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1
00:00:07,806 --> 00:00:10,308
Oh! It wasn't
supposed to rain today.
2
00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:11,576
Damn Al roker!
3
00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:14,945
Hurry up and open the door.
I'm getting soaked.
4
00:00:15,013 --> 00:00:16,681
I can't get
at the keys.
5
00:00:16,748 --> 00:00:18,649
Here, I'll get 'em.
Hold these.
6
00:00:18,717 --> 00:00:20,651
Ow! Easy,
that's a soda bag.
7
00:00:20,719 --> 00:00:22,486
Oh, sorry.
8
00:00:22,554 --> 00:00:24,154
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:27,091
Mama Leone,
someone wants a slice
of big Dougie pie.
10
00:00:27,726 --> 00:00:29,427
Shut up.
11
00:00:29,494 --> 00:00:31,295
What are you doin'
with all these keys?
12
00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:32,830
What are you,
Schneider?
13
00:00:32,897 --> 00:00:34,064
Which one's
the house key?
14
00:00:34,132 --> 00:00:35,466
Well, you just passed it
there.
15
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,335
(Carrie)
Find the key and
open the damn door!
16
00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:39,002
(Doug)
Fine! I gotta
put the bags down.
17
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:41,105
All right,
but don't put the bags
in the puddle!
18
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:42,740
It's all puddle!
19
00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:44,875
Crazy kids.
20
00:00:46,445 --> 00:00:49,413
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
21
00:00:49,481 --> 00:00:52,182
♪ my back is gettin' tight
22
00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:54,151
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
23
00:00:54,219 --> 00:00:57,221
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
24
00:00:57,289 --> 00:01:00,458
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
25
00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:05,929
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
26
00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:09,900
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
27
00:01:09,968 --> 00:01:12,903
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
28
00:01:22,146 --> 00:01:26,282
Ok, got some chicken,
got some potatoes.
29
00:01:26,349 --> 00:01:29,686
Hey, hey.
Ok, watch the finger!
30
00:01:29,753 --> 00:01:33,089
Hey, don't mean to interrupt
animal planet,
31
00:01:33,157 --> 00:01:35,424
but how was everyone's day?
32
00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:37,160
Anything to say?
33
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,928
Anyone?
34
00:01:38,996 --> 00:01:41,330
Can you believe
that news about
the vice president?
35
00:01:41,398 --> 00:01:42,431
What news?
36
00:01:42,499 --> 00:01:44,466
What news?
He resigned today.
37
00:01:44,534 --> 00:01:45,534
Who did?
38
00:01:45,602 --> 00:01:47,503
Al Gore,
the vice president.
39
00:01:47,571 --> 00:01:49,739
What, do you live
in a cave?
40
00:01:49,807 --> 00:01:51,774
No, I do not live
in a cave,
41
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:53,375
and Al Gore
did not resign.
42
00:01:53,443 --> 00:01:55,078
He absolutely did.
43
00:01:56,513 --> 00:01:57,780
Doug?
44
00:01:57,848 --> 00:02:00,149
I don't know.
45
00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:01,517
It was right
on the front page
46
00:02:01,585 --> 00:02:03,052
of today's paper.
I'll show ya.
47
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,722
Dad, if Gore resigned,
how come there was
nothing about it
48
00:02:05,789 --> 00:02:07,489
on the news
or on the radio?
49
00:02:07,557 --> 00:02:10,492
Maybe this man
had a scoop.
50
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,461
Oh, by the way,
Marc and Abby called,
51
00:02:12,529 --> 00:02:14,697
they want to know
if we want to do
benihana Saturday night.
52
00:02:14,765 --> 00:02:16,232
Oh, yeah,
I like that place.
53
00:02:16,299 --> 00:02:19,135
Better than goin' to that
stupid I.P.S. Banquet anyway.
54
00:02:19,203 --> 00:02:20,502
The company's
havin' a banquet?
55
00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:22,105
We don't have to go.
Let's do benihana.
56
00:02:22,172 --> 00:02:25,108
Oh, I hope we get aiko.
Last time we had Lenny.
57
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:28,711
I can't find
the front section.
58
00:02:28,779 --> 00:02:29,846
Would you
forget about it?
59
00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:31,180
It's probably
in the garbage.
60
00:02:31,248 --> 00:02:32,648
Thank you.
61
00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,918
So what's the banquet for?
62
00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:37,787
Dad, get out of the garbage.
63
00:02:37,855 --> 00:02:40,623
Oh, let him go.
Maybe he'll fall in.
64
00:02:40,690 --> 00:02:42,158
So, what's
the banquet for?
65
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:43,659
Oh, it's just
for les fisker.
66
00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:45,862
He's been with the company
like 20 years or somethin'.
67
00:02:45,929 --> 00:02:46,929
Who's les fisker?
68
00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:48,530
There's still tuna
in this can.
69
00:02:48,598 --> 00:02:51,467
Do we own a diamond mine
I don't know about?
70
00:02:52,469 --> 00:02:53,636
Who's les fisker?
71
00:02:53,703 --> 00:02:54,771
He's my boss.
72
00:02:54,838 --> 00:02:56,005
I thought O'Boyle
was your boss.
73
00:02:56,073 --> 00:02:57,439
O'Boyle's
just my supervisor.
74
00:02:57,507 --> 00:02:59,041
Fisker runs
the whole place.
75
00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:01,177
Ok, then, don't you think
you should go?
76
00:03:01,245 --> 00:03:02,745
Why? He doesn't
even know me.
77
00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:04,480
What do you mean,
he doesn't know you?
78
00:03:04,547 --> 00:03:06,348
He doesn't know me.
He doesn't know you!
79
00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:08,350
He no know Dougie.
80
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:12,989
Aha! "Gore resigns
81
00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:16,159
himself
to wooden image."
82
00:03:16,226 --> 00:03:19,595
Well, this is obviously
the wrong newspaper.
83
00:03:19,663 --> 00:03:21,463
So, Doug.
Ya?
84
00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,499
I think we should go
to the banquet
on Saturday night.
85
00:03:23,566 --> 00:03:24,533
Why?
86
00:03:24,601 --> 00:03:26,568
Why? Because
he's your boss.
87
00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:28,637
This is a perfect chance
for you to--to get
some brownie points.
88
00:03:28,705 --> 00:03:30,807
You know, stand out
from the pack
a little bit.
89
00:03:30,874 --> 00:03:32,108
Oh. All right,
all right.
90
00:03:32,176 --> 00:03:34,110
Now I see how
we got off track here.
91
00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:36,412
See, you want me
to stand out from the pack,
92
00:03:36,479 --> 00:03:38,848
whereas I want to remain
hidden and obscured
93
00:03:38,916 --> 00:03:40,683
by that very same pack.
94
00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:45,421
Carrie,
it's how I survive.
All right?
95
00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:46,856
Staying nameless
and faceless.
96
00:03:46,924 --> 00:03:48,925
Not too good,
not too bad.
97
00:03:48,992 --> 00:03:51,560
Right on the cutting edge
of mediocre.
98
00:03:52,729 --> 00:03:54,596
Doug, I think
you're being ridiculous.
99
00:03:54,664 --> 00:03:57,666
Oh, you just want him
to kiss a little heinie.
100
00:03:59,136 --> 00:04:01,470
Sure, you get
the big promotion,
101
00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:02,738
but you lose your soul.
102
00:04:02,806 --> 00:04:04,506
Ok, bubby,
just eat your dinner.
103
00:04:04,574 --> 00:04:06,075
In all the jobs
I ever had,
104
00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:08,177
I never kowtowed
to the bosses.
105
00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,279
I spoke my mind!
106
00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:12,514
Which is why you have
no pension, no benefits,
107
00:04:12,582 --> 00:04:14,317
and you live
in our basement.
108
00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:19,889
You really swung from
the heels on that one,
didn't you?
109
00:04:19,957 --> 00:04:20,923
Doug...
110
00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:22,091
Fine. You know?
Ok, fine.
111
00:04:22,159 --> 00:04:23,559
We will go
to the banquet, ok?
112
00:04:23,626 --> 00:04:25,794
Way to go, sellout!
113
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,668
(Doug)
Carrie, I'm leavin'!
114
00:04:32,736 --> 00:04:34,670
Doug, wait. Wait, wait, wait!
What's up?
115
00:04:34,738 --> 00:04:36,805
Sign one of these, ok,
and bring it to your boss.
116
00:04:36,874 --> 00:04:38,374
Sign what?
A card.
117
00:04:38,441 --> 00:04:40,542
You know,
to congratulate him
for his 20 years.
118
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:42,544
A card? No, no,
that's way over the top.
119
00:04:42,612 --> 00:04:44,713
No, it isn't. Doug,
it's good office politics.
120
00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:46,782
I do it all the time
at work.
121
00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:49,986
Really? Is that why you're on
the fast track to making
less coffee next year?
122
00:04:50,053 --> 00:04:52,688
Sure, take a vicious shot
at me. Very nice.
123
00:04:52,756 --> 00:04:54,023
Come on,
pick one and sign it.
124
00:04:54,091 --> 00:04:57,059
Fine. Why do you
have all these anyway?
125
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:58,460
Oh, when I see
a card I like,
126
00:04:58,528 --> 00:05:00,863
I just buy it,
even if I don't need it.
127
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:02,932
Like what you do
with beef.
128
00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:06,168
Ok, how about that one?
129
00:05:06,236 --> 00:05:09,205
2 deer drinking
from a Mountain stream.
130
00:05:09,273 --> 00:05:11,473
Um, do you have
anything gayer?
131
00:05:15,913 --> 00:05:19,581
Here, hunting dogs.
Heterosexual enough for ya?
132
00:05:19,649 --> 00:05:23,386
[Sighing]
Fine. I can't believe it.
First a banquet, now a card.
133
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,154
Who am I?
134
00:05:25,222 --> 00:05:28,224
Ooh, I love you, boss.
135
00:05:29,326 --> 00:05:31,693
I love you so much.
136
00:05:31,761 --> 00:05:33,662
[Making kissing noise]
137
00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:36,665
Ok, you know what?
Catchin' a little
pop-tart shower there.
138
00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:39,368
All right,
let me see. Let me see.
139
00:05:39,436 --> 00:05:41,603
"Congratulations.
Doug heffernan,
140
00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,440
driver 622-h7."
141
00:05:44,507 --> 00:05:48,010
Hon, it's a card,
not an invoice.
142
00:05:48,078 --> 00:05:49,511
You know what?
You write it.
143
00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:50,913
Ok, I will.
144
00:05:58,788 --> 00:05:59,855
Here.
145
00:06:02,459 --> 00:06:05,461
"Congratulations.
I hear you got 20 to life."
146
00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:10,899
What does that mean?
147
00:06:10,968 --> 00:06:14,437
20 to life.
Like working there's
a prison sentence.
148
00:06:16,273 --> 00:06:17,606
It's funny.
149
00:06:22,346 --> 00:06:23,545
Hey, man.
150
00:06:23,613 --> 00:06:24,981
Hey.
151
00:06:25,048 --> 00:06:26,182
What's the matter?
152
00:06:26,249 --> 00:06:28,417
Man,
got a fugly route today.
153
00:06:30,753 --> 00:06:33,655
They got me goin'
back and forth
over the bridge 3 times.
154
00:06:33,723 --> 00:06:35,257
I get winded
peeling an orange.
155
00:06:35,325 --> 00:06:38,361
We all have
our crosses to bear.
156
00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,062
You ready
to head out?
157
00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,931
Yeah. Give me 2 seconds.
I just gotta drop this
by fisker's office.
158
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,733
Fisker?
What you got for him?
159
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,502
Oh, it's just
a congratulations card.
160
00:06:46,569 --> 00:06:47,936
You know,
for his 20 years here.
161
00:06:48,005 --> 00:06:49,638
Didn't you, uh,
didn't you get him one?
162
00:06:49,706 --> 00:06:52,441
[Snorts]
No.
163
00:06:52,509 --> 00:06:55,478
Hey, any of you guys, uh,
givin' cards to fisker?
164
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,046
No.
No, not me.
165
00:06:58,948 --> 00:07:00,449
[Phone ringing]
166
00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:03,619
Mr. Grossman's office.
167
00:07:03,686 --> 00:07:05,521
Nobody's givin' cards!
168
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,024
Doug?
169
00:07:08,091 --> 00:07:09,958
None of the others
are doin' anything.
I'll be the only one!
170
00:07:10,027 --> 00:07:11,060
(Grossman)
Carrie!
171
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,194
Doug, listen to me.
172
00:07:12,262 --> 00:07:13,662
Everything's
gonna be fine.
173
00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:15,898
Mommy loves you.
Now just give him the card.
174
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:18,267
(Grossman)
Carrie, this was
supposed to be decaf!
175
00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:19,568
Gotta go.
176
00:07:24,441 --> 00:07:25,474
Hi.
177
00:07:25,542 --> 00:07:28,277
Hello. Can I help you
with something?
178
00:07:28,345 --> 00:07:31,580
Uh, yeah, I, uh, I, uh,
I work here.
179
00:07:31,648 --> 00:07:35,384
And, uh, I, uh, just wanted
to drop this off
for Mr. fisker.
180
00:07:35,452 --> 00:07:36,552
Oh, what is it?
181
00:07:36,619 --> 00:07:38,720
It's just a card
for his 20-year thing.
182
00:07:38,788 --> 00:07:40,656
Oh, how thoughtful.
183
00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:42,425
Actually, he's not busy.
184
00:07:42,492 --> 00:07:44,326
Why don't you just
pop on in and give it
to him personally.
185
00:07:44,394 --> 00:07:46,495
No! No, no.
No, no, that's fine.
186
00:07:46,563 --> 00:07:48,364
Actually, he's due
at a meeting anyway.
187
00:07:48,432 --> 00:07:50,433
No, please, don't, please.
You wait right here.
188
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,301
I'm asking.
Please stop walking. No.
189
00:08:00,877 --> 00:08:01,910
Can we go now?
190
00:08:01,978 --> 00:08:03,179
Yeah, just
give me 2 seconds.
191
00:08:03,246 --> 00:08:05,614
I gotta show a urinal cake
who's boss.
192
00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:09,618
Hey, Eddie.
193
00:08:11,788 --> 00:08:12,988
[Chuckling]
194
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,824
"20 to life." That's...
195
00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:19,228
Funny stuff.
196
00:08:19,296 --> 00:08:21,430
Oh, tight squeeze, huh?
197
00:08:21,498 --> 00:08:22,864
Yeah,
I get that a lot.
198
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:26,535
(Deacon)
Doug, let's go!
199
00:08:26,603 --> 00:08:28,104
Are you Doug heffernan?
200
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:29,171
No!
201
00:08:30,773 --> 00:08:32,908
Did--did you say
heffernan?
202
00:08:32,976 --> 00:08:34,110
Yes.
203
00:08:34,177 --> 00:08:36,479
Oh, then,
yes, I am, yes.
204
00:08:36,546 --> 00:08:38,247
Well, I'm, uh,
I'm les fisker.
205
00:08:38,315 --> 00:08:41,049
Oh, hi. Hello.
206
00:08:41,118 --> 00:08:42,784
Oh, thank you
for the card.
207
00:08:42,852 --> 00:08:45,387
Oh, you're welcome.
Yes, you are.
208
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:47,289
20 to life, very clever.
209
00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:48,924
Aw, it just
kinda came to me.
210
00:08:48,992 --> 00:08:51,693
Mmm. You're
in the wrong business.
211
00:08:51,761 --> 00:08:53,395
You should be
writing for imus.
212
00:08:53,463 --> 00:08:56,064
Oh. Thanks.
Thank you very much.
213
00:08:56,133 --> 00:08:58,467
Anyway, it was
very thoughtful.
Thank you again.
214
00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:00,436
No problem.
Well, you take care now.
215
00:09:00,504 --> 00:09:01,437
Yeah. Uh, Doug?
216
00:09:01,505 --> 00:09:02,505
Ya?
217
00:09:02,572 --> 00:09:05,474
How are things goin'
for you guys down here?
218
00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:07,876
Oh, uh, you know what?
Everything's been really--
219
00:09:07,944 --> 00:09:09,011
[dryer whirs]
220
00:09:09,078 --> 00:09:10,679
Good, you know?
Things are goin' good!
221
00:09:10,747 --> 00:09:12,181
People really--
222
00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:14,350
customers really seem
to enjoy their--
their packages.
223
00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:17,486
Aah! That's kinda hot
when you start drying.
224
00:09:17,554 --> 00:09:19,955
[Clears throat]
All right, well, you know,
good seeing you.
225
00:09:20,023 --> 00:09:22,458
Doug, Doug!
Crazy thought just hit me.
226
00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:24,092
Yeah.
227
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,262
You know the company's
giving me this banquet thing
on Saturday.
228
00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:27,663
Yeah.
229
00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:30,366
Well, it's, uh, it's gonna be
like a--a roast, you know?
230
00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,100
One of those things
where people get up
231
00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:33,769
to the microphone
and zing ya.
232
00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:35,237
Ooh, ouch.
233
00:09:36,573 --> 00:09:38,106
Want to roast me?
234
00:09:38,175 --> 00:09:39,308
I'm sorry. What?
235
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:40,309
Roast me.
236
00:09:40,377 --> 00:09:42,944
You'll represent
the other drivers.
237
00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:46,315
And, uh, don't hold back,
I think I can
take a joke.
238
00:09:46,383 --> 00:09:49,285
Well, I guess we'll find out
on Saturday, huh?
239
00:09:49,352 --> 00:09:50,852
[Fisker laughing]
240
00:10:01,363 --> 00:10:02,297
Hey, babe.
241
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:03,698
Hello.
242
00:10:03,765 --> 00:10:05,467
I picked up some deli.
243
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:08,103
Mmm. Deli. Great.
244
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,972
So did you give
Mr. fisker the card?
245
00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:13,841
Just like
you told me.
246
00:10:13,909 --> 00:10:16,811
And did your world
come crashing down?
247
00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:18,879
Yes, it did.
248
00:10:22,985 --> 00:10:24,385
What do you mean?
249
00:10:24,453 --> 00:10:27,054
Well, it seems
he was so tickled
by your little card,
250
00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:29,124
that now I have
to roast the man.
251
00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:30,291
What?
252
00:10:30,359 --> 00:10:32,160
I gotta stand in front
of a bunch of people
253
00:10:32,228 --> 00:10:33,728
at a banquet
and insult him.
254
00:10:33,795 --> 00:10:36,063
You have
so screwed me up here.
255
00:10:36,132 --> 00:10:39,467
So then he thought
my card was funny, huh?
256
00:10:40,469 --> 00:10:41,736
He sure did.
257
00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:43,771
Oh, "20 to life,"
that's some big funny.
258
00:10:43,839 --> 00:10:46,641
That's Gallagher funny
right there!
259
00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:48,876
Look, calm down.
This is a good thing.
260
00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:50,378
I mean,
out of all the drivers,
261
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:52,480
fisker picked you
to do this.
262
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:53,881
That means he likes you.
263
00:10:53,949 --> 00:10:56,317
Ok, let's review.
Don't want him to like me.
264
00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:58,153
Don't want him
to know me, ok?
265
00:10:58,220 --> 00:10:59,521
You made me
kiss his butt,
266
00:10:59,588 --> 00:11:01,889
now I'm wearing his ass
as a turban!
267
00:11:08,164 --> 00:11:09,564
Do you still
want deli?
268
00:11:10,432 --> 00:11:12,200
I'm angry, not dead.
269
00:11:17,005 --> 00:11:20,875
He was born and raisedon a farm outside ofNorfolk, Nebraska.
270
00:11:20,942 --> 00:11:22,577
I knowhe's a real farm boy,
271
00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:25,880
'cause I saw him at the barwith a couple of pigs.
272
00:11:25,947 --> 00:11:27,248
[Audience laughing]
273
00:11:27,316 --> 00:11:29,450
All right, Arthur,
this isn't helping at all.
274
00:11:29,518 --> 00:11:30,585
Are you kidding?
275
00:11:30,653 --> 00:11:32,920
These are the classic
celebrity roasts.
276
00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:35,122
You can get
a lot of material.
277
00:11:35,191 --> 00:11:37,058
Unless you think
you have nothing to learn
278
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:40,562
from Mr. Fred travalena?
279
00:11:40,629 --> 00:11:43,598
All right, fine.
Show me something I can use.
280
00:11:43,666 --> 00:11:44,765
Ooh!
281
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:47,068
This is a great bit
for you. Look!
282
00:11:47,135 --> 00:11:49,671
So, youmuhammad Ali, huh?
283
00:11:49,738 --> 00:11:51,339
[Audience laughing]
284
00:11:53,642 --> 00:11:54,809
Don't meanmuch to me.
285
00:11:56,312 --> 00:11:58,479
You wanna step outin the alley, Ali?
286
00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:03,651
Huh? Huh? You like?
287
00:12:03,719 --> 00:12:06,087
Ok. Couple of problems here.
288
00:12:06,154 --> 00:12:09,924
First of all, my boss
is not heavyweight champion
of the world.
289
00:12:09,991 --> 00:12:12,594
And I am not
the jeffersons.
290
00:12:12,661 --> 00:12:13,894
So what?
291
00:12:13,962 --> 00:12:16,564
Just tweak it. Update
the references in your home.
292
00:12:16,632 --> 00:12:18,999
Do I have to spoon feed
this to ya?
293
00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:21,536
Good-bye.
294
00:12:21,604 --> 00:12:23,838
Wait, wait. Look!
Foster Brooks.
295
00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:27,675
Use his drunk routine.
296
00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:30,945
Hey, fisker, give me
another martooni.
297
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:39,186
Ah, I miss the day
when alcoholism was
light, breezy entertainment.
298
00:12:42,023 --> 00:12:43,258
Hey.
299
00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:44,792
You know,
I used to love you.
300
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:47,428
Now I associate you
with pain.
301
00:12:49,164 --> 00:12:50,765
Haven't written
any jokes yet?
302
00:12:50,832 --> 00:12:52,400
No!
I got so desperate,
303
00:12:52,468 --> 00:12:54,702
I even turned
to mini-me out there.
304
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:57,872
(Arthur)
Hurtful, and you're
missing Bruce jenner.
305
00:12:59,007 --> 00:13:00,241
Look, don't worry about it.
306
00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:02,377
You'll come up
with something.
You still have--
307
00:13:02,444 --> 00:13:03,611
2 days!
I got 2 days!
308
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,413
All right, big deal.
All you have to do
309
00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:09,016
is come up with a few
cute little jokes,
it's not that hard.
310
00:13:09,084 --> 00:13:11,218
Not that...
Oh, that's right!
311
00:13:11,287 --> 00:13:13,988
I forgot.
I'm married to
a gifted funny lady.
312
00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:16,223
You know what?
Hey, you worked
the magic on my card.
313
00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:18,993
Let's see
what you can do
with this, miss buzzi.
314
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,665
Ok, you got some, uh, very
disturbing doodles here.
315
00:13:23,732 --> 00:13:25,065
Jokes, please.
316
00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:26,734
Ok, I'll come up
with somethin'.
317
00:13:35,243 --> 00:13:37,278
What's goin' on?
The gags comin'
so fast and furious,
318
00:13:37,346 --> 00:13:38,379
you can't
write 'em down?
319
00:13:38,447 --> 00:13:39,681
Want me to get
a tape recorder?
320
00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:40,748
Shut up.
321
00:13:40,816 --> 00:13:43,384
Ok. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
322
00:13:43,452 --> 00:13:44,919
His name is
les fisker, right?
323
00:13:44,986 --> 00:13:46,020
Mmm-hmm.
324
00:13:46,087 --> 00:13:47,855
Ok, this is
what you say.
325
00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:49,691
Hey, everybody,
326
00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:52,860
we're here
to honor les fisker.
327
00:13:52,928 --> 00:13:55,663
Hey, if he's les,
I'd hate to see more!
328
00:14:00,569 --> 00:14:01,769
I don't want to roast him.
329
00:14:01,837 --> 00:14:03,304
Come on, deac,
it'll be fun.
330
00:14:03,372 --> 00:14:06,507
Hey, hey, "if he's les,
I'd hate to see more."
331
00:14:06,575 --> 00:14:08,909
Huh? Hey,
you can have that one.
332
00:14:08,977 --> 00:14:10,511
Look, man, I got
a family to feed.
333
00:14:10,579 --> 00:14:12,647
I'm not in a rush
to insult my boss in public.
334
00:14:12,715 --> 00:14:14,114
Not insult, rib.
335
00:14:14,182 --> 00:14:16,283
And once again,
a lot of fun.
336
00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:17,719
So why don't you
want to do it?
337
00:14:17,786 --> 00:14:19,119
It's not my thing.
338
00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:20,921
I'm not funny
in front of people
the way you are.
339
00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:22,256
Hey, hey, my homeys,
what's up?
340
00:14:22,324 --> 00:14:24,425
Deacman is
in the hizzouuuse!
341
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,231
Don't do that again.
342
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,100
Come on, man,
I'm beggin' you!
343
00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:35,002
It ain't gonna happen,
my friend.
344
00:14:36,505 --> 00:14:38,305
Hey. Hey, dugan,
how about you?
345
00:14:38,374 --> 00:14:39,940
Come on, you want
to give it a shot?
346
00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:41,576
Morales?
Hey, you guys
could be a team.
347
00:14:41,643 --> 00:14:43,644
Irish, puerto rican,
I'm laughin' already,
348
00:14:43,712 --> 00:14:46,547
and a great plea
for tolerance. Hello.
349
00:14:47,349 --> 00:14:48,783
Hey. Psst.
350
00:14:48,851 --> 00:14:50,985
Here comes
your boyfriend.
351
00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:53,153
Morning! Morning! Hello!
352
00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:55,690
Don't mean to scare you folks
by comin' downstairs.
353
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:58,192
You're all doin'
a great job, great job.
354
00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,060
You probably heard
that Doug here
355
00:15:00,128 --> 00:15:02,497
is gonna be roasting me
tomorrow night.
356
00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:05,032
If you saw
his card I put up
on the bulletin board,
357
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,367
you know Dougie.
358
00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:10,671
Well, he's a--
he's one funny s.O.B., huh?
359
00:15:10,739 --> 00:15:13,040
Well, he's gonna be
zingin' me for you folks.
360
00:15:13,108 --> 00:15:15,042
I just wanted to say
to all of you.
361
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:17,745
Up yours in advance.
Huh? Huh?
362
00:15:17,813 --> 00:15:19,647
[All laughing]
363
00:15:19,715 --> 00:15:21,982
Well, that's all.
Let's get to work, people.
364
00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:24,552
Let's go, go, go.
Chop, chop! Come on!
365
00:15:29,925 --> 00:15:31,325
Um, Mr. fisker?
366
00:15:31,393 --> 00:15:33,027
Yeah, Doug?
367
00:15:33,094 --> 00:15:35,430
Uh, a-about
the roast thing.
368
00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:36,497
Yeah?
369
00:15:36,565 --> 00:15:38,165
It's just that I--
I don't think--
370
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:40,902
I mean, I might not
be able to do it.
371
00:15:40,969 --> 00:15:42,770
Oh? Why not?
372
00:15:42,838 --> 00:15:44,171
Uh, well, you see,
373
00:15:44,239 --> 00:15:47,274
I forgot that we have
a thing this weekend.
374
00:15:47,342 --> 00:15:49,510
My wife's sister,
as it turns out,
375
00:15:49,578 --> 00:15:51,345
is having
her roast tomorrow.
376
00:15:51,413 --> 00:15:52,413
What?
377
00:15:52,481 --> 00:15:54,114
Well, it's really
more of a wedding,
378
00:15:54,182 --> 00:15:57,284
but we're probably gonna
make fun of her a little.
She stutters.
379
00:15:57,352 --> 00:15:59,119
What's going on,
Doug?
380
00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:01,221
Do you really have
a wedding or are you just
jerking my chain?
381
00:16:01,289 --> 00:16:03,357
No, no, no.
Hey, look, if I was
gonna jerk your chain,
382
00:16:03,425 --> 00:16:07,762
I would have done it
the other day in the men's
room, right? Wa-bang!
383
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:10,498
If you don't want
to come to my banquet,
then don't come,
384
00:16:10,566 --> 00:16:12,900
but don't make
a fool of me, Doug.
385
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:18,205
Uh, Mr. fisker,
you know what? Thought.
386
00:16:18,273 --> 00:16:21,408
Uh, I don't know
if I really have
to go to the wedding.
387
00:16:21,477 --> 00:16:23,377
She's just
a half-sister.
388
00:16:23,445 --> 00:16:26,347
Bottom line,
I will see you at the roast!
389
00:16:26,414 --> 00:16:27,515
All right.
390
00:16:27,583 --> 00:16:29,083
Good!
391
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:30,217
Good!
392
00:16:40,328 --> 00:16:41,963
Hey, honey,
how ya doin'?
393
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:43,865
I can't stop sweating.
394
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,501
Poor baby.
395
00:16:46,568 --> 00:16:49,604
I put a couple
of your maxipads
under my armpits,
396
00:16:53,341 --> 00:16:55,409
but they--they just
soak right through.
397
00:16:55,477 --> 00:16:58,946
Yeah,
that's because these
are for light days.
398
00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:01,749
I'm so nervous,
the back of my head
is actually numb.
399
00:17:01,817 --> 00:17:03,651
Doug, everything's
gonna be ok.
400
00:17:03,719 --> 00:17:06,086
Everyone's there
just to have some fun.
401
00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:08,088
You'll go up,
you'll do your jokes here,
402
00:17:08,156 --> 00:17:09,323
everyone will laugh,
403
00:17:09,391 --> 00:17:11,392
and it'll all
be over with.
404
00:17:11,459 --> 00:17:12,393
You think?
405
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:13,895
Yes.
Now, come on.
406
00:17:13,962 --> 00:17:16,163
Lay your head
right here.
407
00:17:16,231 --> 00:17:19,199
It's ok.
Everything's gonna be
just fine.
408
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:20,601
Yes, it is.
409
00:17:22,905 --> 00:17:23,838
[Inaudible]
410
00:17:33,415 --> 00:17:36,216
And now, speaking
for the drivers,
Doug heffernan.
411
00:17:40,856 --> 00:17:42,924
Thank you. Well, it's--
412
00:17:42,991 --> 00:17:45,560
well, it certainly has been
a fun evening thus far.
413
00:17:48,463 --> 00:17:50,497
Hello, everyone.
414
00:17:50,566 --> 00:17:54,134
I know that we're all
gathered here tonight
for the same reason.
415
00:17:54,202 --> 00:17:55,703
The shrimp toast.
416
00:17:57,639 --> 00:17:58,906
But seriously,
417
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:01,842
uh, les, you've been here
like 20 years, right?
418
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:02,977
Yup, yup.
419
00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:05,212
Wow. That's a--
that's a long time.
420
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,981
I think the reason
he's lasted so long
421
00:18:07,049 --> 00:18:09,149
is because
he works so hard,
422
00:18:09,217 --> 00:18:11,852
or is it that
he hardly works?
423
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:17,124
My God,
that's generic.
424
00:18:19,294 --> 00:18:22,296
Seriously, again,
les has done a great job
here at I.P.S.
425
00:18:22,363 --> 00:18:26,166
He's gotten the whole place
running like clockwork,
426
00:18:26,234 --> 00:18:29,369
if that clock was built
by a crazed wino!
427
00:18:29,437 --> 00:18:31,271
[All chuckling]
428
00:18:33,976 --> 00:18:37,044
No, no, really, les--les
has personally introduced
429
00:18:37,112 --> 00:18:39,046
some great innovations
at I.P.S.,
430
00:18:39,114 --> 00:18:41,816
the--the 3-hour lunch,
and of course,
431
00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:44,852
his bring-your-underage-
girlfriend-to-work-day.
432
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,186
[All laughing]
433
00:18:48,023 --> 00:18:50,958
But all jokin' aside,
it was les' idea
434
00:18:51,026 --> 00:18:52,994
for guaranteed
overnight delivery
435
00:18:53,061 --> 00:18:54,996
and to start a late-night
pick-up service.
436
00:18:55,063 --> 00:18:58,265
Oh, and speaking of
late-night pick-ups,
437
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,300
how about his wife, alana?
438
00:19:02,104 --> 00:19:03,403
Ohh!
439
00:19:07,909 --> 00:19:10,344
Yeah, isn't she a great gal?
440
00:19:10,411 --> 00:19:12,680
I don't-- I don't want
to say alana is easy,
441
00:19:12,748 --> 00:19:14,982
but she gives a whole
new meaning to the phrase:
442
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:17,018
Please form an orderly line.
443
00:19:17,085 --> 00:19:18,019
[All laughing]
444
00:19:18,086 --> 00:19:19,687
Are you with me?
445
00:19:21,589 --> 00:19:23,958
I'm kiddin'. You know
I love you, alana,
446
00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:25,526
later, in my truck.
447
00:19:30,966 --> 00:19:32,466
Let me ask you this, folks,
448
00:19:32,534 --> 00:19:35,636
you guys know actually
how many people work
at I.P.S.?
449
00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:38,172
Huh? Anybody know?
It's 1 out of 4.
450
00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:42,043
Hey, did every table
get a number 2 pencil?
451
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:45,012
I'm kiddin' around, red.
452
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,082
Nice hair, sir, does that
come with a chin strap?
453
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:49,884
Loved ya in cocoon.All right.
454
00:19:51,186 --> 00:19:53,688
42 years
of wedded bliss.
455
00:19:54,956 --> 00:19:56,390
Let's hear it
for 'em, folks.
456
00:19:56,457 --> 00:19:58,292
Let's hear it for 'em.
457
00:19:59,427 --> 00:20:01,528
The goosemans.
The goosemans.
458
00:20:02,764 --> 00:20:05,332
[Ululating]
459
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,967
And on!
460
00:20:07,035 --> 00:20:08,635
[All hooting]
461
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:13,307
[All laughing]
462
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:16,643
Oh. Oh! Ah!
463
00:20:16,712 --> 00:20:18,846
Oh, gosh,
this has been great, folks.
464
00:20:18,914 --> 00:20:20,147
But you know,
let's not forget
465
00:20:20,215 --> 00:20:21,816
what this night
is truly about.
466
00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:23,050
Les fisker, huh?
467
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:24,251
[All clapping]
468
00:20:24,319 --> 00:20:25,720
One lucky man,
right there. You are.
469
00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:27,354
You're lucky enough
to have a banquet.
470
00:20:27,422 --> 00:20:28,989
What you're
not lucky enough to have,
471
00:20:29,057 --> 00:20:31,892
is a bladder that empties
in under 20 minutes.
472
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,229
I lost a vacation day
waitin' for this guy
to finish.
473
00:20:37,365 --> 00:20:40,300
I mean it, man,
maybe you ought to
pull into a jiffy lube
474
00:20:40,368 --> 00:20:43,204
and have 'em put you up
on the rack, you know?
475
00:20:43,271 --> 00:20:44,471
[Doug laughing]
476
00:20:44,539 --> 00:20:46,107
(Doug)
Seriously, you know?
477
00:20:46,174 --> 00:20:47,742
Doug.
Yeah?
478
00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:49,977
Les had his prostate
removed.
479
00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:51,078
What?
480
00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:52,312
Cancer.
481
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:56,784
Cancer, huh?
482
00:20:57,418 --> 00:20:58,485
Ah...
483
00:20:59,788 --> 00:21:02,123
Boy, that cancer's wild,
isn't it?
484
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,214
All right, let's see
what we got here.
485
00:21:27,282 --> 00:21:28,816
[Clears throat]
486
00:21:28,884 --> 00:21:30,384
"Dear Mr. fisker,
487
00:21:30,451 --> 00:21:33,587
"thank you again for
being such a good sport
about the roast.
488
00:21:33,655 --> 00:21:35,856
"As you said, what kind
of world would it be
489
00:21:35,924 --> 00:21:37,758
"if we couldn't laugh
at ourselves.
490
00:21:37,826 --> 00:21:39,626
"By the way,
working the night shift
491
00:21:39,694 --> 00:21:42,897
has turned out to be
a nice change of pace
after all."
492
00:21:46,367 --> 00:21:47,401
It needs a joke.
35218
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