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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,336
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:09,040
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:12,644
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,446
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
5
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:19,283
♪ and you knewwhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,351 --> 00:00:23,321
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,388 --> 00:00:25,724
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
8
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:29,628
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
9
00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:32,931
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
10
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:36,434
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
11
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,138
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
12
00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:44,643
♪ those were the days ♪
13
00:00:52,918 --> 00:00:55,854
uh-huh, yeah.
All right. Bye.
14
00:00:55,921 --> 00:01:00,825
Gloria, we'd better set
the table for dinner. It's almost 6:00.
15
00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:06,064
It really makes a person wonder.
It really makes you wonder. What?
16
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,900
Well, that was
Mrs. bellini on the phone.
17
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:14,539
You remember her 22-year-old
son Paul, the one that lives in California?
18
00:01:14,606 --> 00:01:20,344
Well, a person can't
even call his own home his own home no more.
19
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:26,084
- Ma, what happened?
- He was just evicted from his volkswagen bus.
20
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:32,123
You check the stew
and I'll get the salad. Okay.
21
00:01:32,191 --> 00:01:35,860
What are you reading?
Oh, I'm just reading some old love letters...
22
00:01:35,928 --> 00:01:39,630
That Michael sent me
before we were married. That's nice.
23
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:44,069
Oh, I see you keep your love
letters in an old cigar box.
24
00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:46,938
Dutch masters.
25
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:50,241
I keep my buttons
in white owl.
26
00:01:52,511 --> 00:01:54,879
You get the silverware, Gloria.
Okay.
27
00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:58,583
Hey, ma. Do you ever read
any of the love letters daddy sent you?
28
00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:01,485
- No.
- Why not?
29
00:02:01,553 --> 00:02:04,923
He never sent me none.
30
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,559
Wait a minute,
I take that back.
31
00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:13,497
Once when he was visiting
his cousin in Newark, he sent me a postcard.
32
00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,934
What did the card say, ma?
33
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:19,804
It said, "dear Edith,
how is the weather there?
34
00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:25,009
It's raining here in Newark.
Yours truly, Archie bunker."
35
00:02:25,077 --> 00:02:30,448
- I think that's awful.
- So do I. That's why I like living here.
36
00:02:30,515 --> 00:02:32,516
It don't rain so much.
37
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:39,858
No, ma.
I mean I think it's awful you never got a love letter.
38
00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:44,129
Oh, I didn't say
I never got a love letter.
39
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:46,998
When I first started
going with your father,
40
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:51,936
I was still going with a boy
named Freddy withausen.
41
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:54,338
I got one from him.
42
00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:57,876
Did you like it, ma?
Oh, yeah.
43
00:02:57,943 --> 00:03:03,214
He was quite a catch.
He had a real important job.
44
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:08,186
He worked
for the highway department as a hot tar watcher.
45
00:03:10,122 --> 00:03:14,692
A what watcher?
His job was to watch them...
46
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,395
Pour the hot tar
on the street...
47
00:03:17,462 --> 00:03:22,100
And make sure it was even before
the steam roller went over it.
48
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,770
He sure doesn't
sound like someone who'd send a girl a love letter.
49
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,639
Oh, I don't know about that.
50
00:03:28,707 --> 00:03:34,478
A man who watches hot tar
all day must dream a lot.
51
00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:39,684
You know what, Gloria?
52
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:44,923
In his letter he called me
his goddess of beauty. [ Chuckles ]
53
00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:47,458
How come you married
daddy instead of him?
54
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:50,962
Well, I liked being called
a goddess of beauty.
55
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,731
But somehow
it seemed more permanent...
56
00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:57,435
When your father
called me a dingbat.
57
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:05,109
Hey, ma. I bet you
still got Freddy's love letter though, huh?
58
00:04:05,177 --> 00:04:10,081
Oh, no. I burned it.
Oh, your father was so jealous of him.
59
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,083
If he ever found that letter--
60
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:15,119
Edith, I'm home.
61
00:04:15,187 --> 00:04:18,289
At least I think I'm home.
Maybe this ain't my home.
62
00:04:18,357 --> 00:04:21,759
What do you mean, Archie?
No, no. Hold it. I mean it's 6:00 P.M.
63
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:24,795
I just come through
the dining room there. The table ain't set for supper.
64
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,466
Oh, I'm sorry.
Me and Gloria got to talking.
65
00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:30,468
What do I look like,
one of them Broadway dudes...
66
00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:34,705
Or high-society guys that
eat late, maybe 6:15, 6:20?
67
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:40,144
I'm sorry, daddy.
It's my fault. I'll set the table.
68
00:04:40,212 --> 00:04:42,747
Here, let me take
your coat and hat.
69
00:04:42,814 --> 00:04:46,317
I'll help Gloria set the table
if you'll stir the stew.
70
00:04:46,385 --> 00:04:49,387
Aw, come on. What is this?
I come home from work--
71
00:04:53,225 --> 00:04:55,493
what the hell is this here?
72
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,062
"My dearest darling--"
73
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,368
aw, geez, this is awful.
74
00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:06,871
Hey, arch.
I brought some apple pie home for dessert.
75
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:09,707
I'll just stick it
in the oven here and heat it up. Hold it. Hold it.
76
00:05:09,775 --> 00:05:11,842
You don't need
the oven for that there.
77
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,844
Why, what are you
talking about?
78
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:18,216
I'm talking about this.
I quote from the writings of Michael stivic meathead.
79
00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:21,652
"My dearest darling Gloria,
whenever I kiss your soft sweet lips,
80
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,455
my mouth is inflamed by
the consuming fires of love."
81
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:28,059
You don't need the oven
for that. You can heat it with your flaming mouth.
82
00:05:30,729 --> 00:05:33,731
Where did you get that?
It don't make no difference where I get this.
83
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:37,135
This proves to me that you took
advantage of my little girl. Here. Read that.
84
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:41,072
Is that all?
85
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,607
Gloria and I spent
a weekend in Massachusetts. What's the big deal?
86
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:45,609
The big deal is the date
on this here letter.
87
00:05:45,677 --> 00:05:47,778
That's long before
youse two was married.
88
00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:51,049
What's the difference?
We're married now, aren't we? That's no excuse, meathead.
89
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:53,717
Give me that.
No way. Hey, give me that back.
90
00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:57,788
Hey. Whatever you're doing,
stop here. I want you to take a look at this here.
91
00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,624
You know what this means?
It means that your daughter here before she was married--
92
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,927
well, I ain't gonna soil
your ears by even saying it.
93
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:07,265
Just read it yourself. Go ahead.
Daddy, you were reading my letters. How could you?
94
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,468
It wasn't easy with all
the pornography in there.
95
00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:14,738
Arch, that weekend
we just went to an outdoor concert up there. That's all.
96
00:06:14,806 --> 00:06:17,608
Besides,
it happened over two years ago. What are you so shocked about?
97
00:06:17,676 --> 00:06:21,279
Hold it.
I ain't the only one that's shocked here and bereaved.
98
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,414
Look at the shock--
look in your mother-in-law's face.
99
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:28,853
Oh.
100
00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:35,293
Oh, this is so sweet.
"And now my dearest darling--" don't read it.
101
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,761
I know what's in it.
102
00:06:37,829 --> 00:06:40,999
Don't that bother you that
your daughter was involved in a thing like that?
103
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:43,868
I always trusted Gloria.
104
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:47,238
So did I.
But I never trusted the flaming polock here.
105
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:50,975
Hey! Hey!
Never call me that. That's what you are!
106
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,478
Daddy, someday you're gonna
go too far with Michael.
107
00:06:53,545 --> 00:06:56,847
Me going too far with him
ain't the problem here.
108
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:03,854
And look at you standing there,
the mother of her.
109
00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:07,125
You look about
as worried as a dead bird.
110
00:07:07,192 --> 00:07:10,228
Daddy, why should she worry now?
She wasn't worried about it when it happened.
111
00:07:10,295 --> 00:07:12,497
Because when it happened it--
112
00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:14,698
oh.
113
00:07:17,669 --> 00:07:20,971
She wasn't worried
when it happened, huh?
114
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,742
- Because she knew that it
happened at the time, right? - Daddy, don't blame ma.
115
00:07:24,809 --> 00:07:27,245
She didn't tell you about it
'cause she didn't want you to worry.
116
00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:32,716
Oh, she didn't want me to worry.
The two of youse was all upset about me, huh?
117
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:34,852
Ain't that nice?
118
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,621
What the hell
kind of banana oil is that?
119
00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:40,491
You don't tell me
nothing around here. Everything is a secret.
120
00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:44,429
Archie, I didn't
tell you about it because you would've just get upset.
121
00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:46,230
Yeah, and spoil
our whole weekend.
122
00:07:46,298 --> 00:07:48,966
That kind of a weekend
ought to be spoiled.
123
00:07:49,034 --> 00:07:52,703
Archie, it seemed
all right at the time for her to go on the weekend.
124
00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:54,705
All the kids was doing it.
125
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:58,909
That's my point, Edith.
All the kids was doing it.
126
00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:01,845
And you still
stood still for that there?
127
00:08:01,913 --> 00:08:04,848
Do you mean to tell me
the fact that two people go away on a weekend...
128
00:08:04,916 --> 00:08:06,917
Don't spell something fishy?
129
00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:10,288
Oh, no.
That ain't always true, Archie.
130
00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:14,258
That weekend I spent
with Freddy withausen there was nothing fishy.
131
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:16,260
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
132
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:25,603
Weekend that you--
133
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:28,306
wait a minute.
Get out of here.
134
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:33,844
You spent the weekend
with Freddy withausen?
135
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:37,415
The hot tar watcher?
136
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,817
How did you know?
You wasn't even born then.
137
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:41,919
Nothing happened, Archie.
138
00:08:41,987 --> 00:08:46,491
We just went up to a little
cabin his parents had in the woods.
139
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,364
In the woods?
140
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:57,301
What did you do up there?
Nothing.
141
00:08:57,369 --> 00:08:59,370
Oh, nothing.
142
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:02,140
Would you have went
up to a little cabin in the woods with me?
143
00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:05,176
I guess so.
What for?
144
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:10,681
'Cause you asked me.
Oh, 'cause I asked you.
145
00:09:10,749 --> 00:09:13,284
And then Freddy asked you.
How many other people asked you?
146
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:16,020
How many little cabins
in the woods you got in your past life?
147
00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:20,391
Just that one.
Oh, just that one, huh?
148
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:23,127
There must have been something
special about that cabin and Freddy withausen.
149
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,429
Oh, look at that.
He's jealous.
150
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:29,634
I don't believe it.
Something happened 25 years ago and you're jealous.
151
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:32,936
Clam up, you.
Get out of here. You're jealous.
152
00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:37,441
Whoa, boy. He's jealous.
I don't believe it. Get into the kitchen there.
153
00:09:37,509 --> 00:09:41,379
- You're jealous.
- Go eat an apple pie, hot lips.
154
00:09:47,152 --> 00:09:49,253
Are you jealous, Archie?
155
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:51,289
Cut that out.
156
00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:55,693
You mean to tell me
that when I was overseas in the service,
157
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,695
you was running around
with another guy?
158
00:09:57,762 --> 00:10:01,765
Oh, no.
You was back home by then.
159
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:04,402
I was not.
160
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:08,439
I was over there waiting for
my discharge in staten island.
161
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:16,314
So that's what
was going on, huh?
162
00:10:16,381 --> 00:10:18,583
Whoa.
163
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:22,620
What kills me is you never
told me nothing about it.
164
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:26,257
But, Archie, I never thought
you wanted to hear about it.
165
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,826
What was you doing that
I wouldn't wanna hear about?
166
00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:32,363
Nothing.
If you wanna hear about it, I'll tell you.
167
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:34,565
Don't tell me nothing.
168
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,938
Tell me everything.
169
00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:44,041
Well, it was out
at lake quonkonkema.
170
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:48,446
Freddy's parents was there too,
sort of chaperones. Yeah, yeah?
171
00:10:48,513 --> 00:10:52,583
Oh, it was beautiful there,
Archie, the trees and all.
172
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:57,622
Once Freddy and I
went down to the lake at 5:00 in the morning...
173
00:10:57,689 --> 00:10:59,724
Just to watch the sun come up.
174
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:03,394
What were youse doing
before the sun come up?
175
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,996
Sleeping.
Sleeping?
176
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:07,998
Yeah.
177
00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:10,200
What does that mean?
178
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,003
Well, it means that--
I don't wanna know.
179
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:17,107
Oh,
180
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:19,143
well.
181
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:23,947
If I ever see that
Freddy withausen again, I'll feather him in his own tar.
182
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:26,717
I'm afraid you can't
do that, Archie.
183
00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,552
What do you mean I can't?
Why not?
184
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,655
He died six years ago.
185
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,525
Lucky for him.
186
00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:41,299
I remember when I read about
his funeral in the paper,
187
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:43,901
I sent him a nice
bouquet of flowers.
188
00:11:45,069 --> 00:11:47,004
You sent him flowers?
189
00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,640
I guess I forgot
to tell you about that.
190
00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:53,844
Yeah, I guess you forgot
to tell me about that, Edith.
191
00:11:53,912 --> 00:11:55,846
Sure, you did.
192
00:11:55,914 --> 00:11:59,383
It's like the millions
of other little things you always forget to tell me.
193
00:11:59,451 --> 00:12:02,520
Well, that's the straw
that broke the camel's neck.
194
00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:05,790
Archie, where are you going?
195
00:12:05,857 --> 00:12:08,426
I'm going to kelcy's bar.
That's where I'm going.
196
00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:10,894
Where else would I go, Edith?
197
00:12:10,962 --> 00:12:13,364
And when I come back,
as long as I ain't a part...
198
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,266
Of your little secret
service around here,
199
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:20,103
I'll just, uh, eat
at the table over there,
200
00:12:20,171 --> 00:12:22,540
sleep up in our bed.
201
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:25,643
Maybe watch the television
over here once in a while. And outside of that,
202
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:29,580
you can just treat me
as if I was another stranger under your roof.
203
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,015
Oh, ar--
no, no, no. Stay there. Stay there.
204
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,829
And you can think
about this, Edith.
205
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:48,366
In all the 25 years
you and me have been together,
206
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:52,069
you ain't never once
sent me no flowers.
207
00:13:02,313 --> 00:13:04,281
Thanks, Tommy.
208
00:13:04,349 --> 00:13:07,184
Wanna watch some tv, arch?
Oh, no. Tommy, you know.
209
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:10,421
I don't wanna watch the tv.
I need someone to talk to me.
210
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:13,758
Geez, I've been listening
to people all day, arch. I need a break.
211
00:13:17,028 --> 00:13:21,699
Thanks a lot there, Tommy.
If I didn't wanna talk to nobody, I could've stood home.
212
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,101
Oh, hi, arch.
Aw, geez.
213
00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:27,271
I said I wanted to talk,
but I ain't this desperate.
214
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,575
Hey, uh, Tommy.
Let me have a beer there, will you?
215
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,577
Sure.
[ Gunfire, explosions on tv ]
216
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:35,579
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Tommy.
217
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:37,981
Will you turn
that tv off up there?
218
00:13:38,049 --> 00:13:40,418
It's a good movie.
The japs are invading wake island.
219
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:45,122
I know how it come out, Tommy.
They lost. Will you turn it off?
220
00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:50,528
[ Tv shuts off ]
I'll say one thing for them japs though.
221
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:52,763
They certainly know
how to treat their women.
222
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:57,601
Did you know in Japan a woman's
gotta walk 10 feet behind her husband all the time?
223
00:13:57,669 --> 00:14:01,739
And they gotta wear carpet
slippers so the guys ain't disturbed by the high heels.
224
00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:09,112
We ought to have
something like that over here.
225
00:14:10,248 --> 00:14:13,116
Uh, arch, you mind
if I tell you something?
226
00:14:13,184 --> 00:14:16,754
Yeah. But that ain't
gonna stop you. I know.
227
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:19,323
Y-you sitting here
and sulking, that's not gonna do you any good.
228
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:21,826
Why don't you come home
and talk things over with ma?
229
00:14:21,893 --> 00:14:25,796
Because you can't talk to her.
You can't talk to women.
230
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,799
First place,
they don't tell you nothing they don't want you to know.
231
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:32,002
They all do that.
They're all the same, all of them.
232
00:14:33,104 --> 00:14:36,607
Except of course
my blessed mother...
233
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:38,843
Who never spent
no weekend with no guy.
234
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:43,113
- Well, what if she did?
- I'm talking about my mother. Ain't nothing sacred to you?
235
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:47,885
Arch, all Edith did was
spend an innocent weekend in the country, that's all.
236
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:53,457
An innocent weekend? There
ain't no such thing, buddy. Not the way I was brought up.
237
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,759
Let me tell you something.
In my day,
238
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:58,762
if a girl was seen
packing her suitcase on a Friday afternoon,
239
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,131
she was a marked woman.
240
00:15:03,167 --> 00:15:07,738
And I mean in
big red letters there, "spoiled goods."
241
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:11,575
Don't you think it's silly
in our day and age to be preaching old-fashioned virtue?
242
00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:15,212
No. If we had a little
more of the old-fashioned virtue around here,
243
00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:20,584
we wouldn't have so many
new-fashioned babies running around looking for their papas.
244
00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,620
Arch, I didn't come here
to argue with you.
245
00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:24,655
Why don't you just finish
your beer and come home?
246
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:28,659
And why don't you take
a long walk on a short pier?
247
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:32,930
Arch, this whole thing is crazy.
Twenty-five years ago, ma went away on an innocent weekend.
248
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,965
And even if it wasn't
innocent, so what?
249
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:37,034
Shush.
250
00:15:38,703 --> 00:15:41,338
Get over there.
251
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:48,846
What the hell's the matter with
you opening your big foghorn mouth in front of Tommy there?
252
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:53,216
Listen, arch--
no, you listen to me.
253
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:57,755
A guy before he marries
has got a right to expect the girl he marries to be pure.
254
00:15:57,822 --> 00:16:00,824
But what about you arch?
Before you were married, were you pure?
255
00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:02,826
Hey, hey, hey.
None of your business. Huh?
256
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:05,930
You couldn't have been, right?
You were in the army. You were overseas.
257
00:16:05,997 --> 00:16:07,965
That's different.
258
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,768
A guy's overseas
fighting for his country, he's got some excuse.
259
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,674
What did you do,
get a note from your corporal?
260
00:16:23,214 --> 00:16:26,483
Don't try to be funny,
will you, meathead?
261
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:30,988
We was fighting men over there.
We was all tensed up from being in action.
262
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,658
There's a break in the action.
Some of the boys wanted to go someplace.
263
00:16:34,726 --> 00:16:37,294
I went along too.
I didn't know where we was going.
264
00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:39,429
First thing I know,
I was there.
265
00:16:41,399 --> 00:16:45,302
You want me
to leave them thinking I was some kind of a queer?
266
00:16:45,369 --> 00:16:49,673
- All right.
So you weren't pure. - That's another thing.
267
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:53,777
A man ain't supposed to--
I mean that's part of being a man.
268
00:16:53,845 --> 00:16:56,179
Oh, boy.
The old double standard, huh?
269
00:16:56,247 --> 00:16:58,983
No, smart guy.
That's the Bible if you wanna know.
270
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:01,819
The Bible says
a woman's gotta be pure.
271
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:04,021
It says so
on practically every page.
272
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,790
Well, shouldn't
the same thing go for men?
273
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:09,359
It don't say that about the men.
274
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:13,964
I mean the men
in the Bible, all them old-time religious guys,
275
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,500
they always had
lots of women around.
276
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:20,838
Take your Abraham, David,
sodom and gomorrah. All them guys.
277
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,411
Look, arch. All I know
is one thing. The way you're thinking about ma is crazy.
278
00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:31,214
I mean, after all,
you're the guy she married, right?
279
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,518
That, uh, what's his name,
Freddy withausen? He's dead and buried.
280
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,455
He was alive
up in that cabin.
281
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:40,624
That was 25 years ago.
282
00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:43,727
What difference does
that make how long ago it was?
283
00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:47,197
I mean,
it makes a guy wonder.
284
00:17:47,265 --> 00:17:49,667
After all, maybe I was
only second choice.
285
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:53,137
Maybe I ain't the real husband.
Maybe the real guy didn't show up there...
286
00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:56,506
And I won by--
what do you call-- default.
287
00:17:56,574 --> 00:18:00,144
What are you talking about?
You know the way ma treats you, waiting on you hand and foot.
288
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:02,146
You know
how she feels about you.
289
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:05,649
But she never
tells me nothing.
290
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:09,186
And when I come home from work
and I say, "what's new, Edith?"
291
00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:14,024
I want her to tell me what's new
even if it is 25 years old.
292
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:23,300
She's damn well gonna tell me
starting right now.
293
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:26,636
I'm gonna go home and
I'm gonna get the whole story of that cabin.
294
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:30,741
And I'd better not find out
what I wanna find out.
295
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:34,778
Ma, it's 10:00.
Why are you still cooking?
296
00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:37,614
I'm keeping the stew
warm for your father.
297
00:18:37,682 --> 00:18:41,251
He'll be hungry
when he comes home. If he comes home.
298
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,587
Oh, he'll come home all right.
299
00:18:43,654 --> 00:18:49,626
Your father ain't
never once missed having his dinner at home.
300
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:53,363
Ma, you're really something.
After the way daddy walked out on you--
301
00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:57,768
Archie is right.
I shouldn't keep secrets from him.
302
00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:01,205
The only reason
I don't tell him something is for his own good.
303
00:19:01,272 --> 00:19:04,341
I want to protect him
from getting upset...
304
00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:06,509
And yelling at me.
305
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:15,018
Ma, you know that weekend
you spent with Freddy withausen? Yeah?
306
00:19:15,086 --> 00:19:17,287
Well,
[ Clears throat ]
307
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:19,289
I don't know how
to put this, but, uh,
308
00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:24,527
you and he didn't,
uh, you know.
309
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,998
Gloria.
310
00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:32,836
You don't think
that Freddy and me-- well?
311
00:19:32,904 --> 00:19:36,439
Oh, never.
It was during the war.
312
00:19:36,507 --> 00:19:39,076
And Freddy really respected me.
313
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:44,381
You see, he was a 4-f,
and I was a red cross bandage roller.
314
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:47,851
[ Door opens ][ Archie ]Edith.
315
00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:50,821
There. You see?
He's back.
316
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:53,523
Get in hereon the double, Edith.You watch the stew.
317
00:19:53,591 --> 00:19:55,525
Coming, Archie.
318
00:19:56,627 --> 00:19:59,396
Oh, hello, Mike.
Gloria's in the kitchen.
319
00:19:59,463 --> 00:20:01,531
Thanks for bringing him home.
Okay, ma.
320
00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:04,401
Oh, hello, Archie.
I kept your dinner warm.
321
00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:06,503
Never mind the dinner.
322
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:10,740
We're gonna have
a few words together so sit down over there.
323
00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:12,876
All right, Archie.
324
00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:20,317
We've got some things
we're gonna have settled.
325
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:23,187
A lot of things. In fact,
the whole list of things may keep us up all night.
326
00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:25,422
Whatever you say, Archie.
327
00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:28,158
Yeah.
328
00:20:28,226 --> 00:20:30,861
The first thing
we gotta talk about is all this business...
329
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,930
Of a secret service
going on around here...
330
00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:35,999
And I don't
know nothing, see?
331
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:40,838
And the fact
that I'm the bread-winner family here and the head.
332
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:44,208
Things are going on
here without my consent, and that's gotta change.
333
00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:46,043
If you say so.
334
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:52,216
Then we're gonna have to
have a few words about that unmoral weekend...
335
00:20:52,283 --> 00:20:54,952
You spent with that
tar watcher of yours.
336
00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:59,356
But, Archie, I told you--
and--
337
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:02,659
let me finish.
338
00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:05,495
You're gonna have to
ask me to forgive you.
339
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:11,568
All right.
Forgive me.
340
00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:15,138
Then you admit it, huh?
341
00:21:18,943 --> 00:21:21,544
There's nothing to admit.
342
00:21:21,612 --> 00:21:24,248
Then what are you asking me
to forgive you for?
343
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:27,017
I don't know. You just
asked me to ask you to--
344
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:30,553
don't be twistingall my words around, Edith.
345
00:21:35,159 --> 00:21:38,028
All I want
is for you to say...
346
00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:41,765
That on our honeymoon night,
that night was the first.
347
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:46,569
It was the night
after, remember? You fell asleep.
348
00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,972
[ Inaudible ]
349
00:22:10,194 --> 00:22:15,465
Was I or was I not the first?
350
00:22:15,533 --> 00:22:18,802
Of course, Archie.
351
00:22:20,204 --> 00:22:22,139
All right then.
352
00:22:23,341 --> 00:22:25,508
You actually come
to your senses.
353
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:32,082
- I forgive you.
- For what?
354
00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:37,087
Don't get started on that again.
We got it settled and I don't wanna hear no more about it.
355
00:22:39,023 --> 00:22:40,958
Now you can go ahead
and serve me dinner.
356
00:22:41,025 --> 00:22:42,960
Right away, Archie.
357
00:22:43,027 --> 00:22:47,630
Gloria, dish up the stew.
And Mike, bring in the ketchup.
358
00:22:47,698 --> 00:22:52,635
Archie, does this mean
you ain't mad at me no more?
359
00:22:52,703 --> 00:22:57,540
Well, it means that
we got a few things settled and, uh--
360
00:22:57,608 --> 00:23:00,643
one of which is no more
secrets around here, right? Right.
361
00:23:00,711 --> 00:23:05,715
No more secrets.
I'll get your dinner right away.
362
00:23:08,152 --> 00:23:11,188
Ketchup on stew?
363
00:23:11,255 --> 00:23:13,523
- You'd eat ketchup on anything.
- Look who's talking.
364
00:23:13,591 --> 00:23:16,893
I once seen you dunk
a hamburger in a cup of coffee.
365
00:23:18,896 --> 00:23:22,199
How'd it go with ma?
Well, you can see for yourself.
366
00:23:22,266 --> 00:23:24,334
Everything's back
to normal around here.
367
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:28,771
It might interest you
to know that your mother-in-law apologized to me.
368
00:23:30,274 --> 00:23:32,309
You mean then
that weekend she did?
369
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:35,479
Didn't, didn't, didn't.
370
00:23:35,546 --> 00:23:38,281
- Well, what did she
apologize for? - For nothing.
371
00:23:38,349 --> 00:23:41,651
You're right, arch.
Everything's back to normal.
372
00:23:45,623 --> 00:23:49,059
Here we are.
Come and get it.
373
00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:52,962
What do you mean,
come and get it? I'm here. I ain't out in the field.
374
00:23:54,265 --> 00:23:59,269
Oh, Mike, Gloria,
Archie and me had a long talk.
375
00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:03,306
And I ain't never
gonna keep a secret from your father again.
376
00:24:03,374 --> 00:24:05,308
Well, the whole thing
was silly anyway.
377
00:24:05,376 --> 00:24:08,045
I mean, making
such a big deal about a weekend in the country.
378
00:24:08,112 --> 00:24:10,514
Yeah, especially
when you had two chaperones with you.
379
00:24:10,581 --> 00:24:15,318
Yeah, that's right.
Freddy and me was never alone except for one afternoon...
380
00:24:15,386 --> 00:24:19,956
When his parents
had to go into the city to get some supplies.
381
00:24:38,642 --> 00:24:40,577
Hi, ma.
Shh.
382
00:24:41,879 --> 00:24:46,116
Your father's asleep.
Did you two have a good time?
383
00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:50,620
Yeah. It was a housewarming.
Frank clauson and Marion bloom just got a new apartment.
384
00:24:50,688 --> 00:24:54,624
They got an apartment together
and they ain't married?
385
00:24:54,692 --> 00:24:57,760
Yeah. That's the way
they wanted it. Oh, well,
386
00:24:57,828 --> 00:25:00,997
I suppose if they're
your friends--
387
00:25:01,065 --> 00:25:03,633
wait a minute.
388
00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:08,105
Whatever you do, let's not
tell your father about this.
389
00:25:27,725 --> 00:25:31,694
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