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1
00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:04,436
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,772
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,809
♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,311
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,714
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
6
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:19,884
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
7
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:25,089
♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:28,226
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
9
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,329
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
10
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:35,634
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪
11
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:41,239
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:45,511 --> 00:00:48,045
[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA]
13
00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:02,994
You know how I hate this.
14
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:13,772
We're probably the only
two people in the whole world
15
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:18,610
screwy enough to be takin' a bus
to Woodbine, New Jersey.
16
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,712
Oh, Archie.
It's just for the weekend.
17
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:24,916
And just think,
it's Aunt Iola's 90th birthday.
18
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:29,754
Iola don't bother me.
She just sits there and burps.
19
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,558
But the rest of your family,
they talk.
20
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:38,797
Oh, Archie, be nice.
This may be our last chance to see Aunt Iola.
21
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:42,133
Oh, come on.
She's gonna live forever.
22
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:46,838
That bourbon breath of hers,
the angel of death is scared to get close to her.
23
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,274
Oh, excuse me.
24
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,544
I told you
I wasn't interested.
25
00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:01,419
Be careful how you
look at men, will ya?
26
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,422
Hey, buddy, we'd like
a couple of round-trippers
27
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:07,092
on the ten o'clock bus
to Woodbine, New Jersey.
28
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,993
You're going to Woodbine?
29
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:09,995
Yeah.
30
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,998
We got condemned relatives
over there.
31
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,733
Two tickets,
ten o'clock to Woodbine.
32
00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:17,468
That's $9.11.
33
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,969
Give me the money,
Archie.
34
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:21,473
Your relations, Edith,
your money.
35
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,940
Oh, okay.
36
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,977
Will the ten o'clock bus
be on time?
37
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,247
Oh, yes. But "on time"
for the ten o'clock bus
38
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:30,681
is 10:30.
39
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,717
All the busses to Jersey
40
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,686
is always
a half hour late.
41
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:38,022
Even the drivers
don't want to go over there.
42
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,225
Come on, let's sit down.
43
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:42,960
We only got half an hour
to kill.
44
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:46,931
Oh! There's--there's a scale.
I'm gonna weigh myself.
45
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,566
Ah...
46
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:51,536
Got a half an hour to kill.
47
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:55,140
A half hour here
could kill us.
48
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,510
Oh, my!
49
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,279
What do you weigh?
50
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:05,150
Four hundred twenty-seven
pounds!
51
00:03:06,885 --> 00:03:10,755
You're always
blowin' good money on things like scales.
52
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,757
Wait a minute.
I got a fortune.
53
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,560
Archie, listen to this.
54
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:20,298
You are going to take a trip.
55
00:03:22,968 --> 00:03:24,469
Big deal, Edith.
56
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,671
Every scale in a bus station
57
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,374
says you're going
to take a trip.
58
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:34,379
But how does the scale
know it's in a bus station.
59
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:41,552
Because it sees the passengers
coming and going.
60
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,553
Sit down here!
61
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,557
Rest your brain.
62
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,393
Don't be walkin' around.
You don't know who the hell is around here.
63
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:52,129
Oh, Jeez. Get a load
of this back here.
64
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,632
Oh. I guess
they're in love.
65
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,768
I'm sure they're
in love, Edith.
66
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,837
Ain't that sweet,
Archie?
67
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,439
Sweet?
A couple of guys?
68
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:06,243
Oh!
69
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:28,132
Somethin' wrong, buddy?
70
00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:36,207
No, I don't see nothin' wrong.
71
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,943
[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA]
72
00:04:47,486 --> 00:04:50,154
Archie, that man
has our bag!
73
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:52,156
I know that, Edith.
I know that.
74
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,658
I know that.
I know that.
75
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,327
Well...?
76
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,261
Don't do nothin'.
Don't do nothin'.
77
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:58,763
Don't do nothin', Edith.
78
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,866
Mister, excuse me,
but you got our bag.
79
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,468
I ain't got nothi''
of yours, lady.
80
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,671
Yeah, you do.
See, it looks just like yours.
81
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,372
Lady, would you
just sit down.
82
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:11,309
No. See, ours has got
an Atlantic City.
83
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,611
See, it's on there.
Here.
84
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,379
It's yours. There.
85
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,882
Thanks. Have
a nice trip.
86
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:20,384
Thank you. Bye!
87
00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:26,057
There we are!
88
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,559
What's the matter,
Archie?
89
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,029
I'll never get over it,
Edith?
90
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,397
What?
91
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,333
How you manage
to live so long.
92
00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:40,839
I hope I turned the gas off.
93
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,440
You turned the gas off.
94
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,808
Did you turn out
all the lights?
95
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,710
I turned out all the lights.
96
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,712
I hope I didn't leave
the faucet dripping--
97
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,115
You didn't leave
no faucet dripping in the sink.
98
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,148
Did you put the garbage out--
99
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,551
I put the garbage can out.
100
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,121
Aw, jeez...
101
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,355
You didn't put it out
in front.
102
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,856
Don't bark at me, huh?
103
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,024
Why didn't ya?
104
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,192
I don't know.
105
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,095
I was afraid somebody
would steal it, Edith.
106
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,597
Leave me alone.
107
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,600
Well, I guess Teresa
will look after things.
108
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:12,370
Sure she'll look after it.
She's home there all weekend.
109
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,839
What the hell else
has she got to do?
110
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,106
♪ Da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
111
00:06:16,108 --> 00:06:17,942
I still don't have it right.
112
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,445
Show me the thing again.
Ooh, that hurts!
113
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,447
Hey! Hey, Mike!
114
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:25,282
Mike, I love the music,
but I got a problem.
115
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,051
I can't move
like the girls do.
116
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,921
Don't worry about it.
If you can move like the girls,
117
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,288
you have other problems.
118
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,790
No, Brian's a good pupil.
119
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:36,093
Thanks. Hey,
I got an apple for the teacher.
120
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,195
BOTH: Aw...
121
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,963
It's our one-month anniversary.
122
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,431
Yeah, and what a month.
123
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,399
Do you know it was one week
124
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,902
before this little lady
let me hold her hand?
125
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,271
Two weeks before
I could hug her?
126
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,574
Three weeks
before I could kiss her?
127
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:53,278
Hang in there.
Maybe you'll get lucky by Easter.
128
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,846
I made some
delicious dessert.
129
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,248
It's called flan.
130
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,484
Flan! She makes
the greatest flan in the world!
131
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,686
It's probably fattening!
Come on, let's try it.
132
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,354
Look at the time!
133
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,822
I'm sorry, Teresa,
134
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:07,925
but we've got to get home
and relieve the babysitter.
135
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,227
Ah, honey, no flan?
136
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,661
Take it home
with you.
137
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,529
Take it home
with us, yeah.
138
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:14,698
Give me an extra one
for Joey.
139
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,169
Honey, Joey
can't eat this. It's too rich!
140
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,772
All right.
I'll have his.
141
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,573
You two have a good time.
142
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:24,809
You got the whole house
to yourselves tonight.
143
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,410
Archie and Edith
are in New Jersey.
144
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,279
If you want, you've got
the whole weekend.
145
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,447
I can imagine what
Mr. Bunkers would say
146
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,184
if he found me alone
in his house with a man.
147
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:36,187
You're right. Daddy would
never leave me alone here with Michael.
148
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,190
Yeah. We were married
at the time.
149
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,691
If we stopped talking,
150
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:43,127
he'd bang his shoe
on our bedroom wall.
151
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,730
To this day every time I hear
tap dancing , I get hot.
152
00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:55,706
After the flan, honey,
after the flan.
153
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,341
Bye, guys.
Have a good time!
154
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,277
Thanks a lot.
Great night. Thanks.
155
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,344
Good night.
156
00:08:03,715 --> 00:08:05,649
Well...
157
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:14,425
PA: ...is now arrivingat platform 7.
158
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,194
I'm thirsty.
159
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:22,499
Archie. Archie,
I want a drink.
160
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:26,738
"I want a drink!"
You sound just like a kid.
161
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,039
Jeez...
162
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,474
You ain't never supposed
to take nothin' to drink
163
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,544
before you take
a bus trip, Edith.
164
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,112
That bouncin' around.
You know what that does to ya.
165
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,114
Them bus drivers,
they never stop a bus
166
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,216
unless their own bladder's
burstin'.
167
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,818
Come to think of it,
168
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,354
while we're waiting here, you
better go to the ladies' room
169
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,056
and take care of everything now.
170
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,759
I don't have to now.
171
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:51,528
Give it the ol' college try.
Put the pressure on, huh, Edith?
172
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,399
Well, all right.
You watch the bags.
173
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,934
What else I gotta do?
174
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:59,203
PA: Attention, passengers...
175
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:03,274
[MUFFLED SCHEDULE
INSTRUCTIONS]
176
00:09:05,577 --> 00:09:07,378
I didn't hear that there,
sweetheart.
177
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,713
Give me that again, huh?
178
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:12,249
[RECITES SCHEDULE INFORMATION
IN SPANISH]
179
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:21,392
Thanks very much there,
Chiquita banana.
180
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,829
Hey, mister,
they just called your bus.
181
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,497
Was that my bus?
They just called that?
182
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,533
Oh, I don't believe
it's in the thing.
183
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,367
Hey, Edith? Edith?
184
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,036
Hey, Edith, in there!
185
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,070
Edith?
186
00:09:34,272 --> 00:09:35,773
Uh...
187
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,509
Hey, come on out of there,
sweetheart--Holy jeez!
188
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,777
Pervert!
189
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,582
Hey, listen...
190
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,084
Hey, listen, buddy.
You gotta do me a favor, see?
191
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,185
What's your problem?
192
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,854
I don't know how
I'm gonna get my wife
193
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,957
out of the can in there,
and the bus is gonna leave.
194
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,026
Don't rush your wife.
There's plenty of time.
195
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,060
Oh, there is?
196
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,962
Sure. Your bus is gone.
197
00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:04,068
Here I am!
I'm all ready!
198
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:07,171
Ah, terrific, Edith.
You done swell.
199
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,406
Oh, no. I just fixed my hair.
200
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:14,545
While you was in there, Edith--
No, just a minute now.
201
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,615
You got a darling way
with bad news. You tell her.
202
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,050
You missed your bus.
203
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,885
You like that?
Oh, no.
204
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,054
Oh, Archie, I'm sorry!
205
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,022
I think I'm delighted, Edith.
206
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,124
Well, when is
the next bus?
207
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,559
That's the last one tonight.
208
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,061
I know I'm delighted now.
209
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:32,663
Come on, come on.
210
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:37,001
I give this mission of mercy
every chance it deserves. Let's go home.
211
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,103
Oh, but my family,
they're going to be so mad.
212
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:42,606
They won't never speak
to us again.
213
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:51,382
If I'd have knew this,
I'd have missed the bus six years ago.
214
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:55,453
And poor Aunt Iola,
90 years old.
215
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,287
What'll she think?
216
00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:59,290
Edith, you call her up
in a couple of days.
217
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,993
You tell her you was
at the party, you had a wonderful time.
218
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,996
She'll never know
the difference. Let's get outta here!
219
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:30,188
So what's on your mind?
220
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:35,893
The same thing
that's on your mind.
221
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,995
Unless you've
changed your mind.
222
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:47,338
What's the matter?
Still thinking about Mr. Bunker?
223
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,906
But he's in New Jersey.
224
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,909
Oh, no, wherever he is,
he is watching us.
225
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:55,012
He's gone for the weekend.
226
00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,284
All right.
227
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,287
I'll come over early
tomorrow morning.
228
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,056
Yeah, let's go out.
We'll go to the museum.
229
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,192
I wanna go to the
Museum of Modern Art.
230
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,827
They have a new
photographic essay.
231
00:12:10,829 --> 00:12:17,201
We'll see Lartigue,
Steichen, Stiglitz...
232
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:19,136
Oh, don't bring your friends.
233
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:27,311
Teresa?
234
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:32,449
Mr. Bunker can't see us
235
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:35,385
all the way from New Jersey.
236
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:56,740
Well, Archie...
237
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,375
Well, what?
238
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,644
We're home.
239
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:04,381
Nothin' escapes your notice,
huh, Edith?
240
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:12,089
I can't wait
until we're upstairs.
241
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:21,465
Or we could go out
to the kitchen
242
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,867
and get something
to eat first.
243
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:25,436
Are ya hungry?
Certainly, I'm hungry.
244
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,439
I'm always hungry
after a long bus trip.
245
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,375
Wh-where you goin'?
Aren't you gonna go out and eat there with me?
246
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:34,011
No. I'm gonna see
if Teresa is home.
247
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,780
She ain't home, Edith.
248
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,782
Ah, look at the time.
It's early.
249
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,917
She's probably still
out on that date
250
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,919
with that jerk
with the mustache.
251
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:47,024
Archie, Brian Schlemmer
is a very nice young man.
252
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,358
He's so polite.
253
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,161
Don't get me wrong. I think
he likes girls all right,
254
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,998
but he don't know
what the hell to do with 'em.
255
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,869
I think he's in love
with Teresa.
256
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:01,138
Oh, "He's in love..."
Come on!
257
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,940
Oh, no, Archie.
258
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:07,410
She'll feel better if
she knows she ain't alone.
259
00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:08,912
Why?
260
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:11,749
Because she'll hear us
making noise down here,
261
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,451
and she'll get scared,
thinkin' we're burglars.
262
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:18,188
Oh, no! Them people
can sleep through anything, Edith.
263
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:21,925
Ain't you never been
in a Puerto Rican neighborhood?
264
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:26,296
They got bongos, sireens,
and gunfire
265
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:29,232
right around the clock.
266
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:30,768
Tell you what I'll do.
267
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,804
In honor of Iola's birthday,
I'll make you eggs tonight.
268
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:34,972
How do you want 'em?
269
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:38,009
Oh, Archie, that's so nice.
270
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,843
Sunny-side up.
271
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:43,347
Well, if I don't
break the middle. Scrambled if I do.
272
00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:47,151
Maybe Teresa'll have some!
273
00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:53,324
Are you in bed?
274
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,694
No. I'm waitin'for you, sweetheart.
275
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:12,576
[HUMMING]
276
00:15:20,451 --> 00:15:21,451
[DOOR CLOSES]
277
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:43,841
Hey, Edith!
278
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,524
What the hell are you doin',
the Peabody?
279
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,126
[FORCED LAUGH]
280
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,064
Teresa up there in her room?
281
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,899
No, no.
282
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,968
She ain't in her room.
283
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,237
Was that you slammin' doors?
284
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,839
No, no.
285
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:19,476
Well, close some
windows up there. The draft is doin' that!
286
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,645
Yeah, right away, Archie.
287
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:26,450
[YELLING]
I'm comin' up to close the windows!
288
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:30,353
Mrs. Bunkers,
I am so embarrassed!
289
00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:31,522
Me, too.
290
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,024
Oh, I thought
you were in New Jersey.
291
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,626
Oh, I wish I was.
292
00:16:36,994 --> 00:16:39,062
I wish I were in San Juan.
293
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:41,698
I didn't expect anything
like this to happen.
294
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,435
I just planned to
spend a very quiet evening.
295
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,403
Oh...
296
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:48,271
Then after dinner,
the four of us--
297
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:52,409
The four of you?!
Where are the others?!
298
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:55,011
No, no.
It was Mike and Gloria.
299
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,513
And then they went home.
300
00:16:56,515 --> 00:17:00,317
And I don't want to
cause you any trouble, Mrs. Bunkers.
301
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,585
You know that.
302
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,587
Oh, Teresa, yeah, I know.
303
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,423
You're a good girl.
304
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,958
But you understand.
You were young.
305
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:12,228
Oh, yeah, but only
for a little while.
306
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:14,732
But you must've felt
like this--
307
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,601
all alone in a house
with a very handsome man.
308
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:21,305
And the hot blood
pounding in your veins.
309
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,873
What did you do?
310
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,709
Nothin'.
311
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,578
Nothing?
312
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:31,848
Well, I took piano lessons.
313
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:34,485
Y-you know Brian?
314
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,153
Yeah, we said
hello before.
315
00:17:37,155 --> 00:17:38,822
I'm truly sorry,
Mrs. Bunker.
316
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,824
Please don't blame Teresa.
It's all my fault.
317
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,860
I can't stay away from her.
I love her.
318
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:43,960
Oh, that's nice.
319
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,328
And I love him.
320
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:48,899
Well, do you love him enough
to get married?
321
00:17:50,101 --> 00:17:51,768
Do we have to?
322
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:57,107
You see, I think Archie
would say this was all right
323
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,343
if you was engaged.
324
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,045
Why?
325
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:04,882
I don't know.
He said it was all right when we was engaged.
326
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,958
Then what did you do?
327
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:22,332
I played Glow Worm on the piano.
328
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:25,335
ARCHIE:
Everything's readybut the toast.
329
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,370
The toaster won'tcook the toast!
330
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,840
Is it plugged in?
331
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:36,479
Oh, plugged in! Jeez!I'll plug it in!
332
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,816
Listen, Teresa.
I know you got a right
333
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:42,285
to live your life
the way you wanna live it,
334
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,322
but you can't live it
the way you want to
335
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,725
here in this house
with Archie.
336
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:51,061
I mean, I don't even do that.
337
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:54,431
ARCHIE: Oh! I got a shock!A shock...
338
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:58,201
Oh! That's why
it wasn't plugged in!
339
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,170
I'll be right down!
340
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:04,041
Now, Teresa, I'll try to
keep Archie in the kitchen.
341
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:07,244
And Brian,
you better get ready and get outta here fast!
342
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:10,247
I'm going.
Thank you, Mrs. Bunker!
343
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:13,884
Edith, my finger feels like
it's burnin' off here!
344
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:14,885
Gee whiz!
345
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,019
Oh, that's too bad.
346
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,721
[BLOWS HARD]
347
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:20,524
Go in the kitchen,
and we'll put butter on it!
348
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,593
Butter? I gotta
stay away from cholesterol!
349
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,495
I'll go up there
to the bathroom
350
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,698
and get some
of that burn salve and put it on.
351
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,899
No, no! No, Archie.
352
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,001
You used up
all that burn salve.
353
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,236
I don't remember that.
354
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:35,105
Oh, yeah.
You thought it was for your hair.
355
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,440
Ah, jeez!
Come on.
356
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:39,209
We'll go in the kitchen
and put butter on it.
357
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,712
I don't want no butter on it.
We'll use margarine.
358
00:19:43,214 --> 00:19:44,314
Listen, listen.
359
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,849
I was just
thinking there, Edith.
360
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,218
How do we get back
the money comin' to us
361
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,787
from those tickets
we didn't use?
362
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,288
Oh, that's easy, Archie.
363
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:55,458
I'll go down to the bus depot
tomorrow and turn them in.
364
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:56,693
Where are they?
365
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,361
Where are they?
You got 'em.
366
00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,797
No, I ain't.
367
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,033
Edith, you took the money
out of your purse in the station.
368
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,769
You paid for the tickets,
and put them back in your purse.
369
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,771
No, but you took 'em
away from me.
370
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:10,174
I didn't not!
Why would you think I done that?
371
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,441
You always do that.
372
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:13,977
You say I can't be
trusted with nothin'.
373
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,846
This proves it,
don't it?!
374
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,348
Come on with me
out to that living room!
375
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,716
I don't wanna go in there!
376
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:20,918
Come with me!
377
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,353
I want you to look
right in that coat pocket,
378
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,022
both of them there
379
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,424
and show, prove
that it ain't there.
380
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,893
No, they ain't there.
So where are they then?
381
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,095
Look in your pocket.
382
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,896
They ain't there
in this pocket here--
383
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,765
Oh, jeez.
Did ya find 'em?
384
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:39,770
No, but I got a pocket
full of margarine!
385
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,271
They ain't in my purse.
386
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:44,141
When you took your keys out
to open the door,
387
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,443
maybe you dropped 'em
on the porch, huh?
388
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:50,214
I'm gonna look on the porch.
Look in the pockets of your coat, huh?
389
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,148
All right, I will.
390
00:20:54,585 --> 00:20:55,585
No!
391
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:56,987
Oh!
392
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,989
ARCHIE: They ain'ton the porch, Edith.
393
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,657
They ain't here
on the porch.
394
00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:03,259
Did you look
in the pockets of your coat there?
395
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,260
No.
396
00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:06,229
Do I have to
do that for you?
397
00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:07,731
No, No. I'll look.
398
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,900
You didn't look
in your bag enough, Edith.
399
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,068
Oh, thank you!
400
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,070
There's all kinds
of stuff in there.
401
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,571
Archie, look!
402
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,074
You got 'em.
I told you they were there.
403
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,242
Give me them tickets.
You'll lose 'em again.
404
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:22,245
Come on out to the kitchen.
Take care of the toast and eggs.
405
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:24,347
I got something else I gotta do.
What are you gonna do?
406
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,350
I gotta put the garbage can
out front.
407
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:29,353
Oh, no! No!
Don't put the can out now!
408
00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:33,357
I don't wanna wake up early
in the morning and do it!
409
00:21:48,406 --> 00:21:49,573
[GARBAGE CAN CLANGS]
410
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:51,408
Good night!
411
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:54,578
ARCHIE: Hey, Barney!Your dog is killin'my lawn again!
412
00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:58,949
Ah, jeez,
look at this.
413
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,686
Now why would you wanna be doi''
a thing like this on the porch
414
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:06,357
with all of
the neighbors givin' you the Orphan Annies, huh?
415
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:11,227
I mean, ain't you
got a little class to go with that mustache?
416
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:13,330
A nice fella brings a girl home,
417
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:16,099
he takes her in the house
to kiss her good night.
418
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:17,334
Now do that.
419
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,369
No, no, no more kissing.
No more!
420
00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:21,338
You don't want no more kissing?
421
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,374
I don't want no more, neither.
422
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,313
Well, you I ain't surprised at.
423
00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:31,981
I-I gotta
go home now, sir.
424
00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:33,817
Thank you. Good night.
Yeah, go ahead there.
425
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:34,818
Good night, Teresa.
Good night.
426
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,687
Good night, Mrs. Bunker.
Good night.
427
00:22:39,557 --> 00:22:41,224
He's very bashful,
ain't he?
428
00:22:41,226 --> 00:22:42,726
Yeah!
429
00:22:44,094 --> 00:22:45,762
What's his
last name again?
430
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:46,763
Schlemmer.
431
00:22:46,765 --> 00:22:48,865
Oh, a German. Oh.
432
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,500
Well, he ain't
gonna do nothin'
433
00:22:50,502 --> 00:22:53,403
till you give him orders,
you know?
434
00:22:53,405 --> 00:22:56,105
Do you want me
to say somethin' to him?
435
00:22:56,107 --> 00:22:59,042
No! No, I like him
just the way he is.
436
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:00,711
Well, it's your romance.
437
00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:04,915
Good night.
Thank you.
438
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:07,384
Oh, good night, Teresa.
439
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,652
Thank you.
Good night.
440
00:23:12,223 --> 00:23:14,357
Boy, that girl
almost had me fooled.
441
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,359
I just found out
something about her.
442
00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:17,694
What, Archie?
443
00:23:17,696 --> 00:23:19,629
She's really very shy.
444
00:23:19,631 --> 00:23:20,963
Oh...
445
00:23:23,334 --> 00:23:25,134
I mean, after all,
look at that--
446
00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:27,304
an old-fashioned kiss
good night on the porch.
447
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,306
Now, think about this
a minute, Edith.
448
00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:32,041
For all they knew,
we was in Jersey for the whole weekend.
449
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:34,277
They could of did
anything they wanted here.
450
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:37,280
They could've--
they could've went wild here, wild, couldn't they?
451
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:40,217
Oh, yeah.
452
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:44,822
Oh, but you
wouldn't have liked that.
453
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:48,959
Oh...I would've had to
blow my top, there, Edith.
454
00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,228
[CHUCKLING]
455
00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:52,996
But honest to God, Edith,
456
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:56,566
ain't they the couple of dopes?
Ha ha! Ha ha!
457
00:24:24,095 --> 00:24:27,698
♪
458
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:29,666
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
459
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,735
before a live audience.
460
00:24:31,785 --> 00:24:36,335
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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