any takers?

[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]

I hear they got ten inches
of new snow up there.

CHARLIE:
They got it.

Okay, okay.
Here's the plan.

We leave tomorrow morning,
5:00 A.M. sharp.

CHARLIE:
Why can't we leave tonight?

Oh, wait a minute.
Tomorrow?

It's got to be this weekend?
I can't make it this weekend.

What's wrong
with this weekend?

I promised Gloria to take her

to Sheila Tishman's
engagement party Saturday night.

Who's Sheila Tishman?

She's a friend of Gloria's.
She gets married a lot.

Can't Gloria go
without you?

Oh, you guys.
You don't understand.

Leo, Frank,
you're not married.

Charlie, you--
you have an arrangement with Monica.

Uh, with Betty.

What happened to Monica?

Betty has
a better arrangement.

Look, all I know is
Gloria's counting on this

and I just hate
to disappoint her.

Aw, come on.
I bet all you gotta do is just ask her.

Ha! Listen to him.
"Just ask her."

Said with all the depth
and understanding of a bachelor.

I can't just ask Gloria
to let me go.

ALL: Why not?!

Because. Because
if she says "no,"

I'll get angry at her,
we'll have a big fight.

If she says "yes,"
she really means "no,"

and then she'll get angry,
and we'll have a big fight.

FRANK: To have an opportunity
like this and not be able to go.

CHARLIE: That's why
I never got married.

Hey, no traps
for me, baby.

Yeah, me neither.
I like my freedom too much.

Nobody's going to stick me
with a ball and chain.

LEO: All right, all right.
We can take somebody else.

What--
How about Louie Pesci?

He's more fun
than Stivic anyway.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait just a second.

Do not count me out
as of yet.

Why? I thought
you couldn't go.

How are you gonna
swing it?

Don't worry. Don't worry.
I will swing it.

I need this vacation.

I need the fresh air.
I need the exercise.

Are you gonna tell that
to Gloria?

No. Gloria's going
to tell that to me.

Edith!

Hey, Edith!

What are you doing
over here anyway at this time of the night?

Edith. Edith!
Are you up there?

Will you keep it down?
I'm upstairs.

Aw, come on. Look at the time.
The time. The time.

Where's the dinner, huh?

Shh. Joey's asleep.

See, I'm cooking dinner here.
It's for Gloria.

While she goes out shopping,
I'm babysitting for her.

I don't wanna eat dinner
over here with them.

The baby sitting
in a high chair flinging potatoes,

and the Meathead eating
the shots off his own shirt.

You ain't gonna eat
over here.

Hiya, Ma.

Oh. Shh.
You'll wake up Joey.

Oh. Hiya, Popsydoodle.

What the hell is
"Popsydoodle" anyway?

Oh, Ma. Wait till
you see the new dress

I got for Sheila Tishman's
engagement party.

Ooh! I can
hardly wait.

You gotta wait!
Come on home there and make me some food, yeah?

Daddy, sit down
and watch the show.

Don't shove
your father.

Sit!

How's Joey?

Oh, he's sleepin'
like a little angel.

He's got his little face
right down on the mattress,

and his little behind
is smilin' up at ya!

Oh, Archie! Stop it!

Little Joey
has the cutest behind in the whole world!

I thought you said I had
the cutest little behind in the whole world.

Come on, will ya?
The passing of time.

Every cute little behind
has gotta move over for the next cute little behind.

Even Miss America's
cute little behind.

She gets that from your
Uncle Clyde, you know that?

Well, what do you think?

Oh, Gloria!

It was expensive,
but I wanna show those girls

that marriage hasn't turned me
into a frumpy housewife.

Oh, it's gonna show
a lot more than that!

It's gonna show your bra!

Oh, I'm not gonna wear
a bra with this dress.

Wait a minute there.

With all that vacancy
and no bra,

so what's gonna be
coverin' up the...?

[SIGHS]

Daddy, I'm not going
to the party topless.

That's worse than topless!

Gonna show all the way
from your cleavage down to your navalage there.

Navalage? What does that mean?

Not to mention your health.
You could get a terrible cold

in the chest, both sides--
double pneumonia.

[SIGHS]

EDITH: Ooh!

ARCHIE: Whoever that is,
I don't want to see nobody.

GLORIA: It's my house.

Michael! Honey.

Is he loaded?

Did you get
mugged again?

Honey, you won't
believe it.

Walking just two blocks
from the subway,

I got so pooped,
I didn't have the strength to reach for my keys.

Aw, sweetheart.
Are you sick?

No, I'm okay.

[SIGHS]

Mike, you sound
terrible.

I do?

Yeah, I-I am
terrible, Ma.

I think I'll just
lie down here on the couch for a while.

[YAWNS]

Sounds like feedin' time
at the zoo.

Oh, maybe it's your stomach.

Yeah, I bet he had one
of them recycled hotdogs off an umbrella guy.

No, no, no, no.
That's not it.

Well, listen. People
that go around eating anything anytime

are bound to
poison themselves sooner or later.

Well, maybe you're
just run-down.

Yeah, that's it, Ma.
I'm run-down.

Run-down. You wanna
see him run up?

Give him a shot of castor oil
and then get out of his way.

Come on, Edith.
Come on. Let's go home.

Well, I hope you
feel better, Mike.

Gloria, thanks for
letting me cook in here.

Come on, will you?

Oh! Archie, stop that!

Michael?

Michael, honey.

Oh. Did I doze off again?

Gee, I must
be exhausted. Whew!

Did something
happen to you today?

You promise
you won't laugh?

I'm not gonna laugh.
Tell me.

You know Seymour Larson?

Fat Seymour Larson,
yeah.

You're gonna laugh.

I'm not gonna laugh.

He beat me in a race.

[LAUGHS]

Fat Seymour Larson
beat you?

Yeah. Thanks
for not laughing.

[LAUGHING]
I can't believe it.

Fat Seymour Larson
beat you?

Fat Seymour, yeah.

Boing!

Boing!

I'm sorry, honey.
Boy, are you out of condition.

Yeah?

Ah. You know what
your problem is, don't you?

What?

You don't get
enough exercise.

You know,
I never thought of that.

But when do I get
a chance to exercise?

I mean, when I'm in school,
I'm sitting behind that desk all day.

Then when I come home,
I just sit down here and grade papers.

Well, what do the other guys
do for exercise?

Ski.

Uh, they do other things, too,
besides skiing,

but mostly, they do skiing.

As a matter of fact,
Leo, Frank, and Charlie were planning

a big ski weekend
up in Lake Placid just for the exercise.

That sounds great.
Why don't you go on a weekend like that?

Well, nah.
That'd be selfish of me. You don't ski.

Well, so what?
That doesn't mean that you can't go, honey.

I'd feel funny.

Oh, honey.
That's ridiculous.

It would be good for you
to go skiing with your friends.

Do you really think so?

I insist that you go.

Well, if you insist.

You think
I should call Leo now or put it off for a week?

The sooner the better.
There's the phone.

Maybe you're right.

Honey, you know,
you're the greatest.

Ha ha. Yeah, I know.

I'm startin' to
feel healthy already.

Oh, I'm glad.

I love you.
I love you, too.

Uh, hello, Leo.

No, no. That kiss
wasn't for you.

Oh, you want one?
All right. Mwah.

Listen, uh, Leo.

This doll of a wife of mine
saw the condition that I was in

and she insisted
that I go skiing.

Isn't that right,
honey? Yeah. I insist.

You hear that?
She insists.

And listen, Leo.
I don't think we should leave tomorrow morning.

No, I don't want
to wake Gloria.

Let's do what Charlie said.
We'll leave tonight, huh?

Tonight?!

You hear that, Leo?
She insists tonight.

Yeah. So why don't you
round up all the guys

and then just honk the horn
and I'll come right out, okay?

Yeah. Good-bye.

Thank you, honey.
Thank you, thank you--

Michael, Michael,
is that ski weekend this weekend?

Yeah.

Well, you didn't tell me
that it was this weekend.

Is that important?

Yes! This weekend
is Sheila Tishman's engagement party.

Oh, how--
Honey, I'm sorry.

How could I
forget that?

That's just
terrible of me.

Look at this.
Your best friend's engagement party,

and here I am, thinking
about going skiing.

Honey, will you ever
forgive me?

It's all right, Michael.
There's nothing to forgive.

Oh, thank you.

And tell Sheila for me
I'm sorry I missed the party, okay?

Missed it?!

But Michael, you have
known about this party for over a month now.

I even bought a dress
for it today.

Then why'd you tell me
to call Leo to go skiing?

I didn't tell you
to call Leo.

Well, I didn't want to go.
You talked me into it.

I did not!

I don't know how you
worked this thing out,

but it isn't gonna work.

Gloria, what is
more important,

the boring
engagement party or my health?

You're gonna call Leo
back right now

and tell him
you're not going skiing.

I can't do that!
He's already rounding up the guys.

Well, fine then.
You can tell him when he gets here,

'cause if you don't,
I will.

Oh, honey,
you can't--

I am not going to stand there
in front of my friends

while my mommy tells them
that I can't go out and play.

Why can't you go to
Sheila's party without me?

I wouldn't feel comfortable.

Michael, our marriage
is the only one in our group that's lasted,

and if I walk in to that party
without you,

people are gonna think
we're having trouble.

We are having trouble!

Huh?

Gloria, look at us.

Look, we used to be
two individual human beings.

Remember our
marriage ceremony?

The part
about having two trees

not growing
in each other's shadows.

Well, look
what's happened to us.

We've become one big tree
with root rot.

Gloria, every single thing
we do, we do together.

Don't you like
doing things with me?

Of course I like
doing things with you, darling.

It's just that it's unhealthy
for two people to be so dependent on each other.

Oh. So now I'm a sicko
because I want to go to a party with my husband.

You're not a sicko.

It's just that you're
afraid to go any place without your husband.

I'm not afraid to go.

Then go! Go!

Assert yourself!
Get out in the world, Gloria.

Open a new window.

Life's a ball.

If only you'd know it.

And it's all
just waiting for you.

You're alive,
so come on and show it.

You've got a lot
of living to do.

You do need a vacation.

You win, Michael.
You win.

You go skiing, and
I won't go to the party.

I'll just stay home here
all by myself.

Oh, come on, honey.

If you're gonna
be that way, I won't go skiing.

No. Go, go!

I want you to go.

Okay, you talked me
into it again.

EDITH: Gloria!

Yeah.

I stopped by Cybil's,
and she says you can use her fur jacket.

Thanks, Ma.

Oh, Gloria!

Oh, my.
Ain't that beautiful?

Oh, ain't that lov--

Oh, my. I'm glad your father
ain't here to see you in it.

Ah, I don't think
I'm gonna go.

Maybe I'm making a big thing
out of nothing,

but I feel weird
going out alone.

Oh, Gloria, you don't
have to worry about that.

All your friends
are gonna be there.

Yeah, two by two.

And Sheila is
expectin' you.

But, Ma, I'm not
in a party mood.

I think I'm gonna call
and cancel the cab.

Why don't you
stay home with me

and we'll
watch TV together?

Oh, I can't, Gloria.
I'm expected at the Sunshine Home.

I gotta help Mrs. Bradley
play bingo.

She doesn't need your help
to play bingo.

Oh, yeah, she does.
She broke her hearing aid,

and she can't hear 'em
calling out the numbers.

But look at you.
Your hair is all fixed.

You look gorgeous.
You got a lovely dress on.

You look
like a movie star.

Yeah? Who?

Doris Day.

Only without
the freckles.

Oh, all right, Ma.

Well, I'll suffer
through it somehow.

While Rock Hudson,
the ski bum,

is out there with
the seven-year itch.

Rock Hudson has a rash?

No, Ma. Michael.

And I'm sure that there's
some little snow bunny up there

who'll be real glad
to scratch it for him,

if you catch my drift.

Oh, no, you--

[GASPS]
Oh, oh.

Oh, no.
[STAMMERS]

Oh, no. You mean Mike?
Oh, never.

Well, I'm just not happy
with him going away like this.

Gloria, it's very good
for two people who love each other very much

to get away from each other
once in a while.

Well, all right.
I understand,

but what if they made plans
to do something together?

Like did Daddy ever break
an important date with you?

Yeah. Once.

And didn't that
make you mad?

No. We just got married
the week later.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Okay.
Your babysitter's here.

I can't wait to take a look
at that blond bombshell.

[GASPS]

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

English! What does
it mean in English?

Nice.

Ay, petito Gloria.

Can I borrow that
sometime?

Oh, Teresa, do you think
you'd be able to fill it out in front?

Well, if I'm
in a bad mood, no.

But if I'm
in a good mood...

yes.

[LAUGHING]
Oh.

I never thought
of that.

[SIGHS]
Maybe I should let you borrow it tonight.

You'd probably have
more fun in it than I will.

Oh, Teresa,
she don't wanna go.

How can you not want
to go to that party

in this
"hello, sailor" dress?

You're going to make
all the men crazy.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Oh, there's your cab.
Come on, Gloria.

You always say
that Sheila Tishman gives the best parties

every time
she gets engaged.

Yeah, but Michael
won't be there.

That's why you're gonna
have a good time.

When the mouse is away,
the pussycat should play.

[HORN HONKS]

I can just hear
what everybody's gonna say to me.

"Gloria, where's
your husband?"

And I don't know
what I'm gonna tell 'em.

With that dress,
nobody's gonna be looking for your husband.

Bye! Hurry, chica.

And keep your coat
buttoned up in front.

Look, Ma, this coat--

Oh, good-bye! Bye!

Come on, lady!
I don't got all night! I got other fares!

[HORN HONKS]

[MURMURS]
Gloria.

Aah!
Aah!

[SHOUTING]

What the hell
are you doing, you crazy idiot?

Teresa! It's me,
it's Mike!

I wasn't trying to rape you.
I thought you were Gloria.

Mike, what's
the matter with you?

What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be sliding down a mountain.

Well, what are you doing
sleeping on the couch?

I'm babysitting!
Where's Gloria?

At a party!
She's still at the party?

Yes.
Still?

Yes!
Sheesh!

It's 2:00 in the morning.

Sheila's party's
lasting longer than most of her marriages.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, thanks again.

It was really sweet of you
to go out of your way

and drive me home
like that, Pete.

Pete?

My pleasure. Listen,
when can I see you again?

I don't know, Pete.
Maybe at Sheila's next engagement party.

Pete.

PETE: Well, look,
if you can't come...

GLORIA: Yeah?

Send the dress.

GLORIA:
Oh, you sly dog.

Don't worry.
I don't think she likes him.

She called him
a dog.

Good night.

Thank you.
Thank you, Pete.

Why is it
all the great chicks are married?

Uh, good night, Pete.

Now, you drive home safe.

Night-night.
Good night.

Don't let
the bedbugs bite!

Aah!

Oh, oh!

Michael! Oh!

You scared me to death!

Oh! [GRUNTS]

Ow!

What are you doing here?!

Who's Pete?

I didn't expect you home
till tomorrow night.

Who is Pete?!

Oh! What's the matter?
Didn't you have a good time?

No. I had
a miserable time,

and that's why
I came home early,

and who is Pete?

Oh, he's a friend
of Sheila's.

You know him,
Pete Gavaris.

Pete Gavaris?!

You mean that Greek guy
with all the hair on his chest?

Yes.

You mean
he drove you home

while you were
wearing that dress

and he was wearing
all that hair on his chest?!

Well, would you rather
that he wore the dress

and I had the hair
on my chest?

That's not funny!

What were you doing
until 2:00 in the morning?

If I may be so bold
as to inquire.

You don't have
to think about it! Give me an answer!

I was just doing
what you told me to do,

having fun,
asserting myself.

Asserting yourself
until 2:00 in the morning?!

Michael, shh.
You'll wake up Joey.

He's my kid! I can
wake him if I want!

Get up!

I don't believe it.
I just made myself dizzy.

Look at me.
My fingers are frostbit.

My feet are numb.

I cut my weekend short.
I ride home six hours on a smelly bus.

The guy in front
of me snored.

The guy behind me was
breathing onions all over me.

And all the way home,
the lady next to me was going like this.

[SNORTING]

And for what?!

I come home, and my wife
is with some Greek guy with a lot of hair,

doing God knows what!

You're the one who told me
to go to the party!

Well, now I can see
how much you trust me.

Trust you?! Trust you?

You want me to trust you?

Driving home with a man
that's got a bumper sticker on his car

that says,
"Honk if you want it"?!

That's what you
want me to trust?!

What time did you
leave the party?!

I resent
this interrogation.

You don't see me
giving you the third degree about your weekend.

I told you.
I had a miserable time.

Well, I'm sorry
you had a miserable time. Get out of my way.

But that doesn't mean
that I had to have a miserable time, too.

Huh?! Oh, then you
weren't miserable!

That means you had
a good time!

Yes! What's wrong
with that?

I don't know!

Give me a minute.
I'll think of something.

Michael, all I did
was exactly what you told me to do.

You remember that,
don't you?

Gloria, you've got
to open a new window!

Life's a ball!
You've got a lot of livin' to do!

Well, I went out
and I lived it up! I had a great time!

Why didn't you
have a great time?

I don't know.

Maybe I was feeling guilty
for having tricked you into this.

All I know was
that everybody up at the ski lodge

was laughing and drinking
and having a good time.

I just--I just couldn't
get with it.

I felt uncomfortable
without you there.

Well, I'm sorry.

You should have followed
your own advice.

I did.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

I had a good time
at the party...

but I wish you could
have been there.

Yeah.

Oh, honey.

Honey.

You had fun
with Pete, huh?

Oh, you know Pete.
He's always the life of the party.

Yeah.

Did he try anything?

Well, to be
perfectly honest--

He did?

Well, I stopped him.

How?

Well, every time
he started anything, I just went--

[SNORTING]

[LAUGHS]

I got you! I got you!

♪

All in the Family
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