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1
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Ok, huge news! Gather round!
2
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Where's everybody?
3
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Are you the only one here? Where's Will? Not here?
Ok, that's fine. You'll do. Come on.
4
00:00:12,665 --> 00:00:14,372
Hey, I was just watching a special:
5
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"The Ten Greatest Bathrooms in the World."
They were just about to do number two.
6
00:00:19,456 --> 00:00:21,466
That sounded bad. Go ahead.
7
00:00:21,769 --> 00:00:22,207
Ok.
8
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:26,724
As you know, this weekend, my new show opens at the Duplex,
9
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and this year, I'm giving my fans something
I know they're dying for.
10
00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:31,898
Their money back?
11
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:38,563
Wait. I don't-- Was it-- I-- Was that a joke?
'Cause--that's fine. Ok.
12
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,470
Ok. This year, my show will feature...
13
00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:50,372
Wait for it. Here it comes. Are you sittin'?
It's on its way. Are you sittin'?
14
00:00:50,643 --> 00:00:51,073
Just say it!
15
00:00:51,511 --> 00:00:51,867
Magic.
16
00:00:57,241 --> 00:00:59,522
Jack, I did not know that you know magic.
17
00:00:59,522 --> 00:01:00,204
But of course.
18
00:01:01,685 --> 00:01:04,084
When I was a kid, I used to lock myself
in my room with handcuffs...
19
00:01:08,626 --> 00:01:10,045
Wait. That's not my magic story.
20
00:01:11,962 --> 00:01:18,023
Anyway, I can do it, and the reason I'm here is
because I need a lovely assistant.
21
00:01:18,023 --> 00:01:18,738
I'm flattered.
22
00:01:18,738 --> 00:01:20,483
So I was thinking of asking Karen,
23
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and that's why I'm here. I need your opinion.
Is she a good assistant?
24
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How do I put this?
25
00:01:35,936 --> 00:01:42,517
She's as good an assistant...
as you are an entertainer.
26
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:45,987
You're the best, Grace.
27
00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:49,836
I'm thanking you in the program
under the pseudonym "Citizens of New York."
28
00:01:52,227 --> 00:01:52,875
Thank you.
29
00:01:54,358 --> 00:01:57,699
Jack, where were you? You were supposed to go to the HRC dinner with me.
30
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I know. I wanted to, but I just didn't have
a cute little tank top and shorts to wear.
31
00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:08,055
Uh, let me explain this again. It's HRC, the Human Rights
Campaign, not HRC, the Health and Racket Club.
32
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It's a gay and lesbian advocacy group.
33
00:02:13,071 --> 00:02:16,397
Ok, uh, I'm gonna tell you guys again, ok?
I didn't have a cute little tank top and shorts to wear.
34
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,785
Ok. Hey, G. Tell W about the magic.
Get him up to speed. Thank you.
35
00:02:23,712 --> 00:02:24,668
Do I care about any of that?
36
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Absolutely not.
37
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:27,324
How was the dinner?
38
00:02:27,989 --> 00:02:28,625
It was amazing.
39
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:30,858
2,500 gay men who care.
40
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:34,325
It's, uh...
everything my life is lacking.
41
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,079
Ooh! Guess what I got at the silent auction?!
42
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I won a photo session with Fannie Lieber.
43
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No!
44
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Oh, my God!
45
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I know!
46
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I love her!
47
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She is so edgy. She's genius.
48
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:55,714
She once took a picture of Martha Stewart
when she wasn't selling anything.
49
00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,715
She looked so vulnerable.
50
00:03:06,265 --> 00:03:09,253
I just--I just wanted to hug her, but...
51
00:03:10,726 --> 00:03:13,545
but you couldn't,
'cause she's Martha Stewart, you know.
52
00:03:15,173 --> 00:03:18,933
Well, anyway, here's the cool part.
The picture is gonna appear in her next coffee table book.
53
00:03:19,197 --> 00:03:22,540
All family portraits, and I'm thinkin'
since my parents are splitting up,
54
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:29,229
and I haven't been able to sit on a couch with my brothers
since the invention of the noogie, that... You and me.
55
00:03:30,074 --> 00:03:30,530
What?
56
00:03:30,957 --> 00:03:32,507
Hell. You're my family.
57
00:03:34,082 --> 00:03:37,451
Ooh, Will, that's so sweet.
58
00:03:37,878 --> 00:03:41,018
You win this huge thing at an auction, and you think of me?
Do I have to kick in?
59
00:03:41,018 --> 00:03:41,345
No.
60
00:03:41,345 --> 00:03:42,762
Oh!
61
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:06,412
I--I won the family portrait at the HRC auction last week.
62
00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:08,469
I beat out two lesbians with a Chihuahua.
63
00:04:09,651 --> 00:04:13,107
Oh, great. People who've never been
in front of a camera before. Joy.
64
00:04:14,684 --> 00:04:16,197
Um, excuse me. Excuse me.
65
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,137
I've been professionally photographed.
66
00:04:19,471 --> 00:04:22,600
Wait, uh, are you talking about that picture
your dermatologist took of that freaky skin rash?
67
00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:25,777
Will.
68
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:27,566
Yes, I am. Don't embarrass me!
69
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:27,910
Ow! Sorry!
70
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:31,223
Ok, look. Just so you know,
this is a drug free environment, all right?
71
00:04:31,465 --> 00:04:34,619
Fannie's about to get her 90-day chip,
and we're all doin' our best to support her.
72
00:04:35,094 --> 00:04:40,368
Me, I got 10 years under my belt...
and nothin' to show for it but a clean carpet and an empty bed.
73
00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:45,354
Well, uh, we're pretty much drug free.
74
00:04:45,831 --> 00:04:48,338
I mean, I've got a Claritin...
and he's got a Propecia.
75
00:04:51,085 --> 00:04:52,501
That's for the rash comment.
76
00:04:53,723 --> 00:04:54,572
Do me a favor, babe.
77
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,974
Get me a Red Bull and one of those candy necklaces.
78
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,798
You guys won the, uh, gay auction, huh?
79
00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,312
Good for you. I love fags.
I married three of 'em.
80
00:05:05,383 --> 00:05:06,883
Wow. Lucky.
81
00:05:10,205 --> 00:05:14,781
We--we are huge-- huge fans of your work.
82
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:19,081
I mean, I've gotta tell you,
that picture of Bette Midler in the tub of baked beans...
83
00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:22,974
It brought two of my favorite things together.
84
00:05:25,114 --> 00:05:27,312
Hold on. I got to, uh, reload.
85
00:05:29,316 --> 00:05:33,071
What is the deal with her?
I thought she'd be so dynamic.
86
00:05:33,302 --> 00:05:35,533
Instead, she's like sad clerk at Blockbuster.
87
00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:38,544
"I'm sorry. We're outta Shrek."
88
00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:47,062
Grace, I--I'm a model, so let me explain this to you.
89
00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:52,844
Photographers are observers. they're-- they're low-key.
They tend to fade into the background.
90
00:05:52,844 --> 00:05:57,471
Whoo!
I am in the mood for F-ing life!
91
00:05:58,318 --> 00:05:59,219
What-- What happened to her?
92
00:05:59,457 --> 00:06:01,465
I don't know, but we need to get
a curtain like that for our house.
93
00:06:04,618 --> 00:06:06,169
Do you believe in magic?
94
00:06:06,169 --> 00:06:06,964
I do!
95
00:06:07,211 --> 00:06:08,610
In a young girl's heart?
96
00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:12,572
Music can free her whenever it starts.
Magic.
97
00:06:17,664 --> 00:06:19,605
And it's starting right now.
98
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:28,548
Good, 'cause I don't think I can wait any longer
for some of that old Jack Daniels!
99
00:06:29,882 --> 00:06:30,857
Jack magic.
100
00:06:31,532 --> 00:06:33,693
Honey, you say "potato," I say, "vodka."
101
00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:43,042
Now for my first trick,
I will turn everyone in the audience gay.
102
00:06:45,307 --> 00:06:47,980
Ala-kazam, ala-kum-hot, ala-kum-dum...
103
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:50,205
Poofter! You're all gay!
104
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:54,033
Didn't need any magic for that one.
105
00:06:56,386 --> 00:07:02,219
Now for my next trick,
I will ask my lovely assistant to step inside the magic box.
106
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:05,239
Uh-oh, I might be a little rusty.
107
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:09,035
I haven't done that since my junior year at Sarah Lawrence.
108
00:07:15,404 --> 00:07:16,004
Here she goes.
109
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Hocus...
110
00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:24,444
Uh... Um, line?
111
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:25,484
Pocus!
112
00:07:25,775 --> 00:07:26,400
Pocus!
113
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,023
Oh!
114
00:07:33,007 --> 00:07:35,873
It's a little jack-- rabbit.
115
00:07:36,464 --> 00:07:36,852
Ok.
116
00:07:39,088 --> 00:07:41,315
Hocus...
117
00:07:41,607 --> 00:07:42,062
Are you ready?
118
00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:42,763
No. Oh!
119
00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:43,744
Karen?
120
00:07:43,744 --> 00:07:44,168
Yeah?
121
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:44,604
Are you ready?
122
00:07:44,604 --> 00:07:46,053
Oh! Ok, ok, yeah.
123
00:07:48,692 --> 00:07:49,804
Pocus!
124
00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:04,326
JThank you. Thank you.
125
00:08:04,814 --> 00:08:09,579
Now for my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, which would be
a nice change of pace, seeing as they usually charge me.
126
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:14,524
Honey, honey! I just had an idea for a trick!
127
00:08:14,832 --> 00:08:16,444
Oh, heh. An unscripted moment.
128
00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:19,783
Almost as pleasant to behold as Liza's new bride.
129
00:08:23,869 --> 00:08:27,780
Ok. Watch as I double the number of people in the audience.
130
00:08:41,218 --> 00:08:43,207
Come on, strap one on me! I'm ready to shoot.
131
00:08:44,849 --> 00:08:48,120
Wait, wait, wait. Before--before we start,
I mean, is what I'm wearing ok?
132
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:50,745
Ok, the shirt's off.
133
00:08:52,829 --> 00:08:55,257
Oh, hey. Ok, Will, she's takin' my pants off.
134
00:08:57,292 --> 00:08:58,171
Oh, you're Jewish.
135
00:09:07,768 --> 00:09:08,843
How could you tell that?
136
00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:09,749
Cheap underwear.
137
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:16,900
It's ok. I love the Jews. I married three of 'em.
Ok, let's go!
138
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:23,760
You are so hot. Oh, boy, you know,
I bet boys and girls like you. Ok, let's go!
139
00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:25,956
Uh, what about me?
140
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,909
What about you?
141
00:09:29,326 --> 00:09:29,905
Oh! Oh!
142
00:09:29,905 --> 00:09:31,804
Where's my Bull?!
143
00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:35,206
Yeah. Uh... I--I meant more, like,
I'm not crazy about my forehead.
144
00:09:35,485 --> 00:09:37,929
Is there any angle you could shoot me
from to kinda minimize that?
145
00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,773
You know, I'm not in the business of minimizing foreheads.
146
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:43,460
I'm in the business of maximizing truth.
You have a big forehead, and that's the truth.
147
00:09:47,038 --> 00:09:49,874
Ok, now... ok, this is how we do it here.
148
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:53,590
I'm gonna give you some simple directions.
You do exactly what I say. No questions.
149
00:09:53,852 --> 00:09:54,889
Ok, let's have some music.
150
00:09:56,648 --> 00:10:00,281
My bonnie lies over the ocean,
my bonnie lies over the sea--
151
00:10:00,281 --> 00:10:01,423
Not you! Crank it, come on!
152
00:10:02,258 --> 00:10:04,694
Ok, gimme some shoulder. Let the arms go. Let the arms go.
153
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:10,389
All right. Ok. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it.
Ok. All right. Ok. Ok, roll the head. Roll it.
154
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:15,950
Roll it. Ok. Jaw. Jaw. Lips.
Chest. Chest. Chest.
155
00:10:16,278 --> 00:10:19,179
Chest! Chest! You're not givin' it to me!
156
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:20,743
I don't have it to give!
157
00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:23,849
Ok, ok, now, push your heads together.
Push your heads together.
158
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,686
Lock knees. Lock knees.
I'm gonna get a little lower.
159
00:10:25,686 --> 00:10:30,427
A little lower. A little lower.
A little lower.
160
00:10:33,019 --> 00:10:34,955
Uh, Fannie?
161
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:37,528
Ms. Lieber?
162
00:10:38,184 --> 00:10:38,736
Is she ok?
163
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:40,807
We should check.
164
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,451
That's it. We're done.
165
00:10:50,058 --> 00:10:52,253
Wake me when David Geffen's dalmation gets here.
166
00:10:56,275 --> 00:10:57,811
Ok. What the hell were you doin' goin' off book tonight?
167
00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,086
What are you talking about?
Honey, we killed!
168
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:02,773
I'm talkin' about that cruise ship comedy
you did with your drink.
169
00:11:03,282 --> 00:11:05,384
My show is planned down to the smallest detail.
170
00:11:05,853 --> 00:11:11,397
From the arch in my eye, to the limp in my wrist, and
you pulled some cheap comedy bit we've seen 1,000 times? God!
171
00:11:14,696 --> 00:11:16,308
Oh, honey, who cares?
172
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:20,394
I was a big hit, and you know--
Oh, I had another idea for our next show.
173
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:21,731
You don't get to have ideas.
174
00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:25,173
This show is called "That Old Jack Magic,"
not "That Old Assistant's Magic."
175
00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:26,958
Oh! Old?!
176
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:31,391
Well, how do you know that? There are parts of me
that were just a twinkle in a scientist's eye three weeks ago.
177
00:11:33,187 --> 00:11:34,598
Besides, I was just trying to help.
178
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:38,246
You wanna help? Then remember your place.
You're the assistant...
179
00:11:38,725 --> 00:11:41,568
And let's not forget where that word comes from--
Latin, meaning "ass of an ant."
180
00:11:44,532 --> 00:11:47,888
So keep your ideas to yourself and assist.
It shouldn't be that hard. It's what you do. Get it?
181
00:11:51,731 --> 00:11:54,633
I'm gonna be so mad when my mood elevators wear off.
182
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,162
Guess what I got?
183
00:12:07,024 --> 00:12:08,962
A cold sore? Me too!
184
00:12:11,259 --> 00:12:14,436
No... I got our photograph from Fannie Lieber.
185
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:21,894
Oh. I was--I was just-- I was totally just makin'...
Fannie Lieber! Oh, my God! Yay!
186
00:12:22,562 --> 00:12:22,873
Yeah.
187
00:12:22,873 --> 00:12:24,354
That was so sweet of you to wait for me!
188
00:12:24,596 --> 00:12:25,495
Well, you would have waited for me.
189
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,007
Sure. Ok.
190
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:38,587
Oh, my god, I love it! Look at me!
191
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,756
I'm gorgeous!
192
00:12:45,002 --> 00:12:49,462
The hair, the cheekbones, the lips.
It's all workin' for me...
193
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:52,815
And you look good.
194
00:12:54,850 --> 00:13:00,714
I look awful! Why am I so mad?
I look like an angry foreigner.
195
00:13:01,404 --> 00:13:03,255
"Could you tell me, please, where is Times Square?!"
196
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,281
I--I--I don't want this in any book.
197
00:13:07,658 --> 00:13:10,276
What? No! I mean, what are you gonna do?
198
00:13:10,587 --> 00:13:14,005
You can't go back to Fannie Lieber
and tell her that you want a re-shoot.
199
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,065
Since when are you afraid to tell people what you think?
200
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:20,279
You walked right up to Kevin Spacey
and told him he owed you 9 bucks for K-PAX.
201
00:13:24,362 --> 00:13:26,984
I think it went something like this:
"Hey, Spacey! Pay it forward!"
202
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,529
Ok, fine. We'll go.
203
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:40,569
I just don't understand why I should be
punished for being so photogenic.
204
00:13:43,684 --> 00:13:47,840
Now for my next trick, I'm gonna ask
my lovely assistant to get inside the box.
205
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:52,961
Get in the box.
206
00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:53,334
No!
207
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,507
Get in the box!
208
00:13:56,507 --> 00:13:57,160
All right!
209
00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,213
Sarah Lawrence. Cheap lesbian joke. I'm in the box.
210
00:14:05,866 --> 00:14:06,257
Magic.
211
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,680
Hocus...
212
00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:11,812
Pocus.
213
00:14:14,206 --> 00:14:17,431
Thank you. Thank you.
214
00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:22,610
It's a jack rabbit. Ok, a jack rabbit.
215
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,409
Ok. Hocus...
216
00:14:27,628 --> 00:14:28,263
Pocus!
217
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:31,469
Hocus pocus!
218
00:14:36,405 --> 00:14:38,654
Karen, come through the false back in the box!
219
00:14:41,437 --> 00:14:42,537
Hocus pocus!
220
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,173
Karen?
221
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,017
You stink.
222
00:14:57,218 --> 00:15:00,397
Oh, look who's here. Oh, my god.
I had such fun with you guys.
223
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:04,680
Oh, God. The attitude you get from people who matter.
224
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,772
And you... you were so--
225
00:15:13,784 --> 00:15:14,880
So tell me. How'd you like the picture?
226
00:15:15,297 --> 00:15:15,739
I loved it.
227
00:15:15,739 --> 00:15:16,067
You loved it.
228
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:16,370
I loved it.
229
00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:16,566
You loved it.
230
00:15:16,566 --> 00:15:16,926
I loved it.
231
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:17,812
Did you love it?
232
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:18,309
I didn't love it.
233
00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:18,831
You didn't love it.
234
00:15:18,831 --> 00:15:19,377
Didn't love it.
235
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,212
You just lost a dry hump, buddy.
236
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:30,595
It's just, you know, we were thinking because we're gonna be
in the book that, maybe we can get a better picture.
237
00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:33,962
You know, one where I where I look like a happy American.
238
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:36,194
You know, like, "Times Square? Why, yes, it's this way."
239
00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:40,053
Whoa. You know, I have been doing this for a long time.
240
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:43,830
I mean, I have shot rock stars, politicians,
movie stars, my own vagina...
241
00:15:46,294 --> 00:15:50,792
and this is the first time anyone has ever,
ever asked me for a re-shoot.
242
00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:56,551
Yeah, but the difference is, you know,
it's not a big deal to those people, or--
243
00:15:56,782 --> 00:16:01,811
or to your vagina, but, you know, to us, this is--
this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
244
00:16:03,461 --> 00:16:04,043
Please?
245
00:16:04,646 --> 00:16:05,708
All right. Damn it!
246
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:08,901
Why am I such a sucker for a gay guy who begs?
247
00:16:11,362 --> 00:16:12,904
The story of my life, sister.
248
00:16:23,925 --> 00:16:24,511
Hey, you.
249
00:16:27,122 --> 00:16:27,981
What's up, doc? I'm just--
250
00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:36,368
You know, I never really noticed before
how bloodshot your eyes are.
251
00:16:44,397 --> 00:16:45,097
Karen?!
252
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,296
No. No, that's crazy.
253
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:52,412
You're a rabbit...
254
00:16:54,974 --> 00:16:55,395
Right?
255
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:00,621
Well, just in case...
256
00:17:02,135 --> 00:17:03,160
I'm so sorry.
257
00:17:04,381 --> 00:17:09,764
You have to understand that fame, like Toby�s new lover,
is a rude, ugly, gay guy.
258
00:17:13,372 --> 00:17:14,333
I let it go to my head.
259
00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:18,945
I should have been-- I should have been grateful
to have any of your ideas.
260
00:17:21,163 --> 00:17:22,646
This is nice. Is this mink?
261
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,740
Wait a minute. This is weird.
This is totally weird.
262
00:17:31,159 --> 00:17:34,479
I mean, you're-- you're a rabbit. You're not Karen.
Are you?
263
00:17:37,155 --> 00:17:38,454
Oh, you goof, turn around.
264
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,417
Oh, my god, Karen, I'm so sorry
about all those things I said. I--
265
00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:45,458
Hey, honey, it's ok. It's ok.
I heard everything, and...
266
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,843
anything I missed, I'll--I'll get from that cat.
267
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:53,635
Forgiven?
268
00:17:54,244 --> 00:17:55,929
And forgotten.
269
00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:00,652
Hey, look at that. An upper.
270
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,277
Honey, that's really good. How'd you do that?
271
00:18:05,816 --> 00:18:06,906
Do what? That's just in your ear.
272
00:18:13,617 --> 00:18:18,716
Hey, now, that's a photograph.
Look at that handsome fella.
273
00:18:19,922 --> 00:18:20,934
I don't think I've ever looked better...
274
00:18:22,639 --> 00:18:23,587
and--and you look good.
275
00:18:26,586 --> 00:18:27,542
We're goin' back, aren't we?
276
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,420
Come on, darling. Look at me like I'm a bucket of chicken.
277
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:35,935
I wanna see that mixture of desire and fear.
278
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:39,144
Fannie.
279
00:18:39,757 --> 00:18:40,580
Uh... hi!
280
00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:41,777
Hello!
281
00:18:42,366 --> 00:18:43,504
Oh, balls. You two?
282
00:18:45,202 --> 00:18:46,132
Anyway, about-- About our picture...
283
00:18:46,815 --> 00:18:50,476
Look at me. I look all-- all puffy and mannish.
284
00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:53,456
I'm like Puff, the magic drag queen.
285
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:57,394
I love mine.
286
00:18:58,411 --> 00:18:59,077
Ready for my dry hump.
287
00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:01,632
We need a re-shoot,
288
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:06,973
and you might as well say yes now before I--
I make my gay guy beg for it.
289
00:19:08,292 --> 00:19:12,039
Ok, Cindy. Go get some dinner.
There's water and cigarettes in the back.
290
00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:17,022
Yes! Ok. Ok, here we go.
291
00:19:17,511 --> 00:19:19,002
All right. Ass. Teeth. Ass. Teeth.
292
00:19:19,756 --> 00:19:22,555
Stop. There's not gonna be any picture.
293
00:19:23,399 --> 00:19:25,257
What? What do you mean?
294
00:19:26,314 --> 00:19:27,868
When he looked grotesque, you redid his!
295
00:19:28,924 --> 00:19:31,705
Wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa. "Grotesque?"
You said I didn't look that bad.
296
00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,073
Sweetie, we have no time to pretend.
297
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:38,686
Don't you guys have anything better to do
than obsess about looking perfect in some photo?
298
00:19:39,523 --> 00:19:40,683
I mean, don't you have lives?
299
00:19:42,553 --> 00:19:46,755
Yes, we have lives. I just got TiVo.
300
00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:54,122
And I am this close to learning how to use it.
301
00:19:56,401 --> 00:20:01,825
Well, how about getting something real to focus on
like a dog or a plant or an addiction? I mean, something.
302
00:20:03,675 --> 00:20:09,280
Look, I know Grace, and having some plant is not gonna make her
care any less about looking like H.R. Puffy-Face.
303
00:20:11,265 --> 00:20:15,556
And a dog is not gonna make him
care any less about looking repulsive.
304
00:20:16,558 --> 00:20:16,935
Why do you have to dig?
305
00:20:16,935 --> 00:20:17,394
I'm not digging.
306
00:20:17,394 --> 00:20:17,978
You just called me repulsive.
307
00:20:17,978 --> 00:20:19,151
I didn't call you "grotesque."
308
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,767
Oh, please! You're just splitting hairs now. Repulsive--
309
00:20:23,058 --> 00:20:27,848
Just do something. Have a baby. I don't know.
I don't care. Just get out of my life.
310
00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:33,253
Hey, that's a good idea. Let's have a baby.
311
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,374
Sure. That would make one hell of a family portrait.
312
00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:39,869
Hey, Grace, wanna have a baby right now?
313
00:20:39,869 --> 00:20:42,114
Yeah! I think I'm ready! Let's do it!
314
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,616
That's the one.
25122
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