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1
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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,672
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,842
♪ Guys like us,
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,311
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,982
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
6
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:20,185
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,220
BOTH:
♪ Mister, we could use a man ♪
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:25,823
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again ♪
9
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:28,593
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
10
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,529
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
11
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:35,733
BOTH: ♪ Gee, our old
LaSalle ran great ♪
12
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:40,938
♪ Those were the days ♪
13
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,311
[HUMMING]
14
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:50,315
Joey's in the playpen,
sleeping like a baby.
15
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,916
That's what he is.
16
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:52,950
Oh.
17
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:54,986
Yeah.
[GIGGLES]
18
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,555
Mmm, boy, is Michael
going to be surprised!
19
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,890
A Polish dinner just like
his mother used to make.
20
00:00:59,892 --> 00:01:02,494
Well, it ain't every day
my son-in-law
21
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:07,232
write an article that's gonna
be published in a magazine.
22
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,634
Yeah, it's like having
a celebrity in the family.
23
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,102
Yeah!
24
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:15,039
The only person in my family
that ever got in the papers
25
00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:17,008
was my cousin Fred.
26
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,211
He got his picture in
Sunshine and Health.
27
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,183
Isn't Sunshine and Health
a nudist magazine?
28
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,751
Yeah.
29
00:01:28,587 --> 00:01:31,189
Did you get to see
cousin Fred naked?
30
00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:36,294
No. Just his head
and his feet.
31
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:39,297
The rest of him
was behind a cow.
32
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:42,700
Oh, Ma, look at the time!
33
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:46,737
Oh, my goodness,
I got to get upstairs and change for dinner.
34
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,039
Me too.
35
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,608
Turn the gas down
on the whatchmacallit.
36
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,478
Ma, it's kapusta
viaprovina.
37
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,479
Ka--
Oh, my goodness.
38
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:57,014
I don't know why
they make Polish jokes.
39
00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,916
Them people
ought to get a medal
40
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,218
just for speaking
their own language.
41
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,920
See you later, Ma.
42
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,189
Yeah.
43
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:07,792
Oh, there's my little Joey!
44
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,762
Welcome! Come on!
45
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,664
Oh, now, you be a good boy,
46
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:16,134
'cause Grandma's
gonna go upstairs
47
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,403
and get dressed
just for a little while.
48
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:19,637
[KISSES]
Mmm-mmm.
49
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,541
Now, you be a good boy.
I'll be right back.
50
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,977
Keep on truckin'!
[GIGGLES]
51
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,646
♪ Who's my little whosit? ♪
52
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,849
♪ Who's my turtle dove? ♪
53
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:41,826
Oh, look who's over our house!
54
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,695
Little Joey.
55
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,029
Heh heh heh.
56
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,298
All by his lonesome
there, huh?
57
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,467
Hey, Edith, I'm home!
58
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:51,869
What, they leave you
here all alone?
59
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,738
Well, you just
come on over here
60
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,740
and sit down
and have a little talk
61
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:58,509
with your poor old
grandpa, huh?
62
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,010
Heh heh, yeah.
63
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:02,513
Oh, I wanna tell you
you're a beautiful kid
64
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,516
even though you ain't
got much hair yet.
65
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:07,017
Yeah.
66
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:11,155
It's almost a shame you gotta
grow up from this age, huh?
67
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,657
Boy,
you 'bout to find out
68
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,992
what a rotten world
this is.
69
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,362
Hope you never
have a day like I had today.
70
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,465
Work 30 years of faithful
service for the same company,
71
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,400
and what do you get for it?
Thppbbt!
72
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:26,204
Oh, excuse me there,
kiddo.
73
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,674
So, where is everybody, huh?
74
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,475
Where'd your grandma go?
75
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,310
[TOILET FLUSHES]
76
00:03:43,322 --> 00:03:44,789
Hey, Edith, come on down.
77
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,292
I gotta tell ya something.
78
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:49,026
Oh, Archie!
79
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,763
I didn't hear you come in,
on account of I was up in--
80
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,632
Yeah, we know,
Edith, we know.
81
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,700
Look, uh--I'm gonna
put the baby back in here,
82
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,670
and then we gotta sit down,
have a little talk about somethin' important.
83
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:01,439
Oh, well, come on in the
kitchen and talk-- We can't talk in--
84
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,808
'Cause I gotta stir my kapusta.
We can't talk in the kitchen.
85
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:04,809
Get back out here.
86
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,644
Edith--Edith,
come on, will ya?
87
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:09,213
This is important here.
88
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:10,882
What is that smell?
89
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,416
It's dinner!
90
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:17,021
It's like somethin'
run in off the street and died here.
91
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,857
Oh, no,
it's delicious.
92
00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:23,461
I'm makin' it
special for Mike to celebrate,
93
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,997
'cause he's gonna have
his article published.
94
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,032
Come here to Grandma.
95
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,101
That's a boy.
96
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,003
We're gonna
surprise him.
97
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,104
Yeah, well, Edith,
98
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,872
I got a little
surprise for you,
99
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:36,574
and I think we better
sit down-- Uh-oh!
100
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,043
Joey made a boom-boom!
101
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,478
[CHUCKLING]
I got it.
102
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,279
Now, no, no--
you don't have to do that now.
103
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,915
I'll be right back.
Can't you sit down?
104
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,549
Come on.
Oh, come on, Edith.
105
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:48,386
You don't have to rip
the kid's clothes off the minute it happens.
106
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,121
Let him enjoy it.
107
00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:52,557
We'll put him
in his crib,
108
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:53,558
so he can
take his nap.
109
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,559
[PHONE RINGS]
110
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,693
I wanna talk
about it now.
111
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:58,462
Would you get that,
Archie? Now, Edith.
112
00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,531
[RINGS]
113
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:05,937
Hello?
114
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,372
Oh, hi, Gloria.
115
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,641
Yeah, all right.
116
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,842
Yeah, I'll remember.
117
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,844
All right,
you're bringin' the wine.
118
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,178
Joey's fine.
119
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:18,082
His grandma's got him upstairs,
changing his number two.
120
00:05:20,385 --> 00:05:21,986
Yeah, well,
you and your mother
121
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,621
call it "boom-boom"
if you want.
122
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:26,290
I was brought up
on "number two," get me?
123
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,828
What the hell am I talking
about this for, anyway?
124
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,596
With all I got on my mind!
Good-bye!
125
00:05:34,532 --> 00:05:37,301
[SHOUTING]
Hey, Edith! I got canned today!
126
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,369
EDITH:
What?
127
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,873
I was fired!
Fired, fired, fired!
128
00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:47,712
Archie...
129
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,414
Did you say
you got fired?
130
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,283
Yeah, four times.
131
00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:57,088
Oh, Archie,
what happened?
132
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,390
Ah, the company lost
a government contract,
133
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:02,093
so this mornin' they let
a whole slew of us go.
134
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,461
Well, is it
just a layoff?
135
00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:05,963
Well, they call
it a layoff,
136
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,933
I call it
the old heave-ho.
137
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,601
Should've seen
them guys, Edith.
138
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,937
Remember
"Big Moose" Norbank?
139
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,439
Cried big moose tears.
140
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,876
I ain't seen him cry
since the mafia took the Dodgers outta Brooklyn.
141
00:06:20,812 --> 00:06:26,216
Ohh, I wish I hadn't
planned this celebration dinner for Mike tonight.
142
00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,852
Yeah, well--
well, listen, Edith.
143
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,087
Couldn't ya kinda--
what do you call-- postpone it, huh?
144
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,789
Because after what
I been through today--
145
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,591
I mean, I can't stand
watchin' the meathead
146
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:37,028
swoop down on that table
like a plague of cockroaches.
147
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,830
Just let him and her
walk over to Steinway Street
148
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:41,666
and stuff their faces
with chinks.
149
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:44,268
Oh, yeah, sure,
150
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,803
we'll just
postpone it.
151
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:46,804
Yeah, that's good.
152
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,940
I'll tell Gloria
you was fired and--
153
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,775
No, no, no...
she'll understand.
154
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,109
No, no,
don't tell her that!
155
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:53,678
I don't want
nobody to know.
156
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,145
Yeah, but if
we call it off,
157
00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:57,047
they'll know
something's wrong.
158
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:59,283
[STAMMERS]
Yeah, all right, then don't call it off,
159
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,919
but will ya
keep mum about it, huh? Oh, yeah.
160
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,920
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
161
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,188
Ah, there they are.
162
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:07,858
Archie, are you
sure you wanna go though with this?
163
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,261
Well, what the hell
are we gonna do about it now?
164
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,898
Just get the hangin' dog
expression of your face there, Edith, huh?
165
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,367
Let's see one of your
best sunshine-lady smiles.
166
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,269
And don't say nothin'.
167
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,004
Oh.
168
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,439
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
169
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,141
[BUZZES]
Oh...
170
00:07:30,382 --> 00:07:32,817
I love you, Archie.
171
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,085
I love you, too.
Get the door.
172
00:07:38,323 --> 00:07:40,124
Oh, hi, Gloria.
Hi!
173
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,559
Are you ready for this?
Here he is...
174
00:07:42,561 --> 00:07:45,997
Here's the man of the hour,
the toast of the town...
175
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,532
Heeere's Michael!
♪ Da da da da ♪
176
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,834
Thank you,
thank you very much.
177
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,502
Thank you very much.
You're beautiful.
178
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:52,503
Nice to see you.
179
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:53,604
Yeah, hi there,
Meathead.
180
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:54,839
Wait a second,
wait a second.
181
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,240
Stop--stop the music.
[SNIFFS]
182
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:58,509
What is that I smell?
I don't--I don't believe it--
183
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,745
Ma, is that
kapusta viaprovina?
184
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,380
Oh, yeah,
that's right.
185
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,815
Ma, that's
my favorite food!
186
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,816
Oh, ho,
his favorite.
187
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,916
His favorite
is anything
188
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:07,952
that won't hop off
of the plate.
189
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:08,953
That hurt me!
190
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,220
Oh, don't do that.
191
00:08:10,222 --> 00:08:11,622
Daddy,
lay off Michael.
192
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:12,690
He sold
an article.
193
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,091
You should
be complimenting him.
194
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,426
I complimented
him yesterday.
195
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,694
What the hell
more do you want?
196
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,863
You call that
a compliment, Arch?
197
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,631
"Who cares?"
198
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:23,334
I didn't say that.
199
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,936
I said, "Swell. Who cares?"
200
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:27,705
That hurt me!
201
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:30,675
Well, it's
almost ready.
202
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,342
Daddy, how can
you say "who cares"?
203
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:34,278
Don't you know
what all of this means?
204
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,513
Michael is a teacher,
205
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,982
and for teachers,
it's either publish or perish.
206
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,550
Well, now he's
published something,
207
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,051
so that means
he's well on his way
208
00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:43,521
to a lifetime of security.
Oh, a lifetime of security.
209
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,056
I wish they'd give that
to people who really work for a living.
210
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:49,560
Do you see what
she's doin' to me over here?
211
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:53,064
Gloria, don't hit
your father. Not today.
212
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:56,033
Go on, sit down
over there.
213
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,903
It's wonderful, Mike.
Ain't it wonderful?
214
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,806
She's been doin' that
to me since she was three.
215
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,373
It's wonderful.
216
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:04,742
Yeah, I'm all choked up.
217
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:05,777
You should be.
218
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,778
Thppbbt!
219
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,680
Ah, thppbbt!
220
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:11,282
Michael, I got
another surprise for you. Oh, yeah?
221
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,351
You're not the only
writer in the family.
222
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,052
I wrote you a song
to honor you
223
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,721
on this
special occasion.
224
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,423
Ma, here's
a verse for you.
225
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,258
Daddy, I wrote
a verse for you. Aw...
226
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,259
Ma, will you play?
227
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:23,560
Oh, yeah, sure.
228
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:25,096
Michael, go stand
over by the piano.
229
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,263
We're all
gonna sing.
230
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:27,632
What the hell are we here?
231
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,734
The Norman travernackle choir?
232
00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:33,103
Can't we just shake
hands and eat?
233
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,705
Get away from me!
234
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,206
Come on, Ma, play.
235
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,342
All right,
here we go.
236
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:41,479
[PLAYING PIANO]
237
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,181
♪ Happy days are here again ♪
238
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:47,351
♪ For Michael
and his clever pen ♪
239
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:50,921
♪ He can write
till he's 110 ♪
240
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,924
♪ Happy days are here again ♪
241
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,726
I'm so embarrassed.
242
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,696
Go ahead, Ma,
keep goin'.
243
00:10:00,131 --> 00:10:03,434
♪ Michael's a fine
son-in-law ♪
244
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:07,271
♪ He's married to
my Gloria ♪
245
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,673
Oh, ha!
246
00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:11,442
Ain't that funny, Archie?
247
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,611
It's a riot, Edith.
It's a riot, all right.
248
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:19,283
♪ I am proud to be his--
my son's grandma ♪
249
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,319
♪ Happy days
are here again ♪
250
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:23,320
Your verse, Daddy!
251
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,755
Oh, I ain't gonna sing.
252
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:26,723
Now, come on,
let's get this over with.
253
00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:28,358
Oh, come on, Daddy.
Sing the song.
254
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,194
I don't wanna sing.
It's a wacky song.
255
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,496
But, Daddy, I wrote
this song so we could show Michael
256
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:33,964
how much we
love and respect him.
257
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,900
Gloria, don't
make him sing. It's all right.
258
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,735
It doesn't matter.
Yes, it does matter.
259
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:38,736
Ma, I can't stand this.
260
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,204
Daddy, I think
you're just jealous,
261
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,139
because Michael's
had a little bit of success--
262
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,607
Gloria, you don't
have to defend me.
263
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,542
It's really rotten
that on this happy occasion
264
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,078
you can't even
sing a little song.
265
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,880
You're only happy when
you can bully Michael and call him stupid!
266
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:52,216
Gloria, you
don't understand.
267
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,085
No, he's the one who
doesn't understand, Mom.
268
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,153
Michael's finally
doing something with himself,
269
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,922
and he's jealous.
Daddy, you're jealous!
270
00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:01,025
You're jealous!
Gloria! Stifle!
271
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:05,396
Your father
lost his job today.
272
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:09,433
Oh, there goes
the old ball game!
273
00:11:11,636 --> 00:11:14,538
Why did you have
to say anything, huh?
274
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,709
All right,
as long as youse're all standin' here
275
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,844
with your mouths
hangin' open, let's eat.
276
00:11:28,152 --> 00:11:29,119
Ah.
277
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:31,955
[SIGHS]
278
00:11:33,258 --> 00:11:36,560
Daddy,
I'm so sorry.
279
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:38,562
Please forgive me.
I didn't know.
280
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,964
Can I take a sock
at you now?
281
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:42,032
I didn't mean
to hurt you.
282
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,200
Oh, I know
you didn't mean it.
283
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,968
I'm sorry, Arch.
284
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,939
Listen, if there's
anything I can do to help in any way--
285
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,108
No, no, no...
Oh, that's nice, Mike.
286
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,743
See, Archie?
287
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:54,278
[CRYING]
We got each other,
288
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,747
and everything's
gonna be all right.
289
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,216
Oh, jeez, Edith,
don't go breakin' up on me there, will ya?
290
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,984
Certainly everything's
gonna be all right.
291
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:03,120
I just gotta go out
and get another job, that's all.
292
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,923
Listen, I'm a guy
who always has his nose to the brimstone,
293
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,391
you know?
294
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:12,830
It just--it--it--
it's always darkest behind the storm,
295
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,598
you know that.
296
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,066
And in every crowd,
297
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,436
there's always
another horse of a silver lining.
298
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,106
And when the goin'
gets tough, they say,
299
00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:24,474
that's when
the tough get goin'.
300
00:12:24,476 --> 00:12:25,709
And that's me.
Tough, right?
301
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:26,711
[ALL]
Yeah, yeah...
302
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,878
Yeah, right,
all right.
303
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,313
So, what's the problem?
304
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,948
So, what are you
gonna do, Daddy?
305
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,418
Well, that's the problem.
306
00:12:51,703 --> 00:12:54,838
Mira, este essu claims book, eh?
307
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,574
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
308
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,576
Number 24.
309
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,444
24.
310
00:13:04,482 --> 00:13:06,316
Oh, damn.
311
00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:13,156
Heya, buddy,
I busted my pencil
312
00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:14,925
preparin' over
the form here.
313
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:15,993
No hablo ingles.
314
00:13:17,896 --> 00:13:21,199
Well, uh, what I need
is a... pencilito.
315
00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:28,406
Uh, I gotta fillo
up the formo here.
316
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:30,541
No comprendo.
317
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,009
Forgeto.
318
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:34,044
I got a pencil.
Here.
319
00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,613
Oh, thanks very much,
there, lady.
320
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:36,680
Thank you.
321
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,181
[CLEARS THROAT]
Stand next to me,
322
00:13:38,183 --> 00:13:40,985
so I know I'll
get my pencil back.
323
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,923
[SIGHS]
Ah, let's see...
324
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:48,425
Social security
number...
325
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:55,933
129-14-6989.
326
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:59,937
Last name...Bunker.
327
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,307
Archibald.
328
00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:06,276
This is your
first time here, ain't it?
329
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:07,611
Yeah, how'd
you know?
330
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,513
'Cause when you'll get
to be a regular like us,
331
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,815
you'll have all that
memorized.
332
00:14:13,184 --> 00:14:14,918
Well, I ain't gonna
be a regular, lady.
333
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,687
'Cause, uh--
I'm a foreman, you know?
334
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,188
And there's plenty
of jobs around
335
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,456
for a guy
with my know-how.
336
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:23,160
They ain't gonna
give you no job. You too old.
337
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,798
They're gonna give it
to somebody younger.
338
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,502
You should've broke your leg.
Disability pays more.
339
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:34,405
Thanks a lot.
So does death benefits.
340
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:35,606
That's right.
341
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,909
Between disability
and death benefits,
342
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,011
a man like you
could live like a king.
343
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,845
Pfft!
CLERK: 25.
344
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:44,248
Uh, 25 over here.
25 is me.
345
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,349
Archibald.
346
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:46,350
Huh?
347
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,285
Gimme my pencil.
348
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,853
Now, what's the matter
with my face?
349
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:50,854
Do I look dishonest?
350
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:53,157
You all look
the same to me.
351
00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:01,265
25.
352
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,799
Please be--
sit down, please.
353
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,602
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you very much, yeah.
354
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,069
[CLEARS THROAT]
355
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,905
You-you're
Archibald Bunker?
356
00:15:08,907 --> 00:15:10,007
Like it says there.
357
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,143
And, uh--
and you're 40 years old?
358
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,011
[LAUGHS]
359
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,347
Like it says there.
360
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,216
Well--well,
Mr. Bunker, I'm 39.
361
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,986
So? In another year,
you'll look like this here.
362
00:15:24,989 --> 00:15:27,123
[LAUGHS]
363
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,692
Oh, I hope not.
364
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,063
So, you, uh--
you last worked on a loading dock, hmm?
365
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,632
Well, I'm a foreman,
I don't work.
366
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,800
Oh.
[LAUGHS]
367
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:36,967
A foreman!
368
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,469
I had five men
under me.
369
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,338
Three of them
white guys.
370
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:43,240
Do you have any other work
or part-time jobs?
371
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,443
Oh, well, I go hackin'
a couple of nights a week
372
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,844
for a guy who
owns a private cab.
373
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,346
Mm-hmm,
and how much do you make?
374
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,213
Oh, not much.
375
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:52,883
Munson, the owner,
he takes a third.
376
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,585
Then there's another
third that's split
377
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,286
between the government
and the muggers.
378
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,088
[LAUGHS]
379
00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,757
And then I get my fifth.
380
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,760
Fifth, huh?
Which is how much?
381
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,763
Well, if I'm lucky,
$20-30 a night.
382
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,698
All right,
that's $60 a week.
383
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,266
You know that this
will be subtracted
384
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:10,935
from your
unemployment check.
385
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,937
Well, how much
is the check?
386
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,439
Maximum is $95 a week.
387
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,107
What the hell's the use
of my hackin'?
388
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,576
I might as well quit that.
389
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,144
Oh, no, no, Mr. Bunker,
if you quit,
390
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,345
you might not be eligible
for unemployment benefits.
391
00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:24,281
Oh, jeez.
392
00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:26,950
No matter which way
you turn,
393
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:29,720
you get it right between
where the sun don't shine.
394
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,890
[LAUGHS]
395
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,992
Jeez, I'm goin' over
big here.
396
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,897
Hey, uh, you know,
I been accumuratin'
397
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,899
this here insurance
about 30 years.
398
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,233
Unemployment, see?
399
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:45,736
Now, I'm unemployed,
so, uh, pay me somethin'.
400
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,571
Or better still,
get me a job.
401
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:50,240
'Cause I'll take any job
that I would consider
402
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:53,110
"comenstrual"
with my skills.
403
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:56,914
Well, Mr. Bunker, there is
an unemployment problem in this country.
404
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,249
Oh, look who's telling me
about the unemployment--
405
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,084
I see the unemployment
on the streets,
406
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:03,086
and I know who they are.
407
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,089
You got your winos
who can't get up off of the ground.
408
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:10,427
You got your hopheads
who can't get back down on the ground.
409
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,262
You got your hookers
put out of work
410
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:14,364
by the regular girls
giving it away for nothing.
411
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:22,540
You got your ex-politicians
who was finked on by the hookers.
412
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:32,549
And then you got
your usual, general,
413
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,219
run-a-day dreamers,
dummies and slobs.
414
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,387
I ain't one of them.
415
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,556
All my life, I go to work
every morning, see?
416
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,758
So, where do I go to work
tomorrow morning?
417
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:45,362
Well, Mr. Bunker, we--
we don't have any place for you to go tomorrow morning.
418
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,231
But just follow
the instructions carefully,
419
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,233
and report back here
one week from today,
420
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,569
at 9:20 A.M. to line "E."
421
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,737
Number 26.
422
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,406
Well, is that where
I pick up my check?
423
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,908
Oh, no, you won't get
your first check for about four weeks.
424
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,411
Meanwhile, we have to
inform your employer
425
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,745
that you have
filed a claim.
426
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,246
Well, wait a--
what do you mean?
427
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,283
E-excuse me, missus,
just another minute here with this guy.
428
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,251
Did you hear what he's
just saying to me here?
429
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:11,588
He's gonna spend
public money, our tax dollars,
430
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:15,526
to notify the guy
that fired me that I'm outta work.
431
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,129
Mr. Bunker, I don't
write the rules here.
432
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,265
Oh, the rules are written
by the bureaucraps.
433
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,100
We know that.
434
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,102
That's this whole gang
downtown!
435
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,439
And they better not
come uptown!
436
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,441
Hey, lemme tell you
something!
437
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,942
The only reason
you're working
438
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,777
is 'cause we ain't!
439
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,112
But we're citizens, too!
440
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,281
We vote in every
election, don't we?
441
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,216
Since I come up North.
442
00:18:40,785 --> 00:18:42,453
We pay taxes, don't we?
443
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,955
Once in a while,
you know.
444
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,625
When it comes to patriotism,
buddy, at the ballpark,
445
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,293
when Old Glory
runs up the pole,
446
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,928
I'm the first guy on his feet
with his hand over his heart,
447
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,598
and I'm one of the few guys
that knows every word of
448
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,233
The Star-Spangled Banner!
You?!
449
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:59,469
Star-Spangled Banner?
♪ Oh say can you see ♪
450
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,239
♪ By the dawn's every night ♪
451
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:04,975
♪ What so loudly we-- ♪
452
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,077
Mr. Bunker, I know what
you're going through!
453
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,747
Sure you know, 'cause you're
putting me through it!
454
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:13,917
I can't help it,
I'm just following the system.
455
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,986
Well, I follow
the system, too!
456
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:19,489
But answer me this--
if the system can make a job for you,
457
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,426
how come the system
can't make a job for us?
458
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,794
I have tried to explain
that in--
459
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,996
Oh, forget it, buddy!
Forget it, forget it.
460
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,665
You're right, missus,
I should've busted my leg!
461
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,433
Let me outta here! Jeez!
462
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:32,770
Hey, wake up
from your fiestas, all of youse,
463
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:33,871
run out and bust a leg!
464
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:49,887
Jeez.
465
00:19:51,122 --> 00:19:53,891
"Dishwashers are needed."
466
00:19:56,961 --> 00:19:59,729
Sure they are.
Who the hell wants that job?
467
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:12,476
Oh, Archie, are you still
readin' the want ads?
468
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,912
Edith, get a load
of this one over here.
469
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,146
Here it is.
470
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,648
"Attention ex-servicemen.
471
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:22,319
"Earn up to $25,000 a year,
no experience necessary.
472
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:25,922
All expenses paid
to Uganda."
473
00:20:28,659 --> 00:20:31,594
You ain't gonna take it,
are you?
474
00:20:31,596 --> 00:20:33,096
No, what do you think
I'm gonna do?
475
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:36,199
Drag the whole family
down to Mexico?
476
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:43,440
You want me to get you
some warm milk?
477
00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:48,112
Or hold you in my arms
and tell you a story?
478
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,446
Oh, that'd be lovely, Edith,
479
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:50,948
and after that,
you can diaper me.
480
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,118
What is this,
what is this, huh? Aw...
481
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,621
I ain't your little
grandson Joey here.
482
00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:02,459
You don't have to be afraid
of needing comfort and love.
483
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,461
Everybody needs them.
484
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:06,964
And that don't
make you a baby.
485
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,900
It makes you
more of a man.
486
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:15,305
Thank you, Dear Abby.
487
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:19,176
You're welcome,
Dear Archie.
488
00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:23,981
All right, Edith.
All right.
489
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:26,483
Edith, Edith, Edith.
490
00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:29,820
You know, it's been a long,
kinda nervous day.
491
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,421
You know what I mean?
492
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:36,927
So what do you say we just,
uh--I'll put the paper down,
493
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:40,530
and then you just go over
there--way over there.
494
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,268
We'll just
go sleepy-bye, huh?
495
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:50,941
But remember,
whatever happens, I love you.
496
00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:53,610
I love you, Edith.
497
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,278
Truly!
498
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,047
Thank you, thank you.
499
00:22:04,122 --> 00:22:08,959
♪ I love you truly ♪
500
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:12,963
♪ Truly, dear ♪
501
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:16,633
♪ Life with its sorrows ♪
502
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:20,303
♪ Life with its tear ♪
503
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:23,473
♪ Fades like a dream ♪
504
00:22:23,475 --> 00:22:28,478
♪ When I know
you are near ♪
505
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:32,750
♪ For I love you truly ♪
506
00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:34,918
♪ Truly ♪
507
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,921
Hey! [SHUSHES]
508
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,589
Edith, come on,
darling, listen,
509
00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:40,924
I know you're singing,
510
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:42,425
and you know you're singing,
511
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,862
but the neighbors
are liable to think I'm torturing you.
512
00:22:47,431 --> 00:22:51,268
Oh, you could never
do that, Arch.
513
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,303
Yeah, I know that, Edith.
514
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,683
Uh...
515
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,652
Uh, Edith, uh...
516
00:23:09,788 --> 00:23:13,456
To tell you
the truth, Edith,
517
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:16,459
I ain't myself, you know.
518
00:23:16,461 --> 00:23:18,962
Well, what I mean is--
519
00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:23,000
Let's not start something
that I can't finish.
520
00:23:27,471 --> 00:23:28,638
Okay, Edith?
521
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,073
Okay?
522
00:24:19,089 --> 00:24:21,758
♪
523
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,960
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
524
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:26,396
before a live audience.
525
00:24:26,446 --> 00:24:30,996
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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