Original subtitles

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made The Hit Parade ♪

♪ Guys like us We had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew Where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls And men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man Like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need No welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled His weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle Ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

ANNOUNCER: Mike and Gloria's wedding, part two.

Oh, my, it just don't seem possible

that two years ago tonight,

you and Mike was married, Gloria.

Yeah, how time drags.

And pretty soon, it'll be next year,

and I'll be singing,

♪ Happy third Anniversary to you ♪

♪ Happy third anniversary To-- ♪

Ah, pull the plug on that.

You already sung that.

Oh, no, that was,

♪ Happy second anniversary To you-- ♪

Will you stop torturing me?

And will you stop breathing down on me?

Can't you sit over here?

Boy, Michael, when you walked out,

I didn't even think we'd have a wedding,

let alone an anniversary.

Yeah, it was really something,

between my Uncle Cas wanting a priest

and Archie wanting a reverend.

And you wanting out.

I never wanted out.

I just didn't want

all that religious rigmarole.

You didn't want to get married at all.

You wanted to go off someplace and live in sin.

You wanted all the fun and none of the suffering.

That's not fair, Daddy.

Michael came back, didn't he?

And didn't he agree to have the Reverend Felcher marry us?

Yeah, ain't it funny?

The more everybody agreed with each other,

the more mixed up everything got.

Remember the day we had the wedding rehearsal?

Hey, hey, hotlips.

You're supposed to be rehearsing the ceremony part today.

This here part had enough practice.

You know what they was doing out there?

Yeah, kissing.

Archie, I think maybe for the rehearsal

we ought to move the TV.

It might be in the Reverend Felcher's way.

Listen,

if the Reverend Felcher wants that TV moved,

he can lift it himself.

I ain't about to lose a daughter and gain a truss.

Oh, Archie, just think.

Tomorrow, Gloria and Mike

are really getting married.

It just don't seem possible, does it?

Yes, it does.

It seems like a nightmare come true.

Oh, Archie.

Which, by the way, reminds me,

don't you think it's time to, uh...

sit down and have a little talk about the facts of life?

Oh, sure, Archie.

I don't mean between you and me, dingbat.

I mean you and Gloria.

Me and Gloria?

Yeah.

You know, you got to explain to her

about the wedding night.

If you say so, Archie.

But I didn't think you wanted Gloria to know

about you falling asleep on our wedding night.

Will you forget that?

You got to tell her whatever your mother told you

before you and me got married.

Oh...

You mean...

Yeah...

Oh, Archie, I ain't going to be no good at that.

Can't you talk to Gloria?

No.

You're her mother.

You got to do the explaining there.

I mean, after all, I'm her father.

A father ain't allowed

to talk about stuff like that

with his daughter.

Do you mean that if you was Mike's father,

you'd talk to him?

If I was his father, I'd run away from home.

Ma, what time did the Reverend Felcher

say he was coming over?

Uh...4:00.

We better go upstairs

and try on the dress again.

We got to fix the hem.

Mike, Archie wants to talk to you.

Where'd you get that hunk of Boston cream pie?

Gloria said I could have it.

That was the last piece.

I had that scheduled for Gunsmoke.

You want it?

I don't want it now!

I want to talk to you about, uh, the wedding.

I mean, about after the wedding.

Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Mr. Bunker.

There won't be any problems.

[CHUCKLES]

That's what everybody thinks.

Oh, you mean you had problems?

No, I don't mean I had no problems,

because I took it easy with my wife, see.

I knew she wasn't going to disappear overnight.

You mean on the first night, you didn't...

I mean that I didn't go rushing in

like a bull into a china closet.

That ain't just any woman you're marrying, you know.

That's my little girl.

So just take it easy,

kind of get to know one another there,

give yourself a little time.

How much time?

Oh...

A month.

A month?

That's ridiculous.

It ain't ridiculous!

You got to be careful

with a young bride, you know.

That's your wife.

You got to treat her nice.

You got to put her up there on a "pe-des-tal."

Oh, you mean like what you do with Mrs. Bunker.

That is right.

Thank you, Mr. Bunker.

I'll try to remember everything you said.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Don't mention it.

The least an older guy can do is pass along his--

what do you call-- know-how to a younger guy.

What, are you back? Yeah, I'm back.

Hey, Uncle Cas!

Hey, Mickey!

Hi, how are you?

What are you doing here?

What do you think I'm doing here?

I came for the wedding.

Didn't you expect me?

No, I didn't.

You don't know much about Polish people.

No, I've been lucky up to now.

I'll tell you why I'm here.

Because Polish families

are like this. Close.

Go ahead, Arch.

Try and pull my family apart.

That ain't your family. Them's your fingers,

and I don't want to fool with them.

Uncle Cas!

Hey, Gloria.

Be careful with her.

Throwing her up in the air like a ball...

GLORIA: Here, let me take your coat.

Gee, it's wonderful to see you.

We didn't think you were coming.

He's like my own son.

I wouldn't have missed this

for a million bucks.

Then you're not mad

that we're not getting married by a priest?

Sure, I'm mad.

But I thought it over, and I figured,

ah, what the hell.

It's your life.

You and Gloria should get married

any way you want.

Uncle Cas, you're terrific.

Anyway, we're all going to be friends, huh?

If the kids want it to be

a nonreligious ceremony,

that's okay with us, right, Bunker?

Wait a minute. What do you mean, nonreligious?

The reverend from our church

is going to perform the "honorariums" here.

The reverend from your church?

Wait a minute! Hold it!

Hey, Mickey, I never figured you for a hypocrite.

He's not a hypocrite, Uncle Cas.

Michael agreed to the reverend to please me.

Yeah, and also to please me and God.

Daddy.

You going to go along with all this, Mickey?

Well, I don't care. I mean, uh--

What do you mean, you don't care?

You said you were an agnostic, right?

Yeah. So what?

So you're only an agnostic against Catholics.

I mean, you got a right to be anything you want,

but how are you going to be an agnostic

if you get married by a Protestant minister?

Uncle Cas-- You know what I think?

I think you've been hanging around this Bunker guy

for a couple of months, and you're forgetting everything

we ever taught you about fair play.

Hey, wait a minute there, Casimir.

Uncle Cas, you see--

No, no, wait a second. Wait a second, Gloria.

He's got a point.

What?

No, he's right. I am being a hypocrite.

Gloria, I'm sorry,

but it can't be your father's way

and it can't be my uncle's way.

We can't have a priest or a reverend.

It's got to be a civil ceremony.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Civil ceremony. What the hell is that?

You just say "I do"

and throw two dollars in the window.

It's like betting on a horse.

Mr. Bunker, I meant to bring the judge here.

Oh, the judge here!

How classy can you get?

Why don't youse go the whole route?

Get yourselves married

by the captain of the Staten Island ferry.

Now, listen, are you going to get married

by this Reverend Fletcher?

Felcher.

Whatever.

Or not?

No!

Okay, that's fine. Edith, come on down here.

No Felcher, no wedding.

Fine with me.

[ALL ARGUING]

Archie, what's wrong?

There ain't nothing wrong, Edith.

Everything is just perfect.

The wedding is off!

[BAWLING]

You're gonna be better off.

Will you leave me alone?

Archie, in all the years we been together,

I never asked you for nothing important--

Aw--

But I'm going to ask you for something now.

Archie, please, you got to let them get married

the way they want to.

Are you kidding?

If I don't let that reverend marry them,

I'll never be able to look him in the face again.

I won't be able to go into his church no more.

But you ain't been to church for 20 years.

Will you try and stay on the subject, huh?

The point is that you go there, don't you?

You see him every week.

Archie...

Suppose they run away together

and she never wants to come back

and see us again.

That ain't going to happen.

That happens all the time, Archie.

We could lose her.

Ah, what are you talking about?

We could lose her forever.

Ah, jeez.

All right, all right, uh...

I just come to, what do you call, a decision

out there in the kitchen,

and I decided I'll let youse have a civil ceremony.

Oh, Daddy, thank you!

Oh, thanks a lot, Mr. Bunker.

Is that all right, Uncle Cas?

Okay, I'll go along with that.

We'll have a judge.

A judge. Where the hell do you buy a judge?

Arch, leave it to me.

I'll get a judge.

Well, you better get on the phone there, Edith.

Call the reverend. Tell him to stay in church.

Oh, yeah...

No, Ma, I'll take care of that. Oh, I don't mind.

No, no, Ma, it's my responsibility.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Bunker. Oh, hi, Lionel.

Here's your toaster, all fixed.

Oh, thank you. Come in, Lionel.

I want you

to meet somebody.

This is Mr. Casimir Stivic

from Chicago.

This is Lionel Jefferson.

How do you do, Lionel?

And this is Michael Stivic.

He's going to marry Gloria.

Oh, hi. Hey, congratulations. Thanks.

I'll put this in the kitchen.

Here you are, Lionel.

Here's the 2 bucks for doing the job on the toaster.

Okay, thank you.

Wait, don't run away.

Here's something a little extra for yourself.

A whole dime?!

Oh, you didn't have to do that, Mr. Bunker.

You're a good kid, Lionel. You deserve it.

Why, thank you, sir.

Uh, Lionel,

do you do this kind of work for a living?

Oh, no, just part-time, till I start college.

Then I'm going to study electrical engineering.

But Mr. Bunker likes it better when I say "'lectical engineer."

What's that I heard, Lionel?

Oh, I was just saying I's gonna be a "'lectical engineer."

That's good, Lionel. I love to hear that.

Wait a second. Wait a second, Lionel.

Let me ask you a question.

Does he know that you're putting him on?

No. Except when I talk naturally.

Watch this.

Uh, Mr. Bunker,

do you have any further requirements of me?

I didn't catch that, Lionel.

Uh...is you got mo' fixin' fo' me to do, Mr. Bunker?

Oh, no.

No, no, nothing at all. That's fine, Lionel.

Well, I'll just be shuffling on back to de woodpile.

All right, Lionel.

We'll see you later on, huh?

Bye-bye. Have a nice wedding.

Gloria, I got your nosegay,

and it's a perfect day for a wedding.

Oh, my!

You look beautiful.

You look just like

the picture of your grandmother

when she wore that dress.

Oh, you think so, Ma? Thanks.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[GASPS] If it's Mike, don't come in.

The groom can't see the bride before the wedding.

It's bad luck!

Oh.

Why do you have to squawk that way?

It's only me.

The groom is in the bathroom

shaving his beard off.

Oh, my, this'll be the first time

we'll see Mike with his whole face.

Yeah.

Oh, here, Ma. Will you hold that for a second?

Hey, what happened

to my Statue of Liberty tie clip?

I threw it away.

Why?

Her torch fell off.

I don't care if her torch fell off.

She was still holding her book,

and her book was the part that clipped the tie.

What am I going to do now?

Ah, forget it.

Did you...

[MOUTHING] Talk to Gloria?

Come on, get on with it, huh?

Gloria, would you like to sit down?

Oh, no, Ma, I'm too nervous to sit down.

Well, then maybe I'll sit down.

What's the matter, Ma?

Are you all right?

Gloria, I--I think it's time that you and me had a...

woman-to-woman talk about...

about...

The wedding night?

Yeah, about that.

Okay, Ma.

Ma, you don't have to if you don't want to.

I mean, I know how hard it is

for you to talk about these things.

How did you know that?

I guess because you never talk about them.

You don't have to be embarrassed, Ma.

Oh, thank you, Gloria.

I know you just want me to be very happy.

I do.

And tonight, Michael and I will be nervous.

Yeah.

Because we're both really strangers to one another.

That's right.

And the important thing to remember

is that we love and respect each other,

and, above all, that we treat each other

with patience and tenderness tonight.

Yeah.

Thanks, Ma.

I'm glad we had this little talk.

Oh, Gloria.

I never thought I'd be able to say it all to you.

Oh, Ma.

Well, it's off.

Hey, there's the Mickey I know!

Ooh, you look great.

I think he looked better with the beard on.

Please, Mr. Bunker, don't start with me.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

CASIMIR: Hey, there's the judge.

Is this the Bunker residence?

Uh, yeah. Come on in.

CASIMIR: Thanks for coming, judge.

Let me take your coat. All right, thank you.

I'd like you to meet the bridegroom, Michael Stivic.

Michael, congratulations.

Hi. Thank you.

I'd especially like you to meet

the bride's father, Mr. Bunker.

Mr. Bunker. How are you?

How are you?

Archie, you're shaking hands

with Judge Francis J. Polanski.

Judge Polanski, huh?

Are you, uh, a regular "Your Honor" judge?

Yes, I'm a judge of the surrogate court.

Oh, yeah, well, I mean, how come a big judge like you

has time to rush over here on a Saturday afternoon?

Because, Mr. Bunker,

we Polish people stick together like this.

Yeah, I seen that before.

Well, judge,

why don't you make yourself at home?

Sit down on the sofa there

and eat a cookie.

They wear it behind now.

There, there.

Oh, Archie, I heard the bell.

Are the guests here?

No, it's a Polish judge.

He's downstairs in the living room

playing with his fingers.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

There's the bell.

That must be the guests.

I'd better get down there.

Oh!

Gloria, the next time I kiss you,

you'll be a married woman!

Goodbye, Gloria!

Well...

You certainly look beautiful.

Thank you, Daddy.

Did your mother have a little talk with you?

Oh, yeah, we had a good talk.

Well, I know all them things

ain't too delicate to hear about,

but you know,

you got to talk about them sometime, right?

I'll be all right, Daddy.

Yeah, well, all I wanted to tell you is that, uh...

Remember that time you was a little girl

and you was a Brownie,

and you went up to the summer camp?

Yeah, I remember,

but whatever made you think of that?

Well, let me finish.

You remember you thought you was going to love the camp,

but the way it turned out, you hated it.

Yeah, and I called you up crying,

and I begged to come home.

And I took the rest of the day off,

jumped on the next train, went up and brung you back,

because you was my little girl

and anything you wanted was okay by me.

Oh, Daddy.

Well, I just want you to know

that you're still my little girl,

and you always will be.

You know what I'm telling you?

I know.

Daddy...

I think it's time we went downstairs.

You sure?

Very sure.

[PLAYING "WEDDING MARCH"]

[EDITH STRIKES WRONG NOTE]

Gloria, we're ready!

GLORIA: Hold it, Ma.

I'm waiting for Daddy.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[RESUMES "WEDDING MARCH"]

[STRIKES WRONG NOTE]

[CONTINUES PLAYING]

[PLAYS FINAL NOTE OFF-KEY]

Happy anniversary, Gloria.

Jeez, do youse always have to be doing that?

Oh, Archie, ain't it wonderful

that all that fighting turned out so happy?

Happy?

For who? For who? For who?

[♪]

ANNOUNCER: All in the Family was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0