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1
00:00:03,302 --> 00:00:04,636
[Phone ringing]
2
00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:08,372
(Doug)
I'm coming!
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,374
[Phone continues ringing]
4
00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:12,811
Yeah, hello?
5
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:14,378
Hey, it's me, Steph.
6
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,648
Are you ok?
7
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,149
Yeah, I just, uh, ran
for the phone.
8
00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,485
Oh, well,
you'll be glad you did,
'cause guess what?
9
00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:21,552
[Doug panting]
10
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:22,821
Are you sure
you're all right?
11
00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:24,455
No, no. Let's give it
another minute
12
00:00:24,523 --> 00:00:25,724
before we panic.
13
00:00:27,159 --> 00:00:28,927
Well, assuming
you don't drop,
14
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,195
how would you like
to go with me tonight
15
00:00:31,263 --> 00:00:32,363
to the ranger game?
16
00:00:32,431 --> 00:00:33,464
You got tickets?
17
00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:35,033
Hey, I'm in the sports biz.
18
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,936
You teach gym.
19
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:39,137
Do you want
to go or not?
20
00:00:39,204 --> 00:00:40,471
I want to go, but I--I can't.
21
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:42,440
I promised Carrie
we'd rent a movie tonight.
22
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:44,408
Come on.
I've only been back
in town a month,
23
00:00:44,476 --> 00:00:46,077
and we've hardly
seen each other.
24
00:00:46,145 --> 00:00:48,146
Don't you want
to do a little
brother-sister bonding?
25
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,150
Where are the seats?
26
00:00:52,217 --> 00:00:54,485
They're in the garden.
That's all you need to know.
27
00:00:54,553 --> 00:00:55,787
No, I--I can't.
I can't.
28
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,989
I--I blew Carrie off
the last few movie nights.
29
00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,391
This one could impact
my sex life.
30
00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:03,628
I mean, I'll get
the basics,
31
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:04,896
but, no extras.
32
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,398
[Beeps]
33
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,200
Hold on a second.
I'm getting another call.
34
00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:10,301
Yeah, hello?
35
00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:12,470
Hey, hon, it's me.
Um, big favor.
36
00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:14,806
You know Laura-Beth,
that lawyer I'm friendly with?
37
00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:16,941
Yeah.
38
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,476
Well, she invited me
out to dinner
39
00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,879
with her and, um,
a couple of her friends,
40
00:01:20,946 --> 00:01:23,815
and I just wanted
to know if it was ok
if I missed movie night.
41
00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:27,652
Well, I already rented
girl, interrupted.
42
00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:31,255
I--I got it right here.
43
00:01:33,592 --> 00:01:35,393
Oh, come on, hon.
I really want to go.
44
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,395
You know,
girls' night out.
45
00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:39,197
I could make
some new friends,
46
00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:41,399
or just friends,
period.
47
00:01:41,466 --> 00:01:43,101
Go, go.
Have--have fun.
48
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,603
Oh, really?
You're the best, honey.
I love you.
49
00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:47,839
Ok, are we through?
'Cause I'm on the other line.
50
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,741
All right. I'll see you
around 10:00. Bye.
51
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:54,278
Good news.
Carrie's going out
with some lesbians.
52
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:01,953
(All)
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Lisa
53
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:05,323
♪ Happy Birthday to you
54
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,658
yay,
thank you.
55
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:08,960
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
56
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,229
Lovely voices.
All of you, really.
57
00:02:11,296 --> 00:02:13,431
I hope you all die.
58
00:02:13,498 --> 00:02:14,432
Ah.
59
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:15,967
Especially you.
You're new.
60
00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,268
You should
be nicer.
61
00:02:17,336 --> 00:02:19,204
Yeah, yeah.
Too much peer pressure.
I caved.
62
00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:20,504
Yeah, you did.
Clearly.
63
00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,173
Don't be like that
on your birthday.
64
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:24,375
It is not my birthday!
65
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:27,112
Shh. They'll make us
pay for the cake.
66
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:29,347
All right, I give up.
Happy 27th to me.
67
00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:30,548
There you go.
68
00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:32,416
27? I'm sorry,
did you sleep through
69
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,753
your last 5 birthdays?
70
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,955
Well, I wouldn't mind
jumping ahead a few years.
71
00:02:37,022 --> 00:02:39,724
Then I wouldn't have to go to
my barnard reunion next week.
72
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,325
You're going
to a reunion next week,
73
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:42,994
and you're eating
fudge cake?
74
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,663
Gutsy. I like that.
75
00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:48,633
I can't wait to go
to my college reunion.
76
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:52,036
Well, really.
I--I just made partner,
I just got married,
77
00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:55,673
and I could crack
a walnut with my ass.
78
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:58,109
It's the right time
for a reunion, baby!
79
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,011
Or a bad time
if you're a walnut.
80
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,880
[All laughing]
81
00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:04,082
Carrie, have you gone
to your reunion yet?
82
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:07,451
Oh, uh, actually,
I--I didn't graduate. So...
83
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:12,023
What? No, wait,
I, uh, I thought
you were a lawyer.
84
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,625
Me? No, no, no.
I'm a secretary.
85
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,429
Like, the best secretary
at the firm.
86
00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,764
Oh, thank you.
87
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,199
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
88
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,600
Cool.
Yeah, hey,
89
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:25,503
and I hear secretaries week
is coming up soon,
90
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:27,105
so that will
be good, right?
91
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:29,540
Oh, my God, I totally
forgot to tell you...
92
00:03:29,608 --> 00:03:30,574
[Women chattering]
93
00:03:34,313 --> 00:03:35,746
[Door opening]
94
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,515
Hey. Hey, funny thing.
95
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:38,616
Right after you called,
96
00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:40,852
Stephanie called
with ranger tickets.
97
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,587
Huh? Whoo.
Talk about meant to be.
98
00:03:43,655 --> 00:03:45,857
I mean, I know
we're all God's children,
99
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,993
but sometimes I think
he likes me extra special.
100
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:53,564
So, how was
ladies night out, huh?
101
00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:56,334
What'd you...
Did you talk tampons, huh?
102
00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:06,377
Do you hate men now?
103
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:10,381
[Crying]
104
00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:12,550
Ok, what--what--
what's happening?
105
00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:15,019
I was having
a great time.
106
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:17,521
I mean, I was, like,
finally hanging out
107
00:04:17,589 --> 00:04:19,991
with women who didn't
annoy the crap
out of me, you know?
108
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,394
And I was, like,
totally "on," you know?
109
00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:24,628
I--I was funny
110
00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:26,364
and--and--and--
and--and charming.
111
00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:27,465
It sounds good--
112
00:04:27,532 --> 00:04:28,632
let me finish!
113
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,935
You always interrupt me!
Let me finish!
114
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,906
Ok.
115
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,841
And then-- and then
they started talking
116
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,509
about college
reunions, you know,
117
00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:39,777
then they
asked me about mine,
118
00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:41,679
and I said, "oh,
I didn't graduate,"
119
00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:43,447
and they said,
"oh, but we thought
you were a lawyer,"
120
00:04:43,515 --> 00:04:45,616
and I said, "no,
I'm a secretary."
121
00:04:45,684 --> 00:04:50,454
And they were, like,
"oh, it's secretaries week."
122
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:51,990
You love
secretaries week.
123
00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,057
[Sobbing]
124
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,127
Ok, ok. Ok.
All right. Ok.
125
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,295
Ok, shh.
It's ok.
126
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,829
And I'm just as smart
as they are!
127
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,399
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
I know you are, baby.
128
00:05:01,466 --> 00:05:03,834
Ok. It's ok.
129
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,971
Rangers won.
It's ok. Ok.
130
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,339
Come on,
take a deep breath.
131
00:05:08,407 --> 00:05:09,473
[Gasping]
132
00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:11,910
There you go.
There you go. Ok?
133
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:14,445
Hey, hey, you know
what cheers me up
134
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,080
when I'm feeling sad?
135
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:18,516
A snack?
136
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,089
There you go.
You feeling better?
137
00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:27,858
Not really.
The milk's gone bad.
138
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,997
I could have been like them,
I really could have.
139
00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:35,266
I could have had
a--a palm pilot, you know,
140
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,001
and been going
to my college reunion,
141
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:39,570
but no, I had to drop out
when my mom died
to get a job.
142
00:05:39,638 --> 00:05:41,872
Good goin', Carrie.
143
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:46,244
Let me tell you something
about fancy book learnings.
144
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,247
Y-you, little lady,
got something much better.
145
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,481
They call it streetsmarts.
146
00:05:50,549 --> 00:05:51,582
Yeah, great.
147
00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:52,817
It's true.
148
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,718
Like, when we're
on the subway,
149
00:05:54,786 --> 00:05:57,521
and some guy comes up to you
asking for money,
and you pretend to be deaf.
150
00:06:00,592 --> 00:06:03,227
You can't learn
that stuff in school.
151
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,528
Look, I'm just
gonna go to bed.
152
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,864
I've got a full day
of coffee pouring
153
00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:08,399
and phone answering
ahead of me.
154
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:09,968
I want to be sharp.
155
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,602
Thanks for trying
to cheer me up.
156
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:12,736
You're very sweet.
157
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,176
[Sighs]
158
00:06:33,725 --> 00:06:35,659
[Snoring]
159
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,303
Doug, wake up.
160
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:46,470
Everybody off.
161
00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:51,776
It's important.
162
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:53,977
What is it?
163
00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,579
I'm gonna go back
to school.
164
00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:57,281
Ok.
165
00:06:57,349 --> 00:06:58,516
Doug!
166
00:06:58,583 --> 00:06:59,617
What?
167
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,319
I'm gonna finish school,
168
00:07:01,386 --> 00:07:04,755
get a diploma,
and get a better job.
169
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:08,225
I have to pee.
170
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,296
I have my old course guide
in the closet.
171
00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:15,466
(Carrie)
I could pick out
my entire semester tonight.
172
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:16,834
You see,
I've been lying there,
173
00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:18,536
going over the whole
thing in my mind,
174
00:07:18,603 --> 00:07:20,338
how I screwed up
my life and everything,
175
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:22,473
and then it just hit me.
Fix it, you idiot!
176
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:24,308
(Doug)
Can--can we talk
about this later?
177
00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:26,544
(Carrie)
But I'm so excited.
Aren't you excited for me?
178
00:07:26,611 --> 00:07:28,011
(Doug)
Don't hug me now!
179
00:07:36,521 --> 00:07:39,790
Ah. I just did
everything possible
to avoid light.
180
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,325
Sorry.
181
00:07:41,393 --> 00:07:44,628
Me, too. I think I splashed
your bath salts.
182
00:07:47,499 --> 00:07:51,134
You're really serious?
You want to go school again?
183
00:07:51,202 --> 00:07:54,037
Yes. I can--
I can do this, Doug.
184
00:07:54,105 --> 00:07:56,841
I know you can do it,
it's just...
185
00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:58,242
So, are you gonna
quit your job?
186
00:07:58,309 --> 00:07:59,377
No, I'll still work.
187
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:02,680
I'll just go
to school at night.
188
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,248
Well, when would
I see you?
189
00:08:04,315 --> 00:08:06,116
I'll make time.
190
00:08:06,184 --> 00:08:08,386
Plus, I won't
be sad anymore.
191
00:08:08,453 --> 00:08:10,588
I'll be happy.
You see?
192
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:12,490
Ok, so you can
finish college. Then what?
193
00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:15,158
I don't know.
Maybe, uh, go to law school.
194
00:08:15,226 --> 00:08:17,661
Oh, this is spinning
totally out of control.
195
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:19,930
Ok, could you try
even being
a little supportive?
196
00:08:19,998 --> 00:08:21,632
Well, I'm sorry,
Carrie, but you know,
197
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,534
you're throwing a lot at me
out of nowhere.
198
00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:25,002
It's not
out of nowhere.
199
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,505
It's always bothered me
that I didn't finish school.
200
00:08:27,572 --> 00:08:28,806
Tonight, you know,
201
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:31,074
it gave me a kick
in the pants that I needed.
202
00:08:31,877 --> 00:08:33,477
Get thicker pants.
203
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,246
Stop.
204
00:08:37,749 --> 00:08:38,949
Well, what am
I supposed to do
205
00:08:39,017 --> 00:08:41,051
when you're at
your homecoming dances
206
00:08:41,119 --> 00:08:42,386
and your pep rallies?
207
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:45,890
Hey, I'm not going
to Rydell high...
208
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,357
And you could
take up a hobby.
209
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:48,992
How about the guitar
you made me buy?
210
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,193
That's still in the closet.
211
00:08:50,261 --> 00:08:51,796
You can learn
to play that.
212
00:08:51,863 --> 00:08:53,731
That sounds like a lot
of effort on my part.
213
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:56,967
Come on, honey.
Let me go to school.
214
00:08:57,035 --> 00:08:58,736
I'll wear a uniform.
215
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,104
Ok, fine.
Go to school.
216
00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:03,841
I love you, I love you.
I love you.
217
00:09:03,909 --> 00:09:05,008
Mmm.
218
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:09,613
Not till the morning!
219
00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:10,614
All right!
220
00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:24,961
Wow. Still studying, huh?
221
00:09:25,028 --> 00:09:27,831
Yep. Queens college
for knowledge, baby.
222
00:09:27,898 --> 00:09:29,432
You, uh,
how you doing?
223
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,834
Oh, I'm
a little stressed.
224
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:33,402
This philosophy paper's due
Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.,
225
00:09:33,471 --> 00:09:35,738
and the Professor said
"if it's not in on time,
226
00:09:35,806 --> 00:09:37,373
it's fish wrap."
227
00:09:37,441 --> 00:09:40,643
Well, been
pretty busy myself.
228
00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:42,579
Wrote a little song.
229
00:09:45,616 --> 00:09:47,049
You wrote a song?
Mmm-hmm.
230
00:09:47,117 --> 00:09:48,952
That's good progress
in only one week.
231
00:09:49,019 --> 00:09:50,019
Want to hear it?
232
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:51,387
I think I need to, yes.
233
00:09:51,455 --> 00:09:53,723
All righty then,
here we go.
234
00:09:53,791 --> 00:09:55,992
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
235
00:09:56,059 --> 00:09:58,060
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
236
00:09:58,128 --> 00:10:00,129
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
237
00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:02,632
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
238
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,634
♪ Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur ♪
239
00:10:04,702 --> 00:10:06,669
♪ Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur ♪
240
00:10:06,737 --> 00:10:08,538
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
241
00:10:08,606 --> 00:10:09,906
♪ Doug and Carrie
242
00:10:09,974 --> 00:10:11,508
ok, that is really good.
That is good.
243
00:10:11,575 --> 00:10:13,175
I didn't get to
the bridge yet.
244
00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:15,578
That's ok.
It gives me something
to look forward to.
245
00:10:15,646 --> 00:10:17,446
Ok.
Ok, then.
246
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:18,748
[Clears throat]
247
00:10:21,084 --> 00:10:22,018
[Sighs]
248
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:24,587
So, you want
to go for pizza?
249
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:25,922
Honey, I can't,
you know?
250
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:27,924
You know, I-I'm a little
under the gun here.
251
00:10:27,992 --> 00:10:29,058
What am I supposed to do?
252
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:30,693
I don't know,
play your guitar.
253
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:33,162
I already did that.
254
00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:36,098
Wrote a song.
255
00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:37,199
Yeah, Doug.
Come on,
256
00:10:37,267 --> 00:10:39,536
I am under
a lot of pressure, ok?
257
00:10:39,603 --> 00:10:41,337
And I'm starting
to get a headache, so--
258
00:10:41,405 --> 00:10:44,073
a headache?
Sounds like a little
pizza's what you need then.
259
00:10:44,141 --> 00:10:45,374
Doug, stop it!
Now, come on,
260
00:10:45,442 --> 00:10:47,544
you know how important
this is to me.
261
00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:50,079
Ok, yeah. I also know
that you promised me
that you'd make time for me.
262
00:10:50,147 --> 00:10:51,280
I knew this would happen.
263
00:10:51,348 --> 00:10:53,683
Ok, so I underestimated
how hard this was gonna be.
264
00:10:53,751 --> 00:10:54,884
Just cut me a break here.
265
00:10:54,952 --> 00:10:56,452
You're--you're
not really that upset
266
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,120
because I can't
go for pizza, are you?
267
00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:02,025
Because you haven't
gone out for pizza in days.
268
00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:05,795
I don't even
know you anymore.
269
00:11:05,863 --> 00:11:08,665
It's obvious
I am not gonna get
any work done here,
270
00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:11,267
so if you need me,
I will be at the library.
271
00:11:11,334 --> 00:11:12,602
Believe me,
I won't need you.
272
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:14,370
I'll be too busy here
gettin' my groove on.
273
00:11:14,438 --> 00:11:15,538
Great.
274
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:22,979
♪ Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza ♪
275
00:11:23,047 --> 00:11:25,214
♪ Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza ♪
276
00:11:25,282 --> 00:11:27,249
♪ toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings ♪
277
00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:32,655
Wow! Go away
for a few years
278
00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:34,791
and they totally
revamp the menu on you.
279
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:37,126
So you gonna
get something?
280
00:11:37,194 --> 00:11:39,528
No, I can't.
I used up all
my fat points for the day.
281
00:11:40,898 --> 00:11:43,600
My God! The chicken strips
sound incredible.
282
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,234
What--what are they,
lightly breaded?
283
00:11:45,302 --> 00:11:47,003
I'll bet they're
lightly breaded, right?
284
00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:48,270
Yeah, I guess they are.
285
00:11:48,338 --> 00:11:50,306
What kind of dipping sauce
are we talking about?
286
00:11:50,373 --> 00:11:51,440
Honey mustard.
287
00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:52,709
Ah. That's so perfect.
288
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,376
Will you just
get them already?
289
00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:56,512
I can't!
I'm dieting!
290
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:58,481
But if you get the wings,
I'll pick at them.
291
00:11:58,548 --> 00:12:00,116
You're not gonna
pick at them.
292
00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:01,584
I'll come back
from the bathroom,
293
00:12:01,652 --> 00:12:03,252
there'll be chicken
bones everywhere,
294
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,688
and you'll be huddled
in the corner, crying.
295
00:12:06,189 --> 00:12:07,256
Ah!
296
00:12:07,324 --> 00:12:10,493
That is so not true.
I've been very disciplined.
297
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,861
You know that
I've lost weight,
298
00:12:11,929 --> 00:12:13,930
and you haven't
even told me how good I look.
299
00:12:13,998 --> 00:12:15,264
What do you
want me to say?
300
00:12:15,332 --> 00:12:17,033
"Hey, sis!
Great ass!"
301
00:12:18,836 --> 00:12:20,402
Really?
Great how?
302
00:12:21,839 --> 00:12:23,706
All right. I gotta get
out of here by 9:00.
303
00:12:23,774 --> 00:12:25,508
I want to grab
a few minutes with Carrie
304
00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,844
before she starts
to work on her paper.
305
00:12:27,911 --> 00:12:30,913
How sad is that?
I'm married to a person
who does homework.
306
00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:33,116
Are you about to go
on another rant about this?
307
00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:35,351
Just warn me so I can
fling myself into traffic.
308
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:37,253
Well, I'm sorry,
but it's unnatural,
309
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,088
you know,
a grown woman in school,
310
00:12:39,156 --> 00:12:41,958
it's--it's like
a 40-year-old guy with braces.
311
00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:46,462
What are you...
Don't look at me like that.
312
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:48,197
What? You want
to know what I think?
No.
313
00:12:48,265 --> 00:12:49,598
I think you're
intimidated by it.
314
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:52,234
Ok. What'd you get stuck on,
the "n" or the "o"?
315
00:12:52,302 --> 00:12:54,103
Too bad.
It's true.
316
00:12:54,171 --> 00:12:55,504
She wants
to finish college,
317
00:12:55,572 --> 00:12:56,873
and you are petrified
318
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,507
that it means
she'll leave you behind.
319
00:12:58,575 --> 00:13:01,277
What? Ok, first of all,
I'm a teamster.
320
00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:03,345
I don't petrify.
321
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:06,215
Second of all,
that's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
322
00:13:06,283 --> 00:13:07,449
Fine.
323
00:13:09,386 --> 00:13:11,620
And what if
I was afraid of that, huh?
324
00:13:11,689 --> 00:13:13,923
No, really.
Think about it.
325
00:13:13,991 --> 00:13:15,992
She--she--she aces
this class, right?
326
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:18,695
Finishes college,
goes to law school.
Where does that leave us?
327
00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:20,930
At dinner she tells me
about the guy she saved
328
00:13:20,998 --> 00:13:22,631
from the electric chair
and I'm like,
329
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:24,967
"oh, yeah? Really?
I just got
a new beaded truck seat."
330
00:13:26,904 --> 00:13:30,139
You know,
instead of thinking
about yourself for 5 minutes,
331
00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:31,874
why don't you start
thinking about her?
332
00:13:31,942 --> 00:13:33,542
You know,
all she's trying to do
333
00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:36,545
is--is accomplish something
to feel better about her life.
334
00:13:36,613 --> 00:13:38,647
Instead of bitching,
maybe you could throw her
335
00:13:38,716 --> 00:13:40,583
a little support, hmm?
336
00:13:42,753 --> 00:13:43,986
You're fat.
337
00:13:48,992 --> 00:13:50,292
What I'm saying is
338
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,062
I think Plato's careful
organization of his dialogues
339
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,831
is only one of a lot
340
00:13:54,898 --> 00:13:56,532
of devices he used
to make his point.
341
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,900
You mean, like,
even the setting
342
00:13:57,968 --> 00:13:59,468
and--and the names
of the characters
343
00:13:59,536 --> 00:14:00,803
is a deliberate
choice he made?
344
00:14:00,871 --> 00:14:02,238
Absolutely!
345
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:03,840
(Carrie)Come on, car!
346
00:14:03,907 --> 00:14:06,209
You can only sit herewith this dumb smileon your face
347
00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:08,044
for so long.
348
00:14:08,112 --> 00:14:11,480
Say somethinghalfway intelligent here.
349
00:14:11,548 --> 00:14:13,582
Problem is, Plato took
great care not to leave
350
00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:16,185
any obvious tracks
of the plans of his dialogues.
351
00:14:16,253 --> 00:14:17,319
Right?
352
00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:18,554
Totally.
353
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:21,090
That's true.
That is why...
354
00:14:21,158 --> 00:14:22,658
(Carrie)Ugh! I'm such an idiot!
355
00:14:22,726 --> 00:14:24,127
Come on, Carrie,you're letting
356
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:26,695
miss perky breasts hereshow you up.
357
00:14:26,764 --> 00:14:29,132
Look at her,with her perky breasts!
358
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:32,001
Think of something smartto say.
359
00:14:32,069 --> 00:14:33,870
(Man)
...A very tricky fellow...
360
00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:35,404
(Carrie)♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
361
00:14:35,472 --> 00:14:37,073
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
362
00:14:37,141 --> 00:14:39,441
Oh, my God! Not now!Not this damned song now!
363
00:14:40,710 --> 00:14:41,844
Focus.
364
00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:44,380
You must haveone good thing
365
00:14:44,447 --> 00:14:46,149
to say aboutthis Plato guy.
366
00:14:46,216 --> 00:14:48,785
You've been readingabout him for 2 weeks.
367
00:14:48,852 --> 00:14:51,254
Of course, that'swith working 10 hours a day.
368
00:14:51,321 --> 00:14:52,922
And tryingto care for my dad,
369
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:55,491
and trying to keepmy marriage intact.
370
00:14:55,558 --> 00:14:58,394
I'll bet perky breastsdoesn't have to dealwith any of that.
371
00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:01,931
Or scraggle beard.
372
00:15:01,999 --> 00:15:04,566
Perky breastsand scraggle beard.
373
00:15:04,634 --> 00:15:06,002
Sounds likea new cop show.
374
00:15:06,069 --> 00:15:08,537
Help, scraggle beard.I'm hit.
375
00:15:10,207 --> 00:15:12,809
What do you think, Carrie?
376
00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,945
Um, I can't help
but wonder, you know,
377
00:15:16,013 --> 00:15:19,115
was Plato really
a student of socrates
378
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:23,219
or was he, in many ways,
a student of himself, hmm?
379
00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:28,791
Yeah. We just
wanted to know
380
00:15:28,859 --> 00:15:31,294
if you were in the mood
for Chinese.
381
00:15:32,896 --> 00:15:33,963
Totally.
382
00:15:44,139 --> 00:15:45,507
Oh, hi!
You're home. Good.
383
00:15:45,574 --> 00:15:46,808
Listen.
We need to talk.
384
00:15:46,876 --> 00:15:48,309
Yes. We d-definitely
need to talk.
385
00:15:48,377 --> 00:15:50,445
I don't want school
to come between us anymore.
386
00:15:50,513 --> 00:15:52,514
I--I know. I know.
Me, neither. This is great.
387
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:54,949
Good! That's why
I decided I'm gonna quit!
388
00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:56,150
Quit?
Yes!
389
00:15:56,218 --> 00:15:57,985
Doug, you don't like me
being there,
390
00:15:58,053 --> 00:16:00,388
it's making us argue,
so that's it! I'm gone.
391
00:16:00,456 --> 00:16:02,791
I was just gonna say that
you should stay in school
392
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,426
and that I should
be more supportive.
393
00:16:04,493 --> 00:16:05,827
I had a little speech planned
394
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:07,629
that was gonna lead
to great make-up sex.
395
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:09,731
You're ruining it!
396
00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:11,633
Doug! No, no, no!
You got it backwards.
397
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,000
You see,
I got caught up
398
00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:14,368
in this whole stupid
school thing
399
00:16:14,437 --> 00:16:16,103
that I wasn't being
supportive of you.
400
00:16:16,171 --> 00:16:18,105
Like with that great
"Doug and Carrie" song,
401
00:16:18,173 --> 00:16:19,707
which, by the way,
is growing on me
402
00:16:19,775 --> 00:16:21,743
like nobody's business.
403
00:16:21,811 --> 00:16:23,244
So, you're doing this
for me?
404
00:16:23,312 --> 00:16:26,414
Yes. Turn up your
miracle ear, corky. For you.
405
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:27,849
I don't want you
to do it for me.
406
00:16:27,917 --> 00:16:29,417
Well, too bad!
I'm doing it for you!
407
00:16:29,485 --> 00:16:31,152
Well, then don't do it!
408
00:16:31,219 --> 00:16:32,487
I am doing it.
You have no say
in the matter!
409
00:16:32,555 --> 00:16:33,888
Why are you
fighting me on this?
410
00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:35,723
Because I can't read!
411
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,962
I mean, I can read.
Not that.
412
00:16:41,029 --> 00:16:42,363
It's just that
I don't understand
413
00:16:42,431 --> 00:16:43,698
what the hell
I'm reading.
414
00:16:43,766 --> 00:16:45,232
Why not?
415
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,401
'Cause, I cannot
wrap my brain
around all this, you know?
416
00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:49,871
It's like, I'm supposed
to turn in a 10-page paper
417
00:16:49,939 --> 00:16:51,372
on the allegory
of the cave,
418
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,174
and I'm still struggling
with the concept
419
00:16:53,241 --> 00:16:56,310
of 2 darrins
on bewitched.
420
00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:58,245
That's it. I--I thought
I was smart enough,
421
00:16:58,313 --> 00:16:59,447
but I'm not.
422
00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:01,215
That's crazy, Carrie!
You are smart.
423
00:17:01,283 --> 00:17:03,518
Oh, you're just saying that
'cause you're married to me.
424
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:07,455
Hey! I wouldn't have
married you in the first place
if you weren't so smart.
425
00:17:07,523 --> 00:17:09,390
Really?
426
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:11,258
Actually, I probably
would have.
I was pretty horny then.
427
00:17:12,227 --> 00:17:14,295
Come on!
You can't quit now!
428
00:17:14,363 --> 00:17:15,363
Yes, I can!
429
00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:16,631
No, you can't!
Now, come on!
430
00:17:16,699 --> 00:17:18,199
We're going back
to the library,
431
00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:20,835
and we're gonna stay
as long as it takes for you
to write the paper
432
00:17:20,903 --> 00:17:22,236
we both know
you can write.
433
00:17:22,304 --> 00:17:23,437
And if that
doesn't work,
434
00:17:23,506 --> 00:17:25,272
we'll just buy one
on the Internet.
435
00:17:28,143 --> 00:17:29,978
Just remember,
I'm here for you.
436
00:17:30,045 --> 00:17:31,412
Your job is to
work on the paper.
437
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:32,647
I take care of all else.
438
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:35,349
Food, waste,
et cetera.
439
00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:37,819
Ok, but I'll take care
of my own waste, though.
440
00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:40,588
It's your call.
441
00:17:40,656 --> 00:17:43,257
Oh, man! There's a woman
on the microfilm machine,
442
00:17:43,325 --> 00:17:44,626
and it's
the only one, too.
443
00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:46,861
Ok, you see? This is where
having a manager pays off.
444
00:17:46,929 --> 00:17:49,931
Now, you just go
sharpen your pencil,
and I'll take care of her.
445
00:18:02,244 --> 00:18:04,646
Mmm, wow.
God bless America.
446
00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:06,648
Tuna in
a vending machine.
447
00:18:09,117 --> 00:18:10,952
What's next,
hovercrafts?
448
00:18:13,355 --> 00:18:15,322
You still on this?
You gonna be on this long?
449
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:17,091
Yes. I-I've quite
a bit of work to do.
450
00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:18,459
Ah, gotcha!
451
00:18:20,429 --> 00:18:22,196
No problem.
I'll wait.
452
00:18:23,699 --> 00:18:27,101
Mmm, wow, dinosaurs.
Interesting stuff.
453
00:18:27,169 --> 00:18:29,837
Tyrannosaurus Rex, man.
Whoo!
454
00:18:29,905 --> 00:18:31,039
He's a big fella.
455
00:18:31,106 --> 00:18:33,307
Betcha he had
a nice size ding-a-ling, huh?
456
00:18:38,313 --> 00:18:42,149
Too bad his arms were
too short to get a go
at it though, right?
457
00:18:47,122 --> 00:18:48,856
Strainin'!
458
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:52,026
I-I-I've got to go.
459
00:18:52,094 --> 00:18:54,261
Ok. You have
a nice day now, ok?
460
00:18:54,329 --> 00:18:55,429
All right.
461
00:19:05,908 --> 00:19:08,076
Carrie! Carrie!
462
00:19:08,143 --> 00:19:09,677
Plato!
463
00:19:09,745 --> 00:19:11,679
Come on.
You can't sleep now.
What are you doing?
464
00:19:11,747 --> 00:19:13,280
Oh! Where
did you go?
465
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,516
I went home
to get ready for work.
Did you finish the paper?
466
00:19:15,584 --> 00:19:16,618
Uh, well,
let me see.
467
00:19:16,685 --> 00:19:21,623
"Plato was
a wrgn frtta..."
468
00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:24,492
Oh, my God!
My head must have
fallen on the keyboard.
469
00:19:25,427 --> 00:19:26,728
Look. Slap a period on it,
470
00:19:26,795 --> 00:19:27,996
and let's blow
this clam bake.
471
00:19:28,063 --> 00:19:30,331
Come on! It's due in...
Oh, my God! 10 minutes!
472
00:19:30,398 --> 00:19:32,000
Doug, I still have
to print it out,
473
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:33,534
and his office
is all the way
474
00:19:33,602 --> 00:19:35,637
on the other side of campus.
We'll never make it.
475
00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:37,005
Yes, we will!
No, we won't!
476
00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:38,506
Hey! You listen
to me, missy!
477
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:41,308
I may not be
good at much in this life,
but I am good at one thing:
478
00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:44,045
Getting packages
to where they're going
on time, every time.
479
00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:45,346
Overnight service
available
480
00:19:45,413 --> 00:19:47,515
in the continental
United States.
No Sunday delivery.
481
00:19:47,582 --> 00:19:49,651
For more information, go to
w.W.W dot I.P.S dot net.
482
00:19:53,022 --> 00:19:55,123
I had coffee.
483
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:58,159
♪ Cinderella
dressed in yellow ♪
484
00:19:58,226 --> 00:20:02,030
♪ went upstairs to
kiss a fellow, then the-- ♪
485
00:20:02,097 --> 00:20:03,031
[Shrieks]
486
00:20:06,535 --> 00:20:07,535
Come on!
487
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:08,536
Ok!
488
00:20:10,205 --> 00:20:11,706
We're gonna make it,
aren't we?
489
00:20:11,774 --> 00:20:12,807
Yeah!
We gotta hurry!
490
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,181
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
491
00:20:20,248 --> 00:20:23,417
I was fine until
the phone landed on me.
492
00:20:23,485 --> 00:20:25,753
Go! Just go!
493
00:20:27,156 --> 00:20:28,322
Oh, boy.
494
00:20:32,494 --> 00:20:34,095
(Doug)Ok, everyone.
495
00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:36,330
Um, most of you know meas beer-drinking,
496
00:20:36,398 --> 00:20:39,934
dart-playing,slightly-mysterious Doug.
497
00:20:40,002 --> 00:20:43,171
Tonight, meet thoughtful-poet-with-a-message Doug.
498
00:20:43,238 --> 00:20:44,338
(Crowd)
Whatever.
499
00:20:44,406 --> 00:20:46,174
Aw, screw y'all.
500
00:20:48,077 --> 00:20:51,378
This one I'm dedicatin'to my--my baby
501
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:53,114
who proved that not onlydoes she have
502
00:20:53,182 --> 00:20:54,415
the looksin this relationship,
503
00:20:54,482 --> 00:20:56,084
but she's alsogot the brains
504
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:57,952
by acing her college paperwith a c-minus.
505
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:00,221
[All cheering]
506
00:21:01,690 --> 00:21:03,791
No, no, no.
The wings are hers.
507
00:21:03,859 --> 00:21:06,060
But, uh, she needs
dipping sauce.
508
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,300
All right, car,this one is for you.
509
00:21:13,368 --> 00:21:16,370
It's calledlove will keep us together.
510
00:21:16,438 --> 00:21:18,539
[Doug clears throat]
511
00:21:18,607 --> 00:21:20,341
[Off-key]
♪ love
512
00:21:20,408 --> 00:21:22,910
♪ love will keep us
513
00:21:36,158 --> 00:21:37,591
♪ togeth...
514
00:21:41,396 --> 00:21:43,164
♪ Toget--toget...
515
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,101
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
516
00:21:47,169 --> 00:21:49,203
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
517
00:21:49,271 --> 00:21:51,139
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
518
00:21:51,206 --> 00:21:53,007
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
519
00:21:53,976 --> 00:21:56,677
[Crowd cheering]
520
00:21:56,745 --> 00:21:58,379
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
521
00:21:58,446 --> 00:22:00,347
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
522
00:22:04,019 --> 00:22:05,386
♪ Doug and Carrie!
38313
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