Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,135 --> 00:00:05,336
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:09,040
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:12,644
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,714
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
5
00:00:15,781 --> 00:00:19,250
♪ and you knew where you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:23,287
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,355 --> 00:00:25,724
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
8
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:29,594
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
9
00:00:29,662 --> 00:00:32,931
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
10
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:36,434
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
11
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,138
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
12
00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:46,077
♪ those were the days ♪
13
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:54,719
okay, "zoo."
14
00:00:54,787 --> 00:00:57,989
That's a double word score--
24 points. Ohh.
15
00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,258
[ Chuckles ]
Oh! Oh, my.
16
00:01:00,325 --> 00:01:02,193
What is it, ma?
17
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:07,632
It's just another one of
those "most unforgettable characters I ever met."
18
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:12,203
This man's writing about
a woman who lived in Vermont.
19
00:01:12,271 --> 00:01:15,907
Seems to me
they all lived in Vermont.
20
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:18,509
What was so unforgettable
about her, ma?
21
00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:22,981
Well, she lived in this house
for 40 years with a big porch,
22
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:26,484
and it was right where
all these roads came together.
23
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,688
Everybody stopped
and asked her for directions.
24
00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:32,857
But why'd the man
find her so unforgettable?
25
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:36,127
Well, she was his grandmother.
26
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,231
Oh.
27
00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:42,233
[ Phone rings ]
28
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:44,803
I'll get it.
29
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,005
On his father's side.
30
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:48,907
Hello?
31
00:01:48,974 --> 00:01:51,275
Szabo!
Mike, it's szabo!
32
00:01:51,343 --> 00:01:53,778
Oh, yeah?
[ Gloria ] What?
33
00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,714
Oh, that's wonderful.
34
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:58,950
He's having a new
showing next month. Oh, great!
35
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:02,087
He wants to know
if he can come over for a drink.
36
00:02:02,154 --> 00:02:04,089
Let me talk to him.
37
00:02:04,156 --> 00:02:07,192
Hey, szabo! Hey!
Where are you?
38
00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:10,695
That's only a few minutes
from here. Come over.
39
00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:12,330
Yeah. All right.
40
00:02:12,397 --> 00:02:14,165
Yeah, okay. Bye.
41
00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:15,900
Who's coming over?
42
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:18,536
Szabo daborba.
Mike's friend, the artist.
43
00:02:18,604 --> 00:02:20,538
He's an old friend of mine
from Chicago.
44
00:02:20,606 --> 00:02:24,175
He started painting
a couple years ago, and now he's the hottest painter around.
45
00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:27,511
I'll show you.
We've got one of his old brochures here from his show.
46
00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:31,382
Clean up. He's gonna
be here any second. You're gonna love this guy.
47
00:02:31,450 --> 00:02:34,018
Look, ma. "The paintings
of szabo daborba."
48
00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:36,721
Oh, isn't that nice?
49
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,723
Oh, hi, daddy.
50
00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:53,504
Well, you're home.
51
00:02:57,576 --> 00:03:00,344
You can tell that,
huh, Edith?
52
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:03,281
You see me come in,
throw down my bowling ball, hang up my hat and coat...
53
00:03:03,348 --> 00:03:05,784
And just like that
you know I'm home.
54
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:09,587
Plus, there's the sound
of your voice.
55
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:14,993
Yeah, there's that too.
56
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,762
How'd you bowl
tonight, arch?
57
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,765
I bowled 31 perfect games,
a new world's record.
58
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:24,035
That's why I come home
feeling so good.
59
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:27,338
You got the heart of a murderer,
asking me a question like that.
60
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,109
What do you got there,
Edith?
61
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:34,478
"The paintings
of szabo daborba," Mike's old friend from Chicago.
62
00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:36,480
We practically
grew up together.
63
00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:38,850
He's stopping by
for a drink in a few minutes.
64
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:42,120
Geez, I can hardly wait.
65
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:44,689
Aren't you gonna look
at szabo's paintings, ma?
66
00:03:44,756 --> 00:03:47,491
Wait a minute.
Give 'em to me.
67
00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:50,829
Let me look
at szabo's paintings here.
68
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,831
What do we got here?
69
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,368
What the hell kind of
paintings are these?
70
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:02,440
They're nudes, daddy,
but they're very abstract.
71
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:04,442
Look,
here's one we love.
72
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:07,445
It's called nude in limbo.You see?
73
00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:10,614
There's her head,
and there's the long line of her neck...
74
00:04:10,682 --> 00:04:13,184
And over there
are her shoulders, and over there are--
75
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:15,686
I know what those are, buddy.
76
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,226
How come he give her
three of them?
77
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:27,298
That's the way
he saw her, daddy.
78
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:31,336
Geez, he must have been
bombed out of his skull when he done this.
79
00:04:31,403 --> 00:04:36,007
The next time he thinks he sees
three of them, tell him to take two aspirin and go to bed.
80
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:42,680
Maybe it's a picture
of two girls and he left something out.
81
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,456
Take it away.
82
00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:56,361
I got a good question
for you, daddy. Three what?
83
00:04:56,428 --> 00:04:58,462
- Huh?
- You heard me.
84
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,432
You said,
"there's three of them," but you didn't say what.
85
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,968
- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.
86
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,037
Tell me.
Come on!
87
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:08,472
You can't say it,
can you, arch?
88
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,475
A simple part of the anatomy,
and it sticks in your throat.
89
00:05:11,543 --> 00:05:14,478
I got no anatomies
sticking in my throat.
90
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:22,586
I just happen
to have some respect for common decency, that's all.
91
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,588
Long before any of us
was born,
92
00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:28,159
they was calling certain things
"private parts."
93
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:31,829
Come on, daddy,
that's just a big cover-up.
94
00:05:31,897 --> 00:05:33,898
[ Mike ]It's a hang-up.And you know it.
95
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,967
Now look here.
What is that?
96
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:38,469
Leave me alone!
97
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,471
It's a breast, isn't it?
98
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:43,507
Edith, do you hear what
she's saying in front of her own father?
99
00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:46,644
But that's what it is--
a breast. She said it again.
100
00:05:46,711 --> 00:05:48,479
All she said was "breast."
101
00:05:48,547 --> 00:05:51,149
Now he's saying it
over there!
102
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,318
Well, let's hear you
say it just once.
103
00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:56,354
I won't say it just once!
104
00:05:56,422 --> 00:06:00,058
Can you believe that?
He can't even say the word.
105
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:02,360
He has said
"breast of chicken."
106
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,562
Never!
White meat! White meat!
107
00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:10,568
Now stifle yourself, huh?
108
00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:15,406
And once at rockaway beach
he showed me how to do the breast stroke.
109
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:17,575
Will you stifle yourself!
110
00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:23,448
I wanna tell you something--
I got no respect for a guy...
111
00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:26,117
That spends his whole life
getting cheap thrills...
112
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,119
Out of other people's
"nudidity."
113
00:06:30,555 --> 00:06:35,093
With one sentence
he puts away all painters, sculptors, doctors--
114
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,528
hold it, meathead.
I didn't say nothing about doctors.
115
00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:39,530
That's a whole other thing.
116
00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:43,267
The most beautiful woman
can walk into a doctor's office and get herself undressed,
117
00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:45,269
it don't mean a thing.
118
00:06:45,337 --> 00:06:47,972
He don't even take any notice
of the good parts.
119
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,709
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, I bet that's szabo.
120
00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:55,013
Hey! Szabo!
121
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,015
How are you?
122
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:59,517
Gloria!
Szabo!
123
00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:04,555
Oh, uh, szabo,this is my motherand my father.
124
00:07:04,623 --> 00:07:07,758
How do you do?
Hello, Mrs. bunker. Nice to see you, Mr. bunker.
125
00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:10,794
Hey, I got
some champagne. Oh, great.
126
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:13,297
I was out launching
a battleship, and I missed.
127
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:16,300
What do you say
we break it open here? I'll get the glasses.
128
00:07:16,368 --> 00:07:18,636
I'll help you.
I could use something to eat too.
129
00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:21,139
Wait a minute.
Szabo, huh?
130
00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:23,174
Szabo what?
Daborba.
131
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:26,411
He's a gypsy.
132
00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:29,247
He's a Hungarian.
Same thing.
133
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:35,253
That guy was born
in an empty store, as sure as I'm standing here.
134
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:39,257
He's alone with your wife,
135
00:07:39,324 --> 00:07:42,226
and I wouldn't trust him
from here to here.
136
00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:46,464
Szabo's one of
my oldest friends. What's the kissing Gloria?
137
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:49,534
It's just two friends
saying hello. What's the big deal?
138
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:51,669
The most casual
acquaintances kiss today.
139
00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:55,206
They do it all the time
on tv.
140
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:56,807
Yeah, like...
141
00:07:56,875 --> 00:07:59,277
Merv Griffin
and Johnny Carson.
142
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:03,047
Merv Griffin and Johnny Carson
don't kiss each other.
143
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:07,418
That's right.
They're on different channels.
144
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,787
Stifle yourself!
145
00:08:09,854 --> 00:08:14,525
It's Jerry Lewis
that kisses Johnny Carson.
146
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:16,694
Will you stifle yourself!
147
00:08:16,761 --> 00:08:20,465
I don't know
who merv Griffin kisses.
148
00:08:20,532 --> 00:08:22,133
I said stifle!
149
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:25,470
I got more important things
on my mind than merv Griffin and Johnny Carson.
150
00:08:25,537 --> 00:08:27,538
I don't trust
that gypsy out there.
151
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:30,641
- Hungarian.
- Oh, Hungarian, Hungarian.
152
00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:33,644
You know what I heard
about Hungarians there at my mother's knee?
153
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:36,647
A Hungarian is a guy
that can follow you into a revolving door...
154
00:08:36,715 --> 00:08:38,649
And come out ahead of you.
155
00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:44,155
You are in trouble,
meathead. Aw, come on.
156
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,324
- Here we are.
- Dummy up now.
157
00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:49,026
[ Szabo ]
Help yourself. [ Edith ] Oh, my!
158
00:08:49,094 --> 00:08:51,395
Champagne!
159
00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:54,265
And on
a Monday night too.
160
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,000
Szabo, a toast.
161
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:59,137
To your new one-man show.
May you sell everything.
162
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:01,572
Thanks, Mike.
Come on. Sit down.
163
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,109
Wait a minute, szabo.
I wanna ask you something.
164
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:09,480
I see by that brochure there
that you like painting people...
165
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,716
Without their clothes on--
in other words, in the nude.
166
00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:14,619
No, not everybody.
167
00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:18,422
For instance,
I'd never paint you in the nude.
168
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:22,760
I mean, you wouldn't be you
without your clothes on. Would he, Mrs. bunker?
169
00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:26,430
I don't know.
I'll have to think about it.
170
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:33,837
Now, your daughter,
on the other hand--
171
00:09:33,905 --> 00:09:36,073
your daughter
is something else.
172
00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:38,075
'Cause I see Gloria...
173
00:09:38,143 --> 00:09:41,078
Free, uninhibited.
174
00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:44,081
She--she's-- hey.
175
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:46,950
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey !
176
00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:49,520
- Gloria, would you?
- Would I what?
177
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,657
I got just three weeks.
If we start tomorrow--
178
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:54,892
you mean you want
to do Gloria? For the show?
179
00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:57,127
- Yeah!
- That's fantastic!
180
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:58,862
Mom, daddy,
can you believe it?
181
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:02,132
Wait a minute. You're gonna
let this thing happen?
182
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:05,135
Gloria's spending three weeks
with this guy naked?
183
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:07,137
Why not?
184
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,139
Edith, do you hear
what's going on here?
185
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:12,610
Why not, Archie? I'm thrilled.
Szabo's my oldest friend.
186
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,912
So? Jim mcnab
is our oldest friend.
187
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:18,749
Suppose I put your mother-in-law
up in front of Jim mcnab without her clothes on?
188
00:10:18,817 --> 00:10:21,419
Oh, Archie, no!
189
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,791
Relax.
It ain't happened yet.
190
00:10:29,394 --> 00:10:31,329
I don't know what
you're so uptight about.
191
00:10:31,396 --> 00:10:34,565
The human body,
the pure form, it's art, it's part of life.
192
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:38,202
So is throwing up,
but I don't want to look at it.
193
00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:41,739
I don't believe you, daddy.
194
00:10:41,806 --> 00:10:44,308
One of the most talented
painters around today...
195
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:46,477
Flatters me by
offering to paint me,
196
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:50,114
and you make it sound
so nasty.
197
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:52,617
Come on, szabo.
I'll make you that sandwich.
198
00:10:52,684 --> 00:10:54,619
Well, what else is it,
then?
199
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:57,855
She's right, Archie.
Dirty is in the eye of the beholder.
200
00:10:57,922 --> 00:11:01,525
And stupid is in
the head of the polack.
201
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:04,928
I wanna tell you
something--
202
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:08,031
don't start talking to me
unless you take that back. All right, I take it back.
203
00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:11,569
Now sit down,
you dumb polack, and let me talk to you.
204
00:11:13,605 --> 00:11:16,840
Mike and me are gonna have
a little talk, man to man.
205
00:11:16,908 --> 00:11:20,311
That's nice.
Like father and son.
206
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:23,547
Well, maybe there's something
that needs doing upstairs.
207
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,850
I'm sure there is.
208
00:11:26,918 --> 00:11:28,852
Now listen--
no, you listen.
209
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,490
If you're gonna start in
again with that paranoia about szabo, forget it,
210
00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:35,092
because he is a friend
and I trust him.
211
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,928
Oh, famous last words.
212
00:11:37,996 --> 00:11:42,433
That's what Abel was sayin'
when he got it in the back from his own brother with a cane.
213
00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:49,774
Now, this gypsy
out here-- Hungarian!
214
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:51,776
All right, whatever!
215
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:54,679
This guy is
way better looking than you, buddy,
216
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:56,681
which, by the way,
ain't so hard to be.
217
00:11:58,249 --> 00:12:01,652
This could upset a girl.
You don't even trust your own daughter.
218
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,489
I didn't say that.
Now, sit down over here and let me talk to you.
219
00:12:05,557 --> 00:12:07,692
Just sit down over here.
220
00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:11,595
Now, let me tell you
something about men.
221
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,164
Men have got
certain things--
222
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:16,900
hormones, see.
223
00:12:16,968 --> 00:12:20,003
Women have hormones too.
Theirs don't mean nothing.
224
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:25,142
Now, a man's hormones,
they put ideas in his head.
225
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,144
See? Ideas.
226
00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:29,279
And he goes around
thinking of these ideas...
227
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:33,083
Until one day he has to
do something about them...
228
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:35,319
To clear his mind.
229
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,321
That's right!
230
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,324
And when that day comes when
he's gotta clear his mind,
231
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:42,493
he don't care
who he does it with.
232
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,663
Now, I know guys that go after
the wife of their best friend.
233
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,998
Come on!
What are you talking about?
234
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:52,069
Mike, you gotta listen to me.
Goulash got no conscience.
235
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,841
[ Szabo ]
That was a great sandwich. Dummy up.
236
00:12:56,908 --> 00:13:00,344
Mike, your wife
can cook for me any time at all.
237
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:03,280
Gotta run now, buddy.
See you later. See you, Mr. bunker.
238
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:05,883
Are you going now?
Yes, I am.
239
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,885
Thanks a lot
for your hospitality,
240
00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:10,220
and most of all,
thank you for my new model.
241
00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:12,356
Look at her--
she's a pixie...
242
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:15,359
With the face of a doll
and the body of a woman.
243
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:17,361
Ah!
[ Kissing ]
244
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,229
[ Szabo ]See you tomorrow.[ Gloria ] Bye!
245
00:13:19,297 --> 00:13:20,998
[ Edith ]
Bye!
246
00:13:21,065 --> 00:13:26,537
Well, I feel like
Mrs. O'Leary's cow, yelling "fire! Fire! Fire!"...
247
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:29,540
And nobody's paying
no attention to me.
248
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,242
Archie, Gloria and I don't
have that kind of marriage.
249
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,779
We trust each other.
My generation trusts.
250
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:37,648
My generation trusts too,
meathead--
251
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:41,051
in God, not Hungarians.
252
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:49,693
Edith, today,
without fail--
253
00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:52,863
- yeah, Archie?
- Cut your toenails.
254
00:13:52,931 --> 00:13:55,866
Huh?
And I mean right down to the bone.
255
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:57,868
You got a thing
you're doing now--
256
00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:01,371
your feet come over
to my side, your nails are runnin' up and down my leg.
257
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,373
It's like sleepin'
with a leopard.
258
00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:07,545
Good morning, folks.
259
00:14:07,612 --> 00:14:11,181
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
260
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:13,183
What the hell
was that all about?
261
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:17,087
That's Hungarian
for "darling mother" and "beloved papa."
262
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:20,123
Oh, I forgot my watch.
I'll be right back.
263
00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:23,961
Ain't she turning into
a happy little bohunk?
264
00:14:24,028 --> 00:14:27,631
Oh, yeah.
She loves posing for szabo.
265
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:32,302
He talks to her
while he's painting, and she loves listening to him.
266
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,137
He's been everywhere,
267
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:38,375
so he tells her about Paris,
Rome, Athens,
268
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:40,511
winnetka.
269
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:44,582
- Winnetka?
- That's where he was born.
270
00:14:44,649 --> 00:14:46,416
I don't understand you.
271
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:51,054
Your only daughter, the flesh
of your blood, going out every day for three weeks...
272
00:14:51,122 --> 00:14:53,056
To pose naked
for this guy...
273
00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:55,058
Who-- a--
ain't her husband,
274
00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:58,729
and-- b-- makes her
husband look like a pile of inner tubes,
275
00:14:59,831 --> 00:15:01,932
and you don't do
nothing about it.
276
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,002
I think I'll just
have juice and coffee this morning.
277
00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:08,739
Getting a pretty early
start these mornings, huh, little girl?
278
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,842
We have to.
Szabo loses the light at 4:30.
279
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:13,844
What's he need light for?
280
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:16,847
He's gonna give you
six belly buttons, no matter what he sees.
281
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,754
Boy, did we ever jog.
We must've done over a mile.
282
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:25,389
Pretty close.
Eighteen blocks.
283
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:27,725
You're jogging, huh?
When did you start that?
284
00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,727
A couple weeks ago.
Why?
285
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:33,964
You wouldn't be jogging away
from any personal problems, would you, Michael?
286
00:15:34,032 --> 00:15:36,466
What do you mean by that?
Actually, it was my idea.
287
00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:38,536
I've been
thinking about jogging for months.
288
00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:41,405
But you don't have to
drag him along. You can do that by yourself.
289
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:44,675
Well, let me ask you
a question, Mr. bunker.
290
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:47,678
If you were walking
down the street at 7:00 in the morning...
291
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,680
And you saw this black guy
all by himself...
292
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,682
Running through
this neighborhood,
293
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,450
what would you think?
294
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,964
I see what you mean, Lionel.
295
00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:09,934
Yeah, I figured you would.
296
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,571
Bye, Lionel.
I've gotta run too.
297
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:16,073
Wait a second.
I just got back.
298
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:20,644
Edith, now,
this might just be a father's intermission,
299
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:22,646
but I smell a rat.
300
00:16:24,382 --> 00:16:28,251
And you sit there
and you have no opinion at all.
301
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,253
Oh, I got an opinion,
302
00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:33,057
but you never asked me
for it.
303
00:16:33,124 --> 00:16:35,926
Well, I'm asking you now,
Edith.
304
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:40,297
Well, I'm not sure
you should butt in where angels fear to tread.
305
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,267
What does that mean?
306
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:47,104
Only fools rush in
where angels--
307
00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:51,108
Edith, if I want a song lyric
I'll turn on the radio.
308
00:16:51,175 --> 00:16:55,045
Come on, give me your opinion,
straight from the dingbat.
309
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,517
Well...
310
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:03,253
I think you should
mind your own business.
311
00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:06,323
Who asked you?
312
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:12,663
I'll be at the library
till it closes, but then I'm coming right back home.
313
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,665
I'll be home
waiting for you.
314
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,501
Szabo says we'll finish
before he loses the light.
315
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:20,504
Then we'll probably
grab a quick drink to celebrate,
316
00:17:20,571 --> 00:17:22,506
and then I'll be home.
317
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:24,708
One thing, Gloria.
318
00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:27,511
Remember yesterday
when I came into the studio...
319
00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:29,880
And you were posing?
320
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:33,183
How come when you saw me
you jumped up and-- and put my robe on?
321
00:17:33,251 --> 00:17:36,186
Yeah.
Why did you do that? I don't know, Michael.
322
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:39,489
It's just that szabo was there
looking at me his way,
323
00:17:39,557 --> 00:17:43,360
and then you came in
looking at me,
324
00:17:43,427 --> 00:17:46,030
you know, your way,
325
00:17:46,097 --> 00:17:48,032
and suddenly I felt naked.
326
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,501
Yeah?
327
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:56,173
You haven't been concerned
about-- well, about szabo and me, have you?
328
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,143
What? Are you kidding?
329
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:02,479
Gloria, how could you
even think a thing like that?
330
00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:05,716
So your father's upset.
That doesn't mean that I am.
331
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:07,317
Oh, good.
332
00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:10,821
I didn't think so, anyway,
because I can always tell when you're upset.
333
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,590
You get that
funny little twitch in your left eye.
334
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:16,459
I love you, Michael.
Bye. Have a good day.
335
00:18:16,527 --> 00:18:18,461
Bye.
336
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,635
Anyway--
337
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:30,908
all I can tell you is, I'm
surprised at you dragging me to a picture like that.
338
00:18:30,975 --> 00:18:32,910
It was
absolutely disgusting.
339
00:18:32,977 --> 00:18:36,213
Well, I'm sorry, Archie.
How was I to know?
340
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,648
I thought it was
a religious picture--
341
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,251
cardinal knowledge.
342
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:48,258
It's not
cardinal knowledge, Edith.
343
00:18:48,326 --> 00:18:51,261
Carnal. Carnal.
It's a whole other thing.
344
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:54,598
One of the dirtiest
pictures I ever seen.
345
00:18:54,665 --> 00:18:58,135
Hormones were flying
all over the screen.
346
00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:01,872
And you're gonna tell me
there are really people like that?
347
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,875
"Hello. How are you?"
Zap! Into the sack?
348
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:09,312
Gee, I had to watch
the whole picture like this.
349
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,314
Nobody was ever
standing up.
350
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:19,422
I'm glad I went to sleep.
351
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:25,796
Look, Archie, I don't think
Gloria's come home yet.
352
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:30,834
I left some food on the stove,
I set the place, and it ain't been touched.
353
00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:34,838
Well, the Hungarian said
the light failed him at 4:30.
354
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:37,607
Well, here it is 9:30
and she ain't home yet.
355
00:19:37,675 --> 00:19:39,676
You got a song lyric
for that?
356
00:19:39,744 --> 00:19:43,680
Archie, you don't have to
worry about Gloria.
357
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:45,315
She's our daughter.
358
00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:49,519
I ain't worried about Gloria.
I'm worried about that hunkie's hormones.
359
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:51,155
His what?
360
00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:53,523
It's a subject
I can't get in with you...
361
00:19:53,591 --> 00:19:55,525
Because its male
and it's rough.
362
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,830
All I can tell you is,
when it comes to hormones...
363
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:03,033
I wouldn't trust
any man in the world as far as I could throw him.
364
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,735
Well, that would include you,
Archie.
365
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:08,471
No, not necessarily,
Edith,
366
00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:11,641
because I got my hormones
on a leash.
367
00:20:12,944 --> 00:20:14,878
♪ [ Whistling ]
368
00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:19,149
Oh, here he comes.
Here he comes. Mr. happiness himself.
369
00:20:19,217 --> 00:20:22,319
The meatheaded husband is home,
whistling a happy tune.
370
00:20:22,386 --> 00:20:24,321
Hey, what's with him?
371
00:20:24,388 --> 00:20:27,257
It used to be I had to say
something before he went nuts. Now all I gotta do is show up.
372
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:30,760
- Where were you till this hour?
- At the library working on my paper.
373
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:34,865
Well, work on this.
It's nearly 10:00 and your wife ain't home yet.
374
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:37,267
Oh, yeah?
375
00:20:37,335 --> 00:20:40,570
Maybe they were
cleaning up the studio.
376
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,245
Well...
377
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:51,681
After three weeks
it could get pretty messy.
378
00:20:54,618 --> 00:20:56,553
Well?
379
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,422
♪ [ Whistling ]
380
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,424
Oh, there it is, Edith.
381
00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:04,361
There it is,
as clear as you'll ever see--
382
00:21:04,428 --> 00:21:06,830
the two generations
side by side.
383
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,932
There's the modern one
over here.
384
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,170
His wife is out every day
for three weeks, posing naked for some guy,
385
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:15,705
and now she's five hours late
coming home from that guy...
386
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:19,209
And he sits over there
whistling as happy as any bird.
387
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:24,414
And you know why?
Because his generation trusts, Edith, see.
388
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:29,920
They trust all kinds
of revolutionaries, hippies, queers and what have you.
389
00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:33,656
They trust anything
and anybody that ain't us.
390
00:21:33,724 --> 00:21:38,028
I warned this boy three
weeks ago-- "you gotta keep in line this Hungarian."
391
00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:41,031
I said, "you can't put your
trust in any person but him."
392
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:45,335
But does he listen to me?
No, because he don't trust me.
393
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,570
How can he?
You ain't God.
394
00:21:54,078 --> 00:21:57,180
Okay, okay, Archie,
so Gloria's five hours late.
395
00:21:57,248 --> 00:21:59,749
You think I'm not worried?
Of course I'm worried.
396
00:21:59,817 --> 00:22:03,387
But I'm worried
about Gloria's welfare. A lot can happen in five hours.
397
00:22:03,454 --> 00:22:07,124
You're telling me.
No, I don't think like that.
398
00:22:07,191 --> 00:22:09,126
I'm gonna tell you
for the hundredth time--
399
00:22:09,193 --> 00:22:12,462
we are talking about my wife
and my best friend.
400
00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:14,464
And yes, I do trust them.
401
00:22:14,532 --> 00:22:18,101
There's the difference
in your generations right there, Archie.
402
00:22:18,169 --> 00:22:21,038
You've been spending
the last 30 years...
403
00:22:21,105 --> 00:22:23,040
Checking under every bed
for a communist...
404
00:22:23,107 --> 00:22:26,410
And thinking you're better
than they are with your stinking puritan ethic,
405
00:22:26,477 --> 00:22:28,412
and what have you got
to show for it?
406
00:22:28,479 --> 00:22:31,881
A wife who's home
at 10:00, buddy. Yeah, that's right.
407
00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:34,952
Sure, and the fear
and the mistrust of the rest of the world.
408
00:22:35,019 --> 00:22:38,155
Well, you can live with
that fear and mistrust.
409
00:22:38,222 --> 00:22:42,225
I don't want to have
any part of it! You hear what I'm saying?
410
00:22:42,293 --> 00:22:44,894
Szabo, what the hell
are you doing with my wife?
411
00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:55,272
I wanna know what Gloria's
doing there at this late hour,
412
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:57,740
and don't tell me you're
painting her by starlight.
413
00:22:57,808 --> 00:23:01,311
I have had this on my mind
a long time, and now that it's out in the open--
414
00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:03,213
Gloria!
415
00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:05,349
Gloria?
416
00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:07,351
Bye there, szabo.
417
00:23:09,854 --> 00:23:11,788
When did you get home?
418
00:23:11,856 --> 00:23:15,392
Uh, when did you get home?
About 6:00.
419
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,862
I was so tired,
I just went right upstairs and flopped into bed.
420
00:23:20,498 --> 00:23:22,432
Boy, am I glad you're home.
421
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:27,371
Home in bed since 6:00,
and you knew nothing about it.
422
00:23:27,438 --> 00:23:30,940
How could I, Archie?
I was at the movies with you.
423
00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:33,410
What difference
does that make?
424
00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:37,347
Ah, geez,
look at this now.
425
00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:41,284
♪ [ Humming ]
426
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:44,354
Don't do that.
427
00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:48,058
♪ It's the Japanese sandman ♪
428
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,060
♪ he'll be here soon ♪
429
00:23:53,898 --> 00:23:56,099
well, meathead,
I hope you learned something tonight.
430
00:23:56,167 --> 00:23:58,435
You should've heard yourself
on that telephone.
431
00:23:58,503 --> 00:24:00,904
What are you talking about?
432
00:24:00,971 --> 00:24:02,972
She was home at 6:00.
433
00:24:05,776 --> 00:24:08,378
Get outta here.
434
00:24:08,446 --> 00:24:11,381
I wonder why the sandman
is Japanese.
435
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:14,884
He should have been an arab.
They got much more sand.
436
00:24:23,327 --> 00:24:25,228
Here's the painting.
Yeah.
437
00:24:25,296 --> 00:24:28,231
Szabo said we could
bring it home tonight so you could see it.
438
00:24:28,299 --> 00:24:30,633
Oh, ain't that exciting.
439
00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:33,470
You ready?
Yeah. ♪ ta-da ♪
440
00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:35,305
oh, my.
441
00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:38,408
It's very nice.
Isn't it great?
442
00:24:39,444 --> 00:24:41,545
[ Mike ]
What do you think, arch?
443
00:24:41,612 --> 00:24:43,913
I knew it.
444
00:24:43,981 --> 00:24:45,915
There's one there,
445
00:24:45,983 --> 00:24:47,684
two, three,
four, five...
446
00:24:47,751 --> 00:24:49,686
Six...
447
00:25:07,638 --> 00:25:12,041
[ Announcer ]
All in the family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
448
00:25:12,091 --> 00:25:16,641
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36070
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.