Original subtitles

You know, I think I'm in a state of shock.

I know the tour is over, but it's...

It's like last week in Spain I really felt like I would have a nervous breakdown.

I couldn't take the crowds outside, I couldn't do the shows.

It was too hot. Everything was getting to me.

I thought, "Oh, I think I'm getting ready

"for the depression of what I'm gonna feel when the tour's over with,"

but I really didn't feel emotional last night.

I know everybody else did, and everyone was crying,

but I didn't feel emotional.

It was like it already ended for me.

It's like when you know someone's dying,

you have to make your peace kind of before they die.

I've done this with close friends of mine.

It's like I make my peace with it before it happens, so I don't get really hurt.

And then when it happens, it's like...

I don't feel anything.

But I know I'm gonna feel something later.

I just don't know when that's gonna be.

I guess it's a protection device.

I hope I'm in a safe place when it happens.

What's wrong with me? I'm freaking out. I have Japanitis.

Let's walk.

We are in love

So, please Papa don't preach--

Stop, stop.

- Stop. Stop. - I'mon it!

Keith, you motherfucker!

Hello?

I'm sorry, the level up here is not that loud,

and there's no reason for all this feedback.

If we can't get it to sound better than this, then I am not doing a show,

so someone who knows about sound better come up here

and explain something to me.

- I'm waiting. - She's getting pissed.

Why can Donna and Niki not hear themselves?

Where's John Draper?

She sees me, and the smile is gone.

Because it's raining, Freddy.

- I know it is. - You think it's funny.

No, I don't.

I don't think it's funny at all.

Get out. I'm having a business talk. Good-bye.

Ouch!

Who does she think she is, my mama?

Snatchin' on my head like she's in the kitchen.

I only look white.

She sure is. She's really Mabel.

Remember? From What's Happening? That's her.

I was born a poor black child.

With no rhythm.

Look at her hair! Motherfuckin' piccaninny-lookin' shit.

"No, massa! I don't wanna do no make-up for Madonna, massa."

Honey, I got rhythm.

Do it the way it looks smoother.

No, I'm saying, do you like it over your head?

No. The great thing is you're hidden behind me when you pop out.

That's why I asked. Do you want me to do it over your head or not?

I don't think so.

Why don't you go take a poll? Ask everybody--

- Take a poll? - Yeah. And ram it up your ass.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Ollie.

No. See, you said it.

Every goddamn day, you throw this little fag stuff on me.

- Ollie! - Yeah, put this on tape.

Don't you know what a poll is?

A pole! Where's a pole? That's a pole.

No, a poll is when you go around and you take--

It's like--A poll is like--

- Wait a minute, you said "pole". - You're forgiven, Ollie.

Everything you don't know, I forgive you for.

Now, let Mama get her make-up done.

Oh, God. I love having children to watch over.

You're not filming me getting an adjustment.

I won't be able to relax. I'm serious.

- It's important. - Alek, no. No way.

- We talked about this in L.A. - About me getting an adjustment?

Uh-huh.

- Just tune it out. - I'm just gonna--

Julie, shut up. Don't tell me to tune it out.

Now take a deep breath. Drop this shoulder.

It's cold like a New York winter day.

It's snowing weather, that's what it's like.

All of you, put black tights on.

Just put the Vogue costume on, put your jacket on,

and that's your costume for the night, okay?

This is so wild. I'm panicking right now.

Belgium stress.

Five minutes, everybody. Showtime.

Genki desuka, Tokyo.

I don't know about you, but I'm freezin' my ass off.

But we're gonna try to do a show for you anyway.

It goes something like this.

Don't go for second best...

For some strange reason, I failed to realize

that the first leg of the tour was during the rainy season in Japan,

so for three straight weeks, we performed the show in a blizzard.

But the dancers are so excited to be performing for an audience,

the world could've been blowing up and they wouldn't have cared.

I, on the other hand, was not in the mood for "Eskimos on Ice",

and I think the only thing that kept me from slashing my wrists

was the thought of coming back to America

and doing the show the way it was meant to be.

Dance and sing, get up and do your thing

All right, America!

Do you believe in love?

‘Cause I got something to say about it,

and it goes something like this.

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings or 18-karat gold

Fancy cars that go very fast

You know, they never last, no, no

What you need is a big strong hand

To lift you to your higher ground

Make you feel like a queen on a throne

Make him love you till you can't come down

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real

Long-stem roses are the way to your heart

But he needs to start with your head

Satin sheets are very romantic

What happens when you're not in bed?

You deserve the best in life

So if the time isn't right, then move on

Second best is never enough

You'd do much better, baby, on your own

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real

Express yourself

You've got to make him

Express himself

Hey, hey, hey, hey

So, if you want it right now, make him show you how

Express what he's got, oh, baby, ready or not

What you need is a big strong hand

To lift you to your higher ground

Make you feel like a queen on a throne

Make him love you till you can't come down

And when you're gone, he might regret it

Think about the love he once had

You've got to carry on, but he just won't get it

He'll be back on his knees, so, please

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real

Express yourself

You've got to make him

Express himself

Hey, hey, hey, hey

So, if you want it right now, make him show you how

Express what he's got, baby, ready or not

Express yourself

So you can respect yourself

Hey, hey

So, if you want it right now, make him show you how

Express what he's got, oh, baby, ready or not

Express yourself

By the time we left Japan,

I found myself growing really attached to the dancers,

and I started feeling like a mother to them.

Gabriel, since you never give me any attitude,

you get the oldest and most valuable one.

Thank you.

When we finally got to America, I got the chance to meet

the mothers of the all children that I had temporarily claimed as my own.

And the parents were usually as colorful as their kids.

This is Mama Mama-Make-up.

Isn't she cute? Don't we look alike?

This is Mothers' Day. Happy Mama's Day.

Don't make me over

Carlton's mom's in the hallway. Check it out, I just heard her.

There she is.

- Hi. - I want one with her, please. I must.

She is so tiny and cute.

- Go. - Ooh, baby

Do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Ooh, baby...

Do I have to listen to this?

See, that's why I want my radio on. Those girls annoy me.

It's Donna imitating Belinda Carlisle.

Niki's mommy is singing.

- Some-- - I know, I know.

Someday he'll come along

That's the one.

The man I love

You know it's a bad sign when they want you to go on half an hour early.

Everything's fine. We've got 3/4 of an hour.

No, but, you know, we're in a conservative town.

And that is another reason to not want to live in Chicago.

Aside from the fact that Oprah Winfrey lives here.

Oh, T-shirt!

- I want this one. - Slam, do you want a T-shirt?

I think I've unconsciously chosen people

that are emotionally crippled in some way...

or who need mothering in some way,

because I think it comes very natural to me.

It fulfills, I think, a need in me to be mothered.

Okay, wait a second, you guys.

Does Jose love me more than I love him? It's not possible.

- Yes. - No!

You know what it is to come after rehearsal to our hotel room?

And guess what this child pumps.

Get up off the floor.

Don't ever leave me!

Their innocence-- the innocence of the dancers moves me.

They're not jaded in the least. They haven't been anywhere.

This was the opportunity of their lives.

And I know that they've suffered a great deal in their lives,

whether with their families, or just being poor, or whatever.

And I wanted to give them the thrill of their lives.

I wanted to impress them, I wanted to love them.

Coitus interrupted.

Yes, hi, I'd like to leave a message. Someone is coming.

My father is coming from New Orleans or whatever,

and he's gonna be here in 20 minutes.

So, when he comes, could you please let him--

because, you know, I haven't seen him in five years.

This is not important to you, but I don't care.

Let him park in the front, please, ‘cause I don't want no valet parking.

Just let him park. I just want him to come straight up

‘cause I haven't seen him in a long time.

Now that I think about it, I don't even want to meet him.

I'm just joking.

I'm looking for a black Cherokee Jeep.

Come on, Vogue

Wait, hold up. There's a Jeep leaving.

That's great.

Bye, Daddy.

Okay.

Hello? Yeah?

Okay. Thank you.

He's on his way up.

Oh, my God.

- Hey! - How you doing?

When I saw him, I was kind of disappointed

because we didn't look alike. We didn't look alike any more.

When I saw him, I'm, like, "This is my brother Lance."

- So, when is your birthday? - You know mine.

Oh, you acted just like Lance.

My God, Daddy, if you saw Lance, you would trip.

Lance acts just like you.

- Really? - He acts just like you. This is a trip.

I'm disappointed. You can't meet Madonna now.

Ollie?

Are you okay?

What's wrong, baby?

Oliver, wait a minute, how was your dad?

Oh, my God. I'm serious. I'm in pain.

I really believe you, but I want you to tell me.

Okay, I know what you're saying.

Ollie?

- Ollie, please tell me. - What? How was it?

- Yeah. - It was--He--

- Were you nervous? - Oh, no.

- Is he gonna come to the show? - Yeah, he's coming to the show.

Will you bring him backstage afterwards? I'm not leaving.

- After the what? After the concert? - The show.

Bring him back to my room?

Now, the reason why I haven't seen him in five years

and haven't talked to him that much

is because he told me, "Oliver, you're not gonna make it.

"I wish you'd stop dancing."

When he got to Houston, we had a little talk about this,

and then he asked me to forgive him,

which I never heard this man say something like that in my life.

And I forgive him, forgave him.

I guess he felt happy.

Joyful or something. I don't know.

Oh, Father

If you never wanted to live that way

If you never wanted to hurt me

Why am I running away?

Oh, Father

If you never wanted to live that way

If you never wanted to hurt me

Why am I running away?

Maybe someday

When I look back, I'll be able to say

You didn't mean to be cruel

Somebody hurt you, too

You can't hurt me now

I got away from you

I never thought I would

You can't make me cry

You once had the power

I never felt so good about myself

You can't hurt me now

You can't make me cry

You can't hurt me now

You can't make me cry

- Hello. - Dad?

- Yeah! - Hi. It's me.

Well, hi. How are you?

Listen, I realize I haven't talked to you in a while,

and I hope everything's okay and everything,

but I have no idea if you guys are coming to the show,

what night, blah, blah, blah, and all that stuff.

- I don't know. - So, what's going on?

Your nights were changed.

Well, who wants to come and when?

Well, whatever, you know...

I mean, Dad, I'd love it if you'd come to both shows.

I don't know. It's pretty racy in some sections.

I don't know if you could take it two nights in a row.

Oh, you had to get racy on me?

Dad, I'm not getting racy. I've been racy.

I know, but can't you tone it down a bit?

- What, for you? - Yeah.

No, because that would be compromising my artistic integrity.

Well, of course. You undress in this performance?

- No! - Oh, God.

- Of course I don't. - Okay.

Well, whatever you guys can get us tickets for.

Dad, I can get you tickets any night you want to come.

That would be great.

Just tell me how many tickets you want.

But you gotta tell me now, and you gotta tell me who they're for.

- Martin and a friend. - How's Marty doing?

Marty--we took him over to--

Did he go to the rehab center?

Yeah. He's gettin' out on the 25th.

The 25th?

The reason I called your place

is that he wanted to know if he could still do this.

Do what?

I don't know. He wants to have a party or something.

Dad, I don't-- Look, I'll tell you something.

This is a really grueling show and a really grueling tour.

It's not like I played stadiums and I play one show,

and then I have a couple of days off.

I'm doing back-to-back-to-back shows,

and I don't really like to go out and party and scream and yell

‘cause I may lose my voice.

Halfway through Get Into the Groove, the monitors went off.

I cannot hear myself.

And he's just standing there like he doesn't know what's going on!

I don't think I really anticipated just how draining the show was gonna be.

My brother Christopher had warned me I was gonna regret it,

but by the time I realized he was right, it was too late.

Definitely one of the all-time worst.

It wasn't just the physical aspect that was so demanding.

There was so many technical things,

so many little things that could fuck up, and, boy, did they!

I hit--

Everyone's a stranger, city life can get to you

Never want to turn your back

The monitors have never done it before.

Possibly there's something going on in the building

that we didn't have at sound check.

I want to do something that is gonna like, check everywhere

to make sure this doesn't happen again.

It happened in Where's the Party, and it happened in--

What you don't understand is there's no way of checking things--

How come it's not happening for Niki and Donna?

I have no answer for that.

Because if there's something very close to your frequency--

Well, if you don't find an answer, Keith, you can't--

I mean, I'm singing a cappella and my fucking headset goes out,

and everybody thinks the fucking show is over with.

How come it didn't happen to the girls?

Because they're on a different-- We're all on separate frequencies.

Well, put me on their fucking frequency. I mean, you know--

- Motherfuck! - Ouch!

Somebody stuck some big fat man up in the front

to give me dirty looks all night long, I swear to God.

And don't hide back there, Warren. Get over here.

- Freddy? - Yes, ma'am.

- You lied to me. - What'd I lie to you about?

There was nothing but industry in the first couple of rows.

I know. I didn't like what I saw.

You said that there wasn't gonna be any.

I don't know how they got there.

Well, they totally bummed me out.

They sat there with their arms folded,

with dirty looks on their face, and, like, I swear to God--

Do something else. Do my eyebrows.

It was so distracting and so depressing to me

to have two rows of people looking like they weren't there to have a good time.

What's the point?

But everyone in the pit was up and dancing.

There were some old farts.

Fuck you. There was not.

There was three rows of assholes and then a space.

I tried to get it changed today, and you can't with the fire marshals.

I'm trying to get it changed tomorrow.

I want it changed. And, John Draper, please give Keith a new asshole

because he's, like--

he's in charge of my show, the sound of my show.

Are you talking about the thing at the very end?

No, it wasn't the very end.

It was in Causing a Commotion and Open Your Heart

and Keep it Together and Where's the Party and Vogue.

My sound kept coming out on my headset.

- Kept cutting out? - Yes.

Don't tell me you didn't know.

And Keep it Together in the a cappella section.

No, I did. By the way, you were particularly awesome tonight.

- I thought it was killer. Just killer. - Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

- Thank you. - It was awesome.

Yeah, you were stunning.

See how good I am when I'm pissed off?

If that's what it takes!

No, please, Freddy, please.

I thought you were in the greatest mood,

‘cause you were really putting out, and the crowd was--

The crowd was tough.

It was a tough crowd on the sides because those--It's L.A.

Freddy, everyone looked like a goddamn William Morris agent

in the first two rows, really.

Okay, that's it, Freddy.

You stink.

You pussy, man. Get over here.

What is with you?

Can you believe I have to do this every night?

Are you gonna be nicer to me now, Warren?

What?

Where are you going, Warren?

Bring some people back because I have to go home and go to sleep.

Good morning. How are you?

Liz, you look really well-rested.

Not!

I'm trying to turn Warren into a vegetarian.

I told him I wouldn't have his baby unless he was a vegetarian.

Not!

The light's good here, don't worry.

Yeah, I think it's good if you lie down right there.

- That's Al Pacino. - Hello, nice to meet you.

- That's Mandy Patinkin. - Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Oh, Los Angeles was hard that way.

I've always found it a little weird that celebrities assume a friendship with you

just because you're a celebrity, too.

It can get kind of awkward.

Warren thanks you all for coming.

Hi.

- You were great. You were great. - Thank you.

Thanks for having us. That was really generous.

- Thanks for coming. - We thought it was neat.

- Neat? - Really neat.

No one's ever described it quite that way. Hi.

Have fun tonight. I don't think we'll be making that other deal.

- Oh, really? Not neat enough for you? - Well, not quite.

We gotta get the kids--

- We gotta get with the kids. - Okay.

- I'm gonna give them this. - All right.

- Thanks. - God bless. Thanks.

See ya, Kevin.

Neat? Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He just wants to fuck me.

He really cares about me.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me. He loves me not.

He loves me. He loves me not.

- Uh-oh. - What?

I ended on a "he loves me not". Does this little one count?

- Nope. Not if you don't want it to. - There's two there. There's two.

- There are not two. - Make it not count.

It's one.

He loves me. All right.

Warren told me that Edie Sedgwick-- she wanted to meet him,

so he said, "Okay," because he was curious,

as any red-blooded American male would have been.

She came over, and he said she had a completely see-through raincoat on

and nothing on underneath it.

- Isn't that funny? - Mm-hmm.

He didn't fuck her.

Isn't that unusual?

Do you really like them?

What do you think People magazine is gonna say?

Hey, remember when I told Warren to bring me a present? He did.

He bought me this really cool shirt from Dolce & Gabbana.

See? I get what I want.

Yeah, may I speak to Warren Beatty, please?

He doesn't even have a fake name.

Warren, you're supposed to be here. It's 5:30.

If you don't get over here now, I'm leaving without you, you know.

I did too! I never said that.

What an asshole.

Ow!

I had a dream last night that Gorbachev came to my show.

My first reaction was...

that Warren Beatty was gonna be so jealous that I got to meet him first.

Anyway, it was a good dream.

The police are here, and, uh...

This just in.

They say that you can't do the masturbation scene tonight,

otherwise you'll be arrested.

- Really? - Uh-huh.

Well, good. Let's see what happens.

They will do it.

What will they do? Jump on stage?

- No, they'll wait till after the show. - They'll arrest you after the show.

- Are you guys serious? - I'm serious.

- Totally serious. - Clay is down there with Freddy.

So, what's considered masturbation?

When you stick your hand in your crotch.

But then another one of our options is to cancel the show.

- We can choose that option. - It's your choice, sir.

We don't have to play.

We're asking for that opportunity. It's your choice.

Whatever you want to do. It's all in your hands.

- Then will we have to pay a fine? - We have to cancel the show.

They'll probably take you to the station and write you a ticket.

You'll have to pay a fine, and you'll be in every paper.

Yeah! I'm not changing my fucking show.

I think I need some legal advice from a Canadian attorney

before I make a decision.

Come talk to me without everybody else.

- You're lying. - I am not lying. I swear to God.

The police are there and a representative from the DA's office.

Two plain-clothes policemen saw the show yesterday.

- And they said? - "Immoral live performance."

You shouldn't have told me, Chris.

Well, I wanted to prepare you that there's police standing down there.

- Did you guys hear? - What?

- That the police are here. - Why?

If I touch my crotch during the show, I'm going to be arrested.

- Are you serious? - What?!

Are they backstage now?

They arrested Bobby Brown for fucking on stage.

- Did they? - They arrested him for fucking on stage.

- That's called jealousy. - I hope he's in jail when I get there.

The question is, does it help legally--

Strictly as a legal question, if we go out on stage,

someone says, "This show may contain graphic material"?

- Doesn't work. No, not here. - "Anyone chooses to leave--"

We're going to jail. I'm so excited.

- Dear Lord... - Shh! Shh!

This is our last night in Toronto-- the fascist state of Toronto.

I know all my little babies are feeling fragile,

and I just want you all to know that I love you all

and I appreciate everything that you're doing for me,

and I'm here if you need me.

I want you to go out there tonight and give everything that you have.

Have a great show,

and remember that in the United States of America,

there is freedom of speech.

And--And let's kick ass.

Yeah!

- Have a great show. - Are we gonna go to jail or what?

Freddy, I ain't changing my show.

I'll tell you what will happen, and I'll give you the options.

They just told me that there's been complaints

that your simulated orgasms, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

is against their rules and regulations, blah, blah, blah, blah--

- I am not changing my show, Freddy. - I know you're not changing.

But would you wait five minutes till I straighten it out?

- What's to straighten out? - Hopefully we can change their mind.

Hopefully you can just grab your crotch and not get arrested.

Freddy, all you have to do is tell them I am not changing my show.

I am an artist, and this is how I choose to express myself.

We already did that.

So, then what do you have to tell them?

Don't let them take me!

We shall overcome

- We shall overcome - Oppression!

I understand. She has told me that this is artistic freedom,

this is her show.

It's gone on in several countries in major cities across the world,

and if Canada, you know-- if you choose to do that,

I'm sure it'll be an international scandal.

I need to explain over here.

- Your name, sir? - DeMann.

God! Everything's gonna have a whole new meaning in the show.

Like when I say "God" and everything,

I'll be praying that I don't get arrested.

- Uh-huh. - Where else am I nasty?

- Everywhere. - Oh.

That's the thing--we're gonna realize tonight how many places we do things.

Say, "Hello, Toronto. Do you believe in freedom?

"I got something to say about it."

- Come on. - That's it, then.

- Chris, don't let them take me. - We won't.

Celebration

Come together in every nation

That's right!

Holiday

Celebration

Come together in every nation

I'll get arrested for that.

The consequences is they may detain her after the show

and basically charge her with indecency.

Last time I was on tour, Sean was in jail.

I guess it's my turn.

She'll do it, but she won't do it, like--

I'll bet she does it more.

- How much do you want to bet? - Let me find something small.

- I'll trust you. - Nah, nah.

I've made it through the wilderness

Somehow I made it through

Didn't know how lost I was

Until I found you

I was beat

Incomplete

I'd been had

I was sad and blue

But you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

Shiny and new

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy

My fear is fading fast

Been saving it all for you

‘Cause only love can last

You're so fine

And you're mine

Make me strong

Yeah, you make me bold

‘Cause your love thawed out

Yeah, your love thawed out

What was scared and cold

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Ahh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

You're so fine

And you're mine

I'll be yours

Till the end of time

‘Cause you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

I'd nothin' to hide

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

Like a virgin

Ooh, ooh

Like a virgin

Feels so good inside

When you hold me

And your heart beats

And you love me

God?

Spokesmen for rock singer Madonna

say Metro Police and the Crown Attorney's office

threatened to arrest the star last night

for lewd and obscene behavior.

However, the police department tonight has a different story.

Headquarters said officers checked out the show

on complaints from the public,

found nothing wrong and left without incident.

Madonna released a statement from Michigan tonight

saying she would rather cancel the show than alter it.

Detroit was definitely the hardest place we went to on the tour

on an emotional level.

God, going home is--

Well, it's just never really that easy for me.

People always talk about how stardom changes you, but...

they never talk about how it can change the people close to you.

- Hi, Marty. - Who is that?

How's it going?

- This is my brother, Martin. - Hi, Marty.

This is Donna. Don't pay any attention to her.

Niki, aren't you gonna say hi to Marty?

Hi, Martin.

I feel that there is a pressure because of my sister.

People are looking at me, going, "How come you're not that?

"How come you're not the manager?

"How come you're not this, the other, that, and blah, blah, blah?

"You should be this, she's that. You should be that."

There is something that they measure against you.

And sometimes I cop an attitude about it, but I deal with it.

Well, she's available.

Why don't you go talk to her? She's taking a nap right now.

Oh, is she?

I'm gonna be back here probably-- I don't know--7:00.

All right. Well, I can't see anybody till after the show,

so, yeah, Clay will hook you up.

- Sounds good. I'll see you, honey. - All right.

Yeah, we're tight, you know. We talk and stuff. She gives me advice.

I give her a few tips, and she gives me a few tips.

We really have a give-and-take relationship, you know?

We can get past that star bullshit, you know?

She knows what time it is with me, and I know what time it is with her.

Dear Lord, it seems like every time I'm standing in this circle before the show,

I'm asking you for something extra special.

Well, I'm here again, and they say, "Ask and ye shall receive,"

so I'm begging you to give me a voice to sing with this evening,

and the girls, too.

This is my hometown, so I'm extra nervous.

And, even though it's not supposed to matter,

it does matter what they think,

and so I ask you

to give me

that little extra something special

to show everybody here that I did make something out of my life.

Amen. Have a great show.

Okay.

Well, I said it last night, and I'll say it again.

There's no place like home!

In addition to that, there's nobody like this man.

There's nobody like my father...

who's here tonight.

And I worship the ground that he walks on.

And it's his birthday.

And I was wondering if I could sing Happy Birthday to you

in front of 20,000 people.

Give it up for my dad!

Okay, okay. This is my dad.

And I was wondering-- would you all sing it with me?

All right. Ready?

...day to you

Happy birthday to you

Come on, I can't hear you!

Happy birthday, dear Dad

Happy birthday to you

Okay. Dad, I love you.

Detroit, I love you. Good night.

Thank you.

So, did my father disown me?

- No! - No?

- He looked so happy. - Really?

Oh, God. I was so afraid to do Like a Virgin.

- I could tell you were. - I was like...

Do-do-do, do-do-do-do, do-do-do

Okay, I'm done with that now.

Oh, my God. I tell you, that was harder to do that show

than the police in Toronto.

I was more afraid of what my actions would result in.

Are you ready for Dad?

Dad, you can come in, but I gotta get dressed.

Come on in. Hi.

I gotta take off my sweaty clothes. Hi.

- Hi. - Oh, God, sorry. You're sopped!

Sorry. Let me change, okay?

- Did you like the show? - It was great.

- Really? - It was very good. It was wonderful.

A little touchy in spots, but it was great.

Okay.

Whoo!

I didn't expect the Happy Birthday.

Oh, man. I tried not to start bawling in front of everybody, you know?

It's hard to sing and cry.

Now you know why I'm wiped out.

Well, just watching it,

I mean, it's exhausting just watching everything that's going around.

I can't do this for another two months.

I'm sure you're relieved that's over, though.

- Huh? - That one's over. That was a big one.

I'm so tired.

I thought, "Jeez, the minute you turn your head,

"the stuff is all lit and on the stage."

Hi. I'm getting a touch-up.

You take a shower already?

I never thought I'd see you bow at your father's foot.

- I thought that was great! - I never thought I would, either.

I was honored. A little taken back, but honored.

I thought I had to make up for the fact

that I didn't go shopping for a birthday present.

Weren't the sets beautiful? Didn't Chris do a great job?

Aren't my dancers great? Aren't they fab?

It was all great. A couple of scenes there were a little...

- X-rated? - We could do without.

- Burlesque. - ...were burlesque--

Dad! You don't understand. They all lead to something.

- I know they're arty. - It's got nothing to do with art.

It's got nothing to do with art.

It's the journey that you go on. It's--It's--

You get on this train at the beginning, you have to stay on till the end.

Exactly. You take a journey. It's cathartic.

You can't get to one place without going through another place.

I understand.

- I hear you. - It's like growing up.

Mm-hmm. Yep, that's what my show is like.

She's growing up on stage, right?

My brother's gonna come,

and if he just has a few friends, that's fine,

but if he brings an entourage of people in,

then I want you to come in here and be the chaperon, okay?

- Because my brother's crazy. - I know it.

You have to be nice to him, though.

- He can't help it. - Okay.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, what's my poem, my fart poem? Should I say it?

Which one? The one about the beans?

I'm replenishing my fluids.

A fart is a chemical substance,

it comes from a place called Bum.

It penetrates through the trousers...

and lands with a musical hum.

To fart, to fart 'tis no disgrace,

for it gives the body ease.

It warms the blankets on cold winter nights

and suffocates all the fleas!

- Here. - And... Angie said.

You're not gonna stay and see Marty?

- Don't leave me alone. - I'll be here in spirit.

Bastard.

We went out to get the limousine, and the limousine driver was gone

‘cause the guy who owned the limousine service

had locked his keys in his car, so I had to sit out there and wait.

He probably stopped at a bar for 12 drinks!

No, he didn't. He's cleaned up.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Dad says he went to alcohol rehab to escape going to jail.

He went there for the wrong reasons.

It wasn't proper motivation. He doesn't want to heal himself.

Did Martin come yet?

- Dean, did he show up yet? - No, I just got here.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Martin was supposed to come, but he didn't.

Big deal.

I think Martin's not coming. I'm going to bed.

See, if my brother comes,

you just tell him that I'd like privacy, please.

- Hi, Martin. - Hi, how are you doing, honey?

Listen to that low voice of yours. What y'all doin"?

- I made it lower just for you. - What, you been crying?

Yeah, it's my Visine. Yeah, my eyes got sore.

What you doing?

I'm going down to have have a drink with my family.

- Oh, okay. You coming back up? - Yeah.

- Where's she at? - She's probably sleeping.

- Is she? - Most likely.

401, I gotta find.

I'll be right back.

- What room are you looking for? - 401.

- It's right there. - Oh, it's right here?

It was right in front of me the whole time.

Yeah, she's probably sleeping, man.

Good night.

Sharon, you know I beat up on girls like you when I was little.

It's true.

You know who she reminds me of, Chris?

Sharon reminds me of the McFarlands. Maureen McFarland.

- Hello. Hi. - Are you Moira?

Yeah.

You guys.

No, they're a nice family.

But if you think our family's wacky, I won't say any more.

There was a time about ten years ago that I was in Colorado,

and I was gonna make my way to New York to see her

‘cause I knew she was in New York,

and...I never made it.

I was a dancer on the road, but I was a different kind of dancer.

I was a topless dancer. I was real heavy into the drugs.

But Moira McFarland taught me how to shave my legs.

Oh, you're indebted to her.

Let me borrow her stuffed bra.

How old were you?

Showed me how to use tampons-- not very well, I might add.

And taught me how to make out.

Madonna, I did not teach you how to insert a tampon.

And if we got in bed together naked, I don't remember that.

She said she was never in bed naked with me?

She's such a liar.

She's got an active imagination, though.

She's a damn liar. Did she say she finger-fucked me?

No.

I remember looking at her bush. I know!

See what happens when you take drugs and alcohol?

I mean, you really-- I lose a lot of stuff.

I remember the crack in her parents' bed

because it was two beds pushed together.

I remember I fell through the crack, you know,

‘cause we were jumping up and down on the bed too much...naked.

The last time I really saw her before--

before she became a star, whatever--

was when I was in tenth grade.

Where's my idol? Where's my idol from ten years ago?

I don't know if I'm nervous. I just--I just want to see Madonna.

Madonna!

- Didn't you recognize me? - I didn't know you were coming out.

I don't have my glasses on. I can't see.

So, how are you?

When you see the show, you'll forgive me for not talking to you.

- Oh. - It's really difficult, so...

I know. Well, listen, I got five boys--or I have four--

I gotta ask you something. Can we sit down?

I can't sit down. I'm really sorry. Why? What's up?

I hate to do this in front of--

About four years ago, I wrote you a letter--

and you never received any of my letters--

and I asked you if you would be Mario's godmother.

Yes, I remember that.

Did you read the letter?

I got it a long time after the fact.

- Well, very unexpectedly-- - Uh-huh?

Real unexpectedly, I'm pregnant again.

Oh, really? Oh, my God.

Well, you certainly have been busy.

I want you to be--I want you to be the baby's godmother.

- Really? - I really do.

You're coming to the show tonight, right?

And Melissa has all your phone numbers.

I know--This is too, like, rushed of a situation.

I'm really flattered that you're asking me, but I have to think about it.

- Okay. - Okay. But that's really sweet of you.

- It has nothing to do with religion. - I know!

- It has to do with spirituality. - Do I get to decide on the name?

Okay. As long as it's the same as yours.

Except that's why you've got to bless this child.

Please bless this child and say, "She needs a girl."

- I'd bless it anyways. - She needs a girl.

All right. Have a girl. Have a girl, Moira.

- Have a girl, Madonna. - I gotta go.

Come out a girl, and we're gonna call you Madonna.

- Give me a kiss and a hug. - I love you.

- I hope you like the show. - I have something for you.

- Is that the painting? - Yeah.

I'm gonna put it in my room. Clay, come on.

I love this painting, by the way.

Thank you. Thanks.

- I love you. - I'll put it in my room.

I love you, too.

- And you call me after the tour. - I will. All right.

- You promise? - I promise. Bye.

- I love you, Madonna. - I love you, too.

You little shit.

Look!

Moira made this painting for me.

She did it herself?

She did it herself. It's a Madonna and Child.

No pun intended.

It's not bad, really.

- No. - Really, it's not bad.

No, not bad at all.

- That's me breast-feeding. - Yeah, I got that.

Did you hear me dedicate a song to her?

You did?

- I did. - I didn't hear that.

In Where's the Party.

I said, "This one's for Moira-- my childhood idol."

I remember praying to Madonna, 'cause--

To her mother, Madonna.

You know, it was the closest thing to God.

When her mom died, I was a little girl, and I couldn't--

I remember feeling really sad and really awful, and--

But I don't know that anybody went--

I don't remember, like, hugging Madonna and telling her I'm sorry,

‘cause I just didn't understand-- I was seven and she was five.

So, I just wanted to go back and hug her.

Little girl

Don't you forget her face

Laughing away your tears

When she was the one who felt all the pain

Little girl

Never forget her eyes

Keep them alive inside

I promise to try

But it's not the same

I hadn't been to the cemetery since I was a young girl.

We used to go right after she died.

I don't know, my mother's death was just all a big mystery to me

when I was a child,

and no one really explained it, so...

What I remember most about my mother was that she was--

she was very kind and very gentle and very feminine.

I mean, I don't know. I guess she just seemed like an angel to me,

but I suppose everybody thinks their mother's an angel when they're five.

I also know she was really religious,

so I never really understood why she was taken away from us.

It just seemed so unfair.

I never thought that she had done something wrong,

so oftentimes I'd wonder what I'd done wrong.

Does she hear my voice

In the night when I call?

Wipe away all your tears

It's gonna be all right

I fought to be so strong

I guess you knew

I was afraid

You'd go away, too

I wonder what she looks like now.

Just a bunch of dust.

I'm gonna fit in right here. They're gonna bury me sideways.

Little girl

You've got to forget the past

And learn to forgive me

I promise to try

But it feels like a lie

Don't let memory

Play games with your mind

She's a faded smile

Frozen in time

I'm still hanging on

But I'm doing it wrong

I don't want to stay here anymore.

Can't kiss her good-bye

But I promise to try

This is the show that I have no idea

what is gonna happen to me and my voice.

I don't know where it's gonna come from, but give me a voice

and let me put on a great show tonight,

and let everybody do the same. Amen.

Amen.

It's like a dream

No end and no beginning

You're here with me

It's like a dream

Let the choir sing

Stand back, please. Let her through.

Okay. Now say, "Eeeh."

Ahh.

Breathe. Okay.

- Eeeh. - Ahhh.

- Good. Eeeh. - Ahhh.

- Eeeh. - Ahhh.

- Eeeh, eeeh, eeeh. - Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh.

- Eeeh. - Ahhh.

Great. Take a breath. Good.

This is crazy. Nobody talks about this on film?

Talks about what?

The insanity of doing this all on a documentary.

What?

Well, this is a serious matter, your throat, yes?

Why should I stop here?

- But does anyone say it? - Who's anyone?

Well, anyone that comes into this insane atmosphere.

You realize they all feel it when they come into this atmosphere.

When they come into your dressing room,

when they come wherever you are, they feel crazy.

- Now, do they talk about it? - No, they accept it.

- Why don't they talk about it? - Because.

- You want think about that, don't you? - No, I don't.

So, let's get back to my throat.

Do you want to talk at all off-camera? You have nothing to say.

She doesn't want to live off-camera, much less talk!

I think that's what it is.

There's nothing to say off-camera.

Why would you say something if it's off-camera?

What point is there existing?

Well, eventually I had to admit that I was a human being,

and I agreed to cancel some shows.

And I was told by the doctor that I couldn't speak

and I had to write everything down on a piece of paper.

Melissa, my assistant, became my only link to the outside world.

I think, in a lot of ways, New York--

and the time that I spent there while I was sick--

was the hardest on her.

And since I was staying in my own apartment in New York,

I lost contact with the dancers completely.

I had to give all of my messages to Melissa,

and, through Melissa,

I heard that they were finding a lot to keep themselves busy.

I guess I was a little jealous that their lives were going on without me, too.

Donna DeLory-- Madonna's back-up singer,

also dancer in the tour and everything like that.

- Donna, good to have you with us. - Great to be here.

Who choreographed that Like a Virgin number?

Who do you think?

Warren Beatty!

To Warren!

Donna, I was reading the radio bible,

which I happen to have a copy of right here.

Oh, yeah! The Star!

That is so wrong. That thing is so wrong.

Let me just read this first, and then you can comment.

"Madonna dumps Beatty for a black dancer."

- It talks about Slam. - Slam?

"Supposedly, Madonna swaps Beatty for dancer 31 years younger."

First of all, that guy's name is Oliver.

- These guys are so wrong. - Really?

They didn't even get the name right.

No. Hey, this is my first time ever working with fags.

I mean, I'm the only straight guy, and there's--what, six of them?

We're here, we're queer! Get used to it!

Oh, my God. Do you know what else I hate?

Have you ever seen Luis walk in just underwear

in front of just a whole bunch of people?

Just walk around in bikini-- I mean, just underwear.

Don't have no kind of respect for these people.

We know that he's a fag or gay, or whatever you want to call it,

but you don't have to show it to everybody.

We know you're happy, we know you're glad to be it,

but you really don't have to show it, you know,

and let everybody know that you're, you know, a fag or whatever.

Work it, girl!

It was scary, it really was....

‘cause they wanted me.

And their thing was, "On this tour we're gonna get him."

That's what they told me.

When the show started up again, everything felt so different.

There was so much tension.

I blamed myself. I felt like a mother who deserted her kids,

and then comes back home

to realize how much trouble they've all gotten themselves into.

Don't touch my man, okay?

If you go on that property, you're wrong, baby.

"Madonna swaps Beatty for dancer 31 years younger.

"Madonna has dumped her lover, Warren Beatty,

"for a young black dancer with the body of a Greek god

"and the stamina of a super-stud."

"The new love in her life is 22-year-old Oliver Crumes,

"also known as Slam."

I just want to tell you that I don't think that you're guilty

for that thing in the magazine.

I'm not worried about the magazine.

Oliver, look, there are always gonna be queens on the rag.

You have to just come to expect that of them.

You got some press, you got some attention, and they're jealous.

"The fact that he's black means nothing to Madonna.

"She's attracted to him, body and heart."

- But not mind. - Okay.

I'm calling you in here to tell you that all that matters

is your relationship with me

and what you do on stage every night, okay?

- I think it's silly. - But you know it's all bullshit.

Yeah, I know, but--

But if you know it's bullshit, then why do you let it bother you?

It's--I'm not letting none of this bother me.

You know, a lot of crazy shit is happening right now,

and everybody's gonna have to get over their ego, whatever,

and pull this shit-- pull this group together.

Please try to rise above it, okay?

Don't let it get to you. All right?

- Oliver? - Mm-hmm.

And please don't give me attitude, because I won't tolerate it.

Is that it?

I understand. I'm just asking, is that it?

Yeah, that's it.

"During auditions for her Blonde Ambition tour,

"she flirted with him openly from day one.

"He wasn't the best of the hundreds of dancers auditioning for her."

- That's right. - You can say that again!

Sometimes I think, "Oliver, can you really dance?

Should you be on this tour?"

I hate to say it, but that's the way I feel sometimes.

And it's not good. It gets to me.

Listen, you guys...

I just want to reiterate this thing about Oliver and stuff.

Please don't pick on him, okay? I'm not protecting him,

and, to tell you the truth, I haven't said a word to him since I got here,

but he's gone. I don't know where he is.

He's hiding out somewhere,

and you three together can be pretty ferocious,

so be nice to him, okay?

He doesn't have the thick skin that you have.

He doesn't have the survival techniques that you guys have, all right?

And I want him to perform in the show, okay? Thank you.

No problem.

I don't believe that you don't remember things like that.

How could Sharon not know what happened to her?

She said that she thinks someone drugged her.

She said she was at the club dancing.

The next thing she knew is that she woke up--

- In her room? - In her room, nude.

And her stuff was stolen,

and she went to the bathroom, and her butt was bleeding.

- I'm sorry I'm laughing. - That's all she remembers.

She said she wasn't drinking last night.

She had a cranberry juice, and that's all she had.

- And the next thing she knew-- - They drugged her ass.

All I can think of is that she started talking

about how she was on tour with me,

she's staying at the Ritz Carlton.

And those guys, whoever they were,

got it into their minds that they were gonna fuck with her.

I never thought that something like that would happen to me.

I was fine. I was normal, and I was with the--

That's what most victims do say. "I never thought..."

I never thought that something like that would ever happen to me.

This was a nice club. It was really nice,

and there were nice people there, and I was just dancing with these boys.

We were just like this, and--

I was totally sober. You can ask my friend,

and you can ask these other girls who I saw.

Then, next thing I know...

I wake up this morning-- I don't know.

I am never gonna go out by myself again.

You're what?

Never going out by myself again. I'm gonna stick with you guys.

It was days like that

that I was reminded just how young the dancers really were.

And what was really strange was that this last show in New York

was an AIDS benefit in memory of a friend of mine--

a really good friend of mine--

who had died.

I mean, here I was getting ready to go on stage

to supposedly convince and inspire thousands and thousands of people

to get unified and to fight the prejudice...

you know, that--

I couldn't even inspire seven dancers.

All right.

I think everybody's feeling a lot better today

than they were a couple days ago,

and I'm not worried about the show.

What I am worried about

and what I do want to say a prayer about

is the way that people have been behaving.

I don't care what you did with your lives before you came on this tour.

I don't care what you do with them afterwards.

But while you're working with me and we're doing this show,

you will treat everyone in this group

with kindness, compassion and respect.

I don't want to hear about it anymore.

There is too much pain in the world,

and I want you to treat yourselves with kindness and respect.

A lot of crazy shit has been happening.

We have to start looking out for each other,

we have to start protecting each other,

and we have to start loving ourselves a little bit more

and loving the person standing next to us a little bit more.

Seeing as this is our last show in New York,

and our last show in the United States...

and we are dedicating it to Keith Haring,

who doesn't have the luxury of being alive like we do...

I beg you to let me and everybody in this room

rise above all of our problems

and go out there on that stage tonight...

and give the best performance of our lives.

Do this one for Keith.

- Amen. - Amen.

That's all. Everybody have a great show.

Places, please. Prayer is over.

Places. Let's go, guys.

Now, why did I do that?

It's all right. It's gonna be a great show.

- I hope I can sing. - I hope we all can now.

So I'm moussing my hair?

Brother, you're dripping.

Do we give it one more time for the States?

Shall we try to have a holiday?

- Yeah, right. - Holiday

Celebration

Come together in every nation

Holiday

Celebrate

Holiday

Celebrate

If we took a holiday

Took some time to celebrate

Just one day out of life

Holiday

It would be

It would be so nice

We can turn this world around

And bring back all of those happy days

Put your troubles down

Come on, now

It's time to celebrate

Let love shine

And we will find

A way to come together

And make things better

We need a holiday

If we took a holiday

Took some time to celebrate

Celebrate

Just one day out of life

Just one day

It would be

It would be so nice

All right, everybody!

Do the bus stop!

Oh, yeah! Let me hear you!

Woo! Woo!

Do the bus stop.

Do the bus stop.

Now let me hear you scream!

Holiday

Celebrate

Holiday

Celebrate

Holiday

Celebration

Come together in every nation

Holiday

Celebration

Come together in every nation

If we took a holiday

Took some time to celebrate

Celebrate

Just one day out of life

It would be

It would be so nice

You sing!

If we took a holiday

Everything would be okay

If we took a holiday

Everything would be okay

All right, everybody!

- Let me hear you say, "Ho!" - Ho!

- Ho! - Ho!

- Ho! Ho! - Ho! Ho!

All right, all together now.

When we finally got to Europe,

there was such an overwhelming sense of relief.

After the tension and the darkness,

Europe just felt so glamorous and new and exciting.

Don't make us strike a pose.

- I'm living for Chanel. - Miss Honey better buy me something.

Shopping can really cheer a girl up.

Walk, Missy.

Now, you boys better do what I say!

- Second-grade teacher. - Miss Crabtree, girls.

Our Miss Brooks.

That's perfect.

It's very "Obey everything I say", right?

Yeah, it's like--

Very Janet Jackson, Rhythm Nation.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Bite your tongue.

Do you have any simpler earrings than these?

Ooh, they make you look beautiful.

Earrings don't make people look beautiful.

Money makes people look beautiful.

Hello, Gaultier. Listen, I told you, it sucks.

Désolée.

Hi, who's this? I'm fine. Yeah, can I help you?

Okay. Would you like anyone in particular?

Okay, what's your name? Chanelta. Oh.

Chanelta needs a salesgirl downstairs now!

Now.

- Bye-bye. Thank you. - Bye. Thanks.

Happy birthday, dear Melissa

Happy birthday...

Yo, Mel, this is your birthday poem.

Way back in the beginning, when I started all of my sinning,

I needed a partner in crime, you could say,

so I went on a search, and I started to pray.

I walked into my manager's office one morn.

I was mouthing out loud in my usual form.

As my eyes toured the room, my poor heart skipped a beat,

for there in the corner was the picture of sweet.

She was glued to the phone, she was bathed in pastels.

Her Lee Press-Ons were setting, they were longer than hell.

I turned and I winked, and I said, "Hey, Miss Muffet,

"You think you can work for a bitch? Can you tough it?"

"I'm gagging. No way. Get me out of this dump."

I said, "Hey, Freddy, find a new girl to pump."

So the rest is, like, history, legend, okay?

You want to hear dish, she don't play it that way.

How can I thank you, my sweet Melly Mel?

You pick up my shit and my undies that smell.

You--You shield me from assholes and take all their calls.

You buy me my Tampax and rubbers and all.

Size--large.

Now, you can't count on much in this life, I should know,

but I guess I got lucky. I found me a pro.

She still lives in the Valley,

but her Press-Ons are gone.

She still goes out with jocks,

but she sips Dom Pérignon.

But without you, I'm nothing, I'm gagging, Miss Thing.

If you ever leave me, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

Those first few weeks in Europe were almost perfect.

I mean, it felt like The Partridge Family World Tour...sort of.

Work, girl, congratulations!

Don't do it! Don't do it! He's a tramp! He's a slut!

Suck it.

Come in, only if you're a man.

Girls, I'm here. Mama Make-up.

Melissa, tell Jai Winding-- since he doesn't come in to prayer--

tell him when I come up to him and ask to play the record,

I'm gonna say, "Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?”

"Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?"

Will you play my record? One-track fucking mind, okay?

Oliver! Oliver!

Here comes the bride

All dressed in white

Oh, that's really good.

All right, I just pray that I remember

that I have to freak Spench and English.

Motherfucking world tour, year 2025.

Like a virgin

I got the moves, baby

You got the lotion

They don't even let Zsa Zsa Gabor in this hotel.

- Why not? - Because she's a cochon.

Didn't know how lost I was until I found you

I was beat

Incomplete

I was sad

I was hurt and blue

But you made me feel...

The audiences have been great,

and every show just keeps getting better and better.

So, let us just have one more great show

where everybody kicks ass and has a great time.

I'm fucking pissed, okay?

Okay? What are you fucking looking at, huh?

When I'm pissed off, I gotta express myself.

You know what I'm fucking saying?

Sorry about that, Lenny.

Around halfway through Europe, my bubble burst.

I started hearing reports from Italy

that the Vatican was trying to ban my show.

I'm an Italian-American, and I'm proud of it.

Proud of being an American, because it is the country I grew up in,

the country that gave me the opportunities

to be who I am today,

and a country that believes in freedom of speech and artistic expression.

I have

A tale

To tell

Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well

I was not ready for the fall

Too blind to see the writing on the wall

A man can tell a thousand lies

I've learned my lesson well

I hope I live to tell

The secret I have learned, till then

It will burn inside of me

The truth is never far behind

You kept it hidden well

If I live to tell

The secret I knew then

Will I ever have the chance again?

My show is not a conventional rock show,

but a theatrical presentation of my music.

And, like theater, it asks questions, provokes thoughts,

and takes you on an emotional journey,

portraying good and bad,

light and dark,

joy and sorrow,

redemption and salvation.

I do not endorse a way of life, but describe one,

and the audience is left to make its own decisions and judgments.

This is what I consider freedom of speech,

freedom of expression and freedom of thought.

Every night before I go on stage, I say a prayer,

not only that my show will go well,

but that the audience will watch with an open heart and an open mind,

and see it as a celebration of love, life, and humanity.

If I ran away

I'd never have the strength to get very far

How could they hear

The beating of my heart?

Will it grow cold

The secret that I hide?

Will I grow old?

How will they hear?

When will they learn?

How will they know?

The controversy stayed with me all through Italy,

and eventually I had to cancel two shows.

- I got my period early this month. - Look, this is my gym.

- Want to use it? - Mm-hmm.

If you ever do, you can.

Sandra... Barn, Garn--something.

Sandra... I forgot her last name.

Sometimes I can't pronounce it. I don't know.

You know who I'm talking about. Sandra--

- Try pronouncing it. - Bornhard!

Whatever her name is, you know.

I think that's one of her--

I know that's one of her best friends. She says itis.

I had those dreams when my mother died for, like, a five-year period after that.

That's all I dreamed about was that people were jumping on me and strangling me,

and I was constantly screaming for my father,

and no sound would come out.

What happened when you woke up? Were you crying?

I'd just be sweating and afraid,

and I'd have to go sleep with my father.

- Was that before he got remarried? - Mm-hmm.

How was that, when you slept with him?

Fine, he went right to sleep after he fucked me.

No! Just kidding!

Was he sweet to you?

Yes, of course.

Boinguard, Barnyard--somethin'.

Anyway, you know, she's scary.

So, I had a little fling with another art-world person.

Oh, should I guess?

An art dealer?

A gallery owner.

She's pretty sexy. There's something about her.

She looks like-- If she was having sex with someone,

she looks like she would just get a rope or something

and strap you to the bed and shit.

Ooh, baby. Ow!

I saw her before I left the other night.

Oh, really? How unfortunate.

I'm like a drug addict, you know?

Are you still sleeping with her?

Are you still...

Sandy, I don't like her.

I don't, either, believe me. It's sickening.

I don't like any of the people I sleep with, either,

so what difference does it make?

That's why you sleep with them, ‘cause they're hideous.

By the time this comes out, it won't matter anymore.

By the time this comes out, she'll have fucked you over.

She already did.

You know, when I got to meet her and whatever, she was pretty cool.

- I'm so desperate. - For what, honey?

For some fun. It's all work.

What sort of fun do you want to have?

- Well, this is fun to me. - Well, then--

All I do is hang out with everybody in the show.

After a while, it gets boring.

Who do you want to meet next?

Who do I want to meet next?

Who would really blow you away?

I think I met everybody.

Just tell me one person.

- That would really blow me away? - Mm-hmm.

Who'd really rock your world.

Hmm, okay.

Oh, that guy that's in all of Pedro Almodovar's movies.

- Antonio Banderas. - I know him.

Antonio Banderas is this Spanish actor

that I've had a crush on for two years.

He's in all of Pedro Almodévar's movies,

and I love Pedro's movies.

So, I've seen every movie that Antonio's ever done,

and I have to say he's one of the few actors--

movie stars or whatever-- that I was really dying to meet.

So, we get to Madrid,

and it turns out that Pedro wants to throw this big dinner party for me.

So, you know, of course, Antonio's gonna be there.

And so, here I am--

I spent the whole week psyching myself up

for this party that I'm gonna go to,

and I've got it all worked out in my head.

I'm gonna make Antonio fall madly in love with me.

Only there was this one rather major obstacle I'd never really counted on.

- Hola. - His wife.

You want?

I've been wanting to meet Antonio for years.

I finally get to meet him, and he's married.

- lam. - That's one of life's little fuck-overs.

Don't worry. I'm just kidding. Not!

Madonna, this is one of the Spanish stars, too.

- Hi. - Actor, singer.

- Are you married? - Dancer.

- Are you married? - No!

Bye! Bye-bye!

This is your side! This is your place!

Oh, hey, knock it off, fellas. Come on.

What's wrong?

I've got to go to the bathroom and drown my sorrows.

You're ready to snatch him. You know it.

I'm putting my head in the toilet, Niki. I swear.

Well, don't do it till you get home. All right?

I said to Ricky, "Oh, fuck, this is such a disaster.

"He's married."

He goes, "Oh, in Spain it doesn't matter.

"You can have whatever you want."

- Just like in Italy. - Good thing I don't live here.

‘Cause I would be a fighting bitch.

Is that man beautiful or what?

Yeah. There's gotta be something wrong with him.

He probably has a really small penis or something.

God, there has to be something wrong with him,

‘cause no one is that perfect.

You guys, I'm gonna go back in the room,

and who am I gonna flirt with? Who? Tell me.

- I know who. - Who?

The guy next to us.

All my beautiful men.

I will sue them both. Go!

You have to call me and tell me what you think of the show.

- Tomorrow? - Yes, yes, I call you. I call you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Needless to say, I never saw or heard from Antonio again.

I don't think he's such a good actor after all.

- Were there any messages? - No. No messages.

Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!

My sleeping pill didn't wear off yet...

so if I start acting like Joey Heatherton, you'll understand.

Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!

Madonna! Madonna!

Even when I feel like shit, they still love me.

I think Madonna's a lot happier now

than she was on the last tour.

I think she's happy with the effect she's had,

but I think there's a part of her life that makes her unhappy.

I don't think she takes enough time

to appreciate and enjoy her success.

She only thinks of a dance step she might have missed or--

Madonna does feel more in control

when she doesn't extend her personal emotion, her love--

She's just very-- Madonna's just very difficult to reach.

She's put up many barriers.

I'm sure she's going through a lot with these things,

‘cause there's not that many people who she can trust and get close to,

‘cause I'm sure everyone wants something from her.

She's fishing for affection.

I suppose she's fishing for people who can be real with her, you know,

who can be honest.

And I don't really think that anybody is honest with her,

except for maybe me.

- I think that we're all... - I'm certainly not honest all the time.

We're all seeking Madonna's approval to some degree.

Sometimes I feel like she really trusts me.

Sometimes, you know, I feel like she's not really looking at me.

Madonna has a hard time connecting...

and giving herself away to any one person.

I feel like she's-- Madonna's very in the moment.

Oh, she's very impatient. Madonna's quite impatient.

If Madonna's impatient, it's ‘cause she wants things done.

But she has a lot to do. She has a busy life,

and she's definitely in a race against time.

Everything is subject to her approval or disapproval.

And everything has to do with what she wants, what she doesn't want,

how it should look, where it should go, what it should be,

so it's very tense, and she's unhappy a lot of the time.

She's a bitch sometimes.

Madonna can be mean if she wants to, we all can.

I love it when she's mean.

She hasn't been a bitch to me.

She knows what she's doing,

and she knows how to work it, and that's the most important.

That's probably why she's such a big star.

I just feel like she's a little girl lost in the storm sometimes.

You know, there's just, like, a whole whirlwind of things going on around her,

and sometimes she gets caught up in it.

Strike a pose

Strike a pose

Vogue, Vogue, Vogue

Vogue, Vogue, Vogue

Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache

It's everywhere that you go

Look around

You try everything you can to escape

The pain of life that you know

When all else fails and you long to be

Something better than you are today

I know a place where you can get away

It's called a dance floor

And here's what it's for, so

Come on, Vogue

Let your body move to the music

Hey, hey, hey

Come on, Vogue

Let your body go with the flow

You know you can do it

All you need is your own imagination

So, use it, that's what it's for

That's what it's for

Go inside for your finest inspiration

Your dreams will open the door

It makes no difference if you're black or white

If you're a boy or a girl

If the music's pumping, it will give you new life

You're a superstar

Yes, that's what you are, you know it

Come on, Vogue

Let your body groove to the music

Hey, hey, hey

Come on, Vogue

Let your body go with the flow

You know you can do it

Beauty's where you find it

Not just where you bump and grind it

Soul is in the musical

That's why I feel so beautiful

Magical, life's a ball

So, get up on the dance floor

Vogue

Let your body move to the music

Hey, hey, hey

Come on, Vogue

Let your body go with the flow

You know you can do it

To a room full of people that I admire, that I appreciate,

that I adore, that I love,

and that I would all separately, at one time or another,

like to smack the shit out of.

Anyway, cheers.

- To fashion. - To love. To I'amour.

Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean, picture of a beauty queen

Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air

They had style, they had grace, Rita Hayworth gave good face

Lauren, Katherine, Lana, too, Bette Davis, we love you

Ladies with an attitude, fellas that were in the mood

Don't just stand there, let's get to it

Strike a pose, there's nothing to it

Vogue, Vogue, Vogue

Vogue, Vogue, Vogue

Ooh

You've got to

Let your body move to the music

Ooh

You've got to just

Let your body go with the flow

Ooh

You've got to just

Vogue

Truth or dare, Madonna?

- Want to play? - Right now?

Truth or dare?

I'm gonna ask you.

Have you been fucked up the ass?

- Truth or dare? - Truth or dare?

Dare.

Ohh!

You fucked up!

Okay, unzip your pants and take your dick out right now.

Ah, you have to do it! Oh, bravo! Bravo!

Oh, my God!

Come on. Come on.

- You can sit down and do it. - No way!

Way!

Dare. Come on.

That's what she told you to do.

I'm afraid to look. Aah!

It's fucking blue!

Slam, truth or dare?

- Dare. - Whoo!

French-kiss Gabriel.

Okay.

- He's up! He's up and he's ready! - Look out!

Work it! Work it, Miss Thing.

They want this to happen.

- Oh. Oh, yes! - Get it done! Get the job done!

Oh, my God! I'm getting a hard-on, okay?

Just beautiful.

There, buddy.

Madonna, truth or dare?

- Dare. - Dare?

Show us with that bottle how you give head.

Stand up and come down on it.

You're not asking the question, motherfucker.

You're not performing, either.

Damn!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Bravo!

Yeah!

She swallows!

- Madonna, truth or dare? - Truth.

Who has been the love of your life your whole life?

- My whole life? - Your biggest love?

Sean.

- Your mama. - Sean.

I'm in my dressing room sometimes, and I think to myself,

"Who do I think I am, like, trying to pull this off?"

You know, and sometimes, like, I'm very much,

but I can only allow myself to think it once in a while,

because if I do, I'm gone.

And that is-- I think of you guys, in thinking--

sitting in your dressing room, going, "Who does this bitch think she is?"

I've got the moves, baby

You've got the motion

If we got together, we'd be causing a commotion

I know that I'm not the best singer,

and I know I'm not the best dancer, but--

but--but I'm not interested in that.

I'm interested in pushing people's buttons,

in being provocative, in being political.

It doesn't matter if you win or lose

It's how you play the game, so get into the groove

You both could have anything that you wanted, if you want it.

I think that's where I'm at right now. I don't know if I want it.

Yeah. It ain't all fucking hunky-dory.

I hope you find what you're looking for

Is it mine? Walk through that door

We're wasting time

Make up your mind

And get into the groove

I think you knew you wanted to be a star.

Yeah. But don't you?

You wanted to say what you wanted to say.

You don't want to be a star? Niki, come on!

Oh, yeah, pick on the little girl.

Yeah.

Get over here. Both of you.

- No problem. - Get over here!

Ow!

Yes!

Carlton, come to Mommy. Get in bed.

So, Gabriel, this is the moment I've been waiting for.

- What? - I'm finally alone in bed with you.

- Take your shirt off. - You want me to take it off?

Mm-hmm. And pull the sheets up so it looks like you're naked.

Yes, of course.

- Oh, I'm so shocked. - Oh, my God.

I'm gagging.

- Why are you wearing your underwear? - Why not? I'm in bed.

Did you walk here in your underpants? Now you're acting like me.

- Bottom line is-- - If he doesn't--Wait, I'm talking.

You know what that means.

I just think life is unfair.

Here I am, this person--everybody thinks I have everything I want, right?

But I want you, and I can't have you.

You shouldn't have any more sex.

You should just build an altar to me in your home and worship it daily.

And call me collect.

- Uncross them and say it. - You're the only woman I love.

You lied, Luis! Now I am gonna beat you up.

I wouldn't hire fags that hate women. I kill fags that hate women.

In fact, I'll kill anybody who hates women.

In fact, I'll kill anybody that hates, because I hate people that hate.

Ollie, I hate you.

I hate you because you're beautiful and you're a fuck! You're a stupid fuck!

I hate you.

You're sweating and you smell!

Oh, your dick is big.

Come on.

My aunt wrote a book

called Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.

- You should read it. - I think I helped her write it.

- All right, you want it. - No!

- Pupil. - Aah!

Did I hurt you? Good!

Get out of my bed. Get out of my bed.

And don't come back until your dick is bigger.

See how you are? Get away from me.

Luis, don't leave me.

Get out now, or I'm calling the police!

What's wrong?

My life is really complicated, Carlton.

You have to hand me my sweatpants.

Aah! I'm gonna die!

Get out! Get out, you bastard!

Smell them.

- I'm out of here. I'm leaving. - No.

Oh, look, does anybody give a shit?

Don't ever come back. I hate you.

Next.

You guys, I'd give you the shirt off my back.

- Take it off, then! - Come on!

You guys, it's not time for a feeding. Get away!

You feel better now? Here, Madonna's Vegas show!

What do we think of people that have body parts that aren't real?

Eww!

But we love you anyway, Madonna.

Ohh!

Honey, my titties are bona fide, they're the real thing.

Who said anything about titties?

Ooh!

- Oh, you mean my hair? - No.

- Keep going. - What's not real?

Everything's real on you, they just don't think so.

Everything's real.

- I'm real. - Except for the pearls.

- They are too real. - All of them?

Madonna can't afford real pearls!

I can so! I'm rich. I can have anything I want.

She sleeps with boots!

Do we want to be accepted by Hollywood?

No!

- Do we care what people think of us? - No!

- Do we want people to kiss our ass? - Yes!

Yeah, yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

Okay, but--

Okay, but do we want to have an R-rating or an X-rating?

X!

X for X-tra fun!

Uh-huh

Yeah, yeah

One child grows up to be

Somebody who just loves to learn

And another child

Grows up to be

Somebody you'd just love to burn

Mom loves the both of them

You see, it's in the blood

Both kids are good to Mom

Blood's thicker than the mud

It's a family affair

Keep people together

It's a family affair

- Hi, hi, hi. - Hello.

Hello, love.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't my lovely family.

- Aren't we just having a lovely time? - A lovely time!

Ecoutez-moi,

‘cause I got something to say to you.

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

We're a wild, crazy bunch.

Yeah, that's right.

All right, love. Take me where I'm going.

This is what I call traveling in style.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, thank you, Ollie.

All right. Formation.

I've hit the big time

But I still get the blues

Everyone's a stranger

City life can get to you

People can be so cold

Never want to turn your back

Just giving to get something

Always wanting something back

When I get lonely and I need to be

Loved for who I am, not what they want to see

Brothers and sisters, they've always been there for me

We have a connection, home is where the heart should be

Keep it together in the family

They're a reminder of your history

Brothers and sisters, they hold the key

To your heart and your soul

Don't forget that your family is gold

When I look back on all the misery

And all of the heartache that they brought to me

I wouldn't change it for another chance

‘Cause blood is thicker than any other circumstance

Uh-huh

All right, it's time for a little bit of the old in-out, you know.

The family that plays together stays together.

Here we go.

When I get lonely and I need to be

Loved for who I am, not what they want to see

Brothers and sisters, they've always been there for me

We have a connection, home is where the heart should be

When I look back on all the misery

And all the heartache that they brought to me

I wouldn't change it for another chance

‘Cause blood is thicker than any other circumstance

One! Ha ha ha!

Two! Come on, love.

One! Two!

One, two, three! Hit it!

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Unfortunately, Europe, it's time for us to say bonsoir.

To all of our families.

You're my family. Yeah, that's right.

And never forget that your family is your friend.

Yeah, that's right.

And never doubt that without them you are nothing.

Yeah, that's right.

But most of all and most importantly,

never doubt yourselves.

Yeah, that's right.

Come on, ladies. On your knees.

Aren't they lovely?

Yes.

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

Keep people together forever and ever

Keep people together

People together forever and ever

It's okay.

People together forever and ever...

Thanks.

People together

People together forever and ever...

- What are you thinking about? - You.

People together

People together forever and ever

People together

People together forever and ever...

Bye.

I love you.

People together

People together forever and ever...

- You're so big, Carlton. - And you're such a lady.

People together

People together forever and ever

People together

People together forever and ever

People together...

- Bye, baby. - Bye.

Don't get in any catfights on the way home.

People together

People together forever and ever

Keep people together

- Ready? - Yes, Mom.

We're gonna say a good-night prayer, okay?

- Okay. - All right.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

God bless!

Kevin.

Slam.

Luis.

Niki.

Jose.

Donna.

Oliver.

Gabriel.

- Ooh, Did I forget anyone? - Carlton.

Carlton. Oh, that's right.

He's an adopted child.

It's time to say good night.

Time to say good night, everybody.

- I want some ice cream. - Shh, shh.

- I want some vanilla ice cream. - Shut up, Carlton.

Close your eyes, dream some dreams.

It ain't over.

Shh.

I gotta pee!

- Just pee in bed. - Okay.

- You guys do anyway. - Not on me.

Shh.

- Good night, boys and girls. - Good night, Madonna.

Good night, Niki-Ellen.

Good night, poopers.

Good night, Chita.

Good night, Lu.

Good night, Gabriel.

Good night, Carlton.

- Good night, Oliver. - Who farted?

Shut up! Shut up and go to sleep!

She smelled it.

She smelt it and she dealt it.

You stinky. You stinker.

Somebody farted boots.

Somebody farted!

- Nuclear testing! - Nuclear testing!

- Oh, gross. - Oh, gross.

I smell boots!

- We're smellin' boots. - We're smellin' boots.

I think I got my period.

Guys, shut up!

Aah, she hit me!

Shh, sleepy time.

I said shut up.

I'm gonna press this thing. I'm gonna press "power,"

and when I press it, the camera is gonna go off instantly.

Go away!

Cut it. Cut it, Alek.

Cut it, goddamn it!