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00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:20,284
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,394
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:32,363
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,534
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,872
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
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♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:54,986
[SIGHS]
13
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,921
What's the
matter, Mike?
14
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,422
I don't know.
Something's missing.
15
00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:00,659
Not enough salt?
16
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:05,530
Not enough Archie.
It's too quiet around here.
17
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:08,099
Michael, don't tell me you
like arguing with Daddy.
18
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,300
I didn't say
I like it.
19
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,935
It's just that
I'm used to it.
20
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,804
My body is used to it.
21
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,405
When Archie's here,
I eat better.
22
00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:18,543
Well, don't worry, Mike.
23
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,046
He's only working overtime
tonight.
24
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,882
Tomorrow he'll be home
at his regular time,
25
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:27,518
and I'm sure he'll get
in a nice argument with you.
26
00:01:29,188 --> 00:01:31,389
Ma, this pot roast
was delicious.
27
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:32,691
Thank you.
28
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,726
Oh, I'll never forget
the first time
29
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,796
I made pot roast
for your father.
30
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,498
Only he wasn't
your father then.
31
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,967
We was just keeping company.
32
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,770
I invited him to my house
for dinner,
33
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,471
and I made him pot roast,
34
00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:52,343
and that was the first time
he ever called me "dingbat."
35
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,015
Well, that's awful,
36
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,416
even if he didn't
like your cooking.
37
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,451
Oh, no, he loved it.
38
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,853
Well, why'd he
call you "dingbat"?
39
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,387
Well, in them days,
40
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:07,692
Archie was too shy to call me
"sweetheart" or "darling,"
41
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:12,130
so instead he called me
his "little dingbat."
42
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,598
And you know what?
43
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,802
Ever since then, no matter
how mad he says "dingbat,"
44
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:21,806
I always hear
a little "sweetheart" in it.
45
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,608
That's lovely, Ma.
46
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,210
Hey, Ma, where'd Archie
get that word from
47
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,211
in the first place?
48
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,646
He inherited it from his father.
49
00:02:31,717 --> 00:02:35,186
What do you know?
"Dingbat," the Bunker heirloom.
50
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,089
Get away from me, all of youse.
51
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,090
Hi, Daddy.
EDITH: Hello, Archie.
52
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,291
I don't have
time for that.
53
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,459
I'll get your dinner.
54
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,261
I ain't got no time
for that neither, Edith.
55
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:44,262
It's all ready.
56
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,463
I ain't got no time,
Edith.
57
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,465
I just got time to get
myself a cheese sandwich
58
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,867
and a can of beer,
that's all.
59
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,268
But it won't take long.
60
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,303
Edith, I'm telling
you, I'm in a hurry.
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00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,106
I ain't even got time
to go up to the toilet.
62
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,910
Oh. Well, if you got to go,
63
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,079
you better pay
your little visit now.
64
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:04,149
I can wait, Edith,
65
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:07,118
if only you don't
talk about it.
66
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,587
But, Archie,
you know how you are.
67
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,256
You'll get halfway
to the subway,
68
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,792
and you'll have to come
running back.
69
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,195
That's how you missed
Mrs. Defendorpher's funeral.
70
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,463
Remember?
71
00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:20,598
I'm telling you,
72
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,800
this rushing around
is killing me.
73
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,368
Oh, why don't you
skip tonight?
74
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,271
I can't do that,
Edith.
75
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,606
I'm way behind already.
76
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:29,941
Jeez, oh, look
at this here!
77
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,143
Every hunk of cheese in
a piece of cellophane.
78
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,279
They'll be doing this
next with sardines!
79
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,781
I'll do it.
80
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,582
This job could mean
an awful lot to us,
81
00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:39,583
this new job.
82
00:03:39,585 --> 00:03:41,019
Yeah, I know, Archie,
83
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,653
but even if you
don't get it--
84
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:46,691
Don't say that, will you?
85
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,293
Look at me,
work hard all my life,
86
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,094
and what have I got
to show for it?
87
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:51,229
This job could mean
88
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,431
a thousand bucks a year
extra for the two of us.
89
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,133
Oh, Archie, money ain't
that important.
90
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,801
Oh... Not to
Rockefeller it ain't,
91
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,536
because he's got it.
92
00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,871
What about me here?
93
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,272
Oh, no, Edith,
a little extra dough,
94
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,007
I can get you
all them extra things
95
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,108
that you like,
you know?
96
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,677
But, Archie, I don't
need nothing.
97
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:09,647
You're gonna get them
whether you need them or not!
98
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:14,185
And besides...
99
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,753
it's hard work
I do out there
100
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,188
on that
loading platform
101
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,724
out in the cold
all the time.
102
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,726
Dispatcher's job, now,
there's something else.
103
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:22,961
All the dispatcher does
104
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,963
is push a pencil across
a desk all day long.
105
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,564
Another thing,
how do I know the boss
106
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,566
ain't going to go out
there on that loading dock
107
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:30,168
and replace me
with a younger guy someday?
108
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:33,504
Oh, Archie, that ain't
gonna happen to you.
109
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,772
Oh, people always say that.
110
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,274
"That ain't gonna
happen to you."
111
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,476
Then the first thing,
you turn around--
112
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:42,213
You know what I just tasted
going down?
113
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,614
No.
114
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,883
Cellophane off the cheese.
Thanks a million!
115
00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:52,257
I think what you're
doing is wonderful,
116
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,592
and I want you to know
I'm proud of you,
117
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:57,595
and Mike and Gloria
will be proud of you too.
118
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,197
Did you tell them
about this?
119
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,498
Oh, no, no.
120
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,100
You did! You told them
the secret, right?
121
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,834
No, no, Archie, they don't know.
122
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:06,170
If you don't believe me,
ask them.
123
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,372
I will.
124
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:12,043
You dingbat, you
almost had me do it.
125
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,345
What's the big rush,
Daddy?
126
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,480
The big rush, little girl,
is that I'm going bowling.
127
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:17,481
That's the rush.
128
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,683
Archie, don't you think
129
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:23,454
you'd better pay
your little visit upstairs?
130
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:28,326
No, I don't want to pay
the little visit upstairs.
131
00:05:30,796 --> 00:05:33,264
Ma, what's going on
with Daddy?
132
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,265
Nothing.
133
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,433
I think
it's something.
134
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:37,268
Well, he don't want to be late.
135
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,004
It's an important
bowling tournament.
136
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,272
Another tournament?
137
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,207
That's where Daddy said
he was going last week.
138
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,809
Oh.
139
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:47,045
Well, last week,
they was rained out.
140
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:53,918
Bowling, rained out?
141
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,886
Ma, are you keeping
something from us?
142
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,488
No.
GLORIA: Come on, Ma.
143
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,722
Doesn't it bother you
144
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:00,191
that Daddy's going out
all these nights?
145
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,460
Mm, no.
146
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:03,761
It's a nice change.
147
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,263
Ma...
148
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,564
Well, it's like
Bette Davis
149
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,232
used to say,
150
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:12,736
"Who wants a man hanging around
the house all the time, anyway?
151
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:13,938
Not me. Ha-ha, ha-ha."
152
00:06:18,743 --> 00:06:19,743
I'm going in there.
153
00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,145
Wait a second,
Gloria, wait a second.
154
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,380
Isn't it obvious
155
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,982
your mother doesn't
want to talk about it?
156
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,583
She'll tell us when
she's good and ready.
157
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,018
I can't wait till then.
158
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:27,885
Gloria!
159
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,062
GLORIA: Come on,
Michael!
160
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,063
Ma...
161
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,898
Hi, uh, we just
came in to say
162
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,166
that we're late
for the movies.
163
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,267
We gotta go.
Goodbye.
164
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,268
Goodbye.
So long.
165
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,204
Michael,
I want to find out
166
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,438
what's going on
around here.
167
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,240
Gloria, if your mother
doesn't want to tell us,
168
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,408
that is her privilege.
169
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,610
Privacy is guaranteed us
by the Bill of Rights
170
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,778
when Archie's not home.
171
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,514
Now, please, don't be
so nosy. Let's go.
172
00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:58,916
All right, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
173
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:02,186
Hey, Michael, look what
Daddy left under my hat,
174
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,221
his bowling ball.
175
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:10,661
Ma!
176
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,297
Yeah? What is it?
177
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:15,166
Oh.
178
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:18,403
How could Daddy
go bowling without this?
179
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,905
Maybe he's the referee.
180
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:22,640
Ma!
181
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,942
There's no referee
in bowling.
182
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,145
Oh, Gloria,
I'm sorry,
183
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,947
but I promised Archie
I wouldn't tell you.
184
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,782
But, Ma,
that was before
185
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,217
we found
the bowling ball,
186
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,485
so if you tell us
187
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,287
something that
we already know,
188
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,988
that's not breaking
a promise.
189
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,958
Oh, yeah.
190
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,561
All right, I'll tell you.
191
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,331
Archie didn't go bowling
tonight.
192
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,604
We already
know that, Ma.
193
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,073
Come on.
194
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:59,277
Gloria, you must never tell
Archie I told you.
195
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,311
Well, you see,
196
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,147
there's this
dispatcher's job
197
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,217
down at the plant
that he wants to get.
198
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,486
What's that got to do
with his going out nights?
199
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:12,790
Oh, Archie never wanted
you two to know this.
200
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:16,660
You see, he had to leave school
to get a job
201
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:20,331
and help his family,
so he never graduated.
202
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,766
Oh, I see.
203
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,102
You see what?
204
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,270
Archie's going back
to high school.
205
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:30,374
Oh, my, I'm glad I didn't have
to tell you.
206
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:31,509
[TOILET FLUSHES]
207
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:37,047
[TOILET FLUSHES]
208
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,082
Who's that, Ma?
209
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,883
Sounds like Archie.
210
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,287
He left
five minutes ago.
211
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,924
He never made it
to the subway.
212
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:47,992
Archie...
213
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,594
All right, Edith,
Get out of my way!
214
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:50,995
I'm in a hurry.
And you, Meathead,
215
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,131
put my bowling ball
back in the clo--
216
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,538
What are you doing
with my bowling ball?
217
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,873
Uh...
218
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,375
Gloria gave it to me.
219
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,543
You told them.
220
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,544
EDITH: No, Archie,
I didn't.
221
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,845
Yes, you did.
222
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,047
You told them the secret
about me going to high school.
223
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,882
I can tell by the bowling ball.
224
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:15,186
Daddy, Ma didn't want
to say anything,
225
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,787
but I pried
it out of her.
226
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:17,888
She shouldn't have told youse.
227
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,223
Besides, I think
228
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,891
what you're doing
is wonderful.
229
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,726
Yeah, Arch,
we're all proud of you.
230
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,894
Aw...
231
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,496
Hey, just so you didn't
graduate high school,
232
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,697
that's nothing
to be ashamed of.
233
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:27,698
As a matter of fact,
234
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,300
that was a great
thing that you did.
235
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,101
There are not many guys
who would quit school
236
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,270
to help support
their families.
237
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:02,366
Oh.
238
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:03,468
I'm sorry.
239
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,969
Must've been
doing it unconsciously.
240
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:07,438
BOTH: That's the way
you do everything.
241
00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:13,978
That's right.
242
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,847
Don't make
no more noise.
243
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,590
[WHISTLING "BILL BAILEY,
WON'T YOU PLEASE COME HOME?"]
244
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,730
Hey, Ted Weems, there.
245
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:41,038
[WHISTLES END OF SONG QUICKLY]
246
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:48,879
Listen, if I flunk
my history exam,
247
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:50,414
it's going to be your fault.
248
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:51,649
Can't you study someplace else?
249
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,518
Arch, this is the only place
in the house
250
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,119
where there's enough room
for all my stuff.
251
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,754
All right, then study.
252
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:59,390
Keep quiet.
Don't bother me, huh?
253
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,259
I-- I'm sorry.
254
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:05,196
Hmm.
255
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:11,035
"Manifest Destiny."
256
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,136
What?
257
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,540
Nothing.
I'm talking to myself, here.
258
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:16,407
Oh.
259
00:11:19,077 --> 00:11:21,512
I said, uh, Manifest Destiny.
260
00:11:24,749 --> 00:11:26,217
Would you like to know
what it means?
261
00:11:29,988 --> 00:11:32,056
Hey, Edith.
262
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,292
That'll be the day,
I have to ask you.
263
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,293
Yeah?
264
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,729
Oh, my two students.
265
00:11:47,872 --> 00:11:49,373
Remember the other day,
266
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,742
you and me was discussing
Manifest Destiny?
267
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:54,545
Manifest Destiny?
268
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,880
Yeah, Manifest Destiny.
269
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,083
I had the meaning in my head,
but it flew out,
270
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,285
and now I can't find it no place
in the book.
271
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,153
What did I say that it meant?
272
00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:04,388
Well, maybe Mike knows.
273
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,389
Mike, do you know
274
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,091
what Manifest Destiny
means?
275
00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:12,363
Yeah.
276
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,271
Well, what does it mean?
277
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,740
Are you asking me a question?
278
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,941
Your mother-in-law
asked you a question.
279
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,343
You going to answer her or not?
280
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,444
Sure, Ma.
281
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,045
Manifest Destiny
was the doctrine
282
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,547
that asserted the inevitability
283
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,416
of United States' domination
of the North American continent.
284
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:37,521
You know she can't understand
language like that.
285
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:45,195
Can't you explain
it to her in easy words?
286
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:47,498
It means that we had the right
287
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,166
to take over
other people's territory,
288
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,901
supposedly for their own good.
289
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:52,403
There you are, Edith.
290
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,338
It's what I said.
291
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,339
Now, do me a favor.
292
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,841
Get that history
quiz book over there
293
00:12:57,843 --> 00:12:59,543
and come back
and start asking me
294
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,445
them test questions
we didn't finish.
295
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,080
Yeah, sure, Archie.
Hurry up.
296
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,482
Arch, uh,
297
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,284
when you were talking
with Ma the other day
298
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,985
about Manifest Destiny, uh,
299
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,387
did you mention the fact
300
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,054
that it was just another name
for American imperialism?
301
00:13:12,557 --> 00:13:13,557
Huh?
302
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:14,925
That's right.
303
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,127
It was just an excuse
to rip off other people's land.
304
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,729
That's the way
we stole Texas from Mexico.
305
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,564
Listen, subversive...
306
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:26,671
the U.S. of A. never stole
nothing from nobody.
307
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:29,407
The Mexicans was only too glad
to give us Texas
308
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:33,911
after we beat
the hell out of them in a war.
309
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:37,181
Here it is.
310
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,283
Well, come on,
ask me some questions.
311
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:40,584
I got no
time here.
312
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,787
Arch, uh, do you mind
if I listen to your answers?
313
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:43,854
I love science fiction.
314
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:48,258
Listen, you. Just get away
from my study table, huh?
315
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:50,561
Arch, I-- I have to finish
this project by tomorrow.
316
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,197
I gotta take a test
later on tonight.
317
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,098
Now, will you take yourself
out of here?
318
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,099
All right.
319
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,735
Edith, sit
down and start.
320
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,303
Yeah, I'll sit over here,
321
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,439
so you can't peek
at the answers.
322
00:14:03,575 --> 00:14:04,575
Come on, will you?
323
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,676
Ask.
324
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,878
First question:
325
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,716
When were the Articles
of Peace signed?
326
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,250
Uh, answer:
327
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:18,556
The Articles of Peace
were signed in, uh...
328
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,391
Gee, dates are so hard.
329
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,659
Why do they ask dates?
330
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,960
I don't know. When?
331
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:26,397
Artic... Articles
of Peace, 1783.
332
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,398
All right, 17...
333
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,566
Now, hold it, hold it.
334
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:29,800
Wait'll I get that.
335
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:34,304
Articles... Peace... 1783.
336
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:38,075
All right, go ahead.
337
00:14:39,944 --> 00:14:41,579
Next question.
338
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:46,250
What was Columbus looking for
in his expedition?
339
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:50,120
Uh, in his expedition, Colum...
uh, Columbus was looking
340
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:53,023
for a f--
A faster route to the Indies.
341
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,192
That's good, Archie.
342
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,729
Now, answer true or false.
343
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:03,033
President McKinley started
the Spanish-American War
344
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:06,404
despite the fact
that Spain had already agreed
345
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,406
to all our demands.
346
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,374
That's false.
347
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,575
Oh...
348
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,544
I'm sorry, Archie.
349
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:14,912
It's true.
350
00:15:16,848 --> 00:15:18,215
It ain't true.
351
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:21,385
No American president
never started a war over that.
352
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,421
That's what the book says.
353
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,522
Aw...look at that!
354
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,757
You see what I got to do
to pass this test?
355
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,493
I got to lie.
356
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,194
All right,
I'll put it down, though.
357
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:33,664
McKinley... All right, true.
358
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,733
Get it over with.
Next question.
359
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:39,036
Who said the treatment
of the American Indian
360
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,371
was a national disgrace?
361
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,040
Treatment
of the American Indian...
362
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,776
national disgrace, uh...
363
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,144
Well, uh, Geronimo?
364
00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:54,518
No.
365
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,822
Come on, it had to be some
Indian that said that. Who?
366
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,690
President Kennedy.
367
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,391
Aw, that's a lie!
368
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:03,527
Kennedy never said that,
369
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,529
or maybe he said it,
but he didn't mean it.
370
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,832
He-- He maybe said it
when he was running for office.
371
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,433
He was trying
to get the Indian vote,
372
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,401
which he never got anyhow.
373
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:12,837
How do you know?
374
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:16,239
Because, Meathead,
the Indians don't vote.
375
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:19,677
Archie, the Indians were given
the vote in 1924.
376
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,779
I ain't talking about that.
377
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,114
I'm saying
that they don't use their vote,
378
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,749
like a fellow told me.
379
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,351
They sell all their horses
for booze,
380
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,152
and then they can't ride
into town.
381
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,226
That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard!
382
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,595
That ain't stupid!
That's the truth!
383
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,162
That's what the Indians
do to us
384
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,764
after all we done
for them.
385
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,666
All we've done for them? Arch!
386
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,267
Let me tell you something
about this country
387
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,269
and the American Indians
and all we've done for them!
388
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,671
We lied to them,
we cheated them,
389
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,272
and then we drove them
off their land
390
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:50,307
without paying for it!
391
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,441
Hold it! Then what--
392
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,843
What are you talking about,
their land?
393
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,344
They never had no land!
394
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,279
They couldn't read or write.
395
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:58,649
How could Sitting Bull
sign a lease?
396
00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:03,120
All the Indians ever did
397
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,389
was ride around
scalping wagon trains.
398
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,924
Archie, what would you do
399
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,659
if somebody cheated you
out of your land?
400
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,894
Well, I wouldn't scalp the guy.
401
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,629
I'd hire myself a lawyer.
402
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,230
I don't believe it!
What?
403
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,632
Where are you going?
404
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,099
How do you deal
with this lunacy?
405
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,367
Help me!
406
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:18,435
What are you yelling about?
407
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:19,703
I ain't talking
about the Polacks.
408
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,072
I'm talking about the Indians.
409
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:25,576
[SCREAMING]
410
00:17:38,322 --> 00:17:40,190
I think Gloria
better quit her job
411
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:43,493
and stay home
and take care of that guy.
412
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,696
Come on, Edith,
I got a lot of history to learn,
413
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,031
so let's get on with it.
414
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,699
Oh, I almost forgot.
415
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:49,700
I got something
for you.
416
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,768
What?
417
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,736
I can't tell you.
It's a surprise.
418
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,171
Oh, hurry up, Edith, huh?
419
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,539
[GROANING]
420
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:56,540
Hiya, Daddy.
421
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,376
Oh, hi, there, little girl.
422
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,779
Aw, jeez, look at this one.
423
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:06,684
In that year, the Eye-talian,
Marconi, invented radio.
424
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,552
Imagine them telling me
a lie like that
425
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:12,990
and the RCA building staring
me in the face every day.
426
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,192
You working hard?
427
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,794
I certainly am,
little girl.
428
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,161
There.
429
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,163
What are you doing with those
little pieces of paper?
430
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,966
I'm writing down the answers
to my history questions.
431
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:22,967
Oh, gee, Daddy,
432
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,568
it looks like
crib notes.
433
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:25,869
Bingo.
434
00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:29,773
Are you going to use
those crib notes on your exam?
435
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,108
Certainly, I'm going
to use them.
436
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,110
I'm going to have them
right here in this pocket
437
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,945
in case I need them.
438
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,580
Daddy, that's cheating!
439
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,482
What do you mean, cheating?
440
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:41,785
That ain't chea-- Cheating
is when you are supposed
441
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,053
to give something
to somebody else
442
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,088
and you don't give it.
443
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,689
That's cheating.
444
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,324
Now, me, I'm taking a test.
445
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:48,926
I'm supposed to give them
the right answers.
446
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,327
That's what
I'm going to give them.
447
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,929
I ain't cheating them.
448
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,464
But, Daddy,
you're cheating yourself!
449
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,901
No, no,
I get a diploma out of it.
450
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:01,005
You're not being
honest with yourself.
451
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,173
I certainly am, little girl.
452
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:06,376
I sat down
and I asked myself a question.
453
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,545
I said,
"Can you pass this history exam
454
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,748
without
them little pieces of paper?"
455
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,650
And I gave myself
an honest answer.
456
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,518
"No, you couldn't."
457
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:19,556
What's wrong
with you?
458
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:22,626
You been talking
to your father?
459
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,028
Michael, do you know
what Daddy's doing?
460
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,229
He is preparing crib notes
to cheat on his exam.
461
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,765
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
462
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,700
Ah, lay off me,
the two of youse.
463
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,702
You don't understand
the whole thing.
464
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:32,903
I'm up for a better job.
465
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,504
I ain't going to get
that better job
466
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:35,839
without I get
my diploma.
467
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,841
I'm doing this for the
good of the whole family.
468
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,276
Oh, so what
you're saying
469
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,811
is that the end justifies
the means, huh?
470
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:45,515
I ain't saying that,
because I don't know what it is.
471
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:46,917
Archie, you're saying
that it's all right
472
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,118
for you to do
something bad
473
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,088
in order to get something
that you think is good.
474
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,390
Well?
475
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,792
You know, you'd make
a great witness.
476
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,593
ARCHIE: For what?
The Watergate trial.
477
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:57,928
That's the same
excuse they gave.
478
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,930
The Watergate trial,
the Watergate trial!
479
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,100
All youse liberals are plunking
on that note all the time.
480
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,902
You lost the election.
Why don't you shut up?
481
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,970
Edith, bring me out
482
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,338
the rest of
my history notes.
483
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,673
You mean crib notes.
484
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,175
Clam up, you.
485
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,176
Here they are!
486
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,744
Surprise!
487
00:20:24,288 --> 00:20:26,423
What did you do here?
488
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:27,424
I pasted them--
489
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,026
You pasted them
on there, yeah!
490
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,627
But how am I going
to use them?
491
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,029
I can't get them off now.
492
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,832
Now you can study them
on the subway.
493
00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:39,536
Who told you to do that?
494
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:40,704
Nobody.
495
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:43,240
I thought of it
all by myself.
496
00:20:46,277 --> 00:20:47,611
From now on, Edith,
497
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,114
when a thought starts
coming at you,
498
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,548
duck, huh?
499
00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:55,652
Ma! Daddy's coming.
Michael, you better get up.
500
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:56,653
Ma, you got the letter?
501
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:57,855
Yeah, right here.
502
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,057
I don't know if I want
to be in the room
503
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,191
when he opens
the letter.
504
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,692
I mean, what
if he failed?
505
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:03,961
Well, that's the point, Michael.
506
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,363
If he did fail, we have to
try and cheer him up.
507
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:07,865
Gloria, I don't think
my being here
508
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,267
is going to cheer him up.
509
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,536
I think you should both
go upstairs and wait,
510
00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:15,973
and I'll let you know
as soon as he opens it.
511
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:16,974
Good idea,
good idea.
512
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,341
Hurry, Michael,
he's coming.
513
00:21:28,619 --> 00:21:30,254
What's the matter with you?
514
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:33,991
Archie, this came for you today.
515
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,592
It's from the school.
516
00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:38,662
It may be about your test.
517
00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:41,298
Don't shove it
at me, Edith.
518
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,966
Don't you want
to open it?
519
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,869
Let me take off my hat
and coat first, huh?
520
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,238
Can you do that?
521
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,239
From the school, huh?
522
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,107
Yeah.
523
00:21:53,044 --> 00:21:54,577
Give it to me.
524
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:00,984
I guess it's the test
result, all right.
525
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:01,852
Yeah.
526
00:22:06,057 --> 00:22:09,059
I can't open it.
527
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,161
You open it for me,
Edith.
528
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,630
Well, give me
the envelope.
529
00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:16,900
Yeah, here's
the envelope.
530
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:18,068
Oh, my...
531
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,471
it's just like
the Academy Awards.
532
00:22:28,379 --> 00:22:30,113
Well, read it,
will you?
533
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:34,017
Who's the winner,
me or the school?
534
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,220
Archie, you are!
535
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:37,620
You passed!
536
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:39,656
Yeah?
Let me see the paper.
537
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:40,657
Oh, Mike, Gloria,
he passed!
538
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:41,859
Hey, hey, I did?
I did?
539
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:44,061
We got a dispatcher
in the family!
540
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:45,628
Hey, all right!
541
00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:46,830
Congratulations!
542
00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:48,232
Way to go!
543
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:49,333
[PHONE RINGS]
544
00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:50,334
That's great!
I'll get it!
545
00:22:50,336 --> 00:22:51,501
I passed it there!
546
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:53,337
See, Daddy, you did it
all on your own.
547
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,604
You didn't even need
to cheat.
548
00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:55,605
That's right.
549
00:22:55,607 --> 00:22:57,307
I gambled a little, though,
550
00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:00,477
tossing a nickel
on the true-and-falsies.
551
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:02,946
Hey, Arch,
it's Stretch Cunningham.
552
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:03,947
Oh, good old Stretch.
553
00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:04,948
Give me the phone.
554
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,183
Wait'll he hears
the news.
555
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,252
Hiya, Stretch, Archie here.
556
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:09,753
Hold it, there, hold it.
557
00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:12,522
Before you talk any more,
you got to show a little respect
558
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,524
when you're talking
to a high school graduate,
559
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:15,558
class of '73.
560
00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:19,662
Yeah, I got it.
561
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,267
You what?
562
00:23:25,569 --> 00:23:27,437
Well, when did that happen?
563
00:23:29,140 --> 00:23:30,340
Oh, yeah.
564
00:23:32,476 --> 00:23:33,343
Yeah.
565
00:23:34,678 --> 00:23:35,946
Yeah, goodbye, Stretch.
566
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:39,216
Uh, by the way, uh,
thanks for nothing.
567
00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:41,418
What's the matter,
Daddy?
568
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:46,123
Well,
the matter is, uh,
569
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:49,226
looks like I've been studying
the wrong subject.
570
00:23:49,228 --> 00:23:51,895
Instead of studying
American History,
571
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:53,096
I guess
I should've been studying
572
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,698
the theory
of relativity.
573
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:56,699
What are you
talking about?
574
00:23:56,701 --> 00:23:59,702
Relativity, Meathead.
575
00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:02,839
The boss' nephew
got the dispatcher's job.
576
00:24:02,841 --> 00:24:04,174
Oh, Daddy.
That's too bad, Arch.
577
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:06,243
How could they
do that to him?
578
00:24:06,245 --> 00:24:08,645
Ah, well, that's
the way things are.
579
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:13,616
Jeez... And here I am, stuck
with a high school diploma.
580
00:24:22,626 --> 00:24:24,995
Archie, here it is!
581
00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:27,630
Here's your diploma, all framed.
582
00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:29,199
Oh, look at that.
583
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:30,567
Ain't it beautiful?
584
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:31,568
Yeah.
585
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,603
Archie, where shall we hang it?
586
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:36,506
I think you ought to hang it
someplace where it'll stand out.
587
00:24:36,508 --> 00:24:38,708
How about Ripley's
Believe It or Not Museum?
588
00:24:59,129 --> 00:25:02,599
[♪]
589
00:25:02,601 --> 00:25:06,103
All in the Family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
590
00:25:06,153 --> 00:25:10,703
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