Original subtitles

Who killed my brother?

NARRATOR: Previously on Hill Street Blues...

I swear, Captain, I never touched the guy.

I got a witness right in that cell. He was right there.

-I'm pregnant, Frank. -Paul Grogin.

Man, you're a scream.

You know, you oughta be doing this for a living.

What do you think, I'm a member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff or something?

The officer goes into the cell.

The cop whacks him, and then he chokes him.

I have a special cream.

It's made from the secretions of queen bees.

Secretions, huh?

What's the matter, Captain?

It's your father. He passed away.

This is 500 big ones in developmental capital.

Man, people have been coming up to me all day

trying to get a piece of the action.

You bully me into turning down this job, and then I resent you for it forever.

I have to be a virgin for the man I marry.

I can relate to that.

That doesn't mean that we can't make each other happy.

I want to make a life with you.

I want us to be married.

(cheering)

NARRATOR: And now tonight on Hill Street Blues...

-Thank you. Thank you. -(cymbals crash)

-And I want this baby. -You're serious about this, aren't you?

I'm a father of a 16-year-old daughter named Kristen Murphy, scuzzbag.

And you, my friend, are one dead child molester.

I urge you not to perjure yourself, Mr. Crockett.

Get outta my face, or I'll kick your teeth in.

Your passing the polygraph has gotta tell 'em something.

They need a scapegoat for what happened down there and I'm it.

Have you ever had venereal disease?

-Do you have it now? -No!

-Mother's maiden name? -Zurilli.

Hold it right there. Police officer.

Get outta here!

Get out the way! He's got a gun! Freeze!

PHIL: Item eight.

Come on, people, we're almost halfway there.

In response to the continued assaults,

purse snatchings, and generalized rampaging

by a group of disenfranchised youth

on Number 14 line of our inner-city bus system,

better known as the Gates Avenue Gauntlet,

or more colloquially, the Nairobi Joy Ride.

(laughter)

You know what he means by that.

PHIL: ...Operation Bus Stop.

Said operation to place behind the wheel

of metro transit vehicle 147A, our very own Lucille Bates.

(cheers and applause)

Still actively licensed Class 3

from a prior and fortuitous piloting stint at PS67.

Plain clothes passenger backup

to be discretely supplied by Officer Hill and Renko.

That's 147A, people. East Utica to the river,

so let's keep our radios peeled for additional backup, shall we?

Item nine. Um, hey, hey, Schmeltzer, do you mind?

Item nine, on a somewhat more parochial note,

referencing the transfer per request to Washington Heights

of Officer Robin Tattaglia.

Said transfer duly approved, effective as of a.m. of tomorrow.

Though her sojourn be regrettably brief,

suffice it to say she leaves this hill a gentler domain for her presence,

a more melancholy one for her departure.

Now, we're just 28 blocks and an interprecinct pension away,

so let's not be a stranger, huh, Robin?

Item ten, regarding a 1:00 p.m. community meeting

to be held today at the Holy Christ Baptist Church

to air citizens' grievances

resulting from the unfortunate in-custody death

in cell five last Tuesday of one Lynn Tatum.

In addition to local religious and civic leaders,

said meeting is expected to be departmentally represented

by Chief Daniels, Captain Furillo,

and Lieutenants Goldblume and Dibble,

along with Councilman Mangiotti of the 17th District.

I don't need to tell you where the high temperature of the city's

expected to be recorded today.

In anticipation of which, the following officers

are hereby assigned to perimeter duty,

Peterson, Joyce, Tepaz, Dicarlo, Militello, Hurley.

As a tangential cautionary, people,

given the somewhat strong backlash on this one,

let's be especially circumspect

in our dealings with the citizenry these next few days, shall we?

Particularly with regards to the application of physical force.

Last item, I'm sure most of you are aware by now

that Detective Belker lost his father yesterday.

Those of you wishing to pay your respects

may do so at Halman's Funeral Home on West Huron.

From 9:00 to 12:00, today.

From which function, the department shall be represented

by Lieutenant Howard Hunter.

Those of you inclined to chip in for a precinct wreath

may do so care of Leo at the front desk.

All right, that's it. Let's roll.

And, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Let's be careful out there.

(indistinct chatter)

You have bugs on your face.

You have bugs all on your face.

You can just lighten up, pally.

Whatever happened between me and Kristen out there is my business.

(telephones ringing)

Hey, Mick, what are you doing?

I don't know. I woke up about 2:00 this morning.

I couldn't get back to sleep.

My mom's sleeping at my sister's.

I'm gonna go over there in a little while, bring her some breakfast.

Just thought I'd catch up on some paperwork.

It's too cold out to walk.

Mick, are you sure you're all right about my transfer?

-Yeah, I'm okay. -I better be going.

I'll see you at your mom's at 4:00, okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

(sighs)

WOMAN (on radio): Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See Surplus Store, corner People's Drive and 124th Street.

(sirens wailing)

(theme music playing)

(siren wailing)

-(tires screeching) -(horn honking)

Nice move, moron!

(punk music playing)

Uh.

Thirty-five cents, and I get a roller-coaster ride already.

And did you-- Did you hear the mouth on that woman?

Nasty. Gee.

Here's a perfectly good transfer, and she wouldn't take it.

See? Perfectly good.

Ma'am, this transfer expired six months ago.

Oh, is that so, Mr. Bus Commissioner?

Well, let me tell you something, Professor Know-It-All...

(gasps)

Oh, P.U.

Talk about something expiring.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Ma'am, that wasn't me.

Hey, look, it was the guy right behind me.

Oh, the bus fumes aren't bad enough, Mr. Stink-o.

You gotta put your two cents in.

In a barn with livestock you were brought up, I suppose.

Ma'am, if you don't like the ambiance back here,

I suggest you vamoose to another section of the bus.

Another section of the bus?

Another section of the state's more like it.

(punk music continues)

Go away!

And you, with the big mouth and the no respect.

Hey, Sid Vicious, I thought I told you to turn that thing off.

I can't hear you, stretch. The radio's on.

LUCY: You heard me.

And while you're at it, put out that cigarette.

-What are you, my mother? -Do I look like a test tube?

(volume increases)

I said, "turn it down"! Can you read this sign?

Obviously you can't, because they don't teach them to read on Mars!

So listen to this, no music, no smoking, no food or drink,

no talking to the driver, and no spitting, sweetheart!

So far, you're batting 800.

Okay, that's funny.

Make that five for five, sweet meat.

No, really, that's very funny.

Come here! Get out!

-Frank, I've made up my mind. -Fay?

I'm gonna have the baby.

Uh, are you sure you've given enough thought

to how this is gonna affect you financially, emotionally,

-socially? -(sighs)

Frank, I have thought of practically nothing else

for the last three days.

What about Grogin? Is he still taking a hard line?

Oh, I don't know. I guess so. It doesn't matter.

I wouldn't even take diaper money from that worm now.

As far as those social services are concerned,

well, I've run that gauntlet. And you want to know something, Frank?

I don't need them.

I woke up this morning with...

the most warm, beautiful memory of giving birth to Frank Jr.

Suddenly it was all clear to me.

I'm healthy, I have resources,

and I want this baby.

You're serious about this, aren't you?

I have never been more serious about anything in my life.

Then I'm with you.

(chuckles)

I feel stronger and more directed about myself than I have in years.

I even have the makings for a wonderful article

that I'm gonna meet with Metro Gazette on this morning.

What do you think? Uh, "Divorced, Pregnant, and Alone:

One Woman's Odyssey Through the Bureaucratic Maze."

It has a ring to it.

(chuckles)

Never say "ring" to an unmarried mother. (laughs)

Oh, God. Particularly one who's late for a 9:00 appointment.

Thanks, Frank.

(door closes)

Is your first name Joseph?

Yes.

Did you enter Lynn Tatum's holding cell on the 14th of this month?

No.

Prior to this month, did you use more force than was necessary

in the course of an arrest?

(sighs) Yes.

Any cop who says no to that is full of it.

Just answer yes or no.

Are you currently an officer of the Hill Street precinct?

Yes.

Did you choke Lynn Tatum at any time the man was in custody?

No. I mean, out on the street, yes,

but not while he was in custody.

Did you choke Lynn Tatum at any time after his arrival in the precinct house?

No.

(telephones ringing)

Frank, everyone is canceling from the town meeting.

If you want to reschedule, I better let the reverend know quickly.

Who's pulling out?

The mayor, Chief Daniels. Scheduling conflicts.

I get the feeling this is chronic.

Well, let's go ahead and take our medicine.

-Do you want me to come with you? -No, I need you here, Ray.

And yet Henry Goldblume is going with you.

Ray, part of Henry's job is public relations.

Part of your job is to be here when I need you.

You doubt my ability for leadership, Frank,

but when do you allow me to lead?

Listen to me, Ray.

After our talk the other day,

I pulled your evaluation forms.

Now, they could be stronger, probably.

But I think you'll have to agree, that, overall, they're pretty positive.

"I have every confidence

"that Lieutenant Calletano's leadership abilities

will continue to develop over time."

And that's an accurate expression of my opinion.

Now, that's only one of nine categories,

but overall, is the evaluation positive?

Yes.

And still there's no guarantee of your captaincy.

I mean, whether you get it or not, or whether I'm fair to you all the time,

you still have a job to do here.

-Have I ever not done it? -No.

Have you ever had reason to doubt my loyalty?

No, never.

I'll do my job, Frank. That doesn't mean I have to be happy.

Fair enough.

And again, someday I am going to be captain.

I don't doubt that, Ray.

Miss Davenport.

-Hi. -Frank.

Have you ever had venereal disease? Do you have it now?

N-- no!

Mother's maiden name?

Zurilli, one R, two L's.

Uh, date of your final divorce.

-Uh... -Date your divorce was final, I meant.

January 16, 1979. What is that?

(sighs) A marriage license, Furillo.

The clerk's office waived the three-day wait.

They're gonna trust us on the Wassermanns.

Care to put your money where your mouth is?

(chuckles)

We are gathered here in the presence of this witness

for the purpose of uniting this couple in matrimony.

This contract is most solemn, not to be taken lightly,

but thoughtfully, deeply,

and with a full understanding

of the responsibility of the commitment you're about to make.

Do you, Francis Furillo,

take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Do you, Joyce Davenport,

take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

Do you each promise to love and comfort one another

in adversity as well as in prosperity,

in sickness as well as in health,

and forsaking all others, remain faithful to each other?

-We will. -We do.

By the power vested in me by this state,

I pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride should you feel so inclined.

You know why they call them punks? 'Cause they look like punks.

When I went to school, you would take blue hair like that--

You would look good with blue hair.

Hey, Joe, nice to see you out in the old salt mines, buddy.

It's nice to be out.

-Hey, how'd Luce make out this morning? -She did real good.

That girl could've been a tank driver in 'Nam,

the way she moves that cattle car up and down the street.

She took this here, this punk--

Hey, Ralph Kramden, how you doing?

One of these days, Norton, huh?

Hey, they tell me you have a future in transportation.

Yeah, I got a real future.

It's about as promising as a shin splint.

So far this morning,

I got two junkies lose their lunch in the backseat,

I got three cabbies shooting me the bird,

I got this Johnny Rotten clone who spits up grape soda on my shoes,

and I got a 'lude freak who gets his head stuck in the rear exit.

So did you get the results?

What, the lie-detector test?

No, your pap smear, Joe. Come on.

I got straight A's. I passed with flying colors.

What else is new?

Yeah, it doesn't mean anything.

What're you talking about?

You passing the polygraph has gotta tell them something.

-Hey, it's inadmissible in court. -It isn't even gonna get to court.

You still don't get it, do you, Luce?

They need a scapegoat for what happened down there, and I'm it.

You know something, Joe? You're getting paranoid.

I'm not paranoid. I'm just facing facts.

I'm having the chow mein.

I can only repeat that we understand your frustration

and we share your concern.

(murmuring)

Captain, may I point out

the absence of a few prominent invitees,

like the mayor and the chief of police?

WOMAN: Yes, where are they?

Is that the kind of concern you're talking about?

Nobody's gonna deny that this is a political hot potato, Reverend.

We're also not about to deny that there have been times

when people in police custody have died at police hands.

ALL: Yeah.

HENRY: It's happened.

It's happened to Black people,

and we can understand your thinking that it may have happened to Lynn Tatum.

On the other hand,

we have no choice but to conduct the investigation

entirely as the evidence leads us.

I was on that street!

I saw that cop choking that boy! He hated that boy!

(clamoring)

Captain, in the last five years,

there has been 14 in-custody deaths in the police stations of this city.

Thirteen of the people who died were Black.

The other, Hispanic.

Now, there's a message in those figures, and we read it loud and clear.

The message is that, statistically,

89 percent of the population of the Hill is Black and Hispanic!

That means that an overwhelming percentage of the people arrested there

are going to be Black or Hispanic.

Listen, I don't care anything about statistics.

My son is dead, and there's no reason for it.

Now, I had a good son. He didn't go around making trouble.

Look, an investigation is being conducted into the death of Lynn Tatum.

If that investigation points to a police officer,

that officer will be charged and brought to trial.

Captain, hurray for you.

I can only promise you that every effort will be made

to get to the bottom of this prisoner's death.

(indistinct chatter)

You're gonna be remembered as that bankrupt,

watermelon-headed club owner

out on Highway 9 that blew a chance to book Vic Hitler's comic debut

-for nothing! -(receiver slams)

You think you got it rough? A fellow walks up to me and says,

"You see a cop around here?" I say, "No." He says, "Okay, stick 'em up."

(laughs)

Did you hear the one about the overly familiar midget?

Walks in this bar, kissed everyone in the joint.

(both laughing)

Sweetheart, how are you?

Oh, I am pumped. I am pumped.

I stayed up half the night, you know, working up new material in my motel room.

So how are we doing on bookings?

-Oh, great, Vic. Just great. -Oh, good. Good.

I-- I gotta tell you, though,

I've been running into a lot of static on account of the name thing.

-Oh, come on. -Look, look, look, before you put the idea

out of your mind completely, just do me a favor.

Just consider these alternatives that I cooked up.

"Vic Roma. Vic Dakota." That's cute.

"Vic Anthony. Vic Vegas"? Ugh.

Sweetheart, I'm about to throw my lunch over a fence,

and I ain't even had breakfast yet.

Come on, Vic. What's the big deal? It's only a name.

Yeah, only a name that's been in my family for over 400 years.

That's a good 320 longer than that deranged house painter Adolf.

If the truth be known,

came into the world a son of an Austrian pencil pusher

by the name of Schicklgruber.

-No kidding. -Yeah.

I don't even want to tell you what my grandfather told me

on his deathbed 30 years ago.

He said, "Vic, I've gone through a lot of pain in this life on account of it,

but promise me, son, promise me you'll never forsake...

the family name."

Whew.

I'm sorry, John, but those are the cards I was dealt.

Vic Hitler, it stays.

Come on, to hell with his polygraph, Frank.

I've got half the population of your precinct

screaming bloody murder.

That's no basis for convening a grand jury.

Look, I'm not saying we're coming down with an indictment on your client.

But we're certainly justified having this biker testify.

You really want to grease the wheels of justice?

You take a closer look at your star witness.

Crockett had motive, access,

and a record of violent crimes two inches thick.

There isn't a shred of evidence against Crockett, and you know it, Frank.

What there is, since 11:00 this morning,

is a forensics report showing microfibers from Coffey's shirt

on Lynn Tatum's neck.

Everybody knows Coffey used a choke hold making the arrest.

No fibers from Crockett anywhere on Tatum's person,

and Crockett was wearing a shirt--

Whose sleeves were probably rolled up.

You care to join in this discussion, Counselor?

What discussion? The man's mind is made up.

FRANK: So are we finished here?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Before we began.

If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.

-Will you be at the grand jury hearing? -If my officer has to be.

I got to get off this bus.

-Get off? What are you, crazy? -I'm sorry, Luce.

My bladder sounded a ten-minute warning about five blocks ago,

and I got to get off.

It's gonna look conspicuous if I have to wait for you.

Well, it's gonna look a lot more conspicuous

if I don't get off this bus, if you catch my drift.

Okay. Okay. But you better be quick.

Excuse me, ma'am, for having bodily functions.

Yo! Move back!

Everybody, just be cool and give up the goodies.

If you think about moving, I'll blow your head upside this bus

and you know that.

MAN 1: Hand over your purse, mama.

Hurry up!

MAN 2: Give me the money! Come on!

Hold it right there. Police officer.

Get outta here!

Get out the way! He's got a gun. Freeze!

If you want to shack up in some van with a 16-year-old,

that's your business, babe.

But don't call me into the trial as a character witness.

Oh, man.

Oh, Leo, for God's sake, not here.

Better in here than all over the front desk.

J.D.: I'm telling you, man, Kristen is a very mature 16-year-old.

And hey, hey, I'm a young 35.

(chuckles) Yeah. Thirty five going on ten to twenty upstate.

Thanks for the advice, you dried-up, refried Baptist prude.

You John D. LaRue?

Yeah. Who wants to know?

Just a guy who's gonna break both your legs

and flush you down the toilet.

Hey, if it's about Manusko,

you tell him he'll have his bread by Tuesday.

MAN: Uh-uh.

J.D.: Oh, oh, Sheila.

Yeah, well, the kid ain't mine.

-I swear to God. -Uh-uh.

Okay, well, then why don't you just cut this Ghost-of-Christmas-Past routine?

Tell me who the hell are you?

I'm a father of a 16-year-old jewel of a daughter

named Kristen Murphy, scuzzbag.

And you, my friend, are one dead child molester.

I swear to God, Mr. Murphy, hey, it was a field trip.

I mean, I mean, we were talking about criminology.

You know, basic surveillance.

I never laid a hand on her.

I left her in the van. I didn't even go back.

If she says I touched her, she's lying.

You calling my baby a liar?

Of course not. Oh, my God.

Don't tell me that's a gun.

Say your prayers, scuzzbag.

J.D.: Please, man, please.

I'll never touch a girl under 18 as long as I live.

Okay, 25, 30, 35.

Go ahead. Go ahead and shoot.

You gotta shoot the junkie first.

(laughter)

ANDY: "Don't do it!"

(laughter)

Jack Haggerty, roaming all the way from midtown.

-(laughter) -Vice.

-Kristen. Oh, hi. -Hi.

I waited for you in the van for an hour last night.

Yeah. I know. I know.

Look, uh, I tried to call you at school.

-Can we talk here for a minute? -Sure.

Okay. Can I get you a chair?

That's okay. I'm fine.

(sighs)

I, uh, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.

About us, I mean.

I want you to know this is very, very hard for me to say.

I mean, I like you a lot.

More than that, I respect you.

(sighs)

Yeah, you're probably the greatest 16-year-old I've ever known,

but I don't think it's a good idea, you and me.

It just won't work. You need somebody your own age.

Now, look, if you ever get in a real jam,

an emergency or something, if you're ever lonely,

if you're ever lonely, you can always call me.

But us as a steady thing?

-I think we'd better call it off. -Okay.

Bye.

(telephone ringing)

Yeah? Yeah?

Yeah, it's him speaking. Who is this?

Tony who?

(stammers) Tony from Eugene. Tony!

Hey, hey, Tony baby! What's happening?

Really?

Hey, that's too bad.

Uh, what's wrong with the guy?

Appendicitis. Ugh.

(stammers) Well, sure, we can make it. You bet.

7:30? See you there. Bye.

Hey, hey, oh!

Oh, Leo! Leo!

Have you seen Vic?

Last I heard, he was down in the locker room trying to cop some Zs.

-Any news? -Just keep your dance card clear

for tonight, honey.

-Bobby. -Captain.

How'd it go?

We got two of them. The other two got away.

One of the kids who escaped took a shot at me,

and I had him right in my sights, and then...

I couldn't pull the trigger.

What was the crowd situation?

-There were other people around. -I'd say you showed good judgment.

Maybe, but I gotta tell you, Captain,

part of why I didn't pull that trigger

was because I didn't want to get hung up like Joe Coffey!

I understand.

It makes me angry to have thoughts like that

running through my mind when I'm out on the streets.

Bobby, the Hill's been a powder keg lately,

and your deciding not to bring down a perpetrator

in a situation where a mistake might buy a riot

strikes me as exercising sensible restraint.

That kind of restraint, Captain, could cost lives, too!

It's a delicate balance,

but given the existing atmosphere, I'd say you made the right choice.

(sighs)

Uh, Bobby?

I got married this afternoon.

You're kidding.

-Congratulations, Captain! -Thanks.

-My best to the bride. -I'll tell her.

Is it-- is it a secret?

(chuckles) No.

(laughs)

-Eugene's Comedy Empire? -You got it, Victor.

-Did your buddy, John, come through? -You know the tradition that place has?

All right, so they served a couple of minors once.

Wait a minute. I'm going back 15, 20 years.

Eugene's is one of the classic toilets.

-Hey, look, beggars can't be choosers. -You're still not getting it.

I mean, some of the top guys started there.

You know, Shecky, Don, I think that's even where Lenny Bruce O.D.'d.

Why didn't you wake me up sooner? I got a million things I gotta do.

I mean, my whole time clock is gonna be off.

Hey, hey, as long as the gag meter's running.

-That's like riding a bike. -Yeah, a lot of people around here

are gonna be sorry they missed the boat.

Hey, good news, Frank!

Metro Gazette is very enthusiastic about my article.

They want to see a rough draft by Friday.

Oh, great, Fay.

Hey, listen, I'm missing one of my folders. I think I may have left it

-in your office. -Sure.

Congratulations, Captain.

-Thanks, Leo. -Wonderful news!

Congratulations for what?

-Come on. -What?

We have to talk, Fay.

So what's the big mystery?

Uh, Fay, listen,

Uh, I-- I was gonna tell you this under better circumstances.

I mean, I was gonna come by after work and, uh...

What?

I got married this afternoon.

-Married? -Yep.

(shudders) Re-- really, Frank? Married?

Yes.

Oh, boy.

(stammers) Sit down. Sit down.

Oh, boy.

You okay?

(chuckles)

Uh, Joyce Davenport?

(laughs)

What a stupid thing to ask. Of course it's Joyce.

It's just that, well, I'm just so surprised, Frank.

It's, uh-- I'm-- I'm happy for you. Really, I am. I'm...

I know that you're gonna be very happy, and that Joyce is...

Thank you.

Of course, your timing's pretty damn lousy, I have to say that.

How do you mean?

Well...

(stammering) Well, you know, it's just that I'm pregnant,

and that I'm just really trying to get it all together,

and I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel,

and then you turn it into another train!

Frank, how could you do this to me?

Is this what you meant when you said

that no matter what I decided, you'd be there for me?

I mean, you call this help?

Oh, come on, Fay. We both have lives to live.

Let me live mine.

(sniffling)

I'm sorry, Frank. Really, I'm sorry. I...

I'm okay, really.

I'm still gonna be there for you and Frank Jr.

And any new starters.

(sniffling)

I really am happy for you, Frank.

I know you wanted this.

I'm all right. I'm okay.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And-- and, um,

please give my best wishes to Mrs...

Joyce.

(sniffles)

(giggles)

You want to hear the stupidest thing, Frank?

FRANK: Hmm?

Up to two minutes ago...

with everything that's happened between us,

up to two minutes ago, uh...

I always thought we'd get back together.

Miss Tastee-Freez.

Five minutes.

Oh, it doesn't have to happen that fast.

I'm here to prepare you for your grand-jury testimony.

Outstanding.

You're going to be questioned about events leading to the death of Lynn Tatum.

You'll be giving testimony under oath. You're expected to answer truthfully.

You have the right not to incriminate yourself.

I can't come into the hearing room,

but if you're confused by a question,

or you want to talk to me for any other reason,

the judge will grant a recess, and we can confer in this room.

Do you understand?

I don't think we'll be doing too much conferring.

That's your prerogative, Mr. Crockett.

The cops want that guinea. I'm gonna give him to 'em.

They want the truth, Mr. Crockett.

Listen, lady, you people been on my case since I was five years old.

You give me a chance to hand some of it back,

you bet I'm going to.

I'm gonna jive. I'm gonna lie.

I'm gonna teach that guinea cop

-just what it means-- -Mr. Crockett,

you've just told me you intend to lie in a court proceeding.

This would be a crime, and I urge you as your attorney

and an officer of the court not to do it.

(chuckles)

Oh, well, sure, I mean, if you urge me.

If you don't reconsider, I'll have to withdraw as your counsel.

You must not stay on too many cases, huh?

I cooled that nigger.

You betcha I'm gonna lie.

I urge you not to perjure yourself, Mr. Crockett.

You said that.

Will you reconsider?

Get outta my face or I'll kick your teeth in.

You'll have to delay Crockett's testimony.

-I can't represent him. -What do you mean?

I can't represent. Get him another lawyer.

Look, I know the guy's no day at the beach--

Look, it's not a personality conflict.

-Would you mind telling me what it is? -I can't represent.

-I'll inform Judge Michaels. -Hey, Joyce, tell me what's going on.

Is he lying about seeing Coffey murder this guy?

I can't tell you more.

You know that privilege applies.

Counselor, what are you pulling, some kind of phony delay?

Look, just represent him another hour.

I've got pressure on me, Joyce.

You'll resign right after he testifies, all right?

No.

What's going on?

Uh, if I'm not cross-eyed,

Ms. Davenport has just preserved the lawyer-client privilege

while informing the district attorney that my client is innocent.

I wouldn't go that far.

How far would you go?

Come on, Alvarez. If it was anything but perjury,

she could have stuck around another hour.

Crockett was gonna go in there, commit a crime. She walked away.

FRANK: Let's quit dancing, Alvarez.

(sighs) All right.

In conscience, the inference I draw is that Crockett's lying.

No grand jury for now.

Okay.

Am I okay?

Well, better than you were five minutes ago.

Looks like we licked him on the criminal charges.

What about him? He's the one who should be charged!

Okay, look. We got a good case, okay? I'm gonna hustle down to Michaels' court,

see if I can pick up anything else, huh?

-Hey, thanks a lot, Sam. -Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

-Go slow for me. -Mm-hmm.

How do you feel?

(sighs) I'm okay.

I'm mad.

I'd say it's a hurdle overcome.

No, it's more like I just started out on a marathon.

I mean, isn't that what she did? They can't use that, right?

Her letting the D.A. know that Crockett was gonna lie.

That's privileged communication.

But people are still gonna think that I did it.

Some will, sure.

And I could still get sued.

Joe, look, I've always thought of you as a survivor.

If you're gonna survive this,

you're gonna have to do it one day at a time.

You start chewing at all the possibilities--

No, I'm gonna survive. I'll survive.

I'm gonna go home tonight and figure out my future.

I hope you're not considering leaving the force.

I'm not gonna resign.

I just know I'm a good cop, Captain.

It's just so damn unfair.

♪ Talking it over, just the two of us ♪

♪ Working together day to day ♪

♪ Together ♪

I can't believe you, Schnitz!

Everyone who can do you absolutely no good...

and that name!

Myrna, will you give the guy a chance? I'm telling you, he's a million laughs.

All I had to hear was who's managing him.

the blind leading the unmentionable.

We got strict financial oversight, Mrs. Schnitz!

Outside accounting!

I'll give you outside accounting.

I hope you enjoy this, Leo.

I hope this is worth a life without sex.

♪ Aah ♪

Hey, Leo! Myrna!

Showtime.

So how's our boy?

Oh, money in the bank. He's feeling great.

WOMAN: Thank you.

MAN: Isn't she something else?

Come on, let's give her a big round of applause.

(light applause)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your laughing and listening pleasure,

Eugene's proudly presents the comedy stylings of Vic Hitler Jr.

-Let's bring him on! -(drumroll)

(cheers and applause)

Hey, Vic! Hey, Vic!

(cymbal crashes)

All right, all right.

Thank you very much for that moving introduction.

-(drum thumps) -Remind me to use you

next time I apply for a loan, all right?

That's it. Good. All right, here we are, ladies and gentlemen.

(chuckles nervously)

What is this, a convention of monks, or did someone just say "E.F. Hutton"?

I don't know what we're doing here.

(laughter)

Excuse me, do you know anything about real estate at all?

Anything? A little bit? Tell me, is this a lot?

-I'm kidding! I'm kidding! -(laughter)

-I didn't mean that, all right? (laughter)

Well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

(imitating Rod Serling) Submitted for your consideration,

aging entertainer on a one-way ticket to comedy hell.

(laughs)

(in normal voice) Anyway, it's an honor and a pleasure

-to be working here at-- Where am I? -J.D.: Eugene's!

Thank you! Eugene's. Right, it's Eugene's, isn't it?

Well, maybe not an honor, but at least it gets me out of the house.

-You know what I mean? -(laughter)

I mean, not that I don't have an absolutely lovely wife.

Why, just last week, she got a mud pack at the beauty shop.

Looked terrific for three days. Then the mud came off.

Went back the next day, spent over $500, and that was just for the estimate.

J.D.: If Ed Sullivan was alive! Oh!

Seriously. I told her this morning, I said, "Sasquatch--"

Uh, no, come on! Come on, seriously.

(clears throat) Oh...

Oh, payday at my house is like the Academy Awards.

My wife says, "May I have the envelope, please?"

I've been married for ten years. I'm still in love with the same wonderful woman,

and if my wife ever finds out, she's gonna kill me.

(coughs nervously)

(scattered laughter)

What is the, uh, the, uh, sleeping routine here?

Pure improvisational genius.

-(microphone thuds) -Oh, yes, sir, do you know what?

(laughs)

I just came back from a pleasure trip.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

(laughter)

Last week, I told her, I said, "My house is your house."

-Two days later, she sold it. -(laughter)

(laughs)

Huh? (laughs)

Oh, boy.

Last week, my brother-in-law-- (laughs)

what a character he is, I'll tell you.

Last week, uh,

I asked him what he was doing wearing my trench coat. (chuckles)

He says, "You wouldn't want me to get your new suit wet, would you?"

(laughter)

(laughter dies)

(laughing)

That sleeping routine's rather amusing.

-MAN: I don't get it. -Yeah.

J.D.: He's, uh, carrying it too far, though.

Vic!

Vic! Come on, Vic!

-(feedback) -J.D.: Vic!

-(snoring) -J.D.: Vic!

-But seriously, folks, my brother-- -Save it, Vic.

(cries)

(sighs) Did I go out?

You went out.

Is there something you want to tell me, Vic?

Looks like you already found out.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Narcolepsy.

I swear to you, J.D., I thought I had it licked.

I cooked short-order four years in St. Louis.

They had this clinic, and, uh, they were giving me treatments.

They said I was cured, 40 percent chance.

Vic Hitler, the narcoleptic comic.

-Was I out long? -Long enough.

J.D., is there any way I can make it up to you,

you and your beautiful guys?

Vic Hitler...

the narcoleptic comic.

What went on?

Two perpetrators held up a liquor store one block east of here on Utica.

Owner called it in.

Officer Hardy and Welsh responded,

chased them into this warehouse where the shootout occurred.

Hardy's in ICU. One of the perpetrators was killed.

And the other?

He was apprehended by your day guy, Belker.

He was driving nearby, and he called it in.

What about the perpetrators? Black, white?

-White. -Where's Belker?

(siren wailing)

(indistinct chatter over police radio)

I-- I was just driving around, and I heard it on the radio,

so I-- I just came over. I don't know.

You okay?

I'm fine.

Your mother?

She's okay.

In fact, I gave her a sedative.

Captain, I heard you got married today.

I'm very happy for you.

Sorry you had to come out tonight.

That's okay. You have someplace to go, Mick? Where's Robin?

How'd you know about that?

Precinct's a hard place to keep a secret.

Yeah, I guess so.

I don't know, Captain.

I've been with people all day.

I just wanted to get out by myself for a while.

You want to talk?

I'm okay.

You should have known my dad, Captain.

Last few months, he wasn't really himself, but he used to be something else.

(chuckles) You think I can bite?

Once when I was five years old, I saw my dad get into a fight

with a guy that was about the size of a Mack truck,

and my dad was a little guy just like me.

He took a bite on this hairball's arm,

and he held on for life,

and this big guy is shaking his arm up and down, up and down,

and my dad is going right up and down with him. (chuckles)

He was one tough little guy, my old man.

I'm gonna miss him a lot.

Uh...

can I buy you a cup of coffee?

You know what you should do? You should go home to your missus.

I'll see you at work tomorrow morning.

You sure?

Think we're going to lose the romance, Furillo?

Mm-mm. I don't think so.

I don't know.

We've got all this disgusting respectability.

Trust me, Joyce.

-(chuckles) -We're doing all right so far.

We're going to do things, Frank.

Amen.

(laughs) No.

Let's travel, hmm? Europe? Japan?

-Let's redecorate my apartment. -Let's live within our means.

We will.

I'm going to love being married to you.

Mrs. Furillo?

You suppose I could have a kiss?

The name's Davenport, pizza man.

Really?

Really.

I can live with that.

(closing theme playing)