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1
00:00:17,849 --> 00:00:20,318
It's breakfast
and you're eating
a piece of candy?
2
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,653
It's dessert.
3
00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:26,157
There is
no dessert with breakfast.
4
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:29,527
Maybe not where you live.
5
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,262
Will you at least
take your vitamin?
6
00:00:31,330 --> 00:00:32,997
My God,
you're a time bomb.
7
00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:39,803
[Sighs]
8
00:00:49,481 --> 00:00:52,150
What you got
goin' on there, bub?
9
00:00:52,217 --> 00:00:54,818
Before I
swallowed the vitamin,
10
00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:56,820
there was a lifesaver
in my mouth.
11
00:00:58,157 --> 00:00:59,590
Wow.
12
00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:01,459
You're like the evel knievel
of sucking candy.
13
00:01:02,894 --> 00:01:04,095
Wish me luck.
14
00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:15,306
I got it.
15
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,341
And welcome back,
butterscotch goodness.
16
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:24,315
[Spits]
17
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:26,884
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
18
00:01:26,952 --> 00:01:29,620
♪ my back is gettin' tight
19
00:01:29,688 --> 00:01:31,655
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
20
00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:34,725
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
21
00:01:34,793 --> 00:01:40,064
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
22
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:43,968
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
23
00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:47,705
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
24
00:01:47,772 --> 00:01:50,274
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
25
00:01:59,783 --> 00:02:00,717
Howdy.
26
00:02:00,784 --> 00:02:02,719
Oh, hey. You're home.
27
00:02:02,786 --> 00:02:05,622
Thought you were gonna
go pick up those patches
for the screen door.
28
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:07,056
Well, I was,
and then I thought
29
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,226
that sounded
like a good errand for you.
30
00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:10,293
[Chuckles]
31
00:02:10,361 --> 00:02:11,828
Ooh. Orange Julius.
32
00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,163
[Slurping]
33
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:15,832
Ok, honey,
I told you before.
34
00:02:15,899 --> 00:02:17,700
If it's empty
by the time you get home,
35
00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:20,303
leave the cup in the car.
Don't come in here
showboatin' with it.
36
00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:22,005
Sorry.
37
00:02:22,072 --> 00:02:23,373
So did you get me anything?
38
00:02:23,441 --> 00:02:25,108
Um, as a matter of fact,
yes, I did.
39
00:02:26,944 --> 00:02:29,212
Ah! Oh! Look at this.
40
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,515
Hi, shirt. You get to be
draped across my nipples.
41
00:02:31,582 --> 00:02:33,483
Congrats!
42
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,218
Ok, well,
you two get acquainted.
43
00:02:35,286 --> 00:02:36,819
I'm gonna
go put this stuff away.
44
00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:39,722
Hey, dad.
45
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:40,890
Look at this.
46
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:44,060
4 more break-ins
on casino boulevard.
47
00:02:44,128 --> 00:02:46,863
It's getting so you can't
walk out the door anymore.
48
00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:48,231
Well, you can
walk out the door.
49
00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:49,866
You just can't go left.
50
00:02:49,933 --> 00:02:51,000
That's not the point.
51
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:53,436
A man should be able
to walk out his front door,
52
00:02:53,504 --> 00:02:54,904
turn right, turn left,
53
00:02:54,972 --> 00:02:57,073
or walk right out into
the street if he wants to.
54
00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:59,709
Don't make me lock you
in the house, dad, ok?
55
00:03:00,744 --> 00:03:02,345
Well, hello.
56
00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:03,380
Ooh.
57
00:03:03,447 --> 00:03:05,114
That shirt
looks sexy on you.
58
00:03:05,183 --> 00:03:06,916
Does it? I, uh,
hadn't noticed.
59
00:03:09,287 --> 00:03:10,720
Hi, I'm Doug.
I'm a pisces.
60
00:03:10,788 --> 00:03:13,223
I like walks in the rain
and bags of pork rinds.
61
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:19,229
Work it, baby.
Work it.
62
00:03:19,297 --> 00:03:21,164
I got the trash, babe.
That'll be our deal.
63
00:03:21,232 --> 00:03:23,333
Every time you buy me a shirt,
I take out the trash.
64
00:03:23,401 --> 00:03:24,701
Oh, that's ok, honey.
I got it.
65
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:26,069
I got it.
No, really. It's fine.
66
00:03:26,136 --> 00:03:27,704
What--what is this?
67
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,739
Barry's big and tall shop?
68
00:03:29,807 --> 00:03:31,808
What?
Oh, that's trash, baby.
69
00:03:33,377 --> 00:03:35,445
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop?
70
00:03:35,513 --> 00:03:36,646
Did I?
71
00:03:37,548 --> 00:03:39,282
No, I don't think so.
72
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:40,950
Oh, I got myself
something there.
73
00:03:41,018 --> 00:03:41,984
What?
74
00:03:42,052 --> 00:03:43,286
A barrette.
75
00:03:43,354 --> 00:03:44,754
Oh, stop it, Carrie.
76
00:03:44,822 --> 00:03:46,556
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop
77
00:03:46,624 --> 00:03:48,124
and you were
hiding the bag from me.
78
00:03:48,192 --> 00:03:49,859
Ok, fine. I'm sorry.
79
00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:51,695
Oh, man,
I can't believe this.
80
00:03:51,762 --> 00:03:54,497
At most I thought I was, like,
the biggest size at Macy's.
81
00:03:57,568 --> 00:04:00,169
When did I
make the crossover?
82
00:04:00,238 --> 00:04:01,904
2 years ago,
Christmas.
83
00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:04,807
Oh, God!
84
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,409
Come on, honey.
What's the big deal?
85
00:04:06,477 --> 00:04:08,278
It's just
a big and tall store.
86
00:04:08,346 --> 00:04:10,280
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
break it down for you.
87
00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:11,881
I'm certainly not tall.
88
00:04:14,418 --> 00:04:17,053
You're tall.
Sure you're tall.
89
00:04:17,121 --> 00:04:18,187
What are you, 6'2"?
90
00:04:18,256 --> 00:04:19,222
I'm 5'9".
91
00:04:20,524 --> 00:04:22,292
That's pretty damn tall.
92
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,627
Oh, would you come on?
93
00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:27,497
All right. Maybe you're
a little bit big.
94
00:04:27,565 --> 00:04:29,633
Why is this
even a discussion?
95
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,501
The man is gargantuan.
96
00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:35,972
Ok, what else came
from the big and tall shop?
97
00:04:36,039 --> 00:04:37,240
Tell me. What--
this belt?
98
00:04:37,308 --> 00:04:40,910
My--my jeans?
My cowboy shirt? What?
99
00:04:40,978 --> 00:04:43,280
A few things
might have come from there.
100
00:04:43,347 --> 00:04:44,981
I don't know.
101
00:04:45,048 --> 00:04:46,449
Ok, then let's
go the other way
with it, ok?
102
00:04:46,517 --> 00:04:49,152
What didn't come
from the big and tall shop?
103
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:50,853
Ok. I will show you.
104
00:04:57,861 --> 00:05:00,463
The thing is
they use very good fabric.
105
00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:04,334
There's nothing in there,
is there?
106
00:05:04,402 --> 00:05:06,169
Yes, there is.
107
00:05:08,739 --> 00:05:10,106
This.
Ok, fine.
108
00:05:10,174 --> 00:05:11,341
Great. Well,
you know what?
109
00:05:11,409 --> 00:05:13,510
This is what I'm
gonna be wearing from now on,
110
00:05:13,577 --> 00:05:16,212
so you better
get used to it, missy, ok?
111
00:05:21,218 --> 00:05:23,052
I can't feel my hands.
112
00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:33,062
Hi, babe.
What are you doin'?
113
00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:35,799
Lookin' at myself
in various stages of fatness.
114
00:05:37,134 --> 00:05:38,234
Look at this.
Come here.
115
00:05:38,302 --> 00:05:39,602
Watch this.
116
00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:41,538
You can actually
see me gaining weight.
117
00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:43,139
Hey.
118
00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:45,608
Watch this.
119
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,510
And there goes my neck.
120
00:05:49,112 --> 00:05:50,880
Ok, would you
stop this now?
121
00:05:50,948 --> 00:05:52,682
Here. Just
watch some t.V.
122
00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:54,417
♪ The tiny shipwas tossed ♪
123
00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:56,919
♪ if not for the courageof the fearless crew ♪
124
00:05:56,987 --> 00:05:58,788
♪ the minnow
would be lost ♪
125
00:05:58,856 --> 00:06:00,189
♪ the minnow
would be lost ♪
126
00:06:00,257 --> 00:06:02,225
Oh, my God.
I'm fatter than the skipper.
127
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,993
Ok. Enough.
128
00:06:04,061 --> 00:06:05,562
This is brutal.
129
00:06:05,629 --> 00:06:08,465
I knew I wasn't slim
or even normal size,
130
00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:10,800
but seein' that bag,
you know?
131
00:06:10,868 --> 00:06:13,202
Honey, you are really
overreacting to this.
132
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:16,506
I mean, you
are totally attractive.
133
00:06:16,574 --> 00:06:19,509
So you--you still love me?
134
00:06:19,577 --> 00:06:20,910
Of course,
I still love you.
135
00:06:20,978 --> 00:06:22,345
I love you no matter what.
136
00:06:25,916 --> 00:06:27,717
What does that mean,
"no matter what"?
137
00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:29,352
Nothing.
Just that I love you.
138
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,053
No, "no matter what"
means you love me
139
00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,922
even though I
have some sort of problem,
140
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,123
like no job or no money,
141
00:06:34,191 --> 00:06:36,626
or biggie
can't fit through doorway!
142
00:06:38,629 --> 00:06:40,363
Ok. I take it back.
143
00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:42,298
I love you.
That's it. Period.
144
00:06:42,366 --> 00:06:44,300
No, come on, Carrie.
I'm being serious here.
145
00:06:44,368 --> 00:06:45,968
Let's go. You're
telling me right now
146
00:06:46,036 --> 00:06:48,204
you have no problem
with that area in here?
147
00:06:50,674 --> 00:06:51,841
Nothing?
148
00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:56,145
Well, you know,
for health reasons--
149
00:06:56,213 --> 00:06:58,481
no, no, no, no.
I'm not talkin'
about health here, ok?
150
00:06:58,549 --> 00:07:00,082
Let's assume
I'm in perfect health
151
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:02,151
and I don't have that flutter.
152
00:07:02,219 --> 00:07:03,553
I want to
know right now:
153
00:07:03,621 --> 00:07:06,623
Am I as sexy and attractive
to you as ever?
154
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:09,091
Huh? Is this it for you?
Am I perfect?
155
00:07:11,562 --> 00:07:12,995
Well, ahem...
156
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:15,331
I guess it wouldn't kill me
157
00:07:15,399 --> 00:07:16,733
if you lost a little weight.
158
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:18,668
Aha! Ok,
159
00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:21,237
and how much weight
would it not kill ya
for me to lose?
160
00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:24,073
I don't know.
50 pounds?
161
00:07:24,141 --> 00:07:26,175
50?
All right! Less!
162
00:07:26,243 --> 00:07:28,478
Whatever.
You made me say it.
163
00:07:28,546 --> 00:07:30,379
I can't believe
you said 50!
164
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:33,716
Doug, come on!
You know I love you
no matter-- ah...
165
00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,752
This is--
this is unbelievable.
166
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:37,654
You know,
here I am walking around
thinking everything's great.
167
00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:40,557
Meanwhile, you're
smuggling in my clothes
and hating the way I look!
168
00:07:40,624 --> 00:07:42,826
No, I don't
hate the way you look, ok?
169
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:45,094
But, yes,
I admit it.
170
00:07:45,162 --> 00:07:47,029
You could
lose a little weight.
171
00:07:47,097 --> 00:07:48,164
But, Doug, come on.
172
00:07:48,231 --> 00:07:49,632
I'm sure there
are things about me
173
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,734
you wish were different
that you hold back on.
174
00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,770
You? No, you're--
you're perfect.
Yeah, right.
175
00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:56,072
Hey, look, when you start
getting the old lady whiskers,
176
00:07:56,139 --> 00:07:59,041
I'll let you know,
but for now you're fine.
177
00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:01,778
Doug, come on.
This could be really good
for our marriage.
178
00:08:01,846 --> 00:08:04,180
I mean, if there are things
bothering us about each other,
179
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:06,082
we should just
get them out there,
you know?
180
00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:07,049
It's healthy.
181
00:08:09,487 --> 00:08:10,920
I guess.
All right, so come on.
182
00:08:11,722 --> 00:08:12,655
Hit me, baby.
183
00:08:14,758 --> 00:08:15,692
Uh...
184
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,962
I guess maybe
sometimes...
185
00:08:21,365 --> 00:08:23,265
You wear
a little too much makeup.
186
00:08:29,573 --> 00:08:32,274
What do you mean?
187
00:08:32,342 --> 00:08:34,477
Well, just, you know,
all that goop over there.
188
00:08:34,545 --> 00:08:36,379
Sometimes
I think you could just...
189
00:08:36,446 --> 00:08:37,814
Back her down a notch.
190
00:08:40,618 --> 00:08:43,119
Ok, this is stinging
more than I thought it would.
191
00:08:44,588 --> 00:08:46,956
So you really think
I wear too much makeup?
192
00:08:47,024 --> 00:08:49,058
No. I just-- like if we're
going out for burgers,
193
00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:51,861
you know, and I
throw on a pair of sweatpants
and a baseball hat,
194
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:53,696
you look like
you're going to the opera...
195
00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:57,466
Or you're in the opera.
196
00:09:01,805 --> 00:09:04,007
Ok. Ok.
197
00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:08,477
I will try
to wear less makeup.
198
00:09:08,546 --> 00:09:09,812
Well, this is great.
All right.
199
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,414
But we're gonna
do this together, ok?
200
00:09:11,481 --> 00:09:13,315
And I'm gonna
join a gym and start to diet.
201
00:09:13,383 --> 00:09:14,951
I'm gonna
whip this body into shape
202
00:09:15,019 --> 00:09:17,820
'cause nobody's calling me
fatty mcbutterpants anymore.
203
00:09:19,389 --> 00:09:22,992
Somebody called you
fatty mcbutterpants?
204
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:24,961
On line at the bank
yesterday, yeah.
205
00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:28,665
And it took seeing
the big and tall bag
206
00:09:28,732 --> 00:09:30,667
to push you
over the edge?
207
00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:33,870
Mmm-hmm.
208
00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:45,915
Ok. I dieted
for the last 8 hours.
209
00:09:45,983 --> 00:09:47,884
Granted I was asleep,
but I can feel it.
210
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,987
Something's happening.
211
00:09:51,055 --> 00:09:54,356
And I have
almost no makeup on.
212
00:09:54,424 --> 00:09:56,726
Take a good look around,
fat,
213
00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:58,027
look at this house,
214
00:09:58,095 --> 00:09:59,896
'cause you ain't
comin' back here no more.
215
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:03,399
By the way, uh,
216
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:05,201
I'm joining the gym
on the Deacon's family plan,
217
00:10:05,268 --> 00:10:06,803
so if anybody calls,
218
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:08,638
he's the man
I share my life with.
219
00:10:12,476 --> 00:10:13,776
Carrie.
220
00:10:13,844 --> 00:10:16,245
I'm not putting it on!
I'm just looking at it.
221
00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:18,581
It's sparkly.
222
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:21,851
Ok.
223
00:10:25,823 --> 00:10:27,223
Darling,
224
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,426
let me introduce you to Frank,
a.K.A. Mr. safety.
225
00:10:32,696 --> 00:10:34,296
"Mr. safety"?
226
00:10:34,364 --> 00:10:36,099
Reading about
this recent crime wave
227
00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:38,367
made me concerned
for your well-being.
228
00:10:38,435 --> 00:10:40,937
Just sit him on the passenger
seat in your car
229
00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:42,438
when you go to work,
230
00:10:42,506 --> 00:10:44,941
and the carjackers
will move on to easier prey.
231
00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:49,478
Dad, I take
the subway to work.
232
00:10:49,546 --> 00:10:51,413
Well, then, take him
on the subway with you.
233
00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:55,251
He has no legs.
234
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,621
Pretend he's an amputee.
235
00:11:01,258 --> 00:11:03,960
Dad, how is
a legless doll
236
00:11:04,028 --> 00:11:06,129
gonna protect me
on the subway?
237
00:11:06,196 --> 00:11:08,364
Why are you
being so difficult?
238
00:11:08,431 --> 00:11:10,066
I'm trying to
save your life!
239
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:12,869
Oh, forget it!
240
00:11:14,972 --> 00:11:15,905
Nope.
241
00:11:21,712 --> 00:11:23,379
[People chattering]
242
00:11:24,281 --> 00:11:25,414
[Sighs]
243
00:11:25,482 --> 00:11:27,016
What's up, ladies?
244
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:29,418
All right.
Let's light this candle.
245
00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:33,823
[Grunts]
246
00:11:51,308 --> 00:11:53,209
♪ My blood runs cold
247
00:11:53,276 --> 00:11:55,812
♪ my memory
has just been sold ♪
248
00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:57,980
♪ angel is a centerfold
249
00:11:58,048 --> 00:11:59,882
♪ angel is a centerfold
250
00:12:00,851 --> 00:12:01,784
[yells]
251
00:12:04,421 --> 00:12:05,654
[Yells]
252
00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,524
♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na
253
00:12:08,592 --> 00:12:10,626
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
254
00:12:10,694 --> 00:12:12,528
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
255
00:12:13,897 --> 00:12:15,231
[screaming]
256
00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:20,803
(Doug)
Little help?
257
00:12:28,811 --> 00:12:29,744
[Sighs]
258
00:12:32,715 --> 00:12:33,649
Hello, Douglas.
259
00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:36,017
So...
260
00:12:36,952 --> 00:12:38,853
You, uh...
261
00:12:38,921 --> 00:12:41,490
You got your guy
at the table now, huh?
262
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:42,991
That's right.
263
00:12:43,059 --> 00:12:45,627
Ne'er-do-Wells could be
casing our house as we speak.
264
00:12:45,695 --> 00:12:48,263
Yeah? Then why you
playing pinochle with him?
265
00:12:48,331 --> 00:12:49,631
Because, moron,
266
00:12:49,699 --> 00:12:52,067
if I don't treat Mr. safety
like a real person,
267
00:12:52,134 --> 00:12:53,669
they'll know he's a fake.
268
00:12:53,736 --> 00:12:55,537
Yeah, well, I gotta tell you,
still weird.
269
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:00,542
What's up with the walk,
frankenstein?
270
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:01,610
[Chuckles]
271
00:13:01,678 --> 00:13:03,212
[Chuckles]
I just joined the gym,
272
00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:04,479
and I might have overdone it.
273
00:13:04,547 --> 00:13:06,248
Gym, huh?
Throwin' your money away.
274
00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:07,749
I got 2 words for you,
friend:
275
00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:09,284
Dynamic tension.
276
00:13:09,352 --> 00:13:12,287
Give me a bag of rice,
gallon of milk,
and a rubber band,
277
00:13:12,355 --> 00:13:15,090
and I'll give you a workout
you won't soon forget.
278
00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:19,595
Don't work out
with my milk, ok?
279
00:13:19,662 --> 00:13:21,663
I'm telling you,
it works.
280
00:13:21,731 --> 00:13:23,765
Look at the shape I'm in.
281
00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,066
I weigh
exactly what I weighed
282
00:13:25,134 --> 00:13:26,901
when I was 12 years old.
283
00:13:30,273 --> 00:13:31,473
[Groaning]
284
00:13:34,377 --> 00:13:35,310
[Sighs]
285
00:13:42,051 --> 00:13:44,353
[Groaning]
286
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:47,389
♪ She's a superfreak,
superfreak ♪
287
00:13:47,457 --> 00:13:49,190
♪ she's superfreaky
288
00:13:49,259 --> 00:13:50,191
yeow.
289
00:13:50,993 --> 00:13:51,993
What was that?
290
00:13:52,061 --> 00:13:53,729
You are not
going to believe this.
291
00:13:53,796 --> 00:13:57,266
At work I got
all these compliments
about the no-makeup thing.
292
00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,234
I mean, people telling me
I looked great,
293
00:13:59,302 --> 00:14:01,035
and, like, younger.
Really?
294
00:14:01,103 --> 00:14:03,739
Yes! And I actually
got carded at lunch,
295
00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:05,240
and then I went
to 2 other places,
296
00:14:05,308 --> 00:14:06,541
got carded again.
297
00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:07,909
I'm not gonna
lie to you, honey.
298
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,244
I'm a little looped.
299
00:14:09,312 --> 00:14:10,779
[Laughs]
300
00:14:10,846 --> 00:14:12,914
That's--that's great.
Great for you.
301
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,249
It is great, isn't it?
302
00:14:14,317 --> 00:14:16,385
We decided to be
more honest with each other.
303
00:14:16,452 --> 00:14:17,952
You know,
set some goals,
304
00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:20,322
work on some stuff,
and we did it.
305
00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:23,091
Yeah, we--we did it.
306
00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:24,459
Yeah.
307
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:25,460
You're done.
308
00:14:29,231 --> 00:14:30,932
Wow.
309
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,434
It's like without my makeup,
310
00:14:32,502 --> 00:14:35,904
my eyes stand out
in this really great way.
311
00:14:35,971 --> 00:14:38,340
And my mouth
is so naturally pouty.
312
00:14:38,408 --> 00:14:39,874
I tell you,
313
00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:41,510
this telling
each other stuff
314
00:14:41,577 --> 00:14:43,645
was the best thing
we ever did, babe.
315
00:14:45,948 --> 00:14:48,116
You know,
there is other stuff.
316
00:14:48,785 --> 00:14:50,185
Huh?
317
00:14:50,252 --> 00:14:52,086
There's more things
that you could work on
318
00:14:52,154 --> 00:14:53,789
about yourself,
you know.
319
00:14:54,324 --> 00:14:55,357
There are?
320
00:14:55,425 --> 00:14:56,825
A couple, yeah.
321
00:14:56,892 --> 00:14:58,860
Well, how come you
didn't mention it
the other night?
322
00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:01,430
I guess I didn't want to dump
everything on you all at once.
323
00:15:01,497 --> 00:15:03,998
I thought this
makeup thing was gonna be
hard enough, but now--
324
00:15:04,066 --> 00:15:05,634
ok. Like what?
325
00:15:06,436 --> 00:15:07,369
Um...
326
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:10,171
Your accent.
My accent?
327
00:15:10,239 --> 00:15:12,374
It's a little thick,
honey.
328
00:15:12,442 --> 00:15:14,776
Ok, well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
329
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,077
It's the way I talk.
330
00:15:16,145 --> 00:15:17,779
"Talk." See?
That right there, "talk."
331
00:15:17,847 --> 00:15:19,113
So what are you saying?
332
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:21,015
After 7 years all of a sudden,
my accent bothers you?
333
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,718
It's not a question
of it bothering me.
334
00:15:22,785 --> 00:15:24,653
I mean, look,
are you smart? Sure.
335
00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:26,321
Do you sound smart?
336
00:15:26,389 --> 00:15:27,322
[Grunting]
337
00:15:31,861 --> 00:15:32,961
O-ok.
338
00:15:33,028 --> 00:15:35,029
Um, so what else?
339
00:15:35,097 --> 00:15:36,197
Your laugh.
My laugh?
340
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:39,234
Yeah. Ha!
341
00:15:39,301 --> 00:15:41,670
Well, I thought people
think my laugh is fun.
342
00:15:41,738 --> 00:15:44,172
Yes, if you think loud,
scary noises are fun.
343
00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:49,077
O-ok. So what else?
What else?
344
00:15:49,144 --> 00:15:50,779
Nothing else.
Come on. Tell me!
345
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,581
There's nothing else!
Is it my forehead?
346
00:15:52,648 --> 00:15:54,449
What?
Last week I told you
347
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:56,618
my hairdresser said
I had a big forehead.
You said it was fine,
348
00:15:56,686 --> 00:15:58,353
but you were lying,
weren't you?
349
00:15:59,722 --> 00:16:01,155
To protect you, yes.
350
00:16:09,365 --> 00:16:11,299
[Man chattering on t.V.]
351
00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:15,737
Hey, fellas.
352
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:19,674
Could I speak to Arthur
in private?
353
00:16:21,444 --> 00:16:23,478
He's for safety!
That's all.
354
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:26,581
Watch this part.
355
00:16:30,686 --> 00:16:32,454
Carrie, come on,
let's go.
356
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:33,822
I'm comin'!
357
00:16:35,157 --> 00:16:36,525
Coming.
358
00:16:36,592 --> 00:16:37,992
I'm coming.
359
00:16:48,337 --> 00:16:50,038
(Movie announcer)From Columbia pictures,
360
00:16:50,105 --> 00:16:53,408
comes a comedy abouta happy-go-lucky polygamist
361
00:16:53,476 --> 00:16:55,444
and his 5very different wives.
362
00:16:55,511 --> 00:16:57,646
It's your classic
363
00:16:57,713 --> 00:17:02,884
boy-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl story.
364
00:17:02,952 --> 00:17:04,753
(Man)Honeys! I'm home!
365
00:17:05,888 --> 00:17:07,422
[Laughing]
366
00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:11,092
What's up with her?
367
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,194
(Man)How can 5 womenhave a headache
368
00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:14,863
on the same night!
369
00:17:15,631 --> 00:17:16,565
[Laughing]
370
00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:19,701
Oh, my.
371
00:17:25,675 --> 00:17:27,041
Hey, deac,
question for you.
372
00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:28,142
Yeah.
373
00:17:29,278 --> 00:17:31,112
You ever feel
bad about yourself
374
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:34,950
so you tell Kelly
there are things
wrong with her
375
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:37,853
just to, you know,
hurt her?
376
00:17:40,623 --> 00:17:43,358
You're asking me
if I mentally abuse my wife?
377
00:17:44,159 --> 00:17:46,127
Yeah.
378
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,128
No, I don't.
379
00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:48,864
Me neither.
380
00:17:50,132 --> 00:17:51,533
Wait. Does this
have anything to do
381
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:55,269
with why Carrie
was acting so freaky
last night?
382
00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:56,972
It might. I don't know.
383
00:17:57,039 --> 00:17:58,974
What did you do?
384
00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:01,676
First she told me
that I could stand
to lose a little weight,
385
00:18:01,744 --> 00:18:05,213
so I told her
to wear less makeup,
386
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,482
to work on her accent,
her laugh,
387
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,718
and her huge forehead.
388
00:18:09,785 --> 00:18:11,786
I'm sorry.
Her huge forehead?
389
00:18:11,854 --> 00:18:14,589
All right, maybe it's
not freakshow material,
390
00:18:14,657 --> 00:18:17,058
but she draws some looks.
391
00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:18,393
Step aside, bro.
392
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:20,094
[Laughing]
You are messed up.
393
00:18:20,162 --> 00:18:21,496
How am I messed up?
394
00:18:21,564 --> 00:18:23,064
Carrie tells you
you have to lose weight,
395
00:18:23,132 --> 00:18:24,933
which is like-- come on.
396
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,335
And you tell her
she has to work
on her forehead?
397
00:18:27,403 --> 00:18:29,370
How the hell
do you work on a forehead?
398
00:18:29,438 --> 00:18:32,273
Hey, I had to eat
baby carrots at the movies.
399
00:18:32,341 --> 00:18:34,375
Yes, all right. Nice work
on your relationship.
400
00:18:34,443 --> 00:18:35,877
Sounds real healthy.
401
00:18:35,945 --> 00:18:39,180
Hey, don't judge me,
Mr. black-Dr.-Joyce-brothers,
ok?
402
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,349
You're tall and thin.
You don't understand
my issues.
403
00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:43,652
And I don't want to
understand 'em.
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
404
00:18:43,719 --> 00:18:45,086
Walk away.
That's right, tall-ee.
405
00:18:45,154 --> 00:18:46,354
Whoo-hoo, I'm big.
406
00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:48,056
Yeah, have fun
ducking under doorways.
407
00:18:48,123 --> 00:18:49,758
I'm on this now!
408
00:18:49,825 --> 00:18:52,326
I hate me!
409
00:18:56,532 --> 00:18:57,732
[Growls]
410
00:18:59,035 --> 00:19:00,234
[Screams]
411
00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:04,739
[Grunting]
412
00:19:11,413 --> 00:19:12,346
[Yells]
413
00:19:16,819 --> 00:19:18,019
What's going on?
414
00:19:18,087 --> 00:19:19,020
I lied!
415
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:20,154
What?
416
00:19:20,222 --> 00:19:23,091
I lied, ok.
I'm not fatty mcbutterpants.
417
00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:24,926
I'm fatty mcliarpants.
418
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:26,260
What did you lie about?
419
00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:28,362
About all that stuff
I told you is wrong about you.
420
00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:29,965
You know, I made it all up...
421
00:19:30,032 --> 00:19:31,099
Because I was suffering,
422
00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:32,867
and I wanted to
drag you down with me.
423
00:19:32,935 --> 00:19:35,436
Man, I'm not even
fatty mcliarpants.
424
00:19:35,504 --> 00:19:37,305
I'm fatty mcevilpants.
425
00:19:37,372 --> 00:19:39,373
All right, could you
stop saying what you are
426
00:19:39,441 --> 00:19:41,409
with the words "fatty"
and "pants" around it,
427
00:19:41,477 --> 00:19:43,311
and just let me process this
for a minute?
428
00:19:43,378 --> 00:19:45,614
So you have no problem
with my accent?
429
00:19:45,681 --> 00:19:48,149
No! It's regional.
It has character.
430
00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:50,451
And my laugh?
431
00:19:50,519 --> 00:19:51,953
A burst of energy.
432
00:19:52,021 --> 00:19:53,722
And this, uh,
football field up here?
433
00:19:53,789 --> 00:19:55,590
I love your forehead,
ok?
434
00:19:55,658 --> 00:19:56,992
I'd carry it around
in my wallet
435
00:19:57,059 --> 00:19:59,460
if that was
any way workable.
436
00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:00,629
I can't believe this!
437
00:20:00,696 --> 00:20:03,264
I know.
I was so out of line.
438
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,866
It's just that you
came in so happy,
439
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,168
and I couldn't
get my shoes off.
440
00:20:07,236 --> 00:20:09,403
So I flailed at you.
441
00:20:09,471 --> 00:20:10,905
I'm sorry.
Do you forgive me?
442
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:12,273
No!
443
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:13,407
I don't forgive you.
444
00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:14,809
I mean, you had me
walking around
445
00:20:14,877 --> 00:20:16,044
acting like an idiot.
446
00:20:16,112 --> 00:20:19,848
You made me feel
really bad about myself, Doug.
447
00:20:19,915 --> 00:20:22,416
I know! I didn't mean to.
448
00:20:22,484 --> 00:20:23,785
You did mean to.
449
00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:25,453
That was the whole point,
right?
450
00:20:27,089 --> 00:20:28,489
I guess it was, yes.
451
00:20:29,224 --> 00:20:30,358
I'm sorry.
452
00:20:30,425 --> 00:20:32,894
No. No.
I don't forgive you.
453
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:34,029
You don't?
454
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:35,030
No.
Never?
455
00:20:35,097 --> 00:20:36,264
No!
456
00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:38,232
I mean,
what you did
was--was horrible.
457
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,868
I mean,
"oh, I'm sorry, Carrie."
458
00:20:39,935 --> 00:20:43,437
"Oh, ok." That's
not gonna cut it, buddy.
459
00:20:43,505 --> 00:20:45,373
Hey, how about this?
How about this, huh?
460
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,143
How about you
think of another thing
that you don't like about me,
461
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:49,477
something really hard to fix.
462
00:20:49,545 --> 00:20:51,079
All right?
Then I'll have the weight
463
00:20:51,147 --> 00:20:53,148
and the new hard thing.
That's 2 hard things.
464
00:20:53,215 --> 00:20:54,549
And you'll have nothing.
Huh?
465
00:20:54,616 --> 00:20:56,284
What do you say there,
sugar?
466
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:57,986
Hmm?
467
00:20:58,054 --> 00:20:59,654
Well, that's not bad.
468
00:20:59,722 --> 00:21:01,156
Ok.
469
00:21:01,223 --> 00:21:03,457
So come on.
Hit me. Gloves off.
470
00:21:05,995 --> 00:21:07,228
Your hair.
471
00:21:07,296 --> 00:21:08,429
My hair?
472
00:21:10,365 --> 00:21:11,332
Thinning.
473
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:13,601
In the front a little?
474
00:21:14,970 --> 00:21:17,305
In the front, yes...
475
00:21:17,372 --> 00:21:18,840
And in the back...
476
00:21:21,877 --> 00:21:24,312
And on the sides.
477
00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:26,380
You're really
starting to enjoy this,
aren't you?
478
00:21:26,448 --> 00:21:27,648
Little bit.
479
00:21:27,717 --> 00:21:29,184
(Arthur)
Carrie!
480
00:21:29,785 --> 00:21:31,352
They got to him!
481
00:21:33,189 --> 00:21:35,156
I'll kill you,
you vicious thugs.
482
00:21:37,459 --> 00:21:38,960
Ironic, isn't it?
483
00:21:39,028 --> 00:21:41,395
The only one Mr. safety
couldn't protect was himself.
484
00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:03,017
Hey.
485
00:22:03,085 --> 00:22:04,786
Give me your wallet.
486
00:22:05,387 --> 00:22:06,320
Hmm.
487
00:22:10,059 --> 00:22:11,159
All right.
488
00:22:11,227 --> 00:22:12,160
[Sighing]
489
00:22:20,903 --> 00:22:21,770
[Grunts]
33814
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