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1
00:00:03,135 --> 00:00:05,103
(Carrie)
No, dad,
that's crazy!
2
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,772
Dad, I am not driving
2 hours upstate
3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,108
to bring you
your centrum silver.
4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,644
Stop calling them your meds.
5
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,646
You can buy them at 7-11.
6
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:18,583
Well, you're acting
like a lunatic!
7
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,151
Yes, you are!
8
00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,353
Fine. You know what?
Good-bye!
9
00:00:29,428 --> 00:00:30,895
Now I feel bad.
10
00:00:31,497 --> 00:00:32,697
Why?
11
00:00:32,765 --> 00:00:33,898
Why? I just
yelled at my father
12
00:00:33,966 --> 00:00:36,635
and called him a lunatic.
That has to be wrong.
13
00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:38,469
My God. What if
something happens to him
14
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:41,305
and that's
the last conversation
we ever have?
15
00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:43,307
Then you're off the hook.
16
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,712
Damn it,
and when he left yesterday,
17
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,514
I kissed him
and I told him I loved him.
18
00:00:49,581 --> 00:00:52,684
If he was gonna die,
that would have been the day.
19
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,186
If it happens now,
I'm screwed.
20
00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:56,287
Call him back.
21
00:00:56,355 --> 00:00:58,123
No, no. It's stupid.
22
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,659
Besides, you know what?
You--you yell at him
all the time.
23
00:01:00,726 --> 00:01:03,194
You have way worse karma
than I do.
24
00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:06,397
Actually, the last thing
I said to him was
"nice haircut,"
25
00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:08,066
so I'm good to go.
26
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:13,304
[Exclaims]
27
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:24,015
[Sighs]
28
00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:28,153
Hi, daddy, it's me.
29
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:31,056
Listen, I was a little short
with you before,
30
00:01:31,123 --> 00:01:32,623
and I'm--I'm sorry.
31
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:34,826
I love you.
32
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:38,096
No, that does not mean
I'm making the drive up.
33
00:01:39,364 --> 00:01:41,532
Because I'm saying sorry
for yelling at you,
34
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,401
not the other part!
35
00:01:43,468 --> 00:01:46,771
Well, too bad.
I'm not making the drive up,
crazy man!
36
00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:58,883
I'll see you in 5 hours.
37
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,755
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
38
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,457
♪ my back is gettin' tight
39
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:08,492
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
40
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,562
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
41
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:16,768
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
42
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:20,671
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
43
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,142
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
44
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,245
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
45
00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:36,853
(Deacon)
Ok,
46
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,955
a little tip next time
you try to hook up
surround sound.
47
00:02:39,022 --> 00:02:40,423
Red goes in red.
48
00:02:40,491 --> 00:02:43,426
Yellow goes in yellow.
49
00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:45,262
You know what?
I've had enough with you
50
00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,364
and your high-tech
mumbo-jumbo.
51
00:02:47,431 --> 00:02:48,965
Can I plug it in now?
Can I? Come on.
52
00:02:49,032 --> 00:02:50,833
No. I'm workin'
with live wires here, man.
53
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:52,302
Yeah, I wanna see
your skeleton.
54
00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,070
See if you get that
chattering teeth going.
55
00:02:54,138 --> 00:02:55,338
[Imitating
teeth chattering]
56
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:57,340
Put it down.
What?
57
00:02:57,408 --> 00:02:59,276
(Kelly)
Good God. Are you two
still at that?
58
00:02:59,343 --> 00:03:00,443
It's not my fault.
59
00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:02,845
He hooks up a stereo
like a woman.
60
00:03:04,282 --> 00:03:05,982
Doug, why are we
even doing this?
61
00:03:06,049 --> 00:03:07,684
The sound on the t.V.
Is fine.
62
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,653
Does it surround us? No.
63
00:03:11,088 --> 00:03:13,323
Stop embarrassing yourself.
64
00:03:13,391 --> 00:03:14,524
[Cell phone rings]
65
00:03:14,592 --> 00:03:16,159
Oh, that's me.
66
00:03:16,226 --> 00:03:17,360
[Ringing continues]
67
00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:19,829
Hello.
68
00:03:19,897 --> 00:03:21,364
Hey, mom. What's up?
69
00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:23,700
Oh, my God.
70
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:24,834
(Kelly)
When did it happen?
71
00:03:24,902 --> 00:03:25,935
What?
72
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:27,103
My great-aunt died.
73
00:03:27,171 --> 00:03:28,171
(Deacon)
Oh, no.
74
00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:29,439
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
75
00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:30,540
Excuse me.
76
00:03:30,608 --> 00:03:32,041
Just give us a second,
you guys.
77
00:03:32,109 --> 00:03:33,943
Sure.
Yeah.
78
00:03:34,011 --> 00:03:36,045
Oh, that's a shame.
79
00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:37,113
[Sighs]
80
00:03:37,181 --> 00:03:38,181
Yeah.
81
00:03:38,248 --> 00:03:39,749
Look,
is the evening over?
82
00:03:39,817 --> 00:03:42,885
'Cause Deacon really
didn't finish up here.
83
00:03:42,953 --> 00:03:45,488
A person died, ok?
84
00:03:45,556 --> 00:03:47,490
And you're worried about
your surround sound?
85
00:03:47,558 --> 00:03:49,859
Well, it's just at this
point I have no sound.
86
00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:50,993
Oh.
87
00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,762
Come on, Carrie.
It's just a great-aunt.
88
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:54,163
It's not like
a regular aunt.
89
00:03:54,231 --> 00:03:56,032
I mean, come on
it's like wax fruit.
90
00:03:56,099 --> 00:03:58,301
Ok, any chance you could
act appropriately here?
91
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:01,070
What's appropriate?
What do you want me to do?
You want me to cry?
92
00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:04,441
You want me to
shake my fist
at the heavens? Why her?
93
00:04:06,444 --> 00:04:08,077
I don't know.
94
00:04:08,145 --> 00:04:10,213
I just think
we should be doing
something for them. I...
95
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,381
Like what?
96
00:04:11,449 --> 00:04:12,915
I don't know.
Make them tea or...
97
00:04:12,983 --> 00:04:14,283
Tea for a great-aunt?
98
00:04:14,352 --> 00:04:16,285
That is way over the top!
99
00:04:18,255 --> 00:04:19,989
Hey, sweetie,
100
00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:21,224
how's Kelly doin'?
101
00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:23,159
Uh, she's all right.
102
00:04:23,227 --> 00:04:24,828
I mean, her great-aunt's
been sick for a while,
you know.
103
00:04:24,895 --> 00:04:26,195
Still it's sad.
104
00:04:26,263 --> 00:04:28,665
Yeah, but not as sad
as a regular aunt.
105
00:04:28,733 --> 00:04:29,799
What?
106
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:31,200
You guys want some tea?
107
00:04:31,268 --> 00:04:32,902
(Deacon)
Uh...
108
00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:34,671
No, thanks.
We've got a lot
to figure out.
109
00:04:34,739 --> 00:04:36,072
You know,
travel arrangements,
110
00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:37,474
who's gonna stay
with the kids.
111
00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:38,742
Can I use
your phone in there?
112
00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:39,843
Of course.
113
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,043
Thanks.
114
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:46,549
Should we offer
to stay with the kids?
115
00:04:47,518 --> 00:04:48,785
Who, us? Really?
116
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,954
Yeah, why not?
I mean, we are the godparents.
117
00:04:52,022 --> 00:04:53,590
I just thought
we were done with that
118
00:04:53,657 --> 00:04:55,258
after we gave him
the savings bond.
119
00:04:55,325 --> 00:04:57,360
Doug, I'm just thinking
maybe we should offer.
120
00:04:57,428 --> 00:04:58,661
What do you think?
121
00:04:58,729 --> 00:04:59,729
[Exclaims]
122
00:04:59,797 --> 00:05:01,731
Hey, sweetie.
123
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:02,965
How are you doing?
124
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:05,034
He-ey-ey-ey.
125
00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:08,838
I'm ok.
We just have to go
to Chicago tomorrow
126
00:05:08,906 --> 00:05:10,440
for the funeral.
127
00:05:10,508 --> 00:05:12,842
Did you, uh,
find anybody
to watch the kids yet?
128
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:14,744
(Deacon)
No. Our regular sitter
can't do it.
129
00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:15,845
We have to keep trying.
130
00:05:15,913 --> 00:05:17,046
Uh-huh.
131
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,583
Uh, hey.
Crazy thought, you guys.
132
00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:23,185
How about
we stay with the kids?
133
00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,721
Really?
134
00:05:24,789 --> 00:05:27,490
I--I mean,
that's really
sweet of you,
135
00:05:27,558 --> 00:05:28,991
but it's just
it's a lot of stuff.
136
00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:30,660
Look, you know what?
We can handle it.
137
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:31,994
Two of them,
two of us. Right?
138
00:05:32,062 --> 00:05:33,930
Plus we're bigger,
right?
139
00:05:34,799 --> 00:05:36,265
Sure. Uh, why not.
140
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:37,366
Ok, then.
141
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,435
All right, great.
142
00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:39,536
Great. Yeah. Great.
143
00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:40,603
So, uh,
144
00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:41,671
[clears throat]
145
00:05:41,739 --> 00:05:44,073
Where are we at
with the speakers?
146
00:05:47,144 --> 00:05:49,579
I got to tell you,
this is gonna be
good practice for us.
147
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:53,049
You know, kind of like,
uh, a driving range
for parenting.
148
00:05:53,116 --> 00:05:54,383
Buy a bucket of babies,
149
00:05:54,452 --> 00:05:56,920
tee 'em up,
and see how you do, right.
150
00:05:57,822 --> 00:05:58,822
Huh?
151
00:05:58,889 --> 00:05:59,923
What's the matter?
152
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,391
They hesitated.
153
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,561
What?
Who hesitated?
154
00:06:04,628 --> 00:06:07,630
Deacon and Kelly,
when we offered
to watch their kids.
155
00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:08,898
They did not.
156
00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:10,467
Yes, they did.
They clearly did.
157
00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:12,335
Especially Kelly.
I mean it was so obvious
158
00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:14,671
that she wasn't thrilled
about us doing this, Doug.
159
00:06:14,738 --> 00:06:16,205
Her great-aunt
just died.
160
00:06:16,273 --> 00:06:18,174
She was out of her head
with grief.
161
00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:20,076
No, no, no.
They hesitated,
162
00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:21,778
and not--and not
'cause of you.
163
00:06:21,846 --> 00:06:23,780
Because of me. I mean,
I'm not a kid person.
164
00:06:23,848 --> 00:06:25,147
They--they could
smell it on me.
165
00:06:25,215 --> 00:06:26,649
I mean, everybody's
always saying,
166
00:06:26,717 --> 00:06:27,851
"oh, children
are our future."
167
00:06:27,918 --> 00:06:30,052
And I'm like, "whatever."
168
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,220
You're gonna do fine.
169
00:06:31,288 --> 00:06:32,789
No, no, I'm not, Doug.
170
00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:34,657
I mean one little nose
wiped on my blouse,
171
00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:36,960
and I'm gonna be
looking for some gin.
172
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:38,260
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
173
00:06:38,328 --> 00:06:39,863
I'm starting to get
that panicky feeling.
174
00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:41,163
Like before I fly.
175
00:06:41,231 --> 00:06:42,264
Let's not do this, Doug.
176
00:06:42,332 --> 00:06:43,933
Let's call them
and cancel.
177
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:46,302
Cancel? Carrie, this is not
a dinner reservation.
178
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:48,170
They have nobody else
to watch their kids.
179
00:06:48,238 --> 00:06:51,107
Well, I think
they should bring 'em
to the funeral.
180
00:06:51,174 --> 00:06:53,710
It's good for kids
to see dead people.
181
00:06:55,012 --> 00:06:56,513
That--that little kid
in the movie,
182
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,882
he saw--saw dead people
all the time,
183
00:06:58,949 --> 00:07:01,117
and he seemed fine.
184
00:07:01,184 --> 00:07:03,720
He wasn't fine.
He was a little freak.
185
00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:07,056
Now pack.
186
00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:12,361
Ok, I got
all our phone numbers
right here.
187
00:07:12,429 --> 00:07:13,796
Phone numbers, great.
188
00:07:13,864 --> 00:07:15,765
I labeled all the kids' food.
It's in the fridge.
189
00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:17,366
Oh, it's in the fridge?
Oh, good,
190
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:20,637
'cause that just saved me
a wild goose chase. Ha.
191
00:07:20,704 --> 00:07:22,405
Are you sure you're ok
doing this?
192
00:07:22,472 --> 00:07:25,008
Uh, ok? Yeah,
I think so.
193
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:28,277
I just wish your great-aunt
would have died sooner.
194
00:07:29,713 --> 00:07:31,147
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, sweetie.
195
00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:33,382
She's in
a much better place now.
I'm sorry.
196
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:34,984
Yo, hon, we got to go.
197
00:07:35,052 --> 00:07:36,185
Ok.
198
00:07:36,253 --> 00:07:37,754
Ok. Bye, sweetie.
Have a nice...
199
00:07:37,821 --> 00:07:39,556
Be good.
Kirby, watch out
for your brother.
200
00:07:39,623 --> 00:07:40,790
Miss you, little man.
201
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:41,891
(Kirby)
Miss you.
202
00:07:41,959 --> 00:07:42,959
Thanks again, you guys.
203
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,060
Oh, come on.
204
00:07:44,127 --> 00:07:45,428
Yeah, we owe you big
for this.
205
00:07:45,495 --> 00:07:46,563
No prob. Have a safe trip.
206
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:48,264
Hey, we should be
thanking you.
207
00:07:48,331 --> 00:07:50,132
[Doug clears throat]
208
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,333
Well...
209
00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:54,637
We're on our own.
210
00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,138
Uh-huh.
211
00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:57,273
So far, so good.
212
00:07:57,340 --> 00:07:58,374
So far, so good.
213
00:07:58,442 --> 00:07:59,576
Well, I will see you later.
214
00:07:59,643 --> 00:08:01,744
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
215
00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:03,279
You're leaving now?
216
00:08:03,346 --> 00:08:04,881
Yeah, it's one of
my work Saturdays.
217
00:08:04,949 --> 00:08:07,617
Wasn't the uniform
a tip-off for you
at all, or...
218
00:08:07,685 --> 00:08:09,052
Right. Right.
Wait. Wait.
219
00:08:09,119 --> 00:08:11,520
How about this?
How about you stay here
with the kids,
220
00:08:11,589 --> 00:08:13,656
and I'll go do your route?
Huh? Sign here, ma'am.
221
00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,792
How hard could that be?
222
00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:17,126
Honey, will you relax?
223
00:08:17,194 --> 00:08:19,495
The kids are gonna love
spending the day with you.
224
00:08:19,563 --> 00:08:23,399
Now, just show 'em
your gentle, nurturing side.
225
00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,702
I have a gentle,
nurturing side?
226
00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:29,639
I believe
it's in there, yes.
227
00:08:31,374 --> 00:08:32,441
Oh, you're gonna
do fine.
228
00:08:32,509 --> 00:08:33,776
Ok, ok,
all right, hon.
229
00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:34,978
I love you.
Bye, kids!
230
00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:36,045
Bye!
231
00:08:36,113 --> 00:08:37,379
All right.
232
00:08:44,221 --> 00:08:45,221
Hi.
233
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:50,660
Hey.
234
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:55,898
Where's my mommy?
235
00:08:57,635 --> 00:08:59,335
Your mommy?
236
00:08:59,402 --> 00:09:01,303
Yeah, where is she?
237
00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:02,438
Uh...
238
00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:05,207
Sweetie,
don't you remember
239
00:09:05,275 --> 00:09:07,610
saying good-bye
to her or...
240
00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:09,078
Where is she?
241
00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:11,781
Ok, um,
242
00:09:11,849 --> 00:09:16,452
your mommy
went to a place
called Chicago
243
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,154
because somebody died.
244
00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:19,656
What's "died"?
245
00:09:23,961 --> 00:09:25,361
I don't know.
246
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:33,169
(Doug)
Honey, I'm home!
247
00:09:33,236 --> 00:09:35,237
(Carrie)
I'm in the kitchen!
248
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:36,639
Hey, Kirby.
249
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:37,707
Hi.
250
00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:39,175
The kirb-man.
251
00:09:39,242 --> 00:09:40,843
Curbside check-in.
252
00:09:42,245 --> 00:09:45,514
Uh-oh. Uh-oh, here comes
the heffernan headlock.
253
00:09:45,582 --> 00:09:46,649
Oh, that's right.
254
00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:48,151
Oh, no.
Off the top rope!
255
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:49,618
He's in trouble now!
256
00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:50,820
Uh-oh. Oh, boy.
257
00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:52,288
[Giggles]
Is he gonna lose
258
00:09:52,355 --> 00:09:53,723
his w.W.F. Belt?
259
00:09:53,791 --> 00:09:56,025
It's gonna happen.
How do you feel?
260
00:09:56,093 --> 00:09:57,526
I have to pee.
261
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:01,764
Ok, ok.
262
00:10:05,335 --> 00:10:06,602
Hey.
263
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:08,504
Hey, so...
264
00:10:08,572 --> 00:10:10,439
No one's missing,
and you're not drunk.
265
00:10:10,507 --> 00:10:13,176
I'm guessing things
went pretty well today.
266
00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:16,079
I gotta tell you, honey,
I rock at this.
267
00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:17,914
I actually took them
both for a walk,
268
00:10:17,981 --> 00:10:20,116
had this guy in a snuggly,
little legs going...
269
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,085
Frickin' adorable.
270
00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:25,788
Came back here,
watched elmopalooza3 times in a row,
271
00:10:25,856 --> 00:10:27,489
and fielded some
very tough questions
272
00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:30,860
about Bert and Ernie's
relationship.
273
00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:33,329
Hey, sweetie,
wash your hands...
274
00:10:33,396 --> 00:10:34,797
With soap!
275
00:10:34,865 --> 00:10:36,532
Huh, huh,
do you see this?
276
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,968
It looks like somebody
got hit by the mommy truck.
277
00:10:39,036 --> 00:10:41,437
I know. I guess I always
had it in me. Who knew?
278
00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:42,772
Come on, baby, dinner!
279
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,941
I can't believe,
with all this going on,
you made dinner.
280
00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:48,077
Yep. Hamburgers,
macaroni and cheese,
and fish sticks.
281
00:10:48,145 --> 00:10:50,412
Good God,
it's Christmas morning.
282
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:57,153
Here, honey.
I'll cut this
in half for you, ok?
283
00:10:58,756 --> 00:11:02,291
Hey, look at this.
Is this a family or what?
284
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:04,193
I mean, not exactly
the way I pictured it,
285
00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:05,527
but still.
286
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,003
Ok, baby's tucked in,
and Kirby's asleep,
287
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:18,172
and p.S.,
I'm pretty damn good
with shadow puppets.
288
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,609
I mean, he was
terrified at first, but,
I got him back.
289
00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:25,079
Oh, what's,
what-- what's going on here?
290
00:11:25,147 --> 00:11:27,048
What? This is where
we're sleeping.
291
00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:28,516
[Exclaims]
Don't Deacon and Kelly
292
00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:29,884
have a king-sized bed
in there?
293
00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:32,553
Yes, they do,
and we have this.
294
00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:33,721
[Door opening]
295
00:11:35,925 --> 00:11:38,326
♪ Sealy posturepedic
296
00:11:40,729 --> 00:11:42,897
Doug, get off
of their bed!
297
00:11:43,465 --> 00:11:44,632
Make me.
298
00:11:46,302 --> 00:11:47,868
Come on. I'm not
gonna make you.
299
00:11:47,937 --> 00:11:49,570
I feel very uncomfortable
in here.
300
00:11:49,638 --> 00:11:51,105
Will you relax?
We're celebrating.
301
00:11:51,173 --> 00:11:52,506
What are we celebrating?
302
00:11:52,574 --> 00:11:53,674
That you're not gonna be
303
00:11:53,742 --> 00:11:56,644
the sucky mom
we always thought.
304
00:11:56,711 --> 00:11:59,314
Ok, but only
because you already
messed up the bedding.
305
00:11:59,381 --> 00:12:00,648
All right.
306
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:02,550
Oh, look at this.
307
00:12:02,617 --> 00:12:04,452
Dimmer switch, huh?
308
00:12:04,519 --> 00:12:06,154
Oh, we are styling.
309
00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:10,624
Whoo, whoo...
310
00:12:11,493 --> 00:12:13,027
Whoo-ahh...
311
00:12:13,095 --> 00:12:15,163
Hey, stop it. You're
making me nauseous.
312
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:16,931
You just want music.
313
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,134
♪[Music playing]
314
00:12:23,305 --> 00:12:24,638
Oh, yeah...
315
00:12:26,408 --> 00:12:28,443
I am mellow.
316
00:12:29,544 --> 00:12:31,279
All right, come on.
Turn down the music.
317
00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:32,646
You're gonna
wake the kids.
318
00:12:32,714 --> 00:12:33,781
All right.
319
00:12:33,849 --> 00:12:35,749
[Exclaims]
320
00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:37,751
So you, uh...
321
00:12:38,854 --> 00:12:40,821
Proud of your big day?
322
00:12:40,889 --> 00:12:42,323
Yeah, a little.
323
00:12:43,225 --> 00:12:45,693
Well, you should be.
324
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,097
You were so great
with those kids today.
325
00:12:49,164 --> 00:12:52,433
When I came home, and
I saw you holding major,
326
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:53,934
I don't know, I just...
327
00:12:54,003 --> 00:12:56,137
I guess I liked
the way you looked
328
00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:58,272
with a baby
attached to you.
329
00:12:58,340 --> 00:12:59,573
♪ You make me feel
330
00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:02,810
I mean, not literally
attached to you.
331
00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:04,612
That would be gross.
332
00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:09,217
I like the way
you looked, too.
333
00:13:09,284 --> 00:13:10,351
I love you.
334
00:13:10,419 --> 00:13:11,952
I love you, too.
335
00:13:12,954 --> 00:13:16,024
♪ With you tonight
336
00:13:16,091 --> 00:13:18,326
and goal!
337
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:22,030
Whoo!
338
00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:24,332
Wow, the lighting
really helped.
339
00:13:25,334 --> 00:13:27,201
[Door creaking]
340
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:28,869
What was that?
I don't know.
341
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,505
Was someone just
in the doorway?
342
00:13:30,572 --> 00:13:31,906
I don't-- I don't know.
343
00:13:34,243 --> 00:13:35,443
[Door creaking]
344
00:13:35,511 --> 00:13:37,245
Hey...
345
00:13:37,312 --> 00:13:38,979
Uh, how's it going?
346
00:13:42,017 --> 00:13:43,117
What happened?
347
00:13:43,185 --> 00:13:45,253
Did Kirby see us
having sex?
348
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,754
Possibly.
349
00:13:46,821 --> 00:13:48,022
What does that mean?
350
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:49,657
We didn't get into
a long discussion.
351
00:13:49,724 --> 00:13:50,925
Well, what did you
say to him?
352
00:13:50,992 --> 00:13:53,194
I said,
"hey, how's it going?"
353
00:13:54,229 --> 00:13:56,397
And what did
he say back?
354
00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:57,731
He said, "good."
355
00:13:57,799 --> 00:14:00,268
Oh, my God.
How could we do this?
356
00:14:00,335 --> 00:14:02,537
How could we have sex
in our friends' bed?
357
00:14:02,604 --> 00:14:04,905
What are we,
Mountain people?
358
00:14:04,973 --> 00:14:06,074
What does that mean?
359
00:14:06,141 --> 00:14:07,875
It means
it's wrong, ok?
360
00:14:07,943 --> 00:14:10,178
It means nice, young
couples from queens
361
00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:12,313
do not do it in
their friends' bed
362
00:14:12,381 --> 00:14:13,781
with their
friends' children
363
00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:16,417
sleeping 10 feet
away from them!
364
00:14:16,485 --> 00:14:19,253
I need to make things
clean again.
365
00:14:19,321 --> 00:14:21,122
Come on, what did we do
that was so bad?
366
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,857
W-we're two married,
mature people
367
00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:26,627
engaging in a timeless dance
called love.
368
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:30,298
Doug, we were on their bed,
369
00:14:30,365 --> 00:14:32,166
doing it in front
of their 5-year-old son.
370
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:33,801
And thanks to that
mirror over there,
371
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:37,004
he also got
the reverse angle.
372
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:38,573
First of all,
he's five an d a half,
373
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,308
and he knows what's what.
374
00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:41,709
He's gonna tell
Deacon and Kelly.
375
00:14:41,776 --> 00:14:43,144
That's why they hesitated
376
00:14:43,212 --> 00:14:46,214
because they knew
I'd screw up, and I did.
377
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:47,648
Why did I let you
mount me?
378
00:14:47,716 --> 00:14:50,151
Ow!
379
00:14:50,219 --> 00:14:54,122
First of all,
we don't know
what he's gonna tell them.
380
00:14:54,189 --> 00:14:57,358
In fact, look,
we don't even know
if he saw us, right?
381
00:14:57,426 --> 00:14:58,759
Right.
382
00:14:58,827 --> 00:15:01,195
Look, tomorrow morning,
we'll get up and
we'll feel him out.
383
00:15:01,263 --> 00:15:05,133
You know, we'll see
if there's even a problem
at all. Ok?
384
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,767
Ok?
Ok.
385
00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:09,803
All right.
Come on, let's get
a good night's sleep.
386
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:13,241
What are you doing?
387
00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:15,075
Hey, sleeping on a sofa bed
388
00:15:15,144 --> 00:15:18,012
is not gonna bring back
that boy's innocence.
389
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,083
All right, sweetie.
Stop moving around,
390
00:15:23,152 --> 00:15:25,620
or I'm gonna get
tape stuck to your little...
391
00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:27,655
Oops, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
392
00:15:29,158 --> 00:15:31,692
Honey, I cannot get
this diaper on him.
393
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,129
I've totally lost
my mommy groove.
394
00:15:35,197 --> 00:15:37,331
You talked to
what's-his-face?
395
00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:40,368
No. Not yet.
396
00:15:42,871 --> 00:15:44,172
Hey, buddy, what's up?
397
00:15:44,239 --> 00:15:45,673
What's going on there?
398
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,375
Hey, playing with your
little schoolhouse here.
399
00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:48,442
This is fun, huh?
400
00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:49,843
Hey, you know what
I'm gonna do?
401
00:15:49,911 --> 00:15:51,879
I'm gonna take
this pretty little
teacher here
402
00:15:51,946 --> 00:15:54,382
and, oh, let's go
with this farmer guy
right here,
403
00:15:54,449 --> 00:15:58,319
and you tell me
if you see anything
that looks familiar.
404
00:15:58,387 --> 00:16:00,621
Howdy, ma'am, my name
is farmer Jones.
405
00:16:00,689 --> 00:16:03,424
[In girl's voice]
Well, hi. I'm Mary Lou...
406
00:16:04,226 --> 00:16:05,493
...henner.
407
00:16:06,395 --> 00:16:08,329
Whoops, I slipped.
408
00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:11,566
[As farmer jones]
Well, let me help you up
with my pants off.
409
00:16:11,633 --> 00:16:12,966
Whoops, I slipped, too.
410
00:16:13,034 --> 00:16:14,935
Now we're wrestling
up and down.
411
00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:18,072
Hey, Larry flynt,
you wanna tone it down
a notch?
412
00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:20,541
Would you give it a try?
413
00:16:20,609 --> 00:16:22,176
All right.
You finish dressing
the baby.
414
00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:24,078
All right. You got him?
Yes.
415
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:26,280
Hey, sweetie,
416
00:16:26,348 --> 00:16:28,749
how are you doin'?
417
00:16:28,817 --> 00:16:32,220
Do you, uh, have any
bad dreams last night?
418
00:16:32,287 --> 00:16:34,188
Like maybe, uh,
419
00:16:34,256 --> 00:16:36,857
big scary polar bear
420
00:16:36,925 --> 00:16:38,726
on top of a ballerina?
421
00:16:40,395 --> 00:16:41,596
Anything like that?
422
00:16:41,663 --> 00:16:43,364
[Baby cries]
423
00:16:43,432 --> 00:16:44,732
I--I got both legs
in one hole.
424
00:16:44,799 --> 00:16:45,966
I don't know
what did I do.
425
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:47,735
All right. All right.
426
00:16:51,373 --> 00:16:53,474
Hey, who wants
to play a game?
427
00:16:53,542 --> 00:16:54,642
I wanna play a game.
428
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:57,044
All right.
Here's the game.
429
00:16:57,112 --> 00:17:00,581
What's the worst thing
you've seen in the past
24 hours?
430
00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:01,982
(Kelly)
Hey, guys. We're home!
431
00:17:02,050 --> 00:17:03,551
Mommy!
432
00:17:07,322 --> 00:17:08,589
Hey, you're back.
433
00:17:08,657 --> 00:17:09,690
Hi.
434
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,191
Hey, hey, hey, hi!
435
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,327
We caught an early
flight so we could
relieve you guys.
436
00:17:13,395 --> 00:17:15,095
These little monsters
treat you ok?
437
00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:16,897
Ok? They were fantastic!
438
00:17:16,965 --> 00:17:20,334
But enough about us.
How was the funeral?
You have fun?
439
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:24,037
Not as much
as you'd think.
440
00:17:24,105 --> 00:17:27,775
Yeah, death.
Not a fan
of the big "d."
441
00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:29,644
What's going on?
Everything go all right?
442
00:17:29,711 --> 00:17:31,345
Ok. Yeah.
Smooth sailing.
443
00:17:31,413 --> 00:17:32,413
We, um, we--we...
444
00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:33,514
Gotta go.
445
00:17:33,582 --> 00:17:35,316
Got to get going.
Yes! Yeah.
446
00:17:35,384 --> 00:17:36,850
You don't wanna
stick around,
have some coffee?
447
00:17:36,918 --> 00:17:39,186
No. If we're gonna
tear ourselves away
from these kids,
448
00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:40,954
it's gotta be quick
like a band-aid.
449
00:17:41,022 --> 00:17:42,556
Yeah. You rip it
right off, it hurts.
450
00:17:42,624 --> 00:17:44,358
But she's off in a jif.
We're outta here.
451
00:17:44,426 --> 00:17:45,493
Yeah. Ok.
Bye-bye, guys.
452
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,827
All righty.
453
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:53,367
Oh, man.
If bologna smelled
any better,
454
00:17:53,435 --> 00:17:54,769
I'd wear it.
455
00:18:03,011 --> 00:18:05,879
How can you just
sit there and eat?
456
00:18:05,947 --> 00:18:08,349
Kirby is probably
telling them
what we did right now.
457
00:18:08,417 --> 00:18:11,051
Yeah, but look.
They-they've been home for,
like, 2 hours now.
458
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:12,620
If he was gonna say something,
459
00:18:12,688 --> 00:18:14,455
he would've done it already,
wouldn't he have, huh?
460
00:18:14,523 --> 00:18:16,957
Wouldn't he have?
I need a pickle.
461
00:18:17,025 --> 00:18:18,926
He might have.
I don't know.
462
00:18:18,993 --> 00:18:22,463
Look, even if he did see us,
he probably forgot about it
already.
463
00:18:22,531 --> 00:18:25,165
I mean, do you
remember anything
from when you were 5?
464
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:26,667
No. Not now.
465
00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:29,603
But he's still 5.
You don't forget instantly.
466
00:18:30,672 --> 00:18:32,373
[Telephone ringing]
467
00:18:32,441 --> 00:18:33,541
Oh, my God. That's them.
468
00:18:33,608 --> 00:18:35,343
I know it's them.
I can tell by the ring.
469
00:18:35,410 --> 00:18:36,844
It's an angry ring.
470
00:18:36,911 --> 00:18:39,046
[Ringing continues]
471
00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:50,725
Yes.
472
00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:53,661
Oh. You know what?
We're not interested
right now. Ok.
473
00:18:53,729 --> 00:18:54,729
Thank you.
474
00:18:54,796 --> 00:18:55,963
Who was it?
475
00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:58,031
Someone selling
a subscription
476
00:18:58,099 --> 00:18:59,734
to teen people.
477
00:19:00,268 --> 00:19:01,201
Oh.
478
00:19:02,971 --> 00:19:05,406
Why'd you say we
weren't interested?
479
00:19:08,677 --> 00:19:11,278
You know teen people'snumber by heart?
480
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:17,150
I am not calling
teen people,
481
00:19:17,218 --> 00:19:19,720
I am calling
Deacon and Kelly.
482
00:19:19,788 --> 00:19:21,389
Oh, come on.
Why are you calling them?
483
00:19:21,456 --> 00:19:23,791
Doug, I--I can't stand this.
I need to know if they know.
484
00:19:23,859 --> 00:19:26,427
Ca-Carrie, if you want this
to go away,
then don't pick at it.
485
00:19:26,495 --> 00:19:27,895
Yeah. Let me pick.
486
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,565
Hey, kel, how you doing?
487
00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:33,166
Yeah, uh, we just
wanted to call
488
00:19:33,234 --> 00:19:34,602
and see how the kids
were doing.
489
00:19:34,669 --> 00:19:36,704
'Cause we miss them
so much.
490
00:19:37,439 --> 00:19:38,572
Mmm-hmm.
491
00:19:40,375 --> 00:19:42,309
Really?
492
00:19:42,377 --> 00:19:45,078
Ok! Well--well,
then we'll see you there.
493
00:19:45,146 --> 00:19:47,681
Ok. Bye-bye.
494
00:19:47,749 --> 00:19:50,183
They want to take us
to dinner tonight.
495
00:19:50,251 --> 00:19:51,385
To thank us.
496
00:19:51,453 --> 00:19:52,753
Hey! There you go.
497
00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:55,489
You don't take perverts
to dinner, right?
498
00:19:56,991 --> 00:19:59,593
I know I don't.
499
00:19:59,661 --> 00:20:01,361
See that?
It all worked out fine.
500
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:02,963
He saw us.
He didn't see us.
501
00:20:03,031 --> 00:20:05,699
It doesn't matter.
He kept his
little trap shut.
502
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:08,135
And then this one says,
503
00:20:08,202 --> 00:20:09,336
"my shirt's dirty.
504
00:20:09,404 --> 00:20:11,839
We need to put it in
the whooshing machine."
505
00:20:11,907 --> 00:20:13,441
See, he meant to say
washing machine.
506
00:20:13,508 --> 00:20:16,744
He didn't say that though.
He's hilarious. Hilarious.
507
00:20:16,812 --> 00:20:18,612
Hey, buddy,
want some more
of my ice cream?
508
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,714
Uh, you guys
have been generous
with your desserts,
509
00:20:20,782 --> 00:20:22,382
but I think
he's had enough.
510
00:20:22,451 --> 00:20:25,085
Oh, he deserves it,
just for being so cute
and yummy.
511
00:20:25,153 --> 00:20:26,954
He's not so cute
when he's vomiting.
512
00:20:27,021 --> 00:20:28,522
Ok.
513
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:30,390
Hey, what you drawing
there, kirb?
514
00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:32,259
A picture of
Doug and Carrie.
515
00:20:32,327 --> 00:20:35,696
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Love him.
516
00:20:35,764 --> 00:20:38,231
And what they were doing
last night.
517
00:20:40,535 --> 00:20:42,736
Oh, uh, we don't really need
another picture.
518
00:20:42,804 --> 00:20:45,205
Yeah. You know, we got
pictures up the butt.
519
00:20:45,273 --> 00:20:46,340
You know what I'm sayin'?
520
00:20:46,407 --> 00:20:47,741
We do.
521
00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:49,176
Yeah, but not
from my child.
522
00:20:49,243 --> 00:20:50,811
He signs and numbers
each one.
523
00:20:50,879 --> 00:20:52,780
Hey, bet you can't do
an outline of my hand.
524
00:20:52,848 --> 00:20:54,448
I don't want to.
525
00:20:54,516 --> 00:20:56,283
Go ahead,
try it. Do it.
Color it in red.
526
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:57,885
Make a little Turkey
out of it.
Gobble, gobble.
527
00:20:57,953 --> 00:20:59,620
Would you
let the boy draw
his picture, man?
528
00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:00,855
All right. All right.
529
00:21:00,922 --> 00:21:02,556
I heard drawing
makes you gay.
530
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:05,693
What?
531
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,395
It's true. It happened
to my friend bill.
532
00:21:08,463 --> 00:21:11,098
Hey, you guys have been
acting very weird
since we got back.
533
00:21:11,165 --> 00:21:12,700
What's the deal?
534
00:21:14,235 --> 00:21:16,036
All right, then. The...
535
00:21:16,104 --> 00:21:18,171
T-the truth is, uh,
536
00:21:18,239 --> 00:21:19,773
we have something
to tell you,
537
00:21:19,841 --> 00:21:22,175
and, uh, this
is difficult for us.
538
00:21:23,344 --> 00:21:25,312
He makes things up.
539
00:21:28,683 --> 00:21:31,284
It-it's true,
like his drawings,
540
00:21:31,352 --> 00:21:32,419
uh, for instance.
541
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:33,687
Usually they're like the--
542
00:21:33,755 --> 00:21:36,824
the opposite
of what actually happened.
543
00:21:36,892 --> 00:21:38,225
Done, mommy.
544
00:21:38,292 --> 00:21:39,459
[Sighs]
545
00:21:46,067 --> 00:21:47,868
We're gonna take this.
546
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,374
So I'm guessing
this wouldn't be
appropriate
547
00:21:54,442 --> 00:21:56,476
to hang on our fridge.
548
00:21:56,545 --> 00:21:57,778
I wouldn't mind.
549
00:21:57,846 --> 00:22:00,614
You'll notice he was
very generous with me.
550
00:22:00,682 --> 00:22:01,916
I noticed.
551
00:22:01,983 --> 00:22:02,950
Ouch.
38153
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