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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:05,003 ♪ My eyes are gettin' weary 2 00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:07,872 ♪ my back is gettin' tight 3 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:09,740 ♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ 4 00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:13,011 ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ 5 00:00:13,078 --> 00:00:16,547 ♪ but I don't care 'cause all I want to do ♪ 6 00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:21,619 ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ 7 00:00:23,855 --> 00:00:25,890 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 8 00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:28,592 ♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪ 9 00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:35,934 (Doug) ♪ Doug, Doug, Doug! 10 00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:38,336 ♪ How do you like it, how do you like it? ♪ 11 00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,972 ♪ Doug, Doug, Doug 12 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,573 ♪ how do you like it? 13 00:00:42,841 --> 00:00:44,108 Ha, ha. See what I did there? 14 00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:45,476 I threw a little Doug in there. 15 00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:46,544 That's my new theme song. 16 00:00:46,612 --> 00:00:48,379 Mmm. Well, I, for one, am gonna miss 17 00:00:48,447 --> 00:00:50,748 yellow Doug marine. 18 00:00:50,815 --> 00:00:52,583 What's going on here, pretty young thing? 19 00:00:52,651 --> 00:00:54,285 I am making breakfast. 20 00:00:54,353 --> 00:00:55,620 Mmm. 21 00:00:55,687 --> 00:00:56,954 Come on, quit it. 22 00:00:57,022 --> 00:00:58,489 What? It's strawberry shampoo. 23 00:00:58,557 --> 00:01:00,291 They want you to eat it. 24 00:01:00,359 --> 00:01:01,825 Mmm! 25 00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:04,162 [Coughs] 26 00:01:04,229 --> 00:01:05,729 [Wheezes] 27 00:01:06,998 --> 00:01:08,032 Hair? 28 00:01:08,099 --> 00:01:09,099 [Wheezes] 29 00:01:10,502 --> 00:01:11,869 Y-you ok, then? 30 00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:13,538 Spectacular. Wow. 31 00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:14,838 Look at this mood you're in. 32 00:01:14,906 --> 00:01:16,674 You're singing, you're eating my hair. 33 00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:19,143 It's like having a little monkey around the house. 34 00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:20,844 Well, I'm happy, you know. 35 00:01:20,912 --> 00:01:22,280 Just one more week, 36 00:01:22,347 --> 00:01:24,282 and I'll be parking my butt outside in the garage 37 00:01:24,349 --> 00:01:26,116 in front of my 55-inch bad boy 38 00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:29,487 watching super bowl xxxv. 39 00:01:29,555 --> 00:01:30,754 That's 35 40 00:01:30,822 --> 00:01:33,658 to all you non-Roman people. 41 00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:35,859 Gotta tell you, Doug, I love you at super bowl time. 42 00:01:35,927 --> 00:01:38,028 You are a delight to be around. 43 00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:39,397 Hey, you have your special days. 44 00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:41,465 Your "Christmas" and whatnot. 45 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:42,866 I have this. 46 00:01:42,934 --> 00:01:45,903 I just wish the super bowl came everyday. 47 00:01:45,970 --> 00:01:48,606 So do I, Carrie. So do I. 48 00:01:49,808 --> 00:01:50,941 ♪ Soup, soup 49 00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:52,210 [doorbell rings] 50 00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:53,611 (Woman) Who is it? 51 00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:56,714 Uh, it's I.P.S. For Mrs. Susan horowitz. 52 00:01:56,781 --> 00:01:58,816 (Woman on t.V.) Now I heard that menopause can start 53 00:01:58,883 --> 00:02:00,618 when they're in their 20s. Is that true? 54 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:02,152 Hi. Hey, bath and body works. 55 00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:03,554 Someone's pampering herself. 56 00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:05,256 Good for you. 57 00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:06,557 Where do I sign? 58 00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:07,758 Oh, just right here. 59 00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:08,892 Oh, my God, that television. 60 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:09,993 Is that hi-def? 61 00:02:10,061 --> 00:02:12,230 Uh, yeah, I guess so. 62 00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:16,066 (Boy) Ma, where's the peanut butter? 63 00:02:16,134 --> 00:02:18,402 [Baby crying] It's in the pantry! 64 00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:19,937 The detail is amazing. 65 00:02:20,004 --> 00:02:21,606 Oh, please don't cry, baby. 66 00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:24,508 It's like star Jones is actually in your living room. 67 00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:26,009 (Boy) There isn't any! 68 00:02:26,077 --> 00:02:28,112 Then there isn't any! 69 00:02:28,179 --> 00:02:29,647 Do you know if they're broadcasting 70 00:02:29,715 --> 00:02:30,715 the super bowl in hi-def? 71 00:02:30,782 --> 00:02:32,250 They gotta be. Right? They should be. 72 00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:34,352 I--I really don't know. My husband's the one-- 73 00:02:34,419 --> 00:02:35,720 (boy) Ma! 74 00:02:35,787 --> 00:02:37,921 If you ask me for peanut butter one more time, 75 00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:39,690 I'm gonna smack you! 76 00:02:40,959 --> 00:02:42,526 Are we done here? 77 00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:44,295 They're talking about menopause, 78 00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:45,730 yet I'm hypnotized. 79 00:02:45,797 --> 00:02:46,797 (Boy) Ma! 80 00:02:46,865 --> 00:02:48,198 Shut up! 81 00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:49,400 Beautiful. 82 00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:57,742 (Man on t.V.) And now only 99 cents. 83 00:02:57,809 --> 00:02:59,510 I don't understand what you're saying. 84 00:02:59,578 --> 00:03:01,345 The picture looks fine. 85 00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:04,649 In fact, I wasn't in the mood for chalupa before 86 00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:06,116 but I am now. 87 00:03:07,218 --> 00:03:09,320 You just don't get it, do you? 88 00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:11,589 What's your problem? I thought you loved this t.V. 89 00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:14,625 I did, until today when I saw the future. 90 00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:16,394 Hi-def. 91 00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,128 It's like when you have a kid. 92 00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:20,230 You know, you're really happy with that kid. 93 00:03:20,299 --> 00:03:22,065 But then you have a second kid. 94 00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:23,567 And all of a sudden, you know what? 95 00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:26,170 The first kid doesn't look so good anymore. 96 00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:29,006 You have some issues with mom and dad, don't you? 97 00:03:29,073 --> 00:03:30,007 Yeah. 98 00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:36,814 I'll be right with you. 99 00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:38,148 Thank you. 100 00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:41,018 All right, listen up. 101 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:43,421 I'm gonna ask for the most expensive hi-def set they make, 102 00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:45,589 then you say, "we can't afford that". 103 00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:47,758 That way it'll look like I'm buying one for real. 104 00:03:47,826 --> 00:03:49,927 Not just buying one to return it after the super bowl. 105 00:03:49,994 --> 00:03:51,395 Why am I saying "we"? 106 00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:54,498 I mean, are we supposed to be a couple or something? 107 00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:56,033 Yeah. So it just doesn't look like, 108 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,168 you know, we're 2 dudes who wanna watch the super bowl. 109 00:03:58,236 --> 00:03:59,937 You know? We're together. We're committed. 110 00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:02,139 Maybe we bought a townhouse. Uh-uh. 111 00:04:03,642 --> 00:04:04,675 All right. 112 00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:06,711 What? 113 00:04:06,778 --> 00:04:09,213 I just don't know how believable it's gonna be, you know? 114 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,014 That-that, I'm with you. 115 00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:15,018 Well, excuse me. 116 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:17,087 I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just saying-- 117 00:04:17,155 --> 00:04:19,022 I know what you're saying. Ok, it's fine. 118 00:04:19,090 --> 00:04:20,991 Look, it's more the black-and-white thing. 119 00:04:21,059 --> 00:04:22,893 I just don't think people are ready to-- 120 00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:24,194 stop it. 121 00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,164 Ok, what do you need? 122 00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:29,367 Uh, yeah, this hi-def model right here. 123 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,101 Is this the most expensive one you carry? 124 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:33,203 Yeah, it is. It's also the best one on the market. 125 00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:34,505 It is a beauty. 126 00:04:34,573 --> 00:04:37,341 Doug, we can't afford it. 127 00:04:37,409 --> 00:04:40,110 Excuse me, there's no "we" here, ok? 128 00:04:40,178 --> 00:04:42,079 We broke up. Now move on. 129 00:04:47,118 --> 00:04:48,519 Sorry about that. He's-- 130 00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:50,821 anyway, uh, yeah, I will take it, 131 00:04:50,889 --> 00:04:53,524 and that'd be great. Any chance you could deliver it, uh, 132 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:56,927 by, uh, I don't know, maybe Sunday? 133 00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:58,729 Tomorrow between 12:00 and 6:00. 134 00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:01,164 Good. Great. Stellar. 135 00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:02,966 Ahem. 136 00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:04,702 So what's the, uh, return policy 137 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:05,969 on one of these bad boys? 138 00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:07,605 What is it, like, 30 days? 139 00:05:07,672 --> 00:05:08,773 Why? 140 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,775 You're not just gonna buy it for the super bowl 141 00:05:10,842 --> 00:05:12,242 and then return it, are you? 142 00:05:14,012 --> 00:05:15,746 Is that not encouraged? 143 00:05:23,887 --> 00:05:26,322 Carrie, someone's been parking in my spot. 144 00:05:26,389 --> 00:05:28,424 Do you have any idea who I'd talk to about that? 145 00:05:28,492 --> 00:05:30,093 Uh, did you leave a note? No. 146 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,560 Did you call the parking office? 147 00:05:31,629 --> 00:05:32,795 I'm gonna level with you. 148 00:05:32,863 --> 00:05:34,764 When I asked you, "could I talk to you about this", 149 00:05:34,832 --> 00:05:37,100 I really meant, "who could you talk to about this?" 150 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,668 Ah. 151 00:05:38,736 --> 00:05:41,237 Ok, I'll--I'll call right after I make you a raisin toast. 152 00:05:41,304 --> 00:05:42,271 Thank you much. 153 00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,442 Hey, car. 154 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:47,810 Hi, baby. 155 00:05:47,878 --> 00:05:49,345 Hi. Ah, Mr. pruzan, 156 00:05:49,412 --> 00:05:50,880 you remember my husband, Doug? 157 00:05:50,948 --> 00:05:52,281 Sure, I do. Good to see ya. 158 00:05:52,349 --> 00:05:53,950 Yeah. Remember my joke from last time? 159 00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:55,551 My name's Doug, and your name's Doug, 160 00:05:55,619 --> 00:05:57,319 so in Spain, we'd be Doug y Doug. 161 00:05:57,387 --> 00:05:59,622 Yeah. Like the actor. Great. Yes. 162 00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:02,792 Well, hey, if were named mark, we'd be mark y mark. 163 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,193 Not following you, Doug. 164 00:06:04,261 --> 00:06:05,828 Is that a person? 165 00:06:06,764 --> 00:06:08,898 No. No. 166 00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:10,533 So what are you doing in the city? 167 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,302 I was just over at the wiz, pricing those hi-def t.V.S. 168 00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:14,704 Let me ask you something. 169 00:06:14,772 --> 00:06:18,274 How opposed are you to dancing at night? 170 00:06:18,341 --> 00:06:20,276 Doug, why do you want a hi-def t.V.? 171 00:06:20,343 --> 00:06:23,279 You have a great t.V. I--I bought you the best t.V. They had. 172 00:06:23,346 --> 00:06:24,981 Yeah, in the nineties. 173 00:06:25,049 --> 00:06:26,816 I tell you, those hi-defs are amazing. 174 00:06:26,884 --> 00:06:28,818 They gave me one of those when I made partner. 175 00:06:28,886 --> 00:06:29,919 They did? Yeah. 176 00:06:29,987 --> 00:06:31,187 Beautiful picture, 177 00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:32,755 but it's still the idiot box. Am I right? 178 00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:36,325 They gave him a t.V. 179 00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:38,695 You wanna know what they got me when I got promoted? 180 00:06:38,762 --> 00:06:39,962 A cat mug. 181 00:06:40,030 --> 00:06:41,764 "Con-cat-ulations." 182 00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:45,001 He has hi-def. 183 00:06:45,069 --> 00:06:46,569 Yeah, so? 184 00:06:46,636 --> 00:06:48,637 So--so you invite him to my poker game tonight. 185 00:06:48,706 --> 00:06:51,174 Ew! No! Why would I do that? 186 00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:53,209 Hello! Brownie points for you with your boss, 187 00:06:53,276 --> 00:06:55,745 and maybe an invite to watch the super bowl in hi-def for me. 188 00:06:55,813 --> 00:06:57,546 Doug, he is my boss, ok? 189 00:06:57,614 --> 00:06:59,481 I do not want him in my home. 190 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:00,750 That is my turf! 191 00:07:00,818 --> 00:07:02,118 Your turf? 192 00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:05,454 Ok, when exactly did you become pinky tuscadero? 193 00:07:05,522 --> 00:07:07,256 Ok, can I get back to work now, please? 194 00:07:07,324 --> 00:07:10,526 I have a very serious parking situation to deal with. 195 00:07:10,594 --> 00:07:12,428 No, Carrie. You obviously don't understand 196 00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:13,629 what's going on here. 197 00:07:13,697 --> 00:07:16,532 I'm talking hi-def. Hi-def! 198 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,334 Oh, yeah. 199 00:07:18,401 --> 00:07:19,702 That means nothing to me. 200 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,604 Let me try to explain it to you. 201 00:07:21,671 --> 00:07:23,139 Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 202 00:07:23,207 --> 00:07:24,240 [Sighs] 203 00:07:24,307 --> 00:07:25,775 Are you looking? Yes, I am looking. 204 00:07:25,843 --> 00:07:27,309 Ok. 205 00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:30,446 Now if I were on hi-def, I'd be sharper and more life-like 206 00:07:30,513 --> 00:07:32,815 than I am right now, not to mention wider. 207 00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:34,350 Shut it. 208 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,652 Carrie, I'm gonna need those files when you get a chance, 209 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,787 if I'm not interrupting. 210 00:07:37,855 --> 00:07:39,255 Oh, no, no. No problem. 211 00:07:39,322 --> 00:07:41,157 No. We were just talking about my poker game tonight, 212 00:07:41,225 --> 00:07:42,792 that I need another guy for. 213 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,460 Huh. 214 00:07:46,429 --> 00:07:48,530 Well, I'm feelin' a little wild here. 215 00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,399 Dealer bets 15 cents. 216 00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:51,634 Whoa! Oh! 217 00:07:51,701 --> 00:07:53,535 You're scaring me. Ooh! 218 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,570 I'm out. 219 00:07:54,638 --> 00:07:56,072 It looks like somebody's scared. 220 00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:58,941 Whoa. Don't get the hulk angry. 221 00:07:59,009 --> 00:08:00,777 You won't like him when he's angry. 222 00:08:03,013 --> 00:08:04,247 Good one. 223 00:08:06,784 --> 00:08:07,884 Well... 224 00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:10,486 Er, I'm out. Good luck, gentlemen. 225 00:08:10,553 --> 00:08:12,088 All right, I'll take a ride. 226 00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:13,355 As will I. 227 00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:14,490 And comin' around. 228 00:08:14,557 --> 00:08:16,159 Well, this is great, huh? 229 00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:19,262 Male bonding. Just me and the guys. 230 00:08:19,329 --> 00:08:21,397 And my sister. 231 00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:23,766 We oughta do this more often, right, deac? 232 00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:26,002 Huh? Oh, right. Um, 233 00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:27,536 but not next Sunday, 234 00:08:27,604 --> 00:08:30,739 'cause that's the super bowl. 235 00:08:30,808 --> 00:08:32,574 That's right, it is. Where are we, uh, 236 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,510 where are we watchin' that, anyway? 237 00:08:34,577 --> 00:08:36,345 I don't know. 238 00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:38,247 I have to admit, it rather snuck up on me this year. 239 00:08:43,287 --> 00:08:45,487 All I know is something like that 240 00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:47,623 should be seen on a television with definition 241 00:08:47,691 --> 00:08:51,327 that's fairly high. Am I right? 242 00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:54,030 You're right. Can't argue with someone who's right. 243 00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:56,365 Ladies, wanna swap recipes later? 244 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,000 I'm trying to play some cards here. 245 00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,902 Ooh! You're a feisty one, aren't ya? 246 00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:03,172 Yeah, I'm down $3, and I'm p.M.S.Ing big time. 247 00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:07,543 So, Lou, now that you've moved into the neighborhood, 248 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:09,145 we should hit the weights together. 249 00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:10,479 Um, 250 00:09:10,547 --> 00:09:12,181 I start really early in the morning. 251 00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:14,683 Yeah, it's cool. See, here's where I'm at. 252 00:09:16,553 --> 00:09:18,520 I wanna work out, 253 00:09:18,588 --> 00:09:20,857 but I don't wanna get pumped, pumped. 254 00:09:20,924 --> 00:09:24,026 I mean, all those big muscles are gross. 255 00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:25,361 Uh, no offense. 256 00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:26,428 Right. 257 00:09:26,496 --> 00:09:28,231 See, I just wanna get ripped. 258 00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,632 You know, I'd like Mitch gaylord's body. 259 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,901 I'll bet you would. 260 00:09:34,571 --> 00:09:36,839 And the king bets 40 cents. 261 00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:40,176 Ooh. Big man. Well, I'll call you, 262 00:09:40,244 --> 00:09:42,111 and I'll raise you 50 cents. 263 00:09:42,179 --> 00:09:44,981 Mmm. I'm aroused. Ok, call. 264 00:09:45,682 --> 00:09:46,749 3 kings. 265 00:09:46,816 --> 00:09:48,084 Uh-oh! Oh! 266 00:09:48,151 --> 00:09:49,085 You know, 267 00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:50,987 all I've got is all hearts. 268 00:09:51,054 --> 00:09:53,923 Wait a minute. I do believe that's a flush. 269 00:09:53,991 --> 00:09:55,191 Ha, ha! 270 00:09:55,259 --> 00:09:57,093 Nicely played. 271 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,228 Nicely played. Speaking of nicely played, 272 00:09:59,296 --> 00:10:02,999 you know what I hope is nicely played? The super bowl. 273 00:10:03,066 --> 00:10:04,967 Who's with me, huh? Show of hands. 274 00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:06,568 All right. There you go. 275 00:10:06,636 --> 00:10:09,005 Doug, this rheingold went right through me. Where's the head? 276 00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:10,739 That's upstairs. Thanks. 277 00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:16,578 (Man on t.V.) You're watching intimate portrait. 278 00:10:16,646 --> 00:10:17,713 Rue mcclanahan. 279 00:10:18,615 --> 00:10:19,782 No, I'm not. 280 00:10:20,717 --> 00:10:21,817 [Knocking on door] 281 00:10:21,885 --> 00:10:22,885 Yeah? 282 00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,220 Hey, Carrie. 283 00:10:24,288 --> 00:10:26,155 Oh. Hi, hi. 284 00:10:26,223 --> 00:10:28,190 I was just on my way to the little boys' room, 285 00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:29,658 thought I'd stop in and say "hey". 286 00:10:29,726 --> 00:10:31,260 Hey back at you. 287 00:10:32,396 --> 00:10:34,130 It's the first door on the left. 288 00:10:34,197 --> 00:10:35,531 I can hold it. 289 00:10:35,598 --> 00:10:37,233 I gotta tell ya, Carrie, 290 00:10:37,301 --> 00:10:39,368 you guys have quite a little nest here. 291 00:10:39,436 --> 00:10:40,736 Oh, thank you. 292 00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:42,371 So, 293 00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:44,573 what time tomorrow, 9:00? 294 00:10:44,641 --> 00:10:46,442 Question for you, car. 295 00:10:46,509 --> 00:10:48,544 Is your sister-in-law seeing anyone? 296 00:10:48,611 --> 00:10:50,679 'Cause I find her delightful. 297 00:10:52,182 --> 00:10:54,116 Stephanie? I sense a spark. 298 00:10:54,184 --> 00:10:55,318 You and Stephanie? 299 00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:57,219 Yeah, yeah. 300 00:10:57,287 --> 00:10:58,955 I know I'm something of a ladies' man around the office, 301 00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:01,424 but in a couple of years, that's gonna stop being cute 302 00:11:01,491 --> 00:11:04,526 and start being pathetic. 303 00:11:04,594 --> 00:11:07,229 Stephanie's very different from the women I usually date. 304 00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:09,398 She's real. 305 00:11:09,466 --> 00:11:11,633 I'd like to try something real. 306 00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:14,203 Actually, the think is she-she's actually not that real. 307 00:11:14,271 --> 00:11:16,038 Oh God, that's funny. 308 00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:18,040 Why don't you run it past her and get back to me? 309 00:11:18,108 --> 00:11:19,608 Ok. Great. 310 00:11:19,676 --> 00:11:20,776 [Music playing on t.V.] 311 00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:21,844 Ooh. 312 00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:23,012 Facts of life. 313 00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:32,321 Hi. 314 00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,655 What's your problem? 315 00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:35,324 Aw, pruzan didn't bite. 316 00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:36,892 Now I gotta watch the super bowl 317 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,628 on my 55-inch piece of poop. 318 00:11:41,398 --> 00:11:42,531 And what's the story here? 319 00:11:42,599 --> 00:11:44,800 We're--we're building a tower? 320 00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:47,003 I'm just too sad to do dishes. 321 00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:50,539 Oh, my poor baby. 322 00:11:52,742 --> 00:11:54,076 Ow! 323 00:11:54,144 --> 00:11:55,577 You think you had a bad night? 324 00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:56,612 No. 325 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:58,114 You wanna know what I did tonight? 326 00:11:58,181 --> 00:12:00,483 I had a slumber party with pruzan. 327 00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:02,851 Yeah. We talked about relationships, 328 00:12:02,919 --> 00:12:05,754 and then we watched the facts of life marathon. 329 00:12:06,756 --> 00:12:08,857 You love the facts of life. 330 00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:10,826 I told you. I told you this would happen. 331 00:12:10,894 --> 00:12:12,628 My turf. 332 00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:14,230 All right, well, I'm sorry. It's done. He's gone. 333 00:12:14,297 --> 00:12:16,598 Ech! He kept going on and on 334 00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:18,401 asking me questions about Stephanie, 335 00:12:18,468 --> 00:12:20,036 and meanwhile, I'm sitting there 336 00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:22,771 in my pajamas with a hole in the crotch. 337 00:12:24,141 --> 00:12:25,741 It was horrible! 338 00:12:25,808 --> 00:12:27,276 Wait a minute. What do you-- 339 00:12:27,344 --> 00:12:29,345 what do you mean he was asking questions about Stephanie? 340 00:12:29,413 --> 00:12:31,247 He wants to date her. 341 00:12:31,314 --> 00:12:33,249 Oh-- it's so gross. 342 00:12:33,316 --> 00:12:36,752 I mean, it's like having a pigeon in the house. 343 00:12:36,819 --> 00:12:38,120 Wel, did you tell her yet? 344 00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:39,755 No, I didn't tell her. 345 00:12:39,822 --> 00:12:41,957 What do you mean you didn't tell her? 346 00:12:42,025 --> 00:12:44,527 I'm not telling her. This dies with me. 347 00:12:44,594 --> 00:12:47,163 Carrie, what if they were meant to be with each other? 348 00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:50,032 Yeah, what if God is using you to bring the two of them together? 349 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,069 If you don't, it's like you're doing the opposite of what God wants. 350 00:12:53,136 --> 00:12:55,637 Which pretty much makes you the devil. 351 00:12:56,873 --> 00:12:59,041 The devil. 352 00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:02,211 Ok, if anyone is the devil here, it's you. 353 00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,879 Yeah, it's me. Yeah, right. Ok, right. 354 00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:07,683 The devil always goes around trying to make love grow. Whatever. 355 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:11,287 Doug, the only reason you want to set up pruzan with your sister 356 00:13:11,354 --> 00:13:14,690 is so you can watch the super bowl on hi-def, and that's evil. 357 00:13:14,757 --> 00:13:17,025 It's not my fault that doing something nice for Stephanie 358 00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:18,360 may also work out well for me. 359 00:13:18,428 --> 00:13:22,164 I know that pains you, what with you being the devil. 360 00:13:22,232 --> 00:13:25,101 Doug, he is not right for her. Trust me. 361 00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:27,336 He is totally weird, ok? 362 00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:29,171 She needs a nice, normal guy, 363 00:13:29,239 --> 00:13:32,208 not a guy who collects marionettes. 364 00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:33,842 Who's to say who belongs with who? 365 00:13:33,910 --> 00:13:35,578 I mean, look, who'd put us together? 366 00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:38,280 Look at us? I mean, I could sit on you and kill you. 367 00:13:38,348 --> 00:13:40,282 Yet, we make it work. 368 00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,050 Ok, let it go. 369 00:13:42,119 --> 00:13:43,952 No, Carrie. You just-- you don't understand. 370 00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:45,387 My sister's not like you. 371 00:13:45,455 --> 00:13:47,022 She doesn't have a million guys after her. 372 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:48,524 Right now, she only has one. 373 00:13:48,592 --> 00:13:50,892 And thanks to you, she'll never know that. 374 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,094 Oh, my God. 375 00:13:52,162 --> 00:13:54,296 All right, so this is the way it's gonna go, huh? 376 00:13:54,364 --> 00:13:56,798 You're willing to make me feel like crap, 377 00:13:56,866 --> 00:14:00,436 so you can watch the super bowl on hi-def? 378 00:14:00,504 --> 00:14:03,372 Hey, you push a dog into a corner, she gonna bite. 379 00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:13,881 Ok, my last phys-ed question: 380 00:14:13,948 --> 00:14:17,084 Are the dodgeball and the kickball the same ball? 381 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:19,820 You can use the same ball, yeah, 382 00:14:19,888 --> 00:14:22,223 but you let a little air out of the dodgeball. 383 00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:25,125 Wow! There's so much for a gym teacher to know. 384 00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:26,627 Kudos to you. 385 00:14:26,695 --> 00:14:28,262 She also teaches junior lifesaving. 386 00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:30,531 Tell him about the, uh, buddy system. Go ahead, tell him. 387 00:14:30,599 --> 00:14:31,932 Now? Yeah. 388 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,501 I was gonna use that as my closer. 389 00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:35,135 Closer! 390 00:14:35,204 --> 00:14:36,304 That is funny! 391 00:14:36,371 --> 00:14:39,273 Whoa! We got a laugher here. Lookout. 392 00:14:39,341 --> 00:14:41,242 Can I open the goobers now? I'm starving. 393 00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:44,345 Excuse me. But you know that I save all my candy 394 00:14:44,413 --> 00:14:46,146 for the start of the previews. 395 00:14:46,215 --> 00:14:48,549 Have we just met? 396 00:14:48,617 --> 00:14:50,351 Hey, you know who's a big goober guy-- 397 00:14:50,419 --> 00:14:52,119 Arnie grant in litigation. 398 00:14:52,187 --> 00:14:53,254 He loves 'em. 399 00:14:53,322 --> 00:14:55,223 Does he? What a kook. 400 00:14:56,858 --> 00:14:58,593 I'm talkin' about the office again. 401 00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:00,261 Guess that's one of the pitfalls 402 00:15:00,329 --> 00:15:01,929 of dating your assistant's sister-in-law. 403 00:15:01,996 --> 00:15:03,631 "Assistant's sister-in-law." 404 00:15:03,699 --> 00:15:05,733 Hey, that's hard to say. 405 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,067 That is hard to say. 406 00:15:07,135 --> 00:15:08,669 Sister's-- sister-- 407 00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:10,037 I got it all messed up. 408 00:15:10,105 --> 00:15:11,339 [Laughs] 409 00:15:11,406 --> 00:15:12,473 You try. 410 00:15:15,444 --> 00:15:19,079 Anyway, we're thinking of having a super bowl party next Sunday. 411 00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:20,681 Uh, you think you'd be into coming? 412 00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:22,516 Sure. That'd be great. 413 00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:25,152 You know what, don't get too excited, though, 'cause our t.V. Ain't so hot. 414 00:15:25,220 --> 00:15:26,487 The picture's kinda grainy. 415 00:15:26,555 --> 00:15:27,988 Then why don't you and your friends 416 00:15:28,056 --> 00:15:30,057 just come over to my place and watch the game? 417 00:15:30,125 --> 00:15:31,158 Your place? 418 00:15:31,226 --> 00:15:34,161 I--I guess that would work. Ok, thanks. 419 00:15:37,098 --> 00:15:38,932 I'm gonna go get a soda. 420 00:15:42,638 --> 00:15:46,106 You know what? Get--get me an icee with an extra squirt of flavor! 421 00:15:46,174 --> 00:15:48,242 I don't think she heard you, Doug. I'll go. 422 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:49,543 Can I get you something, too? 423 00:15:49,611 --> 00:15:51,779 You look like a snowcap girl to me. 424 00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:53,080 Do I? 425 00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:54,982 Actually, I'm very allergic, but thank you. 426 00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:03,857 I think he likes you. 427 00:16:03,925 --> 00:16:06,394 Of course he likes me. All freaks like me. 428 00:16:06,461 --> 00:16:08,329 You're a real piece of work, you know that? 429 00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:11,399 You--you manage to find something wrong with every guy you go out with. 430 00:16:11,466 --> 00:16:14,101 Jonathan had no friends. Gil wasn't tall enough. 431 00:16:14,169 --> 00:16:16,437 Tony was too into his cats. 432 00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:18,806 He blow-dried them every morning. 433 00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:21,375 Look, Steph, 434 00:16:21,443 --> 00:16:24,011 there's no such thing as the perfect guy. 435 00:16:24,078 --> 00:16:27,014 The best you can do is look for someone who's nice 436 00:16:27,081 --> 00:16:28,182 and cares about you. 437 00:16:28,249 --> 00:16:29,583 But you're never gonna find that 438 00:16:29,651 --> 00:16:31,885 because you don't give people a chance. 439 00:16:31,953 --> 00:16:33,621 Yeah, I guess. 440 00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:36,724 Just go out with him for a little bit. See how it feels. 441 00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:38,225 Fine. Fine. 442 00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:40,561 How long do you think I should give it? 443 00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:44,498 Well, if you insist on putting a clock on love, 444 00:16:44,566 --> 00:16:47,368 just give it till the last Sunday in January. 445 00:16:48,537 --> 00:16:50,404 That seems like a good cutoff point. 446 00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:58,546 (T.V. Announcer) Welcome to the following presentation 447 00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:01,281 of the national football league from c.B.S. Sports. 448 00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:03,451 I gotta hand it to you, man. 449 00:17:03,518 --> 00:17:06,053 You wanted a high-def super bowl, 450 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,590 and well, God bless you, you didn't stop till you got it. 451 00:17:10,459 --> 00:17:11,992 Thanks, guy. 452 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:14,294 I gotta tell ya, these last couple of days have been a blur. 453 00:17:14,363 --> 00:17:16,731 I'm not even sure I went to work. 454 00:17:16,798 --> 00:17:18,165 I mean, look at this, man. 455 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:20,300 The pregame show has never been so real. 456 00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:24,338 It's like, ditka is pissed at me. 457 00:17:24,406 --> 00:17:25,639 You know what's really fun? 458 00:17:25,707 --> 00:17:27,575 If you close your eyes and then open them, 459 00:17:27,642 --> 00:17:30,845 it's like you're seeing it for the very first time. 460 00:17:35,984 --> 00:17:38,085 And that's the whole tour. 461 00:17:38,152 --> 00:17:40,020 It's very nice, Doug. 462 00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,322 I don't think I've ever seen so many marionettes before. 463 00:17:42,391 --> 00:17:44,558 Well, they're my family. 464 00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:49,397 I'm gonna go see what Carrie's up to in the kitchen. 465 00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:52,199 Great. I'll be here hangin' with the guys. 466 00:17:54,168 --> 00:17:55,503 Hey, what you doin' there? 467 00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,405 Oh, I'm making icing seams 468 00:17:57,472 --> 00:17:59,807 on these little football brownies. 469 00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:03,043 As soon as I finish, please kill me. 470 00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,645 You want some help? Yeah. 471 00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:07,415 Grab one of those squeezy tubes. Ok. 472 00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:09,617 So what is this, like your, uh... 473 00:18:09,684 --> 00:18:11,952 3rd or 4th date with pruzan? 474 00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,654 Yup. 475 00:18:13,722 --> 00:18:15,956 So I guess you really like him, huh? 476 00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:17,991 Oh, he-he's a really nice guy, 477 00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:21,228 and I'm really getting to like him a lot. 478 00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:22,229 [Gagging] 479 00:18:23,899 --> 00:18:25,399 What was that? 480 00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:26,700 What? 481 00:18:26,768 --> 00:18:28,536 Just sounded like you were gonna throw up. 482 00:18:28,603 --> 00:18:30,137 Me? No. No, no. 483 00:18:30,204 --> 00:18:31,739 Ok. 484 00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:33,340 [Gagging] 485 00:18:33,408 --> 00:18:34,642 Ok, Steph, I'm gonna have to ask you 486 00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:37,210 to take a step away from the brownies now. 487 00:18:37,278 --> 00:18:38,579 Carrie, I-I-I-I can't do this. 488 00:18:38,647 --> 00:18:39,947 I can't do this anymore. 489 00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:41,114 You can't do what? What? 490 00:18:41,182 --> 00:18:42,716 Go out with freako. 491 00:18:42,784 --> 00:18:45,052 He's the weirdest guy I've ever met. 492 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,655 He has marionettes sitting on chairs. 493 00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:51,224 Yes! Yes! He is a freak. 494 00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:53,160 I knew you couldn't like him. I knew it! 495 00:18:53,227 --> 00:18:56,029 What? Then--then why did you set me up with him? 496 00:18:56,097 --> 00:18:57,364 Doug made me. 497 00:18:57,432 --> 00:18:58,933 Why do you keep goin' out with him? 498 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,367 Doug made me! 499 00:19:01,903 --> 00:19:04,705 He is the devil. 500 00:19:04,773 --> 00:19:07,240 (T.V. Announcer) And those are your starting lineups. 501 00:19:07,308 --> 00:19:08,709 Doug, I really need to talk-- 502 00:19:08,777 --> 00:19:09,710 whoa. 503 00:19:09,778 --> 00:19:11,745 Doug, she needs to talk to you. 504 00:19:11,813 --> 00:19:12,880 [Meowing] 505 00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:14,047 Shut up, Spence. 506 00:19:14,115 --> 00:19:15,549 Right-o. 507 00:19:15,617 --> 00:19:16,917 I'll tell you what, Steph. 508 00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:19,520 Halftime, after Britney Spears, I'm all yours. 509 00:19:19,588 --> 00:19:20,888 Come on, Steph. 510 00:19:20,956 --> 00:19:22,756 Why don't you take a seat right here on my lap? 511 00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:25,225 No. I really need to talk to my brother right now. All right? 512 00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:28,161 Come on, Steph. Come and sit on pappy's lappy. 513 00:19:29,764 --> 00:19:31,632 I don't want to sit on pappy's lappy. 514 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:34,602 Sure you do. It's smooth like a Western saddle. 515 00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,170 I don't wanna sit on your lap. 516 00:19:37,238 --> 00:19:38,973 I don't even want to go out with you. 517 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,442 I just did it 'cause my dumb-ass brother made me! 518 00:19:42,511 --> 00:19:43,677 [T.V. Playing] 519 00:19:49,017 --> 00:19:51,184 I have a lot more girls for you. 520 00:19:51,252 --> 00:19:52,720 Gwen? Gwen from accounting? 521 00:19:52,787 --> 00:19:54,989 Everyone's had her. I'm gonna hook that up. 522 00:19:55,056 --> 00:19:56,991 So I'm just-- I'm just gonna put this here. 523 00:19:57,058 --> 00:19:58,726 You guys can nosh on that. 524 00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:00,861 You make peace with your God. You die tonight. 525 00:20:08,102 --> 00:20:09,036 All right. 526 00:20:10,805 --> 00:20:12,706 Well, we got the skirts outta here. 527 00:20:12,774 --> 00:20:15,643 Now we can watch the game without a lot of, 528 00:20:17,679 --> 00:20:20,447 without a lot of yap-yap. All right. 529 00:20:20,515 --> 00:20:24,184 (T.V. Announcer) C.B.S. Sports presents super bowl 35. 530 00:20:24,252 --> 00:20:25,686 I'm such a fool. 531 00:20:26,788 --> 00:20:28,689 Way to go, pruzan. 532 00:20:28,757 --> 00:20:33,027 You lost her because you moved too damn fast! 533 00:20:33,094 --> 00:20:35,963 Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. 534 00:20:36,031 --> 00:20:38,298 ♪[If I were a rich man by topol playing on t.V.] 535 00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:41,669 ♪ Yabba dooba dooba dooba dooba dooba dum ♪ 536 00:20:43,071 --> 00:20:44,805 W-what happened? 537 00:20:44,873 --> 00:20:46,874 He switched the channel to a.M.C. 538 00:20:46,942 --> 00:20:48,275 Well, change it back, man. 539 00:20:48,342 --> 00:20:50,544 I can't. He cracked the remote. It's not changing! 540 00:20:50,612 --> 00:20:52,012 Well, change it on the t.V. 541 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,180 I don't see any button. 542 00:20:53,247 --> 00:20:54,448 It's smooth! 543 00:20:54,515 --> 00:20:55,916 Maybe there's a panel that pops up. 544 00:20:55,984 --> 00:20:57,150 No, man. 545 00:20:57,218 --> 00:20:58,886 A lot of these are voice-activated. 546 00:20:58,954 --> 00:21:01,589 Channel, change! Channel, change! 547 00:21:01,656 --> 00:21:02,590 Channel 2. 548 00:21:02,657 --> 00:21:03,624 Super bowl. 549 00:21:03,692 --> 00:21:04,692 Welcome home. 550 00:21:04,759 --> 00:21:06,093 Super bowl. 551 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,761 Maybe it detects motion, man. 552 00:21:07,829 --> 00:21:11,231 ♪ I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock ♪ 553 00:21:11,299 --> 00:21:14,167 For the love of God! Football now! 554 00:21:15,436 --> 00:21:17,504 ♪ Screaming at the... 555 00:21:17,572 --> 00:21:19,740 (Radio announcer) Whoa! A one-handed catch! 556 00:21:19,808 --> 00:21:21,742 He's at the 20. He's at the 10. 557 00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:24,712 [Crowd roaring] Touchdown! Oh, my. 558 00:21:24,779 --> 00:21:28,381 Now that's one you have to actually see to believe. 559 00:21:28,449 --> 00:21:29,516 [Changes station] 560 00:21:29,584 --> 00:21:31,518 ♪[Spanish music playing] 561 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:43,163 (Tevye) ♪ is this the little girl i carried? ♪ 562 00:21:44,365 --> 00:21:48,602 ♪ Is this the little boy at play? ♪ 563 00:21:51,006 --> 00:21:55,676 (Woman) ♪ I don't remember growing older ♪ 564 00:21:57,979 --> 00:22:02,082 ♪ when did they? 565 00:22:03,918 --> 00:22:06,186 (Tevye) ♪ when did she get to be-- 40590