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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:04,903 ♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪ 2 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,738 ♪ my back is gettin' tight 3 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,874 ♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ 4 00:00:09,942 --> 00:00:12,911 ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ 5 00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:18,216 ♪ but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do ♪ 6 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:22,120 ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ 7 00:00:23,622 --> 00:00:25,990 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 8 00:00:26,058 --> 00:00:28,559 ♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪ 9 00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,833 (Carrie) Dad, for the 3rd time, 10 00:00:35,901 --> 00:00:37,101 your dinner's ready! 11 00:00:37,169 --> 00:00:38,669 (Arthur) And for the 3rd time, 12 00:00:38,737 --> 00:00:41,072 I'm still shaving my ears! 13 00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:43,841 Well, hurry up. You're gonna be late! 14 00:00:43,909 --> 00:00:45,776 All right. Ready to rock when you are. 15 00:00:45,844 --> 00:00:48,012 Oh, come on. You're wearing that? 16 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,181 What's wrong with my outfit? 17 00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:53,084 Ok, outfit is an awfully big word for what you've done here, my friend. 18 00:00:53,152 --> 00:00:55,653 We're goin' to the circus. What, I gotta throw on a tux 19 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,022 to watch a clown light his ass on fire? 20 00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,790 It's not a regular circus. 21 00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:01,792 It's French. It's cirque de soleil. 22 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:04,328 They have men with wings dancing in the air. 23 00:01:05,697 --> 00:01:08,266 More like cirque de so gay. 24 00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:11,069 And they have those female contortionists, 25 00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:12,870 you know, that bend their legs 26 00:01:12,938 --> 00:01:14,905 all the way around the back over the head. 27 00:01:14,973 --> 00:01:16,674 That's where they lose me, right there. 28 00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:18,976 I need a little more distance between the sun and the moon. 29 00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:20,711 All right. 30 00:01:20,779 --> 00:01:23,514 All right. Let's get this over with. 31 00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:26,784 Oh, dad, you look great! 32 00:01:26,851 --> 00:01:27,885 [Chuckles] 33 00:01:27,953 --> 00:01:30,321 Just promise you won't bury me in this. 34 00:01:30,389 --> 00:01:33,124 You're all over my clothes, but he gets to wear a shirt 35 00:01:33,192 --> 00:01:35,326 with anchors and ukuleles on it? 36 00:01:35,394 --> 00:01:37,695 Yes. I told you, I signed dad up 37 00:01:37,762 --> 00:01:39,630 for that package of theme dances 38 00:01:39,698 --> 00:01:41,065 at the senior center. 39 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:43,033 Oh, that's right. Yeah, the thing you told me 40 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:45,603 to act positive about in front of him. 41 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,738 Yes, I did say to be positive 42 00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:49,574 because it is a good thing. 43 00:01:49,641 --> 00:01:51,476 Ahh! 44 00:01:51,543 --> 00:01:54,278 Tonight's theme is Maui madness. 45 00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:56,080 Well, I think you look great, Arthur. 46 00:01:56,148 --> 00:01:59,350 I like the way the purple brings out the veins in your legs. 47 00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:00,618 Outta here, get out. 48 00:02:02,454 --> 00:02:04,288 What the hell do you call this, anyway? 49 00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:07,057 I call it fish, like most people. 50 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:09,793 Is it too late to substitute something enjoyable? 51 00:02:09,861 --> 00:02:13,297 Dad, your cholesterol is now, like, the low 700s. 52 00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:14,932 Come on, the fish is good for you. 53 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,667 I don't care. I want bacon. 54 00:02:16,735 --> 00:02:18,636 Oh, ok. You want bacon? I'll give you bacon. 55 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,571 Just make sure you wave hi to grandma 56 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:22,840 as you're going towards the light, ok? 57 00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,445 Oh, my God. Doug, it's late. 58 00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:29,780 Would you mind dropping dad off at the senior center 59 00:02:29,848 --> 00:02:31,048 while I finish getting ready? 60 00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,383 Mind? You kiddin' me? 61 00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:35,520 Between that and the French circus, this is a dream night. 62 00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:38,022 Ok, dad, come on. Medicine time. 63 00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,557 Ok... 64 00:02:41,226 --> 00:02:43,093 Red, yellow, 65 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:44,495 and big blue. 66 00:02:46,231 --> 00:02:47,331 Good. 67 00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:53,337 Ah. There. Happy? 68 00:02:53,405 --> 00:02:55,105 Take big blue. 69 00:02:55,174 --> 00:02:56,440 I took it. 70 00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:58,942 See? 71 00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,879 Get it out of your sock and swallow it. 72 00:03:01,946 --> 00:03:03,381 Yes, mein fuehrer! 73 00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:06,150 Oh! I almost forgot something. 74 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,191 (Carrie) Eeh, yeah! 75 00:03:14,125 --> 00:03:16,026 Oh, dad, 76 00:03:16,094 --> 00:03:18,262 you look so adorable. 77 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:20,431 Ok, ok! Have a good time. Bye-bye. 78 00:03:23,134 --> 00:03:25,869 Is there any chance I can use this to hang myself? 79 00:03:29,908 --> 00:03:31,475 ♪[Organ playing] 80 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,515 Hey, hey. 81 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,650 The joint is really jumping. 82 00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:41,185 Huh? 83 00:03:41,253 --> 00:03:42,920 Look, there's your buddy Mickey. 84 00:03:42,987 --> 00:03:44,888 Oh, aloha! 85 00:03:44,956 --> 00:03:47,024 Ready to hang 10? 86 00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:50,027 Yeah. 87 00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:51,596 Yeah. 88 00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:53,764 Let's go. Hurry! 89 00:03:53,832 --> 00:03:56,267 All right, I'll see you in a few hours. 90 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,806 Brutal. 91 00:04:03,975 --> 00:04:06,009 ♪[Organ playing] 92 00:04:12,183 --> 00:04:14,552 Hey, daddy-o! 93 00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:20,224 ♪[Organ playing] 94 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,097 Howdy, pardner! 95 00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:30,167 Come on. 96 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,002 What is wrong with that man? 97 00:04:35,674 --> 00:04:38,309 (Doug) So, it's outer space night, huh? 98 00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:43,314 I like it a lot better than pajama party night. 99 00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:46,684 I gotta be honest. I didn't expect to see so many negligees. 100 00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:48,653 I mean, there were a few secrets 101 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,822 Victoria should have kept to herself, am I right? 102 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:53,056 Pull over. 103 00:04:53,124 --> 00:04:54,258 I'm sorry, what? 104 00:04:54,326 --> 00:04:56,260 Pull the car over, Douglas. 105 00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,496 Arthur, we're still 6 blocks away. 106 00:04:58,563 --> 00:04:59,563 Do it. 107 00:05:03,902 --> 00:05:05,770 Look, I--I think we're in a bus Lane here. 108 00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:07,571 Douglas, look me in the eye. 109 00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,876 Hi. 110 00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:14,712 You gotta help me out here. 111 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:16,614 I can't go to that place again. 112 00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:18,282 I just can't. 113 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:19,684 Why not? 114 00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:21,452 Have you taken a good look? 115 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,455 That place is like death's greenroom. 116 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:26,857 Well, it's no Hooters, I'll give you that. 117 00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:28,926 But really, what is? 118 00:05:28,993 --> 00:05:30,127 Listen to me. 119 00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:31,929 I know this fellow named chick. 120 00:05:31,996 --> 00:05:34,131 He's hipped me to some clubs down at the docks. 121 00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:35,766 Let me go down there tonight. 122 00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,067 The docks? 123 00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:39,403 What am I supposed to tell Carrie? 124 00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:40,738 She doesn't have to know. 125 00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:43,073 I'll be back at the center by 10:00. 126 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:44,809 Douglas, I'm beggin'. 127 00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:46,910 There's a taxi stand at the corner. 128 00:05:46,978 --> 00:05:49,279 Please give me back the night! 129 00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:53,484 Go ahead. Go on. Get outta here. 130 00:05:53,552 --> 00:05:55,052 Oh, thank you, friend! 131 00:05:55,119 --> 00:05:57,187 So, you won't tell Carrie? 132 00:05:57,255 --> 00:05:59,223 Tell Carrie what? 133 00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:00,691 About our arrangement. 134 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:02,259 I know. I was doing the thing 135 00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:04,261 where I pretend to not even know what you're talkin' about. 136 00:06:04,329 --> 00:06:05,329 I don't follow you. 137 00:06:05,397 --> 00:06:06,397 Just go. Just go. Just go. 138 00:06:06,465 --> 00:06:07,732 Right, right. 139 00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:14,238 Wait, take--take off your antennae! 140 00:06:22,213 --> 00:06:24,114 Boy, some of these people really went for it 141 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:25,516 with the space costumes, huh? 142 00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:26,717 [Both chuckle] 143 00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,487 Oh, check out the guy with the oxygen tanks. 144 00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:31,522 Actually, I think those are real. 145 00:06:34,058 --> 00:06:36,627 So where's my dad? Why hasn't he come out yet? 146 00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:37,895 You know him. 147 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,963 He's probably stealing some cookies or something. 148 00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,233 (Carrie) Oh, hi, Mickey. 149 00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:45,736 Hey, you're lookin' good there. 150 00:06:45,804 --> 00:06:47,905 Oh, thank you. 151 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:50,040 If you ever get tired of your big boy, 152 00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:51,809 my planet needs women. 153 00:06:53,144 --> 00:06:54,278 I'll let you know. 154 00:06:54,345 --> 00:06:56,113 So, is my dad still in there? 155 00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,882 He never showed up. 156 00:06:59,851 --> 00:07:01,018 Funny story. 157 00:07:07,124 --> 00:07:08,858 (Carrie) What the hell were you thinking? 158 00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:10,592 He promised he'd be back by 10:00. 159 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,028 Yeah, well, he also promised 160 00:07:12,095 --> 00:07:13,830 to wear underwear underneath his bathrobe, 161 00:07:13,897 --> 00:07:16,532 but we know how that worked out, don't we? 162 00:07:16,599 --> 00:07:18,000 All right, well, he's not at home, 163 00:07:18,068 --> 00:07:19,969 and didn't leave a message on the machine. 164 00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:21,037 This is just great. 165 00:07:21,104 --> 00:07:22,138 Will you relax, ok? 166 00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,405 I know exactly where he is. 167 00:07:23,473 --> 00:07:25,107 Oh, really? Would you mind telling me? 168 00:07:25,175 --> 00:07:27,376 He's down by the, uh, you know, 169 00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:28,711 the, uh, docks. 170 00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,413 The docks? 171 00:07:31,481 --> 00:07:33,449 Oh, that sounds like a perfect place for an old man with gout. 172 00:07:33,516 --> 00:07:35,084 Where at the docks? 173 00:07:35,152 --> 00:07:37,486 He didn't specify, but he did tell me who he was gonna be with. 174 00:07:37,554 --> 00:07:38,487 Who? 175 00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:40,356 A gentleman named chick. 176 00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:41,991 Chick? 177 00:07:42,059 --> 00:07:43,926 It's a nickname. Probably short for... 178 00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:46,128 Chicken. 179 00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:48,931 I can't believe you let him run off. 180 00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,900 God, what if something happened to him? 181 00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:53,502 He can take care of himself. Will you stop worryin'? 182 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:55,238 All right, now, we'll go down there, 183 00:07:55,305 --> 00:07:57,907 we'll check out a few places, and I'm sure we'll find him. 184 00:07:57,975 --> 00:07:59,976 Don't forget to drop me off first. 185 00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:02,945 Oh, we won't, Mickey. Where--where should I turn? 186 00:08:03,013 --> 00:08:04,180 I don't know. 187 00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:07,483 You don't know? 188 00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:11,453 Well, I just moved in a couple of months ago. 189 00:08:11,521 --> 00:08:14,690 Ok, well--well, can you give me something, a--a landmark? 190 00:08:15,759 --> 00:08:17,960 I live next door to the Johnsons. 191 00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:20,096 They're colored. 192 00:08:21,531 --> 00:08:22,464 Ok. 193 00:08:26,303 --> 00:08:27,970 ♪[Jazz music playing] 194 00:08:29,106 --> 00:08:30,506 Hello, young lovers. 195 00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:31,573 [Chuckles] 196 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,009 Attaboy, arty. 197 00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:34,676 Hey, chicky! 198 00:08:34,744 --> 00:08:36,545 To life! To love! 199 00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:37,646 To the ladies. 200 00:08:37,714 --> 00:08:38,847 I'll drink to that. 201 00:08:38,916 --> 00:08:40,950 May I freshen your rusty nail, enid? 202 00:08:41,018 --> 00:08:43,152 You aren't goin' anywhere, fella. 203 00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:44,586 I aims to please. 204 00:08:47,291 --> 00:08:49,491 Hey, Carrie! He's in this one! 205 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,160 Hey, Douglas! Welcome! 206 00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:52,661 I want you to meet the gang. 207 00:08:52,729 --> 00:08:54,130 That's chick and Monica. 208 00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:55,664 How do you do? Hi, how are ya? 209 00:08:55,732 --> 00:08:57,733 And this young lady is enid. 210 00:08:57,801 --> 00:09:00,369 Pleasure to meet you. 211 00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:02,138 A delightful morsel, am I right? 212 00:09:02,205 --> 00:09:05,274 Oh, yes. She's very-- can I see you for a second, please? 213 00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:07,810 What the hell's goin' on? You're supposed to be back by 10:00. 214 00:09:07,877 --> 00:09:09,312 And I will. What time is it now? 215 00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:10,612 It's 1:30 in the morning! 216 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:11,713 Wow! 217 00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:12,881 [Sighs] 218 00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:14,783 Sorry, big guy. Truth is, 219 00:09:14,851 --> 00:09:17,619 I have something marvelous going on with enid. 220 00:09:19,056 --> 00:09:20,156 Enid, huh? 221 00:09:20,223 --> 00:09:21,157 Yeah. 222 00:09:21,224 --> 00:09:22,959 (Doug) She's not bad. 223 00:09:23,026 --> 00:09:25,828 Kind of has that worldly, smoky quality. 224 00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:29,598 So, can you buy me a little time? 225 00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:30,866 I'm gonna level with you, Arthur. 226 00:09:30,934 --> 00:09:32,501 Dad? We're dead men. 227 00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:34,170 He's fine. I told you he was fine. 228 00:09:34,237 --> 00:09:36,405 Dad--dad, what have you been doing? 229 00:09:36,473 --> 00:09:39,108 I have been worried half out of my mind about you! 230 00:09:39,176 --> 00:09:41,310 Any chance we can discuss this later, darling? 231 00:09:41,378 --> 00:09:42,644 Maybe tomorrow? 232 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,047 Have you been drinking hard liquor? 233 00:09:45,115 --> 00:09:47,116 I may have had a sip or two of a rob Roy. 234 00:09:47,184 --> 00:09:48,217 Why do you ask? 235 00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:50,519 Because you have half a liver, 236 00:09:50,587 --> 00:09:52,188 and you're on 9 medications 237 00:09:52,255 --> 00:09:54,390 that say, "do not take with alcohol." 238 00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:56,025 That's why I ask. 239 00:09:56,093 --> 00:09:57,926 Wow, you weren't kiddin', arty. 240 00:09:57,995 --> 00:09:59,128 [Snickering] Short leash. 241 00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:00,429 Who the hell are you? 242 00:10:00,497 --> 00:10:01,597 I'm chick dugan. 243 00:10:01,664 --> 00:10:03,432 Who are you, his nurse? 244 00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:05,634 No, I am his daughter, 245 00:10:05,702 --> 00:10:07,769 and we are in the middle of a private conversation, 246 00:10:07,837 --> 00:10:09,938 so why don't you go shake down the vending machines? 247 00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:11,740 Ooh, excuse me. 248 00:10:11,808 --> 00:10:13,709 That's why I like 'em post-menopause. 249 00:10:13,776 --> 00:10:15,077 Oh, I hear that. 250 00:10:16,913 --> 00:10:19,115 Listen, darling, why don't you kids head for home-- 251 00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:21,783 oh, dad, don't be ridiculous. It's almost 2:00 in the morning. 252 00:10:21,851 --> 00:10:23,952 Now, we're going home. Say goodbye to your friends. 253 00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:25,287 I'll meet you in the car. 254 00:10:26,223 --> 00:10:27,956 [Sighs] 255 00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,525 Come on, Arthur. We should-- we should get going. 256 00:10:29,592 --> 00:10:30,592 Right. 257 00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:33,662 Arty, take care of yourself. 258 00:10:34,531 --> 00:10:35,664 You, too, kiddo. 259 00:10:35,732 --> 00:10:37,666 All right. Come on, partner. Let's go, huh? 260 00:10:37,734 --> 00:10:39,335 Plenty more where that came from. 261 00:10:39,403 --> 00:10:40,469 Sure. 262 00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:42,838 The living room is filled with adventure. 263 00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:54,750 Dad, come inside! What are you gonna do, 264 00:10:54,817 --> 00:10:56,152 sleep in the car? 265 00:10:59,556 --> 00:11:00,856 Good night! 266 00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:08,864 How dare you? 267 00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:11,534 How dare me? How dare you? 268 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,802 No, how dare you? 269 00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:15,271 How dare you? 270 00:11:15,338 --> 00:11:17,940 All right, let's just get the fight going. 271 00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:20,209 You humiliated me in front of my friends. 272 00:11:20,277 --> 00:11:21,843 I got news for you, sweetheart. 273 00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:23,179 You're my daughter, 274 00:11:23,246 --> 00:11:24,813 not the other way around! 275 00:11:24,881 --> 00:11:27,849 Well, if you don't want to be treated like a child, 276 00:11:27,917 --> 00:11:29,585 then don't act like one. 277 00:11:29,652 --> 00:11:31,753 I did not act like a child! 278 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:34,457 Dad, you ran off, you didn't call, you didn't leave a message, 279 00:11:34,524 --> 00:11:36,925 you were drinking, and I gotta be honest with you, dad, ok? 280 00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,294 Your date looked like a pro. 281 00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:39,795 How dare you? 282 00:11:39,862 --> 00:11:41,464 Ok, let's not backtrack. 283 00:11:41,531 --> 00:11:43,031 I've got news for you, sweetheart. 284 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,167 Tonight was the first night I felt alive 285 00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:46,935 since you dragged me into this house. 286 00:11:47,003 --> 00:11:49,004 But you couldn't stand to see it, could you? No! 287 00:11:49,072 --> 00:11:50,272 You had to hobble me, 288 00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,174 like that fat broad in misery. 289 00:11:54,144 --> 00:11:56,678 I am not trying to hobble you, dad. 290 00:11:56,746 --> 00:11:58,847 I am trying to look after you. 291 00:11:58,915 --> 00:12:00,949 I care about you, that's all. 292 00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:02,518 Douglas, I appeal to you. 293 00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,820 Am I crazy, or did she spill my plums 294 00:12:04,887 --> 00:12:07,323 all over that barroom floor? 295 00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:08,857 Actually, I gotta tell you, hon, 296 00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:10,892 you were a little rough on him back there. 297 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,595 You were. 298 00:12:12,662 --> 00:12:14,430 All right, don't you start in on me, 299 00:12:14,498 --> 00:12:15,964 because this is your fault, too. 300 00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:17,366 My fault? Yes! 301 00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:19,335 All you had to do was drop him off 302 00:12:19,402 --> 00:12:21,303 at the senior center. Simple thing. 303 00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:22,638 He's a grown man. He wanted out. 304 00:12:22,705 --> 00:12:24,406 What am I gonna do, lock him in the car? 305 00:12:24,474 --> 00:12:26,808 Yes! You can lock all the doors from the driver's side! 306 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,010 I showed you that! 307 00:12:28,077 --> 00:12:29,545 If it didn't happen tonight, 308 00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:31,213 it was gonna happen eventually. 309 00:12:31,281 --> 00:12:32,748 I gotta be honest with you. 310 00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:34,650 I've been observing you for quite a while, 311 00:12:34,717 --> 00:12:36,185 and you've been stifling him. 312 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:39,455 Stifling him? Is that what you've observed, Doug? 313 00:12:39,523 --> 00:12:40,922 Yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh, oh, ok. 314 00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,025 'Cause I thought your view might've been blocked 315 00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:45,093 by the dorito bag you always have your head in. 316 00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:46,428 How dare you? 317 00:12:46,496 --> 00:12:48,397 All right. Anyway, what I'm sayin' is, 318 00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:49,698 just back off him, ok? 319 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:51,767 You've been running his life like a drill sergeant. 320 00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:52,868 Oh. Really? 321 00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:54,936 And--and what, you think you can do better? 322 00:12:55,004 --> 00:12:56,938 I would've made some different choices, yeah. 323 00:12:57,006 --> 00:12:57,939 Would ya? 324 00:12:58,007 --> 00:12:59,041 Indeed, I would. 325 00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:00,942 Indeed, you would? Hmm. 326 00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:03,512 Ok, ok. Obviously I'm in the wrong here. 327 00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:05,381 I mean, you think so. He thinks so. 328 00:13:05,448 --> 00:13:06,915 (Carrie) Even chick thinks so. 329 00:13:06,983 --> 00:13:08,917 So, um, you know what? 330 00:13:08,985 --> 00:13:10,852 As of this moment, I am out of it. 331 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,555 You can make all the decisions. 332 00:13:12,622 --> 00:13:14,122 He belongs to you. 333 00:13:14,191 --> 00:13:15,957 Fine. I'll do it. It's no big deal. 334 00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:18,227 Ok. Just-- that works for you, too, dad? 335 00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:21,497 Douglas would be a breath of fresh air. 336 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,232 Ok. Well, have fun, ladies. 337 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,301 Oh, we'll have more than fun, Mary Jane. 338 00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:26,702 We'll have so much damn fun, 339 00:13:26,769 --> 00:13:28,870 the neighbors will think it's weird. 340 00:13:30,907 --> 00:13:32,241 Ok. 341 00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:41,782 All right, art deco. Give me an update. 342 00:13:41,849 --> 00:13:44,518 How are we lookin' with the waffle iron? 343 00:13:44,585 --> 00:13:47,220 It would appear to have reached optimal temperature. 344 00:13:47,288 --> 00:13:50,256 Now hit me with a load of Dougie batter. 345 00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:51,525 Let's start with the waffles 346 00:13:51,592 --> 00:13:53,327 and see what happens, huh? 347 00:13:53,394 --> 00:13:56,196 Ah, the sound of good eatin'. 348 00:13:56,263 --> 00:13:57,364 Good mornin'. 349 00:13:57,432 --> 00:13:58,865 Oh, hello. 350 00:13:58,933 --> 00:14:00,734 What've you guys got goin' on there? 351 00:14:00,802 --> 00:14:03,337 We're livin' our life. Now, back off, sister! 352 00:14:04,772 --> 00:14:08,408 Easy. I'm just getting some juice. 353 00:14:08,476 --> 00:14:11,511 By the by, Douglas, I wanna take this opportunity to thank you 354 00:14:11,579 --> 00:14:13,613 for involving me in the morning goings-on. 355 00:14:13,681 --> 00:14:15,582 Oh, well, you're very welcome, Arthur. 356 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:17,250 And may I add that your wisdom 357 00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:19,319 has enriched the waffle-making process. 358 00:14:19,387 --> 00:14:21,722 Kudos on the nutmeg. 359 00:14:21,789 --> 00:14:23,623 (Arthur) I surely appreciate that. 360 00:14:23,691 --> 00:14:25,826 Oh, it's, uh, right around the time 361 00:14:25,893 --> 00:14:29,563 when my pills are usually forced down my gullet. 362 00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,832 Douglas, do you mind if I take them later, 363 00:14:31,899 --> 00:14:33,400 of my own volition? 364 00:14:33,468 --> 00:14:35,068 I don't know what "volition" means, 365 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,738 but I certainly understand "later." That'd be fine. 366 00:14:37,805 --> 00:14:40,507 Thank you for that shred of respect. 367 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:42,476 Well, I gotta say, 368 00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:45,178 this is working out delightfully. 369 00:14:45,246 --> 00:14:47,247 I mean, everything's under control, 370 00:14:47,314 --> 00:14:49,916 wafflemania's in progress, 371 00:14:49,984 --> 00:14:52,386 and guess who's got a free afternoon 372 00:14:52,453 --> 00:14:54,421 to get a manicure? Hi, me! 373 00:15:00,294 --> 00:15:02,829 Oh, look, Douglas. Scissors. 374 00:15:02,897 --> 00:15:04,698 May I run with them? 375 00:15:07,735 --> 00:15:09,770 Be my guest, Arthur. 376 00:15:09,837 --> 00:15:11,037 Ooh, look! 377 00:15:11,105 --> 00:15:13,339 I'm running with the scissors, 378 00:15:13,408 --> 00:15:16,976 and I'm not dead! Whoo-hoo, look at me! 379 00:15:17,044 --> 00:15:18,077 [Chuckling] 380 00:15:18,145 --> 00:15:19,312 Good one. 381 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,847 Oh, watch this. 382 00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:22,783 Oh, look, a fork. 383 00:15:22,850 --> 00:15:26,953 Douglas, do you mind if I stick it in the toaster? 384 00:15:27,021 --> 00:15:29,088 Actually, yes. Don't do that. 385 00:15:29,156 --> 00:15:30,724 Ok, guys, I'm going. 386 00:15:30,792 --> 00:15:33,527 Doug, don't forget to run his errands with him. 387 00:15:34,228 --> 00:15:35,295 Errands? 388 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:40,434 (Arthur) You call this a haircut? 389 00:15:40,501 --> 00:15:42,335 Where are the blond highlights? 390 00:15:46,407 --> 00:15:49,910 I don't care if your sign says "no shoes, no shirt, no service." 391 00:15:49,977 --> 00:15:51,778 I want my wind chimes! 392 00:15:57,418 --> 00:15:59,686 Sorry, Douglas. It used to be here. 393 00:16:04,058 --> 00:16:06,259 Son of a gun. Not here, either. 394 00:16:09,597 --> 00:16:10,831 Be patient, Douglas. 395 00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:12,999 It's very hard to find parking here. 396 00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:18,004 I don't care how many tattoos you've got. 397 00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:21,140 You mess with me, you mess with my son-in-law! 398 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:22,676 [Car tires screeching] 399 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,380 [Door opens] 400 00:16:27,448 --> 00:16:29,850 What a day, what a way. 401 00:16:29,917 --> 00:16:31,250 Am I right, Douglas? 402 00:16:31,318 --> 00:16:32,486 I don't know. 403 00:16:33,588 --> 00:16:34,955 Boy, I'm starving. 404 00:16:35,022 --> 00:16:37,056 What's for dinner, hop sing? 405 00:16:37,124 --> 00:16:38,992 I don't know. What do you-- what do you want? 406 00:16:39,059 --> 00:16:40,760 Cake. 407 00:16:40,828 --> 00:16:42,395 Cake? You can't have cake for dinner. 408 00:16:42,463 --> 00:16:45,198 Ok, then jambalaya. 409 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,733 I'll make you a grilled cheese. 410 00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:47,968 I love it. 411 00:16:50,437 --> 00:16:52,806 You know what? Here. Have a mini-doughnut. 412 00:16:52,874 --> 00:16:54,340 It'll tide you over till dinner. 413 00:16:54,408 --> 00:16:56,009 Don't mind if I do. 414 00:16:56,076 --> 00:16:57,276 Whoo. 415 00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:59,646 Douglas, quick question. 416 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,081 Is the room listing severely to the left? 417 00:17:03,217 --> 00:17:04,450 Nope. 418 00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:06,452 Then I may need my medication. 419 00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:08,054 You didn't take your pills? 420 00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:09,756 I-- apparently not. 421 00:17:09,824 --> 00:17:11,625 Arthur, you said you were gonna take them! 422 00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:13,960 I was drunk with freedom. 423 00:17:14,028 --> 00:17:15,762 All right, what do we start with here? 424 00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:16,963 Hang on, hang on. 425 00:17:17,031 --> 00:17:18,297 Start with the ear drops in, 426 00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:19,633 and for God's sakes, 427 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:20,700 hurry. 428 00:17:20,768 --> 00:17:22,201 Well, there are 3 droppers here, 429 00:17:22,269 --> 00:17:24,137 and none of them say "ear" on it. 430 00:17:24,204 --> 00:17:25,572 Oh, God. It's Carrie. 431 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,806 Hey! Hey! 432 00:17:26,874 --> 00:17:27,908 (Carrie) Hey! 433 00:17:27,975 --> 00:17:29,308 Everything ok here? 434 00:17:29,376 --> 00:17:30,510 Couldn't be better. 435 00:17:30,578 --> 00:17:31,711 [Gasping] 436 00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,682 Well, I gotta hand it to you guys. 437 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,651 I had a good day, and it looks like 438 00:17:37,718 --> 00:17:39,218 you had a good day, too. 439 00:17:39,286 --> 00:17:40,720 Oh, yeah. Great day, great day. 440 00:17:40,788 --> 00:17:42,822 Just gonna throw in the old ear drops now, 441 00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:44,357 and, uh, that'll be it. Whoo! 442 00:17:44,425 --> 00:17:47,060 Ok. But these are the ear drops. 443 00:17:47,127 --> 00:17:49,729 If you wanna use the corn remover, be my guest. 444 00:17:49,797 --> 00:17:51,531 I don't want to micromanage. 445 00:17:52,299 --> 00:17:53,533 [Chuckling] Ok. 446 00:17:55,970 --> 00:17:57,771 All right, hang on. Relief is on the way. 447 00:17:57,838 --> 00:17:59,472 All right, come here. Tip your ears. 448 00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:00,774 The other one, other one! 449 00:18:00,841 --> 00:18:02,208 Good. There you go. 450 00:18:02,276 --> 00:18:04,477 Ok, now we just gotta get it in there. 451 00:18:05,713 --> 00:18:07,246 Easy! I'm not a Martini. 452 00:18:07,314 --> 00:18:09,716 All right, come on, relax. I wanna make sure it's in there. 453 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,785 All right, now, pills, pills, pills. Here we go. 454 00:18:11,852 --> 00:18:14,688 All right, we got a red one, a blue one, and a yellow one. Here. 455 00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:16,522 I'm not taking big blue. I hate those. 456 00:18:16,591 --> 00:18:18,191 You gotta take your medicine. Open up! 457 00:18:18,258 --> 00:18:19,726 Dream on! Open the damn mouth! 458 00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,494 No! Look at yourself, Douglas. 459 00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:24,530 You're behaving just like her. 460 00:18:24,599 --> 00:18:28,267 Oh, my God. You're-- you know what? You're absolutely right. 461 00:18:28,335 --> 00:18:30,536 I'm--I'm--I'm-- I'm sorry, Arthur. 462 00:18:30,605 --> 00:18:31,905 Apology accepted. 463 00:18:31,973 --> 00:18:33,807 Yeah. Wow, 464 00:18:33,874 --> 00:18:37,077 I-I'm just gonna get, uh, dinner going. 465 00:18:37,144 --> 00:18:39,713 I'm sorry about that. I don't know what happened. 466 00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:41,748 You know what? Just to show I'm a good guy, 467 00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,049 why don't you, uh, 468 00:18:43,117 --> 00:18:44,584 why don't you have yourself 469 00:18:44,652 --> 00:18:46,886 another mini-- mini-doughnut before dinner, huh? 470 00:18:46,954 --> 00:18:48,254 Thank you, Douglas. Ok. 471 00:18:48,322 --> 00:18:49,589 That's more like it. 472 00:18:49,657 --> 00:18:50,757 (Doug) Yeah. 473 00:18:53,127 --> 00:18:54,728 I gotta tell you, Arthur, 474 00:18:54,795 --> 00:18:56,395 you put up such a good fight, 475 00:18:56,463 --> 00:18:58,932 it almost feels wrong to win. 476 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,134 What're you talkin' about? 477 00:19:01,201 --> 00:19:03,937 I slipped big blue into your mini-doughnut. 478 00:19:05,873 --> 00:19:07,974 You scurvy son of a bitch! 479 00:19:12,312 --> 00:19:13,780 Delightful sandwich. 480 00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,882 What kind of cheese is this? 481 00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:17,350 American. 482 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,352 Well, hats off to the Americans. 483 00:19:20,354 --> 00:19:21,688 Glad you like it. 484 00:19:21,756 --> 00:19:22,756 [Clears throat] 485 00:19:22,823 --> 00:19:23,990 So what are you, uh, 486 00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:25,625 what do you got goin' on for tonight? 487 00:19:25,693 --> 00:19:29,162 Remember my drinking buddy, chick, from the docks? 488 00:19:29,229 --> 00:19:31,665 He got a tip on a busted slot machine 489 00:19:31,732 --> 00:19:34,567 in one of those Indian casinos in Connecticut. 490 00:19:34,635 --> 00:19:36,803 It's payin' off like gangbusters. 491 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:39,405 Well, you-- you wanna go to Connecticut tonight? 492 00:19:39,473 --> 00:19:41,741 Sure. Chick's corvair is street-legal again, 493 00:19:41,809 --> 00:19:43,777 and I just cashed in some c.Ds. 494 00:19:43,844 --> 00:19:46,379 He's the wheels, and I'm the bank. 495 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:49,348 Are you-- are you insane, Arthur? You're-- you're not goin'. 496 00:19:49,416 --> 00:19:50,784 Oh-ho-ho, I'm goin'. 497 00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:52,152 Oh-ho-ho, no, you're not. 498 00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:54,688 And who, pray tell, is gonna stop me? 499 00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:56,122 You're lookin' at him. 500 00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:58,992 Oh-ho, Douglas, you are priceless. 501 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,494 For the next 8 hours, you won't be able 502 00:20:01,562 --> 00:20:03,429 to stop yourself from droolin'. 503 00:20:04,131 --> 00:20:05,131 What? 504 00:20:05,199 --> 00:20:07,167 I jammed the rest of the big blues 505 00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:08,534 in your sandwich. 506 00:20:08,602 --> 00:20:11,137 I was afraid you'd notice, but fortunately, 507 00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:13,673 you wolf down your food like a rottweiler. 508 00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:16,642 You drugged me? 509 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,679 [Snickering] 510 00:20:19,747 --> 00:20:22,248 Doesn't feel too good, does it? 511 00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:24,650 So, bye-bye, sucker! 512 00:20:24,719 --> 00:20:26,519 Enjoy the pretty colors! 513 00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:32,625 ♪[Hey Joe by Jimmy hendrix playing] 514 00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:57,951 Doug? 515 00:20:58,018 --> 00:20:59,619 Hey, honey! 516 00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:02,355 [Music stops] 517 00:21:02,422 --> 00:21:03,957 Where-- where's my father? 518 00:21:04,024 --> 00:21:06,626 Oh, he put the big blue pills 519 00:21:06,693 --> 00:21:08,628 in my sandwich, and he ran way. 520 00:21:08,695 --> 00:21:10,864 I love you! 521 00:21:10,931 --> 00:21:12,498 Stay with me, honey. Stay with me. 522 00:21:12,566 --> 00:21:14,700 Where exactly did he go? 523 00:21:14,769 --> 00:21:18,437 He went to a casino in connec-I-ta-cut. 524 00:21:19,673 --> 00:21:21,941 Ok, and when did he leave? 525 00:21:22,009 --> 00:21:25,779 Well, that depends on when now is-- the-- now. 526 00:21:27,148 --> 00:21:29,382 Ok, I was gonna take a bath, 527 00:21:29,449 --> 00:21:31,384 but searching casinos in Connecticut 528 00:21:31,451 --> 00:21:32,952 seems just as relaxing. 529 00:21:33,020 --> 00:21:34,921 I tell you, Carrie, you were right. 530 00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:36,923 You take good care of your father. 531 00:21:36,991 --> 00:21:39,558 I was bad and stupid. 532 00:21:39,626 --> 00:21:40,760 I know, honey. 533 00:21:40,828 --> 00:21:42,728 All right, sleep it off. 534 00:21:42,797 --> 00:21:43,997 All right. Ok. 535 00:21:44,064 --> 00:21:45,165 Hey. 536 00:21:45,232 --> 00:21:46,732 Great ass! 537 00:21:48,102 --> 00:21:49,169 Thank you. 538 00:21:51,239 --> 00:21:53,673 (Carrie) Yeah. This man in the picture right here. 539 00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:55,008 Have you seen him? 540 00:21:55,075 --> 00:21:56,242 (Man) Oh, yes. 541 00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:58,678 He's the one we call "little yells a lot." 542 00:21:58,745 --> 00:22:00,814 He left about 15 minutes ago. 543 00:22:00,881 --> 00:22:02,115 [Carrie sighs] 38067