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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,900 {\an1}thank you 2 00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:00,910 {\an1}thank you 3 00:00:00,910 --> 00:00:06,970 {\an1}thank you [Music] 4 00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:06,980 {\an1} 5 00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:09,169 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Art 6 00:00:09,169 --> 00:00:09,179 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Art 7 00:00:09,179 --> 00:00:11,330 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Art Theater can you please go mental for Jim 8 00:00:11,330 --> 00:00:11,340 {\an1}Theater can you please go mental for Jim 9 00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:23,689 {\an1}Theater can you please go mental for Jim Jeffrey 10 00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:23,699 {\an1} 11 00:00:23,699 --> 00:00:26,689 {\an1}all right 12 00:00:26,689 --> 00:00:26,699 {\an1} 13 00:00:26,699 --> 00:00:28,550 {\an1}are you all going 14 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:28,560 {\an1}are you all going 15 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,950 {\an1}are you all going welcome to the recording of my first 16 00:00:30,950 --> 00:00:30,960 {\an1}welcome to the recording of my first 17 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,110 {\an1}welcome to the recording of my first ever DVD people so thank you for coming 18 00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:33,120 {\an1}ever DVD people so thank you for coming 19 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,630 {\an1}ever DVD people so thank you for coming oh yeah hey 20 00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:35,640 {\an1}oh yeah hey 21 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,810 {\an1}oh yeah hey who's seen me before give me a yell 22 00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:38,820 {\an1}who's seen me before give me a yell 23 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:41,389 {\an1}who's seen me before give me a yell right you've never seen me 24 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:41,399 {\an1}right you've never seen me 25 00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:45,790 {\an1}right you've never seen me okay you do seem like a happier Bunch uh 26 00:00:45,790 --> 00:00:45,800 {\an1}okay you do seem like a happier Bunch uh 27 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,250 {\an1}okay you do seem like a happier Bunch uh well it is a show it's called 30 man uh 28 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:49,260 {\an1}well it is a show it's called 30 man uh 29 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:50,750 {\an1}well it is a show it's called 30 man uh it's just basically a lot of stories 30 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:50,760 {\an1}it's just basically a lot of stories 31 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,490 {\an1}it's just basically a lot of stories heading up to the age I am now I just 32 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:52,500 {\an1}heading up to the age I am now I just 33 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,229 {\an1}heading up to the age I am now I just wanted to rip off the 300 posters so 34 00:00:54,229 --> 00:00:54,239 {\an1}wanted to rip off the 300 posters so 35 00:00:54,239 --> 00:00:55,310 {\an1}wanted to rip off the 300 posters so it's really got nothing to do with 36 00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:55,320 {\an1}it's really got nothing to do with 37 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,110 {\an1}it's really got nothing to do with [ __ ] nothing there's no point in it I 38 00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:57,120 {\an1}[ __ ] nothing there's no point in it I 39 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,850 {\an1}[ __ ] nothing there's no point in it I mean I I get to travel on this job 40 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:58,860 {\an1}mean I I get to travel on this job 41 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:00,529 {\an1}mean I I get to travel on this job actually this is the third date on the 42 00:01:00,529 --> 00:01:00,539 {\an1}actually this is the third date on the 43 00:01:00,539 --> 00:01:02,569 {\an1}actually this is the third date on the tour two days ago I was in Helsinki 44 00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:02,579 {\an1}tour two days ago I was in Helsinki 45 00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:04,729 {\an1}tour two days ago I was in Helsinki doing a gig and that which we got 600 46 00:01:04,729 --> 00:01:04,739 {\an1}doing a gig and that which we got 600 47 00:01:04,739 --> 00:01:06,350 {\an1}doing a gig and that which we got 600 people came to the [ __ ] gig but only 48 00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:06,360 {\an1}people came to the [ __ ] gig but only 49 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:07,490 {\an1}people came to the [ __ ] gig but only because I just like going are you the 50 00:01:07,490 --> 00:01:07,500 {\an1}because I just like going are you the 51 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,429 {\an1}because I just like going are you the man who got punched in the face 52 00:01:10,429 --> 00:01:10,439 {\an1}man who got punched in the face 53 00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:13,910 {\an1}man who got punched in the face so good to see you I love that [ __ ] I 54 00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:13,920 {\an1}so good to see you I love that [ __ ] I 55 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,890 {\an1}so good to see you I love that [ __ ] I mean I went there I went to Sweden man 56 00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:15,900 {\an1}mean I went there I went to Sweden man 57 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,450 {\an1}mean I went there I went to Sweden man the Swedish people the best looking 58 00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:17,460 {\an1}the Swedish people the best looking 59 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:19,070 {\an1}the Swedish people the best looking people I've ever seen in my entire life 60 00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:19,080 {\an1}people I've ever seen in my entire life 61 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,810 {\an1}people I've ever seen in my entire life I didn't see what ugly [ __ ] I was out 62 00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:20,820 {\an1}I didn't see what ugly [ __ ] I was out 63 00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:22,429 {\an1}I didn't see what ugly [ __ ] I was out there I think they might be killing the 64 00:01:22,429 --> 00:01:22,439 {\an1}there I think they might be killing the 65 00:01:22,439 --> 00:01:24,770 {\an1}there I think they might be killing the ugly people now I'm not saying they're 66 00:01:24,770 --> 00:01:24,780 {\an1}ugly people now I'm not saying they're 67 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,270 {\an1}ugly people now I'm not saying they're walking around killing people I'm saying 68 00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:26,280 {\an1}walking around killing people I'm saying 69 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,590 {\an1}walking around killing people I'm saying they're doing it from birth right 70 00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:27,600 {\an1}they're doing it from birth right 71 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,030 {\an1}they're doing it from birth right they're being like a woman giving birth 72 00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:29,040 {\an1}they're being like a woman giving birth 73 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,890 {\an1}they're being like a woman giving birth to be like a doctor and it'll be like an 74 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:30,900 {\an1}to be like a doctor and it'll be like an 75 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:32,749 {\an1}to be like a doctor and it'll be like an official guy in the corner right the 76 00:01:32,749 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an1}official guy in the corner right the 77 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,670 {\an1}official guy in the corner right the doctor pulls the baby out he shows it to 78 00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:34,680 {\an1}doctor pulls the baby out he shows it to 79 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,890 {\an1}doctor pulls the baby out he shows it to the official bloke he goes 80 00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:36,900 {\an1}the official bloke he goes 81 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:38,990 {\an1}the official bloke he goes no 82 00:01:38,990 --> 00:01:39,000 {\an1}no 83 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,530 {\an1}no no the doctor gets the baby's head 84 00:01:42,530 --> 00:01:42,540 {\an1}no the doctor gets the baby's head 85 00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:44,090 {\an1}no the doctor gets the baby's head throws it in the corner with all the 86 00:01:44,090 --> 00:01:44,100 {\an1}throws it in the corner with all the 87 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,190 {\an1}throws it in the corner with all the other ugly dead babies 88 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:46,200 {\an1}other ugly dead babies 89 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,929 {\an1}other ugly dead babies and they're such a rational breed and I 90 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:47,939 {\an1}and they're such a rational breed and I 91 00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:50,030 {\an1}and they're such a rational breed and I think the woman would even be upset 92 00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:50,040 {\an1}think the woman would even be upset 93 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,530 {\an1}think the woman would even be upset I think she'd just be going was it 94 00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:51,540 {\an1}I think she'd just be going was it 95 00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:53,990 {\an1}I think she'd just be going was it directly was it 96 00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:54,000 {\an1}directly was it 97 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,590 {\an1}directly was it thank you for saving me from the shame 98 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:56,600 {\an1}thank you for saving me from the shame 99 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,429 {\an1}thank you for saving me from the shame there's my own thoughts you know I 100 00:01:58,429 --> 00:01:58,439 {\an1}there's my own thoughts you know I 101 00:01:58,439 --> 00:01:59,569 {\an1}there's my own thoughts you know I shouldn't have had sex with a Scottish 102 00:01:59,569 --> 00:01:59,579 {\an1}shouldn't have had sex with a Scottish 103 00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:05,270 {\an1}shouldn't have had sex with a Scottish fan 104 00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:05,280 {\an1} 105 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,570 {\an1}of the balcony people 106 00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:08,580 {\an1} 107 00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:11,270 {\an1}just I can't see you all right I just 108 00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:11,280 {\an1}just I can't see you all right I just 109 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,350 {\an1}just I can't see you all right I just want to know if there was some people up 110 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:12,360 {\an1}want to know if there was some people up 111 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,150 {\an1}want to know if there was some people up there 112 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:13,160 {\an1}there 113 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,410 {\an1}there I'll tell you a bit about me family me 114 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:15,420 {\an1}I'll tell you a bit about me family me 115 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,150 {\an1}I'll tell you a bit about me family me uh 15 year old cousin who's recently 116 00:02:17,150 --> 00:02:17,160 {\an1}uh 15 year old cousin who's recently 117 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,309 {\an1}uh 15 year old cousin who's recently become pregnant and I'm only offended by 118 00:02:19,309 --> 00:02:19,319 {\an1}become pregnant and I'm only offended by 119 00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,949 {\an1}become pregnant and I'm only offended by this as a taxpayer uh 120 00:02:21,949 --> 00:02:21,959 {\an1}this as a taxpayer uh 121 00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:23,809 {\an1}this as a taxpayer uh I think if you can't afford it if I can 122 00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:23,819 {\an1}I think if you can't afford it if I can 123 00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:25,309 {\an1}I think if you can't afford it if I can cut the [ __ ] thing out but it's not 124 00:02:25,309 --> 00:02:25,319 {\an1}cut the [ __ ] thing out but it's not 125 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,170 {\an1}cut the [ __ ] thing out but it's not my problem Yani has to take care of it 126 00:02:27,170 --> 00:02:27,180 {\an1}my problem Yani has to take care of it 127 00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,570 {\an1}my problem Yani has to take care of it you know 128 00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:28,580 {\an1}you know 129 00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:31,970 {\an1}you know She's Gotta [ __ ] keep it 130 00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:31,980 {\an1}She's Gotta [ __ ] keep it 131 00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,490 {\an1}She's Gotta [ __ ] keep it he's gonna [ __ ] keep thing um 132 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:34,500 {\an1}he's gonna [ __ ] keep thing um 133 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,190 {\an1}he's gonna [ __ ] keep thing um but I I went to rough school right when 134 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:37,200 {\an1}but I I went to rough school right when 135 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,250 {\an1}but I I went to rough school right when I was 14 15 16 no one was [ __ ] at my 136 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:40,260 {\an1}I was 14 15 16 no one was [ __ ] at my 137 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,869 {\an1}I was 14 15 16 no one was [ __ ] at my school nobody not even the cool kids 138 00:02:41,869 --> 00:02:41,879 {\an1}school nobody not even the cool kids 139 00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:43,970 {\an1}school nobody not even the cool kids were [ __ ] right we were happy with 140 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:43,980 {\an1}were [ __ ] right we were happy with 141 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:46,250 {\an1}were [ __ ] right we were happy with fingering all right 142 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:46,260 {\an1}fingering all right 143 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:47,930 {\an1}fingering all right bringing that back I can finger a girl 144 00:02:47,930 --> 00:02:47,940 {\an1}bringing that back I can finger a girl 145 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,190 {\an1}bringing that back I can finger a girl in February that'll keep me going 146 00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:49,200 {\an1}in February that'll keep me going 147 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,949 {\an1}in February that'll keep me going through till [ __ ] August right 148 00:02:51,949 --> 00:02:51,959 {\an1}through till [ __ ] August right 149 00:02:51,959 --> 00:02:54,110 {\an1}through till [ __ ] August right these kids today they all [ __ ] each 150 00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:54,120 {\an1}these kids today they all [ __ ] each 151 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:55,729 {\an1}these kids today they all [ __ ] each other they all get [ __ ] knocked up 152 00:02:55,729 --> 00:02:55,739 {\an1}other they all get [ __ ] knocked up 153 00:02:55,739 --> 00:02:57,770 {\an1}other they all get [ __ ] knocked up and they get sex education I never had 154 00:02:57,770 --> 00:02:57,780 {\an1}and they get sex education I never had 155 00:02:57,780 --> 00:02:59,449 {\an1}and they get sex education I never had any sex education I didn't even have a 156 00:02:59,449 --> 00:02:59,459 {\an1}any sex education I didn't even have a 157 00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:02,809 {\an1}any sex education I didn't even have a sister me right these kids get sex 158 00:03:02,809 --> 00:03:02,819 {\an1}sister me right these kids get sex 159 00:03:02,819 --> 00:03:04,670 {\an1}sister me right these kids get sex education on a Monday or a Wednesday or 160 00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:04,680 {\an1}education on a Monday or a Wednesday or 161 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,570 {\an1}education on a Monday or a Wednesday or whatever they have it they're all 162 00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:05,580 {\an1}whatever they have it they're all 163 00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:06,650 {\an1}whatever they have it they're all [ __ ] each other they're all getting 164 00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:06,660 {\an1}[ __ ] each other they're all getting 165 00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:09,050 {\an1}[ __ ] each other they're all getting pregnant I ain't too much information I 166 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:09,060 {\an1}pregnant I ain't too much information I 167 00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:10,670 {\an1}pregnant I ain't too much information I think we should [ __ ] sex education off 168 00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:10,680 {\an1}think we should [ __ ] sex education off 169 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,530 {\an1}think we should [ __ ] sex education off completely and just start showing these 170 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:12,540 {\an1}completely and just start showing these 171 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,949 {\an1}completely and just start showing these kids pornography from a very young age 172 00:03:14,949 --> 00:03:14,959 {\an1}kids pornography from a very young age 173 00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:17,210 {\an1}kids pornography from a very young age at least that way the boys will know to 174 00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:17,220 {\an1}at least that way the boys will know to 175 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:20,770 {\an1}at least that way the boys will know to come in the girls faces 176 00:03:20,770 --> 00:03:20,780 {\an1} 177 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,210 {\an1} [Applause] 178 00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:22,220 {\an1}[Applause] 179 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,229 {\an1}[Applause] trying to make a difference here people 180 00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:24,239 {\an1}trying to make a difference here people 181 00:03:24,239 --> 00:03:28,490 {\an1}trying to make a difference here people okay 182 00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:28,500 {\an1} 183 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,050 {\an1} because 184 00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:30,060 {\an1}because 185 00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:34,790 {\an1}because we [ __ ] my grandmother died uh 186 00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:34,800 {\an1}we [ __ ] my grandmother died uh 187 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,369 {\an1}we [ __ ] my grandmother died uh I think uh last July or something like 188 00:03:37,369 --> 00:03:37,379 {\an1}I think uh last July or something like 189 00:03:37,379 --> 00:03:39,229 {\an1}I think uh last July or something like that she's 92 she's meant to [ __ ] die 190 00:03:39,229 --> 00:03:39,239 {\an1}that she's 92 she's meant to [ __ ] die 191 00:03:39,239 --> 00:03:41,570 {\an1}that she's 92 she's meant to [ __ ] die you know probably more surprised if she 192 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:41,580 {\an1}you know probably more surprised if she 193 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:45,229 {\an1}you know probably more surprised if she did a Motocross Rally or something 194 00:03:45,229 --> 00:03:45,239 {\an1} 195 00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:47,930 {\an1}towards the end she just uh she had like 196 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:47,940 {\an1}towards the end she just uh she had like 197 00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:49,910 {\an1}towards the end she just uh she had like four strokes and she had dementia she's 198 00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:49,920 {\an1}four strokes and she had dementia she's 199 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,490 {\an1}four strokes and she had dementia she's just like a head and a chair really and 200 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:52,500 {\an1}just like a head and a chair really and 201 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,770 {\an1}just like a head and a chair really and and she had Dementia or as I like to 202 00:03:54,770 --> 00:03:54,780 {\an1}and she had Dementia or as I like to 203 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:57,890 {\an1}and she had Dementia or as I like to call it honesty 204 00:03:57,890 --> 00:03:57,900 {\an1} 205 00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,630 {\an1}because old people telling the truth 206 00:03:59,630 --> 00:03:59,640 {\an1}because old people telling the truth 207 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,369 {\an1}because old people telling the truth thinking I bought this planet for 92 208 00:04:01,369 --> 00:04:01,379 {\an1}thinking I bought this planet for 92 209 00:04:01,379 --> 00:04:03,949 {\an1}thinking I bought this planet for 92 years I'm sick of lying to [ __ ] she's 210 00:04:03,949 --> 00:04:03,959 {\an1}years I'm sick of lying to [ __ ] she's 211 00:04:03,959 --> 00:04:08,270 {\an1}years I'm sick of lying to [ __ ] she's taking my money that's not my son 212 00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:08,280 {\an1} 213 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,490 {\an1}and she was meant to die like two years 214 00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:10,500 {\an1}and she was meant to die like two years 215 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,649 {\an1}and she was meant to die like two years ago she was kept on getting Strokes 216 00:04:12,649 --> 00:04:12,659 {\an1}ago she was kept on getting Strokes 217 00:04:12,659 --> 00:04:14,570 {\an1}ago she was kept on getting Strokes we're all [ __ ] rang up by my mum 218 00:04:14,570 --> 00:04:14,580 {\an1}we're all [ __ ] rang up by my mum 219 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,189 {\an1}we're all [ __ ] rang up by my mum going it's like two days to live right 220 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:16,199 {\an1}going it's like two days to live right 221 00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:17,390 {\an1}going it's like two days to live right so she goes you better ring your 222 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:17,400 {\an1}so she goes you better ring your 223 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,189 {\an1}so she goes you better ring your grandmother she's gonna die any minute 224 00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:19,199 {\an1}grandmother she's gonna die any minute 225 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:20,390 {\an1}grandmother she's gonna die any minute right so ring her up and say hey Grandma 226 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:20,400 {\an1}right so ring her up and say hey Grandma 227 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,890 {\an1}right so ring her up and say hey Grandma how are you and she goes not too good 228 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:21,900 {\an1}how are you and she goes not too good 229 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:24,469 {\an1}how are you and she goes not too good now when he I heard that uh I hear 230 00:04:24,469 --> 00:04:24,479 {\an1}now when he I heard that uh I hear 231 00:04:24,479 --> 00:04:26,090 {\an1}now when he I heard that uh I hear you're not doing well look Grandma I'm 232 00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:26,100 {\an1}you're not doing well look Grandma I'm 233 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,770 {\an1}you're not doing well look Grandma I'm gonna miss you I love you I'm sorry 234 00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:27,780 {\an1}gonna miss you I love you I'm sorry 235 00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:31,370 {\an1}gonna miss you I love you I'm sorry you're dying and uh and she went I love 236 00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:31,380 {\an1}you're dying and uh and she went I love 237 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:34,070 {\an1}you're dying and uh and she went I love you too Jim and then I cried and I 238 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:34,080 {\an1}you too Jim and then I cried and I 239 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,629 {\an1}you too Jim and then I cried and I thought well that's that I put the phone 240 00:04:35,629 --> 00:04:35,639 {\an1}thought well that's that I put the phone 241 00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:37,550 {\an1}thought well that's that I put the phone down and I went back to the PlayStation 242 00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:37,560 {\an1}down and I went back to the PlayStation 243 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,010 {\an1}down and I went back to the PlayStation right 244 00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:39,020 {\an1}right 245 00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:41,270 {\an1}right and then like two years old and she 246 00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:41,280 {\an1}and then like two years old and she 247 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,490 {\an1}and then like two years old and she wasn't dead 248 00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:43,500 {\an1}wasn't dead 249 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,950 {\an1}wasn't dead what do you do do you call back what's 250 00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:45,960 {\an1}what do you do do you call back what's 251 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,870 {\an1}what do you do do you call back what's the protocol 252 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:47,880 {\an1}the protocol 253 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,909 {\an1}the protocol you go good for you do you think you 254 00:04:49,909 --> 00:04:49,919 {\an1}you go good for you do you think you 255 00:04:49,919 --> 00:04:52,370 {\an1}you go good for you do you think you [ __ ] had it in you right 256 00:04:52,370 --> 00:04:52,380 {\an1}[ __ ] had it in you right 257 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:53,990 {\an1}[ __ ] had it in you right every time she's going to die as well 258 00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:54,000 {\an1}every time she's going to die as well 259 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,030 {\an1}every time she's going to die as well because my father lives in uh [ __ ] 260 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:56,040 {\an1}because my father lives in uh [ __ ] 261 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,110 {\an1}because my father lives in uh [ __ ] Sydney and my grandma lives in 262 00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:57,120 {\an1}Sydney and my grandma lives in 263 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,550 {\an1}Sydney and my grandma lives in Queensland and he would go up to Barry's 264 00:04:58,550 --> 00:04:58,560 {\an1}Queensland and he would go up to Barry's 265 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,010 {\an1}Queensland and he would go up to Barry's mum but because of her not dying he'd go 266 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:01,020 {\an1}mum but because of her not dying he'd go 267 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:02,150 {\an1}mum but because of her not dying he'd go up there and every time he'd have to 268 00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:02,160 {\an1}up there and every time he'd have to 269 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,350 {\an1}up there and every time he'd have to take time off work and all that and 270 00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:03,360 {\an1}take time off work and all that and 271 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,670 {\an1}take time off work and all that and every time he'd come back down I'd ring 272 00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:04,680 {\an1}every time he'd come back down I'd ring 273 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,590 {\an1}every time he'd come back down I'd ring him up and go did Grandma die and he'd 274 00:05:06,590 --> 00:05:06,600 {\an1}him up and go did Grandma die and he'd 275 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,150 {\an1}him up and go did Grandma die and he'd go nut and I go well better luck next 276 00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:08,160 {\an1}go nut and I go well better luck next 277 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,150 {\an1}go nut and I go well better luck next time 278 00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:11,160 {\an1} 279 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,490 {\an1}oh she's got like 12 grandkids and we've 280 00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:13,500 {\an1}oh she's got like 12 grandkids and we've 281 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,469 {\an1}oh she's got like 12 grandkids and we've all got the same inheritance we all got 282 00:05:15,469 --> 00:05:15,479 {\an1}all got the same inheritance we all got 283 00:05:15,479 --> 00:05:17,689 {\an1}all got the same inheritance we all got 100 bucks that's Australian 100 284 00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:17,699 {\an1}100 bucks that's Australian 100 285 00:05:17,699 --> 00:05:20,689 {\an1}100 bucks that's Australian 100 Australian that's [ __ ] 38 quit right 286 00:05:20,689 --> 00:05:20,699 {\an1}Australian that's [ __ ] 38 quit right 287 00:05:20,699 --> 00:05:22,370 {\an1}Australian that's [ __ ] 38 quit right that's not even enough for two lap dance 288 00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:22,380 {\an1}that's not even enough for two lap dance 289 00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:25,310 {\an1}that's not even enough for two lap dance is that right how is her spirit meant to 290 00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:25,320 {\an1}is that right how is her spirit meant to 291 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,050 {\an1}is that right how is her spirit meant to live on 292 00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:27,060 {\an1}live on 293 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,749 {\an1}live on and those people can [ __ ] hang on 294 00:05:29,749 --> 00:05:29,759 {\an1}and those people can [ __ ] hang on 295 00:05:29,759 --> 00:05:32,330 {\an1}and those people can [ __ ] hang on forever and ever because they're worried 296 00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:32,340 {\an1}forever and ever because they're worried 297 00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:34,010 {\an1}forever and ever because they're worried about the afterlife she wasn't gonna 298 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:34,020 {\an1}about the afterlife she wasn't gonna 299 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,990 {\an1}about the afterlife she wasn't gonna [ __ ] die that's the same reason the 300 00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:36,000 {\an1}[ __ ] die that's the same reason the 301 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,909 {\an1}[ __ ] die that's the same reason the old Pope not the Nazi we got now the one 302 00:05:37,909 --> 00:05:37,919 {\an1}old Pope not the Nazi we got now the one 303 00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:40,129 {\an1}old Pope not the Nazi we got now the one before that right he wouldn't I remember 304 00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:40,139 {\an1}before that right he wouldn't I remember 305 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,570 {\an1}before that right he wouldn't I remember the one that was curved like a banana 306 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:41,580 {\an1}the one that was curved like a banana 307 00:05:41,580 --> 00:05:43,249 {\an1}the one that was curved like a banana right 308 00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:43,259 {\an1}right 309 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,950 {\an1}right he wouldn't die because he was religious 310 00:05:45,950 --> 00:05:45,960 {\an1}he wouldn't die because he was religious 311 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,870 {\an1}he wouldn't die because he was religious and evil every every time there was like 312 00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:47,880 {\an1}and evil every every time there was like 313 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,909 {\an1}and evil every every time there was like a pedophile in the Catholic church he 314 00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:49,919 {\an1}a pedophile in the Catholic church he 315 00:05:49,919 --> 00:05:50,870 {\an1}a pedophile in the Catholic church he would just move them to a different 316 00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:50,880 {\an1}would just move them to a different 317 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,790 {\an1}would just move them to a different church so that God's not watching her 318 00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:52,800 {\an1}church so that God's not watching her 319 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,310 {\an1}church so that God's not watching her okay 320 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:54,320 {\an1}okay 321 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,390 {\an1}okay it's all gone a bit weird because I 322 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:56,400 {\an1}it's all gone a bit weird because I 323 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,070 {\an1}it's all gone a bit weird because I mentioned pedophilia 324 00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:58,080 {\an1}mentioned pedophilia 325 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,510 {\an1}mentioned pedophilia um 326 00:05:59,510 --> 00:05:59,520 {\an1}um 327 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,550 {\an1}um don't think that I don't know that 328 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:01,560 {\an1}don't think that I don't know that 329 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,950 {\an1}don't think that I don't know that pedophilia is a very awkward subject to 330 00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:03,960 {\an1}pedophilia is a very awkward subject to 331 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,650 {\an1}pedophilia is a very awkward subject to bring up at a comedy gig at the five 332 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:06,660 {\an1}bring up at a comedy gig at the five 333 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:09,590 {\an1}bring up at a comedy gig at the five minute Mark of the show 334 00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:09,600 {\an1}minute Mark of the show 335 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,129 {\an1}minute Mark of the show but let's have a go oh yeah 336 00:06:13,129 --> 00:06:13,139 {\an1}but let's have a go oh yeah 337 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,409 {\an1}but let's have a go oh yeah I I I've had some personal I was 338 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:15,419 {\an1}I I I've had some personal I was 339 00:06:15,419 --> 00:06:17,210 {\an1}I I I've had some personal I was molested by a scout master when I was 340 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:17,220 {\an1}molested by a scout master when I was 341 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,770 {\an1}molested by a scout master when I was young um this is true he never 342 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:18,780 {\an1}young um this is true he never 343 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,749 {\an1}young um this is true he never physically touched me or penetrated me 344 00:06:20,749 --> 00:06:20,759 {\an1}physically touched me or penetrated me 345 00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,129 {\an1}physically touched me or penetrated me he used to put me in a corner and 346 00:06:22,129 --> 00:06:22,139 {\an1}he used to put me in a corner and 347 00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:24,770 {\an1}he used to put me in a corner and masturbate on me but still not a great 348 00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:24,780 {\an1}masturbate on me but still not a great 349 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:28,909 {\an1}masturbate on me but still not a great day and 350 00:06:28,909 --> 00:06:28,919 {\an1} 351 00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:31,490 {\an1}I find 352 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:31,500 {\an1}I find 353 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:35,629 {\an1}I find I find pedophilia to be a very 354 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:35,639 {\an1}I find pedophilia to be a very 355 00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:38,570 {\an1}I find pedophilia to be a very it's a very awkward in society if 356 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:38,580 {\an1}it's a very awkward in society if 357 00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:40,070 {\an1}it's a very awkward in society if there's certain pedophiles that we 358 00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:40,080 {\an1}there's certain pedophiles that we 359 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,029 {\an1}there's certain pedophiles that we condemn and then there's other 360 00:06:41,029 --> 00:06:41,039 {\an1}condemn and then there's other 361 00:06:41,039 --> 00:06:42,350 {\an1}condemn and then there's other pedophiles that when they do we don't 362 00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:42,360 {\an1}pedophiles that when they do we don't 363 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,550 {\an1}pedophiles that when they do we don't even notice we just put it under the 364 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:43,560 {\an1}even notice we just put it under the 365 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:44,870 {\an1}even notice we just put it under the carpet and go I don't talk about that 366 00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:44,880 {\an1}carpet and go I don't talk about that 367 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,610 {\an1}carpet and go I don't talk about that this it doesn't go does everyone know 368 00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:46,620 {\an1}this it doesn't go does everyone know 369 00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:48,950 {\an1}this it doesn't go does everyone know that Elvis Presley was a pedophile right 370 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:48,960 {\an1}that Elvis Presley was a pedophile right 371 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,629 {\an1}that Elvis Presley was a pedophile right there's no debating this Elvis Presley 372 00:06:50,629 --> 00:06:50,639 {\an1}there's no debating this Elvis Presley 373 00:06:50,639 --> 00:06:52,430 {\an1}there's no debating this Elvis Presley had Priscilla Presley move into his 374 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:52,440 {\an1}had Priscilla Presley move into his 375 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,590 {\an1}had Priscilla Presley move into his house at 14 years of age we're a funny 376 00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:54,600 {\an1}house at 14 years of age we're a funny 377 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,330 {\an1}house at 14 years of age we're a funny fact though and then married her at 16 378 00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:56,340 {\an1}fact though and then married her at 16 379 00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:58,189 {\an1}fact though and then married her at 16 or 17 or something like that right so 380 00:06:58,189 --> 00:06:58,199 {\an1}or 17 or something like that right so 381 00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:00,590 {\an1}or 17 or something like that right so Elvis was a pedophile you happy with 382 00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:00,600 {\an1}Elvis was a pedophile you happy with 383 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,830 {\an1}Elvis was a pedophile you happy with that right 384 00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:02,840 {\an1}that right 385 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,390 {\an1}that right chaplain Charlie Chaplin was a pedophile 386 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:05,400 {\an1}chaplain Charlie Chaplin was a pedophile 387 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,370 {\an1}chaplain Charlie Chaplin was a pedophile he [ __ ] 13 year olds 14 year olds 15 388 00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:07,380 {\an1}he [ __ ] 13 year olds 14 year olds 15 389 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,529 {\an1}he [ __ ] 13 year olds 14 year olds 15 year old girls yet there's a statue in 390 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:09,539 {\an1}year old girls yet there's a statue in 391 00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:11,510 {\an1}year old girls yet there's a statue in the middle of Leicester Square of 392 00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:11,520 {\an1}the middle of Leicester Square of 393 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,010 {\an1}the middle of Leicester Square of Charlie Chaplin where you can have your 394 00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:13,020 {\an1}Charlie Chaplin where you can have your 395 00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:17,150 {\an1}Charlie Chaplin where you can have your photograph taken with the pedophile 396 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:17,160 {\an1}photograph taken with the pedophile 397 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,249 {\an1}photograph taken with the pedophile but we forgive them because they're the 398 00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:19,259 {\an1}but we forgive them because they're the 399 00:07:19,259 --> 00:07:22,070 {\an1}but we forgive them because they're the best in their field 400 00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:22,080 {\an1} 401 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,689 {\an1}there's never going to be another king 402 00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:23,699 {\an1}there's never going to be another king 403 00:07:23,699 --> 00:07:25,129 {\an1}there's never going to be another king of rock and roll and I promise you there 404 00:07:25,129 --> 00:07:25,139 {\an1}of rock and roll and I promise you there 405 00:07:25,139 --> 00:07:32,570 {\an1}of rock and roll and I promise you there will never be a better silent movie star 406 00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:32,580 {\an1} 407 00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,089 {\an1}at what point do we as a society go but 408 00:07:35,089 --> 00:07:35,099 {\an1}at what point do we as a society go but 409 00:07:35,099 --> 00:07:37,550 {\an1}at what point do we as a society go but they were good like what I'm trying to 410 00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:37,560 {\an1}they were good like what I'm trying to 411 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,510 {\an1}they were good like what I'm trying to say is 412 00:07:38,510 --> 00:07:38,520 {\an1}say is 413 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,909 {\an1}say is how talented do you have to be to [ __ ] a 414 00:07:40,909 --> 00:07:40,919 {\an1}how talented do you have to be to [ __ ] a 415 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:45,110 {\an1}how talented do you have to be to [ __ ] a kid 416 00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:45,120 {\an1} 417 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,790 {\an1}right Gary Glitter 418 00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:48,800 {\an1} 419 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:53,990 {\an1}good song don't [ __ ] a kid 420 00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:54,000 {\an1} 421 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,950 {\an1}thank you 422 00:07:57,950 --> 00:07:57,960 {\an1} 423 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,550 {\an1}back to my grandma ah 424 00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:01,560 {\an1}back to my grandma ah 425 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,350 {\an1}back to my grandma ah I'll tell you right today right when I 426 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:03,360 {\an1}I'll tell you right today right when I 427 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,550 {\an1}I'll tell you right today right when I was 428 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:04,560 {\an1}was 429 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,589 {\an1}was 17 years old I was in a School Musical 430 00:08:06,589 --> 00:08:06,599 {\an1}17 years old I was in a School Musical 431 00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:08,029 {\an1}17 years old I was in a School Musical as you do when you're in high school you 432 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:08,039 {\an1}as you do when you're in high school you 433 00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:09,830 {\an1}as you do when you're in high school you do think plays and stuff like that I was 434 00:08:09,830 --> 00:08:09,840 {\an1}do think plays and stuff like that I was 435 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,150 {\an1}do think plays and stuff like that I was in a School Musical and I got the lead 436 00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:11,160 {\an1}in a School Musical and I got the lead 437 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,770 {\an1}in a School Musical and I got the lead role and my grandmother came down from 438 00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:12,780 {\an1}role and my grandmother came down from 439 00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,330 {\an1}role and my grandmother came down from Queensland to come and see the musical 440 00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:14,340 {\an1}Queensland to come and see the musical 441 00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:15,529 {\an1}Queensland to come and see the musical and stay with us and she was staying in 442 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:15,539 {\an1}and stay with us and she was staying in 443 00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:16,790 {\an1}and stay with us and she was staying in my room and I had to keep out in the 444 00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:16,800 {\an1}my room and I had to keep out in the 445 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,650 {\an1}my room and I had to keep out in the [ __ ] living room on the couch 446 00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:18,660 {\an1}[ __ ] living room on the couch 447 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:19,850 {\an1}[ __ ] living room on the couch so 448 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:19,860 {\an1}so 449 00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:21,469 {\an1}so she's there for a little while and my 450 00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:21,479 {\an1}she's there for a little while and my 451 00:08:21,479 --> 00:08:23,330 {\an1}she's there for a little while and my mum goes Go sing your grandmother a song 452 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:23,340 {\an1}mum goes Go sing your grandmother a song 453 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,969 {\an1}mum goes Go sing your grandmother a song and I'm like you sing a [ __ ] song 454 00:08:25,969 --> 00:08:25,979 {\an1}and I'm like you sing a [ __ ] song 455 00:08:25,979 --> 00:08:27,770 {\an1}and I'm like you sing a [ __ ] song guy singing grandmother's song I'm not 456 00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:27,780 {\an1}guy singing grandmother's song I'm not 457 00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:28,790 {\an1}guy singing grandmother's song I'm not going to sing a song and then I hear 458 00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:28,800 {\an1}going to sing a song and then I hear 459 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,650 {\an1}going to sing a song and then I hear from my bedroom is Jim gonna sing me a 460 00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:30,660 {\an1}from my bedroom is Jim gonna sing me a 461 00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:31,969 {\an1}from my bedroom is Jim gonna sing me a song 462 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:31,979 {\an1}song 463 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:35,810 {\an1}song all right yes Grandma [ __ ] [ __ ] 464 00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:35,820 {\an1}all right yes Grandma [ __ ] [ __ ] 465 00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:37,610 {\an1}all right yes Grandma [ __ ] [ __ ] so I walk in there and I go what song 466 00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:37,620 {\an1}so I walk in there and I go what song 467 00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:39,529 {\an1}so I walk in there and I go what song would you like to hear grandma and she 468 00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:39,539 {\an1}would you like to hear grandma and she 469 00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:42,050 {\an1}would you like to hear grandma and she said Stormy Weather and so I went don't 470 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:42,060 {\an1}said Stormy Weather and so I went don't 471 00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:44,269 {\an1}said Stormy Weather and so I went don't know why there's no sun up in the sky 472 00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:44,279 {\an1}know why there's no sun up in the sky 473 00:08:44,279 --> 00:08:45,530 {\an1}know why there's no sun up in the sky and my grandmother looked at me 474 00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:45,540 {\an1}and my grandmother looked at me 475 00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,329 {\an1}and my grandmother looked at me adoringly as only a grandmother could 476 00:08:47,329 --> 00:08:47,339 {\an1}adoringly as only a grandmother could 477 00:08:47,339 --> 00:08:49,490 {\an1}adoringly as only a grandmother could look at her grandson singing a song and 478 00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:49,500 {\an1}look at her grandson singing a song and 479 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,930 {\an1}look at her grandson singing a song and then I finished the song and I went 480 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:50,940 {\an1}then I finished the song and I went 481 00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:52,730 {\an1}then I finished the song and I went there you go grandma that's your song 482 00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:52,740 {\an1}there you go grandma that's your song 483 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,470 {\an1}there you go grandma that's your song and I went to walk away and as I was 484 00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:54,480 {\an1}and I went to walk away and as I was 485 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,910 {\an1}and I went to walk away and as I was walking away my grandmother goes I'll 486 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:55,920 {\an1}walking away my grandmother goes I'll 487 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,470 {\an1}walking away my grandmother goes I'll tell you a story and I'm like of course 488 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:57,480 {\an1}tell you a story and I'm like of course 489 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,030 {\an1}tell you a story and I'm like of course you tell me a [ __ ] story you've never 490 00:08:59,030 --> 00:08:59,040 {\an1}you tell me a [ __ ] story you've never 491 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,070 {\an1}you tell me a [ __ ] story you've never not told me a story one day I'll get 38 492 00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:01,080 {\an1}not told me a story one day I'll get 38 493 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,750 {\an1}not told me a story one day I'll get 38 quid and this will all be worthwhile all 494 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:02,760 {\an1}quid and this will all be worthwhile all 495 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,389 {\an1}quid and this will all be worthwhile all right 496 00:09:05,389 --> 00:09:05,399 {\an1} 497 00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:12,250 {\an1} foreign 498 00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:12,260 {\an1} 499 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,990 {\an1}Queensland and I lived in gympie and 500 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:15,000 {\an1}Queensland and I lived in gympie and 501 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,670 {\an1}Queensland and I lived in gympie and there was a showroom and on a Wednesday 502 00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:16,680 {\an1}there was a showroom and on a Wednesday 503 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,350 {\an1}there was a showroom and on a Wednesday they would have local Lads would come 504 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:18,360 {\an1}they would have local Lads would come 505 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,150 {\an1}they would have local Lads would come and sing in the Cabaret Bar and 506 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:20,160 {\an1}and sing in the Cabaret Bar and 507 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,590 {\an1}and sing in the Cabaret Bar and afterwards there was a singer who sang 508 00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:21,600 {\an1}afterwards there was a singer who sang 509 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,570 {\an1}afterwards there was a singer who sang beautifully just like you and afterwards 510 00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:23,580 {\an1}beautifully just like you and afterwards 511 00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:26,090 {\an1}beautifully just like you and afterwards I got talking to him and he asked me to 512 00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:26,100 {\an1}I got talking to him and he asked me to 513 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,650 {\an1}I got talking to him and he asked me to go for a drive in his car and he drove 514 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:27,660 {\an1}go for a drive in his car and he drove 515 00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:28,970 {\an1}go for a drive in his car and he drove me out to the coast and he laid a 516 00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:28,980 {\an1}me out to the coast and he laid a 517 00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:32,949 {\an1}me out to the coast and he laid a blanket down and uh we made love 518 00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:32,959 {\an1}blanket down and uh we made love 519 00:09:32,959 --> 00:09:35,630 {\an1}blanket down and uh we made love under the stars now this is my actually 520 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:35,640 {\an1}under the stars now this is my actually 521 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,310 {\an1}under the stars now this is my actually about 84 at this stage telling your 522 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:37,320 {\an1}about 84 at this stage telling your 523 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,930 {\an1}about 84 at this stage telling your grandson this time again and I'm going 524 00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:38,940 {\an1}grandson this time again and I'm going 525 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,910 {\an1}grandson this time again and I'm going that's a great story grandma and she 526 00:09:40,910 --> 00:09:40,920 {\an1}that's a great story grandma and she 527 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,070 {\an1}that's a great story grandma and she goes then as I was laying there with the 528 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:43,080 {\an1}goes then as I was laying there with the 529 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:47,449 {\an1}goes then as I was laying there with the moon glistening off my naked body 530 00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:47,459 {\an1} 531 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:49,790 {\an1}I looked up at him and I said sing me a 532 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:49,800 {\an1}I looked up at him and I said sing me a 533 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,350 {\an1}I looked up at him and I said sing me a song and he sang me Stormy Weather 534 00:09:54,350 --> 00:09:54,360 {\an1} 535 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,970 {\an1} [Applause] 536 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:55,980 {\an1}[Applause] 537 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:59,150 {\an1}[Applause] that's why she was looking at me and 538 00:09:59,150 --> 00:09:59,160 {\an1}that's why she was looking at me and 539 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,949 {\an1}that's why she was looking at me and her daughter grandson singing a song she 540 00:10:00,949 --> 00:10:00,959 {\an1}her daughter grandson singing a song she 541 00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:02,630 {\an1}her daughter grandson singing a song she was thinking a Johnny [ __ ] Showtime 542 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:02,640 {\an1}was thinking a Johnny [ __ ] Showtime 543 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,910 {\an1}was thinking a Johnny [ __ ] Showtime [ __ ] her on the beach 544 00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:04,920 {\an1}[ __ ] her on the beach 545 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,710 {\an1}[ __ ] her on the beach I had made this woman wet for the first 546 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:06,720 {\an1}I had made this woman wet for the first 547 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:13,550 {\an1}I had made this woman wet for the first time in 40 odd years 548 00:10:13,550 --> 00:10:13,560 {\an1} 549 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,650 {\an1}uh so we're all drinking tonight I hope 550 00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:15,660 {\an1}uh so we're all drinking tonight I hope 551 00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:17,210 {\an1}uh so we're all drinking tonight I hope it's [ __ ] Saturday you gotta get 552 00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:17,220 {\an1}it's [ __ ] Saturday you gotta get 553 00:10:17,220 --> 00:10:19,130 {\an1}it's [ __ ] Saturday you gotta get pissed it's good for you 554 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:19,140 {\an1}pissed it's good for you 555 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,530 {\an1}pissed it's good for you I like people who don't drink 556 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:21,540 {\an1}I like people who don't drink 557 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,030 {\an1}I like people who don't drink don't trust them I haven't got friends 558 00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:23,040 {\an1}don't trust them I haven't got friends 559 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,530 {\an1}don't trust them I haven't got friends that don't drink I would stop being your 560 00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:24,540 {\an1}that don't drink I would stop being your 561 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,610 {\an1}that don't drink I would stop being your friend if you stop drinking because 562 00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:25,620 {\an1}friend if you stop drinking because 563 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,829 {\an1}friend if you stop drinking because anyone who doesn't drink is a boring 564 00:10:27,829 --> 00:10:27,839 {\an1}anyone who doesn't drink is a boring 565 00:10:27,839 --> 00:10:30,710 {\an1}anyone who doesn't drink is a boring [ __ ] right if you're a non-drinker your 566 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:30,720 {\an1}[ __ ] right if you're a non-drinker your 567 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,590 {\an1}[ __ ] right if you're a non-drinker your story's [ __ ] suck all your stories in 568 00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:33,600 {\an1}story's [ __ ] suck all your stories in 569 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,630 {\an1}story's [ __ ] suck all your stories in the same way with and then I got home 570 00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:35,640 {\an1}the same way with and then I got home 571 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,750 {\an1}the same way with and then I got home right 572 00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:38,760 {\an1} 573 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:43,009 {\an1}no one gives a 574 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:43,019 {\an1} 575 00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,389 {\an1}kids that don't have bruises you're a 576 00:10:44,389 --> 00:10:44,399 {\an1}kids that don't have bruises you're a 577 00:10:44,399 --> 00:10:49,370 {\an1}kids that don't have bruises you're a boring dick 578 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:49,380 {\an1} 579 00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:51,110 {\an1}you ever asked to not drink it while I 580 00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:51,120 {\an1}you ever asked to not drink it while I 581 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,490 {\an1}you ever asked to not drink it while I don't drink they give you the same 582 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:52,500 {\an1}don't drink they give you the same 583 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,530 {\an1}don't drink they give you the same stupid answer every [ __ ] time you go 584 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:54,540 {\an1}stupid answer every [ __ ] time you go 585 00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,269 {\an1}stupid answer every [ __ ] time you go why don't you drink and they go I don't 586 00:10:56,269 --> 00:10:56,279 {\an1}why don't you drink and they go I don't 587 00:10:56,279 --> 00:10:59,990 {\an1}why don't you drink and they go I don't like the taste of it nobody does no one 588 00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:00,000 {\an1}like the taste of it nobody does no one 589 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,310 {\an1}like the taste of it nobody does no one likes the taste of it we drink because 590 00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:01,320 {\an1}likes the taste of it we drink because 591 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,110 {\an1}likes the taste of it we drink because we have to because Life's a miserable 592 00:11:03,110 --> 00:11:03,120 {\an1}we have to because Life's a miserable 593 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,250 {\an1}we have to because Life's a miserable piece of [ __ ] 594 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:06,260 {\an1} 595 00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:08,870 {\an1}no one has ever had a shot of tequila 596 00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:08,880 {\an1}no one has ever had a shot of tequila 597 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,470 {\an1}no one has ever had a shot of tequila going oh that's lovely 598 00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:12,480 {\an1} 599 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,150 {\an1}next time I'll have that instead of 600 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:14,160 {\an1}next time I'll have that instead of 601 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,269 {\an1}next time I'll have that instead of dessert 602 00:11:17,269 --> 00:11:17,279 {\an1} 603 00:11:17,279 --> 00:11:19,310 {\an1}told your life [ __ ] man it's all over 604 00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:19,320 {\an1}told your life [ __ ] man it's all over 605 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,410 {\an1}told your life [ __ ] man it's all over soon enough my grandmother said man she 606 00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:21,420 {\an1}soon enough my grandmother said man she 607 00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:22,430 {\an1}soon enough my grandmother said man she was worried what was going to happen 608 00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:22,440 {\an1}was worried what was going to happen 609 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,230 {\an1}was worried what was going to happen afterwards right as an atheist I don't 610 00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:24,240 {\an1}afterwards right as an atheist I don't 611 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,670 {\an1}afterwards right as an atheist I don't give a [ __ ] about dying I'm looking 612 00:11:25,670 --> 00:11:25,680 {\an1}give a [ __ ] about dying I'm looking 613 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,090 {\an1}give a [ __ ] about dying I'm looking forward to it right I am because I don't 614 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:29,100 {\an1}forward to it right I am because I don't 615 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,590 {\an1}forward to it right I am because I don't believe in heaven I don't believe in 616 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:30,600 {\an1}believe in heaven I don't believe in 617 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,150 {\an1}believe in heaven I don't believe in hell I'll just rot in the [ __ ] ground 618 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:32,160 {\an1}hell I'll just rot in the [ __ ] ground 619 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,190 {\an1}hell I'll just rot in the [ __ ] ground right I don't even want the option of 620 00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:34,200 {\an1}right I don't even want the option of 621 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,630 {\an1}right I don't even want the option of Heaven I don't want to exist in a 622 00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:35,640 {\an1}Heaven I don't want to exist in a 623 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,310 {\an1}Heaven I don't want to exist in a conscious State for the rest of Eternity 624 00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:37,320 {\an1}conscious State for the rest of Eternity 625 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,110 {\an1}conscious State for the rest of Eternity constantly thinking I don't like 626 00:11:39,110 --> 00:11:39,120 {\an1}constantly thinking I don't like 627 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,670 {\an1}constantly thinking I don't like thinking as it is where's me passport 628 00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:40,680 {\an1}thinking as it is where's me passport 629 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:46,190 {\an1}thinking as it is where's me passport can't punch women in the street 630 00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:46,200 {\an1} 631 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,530 {\an1}the Bible calls Heaven Eternal Bliss I 632 00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:48,540 {\an1}the Bible calls Heaven Eternal Bliss I 633 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,090 {\an1}the Bible calls Heaven Eternal Bliss I don't care how Blissful it is it's 634 00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:50,100 {\an1}don't care how Blissful it is it's 635 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,470 {\an1}don't care how Blissful it is it's Eternal you get used to it and then 636 00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:51,480 {\an1}Eternal you get used to it and then 637 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,569 {\an1}Eternal you get used to it and then you'd be [ __ ] born 638 00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:53,579 {\an1}you'd be [ __ ] born 639 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:55,550 {\an1}you'd be [ __ ] born and what's hell meant to be like fire 640 00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:55,560 {\an1}and what's hell meant to be like fire 641 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,530 {\an1}and what's hell meant to be like fire and brimstone Eternal Agony that's 642 00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:57,540 {\an1}and brimstone Eternal Agony that's 643 00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,750 {\an1}and brimstone Eternal Agony that's what's written in the Bible that's God's 644 00:11:59,750 --> 00:11:59,760 {\an1}what's written in the Bible that's God's 645 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,569 {\an1}what's written in the Bible that's God's book as far as I know the devil hasn't 646 00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:02,579 {\an1}book as far as I know the devil hasn't 647 00:12:02,579 --> 00:12:04,910 {\an1}book as far as I know the devil hasn't brought out a book 648 00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:04,920 {\an1}brought out a book 649 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,829 {\an1}brought out a book we don't know he saw the argument right 650 00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:06,839 {\an1}we don't know he saw the argument right 651 00:12:06,839 --> 00:12:08,690 {\an1}we don't know he saw the argument right if you ask me the devil and God are 652 00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:08,700 {\an1}if you ask me the devil and God are 653 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,250 {\an1}if you ask me the devil and God are having an argument the devil's being a 654 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:10,260 {\an1}having an argument the devil's being a 655 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,810 {\an1}having an argument the devil's being a bigger [ __ ] man because God's just 656 00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:11,820 {\an1}bigger [ __ ] man because God's just 657 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:14,389 {\an1}bigger [ __ ] man because God's just writing [ __ ] about him and the devil's 658 00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:14,399 {\an1}writing [ __ ] about him and the devil's 659 00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:15,650 {\an1}writing [ __ ] about him and the devil's going I'm not even going to [ __ ] 660 00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:15,660 {\an1}going I'm not even going to [ __ ] 661 00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:18,949 {\an1}going I'm not even going to [ __ ] comment son 662 00:12:18,949 --> 00:12:18,959 {\an1} 663 00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:22,210 {\an1} foreign 664 00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:22,220 {\an1} 665 00:12:22,220 --> 00:12:24,710 {\an1}you don't want eternal life like this 666 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:24,720 {\an1}you don't want eternal life like this 667 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,110 {\an1}you don't want eternal life like this [ __ ] right life is a horrible 668 00:12:27,110 --> 00:12:27,120 {\an1}[ __ ] right life is a horrible 669 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,150 {\an1}[ __ ] right life is a horrible disappointment one after the [ __ ] 670 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:29,160 {\an1}disappointment one after the [ __ ] 671 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,069 {\an1}disappointment one after the [ __ ] next right if you don't think it is 672 00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:31,079 {\an1}next right if you don't think it is 673 00:12:31,079 --> 00:12:32,509 {\an1}next right if you don't think it is disappointing right hang on I'll do this 674 00:12:32,509 --> 00:12:32,519 {\an1}disappointing right hang on I'll do this 675 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,250 {\an1}disappointing right hang on I'll do this down okay give me a camera right 676 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:34,260 {\an1}down okay give me a camera right 677 00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:36,050 {\an1}down okay give me a camera right straight on my face right everybody do 678 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:36,060 {\an1}straight on my face right everybody do 679 00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:37,610 {\an1}straight on my face right everybody do this through here and if you're watching 680 00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:37,620 {\an1}this through here and if you're watching 681 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,470 {\an1}this through here and if you're watching at home right look at the person next to 682 00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:39,480 {\an1}at home right look at the person next to 683 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,030 {\an1}at home right look at the person next to you that you love more than anyone in 684 00:12:41,030 --> 00:12:41,040 {\an1}you that you love more than anyone in 685 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,430 {\an1}you that you love more than anyone in the world right and no that sooner or 686 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:43,440 {\an1}the world right and no that sooner or 687 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,530 {\an1}the world right and no that sooner or later one of you will be dead and the 688 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:45,540 {\an1}later one of you will be dead and the 689 00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:48,170 {\an1}later one of you will be dead and the other one will be miserable 690 00:12:48,170 --> 00:12:48,180 {\an1}other one will be miserable 691 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:50,650 {\an1}other one will be miserable foreign 692 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:50,660 {\an1} 693 00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:54,170 {\an1}to think about all right 694 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:54,180 {\an1}to think about all right 695 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,790 {\an1}to think about all right so I told you Lord the only reason you 696 00:12:55,790 --> 00:12:55,800 {\an1}so I told you Lord the only reason you 697 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:56,990 {\an1}so I told you Lord the only reason you people are here is because you want me 698 00:12:56,990 --> 00:12:57,000 {\an1}people are here is because you want me 699 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,550 {\an1}people are here is because you want me to make you laugh for a [ __ ] hour 700 00:12:58,550 --> 00:12:58,560 {\an1}to make you laugh for a [ __ ] hour 701 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,290 {\an1}to make you laugh for a [ __ ] hour because you know when you go back to 702 00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:00,300 {\an1}because you know when you go back to 703 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:04,430 {\an1}because you know when you go back to work on Monday your life's gonna be [ __ ] 704 00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:04,440 {\an1}work on Monday your life's gonna be [ __ ] 705 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,110 {\an1}work on Monday your life's gonna be [ __ ] and then you'll be dead and what's about 706 00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:06,120 {\an1}and then you'll be dead and what's about 707 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,730 {\an1}and then you'll be dead and what's about to happen when you die you go to heaven 708 00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:07,740 {\an1}to happen when you die you go to heaven 709 00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,110 {\an1}to happen when you die you go to heaven you see a big bright light you walk 710 00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:09,120 {\an1}you see a big bright light you walk 711 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,430 {\an1}you see a big bright light you walk towards the light what's at the end of 712 00:13:10,430 --> 00:13:10,440 {\an1}towards the light what's at the end of 713 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,550 {\an1}towards the light what's at the end of the light all your dead relatives 714 00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:13,560 {\an1}the light all your dead relatives 715 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,310 {\an1}the light all your dead relatives well what do you [ __ ] do 716 00:13:16,310 --> 00:13:16,320 {\an1}well what do you [ __ ] do 717 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,930 {\an1}well what do you [ __ ] do you ever spent a weekend at your 718 00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:17,940 {\an1}you ever spent a weekend at your 719 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:20,449 {\an1}you ever spent a weekend at your grandparents house it's [ __ ] [ __ ] 720 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:20,459 {\an1}grandparents house it's [ __ ] [ __ ] 721 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:22,730 {\an1}grandparents house it's [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah for now again we show me friends 722 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:22,740 {\an1}yeah for now again we show me friends 723 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:26,750 {\an1}yeah for now again we show me friends would die 724 00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:26,760 {\an1} 725 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,310 {\an1}you'd be out there meeting everyone 726 00:13:28,310 --> 00:13:28,320 {\an1}you'd be out there meeting everyone 727 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:32,150 {\an1}you'd be out there meeting everyone hello Nana hello grandad hello Uncle who 728 00:13:32,150 --> 00:13:32,160 {\an1}hello Nana hello grandad hello Uncle who 729 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,389 {\an1}hello Nana hello grandad hello Uncle who used to touch me 730 00:13:35,389 --> 00:13:35,399 {\an1} 731 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:38,509 {\an1}how did you get up here 732 00:13:38,509 --> 00:13:38,519 {\an1}how did you get up here 733 00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:40,069 {\an1}how did you get up here well that's right you used to work for 734 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:40,079 {\an1}well that's right you used to work for 735 00:13:40,079 --> 00:13:46,069 {\an1}well that's right you used to work for the church 736 00:13:46,069 --> 00:13:46,079 {\an1} 737 00:13:46,079 --> 00:13:50,870 {\an1}I got a very mixed response oh yeah 738 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:50,880 {\an1} 739 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,730 {\an1}let's have a think about this right I 740 00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:52,740 {\an1}let's have a think about this right I 741 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,230 {\an1}let's have a think about this right I know I've been picking on the Christians 742 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:54,240 {\an1}know I've been picking on the Christians 743 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,430 {\an1}know I've been picking on the Christians the Catholics or whatever they [ __ ] 744 00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:55,440 {\an1}the Catholics or whatever they [ __ ] 745 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,810 {\an1}the Catholics or whatever they [ __ ] call so 746 00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:56,820 {\an1}call so 747 00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,370 {\an1}call so um if you're religious you're a [ __ ] 748 00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:58,380 {\an1}um if you're religious you're a [ __ ] 749 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,730 {\an1}um if you're religious you're a [ __ ] idiot right Point Blank the guy in the 750 00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:01,740 {\an1}idiot right Point Blank the guy in the 751 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,290 {\an1}idiot right Point Blank the guy in the cloud and all that you're [ __ ] [ __ ] 752 00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:03,300 {\an1}cloud and all that you're [ __ ] [ __ ] 753 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,750 {\an1}cloud and all that you're [ __ ] [ __ ] right read a signs book what's your 754 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:05,760 {\an1}right read a signs book what's your 755 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,090 {\an1}right read a signs book what's your Richard Dawkins documentary you dumb 756 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:08,100 {\an1}Richard Dawkins documentary you dumb 757 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,310 {\an1}Richard Dawkins documentary you dumb [ __ ] [ __ ] right there is no way 758 00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:10,320 {\an1}[ __ ] [ __ ] right there is no way 759 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,650 {\an1}[ __ ] [ __ ] right there is no way creation what they're just an Adam and 760 00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:12,660 {\an1}creation what they're just an Adam and 761 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,449 {\an1}creation what they're just an Adam and Eve [ __ ] each other and we're all [ __ ] 762 00:14:14,449 --> 00:14:14,459 {\an1}Eve [ __ ] each other and we're all [ __ ] 763 00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:17,269 {\an1}Eve [ __ ] each other and we're all [ __ ] off you idiot right there was a big Arc 764 00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:17,279 {\an1}off you idiot right there was a big Arc 765 00:14:17,279 --> 00:14:19,190 {\an1}off you idiot right there was a big Arc with two animals how the [ __ ] slugs 766 00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:19,200 {\an1}with two animals how the [ __ ] slugs 767 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,310 {\an1}with two animals how the [ __ ] slugs get there in two days 768 00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:21,320 {\an1}get there in two days 769 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,569 {\an1}get there in two days they came from the four corners of the 770 00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:23,579 {\an1}they came from the four corners of the 771 00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:24,230 {\an1}they came from the four corners of the Earth 772 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:24,240 {\an1}Earth 773 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,850 {\an1}Earth there's slow moving animals never would 774 00:14:25,850 --> 00:14:25,860 {\an1}there's slow moving animals never would 775 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,650 {\an1}there's slow moving animals never would have [ __ ] made it how are the polar 776 00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:27,660 {\an1}have [ __ ] made it how are the polar 777 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,210 {\an1}have [ __ ] made it how are the polar bears mixing up with the [ __ ] 778 00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:29,220 {\an1}bears mixing up with the [ __ ] 779 00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:34,190 {\an1}bears mixing up with the [ __ ] gorillas and [ __ ] 780 00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:34,200 {\an1} 781 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,050 {\an1}now please do not think that I'm just 782 00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:36,060 {\an1}now please do not think that I'm just 783 00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,150 {\an1}now please do not think that I'm just picking on the Christians I think all 784 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:38,160 {\an1}picking on the Christians I think all 785 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,189 {\an1}picking on the Christians I think all religious people are ridiculous right so 786 00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:40,199 {\an1}religious people are ridiculous right so 787 00:14:40,199 --> 00:14:41,750 {\an1}religious people are ridiculous right so let's have a go at all of them shall we 788 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:41,760 {\an1}let's have a go at all of them shall we 789 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,790 {\an1}let's have a go at all of them shall we uh 790 00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:43,800 {\an1}uh 791 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,689 {\an1}uh Jews what's all that about 792 00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:46,699 {\an1}Jews what's all that about 793 00:14:46,699 --> 00:14:50,509 {\an1}Jews what's all that about what's with the curly sideburns 794 00:14:50,509 --> 00:14:50,519 {\an1}what's with the curly sideburns 795 00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:52,370 {\an1}what's with the curly sideburns where in the bottle is safe thou loves 796 00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:52,380 {\an1}where in the bottle is safe thou loves 797 00:14:52,380 --> 00:14:56,090 {\an1}where in the bottle is safe thou loves me thou shall look like a dick 798 00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:56,100 {\an1} 799 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,730 {\an1}booty you fat [ __ ] 800 00:14:58,730 --> 00:14:58,740 {\an1}booty you fat [ __ ] 801 00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,769 {\an1}booty you fat [ __ ] what would a fire you you look like you 802 00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:00,779 {\an1}what would a fire you you look like you 803 00:15:00,779 --> 00:15:06,829 {\an1}what would a fire you you look like you can't take care of yourself 804 00:15:06,829 --> 00:15:06,839 {\an1} 805 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,689 {\an1}this is our Muslim friends the [ __ ] 806 00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:08,699 {\an1}this is our Muslim friends the [ __ ] 807 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,850 {\an1}this is our Muslim friends the [ __ ] musies are mental 808 00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:10,860 {\an1}musies are mental 809 00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:12,769 {\an1}musies are mental thanks [ __ ] the mothers don't drink 810 00:15:12,769 --> 00:15:12,779 {\an1}thanks [ __ ] the mothers don't drink 811 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,389 {\an1}thanks [ __ ] the mothers don't drink because they'd be out of control if they 812 00:15:14,389 --> 00:15:14,399 {\an1}because they'd be out of control if they 813 00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:15,769 {\an1}because they'd be out of control if they [ __ ] dick 814 00:15:15,769 --> 00:15:15,779 {\an1}[ __ ] dick 815 00:15:15,779 --> 00:15:18,110 {\an1}[ __ ] dick they just aren't a tolerant bunch then 816 00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:18,120 {\an1}they just aren't a tolerant bunch then 817 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,329 {\an1}they just aren't a tolerant bunch then was he said covering covering women's 818 00:15:20,329 --> 00:15:20,339 {\an1}was he said covering covering women's 819 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:22,310 {\an1}was he said covering covering women's faces and cutting clitorises off isn't 820 00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:22,320 {\an1}faces and cutting clitorises off isn't 821 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,949 {\an1}faces and cutting clitorises off isn't just a bit of culture right it's 822 00:15:24,949 --> 00:15:24,959 {\an1}just a bit of culture right it's 823 00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:27,050 {\an1}just a bit of culture right it's horrible it's [ __ ] horrible right you 824 00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:27,060 {\an1}horrible it's [ __ ] horrible right you 825 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,389 {\an1}horrible it's [ __ ] horrible right you can't the teddy bear remember the little 826 00:15:29,389 --> 00:15:29,399 {\an1}can't the teddy bear remember the little 827 00:15:29,399 --> 00:15:31,310 {\an1}can't the teddy bear remember the little teddy bear that was called Mohammed that 828 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:31,320 {\an1}teddy bear that was called Mohammed that 829 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,829 {\an1}teddy bear that was called Mohammed that lady didn't deserve to be they wanted to 830 00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:33,839 {\an1}lady didn't deserve to be they wanted to 831 00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:35,329 {\an1}lady didn't deserve to be they wanted to kill her and lash her in a [ __ ] 832 00:15:35,329 --> 00:15:35,339 {\an1}kill her and lash her in a [ __ ] 833 00:15:35,339 --> 00:15:37,910 {\an1}kill her and lash her in a [ __ ] square for calling a teddy bear Muhammad 834 00:15:37,910 --> 00:15:37,920 {\an1}square for calling a teddy bear Muhammad 835 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,949 {\an1}square for calling a teddy bear Muhammad right now if there's any Muslim 836 00:15:39,949 --> 00:15:39,959 {\an1}right now if there's any Muslim 837 00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:43,069 {\an1}right now if there's any Muslim fundamentalists in the room right 838 00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:43,079 {\an1}fundamentalists in the room right 839 00:15:43,079 --> 00:15:45,110 {\an1}fundamentalists in the room right you see this microphone I'm calling it 840 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:45,120 {\an1}you see this microphone I'm calling it 841 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,769 {\an1}you see this microphone I'm calling it Muhammad right and it's [ __ ] gay it's 842 00:15:48,769 --> 00:15:48,779 {\an1}Muhammad right and it's [ __ ] gay it's 843 00:15:48,779 --> 00:15:51,530 {\an1}Muhammad right and it's [ __ ] gay it's a gay microphone call Muhammad and all 844 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:51,540 {\an1}a gay microphone call Muhammad and all 845 00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,449 {\an1}a gay microphone call Muhammad and all it wants to do is roll the Quran up and 846 00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:53,459 {\an1}it wants to do is roll the Quran up and 847 00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:57,170 {\an1}it wants to do is roll the Quran up and [ __ ] itself up the ass 848 00:15:57,170 --> 00:15:57,180 {\an1} 849 00:15:57,180 --> 00:16:00,290 {\an1} now 850 00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:00,300 {\an1} 851 00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,370 {\an1} oh 852 00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:01,380 {\an1}oh 853 00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,769 {\an1}oh that joke has limited some of my holiday 854 00:16:03,769 --> 00:16:03,779 {\an1}that joke has limited some of my holiday 855 00:16:03,779 --> 00:16:06,710 {\an1}that joke has limited some of my holiday destinations 856 00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:06,720 {\an1} 857 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:17,170 {\an1} foreign 858 00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:17,180 {\an1} 859 00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:19,370 {\an1}you're out here and they've given us all 860 00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:19,380 {\an1}you're out here and they've given us all 861 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,889 {\an1}you're out here and they've given us all plastic cups like we're [ __ ] kids and 862 00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:21,899 {\an1}plastic cups like we're [ __ ] kids and 863 00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,990 {\an1}plastic cups like we're [ __ ] kids and you have to spend three pounds 50 for a 864 00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:24,000 {\an1}you have to spend three pounds 50 for a 865 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,250 {\an1}you have to spend three pounds 50 for a pint and Britain and they serve it to 866 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:25,260 {\an1}pint and Britain and they serve it to 867 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,170 {\an1}pint and Britain and they serve it to you in plastic 868 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:27,180 {\an1}you in plastic 869 00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:28,790 {\an1}you in plastic but let's be honest you British people 870 00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:28,800 {\an1}but let's be honest you British people 871 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,290 {\an1}but let's be honest you British people aren't responsible enough for class are 872 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:30,300 {\an1}aren't responsible enough for class are 873 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:33,829 {\an1}aren't responsible enough for class are you 874 00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:33,839 {\an1} 875 00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:35,569 {\an1}know what you happen when you get glass 876 00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:35,579 {\an1}know what you happen when you get glass 877 00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:37,730 {\an1}know what you happen when you get glass one of you gets angry don't you one of 878 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:37,740 {\an1}one of you gets angry don't you one of 879 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,170 {\an1}one of you gets angry don't you one of you will smash the glass against the bar 880 00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:39,180 {\an1}you will smash the glass against the bar 881 00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,790 {\an1}you will smash the glass against the bar shove a shot of glass into someone 882 00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:40,800 {\an1}shove a shot of glass into someone 883 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,009 {\an1}shove a shot of glass into someone else's face you're the only nation of 884 00:16:43,009 --> 00:16:43,019 {\an1}else's face you're the only nation of 885 00:16:43,019 --> 00:16:45,410 {\an1}else's face you're the only nation of people to use the word glass as a verb 886 00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:45,420 {\an1}people to use the word glass as a verb 887 00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:54,249 {\an1}people to use the word glass as a verb foreign 888 00:16:54,249 --> 00:16:54,259 {\an1} 889 00:16:54,259 --> 00:16:56,150 {\an1}go to wash your hands but you're not 890 00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:56,160 {\an1}go to wash your hands but you're not 891 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,590 {\an1}go to wash your hands but you're not allowed to wash your hands 892 00:16:57,590 --> 00:16:57,600 {\an1}allowed to wash your hands 893 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,269 {\an1}allowed to wash your hands why not because there's a [ __ ] toilet 894 00:16:59,269 --> 00:16:59,279 {\an1}why not because there's a [ __ ] toilet 895 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:00,710 {\an1}why not because there's a [ __ ] toilet attendant there 896 00:17:00,710 --> 00:17:00,720 {\an1}attendant there 897 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,329 {\an1}attendant there a guy with a metal tray with a hold a 898 00:17:02,329 --> 00:17:02,339 {\an1}a guy with a metal tray with a hold a 899 00:17:02,339 --> 00:17:03,769 {\an1}a guy with a metal tray with a hold a pound of coins 900 00:17:03,769 --> 00:17:03,779 {\an1}pound of coins 901 00:17:03,779 --> 00:17:05,449 {\an1}pound of coins a few bits of [ __ ] perfume a couple 902 00:17:05,449 --> 00:17:05,459 {\an1}a few bits of [ __ ] perfume a couple 903 00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:06,650 {\an1}a few bits of [ __ ] perfume a couple of Chopper chops and a bit of chewing 904 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:06,660 {\an1}of Chopper chops and a bit of chewing 905 00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,270 {\an1}of Chopper chops and a bit of chewing gum 906 00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:08,280 {\an1}gum 907 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,549 {\an1}gum and he's ready with the soap 908 00:17:10,549 --> 00:17:10,559 {\an1}and he's ready with the soap 909 00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,549 {\an1}and he's ready with the soap I [ __ ] hate those [ __ ] I'm not going 910 00:17:13,549 --> 00:17:13,559 {\an1}I [ __ ] hate those [ __ ] I'm not going 911 00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:15,289 {\an1}I [ __ ] hate those [ __ ] I'm not going to give you a pound mate I've washed my 912 00:17:15,289 --> 00:17:15,299 {\an1}to give you a pound mate I've washed my 913 00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,809 {\an1}to give you a pound mate I've washed my hands before I'm [ __ ] good at it 914 00:17:17,809 --> 00:17:17,819 {\an1}hands before I'm [ __ ] good at it 915 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:21,949 {\an1}hands before I'm [ __ ] good at it right it's one of my skills I'm not the 916 00:17:21,949 --> 00:17:21,959 {\an1}right it's one of my skills I'm not the 917 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:23,630 {\an1}right it's one of my skills I'm not the most hygienic guy in the world anywhere 918 00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:23,640 {\an1}most hygienic guy in the world anywhere 919 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,189 {\an1}most hygienic guy in the world anywhere I was just sniffing Coke off a toilet 920 00:17:25,189 --> 00:17:25,199 {\an1}I was just sniffing Coke off a toilet 921 00:17:25,199 --> 00:17:28,970 {\an1}I was just sniffing Coke off a toilet seat for [ __ ] sake 922 00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:28,980 {\an1} 923 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:31,130 {\an1}you ever walk down there and not washed 924 00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:31,140 {\an1}you ever walk down there and not washed 925 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:32,930 {\an1}you ever walk down there and not washed your hands they look at you like your 926 00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:32,940 {\an1}your hands they look at you like your 927 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,630 {\an1}your hands they look at you like your scum I'm scum you weren't gonna [ __ ] 928 00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:35,640 {\an1}scum I'm scum you weren't gonna [ __ ] 929 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:41,090 {\an1}scum I'm scum you weren't gonna [ __ ] toilet mate 930 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:41,100 {\an1} 931 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,130 {\an1}tell your story I was out in uh South 932 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:43,140 {\an1}tell your story I was out in uh South 933 00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:45,470 {\an1}tell your story I was out in uh South Africa doing some some gigs I was out 934 00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:45,480 {\an1}Africa doing some some gigs I was out 935 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,150 {\an1}Africa doing some some gigs I was out there with a gay comedian he took me to 936 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:47,160 {\an1}there with a gay comedian he took me to 937 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,190 {\an1}there with a gay comedian he took me to this gay club in South Africa and we 938 00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:49,200 {\an1}this gay club in South Africa and we 939 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,930 {\an1}this gay club in South Africa and we took two XC tablets each right he's off 940 00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:50,940 {\an1}took two XC tablets each right he's off 941 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,070 {\an1}took two XC tablets each right he's off on the Dance Floor trying to get some 942 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:52,080 {\an1}on the Dance Floor trying to get some 943 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,830 {\an1}on the Dance Floor trying to get some dick and I'm standing in the bar 944 00:17:54,830 --> 00:17:54,840 {\an1}dick and I'm standing in the bar 945 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,090 {\an1}dick and I'm standing in the bar chatting to a couple of lads I've never 946 00:17:56,090 --> 00:17:56,100 {\an1}chatting to a couple of lads I've never 947 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,350 {\an1}chatting to a couple of lads I've never met before and one of them goes you're 948 00:17:57,350 --> 00:17:57,360 {\an1}met before and one of them goes you're 949 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,630 {\an1}met before and one of them goes you're wasted aren't you and I went yep and he 950 00:17:59,630 --> 00:17:59,640 {\an1}wasted aren't you and I went yep and he 951 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,830 {\an1}wasted aren't you and I went yep and he goes do you want to come to the bathroom 952 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:00,840 {\an1}goes do you want to come to the bathroom 953 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,990 {\an1}goes do you want to come to the bathroom with me now as a drug taker I think he's 954 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:03,000 {\an1}with me now as a drug taker I think he's 955 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,450 {\an1}with me now as a drug taker I think he's offering me a line of coke 956 00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:05,460 {\an1}offering me a line of coke 957 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:09,049 {\an1}offering me a line of coke so I went would I 958 00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:09,059 {\an1}so I went would I 959 00:18:09,059 --> 00:18:10,970 {\an1}so I went would I no they don't do that but I put my arm 960 00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:10,980 {\an1}no they don't do that but I put my arm 961 00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:12,470 {\an1}no they don't do that but I put my arm around him dragged him off to the toilet 962 00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:12,480 {\an1}around him dragged him off to the toilet 963 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,789 {\an1}around him dragged him off to the toilet and where this is going to be [ __ ] 964 00:18:13,789 --> 00:18:13,799 {\an1}and where this is going to be [ __ ] 965 00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:16,730 {\an1}and where this is going to be [ __ ] awesome man 966 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:16,740 {\an1} 967 00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:18,830 {\an1}I went into the cubicle first to wipe 968 00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:18,840 {\an1}I went into the cubicle first to wipe 969 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,570 {\an1}I went into the cubicle first to wipe the seat down 970 00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:20,580 {\an1}the seat down 971 00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:23,630 {\an1}the seat down then I lend out and beckon him in 972 00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:23,640 {\an1}then I lend out and beckon him in 973 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,070 {\an1}then I lend out and beckon him in now I don't know about all the men in 974 00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:25,080 {\an1}now I don't know about all the men in 975 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,510 {\an1}now I don't know about all the men in the room but I know these days when I 976 00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:26,520 {\an1}the room but I know these days when I 977 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,310 {\an1}the room but I know these days when I get my old fellas sucked off he takes a 978 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:28,320 {\an1}get my old fellas sucked off he takes a 979 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,169 {\an1}get my old fellas sucked off he takes a little while to stand to attention 980 00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:30,179 {\an1}little while to stand to attention 981 00:18:30,179 --> 00:18:32,630 {\an1}little while to stand to attention but he must really like me because he 982 00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:32,640 {\an1}but he must really like me because he 983 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,830 {\an1}but he must really like me because he walked in with what I could only 984 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:33,840 {\an1}walked in with what I could only 985 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,270 {\an1}walked in with what I could only describe as 986 00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:35,280 {\an1}describe as 987 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:40,130 {\an1}describe as a great big black [ __ ] 988 00:18:40,130 --> 00:18:40,140 {\an1} 989 00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:41,810 {\an1}you shut the door to the cubicle there 990 00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:41,820 {\an1}you shut the door to the cubicle there 991 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,390 {\an1}you shut the door to the cubicle there are now three people in the cubicle 992 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:44,400 {\an1}are now three people in the cubicle 993 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,930 {\an1}are now three people in the cubicle me him and the great big black [ __ ] 994 00:18:47,930 --> 00:18:47,940 {\an1}me him and the great big black [ __ ] 995 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,669 {\an1}me him and the great big black [ __ ] just to give you Dimensions amount is 996 00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:49,679 {\an1}just to give you Dimensions amount is 997 00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:51,650 {\an1}just to give you Dimensions amount is this soil is this wide the Cox Iraq is 998 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:51,660 {\an1}this soil is this wide the Cox Iraq is 999 00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,630 {\an1}this soil is this wide the Cox Iraq is poking into my stomach 1000 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:53,640 {\an1}poking into my stomach 1001 00:18:53,640 --> 00:19:00,789 {\an1}poking into my stomach I look up at him and I go 1002 00:19:00,789 --> 00:19:00,799 {\an1} 1003 00:19:00,799 --> 00:19:03,970 {\an1}I thought we were going to do some code 1004 00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:03,980 {\an1}I thought we were going to do some code 1005 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:08,990 {\an1}I thought we were going to do some code and he went do you want some coke first 1006 00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:09,000 {\an1} 1007 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:19,610 {\an1} laughs 1008 00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:19,620 {\an1} 1009 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:25,810 {\an1}I only want Coke 1010 00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:25,820 {\an1} 1011 00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:28,130 {\an1}oh I can see her with your accent you 1012 00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:28,140 {\an1}oh I can see her with your accent you 1013 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:32,930 {\an1}oh I can see her with your accent you may have mistaken that for [ __ ] 1014 00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:32,940 {\an1} 1015 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,549 {\an1}now I'd like to say that something funny 1016 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:34,559 {\an1}now I'd like to say that something funny 1017 00:19:34,559 --> 00:19:41,770 {\an1}now I'd like to say that something funny happened after that 1018 00:19:41,770 --> 00:19:41,780 {\an1} 1019 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,970 {\an1}all what happened was I told him I 1020 00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:43,980 {\an1}all what happened was I told him I 1021 00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:45,770 {\an1}all what happened was I told him I wasn't gay he apologized he went out he 1022 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:45,780 {\an1}wasn't gay he apologized he went out he 1023 00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,270 {\an1}wasn't gay he apologized he went out he bought me a drink 1024 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:47,280 {\an1}bought me a drink 1025 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:54,549 {\an1}bought me a drink for the sake of Comedy he raped me 1026 00:19:54,549 --> 00:19:54,559 {\an1} 1027 00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,570 {\an1}you know I'm going to talk to you a bit 1028 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:56,580 {\an1}you know I'm going to talk to you a bit 1029 00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,430 {\an1}you know I'm going to talk to you a bit about me dad my dad's a weird cat right 1030 00:19:58,430 --> 00:19:58,440 {\an1}about me dad my dad's a weird cat right 1031 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,490 {\an1}about me dad my dad's a weird cat right good guy he's not okay 1032 00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:01,500 {\an1}good guy he's not okay 1033 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,470 {\an1}good guy he's not okay my parents made me get a job when I was 1034 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:03,480 {\an1}my parents made me get a job when I was 1035 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,390 {\an1}my parents made me get a job when I was like [ __ ] 12 doing a paper round 1036 00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:05,400 {\an1}like [ __ ] 12 doing a paper round 1037 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,909 {\an1}like [ __ ] 12 doing a paper round because there was no mines in Sydney and 1038 00:20:07,909 --> 00:20:07,919 {\an1}because there was no mines in Sydney and 1039 00:20:07,919 --> 00:20:10,250 {\an1}because there was no mines in Sydney and I had to go around the suburbs and 1040 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:10,260 {\an1}I had to go around the suburbs and 1041 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,990 {\an1}I had to go around the suburbs and deliver papers and at the end of the day 1042 00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:12,000 {\an1}deliver papers and at the end of the day 1043 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,270 {\an1}deliver papers and at the end of the day I had to go to the news agency and empty 1044 00:20:14,270 --> 00:20:14,280 {\an1}I had to go to the news agency and empty 1045 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,409 {\an1}I had to go to the news agency and empty all the bins out the back of the new 1046 00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:15,419 {\an1}all the bins out the back of the new 1047 00:20:15,419 --> 00:20:16,970 {\an1}all the bins out the back of the new Zone see into a big metal Skip and it 1048 00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:16,980 {\an1}Zone see into a big metal Skip and it 1049 00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:19,250 {\an1}Zone see into a big metal Skip and it was a [ __ ] ton of a job uh but the 1050 00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:19,260 {\an1}was a [ __ ] ton of a job uh but the 1051 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,049 {\an1}was a [ __ ] ton of a job uh but the only good thing about it was at the end 1052 00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:21,059 {\an1}only good thing about it was at the end 1053 00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:22,909 {\an1}only good thing about it was at the end of the month I used to throw away all 1054 00:20:22,909 --> 00:20:22,919 {\an1}of the month I used to throw away all 1055 00:20:22,919 --> 00:20:24,289 {\an1}of the month I used to throw away all the magazines I hadn't sold so there was 1056 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:24,299 {\an1}the magazines I hadn't sold so there was 1057 00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:27,110 {\an1}the magazines I hadn't sold so there was mountains of porn right so I would 1058 00:20:27,110 --> 00:20:27,120 {\an1}mountains of porn right so I would 1059 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,730 {\an1}mountains of porn right so I would collect these poor mags up fill me 1060 00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:28,740 {\an1}collect these poor mags up fill me 1061 00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:30,830 {\an1}collect these poor mags up fill me backpack up with them go home take the 1062 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:30,840 {\an1}backpack up with them go home take the 1063 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,330 {\an1}backpack up with them go home take the Pawn Max to school sell them off for a 1064 00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:32,340 {\an1}Pawn Max to school sell them off for a 1065 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,430 {\an1}Pawn Max to school sell them off for a Fiverr magazine I was making more out of 1066 00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:34,440 {\an1}Fiverr magazine I was making more out of 1067 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,529 {\an1}Fiverr magazine I was making more out of my porn Empire than I ever did out of 1068 00:20:36,529 --> 00:20:36,539 {\an1}my porn Empire than I ever did out of 1069 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,930 {\an1}my porn Empire than I ever did out of the paper route right now I had to draw 1070 00:20:38,930 --> 00:20:38,940 {\an1}the paper route right now I had to draw 1071 00:20:38,940 --> 00:20:41,210 {\an1}the paper route right now I had to draw under me bed that was four foot by two 1072 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:41,220 {\an1}under me bed that was four foot by two 1073 00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:43,850 {\an1}under me bed that was four foot by two foot which I packed full Pawn 1074 00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:43,860 {\an1}foot which I packed full Pawn 1075 00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,770 {\an1}foot which I packed full Pawn one day I come home your room's been 1076 00:20:45,770 --> 00:20:45,780 {\an1}one day I come home your room's been 1077 00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,870 {\an1}one day I come home your room's been clean it's [ __ ] spotless right first 1078 00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:47,880 {\an1}clean it's [ __ ] spotless right first 1079 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,370 {\an1}clean it's [ __ ] spotless right first thing I do is I run to the pawn drop 1080 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:49,380 {\an1}thing I do is I run to the pawn drop 1081 00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:52,430 {\an1}thing I do is I run to the pawn drop right open it up empty right go to the 1082 00:20:52,430 --> 00:20:52,440 {\an1}right open it up empty right go to the 1083 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,870 {\an1}right open it up empty right go to the living room now my mum's out there 1084 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:53,880 {\an1}living room now my mum's out there 1085 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,789 {\an1}living room now my mum's out there sitting in a chair now did anyone have a 1086 00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:55,799 {\an1}sitting in a chair now did anyone have a 1087 00:20:55,799 --> 00:20:57,529 {\an1}sitting in a chair now did anyone have a parent that had their own chair 1088 00:20:57,529 --> 00:20:57,539 {\an1}parent that had their own chair 1089 00:20:57,539 --> 00:20:59,390 {\an1}parent that had their own chair they were the [ __ ] parent they were 1090 00:20:59,390 --> 00:20:59,400 {\an1}they were the [ __ ] parent they were 1091 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,909 {\an1}they were the [ __ ] parent they were never the nice parents right if if 1092 00:21:01,909 --> 00:21:01,919 {\an1}never the nice parents right if if 1093 00:21:01,919 --> 00:21:03,169 {\an1}never the nice parents right if if you're a parent out there and you have 1094 00:21:03,169 --> 00:21:03,179 {\an1}you're a parent out there and you have 1095 00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,090 {\an1}you're a parent out there and you have your own chair you're a [ __ ] Nazi 1096 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:05,100 {\an1}your own chair you're a [ __ ] Nazi 1097 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:07,730 {\an1}your own chair you're a [ __ ] Nazi dick right stop being such a fascist sit 1098 00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:07,740 {\an1}dick right stop being such a fascist sit 1099 00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:09,110 {\an1}dick right stop being such a fascist sit somewhere else you don't control the 1100 00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:09,120 {\an1}somewhere else you don't control the 1101 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,570 {\an1}somewhere else you don't control the world 1102 00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:11,580 {\an1} 1103 00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:14,270 {\an1}so my mum looks at me and she goes I 1104 00:21:14,270 --> 00:21:14,280 {\an1}so my mum looks at me and she goes I 1105 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,890 {\an1}so my mum looks at me and she goes I cleaned your room and I went yeah yeah 1106 00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:15,900 {\an1}cleaned your room and I went yeah yeah 1107 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,750 {\an1}cleaned your room and I went yeah yeah thanks for that Mum but then she never 1108 00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:17,760 {\an1}thanks for that Mum but then she never 1109 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,970 {\an1}thanks for that Mum but then she never mentioned anything right a week later 1110 00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:19,980 {\an1}mentioned anything right a week later 1111 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,010 {\an1}mentioned anything right a week later about me dad shed and I'm hammering a 1112 00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:22,020 {\an1}about me dad shed and I'm hammering a 1113 00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:23,750 {\an1}about me dad shed and I'm hammering a nail into the bench right for no 1114 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:23,760 {\an1}nail into the bench right for no 1115 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,950 {\an1}nail into the bench right for no apparent reason but he's a carpenter 1116 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:24,960 {\an1}apparent reason but he's a carpenter 1117 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,029 {\an1}apparent reason but he's a carpenter right if you put a nail into the bench 1118 00:21:26,029 --> 00:21:26,039 {\an1}right if you put a nail into the bench 1119 00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:27,590 {\an1}right if you put a nail into the bench if he puts a table up there saying gonna 1120 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:27,600 {\an1}if he puts a table up there saying gonna 1121 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,529 {\an1}if he puts a table up there saying gonna [ __ ] the finish right just being a dick 1122 00:21:30,529 --> 00:21:30,539 {\an1}[ __ ] the finish right just being a dick 1123 00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:34,130 {\an1}[ __ ] the finish right just being a dick I know under the bench I saw only porn 1124 00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:34,140 {\an1}I know under the bench I saw only porn 1125 00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:35,990 {\an1}I know under the bench I saw only porn magazines but they're all like wet and 1126 00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:36,000 {\an1}magazines but they're all like wet and 1127 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,610 {\an1}magazines but they're all like wet and bent and had lettuce sleeves on them and 1128 00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:37,620 {\an1}bent and had lettuce sleeves on them and 1129 00:21:37,620 --> 00:21:39,049 {\an1}bent and had lettuce sleeves on them and stuff like that right what's happening 1130 00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:39,059 {\an1}stuff like that right what's happening 1131 00:21:39,059 --> 00:21:40,789 {\an1}stuff like that right what's happening is my mum's clear to clean my room out 1132 00:21:40,789 --> 00:21:40,799 {\an1}is my mum's clear to clean my room out 1133 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,529 {\an1}is my mum's clear to clean my room out she's throwing all the poor Mags out the 1134 00:21:42,529 --> 00:21:42,539 {\an1}she's throwing all the poor Mags out the 1135 00:21:42,539 --> 00:21:43,970 {\an1}she's throwing all the poor Mags out the wheelie bin my dad has to take the 1136 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:43,980 {\an1}wheelie bin my dad has to take the 1137 00:21:43,980 --> 00:21:45,470 {\an1}wheelie bin my dad has to take the wheelie bin to the end of the drive on a 1138 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:45,480 {\an1}wheelie bin to the end of the drive on a 1139 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,270 {\an1}wheelie bin to the end of the drive on a [ __ ] Wednesday he's opening up and 1140 00:21:47,270 --> 00:21:47,280 {\an1}[ __ ] Wednesday he's opening up and 1141 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,669 {\an1}[ __ ] Wednesday he's opening up and going oh hello collect them all up he's 1142 00:21:49,669 --> 00:21:49,679 {\an1}going oh hello collect them all up he's 1143 00:21:49,679 --> 00:21:51,470 {\an1}going oh hello collect them all up he's gone off to his shed and wanked himself 1144 00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:51,480 {\an1}gone off to his shed and wanked himself 1145 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,510 {\an1}gone off to his shed and wanked himself stupid so I thought [ __ ] that old [ __ ] 1146 00:21:53,510 --> 00:21:53,520 {\an1}stupid so I thought [ __ ] that old [ __ ] 1147 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,370 {\an1}stupid so I thought [ __ ] that old [ __ ] so I collect them all back take them 1148 00:21:55,370 --> 00:21:55,380 {\an1}so I collect them all back take them 1149 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,750 {\an1}so I collect them all back take them back to the draw where they belong 1150 00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:56,760 {\an1}back to the draw where they belong 1151 00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:01,610 {\an1}back to the draw where they belong Circle of Life continues foreign 1152 00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:01,620 {\an1} 1153 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,409 {\an1}a few days later I'm out in the living 1154 00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:03,419 {\an1}a few days later I'm out in the living 1155 00:22:03,419 --> 00:22:08,330 {\an1}a few days later I'm out in the living room and the old man walks out and goes 1156 00:22:08,330 --> 00:22:08,340 {\an1} 1157 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:11,210 {\an1}you've been out in my shed 1158 00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:11,220 {\an1}you've been out in my shed 1159 00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:15,649 {\an1}you've been out in my shed and I went 1160 00:22:15,649 --> 00:22:15,659 {\an1} 1161 00:22:15,659 --> 00:22:19,070 {\an1}you're not allowed those magazines 1162 00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:19,080 {\an1} 1163 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:30,529 {\an1}neither are you 1164 00:22:30,529 --> 00:22:30,539 {\an1} 1165 00:22:30,539 --> 00:22:35,230 {\an1}can I have four 1166 00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:35,240 {\an1} 1167 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,909 {\an1}to this day if you go out to my [ __ ] 1168 00:22:37,909 --> 00:22:37,919 {\an1}to this day if you go out to my [ __ ] 1169 00:22:37,919 --> 00:22:39,710 {\an1}to this day if you go out to my [ __ ] parents house man there's four poor 1170 00:22:39,710 --> 00:22:39,720 {\an1}parents house man there's four poor 1171 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,289 {\an1}parents house man there's four poor magazines out in the quality early 90s 1172 00:22:42,289 --> 00:22:42,299 {\an1}magazines out in the quality early 90s 1173 00:22:42,299 --> 00:22:44,510 {\an1}magazines out in the quality early 90s material 1174 00:22:44,510 --> 00:22:44,520 {\an1}material 1175 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,630 {\an1}material my [ __ ] um 1176 00:22:47,630 --> 00:22:47,640 {\an1} 1177 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:48,950 {\an1}when I was at the end professional not 1178 00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:48,960 {\an1}when I was at the end professional not 1179 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,210 {\an1}when I was at the end professional not this festival with the festival was for 1180 00:22:50,210 --> 00:22:50,220 {\an1}this festival with the festival was for 1181 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:52,370 {\an1}this festival with the festival was for I was having a wank and I felt like a 1182 00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:52,380 {\an1}I was having a wank and I felt like a 1183 00:22:52,380 --> 00:22:54,230 {\an1}I was having a wank and I felt like a lumpy fleshy thing on my [ __ ] that 1184 00:22:54,230 --> 00:22:54,240 {\an1}lumpy fleshy thing on my [ __ ] that 1185 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,090 {\an1}lumpy fleshy thing on my [ __ ] that wasn't a wart or assist or anything I'd 1186 00:22:56,090 --> 00:22:56,100 {\an1}wasn't a wart or assist or anything I'd 1187 00:22:56,100 --> 00:23:00,230 {\an1}wasn't a wart or assist or anything I'd had previously and 1188 00:23:00,230 --> 00:23:00,240 {\an1} 1189 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,850 {\an1}I went to the doctor and the doctor 1190 00:23:01,850 --> 00:23:01,860 {\an1}I went to the doctor and the doctor 1191 00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:03,710 {\an1}I went to the doctor and the doctor looked at it and sort of went 1192 00:23:03,710 --> 00:23:03,720 {\an1}looked at it and sort of went 1193 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,770 {\an1}looked at it and sort of went session 1194 00:23:05,770 --> 00:23:05,780 {\an1}session 1195 00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,850 {\an1}session another doctor and the two of them 1196 00:23:07,850 --> 00:23:07,860 {\an1}another doctor and the two of them 1197 00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:09,649 {\an1}another doctor and the two of them looked at it and just I don't [ __ ] 1198 00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:09,659 {\an1}looked at it and just I don't [ __ ] 1199 00:23:09,659 --> 00:23:11,930 {\an1}looked at it and just I don't [ __ ] have any idea so they sent me off to a 1200 00:23:11,930 --> 00:23:11,940 {\an1}have any idea so they sent me off to a 1201 00:23:11,940 --> 00:23:13,250 {\an1}have any idea so they sent me off to a specialist The Specialist puts my 1202 00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:13,260 {\an1}specialist The Specialist puts my 1203 00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:14,810 {\an1}specialist The Specialist puts my genitals into like a clamping machine 1204 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:14,820 {\an1}genitals into like a clamping machine 1205 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:17,210 {\an1}genitals into like a clamping machine and it turns out that I have a tumor 1206 00:23:17,210 --> 00:23:17,220 {\an1}and it turns out that I have a tumor 1207 00:23:17,220 --> 00:23:19,370 {\an1}and it turns out that I have a tumor growing on the side of my penis now I go 1208 00:23:19,370 --> 00:23:19,380 {\an1}growing on the side of my penis now I go 1209 00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:20,810 {\an1}growing on the side of my penis now I go to the doctor to many people die from 1210 00:23:20,810 --> 00:23:20,820 {\an1}to the doctor to many people die from 1211 00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:22,789 {\an1}to the doctor to many people die from this and he's like nah most people 1212 00:23:22,789 --> 00:23:22,799 {\an1}this and he's like nah most people 1213 00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:24,649 {\an1}this and he's like nah most people detect it pretty quick I don't leave it 1214 00:23:24,649 --> 00:23:24,659 {\an1}detect it pretty quick I don't leave it 1215 00:23:24,659 --> 00:23:28,370 {\an1}detect it pretty quick I don't leave it to chance uh now as I said no one dies 1216 00:23:28,370 --> 00:23:28,380 {\an1}to chance uh now as I said no one dies 1217 00:23:28,380 --> 00:23:30,590 {\an1}to chance uh now as I said no one dies from this it's very rare and I'm not 1218 00:23:30,590 --> 00:23:30,600 {\an1}from this it's very rare and I'm not 1219 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,390 {\an1}from this it's very rare and I'm not famous but I'm going to tell you a bit I 1220 00:23:32,390 --> 00:23:32,400 {\an1}famous but I'm going to tell you a bit I 1221 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,490 {\an1}famous but I'm going to tell you a bit I might be the most famous person ever to 1222 00:23:34,490 --> 00:23:34,500 {\an1}might be the most famous person ever to 1223 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,409 {\an1}might be the most famous person ever to have this condition which means I'll 1224 00:23:36,409 --> 00:23:36,419 {\an1}have this condition which means I'll 1225 00:23:36,419 --> 00:23:38,990 {\an1}have this condition which means I'll have to become a spokesperson and I'll 1226 00:23:38,990 --> 00:23:39,000 {\an1}have to become a spokesperson and I'll 1227 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,390 {\an1}have to become a spokesperson and I'll be doing adverts going hi I'm Jim 1228 00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:41,400 {\an1}be doing adverts going hi I'm Jim 1229 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,029 {\an1}be doing adverts going hi I'm Jim Jefferies I'm a comedian but you know 1230 00:23:44,029 --> 00:23:44,039 {\an1}Jefferies I'm a comedian but you know 1231 00:23:44,039 --> 00:23:46,610 {\an1}Jefferies I'm a comedian but you know it's not a laughing matter 1232 00:23:46,610 --> 00:23:46,620 {\an1}it's not a laughing matter 1233 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:47,750 {\an1}it's not a laughing matter thank you 1234 00:23:47,750 --> 00:23:47,760 {\an1}thank you 1235 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,450 {\an1}thank you dick cancer 1236 00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:50,460 {\an1}dick cancer 1237 00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:52,310 {\an1}dick cancer do you know that two people die from 1238 00:23:52,310 --> 00:23:52,320 {\an1}do you know that two people die from 1239 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,409 {\an1}do you know that two people die from dick cancer a year 1240 00:23:54,409 --> 00:23:54,419 {\an1}dick cancer a year 1241 00:23:54,419 --> 00:23:56,450 {\an1}dick cancer a year this must be stocks 1242 00:23:56,450 --> 00:23:56,460 {\an1}this must be stocks 1243 00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:59,330 {\an1}this must be stocks there are many ways to detect it cancer 1244 00:23:59,330 --> 00:23:59,340 {\an1}there are many ways to detect it cancer 1245 00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:01,029 {\an1}there are many ways to detect it cancer wanking 1246 00:24:01,029 --> 00:24:01,039 {\an1}wanking 1247 00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:04,669 {\an1}wanking that's it really 1248 00:24:04,669 --> 00:24:04,679 {\an1} 1249 00:24:04,679 --> 00:24:09,830 {\an1}please buy a ribbon 1250 00:24:09,830 --> 00:24:09,840 {\an1} 1251 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,330 {\an1}now while I was out at the animal 1252 00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:11,340 {\an1}now while I was out at the animal 1253 00:24:11,340 --> 00:24:12,950 {\an1}now while I was out at the animal Festival 1254 00:24:12,950 --> 00:24:12,960 {\an1}Festival 1255 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,649 {\an1}Festival I I was with a girl for three years I 1256 00:24:15,649 --> 00:24:15,659 {\an1}I I was with a girl for three years I 1257 00:24:15,659 --> 00:24:17,270 {\an1}I I was with a girl for three years I never cheated on her but I did cheat on 1258 00:24:17,270 --> 00:24:17,280 {\an1}never cheated on her but I did cheat on 1259 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,590 {\an1}never cheated on her but I did cheat on her twice during the Edinburgh Festival 1260 00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:18,600 {\an1}her twice during the Edinburgh Festival 1261 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,890 {\an1}her twice during the Edinburgh Festival because it's a festival and 1262 00:24:21,890 --> 00:24:21,900 {\an1}because it's a festival and 1263 00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:23,930 {\an1}because it's a festival and when I went to the doctor I was worried 1264 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:23,940 {\an1}when I went to the doctor I was worried 1265 00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:25,610 {\an1}when I went to the doctor I was worried that it was a sexually transmitted 1266 00:24:25,610 --> 00:24:25,620 {\an1}that it was a sexually transmitted 1267 00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:27,529 {\an1}that it was a sexually transmitted disease I was I think I'm the first 1268 00:24:27,529 --> 00:24:27,539 {\an1}disease I was I think I'm the first 1269 00:24:27,539 --> 00:24:29,690 {\an1}disease I was I think I'm the first person ever to high-five a doctor and he 1270 00:24:29,690 --> 00:24:29,700 {\an1}person ever to high-five a doctor and he 1271 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:32,270 {\an1}person ever to high-five a doctor and he says he got cancer I was [ __ ] well up 1272 00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:32,280 {\an1}says he got cancer I was [ __ ] well up 1273 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,850 {\an1}says he got cancer I was [ __ ] well up for that I was like cancer [ __ ] yeah 1274 00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:34,860 {\an1}for that I was like cancer [ __ ] yeah 1275 00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:37,130 {\an1}for that I was like cancer [ __ ] yeah because you come home with herpes she'll 1276 00:24:37,130 --> 00:24:37,140 {\an1}because you come home with herpes she'll 1277 00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:38,630 {\an1}because you come home with herpes she'll kick you out of the [ __ ] house right 1278 00:24:38,630 --> 00:24:38,640 {\an1}kick you out of the [ __ ] house right 1279 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,490 {\an1}kick you out of the [ __ ] house right you come home with dick cancer she'll 1280 00:24:40,490 --> 00:24:40,500 {\an1}you come home with dick cancer she'll 1281 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:43,669 {\an1}you come home with dick cancer she'll make you a cake or something real nice 1282 00:24:43,669 --> 00:24:43,679 {\an1}make you a cake or something real nice 1283 00:24:43,679 --> 00:24:45,350 {\an1}make you a cake or something real nice and God bless her a lot of the fish 1284 00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:45,360 {\an1}and God bless her a lot of the fish 1285 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,789 {\an1}and God bless her a lot of the fish we're broke it up now I can say she 1286 00:24:46,789 --> 00:24:46,799 {\an1}we're broke it up now I can say she 1287 00:24:46,799 --> 00:24:49,130 {\an1}we're broke it up now I can say she wasn't bright she was a thick girl she 1288 00:24:49,130 --> 00:24:49,140 {\an1}wasn't bright she was a thick girl she 1289 00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:51,529 {\an1}wasn't bright she was a thick girl she she would not have sex with me until the 1290 00:24:51,529 --> 00:24:51,539 {\an1}she would not have sex with me until the 1291 00:24:51,539 --> 00:24:53,450 {\an1}she would not have sex with me until the tumor was removed because she was 1292 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:53,460 {\an1}tumor was removed because she was 1293 00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,970 {\an1}tumor was removed because she was worried it was contagious I'm like it's 1294 00:24:55,970 --> 00:24:55,980 {\an1}worried it was contagious I'm like it's 1295 00:24:55,980 --> 00:24:58,430 {\an1}worried it was contagious I'm like it's not contagious it's [ __ ] Cancer all 1296 00:24:58,430 --> 00:24:58,440 {\an1}not contagious it's [ __ ] Cancer all 1297 00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:59,990 {\an1}not contagious it's [ __ ] Cancer all right let's just enjoy the width while 1298 00:24:59,990 --> 00:25:00,000 {\an1}right let's just enjoy the width while 1299 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:04,250 {\an1}right let's just enjoy the width while we have it thank you 1300 00:25:04,250 --> 00:25:04,260 {\an1} 1301 00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:06,409 {\an1}he goes dumb right you haven't had sex 1302 00:25:06,409 --> 00:25:06,419 {\an1}he goes dumb right you haven't had sex 1303 00:25:06,419 --> 00:25:09,350 {\an1}he goes dumb right you haven't had sex till you've had tumor sex 1304 00:25:09,350 --> 00:25:09,360 {\an1}till you've had tumor sex 1305 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,330 {\an1}till you've had tumor sex I I said it's not contagious it's not 1306 00:25:11,330 --> 00:25:11,340 {\an1}I I said it's not contagious it's not 1307 00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,770 {\an1}I I said it's not contagious it's not like we got it from a tick wank from 1308 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:12,780 {\an1}like we got it from a tick wank from 1309 00:25:12,780 --> 00:25:18,430 {\an1}like we got it from a tick wank from Kylie Minogue 1310 00:25:18,430 --> 00:25:18,440 {\an1} 1311 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,710 {\an1}yes look I understand that that joke is 1312 00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:21,720 {\an1}yes look I understand that that joke is 1313 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,990 {\an1}yes look I understand that that joke is wrong on many levels the main level 1314 00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:24,000 {\an1}wrong on many levels the main level 1315 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,549 {\an1}wrong on many levels the main level being that Kylie's tits aren't big 1316 00:25:25,549 --> 00:25:25,559 {\an1}being that Kylie's tits aren't big 1317 00:25:25,559 --> 00:25:29,570 {\an1}being that Kylie's tits aren't big enough for a titwing 1318 00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:29,580 {\an1} 1319 00:25:29,580 --> 00:25:30,350 {\an1}thank you 1320 00:25:30,350 --> 00:25:30,360 {\an1}thank you 1321 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:31,850 {\an1}thank you even with the lump they couldn't have 1322 00:25:31,850 --> 00:25:31,860 {\an1}even with the lump they couldn't have 1323 00:25:31,860 --> 00:25:34,490 {\an1}even with the lump they couldn't have gotten that much bigger 1324 00:25:34,490 --> 00:25:34,500 {\an1}gotten that much bigger 1325 00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:37,610 {\an1}gotten that much bigger don't be upset with me I'm a cancer 1326 00:25:37,610 --> 00:25:37,620 {\an1}don't be upset with me I'm a cancer 1327 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:42,590 {\an1}don't be upset with me I'm a cancer patient 1328 00:25:42,590 --> 00:25:42,600 {\an1} 1329 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,810 {\an1}so anyway 1330 00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:44,820 {\an1}so anyway 1331 00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:46,909 {\an1}so anyway I go into the surgery to get it taken 1332 00:25:46,909 --> 00:25:46,919 {\an1}I go into the surgery to get it taken 1333 00:25:46,919 --> 00:25:49,130 {\an1}I go into the surgery to get it taken out they lay me down on the table they 1334 00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:49,140 {\an1}out they lay me down on the table they 1335 00:25:49,140 --> 00:25:51,529 {\an1}out they lay me down on the table they put like a metal frame up with a curtain 1336 00:25:51,529 --> 00:25:51,539 {\an1}put like a metal frame up with a curtain 1337 00:25:51,539 --> 00:25:53,750 {\an1}put like a metal frame up with a curtain and the doctor puts a needle into my 1338 00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:53,760 {\an1}and the doctor puts a needle into my 1339 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,010 {\an1}and the doctor puts a needle into my dick 1340 00:25:55,010 --> 00:25:55,020 {\an1}dick 1341 00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:57,950 {\an1}dick and there's a nurse and her sole job is 1342 00:25:57,950 --> 00:25:57,960 {\an1}and there's a nurse and her sole job is 1343 00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,510 {\an1}and there's a nurse and her sole job is to take all the blood away from the 1344 00:25:59,510 --> 00:25:59,520 {\an1}to take all the blood away from the 1345 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,330 {\an1}to take all the blood away from the sliced up [ __ ] 1346 00:26:02,330 --> 00:26:02,340 {\an1}sliced up [ __ ] 1347 00:26:02,340 --> 00:26:04,250 {\an1}sliced up [ __ ] and there's another nurse and her sole 1348 00:26:04,250 --> 00:26:04,260 {\an1}and there's another nurse and her sole 1349 00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:07,130 {\an1}and there's another nurse and her sole job is to hold my hand whilst my [ __ ] is 1350 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:07,140 {\an1}job is to hold my hand whilst my [ __ ] is 1351 00:26:07,140 --> 00:26:10,190 {\an1}job is to hold my hand whilst my [ __ ] is being sliced up and to distract me from 1352 00:26:10,190 --> 00:26:10,200 {\an1}being sliced up and to distract me from 1353 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,409 {\an1}being sliced up and to distract me from the mutilation 1354 00:26:12,409 --> 00:26:12,419 {\an1}the mutilation 1355 00:26:12,419 --> 00:26:14,269 {\an1}the mutilation and she's holding my hand and she looks 1356 00:26:14,269 --> 00:26:14,279 {\an1}and she's holding my hand and she looks 1357 00:26:14,279 --> 00:26:16,970 {\an1}and she's holding my hand and she looks at me and she goes so I hear you're a 1358 00:26:16,970 --> 00:26:16,980 {\an1}at me and she goes so I hear you're a 1359 00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:20,330 {\an1}at me and she goes so I hear you're a comedian and I went yeah I'm a comedian 1360 00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:20,340 {\an1}comedian and I went yeah I'm a comedian 1361 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:26,409 {\an1}comedian and I went yeah I'm a comedian why don't you tell us all a joke 1362 00:26:26,409 --> 00:26:26,419 {\an1} 1363 00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:32,690 {\an1}why don't you [ __ ] off 1364 00:26:32,690 --> 00:26:32,700 {\an1} 1365 00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:34,669 {\an1}and then they put like six stitches into 1366 00:26:34,669 --> 00:26:34,679 {\an1}and then they put like six stitches into 1367 00:26:34,679 --> 00:26:36,230 {\an1}and then they put like six stitches into my [ __ ] like these aren't like the big 1368 00:26:36,230 --> 00:26:36,240 {\an1}my [ __ ] like these aren't like the big 1369 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,370 {\an1}my [ __ ] like these aren't like the big ones he's like on your head or your arm 1370 00:26:37,370 --> 00:26:37,380 {\an1}ones he's like on your head or your arm 1371 00:26:37,380 --> 00:26:39,409 {\an1}ones he's like on your head or your arm these like tiny fine small ones that 1372 00:26:39,409 --> 00:26:39,419 {\an1}these like tiny fine small ones that 1373 00:26:39,419 --> 00:26:46,310 {\an1}these like tiny fine small ones that they use like on babies arms and 1374 00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:46,320 {\an1} 1375 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,169 {\an1}the doctor tells me not to get an 1376 00:26:48,169 --> 00:26:48,179 {\an1}the doctor tells me not to get an 1377 00:26:48,179 --> 00:26:50,029 {\an1}the doctor tells me not to get an erection for three weeks I was [ __ ] 1378 00:26:50,029 --> 00:26:50,039 {\an1}erection for three weeks I was [ __ ] 1379 00:26:50,039 --> 00:26:52,490 {\an1}erection for three weeks I was [ __ ] Moody I wasn't a good kind of beer out 1380 00:26:52,490 --> 00:26:52,500 {\an1}Moody I wasn't a good kind of beer out 1381 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:54,890 {\an1}Moody I wasn't a good kind of beer out man the end of three weeks I was ready 1382 00:26:54,890 --> 00:26:54,900 {\an1}man the end of three weeks I was ready 1383 00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:56,810 {\an1}man the end of three weeks I was ready for my comeback wank I don't even touch 1384 00:26:56,810 --> 00:26:56,820 {\an1}for my comeback wank I don't even touch 1385 00:26:56,820 --> 00:26:58,430 {\an1}for my comeback wank I don't even touch my [ __ ] I'm trying to think about my 1386 00:26:58,430 --> 00:26:58,440 {\an1}my [ __ ] I'm trying to think about my 1387 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,710 {\an1}my [ __ ] I'm trying to think about my [ __ ] my balls have never been so full in 1388 00:27:00,710 --> 00:27:00,720 {\an1}[ __ ] my balls have never been so full in 1389 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,810 {\an1}[ __ ] my balls have never been so full in my entire life in fact the stitches 1390 00:27:02,810 --> 00:27:02,820 {\an1}my entire life in fact the stitches 1391 00:27:02,820 --> 00:27:04,789 {\an1}my entire life in fact the stitches dissolved and I told my girlfriend they 1392 00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:04,799 {\an1}dissolved and I told my girlfriend they 1393 00:27:04,799 --> 00:27:06,169 {\an1}dissolved and I told my girlfriend they were still not dissolved so I could have 1394 00:27:06,169 --> 00:27:06,179 {\an1}were still not dissolved so I could have 1395 00:27:06,179 --> 00:27:10,850 {\an1}were still not dissolved so I could have a wank before I [ __ ] her 1396 00:27:10,850 --> 00:27:10,860 {\an1} 1397 00:27:10,860 --> 00:27:13,669 {\an1}I put some porn on and I got some lube 1398 00:27:13,669 --> 00:27:13,679 {\an1}I put some porn on and I got some lube 1399 00:27:13,679 --> 00:27:15,710 {\an1}I put some porn on and I got some lube right now ordinarily I'm not that fancy 1400 00:27:15,710 --> 00:27:15,720 {\an1}right now ordinarily I'm not that fancy 1401 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,049 {\an1}right now ordinarily I'm not that fancy I'm more of a dry hand sort of guy 1402 00:27:18,049 --> 00:27:18,059 {\an1}I'm more of a dry hand sort of guy 1403 00:27:18,059 --> 00:27:19,909 {\an1}I'm more of a dry hand sort of guy well I thought it's been a while Jim 1404 00:27:19,909 --> 00:27:19,919 {\an1}well I thought it's been a while Jim 1405 00:27:19,919 --> 00:27:21,430 {\an1}well I thought it's been a while Jim treat yourself 1406 00:27:21,430 --> 00:27:21,440 {\an1}treat yourself 1407 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,010 {\an1}treat yourself that's right 1408 00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:25,020 {\an1} 1409 00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:31,730 {\an1}I lived up my [ __ ] and I'm talking 1410 00:27:31,730 --> 00:27:31,740 {\an1} 1411 00:27:31,740 --> 00:27:33,649 {\an1}and out of my [ __ ] came this thick 1412 00:27:33,649 --> 00:27:33,659 {\an1}and out of my [ __ ] came this thick 1413 00:27:33,659 --> 00:27:36,710 {\an1}and out of my [ __ ] came this thick gelatin-like car it was so it was it was 1414 00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:36,720 {\an1}gelatin-like car it was so it was it was 1415 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,210 {\an1}gelatin-like car it was so it was it was like it was trying to make a baby 1416 00:27:38,210 --> 00:27:38,220 {\an1}like it was trying to make a baby 1417 00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:41,930 {\an1}like it was trying to make a baby without the womb 1418 00:27:41,930 --> 00:27:41,940 {\an1} 1419 00:27:41,940 --> 00:27:44,750 {\an1}and I looked at it and I swear to God it 1420 00:27:44,750 --> 00:27:44,760 {\an1}and I looked at it and I swear to God it 1421 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,750 {\an1}and I looked at it and I swear to God it [ __ ] looked back at me 1422 00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:47,760 {\an1}[ __ ] looked back at me 1423 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,850 {\an1}[ __ ] looked back at me sorry sugar tan 1424 00:27:51,850 --> 00:27:51,860 {\an1} 1425 00:27:51,860 --> 00:27:53,990 {\an1}anyway that's all I have to say about 1426 00:27:53,990 --> 00:27:54,000 {\an1}anyway that's all I have to say about 1427 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,430 {\an1}anyway that's all I have to say about Dick cancer 1428 00:27:55,430 --> 00:27:55,440 {\an1}Dick cancer 1429 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,350 {\an1}Dick cancer um except don't you think that dick 1430 00:27:57,350 --> 00:27:57,360 {\an1}um except don't you think that dick 1431 00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:59,090 {\an1}um except don't you think that dick cancer sounds like a war correspondent 1432 00:27:59,090 --> 00:27:59,100 {\an1}cancer sounds like a war correspondent 1433 00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:00,950 {\an1}cancer sounds like a war correspondent like a guy from the news that you'd 1434 00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:00,960 {\an1}like a guy from the news that you'd 1435 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,330 {\an1}like a guy from the news that you'd really trust 1436 00:28:02,330 --> 00:28:02,340 {\an1}really trust 1437 00:28:02,340 --> 00:28:05,690 {\an1}really trust that that's just me uh I've been I've 1438 00:28:05,690 --> 00:28:05,700 {\an1}that that's just me uh I've been I've 1439 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:07,610 {\an1}that that's just me uh I've been I've done kids out in [ __ ] Baghdad and 1440 00:28:07,610 --> 00:28:07,620 {\an1}done kids out in [ __ ] Baghdad and 1441 00:28:07,620 --> 00:28:09,230 {\an1}done kids out in [ __ ] Baghdad and Iraq and all that I've been out there 1442 00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:09,240 {\an1}Iraq and all that I've been out there 1443 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,110 {\an1}Iraq and all that I've been out there man it's [ __ ] mental when you go out 1444 00:28:12,110 --> 00:28:12,120 {\an1}man it's [ __ ] mental when you go out 1445 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,610 {\an1}man it's [ __ ] mental when you go out there you realize that the other team 1446 00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:13,620 {\an1}there you realize that the other team 1447 00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:15,289 {\an1}there you realize that the other team don't really know they're involved like 1448 00:28:15,289 --> 00:28:15,299 {\an1}don't really know they're involved like 1449 00:28:15,299 --> 00:28:17,210 {\an1}don't really know they're involved like all the other old Wars you can say what 1450 00:28:17,210 --> 00:28:17,220 {\an1}all the other old Wars you can say what 1451 00:28:17,220 --> 00:28:19,250 {\an1}all the other old Wars you can say what you want about the Nazis but they always 1452 00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:19,260 {\an1}you want about the Nazis but they always 1453 00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:21,169 {\an1}you want about the Nazis but they always look good right you can always pick them 1454 00:28:21,169 --> 00:28:21,179 {\an1}look good right you can always pick them 1455 00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:23,090 {\an1}look good right you can always pick them out of a crowd right this this enemy the 1456 00:28:23,090 --> 00:28:23,100 {\an1}out of a crowd right this this enemy the 1457 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,649 {\an1}out of a crowd right this this enemy the Taliban I can't they don't have an 1458 00:28:24,649 --> 00:28:24,659 {\an1}Taliban I can't they don't have an 1459 00:28:24,659 --> 00:28:27,830 {\an1}Taliban I can't they don't have an outfit uh and I was there on the first 1460 00:28:27,830 --> 00:28:27,840 {\an1}outfit uh and I was there on the first 1461 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,930 {\an1}outfit uh and I was there on the first day well the first day of the first day 1462 00:28:29,930 --> 00:28:29,940 {\an1}day well the first day of the first day 1463 00:28:29,940 --> 00:28:31,909 {\an1}day well the first day of the first day I was there and I was in a helicopter 1464 00:28:31,909 --> 00:28:31,919 {\an1}I was there and I was in a helicopter 1465 00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:34,130 {\an1}I was there and I was in a helicopter flying over the top of Baghdad with me 1466 00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:34,140 {\an1}flying over the top of Baghdad with me 1467 00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:35,570 {\an1}flying over the top of Baghdad with me helmet on me bulletproof vest ain't 1468 00:28:35,570 --> 00:28:35,580 {\an1}helmet on me bulletproof vest ain't 1469 00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:37,730 {\an1}helmet on me bulletproof vest ain't gonna look as cool as [ __ ] right the 1470 00:28:37,730 --> 00:28:37,740 {\an1}gonna look as cool as [ __ ] right the 1471 00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:39,409 {\an1}gonna look as cool as [ __ ] right the helicopter windows open there's a guy 1472 00:28:39,409 --> 00:28:39,419 {\an1}helicopter windows open there's a guy 1473 00:28:39,419 --> 00:28:40,850 {\an1}helicopter windows open there's a guy with a gun just sort of scouring the 1474 00:28:40,850 --> 00:28:40,860 {\an1}with a gun just sort of scouring the 1475 00:28:40,860 --> 00:28:43,130 {\an1}with a gun just sort of scouring the ground right I look out I see a little 1476 00:28:43,130 --> 00:28:43,140 {\an1}ground right I look out I see a little 1477 00:28:43,140 --> 00:28:44,630 {\an1}ground right I look out I see a little bloke with a handgun just shooting up at 1478 00:28:44,630 --> 00:28:44,640 {\an1}bloke with a handgun just shooting up at 1479 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,370 {\an1}bloke with a handgun just shooting up at the helicopter 1480 00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:46,380 {\an1}the helicopter 1481 00:28:46,380 --> 00:28:48,830 {\an1}the helicopter and I [ __ ] freak out right I'm like 1482 00:28:48,830 --> 00:28:48,840 {\an1}and I [ __ ] freak out right I'm like 1483 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,570 {\an1}and I [ __ ] freak out right I'm like oh [ __ ] 1484 00:28:53,570 --> 00:28:53,580 {\an1} 1485 00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:55,490 {\an1}oh [ __ ] too high up those bullets can't 1486 00:28:55,490 --> 00:28:55,500 {\an1}oh [ __ ] too high up those bullets can't 1487 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,490 {\an1}oh [ __ ] too high up those bullets can't reach us and then he went hey look at 1488 00:28:58,490 --> 00:28:58,500 {\an1}reach us and then he went hey look at 1489 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:01,490 {\an1}reach us and then he went hey look at this 1490 00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:01,500 {\an1} 1491 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:05,870 {\an1}and the little [ __ ] died 1492 00:29:05,870 --> 00:29:05,880 {\an1} 1493 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:12,049 {\an1}and I was like 1494 00:29:12,049 --> 00:29:12,059 {\an1} 1495 00:29:12,059 --> 00:29:15,830 {\an1}I was just saying 1496 00:29:15,830 --> 00:29:15,840 {\an1} 1497 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:22,870 {\an1} foreign 1498 00:29:22,870 --> 00:29:22,880 {\an1} 1499 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,970 {\an1}I get so desensitized about terrorism 1500 00:29:25,970 --> 00:29:25,980 {\an1}I get so desensitized about terrorism 1501 00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:28,549 {\an1}I get so desensitized about terrorism now I don't even care anymore the first 1502 00:29:28,549 --> 00:29:28,559 {\an1}now I don't even care anymore the first 1503 00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:29,990 {\an1}now I don't even care anymore the first big one remember the big one where the 1504 00:29:29,990 --> 00:29:30,000 {\an1}big one remember the big one where the 1505 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,370 {\an1}big one remember the big one where the planes hit the buildings and the 1506 00:29:31,370 --> 00:29:31,380 {\an1}planes hit the buildings and the 1507 00:29:31,380 --> 00:29:33,289 {\an1}planes hit the buildings and the buildings I can't remember what date it 1508 00:29:33,289 --> 00:29:33,299 {\an1}buildings I can't remember what date it 1509 00:29:33,299 --> 00:29:37,549 {\an1}buildings I can't remember what date it was but the fact 1510 00:29:37,549 --> 00:29:37,559 {\an1} 1511 00:29:37,559 --> 00:29:39,470 {\an1}and every Thursday takes since then I 1512 00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:39,480 {\an1}and every Thursday takes since then I 1513 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,750 {\an1}and every Thursday takes since then I just [ __ ] whatever 1514 00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:41,760 {\an1}just [ __ ] whatever 1515 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,850 {\an1}just [ __ ] whatever the one in Glasgow where the guy was in 1516 00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:43,860 {\an1}the one in Glasgow where the guy was in 1517 00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:45,830 {\an1}the one in Glasgow where the guy was in flames and he drove his flaming car into 1518 00:29:45,830 --> 00:29:45,840 {\an1}flames and he drove his flaming car into 1519 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,630 {\an1}flames and he drove his flaming car into the airport 1520 00:29:47,630 --> 00:29:47,640 {\an1}the airport 1521 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,370 {\an1}the airport the first thing that went through my 1522 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:49,380 {\an1}the first thing that went through my 1523 00:29:49,380 --> 00:29:52,250 {\an1}the first thing that went through my brains when I saw that was are you 1524 00:29:52,250 --> 00:29:52,260 {\an1}brains when I saw that was are you 1525 00:29:52,260 --> 00:29:54,230 {\an1}brains when I saw that was are you [ __ ] [ __ ] now I'm gonna have to put 1526 00:29:54,230 --> 00:29:54,240 {\an1}[ __ ] [ __ ] now I'm gonna have to put 1527 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:59,630 {\an1}[ __ ] [ __ ] now I'm gonna have to put my toiletries in a plastic bag 1528 00:29:59,630 --> 00:29:59,640 {\an1} 1529 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:08,269 {\an1}take me shoes off you're wasting me time 1530 00:30:08,269 --> 00:30:08,279 {\an1} 1531 00:30:08,279 --> 00:30:11,090 {\an1}oh [ __ ] my [ __ ] uh my brother's a 1532 00:30:11,090 --> 00:30:11,100 {\an1}oh [ __ ] my [ __ ] uh my brother's a 1533 00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:13,310 {\an1}oh [ __ ] my [ __ ] uh my brother's a mental case he's been mental my whole 1534 00:30:13,310 --> 00:30:13,320 {\an1}mental case he's been mental my whole 1535 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:14,990 {\an1}mental case he's been mental my whole childhood he can't help himself he's 1536 00:30:14,990 --> 00:30:15,000 {\an1}childhood he can't help himself he's 1537 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,090 {\an1}childhood he can't help himself he's older than me but he's just [ __ ] wide 1538 00:30:17,090 --> 00:30:17,100 {\an1}older than me but he's just [ __ ] wide 1539 00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:19,250 {\an1}older than me but he's just [ __ ] wide wrong something in his head all right 1540 00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:19,260 {\an1}wrong something in his head all right 1541 00:30:19,260 --> 00:30:20,990 {\an1}wrong something in his head all right I'm going to I've never told this on 1542 00:30:20,990 --> 00:30:21,000 {\an1}I'm going to I've never told this on 1543 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,310 {\an1}I'm going to I've never told this on stage before uh it's not they probably 1544 00:30:22,310 --> 00:30:22,320 {\an1}stage before uh it's not they probably 1545 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,510 {\an1}stage before uh it's not they probably won't go on the DVD but this is just 1546 00:30:23,510 --> 00:30:23,520 {\an1}won't go on the DVD but this is just 1547 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:24,769 {\an1}won't go on the DVD but this is just something funny me and my brothers are 1548 00:30:24,769 --> 00:30:24,779 {\an1}something funny me and my brothers are 1549 00:30:24,779 --> 00:30:26,510 {\an1}something funny me and my brothers are talking whenever whenever my mother my 1550 00:30:26,510 --> 00:30:26,520 {\an1}talking whenever whenever my mother my 1551 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,010 {\an1}talking whenever whenever my mother my mother's a great big fat woman she still 1552 00:30:28,010 --> 00:30:28,020 {\an1}mother's a great big fat woman she still 1553 00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:29,029 {\an1}mother's a great big fat woman she still is 1554 00:30:29,029 --> 00:30:29,039 {\an1}is 1555 00:30:29,039 --> 00:30:31,610 {\an1}is um she's 18 19 stone or something she'd 1556 00:30:31,610 --> 00:30:31,620 {\an1}um she's 18 19 stone or something she'd 1557 00:30:31,620 --> 00:30:32,810 {\an1}um she's 18 19 stone or something she'd always used to get us to go out and get 1558 00:30:32,810 --> 00:30:32,820 {\an1}always used to get us to go out and get 1559 00:30:32,820 --> 00:30:33,950 {\an1}always used to get us to go out and get the washing off the line and she'd 1560 00:30:33,950 --> 00:30:33,960 {\an1}the washing off the line and she'd 1561 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,090 {\an1}the washing off the line and she'd always be in the kitchen going go get 1562 00:30:35,090 --> 00:30:35,100 {\an1}always be in the kitchen going go get 1563 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:36,230 {\an1}always be in the kitchen going go get the washer off the line make sure you 1564 00:30:36,230 --> 00:30:36,240 {\an1}the washer off the line make sure you 1565 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:37,610 {\an1}the washer off the line make sure you fold everything and yelling at us while 1566 00:30:37,610 --> 00:30:37,620 {\an1}fold everything and yelling at us while 1567 00:30:37,620 --> 00:30:39,110 {\an1}fold everything and yelling at us while we were doing it right when I was about 1568 00:30:39,110 --> 00:30:39,120 {\an1}we were doing it right when I was about 1569 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,269 {\an1}we were doing it right when I was about 10 and Scott was about 14 and we used to 1570 00:30:41,269 --> 00:30:41,279 {\an1}10 and Scott was about 14 and we used to 1571 00:30:41,279 --> 00:30:42,409 {\an1}10 and Scott was about 14 and we used to go out there whenever we got her 1572 00:30:42,409 --> 00:30:42,419 {\an1}go out there whenever we got her 1573 00:30:42,419 --> 00:30:44,269 {\an1}go out there whenever we got her underwear off the line we would get on 1574 00:30:44,269 --> 00:30:44,279 {\an1}underwear off the line we would get on 1575 00:30:44,279 --> 00:30:46,850 {\an1}underwear off the line we would get on either end of it and fold it like a flag 1576 00:30:46,850 --> 00:30:46,860 {\an1}either end of it and fold it like a flag 1577 00:30:46,860 --> 00:30:50,889 {\an1}either end of it and fold it like a flag foreign 1578 00:30:50,889 --> 00:30:50,899 {\an1} 1579 00:30:50,899 --> 00:30:58,130 {\an1}that's not funny nothing is 1580 00:30:58,130 --> 00:30:58,140 {\an1} 1581 00:30:58,140 --> 00:30:59,930 {\an1} so 1582 00:30:59,930 --> 00:30:59,940 {\an1}so 1583 00:30:59,940 --> 00:31:01,730 {\an1}so one time I meet my brother at home right 1584 00:31:01,730 --> 00:31:01,740 {\an1}one time I meet my brother at home right 1585 00:31:01,740 --> 00:31:04,070 {\an1}one time I meet my brother at home right just the two of us and uh he's about 16 1586 00:31:04,070 --> 00:31:04,080 {\an1}just the two of us and uh he's about 16 1587 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,470 {\an1}just the two of us and uh he's about 16 I'm about 12. and my mum and dad are out 1588 00:31:06,470 --> 00:31:06,480 {\an1}I'm about 12. and my mum and dad are out 1589 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,389 {\an1}I'm about 12. and my mum and dad are out of the house and my brother Scott is on 1590 00:31:08,389 --> 00:31:08,399 {\an1}of the house and my brother Scott is on 1591 00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:10,010 {\an1}of the house and my brother Scott is on the couch and he looks over me he goes 1592 00:31:10,010 --> 00:31:10,020 {\an1}the couch and he looks over me he goes 1593 00:31:10,020 --> 00:31:13,250 {\an1}the couch and he looks over me he goes Jim get me a cake and I went get your 1594 00:31:13,250 --> 00:31:13,260 {\an1}Jim get me a cake and I went get your 1595 00:31:13,260 --> 00:31:14,810 {\an1}Jim get me a cake and I went get your own [ __ ] Coke I'm not gonna get you a 1596 00:31:14,810 --> 00:31:14,820 {\an1}own [ __ ] Coke I'm not gonna get you a 1597 00:31:14,820 --> 00:31:17,029 {\an1}own [ __ ] Coke I'm not gonna get you a Coke and he went get me a Coke or I'll 1598 00:31:17,029 --> 00:31:17,039 {\an1}Coke and he went get me a Coke or I'll 1599 00:31:17,039 --> 00:31:21,970 {\an1}Coke and he went get me a Coke or I'll piss on the carpet 1600 00:31:21,970 --> 00:31:21,980 {\an1} 1601 00:31:21,980 --> 00:31:24,470 {\an1}fish on the carpet you man [ __ ] I'm not 1602 00:31:24,470 --> 00:31:24,480 {\an1}fish on the carpet you man [ __ ] I'm not 1603 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,149 {\an1}fish on the carpet you man [ __ ] I'm not going to get you a [ __ ] dope 1604 00:31:26,149 --> 00:31:26,159 {\an1}going to get you a [ __ ] dope 1605 00:31:26,159 --> 00:31:28,669 {\an1}going to get you a [ __ ] dope get me a Coke or I'd piss on the carpet 1606 00:31:28,669 --> 00:31:28,679 {\an1}get me a Coke or I'd piss on the carpet 1607 00:31:28,679 --> 00:31:30,710 {\an1}get me a Coke or I'd piss on the carpet I'm not going to get you a Coke so my 1608 00:31:30,710 --> 00:31:30,720 {\an1}I'm not going to get you a Coke so my 1609 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,090 {\an1}I'm not going to get you a Coke so my brother stood up walked to the middle of 1610 00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:32,100 {\an1}brother stood up walked to the middle of 1611 00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:33,350 {\an1}brother stood up walked to the middle of the living room which is a longer 1612 00:31:33,350 --> 00:31:33,360 {\an1}the living room which is a longer 1613 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,909 {\an1}the living room which is a longer distance and getting himself a [ __ ] 1614 00:31:34,909 --> 00:31:34,919 {\an1}distance and getting himself a [ __ ] 1615 00:31:34,919 --> 00:31:35,930 {\an1}distance and getting himself a [ __ ] Coke 1616 00:31:35,930 --> 00:31:35,940 {\an1}Coke 1617 00:31:35,940 --> 00:31:37,730 {\an1}Coke pulled out his [ __ ] started pissing on 1618 00:31:37,730 --> 00:31:37,740 {\an1}pulled out his [ __ ] started pissing on 1619 00:31:37,740 --> 00:31:39,110 {\an1}pulled out his [ __ ] started pissing on the carpet he's looking at me going you 1620 00:31:39,110 --> 00:31:39,120 {\an1}the carpet he's looking at me going you 1621 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:40,789 {\an1}the carpet he's looking at me going you really should have got me a coat why why 1622 00:31:40,789 --> 00:31:40,799 {\an1}really should have got me a coat why why 1623 00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:42,470 {\an1}really should have got me a coat why why when you get me a cake 1624 00:31:42,470 --> 00:31:42,480 {\an1}when you get me a cake 1625 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,690 {\an1}when you get me a cake daddy's boy up goes back to the cows 1626 00:31:44,690 --> 00:31:44,700 {\an1}daddy's boy up goes back to the cows 1627 00:31:44,700 --> 00:31:47,210 {\an1}daddy's boy up goes back to the cows doesn't get himself a coat 1628 00:31:47,210 --> 00:31:47,220 {\an1}doesn't get himself a coat 1629 00:31:47,220 --> 00:31:49,730 {\an1}doesn't get himself a coat so I just [ __ ] left the power unit my 1630 00:31:49,730 --> 00:31:49,740 {\an1}so I just [ __ ] left the power unit my 1631 00:31:49,740 --> 00:31:52,070 {\an1}so I just [ __ ] left the power unit my mum comes home she's [ __ ] furious 1632 00:31:52,070 --> 00:31:52,080 {\an1}mum comes home she's [ __ ] furious 1633 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,169 {\an1}mum comes home she's [ __ ] furious right big pile of urine she goes who did 1634 00:31:54,169 --> 00:31:54,179 {\an1}right big pile of urine she goes who did 1635 00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,630 {\an1}right big pile of urine she goes who did this 1636 00:31:55,630 --> 00:31:55,640 {\an1}this 1637 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,830 {\an1}this and I went Scott did it she looked at 1638 00:31:57,830 --> 00:31:57,840 {\an1}and I went Scott did it she looked at 1639 00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,510 {\an1}and I went Scott did it she looked at Scott she goes what did you do that for 1640 00:31:59,510 --> 00:31:59,520 {\an1}Scott she goes what did you do that for 1641 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,149 {\an1}Scott she goes what did you do that for he goes I told Jim to get me a Coke or 1642 00:32:02,149 --> 00:32:02,159 {\an1}he goes I told Jim to get me a Coke or 1643 00:32:02,159 --> 00:32:03,889 {\an1}he goes I told Jim to get me a Coke or I'd piss in the carpet 1644 00:32:03,889 --> 00:32:03,899 {\an1}I'd piss in the carpet 1645 00:32:03,899 --> 00:32:08,750 {\an1}I'd piss in the carpet and my mum turns to me and goes 1646 00:32:08,750 --> 00:32:08,760 {\an1} 1647 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,310 {\an1}why don't you get him a Coke you know 1648 00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:10,320 {\an1}why don't you get him a Coke you know 1649 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:22,010 {\an1}why don't you get him a Coke you know he's [ __ ] mental 1650 00:32:22,010 --> 00:32:22,020 {\an1} 1651 00:32:22,020 --> 00:32:23,269 {\an1}I'll tell you another Brothers through 1652 00:32:23,269 --> 00:32:23,279 {\an1}I'll tell you another Brothers through 1653 00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:26,330 {\an1}I'll tell you another Brothers through this this one's a bit sad I don't know 1654 00:32:26,330 --> 00:32:26,340 {\an1}this this one's a bit sad I don't know 1655 00:32:26,340 --> 00:32:29,029 {\an1}this this one's a bit sad I don't know when me and my brother were young we my 1656 00:32:29,029 --> 00:32:29,039 {\an1}when me and my brother were young we my 1657 00:32:29,039 --> 00:32:31,010 {\an1}when me and my brother were young we my dad was doing that thing where you know 1658 00:32:31,010 --> 00:32:31,020 {\an1}dad was doing that thing where you know 1659 00:32:31,020 --> 00:32:32,750 {\an1}dad was doing that thing where you know when you're being taken to the dump yard 1660 00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:32,760 {\an1}when you're being taken to the dump yard 1661 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,190 {\an1}when you're being taken to the dump yard a tip or something like that when you 1662 00:32:34,190 --> 00:32:34,200 {\an1}a tip or something like that when you 1663 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,450 {\an1}a tip or something like that when you were a little kid that was better than 1664 00:32:35,450 --> 00:32:35,460 {\an1}were a little kid that was better than 1665 00:32:35,460 --> 00:32:37,250 {\an1}were a little kid that was better than going to a football match that was just 1666 00:32:37,250 --> 00:32:37,260 {\an1}going to a football match that was just 1667 00:32:37,260 --> 00:32:39,049 {\an1}going to a football match that was just like the best day ever if you because 1668 00:32:39,049 --> 00:32:39,059 {\an1}like the best day ever if you because 1669 00:32:39,059 --> 00:32:40,490 {\an1}like the best day ever if you because you never knew what you're going to find 1670 00:32:40,490 --> 00:32:40,500 {\an1}you never knew what you're going to find 1671 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,289 {\an1}you never knew what you're going to find at the junkyard did you you'd just be 1672 00:32:42,289 --> 00:32:42,299 {\an1}at the junkyard did you you'd just be 1673 00:32:42,299 --> 00:32:44,450 {\an1}at the junkyard did you you'd just be there standing in a pile of [ __ ] going 1674 00:32:44,450 --> 00:32:44,460 {\an1}there standing in a pile of [ __ ] going 1675 00:32:44,460 --> 00:32:47,149 {\an1}there standing in a pile of [ __ ] going dad you have to see this we've got to 1676 00:32:47,149 --> 00:32:47,159 {\an1}dad you have to see this we've got to 1677 00:32:47,159 --> 00:32:49,549 {\an1}dad you have to see this we've got to take it with us it's a fridge it's only 1678 00:32:49,549 --> 00:32:49,559 {\an1}take it with us it's a fridge it's only 1679 00:32:49,559 --> 00:32:52,730 {\an1}take it with us it's a fridge it's only missing a door 1680 00:32:52,730 --> 00:32:52,740 {\an1} 1681 00:32:52,740 --> 00:32:55,250 {\an1}so we're loading up all this stuff from 1682 00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:55,260 {\an1}so we're loading up all this stuff from 1683 00:32:55,260 --> 00:32:57,169 {\an1}so we're loading up all this stuff from out of the garage emptying old boxes and 1684 00:32:57,169 --> 00:32:57,179 {\an1}out of the garage emptying old boxes and 1685 00:32:57,179 --> 00:32:59,450 {\an1}out of the garage emptying old boxes and whatnot my brother I don't know I'm 1686 00:32:59,450 --> 00:32:59,460 {\an1}whatnot my brother I don't know I'm 1687 00:32:59,460 --> 00:33:01,490 {\an1}whatnot my brother I don't know I'm about nine no I'm about five your 1688 00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:01,500 {\an1}about nine no I'm about five your 1689 00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:03,769 {\an1}about nine no I'm about five your brother's about nine his brother pulls a 1690 00:33:03,769 --> 00:33:03,779 {\an1}brother's about nine his brother pulls a 1691 00:33:03,779 --> 00:33:07,970 {\an1}brother's about nine his brother pulls a vibrator out of a box just like this 1692 00:33:07,970 --> 00:33:07,980 {\an1} 1693 00:33:07,980 --> 00:33:10,490 {\an1}and my dad does that [ __ ] dad when 1694 00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:10,500 {\an1}and my dad does that [ __ ] dad when 1695 00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:12,529 {\an1}and my dad does that [ __ ] dad when the nervous Walker he goes hey what you 1696 00:33:12,529 --> 00:33:12,539 {\an1}the nervous Walker he goes hey what you 1697 00:33:12,539 --> 00:33:16,270 {\an1}the nervous Walker he goes hey what you got there 1698 00:33:16,270 --> 00:33:16,280 {\an1} 1699 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,470 {\an1} [Applause] 1700 00:33:18,470 --> 00:33:18,480 {\an1}[Applause] 1701 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,210 {\an1}[Applause] and then Dad goes oh I'll link that up 1702 00:33:20,210 --> 00:33:20,220 {\an1}and then Dad goes oh I'll link that up 1703 00:33:20,220 --> 00:33:21,529 {\an1}and then Dad goes oh I'll link that up here now as soon as we see that little 1704 00:33:21,529 --> 00:33:21,539 {\an1}here now as soon as we see that little 1705 00:33:21,539 --> 00:33:23,450 {\an1}here now as soon as we see that little walk we know that's something [ __ ] 1706 00:33:23,450 --> 00:33:23,460 {\an1}walk we know that's something [ __ ] 1707 00:33:23,460 --> 00:33:25,490 {\an1}walk we know that's something [ __ ] important and we're just going Dave what 1708 00:33:25,490 --> 00:33:25,500 {\an1}important and we're just going Dave what 1709 00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:26,810 {\an1}important and we're just going Dave what is that I have to [ __ ] know what that 1710 00:33:26,810 --> 00:33:26,820 {\an1}is that I have to [ __ ] know what that 1711 00:33:26,820 --> 00:33:28,909 {\an1}is that I have to [ __ ] know what that is I have to know that is what is a day 1712 00:33:28,909 --> 00:33:28,919 {\an1}is I have to know that is what is a day 1713 00:33:28,919 --> 00:33:31,850 {\an1}is I have to know that is what is a day and Dad sees his two sons and he sort of 1714 00:33:31,850 --> 00:33:31,860 {\an1}and Dad sees his two sons and he sort of 1715 00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:34,310 {\an1}and Dad sees his two sons and he sort of smiles Riley to himself and goes 1716 00:33:34,310 --> 00:33:34,320 {\an1}smiles Riley to himself and goes 1717 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,430 {\an1}smiles Riley to himself and goes I'd say yeah it's a massage I mean Dad 1718 00:33:37,430 --> 00:33:37,440 {\an1}I'd say yeah it's a massage I mean Dad 1719 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:43,430 {\an1}I'd say yeah it's a massage I mean Dad turns it on and goes 1720 00:33:43,430 --> 00:33:43,440 {\an1} 1721 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,669 {\an1}oh that's lovely oh 1722 00:33:46,669 --> 00:33:46,679 {\an1}oh that's lovely oh 1723 00:33:46,679 --> 00:33:48,289 {\an1}oh that's lovely oh hey guys we'll turn that off we'll put 1724 00:33:48,289 --> 00:33:48,299 {\an1}hey guys we'll turn that off we'll put 1725 00:33:48,299 --> 00:33:49,669 {\an1}hey guys we'll turn that off we'll put that back in the box and put that box 1726 00:33:49,669 --> 00:33:49,679 {\an1}that back in the box and put that box 1727 00:33:49,679 --> 00:33:51,350 {\an1}that back in the box and put that box way back up here 1728 00:33:51,350 --> 00:33:51,360 {\an1}way back up here 1729 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,570 {\an1}way back up here won't look at that again 1730 00:33:53,570 --> 00:33:53,580 {\an1}won't look at that again 1731 00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:56,269 {\an1}won't look at that again okay about a few days later my brother 1732 00:33:56,269 --> 00:33:56,279 {\an1}okay about a few days later my brother 1733 00:33:56,279 --> 00:33:58,490 {\an1}okay about a few days later my brother comes into my bedroom and goes Jim 1734 00:33:58,490 --> 00:33:58,500 {\an1}comes into my bedroom and goes Jim 1735 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:01,070 {\an1}comes into my bedroom and goes Jim garage 1736 00:34:01,070 --> 00:34:01,080 {\an1}garage 1737 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,009 {\an1}garage and we go to the garage and then we pile 1738 00:34:04,009 --> 00:34:04,019 {\an1}and we go to the garage and then we pile 1739 00:34:04,019 --> 00:34:05,930 {\an1}and we go to the garage and then we pile all these boxes up we get the vibrator 1740 00:34:05,930 --> 00:34:05,940 {\an1}all these boxes up we get the vibrator 1741 00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:07,190 {\an1}all these boxes up we get the vibrator out 1742 00:34:07,190 --> 00:34:07,200 {\an1}out 1743 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,829 {\an1}out it's about 40 degrees Heat 1744 00:34:09,829 --> 00:34:09,839 {\an1}it's about 40 degrees Heat 1745 00:34:09,839 --> 00:34:12,770 {\an1}it's about 40 degrees Heat and my my father looks at me and he goes 1746 00:34:12,770 --> 00:34:12,780 {\an1}and my my father looks at me and he goes 1747 00:34:12,780 --> 00:34:16,430 {\an1}and my my father looks at me and he goes now you massage my back 1748 00:34:16,430 --> 00:34:16,440 {\an1}now you massage my back 1749 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,490 {\an1}now you massage my back and I'll massage your back now this is a 1750 00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:19,500 {\an1}and I'll massage your back now this is a 1751 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:21,109 {\an1}and I'll massage your back now this is a standard old brother trick older 1752 00:34:21,109 --> 00:34:21,119 {\an1}standard old brother trick older 1753 00:34:21,119 --> 00:34:22,730 {\an1}standard old brother trick older brothers do this you push me on the 1754 00:34:22,730 --> 00:34:22,740 {\an1}brothers do this you push me on the 1755 00:34:22,740 --> 00:34:24,530 {\an1}brothers do this you push me on the swings I'll push you on the swings and 1756 00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:24,540 {\an1}swings I'll push you on the swings and 1757 00:34:24,540 --> 00:34:25,909 {\an1}swings I'll push you on the swings and what happens is you push them on the 1758 00:34:25,909 --> 00:34:25,919 {\an1}what happens is you push them on the 1759 00:34:25,919 --> 00:34:28,250 {\an1}what happens is you push them on the swings for like 10 minutes and then they 1760 00:34:28,250 --> 00:34:28,260 {\an1}swings for like 10 minutes and then they 1761 00:34:28,260 --> 00:34:29,930 {\an1}swings for like 10 minutes and then they push you for like a minute tell you it 1762 00:34:29,930 --> 00:34:29,940 {\an1}push you for like a minute tell you it 1763 00:34:29,940 --> 00:34:31,310 {\an1}push you for like a minute tell you it was 10 minutes and that you're [ __ ] 1764 00:34:31,310 --> 00:34:31,320 {\an1}was 10 minutes and that you're [ __ ] 1765 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,849 {\an1}was 10 minutes and that you're [ __ ] and you can't read the time 1766 00:34:34,849 --> 00:34:34,859 {\an1} 1767 00:34:34,859 --> 00:34:37,129 {\an1}so we both take our shirts off now we're 1768 00:34:37,129 --> 00:34:37,139 {\an1}so we both take our shirts off now we're 1769 00:34:37,139 --> 00:34:40,010 {\an1}so we both take our shirts off now we're just in our underwear in the garage in 1770 00:34:40,010 --> 00:34:40,020 {\an1}just in our underwear in the garage in 1771 00:34:40,020 --> 00:34:42,770 {\an1}just in our underwear in the garage in the dark with a vibrator 1772 00:34:42,770 --> 00:34:42,780 {\an1}the dark with a vibrator 1773 00:34:42,780 --> 00:34:44,869 {\an1}the dark with a vibrator and then I start massaging my brothers 1774 00:34:44,869 --> 00:34:44,879 {\an1}and then I start massaging my brothers 1775 00:34:44,879 --> 00:34:49,730 {\an1}and then I start massaging my brothers back just 1776 00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:49,740 {\an1} 1777 00:34:49,740 --> 00:34:51,640 {\an1}and he's giving it these ones 1778 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:51,650 {\an1}and he's giving it these ones 1779 00:34:51,650 --> 00:34:56,869 {\an1}and he's giving it these ones [Music] 1780 00:34:56,869 --> 00:34:56,879 {\an1} 1781 00:34:56,879 --> 00:34:59,089 {\an1}and then it's my turn I get in front my 1782 00:34:59,089 --> 00:34:59,099 {\an1}and then it's my turn I get in front my 1783 00:34:59,099 --> 00:35:01,370 {\an1}and then it's my turn I get in front my brother holds the vibrator up he turns 1784 00:35:01,370 --> 00:35:01,380 {\an1}brother holds the vibrator up he turns 1785 00:35:01,380 --> 00:35:03,050 {\an1}brother holds the vibrator up he turns it on and he drops it on the ground and 1786 00:35:03,050 --> 00:35:03,060 {\an1}it on and he drops it on the ground and 1787 00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:04,730 {\an1}it on and he drops it on the ground and goes you have to put it back up on the 1788 00:35:04,730 --> 00:35:04,740 {\an1}goes you have to put it back up on the 1789 00:35:04,740 --> 00:35:07,130 {\an1}goes you have to put it back up on the top shelf and then he [ __ ] off 1790 00:35:07,130 --> 00:35:07,140 {\an1}top shelf and then he [ __ ] off 1791 00:35:07,140 --> 00:35:09,470 {\an1}top shelf and then he [ __ ] off now I'm five years old what do I do I 1792 00:35:09,470 --> 00:35:09,480 {\an1}now I'm five years old what do I do I 1793 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,589 {\an1}now I'm five years old what do I do I cry right and I picked the vibrator up 1794 00:35:12,589 --> 00:35:12,599 {\an1}cry right and I picked the vibrator up 1795 00:35:12,599 --> 00:35:15,410 {\an1}cry right and I picked the vibrator up in the darkness and I just go 1796 00:35:15,410 --> 00:35:15,420 {\an1}in the darkness and I just go 1797 00:35:15,420 --> 00:35:21,109 {\an1}in the darkness and I just go laughs 1798 00:35:21,109 --> 00:35:21,119 {\an1} 1799 00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:24,890 {\an1}that's when my dad comes in 1800 00:35:24,890 --> 00:35:24,900 {\an1} 1801 00:35:24,900 --> 00:35:28,130 {\an1}to see his five-year-old son massaging 1802 00:35:28,130 --> 00:35:28,140 {\an1}to see his five-year-old son massaging 1803 00:35:28,140 --> 00:35:31,069 {\an1}to see his five-year-old son massaging his back with a vibrator 1804 00:35:31,069 --> 00:35:31,079 {\an1}his back with a vibrator 1805 00:35:31,079 --> 00:35:33,609 {\an1}his back with a vibrator and I'm crying 1806 00:35:33,609 --> 00:35:33,619 {\an1}and I'm crying 1807 00:35:33,619 --> 00:35:37,190 {\an1}and I'm crying and he comes up and he goes 1808 00:35:37,190 --> 00:35:37,200 {\an1}and he comes up and he goes 1809 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:41,750 {\an1}and he comes up and he goes Scotty [ __ ] you over again mate 1810 00:35:41,750 --> 00:35:41,760 {\an1} 1811 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,010 {\an1}and I went yeah he goes give it here he 1812 00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:46,020 {\an1}and I went yeah he goes give it here he 1813 00:35:46,020 --> 00:35:48,410 {\an1}and I went yeah he goes give it here he holds it up and goes now you see this 1814 00:35:48,410 --> 00:35:48,420 {\an1}holds it up and goes now you see this 1815 00:35:48,420 --> 00:35:50,870 {\an1}holds it up and goes now you see this you're not to play with this 1816 00:35:50,870 --> 00:35:50,880 {\an1}you're not to play with this 1817 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,829 {\an1}you're not to play with this this is Dad's 1818 00:35:53,829 --> 00:35:53,839 {\an1}this is Dad's 1819 00:35:53,839 --> 00:35:59,569 {\an1}this is Dad's now that sentence has haunted me 1820 00:35:59,569 --> 00:35:59,579 {\an1} 1821 00:35:59,579 --> 00:36:02,270 {\an1}not that this is mum and Dad's 1822 00:36:02,270 --> 00:36:02,280 {\an1}not that this is mum and Dad's 1823 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,670 {\an1}not that this is mum and Dad's this is Dad's that raises questions I 1824 00:36:04,670 --> 00:36:04,680 {\an1}this is Dad's that raises questions I 1825 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,050 {\an1}this is Dad's that raises questions I never want answered 1826 00:36:06,050 --> 00:36:06,060 {\an1}never want answered 1827 00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:08,690 {\an1}never want answered such questions as why the [ __ ] was it in 1828 00:36:08,690 --> 00:36:08,700 {\an1}such questions as why the [ __ ] was it in 1829 00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:10,250 {\an1}such questions as why the [ __ ] was it in the garage 1830 00:36:10,250 --> 00:36:10,260 {\an1}the garage 1831 00:36:10,260 --> 00:36:12,530 {\an1}the garage why do my dad's mates never come into 1832 00:36:12,530 --> 00:36:12,540 {\an1}why do my dad's mates never come into 1833 00:36:12,540 --> 00:36:18,530 {\an1}why do my dad's mates never come into the house 1834 00:36:18,530 --> 00:36:18,540 {\an1} 1835 00:36:18,540 --> 00:36:20,750 {\an1}I was happy with it being in my mum but 1836 00:36:20,750 --> 00:36:20,760 {\an1}I was happy with it being in my mum but 1837 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,930 {\an1}I was happy with it being in my mum but I 1838 00:36:23,930 --> 00:36:23,940 {\an1} 1839 00:36:23,940 --> 00:36:26,829 {\an1}thank you 1840 00:36:26,829 --> 00:36:26,839 {\an1} 1841 00:36:26,839 --> 00:36:29,270 {\an1}it's more disturbing that story than you 1842 00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:29,280 {\an1}it's more disturbing that story than you 1843 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,450 {\an1}it's more disturbing that story than you know right 1844 00:36:32,450 --> 00:36:32,460 {\an1} 1845 00:36:32,460 --> 00:36:35,510 {\an1}a lot of people find offensive and the 1846 00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:35,520 {\an1}a lot of people find offensive and the 1847 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:36,589 {\an1}a lot of people find offensive and the reason for that is there's a lot of 1848 00:36:36,589 --> 00:36:36,599 {\an1}reason for that is there's a lot of 1849 00:36:36,599 --> 00:36:44,990 {\an1}reason for that is there's a lot of spastics out there 1850 00:36:44,990 --> 00:36:45,000 {\an1} 1851 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,190 {\an1}friend why don't you bring them out 1852 00:36:46,190 --> 00:36:46,200 {\an1}friend why don't you bring them out 1853 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,430 {\an1}friend why don't you bring them out tonight you [ __ ] [ __ ] 1854 00:36:49,430 --> 00:36:49,440 {\an1}tonight you [ __ ] [ __ ] 1855 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,170 {\an1}tonight you [ __ ] [ __ ] furthermore a few years ago I did three 1856 00:36:51,170 --> 00:36:51,180 {\an1}furthermore a few years ago I did three 1857 00:36:51,180 --> 00:36:52,550 {\an1}furthermore a few years ago I did three gigs of scope they only have to say Jim 1858 00:36:52,550 --> 00:36:52,560 {\an1}gigs of scope they only have to say Jim 1859 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,870 {\an1}gigs of scope they only have to say Jim would like you do have benefits and I 1860 00:36:53,870 --> 00:36:53,880 {\an1}would like you do have benefits and I 1861 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,430 {\an1}would like you do have benefits and I said are you sure you want me and they 1862 00:36:55,430 --> 00:36:55,440 {\an1}said are you sure you want me and they 1863 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:56,750 {\an1}said are you sure you want me and they said you're the only comedian who's ever 1864 00:36:56,750 --> 00:36:56,760 {\an1}said you're the only comedian who's ever 1865 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,069 {\an1}said you're the only comedian who's ever made jokes about us whilst we're in the 1866 00:36:58,069 --> 00:36:58,079 {\an1}made jokes about us whilst we're in the 1867 00:36:58,079 --> 00:36:59,569 {\an1}made jokes about us whilst we're in the room so anyone who's offended you can go 1868 00:36:59,569 --> 00:36:59,579 {\an1}room so anyone who's offended you can go 1869 00:36:59,579 --> 00:37:03,050 {\an1}room so anyone who's offended you can go get [ __ ] I'm spaz approved 1870 00:37:03,050 --> 00:37:03,060 {\an1} 1871 00:37:03,060 --> 00:37:05,150 {\an1}in fact in their review they gave me 1872 00:37:05,150 --> 00:37:05,160 {\an1}in fact in their review they gave me 1873 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:11,270 {\an1}in fact in their review they gave me four ooze 1874 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:11,280 {\an1} 1875 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,250 {\an1} no 1876 00:37:13,250 --> 00:37:13,260 {\an1}no 1877 00:37:13,260 --> 00:37:14,810 {\an1}no or if you're friends with these people 1878 00:37:14,810 --> 00:37:14,820 {\an1}or if you're friends with these people 1879 00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:15,950 {\an1}or if you're friends with these people why don't you bring them out you always 1880 00:37:15,950 --> 00:37:15,960 {\an1}why don't you bring them out you always 1881 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,810 {\an1}why don't you bring them out you always get some bleeding heart come up to you 1882 00:37:17,810 --> 00:37:17,820 {\an1}get some bleeding heart come up to you 1883 00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:19,970 {\an1}get some bleeding heart come up to you after you get going do you know my best 1884 00:37:19,970 --> 00:37:19,980 {\an1}after you get going do you know my best 1885 00:37:19,980 --> 00:37:22,550 {\an1}after you get going do you know my best friend Jesus not a [ __ ] lately 1886 00:37:22,550 --> 00:37:22,560 {\an1}friend Jesus not a [ __ ] lately 1887 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:24,109 {\an1}friend Jesus not a [ __ ] lately and then you're like where the [ __ ] are 1888 00:37:24,109 --> 00:37:24,119 {\an1}and then you're like where the [ __ ] are 1889 00:37:24,119 --> 00:37:26,690 {\an1}and then you're like where the [ __ ] are they [ __ ] [ __ ] I used to work as a 1890 00:37:26,690 --> 00:37:26,700 {\an1}they [ __ ] [ __ ] I used to work as a 1891 00:37:26,700 --> 00:37:28,490 {\an1}they [ __ ] [ __ ] I used to work as a disabled carer before I was a comedian 1892 00:37:28,490 --> 00:37:28,500 {\an1}disabled carer before I was a comedian 1893 00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:30,290 {\an1}disabled carer before I was a comedian and it was a good job you felt good 1894 00:37:30,290 --> 00:37:30,300 {\an1}and it was a good job you felt good 1895 00:37:30,300 --> 00:37:31,670 {\an1}and it was a good job you felt good about yourself at the end of the day and 1896 00:37:31,670 --> 00:37:31,680 {\an1}about yourself at the end of the day and 1897 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,470 {\an1}about yourself at the end of the day and I saw some heartwarming things there man 1898 00:37:33,470 --> 00:37:33,480 {\an1}I saw some heartwarming things there man 1899 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,329 {\an1}I saw some heartwarming things there man I saw some [ __ ] miserable things but 1900 00:37:35,329 --> 00:37:35,339 {\an1}I saw some [ __ ] miserable things but 1901 00:37:35,339 --> 00:37:36,890 {\an1}I saw some [ __ ] miserable things but I saw some things that made me feel good 1902 00:37:36,890 --> 00:37:36,900 {\an1}I saw some things that made me feel good 1903 00:37:36,900 --> 00:37:40,849 {\an1}I saw some things that made me feel good man all right I got fired for racing him 1904 00:37:40,849 --> 00:37:40,859 {\an1}man all right I got fired for racing him 1905 00:37:40,859 --> 00:37:44,030 {\an1}man all right I got fired for racing him uh 1906 00:37:44,030 --> 00:37:44,040 {\an1} 1907 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,890 {\an1}it sounds a lot worse than it is right 1908 00:37:45,890 --> 00:37:45,900 {\an1}it sounds a lot worse than it is right 1909 00:37:45,900 --> 00:37:48,109 {\an1}it sounds a lot worse than it is right you say racing retards that's offensive 1910 00:37:48,109 --> 00:37:48,119 {\an1}you say racing retards that's offensive 1911 00:37:48,119 --> 00:37:54,710 {\an1}you say racing retards that's offensive right call it Paralympics Goodwill and 1912 00:37:54,710 --> 00:37:54,720 {\an1} 1913 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:57,109 {\an1} so 1914 00:37:57,109 --> 00:37:57,119 {\an1}so 1915 00:37:57,119 --> 00:37:58,849 {\an1}so anyway I'm going to tell you a good 1916 00:37:58,849 --> 00:37:58,859 {\an1}anyway I'm going to tell you a good 1917 00:37:58,859 --> 00:38:00,050 {\an1}anyway I'm going to tell you a good story that came from there something 1918 00:38:00,050 --> 00:38:00,060 {\an1}story that came from there something 1919 00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:02,329 {\an1}story that came from there something nice right I think this story is 1920 00:38:02,329 --> 00:38:02,339 {\an1}nice right I think this story is 1921 00:38:02,339 --> 00:38:05,089 {\an1}nice right I think this story is inspiring you might agree with it but I 1922 00:38:05,089 --> 00:38:05,099 {\an1}inspiring you might agree with it but I 1923 00:38:05,099 --> 00:38:06,589 {\an1}inspiring you might agree with it but I took these two Lads down to the beach 1924 00:38:06,589 --> 00:38:06,599 {\an1}took these two Lads down to the beach 1925 00:38:06,599 --> 00:38:09,230 {\an1}took these two Lads down to the beach with cerebral palsy right not with the 1926 00:38:09,230 --> 00:38:09,240 {\an1}with cerebral palsy right not with the 1927 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,290 {\an1}with cerebral palsy right not with the power of 1928 00:38:11,290 --> 00:38:11,300 {\an1}power of 1929 00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:15,589 {\an1}power of it's not like they're magical 1930 00:38:15,589 --> 00:38:15,599 {\an1}it's not like they're magical 1931 00:38:15,599 --> 00:38:17,870 {\an1}it's not like they're magical they assume they have some but the only 1932 00:38:17,870 --> 00:38:17,880 {\an1}they assume they have some but the only 1933 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,490 {\an1}they assume they have some but the only real magical disabilities are dwarfs and 1934 00:38:21,490 --> 00:38:21,500 {\an1}real magical disabilities are dwarfs and 1935 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:24,890 {\an1}real magical disabilities are dwarfs and midgets aren't magical they're these 1936 00:38:24,890 --> 00:38:24,900 {\an1}midgets aren't magical they're these 1937 00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:27,349 {\an1}midgets aren't magical they're these freakish little people don't worry about 1938 00:38:27,349 --> 00:38:27,359 {\an1}freakish little people don't worry about 1939 00:38:27,359 --> 00:38:28,730 {\an1}freakish little people don't worry about that joke it goes over the midget's 1940 00:38:28,730 --> 00:38:28,740 {\an1}that joke it goes over the midget's 1941 00:38:28,740 --> 00:38:30,710 {\an1}that joke it goes over the midget's heads 1942 00:38:30,710 --> 00:38:30,720 {\an1}heads 1943 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,510 {\an1}heads doesn't go over the dwarf's heads people 1944 00:38:32,510 --> 00:38:32,520 {\an1}doesn't go over the dwarf's heads people 1945 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,370 {\an1}doesn't go over the dwarf's heads people underestimate how big their foreheads 1946 00:38:34,370 --> 00:38:34,380 {\an1}underestimate how big their foreheads 1947 00:38:34,380 --> 00:38:36,290 {\an1}underestimate how big their foreheads are and 1948 00:38:36,290 --> 00:38:36,300 {\an1}are and 1949 00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:39,230 {\an1}are and just smacks them in the 14th wrinkle 1950 00:38:39,230 --> 00:38:39,240 {\an1}just smacks them in the 14th wrinkle 1951 00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:43,730 {\an1}just smacks them in the 14th wrinkle um 1952 00:38:43,730 --> 00:38:43,740 {\an1} 1953 00:38:43,740 --> 00:38:45,950 {\an1}anyway I took these two Lads down the 1954 00:38:45,950 --> 00:38:45,960 {\an1}anyway I took these two Lads down the 1955 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,290 {\an1}anyway I took these two Lads down the beach with cerebral palsy and we reel 1956 00:38:48,290 --> 00:38:48,300 {\an1}beach with cerebral palsy and we reel 1957 00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:49,609 {\an1}beach with cerebral palsy and we reel them down to the Beast and there's a 1958 00:38:49,609 --> 00:38:49,619 {\an1}them down to the Beast and there's a 1959 00:38:49,619 --> 00:38:50,930 {\an1}them down to the Beast and there's a beautiful moment when you're at the 1960 00:38:50,930 --> 00:38:50,940 {\an1}beautiful moment when you're at the 1961 00:38:50,940 --> 00:38:52,010 {\an1}beautiful moment when you're at the beach and you're just looking at the 1962 00:38:52,010 --> 00:38:52,020 {\an1}beach and you're just looking at the 1963 00:38:52,020 --> 00:38:53,390 {\an1}beach and you're just looking at the water in the sand where you're eating an 1964 00:38:53,390 --> 00:38:53,400 {\an1}water in the sand where you're eating an 1965 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,710 {\an1}water in the sand where you're eating an ice cream you go how long do we stay 1966 00:38:54,710 --> 00:38:54,720 {\an1}ice cream you go how long do we stay 1967 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,270 {\an1}ice cream you go how long do we stay here for what's the appropriate amount 1968 00:38:56,270 --> 00:38:56,280 {\an1}here for what's the appropriate amount 1969 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:57,290 {\an1}here for what's the appropriate amount of time it's like they're going to go 1970 00:38:57,290 --> 00:38:57,300 {\an1}of time it's like they're going to go 1971 00:38:57,300 --> 00:39:00,349 {\an1}of time it's like they're going to go swimming and in Australia you can sun 1972 00:39:00,349 --> 00:39:00,359 {\an1}swimming and in Australia you can sun 1973 00:39:00,359 --> 00:39:01,790 {\an1}swimming and in Australia you can sun make topless there's a lot of topless 1974 00:39:01,790 --> 00:39:01,800 {\an1}make topless there's a lot of topless 1975 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,849 {\an1}make topless there's a lot of topless women walking around and you're not 1976 00:39:04,849 --> 00:39:04,859 {\an1}women walking around and you're not 1977 00:39:04,859 --> 00:39:06,410 {\an1}women walking around and you're not meant to look at topless women when 1978 00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:06,420 {\an1}meant to look at topless women when 1979 00:39:06,420 --> 00:39:08,390 {\an1}meant to look at topless women when they're on the beach if if one woman in 1980 00:39:08,390 --> 00:39:08,400 {\an1}they're on the beach if if one woman in 1981 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:09,770 {\an1}they're on the beach if if one woman in this room was topless right now there'd 1982 00:39:09,770 --> 00:39:09,780 {\an1}this room was topless right now there'd 1983 00:39:09,780 --> 00:39:12,589 {\an1}this room was topless right now there'd be no gig the show would be over the 1984 00:39:12,589 --> 00:39:12,599 {\an1}be no gig the show would be over the 1985 00:39:12,599 --> 00:39:16,069 {\an1}be no gig the show would be over the room would be freaking out right but 1986 00:39:16,069 --> 00:39:16,079 {\an1}room would be freaking out right but 1987 00:39:16,079 --> 00:39:18,050 {\an1}room would be freaking out right but at the beach [ __ ] the girl's top was 1988 00:39:18,050 --> 00:39:18,060 {\an1}at the beach [ __ ] the girl's top was 1989 00:39:18,060 --> 00:39:19,910 {\an1}at the beach [ __ ] the girl's top was you're meant to just act like this is 1990 00:39:19,910 --> 00:39:19,920 {\an1}you're meant to just act like this is 1991 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:25,069 {\an1}you're meant to just act like this is normal and not look or poke 1992 00:39:25,069 --> 00:39:25,079 {\an1} 1993 00:39:25,079 --> 00:39:27,829 {\an1} so 1994 00:39:27,829 --> 00:39:27,839 {\an1} 1995 00:39:27,839 --> 00:39:30,490 {\an1}anyway the two like 1996 00:39:30,490 --> 00:39:30,500 {\an1}anyway the two like 1997 00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:33,710 {\an1}anyway the two like this girl walks by with tremendous tits 1998 00:39:33,710 --> 00:39:33,720 {\an1}this girl walks by with tremendous tits 1999 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,510 {\an1}this girl walks by with tremendous tits right now one of the lads who has no 2000 00:39:35,510 --> 00:39:35,520 {\an1}right now one of the lads who has no 2001 00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:37,490 {\an1}right now one of the lads who has no muscle memory whatsoever right he's all 2002 00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:37,500 {\an1}muscle memory whatsoever right he's all 2003 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:41,810 {\an1}muscle memory whatsoever right he's all Hawking up right and 2004 00:39:41,810 --> 00:39:41,820 {\an1} 2005 00:39:41,820 --> 00:39:44,150 {\an1}a pair of tits walk by and I swear to 2006 00:39:44,150 --> 00:39:44,160 {\an1}a pair of tits walk by and I swear to 2007 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,190 {\an1}a pair of tits walk by and I swear to God he [ __ ] locked on 2008 00:39:46,190 --> 00:39:46,200 {\an1}God he [ __ ] locked on 2009 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,609 {\an1}God he [ __ ] locked on like a solid [ __ ] 2010 00:39:49,609 --> 00:39:49,619 {\an1}like a solid [ __ ] 2011 00:39:49,619 --> 00:39:52,069 {\an1}like a solid [ __ ] did not [ __ ] deviate as she went by 2012 00:39:52,069 --> 00:39:52,079 {\an1}did not [ __ ] deviate as she went by 2013 00:39:52,079 --> 00:39:53,810 {\an1}did not [ __ ] deviate as she went by and I was thinking is this some type of 2014 00:39:53,810 --> 00:39:53,820 {\an1}and I was thinking is this some type of 2015 00:39:53,820 --> 00:39:55,550 {\an1}and I was thinking is this some type of therapy that they've never offered these 2016 00:39:55,550 --> 00:39:55,560 {\an1}therapy that they've never offered these 2017 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,290 {\an1}therapy that they've never offered these people 2018 00:39:57,290 --> 00:39:57,300 {\an1}people 2019 00:39:57,300 --> 00:39:59,270 {\an1}people anyway so I started thinking right now 2020 00:39:59,270 --> 00:39:59,280 {\an1}anyway so I started thinking right now 2021 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,890 {\an1}anyway so I started thinking right now as an able buddy person I can't stand 2022 00:40:00,890 --> 00:40:00,900 {\an1}as an able buddy person I can't stand 2023 00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:02,150 {\an1}as an able buddy person I can't stand tits because someone punched me in the 2024 00:40:02,150 --> 00:40:02,160 {\an1}tits because someone punched me in the 2025 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,069 {\an1}tits because someone punched me in the head but I think [ __ ] it I'm going to 2026 00:40:04,069 --> 00:40:04,079 {\an1}head but I think [ __ ] it I'm going to 2027 00:40:04,079 --> 00:40:05,690 {\an1}head but I think [ __ ] it I'm going to start staring at tits who's going to 2028 00:40:05,690 --> 00:40:05,700 {\an1}start staring at tits who's going to 2029 00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:07,490 {\an1}start staring at tits who's going to punch me in the head I'm the nicest guy 2030 00:40:07,490 --> 00:40:07,500 {\an1}punch me in the head I'm the nicest guy 2031 00:40:07,500 --> 00:40:11,030 {\an1}punch me in the head I'm the nicest guy in the world I'm with two spastics right 2032 00:40:11,030 --> 00:40:11,040 {\an1}in the world I'm with two spastics right 2033 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,970 {\an1}in the world I'm with two spastics right so I started staring at tits 2034 00:40:13,970 --> 00:40:13,980 {\an1}so I started staring at tits 2035 00:40:13,980 --> 00:40:16,370 {\an1}so I started staring at tits then his big fat ass woman with just 2036 00:40:16,370 --> 00:40:16,380 {\an1}then his big fat ass woman with just 2037 00:40:16,380 --> 00:40:18,230 {\an1}then his big fat ass woman with just bikini bottoms on with her tits hanging 2038 00:40:18,230 --> 00:40:18,240 {\an1}bikini bottoms on with her tits hanging 2039 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:21,109 {\an1}bikini bottoms on with her tits hanging out walks by and one of the lads turned 2040 00:40:21,109 --> 00:40:21,119 {\an1}out walks by and one of the lads turned 2041 00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:23,150 {\an1}out walks by and one of the lads turned to the other one and over the course of 2042 00:40:23,150 --> 00:40:23,160 {\an1}to the other one and over the course of 2043 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:24,290 {\an1}to the other one and over the course of five minutes 2044 00:40:24,290 --> 00:40:24,300 {\an1}five minutes 2045 00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:27,530 {\an1}five minutes but I'll speed it up for you 2046 00:40:27,530 --> 00:40:27,540 {\an1}but I'll speed it up for you 2047 00:40:27,540 --> 00:40:31,730 {\an1}but I'll speed it up for you goes there's one for you mate now 2048 00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:31,740 {\an1}goes there's one for you mate now 2049 00:40:31,740 --> 00:40:33,530 {\an1}goes there's one for you mate now it's 2050 00:40:33,530 --> 00:40:33,540 {\an1}it's 2051 00:40:33,540 --> 00:40:35,329 {\an1}it's it's a lovely joke it's a joke that we 2052 00:40:35,329 --> 00:40:35,339 {\an1}it's a lovely joke it's a joke that we 2053 00:40:35,339 --> 00:40:37,670 {\an1}it's a lovely joke it's a joke that we have all enjoyed everyone has done that 2054 00:40:37,670 --> 00:40:37,680 {\an1}have all enjoyed everyone has done that 2055 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,050 {\an1}have all enjoyed everyone has done that joke with their friends gone that's your 2056 00:40:39,050 --> 00:40:39,060 {\an1}joke with their friends gone that's your 2057 00:40:39,060 --> 00:40:40,550 {\an1}joke with their friends gone that's your wife that is and we've all had a good 2058 00:40:40,550 --> 00:40:40,560 {\an1}wife that is and we've all had a good 2059 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,250 {\an1}wife that is and we've all had a good luck it's not a great joke but you know 2060 00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:43,260 {\an1}luck it's not a great joke but you know 2061 00:40:43,260 --> 00:40:44,750 {\an1}luck it's not a great joke but you know what I found heartwarming what I found 2062 00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:44,760 {\an1}what I found heartwarming what I found 2063 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,849 {\an1}what I found heartwarming what I found inspiring about that you know it was 2064 00:40:46,849 --> 00:40:46,859 {\an1}inspiring about that you know it was 2065 00:40:46,859 --> 00:40:50,210 {\an1}inspiring about that you know it was inspiring this guy can't wipe his own 2066 00:40:50,210 --> 00:40:50,220 {\an1}inspiring this guy can't wipe his own 2067 00:40:50,220 --> 00:40:51,290 {\an1}inspiring this guy can't wipe his own ass 2068 00:40:51,290 --> 00:40:51,300 {\an1}ass 2069 00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:56,210 {\an1}ass yeah he's too good for the fat chick 2070 00:40:56,210 --> 00:40:56,220 {\an1} 2071 00:40:56,220 --> 00:41:06,650 {\an1}the human Spirit my friends 2072 00:41:06,650 --> 00:41:06,660 {\an1} 2073 00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:07,730 {\an1} now 2074 00:41:07,730 --> 00:41:07,740 {\an1}now 2075 00:41:07,740 --> 00:41:09,470 {\an1}now who's watched me getting punched in the 2076 00:41:09,470 --> 00:41:09,480 {\an1}who's watched me getting punched in the 2077 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:10,930 {\an1}who's watched me getting punched in the head on the Internet 2078 00:41:10,930 --> 00:41:10,940 {\an1}head on the Internet 2079 00:41:10,940 --> 00:41:14,810 {\an1}head on the Internet it's a lot of fun 2080 00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:14,820 {\an1} 2081 00:41:14,820 --> 00:41:16,490 {\an1}I will now Endeavor to tell you the 2082 00:41:16,490 --> 00:41:16,500 {\an1}I will now Endeavor to tell you the 2083 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,109 {\an1}I will now Endeavor to tell you the actual story of why this happened a lot 2084 00:41:18,109 --> 00:41:18,119 {\an1}actual story of why this happened a lot 2085 00:41:18,119 --> 00:41:19,550 {\an1}actual story of why this happened a lot of people have written to me 2086 00:41:19,550 --> 00:41:19,560 {\an1}of people have written to me 2087 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,470 {\an1}of people have written to me asked if it really did happen and if it 2088 00:41:21,470 --> 00:41:21,480 {\an1}asked if it really did happen and if it 2089 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,210 {\an1}asked if it really did happen and if it was fake it was completely real 2090 00:41:23,210 --> 00:41:23,220 {\an1}was fake it was completely real 2091 00:41:23,220 --> 00:41:25,609 {\an1}was fake it was completely real what happened was I was in a comedy club 2092 00:41:25,609 --> 00:41:25,619 {\an1}what happened was I was in a comedy club 2093 00:41:25,619 --> 00:41:27,230 {\an1}what happened was I was in a comedy club the Manchester Comedy Store 2094 00:41:27,230 --> 00:41:27,240 {\an1}the Manchester Comedy Store 2095 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:30,109 {\an1}the Manchester Comedy Store it's about about 450 people in 2096 00:41:30,109 --> 00:41:30,119 {\an1}it's about about 450 people in 2097 00:41:30,119 --> 00:41:31,910 {\an1}it's about about 450 people in there was a woman up in the balcony that 2098 00:41:31,910 --> 00:41:31,920 {\an1}there was a woman up in the balcony that 2099 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,170 {\an1}there was a woman up in the balcony that kept on heckling and heckling and 2100 00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:33,180 {\an1}kept on heckling and heckling and 2101 00:41:33,180 --> 00:41:35,150 {\an1}kept on heckling and heckling and heckling and I put it down I put it down 2102 00:41:35,150 --> 00:41:35,160 {\an1}heckling and I put it down I put it down 2103 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,890 {\an1}heckling and I put it down I put it down I put it down and then eventually I went 2104 00:41:36,890 --> 00:41:36,900 {\an1}I put it down and then eventually I went 2105 00:41:36,900 --> 00:41:38,750 {\an1}I put it down and then eventually I went I'm going to leave you alone now like 2106 00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:38,760 {\an1}I'm going to leave you alone now like 2107 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,290 {\an1}I'm going to leave you alone now like your dad did right 2108 00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:41,300 {\an1}your dad did right 2109 00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:43,730 {\an1}your dad did right and then I went it's a shame your 2110 00:41:43,730 --> 00:41:43,740 {\an1}and then I went it's a shame your 2111 00:41:43,740 --> 00:41:50,450 {\an1}and then I went it's a shame your grandfather never did I know funny right 2112 00:41:50,450 --> 00:41:50,460 {\an1} 2113 00:41:50,460 --> 00:41:52,550 {\an1}anyway there was a guy on this side of 2114 00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:52,560 {\an1}anyway there was a guy on this side of 2115 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,890 {\an1}anyway there was a guy on this side of the room who I assume had some issues 2116 00:41:54,890 --> 00:41:54,900 {\an1}the room who I assume had some issues 2117 00:41:54,900 --> 00:41:57,470 {\an1}the room who I assume had some issues with his grandfather 2118 00:41:57,470 --> 00:41:57,480 {\an1}with his grandfather 2119 00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,630 {\an1}with his grandfather and he took some umbrage 2120 00:41:59,630 --> 00:41:59,640 {\an1}and he took some umbrage 2121 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,390 {\an1}and he took some umbrage on what I said and decided he was going 2122 00:42:02,390 --> 00:42:02,400 {\an1}on what I said and decided he was going 2123 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,490 {\an1}on what I said and decided he was going to punch me in the head 2124 00:42:04,490 --> 00:42:04,500 {\an1}to punch me in the head 2125 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:05,870 {\an1}to punch me in the head but 2126 00:42:05,870 --> 00:42:05,880 {\an1}but 2127 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,849 {\an1}but he was an Irish bloke 2128 00:42:07,849 --> 00:42:07,859 {\an1}he was an Irish bloke 2129 00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:09,829 {\an1}he was an Irish bloke so he had a full drink 2130 00:42:09,829 --> 00:42:09,839 {\an1}so he had a full drink 2131 00:42:09,839 --> 00:42:12,710 {\an1}so he had a full drink so he waited until he finished his drink 2132 00:42:12,710 --> 00:42:12,720 {\an1}so he waited until he finished his drink 2133 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,930 {\an1}so he waited until he finished his drink and then punched me in the head but he 2134 00:42:14,930 --> 00:42:14,940 {\an1}and then punched me in the head but he 2135 00:42:14,940 --> 00:42:16,310 {\an1}and then punched me in the head but he never yelled anything out he just sort 2136 00:42:16,310 --> 00:42:16,320 {\an1}never yelled anything out he just sort 2137 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,990 {\an1}never yelled anything out he just sort of put his drink down calmly went oh I'm 2138 00:42:17,990 --> 00:42:18,000 {\an1}of put his drink down calmly went oh I'm 2139 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,990 {\an1}of put his drink down calmly went oh I'm gonna [ __ ] smack him 2140 00:42:20,990 --> 00:42:21,000 {\an1} 2141 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,630 {\an1}now when he hit me I was in the middle 2142 00:42:23,630 --> 00:42:23,640 {\an1}now when he hit me I was in the middle 2143 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,370 {\an1}now when he hit me I was in the middle of my cut material 2144 00:42:25,370 --> 00:42:25,380 {\an1}of my cut material 2145 00:42:25,380 --> 00:42:27,950 {\an1}of my cut material so for me this is a very odd moment for 2146 00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:27,960 {\an1}so for me this is a very odd moment for 2147 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,290 {\an1}so for me this is a very odd moment for a man to punch me in the head now I'm 2148 00:42:30,290 --> 00:42:30,300 {\an1}a man to punch me in the head now I'm 2149 00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:31,910 {\an1}a man to punch me in the head now I'm going to do the [ __ ] jokes for you now 2150 00:42:31,910 --> 00:42:31,920 {\an1}going to do the [ __ ] jokes for you now 2151 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,710 {\an1}going to do the [ __ ] jokes for you now so you know that what the mindset I was 2152 00:42:33,710 --> 00:42:33,720 {\an1}so you know that what the mindset I was 2153 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:37,130 {\an1}so you know that what the mindset I was in when this happened 2154 00:42:37,130 --> 00:42:37,140 {\an1} 2155 00:42:37,140 --> 00:42:40,310 {\an1}starting like this 2156 00:42:40,310 --> 00:42:40,320 {\an1} 2157 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,349 {\an1}women to me are like public toilets 2158 00:42:42,349 --> 00:42:42,359 {\an1}women to me are like public toilets 2159 00:42:42,359 --> 00:42:44,329 {\an1}women to me are like public toilets they're all dirty except the disabled 2160 00:42:44,329 --> 00:42:44,339 {\an1}they're all dirty except the disabled 2161 00:42:44,339 --> 00:42:48,050 {\an1}they're all dirty except the disabled ones 2162 00:42:48,050 --> 00:42:48,060 {\an1} 2163 00:42:48,060 --> 00:42:50,089 {\an1}every single man in this room admit to 2164 00:42:50,089 --> 00:42:50,099 {\an1}every single man in this room admit to 2165 00:42:50,099 --> 00:42:51,589 {\an1}every single man in this room admit to being a bad shag from time to time 2166 00:42:51,589 --> 00:42:51,599 {\an1}being a bad shag from time to time 2167 00:42:51,599 --> 00:42:53,329 {\an1}being a bad shag from time to time whether it be through alcohol fatigue or 2168 00:42:53,329 --> 00:42:53,339 {\an1}whether it be through alcohol fatigue or 2169 00:42:53,339 --> 00:42:55,790 {\an1}whether it be through alcohol fatigue or just not giving a [ __ ] there's no woman 2170 00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:55,800 {\an1}just not giving a [ __ ] there's no woman 2171 00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,170 {\an1}just not giving a [ __ ] there's no woman in this room and thinks they're bad in 2172 00:42:57,170 --> 00:42:57,180 {\an1}in this room and thinks they're bad in 2173 00:42:57,180 --> 00:42:58,970 {\an1}in this room and thinks they're bad in Ben do you want to know what most of 2174 00:42:58,970 --> 00:42:58,980 {\an1}Ben do you want to know what most of 2175 00:42:58,980 --> 00:43:00,470 {\an1}Ben do you want to know what most of your [ __ ] are the reason you don't 2176 00:43:00,470 --> 00:43:00,480 {\an1}your [ __ ] are the reason you don't 2177 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:01,910 {\an1}your [ __ ] are the reason you don't notice is because no man's ever told you 2178 00:43:01,910 --> 00:43:01,920 {\an1}notice is because no man's ever told you 2179 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,349 {\an1}notice is because no man's ever told you because if we tell you you'll run off 2180 00:43:03,349 --> 00:43:03,359 {\an1}because if we tell you you'll run off 2181 00:43:03,359 --> 00:43:08,210 {\an1}because if we tell you you'll run off and cry because your spirits are weak 2182 00:43:08,210 --> 00:43:08,220 {\an1} 2183 00:43:08,220 --> 00:43:10,010 {\an1}just because I come doesn't mean you're 2184 00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:10,020 {\an1}just because I come doesn't mean you're 2185 00:43:10,020 --> 00:43:13,130 {\an1}just because I come doesn't mean you're doing a good job 2186 00:43:13,130 --> 00:43:13,140 {\an1} 2187 00:43:13,140 --> 00:43:14,990 {\an1}you're going to come anyway sometimes it 2188 00:43:14,990 --> 00:43:15,000 {\an1}you're going to come anyway sometimes it 2189 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,250 {\an1}you're going to come anyway sometimes it comes you'll stop whatever the [ __ ] 2190 00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:16,260 {\an1}comes you'll stop whatever the [ __ ] 2191 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:17,569 {\an1}comes you'll stop whatever the [ __ ] you're doing down there with your nails 2192 00:43:17,569 --> 00:43:17,579 {\an1}you're doing down there with your nails 2193 00:43:17,579 --> 00:43:18,950 {\an1}you're doing down there with your nails and your teachers put it in your mouth 2194 00:43:18,950 --> 00:43:18,960 {\an1}and your teachers put it in your mouth 2195 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,890 {\an1}and your teachers put it in your mouth and be a [ __ ] man about it 2196 00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:20,900 {\an1}and be a [ __ ] man about it 2197 00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:23,210 {\an1}and be a [ __ ] man about it I've been down and women have made them 2198 00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:23,220 {\an1}I've been down and women have made them 2199 00:43:23,220 --> 00:43:24,530 {\an1}I've been down and women have made them come and you get that one woman she's 2200 00:43:24,530 --> 00:43:24,540 {\an1}come and you get that one woman she's 2201 00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:25,849 {\an1}come and you get that one woman she's not coming she looks at you like it's 2202 00:43:25,849 --> 00:43:25,859 {\an1}not coming she looks at you like it's 2203 00:43:25,859 --> 00:43:28,069 {\an1}not coming she looks at you like it's your fault it's not my fault your cunt's 2204 00:43:28,069 --> 00:43:28,079 {\an1}your fault it's not my fault your cunt's 2205 00:43:28,079 --> 00:43:29,569 {\an1}your fault it's not my fault your cunt's broken 2206 00:43:29,569 --> 00:43:29,579 {\an1}broken 2207 00:43:29,579 --> 00:43:35,230 {\an1}broken foreign 2208 00:43:35,230 --> 00:43:35,240 {\an1} 2209 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:37,130 {\an1}did that 2210 00:43:37,130 --> 00:43:37,140 {\an1}did that 2211 00:43:37,140 --> 00:43:38,930 {\an1}did that and women think that's the funniest joke 2212 00:43:38,930 --> 00:43:38,940 {\an1}and women think that's the funniest joke 2213 00:43:38,940 --> 00:43:40,490 {\an1}and women think that's the funniest joke in the world well that's not funny 2214 00:43:40,490 --> 00:43:40,500 {\an1}in the world well that's not funny 2215 00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:42,349 {\an1}in the world well that's not funny that's hurtful 2216 00:43:42,349 --> 00:43:42,359 {\an1}that's hurtful 2217 00:43:42,359 --> 00:43:44,030 {\an1}that's hurtful next time you think about doing that 2218 00:43:44,030 --> 00:43:44,040 {\an1}next time you think about doing that 2219 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,470 {\an1}next time you think about doing that imagine you [ __ ] a guy and all these 2220 00:43:45,470 --> 00:43:45,480 {\an1}imagine you [ __ ] a guy and all these 2221 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,710 {\an1}imagine you [ __ ] a guy and all these mates walk past you and go 2222 00:43:48,710 --> 00:43:48,720 {\an1} 2223 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:50,329 {\an1}but never do that again and you think by 2224 00:43:50,329 --> 00:43:50,339 {\an1}but never do that again and you think by 2225 00:43:50,339 --> 00:43:51,650 {\an1}but never do that again and you think by doing this you're teaching me something 2226 00:43:51,650 --> 00:43:51,660 {\an1}doing this you're teaching me something 2227 00:43:51,660 --> 00:43:53,990 {\an1}doing this you're teaching me something I don't already [ __ ] know 2228 00:43:53,990 --> 00:43:54,000 {\an1}I don't already [ __ ] know 2229 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,670 {\an1}I don't already [ __ ] know I'm well aware I've got a small dick 2230 00:43:55,670 --> 00:43:55,680 {\an1}I'm well aware I've got a small dick 2231 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,829 {\an1}I'm well aware I've got a small dick I've measured it I know how big my dick 2232 00:43:57,829 --> 00:43:57,839 {\an1}I've measured it I know how big my dick 2233 00:43:57,839 --> 00:44:00,170 {\an1}I've measured it I know how big my dick is to the millimeter but does any woman 2234 00:44:00,170 --> 00:44:00,180 {\an1}is to the millimeter but does any woman 2235 00:44:00,180 --> 00:44:02,690 {\an1}is to the millimeter but does any woman in this room truly know the size of 2236 00:44:02,690 --> 00:44:02,700 {\an1}in this room truly know the size of 2237 00:44:02,700 --> 00:44:05,210 {\an1}in this room truly know the size of their [ __ ] 2238 00:44:05,210 --> 00:44:05,220 {\an1} 2239 00:44:05,220 --> 00:44:07,130 {\an1}none of you and none of you will ever 2240 00:44:07,130 --> 00:44:07,140 {\an1}none of you and none of you will ever 2241 00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:08,930 {\an1}none of you and none of you will ever know for sure because no man's going to 2242 00:44:08,930 --> 00:44:08,940 {\an1}know for sure because no man's going to 2243 00:44:08,940 --> 00:44:12,470 {\an1}know for sure because no man's going to tell you because we're good people 2244 00:44:12,470 --> 00:44:12,480 {\an1} 2245 00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,030 {\an1}I know you're thinking he's not talking 2246 00:44:14,030 --> 00:44:14,040 {\an1}I know you're thinking he's not talking 2247 00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:15,950 {\an1}I know you're thinking he's not talking about my [ __ ] because it gets a bit sore 2248 00:44:15,950 --> 00:44:15,960 {\an1}about my [ __ ] because it gets a bit sore 2249 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,349 {\an1}about my [ __ ] because it gets a bit sore during sex that means [ __ ] all I've been 2250 00:44:18,349 --> 00:44:18,359 {\an1}during sex that means [ __ ] all I've been 2251 00:44:18,359 --> 00:44:19,849 {\an1}during sex that means [ __ ] all I've been down in one for 20 minutes it's wide 2252 00:44:19,849 --> 00:44:19,859 {\an1}down in one for 20 minutes it's wide 2253 00:44:19,859 --> 00:44:21,770 {\an1}down in one for 20 minutes it's wide open it's flowing like a Murray River I 2254 00:44:21,770 --> 00:44:21,780 {\an1}open it's flowing like a Murray River I 2255 00:44:21,780 --> 00:44:23,510 {\an1}open it's flowing like a Murray River I put the tip of my [ __ ] in they go gentle 2256 00:44:23,510 --> 00:44:23,520 {\an1}put the tip of my [ __ ] in they go gentle 2257 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,010 {\an1}put the tip of my [ __ ] in they go gentle gentle gentle I could shove my [ __ ] 2258 00:44:25,010 --> 00:44:25,020 {\an1}gentle gentle I could shove my [ __ ] 2259 00:44:25,020 --> 00:44:30,230 {\an1}gentle gentle I could shove my [ __ ] head in that 2260 00:44:30,230 --> 00:44:30,240 {\an1} 2261 00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:32,329 {\an1}sometimes fat chicks are really tight 2262 00:44:32,329 --> 00:44:32,339 {\an1}sometimes fat chicks are really tight 2263 00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:35,390 {\an1}sometimes fat chicks are really tight [ __ ] that's a bloody mystery hey I 2264 00:44:35,390 --> 00:44:35,400 {\an1}[ __ ] that's a bloody mystery hey I 2265 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:36,890 {\an1}[ __ ] that's a bloody mystery hey I think it's because all the Fat's pushing 2266 00:44:36,890 --> 00:44:36,900 {\an1}think it's because all the Fat's pushing 2267 00:44:36,900 --> 00:44:38,690 {\an1}think it's because all the Fat's pushing it inwards or when you're [ __ ] them 2268 00:44:38,690 --> 00:44:38,700 {\an1}it inwards or when you're [ __ ] them 2269 00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,190 {\an1}it inwards or when you're [ __ ] them you're just rubbing up against thighs 2270 00:44:40,190 --> 00:44:40,200 {\an1}you're just rubbing up against thighs 2271 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,250 {\an1}you're just rubbing up against thighs and you never actually reach the cone 2272 00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:43,260 {\an1}and you never actually reach the cone 2273 00:44:43,260 --> 00:44:45,530 {\an1}and you never actually reach the cone that's why doctors say fat women have to 2274 00:44:45,530 --> 00:44:45,540 {\an1}that's why doctors say fat women have to 2275 00:44:45,540 --> 00:44:49,910 {\an1}that's why doctors say fat women have to lose weight to get pregnant 2276 00:44:49,910 --> 00:44:49,920 {\an1} 2277 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,710 {\an1}and that's when I got punched in the 2278 00:44:51,710 --> 00:44:51,720 {\an1}and that's when I got punched in the 2279 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:55,670 {\an1}and that's when I got punched in the head 2280 00:44:55,670 --> 00:44:55,680 {\an1} 2281 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:59,569 {\an1}all right drop it down start the film 2282 00:44:59,569 --> 00:44:59,579 {\an1}all right drop it down start the film 2283 00:44:59,579 --> 00:45:02,510 {\an1}all right drop it down start the film what's happening there we go 2284 00:45:02,510 --> 00:45:02,520 {\an1}what's happening there we go 2285 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,250 {\an1}what's happening there we go I think it's because all the fact 2286 00:45:04,250 --> 00:45:04,260 {\an1}I think it's because all the fact 2287 00:45:04,260 --> 00:45:08,390 {\an1}I think it's because all the fact s 2288 00:45:08,390 --> 00:45:08,400 {\an1} 2289 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,490 {\an1} [Applause] 2290 00:45:10,490 --> 00:45:10,500 {\an1}[Applause] 2291 00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:15,849 {\an1}[Applause] pause 2292 00:45:15,849 --> 00:45:15,859 {\an1} 2293 00:45:15,859 --> 00:45:19,550 {\an1}now as you may have already realized I'm 2294 00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:19,560 {\an1}now as you may have already realized I'm 2295 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:23,450 {\an1}now as you may have already realized I'm a great fighter 2296 00:45:23,450 --> 00:45:23,460 {\an1} 2297 00:45:23,460 --> 00:45:25,490 {\an1}you may not have seen the subtleties of 2298 00:45:25,490 --> 00:45:25,500 {\an1}you may not have seen the subtleties of 2299 00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:27,589 {\an1}you may not have seen the subtleties of what went on there 2300 00:45:27,589 --> 00:45:27,599 {\an1}what went on there 2301 00:45:27,599 --> 00:45:31,970 {\an1}what went on there first punch I blocked with my face 2302 00:45:31,970 --> 00:45:31,980 {\an1}first punch I blocked with my face 2303 00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:34,370 {\an1}first punch I blocked with my face then I went into my crouching ninja 2304 00:45:34,370 --> 00:45:34,380 {\an1}then I went into my crouching ninja 2305 00:45:34,380 --> 00:45:36,470 {\an1}then I went into my crouching ninja position 2306 00:45:36,470 --> 00:45:36,480 {\an1}position 2307 00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,870 {\an1}position allowing him to punch me in the back of 2308 00:45:38,870 --> 00:45:38,880 {\an1}allowing him to punch me in the back of 2309 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,849 {\an1}allowing him to punch me in the back of the head which is the hardest part of 2310 00:45:40,849 --> 00:45:40,859 {\an1}the head which is the hardest part of 2311 00:45:40,859 --> 00:45:43,190 {\an1}the head which is the hardest part of the human body 2312 00:45:43,190 --> 00:45:43,200 {\an1}the human body 2313 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:47,270 {\an1}the human body hurting his hand 2314 00:45:47,270 --> 00:45:47,280 {\an1} 2315 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:48,650 {\an1} now 2316 00:45:48,650 --> 00:45:48,660 {\an1}now 2317 00:45:48,660 --> 00:45:50,690 {\an1}now let's let's tell about all the 2318 00:45:50,690 --> 00:45:50,700 {\an1}let's let's tell about all the 2319 00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:52,250 {\an1}let's let's tell about all the characters that are on stage at the 2320 00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:52,260 {\an1}characters that are on stage at the 2321 00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:53,510 {\an1}characters that are on stage at the moment 2322 00:45:53,510 --> 00:45:53,520 {\an1}moment 2323 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,970 {\an1}moment the man on the ground bent over 2324 00:45:55,970 --> 00:45:55,980 {\an1}the man on the ground bent over 2325 00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:58,069 {\an1}the man on the ground bent over that's me 2326 00:45:58,069 --> 00:45:58,079 {\an1}that's me 2327 00:45:58,079 --> 00:46:00,950 {\an1}that's me I'm cowering 2328 00:46:00,950 --> 00:46:00,960 {\an1}I'm cowering 2329 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,230 {\an1}I'm cowering the one standing over me is the is the 2330 00:46:03,230 --> 00:46:03,240 {\an1}the one standing over me is the is the 2331 00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,670 {\an1}the one standing over me is the is the man hitting me 2332 00:46:04,670 --> 00:46:04,680 {\an1}man hitting me 2333 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,370 {\an1}man hitting me the other man he is insecurity he's a 2334 00:46:07,370 --> 00:46:07,380 {\an1}the other man he is insecurity he's a 2335 00:46:07,380 --> 00:46:09,710 {\an1}the other man he is insecurity he's a punter just like you people who came to 2336 00:46:09,710 --> 00:46:09,720 {\an1}punter just like you people who came to 2337 00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:12,170 {\an1}punter just like you people who came to my Aid and I will love this man to the 2338 00:46:12,170 --> 00:46:12,180 {\an1}my Aid and I will love this man to the 2339 00:46:12,180 --> 00:46:14,210 {\an1}my Aid and I will love this man to the day I die but not because he helped me 2340 00:46:14,210 --> 00:46:14,220 {\an1}day I die but not because he helped me 2341 00:46:14,220 --> 00:46:16,849 {\an1}day I die but not because he helped me because if you look in his hand he's 2342 00:46:16,849 --> 00:46:16,859 {\an1}because if you look in his hand he's 2343 00:46:16,859 --> 00:46:18,589 {\an1}because if you look in his hand he's still carrying his pint 2344 00:46:18,589 --> 00:46:18,599 {\an1}still carrying his pint 2345 00:46:18,599 --> 00:46:22,510 {\an1}still carrying his pint foreign 2346 00:46:22,510 --> 00:46:22,520 {\an1} 2347 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,530 {\an1}thought that he couldn't have a fight 2348 00:46:24,530 --> 00:46:24,540 {\an1}thought that he couldn't have a fight 2349 00:46:24,540 --> 00:46:29,329 {\an1}thought that he couldn't have a fight and drink 2350 00:46:29,329 --> 00:46:29,339 {\an1} 2351 00:46:29,339 --> 00:46:31,069 {\an1}now let's play a little bit more footage 2352 00:46:31,069 --> 00:46:31,079 {\an1}now let's play a little bit more footage 2353 00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:33,300 {\an1}now let's play a little bit more footage please 2354 00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:33,310 {\an1}please 2355 00:46:33,310 --> 00:46:35,050 {\an1}please [Music] 2356 00:46:35,050 --> 00:46:35,060 {\an1}[Music] 2357 00:46:35,060 --> 00:46:37,750 {\an1}[Music] stop 2358 00:46:37,750 --> 00:46:37,760 {\an1}stop 2359 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:41,990 {\an1}stop we have some new characters 2360 00:46:41,990 --> 00:46:42,000 {\an1} 2361 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,569 {\an1}I have already left this scene I've 2362 00:46:44,569 --> 00:46:44,579 {\an1}I have already left this scene I've 2363 00:46:44,579 --> 00:46:47,450 {\an1}I have already left this scene I've walked up to the door over there where I 2364 00:46:47,450 --> 00:46:47,460 {\an1}walked up to the door over there where I 2365 00:46:47,460 --> 00:46:48,950 {\an1}walked up to the door over there where I have entered back into the dressing room 2366 00:46:48,950 --> 00:46:48,960 {\an1}have entered back into the dressing room 2367 00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,109 {\an1}have entered back into the dressing room with a black eye whereupon the other 2368 00:46:51,109 --> 00:46:51,119 {\an1}with a black eye whereupon the other 2369 00:46:51,119 --> 00:46:56,750 {\an1}with a black eye whereupon the other comedians have gone how did it go 2370 00:46:56,750 --> 00:46:56,760 {\an1} 2371 00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,470 {\an1}and I went it could have gone better now 2372 00:47:00,470 --> 00:47:00,480 {\an1}and I went it could have gone better now 2373 00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,450 {\an1}and I went it could have gone better now the new people have arrived we have a 2374 00:47:02,450 --> 00:47:02,460 {\an1}the new people have arrived we have a 2375 00:47:02,460 --> 00:47:03,950 {\an1}the new people have arrived we have a new skinny man who's throwing punches 2376 00:47:03,950 --> 00:47:03,960 {\an1}new skinny man who's throwing punches 2377 00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:05,329 {\an1}new skinny man who's throwing punches there's a man in a black suit in the 2378 00:47:05,329 --> 00:47:05,339 {\an1}there's a man in a black suit in the 2379 00:47:05,339 --> 00:47:06,589 {\an1}there's a man in a black suit in the middle there who is the actual security 2380 00:47:06,589 --> 00:47:06,599 {\an1}middle there who is the actual security 2381 00:47:06,599 --> 00:47:08,809 {\an1}middle there who is the actual security and the other Lads are just punters her 2382 00:47:08,809 --> 00:47:08,819 {\an1}and the other Lads are just punters her 2383 00:47:08,819 --> 00:47:12,410 {\an1}and the other Lads are just punters her up for a fight it's Manchester 2384 00:47:12,410 --> 00:47:12,420 {\an1} 2385 00:47:12,420 --> 00:47:14,569 {\an1}now you see the guy on the left there 2386 00:47:14,569 --> 00:47:14,579 {\an1}now you see the guy on the left there 2387 00:47:14,579 --> 00:47:17,329 {\an1}now you see the guy on the left there he's brilliant because in a moment 2388 00:47:17,329 --> 00:47:17,339 {\an1}he's brilliant because in a moment 2389 00:47:17,339 --> 00:47:18,770 {\an1}he's brilliant because in a moment what's going to happen is security is 2390 00:47:18,770 --> 00:47:18,780 {\an1}what's going to happen is security is 2391 00:47:18,780 --> 00:47:20,450 {\an1}what's going to happen is security is going to hold the man who assaulted me 2392 00:47:20,450 --> 00:47:20,460 {\an1}going to hold the man who assaulted me 2393 00:47:20,460 --> 00:47:22,130 {\an1}going to hold the man who assaulted me and go all right I've got all under 2394 00:47:22,130 --> 00:47:22,140 {\an1}and go all right I've got all under 2395 00:47:22,140 --> 00:47:24,109 {\an1}and go all right I've got all under control and he's going to go but I've 2396 00:47:24,109 --> 00:47:24,119 {\an1}control and he's going to go but I've 2397 00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:26,690 {\an1}control and he's going to go but I've got a clear shot 2398 00:47:26,690 --> 00:47:26,700 {\an1}got a clear shot 2399 00:47:26,700 --> 00:47:28,670 {\an1}got a clear shot and the security guy is going to go yeah 2400 00:47:28,670 --> 00:47:28,680 {\an1}and the security guy is going to go yeah 2401 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,770 {\an1}and the security guy is going to go yeah mate we've got it under control and he's 2402 00:47:30,770 --> 00:47:30,780 {\an1}mate we've got it under control and he's 2403 00:47:30,780 --> 00:47:34,970 {\an1}mate we've got it under control and he's going to go ah come on 2404 00:47:34,970 --> 00:47:34,980 {\an1}going to go ah come on 2405 00:47:34,980 --> 00:47:37,370 {\an1}going to go ah come on and the security guy goes 2406 00:47:37,370 --> 00:47:37,380 {\an1}and the security guy goes 2407 00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:38,840 {\an1}and the security guy goes go on there 2408 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:38,850 {\an1}go on there 2409 00:47:38,850 --> 00:47:40,970 {\an1}go on there [Applause] 2410 00:47:40,970 --> 00:47:40,980 {\an1}[Applause] 2411 00:47:40,980 --> 00:47:43,970 {\an1}[Applause] ready all right so keep your eyes on him 2412 00:47:43,970 --> 00:47:43,980 {\an1}ready all right so keep your eyes on him 2413 00:47:43,980 --> 00:47:52,850 {\an1}ready all right so keep your eyes on him the man on the left play the film 2414 00:47:52,850 --> 00:47:52,860 {\an1} 2415 00:47:52,860 --> 00:48:03,800 {\an1} [Applause] 2416 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:03,810 {\an1} 2417 00:48:03,810 --> 00:48:12,290 {\an1} [Applause] 2418 00:48:12,290 --> 00:48:12,300 {\an1} 2419 00:48:12,300 --> 00:48:16,010 {\an1}really great 2420 00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:16,020 {\an1} 2421 00:48:16,020 --> 00:48:22,610 {\an1} videos 2422 00:48:22,610 --> 00:48:22,620 {\an1} 2423 00:48:22,620 --> 00:48:28,500 {\an1} [Applause] 2424 00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:28,510 {\an1}[Applause] 2425 00:48:28,510 --> 00:48:35,510 {\an1}[Applause] [Music] 2426 00:48:35,510 --> 00:48:35,520 {\an1} 2427 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:48,609 {\an1} [Applause] 2428 00:48:48,609 --> 00:48:48,619 {\an1}[Applause] 2429 00:48:48,619 --> 00:48:50,930 {\an1}[Applause] ladies and gentlemen I think hang on I 2430 00:48:50,930 --> 00:48:50,940 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen I think hang on I 2431 00:48:50,940 --> 00:48:54,780 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen I think hang on I think 2432 00:48:54,780 --> 00:48:54,790 {\an1} 2433 00:48:54,790 --> 00:48:56,349 {\an1} [Applause] 2434 00:48:56,349 --> 00:48:56,359 {\an1}[Applause] 2435 00:48:56,359 --> 00:49:00,410 {\an1}[Applause] all right all right ladies and gentlemen 2436 00:49:00,410 --> 00:49:00,420 {\an1}all right all right ladies and gentlemen 2437 00:49:00,420 --> 00:49:02,670 {\an1}all right all right ladies and gentlemen the wank is gone all right pause 2438 00:49:02,670 --> 00:49:02,680 {\an1}the wank is gone all right pause 2439 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:03,829 {\an1}the wank is gone all right pause [Applause] 2440 00:49:03,829 --> 00:49:03,839 {\an1}[Applause] 2441 00:49:03,839 --> 00:49:04,910 {\an1}[Applause] yeah 2442 00:49:04,910 --> 00:49:04,920 {\an1}yeah 2443 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,130 {\an1}yeah this is a security footage so I'm it's 2444 00:49:07,130 --> 00:49:07,140 {\an1}this is a security footage so I'm it's 2445 00:49:07,140 --> 00:49:09,170 {\an1}this is a security footage so I'm it's very grainy and whatever so I got given 2446 00:49:09,170 --> 00:49:09,180 {\an1}very grainy and whatever so I got given 2447 00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:10,970 {\an1}very grainy and whatever so I got given this copy of this tape from The Comedy 2448 00:49:10,970 --> 00:49:10,980 {\an1}this copy of this tape from The Comedy 2449 00:49:10,980 --> 00:49:13,309 {\an1}this copy of this tape from The Comedy Store after it happened right and I went 2450 00:49:13,309 --> 00:49:13,319 {\an1}Store after it happened right and I went 2451 00:49:13,319 --> 00:49:15,650 {\an1}Store after it happened right and I went around to uh it was comedians having a 2452 00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:15,660 {\an1}around to uh it was comedians having a 2453 00:49:15,660 --> 00:49:17,210 {\an1}around to uh it was comedians having a party in one of the houses like 20 2454 00:49:17,210 --> 00:49:17,220 {\an1}party in one of the houses like 20 2455 00:49:17,220 --> 00:49:19,309 {\an1}party in one of the houses like 20 comedians there and I come back with 2456 00:49:19,309 --> 00:49:19,319 {\an1}comedians there and I come back with 2457 00:49:19,319 --> 00:49:20,809 {\an1}comedians there and I come back with this bit of gold 2458 00:49:20,809 --> 00:49:20,819 {\an1}this bit of gold 2459 00:49:20,819 --> 00:49:22,790 {\an1}this bit of gold you know just like you have to [ __ ] 2460 00:49:22,790 --> 00:49:22,800 {\an1}you know just like you have to [ __ ] 2461 00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:26,089 {\an1}you know just like you have to [ __ ] see how [ __ ] my gig was 2462 00:49:26,089 --> 00:49:26,099 {\an1}see how [ __ ] my gig was 2463 00:49:26,099 --> 00:49:27,589 {\an1}see how [ __ ] my gig was right 2464 00:49:27,589 --> 00:49:27,599 {\an1}right 2465 00:49:27,599 --> 00:49:29,930 {\an1}right and we put it on the player and we all 2466 00:49:29,930 --> 00:49:29,940 {\an1}and we put it on the player and we all 2467 00:49:29,940 --> 00:49:32,270 {\an1}and we put it on the player and we all watch it and when Tim Clark comes out 2468 00:49:32,270 --> 00:49:32,280 {\an1}watch it and when Tim Clark comes out 2469 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,609 {\an1}watch it and when Tim Clark comes out and goes ladies and gentlemen the wank 2470 00:49:34,609 --> 00:49:34,619 {\an1}and goes ladies and gentlemen the wank 2471 00:49:34,619 --> 00:49:36,890 {\an1}and goes ladies and gentlemen the wank is gone all the comics said Unison but 2472 00:49:36,890 --> 00:49:36,900 {\an1}is gone all the comics said Unison but 2473 00:49:36,900 --> 00:49:40,730 {\an1}is gone all the comics said Unison but he's coming back out 2474 00:49:40,730 --> 00:49:40,740 {\an1} 2475 00:49:40,740 --> 00:49:43,069 {\an1}now I I do come back out and I'm going 2476 00:49:43,069 --> 00:49:43,079 {\an1}now I I do come back out and I'm going 2477 00:49:43,079 --> 00:49:45,109 {\an1}now I I do come back out and I'm going to I'm about to come out to a standing 2478 00:49:45,109 --> 00:49:45,119 {\an1}to I'm about to come out to a standing 2479 00:49:45,119 --> 00:49:47,450 {\an1}to I'm about to come out to a standing ovation now it wasn't that good a gig to 2480 00:49:47,450 --> 00:49:47,460 {\an1}ovation now it wasn't that good a gig to 2481 00:49:47,460 --> 00:49:49,130 {\an1}ovation now it wasn't that good a gig to begin with but people felt sorry for me 2482 00:49:49,130 --> 00:49:49,140 {\an1}begin with but people felt sorry for me 2483 00:49:49,140 --> 00:49:50,750 {\an1}begin with but people felt sorry for me but what you're really going to see is 2484 00:49:50,750 --> 00:49:50,760 {\an1}but what you're really going to see is 2485 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,370 {\an1}but what you're really going to see is when I come out you're going to see some 2486 00:49:52,370 --> 00:49:52,380 {\an1}when I come out you're going to see some 2487 00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:54,589 {\an1}when I come out you're going to see some of the worst high-fiving you've ever 2488 00:49:54,589 --> 00:49:54,599 {\an1}of the worst high-fiving you've ever 2489 00:49:54,599 --> 00:49:57,290 {\an1}of the worst high-fiving you've ever seen I'm I'm talking on missing hands 2490 00:49:57,290 --> 00:49:57,300 {\an1}seen I'm I'm talking on missing hands 2491 00:49:57,300 --> 00:50:01,790 {\an1}seen I'm I'm talking on missing hands I'm grabbing like I'm not a cool guy I 2492 00:50:01,790 --> 00:50:01,800 {\an1}I'm grabbing like I'm not a cool guy I 2493 00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,650 {\an1}I'm grabbing like I'm not a cool guy I just don't have cool in me right well 2494 00:50:03,650 --> 00:50:03,660 {\an1}just don't have cool in me right well 2495 00:50:03,660 --> 00:50:05,630 {\an1}just don't have cool in me right well the other day someone gave me one of 2496 00:50:05,630 --> 00:50:05,640 {\an1}the other day someone gave me one of 2497 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:06,410 {\an1}the other day someone gave me one of them 2498 00:50:06,410 --> 00:50:06,420 {\an1}them 2499 00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:09,050 {\an1}them and I grabbed their feast 2500 00:50:09,050 --> 00:50:09,060 {\an1}and I grabbed their feast 2501 00:50:09,060 --> 00:50:15,410 {\an1}and I grabbed their feast anyway hello 2502 00:50:15,410 --> 00:50:15,420 {\an1} 2503 00:50:15,420 --> 00:50:16,790 {\an1}you'll know what I'm talking about in a 2504 00:50:16,790 --> 00:50:16,800 {\an1}you'll know what I'm talking about in a 2505 00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,390 {\an1}you'll know what I'm talking about in a second by the type 2506 00:50:19,390 --> 00:50:19,400 {\an1}second by the type 2507 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,410 {\an1}second by the type all right all right that's not gonna 2508 00:50:21,410 --> 00:50:21,420 {\an1}all right all right that's not gonna 2509 00:50:21,420 --> 00:50:24,290 {\an1}all right all right that's not gonna help really all right but Jim is Jim is 2510 00:50:24,290 --> 00:50:24,300 {\an1}help really all right but Jim is Jim is 2511 00:50:24,300 --> 00:50:25,430 {\an1}help really all right but Jim is Jim is going to come back and finish this set 2512 00:50:25,430 --> 00:50:25,440 {\an1}going to come back and finish this set 2513 00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,910 {\an1}going to come back and finish this set for you 2514 00:50:28,910 --> 00:50:28,920 {\an1} 2515 00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:32,030 {\an1}so if you don't like it you can go but 2516 00:50:32,030 --> 00:50:32,040 {\an1}so if you don't like it you can go but 2517 00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,430 {\an1}so if you don't like it you can go but if you enjoyed Jim stay because he's 2518 00:50:34,430 --> 00:50:34,440 {\an1}if you enjoyed Jim stay because he's 2519 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:40,569 {\an1}if you enjoyed Jim stay because he's gonna do another five minutes and please 2520 00:50:40,569 --> 00:50:40,579 {\an1} 2521 00:50:40,579 --> 00:50:43,430 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen to finish up 2522 00:50:43,430 --> 00:50:43,440 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen to finish up 2523 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:57,470 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen to finish up welcome back Jim Jefferies 2524 00:50:57,470 --> 00:50:57,480 {\an1} 2525 00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:01,670 {\an1} boys 2526 00:51:01,670 --> 00:51:01,680 {\an1} 2527 00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,589 {\an1}it's it's a weird thing I can watch me 2528 00:51:03,589 --> 00:51:03,599 {\an1}it's it's a weird thing I can watch me 2529 00:51:03,599 --> 00:51:05,390 {\an1}it's it's a weird thing I can watch me getting punched in the head over and 2530 00:51:05,390 --> 00:51:05,400 {\an1}getting punched in the head over and 2531 00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,190 {\an1}getting punched in the head over and over and over again and I'm completely 2532 00:51:07,190 --> 00:51:07,200 {\an1}over and over again and I'm completely 2533 00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,230 {\an1}over and over again and I'm completely fine with it but this 2534 00:51:09,230 --> 00:51:09,240 {\an1}fine with it but this 2535 00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:15,570 {\an1}fine with it but this foreign 2536 00:51:15,570 --> 00:51:15,580 {\an1} 2537 00:51:15,580 --> 00:51:22,270 {\an1} [Applause] 2538 00:51:22,270 --> 00:51:22,280 {\an1} 2539 00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,650 {\an1}I'll be witty and going why did that guy 2540 00:51:24,650 --> 00:51:24,660 {\an1}I'll be witty and going why did that guy 2541 00:51:24,660 --> 00:51:25,790 {\an1}I'll be witty and going why did that guy come up here and I'll say some funny 2542 00:51:25,790 --> 00:51:25,800 {\an1}come up here and I'll say some funny 2543 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:26,750 {\an1}come up here and I'll say some funny things 2544 00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:26,760 {\an1}things 2545 00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:30,170 {\an1}things that's not what actually happened uh 2546 00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:30,180 {\an1}that's not what actually happened uh 2547 00:51:30,180 --> 00:51:32,030 {\an1}that's not what actually happened uh the man who hit me was obviously Irish 2548 00:51:32,030 --> 00:51:32,040 {\an1}the man who hit me was obviously Irish 2549 00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,589 {\an1}the man who hit me was obviously Irish because he was yelling at me like he was 2550 00:51:33,589 --> 00:51:33,599 {\an1}because he was yelling at me like he was 2551 00:51:33,599 --> 00:51:36,349 {\an1}because he was yelling at me like he was from the IRA 2552 00:51:36,349 --> 00:51:36,359 {\an1}from the IRA 2553 00:51:36,359 --> 00:51:38,329 {\an1}from the IRA and he kept hitting me and when I came 2554 00:51:38,329 --> 00:51:38,339 {\an1}and he kept hitting me and when I came 2555 00:51:38,339 --> 00:51:39,650 {\an1}and he kept hitting me and when I came out 2556 00:51:39,650 --> 00:51:39,660 {\an1}out 2557 00:51:39,660 --> 00:51:42,589 {\an1}out I may have said some very bigoted things 2558 00:51:42,589 --> 00:51:42,599 {\an1}I may have said some very bigoted things 2559 00:51:42,599 --> 00:51:44,270 {\an1}I may have said some very bigoted things about the Irish 2560 00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:44,280 {\an1}about the Irish 2561 00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,790 {\an1}about the Irish which I regret saying but as a live show 2562 00:51:46,790 --> 00:51:46,800 {\an1}which I regret saying but as a live show 2563 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,049 {\an1}which I regret saying but as a live show I feel I should be honest with you so 2564 00:51:48,049 --> 00:51:48,059 {\an1}I feel I should be honest with you so 2565 00:51:48,059 --> 00:51:49,790 {\an1}I feel I should be honest with you so you can see the actual footage of what I 2566 00:51:49,790 --> 00:51:49,800 {\an1}you can see the actual footage of what I 2567 00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:51,290 {\an1}you can see the actual footage of what I exactly said 2568 00:51:51,290 --> 00:51:51,300 {\an1}exactly said 2569 00:51:51,300 --> 00:51:53,569 {\an1}exactly said um now I wasn't racist because Irish 2570 00:51:53,569 --> 00:51:53,579 {\an1}um now I wasn't racist because Irish 2571 00:51:53,579 --> 00:51:56,390 {\an1}um now I wasn't racist because Irish people it's not a race 2572 00:51:56,390 --> 00:51:56,400 {\an1}people it's not a race 2573 00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,069 {\an1}people it's not a race get over it I was just being a bigoted 2574 00:51:58,069 --> 00:51:58,079 {\an1}get over it I was just being a bigoted 2575 00:51:58,079 --> 00:52:00,290 {\an1}get over it I was just being a bigoted [ __ ] uh 2576 00:52:00,290 --> 00:52:00,300 {\an1}[ __ ] uh 2577 00:52:00,300 --> 00:52:01,970 {\an1}[ __ ] uh you'll understand I'm not proud of this 2578 00:52:01,970 --> 00:52:01,980 {\an1}you'll understand I'm not proud of this 2579 00:52:01,980 --> 00:52:02,790 {\an1}you'll understand I'm not proud of this but play the thing 2580 00:52:02,790 --> 00:52:02,800 {\an1}but play the thing 2581 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:14,530 {\an1}but play the thing [Applause] 2582 00:52:14,530 --> 00:52:14,540 {\an1} 2583 00:52:14,540 --> 00:52:19,750 {\an1}[ __ ] Irish people eh 2584 00:52:19,750 --> 00:52:19,760 {\an1} 2585 00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,829 {\an1}Irish people have they think they have 2586 00:52:21,829 --> 00:52:21,839 {\an1}Irish people have they think they have 2587 00:52:21,839 --> 00:52:23,630 {\an1}Irish people have they think they have the best [ __ ] sense of humor in the 2588 00:52:23,630 --> 00:52:23,640 {\an1}the best [ __ ] sense of humor in the 2589 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,069 {\an1}the best [ __ ] sense of humor in the [ __ ] world I think they're so [ __ ] 2590 00:52:25,069 --> 00:52:25,079 {\an1}[ __ ] world I think they're so [ __ ] 2591 00:52:25,079 --> 00:52:26,809 {\an1}[ __ ] world I think they're so [ __ ] delightful don't they look at me I'm 2592 00:52:26,809 --> 00:52:26,819 {\an1}delightful don't they look at me I'm 2593 00:52:26,819 --> 00:52:28,430 {\an1}delightful don't they look at me I'm dancing just with me legs it's a heap of 2594 00:52:28,430 --> 00:52:28,440 {\an1}dancing just with me legs it's a heap of 2595 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:32,390 {\an1}dancing just with me legs it's a heap of [ __ ] [ __ ] you fatty [ __ ] 2596 00:52:32,390 --> 00:52:32,400 {\an1} 2597 00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,250 {\an1}you go over there and have a drink have 2598 00:52:34,250 --> 00:52:34,260 {\an1}you go over there and have a drink have 2599 00:52:34,260 --> 00:52:35,450 {\an1}you go over there and have a drink have a drink have a drink you're in Ireland 2600 00:52:35,450 --> 00:52:35,460 {\an1}a drink have a drink you're in Ireland 2601 00:52:35,460 --> 00:52:36,829 {\an1}a drink have a drink you're in Ireland we all [ __ ] drink an island have a 2602 00:52:36,829 --> 00:52:36,839 {\an1}we all [ __ ] drink an island have a 2603 00:52:36,839 --> 00:52:37,910 {\an1}we all [ __ ] drink an island have a drink have a drink have a drink have a 2604 00:52:37,910 --> 00:52:37,920 {\an1}drink have a drink have a drink have a 2605 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:44,030 {\an1}drink have a drink have a drink have a drink just drive the bus you fat freak 2606 00:52:44,030 --> 00:52:44,040 {\an1} 2607 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:45,770 {\an1}have I been drinking I've got a [ __ ] 2608 00:52:45,770 --> 00:52:45,780 {\an1}have I been drinking I've got a [ __ ] 2609 00:52:45,780 --> 00:52:51,589 {\an1}have I been drinking I've got a [ __ ] headache 2610 00:52:51,589 --> 00:52:51,599 {\an1} 2611 00:52:51,599 --> 00:52:55,630 {\an1} pause 2612 00:52:55,630 --> 00:52:55,640 {\an1} 2613 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,190 {\an1} [Applause] 2614 00:52:58,190 --> 00:52:58,200 {\an1}[Applause] 2615 00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:02,210 {\an1}[Applause] we may have edited that bit out as well 2616 00:53:02,210 --> 00:53:02,220 {\an1}we may have edited that bit out as well 2617 00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:04,849 {\an1}we may have edited that bit out as well not everyone was happy to see me come 2618 00:53:04,849 --> 00:53:04,859 {\an1}not everyone was happy to see me come 2619 00:53:04,859 --> 00:53:06,710 {\an1}not everyone was happy to see me come back out on the stage 2620 00:53:06,710 --> 00:53:06,720 {\an1}back out on the stage 2621 00:53:06,720 --> 00:53:10,069 {\an1}back out on the stage some people believed me to have big tits 2622 00:53:10,069 --> 00:53:10,079 {\an1}some people believed me to have big tits 2623 00:53:10,079 --> 00:53:11,569 {\an1}some people believed me to have big tits in fat prick 2624 00:53:11,569 --> 00:53:11,579 {\an1}in fat prick 2625 00:53:11,579 --> 00:53:13,190 {\an1}in fat prick um now we're not going to play the rest 2626 00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:13,200 {\an1}um now we're not going to play the rest 2627 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:14,930 {\an1}um now we're not going to play the rest of the tape now yeah if you're watching 2628 00:53:14,930 --> 00:53:14,940 {\an1}of the tape now yeah if you're watching 2629 00:53:14,940 --> 00:53:17,569 {\an1}of the tape now yeah if you're watching the DVD you'll be on the extra features 2630 00:53:17,569 --> 00:53:17,579 {\an1}the DVD you'll be on the extra features 2631 00:53:17,579 --> 00:53:19,329 {\an1}the DVD you'll be on the extra features what 2632 00:53:19,329 --> 00:53:19,339 {\an1}what 2633 00:53:19,339 --> 00:53:22,910 {\an1}what let's back up take my top off I see the 2634 00:53:22,910 --> 00:53:22,920 {\an1}let's back up take my top off I see the 2635 00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:25,010 {\an1}let's back up take my top off I see the thing is ordinarily I'd have a witty 2636 00:53:25,010 --> 00:53:25,020 {\an1}thing is ordinarily I'd have a witty 2637 00:53:25,020 --> 00:53:26,990 {\an1}thing is ordinarily I'd have a witty answer but I recently lost a bit of 2638 00:53:26,990 --> 00:53:27,000 {\an1}answer but I recently lost a bit of 2639 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,400 {\an1}answer but I recently lost a bit of weight so I'm not ashamed to do so 2640 00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:30,410 {\an1}weight so I'm not ashamed to do so 2641 00:53:30,410 --> 00:53:31,870 {\an1}weight so I'm not ashamed to do so [Music] 2642 00:53:31,870 --> 00:53:31,880 {\an1}[Music] 2643 00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:35,990 {\an1}[Music] really is this where you've come 2644 00:53:35,990 --> 00:53:36,000 {\an1}really is this where you've come 2645 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,170 {\an1}really is this where you've come is this how far we've traveled together 2646 00:53:39,170 --> 00:53:39,180 {\an1}is this how far we've traveled together 2647 00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:43,490 {\an1}is this how far we've traveled together so you wanted to best string fellows in 2648 00:53:43,490 --> 00:53:43,500 {\an1}so you wanted to best string fellows in 2649 00:53:43,500 --> 00:53:46,730 {\an1}so you wanted to best string fellows in 20 meters from here you want to see a 2650 00:53:46,730 --> 00:53:46,740 {\an1}20 meters from here you want to see a 2651 00:53:46,740 --> 00:53:49,690 {\an1}20 meters from here you want to see a fat pale Australian 2652 00:53:49,690 --> 00:53:49,700 {\an1}fat pale Australian 2653 00:53:49,700 --> 00:53:53,089 {\an1}fat pale Australian [Applause] 2654 00:53:53,089 --> 00:53:53,099 {\an1} 2655 00:53:53,099 --> 00:53:55,340 {\an1}well who am I to tell you you can 2656 00:53:55,340 --> 00:53:55,350 {\an1}well who am I to tell you you can 2657 00:53:55,350 --> 00:54:00,770 {\an1}well who am I to tell you you can [Applause] 2658 00:54:00,770 --> 00:54:00,780 {\an1}[Applause] 2659 00:54:00,780 --> 00:54:02,870 {\an1}[Applause] that's the biggest tee you've given me 2660 00:54:02,870 --> 00:54:02,880 {\an1}that's the biggest tee you've given me 2661 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:06,109 {\an1}that's the biggest tee you've given me online 2662 00:54:06,109 --> 00:54:06,119 {\an1} 2663 00:54:06,119 --> 00:54:15,430 {\an1} foreign 2664 00:54:15,430 --> 00:54:15,440 {\an1} 2665 00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:19,970 {\an1}I have sucked a black [ __ ] in a toilet I 2666 00:54:19,970 --> 00:54:19,980 {\an1}I have sucked a black [ __ ] in a toilet I 2667 00:54:19,980 --> 00:54:23,089 {\an1}I have sucked a black [ __ ] in a toilet I have been molested for you people 2668 00:54:23,089 --> 00:54:23,099 {\an1}have been molested for you people 2669 00:54:23,099 --> 00:54:29,990 {\an1}have been molested for you people and all you want is my skin 2670 00:54:29,990 --> 00:54:30,000 {\an1} 2671 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,540 {\an1}well that's what you're gonna do 2672 00:54:32,540 --> 00:54:32,550 {\an1}well that's what you're gonna do 2673 00:54:32,550 --> 00:54:34,549 {\an1}well that's what you're gonna do [Applause] 2674 00:54:34,549 --> 00:54:34,559 {\an1}[Applause] 2675 00:54:34,559 --> 00:54:37,069 {\an1}[Applause] it okay we're wrapping up right now 2676 00:54:37,069 --> 00:54:37,079 {\an1}it okay we're wrapping up right now 2677 00:54:37,079 --> 00:54:38,049 {\an1}it okay we're wrapping up right now we're going to be out here in a second 2678 00:54:38,049 --> 00:54:38,059 {\an1}we're going to be out here in a second 2679 00:54:38,059 --> 00:54:42,109 {\an1}we're going to be out here in a second last night on a Friday that the room was 2680 00:54:42,109 --> 00:54:42,119 {\an1}last night on a Friday that the room was 2681 00:54:42,119 --> 00:54:43,849 {\an1}last night on a Friday that the room was all men 2682 00:54:43,849 --> 00:54:43,859 {\an1}all men 2683 00:54:43,859 --> 00:54:45,530 {\an1}all men it was great crowd I thought you've been 2684 00:54:45,530 --> 00:54:45,540 {\an1}it was great crowd I thought you've been 2685 00:54:45,540 --> 00:54:47,870 {\an1}it was great crowd I thought you've been good but they were [ __ ] good all 2686 00:54:47,870 --> 00:54:47,880 {\an1}good but they were [ __ ] good all 2687 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,450 {\an1}good but they were [ __ ] good all right and it was all men angry young men 2688 00:54:50,450 --> 00:54:50,460 {\an1}right and it was all men angry young men 2689 00:54:50,460 --> 00:54:52,370 {\an1}right and it was all men angry young men and it was like [ __ ] testosterone 2690 00:54:52,370 --> 00:54:52,380 {\an1}and it was like [ __ ] testosterone 2691 00:54:52,380 --> 00:54:55,430 {\an1}and it was like [ __ ] testosterone City and now it's [ __ ] it's couples 2692 00:54:55,430 --> 00:54:55,440 {\an1}City and now it's [ __ ] it's couples 2693 00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,829 {\an1}City and now it's [ __ ] it's couples night it's Saturday Saturday on Friday 2694 00:54:57,829 --> 00:54:57,839 {\an1}night it's Saturday Saturday on Friday 2695 00:54:57,839 --> 00:54:59,390 {\an1}night it's Saturday Saturday on Friday you go with the guys from work on 2696 00:54:59,390 --> 00:54:59,400 {\an1}you go with the guys from work on 2697 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,750 {\an1}you go with the guys from work on Saturday you take your bird out right 2698 00:55:02,750 --> 00:55:02,760 {\an1}Saturday you take your bird out right 2699 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,730 {\an1}Saturday you take your bird out right obviously she gets to choose the movie 2700 00:55:04,730 --> 00:55:04,740 {\an1}obviously she gets to choose the movie 2701 00:55:04,740 --> 00:55:07,370 {\an1}obviously she gets to choose the movie Next time all right 2702 00:55:07,370 --> 00:55:07,380 {\an1}Next time all right 2703 00:55:07,380 --> 00:55:09,710 {\an1}Next time all right I don't imagine that I'm the bird's 2704 00:55:09,710 --> 00:55:09,720 {\an1}I don't imagine that I'm the bird's 2705 00:55:09,720 --> 00:55:13,450 {\an1}I don't imagine that I'm the bird's choice and there's some guy going 2706 00:55:13,450 --> 00:55:13,460 {\an1} 2707 00:55:13,460 --> 00:55:19,730 {\an1}to see Jim Jefferies 2708 00:55:19,730 --> 00:55:19,740 {\an1} 2709 00:55:19,740 --> 00:55:24,950 {\an1}as long as you can watch still Magnolias 2710 00:55:24,950 --> 00:55:24,960 {\an1} 2711 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:26,630 {\an1} yes 2712 00:55:26,630 --> 00:55:26,640 {\an1}yes 2713 00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:27,730 {\an1}yes and go 2714 00:55:27,730 --> 00:55:27,740 {\an1}and go 2715 00:55:27,740 --> 00:55:30,250 {\an1}and go [Laughter] 2716 00:55:30,250 --> 00:55:30,260 {\an1}[Laughter] 2717 00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:32,690 {\an1}[Laughter] all right Brett how long we got five 2718 00:55:32,690 --> 00:55:32,700 {\an1}all right Brett how long we got five 2719 00:55:32,700 --> 00:55:34,069 {\an1}all right Brett how long we got five minutes 2720 00:55:34,069 --> 00:55:34,079 {\an1}minutes 2721 00:55:34,079 --> 00:55:36,230 {\an1}minutes or we can do a bit more 2722 00:55:36,230 --> 00:55:36,240 {\an1}or we can do a bit more 2723 00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:37,370 {\an1}or we can do a bit more all right no we don't want to piss 2724 00:55:37,370 --> 00:55:37,380 {\an1}all right no we don't want to piss 2725 00:55:37,380 --> 00:55:38,990 {\an1}all right no we don't want to piss anyone off 2726 00:55:38,990 --> 00:55:39,000 {\an1}anyone off 2727 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,089 {\an1}anyone off but there's never enough on this stage 2728 00:55:41,089 --> 00:55:41,099 {\an1}but there's never enough on this stage 2729 00:55:41,099 --> 00:55:43,670 {\an1}but there's never enough on this stage straight after me so we can get into a 2730 00:55:43,670 --> 00:55:43,680 {\an1}straight after me so we can get into a 2731 00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,410 {\an1}straight after me so we can get into a bit of trouble if we run over because I 2732 00:55:45,410 --> 00:55:45,420 {\an1}bit of trouble if we run over because I 2733 00:55:45,420 --> 00:55:46,910 {\an1}bit of trouble if we run over because I don't want to have the [ __ ] beaten out 2734 00:55:46,910 --> 00:55:46,920 {\an1}don't want to have the [ __ ] beaten out 2735 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:52,890 {\an1}don't want to have the [ __ ] beaten out of me by a 50 year old man in a dress 2736 00:55:52,890 --> 00:55:52,900 {\an1} 2737 00:55:52,900 --> 00:55:54,290 {\an1} [Music] 2738 00:55:54,290 --> 00:55:54,300 {\an1}[Music] 2739 00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:57,049 {\an1}[Music] laughs 2740 00:55:57,049 --> 00:55:57,059 {\an1}laughs 2741 00:55:57,059 --> 00:55:59,270 {\an1}laughs I don't think he wears a dress anymore 2742 00:55:59,270 --> 00:55:59,280 {\an1}I don't think he wears a dress anymore 2743 00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:03,049 {\an1}I don't think he wears a dress anymore um 2744 00:56:03,049 --> 00:56:03,059 {\an1} 2745 00:56:03,059 --> 00:56:04,910 {\an1}I'm gonna see him in the stairs going up 2746 00:56:04,910 --> 00:56:04,920 {\an1}I'm gonna see him in the stairs going up 2747 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:10,730 {\an1}I'm gonna see him in the stairs going up he's probably staying there I'm gonna go 2748 00:56:10,730 --> 00:56:10,740 {\an1} 2749 00:56:10,740 --> 00:56:11,750 {\an1}all right 2750 00:56:11,750 --> 00:56:11,760 {\an1}all right 2751 00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,089 {\an1}all right I'm gonna 2752 00:56:14,089 --> 00:56:14,099 {\an1}I'm gonna 2753 00:56:14,099 --> 00:56:15,890 {\an1}I'm gonna oh she's not enough men at least two 2754 00:56:15,890 --> 00:56:15,900 {\an1}oh she's not enough men at least two 2755 00:56:15,900 --> 00:56:17,630 {\an1}oh she's not enough men at least two normally okay I've got to get this on 2756 00:56:17,630 --> 00:56:17,640 {\an1}normally okay I've got to get this on 2757 00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:18,770 {\an1}normally okay I've got to get this on tape and you're probably all seen it in 2758 00:56:18,770 --> 00:56:18,780 {\an1}tape and you're probably all seen it in 2759 00:56:18,780 --> 00:56:19,849 {\an1}tape and you're probably all seen it in a billion times but I gotta do the egg 2760 00:56:19,849 --> 00:56:19,859 {\an1}a billion times but I gotta do the egg 2761 00:56:19,859 --> 00:56:23,150 {\an1}a billion times but I gotta do the egg story all right 2762 00:56:23,150 --> 00:56:23,160 {\an1} 2763 00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,549 {\an1}so if you have this is what happened 2764 00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:25,559 {\an1}so if you have this is what happened 2765 00:56:25,559 --> 00:56:28,549 {\an1}so if you have this is what happened yesterday we did the [ __ ] Jimmy boat 2766 00:56:28,549 --> 00:56:28,559 {\an1}yesterday we did the [ __ ] Jimmy boat 2767 00:56:28,559 --> 00:56:29,750 {\an1}yesterday we did the [ __ ] Jimmy boat um 2768 00:56:29,750 --> 00:56:29,760 {\an1}um 2769 00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:31,010 {\an1}um this is what happened yesterday we did 2770 00:56:31,010 --> 00:56:31,020 {\an1}this is what happened yesterday we did 2771 00:56:31,020 --> 00:56:33,049 {\an1}this is what happened yesterday we did the egg story and it was like at a rock 2772 00:56:33,049 --> 00:56:33,059 {\an1}the egg story and it was like at a rock 2773 00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:35,390 {\an1}the egg story and it was like at a rock concert like everyone was singing along 2774 00:56:35,390 --> 00:56:35,400 {\an1}concert like everyone was singing along 2775 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:37,390 {\an1}concert like everyone was singing along let's try to do it just properly 2776 00:56:37,390 --> 00:56:37,400 {\an1}let's try to do it just properly 2777 00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:39,650 {\an1}let's try to do it just properly if you know the punch likes please do 2778 00:56:39,650 --> 00:56:39,660 {\an1}if you know the punch likes please do 2779 00:56:39,660 --> 00:56:41,569 {\an1}if you know the punch likes please do not yell them out in unison but 2780 00:56:41,569 --> 00:56:41,579 {\an1}not yell them out in unison but 2781 00:56:41,579 --> 00:56:44,510 {\an1}not yell them out in unison but if you really wanted one okay all right 2782 00:56:44,510 --> 00:56:44,520 {\an1}if you really wanted one okay all right 2783 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:45,829 {\an1}if you really wanted one okay all right a couple of years ago I was performing 2784 00:56:45,829 --> 00:56:45,839 {\an1}a couple of years ago I was performing 2785 00:56:45,839 --> 00:56:47,870 {\an1}a couple of years ago I was performing the Amsterdam Hilton now the base of the 2786 00:56:47,870 --> 00:56:47,880 {\an1}the Amsterdam Hilton now the base of the 2787 00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:49,130 {\an1}the Amsterdam Hilton now the base of the Amsterdam Hilton they have a comedy club 2788 00:56:49,130 --> 00:56:49,140 {\an1}Amsterdam Hilton they have a comedy club 2789 00:56:49,140 --> 00:56:50,990 {\an1}Amsterdam Hilton they have a comedy club and I was there for two weeks I had two 2790 00:56:50,990 --> 00:56:51,000 {\an1}and I was there for two weeks I had two 2791 00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:52,430 {\an1}and I was there for two weeks I had two days off in my two weeks and I found on 2792 00:56:52,430 --> 00:56:52,440 {\an1}days off in my two weeks and I found on 2793 00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:54,230 {\an1}days off in my two weeks and I found on the outskirts of Amsterdam there's a 2794 00:56:54,230 --> 00:56:54,240 {\an1}the outskirts of Amsterdam there's a 2795 00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:55,370 {\an1}the outskirts of Amsterdam there's a great big place called The porn 2796 00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:55,380 {\an1}great big place called The porn 2797 00:56:55,380 --> 00:56:58,809 {\an1}great big place called The porn Warehouse which is like a great big Asda 2798 00:56:58,809 --> 00:56:58,819 {\an1}Warehouse which is like a great big Asda 2799 00:56:58,819 --> 00:57:01,309 {\an1}Warehouse which is like a great big Asda saw me day off I thought [ __ ] Anne 2800 00:57:01,309 --> 00:57:01,319 {\an1}saw me day off I thought [ __ ] Anne 2801 00:57:01,319 --> 00:57:03,950 {\an1}saw me day off I thought [ __ ] Anne Frank's Place and I went out to the poor 2802 00:57:03,950 --> 00:57:03,960 {\an1}Frank's Place and I went out to the poor 2803 00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,630 {\an1}Frank's Place and I went out to the poor warehouse now when I go shopping in ASDA 2804 00:57:05,630 --> 00:57:05,640 {\an1}warehouse now when I go shopping in ASDA 2805 00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,130 {\an1}warehouse now when I go shopping in ASDA I take a little plastic basket with me 2806 00:57:07,130 --> 00:57:07,140 {\an1}I take a little plastic basket with me 2807 00:57:07,140 --> 00:57:09,650 {\an1}I take a little plastic basket with me porn Warehouse took a trolley 2808 00:57:09,650 --> 00:57:09,660 {\an1}porn Warehouse took a trolley 2809 00:57:09,660 --> 00:57:11,270 {\an1}porn Warehouse took a trolley still had the kids see which I thought 2810 00:57:11,270 --> 00:57:11,280 {\an1}still had the kids see which I thought 2811 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,329 {\an1}still had the kids see which I thought was weird 2812 00:57:13,329 --> 00:57:13,339 {\an1}was weird 2813 00:57:13,339 --> 00:57:15,530 {\an1}was weird now I'm loading my trolley full of every 2814 00:57:15,530 --> 00:57:15,540 {\an1}now I'm loading my trolley full of every 2815 00:57:15,540 --> 00:57:17,329 {\an1}now I'm loading my trolley full of every bit of porno paraphernalia I can get I 2816 00:57:17,329 --> 00:57:17,339 {\an1}bit of porno paraphernalia I can get I 2817 00:57:17,339 --> 00:57:18,530 {\an1}bit of porno paraphernalia I can get I get up towards the till and there's a 2818 00:57:18,530 --> 00:57:18,540 {\an1}get up towards the till and there's a 2819 00:57:18,540 --> 00:57:20,390 {\an1}get up towards the till and there's a massive wall covered in dildos now with 2820 00:57:20,390 --> 00:57:20,400 {\an1}massive wall covered in dildos now with 2821 00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,790 {\an1}massive wall covered in dildos now with your mates what would you do sword fight 2822 00:57:22,790 --> 00:57:22,800 {\an1}your mates what would you do sword fight 2823 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:26,210 {\an1}your mates what would you do sword fight but I was by myself so the most I could 2824 00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:26,220 {\an1}but I was by myself so the most I could 2825 00:57:26,220 --> 00:57:28,309 {\an1}but I was by myself so the most I could muster is like a scene from Star Wars I 2826 00:57:28,309 --> 00:57:28,319 {\an1}muster is like a scene from Star Wars I 2827 00:57:28,319 --> 00:57:30,530 {\an1}muster is like a scene from Star Wars I think anyway there's a smaller wall but 2828 00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:30,540 {\an1}think anyway there's a smaller wall but 2829 00:57:30,540 --> 00:57:32,210 {\an1}think anyway there's a smaller wall but just as impressive covered in rubber 2830 00:57:32,210 --> 00:57:32,220 {\an1}just as impressive covered in rubber 2831 00:57:32,220 --> 00:57:33,589 {\an1}just as impressive covered in rubber vibrating vaginas now whenever you're 2832 00:57:33,589 --> 00:57:33,599 {\an1}vibrating vaginas now whenever you're 2833 00:57:33,599 --> 00:57:34,910 {\an1}vibrating vaginas now whenever you're with your mates you see one of those you 2834 00:57:34,910 --> 00:57:34,920 {\an1}with your mates you see one of those you 2835 00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:36,290 {\an1}with your mates you see one of those you go who the [ __ ] would use one of those 2836 00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:36,300 {\an1}go who the [ __ ] would use one of those 2837 00:57:36,300 --> 00:57:37,670 {\an1}go who the [ __ ] would use one of those eh there's always a bit of your brain 2838 00:57:37,670 --> 00:57:37,680 {\an1}eh there's always a bit of your brain 2839 00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:38,809 {\an1}eh there's always a bit of your brain that goes wouldn't mind trying that just 2840 00:57:38,809 --> 00:57:38,819 {\an1}that goes wouldn't mind trying that just 2841 00:57:38,819 --> 00:57:41,089 {\an1}that goes wouldn't mind trying that just once so 2842 00:57:41,089 --> 00:57:41,099 {\an1}once so 2843 00:57:41,099 --> 00:57:43,370 {\an1}once so I got myself the Jenna Jameson rubber by 2844 00:57:43,370 --> 00:57:43,380 {\an1}I got myself the Jenna Jameson rubber by 2845 00:57:43,380 --> 00:57:44,750 {\an1}I got myself the Jenna Jameson rubber by running vagina on the side of the boxer 2846 00:57:44,750 --> 00:57:44,760 {\an1}running vagina on the side of the boxer 2847 00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:46,430 {\an1}running vagina on the side of the boxer said vibrate size to give realistic 2848 00:57:46,430 --> 00:57:46,440 {\an1}said vibrate size to give realistic 2849 00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:48,410 {\an1}said vibrate size to give realistic sensation realistic if you're [ __ ] a 2850 00:57:48,410 --> 00:57:48,420 {\an1}sensation realistic if you're [ __ ] a 2851 00:57:48,420 --> 00:57:51,829 {\an1}sensation realistic if you're [ __ ] a chick with Parkinson's but not around 2852 00:57:51,829 --> 00:57:51,839 {\an1} 2853 00:57:51,839 --> 00:57:53,569 {\an1}now I've gone back to my hotel on the 2854 00:57:53,569 --> 00:57:53,579 {\an1}now I've gone back to my hotel on the 2855 00:57:53,579 --> 00:57:54,890 {\an1}now I've gone back to my hotel on the side if I'm going to have this wank it's 2856 00:57:54,890 --> 00:57:54,900 {\an1}side if I'm going to have this wank it's 2857 00:57:54,900 --> 00:57:56,089 {\an1}side if I'm going to have this wank it's going to be the wank it's going to be 2858 00:57:56,089 --> 00:57:56,099 {\an1}going to be the wank it's going to be 2859 00:57:56,099 --> 00:57:57,230 {\an1}going to be the wank it's going to be the wank that when I've got dementia 2860 00:57:57,230 --> 00:57:57,240 {\an1}the wank that when I've got dementia 2861 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,990 {\an1}the wank that when I've got dementia I'll be sitting in a nursing home going 2862 00:57:59,990 --> 00:58:00,000 {\an1}I'll be sitting in a nursing home going 2863 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:04,970 {\an1}I'll be sitting in a nursing home going [ __ ] the rubber can't 2864 00:58:04,970 --> 00:58:04,980 {\an1} 2865 00:58:04,980 --> 00:58:09,170 {\an1}[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] it 2866 00:58:09,170 --> 00:58:09,180 {\an1} 2867 00:58:09,180 --> 00:58:11,210 {\an1}so put on me pawn mags down one side I 2868 00:58:11,210 --> 00:58:11,220 {\an1}so put on me pawn mags down one side I 2869 00:58:11,220 --> 00:58:12,410 {\an1}so put on me pawn mags down one side I better put Pawn to tell you I got the 2870 00:58:12,410 --> 00:58:12,420 {\an1}better put Pawn to tell you I got the 2871 00:58:12,420 --> 00:58:16,970 {\an1}better put Pawn to tell you I got the rubber cut out how to bite I put 2872 00:58:16,970 --> 00:58:16,980 {\an1} 2873 00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:20,130 {\an1} foreign 2874 00:58:20,130 --> 00:58:20,140 {\an1} 2875 00:58:20,140 --> 00:58:26,290 {\an1} [Applause] 2876 00:58:26,290 --> 00:58:26,300 {\an1} 2877 00:58:26,300 --> 00:58:28,370 {\an1}pretty good but I couldn't enjoy myself 2878 00:58:28,370 --> 00:58:28,380 {\an1}pretty good but I couldn't enjoy myself 2879 00:58:28,380 --> 00:58:29,630 {\an1}pretty good but I couldn't enjoy myself because the only thought going through 2880 00:58:29,630 --> 00:58:29,640 {\an1}because the only thought going through 2881 00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:33,470 {\an1}because the only thought going through my head was if you die right now 2882 00:58:33,470 --> 00:58:33,480 {\an1}my head was if you die right now 2883 00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:34,609 {\an1}my head was if you die right now this is how they're going to tell your 2884 00:58:34,609 --> 00:58:34,619 {\an1}this is how they're going to tell your 2885 00:58:34,619 --> 00:58:36,589 {\an1}this is how they're going to tell your mum they found you 2886 00:58:36,589 --> 00:58:36,599 {\an1}mum they found you 2887 00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:38,809 {\an1}mum they found you now as I'm [ __ ] it I don't have a big 2888 00:58:38,809 --> 00:58:38,819 {\an1}now as I'm [ __ ] it I don't have a big 2889 00:58:38,819 --> 00:58:40,430 {\an1}now as I'm [ __ ] it I don't have a big [ __ ] enough and I think the rubber [ __ ] 2890 00:58:40,430 --> 00:58:40,440 {\an1}[ __ ] enough and I think the rubber [ __ ] 2891 00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:42,289 {\an1}[ __ ] enough and I think the rubber [ __ ] was faulty right but as I'm [ __ ] at 2892 00:58:42,289 --> 00:58:42,299 {\an1}was faulty right but as I'm [ __ ] at 2893 00:58:42,299 --> 00:58:43,910 {\an1}was faulty right but as I'm [ __ ] at the latex on the top just sort of tears 2894 00:58:43,910 --> 00:58:43,920 {\an1}the latex on the top just sort of tears 2895 00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,589 {\an1}the latex on the top just sort of tears and the egg falls out at the end and I'm 2896 00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:45,599 {\an1}and the egg falls out at the end and I'm 2897 00:58:45,599 --> 00:58:47,089 {\an1}and the egg falls out at the end and I'm pretty upset because it's not like I can 2898 00:58:47,089 --> 00:58:47,099 {\an1}pretty upset because it's not like I can 2899 00:58:47,099 --> 00:58:49,430 {\an1}pretty upset because it's not like I can take it back to the shop slap it on the 2900 00:58:49,430 --> 00:58:49,440 {\an1}take it back to the shop slap it on the 2901 00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:51,890 {\an1}take it back to the shop slap it on the counter and go look at that 2902 00:58:51,890 --> 00:58:51,900 {\an1}counter and go look at that 2903 00:58:51,900 --> 00:58:56,030 {\an1}counter and go look at that oh I bought that an hour ago 2904 00:58:56,030 --> 00:58:56,040 {\an1} 2905 00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,970 {\an1}went home and [ __ ] it 2906 00:58:58,970 --> 00:58:58,980 {\an1}went home and [ __ ] it 2907 00:58:58,980 --> 00:59:01,430 {\an1}went home and [ __ ] it now that gun's broken 2908 00:59:01,430 --> 00:59:01,440 {\an1}now that gun's broken 2909 00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:02,990 {\an1}now that gun's broken now I still had a lot of lube I still 2910 00:59:02,990 --> 00:59:03,000 {\an1}now I still had a lot of lube I still 2911 00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:04,190 {\an1}now I still had a lot of lube I still had a lot of foreign still out of 2912 00:59:04,190 --> 00:59:04,200 {\an1}had a lot of foreign still out of 2913 00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,530 {\an1}had a lot of foreign still out of vibrating egg so I did what anyone in 2914 00:59:06,530 --> 00:59:06,540 {\an1}vibrating egg so I did what anyone in 2915 00:59:06,540 --> 00:59:08,990 {\an1}vibrating egg so I did what anyone in this room would do I lube that egg up 2916 00:59:08,990 --> 00:59:09,000 {\an1}this room would do I lube that egg up 2917 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,390 {\an1}this room would do I lube that egg up and shoved it up my ass 2918 00:59:11,390 --> 00:59:11,400 {\an1}and shoved it up my ass 2919 00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:12,890 {\an1}and shoved it up my ass it's now sitting up against a gland 2920 00:59:12,890 --> 00:59:12,900 {\an1}it's now sitting up against a gland 2921 00:59:12,900 --> 00:59:14,210 {\an1}it's now sitting up against a gland called the prostate gland the male 2922 00:59:14,210 --> 00:59:14,220 {\an1}called the prostate gland the male 2923 00:59:14,220 --> 00:59:16,250 {\an1}called the prostate gland the male G-spot have felt terrific it felt so 2924 00:59:16,250 --> 00:59:16,260 {\an1}G-spot have felt terrific it felt so 2925 00:59:16,260 --> 00:59:17,990 {\an1}G-spot have felt terrific it felt so good that I was thinking I'm going to 2926 00:59:17,990 --> 00:59:18,000 {\an1}good that I was thinking I'm going to 2927 00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:19,549 {\an1}good that I was thinking I'm going to shove all the things up he asked me to 2928 00:59:19,549 --> 00:59:19,559 {\an1}shove all the things up he asked me to 2929 00:59:19,559 --> 00:59:21,470 {\an1}shove all the things up he asked me to get back up to England 2930 00:59:21,470 --> 00:59:21,480 {\an1}get back up to England 2931 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,690 {\an1}get back up to England a sloppy [ __ ] a couple of times I just 2932 00:59:23,690 --> 00:59:23,700 {\an1}a sloppy [ __ ] a couple of times I just 2933 00:59:23,700 --> 00:59:24,950 {\an1}a sloppy [ __ ] a couple of times I just don't let me chest and now I've got 2934 00:59:24,950 --> 00:59:24,960 {\an1}don't let me chest and now I've got 2935 00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:26,630 {\an1}don't let me chest and now I've got chisomy chest Lube let me [ __ ] egg 2936 00:59:26,630 --> 00:59:26,640 {\an1}chisomy chest Lube let me [ __ ] egg 2937 00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:28,130 {\an1}chisomy chest Lube let me [ __ ] egg hanging at me ass broken cut in the 2938 00:59:28,130 --> 00:59:28,140 {\an1}hanging at me ass broken cut in the 2939 00:59:28,140 --> 00:59:29,870 {\an1}hanging at me ass broken cut in the corner I gotta tell you I've looked 2940 00:59:29,870 --> 00:59:29,880 {\an1}corner I gotta tell you I've looked 2941 00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,670 {\an1}corner I gotta tell you I've looked better 2942 00:59:31,670 --> 00:59:31,680 {\an1}better 2943 00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,410 {\an1}better now you know that bit of pain that goes 2944 00:59:33,410 --> 00:59:33,420 {\an1}now you know that bit of pain that goes 2945 00:59:33,420 --> 00:59:34,430 {\an1}now you know that bit of pain that goes through your soul after you've had a 2946 00:59:34,430 --> 00:59:34,440 {\an1}through your soul after you've had a 2947 00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:35,630 {\an1}through your soul after you've had a wank and you've got a bit of [ __ ] on your 2948 00:59:35,630 --> 00:59:35,640 {\an1}wank and you've got a bit of [ __ ] on your 2949 00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,730 {\an1}wank and you've got a bit of [ __ ] on your hand and you go what did you do that for 2950 00:59:37,730 --> 00:59:37,740 {\an1}hand and you go what did you do that for 2951 00:59:37,740 --> 00:59:39,829 {\an1}hand and you go what did you do that for you're a grown man 2952 00:59:39,829 --> 00:59:39,839 {\an1}you're a grown man 2953 00:59:39,839 --> 00:59:41,569 {\an1}you're a grown man well I still had an egg hanging out of 2954 00:59:41,569 --> 00:59:41,579 {\an1}well I still had an egg hanging out of 2955 00:59:41,579 --> 00:59:43,250 {\an1}well I still had an egg hanging out of my ass 2956 00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:43,260 {\an1}my ass 2957 00:59:43,260 --> 00:59:45,230 {\an1}my ass safe to say I wanted to kill myself so I 2958 00:59:45,230 --> 00:59:45,240 {\an1}safe to say I wanted to kill myself so I 2959 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:46,370 {\an1}safe to say I wanted to kill myself so I started slapping the point off the 2960 00:59:46,370 --> 00:59:46,380 {\an1}started slapping the point off the 2961 00:59:46,380 --> 00:59:47,870 {\an1}started slapping the point off the better turn the pawn off to tell you go 2962 00:59:47,870 --> 00:59:47,880 {\an1}better turn the pawn off to tell you go 2963 00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:49,250 {\an1}better turn the pawn off to tell you go to whip the egg out of me ask the 2964 00:59:49,250 --> 00:59:49,260 {\an1}to whip the egg out of me ask the 2965 00:59:49,260 --> 00:59:51,049 {\an1}to whip the egg out of me ask the [ __ ] cord snaps up 2966 00:59:51,049 --> 00:59:51,059 {\an1}[ __ ] cord snaps up 2967 00:59:51,059 --> 00:59:52,970 {\an1}[ __ ] cord snaps up not only does it snap off the two 2968 00:59:52,970 --> 00:59:52,980 {\an1}not only does it snap off the two 2969 00:59:52,980 --> 00:59:54,829 {\an1}not only does it snap off the two plastic shells of the egg slightly break 2970 00:59:54,829 --> 00:59:54,839 {\an1}plastic shells of the egg slightly break 2971 00:59:54,839 --> 01:00:00,049 {\an1}plastic shells of the egg slightly break apart and now pinch it against me colon 2972 01:00:00,049 --> 01:00:00,059 {\an1} 2973 01:00:00,059 --> 01:00:02,030 {\an1}don't worry about this gym you can [ __ ] 2974 01:00:02,030 --> 01:00:02,040 {\an1}don't worry about this gym you can [ __ ] 2975 01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:04,190 {\an1}don't worry about this gym you can [ __ ] this out but your ass on those are 2976 01:00:04,190 --> 01:00:04,200 {\an1}this out but your ass on those are 2977 01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:05,750 {\an1}this out but your ass on those are shitties and those are plastic egg is 2978 01:00:05,750 --> 01:00:05,760 {\an1}shitties and those are plastic egg is 2979 01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:07,190 {\an1}shitties and those are plastic egg is and it don't [ __ ] play cricket in 2980 01:00:07,190 --> 01:00:07,200 {\an1}and it don't [ __ ] play cricket in 2981 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,490 {\an1}and it don't [ __ ] play cricket in this experience 2982 01:00:10,490 --> 01:00:10,500 {\an1} 2983 01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:12,470 {\an1}not enough you'll know a lot about your 2984 01:00:12,470 --> 01:00:12,480 {\an1}not enough you'll know a lot about your 2985 01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:13,849 {\an1}not enough you'll know a lot about your columns and noise should you but they're 2986 01:00:13,849 --> 01:00:13,859 {\an1}columns and noise should you but they're 2987 01:00:13,859 --> 01:00:15,710 {\an1}columns and noise should you but they're made up for several channels of pump poo 2988 01:00:15,710 --> 01:00:15,720 {\an1}made up for several channels of pump poo 2989 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,690 {\an1}made up for several channels of pump poo through now I've lubed up this finger 2990 01:00:17,690 --> 01:00:17,700 {\an1}through now I've lubed up this finger 2991 01:00:17,700 --> 01:00:19,609 {\an1}through now I've lubed up this finger and this thumb and I've gone up my ass 2992 01:00:19,609 --> 01:00:19,619 {\an1}and this thumb and I've gone up my ass 2993 01:00:19,619 --> 01:00:21,349 {\an1}and this thumb and I've gone up my ass after the egg but with every grab I've 2994 01:00:21,349 --> 01:00:21,359 {\an1}after the egg but with every grab I've 2995 01:00:21,359 --> 01:00:23,750 {\an1}after the egg but with every grab I've pushed it further and further and 2996 01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:23,760 {\an1}pushed it further and further and 2997 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,849 {\an1}pushed it further and further and further up my colon It's Now up to 2998 01:00:25,849 --> 01:00:25,859 {\an1}further up my colon It's Now up to 2999 01:00:25,859 --> 01:00:27,410 {\an1}further up my colon It's Now up to channel five 3000 01:00:27,410 --> 01:00:27,420 {\an1}channel five 3001 01:00:27,420 --> 01:00:30,589 {\an1}channel five and we all know how [ __ ] that is 3002 01:00:30,589 --> 01:00:30,599 {\an1}and we all know how [ __ ] that is 3003 01:00:30,599 --> 01:00:32,210 {\an1}and we all know how [ __ ] that is my next thought was to get a whole lot 3004 01:00:32,210 --> 01:00:32,220 {\an1}my next thought was to get a whole lot 3005 01:00:32,220 --> 01:00:34,069 {\an1}my next thought was to get a whole lot of high fiber food make me poo really 3006 01:00:34,069 --> 01:00:34,079 {\an1}of high fiber food make me poo really 3007 01:00:34,079 --> 01:00:35,809 {\an1}of high fiber food make me poo really solid and push the egg out through 3008 01:00:35,809 --> 01:00:35,819 {\an1}solid and push the egg out through 3009 01:00:35,819 --> 01:00:37,730 {\an1}solid and push the egg out through pressure very similar to an Augustus 3010 01:00:37,730 --> 01:00:37,740 {\an1}pressure very similar to an Augustus 3011 01:00:37,740 --> 01:00:39,289 {\an1}pressure very similar to an Augustus glute got stuck in the chocolate tube 3012 01:00:39,289 --> 01:00:39,299 {\an1}glute got stuck in the chocolate tube 3013 01:00:39,299 --> 01:00:41,329 {\an1}glute got stuck in the chocolate tube and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 3014 01:00:41,329 --> 01:00:41,339 {\an1}and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 3015 01:00:41,339 --> 01:00:43,430 {\an1}and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I was working on Wonka method at the 3016 01:00:43,430 --> 01:00:43,440 {\an1}I was working on Wonka method at the 3017 01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,690 {\an1}I was working on Wonka method at the time I could have done with an Oompa 3018 01:00:44,690 --> 01:00:44,700 {\an1}time I could have done with an Oompa 3019 01:00:44,700 --> 01:00:48,170 {\an1}time I could have done with an Oompa Loompa with a Ponyo 3020 01:00:48,170 --> 01:00:48,180 {\an1} 3021 01:00:48,180 --> 01:00:50,870 {\an1}now we have to get going so let's just 3022 01:00:50,870 --> 01:00:50,880 {\an1}now we have to get going so let's just 3023 01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,010 {\an1}now we have to get going so let's just jump forward to day number three 3024 01:00:54,010 --> 01:00:54,020 {\an1}jump forward to day number three 3025 01:00:54,020 --> 01:00:56,450 {\an1}jump forward to day number three I decided it was up my ass for another 3026 01:00:56,450 --> 01:00:56,460 {\an1}I decided it was up my ass for another 3027 01:00:56,460 --> 01:00:58,130 {\an1}I decided it was up my ass for another day's going to go to hospital my biggest 3028 01:00:58,130 --> 01:00:58,140 {\an1}day's going to go to hospital my biggest 3029 01:00:58,140 --> 01:00:59,870 {\an1}day's going to go to hospital my biggest fear was going to hospital in a foreign 3030 01:00:59,870 --> 01:00:59,880 {\an1}fear was going to hospital in a foreign 3031 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:02,030 {\an1}fear was going to hospital in a foreign country with my accent and going you'll 3032 01:01:02,030 --> 01:01:02,040 {\an1}country with my accent and going you'll 3033 01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:03,549 {\an1}country with my accent and going you'll never guess what's happened to me right 3034 01:01:03,549 --> 01:01:03,559 {\an1}never guess what's happened to me right 3035 01:01:03,559 --> 01:01:05,750 {\an1}never guess what's happened to me right but being Holland there's a good chance 3036 01:01:05,750 --> 01:01:05,760 {\an1}but being Holland there's a good chance 3037 01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:11,210 {\an1}but being Holland there's a good chance he could go you have an egg up your ass 3038 01:01:11,210 --> 01:01:11,220 {\an1} 3039 01:01:11,220 --> 01:01:12,710 {\an1}go join the queue with the other 3040 01:01:12,710 --> 01:01:12,720 {\an1}go join the queue with the other 3041 01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:16,370 {\an1}go join the queue with the other Australians 3042 01:01:16,370 --> 01:01:16,380 {\an1} 3043 01:01:16,380 --> 01:01:18,530 {\an1}and dynamic three I had a Chinese dinner 3044 01:01:18,530 --> 01:01:18,540 {\an1}and dynamic three I had a Chinese dinner 3045 01:01:18,540 --> 01:01:23,390 {\an1}and dynamic three I had a Chinese dinner and I kept me chopsticks 3046 01:01:23,390 --> 01:01:23,400 {\an1} 3047 01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,549 {\an1}now I've gone back to the hotel 3048 01:01:25,549 --> 01:01:25,559 {\an1}now I've gone back to the hotel 3049 01:01:25,559 --> 01:01:28,190 {\an1}now I've gone back to the hotel I've bent over and this moment I've 3050 01:01:28,190 --> 01:01:28,200 {\an1}I've bent over and this moment I've 3051 01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:30,109 {\an1}I've bent over and this moment I've thought to myself you probably should 3052 01:01:30,109 --> 01:01:30,119 {\an1}thought to myself you probably should 3053 01:01:30,119 --> 01:01:34,010 {\an1}thought to myself you probably should have gone to the Anne Frank Museum 3054 01:01:34,010 --> 01:01:34,020 {\an1} 3055 01:01:34,020 --> 01:01:36,349 {\an1}I put one chopstick on top of the egg in 3056 01:01:36,349 --> 01:01:36,359 {\an1}I put one chopstick on top of the egg in 3057 01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:38,150 {\an1}I put one chopstick on top of the egg in a crowbarring fashion 3058 01:01:38,150 --> 01:01:38,160 {\an1}a crowbarring fashion 3059 01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:40,549 {\an1}a crowbarring fashion the other Chopstick I used to widen the 3060 01:01:40,549 --> 01:01:40,559 {\an1}the other Chopstick I used to widen the 3061 01:01:40,559 --> 01:01:42,410 {\an1}the other Chopstick I used to widen the hole 3062 01:01:42,410 --> 01:01:42,420 {\an1}hole 3063 01:01:42,420 --> 01:01:44,510 {\an1}hole in one motion I snapped this egg out of 3064 01:01:44,510 --> 01:01:44,520 {\an1}in one motion I snapped this egg out of 3065 01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:45,890 {\an1}in one motion I snapped this egg out of my ass 3066 01:01:45,890 --> 01:01:45,900 {\an1}my ass 3067 01:01:45,900 --> 01:01:50,990 {\an1}my ass followed by two feet of [ __ ] 3068 01:01:50,990 --> 01:01:51,000 {\an1} 3069 01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:52,730 {\an1}it was at this moment I thought to 3070 01:01:52,730 --> 01:01:52,740 {\an1}it was at this moment I thought to 3071 01:01:52,740 --> 01:01:54,470 {\an1}it was at this moment I thought to myself 3072 01:01:54,470 --> 01:01:54,480 {\an1}myself 3073 01:01:54,480 --> 01:02:09,470 {\an1}myself should have done that in the bathroom 3074 01:02:09,470 --> 01:02:09,480 {\an1} 3075 01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:11,930 {\an1}that's it we've got to get out of here 3076 01:02:11,930 --> 01:02:11,940 {\an1}that's it we've got to get out of here 3077 01:02:11,940 --> 01:02:12,890 {\an1}that's it we've got to get out of here okay 3078 01:02:12,890 --> 01:02:12,900 {\an1}okay 3079 01:02:12,900 --> 01:02:14,809 {\an1}okay um okay uh well thank you very much for 3080 01:02:14,809 --> 01:02:14,819 {\an1}um okay uh well thank you very much for 3081 01:02:14,819 --> 01:02:16,730 {\an1}um okay uh well thank you very much for coming ladies and gentlemen uh I believe 3082 01:02:16,730 --> 01:02:16,740 {\an1}coming ladies and gentlemen uh I believe 3083 01:02:16,740 --> 01:02:18,049 {\an1}coming ladies and gentlemen uh I believe that if you're on the guest list there's 3084 01:02:18,049 --> 01:02:18,059 {\an1}that if you're on the guest list there's 3085 01:02:18,059 --> 01:02:19,370 {\an1}that if you're on the guest list there's a bar downstairs or is that for everyone 3086 01:02:19,370 --> 01:02:19,380 {\an1}a bar downstairs or is that for everyone 3087 01:02:19,380 --> 01:02:21,109 {\an1}a bar downstairs or is that for everyone but well [ __ ] it you don't even be the 3088 01:02:21,109 --> 01:02:21,119 {\an1}but well [ __ ] it you don't even be the 3089 01:02:21,119 --> 01:02:22,069 {\an1}but well [ __ ] it you don't even be the guest we don't even have to go to the 3090 01:02:22,069 --> 01:02:22,079 {\an1}guest we don't even have to go to the 3091 01:02:22,079 --> 01:02:26,150 {\an1}guest we don't even have to go to the bar we can all just walk out as a unit 3092 01:02:26,150 --> 01:02:26,160 {\an1}bar we can all just walk out as a unit 3093 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,309 {\an1}bar we can all just walk out as a unit and we can just [ __ ] terrorize some 3094 01:02:28,309 --> 01:02:28,319 {\an1}and we can just [ __ ] terrorize some 3095 01:02:28,319 --> 01:02:30,109 {\an1}and we can just [ __ ] terrorize some [ __ ] kids in the street who bother 3096 01:02:30,109 --> 01:02:30,119 {\an1}[ __ ] kids in the street who bother 3097 01:02:30,119 --> 01:02:31,309 {\an1}[ __ ] kids in the street who bother you at the station and go [ __ ] you 3098 01:02:31,309 --> 01:02:31,319 {\an1}you at the station and go [ __ ] you 3099 01:02:31,319 --> 01:02:33,829 {\an1}you at the station and go [ __ ] you little [ __ ] I've got a [ __ ] I got 300 3100 01:02:33,829 --> 01:02:33,839 {\an1}little [ __ ] I've got a [ __ ] I got 300 3101 01:02:33,839 --> 01:02:41,630 {\an1}little [ __ ] I've got a [ __ ] I got 300 middle-aged people come over here 3102 01:02:41,630 --> 01:02:41,640 {\an1} 3103 01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:43,609 {\an1}I wanted to do [ __ ] and studs bro okay 3104 01:02:43,609 --> 01:02:43,619 {\an1}I wanted to do [ __ ] and studs bro okay 3105 01:02:43,619 --> 01:02:44,590 {\an1}I wanted to do [ __ ] and studs bro okay huh 3106 01:02:44,590 --> 01:02:44,600 {\an1}huh 3107 01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:48,849 {\an1}huh [Applause] 3108 01:02:48,849 --> 01:02:48,859 {\an1}[Applause] 3109 01:02:48,859 --> 01:02:51,829 {\an1}[Applause] okay I got this new Theory right every 3110 01:02:51,829 --> 01:02:51,839 {\an1}okay I got this new Theory right every 3111 01:02:51,839 --> 01:02:53,870 {\an1}okay I got this new Theory right every time a woman sleeps with a lot of men 3112 01:02:53,870 --> 01:02:53,880 {\an1}time a woman sleeps with a lot of men 3113 01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:55,670 {\an1}time a woman sleeps with a lot of men she's got a [ __ ] but if a man sleeps a 3114 01:02:55,670 --> 01:02:55,680 {\an1}she's got a [ __ ] but if a man sleeps a 3115 01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:57,770 {\an1}she's got a [ __ ] but if a man sleeps a lot of women he's called a stud and 3116 01:02:57,770 --> 01:02:57,780 {\an1}lot of women he's called a stud and 3117 01:02:57,780 --> 01:02:59,210 {\an1}lot of women he's called a stud and people have always said this is unfair 3118 01:02:59,210 --> 01:02:59,220 {\an1}people have always said this is unfair 3119 01:02:59,220 --> 01:03:00,950 {\an1}people have always said this is unfair right I'm here to tell you it's 3120 01:03:00,950 --> 01:03:00,960 {\an1}right I'm here to tell you it's 3121 01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:02,990 {\an1}right I'm here to tell you it's completely Fair 3122 01:03:02,990 --> 01:03:03,000 {\an1}completely Fair 3123 01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:05,569 {\an1}completely Fair I'll tell you why because it's [ __ ] 3124 01:03:05,569 --> 01:03:05,579 {\an1}I'll tell you why because it's [ __ ] 3125 01:03:05,579 --> 01:03:10,309 {\an1}I'll tell you why because it's [ __ ] easy to be a [ __ ] it's [ __ ] hard to 3126 01:03:10,309 --> 01:03:10,319 {\an1}easy to be a [ __ ] it's [ __ ] hard to 3127 01:03:10,319 --> 01:03:11,950 {\an1}easy to be a [ __ ] it's [ __ ] hard to be a stud 3128 01:03:11,950 --> 01:03:11,960 {\an1}be a stud 3129 01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:13,510 {\an1}be a stud right 3130 01:03:13,510 --> 01:03:13,520 {\an1}right 3131 01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:17,329 {\an1}right there are fat ugly [ __ ] out there there 3132 01:03:17,329 --> 01:03:17,339 {\an1}there are fat ugly [ __ ] out there there 3133 01:03:17,339 --> 01:03:19,910 {\an1}there are fat ugly [ __ ] out there there are no fat ugly studs 3134 01:03:19,910 --> 01:03:19,920 {\an1}are no fat ugly studs 3135 01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,490 {\an1}are no fat ugly studs I have met [ __ ] dwarfs I have never 3136 01:03:22,490 --> 01:03:22,500 {\an1}I have met [ __ ] dwarfs I have never 3137 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:25,190 {\an1}I have met [ __ ] dwarfs I have never met a stud dwarf maybe in their own 3138 01:03:25,190 --> 01:03:25,200 {\an1}met a stud dwarf maybe in their own 3139 01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:26,630 {\an1}met a stud dwarf maybe in their own Community but none that have ever 3140 01:03:26,630 --> 01:03:26,640 {\an1}Community but none that have ever 3141 01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,250 {\an1}Community but none that have ever crossed over 3142 01:03:28,250 --> 01:03:28,260 {\an1}crossed over 3143 01:03:28,260 --> 01:03:30,530 {\an1}crossed over to be a stud you have to be good looking 3144 01:03:30,530 --> 01:03:30,540 {\an1}to be a stud you have to be good looking 3145 01:03:30,540 --> 01:03:34,190 {\an1}to be a stud you have to be good looking Charming a good liar with a fake job to 3146 01:03:34,190 --> 01:03:34,200 {\an1}Charming a good liar with a fake job to 3147 01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:38,390 {\an1}Charming a good liar with a fake job to be a [ __ ] you just have to be there 3148 01:03:38,390 --> 01:03:38,400 {\an1}be a [ __ ] you just have to be there 3149 01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:41,510 {\an1}be a [ __ ] you just have to be there I'll tell you story I need this girl 3150 01:03:41,510 --> 01:03:41,520 {\an1}I'll tell you story I need this girl 3151 01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:42,950 {\an1}I'll tell you story I need this girl I went out with her and her biggest 3152 01:03:42,950 --> 01:03:42,960 {\an1}I went out with her and her biggest 3153 01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:44,150 {\an1}I went out with her and her biggest claim to Flame was that she went 3154 01:03:44,150 --> 01:03:44,160 {\an1}claim to Flame was that she went 3155 01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:46,190 {\an1}claim to Flame was that she went backstage and [ __ ] an entire member of 3156 01:03:46,190 --> 01:03:46,200 {\an1}backstage and [ __ ] an entire member of 3157 01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:48,049 {\an1}backstage and [ __ ] an entire member of a very famous band there was like five 3158 01:03:48,049 --> 01:03:48,059 {\an1}a very famous band there was like five 3159 01:03:48,059 --> 01:03:49,730 {\an1}a very famous band there was like five of them and she [ __ ] all of them and I 3160 01:03:49,730 --> 01:03:49,740 {\an1}of them and she [ __ ] all of them and I 3161 01:03:49,740 --> 01:03:51,410 {\an1}of them and she [ __ ] all of them and I said why did you do that for it she goes 3162 01:03:51,410 --> 01:03:51,420 {\an1}said why did you do that for it she goes 3163 01:03:51,420 --> 01:03:54,230 {\an1}said why did you do that for it she goes well they're my favorite band so I let 3164 01:03:54,230 --> 01:03:54,240 {\an1}well they're my favorite band so I let 3165 01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:55,069 {\an1}well they're my favorite band so I let them 3166 01:03:55,069 --> 01:03:55,079 {\an1}them 3167 01:03:55,079 --> 01:03:57,170 {\an1}them that is the privilege of the [ __ ] right 3168 01:03:57,170 --> 01:03:57,180 {\an1}that is the privilege of the [ __ ] right 3169 01:03:57,180 --> 01:03:58,670 {\an1}that is the privilege of the [ __ ] right there 3170 01:03:58,670 --> 01:03:58,680 {\an1}there 3171 01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:00,710 {\an1}there I can't go backstage to the girls 3172 01:04:00,710 --> 01:04:00,720 {\an1}I can't go backstage to the girls 3173 01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,650 {\an1}I can't go backstage to the girls allowed concert 3174 01:04:02,650 --> 01:04:02,660 {\an1}allowed concert 3175 01:04:02,660 --> 01:04:04,250 {\an1}allowed concert [Applause] 3176 01:04:04,250 --> 01:04:04,260 {\an1}[Applause] 3177 01:04:04,260 --> 01:04:08,930 {\an1}[Applause] and go I love the last album 3178 01:04:08,930 --> 01:04:08,940 {\an1} 3179 01:04:08,940 --> 01:04:11,510 {\an1}do what you want yeah 3180 01:04:11,510 --> 01:04:11,520 {\an1}do what you want yeah 3181 01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:13,490 {\an1}do what you want yeah except the Gingy one get me a [ __ ] 3182 01:04:13,490 --> 01:04:13,500 {\an1}except the Gingy one get me a [ __ ] 3183 01:04:13,500 --> 01:04:16,670 {\an1}except the Gingy one get me a [ __ ] beer 3184 01:04:16,670 --> 01:04:16,680 {\an1} 3185 01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:19,990 {\an1}ladies and gentlemen 3186 01:04:19,990 --> 01:04:20,000 {\an1} 3187 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:33,610 {\an1} [Applause] 296627