Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,637
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,944
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,247
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:23,655
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:30,095
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,396
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:36,501
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:40,772
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:45,744
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:56,788
[BELL DINGS]
13
00:00:58,691 --> 00:00:59,858
What was that, Ma?
14
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,560
My timer.
15
00:01:05,264 --> 00:01:07,265
Uh, doesn't that mean
you have to do something?
16
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,469
No, it's my reminder timer.
17
00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:15,406
It reminds me
that in five minutes
18
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,309
I gotta turn off the oven.
19
00:01:22,247 --> 00:01:24,783
Why didn't you set the timer
for five minutes later?
20
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:28,153
Oh, no, I might be
in the middle of something...
21
00:01:29,288 --> 00:01:31,156
like if I was on the telephone,
22
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,158
I'd have to hang up right away,
23
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,126
and that wouldn't be polite.
24
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,102
But what if somebody calls you
five minutes from now?
25
00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:53,011
I never thought of that.
26
00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:58,116
Maybe I better set it
10 minutes ahead.
27
00:02:00,052 --> 00:02:01,052
[DOOR OPENS]
28
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,188
Hidey-ho, everybody!
29
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,690
Hello, Archie.
30
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,192
How was your day?
31
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:10,461
Oh, Edith,
my day was great.
32
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,198
Oh, did
something good happen?
33
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,999
No, Edith, I mean,
nothing good happened.
34
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:16,334
I mean,
this is New York.
35
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:19,604
If nothing bad happens,
it's a great day, right?
36
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,405
Like I got on the subway
this morning,
37
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:23,775
and... it went.
38
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,176
Then the second
miracle of the day
39
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,978
was when the oil from
your tuna fish sandwich
40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:31,182
didn't leak through
onto my Twinkies.
41
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:32,984
Then to top off
the whole day,
42
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,019
I won a buck bet from
Stretch Cunningham.
43
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,454
How did you do that?
44
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,989
Wait till you hear.
45
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,858
We was all sitting around
at lunchtime talking, see,
46
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,092
and I says to Stretch,
47
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,560
"Hey, I was watching
a bowling tournament.
48
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,629
I see a guy,
he bowled 301."
49
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:45,864
Stretch says,
"That can't be."
50
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,265
I says,
"Oh, no? You wanna bet?
51
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,666
Put your money
where your mouth is."
52
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,268
So the dumb sucker
bets me a buck.
53
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,603
He hollers,
"Hey, Arch, you lost.
54
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:55,206
"In bowling,
300 is a perfect game.
55
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,475
How could a guy bowl 301?"
56
00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,912
I says, "Did you ever see
a guy bowl 300 and lose?"
57
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,480
You get it, huh?
58
00:03:03,916 --> 00:03:05,950
Oh, yeah.
59
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:09,954
He lost because
somebody else bowled 301.
60
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,527
No, no, no, Edith,
61
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,497
y-y-you--
you can only bowl 300, see?
62
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:22,233
Then you didn't
tell Stretch the truth,
63
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:25,736
because you said
the man bowled 301.
64
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:29,073
No, I didn't mean "one" one.
I meant him, the guy, won.
65
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:32,911
Then why didn't you explain
that to Stretch?
66
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,614
Because then he wouldn't
have bet with me, Edith.
67
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,617
You see, in bowling,
you got 10 frames there.
68
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,585
See, I mean, you're
supposed to get a certain...
69
00:03:41,587 --> 00:03:42,887
Each frame you get a...
70
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,689
I mean,
if you get 30 from each frame...
71
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,224
Ah, forget it!
72
00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,095
You don't understand bowling.
73
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,464
No, Arch, what she doesn't
understand is larceny.
74
00:03:56,902 --> 00:03:59,103
Was I talking to you?
75
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:00,805
Edith,
what's for supper?
76
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,209
Oh, something special.
It's Gloria's birthday.
77
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,443
It's Gloria's
birthday again?
78
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:06,444
That's right, Arch.
79
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,745
They come once a year, regular.
80
00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,649
I still ain't talking to you.
81
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,517
Just think, Archie,
82
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:17,655
our little girl
is 23 years old.
83
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,623
It just seems
like yesterday
84
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:22,327
when I was changing
her diaper.
85
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:23,594
Do you remember
86
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,530
how you used to play
peek-a-boo with Gloria?
87
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,166
Oh, oh,
forget that, huh?
88
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:32,203
Oh, Mike,
Gloria just loved that game.
89
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,239
She used to make Archie
play it with her
90
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,240
all the time.
91
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,275
Do we have to get into this?
92
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,443
Archie used
to crawl around
93
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,312
on his hands and knees,
94
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:44,382
and then he'd come up
from under the crib
95
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,717
and say,"Peek-a-boo, I see you."
96
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:47,986
[LAUGHING]
97
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:51,155
And Gloria would
laugh and laugh.
98
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:53,124
Wasn't you on your way
to the kitchen?
99
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,792
Oh!
100
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,929
Oh, don't tell Gloria
anything about her birthday.
101
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,264
I wanna surprise her.
102
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,699
I'm gonna put the
candles on the cake.
103
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:19,784
"Peek-a-boo, I see you"?
104
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:23,988
Somehow I just can't
picture you doing that.
105
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,391
Well, try
picturing this...
106
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,192
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
107
00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:32,030
Hi, everybody.
108
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,664
Oh, hi, Gloria.
How are you?
109
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:34,665
Hmm.
110
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,666
You look a little down.
111
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,935
You have
a rough day today?
112
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,336
No, but I got
a rotten headache.
113
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,737
It's that time
of the month again.
114
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,974
Oh, hey, hey, hey there,
little girl, huh?
115
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,676
Try talking delicate
in front of your father.
116
00:05:47,179 --> 00:05:48,612
Oh, hi, Gloria.
117
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:49,914
Hi, Ma.
118
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,951
Mike, would you clear
your books off the table?
119
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,353
Sure, Ma. Gloria, maybe you
ought to lie down for a while.
120
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,554
No, I'll just sit here.
121
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:57,822
What's the matter?
122
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,691
Nothing serious, Ma.
Just that time of the month.
123
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:03,594
Hey, do I have
to hear about this?
124
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:06,230
Oh, Daddy,
it's a normal human function.
125
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:10,034
I don't like to hear
about normal human functions.
126
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:14,538
Gloria, maybe your father
would rather hear,
127
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,741
"It's Mother Nature
come to call."
128
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,920
All right,
if you got to talk about it,
129
00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,423
that would be a little nicer,
more ladylike, yeah.
130
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,192
Well,
why do I have to be ladylike?
131
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,060
I mean,
what's there to be ashamed of?
132
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,062
Would you believe
there's a girl who works with me
133
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,465
who says, "I just got
a visit from my friend"?
134
00:06:44,769 --> 00:06:47,238
All right,
that's kind of nice too.
135
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:54,278
Oh, remember Mrs. Carmody,
the one who had 11 children?
136
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,015
She used to call it
"the blessing."
137
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:08,459
Now, that is enough of this!
138
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,928
I don't wanna hear nothing
more about women's problems.
139
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,297
You don't hear men complaining
about their problems, do you?
140
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,932
That's because men don't
have any problems
141
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,167
compared to women.
142
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,302
And that's God's will,
so forget it.
143
00:07:20,305 --> 00:07:21,539
You mean God's mistake.
144
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,607
Hey, hey.
145
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,543
Hey, God don't make no mistakes.
146
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,512
That's how he got to be God.
147
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:33,684
Don't be blaming nothing on God
148
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:35,219
that youse women brung
on yourselves.
149
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,021
What?
150
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,756
Yes, that's right!
151
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,724
You don't believe me,
read your Bible.
152
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,294
Read your story
of Adam and Eve there.
153
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,595
I mean, Adam and Eve,
154
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,197
they had it pretty soft
out in paradise.
155
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,331
They had no problems.
156
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:50,234
They didn't even know
they was naked.
157
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,271
But Eve, she wasn't
satisfied with that, see?
158
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:54,939
And then one day,
against direct orders,
159
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,275
she made poor Adam
eat that apple.
160
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,609
God got sore.
161
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,010
He told them,
"Get your clothes on
162
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,679
and get the hell out of here."
163
00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:05,616
That's why that Eve was cursed,
164
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,851
and that's why they call it...
what do you call it?
165
00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:09,153
"The curse."
166
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,557
Well, there you have it, Gloria,
167
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,626
direct from
the Reverend Archie Bunker:
168
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,095
The true story
of menstruation.
169
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:20,231
Shush...
with that kind of a word!
170
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,633
Oh, Daddy, there's
nothing wrong with that word.
171
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,268
You know something?
172
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,104
It's your kind
of male chauvinist thinking
173
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,573
that's made women feel
guilty for thousands of years.
174
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:29,940
What are you talking about?
175
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:32,343
I'm the kind of a guy
that always looked up to women.
176
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,979
I always put them up there
on a puh-destal.
177
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,283
Well, we don't want
to be up on a "puh-destal."
178
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,152
We want to be treated
like equals.
179
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,854
You can't be treated
like equals because you ain't.
180
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,089
You're the weaker sex,
181
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,091
and we got to protect you
and learn youse things.
182
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,328
He just proved everything
Germaine Greer said.
183
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,364
I don't even know the guy.
Who is he?
184
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,233
Arch,
Germaine Greer is a woman,
185
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,867
and she wrote a book
on women's rights.
186
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,169
It's called
The Female Eunuch.
187
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,770
Ah, there ain't no
such thing as that.
188
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:01,205
Oh, yes, there is.
189
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,640
That's what men have
made of women.
190
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:06,544
There can't be no such thing
as a female eunuch,
191
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,546
because the what you got
to lose to be that,
192
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,248
you ain't got that
in the first place.
193
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:13,817
Arch, Germaine Greer
was just using
194
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:15,553
the term figuratively.
195
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,788
She meant that women have
been mentally castrated.
196
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,857
Shush!
197
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,792
What are you shushing me
for now?
198
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:24,595
He's upset because you used
the word "castrated."
199
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:28,299
If you know the word upsets me,
why are you using it again?
200
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:31,235
Oh, Daddy, anything
about sex upsets you
201
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,403
because you're
narrow-minded
202
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,004
and puritanical!
Hey, watch that!
203
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:36,541
And what's more,
you're just plain stupid!
204
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,977
Do you hear the way
you are talking to your father?
205
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,580
Gloria,
can I see you in the kitchen?
206
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,914
All right, Ma,
207
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,516
but I meant
every single word I said.
208
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,517
Oh, no, she didn't.
209
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,620
Yes, I did.
210
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,255
Why don't you two sit down...
211
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,491
[WHISPERS]
and get ready for the cake.
212
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,326
Gloria, I don't think
you should talk
213
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,795
to your father
that way.
214
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,497
I know you ain't
feeling good,
215
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,131
but he's your father.
216
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,533
Yeah, but that doesn't
make him right
217
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,535
and when he's wrong,
I'm going to tell him so.
218
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,637
But you didn't tell
him he was wrong,
219
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,239
you told him
he was stupid.
220
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,873
Well, he was.
221
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,775
Oh, Gloria,
you ought to have
222
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,011
more respect
for your father.
223
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,013
Ma, didn't you hear
the things he was saying
224
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,315
about women out there?
225
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,550
And that includes me...
and you too, Ma!
226
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,920
But that ain't
no way to argue.
227
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,856
I get mad at your father
lots of times,
228
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,925
but I don't
call him stupid.
229
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,027
I know.
You don't do anything.
230
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,662
Oh, yes, I do.
231
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,163
What?
232
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:36,834
I come into the kitchen
and I make myself a cup of tea.
233
00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:39,903
Well,
what good does that do?
234
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:41,805
Well, I go back in,
235
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,575
and Archie forgot
what we was arguing about,
236
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,444
so I won,
only he don't know it.
237
00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:53,951
Ma, you're
just giving in to him.
238
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:55,219
Not really.
239
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,655
Yes, you are!
Daddy always gets his way!
240
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,022
Not always.
241
00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:01,692
Oh, Ma, you let him
walk all over you.
242
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,193
He's turned you
into a doormat!
243
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:06,196
[GASPS] A doormat?
244
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,832
Right or wrong,
whatever Daddy says, goes.
245
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,669
Your whole life
revolves around Daddy.
246
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,836
That ain't true!
247
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,639
Ma, you ain't got
a life of your own.
248
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,240
Gloria, I do...
249
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,209
Ma, marriage is supposed
to be a partnership.
250
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:21,279
Well, you're not a half,
not even a quarter.
251
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,546
You're a nothing, a zero!
252
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:24,415
Gloria!
253
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:27,418
And even if you stood up to him
10 times as much as you do,
254
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,553
10 times nothing is
still nothing!
255
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:31,689
What's going on out
there? Where's dinner?
256
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,424
Is that all
you ever think about, dinner?
257
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,825
When I'm sitting
at the dinner table,
258
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,295
yeah,
I think about dinner!
259
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,896
Now, go ask your mother
where it is.
260
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,299
No, I'm not going
in there again.
261
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,433
Gloria,
are you all right?
262
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,134
Yes.
263
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:53,977
Well,
I heard a joke today.
264
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:55,746
Would anybody else care
to hear it?
265
00:12:00,752 --> 00:12:03,487
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I'd like to hear it.
266
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,289
I love a good joke.
267
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,590
All right, this here Scotchman,
268
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:08,258
he invites
a pal of his to dinner.
269
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,860
He says,
"When you come to the house,
270
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,061
"ring the bell with your elbow
271
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,463
and I'll answer
the door for you."
272
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,065
The guy says, "Why I got
to ring the bell with my elbow?"
273
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,535
The Scotchman says, "You ain't
coming empty-handed, are you?"
274
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,570
[LAUGHS]
275
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,838
[FORCES LAUGHTER]
276
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,474
Ha... ha.
277
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:27,645
Nothing from you, huh?
278
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,646
The meathead laughed.
279
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,681
I don't think
he even got it.
280
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,783
Hey, oh! Look
what's coming here!
281
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,385
Oh, happy birthday!
Surprise!
282
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,286
Here we are,
here we are.
283
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:37,621
[SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"]
284
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,990
♪ Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you ♪
285
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,092
♪ Happy birthday, dear Gloria ♪
286
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,994
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
287
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,162
Oh, Ma...
288
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,030
I don't want to talk
to you no more!
289
00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,509
[SIGHS]
290
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:05,382
[SIGHS MUSICALLY]
291
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:13,958
[SIGHS DRAMATICALLY]
292
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:24,635
Hey, Edith...
293
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,872
Not now, Archie.
I ain't in the mood.
294
00:13:38,216 --> 00:13:40,484
For what?
295
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:45,322
For nothing.
Go back to sleep.
296
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,624
How can I sleep
297
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,291
with all the noise you're
making here?
298
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:51,962
You're heaving enough sighs
to blow up an inner tube.
299
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:58,035
I'm sorry, Archie,
but I just can't sleep.
300
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:00,203
Well, why don't you
get it off your chest?
301
00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:03,240
What happened
between you and Gloria?
302
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,877
I can't talk
about it, Archie.
303
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,145
Well, don't you want me
304
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,580
to help you
with the problem?
305
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,181
Oh, yeah.
306
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,652
[GENTLY] Well, then just tell me
what the problem is.
307
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,920
[RUDELY] I'll tell you
"Forget it,"
308
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,788
and we'll both go to sleep!
309
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:22,860
No, I can't, Archie,
310
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,828
but I'll try not to
bother you no more.
311
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,830
Please, huh?
312
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,866
Jeez.
313
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,467
[GROANS]
314
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:34,071
[GASPS]
315
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,806
What?!
316
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:42,145
Archie, do you think
I'm a nothing?
317
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,847
What kind
of a question is that
318
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,617
to ask me
at 2:30 in the morning?
319
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,719
Oh, I'm sorry.
320
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,755
"Nothing" just came
into my mind.
321
00:14:53,024 --> 00:14:55,459
It must have felt
right at home there.
322
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,965
I don't understand you.
Why can't you tell me?
323
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,566
I mean, isn't that what
a husband's for,
324
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,801
to talk things over with?
325
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,903
A husband's also for shutting up
326
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,671
when his wife doesn't
feel like talking.
327
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,974
I'm gonna ignore
that last remark,
328
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,842
because I know you only said it
329
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,043
because you're not feeling well
330
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,377
and you really didn't mean it.
331
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,179
Oh, shut up, Michael.
332
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,581
Now, that one you meant.
333
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,583
That "shut up"
I didn't like at all, Gloria,
334
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,585
and we're gonna
get to the bottom of this.
335
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,920
We're not going to sleep.
336
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,322
You tell me why you got
into a fight with your mother!
337
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:26,556
Because I love her.
338
00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:27,691
What?
339
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,027
I felt I had to tell her
the truth about herself.
340
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,229
Oh, and because of that,
now she's not speaking to you?
341
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:33,497
[MOCKING MICHAEL] Yes.
342
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,833
Oh, come on, Gloria.
343
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,601
What are you trying to tell me?
344
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:38,902
I know your mother.
345
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,704
I've been living with her
for over two years.
346
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:41,805
She's a marvelous woman.
347
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,373
Are you saying I'm not?
348
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,242
No, no, I'm not saying that,
but, uh...
349
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:46,376
[MOCKING MICHAEL]
"But, uh" what?
350
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:47,811
But, uh...
351
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:49,647
"But, uh" what? What? What?
But what?
352
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,181
But you're not like your mother.
353
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,716
Well, thank God for that.
354
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:53,884
You're like your father.
355
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,218
What?
356
00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:59,556
Gloria, you have a very,
very quick temper.
357
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,525
Sometimes you're given
to some very nasty remarks.
358
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,227
Okay, Michael, so you don't
like the way I talk.
359
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,629
What else don't you like
about me?
360
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,897
Nothing, nothing.
361
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,932
Some of your nasty remarks
are very cute.
362
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,134
Oh, ho...
363
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,370
Okay...
I got a nasty temper.
364
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:14,672
What else is
wrong with me?
365
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,306
Gloria, this is no
time to stand here
366
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,908
and make a list
of all your faults.
367
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,211
Oh! I got so many faults
you can't list them, huh?
368
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,412
I must be a real mess.
369
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,613
Is that what
you're saying, Michael?
370
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:24,614
Is that what you're saying
371
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:25,615
[BELLOWING]
Will you calm down?
372
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:26,950
You'll wake up the whole house!
373
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:36,927
Archie,
I don't think
374
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,461
you should
listen like that.
375
00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:39,897
This is the best way.
376
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,966
You can hear better
through a glass.
377
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,936
I mean,
what they're saying is private.
378
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,939
Oh, well, if it stays
on their side, it's all right,
379
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,374
but anything that leaks
through my wall into my room,
380
00:16:51,376 --> 00:16:53,243
I can listen to.
381
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,045
I was right.
I was right.
382
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:56,279
When you talk like
that, you're
383
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:57,881
just as boneheaded
as your father!
384
00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:01,719
Hey! I heard that!
385
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,353
Hey, you stop listening
in there!
386
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,722
What was that?
387
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:05,956
I said, "stop listening!"
388
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:06,824
[SCREAMS]
389
00:17:18,236 --> 00:17:20,570
Archie, does it hurt?
390
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,006
Certainly it hurts!
391
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:26,043
Serves you right
for listening.
392
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,244
You can
stop listening now.
393
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,511
The fight is over.
394
00:17:28,513 --> 00:17:30,347
The fight might be over
between you and him,
395
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,681
but not between him and me.
396
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,150
How dares
he call me a bonehead?
397
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,852
And how did you hear that?
398
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:37,087
Did you have your hot little ear
pressed against the wall?
399
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,255
No!
400
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:40,590
He listened
with this glass.
401
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,126
Give me that.
402
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:44,128
Well, I have one final thing
to say to you.
403
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,129
Get away from me.
404
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:46,130
[YELLING] Good night!
405
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:46,997
Ah!
406
00:17:48,599 --> 00:17:49,867
Excuse me.
407
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:50,901
You! You!
What? What?
408
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,403
[SCREAMS]
409
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,077
He made more sense
410
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,578
when he was coming
through the glass.
411
00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:06,316
All right, Gloria,
412
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:07,918
get off the couch
and come back upstairs.
413
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,452
Let's go.
Leave me alone.
414
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:10,854
Gloria, I'm in no mood
for games.
415
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:11,955
I'm your husband.
416
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,824
Get off the couch
and come back upstairs.
417
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,625
Get lost.
418
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:16,927
All right.
All right.
419
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,528
I can see you're
acting like a child.
420
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,930
That's right, you're
acting like a child.
421
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,131
I'm not acting
like a child!
422
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,100
I'm going to have
to treat you like one.
423
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,301
You're coming back upstairs.
Let's go!
424
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:25,502
Oh, Archie, look,
it's all right.
425
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:26,503
They made up.
426
00:18:37,648 --> 00:18:38,916
You hit me!
427
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:39,917
Oh, Michael...
428
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,584
You hit me across the face.
429
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:42,585
Oh, I didn't mean...
430
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:43,586
You hit me!
431
00:18:43,588 --> 00:18:44,988
You hit me!
Did you see that?
432
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,924
Yeah, it was worth
getting up for.
433
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,194
Stop it, Daddy.
434
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,628
Michael,
are you all right?
435
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,630
No, no, I'm not all right!
I'm not all right!
436
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,265
A person who gets
hit across the face
437
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:56,266
is never all right!
438
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,267
You hit me!
439
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:58,335
Stop saying that!
440
00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,937
What do you want me to say,
Gloria?
441
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,706
"Thank you very much,"
and then turn the other cheek?
442
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,607
Yeah, go ahead.
I'd love to see a replay.
443
00:19:05,743 --> 00:19:07,244
Will you stay
out of this!
444
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,446
Mike, would you like me
to get you a cold towel
445
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:10,613
for your face?
446
00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:11,949
[LAUGHING]
You see that?
447
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:12,950
There's
the difference
448
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,218
between you and
your mother, Gloria.
449
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,053
You hit me, and she
worries about me.
450
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,222
Oh, Michael, stop
being such a crybaby.
451
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,489
I didn't hit
you that hard.
452
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,557
That's not the point,
Gloria.
453
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:21,992
That's not the point
at all!
454
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,393
Ma, let me
ask you a question.
455
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:24,394
Did you ever hit Archie?
456
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:25,562
Oh, no!
457
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:26,763
Oh, you're damn
right she didn't.
458
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:27,764
Yeah, you see that?
459
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:28,765
She never hit
your father.
460
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,367
And if anyone ever
deserved to be hit...
461
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:31,434
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
462
00:19:34,405 --> 00:19:37,774
I felt like
hitting him once...
463
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,243
when you lost
your whole paycheck
464
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,510
in that poker game.
465
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,912
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah,
but you didn't.
466
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,914
Oh, I couldn't hit you
while you was crying.
467
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,781
Aw!
468
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,618
I don't remember that!
469
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,053
That's because
you was drunk.
470
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,455
Aw! Lay off, will you?
471
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:54,057
Them things are
supposed to be private.
472
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,859
That's a strange word
coming from a man
473
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,727
who just had a glass
in his ear.
474
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:03,267
Come on, let's get
this over with, huh?
475
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:04,467
Why don't
you two make up?
476
00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:05,535
Ask him.
477
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,770
Well,
you're willing to make up?
478
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,671
Fine, I forgive you!
479
00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:10,840
Oh, thank you, Michael.
480
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,542
I'm sleeping on the couch.
481
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,111
What is the matter
with you now?
482
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,345
I said I forgive you!
483
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:16,746
You forgive me?
484
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:18,148
You pick me up like a child
485
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,250
and drag me upstairs
against my will,
486
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,351
and you forgive me?
487
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:24,121
Gloria,
if you understood one iota
488
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,989
about the psychology
of the male ego...
489
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,824
Don't you talk
down to me!
490
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,026
I'm not talking
down to you,
491
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,060
you're just being stupid!
492
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,494
Oh, now I'm being stupid, huh?
493
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:33,297
But I'm smart enough
to bring home the paycheck.
494
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,697
Oh!
495
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,099
Oh, that's
a great shot!
496
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:37,134
She got him there!
497
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,436
Oh! Oh!
498
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,538
There it is. There it is!
499
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,273
Now it's out in the open,
isn't it?
500
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,508
That's what's
really bugging you, isn't it?
501
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,311
You want to be the man
of the family.
502
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:48,578
You want to be the man?
503
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,780
All right, let's go all the way.
Take my pants!
504
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,749
Leave them
pants on!
505
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,952
Well, I didn't say that.
I didn't say anything like that.
506
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,453
Here come the pants!
507
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:57,854
[EDITH SQUEALS]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
508
00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,256
Michael, what are
you so uptight about?
509
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,891
Are you afraid you lost
your pants already?
510
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,893
If they're lost, I didn't
lose them. You took 'em!
511
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:05,095
And what kind of a man
512
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,830
lets his pants
be taken away from him?
513
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:09,032
Oh, are you saying what
I think you're trying to say?
514
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,133
I'm trying to find out
515
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,335
exactly what you're
trying to say!
516
00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:12,336
I'm saying
take my pants!
517
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:13,337
I don't want 'em!
518
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,839
I say stop it!
519
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,607
You two sit over there.
520
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:18,942
Go on.
521
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,344
Sit down and listen
to your mother.
522
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:21,378
And you listen too.
523
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:22,479
[GRUMBLING]
All right.
524
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:24,381
Well, hurry up,
will you? I'm tired.
525
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:27,951
Now...
526
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:31,054
When I was a little girl,
527
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:35,459
my mother and father got
into a terrible fight
528
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:39,229
that started just because
there wasn't enough maple syrup
529
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,198
for my father's pancakes.
530
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,732
Ma, what we're
arguing about here
531
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,701
is a little bit more
important than maple syrup.
532
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:48,472
Just a minute. I ain't finished.
533
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:53,110
They didn't talk to each other
for three whole weeks,
534
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,479
and even after they made up,
535
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:59,249
things was never the same
between them.
536
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:02,552
So before you two start
saying things to each other
537
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:04,921
that you'll never take back,
538
00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:10,127
stop and think how much
you really mean to each other.
539
00:22:11,795 --> 00:22:13,530
Now, I know maple syrup
540
00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:15,499
is just a little thing,
541
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:19,436
but would you rather break up
over something bigger?
542
00:22:23,541 --> 00:22:24,807
Gloria...
Michael...
543
00:22:26,544 --> 00:22:28,478
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
544
00:22:30,581 --> 00:22:31,981
Wanna go upstairs?
545
00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:33,550
Yeah.
546
00:22:38,756 --> 00:22:39,656
Ma...
547
00:22:42,726 --> 00:22:45,895
I'm sorry
I called you a nothing.
548
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:48,365
You're really something.
549
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,768
Oh... thanks, Gloria.
550
00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:55,272
Happy birthday.
551
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:56,373
Oh...
552
00:22:58,776 --> 00:23:00,510
Thank you, Ma. Good night.
553
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:07,250
Archie,
did you hear that?
554
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:09,719
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
555
00:23:11,589 --> 00:23:13,790
Do you think I'm something?
556
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:22,499
You, Edith, are something else.
557
00:23:25,169 --> 00:23:26,470
[GIGGLES]
558
00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:33,876
Archie,
it's 3:00 in the morning.
559
00:23:33,878 --> 00:23:35,445
We better get to bed.
560
00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:36,813
You ain't kidding.
561
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,248
Hey, hold it there.
Edith, hold it.
562
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,049
Yeah?
563
00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:42,352
You know, uh,
that was very nice,
564
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:44,087
that little story
you told the kids
565
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,122
about your mother
and father,
566
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,689
syrup and all,
you know.
567
00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:47,690
Made them think.
568
00:23:47,692 --> 00:23:49,692
I'm glad it helped.
569
00:23:49,694 --> 00:23:52,061
Yeah. Made me think too.
570
00:23:52,063 --> 00:23:53,930
That's nice.
571
00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:56,266
Made me think
about pancakes and syrup.
572
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:57,134
Get me some.
573
00:24:17,721 --> 00:24:20,524
[♪]
574
00:24:20,526 --> 00:24:24,494
ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
575
00:24:24,544 --> 00:24:29,094
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40711
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
