Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,428
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,031
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,567
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,905
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:46,778
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:57,756
Oh, my! I haven't
seen this for years.
13
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,024
What's that, Mom?
14
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,292
"Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life."
15
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,428
I went out and bought this
right after I saw
16
00:01:04,430 --> 00:01:08,499
Jeanette MacDonald and
Nelson Eddy in Naughty Marietta.
17
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:12,336
NaughtyMarietta. Oh, yeah!
I saw that on The Late Show.
18
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:13,571
It was very interesting
19
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,708
the way they sang
into each other's noses.
20
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,409
The singing was the best part,
21
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,879
because that's when you knew
they were in love.
22
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,648
When Nelson and Jeanette
was talking,
23
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,685
you didn't know
what was going on.
24
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,352
Mom, why don't you
play it for me?
25
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,088
Oh, all right.
26
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,091
I'd better warm
myself up, though.
27
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,060
I'm a little rusty.
28
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,527
[PLAYING SCALES]
29
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:37,829
[PLAYS OFF-KEY NOTE]
30
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:41,700
Oh! I always get stuck
on that finger.
31
00:01:43,836 --> 00:01:45,003
[PLAYS OFF-KEY NOTE]
32
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,972
Oh! There it
goes again.
33
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,640
How'd you learn
to play? By ear?
34
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,242
Oh, no!
35
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:55,546
I took lessons for six years
from Mrs. Cromwish.
36
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:58,016
Once a week, a dollar an hour.
37
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,918
Oh, my, they was fun.
38
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,187
Really? I thought most kids
hate taking piano lessons.
39
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,922
Not me, I loved them.
40
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,657
Mrs. Cromwish was so nice.
41
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:09,360
She used to worry
about me getting tired
42
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:10,829
from too much playing,
43
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:14,866
so she'd give me cookies
and milk and tell me stories.
44
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,002
And before I knew it,
the hour was over.
45
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,472
Now, here we go!
46
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,374
Ah, all right,
all right.
47
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:27,045
♪ Ah! Sweet mystery of life ♪
48
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,814
♪ At last I've found you ♪
49
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,583
[DRAMATICALLY]
♪ Ah! I know at last ♪
50
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,854
♪ The secret of it all ♪
51
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:41,893
♪ All the longing, seeking
Striving, waiting, yearning ♪
52
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,762
♪ The burning-- ♪
Oh, wait a minute!
53
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:46,131
♪ Wait a minute ♪
54
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,465
I've got to get the chord.
55
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,833
All right. Right.
56
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,068
♪ The burning hopes ♪
57
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:55,807
♪ The joy and idle tears
That fall ♪
58
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,243
[DRAMATICALLY]
♪ For 'tis love ♪
59
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:02,613
♪ And love alone
The world is seeking ♪
60
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,649
♪ And 'tis love ♪
61
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:09,120
♪ And love alone
That can repay ♪
62
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:16,727
♪ 'Tis the answer
'Tis the end and all of living ♪
63
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,296
Oh, wait!
64
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:23,534
No! Nelson never kissed Jeanette
'til the end of the song!
65
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,736
♪ I'm sorry ♪
66
00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:32,110
♪ For it is love alone ♪
67
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:38,582
♪ That rules for aye ♪
68
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:46,925
Hi, Ma!
69
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:50,795
Ah! It's so nice to come home
and hear singing for a change.
70
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,198
Let's do it again.
I'm all practiced up.
71
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,132
Oh, good.
72
00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:57,702
The party's over.
73
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,770
It's the Wicked Witch
of the West.
74
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,343
Nothing you say is gonna
bother me tonight, bigmouth,
75
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,178
because I'm in
too good a mood.
76
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,646
Stay right there, Edith.
77
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,581
You right where I want you.
Play another song.
78
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,184
Play another song?
Get away!
79
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:15,586
Which one?
80
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,188
Just play something happy.
81
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,489
Something happy?
82
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:20,925
Get away from me!
83
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,627
♪ Blue moon ♪
84
00:04:23,629 --> 00:04:25,129
Edie, what are
you doing?
85
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:29,067
Edie, why do you play that?
That ain't a happy song.
86
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,335
Oh, it is to me.
87
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,338
That's the first song
we ever danced to.
88
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,341
Ah... This is...
Don't play--
89
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,010
Edith, I hate it!
Don't play it no more!
90
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,379
Happy is fast.
Play something fast, like...
91
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,849
♪ We're in the money
We're in the money ♪
92
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,785
♪ We've got a lot of what
It takes to get along ♪
93
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,120
Forget it, Edith.
94
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,388
Come on over here.
95
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,991
I got something for youse
right in the bag here.
96
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,826
There you are, Edith.
Hey, take a gander at that.
97
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,896
Archie!
98
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,663
There's something for you,
little girl, huh.
99
00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:00,664
Uh-huh.
100
00:05:03,735 --> 00:05:06,905
Now, what are youse
all standing there for?
101
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,472
Can't you say something?
102
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,508
Didn't you get
anything for me?
103
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:14,979
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yours is on order, Meathead.
104
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,615
We got you an electric
power fork.
105
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,083
Get away from me!
106
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,221
Go ahead. Open up
your present there.
107
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,688
Well, what is it?
108
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:26,190
It's perfume.
109
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,059
Oh!
Look at that!
110
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,962
The best kind.
Look at the size of it.
111
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:34,698
You know, I think they don't
know what they're selling
112
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:36,100
down at Rudley's drugstore,
113
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,701
because, you know,
they've got the highest prices
114
00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:39,304
on them little
nothing bottles.
115
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,273
And they've got
the low prices on these here.
116
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,142
You should've picked
her up a six-pack.
117
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:47,511
Michael!
118
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,147
Thank you, Daddy.
119
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,349
Bubble bath!
120
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,685
Oh, Archie. Thank you!
121
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,121
Gee, Daddy.
It's really sweet of you.
122
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,622
But what's the occasion?
123
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,758
Nothing! Nothing!
Nothing at all.
124
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,961
I mean, after all,
can't a guy, every now and then,
125
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,096
bring home a present
for his family?
126
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,897
Sure he can, Arch.
But you never do.
127
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,034
Fly away, huh?
128
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,836
Daddy, you've got to admit
it's not every day
129
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,305
you come home singing
and handing out presents.
130
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:18,509
Well, maybe your father always
wanted to, but he forgot,
131
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:19,978
and today he remembered.
132
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,280
Is that right, Archie?
133
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,315
Yeah. That makes
sense, Edith.
134
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,850
Like I'm sitting here,
135
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:29,053
and I almost forgot to mention
I wanted a beer.
136
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,055
And now you're remembering?
137
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,357
That's right.
138
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:35,259
You see what I mean?
139
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,494
He forgot that he wanted--
140
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,963
Would you shut up
and get me the beer.
141
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:48,539
What?
142
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,541
That's what we
want to know. What?
143
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,477
What, what?
144
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:55,579
Come on, Daddy, you can tell us.
Did you get a raise?
145
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,015
No! No! Nothing like that.
146
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,551
If you really want to know,
I'll tell youse this much.
147
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,121
It so happens that Lady Luck
shined on me today.
148
00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:08,493
Why are you standing
there, Edith?
149
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,261
You lost a beer.
150
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,196
I'll help you clean it up, Ma.
151
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:18,036
Archie! You swore you
would never do it again.
152
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,771
Do what again?
Gamble on the horses.
153
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,141
Who said anything about
gambling on the horses?
154
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:27,111
You just did when you said
Lady Luck shined on you today.
155
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,979
Come on, Edith.
Lots of people say that.
156
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:32,216
I haven't heard you
say that for 20 years.
157
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:35,086
Oh, Archie.
You broke your promise.
158
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,488
Listen, listen! Edith, Edith,
it ain't what you think.
159
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,722
Now, just pay attention to me.
160
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,125
Barney Heffner come up to me,
see, and he says to me,
161
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,827
"Listen, I got a hot tip
on a sure thing in the third."
162
00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:45,229
Oh, Archie!
163
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,498
Edith, don't be like this.
164
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,067
Oh! How could you do it?
165
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:52,503
Edith, it turned out good.
Look, a 40-to-1 shot.
166
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,805
Look what I got here.
Eighty dollars, Edith.
167
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:58,443
Less $3 that I laid out
for the presents.
168
00:08:00,345 --> 00:08:01,412
Hey!
169
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,780
That don't matter!
170
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,882
You started gambling again!
171
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,552
I did not
start gambling again!
172
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:11,055
This is a one-time
and a one-time thing only--
173
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,390
What the hell
are you looking at?
174
00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:16,594
Edith, when Barney asked me
if I wanted to bet again,
175
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,329
I told him no!
176
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,264
N-O-W! No!
177
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,400
Honest?
178
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:23,801
What do you want me to do?
179
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:28,706
You want me to swear to you?
Okay, I'll swear. Pinkie swear.
180
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:33,077
Oh, thank you, Archie.
That makes me feel much better.
181
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,479
I'll get you a beer.
182
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:37,515
No, no. Never mind, Edith.
I'll get the beer myself.
183
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,117
Jeez, look at that
all over the floor.
184
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:42,120
Reminds me of when
we had Arthur the cat.
185
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,690
Gee, Ma. Weren't you
awfully hard on Daddy?
186
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,892
After all, it was
only a $2 bet.
187
00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:52,196
Oh, it ain't the money, Gloria.
It's the sickness.
188
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,865
I don't want to live
through that again.
189
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,966
What sickness?
190
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,102
The gambling sickness.
191
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,172
You wouldn't remember, Gloria,
because you were too young.
192
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,107
You was 3 years old.
193
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,876
The poker playing
was bad enough,
194
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,479
but then he started
gambling on the horses
195
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,047
and he couldn't stop!
196
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,683
Sometimes he'd lose
his whole paycheck.
197
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:14,818
Gee, that doesn't
sound like Daddy.
198
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,855
It wasn't him.
It was the sickness.
199
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,524
Ma, how did you
get him to stop?
200
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:24,228
I packed a suitcase
and dressed Gloria up
201
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,531
and told him I was leaving.
202
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:27,931
Happy days, everybody.
203
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,634
Well, look who's here.
Nick the Greek.
204
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:35,939
And look who's over there.
Stupid the Pole.
205
00:09:35,941 --> 00:09:37,975
Come on, Daddy.
Don't start name-calling.
206
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:40,178
Don't talk to me.
Talk to your husband over here.
207
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,845
You hear the wisecrack
he laid on me?
208
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,447
Come on, Arch,
it was just a joke.
209
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,516
Ma was telling us about
your gambling days, that's all.
210
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,750
About what?
211
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,886
What's wrong?
We're all family here.
212
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:51,121
Don't remind me!
213
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:53,191
Telling them about
my gambling days!
214
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,125
I told you never
to talk about that time!
215
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:58,596
I won't anymore, Archie,
because I finished telling them.
216
00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,001
I was only out of the room
one minute.
217
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,304
You finished telling them
that whole long story?
218
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,971
Whenever you tell me
even a little story,
219
00:10:07,973 --> 00:10:09,507
it takes you forever.
220
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,509
That's because
you interrupt me.
221
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,776
You keep saying,
222
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,313
"Get to the point, Edith.
Get to the point."
223
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,649
And that mixes me up
and I lose my place.
224
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:21,485
If I didn't interrupt you,
225
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,721
you wouldn't know
when you was finished.
226
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,524
Where are you going?
227
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:30,994
Edith, I'm going upstairs
to the reading room.
228
00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:32,830
Set the table.
229
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,131
Sure, Ma.
230
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,335
Ma, were you really
gonna leave Daddy?
231
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,137
Why, yes, I really was.
232
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,939
Well, what would you
have done then?
233
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,474
Get a divorce?
234
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,477
No, Gloria. Never.
235
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,580
I married your father
for better or for worse.
236
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,884
I'm just lucky the worse
got a little better.
237
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:54,885
[PHONE RINGS]
238
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,020
I'll get it.
239
00:10:57,022 --> 00:11:00,758
Hello. Oh, yeah.
Hello, Barney.
240
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,394
No. He's busy right now.
241
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,463
[TOILET FLUSHES]
242
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:12,536
Yeah. I'll give him a message.
243
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:17,875
You put his bet down for him?
Another bet?
244
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,411
Yeah. I'll tell him.
245
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,514
Ten dollars on Glow Worm
in the fifth.
246
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,949
Yeah. Goodbye.
247
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,952
Edith. Let me tell you
something about beer.
248
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:32,990
You can never buy beer.
You can only rent it.
249
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,228
Oh, look at you, Edith.
250
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,831
You ain't got no sense of humor
about certain things.
251
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,667
Did I hear the phone go off?
Yeah.
252
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,235
Well, who was it for?
253
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:46,604
It was for you!
254
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,773
For me? Well, who was it, huh?
255
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:52,943
It was Glow Worm in the fifth!
256
00:12:03,888 --> 00:12:04,888
Hi, everybody.
257
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,190
Hi, Gloria.
258
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,492
Hi, Michael, honey.
259
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:11,228
[BOTH MOUTHING SILENTLY]
260
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,699
Hey, Ma. Mmm!
Something sure smells good.
261
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,834
Yeah.
Boy, am I starved.
262
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,770
I'll do it tomorrow.
263
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,540
Ah, yeah, Ma.
That's a good idea.
264
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,907
Ah, tomorrow.
We'll do it tomorrow.
265
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,676
It's the best time
to do it.
266
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,144
Michael.
Oh, boy.
267
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,479
How long's
she been like this?
268
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,113
Ever since I got home
from school.
269
00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:31,382
It's 6:30. Where's Daddy?
270
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,050
I know. It's strange.
271
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,284
Half-past feeding time
272
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,020
and Papa Bear's
not sitting at the table.
273
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:40,624
Well, maybe he got caught
in the rush hour, same as I did.
274
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:44,228
Michael, did you know Daddy
slept on the couch last night?
275
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,663
You're kidding me!
276
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,231
Was that his idea or hers?
277
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,232
What's the difference?
278
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,233
I'd just like to know.
279
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,902
Did he abdicate
or was he dethroned?
280
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,537
Come on, Michael.
281
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:57,641
I never thought I'd see the day
when Ma would hit Daddy.
282
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,076
Yeah. Neither did I.
283
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:02,780
[LAUGHS]
284
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,248
It's the first time
285
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,049
I ever saw your father
with his mouth open
286
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:07,785
and nothing coming out.
287
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,620
Not funny.
I know.
288
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,121
[LAUGHS]
289
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,656
I can't help it, though.
290
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,726
Gloria, it's like when a guy
slips on a banana peel, right?
291
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,060
You laugh,
292
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,463
then you find out he broke
his leg and say "I'm sorry."
293
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,965
Well, right now, I'm not up
to the "I'm sorry" part yet.
294
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,067
Well, we can't let her
just sit there like that.
295
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,737
Let's go talk to her.
296
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,039
Ma.
297
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:31,776
Ma, is there anything
we can do to help?
298
00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:34,177
Oh, no.
I don't think so, Gloria.
299
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:37,214
I've got to figure
this out for myself.
300
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:40,083
Well, maybe it's not
as bad as you think.
301
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,085
I hope not.
302
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:46,457
You don't know how bad
the sickness can get.
303
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,527
Why, when we was living
on Union Street,
304
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,762
we had a used car.
305
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,831
And one day,
I was looking out the window
306
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:57,267
and I saw a man
driving off in it.
307
00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:58,502
I yelled at Archie,
308
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,839
"Archie, there's a man
stealing our car."
309
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,442
He says,
"He ain't stealing it, Edith."
310
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,945
I lost it to him last night."
311
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,147
That's terrible.
312
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,549
Yeah. It was.
313
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,551
But I didn't hit Archie then.
314
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,920
And I shouldn't have
hit him this time.
315
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,354
Ma, you couldn't help yourself.
316
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,491
I couldn't help Archie either.
317
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,494
Remember when you had
the chicken pox, Gloria?
318
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,195
I didn't hit you.
319
00:14:27,231 --> 00:14:29,700
What's that got to do
with anything?
320
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,502
Ooh, everything.
321
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:35,038
Gambling is a sickness too.
322
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,407
Oh, I don't know what
I'm gonna say to him
323
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,142
when he comes home tonight.
324
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:42,145
If he comes home tonight.
325
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,682
Oh, Ma.
Of course he'll come home.
326
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:49,019
I don't know, Gloria.
Your father is a very proud man.
327
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:53,757
He comes from a family where the
women didn't hit their husbands.
328
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:57,695
At least not when
they was looking at them.
329
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,931
Ma, Archie's had a whole day
to think about this.
330
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,833
By now, he probably
realizes it's his fault.
331
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,101
He's gonna walk in here,
332
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,970
he's not gonna say
anything about it.
333
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:09,039
And I don't believe
a word I just said.
334
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,841
Michael.
335
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:14,011
Ma, you lost your temper.
It could happen to anyone.
336
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:17,147
I never hit anybody
in my whole life.
337
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,083
Not even when
I was a little girl.
338
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:24,087
Not even Elsie Lawler.
339
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,089
Elsie Lawler?
340
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,125
I haven't heard you
talk about her. Who's she?
341
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,861
She sat behind me
in fourth grade.
342
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,830
Ooh, she was so mean to me.
343
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,264
What did she do?
344
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:38,869
Well, once in the playground,
I was running after a ball,
345
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,971
and she stuck her foot out
and tripped me
346
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:44,374
and I fell on my face
and chipped a tooth.
347
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:45,442
Ma, I would've hit her!
348
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,310
Everybody wanted me to.
349
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:51,481
Jerry Lawler offered to hold her
so I could hit her better.
350
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,251
Her own brother.
351
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:56,620
But I-- I couldn't do it.
352
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,956
I gave it to her, though.
353
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:03,460
I said, "All right for you,
Elsie Lawler!"
354
00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:07,965
She knew I was mad at her.
355
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:13,871
I never hit Elsie Lawler,
but I hit your father.
356
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,473
Give us another beer there,
will you, Kelsey?
357
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,677
You gonna drink
your dinner tonight, Arch?
358
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,912
Are you in the business
of asking stupid questions
359
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,647
or selling beer?
360
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,649
I was just asking--
Asking me a stupid question.
361
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,384
Can't you find nobody
else to talk to?
362
00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:31,488
Arch, there ain't
nobody else in here.
363
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,958
That solves your problem,
then. Shut up.
364
00:16:36,194 --> 00:16:37,628
Hey, Kelse!
365
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,363
Give me one of them
tall, cold ones, huh?
366
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:41,765
Hiya, Arch.
367
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,433
Don't be giving me that
"Hiya, Arch" stuff,
368
00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:44,768
you crumb, you.
369
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,871
Hey, look, pal. I'm sorry
that your horse lost.
370
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,773
But I wasn't riding him,
you know.
371
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,976
That ain't the point.
372
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,377
Why did you have
to call me up at my house?
373
00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:57,748
Because I figured that's
where your phone was.
374
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,484
Look at me, Barney.
I ain't laughing at that.
375
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:01,752
Ah!
Listen!
376
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,154
Edith was not supposed to know
I was betting on a horse.
377
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:07,190
Oh! Keeping secrets from
the little wifey, huh?
378
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,926
That ain't nice, Arch.
379
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,995
What did Edith say
when she found out?
380
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:16,100
Well, it wasn't what she said,
it was the way she said it.
381
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,768
I get it.
382
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,303
You're in the doghouse and
you're afraid to go home, huh?
383
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,106
I ain't afraid to go home.
384
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,141
Hey, Arch. You want to get
Edith back in line,
385
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,609
you got to do what I did.
386
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,545
Awwww-- What?
387
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:32,149
When Mabel gave me a bad time,
I didn't stay out, I went home.
388
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:35,052
But I ignored her, made believe
she wasn't even there.
389
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,387
Ah, it wouldn't work with Edith.
390
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,524
I do that even when
I ain't mad at her.
391
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,127
Arch, you don't understand.
392
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:46,063
I gave her the cold shoulder.
I didn't even go near her.
393
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:50,000
Not downstairs, nor upstairs,
if you get my drift.
394
00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:53,537
Oh, you done that, huh?
395
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:57,074
For two whole weeks.
Drove her right up the wall.
396
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,475
Hee-hee-hee!
397
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:04,014
Ah, no, that'd be punishing
Edith too hard.
398
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,583
You see, Arch, there's
your trouble right there.
399
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,018
You're too soft-hearted.
400
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,687
I know, Barney.
What am I gonna do?
401
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,055
That's the way I am.
402
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,256
Well, if you don't want
to do it the quiet way,
403
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,725
then you'd better
start hollering.
404
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,259
When a woman
gets out of line,
405
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,460
she wants to be
straightened out.
406
00:18:17,462 --> 00:18:19,163
They're just like kids.
407
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,031
I know all that.
408
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,934
Yeah, I know you know all that.
But what are you doing about it?
409
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,535
Hmm?
410
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:26,870
Huh?
411
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,672
I'll show you what
I'm gonna do about it.
412
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,374
I'll see the two
of youse later.
413
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:32,743
Go get her, Arch!
414
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,712
[LAUGHS]
What's with you, Barney?
415
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,479
Did you see the look
on his face?
416
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,182
It's gonna be murder
at his house.
417
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:39,950
You've got him
all steamed up.
418
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,253
What are friends for?
419
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:45,956
Gloria!
420
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,390
Gloria!
421
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:48,625
Yeah, Michael, what is it?
422
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,427
I just saw your father
turning the corner.
423
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:51,795
He'll be here
any minute.
424
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,197
Oh, Ma. Did you hear that?
425
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,565
Yeah. I ain't looking
forward to this.
426
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,701
Now, don't you let him
walk all over you.
427
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,838
Gloria, let me
handle this my way.
428
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,742
And, please, this is private
between Archie and me.
429
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,377
Right, Ma.
We'll be upstairs.
430
00:19:22,627 --> 00:19:25,062
I'm glad you're alone, Edith,
because there's some things--
431
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,364
You get away from me.
Huh?
432
00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:38,075
I said, you get away from me,
433
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,377
unless you got something
to say to me.
434
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,379
I got something
to say to you.
435
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,781
You hit me!
And you hurt me!
436
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,649
And I demand
an apology!
437
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:48,718
It's you that's gotta
apologize to me.
438
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,487
I gotta?
439
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:56,126
That's like asking Pearl Harbor
to apologize to the Japs!
440
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,695
Oh, Archie.
I don't want to argue.
441
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,398
I've been worrying
about you all day.
442
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,133
Yeah, well,
you should've been!
443
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,734
Because you hit me
and you hurt me.
444
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:07,337
Did I ever hit you
for any reason?
445
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,639
I never gave you
any reason.
446
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,743
That don't make
no difference!
447
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:16,579
You know, a lot of wives
get belted by their husbands,
448
00:20:16,581 --> 00:20:18,816
whether they deserve it or not.
449
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:22,886
Archie, I could forgive you
for hitting me,
450
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,290
but I don't think
I could ever forgive you
451
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:29,026
for making me hit you.
452
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,629
What does that mean?
453
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:35,098
It means you lied to me.
454
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,168
Listen, Edith, listen.
455
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:42,639
You know, I still ain't
got no feeling over here.
456
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:46,176
I was standing right here,
looking at you, smiling at you,
457
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,880
and you slugged the smile
right off of me.
458
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:53,183
Now, I demand an apology.
459
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,452
Archie, can I
read you something?
460
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:58,521
Don't read me nothing, Edith.
I want an apology.
461
00:20:58,523 --> 00:20:59,756
This is an apology.
462
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,662
Well, I didn't ask you
to write it out.
463
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:08,431
But as long as you done that,
that's okay too.
464
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,736
All right. Go ahead.
Read it to me.
465
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,339
"I'm sorry
for what I've done.
466
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:19,009
"I don't know how I could have
done such a terrible thing
467
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:22,346
"to someone who's been
so good to me.
468
00:21:24,782 --> 00:21:27,684
"I promise never to do it again.
469
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:30,087
I hope you can forgive me."
470
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:32,756
Good.
471
00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,992
It ain't the fanciest writing
in the world,
472
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:38,362
but then you ain't no
Henry Woolworth Longfellow.
473
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,533
It's an apology
and, all right, then, I accept.
474
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:46,403
I didn't write this,
Archie, you did.
475
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,971
Huh?
476
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,506
Twenty years ago,
477
00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:53,576
when I was gonna leave you
because you was gambling,
478
00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:55,145
you wrote this.
479
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,546
I did not!
480
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:59,216
Oh, yeah. See, here it is,
your own handwriting.
481
00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:01,618
"Dearest Edith, I'm sorry--"
482
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:04,521
Don't read it again,
will you?!
483
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:07,391
Now, you set me up
for that thing, Edith.
484
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:08,926
But that don't count.
485
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,128
You ain't gonna get away with
it. That letter's too old.
486
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,930
What I mean to say,
it's expired.
487
00:22:14,999 --> 00:22:16,599
Archie,
488
00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:21,071
all you've got to do is
change the date on this letter
489
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:24,975
and sign it right here
under the P.S. that you wrote.
490
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:31,681
See, "P.S., I swear to God
I'll never gamble again."
491
00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,017
And while you're doing that,
492
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:39,022
I'll tell you how sorry
I am that I hit you.
493
00:22:50,234 --> 00:22:52,535
Get me a pencil, Edith!
494
00:22:59,510 --> 00:23:03,780
Look at her, she whips
it out like Matt Dillon.
495
00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:05,715
Give it here.
496
00:23:10,788 --> 00:23:14,557
You're a pip,
you know that, Edith?
497
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:18,261
A real...pip.
498
00:23:26,937 --> 00:23:28,305
Edith!
499
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:29,906
Oh, hello, Archie.
500
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:33,076
There you are.
Yeah.
501
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,544
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
502
00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,246
Wait a minute, Edith.
503
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,148
Did you have the exterminator
in here today?
504
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:39,582
No.
505
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:41,284
Well, what were
you doing anyway?
506
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:42,685
You spraying for roaches
or something?
507
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,121
No.
508
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:47,391
Hold it. Hold it.
Stand back. Stand back.
509
00:23:47,393 --> 00:23:50,894
I think that's
coming off of you.
510
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:55,332
Oh, Gloria let me use some
of that perfume you gave her.
511
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,967
Don't you--?
512
00:23:57,969 --> 00:23:59,302
Don't you like it?
513
00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:01,538
Ah, Edith, yeah, sure.
514
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:06,410
But, uh...I don't think
it's for indoors, you know.
515
00:24:06,412 --> 00:24:10,247
I think that perfume
was for going out.
516
00:24:10,249 --> 00:24:12,382
Uh, why don't you take a bath.
517
00:24:33,704 --> 00:24:37,240
[♪]
518
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:41,311
ANNOUNCER:
All in The Family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
519
00:24:41,361 --> 00:24:45,911
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37933
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
