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1
00:00:18,450 --> 00:00:19,517
What the...
2
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:23,855
Thank you.
3
00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:30,495
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
4
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:33,732
Great.
5
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:42,507
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing with that?
6
00:00:42,574 --> 00:00:44,709
Just watchin'
the sunlight hit it.
7
00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:48,279
That is for tomorrow.
8
00:00:48,347 --> 00:00:50,481
But I'm hungry. I'm
just gonna take a leg.
9
00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:52,951
Doug, we are having
guests for Thanksgiving,
10
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:56,354
and I am not serving
them a one-legged Turkey.
11
00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:58,422
Oh, what a Turkey
can't be handicapped?
12
00:00:58,490 --> 00:01:00,692
What, you got
some kind of problem?
13
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:05,296
Come on, I will find you
something in there
that is good, ok?
14
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,565
Here we go.
Let's see...
15
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:10,935
Ok, you can't have that.
Mashed potatoes, no.
16
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,603
Yams, no.
Pie, no.
17
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,939
Ok, you know what?
You name one more thing
I can't have,
18
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:16,708
and I'm gonna
bukaw you!
19
00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:19,610
Call it.
20
00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,647
I'm sorry. I don't think
there's anything in here
that you can have.
21
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:24,315
How about stuffing?
A little stuffing.
22
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:25,817
Come on, I love you.
23
00:01:28,353 --> 00:01:29,754
No.
24
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:32,223
It's stuffing. You can't tell
if stuffing's missing.
25
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,927
I'll remold it,
I'll even it out.
26
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,563
Hey, look at me.
No one has to know.
27
00:01:40,499 --> 00:01:43,234
Ah, ah, ah,
look--look it here.
28
00:01:43,302 --> 00:01:46,037
I found something
that you can have.
29
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:49,607
Oh, lunchables.
Oh, this is--
this is great.
30
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:51,576
You know why?
'Cause it's like lunch,
31
00:01:51,643 --> 00:01:54,145
only a lot smaller.
This is-- this is
going to be perfect.
32
00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:56,014
Thank you very much.
33
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,349
There we go. Hmm.
34
00:01:59,484 --> 00:02:00,418
Mmm.
35
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:07,759
I'm stuffed!
36
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:11,796
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
37
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:14,532
♪ my back is gettin' tight
38
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,567
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
39
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,637
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
40
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:24,976
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
41
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:28,880
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
42
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,617
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
43
00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:35,653
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
44
00:02:44,695 --> 00:02:47,730
Uh, I, for one,
am stuffed.
45
00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:49,266
[Yawns]
46
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:50,567
[Whoops]
47
00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:53,970
Thanksgiving, man.
Not a good day to be my pants.
48
00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:58,841
There aren't a lot
of real good days.
49
00:03:00,678 --> 00:03:03,079
That's nice, very nice,
after we just fed you.
50
00:03:03,147 --> 00:03:05,315
Carrie, the food
was unbelievable.
Oh, excellent.
51
00:03:05,383 --> 00:03:07,384
(Kelly)
Yes, honey, it was
delicious. Thank you.
52
00:03:07,451 --> 00:03:10,887
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the good folks
at "holiday in a box."
53
00:03:10,954 --> 00:03:13,022
Yeah, but who went
and picked it up?
54
00:03:13,090 --> 00:03:15,792
Actually, they--they
dropped it off.
55
00:03:15,859 --> 00:03:18,428
Well, come on, girl,
who re-heated it?
56
00:03:18,496 --> 00:03:21,464
That's true, I did.
Ok, ok, pride is back.
57
00:03:23,634 --> 00:03:26,336
Ah, you know
the food is good
58
00:03:26,404 --> 00:03:29,206
when it knocks
a man out cold.
59
00:03:29,273 --> 00:03:31,174
Hey, you wanna stick
his hand in warm water,
60
00:03:31,242 --> 00:03:32,809
see if we can
make him pee?
61
00:03:32,876 --> 00:03:34,711
Yeah.
62
00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:37,747
It'll be nice to be
on the other end
of that for once.
63
00:03:37,815 --> 00:03:39,082
Even if it does work,
64
00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:41,351
aren't you just going to be
ruining your own couch?
65
00:03:41,419 --> 00:03:43,253
A good point,
good point.
66
00:03:43,321 --> 00:03:44,854
Let's see here.
67
00:03:44,922 --> 00:03:47,457
Oh, this is perfect.
This is great.
68
00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:51,261
[Doug chuckling]
69
00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:53,830
Oh, man.
Shh!
70
00:03:53,897 --> 00:03:55,699
[Snickering]
I'm sorry.
71
00:04:01,472 --> 00:04:03,139
It's funny, right?
72
00:04:04,108 --> 00:04:05,208
[Laughing]
73
00:04:05,276 --> 00:04:07,544
Actually, my kid could
look exactly like that.
74
00:04:10,548 --> 00:04:13,383
Doug, what the hell are
you doing to him?
75
00:04:13,451 --> 00:04:15,585
We're just dressin' him up
like a big baby, relax.
76
00:04:15,653 --> 00:04:16,720
Stop it!
77
00:04:16,787 --> 00:04:18,555
Just killin' time
till dessert.
78
00:04:18,623 --> 00:04:20,690
Doug, it's Thanksgiving.
Could you be nice?
79
00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:23,226
I think I have a right
to mess with him
on Thanksgiving.
80
00:04:23,294 --> 00:04:24,327
Dessert's up.
81
00:04:24,395 --> 00:04:25,862
What are you
talking about?
82
00:04:25,929 --> 00:04:27,797
Are you kidding me?
Remember how he tortured me
83
00:04:27,865 --> 00:04:29,198
the first Thanksgiving
I met him?
84
00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,567
My God,
it was hell.
85
00:04:30,635 --> 00:04:33,002
I remember Thanksgiving
very well. It was a great day.
86
00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:36,506
It was the first time
I--I got the nerve up
to tell you "I love you."
87
00:04:36,574 --> 00:04:37,707
Got the nerve up?
88
00:04:37,775 --> 00:04:39,743
It wasn't so hard
after I told you.
89
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:42,412
What? You think
you told me first?
90
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,846
Si, senorita.
91
00:04:43,914 --> 00:04:46,949
Uh, I think
I told you first, senor.
92
00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:49,819
Ok, you know what?
Don't go Spanish.
I went Spanish.
93
00:04:50,821 --> 00:04:52,054
Spanish?
94
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,661
That got you up?
95
00:04:57,728 --> 00:04:59,862
You know what?
Dad will know.
96
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,698
Dad, do you remember
meeting, uh, Doug
97
00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:03,300
for the first time
on Thanksgiving?
98
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,935
Of course I remember
meeting Doug.
99
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:08,137
I believe it was
Thanksgiving.
100
00:05:11,442 --> 00:05:14,511
Daddy, we're going to
the Thanksgiving party now.
101
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,179
Have fun, sweetheart.
102
00:05:16,647 --> 00:05:17,614
Hey!
103
00:05:17,682 --> 00:05:19,816
You touch one hair
on her head,
104
00:05:19,883 --> 00:05:22,552
I'll gut you like a fish.
Now scram!
105
00:05:26,256 --> 00:05:30,226
Dad, that was Donny peacock,
and we were 8 years old.
106
00:05:30,294 --> 00:05:32,662
And he ran out
of the house crying.
107
00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:36,633
I am talking about
meeting Doug on Thanksgiving.
108
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:38,167
You don't remember?
109
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:47,610
I'll take
the Thanksgiving special,
kimiko.
110
00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:49,479
Yes, Arthur-San.
111
00:05:54,117 --> 00:05:55,985
No, that couldn't
be the one.
112
00:05:58,589 --> 00:06:02,625
Dad, 1993, I had been
dating Doug a few months,
113
00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:05,495
you were still married
to lily. You remember?
114
00:06:11,235 --> 00:06:12,268
[Exclaims]
115
00:06:12,336 --> 00:06:13,570
[Both laugh]
116
00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:17,374
Here you go,
a little taste
of what's coming.
117
00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:19,876
Delicious,
as are you, my lady.
118
00:06:19,943 --> 00:06:20,943
Ah.
119
00:06:21,011 --> 00:06:22,545
[Moaning]
120
00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:24,581
Guys, guys,
guys, guys!
121
00:06:24,648 --> 00:06:26,616
My boyfriend's gonna be here
any minute,
122
00:06:26,684 --> 00:06:29,619
and we're not close
to ready. Any chance
we can get dinner going
123
00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:32,489
before you guys
get to 3rd base?
124
00:06:32,556 --> 00:06:35,458
You heard her,
get off.
125
00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:38,728
So, uh, who is this,
uh, happerman fellow?
126
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:41,030
Heffernan, dad,
Doug heffernan.
127
00:06:41,098 --> 00:06:43,299
He's the guy I've been
dating for 6 months.
128
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:45,001
Any relation
to Lou heffernan?
129
00:06:45,068 --> 00:06:46,669
I don't know. Uh,
where's the ladle?
130
00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:49,672
Oh, wouldn't that be funny
if they were related, huh?
131
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,041
Yes, that would be
very, very funny, lily.
132
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:53,843
Listen, um,
by the way, you guys,
133
00:06:53,911 --> 00:06:56,479
I took down
your naked poster
of John and yoko.
134
00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,715
Please don't
fight me on that.
135
00:06:58,783 --> 00:07:01,584
So, what is this young man's
line of work, anyway?
136
00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:04,053
Uh, he's training to be
a driver at I.P.S.
137
00:07:04,622 --> 00:07:05,955
Whoa, boy.
138
00:07:06,757 --> 00:07:08,691
Dad, it's a good job.
139
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:12,361
Yeah, it's a swell job,
until they invent a machine
to do it.
140
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:13,863
Come on, who are
you to talk?
141
00:07:13,931 --> 00:07:15,865
You Polish bowling balls
for a living.
142
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:17,867
I Polish and engrave them.
143
00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:20,069
Show me the machine
that can do that.
144
00:07:20,905 --> 00:07:22,772
Leave her alone,
Arthur.
145
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,375
I'm glad she finally found
a boy she's serious about.
146
00:07:26,444 --> 00:07:28,611
Has he told you
he loves you yet?
147
00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:30,513
Oh, not yet.
He's not the, uh,
148
00:07:30,581 --> 00:07:32,649
say-I-love-you-out-loud
type of guy.
149
00:07:32,716 --> 00:07:33,750
Hmm.
150
00:07:33,818 --> 00:07:36,052
Well, I know I'm
not your mother, dear,
151
00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:38,888
but may I still offer you
a word of advice?
152
00:07:38,956 --> 00:07:40,690
Oh, sure.
153
00:07:40,758 --> 00:07:42,592
If you wanna make a sale,
154
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:45,428
you gotta let the customer
sample the merchandise.
155
00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:51,734
Absolutely. I will do him
in his car tonight.
156
00:07:53,471 --> 00:07:54,771
Leave her alone,
lily.
157
00:07:54,839 --> 00:07:57,073
Just because you gave it away,
doesn't mean she should.
158
00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,208
Well, I wouldn't have
if you hadn't been
159
00:07:59,276 --> 00:08:01,177
so damn good at the mambo.
160
00:08:01,244 --> 00:08:02,178
[Exclaims]
161
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,547
♪[Both scatting]
162
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:07,750
Guys, guys,
stop that.
163
00:08:07,818 --> 00:08:10,820
Dad, ok, ok. Let me
explain something here. Ok?
164
00:08:10,888 --> 00:08:13,623
I--I really, really
like this guy
165
00:08:13,691 --> 00:08:15,825
and I've put off having him
meet you for 6 months,
166
00:08:15,893 --> 00:08:18,595
but at this point,
I'm running out of excuses.
167
00:08:18,662 --> 00:08:20,296
So if you two could,
168
00:08:20,364 --> 00:08:23,132
I don't know, maybe,
imitate normal people,
169
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,635
just for today, I would
really appreciate it.
170
00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:28,004
Because Doug is
very, very special.
171
00:08:30,708 --> 00:08:32,241
Gotcha.
Damn.
172
00:08:32,309 --> 00:08:35,211
Oh! It's worth
the mini-puke
to be the best.
173
00:08:35,278 --> 00:08:36,779
See, that's where
we're different.
174
00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:38,414
I'm not that committed.
175
00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:42,018
Hello, Douglas!
176
00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:43,319
Hey, man!
Hey, this is the guy
177
00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:44,854
I was telling you about
from work.
178
00:08:44,922 --> 00:08:46,589
Uh, Deacon Palmer,
Spence olchin.
179
00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:47,724
At your service.
180
00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:48,892
Word up, Spence.
181
00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:51,861
Oh, most people call me
"the spencenator."
182
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:54,497
So, Doug, are you nervous
about meeting Carrie's family?
183
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:55,698
Yeah, I kind of am,
you know?
184
00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:57,500
I thought I would've
met 'em sooner,
185
00:08:57,568 --> 00:09:01,103
but, uh, apparently they spend
a lot of time in the orient.
186
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,239
So you guys are
startin' to get serious.
187
00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:05,742
I think so. I think so.
188
00:09:05,809 --> 00:09:08,945
Oh. Have you said
the "l" word yet?
189
00:09:09,647 --> 00:09:10,780
Not yet.
190
00:09:10,848 --> 00:09:12,314
It's cocked and loaded,
though.
191
00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:14,050
Today could be
the day.
192
00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:16,318
You're gonna tell her
you love her? Wow.
193
00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:18,287
The only time I heard
you use that word
194
00:09:18,355 --> 00:09:22,124
was talking about
pork snacks and mookie Wilson.
195
00:09:22,192 --> 00:09:24,861
Well, Carrie's about to join
that exclusive club.
196
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:25,929
Ho-ho-ho.
197
00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:26,996
♪ Do-do-do-do
198
00:09:27,064 --> 00:09:28,464
♪ Doug and Carrie
199
00:09:28,532 --> 00:09:29,999
♪ can't touch them
200
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:38,808
ok, this baby
is ready for action.
201
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:41,044
Good heavens, we've got
a lot of food here.
202
00:09:41,111 --> 00:09:42,912
Hope your Doug fellow
likes to eat.
203
00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:45,448
I think we're good.
204
00:09:45,515 --> 00:09:48,150
Oh, Arthur, I told you,
2 hours ago, to clean up
205
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:50,019
all these boat brochures.
206
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:51,320
Well, I'm sorry,
207
00:09:51,388 --> 00:09:53,322
but I'm right on the verge
of a decision.
208
00:09:53,390 --> 00:09:54,457
Stop it, Arthur.
209
00:09:54,524 --> 00:09:56,059
We are not buying a boat.
210
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:57,594
Oh, come on,
lily darling.
211
00:09:57,661 --> 00:10:00,029
I even have a name
all picked out for her.
212
00:10:00,097 --> 00:10:01,497
The lily darling.
213
00:10:04,134 --> 00:10:06,302
♪[Music playing
on car stereo]
214
00:10:08,739 --> 00:10:11,173
♪ Know what I mean
215
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:13,275
Arthur, you are
such a dreamer!
216
00:10:13,343 --> 00:10:15,979
I am not. All I have to do
is go to the bank, get a loan,
217
00:10:16,046 --> 00:10:19,281
and 5 minutes later,
I'm capt. Arty
of the lily darling.
218
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:21,818
It is not that simple
to get a loan, Arthur.
219
00:10:21,885 --> 00:10:23,720
Boats are very expensive.
220
00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:25,287
Oh, I see.
221
00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:28,091
So is this your way
of rubbing the bankruptcy
in my face?
222
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:31,360
[Birds chirping]
223
00:10:32,963 --> 00:10:36,666
♪ Saw her picture
in a magazine ♪
224
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:38,735
♪ ba dum, dum
225
00:10:38,802 --> 00:10:41,237
why don't you go back
to the street corner
where I found you?
226
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:42,605
I was waiting
for the bus!
227
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:44,707
Whatever helps you
sleep at night!
228
00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:50,513
(Carrie)
Dad, get out
of the bathroom, now!
229
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:52,649
(Arthur)
No! She's violent!
230
00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:54,483
(Lily)
He's a moron!
231
00:10:54,551 --> 00:10:56,485
(Arthur)
She shaves her lip!
232
00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,521
(Lily)
His nipples don't match!
233
00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:05,995
(Carrie)
You're insane!
234
00:11:06,063 --> 00:11:07,530
(Arthur)
I heard that!
235
00:11:10,534 --> 00:11:12,501
(Carrie)
Crap, he's here!
236
00:11:12,569 --> 00:11:13,636
(Lily)
I'll get it!
237
00:11:13,704 --> 00:11:14,837
(Carrie)
Don't get it!
238
00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:16,338
(Lily)
I have to get it!
239
00:11:16,406 --> 00:11:19,175
The poor schmo is standing
right on the porch!
240
00:11:21,211 --> 00:11:23,245
Hi, you must
be Doug.
241
00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:24,580
One sec, hon.
242
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:29,552
(Lily)
He's here! Now get out
of the freakin' crapper!
243
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,691
Dad, will you
just come out?
244
00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:36,159
(Arthur)
Not until she apologizes.
245
00:11:36,226 --> 00:11:38,527
Lily, just apologize.
You don't have to mean it,
246
00:11:38,595 --> 00:11:39,996
just say the words.
247
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,867
All right. I'm sorry!
248
00:11:44,935 --> 00:11:46,102
Did you hear that, daddy?
249
00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:48,104
She said she's sorry.
That's so sweet of her.
250
00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:49,205
Now come on out.
251
00:11:49,272 --> 00:11:50,506
(Arthur)
Are we getting a boat?
252
00:11:50,574 --> 00:11:51,640
Just say yes.
253
00:11:51,709 --> 00:11:53,576
The second lie
is always easier.
254
00:12:00,617 --> 00:12:02,218
Yes! We can get a boat.
255
00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:03,652
Ah! Do you hear that, dad?
256
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:05,154
You're gonna get your boat.
257
00:12:05,222 --> 00:12:06,856
(Arthur)
And a jet ski!
258
00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:08,224
A jet ski!
259
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:09,325
Oh, God.
260
00:12:09,392 --> 00:12:11,327
You're insane! You're
not gonna get anything,
261
00:12:11,394 --> 00:12:12,995
you little pain
in the ass!
262
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:15,431
I hope you stay in
that bathroom forever!
263
00:12:15,498 --> 00:12:16,565
(Arthur)
Maybe I will.
264
00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:17,767
And by the way,
265
00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:20,069
I am currently
making a lewd gesture!
266
00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,605
[Doorbell rings]
267
00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:25,007
Oh, you,
miserable old people!
268
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:27,376
I can't believe
you're doing this to me!
269
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,013
[Pants]
270
00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:40,322
[Car door slams]
271
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:41,924
[Car engine starting]
272
00:12:42,592 --> 00:12:43,525
Carrie?
273
00:12:43,593 --> 00:12:45,261
[Car engine accelerating]
274
00:12:45,863 --> 00:12:46,963
Doug!
275
00:12:47,030 --> 00:12:49,565
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
276
00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:51,300
Come in, please,
will you?
277
00:13:19,261 --> 00:13:20,227
So...
278
00:13:20,295 --> 00:13:21,663
Yeah!
279
00:13:21,730 --> 00:13:23,798
How are you enjoying
the food, dear?
280
00:13:23,866 --> 00:13:25,433
Oh. It's--it's great.
Thanks.
281
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,169
Oh, thank you so much for
bringing these buffalo wings.
282
00:13:28,236 --> 00:13:30,605
They look delicious.
283
00:13:30,673 --> 00:13:33,307
No problem. Uh, they're
from, uh, Cooper's.
284
00:13:33,375 --> 00:13:35,677
They're--they're famous
for their wings.
285
00:13:37,012 --> 00:13:38,880
Half of these are hot,
286
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,515
the other half are mild.
287
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:42,617
I didn't know
what you guys liked.
288
00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:50,024
I like hot.
289
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:52,927
I like mild.
290
00:13:52,995 --> 00:13:54,462
Hey, that's--
that's what makes
the world go round, huh?
291
00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:56,163
[Both laugh]
292
00:13:56,231 --> 00:13:57,632
Question for you:
Is Carrie coming back
at any point?
293
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,501
Oh, of course she is!
294
00:13:59,568 --> 00:14:02,169
I think she's having
a visit from her aunt flo.
295
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:07,642
So, how would you like
a nice warm biscuit?
296
00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:08,710
Ok. Yeah, sure.
297
00:14:08,777 --> 00:14:10,111
Be back in a jiff.
298
00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,286
(Arthur)
Is the bitch gone?
299
00:14:24,192 --> 00:14:26,594
Did someone--
someone... hello?
300
00:14:26,662 --> 00:14:28,963
(Arthur)
Is she gone?
301
00:14:29,031 --> 00:14:31,065
Uh, yeah, she's
in the kitchen.
302
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:35,269
Arthur spooner.
I'm Carrie's father.
303
00:14:35,337 --> 00:14:36,971
Oh, hi.
Doug heffernan.
304
00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:39,306
So, you're with
I.P.S., huh?
305
00:14:39,374 --> 00:14:42,010
Yeah, I.P.S., yeah.
306
00:14:42,077 --> 00:14:45,079
Aren't you concerned
about losing your job
to a machine?
307
00:14:47,115 --> 00:14:49,250
Not really, no.
I, uh...
308
00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:51,485
See, I drive to a lot
of people's houses
309
00:14:51,554 --> 00:14:53,855
and--and deliver
packages to them.
310
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:59,427
I, uh, don't know really
how a machine would do that.
311
00:14:59,494 --> 00:15:01,395
Oh, it's gonna
happen, my friend.
312
00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:03,765
They're working on it
even as we speak.
313
00:15:03,832 --> 00:15:05,066
[Oven timer dings]
314
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,534
(Lily)
They're ready.
315
00:15:06,602 --> 00:15:07,902
I was never here!
316
00:15:12,374 --> 00:15:14,308
Here you go.
Piping hot.
317
00:15:14,376 --> 00:15:17,244
Ooh! Let me freshen up
that orangina.
318
00:15:21,884 --> 00:15:23,250
Give me a drumstick!
319
00:15:23,318 --> 00:15:24,552
Drumstick! Now!
320
00:15:26,188 --> 00:15:27,221
Thank you.
321
00:15:30,192 --> 00:15:32,827
There you go,
sweetheart.
322
00:15:32,895 --> 00:15:34,929
Where's the other
drumstick?
323
00:15:34,997 --> 00:15:36,598
I don't,
um, I, uh...
324
00:15:36,665 --> 00:15:39,901
I think this one
started out with one.
325
00:15:39,969 --> 00:15:43,638
Arthur! Give me
back that drumstick!
326
00:15:43,706 --> 00:15:47,575
(Arthur)
You'll have to pry it
out of my dead, cold hands!
327
00:15:47,643 --> 00:15:49,343
Excuse me, where--
where's the bathroom?
328
00:15:49,411 --> 00:15:51,012
The psycho is in it.
329
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,780
Arthur, Doug has
to go to the bathroom!
330
00:15:52,848 --> 00:15:54,515
Now, get out!
331
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:57,184
(Arthur)
No. He can come in
if he wants, but I'm staying.
332
00:15:58,654 --> 00:16:01,122
Son, what do you have,
number 1 or number 2?
333
00:16:08,631 --> 00:16:11,565
So, you've been
dating my daughter
for quite a while now.
334
00:16:11,634 --> 00:16:12,600
Huh?
335
00:16:12,668 --> 00:16:14,802
Yes, about, uh,
6 months now, sir.
336
00:16:15,504 --> 00:16:17,639
So, pretty serious?
337
00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:20,541
Oh, yes. She-- she's a--
she's a great girl.
338
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:24,846
And, uh, you are planning
to get the weight off?
339
00:16:28,316 --> 00:16:29,817
Absolutely.
I'm on it.
340
00:16:33,188 --> 00:16:35,023
Problem with
the plumbing, son?
341
00:16:36,892 --> 00:16:39,027
No, no. You know, I'm
just havin' a hard time
342
00:16:39,094 --> 00:16:40,695
going with
you in here.
343
00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:42,730
Oh, why didn't
you say so?
344
00:16:42,798 --> 00:16:44,932
By all means, I'll
give you some privacy.
345
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,567
Oh, well,
thank you.
346
00:16:57,546 --> 00:16:59,413
(Arthur)
So, where're you from?
347
00:17:01,616 --> 00:17:02,684
Regal park.
348
00:17:02,751 --> 00:17:04,418
Oh, wonderful area.
349
00:17:04,486 --> 00:17:07,088
You must know
my friend Stan.
350
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:10,124
Runs the shoe-shine joint
down by the dunkin' donuts.
351
00:17:10,192 --> 00:17:12,226
Nah, you know what?
Nope. Don't know him.
352
00:17:12,294 --> 00:17:13,294
Sure you do.
353
00:17:13,361 --> 00:17:16,097
I'm sorry,
don't know, Mr. spooner.
354
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,899
For God's sake,
son, Stan!
355
00:17:18,533 --> 00:17:19,466
Stan!
356
00:17:20,569 --> 00:17:22,103
Shoe-shine Stan!
357
00:17:23,271 --> 00:17:24,405
Oh, shoe...
358
00:17:24,472 --> 00:17:26,207
Shoe-shine st-- yes,
oh, yeah.
359
00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:28,375
Oh, yeah,
he did rub my shoes.
Yep, yeah.
360
00:17:29,244 --> 00:17:30,277
There you go.
361
00:17:30,345 --> 00:17:31,579
Ok, you know what?
362
00:17:31,646 --> 00:17:33,581
I'm not havin'
any luck with this.
363
00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,883
I'm just gonna go
up to the mobile station
on the corner.
364
00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:37,484
They're gonna make
you buy something.
365
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:38,485
Ok.
366
00:17:39,888 --> 00:17:41,122
(Lily)
You out, Doug?
367
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,523
Want some pie?
368
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,933
Oh, sweet freedom!
369
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,004
You're here?
370
00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:58,906
Well, were you here
the whole time?
371
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:00,942
No. I drove down
to the 7-11
372
00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:03,044
to get a pack
of capris.
373
00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,511
Oh, did you?
Oh, that's nice.
374
00:18:04,579 --> 00:18:06,013
Do you mind if I...?
375
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,215
You don't smoke.
376
00:18:07,282 --> 00:18:09,516
That's right,
I don't smoke!
377
00:18:10,919 --> 00:18:12,253
Why did you leave?
378
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,520
Because I...
379
00:18:13,588 --> 00:18:16,057
I--I didn't wanna be
there for the moment
380
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:18,993
when you realized
I come from a crazy farm!
381
00:18:19,061 --> 00:18:21,562
You know what?
I would love to hear this,
but I--I gotta pee.
382
00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:23,330
Yeah, ok. You gotta pee.
You know what?
383
00:18:23,398 --> 00:18:25,733
Why don't you call me
in 6 months
when you're done peeing.
384
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:27,168
Ok? We'll have
a cup of coffee.
385
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:29,070
6-- what are you
talking about? "6 months."
386
00:18:29,138 --> 00:18:30,304
I gotta pee,
I'm serious.
387
00:18:30,372 --> 00:18:32,073
Look, if you wanna
just go, go!
388
00:18:32,141 --> 00:18:34,708
My--my--my whole life's
been a freak show,
I don't even blame you.
389
00:18:34,777 --> 00:18:35,877
What are you doing?
390
00:18:35,944 --> 00:18:37,278
(Carrie)
Bye!
391
00:18:37,345 --> 00:18:40,514
I was gonna tell you
I love you today,
dumb ass!
392
00:18:40,582 --> 00:18:42,116
I'm really
gonna burst.
393
00:18:50,558 --> 00:18:51,625
(Arthur)
Douglas!
394
00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:53,360
Oh, God!
Now I'm locked up.
395
00:18:53,428 --> 00:18:55,429
(Arthur)
Douglas, over here!
396
00:18:55,497 --> 00:18:57,364
Yeah, Mr. spooner?
397
00:18:57,432 --> 00:19:00,968
Listen, I couldn't help
but overhear
your little argument.
398
00:19:01,036 --> 00:19:03,004
Uh, yeah. Do you
think it's possible
399
00:19:03,071 --> 00:19:04,772
that you could
send Carrie out?
400
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,240
She's too upset.
401
00:19:06,308 --> 00:19:08,375
You can't talk to her
when she's like this.
402
00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:10,611
Listen, you seem
like a good kid.
403
00:19:10,679 --> 00:19:12,746
Wait here, and I'll
go talk to her.
404
00:19:12,815 --> 00:19:14,282
Try to patch things up.
405
00:19:14,349 --> 00:19:17,185
No promises, but I'll
see what I can do.
406
00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:42,509
[Sighs]
407
00:19:49,218 --> 00:19:50,551
Sorry, son. No go.
408
00:19:50,618 --> 00:19:51,685
Really?
409
00:19:51,753 --> 00:19:53,154
Believe me, I tried.
410
00:19:53,222 --> 00:19:55,056
But she didn't wanna
hear a word of it.
411
00:19:55,123 --> 00:19:57,024
Anyway, it was
a pleasure to meet you.
412
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:58,926
Maybe someday,
when this blows over,
413
00:19:58,994 --> 00:20:01,729
we'll sit on my boat
and have a good laugh.
414
00:20:01,796 --> 00:20:03,231
If you still have to pee,
415
00:20:03,298 --> 00:20:05,833
feel free to go on
the azaleas. They're hers.
416
00:20:17,212 --> 00:20:18,145
Doug?
417
00:20:18,213 --> 00:20:20,248
Yes?
418
00:20:20,315 --> 00:20:22,716
Did you just say
you were gonna tell me
you loved me?
419
00:20:22,784 --> 00:20:24,285
Yes. Yes, I did.
420
00:20:26,121 --> 00:20:27,821
Did you just pee
in our bushes?
421
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,390
Yes. Yes, I did.
422
00:20:32,827 --> 00:20:34,328
I love you.
423
00:20:34,396 --> 00:20:35,763
I love you, too.
424
00:20:39,935 --> 00:20:41,702
(Arthur)
Where you going?
425
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:43,237
Carrie, come back!
426
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:45,339
He's got no future!
427
00:20:45,407 --> 00:20:47,108
I'm tellin' you,
the two of you
428
00:20:47,175 --> 00:20:49,576
will be livin' in my house
within 5 years!
429
00:20:50,578 --> 00:20:52,546
Carrie!
430
00:20:52,614 --> 00:20:54,581
And we drove off.
End of story.
431
00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:57,818
I said "I love you" first,
right after you peed.
432
00:20:57,886 --> 00:20:58,953
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
433
00:20:59,021 --> 00:21:01,088
Are you even listening
to your own story?
434
00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:03,590
Way before that, I said,
"I love you, dumb ass."
435
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,692
No, no. You said,
436
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,562
"'I was gonna say
I love you, dumb ass.'"
437
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,164
but you didn't
actually say it.
438
00:21:10,232 --> 00:21:13,134
And by the way, "dumb ass"
kind of killed it anyway.
439
00:21:13,201 --> 00:21:15,336
Now you're punchin' wild.
You know it's the same thing.
440
00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:18,372
It's not the same thing.
If you say you're
gonna take the garbage out,
441
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,641
but you don't actually
take the garbage out,
442
00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:23,210
is the garbage out?
443
00:21:23,278 --> 00:21:24,711
I don't know where
the garbage is--
444
00:21:24,779 --> 00:21:28,249
look, the point is,
the words "I love you"
445
00:21:28,317 --> 00:21:31,185
were never said
until I said them.
446
00:21:34,957 --> 00:21:37,158
Well, I said
"I wanna have sex" first.
447
00:21:37,225 --> 00:21:39,126
That was all you, yeah.
448
00:21:51,806 --> 00:21:52,906
What's that?
449
00:21:52,975 --> 00:21:55,309
It's the new engraving
and buffing machine.
32067
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