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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:04,402 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 2 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:07,739 ♪ Songs that made the hit parade ♪ 3 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:10,775 ♪ Guys like us we had it made ♪ 4 00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,277 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 5 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:16,714 ♪ And you knew where you were then ♪ 6 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:20,252 ♪ Girls were girls and men were men ♪ 7 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:25,357 ♪ Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again ♪ 8 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,560 ♪ Didn't need no welfare state ♪ 9 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,296 ♪ Everybody pulled his weight ♪ 10 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:35,600 ♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great ♪ 11 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:40,272 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 12 00:00:45,077 --> 00:00:46,978 Hey, you wouldn't believe 13 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,113 what them two dummies was talkin' about over here. 14 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,649 What? 15 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,251 Well, they were sayin' that because you and me kid around a lot, 16 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,287 and you take good care of me when I come in here, 17 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,790 that you and me-- well, you know. 18 00:00:58,792 --> 00:00:59,791 What? 19 00:01:01,126 --> 00:01:02,660 Well, no--no, I ain't got the time. 20 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:03,695 Well, uh-- 21 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,265 In case you ever have the time... 22 00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,403 Here's my number. 23 00:01:18,644 --> 00:01:20,445 - Excuse me. - Oops. 24 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,153 [DOORBELL RINGS] 25 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,621 Who the hell is that? 26 00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,857 Uh--uh--who-- uh, who is it? 27 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,259 MAN: The beer from Kelsey's. 28 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,061 - Oh! - Kelsey's--my God. 29 00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:39,264 Oh, come on in. I'll get you the money. 30 00:01:58,684 --> 00:02:01,652 Ah, good evenin', Mr. Bunker. 31 00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:08,193 Uh, good evenin'. Nice evenin', huh? 32 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:12,030 Yeah, but it looks like it's nicer for you than for me. 33 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,965 Whaddya mean by that? 34 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,901 Well, I'm workin'. I don't know what you're doing. 35 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:22,807 Listen, kid, come here. 36 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,476 I wanna talk to ya. What's your name again? 37 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,412 My name is Carlos. 38 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,516 I don't want to read about this here event 39 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,352 on the walls of Kelsey's toilet. 40 00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:40,458 Not even in Spanish, capice? 41 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:44,362 Sure, sure, I understand, Mr. Bunker. 42 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:47,532 Big deal. Who cares? I don't care. 43 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:52,236 Nobody cares no more-- why should you? 44 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,806 Listen, have yourself a ball! 45 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,074 Know what I mean? 46 00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:05,783 Here's the-- 47 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,119 Oh, where'd he go? He didn't wait. 48 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,254 Uh--well, uh-- 49 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,456 he took off 'cause I paid him, uh--Denise. 50 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,124 - Oh, well, I-- - Uh, listen, listen-- 51 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,627 I hope you ain't gonna mind...this, 52 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,429 but, uh... 53 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,765 I think I'd better go home. 54 00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:25,270 Well, I'm sorry, Archie. 55 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,371 No, no, no, don't be sorry. 56 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,005 You ain't got nothin' to be sorry about. 57 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,007 You didn't drag me over here. 58 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:34,646 I got this certain surge to come over, you know? 59 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,848 And now I got a surge to get outta here, so... 60 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:41,386 I'm sorry you gotta leave, Ar-Ar-Archie. 61 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,490 Did I do something wrong? 62 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,325 No, no. No, you didn't do nothing wrong. 63 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,527 Maybe me, but not you. 64 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,196 So, uh... 65 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:54,632 Well, I'll, um... I'll see you tomorrow? 66 00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:59,604 Well, I'll tell ya, I don't think that you and me 67 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,207 oughta see each other no more. 68 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:05,410 Not even at the coffee shop? 69 00:04:06,945 --> 00:04:08,579 I think that from now on 70 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,616 we oughta be like that old saying... 71 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:15,086 two sheeps that passed in the night. 72 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:30,601 To show you just how good a ventriloquist I really am, 73 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,437 I'm gonna drink that glass of water 74 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,005 while she sings a song. 75 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:36,708 Ready? Go! 76 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,944 ♪ I had a halfback at California ♪ 77 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,947 ♪ I had a quarterback at Yale as well ♪ 78 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,382 [GURGLES] 79 00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:48,720 ♪ I corresponded with an end and center ♪ 80 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,456 ♪ And the center at Cornell ♪ 81 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:55,393 - Pfft! - Oh, honey, I'm sorry. 82 00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,695 - That's all right. That's okay. - I'm sorry, sweetheart. 83 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,564 - [DOORBELL RINGS] - Oh, somebody's at the door. 84 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,332 Come on in! It's open! 85 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,968 [IMITATES MAE WEST] Oh, why don't you come in and see me sometime? 86 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,570 What did you say? 87 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,905 Hi, there, big mama. Do you believe in the hereafter? 88 00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,207 Oh, yeah. 89 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,441 Then what are ya here after? 90 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,076 Oh! [GIGGLES] 91 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,778 Oh, my. 92 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,614 You look just like Betty Grable. 93 00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:23,388 What are you doin'? 94 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,322 I was doin' Mae West. 95 00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:26,423 Oh. 96 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:29,727 Then why are you dressed like Betty Grable? 97 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:33,064 Ma, we're rehearsing for the faculty frolics. 98 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,165 I'm the ventriloquist-- 99 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,466 Yeah, and I'm the dummy. 100 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,001 Which reminds me-- where's Archie? 101 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:37,935 Oh. 102 00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:42,474 I'd hoped you knew. He ain't home. 103 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,476 I don't know where he is. 104 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,576 Well, I know where he isn't. 105 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,344 He's not at the philharmonic, 106 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:50,381 the opera, or a B'nai B'rith meeting. 107 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,116 Ma, he's probably at Kelsey's. 108 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,085 Oh, yeah. Well, don't let me interrupt you. 109 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,320 You go right on bein' Betty Grable. 110 00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,790 - Mae West, Mae West. - Oh, Mae West. 111 00:05:58,792 --> 00:05:59,991 Oh, can I watch? 112 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,358 I could be the audience. 113 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,227 Oh, sure, Ma. Go on, sit down over there. 114 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,196 Oh, thank you. [GIGGLES] 115 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,799 I love a good show. 116 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:08,933 Okay. Are you ready? 117 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:09,934 Mm-hmm. 118 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,769 I had a date the other night 119 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,037 with a gorgeous redhead. 120 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,738 Oh! What did you do? 121 00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,674 Well, I wined her, and I dined her, 122 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,542 and then she invited me up to her apartment. 123 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,543 Did you go? 124 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,312 Absolutely not. 125 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,880 And you call me the dummy. 126 00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:31,789 Ma, that--that was it. That was the joke. 127 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,925 Oh, ha ha ha ha ha! 128 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,760 Oh, that's good. It's very good. 129 00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,897 No, it's the pits. It's the pits. 130 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,634 Oh, no, Gloria, you can do anything. 131 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,936 You remember when you was a little girl, 132 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:48,606 we thought you was the next Shirley Temple. 133 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,608 You could sing and dance. 134 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:54,345 Why, I remember when you was three years old, 135 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,615 we put your hair in curls like Shirley, 136 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,651 and I took you to a party, 137 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:03,821 and you got up and sang "On The Good Ship Lollipop." 138 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:07,725 Oh, you were so adorable... 139 00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:10,128 until you got a little seasick, 140 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:13,364 and you threw up all over your father. 141 00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:17,401 Would you mind if I went up 142 00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:19,370 and took a little look at Joey? 143 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,272 - Oh, no, not at all, Ma. - Oh, no, Ma, go. 144 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,141 I wonder if Archie's at Kelsey's. 145 00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,610 Why, are you worried about him? 146 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,045 Oh no, but when I left the house, 147 00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,614 he was a little upset. 148 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,983 I had to run over to the Sunshine Home, 149 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,852 and he didn't like that very much. 150 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,987 Oh, well, I'll call Kelsey's and see if he's there. 151 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,821 Oh, no, no, don't do that. 152 00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:40,724 If you call, he'll think I'm checkin' up on him. 153 00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:42,726 I'll call. 154 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:45,162 Ma, what's the difference who calls? 155 00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:47,398 You see, if Gloria calls, 156 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,033 he'll know I'm nervous, 157 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,768 'cause he'll know I had her call 158 00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,269 so it won't look like I'm nervous. 159 00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:55,106 But if I call, he'll know I wanna find out where he is, 160 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,774 and that's why I call. 161 00:08:01,813 --> 00:08:02,914 I'm gettin' worried. 162 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,349 Why? 163 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,617 Ma's startin' to make sense to me. 164 00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,121 Oh, Mr. Kelsey? 165 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:14,292 Oh, hello, Harry. This is Edith Bunker. 166 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,193 Oh, hi! 167 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,895 No, he ain't here. 168 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,963 Oh, that's all right. Don't mention it. 169 00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,064 Good-bye. 170 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,467 Who ain't here now? Me? 171 00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:24,602 No. 172 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,437 Archie's old lady, checkin' up on him. 173 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,273 Anyway, Harry, look-- I'll admit that Dempsey had a great punch, 174 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,208 but this Muhammad Ali's a great showman. 175 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,544 I'd like to tell him his poetry stinks. 176 00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:34,645 Yeah? 177 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,381 And I'd like to be there when you tell him. 178 00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:38,749 Oh, hey, Arch! Lucky you came in. 179 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:39,984 No--no--no time for stories. 180 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,052 Harry, gimme some change. 181 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,453 I gotta use the phone right away. 182 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,455 - Aw, use this one. - Oh, jeez, thanks a lot, Harry. 183 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,057 - Yeah, but Arch, Listen-- - No, No, no-- 184 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,892 Please don't-- Lemme make this call, will ya? 185 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,327 This is a very important call here. 186 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,896 Please, you guys, just dummy up there. 187 00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,631 - Yeah, but Arch-- - Till I get through, huh? 188 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,166 Shh. 189 00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:58,502 [PHONE RINGS] 190 00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:02,506 [RINGS] 191 00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:04,842 Hello? 192 00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:07,111 Oh, hi there, Meathead. Thank God it's you. 193 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,213 Now, listen, don't say nothin' to Gloria about this. 194 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,049 Don't say nothin' to nobody. And don't think nothin' about it yourself. 195 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,451 I'll tell you all about it later on. 196 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:14,452 I want you to do me a favor. 197 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,021 Yeah, sure, what's the matter? 198 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,190 Now, step outside of the house and cross the alley. 199 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,426 Run around my house, peak in the windows, and see if Edith is there. 200 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,661 I don't have to do that, Arch. 201 00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:26,664 What do you mean, you don't have to do that? 202 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,365 You wouldn't do a favor for me? 203 00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,734 After all I done for you? 204 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,969 Arch, I don't have to do that because Ma's here. 205 00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:32,970 She's upstairs. 206 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,371 You want me to call her down? 207 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,908 Oh, jeez! No, no, no, no! 208 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,076 That's exactly what I don't want you to do. 209 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,844 Do not call her down. 210 00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:43,314 Um... 211 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,917 Well, I--I don't think I could do that. 212 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:52,089 Uh, I mean, that's one of the things that I could not do at this moment. 213 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,228 What the hell are you talkin' about? 214 00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,431 Hi, Ma! 215 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,133 Oh, hi... 216 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:06,337 Oh, I think I get it. She's in the room with ya, huh? 217 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:12,409 Hey, hey--listen. Now, listen--uh-- uh, was she askin' for me? 218 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:13,777 That's right. 219 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,913 It was a nice day today. 220 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,781 But why are you calling at this hour 221 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,183 to talk about my plumbing? 222 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,085 Oh, I--I get it. 223 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,620 I get it. Okay, I get it. Very good. 224 00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:25,789 Now, don't spill anything there, now. 225 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:29,526 Now--now keep-- keep that shifty look outta your eyes-- 226 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:30,995 the way you get when you're guilty 227 00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,863 about something there, will ya? 228 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,102 'Cause I could almost believe you got it on now. 229 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:39,870 And that silly grin, you know, 230 00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:42,739 when you're tryin' to lie about somethin'. 231 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,944 Just be cool there, will ya? 232 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,946 Don't tell her you was talkin' to me. 233 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,615 And try to keep her there as long as you can. 234 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,050 You understand me? Huh? 235 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,452 Say somethin', will ya? 236 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:58,189 Uh--um, yes-- sorry, Madam, 237 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,124 um--but, uh-- 238 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:03,327 What do you mean "Madam"? You're supposed to be talkin' to a plumber! 239 00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:07,598 Uh--yeah-- I think it's great that you women 240 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,400 are finally getting a chance 241 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,936 to make it into the plumbing business. 242 00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:15,006 Uh--uh-- good-bye, there. 243 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,073 Hold--hold--hold it. 244 00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,409 Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! 245 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,544 What the hell am I sayin' "hold it" to him for? 246 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,147 That Polack can only hold a knife and fork. 247 00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:26,350 Arch--Arch, I been tryin' to tell you. 248 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,819 Your wife called five minutes ago. 249 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,488 What do you mean, tryin' to tell me? 250 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,688 Why didn't you tell me? 251 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,923 You wouldn't let me. 252 00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:33,991 What did she want? 253 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,659 You. 254 00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:36,660 What'd you tell her? 255 00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:37,861 I told her you weren't here. 256 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,463 Why did you tell her that? 257 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,299 'Cause you weren't here! 258 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,367 Let me think let me think. 259 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,837 Uh-- did she believe ya? 260 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,473 Arch, wives believe me when I tell 'em lies for you guys-- 261 00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,643 why wouldn't they believe me when I tell 'em the truth? 262 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,379 Aw, jeez, I--I-- 263 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,880 I'm in trouble. Gimme a drink. 264 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,449 One beer, comin' up. 265 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,218 Oh, no, no, I need somethin' stronger than one beer. 266 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,787 How 'bout two beers? 267 00:12:04,122 --> 00:12:05,689 Don't be a wise guy. 268 00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:09,093 Gimme a little Fleischmann's smooth over the ice there. 269 00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,563 You told her I wasn't here, Harry, huh? 270 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,564 Yeah. 271 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,533 Well, how did you tell her? 272 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,202 I said, "Mrs. Bunker, he ain't here." 273 00:12:19,504 --> 00:12:21,172 Then I'm in a jam. 274 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,372 What do you mean, Arch? 275 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:25,209 If Edith knows I wasn't here tonight, 276 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,743 then where was I? 277 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,979 What's the trouble, Arch? 278 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,815 Yeah, what's the matter, Arch? 279 00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:33,017 What was you up to tonight? 280 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,919 Foley, never mind that. 281 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,754 What was you up to tonight? 282 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,989 Well, I had a date with a dame, 283 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:40,758 she stood me up, so I took in a flick. 284 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,327 What picture did you see? 285 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,896 I seen a double feature. Hey, two scorchers, eh? 286 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:49,433 "Eight In A Waterbed" and "Pinnocchio Meets the Happy Hooker." 287 00:12:54,105 --> 00:12:56,106 And, uh... 288 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:59,142 I don't know, after that I just stopped off for a pizza and I wound up here. Why? 289 00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:02,547 I don't like what you done tonight. 290 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:05,349 You done somethin' else. 291 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,218 You went bowlin'. 292 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,219 I did? 293 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:11,755 That's right. With me. 294 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,891 Okay, I went bowlin' with you. 295 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,359 Do you hear that, Harry, huh? 296 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,428 - Yeah, Arch. - Well, give it back to me. 297 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,996 Joe went bowlin' with you. 298 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,798 That's right. 299 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,967 And if Joe went bowlin' with me, it follies naturally 300 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,170 that I went bowlin' with him. 301 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,138 Huh? All right. 302 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,342 Now, you're gonna back me up on this, see? 303 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,178 Lord, I'm gonna go to church the rest of my life 304 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,747 if you leave me get away with a few lies tonight. 305 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,116 Oh, sheesh. 306 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:42,185 Hey, uh, one of them lies got lipstick on the handkerchief. 307 00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:43,854 Huh? 308 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,155 Uh--uh, that ain't lipstick. 309 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,225 Uh--I had a little nosebleed goin' up in an elevator. 310 00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:52,629 Oh, you're beautiful, Arch. 311 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:53,998 You bleed raspberry. 312 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,365 Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 313 00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,400 Now, wait a minute, guys. 314 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,835 Now, let me tell you this-- 315 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,570 And this is the truth! 316 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,575 No matter where I was tonight, 317 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,946 the sexual act was never constipated. 318 00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,219 What are you doin' now? 319 00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:19,056 What Nixon shoulda done to the tapes. 320 00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:37,608 Don't step on the leaves. 321 00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:45,649 [SIGHS] 322 00:14:47,151 --> 00:14:48,452 Okay, let's hear it. 323 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,687 Oh, quit worryin', will ya? 324 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,688 I got it, I got it. 325 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,323 Will you please let me hear it again? 326 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,625 All right, all right. 327 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,827 I called you down at Kelsey's, and then-- 328 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,896 No, no, no, jeez. 329 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,865 You didn't call me at Kelsey's. 330 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,766 You called me here. 331 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:03,834 Go ahead. Again. 332 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,835 All right. 333 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,137 I called you here, at your house. 334 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,906 I told you to meet me down at Kelsey's-- 335 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:09,907 No, jeez! 336 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,209 No, no. 337 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:13,944 You called me here and you told me 338 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,679 to meet you down at the bowlin' alley. 339 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:18,682 I wasn't at Kelsey's. Edith knows I wasn't at Kelsey's. 340 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,651 Aw, jeez, you're gettin' me all mixed up. 341 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,720 Take it easy, take it easy, will ya, Joe? 342 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,755 Just--just keep calm and cool. 343 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,992 You get in there, you tell your story simple and quick, 344 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:32,696 you get a pain in the gut, and you run like hell outta here. 345 00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,698 All right, all right? 346 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,100 Uh--look, Arch. 347 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,168 I'll just say, "Archie went bowlin'." 348 00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,336 Yes. 349 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,804 "He didn't go over to Denise's--" 350 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,973 I'm dead! 351 00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:46,744 Listen, Archie, uh... 352 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,446 Look, on the level, 353 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,881 maybe I shouldn't go through with this, you know what I mean? 354 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,915 I--I oughta beat it. 355 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,484 You see, I, um... 356 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,185 Well, every time I talk to women, 357 00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:56,587 they always smell a rat. 358 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,490 I'm beginnin' to smell one myself. 359 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,394 Hey, wait--wait a-- just sit tight, will ya? 360 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:05,629 - Jeez. - Where you goin'? 361 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,964 Over here. Gonna take a look. 362 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,866 Watch the leaves! 363 00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:14,872 See that, all that worryin' for nothin'. 364 00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,774 The coast is clear. She ain't even home. 365 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:19,076 Now, look, all you gotta do is scoot in the door, 366 00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:21,645 duck upstairs, hop in bed-- you're home free! 367 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,646 See? 368 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,281 Oh, uh-- listen, Arch. 369 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,283 If you need a place to sleep tonight, 370 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,317 you know where I live, huh? 371 00:16:28,386 --> 00:16:31,021 Good luck, pal. See you tomorrow. 372 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,592 [INAUDIBLE] 373 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,001 Oh! Oh, you're home! 374 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,368 Yeah, yeah. 375 00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:46,569 So am I. 376 00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:47,838 Yeah, I see that, Edith. 377 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,839 Mmm! 378 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,608 You smell good. What's that? 379 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,243 Uh, that's a perfume, Edith. 380 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,679 Uh, I--I got that on the subway. 381 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,748 A cross-eyed lady came and sat down next to me, you know? 382 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,483 She opened her purse, took out the perfume, 383 00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:01,785 poofed it, give it to herself-- 384 00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,253 she got it all over me. 385 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,354 Oh. [GIGGLES] 386 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,390 Well, what did you go on the subway for? 387 00:17:07,392 --> 00:17:08,792 Uh--me and Joe Foley, 388 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:11,461 we took the subway to Long Island City to bowl. 389 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,563 Well--well, you're all dressed up. 390 00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:17,701 This is your good shirt from Disneyworld. 391 00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:21,805 Well, it's their new alleys there, Edith. 392 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,741 They call 'em the "Society Lanes," you know? 393 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,844 A lot of classy people from the East side of New York come over to bowl there, 394 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,145 so, uh-- you know, so... 395 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,880 So, so much for me, anyway, uh-- 396 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,081 well, how was your evening? 397 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,751 What about old man Kleeger and his clackers? 398 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,853 Ooh, they fit fine. 399 00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,389 They fit him perfect. 400 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,723 Why did you and Joe-- 401 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:40,957 Did he, uh-- did he ever 402 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:43,260 propose to old lady what's-her-name? 403 00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,195 Oh, yeah. Friedman, yeah. 404 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:46,830 Oh, it was so romantic. 405 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,066 They sat together on the sofa, 406 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:53,070 and he wanted to get on his knees to pop the question. 407 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,173 [GIGGLES] So, I helped him get down. 408 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:59,209 And then, he asked her to marry him. 409 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,112 Ah. Did she say yes to him? 410 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:04,214 Well, she kinda nodded her head, 411 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,282 so he thought that meant yes, 412 00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:10,487 but what she really was doin' was fallin' asleep. 413 00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:15,626 Jeez, uh, I feel a little like goin' to sleep myself, 414 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:16,627 you know, Edith? 415 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,363 Did you and Joe bowl good? 416 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,931 Oh, yeah, yeah, pretty good. 417 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,999 I started out the evening with 168, 418 00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:25,336 and then, uh--I went to the second game, 171, 419 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,571 and I went up to the third game with 177, Edith. 420 00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,340 You don't believe me, you can ask Joe Foley. 421 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,040 He knows where I was and what I was doin'. 422 00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:34,278 His number's in the little black book there. 423 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,445 So, uh... 424 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,182 Yeah, I think I'll go to bed, Edith. 425 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,184 Archie. 426 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,986 Where was you? 427 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,687 I told you where I was. 428 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,355 Really. 429 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,534 I'll level with ya, Edith. 430 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,869 I was playin' poker with the guys. 431 00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:02,339 And, uh, I lost 12 bucks, 432 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,274 and knowin' the way you feel about gamblin'-- 433 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:06,410 see, I was--I was ashamed to tell you. 434 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,679 Where was you? 435 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:13,383 Edith, now, just let me say this to you. 436 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:17,654 That this whole evening is gonna run a lot smoother... 437 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,422 if you just believe everything I say 438 00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:22,726 and then forget about it, now... 439 00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,494 Come on, let's go to bed, huh? 440 00:19:25,563 --> 00:19:26,897 No. 441 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,799 I ain't goin' to bed till you tell me the truth. 442 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,401 Edith, I told you the truth. 443 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:34,204 What more am I supposed to say to you? 444 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:37,407 Archie, I wanna ask you a question. 445 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:38,909 What? 446 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,620 Whose phone number is this? 447 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,488 Well, I wouldn't know, Edith. 448 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,090 Is that my handwriti'' on there? 449 00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:06,936 Maybe I better call and find out. 450 00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:09,606 Well, do whatever you wanna do, Edith. I don't care. 451 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:18,148 [DIALING] 452 00:20:24,522 --> 00:20:25,555 Wait a minute, uh... 453 00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:30,260 Don't do that. 454 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,342 You left me alone again tonight. 455 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,178 And you're doin' a lot of that lately, Edith. 456 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,081 So, here I was, alone, 457 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,084 and, uh, feelin' lonesome, didn't know what to do, 458 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,818 so, uh... 459 00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:58,988 I took a walk with myself, to no place in particular. 460 00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:01,358 I wound up over the other side of Norton Boulevard, there, 461 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,426 and I'm walkin' along, 462 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:05,062 past this here apartment house, 463 00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,964 and up comes a person that I know. 464 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,800 And, uh... 465 00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:12,169 well, she's a waitress, Edith, 466 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,603 and, uh... 467 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,372 uh, she works in a joint where I eat 468 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:18,508 maybe once a month, you know? 469 00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:21,078 So, uh... 470 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,247 Well, she's carryin' two bags of groceries, you know? 471 00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:25,783 And she says, "Hello, Mr. Bunker." 472 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,584 And, uh, "Would you mind helpin' me upstairs 473 00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:28,618 with a bag of groceries?" 474 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,753 So, I says, "Oh, all right." 475 00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:30,788 I grab a bag of groceries, 476 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,256 I went over to there, you know? 477 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:34,291 We put the groceries down, and we're talkin' there, 478 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,826 and we're kiddin' around a little bit, 479 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:37,360 and she asks if I'd like a glass of wine, 480 00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:40,330 so I had our tawny port with me to-- 481 00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:47,271 No, uh--listen, Edith, 482 00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:48,806 don't get yourself all upset, 483 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,841 because whatever happened there, 484 00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,742 there was nothin' wrong. 485 00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:56,013 I save all that wrong for you, you know. 486 00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,851 Now, Edith, just remember, 487 00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:02,953 you married me for better or for worse, 488 00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,621 and up to now, it's all been a "better," 489 00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:07,690 so here's a little of the "worse" for you here. 490 00:22:07,692 --> 00:22:08,925 Don't cry! 491 00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:10,928 Don't make a big thing outta nothin'! 492 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:12,429 Well, ain't it a big thing? 493 00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,264 No, it ain't a big thing! Why's it a big thing? 494 00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,733 I mean, somebody go to an apartment with some groceries there, 495 00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,769 all you do is you talk and you kid around a little bit, 496 00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:20,837 you have a couple of glasses of wine and a harmless kiss. 497 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,973 You kissed her?! 498 00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,641 Aw, jeez. 499 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,755 Edith, what can I say to you 500 00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,624 except to tell you the God's-honest truth. 501 00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:43,760 It--it didn't mean nothin' at all. 502 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:46,529 Edith, can't you just forgive and forget, huh? 503 00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:47,931 I don't know. 504 00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:51,434 I ain't had no experience with this before. 505 00:22:51,436 --> 00:22:53,470 Now, wait a minute, don't-- well, don't walk away. 506 00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:54,838 Let's talk about it, huh, Edith? 507 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,239 We can talk or we can-- 508 00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:57,608 What are you takin' your coat for? 509 00:22:57,610 --> 00:23:00,110 Now, why would you leave the house? 510 00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:00,777 [CRIES] 511 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:03,780 Archie, the one thing 512 00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:07,350 I could always count on was you. 513 00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:12,355 Now, I can't count on you no more. 514 00:23:12,357 --> 00:23:13,356 [CRIES] 515 00:23:13,358 --> 00:23:15,025 [PHONE RINGS] 516 00:23:16,093 --> 00:23:18,228 [RINGS] 517 00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:22,098 [RINGS] 518 00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:25,268 [RINGS] 519 00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:28,672 [RINGS] 520 00:23:28,674 --> 00:23:30,006 Uh, hello? 521 00:23:30,008 --> 00:23:33,410 Oh, hello, Gloria. How are you? 522 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,712 I'm fine. 523 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:39,817 Uh--well, no, your mother ain't here. 524 00:23:39,819 --> 00:23:44,588 Well, I don't know, she's, uh--just, uh... 525 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:49,493 well...Gloria... 526 00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:53,697 uh, to tell you the truth... 527 00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:58,234 I--I--I think your mother just... 528 00:23:58,236 --> 00:24:00,704 run away from home. 529 00:24:21,292 --> 00:24:23,794 ♪ 530 00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:26,262 All in the Family was recorded on tape 531 00:24:26,264 --> 00:24:28,264 before a live audience. 532 00:24:28,314 --> 00:24:32,864 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37969

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