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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,735 --> 00:00:04,669 [ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood. 2 00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:08,439 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 3 00:00:08,507 --> 00:00:12,143 ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪ 4 00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:16,014 ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪ 5 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:19,217 [ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪ 6 00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:24,222 ♪ and you knew where you were then ♪ 7 00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:27,826 [ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪ 8 00:00:27,893 --> 00:00:30,294 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪ 9 00:00:30,362 --> 00:00:34,633 ♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪ 10 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:38,069 [ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪ 11 00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:41,572 [ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪ 12 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:45,910 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪ 13 00:00:45,978 --> 00:00:51,783 ♪ those were the days ♪ 14 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:10,595 oh, Archie. It's 2:15 in the morning. 15 00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,831 What are you doing up ? 16 00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:16,500 I'm playin' musical milk bottles here, Edith. 17 00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:19,771 How come you got three bottles here, and between them all, 18 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:23,007 a man can't get one full glass of milk ? 19 00:02:23,075 --> 00:02:26,845 I-I guess it's because we don't finish one bottle all the way... 20 00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:29,948 Before we open the next. 21 00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:32,951 I guess that must be it, Edith. 22 00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:37,488 You know, it's the little things that torture a person. 23 00:02:37,556 --> 00:02:40,691 You haven't been to sleep yet. 24 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:45,496 Even in bed, you didn't sleep. How did you know that ? 25 00:02:45,564 --> 00:02:48,900 Because when you sleep, you snore and kick, 26 00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:52,036 and when it's very quiet and I'm not gettin' hurt much, 27 00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:55,173 I know you ain't asleep. 28 00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,711 Is there something on your mind ? 29 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:04,048 Edith, I just got a little simple indigestion, that's all. 30 00:03:04,116 --> 00:03:07,018 Did you eat something that didn't agree with you ? 31 00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:09,788 Only your dinner, Edith. 32 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,862 I thought I heard voices down here. What's going on ? 33 00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:19,864 "What's going on ?" 34 00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:23,334 Your mother-in-law and me are runnin' away together. 35 00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:26,737 What's bugging you ? I just never seen you up this late, that's all. 36 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,607 Well, it don't need no big explanation. 37 00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:31,676 And shut that yap, will you ! 38 00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:35,246 You just woke up, and you ain't no breath of spring, you know. 39 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,853 What's going on ? How come everybody's up ? 40 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,689 Now, look at this. Will you answer me. 41 00:03:44,756 --> 00:03:48,860 Can't youse two get a second pair of pajamas ? 42 00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:55,033 Or would that destroy something beautiful in your marriage ? 43 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,702 I'm not even awake yet, and he's picking. 44 00:03:57,769 --> 00:04:00,905 Yeah, because it ain't decent going to bed that way. 45 00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:04,542 - Archie, they're married. - So are we married. 46 00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:08,379 And we go to bed fully dressed. 47 00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:11,216 I told you to shut that yap. 48 00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:18,323 Hey, what's buggin' him ? Somethin' bothering him ? 49 00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:20,892 Oh, I thought so, but he said no, 50 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,894 but I still think so. 51 00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:32,070 My sandwich ! 52 00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,873 Well, I don't want it now. 53 00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,343 What's the matter, Archie ? 54 00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,711 There's gotta be something on your mind. 55 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:45,216 Edith, there's nothin' on my mind now, absolutely nothin'. 56 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:48,552 [ Phone ringing ] I'll get that. It'll get that. I'll get that. Stay away. 57 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,089 [ Ringing ] 58 00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:53,491 Hello, feeney. 59 00:04:53,558 --> 00:04:57,095 Huh ? Now, wait a minute. Who's this ? 60 00:04:57,162 --> 00:05:00,164 No, no, no, no. There ain't no Valerie here. 61 00:05:00,232 --> 00:05:03,034 No, Mac, there ain't no Mary Lou neither. 62 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,770 No, you see, you got the wrong number. 63 00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:08,773 Yeah, yeah. What ? 64 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,776 No, nobody in this house wrote this number... 65 00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:14,946 On the wall of the toilet at the elks' club. 66 00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:19,951 Dry yourself out, huh ? 67 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:23,621 Archie, are you expecting a call at this late hour ? 68 00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:25,623 Not necessarily. 69 00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:29,294 But you said something about feeney when you answered. 70 00:05:29,361 --> 00:05:31,362 Did you mean Harry feeney ? 71 00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,932 What's with the third degree, huh ? 72 00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:37,001 I told you, I ain't expectin' no phone call. [ Phone rings ] 73 00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:39,971 I'll get that. Keep away from there, meathead ! 74 00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:44,142 Feeney ? 75 00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:47,979 Oh, gee. No, buddy. This ain't Mary Lou's brother. 76 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:51,215 Wait a minute. Listen to me. You're drunk, see ? 77 00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:55,553 Your brain is soaked in booze, and you don't know what you're doing. 78 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:59,157 Don't call this number no more tonight, will ya. 79 00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:03,328 Go back to the toilet wall and get yourself another number. 80 00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:13,671 Why are youse all staring at me, huh ? Why don't youse go to bed ? 81 00:06:13,738 --> 00:06:16,341 We can't go to bed when you're troubled, daddy. 82 00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:20,911 We want to help you. You wanna help me with something that troubles me ? 83 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:25,649 Would you put something on yourself and make yourself respectable. 84 00:06:25,717 --> 00:06:29,454 If that thing was any shorter, it'd be a scarf. 85 00:06:29,521 --> 00:06:33,191 Come on, Gloria, let's go. We get enough of that talk during the day. 86 00:06:33,258 --> 00:06:36,027 We don't have to listen to it at night too. Good night, daddy. 87 00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:39,697 [ Edith ] Good night. Good night, mom. 88 00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:43,701 Archie. 89 00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:49,374 Would you get mad at me if I was to ask you something ? 90 00:06:49,441 --> 00:06:53,144 Only if it was something that makes me mad, Edith. 91 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,981 Are you worried about your job ? 92 00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:59,517 That makes me mad. 93 00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:01,519 You are worried. 94 00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:04,322 Tell me, what is it ? Edith, it's nothing. 95 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,324 It's just that, uh, 96 00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:10,694 well, the company announced that they're having a 20 percent cutback in personnel. 97 00:07:10,762 --> 00:07:14,465 That's all. I think it's gonna hit my department pretty hard. 98 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,367 Oh, Archie. 99 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:19,370 Hold it, hold it, Edith. I ain't worried about it. 100 00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:22,306 Take it easy. You know me. 101 00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:25,910 I could get another job in ten minutes, if it came to that. 102 00:07:25,977 --> 00:07:29,414 It's just, uh, it's just some of the other guys I work with, that's all. 103 00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:31,449 I'm worried about them. 104 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:35,153 Like there's little Emanuel. He's puerto rican. 105 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,988 One leg is shorter than the other. 106 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,525 I mean, who wants a spick with a bum leg ? 107 00:07:47,499 --> 00:07:49,867 And then you got elmo. 108 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:53,538 Fifty-six years of age, black as the ace of spades. 109 00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:56,907 I mean, there ain't many places a guy like that can go. 110 00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:58,909 Then you got stretch Cunningham. 111 00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:01,045 Well, he's white, ain't he ? 112 00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:04,282 Yeah, but with an I.Q. Of about one. 113 00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:10,354 These guys have been working under me for a lot of years, Edith. 114 00:08:10,422 --> 00:08:13,057 It's them that I'm worried about. 115 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:16,127 Well, what does Harry feeney got to do with it ? 116 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,696 Harry feeney's the night watchman, see. 117 00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:22,900 Day after tomorrow they're gonna come out with a list of who gets the ax. 118 00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:25,636 So tonight when feeney's makin' his rounds, punching his clocks, 119 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:28,306 he's gonna poke around in the executive offices... 120 00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:30,374 And try and get the scoop first. 121 00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:33,877 He's supposed to call me here during the night. 122 00:08:33,945 --> 00:08:36,481 And-and you're staying up all night... 123 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:40,651 To find out about little Emanuel and elmo ? 124 00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:42,987 Yes, Edith. Stretch Cunningham too. 125 00:08:43,054 --> 00:08:44,989 [ Gloria ] Ma ? Yeah ? 126 00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:48,593 Stifle yourself about this to the kids. Oh, sure. 127 00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,395 What are youse doing up again ? We couldn't sleep. 128 00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:54,098 I-I think I'd better make a pot of coffee. 129 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,100 I'll help you, ma. 130 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:03,007 Ma ? Michael found this newspaper clipping on the bathroom floor. 131 00:09:03,074 --> 00:09:06,344 I-it must have fallen out of daddy's bathrobe. 132 00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:10,181 It's about his company cutting back personnel. 133 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:13,351 That's why he can't sleep tonight, isn't it ? 134 00:09:14,819 --> 00:09:16,854 Oh, yeah. 135 00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:20,191 But you ain't supposed to know about this. 136 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:23,060 Oh, I hope Mike don't say nothin'. 137 00:09:23,128 --> 00:09:27,565 Ah, don't worry, ma. Michael understands. He's very tactful. 138 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,186 What the hell is that all about ? 139 00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:51,722 Nothin'. I was just lookin' at ya, I was thinkin' about ya. 140 00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:54,559 I was thinkin' about how good you look. 141 00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:57,728 No, seriously. What are you, 47, 48 years old ? 142 00:09:57,796 --> 00:09:59,930 You don't look a day over 40. 143 00:10:01,132 --> 00:10:03,434 You know, you're lucky, Archie. 144 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:06,204 This is the prime of your life. 145 00:10:06,271 --> 00:10:08,573 You are in the best years of your life. 146 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,875 You-- you're strong. You've got your health. 147 00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:13,877 You're in great shape. 148 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,882 - Edith, you told 'em ! - What ? 149 00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:21,752 You told 'em, and I asked you not to ! Oh, no, Archie. 150 00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:25,089 Honest, nobody told me anything. Edith. Edith. 151 00:10:25,156 --> 00:10:27,925 I'd like to look as good as you when I'm old-- older, older. 152 00:10:27,992 --> 00:10:30,261 I meant older. You see that ? 153 00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:35,099 You're out of my sight for one minute, and the tongue is wagging the whole dog ! 154 00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,769 Daddy, it wasn't mom. It was this newspaper clipping. 155 00:10:38,837 --> 00:10:42,973 Give me that ! Michael and I aren't fools. We can see you're worried. 156 00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:45,276 Let me tell you something for your own information. 157 00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:48,646 It ain't myself that I'm worried about. Now, tell her, Edith. 158 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:53,384 Oh, no, no, he ain't worried about himself. 159 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:58,289 He's just worried about poor little Emanuel with the short leg... 160 00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:02,025 And stretch Cunningham and very black elmo. 161 00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:07,831 That's right. 162 00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:09,933 Even if I was to lose my job, 163 00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,970 which there ain't no chance of that because I'm in so solid with the bosses, 164 00:11:13,037 --> 00:11:15,473 I could get another one in about ten minutes. 165 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,975 So don't give me the cow eyes, will ya ? 166 00:11:18,042 --> 00:11:21,145 Just save your concern for them that needs it. Aw, come on, daddy. 167 00:11:21,212 --> 00:11:25,182 No matter what's bothering you, why can't you share it with your own family ? 168 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,984 That's right, Archie. 169 00:11:27,051 --> 00:11:31,822 Because a man don't bring his problems home, that's why. 170 00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:35,159 Oh, I never heard such old-fashioned garbage. 171 00:11:35,226 --> 00:11:38,329 Thank heavens that's not the way it is with my marriage. 172 00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:41,999 My husband's not afraid to bring home his troubles to me, 173 00:11:42,066 --> 00:11:44,835 to cry in my lap if he feels like it, 174 00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,338 to weep in my arms. Gloria. 175 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:50,841 Why, he's not ashamed to show grief if he feels it. 176 00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:54,077 Gloria. To kick his feet and bang his hands. 177 00:11:54,145 --> 00:11:56,681 Gloria, shut up. 178 00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:58,683 Well, it's true. 179 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,353 Try telling her, "stifle." She's heard that all her life. 180 00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:05,856 It stops them cold the first time. 181 00:12:05,924 --> 00:12:08,359 I didn't mean to say "shut up" to you, 182 00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,861 but you wouldn't let me get a word in. 183 00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:13,197 I was goin' overboard ? Yes, I would say so. 184 00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:16,534 I'm sorry, Michael. It's all right. Don't worry. 185 00:12:16,601 --> 00:12:18,536 [ Mike ] It's okay. Archie. 186 00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:21,872 Isn't that nice, the way they come to an understanding ? 187 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,947 We could take a lesson from them. 188 00:12:30,014 --> 00:12:32,550 You need your sleep, Edith. 189 00:12:35,286 --> 00:12:37,555 [ Phone rings ] [ Archie ] I'll get that. 190 00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:39,724 That's all right, daddy. I'll get it. 191 00:12:39,791 --> 00:12:42,793 Hello ? Who do you want ? Valerie ? 192 00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:46,897 [ Breathy voice ] She's busy right now. This is Mary Lou. 193 00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,899 Give me that ! 194 00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:56,407 Very funny. 195 00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:59,477 Now I'm gonna have this drunk on the phone the whole night long. 196 00:13:02,814 --> 00:13:05,716 Now, listen, Mac. Now, wait a minute. 197 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:08,386 No, I ain't gonna put Mary Lou back on the phone. 198 00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:11,255 There ain't no Mary Lou here ! Will you give up-- 199 00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:14,191 [ doorbell ringing ] What the hell is going on here ? 200 00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:16,994 Doorbell's ringing in the middle of the night, I got a dipso on my phone ! 201 00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:19,497 This is a nightmare. 202 00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:21,499 Oh, hi, Dave. Hi, Mrs. bunker. 203 00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:23,768 I noticed all your lights on. Everything okay ? 204 00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:27,104 - Yeah, I guess so. - Is that Dave the cop there ? 205 00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:30,274 Come on in, Dave. I got something here for you. 206 00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:32,777 I got a dirty caller on the line. 207 00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:36,680 You take it. Edith, come over here, will ya. 208 00:13:36,748 --> 00:13:39,884 I don't like it at all that feeney ain't called. 209 00:13:39,951 --> 00:13:42,185 I'm kinda worried. Oh, Archie. 210 00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:45,456 Could I get you some toast and a cup of coffee ? 211 00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,792 No, nothin' like that. 212 00:13:47,859 --> 00:13:50,294 How 'bout some poached eggs ? 213 00:13:50,361 --> 00:13:54,364 Edith, the answer to every problem ain't somethin' to eat. 214 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,702 I couldn't hold nothin' on my stomach anyhow. 215 00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:02,406 Oh, Archie, don't worry. 216 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:04,975 Even if worse comes to worst, 217 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:07,311 remember our mothers and fathers. 218 00:14:07,378 --> 00:14:10,948 They lived through the big depression, and they made it. 219 00:14:12,951 --> 00:14:16,887 I'll never forget the way it hit my old man. 220 00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:20,591 There he was, a breadwinner all them years, 221 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,160 and then-- and then just like that, 222 00:14:23,227 --> 00:14:25,663 the paychecks, they stopped coming. 223 00:14:25,730 --> 00:14:29,834 Why ? He was always asking, "why ?" 224 00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:34,104 And nobody could tell him. It was awful. 225 00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,340 Oh, yeah, sure it was, Archie, 226 00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:38,342 but look at you. 227 00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:40,911 You came through it real good. 228 00:14:40,979 --> 00:14:44,414 Edith, gee, I was only a kid. 229 00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:48,352 My old man never got over it. 230 00:14:49,654 --> 00:14:52,189 Took the heart right out of him. 231 00:14:53,424 --> 00:14:56,426 And he wasn't all that old neither, you know. 232 00:14:58,162 --> 00:15:01,565 He was just about my age now. [ Dave hangs up phone ] 233 00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:04,869 You won't have to worry about that drunk calling no more, Archie. 234 00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:08,038 Thanks, Dave. He's coming over here. I gave him your address. 235 00:15:08,106 --> 00:15:10,374 Coming over here ? 236 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:13,844 Sure, when he gets here, I'll slap the cuffs on him. 237 00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:17,180 Gonna be quite a night, ain't it, huh ? 238 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:40,237 - You like being a cop, don't you, Dave ? - You want the truth ? 239 00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:42,239 I love it. 240 00:15:42,306 --> 00:15:45,910 Call me the fuzz, call me pig, I really love it. 241 00:15:45,977 --> 00:15:49,880 I can tell you why in two words: Job security. 242 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,882 Oh, jeez. 243 00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:56,587 I better get the coffee. 244 00:15:56,655 --> 00:16:00,591 You know, when I was a kid, my dad wanted me to go into his business. 245 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:04,595 When he heard that I was gonna become a cop, he hated my guts. 246 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:08,599 - How'd you know that ? - He told me, "Dave, I hate your guts." 247 00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:15,272 You know, I got four cousins, all my age, guys with families, 248 00:16:15,339 --> 00:16:18,042 all laid off in the last year. 249 00:16:18,109 --> 00:16:22,880 Who knows when they'll work again ? With the economy the way it is, it could be never. 250 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,683 But we civil servants-- 251 00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:28,118 ♪ we just keep rolling ♪ 252 00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:30,621 ♪ we keep on rolling ♪ 253 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:33,290 Dave, switch that off, huh ? 254 00:16:34,859 --> 00:16:37,527 You ain't exactly "jan feerce," you know. 255 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:41,131 [ Doorbell rings ] That's him, Dave. What do we do ? 256 00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:43,968 Let him in and get him started talkin', then I'll nab him. 257 00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:46,637 Go on. I'll hide back here. Okay. Shush. 258 00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:54,144 Mrs. weidermeyer, what are you doing up at 3:30 in the morning ? 259 00:16:54,212 --> 00:16:58,281 I'm a night person, Mr. bunker. I didn't know you were. 260 00:16:58,349 --> 00:17:01,819 May I come in ? Oh, you're all night people. 261 00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,821 Hello, Mrs. weidermeyer. 262 00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:06,056 Coffee's ready. 263 00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:09,159 Oh, hello, Edith. I didn't know you were a night person too. 264 00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:12,496 Hi, Clara. What are you doing up at this hour ? 265 00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:14,665 I just came back from a date. 266 00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,001 A plumber who likes widows. 267 00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:20,570 He took me to a house party in the Bronx. 268 00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:24,241 Twelve people. All the men were plumbers. 269 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:30,848 Anyway, I invited him in to my house for a cup of coffee, 270 00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:33,117 but I'm all out of coffee. 271 00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:36,687 Your lights were on, so I thought maybe I could borrow some. 272 00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,922 Oh, Clara, I'm sorry. 273 00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:42,126 I just made a pot and I used it all up. 274 00:17:42,193 --> 00:17:45,362 Why don't you ask him over here for a cup ? 275 00:17:45,429 --> 00:17:48,198 That'd be wonderful. Hold it, hold it, Mrs. weidermeyer. 276 00:17:48,266 --> 00:17:51,268 I don't mind you being here because you're a friend of my wife's, 277 00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:54,138 but I don't want strangers running around the house this time of night. 278 00:17:54,205 --> 00:17:56,674 You understand ? Oh, sure. 279 00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:59,710 Clara, it's too bad you can't have a cup yourself. 280 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,913 - Actually, I can. - What about the plumber ? 281 00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:05,916 May I use your phone ? I'll call and tell him. 282 00:18:07,285 --> 00:18:09,887 Uh, the fact is, Mrs. weidermeyer, 283 00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:12,956 I'm expecting a telephone call myself at almost any moment, 284 00:18:13,024 --> 00:18:14,958 and I'd like to keep that line free. 285 00:18:15,026 --> 00:18:19,629 I know what you mean. Hello, Harold ? 286 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:24,234 Harold, this is Clara. Thank you for answering the telephone in my house. 287 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:29,239 Listen, Harold, our date is over now. 288 00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:34,578 I'm gonna stay here with the neighbors for a while, 289 00:18:34,645 --> 00:18:36,580 so you go home. 290 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:41,484 I know you didn't kiss me good night. 291 00:18:41,552 --> 00:18:44,788 That's the way the cookie crumples. 292 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:50,594 I don't like to slur a whole race, but plumbers sure are pushy. 293 00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:55,432 Sit down, Clara, and I'll pour you some coffee. 294 00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,735 [ Doorbell rings ] Dave, there he is. 295 00:18:57,802 --> 00:18:59,737 All set, arch. 296 00:18:59,804 --> 00:19:02,539 Oh, Edith, there's a cop in your living room ! 297 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:05,776 Dummy up, will you ! We're trying to make a pinch. 298 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:08,078 [ Doorbell rings ] 299 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:11,115 Pizza king. Pizza king ? 300 00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:13,117 That's what I said. 301 00:19:13,184 --> 00:19:16,620 I've got a mozzarella, and I got a sausage-- wait a minute, kid ! 302 00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:19,623 We didn't order no pizza here. I ordered it, arch. 303 00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:22,126 You ordered a pizza ? Do you hear that, Edith ? 304 00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:24,628 This guy orders pizza at 4:00 in the morning. 305 00:19:24,695 --> 00:19:28,132 You got no control over events in this house. What is the matter with you ? 306 00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:30,300 Come over here. Listen. 307 00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:33,470 Feeney ain't called yet, and I'm scared that the news is gonna be bad. 308 00:19:33,537 --> 00:19:36,774 Oh, Archie, they say no news is good news. 309 00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:39,176 [ Doorbell rings ] There he is. Sit down there. 310 00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,178 Now, don't say nothing, Mrs. weidermeyer. 311 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,247 Dave, we're ready. Dave ? 312 00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:46,449 Put down that pizza and come on, will ya ! All set, arch. 313 00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:49,486 Get back up there in your hiding place. 314 00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,456 Hi, fella. 315 00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:58,262 Come on in. We're waitin' for you. 316 00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:00,998 [ Laughing ] 317 00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:05,169 Valerie ! Oh, Archie ! 318 00:20:05,236 --> 00:20:08,672 Mary Lou ? He's talking dirty. There it is, Dave ! 319 00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:10,841 Put them cuffs on him. Hey, Dave. 320 00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,976 I didn't see you standing there. 321 00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:17,514 Why didn't you say hello ? I didn't want to butt in while you was talkin', sir. 322 00:20:17,581 --> 00:20:20,851 - Dave, do you know this lush ? - He's my sergeant. 323 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:23,687 Your sergeant ? 324 00:20:23,754 --> 00:20:26,690 What's going on here ? Where's the party ? 325 00:20:26,757 --> 00:20:30,527 There's no party, sarge. Just a regular family. 326 00:20:30,594 --> 00:20:33,831 Oh, no. A real family ? 327 00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:36,867 Oh, I feel rotten about this. 328 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:41,038 It happens every time I go out and I toast a friend or two. 329 00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:45,542 But it's so self-destructive ! 330 00:20:45,609 --> 00:20:50,047 And I've made-- I've made such a spectacle of myself ! 331 00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:52,515 I don't believe this. 332 00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:56,453 I'll go. 333 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,657 But I hope you people won't let this change your feelings about the police. 334 00:21:00,725 --> 00:21:04,728 Oh, no, won't change my feelings about the police. 335 00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:12,903 Good boy, son. Come on, sergeant. We'll get some air. 336 00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:15,072 Thanks a lot, Dave. 337 00:21:15,139 --> 00:21:17,074 Okay, arch. 338 00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:22,212 Ohh ! 339 00:21:24,582 --> 00:21:28,085 I think I'll go home now. I think that would be a very good idea. 340 00:21:28,152 --> 00:21:31,255 Good night, Clara. Good night, Edith. 341 00:21:31,322 --> 00:21:34,091 You know, I didn't understand... 342 00:21:34,158 --> 00:21:36,426 One thing that went on here. 343 00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:42,032 Feeney ! I thought you was gonna call me ! What are you doing here ? 344 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:45,435 Come on in, feeney. Edith, here he is. 345 00:21:45,503 --> 00:21:48,105 Say hello to Harry feeney. 346 00:21:48,172 --> 00:21:50,173 We was waiting for you to call. 347 00:21:50,241 --> 00:21:52,542 All right, tell us. What do you know ? 348 00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:55,112 First of all, I couldn't call any earlier. 349 00:21:55,179 --> 00:21:58,782 You see, as I make my rounds, I have to stick my key... 350 00:21:58,849 --> 00:22:00,918 In all these different gizmos. 351 00:22:00,985 --> 00:22:05,055 I have to get to them on time because they register when I've been there. 352 00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:07,624 What about the list, feeney ? Just a minute. 353 00:22:07,691 --> 00:22:10,460 If I get to one of the gizmos too late-- 354 00:22:10,528 --> 00:22:12,462 most people don't know this-- 355 00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:15,132 an alarm goes off in the police station. 356 00:22:15,199 --> 00:22:20,537 It's as if the gizmo was saying, "Harry feeney's late and something is wrong." 357 00:22:20,604 --> 00:22:22,872 Feeney, what did you find out ? 358 00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:25,475 I'm trying to tell you. 359 00:22:25,543 --> 00:22:28,979 Now, I only have a certain amount of time between gizmos. 360 00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:33,817 When I'm making the rounds of the executive offices, I've got just 13 minutes. 361 00:22:33,884 --> 00:22:37,587 Thirteen minutes isn't much time to look through twenty offices... 362 00:22:37,655 --> 00:22:39,589 For one piece of paper. 363 00:22:39,657 --> 00:22:44,061 The first eight times around, I never found it. 364 00:22:44,128 --> 00:22:47,464 But the ninth time-- what about the ninth time ? 365 00:22:47,531 --> 00:22:49,632 I found it. 366 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:51,634 It was on vanderheusen's desk... 367 00:22:51,702 --> 00:22:55,505 Under four unsigned letters and a big, brass paperweight. 368 00:22:55,573 --> 00:22:58,675 Feeney, spare me the paperweight, huh ? Heart-shaped. 369 00:22:58,742 --> 00:23:01,511 All right, feeney. Who got the ax ? 370 00:23:01,579 --> 00:23:05,182 Well, they're cuttin' back 20 percent down the line, 371 00:23:05,249 --> 00:23:07,484 just like they said, Archie. 372 00:23:07,551 --> 00:23:12,522 And they're knockin' off three departments, including yours. 373 00:23:13,924 --> 00:23:16,994 Including Archie's ? Right. 374 00:23:17,061 --> 00:23:19,997 But they're keeping the three department heads. 375 00:23:20,064 --> 00:23:22,665 They're keeping the three foremen. 376 00:23:22,733 --> 00:23:25,135 [ Edith ] That's you, Archie ! 377 00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:28,472 I knew it was gonna be all right, daddy ! You had nothing to worry about. 378 00:23:28,539 --> 00:23:31,141 Daddy, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations ! 379 00:23:31,209 --> 00:23:34,611 Get out of here ! What do you mean, congratulations ? 380 00:23:34,678 --> 00:23:38,448 Youse don't have to congratulate me for nothin'. There's nothin' happening to me. 381 00:23:38,516 --> 00:23:41,551 You'd think I was Lazarus rising from the bed. 382 00:23:42,620 --> 00:23:44,721 What are you standing there for ? 383 00:23:44,788 --> 00:23:47,290 Go on upstairs. Don't be bothering me. 384 00:23:47,358 --> 00:23:50,227 What's the matter, Archie ? I thought you'd be happy to hear the news. 385 00:23:50,294 --> 00:23:54,664 He's worried about little Emanuel and elmo. 386 00:23:54,732 --> 00:23:57,800 No, Edith, I ain't worried about nothin' or nobody. 387 00:23:57,868 --> 00:24:01,771 So a couple of guys get laid off. They'll find something in a day or so. 388 00:24:01,839 --> 00:24:05,409 I want to tell youse all something about this good old U.S. of a. 389 00:24:05,476 --> 00:24:08,178 No man starves in this great country... 390 00:24:08,246 --> 00:24:10,914 If he's willing to go out there and work. 391 00:24:10,981 --> 00:24:14,717 Them that works, eats, and we're gonna eat now. 392 00:24:14,785 --> 00:24:17,620 Pizza. Go on, get out of here ! 393 00:24:17,688 --> 00:24:20,090 Go on up to bed. Feeney, sit down. Here's the pizza. 394 00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,926 Don't stand there. Go on in the kitchen and bring out some beers. 395 00:24:22,993 --> 00:24:26,263 Dig in, feeney. Oh-ho-ho-ho ! 396 00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:38,675 [ Sighs ] Archie, here's your bicarb. 397 00:24:38,742 --> 00:24:41,545 All right, Edith. Leave it there, huh ? 398 00:24:41,612 --> 00:24:44,948 Why did you let that son-in-law of yours bring pizza... 399 00:24:45,015 --> 00:24:47,584 Into this house at 4:00 in the morning ? 400 00:24:48,686 --> 00:24:50,954 He was hungry, Archie. 401 00:24:51,021 --> 00:24:53,923 And then on top of that, you give me beer to drink. 402 00:24:53,991 --> 00:24:55,925 You asked for it. 403 00:24:55,993 --> 00:24:59,463 Oh, Edith, there's times I question your judgment. 404 00:25:00,731 --> 00:25:03,533 Archie, it's 6:00 in the morning. 405 00:25:03,601 --> 00:25:06,236 You better take a shower and get to work. 406 00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:09,306 What do you mean ? I can't take this stomach to work with me, Edith. 407 00:25:09,373 --> 00:25:12,909 You're gonna have to call in for me. I ain't goin'. 408 00:25:12,977 --> 00:25:16,246 Archie, you could lose your job. 409 00:25:16,314 --> 00:25:21,050 Oh, Edith, as solid as I am with the bosses ? What are you talking about ? 410 00:25:27,658 --> 00:25:29,593 I better go to work, Edith. 411 00:25:53,351 --> 00:25:56,653 [ Announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape... 412 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,688 Before a live audience. 413 00:25:58,738 --> 00:26:03,288 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34529

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