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[ Announcer ]
From television city in Hollywood.
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00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:08,439
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
3
00:00:08,507 --> 00:00:12,176
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
4
00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:16,047
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
5
00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:19,017
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
6
00:00:20,185 --> 00:00:24,188
♪ and you knew
where you were then ♪
7
00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:27,726
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
8
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:30,228
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
9
00:00:30,295 --> 00:00:34,565
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
10
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:38,069
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
11
00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:41,606
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
12
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:45,777
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
13
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:51,983
♪ those were the days ♪
14
00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:03,862
Archie ?
Yeah ?
15
00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:10,501
Do you like spending time
alone with me like this ?
16
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:22,714
I don't mean just now,
I mean whenever.
17
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,716
Do you ?
18
00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:29,453
Of course I do.
Why do you even have to ask a thing like that ?
19
00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:31,690
'Cause I read somewhere...
20
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:36,094
That if two people enjoy
being alone together,
21
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:40,065
that's the acid test
of a good marriage.
22
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:45,003
All right, Edith.
We got a hundred percent acid marriage, all right ?
23
00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:56,848
Do you... love me ?
24
00:01:56,916 --> 00:02:00,719
Where the hell are you
gettin' these questions ?
25
00:02:00,786 --> 00:02:02,887
From Fiddler on the roof.Ohh !
26
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:04,889
Yeah.
27
00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:07,859
The wife asks the husband--
28
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:11,129
♪ do you love me ♪
29
00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:14,498
yeah, I heard it
on the radio.
30
00:02:14,566 --> 00:02:18,970
And the man in the song
couldn't give her a direct answer either.
31
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:22,240
Edith, I give you
my answer every day.
32
00:02:22,307 --> 00:02:25,043
I live with ya.
I take care of ya. I go to work, I come home.
33
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:28,813
I go to work, I come home.
Now I'm readin'. Will ya ?
34
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:35,353
♪ But do you love me ♪
35
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,289
will you stop that ?
36
00:02:38,357 --> 00:02:42,093
You sing like
a piece of chalk on a blackboard.
37
00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:46,597
My nerves are
bad enough already readin' this paper here.
38
00:02:46,665 --> 00:02:49,267
These headlines'd
put you away.
39
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:53,204
Look at this.
"Unemployment at seven-year high."
40
00:02:53,272 --> 00:02:55,940
"Rise of strikes
expected."
41
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:58,409
"No end to
inflation seen."
42
00:02:58,477 --> 00:03:02,013
Nixon predicts
great year. Huh ?
43
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,783
You mean he didn't
say that today ?
44
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:09,620
Ain't you got nothin'
better to do than ridicule your own president ?
45
00:03:09,688 --> 00:03:12,356
You gotta admit,
he does lend himself to it.
46
00:03:12,424 --> 00:03:14,525
Watch it !
Watch it, watch it !
47
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:17,762
Oh, come on, daddy.
The president is the administration.
48
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,932
And lots of people
are criticizing the administration today.
49
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:26,504
Not in this house they don't,
'cause in this house it's "my country, right or wrong."
50
00:03:26,571 --> 00:03:29,974
Yeah, but, Archie,
that's outmoded thinking. It doesn't work.
51
00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:32,576
In today's society,
if something doesn't work, you throw it out.
52
00:03:32,644 --> 00:03:36,781
Well, you don't work.
Maybe we better throw you out.
53
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:41,286
You wanna throw somebody out,
why don't you start with your buddy Nixon, huh ?
54
00:03:41,353 --> 00:03:44,923
I mean, it wasn't me who started
that unemployment rate goin' up or the inflation.
55
00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:47,758
And Mr. Nixon didn't
start them things either.
56
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:52,763
You take inflation.
Inflation is directly connected to your wage-price index.
57
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:57,168
The president's got nothin'
to do with it, 'cause his wage is fixed by congress...
58
00:03:57,236 --> 00:04:00,071
And so is his price.
59
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,640
That'll teach you
to argue economics with daddy.
60
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:05,343
He nailed me good
that time. Yeah.
61
00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:09,413
Hey, ma, are you
darning socks again ? There's a hole in the toe.
62
00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:12,416
Well, so throw 'em away
and buy a new pair. Oh, that's right.
63
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:15,686
Throw 'em away.
Got any idea what socks cost today ?
64
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:18,489
No, I don't know.
That's the trouble with you kids nowadays.
65
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:21,025
You don't know what
nothin' costs.
66
00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:23,761
When I was a kid,
I was so poor that--
67
00:04:23,829 --> 00:04:26,430
you were lucky
to even have socks !
68
00:04:26,498 --> 00:04:30,401
That's right !
Many's the time we had to take--
69
00:04:30,469 --> 00:04:32,871
stuff cardboard
in the soles of your shoes !
70
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,873
That's right !
71
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,041
We were so poor
that some mornings going to school--
72
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:41,913
you had to tramp ten Miles
though the blinding snow and the freezing rain.
73
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,082
Absolutely !
74
00:04:44,149 --> 00:04:48,286
Didn't they ever have any good
weather when you were a kid ?
75
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,288
I don't remember none.
76
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:54,158
I think they invented
good weather around 1940.
77
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,928
Oh, I remember
some sunny days.
78
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:04,335
They must've been
before we met.
79
00:05:07,339 --> 00:05:10,841
Come to think of it--
aw, stifle yourself, will ya.
80
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,878
We're going to the museum.
Bye, ma. Bye, daddy. Yeah, see you folks later.
81
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,880
Bye-bye.
82
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:21,652
These socks cost
three pairs for two dollars.
83
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,322
What would one pair be ?
84
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,726
I think I'll go upstairs
and get a pencil and paper and figure that out.
85
00:05:28,794 --> 00:05:32,163
Aw, don't do that, Edith.
Who cares ?
86
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:35,733
Go make a pot of coffee,
huh ? [ Doorbell rings ]
87
00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:38,469
Go on, go on.
Make the coffee. I'll get the door.
88
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:41,872
All right, all right.
Keep your pants on.
89
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:49,280
Mr. bunker ?
Oh, uh, I gave at the office.
90
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,282
Oh, Mr. bunker--
91
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,118
no, you see,
I got nothin' to do with it. It comes out of my paycheck.
92
00:05:54,186 --> 00:05:57,355
It's all one lump.
It goes to all the charities, including the black ones.
93
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,623
Yeah, but, Mr.--
and I wanna tell you something.
94
00:05:59,691 --> 00:06:03,227
You people deserve a lot of
credit for all you're trying to do with them little hoodlums.
95
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:05,830
Uh, Mr. bunker.
96
00:06:05,897 --> 00:06:09,334
I'm not here to collect
for a charity. I'm here to pick up the key.
97
00:06:09,401 --> 00:06:14,472
What key ?
The key to 708.
98
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:18,042
- Oh, well, this house is 704.
708 is just down the-- - oh, I got the key.
99
00:06:18,110 --> 00:06:20,044
How do you do ?
Won't you come in ?
100
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,046
Oh, thank you.
101
00:06:22,114 --> 00:06:25,049
What key is that,
Edith ? The key
102
00:06:25,117 --> 00:06:27,051
Here you are.
Thank you.
103
00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:30,821
My, you got here early.
Well, I wanted to get right to work.
104
00:06:30,889 --> 00:06:35,059
Oh, by the way, would it be
too much trouble to borrow a pail from you ?
105
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:39,297
I forgot to bring one.
Oh, sure. Oh, you got your work cut out for you.
106
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:44,402
I don't think that house
has been cleaned since his wife died three years ago.
107
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:49,073
And way before that.
Bowman and his wife was always slobs, the both of them.
108
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:51,342
Archie !
I'll get the pail.
109
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,344
Ah, thank you.
110
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:19,170
Hurry up in there,
will ya, Edith.
111
00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,779
How, uh--
112
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:31,782
how'd you like
the Julia show last night ?
113
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:39,123
Fine.
How did you like Doris day ?
114
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:43,761
Edith !
115
00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:45,763
Here's the pail.
116
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:50,101
If there's
anything else you need, just come over and ask me.
117
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:53,604
All right. Thank you so much.
I'll return it in a couple of hours.
118
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:59,210
Hey. How come you got
Jim bowman's key ?
119
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:03,347
'Cause it ain't
Jim bowman's house anymore. He sold it.
120
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:05,483
He sold it ?
121
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,286
Ohh,
that explains it.
122
00:08:08,353 --> 00:08:10,988
I knew he'd never hire
no cleaning woman.
123
00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:13,491
He sold his house ?
Yeah.
124
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,660
Shee, imagine that.
[ Chuckles ]
125
00:08:16,728 --> 00:08:20,598
So he finally found a sucker
for that pile of shingles.
126
00:08:20,665 --> 00:08:24,402
I think it's a very nice house.
Aw, get outta here. It's a dumb house.
127
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:27,972
What's dumb about it ?
It's laid out bad, Edith.
128
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:30,541
Oh, it's exactly
the same as ours.
129
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:33,111
Oh, Edith. You see,
that's how much you notice.
130
00:08:33,178 --> 00:08:37,181
That's typically you.
It ain't the same at all, see ?
131
00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:42,052
Now, our front door is there.
He's got a front door over there, right ?
132
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:45,656
We got a bathroom and bedroom
up there. He's got a bathroom, bedroom over there.
133
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:48,759
He's got stairs there.
We got the stairs over here.
134
00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:52,163
Yeah, all the houses
are built exactly the same,
135
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,898
except some of them
are turned around.
136
00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,067
Those are the ones
that are dumb !
137
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,539
Bowman's is a dumb house.
138
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,974
It's laid out bad.
139
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:06,677
I wonder who he
sold it to though.
140
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:13,451
Oh, Mr. bowman,
I'm so glad you're here.
141
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:15,986
I just noticed a new crack
in the ceiling.
142
00:09:16,054 --> 00:09:18,156
Mrs. Jefferson,
you bought a perfect house.
143
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:21,725
You're gonna be very happy here,
so let's not start with none of that, huh ?
144
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:24,595
Well, my sister just talked
with the movers, and-- look, let's go inside and talk.
145
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:28,633
Why should everyone
know our business ? We're gonna move in on Thursday.
146
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,436
Swell. Make it at night,
about 9:00. We can't move in at night !
147
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:36,774
I'll be moved out by then.
Let's get inside. We could get hit by a car out here.
148
00:09:36,841 --> 00:09:39,076
But-- but I--
149
00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:42,513
you know, Edith,
I got one thing figured out.
150
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,183
Whoever it is
bought bowman's house must be doin' pretty good...
151
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,618
If he can lay out
eight, ten dollars a day for a cleaning woman.
152
00:09:47,686 --> 00:09:49,620
Ten dollars ?
153
00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:53,757
Oh, they're getting
more than that for good cleaning people today.
154
00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:57,461
Maybe she's a live-in maid.
What are you talkin' about, Edith ?
155
00:09:57,529 --> 00:10:02,633
The only people nowadays
can afford live-in help are rich people and Jews.
156
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,937
Not all Jewish people
are rich.
157
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:09,973
I never knew one
that wasn't !
158
00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:12,910
The steiners from
our old neighborhood weren't.
159
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:15,546
They didn't have
as much as we did, even.
160
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:17,848
Yeah, to hear them tell it.
161
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:23,321
Hey, you don't suppose
bowman sold his house to one of that tribe, do ya ?
162
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,790
I mean,
he was always a jerk,
163
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:29,260
but he wouldn't do a thing
like that to this neighborhood, would he ?
164
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,429
Well, what I'm wondering is,
165
00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:35,600
if a rich Jewish person
could afford to hire a maid,
166
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:39,670
why would he buy
Jim bowman's old house ?
167
00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:44,609
To make trouble, Edith,
that's why.
168
00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:48,078
These people are always lookin'
to make a test case.
169
00:10:48,146 --> 00:10:51,014
Why do you think
they got that there, uh, organization there--
170
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:53,951
whaddya call it ?
B'Nai bris.
171
00:10:56,221 --> 00:11:00,258
Well, I'm gonna go over
there and find out. Where are you going ?
172
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:05,296
I'm just gonna take a walk over
to Jim bowman's house and talk to him about it, that's all.
173
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,898
Where's my lumberjack ?
Right in there.
174
00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:10,635
Where ?
Somewhere in there.
175
00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:14,372
Well, "somewhere in there"
ain't "right in there," Edith.
176
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:17,107
How about right in there
somewhere ?
177
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:19,610
Will you get in there
and get the jacket ?
178
00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:23,648
It was right there.
179
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:26,917
You sure have
your little ways of torturing me, Edith.
180
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:40,364
Hey, bowman !A-Archie !
181
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:44,168
I just come over
to congratulate you. I heard you sold the house.
182
00:11:44,235 --> 00:11:47,638
Oh, th-th-that's very nice
of you, Archie. I-I-I appreciate it.
183
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:51,008
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute.
Where're you goin' ? I want to ask you about the people.
184
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,911
I mean, how are they ?
Are they nice people and all ?
185
00:11:53,978 --> 00:11:57,515
Oh, they're fine people.
Salt of the earth.
186
00:11:57,582 --> 00:12:01,018
Archie, I don't have much
wall space at the new place I'm moving into,
187
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:05,989
so I thought maybe you
and Edith could use this.
188
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,460
Or do you already have a picture
of Charles a. Lindbergh ?
189
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:12,563
No, we ain't even
got anything close.
190
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,065
Oh, thanks, Jim.
Don't mention it. I gotta run.
191
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:18,536
Yeah, wait a minute.
You know what was just crossin' my mind ?
192
00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:21,472
Remember old man mcnab,
used to live down the street there ?
193
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:25,476
Remember the time he
was gonna sell his place to them Jews ?
194
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,612
And you come around with
that petition for all the rest of us to sign.
195
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,949
Remember ? Keep 'em out ?
We all signed it, eh ? Yeah.
196
00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:35,686
Yeah. You really saved
the block that time, Jim.
197
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,688
Well, you know me.
198
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:42,626
So, I mean, you wouldn't then
turn around and do what mcnab was tryin' to do, would ya ?
199
00:12:42,694 --> 00:12:44,962
You mean, sell to Jews ?
Yeah.
200
00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:47,297
Oh, no. No.
201
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:51,902
These people are baptists.
Oh !
202
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:58,108
Oh, that's nice, Jim.
Mr. bowman, I just talked with the telephone company.
203
00:12:58,176 --> 00:13:03,046
They're putting my phone in
today. Now I really believe the house is mine.
204
00:13:03,114 --> 00:13:05,516
Oh, hi, neighbor.
205
00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,993
Archie--
206
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,704
Archie, Archie, listen.
207
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:30,240
The house has been on
the market for 11 months. I was gettin' desperate.
208
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,242
Sure, I admit it.
209
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:35,413
But do you think I would
give the shaft to my friends on this block...
210
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,415
Out of my own
self-interest ?
211
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:40,217
Never !
212
00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:42,653
I-- I sold to blacks,
Archie, because--
213
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,989
Archie, I am tired
of hating people.
214
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:48,392
I, uh, been thinking about this
for a long time now,
215
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:52,296
and I really and truly believe
what I read on those bumper stickers:
216
00:13:52,363 --> 00:13:54,498
"Good neighbors
come in all colors."
217
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,470
What colors do they come
in your new neighborhood, jimbo ?
218
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:02,673
Here's what
you ought to do. I don't wanna hear it.
219
00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:05,676
Archie, listen.
Talk to everyone in the neighborhood.
220
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:09,146
Get all our friends
together to chip in, and you buy back the house.
221
00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:13,484
Then you turn around,
and you sell it back to one of our own kind.
222
00:14:15,386 --> 00:14:19,222
What makes you think
these people are gonna sell it back to us ?
223
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:22,960
You offer the schwarzersa $2,000 profit.
224
00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:27,598
You think they'll
go for it ? They'll jump at it !
225
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:31,936
They'll be so happy,
you'll have them tap dancing all the way back to Harlem !
226
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:34,672
Yeah ?
Sure !
227
00:14:38,142 --> 00:14:41,979
It's not a bad idea.
In fact, it's a good idea.
228
00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:46,684
Thanks, Jim.
What are friends for ?
229
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,423
Gloria, believe me,
you'll get to love this.
230
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:57,394
Well, put it down somewhere,
and we'll see how it looks. Let's try the tv.
231
00:14:57,462 --> 00:15:00,631
All right.
I'll move this thing. Okay.
232
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:08,138
Huh ?
What do you think ?
233
00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:11,575
I don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know ?
234
00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:14,979
That's truth staring you
right in the face.
235
00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:17,882
Can't you see that ?
I'm sorry.
236
00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:19,984
Look, it's all there--
237
00:15:20,051 --> 00:15:23,320
the total condemnation
of a plastic society,
238
00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:28,526
man's inhumanity to man
and the hope for a new brotherhood shining through.
239
00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:31,028
Where ?
Where ? There !
240
00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,797
It's all there !
It's the overall effect.
241
00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:37,701
That's totally unique.
I guess so.
242
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:40,704
I'm glad now we didn't
get the green one.
243
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:45,142
Oh, I didn't know
you kids was back.
244
00:15:45,209 --> 00:15:47,545
Hi, ma.
Look what we rented from the museum.
245
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:51,782
Oh, my.
Ain't that nice ?
246
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:55,786
I'm glad youse are all here,
all of us together,
247
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,789
because we got a little
important talkin' to do.
248
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:02,325
Did you see Jim bowman ?
I certainly did, Edith.
249
00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:05,829
Wait'll you hear
what he done to us. What has he done to ya ?
250
00:16:05,897 --> 00:16:09,332
Not only me--
to you, to you, to her, to the whole neighborhood.
251
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,369
Edith, Jim bowman
sold his home...
252
00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:15,305
To a family of spades.
253
00:16:19,811 --> 00:16:21,745
Oh, my.
254
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:25,883
As if they didn't have
enough problems being Jewish.
255
00:16:33,157 --> 00:16:36,760
Edith,
it ain't their problem, it's our problem !
256
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:40,064
These people are
steppin' up in life, and we're movin' down.
257
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:43,333
How much you think our
property's gonna be worth with them livin' two doors away ?
258
00:16:43,401 --> 00:16:45,736
Probably more than
it was worth before.
259
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,271
Oh, listen to
Mr. real estate himself.
260
00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:50,608
He's gonna tell me
about land values now.
261
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:54,311
He can't afford enough
to buy enough land to put in a flower pot !
262
00:16:54,378 --> 00:16:57,314
Archie, they've done
sociological studies on this thing--
263
00:16:57,381 --> 00:17:01,085
sociological studies !
There he goes again ! Yes. Yes, that's right.
264
00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:04,088
And they've shown that
the socioeconomic class of the first black people...
265
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,090
Moving into
a white neighborhood...
266
00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:08,859
Is usually higher than that
of the original inhabitants.
267
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,495
Therefore,
the land values go up.
268
00:17:11,562 --> 00:17:15,132
Does anybody know what the hell
he's talkin' about ?
269
00:17:15,199 --> 00:17:19,737
Don't be upset, daddy.
Why, the answers are all right here in this sculpture.
270
00:17:19,804 --> 00:17:22,506
Take, for instance,
what this represents.
271
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:27,678
This here is
the struggle of the races-- man's inhumanity to man.
272
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:31,281
Yet through it all,
the shining hope of a new brotherhood. See ?
273
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:42,159
The girl has gone berserk.
274
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:44,862
I'm all alone here.
275
00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:48,431
I'm all alone in this house !
276
00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:52,102
Isn't anybody else interested
in upholdin' standards ?
277
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:55,438
Our world is
comin' crumblin' down.
278
00:17:55,506 --> 00:17:57,808
The coons are comin'.
279
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,480
Archie, 12% of the population
is black.
280
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:05,615
There should be a lot
of black families living out here.
281
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,585
Yeah, this is only
a beginning, but I think it's wonderful.
282
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:11,922
Wonderful, huh ?
Well, let's see how wonderful it is...
283
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:15,258
When the watermelon rinds
come flyin' out the window !
284
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,402
I need an aspirin.
285
00:18:25,469 --> 00:18:27,571
Where will I find one ?
286
00:18:27,638 --> 00:18:31,374
In the musical beer Stein
in our bedroom.
287
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:36,613
Ma, how do you feel
about the new neighbors ?
288
00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:40,283
I mean, you never
told us how you feel about black people.
289
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,654
Well, you sure gotta
hand it to 'em.
290
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:50,160
I mean, two years ago
they was nothin' but servants and janitors.
291
00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:54,664
Now they're teachers
and doctors and lawyers.
292
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:57,500
They've come
a long way on tv.
293
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:02,672
[ Doorbell rings ]
294
00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:07,111
Oh, hey, Lionel.
Come on in. How's it going, Mike ?
295
00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:09,446
Here's last week's cleaning.
Thank you.
296
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:12,015
I would've had it yesterday,
but it's been a frantic week. That's all right.
297
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:16,419
Things are getting a little
frantic around here too. I'll put 'em upstairs.
298
00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:18,622
Hey, listen--
Lionel, have you heard the good news ?
299
00:19:18,689 --> 00:19:21,158
No, but I've got some
good news of my own.
300
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:25,262
Lionel, we're having
a black family for neighbors. They bought Jim bowman's place.
301
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:30,000
For $26,000-- 5,000 down
on a 20-year mortgage.
302
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:34,604
- How did you know ?
- 'Cause we move in next week.
303
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:37,074
Your folks
bought the place ? You're the one ?
304
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,709
That's right.
Lionel ! Hey, great !
305
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:44,047
That's fantastic !
Congratulations ! Gee, I can't wait to see Archie's reaction.
306
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:46,984
I can't either !
Hey, mom ! Daddy ! I want to see that too.
307
00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:50,053
It's Lionel !
[ Archie ] Lionel ? Is Lionel down there ?
308
00:19:50,121 --> 00:19:53,056
Yes, he is !
Hang onto him ! Don't let him get away !
309
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:55,058
I got somethin'
to say to him.
310
00:19:55,126 --> 00:19:57,060
Archie,
you gotta hear-- wait till you hear.
311
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:59,062
Just a minute,
just a minute.
312
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,699
The two of youse
go over there to the couch and do somethin' with yourselves.
313
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:05,635
I gotta talk to Lionel.
Come on over here, Lionel.
314
00:20:05,703 --> 00:20:09,907
Sit down on that chair.
This is very important. [ Clears throat ]
315
00:20:09,974 --> 00:20:15,078
Now, Lionel,
you and I been friends a long time, right ?
316
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:17,681
Right.
It's on the basis of that friendship...
317
00:20:17,748 --> 00:20:20,184
I'm gonna ask you
to do me a favor. Sure.
318
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,953
Jim bowman,
our neighbor down the way,
319
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:26,356
just sold his home
to a family of coloreds.
320
00:20:26,424 --> 00:20:28,358
No !
321
00:20:31,395 --> 00:20:34,698
Two doors away.
Can you believe it ? Does Mike know about this ?
322
00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:38,435
Yeah, he knows about it.
All he can say is 12% of the neighborhood ought to be black.
323
00:20:38,502 --> 00:20:40,437
Twelve percent ?
Aw, no.
324
00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:42,940
If you followed
that kind of thinkin',
325
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:45,508
88% of the Harlem globetrotters
oughta be white.
326
00:20:56,354 --> 00:20:58,521
I never thought of that.
327
00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:02,259
Well, see,it ain't the color,Lionel,
328
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,328
because,
you know, uh,
329
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:08,431
many of your black people
are fine, decent people, as you probably know.
330
00:21:08,499 --> 00:21:10,968
Yeah, so I've heard.
331
00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:14,437
But they'd be
more comfortable somewhere else.
332
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:17,107
They'd be happier
with their own kind.
333
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:19,476
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
334
00:21:19,543 --> 00:21:21,644
Now, listen, this is
what we're gonna do.
335
00:21:21,712 --> 00:21:24,348
A group of
concerned neighbors has got together...
336
00:21:24,415 --> 00:21:26,950
And we're gonna
take up a collection...
337
00:21:27,018 --> 00:21:30,320
To buy that house back
from them people who bought it from bowman.
338
00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:32,622
But what if they
don't want to sell ?
339
00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:37,727
We're gonna give 'em
a $2,000 profit ! [ Whistles ]
340
00:21:37,795 --> 00:21:40,030
Isn't that nice ?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
341
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:42,432
So why should they turn down
a $2,000 profit...
342
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,935
In order to stay
in a neighborhood where they ain't wanted ?
343
00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:48,038
And you're gonna tell 'em
they ain't wanted. Oh, no, Lionel.
344
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:52,042
You can't go up to people
and say a thing like that. I mean, this is America.
345
00:21:57,215 --> 00:21:59,449
That's what
I want you to do.
346
00:22:01,485 --> 00:22:04,854
I want you to take them
the offer, see ?
347
00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:08,225
I mean,
I could do it myself, but for this job, uh,
348
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:10,794
you got the best
credentials.
349
00:22:10,861 --> 00:22:13,463
See, now, not that
I'm gonna ask you to do it for nothin'.
350
00:22:13,531 --> 00:22:16,599
You bring this thing off,
there's gonna be a little somethin' in it for yourself.
351
00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:19,569
Yeah ? And I'd be doin' it
for their own good too.
352
00:22:19,637 --> 00:22:21,571
Of course.
That's what I'm sayin'.
353
00:22:21,639 --> 00:22:25,008
They ain't gonna be happy here.
What are they gonna do for recreation ?
354
00:22:25,076 --> 00:22:28,345
There ain't a crap game
or a pool hall in the whole neighborhood.
355
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:33,417
There ain't a chicken shack
or a rib joint within Miles of here.
356
00:22:35,486 --> 00:22:40,190
No ribs ?
Lord almighty, what is we gonna do ?
357
00:22:45,529 --> 00:22:48,765
W-w-wait a minute, Lionel.
Just a minute. "We" ?
358
00:22:48,833 --> 00:22:50,767
Who's "we" ?
359
00:22:50,835 --> 00:22:53,837
My mother, my father,
my aunt and me.
360
00:22:55,206 --> 00:22:57,540
Well, Lionel--
your family ?
361
00:22:57,608 --> 00:23:02,346
I gotta tell you something,
Mr. bunker. My family bought Mr. bowman's house.
362
00:23:02,413 --> 00:23:06,216
And we're gonna keep it.
We like it here.
363
00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:08,618
We like the house,
we like the neighborhood...
364
00:23:08,686 --> 00:23:11,955
And I know we're gonna
get along just fine with the neighbors.
365
00:23:12,023 --> 00:23:14,458
I'll see you later,
Mr. bunker.
366
00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:44,388
And the trash
is picked up on Fridays. Trash on Fridays.
367
00:23:44,455 --> 00:23:47,957
Yeah, and tell your mother
if she wants really good fish,
368
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:51,294
she should go to
the fish grotto.
369
00:23:51,362 --> 00:23:54,064
If she wants
week-old fish.
370
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:57,901
It's a little far,
but it's worth the walk. The fish grotto.
371
00:23:57,968 --> 00:23:59,903
That's right.
372
00:23:59,970 --> 00:24:03,940
Oh, and Mr. tomasetti's
got the best beef in the neighborhood.
373
00:24:04,008 --> 00:24:07,411
Tomasetti ?
Yeah, he's got good cuts, and he don't overcharge.
374
00:24:07,478 --> 00:24:11,281
Oh, tomasetti.
Oh, jeez.
375
00:24:11,349 --> 00:24:14,351
Well, he does,
daddy. What are you
376
00:24:14,419 --> 00:24:18,321
Listen, Lionel,
don't pay no attention to these people, huh ?
377
00:24:18,389 --> 00:24:23,693
You wanna know anything
about the neighborhood, ask me. All right ?
378
00:24:23,761 --> 00:24:26,263
Now, you're writin'
things down, okay. First of all--
379
00:24:26,330 --> 00:24:30,633
tomasetti. He's an Italian.
We all know what they are.
380
00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:38,375
He's weighin' out the hamburger
for ya, he ain't above slippin' a fat thumb onto the scale.
381
00:24:38,443 --> 00:24:41,778
So keep your eye
on him, eh ? Fat thumb.
382
00:24:41,845 --> 00:24:45,482
Yeah. As long as
you're gonna be in the neighborhood,
383
00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:48,351
you gotta look out
for al jejorian. Jejorian ?
384
00:24:48,419 --> 00:24:52,122
He runs the gas station.
He calls himself an Armenian. He's really a gypsy.
385
00:24:55,093 --> 00:24:59,096
Always tryin' to sell you
somethin' you don't want, like a tune-up job.
386
00:25:00,264 --> 00:25:02,932
Gypsy.
Yeah.
387
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,403
We got a German mailman
that never says nothin'. Watch him.
388
00:25:10,941 --> 00:25:14,911
Oh, yeah. Look out
for these colored guys on the garbage truck.
389
00:25:14,979 --> 00:25:19,983
They're always tryin' to set
you up for that Christmas tip. You know what I mean ?
390
00:25:20,050 --> 00:25:23,720
They're thieves,
and they start workin' on ya 'round Thanksgiving time.
391
00:25:45,042 --> 00:25:49,212
[ Announcer ]
All in the family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
392
00:25:49,262 --> 00:25:53,812
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