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1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,428
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,031
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,567
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,905
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:46,778
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:56,688
Would you like some butter
on your toast, Louise?
13
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,289
Yes, thanks.
All right.
14
00:00:58,291 --> 00:00:59,691
Now, let's see.
15
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,827
The butter is on the second
shelf on the left-hand side.
16
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:06,564
I try not to leave the
refrigerator door open too long
17
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,933
to save energy.
18
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:21,179
How much energy do you think
you saved on that move?
19
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:25,850
I didn't save nothing.
I got the cheddar cheese.
20
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,518
Wait a minute.
21
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,654
Here goes.
22
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:32,891
Got it!
23
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:41,766
Oh, Louise, I'm glad
you dropped in.
24
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,102
It's so nice
to have company.
25
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:49,574
Archie's been out all night
driving Mr. Munson's cab.
26
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:53,144
It was so lonely sleeping
without him.
27
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,747
But I made believe
Archie was there
28
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,016
by talking over
the events of the day
29
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,684
before I went to sleep.
30
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:04,355
I talked and talked
but Archie didn't answer me.
31
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:08,126
It was just like he was there.
32
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,928
ARCHIE: Hey, Edith!
33
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,796
Oh! There's Archie!
Maybe I'd better go.
34
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,464
Oh, no. You finish your coffee.
35
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,665
I'll be right back.
All right.
36
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,737
Oh, Archie, I'm so glad
you're home.
37
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,571
All right, all right!
38
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,473
Take it easy, will you?
39
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,543
I seen enough of that whoopee
in the back of my cab all night.
40
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:26,945
Here's your dress.
41
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,782
You remembered to pick up
the dry cleaning!
42
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,752
Oh, thank you, Archie.
43
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,121
How was your night?
44
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,590
Same as my day,
only darker.
45
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,059
I ain't never gonna drive
46
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,962
that Friday night till
Saturday morning shift no more.
47
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,764
Every screwball
in the city of New York
48
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,132
is loose on the streets.
49
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,134
Morning.
Except one.
50
00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:52,603
Thank you very much.
51
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,906
What are you doing up so early
of a Saturday morning?
52
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,307
I'm getting breakfast
for me and Gloria.
53
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:57,541
We're gonna have
breakfast in bed.
54
00:02:57,543 --> 00:02:59,244
Oh, listen to this.
55
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:02,180
They do everything
in that bed except sleep.
56
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,717
You know, you're not pleasant
in the morning.
57
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,353
What do you want me to do,
looking at you?
58
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,622
Whistle a happy tune?
59
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:14,625
Oh, Archie, you must be hungry.
I'll get you something to eat.
60
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:17,028
No, no, no. It's all right,
Edith. I'm too tired to eat.
61
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,630
I'm off-duty. All I wanna do
is go up and lay down.
62
00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:21,866
Would you like some company?
63
00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:27,038
I said I'm off-duty.
64
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,741
All right.
65
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:33,778
Have a good day's sleep.
66
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,247
[LAUGHS]
67
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:41,219
Oh, you and Gloria gonna
have some cornflakes?
68
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,021
No, no, no. Gloria's
gonna have the orange.
69
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,422
I'm gonna have
the cornflakes.
70
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,725
Oh, don't you want a bowl
for your cereal?
71
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,327
No, I like
to eat the cereal dry
72
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,196
and then I wash it down
with the milk.
73
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,596
That way it doesn't get soggy.
74
00:03:52,598 --> 00:03:54,598
Oh.
75
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,900
[KNOCKING]
76
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,304
Mr. Jefferson. Come in.
GEORGE: Morning.
77
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,139
George, what are you doing
away from the store?
78
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,140
Don't worry.
79
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,507
I left Lionel
in charge.
80
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,310
Mrs. Bunker, this has nothing
to do with you.
81
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,544
Where's your husband?
82
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,713
He just went upstairs to bed.
83
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,581
Well, I gotta talk
to him. It's important.
84
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,851
Oh, well, all right.
Come on in.
85
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,719
I'm sure he ain't asleep yet.
86
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,155
Archie, are you in bed yet?
87
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,924
ARCHIE: No, not yet, Edith.
I'm looking out the window.
88
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,526
Do you know the Jeffersons
left their shades up?
89
00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,264
Did you know
they was putting new wallpaper
90
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,966
on the wall of their bedroom?
91
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:32,737
Holy cow, them coloreds
are wild about stripes.
92
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,442
Bunker, come down here!
93
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:42,413
ARCHIE: That don't sound
like your voice, Edith.
94
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:45,250
No, Archie. We've got company.
95
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:47,651
Yeah, so I see.
96
00:04:47,653 --> 00:04:50,121
Thanks for letting me know.
97
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,489
Bunker, take a look at this.
98
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:55,093
It's a $20 bill.
What did you do, hit a number?
99
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,096
You gave me $20 when you picked
up your cleaning just now
100
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,698
and I gave you $18 change.
101
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,333
Well, I remember. So what?
102
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:05,469
So my $18 was good.
This 20 is counterfeit.
103
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,771
What?
104
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,306
Are you sure, George?
105
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,174
I wouldn't be here
if I wasn't sure.
106
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,777
Look, I checked these
serial numbers against our list.
107
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:17,648
This is 89170412. These are
counterfeit serial numbers.
108
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:21,219
They sound like
real numbers to me.
109
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:30,295
Let's just say you passed this
phony on to me by accident.
110
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,763
So now all you have to do
is reach into your wallet
111
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,532
and give me a real one
on purpose.
112
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,268
Listen, I ain't
no counterfeiter.
113
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,970
The $20 bill I gave you
114
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,406
was perfectly good currency
of the realm.
115
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:46,610
That was printed on 100 percent
U.S. Government realm.
116
00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,246
Get out of the way, Edith.
117
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,880
You didn't even look
at the bill.
118
00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:52,283
Certainly I looked at it.
I look at all big bills.
119
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,185
I remember
where I got that $20.
120
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,453
I only got one last night.
121
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,288
I remember the guy
that give it to me.
122
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,991
And he wasn't no counterfeiter.
How do you know he wasn't?
123
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,426
Ah, come on, Jefferson.
124
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,461
I know people.
This was a very classy guy.
125
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:04,862
He was dressed up to the nines
126
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,332
in a sharp coat that had
one of them velvet collars,
127
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:11,002
and one of them pearl-gray
hamburgers on his head.
128
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,705
Archie, isn't it possible
129
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,675
he passed the bill to you
without knowing it?
130
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:20,878
Oh, no. No way, Louise.
This was a rich guy!
131
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,948
Rich guys know all about money.
They was brung up on money.
132
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,016
That's how much you know!
133
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,884
Rich guys never even see
any money.
134
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,819
All they've got in their pocket
is credit cards.
135
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:34,592
All they know is "Charge it,"
"I'll sign for it" and "Sue me."
136
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:38,329
Well, don't get yourself
all excited.
137
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,930
Let's have a look
at the bill, huh?
138
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,265
I don't want to touch it.
139
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,501
Just hold it out there
where I can see it.
140
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:46,337
Now I got you, Jefferson.
That ain't the 20 I give you.
141
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,072
See, I'm awful careful
with my big bills
142
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,074
so they don't get mixed up
in the little bills,
143
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,476
and get give away
in change, see.
144
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,810
I take the trouble--
145
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,078
I turn down a corner there.
146
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,881
I call that the Bunker fold.
147
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,983
And there ain't no
Bunker fold in that.
148
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,419
It did have a fold
there in the corner.
149
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,821
I straightened it out when
I put it in the cash register.
150
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:06,724
I call it
the Jefferson press.
151
00:07:11,763 --> 00:07:15,533
Well, nevertheless, prove it.
152
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,336
Bunker, if I don't get
my money right now,
153
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,703
you're gonna find yourself
154
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:23,474
on top of the
"10 Most Sorry Honky" list.
155
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,951
Jefferson, would you care
to step outside?
156
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,254
I'm ready.
Good. Then step outside.
157
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,455
I'm going to bed.
158
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,357
See that, Bunker?
159
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,359
I knew you didn't have
the guts to step outside.
160
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,061
You know, you are
a very small man.
161
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,129
I'd hate for money
to mean that much to me.
162
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,032
Money don't mean nothing to me.
What are you talking about?
163
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,900
I'll show you
what money means to me.
164
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,569
What are we talking about?
Twenty dollars, huh?
165
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,704
Okay. Ten. Twenty.
166
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,374
There you are, Edith.
Buy yourself a new hat.
167
00:07:56,376 --> 00:08:01,079
See that? I just threw 20 away
on the old lady.
168
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,614
All right, Bunker,
let's step outside.
169
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,818
Can't we all sit down
and talk this over?
170
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,121
Can't you just
stay out of this?
171
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,190
This here is between
Jefferson and me
172
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,459
and Jefferson and me,
we're going to settle this
173
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,460
like gentlemen.
174
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:19,230
Now, Jefferson, get out.
175
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:22,200
I ain't going nowhere.
I ain't finished with you yet.
176
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,534
Well, I'm finished with you.
177
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,970
Louise, can I see you
for a minute in the kitchen?
178
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,405
Yes.
179
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:31,542
Louise, what are we
gonna do about this?
180
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:32,977
I don't know.
181
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:35,746
I've never seen such a stubborn
man in all of my life.
182
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:39,750
Me neither. I never knew
George could be that way.
183
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:43,954
I was talking about Archie.
184
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:47,325
Are you saying
Archie is wrong?
185
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,827
Well, I hope you're not saying
George is wrong.
186
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:53,531
You heard Archie tell George he
didn't give him that bad bill.
187
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,266
Don't you believe
what he said?
188
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,634
Yes and no.
189
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,269
What do you mean?
190
00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,837
Yes, I believe he said it
191
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:04,509
and, no, I don't believe
what he said.
192
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,011
What are you getting
so excited about?
193
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,812
I'll tell you what to do
with that bill.
194
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,882
Take that bill up to Harlem
and pass it there.
195
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,252
What?
Don't get excited!
196
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,987
Just shove it
on some guy up there.
197
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,222
It'll make the rounds,
198
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,224
it'll wind up in the hands
of some white guy
199
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,527
who sells purple Cadillacs.
200
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:31,835
And who the hell
cares about him, huh?
201
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:34,438
Don't believe everything
Archie says.
202
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,407
He's got you brainwashed.
203
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,476
Don't you have a mind
of your own?
204
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,877
Yes, I do.
205
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,380
Then use it.
206
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,616
Everything George said
made perfectly good sense.
207
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,219
To you, maybe, but not to me.
208
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:51,255
There, you see?
I'm using my own mind.
209
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,525
And you can't say it's
because I'm listening to Archie
210
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,126
because he ain't here.
211
00:09:56,128 --> 00:10:01,199
Not only that,
he ain't all there.
212
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,800
You won't listen
to what I'm trying to--
213
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:04,702
Nothing you say makes
any difference to me.
214
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:05,869
I'm trying to--
215
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,805
You can talk until
you're blue in the face,
216
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,607
which, come to think of it,
in your case,
217
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,475
would be an improvement.
218
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:12,610
Hey, Jefferson,
don't you think
219
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,278
you can walk away
saying that to me.
220
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,680
Hey, your wife is still here.
221
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,881
Wait till you see
what I'm going to say to her.
222
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:22,320
It's obvious we have nothing
more to say to each other. Ever.
223
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,354
[SLAMS DOOR]
224
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,355
Louise!
225
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,356
LOUISE:
Goodbye!
226
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,157
Oh!
227
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,892
Hey, Louise, listen--
Where is she?
228
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,228
She's gone.
229
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,662
Well, it's a good thing
she is.
230
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,664
You should have heard
what I had in my mind
231
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:35,366
to say to her.
232
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,601
What's the matter with you?
233
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:40,705
I just had a fight with Louise
and I feel terrible.
234
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,941
Can't you do nothing right?
235
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:47,311
I just had a fight
with her husband
236
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,947
and I feel wonderful.
237
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,689
I'm proud of you, Louise,
proud of you.
238
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:00,190
Finally come to your senses.
239
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,960
You see, them people
can be all sweetness and light
240
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,595
but when it comes down
to the nitty,
241
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:08,098
they always show
their true color: white.
242
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,736
What's the matter with you?
You mad at me or something?
243
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,004
No, I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at me.
244
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,308
Well, either way,
it's spoiling my lunch.
245
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,745
How could I have let myself
get into a fight with Edith?
246
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:23,347
All she was doing
was defending her husband.
247
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,682
Even Perry Mason
couldn't do that,
248
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,850
and he ain't never lost a case.
249
00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:30,655
If I was any kind of a friend,
250
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,190
I'd be over there
apologizing to Edith right now.
251
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,660
Why don't you
do that, Louise.
252
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:36,761
Do you mean that?
253
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,929
Sure, go on over there
and apologize to her.
254
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,331
But leave your key here
255
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,866
because you ain't getting
back into this house.
256
00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:48,238
I'll have to come back, George.
257
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,874
I made your mother
a solemn promise
258
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:54,978
never to leave you
while you were crazy.
259
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,046
Never mind that.
260
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,315
Just remember,
261
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,317
you did the right thing
sticking up for your husband,
262
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,718
because blood
is thicker than water.
263
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,387
What blood are you
talking about, George?
264
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:07,891
We're not related,
we're only married.
265
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,728
Now, there's only one way
we can get out of this mess.
266
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:14,264
You and Archie are going
to get together and make up.
267
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:15,433
All right, I'll do that.
268
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,567
Good.
269
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,937
When Moms Mabley elopes
with Lester Maddox.
270
00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:24,342
I can't.
271
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,944
Ma, you know that neither
Archie or Mr. Jefferson
272
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,479
is going to admit
that he's wrong.
273
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,381
You and Louise have to be
the peacemakers.
274
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,917
I know. But who's gonna
make the first move?
275
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,153
Whoever wants to make up
the most.
276
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,525
Oh, Ma, you going over there
to see Louise?
277
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,694
Yeah, I am, right now.
278
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:48,833
I'm gonna find out which one
wants to make up the most.
279
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:49,834
[GASPS]
280
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:52,770
It's a tie!
281
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:01,044
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
282
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,880
Oh!
Oh!
283
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,849
You two want me
to make you some coffee?
284
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:05,983
Oh, that'd be nice.
285
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,485
I'll help you, Gloria.
286
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,820
Come on, sit down
right over here.
287
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,824
Oh, Louise,
I feel so much better.
288
00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:17,227
So do I. I don't know
what came over us.
289
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:18,629
Neither do I.
290
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:23,934
Louise, remember that $20
Archie gave me to buy a new hat?
291
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:26,136
Well, I don't need a new hat.
292
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,773
I wish you'd take it
and give it to George.
293
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,274
Well, thanks, Edith,
294
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,943
but wouldn't it be better
if Archie gave it back himself?
295
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:36,881
I don't know how
we'll ever get him to do that.
296
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,516
I know how.
297
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,285
Does Archie need
anything cleaned?
298
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,987
I was gonna bring in
his winter coat.
299
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,489
Perfect. Get it, Edith.
300
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:50,027
All right. But I could bring it
down to the store myself.
301
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,695
No, I want George
to get it fast.
302
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,764
The first thing he does
when he gets cleaning
303
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,065
is go all through
the pockets.
304
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:58,402
We're going to put
this in here.
305
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,304
And George will find it
306
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,673
and maybe he'll think
it's Archie's way
307
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,508
of saying he made a mistake
308
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,276
without coming out
and saying it.
309
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:10,414
Oh, Louise,
that's a wonderful idea.
310
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:16,186
That reminds me
of the Ten Commandments.
311
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,688
Which one?
312
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,058
The one by Cecil B. DeMille.
313
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,463
You remember the part
314
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,732
where Moses' mother
puts him in a little basket
315
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,635
and floats him down the river
on purpose
316
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:35,573
so that Pharaoh's daughter
can find him by accident
317
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:40,043
and he can grow up
and be Charlton Heston?
318
00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:50,654
George, I have Archie Bunker's
coat. It needs cleaning.
319
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,055
Uh-uh. No way.
320
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,391
Now, you take that mangy coat
back over there.
321
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,794
He tried to put
something over on me.
322
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,662
He thinks I'm stupid
because I'm black.
323
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,564
Then you be bigger than him.
324
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,399
You just turn the other cheek.
325
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,402
That won't do no good.
My other cheek's black too.
326
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,841
You know, I wish
I'd never left Harlem
327
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,643
to move in next door
to those ugly Bunkers.
328
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,144
What are you talking about?
329
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,814
If I still lived in Harlem, I
could really get even with him.
330
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:17,815
How?
331
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,082
By leaving Harlem
332
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,018
and moving in next door
to him all over again.
333
00:15:23,121 --> 00:15:25,489
George, you are going
to clean his coat.
334
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,658
I'll take it
to the store myself.
335
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:28,926
Go on and take it, then.
336
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:33,831
Well, look at this!
Money!
337
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,866
Another 20 bucks.
338
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,968
Hey, these 10s
are good. Solid.
339
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,603
You're not really
going to keep that money?
340
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,204
No, I'm not going to keep it.
Good.
341
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:44,041
I'm going to spend it.
342
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:47,578
Okay, go ahead. Let Archie
have the last laugh.
343
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,879
Now where are you coming from?
344
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,848
Isn't it obvious
345
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,083
he put it here on purpose
for you to find it?
346
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:54,852
It's Archie's way
of apologizing.
347
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,921
No.
348
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,022
You think so?
349
00:15:58,024 --> 00:15:59,790
Let me put it this way.
350
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,626
When was the last time
we found $20
351
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,294
in one of Archie Bunker's
pockets?
352
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:06,430
You're right.
353
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,932
He's trying to make
me look bad.
354
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,332
He ain't gonna
get away with this.
355
00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:11,035
Where are you going?
356
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,571
If anybody's gonna have
the last laugh,
357
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,673
I'm gonna have it first.
358
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:21,812
Can't sleep.
There's no air in this house.
359
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,414
There's no air in New York.
360
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:27,785
Maybe you can't sleep
361
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:31,121
because of the argument
you had with Mr. Jefferson.
362
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,423
Oh, I wouldn't lose
any sleep over that argument.
363
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,825
I won it, didn't I?
364
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:39,063
I think when two people fight,
nobody wins.
365
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:43,634
Jeez, that'd be great news
for Jack Dempsey, you know that?
366
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,870
He could give up his restaurant.
He's still a champ.
367
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,773
I was talking
about fighting over money.
368
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:53,310
By the way, give me back
that 20 bucks I give you.
369
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,112
What 20 bucks?
370
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:58,148
What I give you
to buy yourself a new hat,
371
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,750
which I didn't mean
in the first place,
372
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,152
seeing as I was only trying
to get Jefferson off my back
373
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,153
twenty bucks.
374
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:04,187
[DOORBELL RINGS]
375
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,891
Oh, there's the bell!
I'll get it.
376
00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,661
Whoever it is,
tell them to get out of here.
377
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:14,765
Louise, George, come in.
Archie, look who's here.
378
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,033
Oh, gee.
379
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,069
What have you got this time,
Jefferson? A wooden nickel?
380
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,971
Louise?
381
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,472
Remember, last laugh.
382
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:23,573
Uh-huh.
383
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,408
Bunker, this is yours.
384
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:26,644
What's mine?
385
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,045
This $20 we found in your coat
386
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,647
your wife sent down
to be cleaned.
387
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,181
Twenty dollars--?
388
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:32,983
You got that in my coat
and that's mine?
389
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,952
That $20 here? Hey, Edith!
390
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,286
What is that?
Oh, Archie.
391
00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:39,322
I should have checked
the pockets. I'm sorry.
392
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:42,760
Oh, gee, I ain't mad at you,
darling. Whoop-de-do. Hey.
393
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,061
Hey.
394
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,328
I never would have believed
395
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,131
I left that kind of dough
in that coat.
396
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,331
And you
wouldn't have known it
397
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,201
if Mr. Jefferson
hadn't found it.
398
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:54,938
He could have kept the money,
but he's an honest man.
399
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,207
Hey, Jefferson.
Nice to see you. See you round.
400
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:04,682
Let's go, Louise. I've laughed
enough for one day.
401
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,420
Wait! Wait a minute.
402
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,690
Archie, can I see you?
403
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,957
You're looking at me.
404
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,525
Archie!
405
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,829
Since you got back $20
you didn't know you had
406
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:22,099
and since Mr. Jefferson had
a loss because of the bad bill,
407
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,069
I think you should
share this with him.
408
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,304
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
409
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,640
I think you should give him
at least half of it.
410
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:34,411
You'd still be ahead $10.
411
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:38,682
Oh, please, Archie.
Be fair.
412
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,051
Don't tell me what to do.
413
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,621
Get out of the way.
414
00:18:45,990 --> 00:18:49,326
Jefferson,
I'm going to be fair.
415
00:18:50,428 --> 00:18:52,295
Seeing as there
was a loss here
416
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,932
and you and me was both
involved in the loss,
417
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:58,368
well, maybe we ought
to share this.
418
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:00,437
So here's $10.
Thanks.
419
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:01,839
All right. Fair enough?
420
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,540
That's nice, Archie.
421
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,875
Wait a second, Arch.
422
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:08,178
That's not fair.
You're ahead way more than $10.
423
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,115
Listen to the meatheaded
college boy over there.
424
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,751
I'm holding $10 in my hand.
425
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,585
Show me where
I'm way more ahead than that.
426
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:16,887
Look, Arch,
427
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,422
you gave Mr. Jefferson
a phony $20 bill.
428
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:20,891
I didn't know nothing
about that.
429
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,292
It doesn't make any difference!
430
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:26,329
The point is he gave you
$18 of real money in change
431
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,431
plus $2 worth
of cleaning services:
432
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:29,432
that's $20.
433
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:30,700
Add to that the 20
434
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,903
that he found in your coat
pocket and returned to you
435
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,037
because he's an honest man.
436
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:35,873
That's $40 you're ahead.
437
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,008
Hold it! I just
give the man $10 there.
438
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,110
All right, so you're ahead $30.
439
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,311
Thirty dollars?
440
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:44,148
But the fact remains,
he gave you $18 cash.
441
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,482
You only gave him $10 back.
442
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:47,484
Why don't you give him
the other $8 you owe?
443
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:50,587
I ain't going to
give him no $8.
444
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:52,756
Arch, you'll still
be ahead 22 bucks.
445
00:19:58,496 --> 00:20:01,665
Wait a minute.
How do you figure that?
446
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:05,068
Thirty minus eight
is twenty-two.
447
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,736
You're $22 ahead.
448
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:14,678
I'm 22 ahead? Thirty...?
Huh? Minus eight...?
449
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:19,216
All right, if I'm $22--
I can add up myself!
450
00:20:22,086 --> 00:20:23,486
Jefferson, er,
451
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:27,825
as long as I'm $22 ahead here,
and I figure if I--
452
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,126
How much should I give him?
453
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,427
Eight dollars.
454
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:31,695
All right, $8.
455
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:34,097
So I'll give you a $10 bill.
Give me two ones.
456
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:35,232
I ain't got no change.
457
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,533
But he ain't got no change.
458
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,235
I ain't got no change.
Who's got change?
459
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,170
No, I don't.
I didn't bring my purse.
460
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,905
Oh, jeez,
I ain't got no singles here.
461
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,606
Arch, he gave you
$18 worth of change.
462
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:45,209
You've got to have
at least three singles.
463
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:50,513
I bought seven cigars and a
malted. Is that okay with you?
464
00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:51,915
Would this help?
465
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,219
I owe Louise $3
from the groceries yesterday.
466
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:56,619
That'll help.
How does that help?
467
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:57,687
Give me the $10.
468
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,223
Wait a minute!
469
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,558
Arch, you were going to give
Mr. Jefferson $8, right?
470
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,460
Add $3 to that
for the groceries.
471
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,229
That's $11
you owe Mr. Jefferson.
472
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:06,930
Here's a $10 bill,
Mr. Jefferson.
473
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:11,735
Now, Archie, all you owe
Mr. Jefferson is $1.
474
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:14,771
How do I owe him $1?
475
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:18,075
No, Daddy, that's not right.
476
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:21,245
No, that ain't right,
little girl. Help me here.
477
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:22,746
Daddy, you're forgetting
478
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,748
about the $2 Mr. Jefferson's
still out for the cleaning.
479
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:25,916
You owe him $3.
480
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:30,720
That ain't no help!
481
00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:33,323
She's right, Arch. You owe him
$3. Here, give me 5.
482
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:34,724
Wait a minute here!
483
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:38,395
Here, Mr. Jefferson. Here's $5.
Now you owe Archie $2.
484
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:42,266
Well, at least he owes me $2.
Somebody owes me something here!
485
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,267
Remember, now.
486
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:44,768
You owe me $2.
All right.
487
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:45,969
All right, talking
of owings, here,
488
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,371
what about the $5
you owe me?
489
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,572
I give you $5 last week,
I loaned it to you
490
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,208
to buy pizza for yourself
and Gloria.
491
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:52,709
Oh, that's right.
I forgot, Archie.
492
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:54,945
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I forgot! I'm sorry!
493
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:57,047
Gloria, could you give me
$5 to give to Archie?
494
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,681
Oh, sure, honey.
Let me get my purse.
495
00:21:58,683 --> 00:22:00,150
ARCHIE:
Yeah, get the purse, huh?
496
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:03,220
No, wait a minute, Daddy.
There's something wrong here.
497
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,488
Yeah, there's something wrong,
little girl, huh?
498
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,991
Yeah, you owe me 10.
499
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:11,528
That's what's wrong?
500
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:14,164
Yeah, don't you remember
last week I loaned you $10
501
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,365
when you didn't
have enough money
502
00:22:15,367 --> 00:22:17,734
to pay the plumber
for fixing the drip in the sink?
503
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,136
Oh, holy cow.
504
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,338
Yeah. What have you got there?
Two fives? There's my ten.
505
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,339
Wait a minute!
506
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,840
There's the five you wanted.
507
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:27,377
Thank you very much. Here's the
five I owe you for the pizza.
508
00:22:35,719 --> 00:22:37,054
We're all square.
509
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,690
Wait, wait.
Not quite all square.
510
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:42,792
You're damn right
not quite all square.
511
00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:46,463
Remember, George, you still owe
Archie $2. Give it to him.
512
00:22:46,465 --> 00:22:47,697
Yeah, somebody
give me something, huh?
513
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,599
I'm feeling awful light here.
514
00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:50,968
Give him the $2.
515
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,602
I don't have change.
516
00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:54,237
I know how to fix this!
ARCHIE: How?
517
00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:57,707
Michael, remember you and Daddy
still owe Lionel $7
518
00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:59,309
for the ball game tickets
from last Saturday.
519
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:01,345
That's right! I forgot.
520
00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:02,645
Here, give me the $5.
521
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,681
Wait a minute!
522
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,649
Mr. Jefferson, here's $5.
523
00:23:06,651 --> 00:23:08,452
Now, with the two
you owe Archie,
524
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:10,687
you add that to the $5,
that makes 7.
525
00:23:10,689 --> 00:23:12,089
You give that to Lionel.
526
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:15,125
That squares us with Lionel
and squares you with Archie.
527
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,727
Everything's perfect.
Everybody's paid off.
528
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,296
GLORIA:
Michael, that's right.
529
00:23:19,298 --> 00:23:22,466
How is everybody paid off?
530
00:23:24,568 --> 00:23:28,805
I had $35 in my hand. I'm
standing here holding nothing!
531
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:33,977
Now, don't nobody move!
532
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,816
Because we're going to start
this whole transfaction over
533
00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:43,720
and we're gonna do it slow,
right from the very beginning.
534
00:23:44,788 --> 00:23:46,023
All right.
535
00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:48,425
It all started when you gave me
this phony 20.
536
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,793
Now you've got it back. Bye.
Come on, Louise.
537
00:23:50,795 --> 00:23:52,095
Goodbye, everybody.
538
00:24:07,811 --> 00:24:11,348
You could have fooled me
with this.
539
00:24:11,350 --> 00:24:13,650
I would never know
how to tell the difference
540
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:16,553
between this
and a good $20 bill.
541
00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:19,456
Here, let me show you.
Give me the bill.
542
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,158
The difference is this.
543
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:25,762
A phony $20 bill
is worth nothing.
544
00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:34,604
But a good $20 bill
is worth $10.
545
00:24:54,225 --> 00:24:57,794
[♪]
546
00:24:57,796 --> 00:25:02,065
ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
547
00:25:02,115 --> 00:25:06,665
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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