Original subtitles

Previously on Will & Grace...

Grace and I are really focused on this baby right now

and we've made an agreement-- no dating

Two weeks ago, I wanted this baby more than anything

And now, I'm just-- I'm so confused

Oh, I can't believe this

This is only the most important thing we've ever done together

and you flake out on me?

I don't know why that's surprising-- you're a flake

All I asked for was one month--

one month to see where this is going

Oh, let me tell you where this is going

You'll end up hating him in three weeks because

I don't know, he has a weird chest hair pattern

or he doesn't like watching "E!"

Or he'll end up hating you because you're too needy

Then you'll fall apart I'll pick you up

and then, magically you'll be ready to have a baby

Look, I'm sorry that I met someone

'cause I know how much you hate it when I'm happy

- Oh, that is such a load! - Admit it

You're happiest when I'm miserable

I mean, come on

Isn't that our thing?

Because then you don't have to look at how miserable you are

Shut up, Grace!

But I am not gonna be miserable for you

I am gonna try to be happy

And if you can't deal with that

then you are even more pathetic than I thought

- Get outta here - Go to hell!

No, I mean it!

I want you outta here in two weeks

You don't live here anymore

I don't know how much longer I can live with Will

I mean, every time I get in the shower with him

he's like "Jack, get the hell out."

I know, honey Grace is driving me nuts, too

She can't concentrate on work anymore Mm-mm

She just sits around all day doodling pictures

of people's houses on these enormous sketch pads

And then, she's on the phone all the time

ordering furniture?

Honey, where's she gonna put all that, huh?

In these "houses" she's drawing?

Oh...

So we need to get them back together--

But how?

Pretend to think, pretend to think

Pretend to care, pretend to care

Ooh, I got it

What we need is a plan

Some way to get them in the same room together

Oh, honey, that's genius Write that down

Oh, wait, not on that That's for Will and Grace

That's an invitation to Joe and Larry's kid's birthday party

Oh, yeah, I got one of these, too

- Anyway, enough about that - Yeah

We have to figure out a way to get them in the same room

so they can work it out

But how? How?

Ow!

I just got a paper cut on this party invitation for Will and Grace

Focus!

We're trying to get them in the same room together

Forget about this party they're both invited to

Now, what do they both like?

Well, Will likes to be taller than everybody

and Grace likes to eat cake

Where can we take them where there'll be small people eating cake?

Oh!

Shoot, I just spilled on this invitation to a child's birthday party

Hey...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I don't know

Are you thinking what it would be like to have Spiderman spray his web on you?

Okay, that's just freaky Okay, that's crazy

You sure you don't wanna go to Joe and Larry's kid's party?

You'll tower over people

I do like to feel tall

Ah, I don't know

Grace and I already said we weren't going and besides

I don't think I'd be very good company right now, anyway

Okay...

But, uh, when couples split

one person always gets the good friends

So if you don't kiss up to Joe and Larry first

you'll end up like the ex-Ms. Giuliani

He got the two cool gay guys

and all she got was a part in The Vagina Monologues

Please

They're not gonna choose Grace over me

They love me

And if that's not enough Joe got drunk one night

and let it slip about his Internet chat buddy

That's my ace in the hole

And that's actually the guy's screen name

All right

But don't blame me when the dust settles and

Grace is grand marshal at the Gay Pride Parade

and you're stuck in Fort Lee doing The 'Gina Monologues

Hi, this is Grace Adler

I'd like to take Will Truman off my Video East renter's card

Well, if you must know

he tried to force me to have a baby

and give up a chance at true love

and that kinda person shouldn't be able to rent videos

Thank you

Honey, you're being so spiteful and vindictive

Compliments? This early in the day?

Oh, honey, you're always the life of the party

Oh, speaking of parties

would you like me to "RSTD" to Moe and Mary?

Uh, I don't know, Karen

I'm really not in the party mood

There'll be a nice cake

I do like a nice cake

Besides, honey, you need to go over there and make nice

with Joe and Larry

You don't want them going over to Will's side

They're gay

They belong to you

I'm not worried about them

I have been a true and loyal friend

Besides, one night

Larry got drunk and let some things slip about his secret Internet chat buddy

so he ain't goin' nowhere

Okay, honey

Don't blame me if Will is empress of gay America

and you're in Fort Lee doing The Vagina Monologues

Okay?

What?

I don't know

Wow

Look at this place, Will

Everyone's screaming and jumping all over each other

Why can't grownups have a place like this?

We do, Jack

It's known as last call in any gay bar, U.S.A

Hey, guys!

Hey!

Thanks for coming

- Good to see you - How are you?

Hey, how's the party going?

Any cute fathers?

Well, actually, there's this one really hot--

No

Ooh, I got Hannah a little something

- Oh, Will, you shouldn't have - Don't be silly

You guys are my best friends

Hannah's my goddaughter

and I just mean the world to all of you

It's from both of us

It's actually kinda cool

I adopted her an endangered panda from The Discovery Store

You get a certificate and a pamphlet about the threat to the environment

It's from Will

It's even better than that mile of highway you had cleaned up in her name

I just figured, you know

it's better than some garish flashy gift with a lotta bells

and whistles that she's just gonna get tired of in five minutes--

Whee! Where's the birthday girl?

Auntie Grace is here

- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?

Yay! They're in love again!

I don't mean to interrupt, but is Hannah allowed to cut her own hair?

- You gave her a soda! - It's her birthday!

- You said you weren't coming - So did you

Ha-ha! Too late!

You're friends now

Suckers! Woo-hoo!

High five!

Why, you-- you two planned this?

Just to get us in the same room?

Not just getting you in the same room

no

But getting you in the same room at the same time!

- Woo-hoo! - Low two!

Waaah!

Stop it This is not a joke!

Why can't you two just mind your own business?

Wow

Some people

Trick 'em into doing something they don't wanna do

and this is the thanks you get?

Come on, honey

While we're here let's go pick on a gay kid

- Hey, I was that gay k-- - Shake your skirt, fairy!

Well, I guess one of us should leave

Yeah, you Bye-bye

I'm not leaving

I brought a present

I brought a present, too

What is that? Your phone bill?

It's a panda

Oh, God, not the endangered species thing again?

You remember what happened when you gave that to your nephew at Christmas?

Where's my panda? Where's my panda?

I'll tell you where your panda is, kid-- in China

- It's educational - It's stupid

Like--like a Barbie in a string bikini is such a smart gift

Why don't you just wrap a ribbon around bulimia?

A doll cannot cause an eating disorder

Nothing is that black and white

A panda is

Besides, I don't need to buy Joe and Larry's friendship

with extravagant gifts for their kid

That's not what I'm doing I'm here because I love Hannah

Oh, really? And how old is she today?

A lady never reveals her age

I'm going to put my present on the table

If you'd like, I'll put your envelope on the table

with the savings bonds and the homemade cards

In other words the suck pile

Hey! Hey!

Kids love homemade cards

Yecch!

I hope this is apple juice

Let me help you there, Joey

Joe-Joe

Jay-Jiminy-Jee-Joe

Look, Will, I would appreciate it if you didn't get high around the kids

I'm not high

I'm just joking with you That's what old friends do

We joke Except maybe Grace

She'd probably tell you half a knock-knock joke, and then

blow you off for some guy on a horse

Yeah

How much of that stuff did you smoke?

Kids, don't eat the balloons! They're poison

Will, do you mind?

Nope. No problem, pal

I'm on it

And I'm in it

Where's your kid?

Where's my kid? Oh, I don't have a kid

Not yet I'm thinking of adopting, though

which is fine

You know, I'll still be a reliable father

Some people are not reliable You should know this

Some people think they're reliable

but when push comes to shove and the pressure's on

they prove themselves to be--

- what? - Cheese?

Unreliable

Hey, Larry

You look so good

What's-- what's different about you?

Except being the handsomest man in the world?

God, your skin is so soft

And what is under this shirt?

A brick wall?

Joe told me that you had some good stuff

but we're off that since Hannah was born

What?

Okay, but I don't wanna do too much

because I might freak out when the clown gets here

Oh--

No, I'm just touching you in a loving way

Not a controlling way, like Will

You know, Will thinks you're boring

I think everyone is having a really good time

Okay, kids, I'm gonna say this one more time

The balloons are not food! Stay, I'll get it

I'm allowed to talk to adults!

Wanna hold my bunny?

I would love to, sweetheart

He's my best friend

Well, maybe he is now

But wait

He seems all sweet and cuddly

Meanwhile, he's storing away all these secret resentments

And then one day, when you've done absolutely nothing wrong

his hatred will explode!

Mommy!

Hey, kid!

Heads up

Okay, no, not too much base

And I want tabby eyes and Persian lips

Honey, look at Will and Grace

They haven't said a word to each other for over an hour

This plan bites!

Well, it's better than yours--

Telling those kids those balloons are made of candy

Kids are dumb

I know

I ate a balloon it tastes nothing like candy

Okay, we're ready

Go get the kids around the big table

and please make sure the camera has film in it

One time It happened one time

Kids, sit down! Cake!

- Happy-- - Hey, Lar, let me help you with that

No, it's okay. I--I got it

- No, I want to - Hap--

Oh, honey!

Oh, Hannah's gonna love this

Oh, thanks, Grace

I found it in the Cookbook for Gay Dummies

- Hap-- - Just let-- let me take it out--

- Be careful-- - No, we've got it covered--

Grace, Grace--

Larry, I'm so sorry

- Here, let me help-- - Don't touch her

Kids, we're going to the deli next door for birthday knishes

Nice going, Grace

Our friendship, a kid's birthday party

your over-processed hair

Anything else you wanna destroy this week?

I don't know, anything else you wanna blame me for

you big bitch?

You're a mess I'm leaving

Don't bother I'll leave

No, no. I'm leaving

- I'm already gone - Where's the guy with the--

Where's my purse?

Meow, meow

- Damn it - Come on

- We are not playing games here - Give me my purse

Want 'em? Go get 'em

Ha!

Jack, what the hell are you doing?

It's time you two patched things up

Unzip it!

Will!!

This is not the time or the place for your clumsy come-ons!

Now talk to her!

This is not funny Let us out now

- I'm not kidding, Jack - I'm not kidding either!

You guys' friendship means something to me

It means that maybe we don't have to be alone in the world

That some things do last forever

That a fatty and his enabler can find love

Come on, you're tearing the poor kid up!

So either get it together or get it apart

Just get it!

Now come on, Jackie. I hear there's some people here

with some great dope

Eew. Eew

I think I just stepped in a puddle of throw-up

Throw-up makes me throw up

Quit jumping You're gonna have two puddles

Please look Is that throw-up?

Look for yourself!

I'm not your vomit-looker

I only look at vomit for my friends and we are not friends

Fine, then you're gonna have to find yourself another spider-killer

I don't need you to kill spiders for me, thank you

I can kill my own damn spiders

What about the one above your head?

Quit bouncing

You quit bouncing

- You quit bouncing! - You quit bouncing!

Man

You really hate me, don't you?

Is this really happening?

We just throw away 15 years of friendship over this?

Don't say "over this" like it was nothing

You screwed me over

I'm planning my life around this

You were gonna have a baby I was gonna be a dad

And then you just throw it away

Heh. It was so easy for you

Easy?

Have you been paying any attention to my life lately?

And when has finding someone ever been easy for me?

That is not the point, Grace

You just met the guy and you picked him over me

I couldn't pick him over you

because you are not an option for me

You know, I actually considered walking away from Leo for you

But then I started thinking about what our life would be like

Just you and me and our baby

And that question hanging over my head

What question?

Was Leo the right guy for me?

I don't know

I don't know if it's gonna work out

But I hope it does

And I'd hope my friend would want that for me, too

I'm sorry, Grace, but it's not that easy for me

- Why? - Because it's not

Why?!

Because I need you more than you need me!

Okay?

You--you--you-- you got a million options, Grace

You can make a baby with Leo, or Nathan, or any Tom

Dick, and...spermy

But I can't

I need you

Well, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to that

Well, there's nothing you can say You've made your choice

So, what, that's it?

We're done?

We're just gonna go our separate ways?

I guess so

I hope it works out, too

What?

I hope it works out between you and Leo

You do?

Of course I do

I love you, Grace

I love you, too, Will

- I'm sorry - I'm sorry

- No, I'm sorry - I'm sorry

And I think you should still have your baby

There are other options

You know what I really want?

I wanna do this the old-fashioned way

I wanna meet a guy fall in love?

Quit going to the gym 'cause I met someone

And then make a baby

- Do me a favor? - Hmm?

Check the puddle?

- It's macaroni and cheese - Oh, thank God

- That may have been thrown up - Oh, no!