All language subtitles for Hill.Street.Blues.S03E12.Santaclaustrophobia.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_prob3_track3_[und]

NARRATOR:
Coming tonight on Hill Street Blues...

Merry Christmas, children.

ALL: Merry Christmas!

What have we got here, Renko?

First victim was ambulanced off to Mercy

with a gunshot to the neck
and over a dozen knife wounds.

-What's the count?
-Seven incidents, three shootings.

You ain't no Santa.

How would you like a nice
crushed vertebra for Christmas, kid?

Good, bad or indifferent,

I'm still your father,
and don't you forget it.

-You never were.
-I killed her husband.

It was an accident, man.
Give yourself a break.

(siren blaring)

Oh, Lordy, it's Christmas Eve,

and I'm gonna get shot dead
in a moose suit!

-(all chattering)
-PHIL: Item ten,

as regards "Operation Santa."

Wherein Detectives Hackley,
Sabatino, and Belker

will be working 112th St.
at the Avenue "B" overpass,

Rappaport's Department Store,
the Jefferson Avenue Mall,

and the Blue Line subway entrance

at 118th and People's Drive,
respectively.

Item 11, I remind you yet again
of the seasonal increase in suicide,

aggravated assault, D&D,
and your ever-popular homicide.

Pursuant to these grim realities,
I give you Item 12.

Now, let's exhibit sound judgment
out there today,

and hold to a minimum
the nuisance-type busts.

Neither this precinct
nor the courts it serves

-looks kindly...
-Cupid, Comet, Dancer...

...on the last-minute frenzy
of Mickey Mouse arrests,

and attendant paperwork.

The day before Christmas is no time

-to pad your collar count.
-(all groaning, chattering)

Item 13, the Christmas gift drive

for the patients
of All Angels Children's Hospital

under the personal supervision
of Lieutenant Howard Hunter.

(cheering, applauding)

Last-minute gifts
for these young unfortunates

are being wrapped near the front desk
even as we speak,

and delivery of same is scheduled
at 4:30 p.m.

-Blitzen, Comet, Donner...
-PHIL: Officers Hill, Renko, Kresky,

Mankiewitz, Coffey, Bates,
and Detectives Bogburn,

-LaRue, Washington, Goldblume...
-Cupid, Blitzen, Dancer--

...will convene at 4:15 sharp
in the parking lot.

For transport to Children's Hospital,
carpooling is recommended.

Appropriate wardrobe for Santa's helpers

has been provided free of charge

by Kowalski's Costume
and Party Supply Rentals.

(all applauding, cheering)

So, uh, leave us keep
these good people in mind, uh,

when we come upon their delivery trucks

occasionally parked
in life's myriad no-loading zones.

(laughter)

Item last, Lieutenant Calletano
has asked me to remind you

of a little holiday celebration
here in Roll Call commencing at 6:00 p.m.

-(whispering)
-So, as you move off to your various

Christmas Eve celebrations,

-take the moment for some good fellowship,
-(laughs)

good groceries,
and non-alcoholic holiday cheer.

-(groans)
-I stress "non-alcoholic..."

-Cupid, Dasher and Vixen.
-...with specific reference to last year's

pair of revelers who, under the influence,

were discovered partaking
of each other's good will semi-naked

in the middle cell
of the garden-level holding facility.

(laughter)

All right, that's it. Let's roll.

And let's be careful out there.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey! Merry Christmas.

-(chattering)
-Merry Christmas, Sarge.

I like it... I like it
when them little chipmunks sing

in them high voices like that.

They sing them Christmas songs.
I like that a lot.

-Hey. Hey, come on.
-Forget about it.

Don't-don't say that.

-Come on, man, huh?
-J.D., Neal.

Robbery/Assault at the Hotel Richmond,
3500 block of East Utica.

Why can't Washington Heights take it?

-Because it is still our precinct.
-Big deal.

Come on, man.
This is your basic "bah, humbug."

Shot up an all-night laundry.
Miracle nobody got hurt.

Had to use tear gas.

(yells) No!

-Get away!
-MAN: Take it easy!

You got me! (yelling)

(groans)

Hey, you never heard of "peace on Earth,
good will to men," you little creep?

(whistling "Deck The Halls")

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas, Henry.

HENRY: Merry Christmas to you, Howard.

-Who's your friend?
-HOWARD: Ho, ho.

-(chuckles)
-Thank you. Oh, Howard, (clears throat)

I got you a little something
for the hospital.

Oh, thank you, Henry. That's cute.

-Howard?
-Yeah?

Is this really the kind of toy
we want to be giving to these children?

Henry, unlike some knee-jerk, liberal,
Chicken Littles,

who believe that toy guns are harmful
to a child's psyche,

I am convinced that they provide

harmless ventilation
for juvenile aggression.

You know, this is really a very nice
knockoff, Ballantine.

(machine gun fire)

-(clattering)
-(groans)

(telephone rings)

Judas H. Christmas.

WOMAN (on radio):
Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See Surplus Store,
corner People's Drive and 124th Street.

(sirens wailing)

(theme music playing)

(siren blaring)

RENKO: You all want to move aside, please?

Let me get this poor woman out of here.
All right. Take this thing down.

Make some kind of report,
and I'll deal with the suits out here.

Be real careful going down the stairs,
and get this thing out.

If you want a motorcycle escort
or something, go ahead and ask for it.

-They don't need one?
-What have you got here, Renko?

The first victim was ambulanced
off to Mercy

with a gunshot and about a dozen
knife wounds.

We got a second victim right over there.

With several witnesses describe the
perpetrators as either four male Latinos,

or three male Blacks, take your pick,

fleeing the premises in a light blue
or possibly yellow

late-model Ford or Pontiac,
take your pick.

Said perps come
in assorted heights, weights,

distinguishing characteristics,
et cetera, et cetera.

Get 'em over to the station and run 'em
through the mug books.

How clever. Why didn't I think of that?

-Hey, you got a problem with me, Renko?
-Do I? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

Anybody that brings an attitude like
you got to me the day before Christmas

-is gonna have a problem.
-Hey, look. You want it, you got it.

Neal, man, hey. Whoa, come on.

Hey, let's canvass the neighborhood.
We'll let the guy do his thing.

-Now, come on. Come on.
-(siren blaring)

Further felicitations of the season
to you too, good buddy.

-(bell tinkling)
-Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas, lady.

-Oh, ho.
-(choir singing)

Merry Christmas.

♪ O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree ♪

-What?
-You ain't no Santa.

-The hell I'm not.
-You're too ugly to be a Santa.

-Come on, kid. Take a powder.
-Rotate on it, slim.

Hey, hey. How would you like a nice,
crushed vertebra for Christmas, kid?

-You know what I think?
-What?

-I think you're a cop.
-Hey. Hey.

-I'm right, ain't I?
-Just keep it down, will ya?

What's the scam here, Jack?

-(coins jingling)
-Look, kid.

Here's a couple of bucks. What do you say?

You want to go to a movie or something?
Get lost?

Come on, beat it.

-Check you later, Mr. Policeman.
-(growls)

I am drunk, I am disorderly,

and I am prepared to be arrested.

Sir, you're not drunk enough,

and you're not disorderly enough
to be arrested.

Now, have a candy cane
and get on out of here.

You ain't hearing me, white boy.

I said I wanna be arrested and serve time

at the Michigan Avenue complex.

-Come on.
-Uh, Leo?

-What seems to be the trouble, huh?
-(sighs)

This guy wants to be arrested

so he can have Christmas dinner
at the Michigan Avenue complex.

Sir, why don't you just mosey over
to Jefferson Avenue Men's Shelter?

They serve up a mighty fine
Christmas dinner.

(chuckles) See? You don't know nothin'.
They serve ham over there.

I cannot eat ham.
It "disconveniences" my stomach.

They serve turkey
at the Michigan Avenue complex.

Well, you're gonna have to commit
a substantial misdemeanor

before we can incarcerate you.

You want substantial?
I've got your substantial.

Hey, mama! Check this out.
I'm buck naked! (cackles)

Can't somebody arrest this pervert?

Insufficient evidence, Mrs. Furillo.

-Okay, buck, you win your turkey. Come on.
-(man cackling)

Two of the people from the market
were taken over to Saint John's.

Beaten unconscious with baseball bats.
One of them a 65-year-old lady.

-Same four guys, Lieutenant.
-(sighs)

You know, nothing ever changes
around here, Frank?

-What?
-(door slams)

Well, I was just accosted
by a naked pervert.

What kind of person does that the day
before Christmas?

Fay, I have a ton of work to finish
before I leave here tonight.

Have you packed Frank Jr.'s suitcase yet?

Well, uh, Frank,
I'm having second thoughts.

We're leaving on a seven o'clock flight,
Fay. It's too late for second thoughts.

-Yeah, but what if he gets hurt?
-He's not gonna get hurt.

It's three days on the bunny slope,
not the Swiss Alps.

Besides which, it was your idea
for us to take him with us

so you could go to Bermuda
with Judge "what's-his-name."

Frank. Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Furillo.

Frank, Bates and Coffey brought in
two more robbery/assault victims.

Same MO as the welfare hotel.

God's sake,
that's the third one this morning.

And we just got word
on another one in the Heights.

Let's coordinate with Jack Armetta up
there. No sense in duplicating efforts.

Do we have these people
going through the mug books?

Sure. Sure. And I've got Rich Velasquez
working on composites.

Good. Keep me posted.

RAY: Merry Christmas, Mrs. Furillo.

-Oh, thank you, Ray. Same to you and Rosa.
-(in Spanish) Gracias.

-Now, Frank--
-(door closes)

I have all Frank Jr.'s presents
right here, but you have to promise me

that you'll get a nice little
Christmas tree to put them under.

You know, he's had a Christmas tree

-every year of his--
-He'll have a tree.

And-and, Frank, whatever you do,

please, please don't forget
to hang his stocking.

It's the first thing he looks for
when he gets up on Christmas morning.

And I've already filled it, you know,
with little-little presents and...

and candy, and things, you know, that--

But the five-and-dime was out of those
little caramel swirls

(voice breaking) that he's used to and--

Fay. It's-it's all right.

(sniffles) Well, it hurts, Frank.

You know, it's-- it's the first year
that I won't be with him,

and-and with you gone too--

I hate palm trees at this time of year.

I'll call you at your hotel the moment
he starts opening presents

so you can be in on it
every minute of the time.

-(chuckling) Okay?
-(sighs)

Remember our first Christmas together?
I mean, as a family?

We were in the Lynwood Avenue apartment.
Frank Jr. was about four months old.

-Aw.
-(both chuckle)

I must have spent half the night trying
to put that tricycle of his together,

and I sat on it for one second
and it broke into about 48 pieces.

(both laughing)

I think that was our best Christmas ever.

Listen, Frank, um...

When you get back, do you think we could
have Christmas dinner together?

I mean, the three of us.
I know it'll be a couple days late, but...

-It'd kind of be like old times.
-Yes. I'd like that a lot.

Oh, Bobby? There's a gentleman
over by the front desk to see you.

Uh, what brings you to town?

What brings me to town? (laughs)
What kind of question is that?

I'm here to spend Christmas
with my one and only son.

-What else?
-And damn, you look good, boy.

You look like aces.

As a matter of fact,
you look better than aces.

You look downright flush.

What else brings you to town?

(laughs) Listen at you, boy.

Soundin' like one of these
police interrogators.

'Course, now that you mention it,

I do have a little end-of-the-fiscal-year
business to conduct

with some local associates,

but primarily, we are talking
about a family visit here, son.

Merry Christmas to you, boy.

Go on. (chuckling)

Why do you want to write me a check
for $500?

Oh, be-because it's Christmas. (chuckles)
And I have always said

a man can never be too long on a little
pocket change come the holidays.

'Course, only 350 of that's for you,

the other 100 and a half being sorely
needed by your old man.

That is,
if you got the spare cash on hand.

On account of that being
an out-of-state check,

all I figured you'd have a lot easier time
running it through your neighborhood bank

than I would with mine. But damn, boy,

if you ain't gettin' handsomer
and handsomer every year.

And they got nerve enough to tell me

that you always did favor your mama
in that regard.

(laughing) Look, I gotta go,
but now, come punch-out time,

I want you to call me at the Kenmore Hotel

and let your old man treat you
to some Christmas dinner.

-Uh, I don't know. (stammers) I mean, I--
-Now, Bobby. Bob.

Don't give me no ifs,
ands, buts or whatsoevers.

You call me, boy. Call me!

And, Bobby, don't go spending
all of that in one place.

(laughing)

What do you mean,
you're not gonna call him?

It's Christmas Eve, and he's your old man.

I told you, Renko, he's nothin'.

He never acted like my father.
He's not family. He's nothin'.

I don't understand this mentality.
Just how old were you when he left?

About six, I guess.

Four kids, a wife.

And he never so much as sent us a postcard
till six months later.

Every year it's the same damn thing.

Whenever he needs
a little traveling money,

or whenever the cards
or the horses bring him back to town.

I never had the nerve to tell him
what I thought of him.

-Damn, why doesn't he just leave me alone?
-Hey, man, don't do that.

-That's a gift. That's $500.
-It's bogus, Renko.

The man never wrote a good check
in 20 years. So let's just eat.

I'll kick myself till the day I die

for not making things right
with my daddy before he passed on.

Well, I don't have anything
to work out, Renko,

so let's just drop it, all right?

Take my advice, Bobby Hill.

You get straight with that man.
You've got to get straight.

-He's the only daddy you got.
-(laughs)

Look, look.
We go down to Wisniewski's Poultry

and we buy a nice, fresh turkey, okay?

You can't go wrong with a fresh bird,
Neal. It's a real gesture.

Do you remember that stew I used to date
that got pregnant on me?

Roxanne, huh? Remember her?
Was she steamed up with me, huh?

Okay, so it's Thanksgiving, right?

I show up at her apartment
with a fresh turkey. Another guy's there.

She kicks his butt out, we cook the bird.
What a night.

Damn it, J.D.,
I didn't make this woman pregnant.

-I killed her husband.
-It was an accident, man.

Give yourself a break.

You know, you're beating yourself up
over something

I bet she doesn't even
hold you responsible for.

(sighs) Yeah, maybe you're right.

Sure I am. Come on. Huh? Come on.

We'll go down, we'll pick up a bird
and we'll be down there.

The gift of food breaks down
a lot of emotional barriers.

Ah. Creamed sewage on rye.
Good choice, Belker.

(growls)

Hey. What's the latest on those crazies,
Henry?

Uh, three assaults on the Hill,
two in Jefferson Heights.

Guy's going for some kind of record.

-Howard.
-Uh, Henry.

Drugs, no doubt.
Speed, animal tranquilizers, juice.

Doll, can I have a menu?

So, tell me, Henry.

What do Jews do at Christmas, anyway?

I don't know, Howard. Go to Miami?

-(chuckles)
-Thank you.

I've been invited to dinner
at the Wolfowitz's home.

Uh, I was wondering
if there's some sort of a ritual gift?

Uh, sweet wine,
or perhaps a fruitcake or...

I'm-I'm trying to convince them

that I'm the appropriate suitor
for their daughter's hand.

-Howard. Intending--
-To take a Jewess for my wife.

-Right.
-What's wrong with that?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Do the parents know you're...
of the Christian faith?

Well, I intend to fly my colors,
if that's what you mean.

Thank you.

My good woman, do you have the temerity
to call this paste gravy?

Why, you rotten Nazi slime.

Well, that's a typical female's inability
to accept corrective input, Henry.

It's the day before Christmas,

my husband has deserted me
for a 19-year-old tootsie,

my kids never call me,
I'm having hot flashes

-and I made that gravy.
-Oh. Uh...

Oh! Well, I might have been premature
in my judgment, madam. It's first rate.

-WOMAN: I can't stand it anymore!
-My compliments to the chef.

-I just can't take it. I wish I was dead.
-It's gonna be okay, hon.

-Nice goin', crud brain.
-(woman sobbing)

Sorry, guys. No Reggie Hill here.

-Um, how about Reggie Hilbert?
-Nah.

-Hilbert Reginald.
-Mmm.

-Regis Reginald.
-HARV: Uh.

-Regis Hillstone.
-Hillstone?

-You lookin' for that bum too?
-Yeah, well... Well, sort of.

Well, if you find him,
I want a piece of him.

Guy waltzed out of his bill
not more than an hour ago.

Even beat me out of the velour towels.
What do you got on him?

Bunko? Yeah, bunko, I bet.

-(stammers) Look, mister, um...
-HARV: Harv.

Harv, this is probably our fault.

You see, he probably thought
we were hot on his tail,

and so he-he cut out on it.

-Will 25 cover it?
-Includin' the towels?

Towels. Yeah.

Sorry for the inconvenience.
Merry Christmas.

Yeah, have a good one yourself. (chuckles)
You like that, Martin? Cops!

I don't believe this.
I don't believe this.

First he does a number on me,
then he says he'll be at the hotel,

then he leaves me with the damn bill
and goes out the back door.

You got to admire the criminal mastermind,
Bobby. So are we gonna go get him?

-No!
-What are you talkin' about?

You gonna let it drop just like this,
him disappearing?

WOMAN (on radio):
Four possible suspects, male.

Are you gonna let it drop?

WOMAN: Green Grand Prix,
last seen headed northbound.

BOBBY: 2202 responding. Over.

-WOMAN: Roger, 2202. We copy.
-Come on, Renko.

-(engine starts)
-(siren blaring)

Merry Christmas. Ho, ho--

Come on, lady. You wanna move?

Yo, brother! Santa's a cop.

(whistling "Jingle Bells")

(growling)

Move!

What's with you? I got free speech.

You little hair bag.
You are coming with me.

I can hold as long as you can.

-(indistinct dialog)
-I'll bet. Bye.

Who do we have responding, Henry?

Hill, Renko, Simmons, Obradovitch,
Morley, Gemigniani,

-plus all Eastside Park on the perimeter.
-Frank, I think they changed cars.

Now we got a report they are driving
a late-model black Oldsmobile, no plate.

-What's the count?
-Seven incidents, three shootings.

Thank you. The lady in the 133rd Street
robbery just died.

-(sighs)
-Soon as we get ballistics,

distribute citywide.
And keep an open line to Mercy.

All right.

How are we coming on the photos, Phil?

Well, some of the victims are in troubled
straits, but they're trying.

I sent Mueller over to Mercy
with some more mug books.

Good.

-MICK: Sarge?
-Yes?

You wanna take care of this
sawed-off little delinquent?

He was obstructing
an ongoing police operation.

-Well.
-Who you calling a delinquent?

-You jarhead. You jarhead in a red suit.
-(chuckles)

Here's the grandmother's address, Sarge.

Ooh. Say, Pepe--

Will you escort young Herman
to the "B" level "incarcetorium"

while I see if I can locate
the legal guardian?

Lieutenant? I got a photo I.D.

On a kid that I think is still in County.

Now Joe and I picked this kid
up about two weeks ago on a "burg."

He pulled 60 days,
so he's still in County, right?

The week before Christmas? They all walk.

LaRue, Washington.
Get going. You too, Bates.

-Where?
-Uh, the kid's address is in the Heights.

Right. Good. Get backups from over there.

Hey, Flynn, keep going
with the books here.

Henry, let's run this Rivera through
Corrections, Gang Intervention, BCI--

-Howard--
-I got it, Ray.

Webster, Ballantine, Saltoun.

-J.D.: Police!
-CARMEN: Get out of here!

You got no business in here, man.
Hey, what are you doing in there?

Here. It's for you. It's a warrant.
All right, where is he?

-Who?
-You know who. Luis.

I don't know no Luis, man.
Hey! You leave that stuff alone.

-Bedroom's clean.
-So you don't know Luis, huh?

Whose is this gonna be then, huh?
You're under arrest, sugar.

-This is a bust.
-WOMAN: I don't live here.

(stammers) This is my cousin Tina's place.

Hey, looks like a little blow too, Babe.

Hey, you're flakin' me, pigs.
You lousy pigs!

-Come on.
-This is my cousin Tina's place.

I told you. Get out of here!

This is my cousin--

-Hey, hey. You know the lady died.
-You saying I killed some old woman?

It's called being an accessory, kid.

It's called harboring a fugitive,
obstruction of justice.

You're 18 now, sugar. Gloves come off.

-You gotta set my bail, man.
-You're not getting bail, Carmen.

It's Christmas. You gotta give me bail.

Hey, hey, Carmenita,
you ever been lost in the system?

You know, we put you on a bus
with the wrong paperwork.

Maybe takes you three, four days
just to get to Michigan Avenue.

-(speaking in Spanish)
-What do I know what he does, huh?

-You know!
-I don't know.

A guy named Miguel from County.

-Dudes he met inside.
-More names, Carmen. Más nombres.

Miguel Alonzo.

That's all.

Release her.

Come on. Come on!

Henry, have Maris and William follow her,
and run the names through Corrections.

GRANDMA:
You see, he's my daughter Cynthia's,

and she lives in Roanoke.

She went to Florida for a few days
with her boyfriend for the holidays.

-(clamoring)
-So they sent up Herman. Herman!

Get in here. Get-get back here.

They sent Herman up to me and his papa.

And only his papa's working all the time,

and in the meantime he's just going
from bad to worse.

Ma'am, I can appreciate
the difficulty, but--

GRANDMA: But nothin'.

Either he goes to the belt room
and gets a whuppin',

or I don't take him home.

Ooh. "The belt room."

GRANDMA: Yes, and I took my eldest there
when he was cuttin' up,

and he's a motorman now.

And I brought Charles here.
Well, he got a whuppin' every other week.

But he's a minister,
and that was 22 years ago.

Well, you see, the belt room is occupied
at the moment.

We have a particular incorrigible
who's being administered, uh...

seventy strokes.

I figure a young fella your age,
40, 45 should suffice.

You know, you better hope you get a pillow
for Christmas, young fella.

What's the trouble here, Sergeant?

Well, I'm gonna take this young
incorrigible down to the belt room

and see if I can effect a little change
in attitude.

Oh, well, w-wait a minute
You had the last one, didn't you?

-That's right, I did, sir.
-Well, I...

-I think I'll have a crack at this one.
-Yes, sir.

-Sit down.
-You gonna whip me?

Nah, we don't do that here.

Bull. I know what goes on in these places.

Uh, what I actually wanted
to talk to you about was, uh,

h-how long you think you're gonna be here.

What do you want to know that for?

Till a few days after Christmas,
you think?

-Something like that.
-You in school?

Yeah, I go.

I heard your grandma out there. Uh...

I have a sneaking suspicion
maybe you're mad at some people.

Some people you think
maybe don't love you.

-Like who?
-Your mother, maybe?

Why did she have to go to Florida
with that dude?

Maybe she's tired.
Needs a vacation. I don't know.

Uh... I have a little boy too.

He's not gonna be spending Christmas
with his mother either.

-Why? Does she hate him?
-No, she doesn't hate him. She loves him.

It's just that, sometimes, when a mother
and a father aren't living together,

i-it's hard for them to...

uh, explain things right to their kids.
You know?

Like, uh, to say they love you...

when they're not with you all the time.

That's all I wanted to tell you.

-Come on.
-No, really. That's all.

That other dude. He's gonna whip me?

I told you, we don't do that here.

You wanna shake hands instead?

-If I do, do I gotta be good?
-No.

You just have to remember
how many people love you.

(bell dings)

Merry Christmas.

What are you doing here?

Mrs. Moldonado, I know it's not anything,
but it's the holidays and I thought...

I bought you a gift.

This how you pay off your guilt, huh?

Disgrazia, you killed my husband.

I know I did, ma'am.
But it was an accident.

MRS. MOLDONADO: That's what you say.

Police investigation. Big deal.
You all stick together.

Ma'am, if I could bring him back,
I'd do anything.

Listen, why don't you do yourself
a big favor and just get out of here, huh?

Because if you're asking me
to forgive you, forget about it

because I'll never forgive you.

I wish it were that simple.

I wish you could say something.
Then maybe I could sleep at night.

Truth is, I know I did the right thing.

But that doesn't change the fact
that your husband is dead

and I killed him.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I guess I just wanted
to make some sort of contact with you

to tell you I feel for your loss.

You know what I'm doing tonight?

I'm going to stay open until midnight

because people buy a lot of booze
on Christmas Eve.

And then I'm going home alone.

And drink and cry on the couch
until I pass out,

because it's Christmas
and I don't have my husband.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I really am.

You are so sorry, huh?
I'll give you something to be sorry about.

Because I am going to sue you
and your entire department's butt off

for $3.2 million.

Tellin', you, Neal, it's--

Okay, men, let's be careful
with these costumes.

I've got to return them to Kowalski's
just the way they gave them to me.

Let's go, let's go.
We're getting a little late here.

Neal, I'm telling you, it's stupid.
You took a shot. So what?

Hey, just leave me alone, John.

-You want me to go get the turkey back?
-It wasn't a turkey.

-It was a damn goose.
-All right, whatever, man.

I'll march right in and grab the sucker.
The hell with it.

You know, I'll tell you something.
What you got here,

what you got is your classic
holiday depression syndrome.

It's strictly seasonal.

You can populate Toledo
with the number of dudes

that have blown themselves away
over eggnog and mistletoe.

Yeah, that's just what I need right now.

Some third-rate psychological commentary
on the holiday blues.

Man, you don't have clue one
to what's eatin' me,

so, why don't you just do me a favor
and button it up for a couple of weeks?

Hey, come on.
Hey, now, you just hold on a second, pal.

-Come on, guys. It's Christmas Eve.
-Go suck on a wreath, Coffey.

Now I've been eating a lot of negative
flak off you all day,

-and it's gotten to wear kind of thin.
-You know where the exit is.

Damn it, Hurley, will you turn that
off for a minute, man?

It's my fault the store owner
got blown away, huh?

It's my fault his old lady
told you to stuff the goose

-or turkey or whatever the hell it is.
-Man, you better check the scoreboard

before you start gettin'
too righteous with me,

because I have covered your sorry butt
through more times than I can count

through times when you weren't
even fit for a bench in a detox ward.

And now the one time that I need
a little understanding, you can't even--

Damn it, man, I asked you
to turn the damn thing off!

-(clattering)
-Hey, what are you doing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right. Hey, hey, hey.

Tomorrow, tomorrow.
I'll get you one twice as big.

(groans)

(bells jingling)

HENRY: Mind if I join you?

How long has it been since the shooting?

Three months this Friday.

Have you talked to anybody about it?

Furillo? Department psych?
Jill, LaRue, anybody?

I didn't think there was
any need to, Henry.

I mean...

I thought with a little time I could...
get a handle on it, you know?

Have you?

It's coming back up on me, Henry.
I'm chokin' on it.

This job's full of guys like you, Neal.

Want the world to think
they got it all under control.

Everything's cool. No problem, no sweat.

Strong and silent.
Ain't that just part of the profile, huh?

Like hell it is.

You know what happens
to guys like that, Neal?

Guys like you who want to keep
it all inside themselves?

Sometimes it takes a while. Years, maybe.

But sooner or later, they lose everything
that ever meant anything to them.

Their friends, families, the job.

Maybe they just end up alone
in the middle of the night,

staring down the barrel
of their service .38.

(stammers) I want to talk it out, Henry.

I want to deal with it.

-But I just don't know how, man.
-HENRY: All right.

There is a counselor name of Brennan,
out of Midtown.

He's helped a lot of guys
through this sort of thing.

Go see him, will ya?

You got a lot of friends
in this department, Neal.

Try to lean on us now and then, will you?

St. Valentine's Day Massacre,

Yom Kippur War, Christmas Eve,
rampage on the Hill.

What's it all about, Bobby.
The holiday motif?

Hill, Renko.
Your reindeer suits are waiting.

(laughs)

Well, I checked out of the hotel.

-Wanted to see when you was gettin' off.
-You didn't check out.

-You beat 'em for 25 bucks. I paid it.
-(laughs) Oh, come on, Bobby.

I'd have sent 'em a check in the mail.
I do it all the time, boy.

Now, come on, Bobby.
Have dinner with me tonight.

Forget about it.
There's nothin' here, Reggie.

Now, wait a minute, boy.
Don't you dare call me Reggie.

Good, bad or indifferent,
I'm still your father,

-and don't you ever forget it.
-Oh, no, you're not.

You never were.

I'm sick and tired of you
blowing into my life,

churning up old wounds

and then getting back on the bus,
leaving all over again.

I just want you to leave me alone.

All right, Bobby. I'll be going.

But listen, Bobby, I...

I could use a little... getting-away cash,
if you can spare it.

Bobby, I want you to understand
something, son.

I didn't come here just to hurt you, boy.

And I didn't come here just for the money.

Bobby, you gotta understand, son,
I'm just a...

I'm just a travelin' man.

Then do it. Travel. Right now.

Bobby, I... (sobs)

(door closes)

♪ Jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh, Hey ♪

-♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
-Merry Christmas, children.

ALL: Merry Christmas!

-It was the, uh--
-(music ends)

(microphone echoes)

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the hospital,

not a creature was stirring,
not even a marsupial.

The tree was all trimmed,
and outside it was snowing,

but the children were troubled
because Santa's not showing.

Uh, but wait.
Here's his wife and two of his fairies.

I'll ask them where's Santa,
and why is he tarry.

-(applauding)
-I'm his old lady, so I ought to know,

he left the North Pole over two days ago.

His sled was all gassed
and in tip-top condition.

I gave it a lube and rewired the ignition.

Hey, I'm his personal elf.
I'm worried sick.

He's never this late.
It's not like Saint Nick.

-(jingle bells tinkling)
-But hark. What's that racket?

-NEAL: Could it be?
-J.D.: No. Cannot.

-LUCY: Sounds like a sled.
-Then it's got to be...

-MICK: Ho, ho, ho!
-CHILDREN: Santa!

-(cheering)
-(chanting)

MAN: All right!

-HOWARD: Merry Christmas, children.
-(chanting)

Took a wrong turn at Iceland,

-and two tires I blew.
-CHILDREN: Santa!

But here I am now with presents for you.

(children cheering)

Merry Christmas!

(chattering)

(chattering, laughter)

Hey, did you see the size
of those kids' eyes

-when we yanked back that curtain?
-(chuckles)

They were like saucers.
Oh, Mick, you were terrific.

-Yes. Thank you.
-Man, am I pumped up.

We gotta do these charity gigs more often.

I know what you mean, man.

I got another benefit I gotta do
in just a couple of hours.

-Yeah? What's her name, J.D.?
-Loretta. Sicilian babe.

She is going to go hot with desire
over these elf threads.

-(laughter)
-JOE: Hey, Bobby,

what have you got going tonight?

Well, a bunch of us guys
are going over the Kubiaks'.

Jakilek's gonna throw a Christmas bash.

Be nice to get these antlers
kind of worn down.

-Oh, are you gonna come, Mick?
-No, I can't. I got a date.

Hey, we all have dates. Bring her along.

Thanks anyway,
but I got a big dinner lined up,

and then a party with relatives.
You know. It's holiday stuff.

WOMAN (on radio): All units
in the vicinity North and Elmwood.

Pursuit in progress of late-model
black Oldsmobile four-door.

-Hey, listen up.
-WOMAN: Three prior 211s.

Suspects presumed armed and dangerous.

Repeat:
All units in the vicinity of North--

NEAL: Sounds like our boys.

-Up ahead, Neal.
-(siren blaring)

...late-model black Oldsmobile four-door.
Suspects presumed--

(tires squealing)

(clamoring)

-(tires screeching)
-(siren blaring)

All right, these crumbs are probably gonna
be packing a lot of metal, boys and girls.

Good. They're gonna need it.

-(clattering)
-(siren blaring)

Whoa! Oh, Lordy.

It's Christmas Eve and I'm gonna get
shot dead in a moose suit.

-(tires screeching)
-(horns honking)

RENKO: Grab that thing.
Grab that thing. Grab that thing.

Come on, get out.

(growling)

-Hold it right there. Oh! Oh!
-(clattering)

(Lucy groaning)

-(grunts)
-(groans)

JOE: Get up. Get up!

Freeze! Freeze! Police. Freeze.

-(man speaking in Spanish)
-Shut up and move.

BOBBY: Move in there. Come on.

That's them. Those are the ones.

-That's them! That's them!
-You animals! You filthy animals.

(clamoring)

-Hey! Everyone in Interrogation. Now!
-I got it.

Let's follow procedures here,
shall we, gentlemen?

Ray, I want all the victims sequestered
until we can arrange a lineup.

And I want that done
as soon as possible, Henry.

I'm not about to blow this I.D.
on some logistical screwup.

-Yes, sir.
-Ray, call the PD's office,

and get their representation down here.

-J.D., Neal, get a jump on the paperwork.
-Captain, you promise me,

you promise me that
they're gonna pay for what they did.

You promise me.

We're doing everything we can, Mrs. Grady.

Any word on Lucy?

Coffey rode with her
in the ambulance to Mercy.

She's in Intensive Care.

-Keep me posted.
-Okay.

Thanks.

Uh, Neal, uh, about this afternoon.

-Hey, forget it, babe.
-I don't wanna, man.

I can be a real meathead sometimes,

but your friendship, uh...

It means more to me than anything.

Uh... this is for you.

What's this, man?

J.D.: It's a Christmas present,
you melon. What's it look like?

Uh, how about we exchange 'em tonight?
After dinner?

This, uh, some kind
of half-assed dinner invitation?

I'll call Jill and ask her to set
a couple extra plates, okay?

You're on.

Hey, I'll bring the goose.

(laughs)

Don. Don, I won't know that
till we have a lineup.

Yeah. Yes, of course. Right. Mm-hmm.

-You're a life saver, counselor.
-Hot waxed and flat filed.

You're going to be the fastest Italian
on snow since Gustavo Thöni.

-Who's that?
-Forget it. You all set?

No, just a couple of details,
and I'll be right with you.

Frank, we've gotta go all the way across
town to pick up Frank Jr.,

and believe me, if we miss this flight,

we'll be stranded at that airport
till Easter.

Excuse me, Francis.

Well, Ms. Davenport,
don't we look ravishingly Alpine?

-Mm, mmm.
-Thank you, Phil.

Oh, Lucy Bates is out of Intensive Care.
It was only a mild concussion.

They're gonna keep her overnight
for observation.

Oh, that's great, Phil.

Listen, let's send her some flowers
from everyone. I'll pay for them.

-All right.
-Phil, send the bill to me.

Yes, Ms. Davenport.

Now what about this unfinished business?

We ran a lineup
for the first two victims, Frank.

-Uh, so far we're batting a clean 1,000.
-Good work, Henry.

-We're out of here, counselor.
-Uh, Frank.

Chief Daniels on line five.
I think it sounds urgent.

Uh, tell him I've gone skiing, Ray.

My kind of man.

RAY: Merry Christmas.

(music playing on TV)
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

-♪ Hallelujah ♪
-(humming)

♪ For the Lord God omnipotent ♪

♪ Reigneth ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ For the Lord God omnipotent ♪

♪ Reigneth ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

(on TV)
I am the ghost of Christmas Present.

Look upon me. You have never seen
the like of me before.

I'm not sure I see the like of you now.

-Oh, but I hear you. I hear you.
-(laughter)

-MAN 1: So I've heard.
-(telephone rings)

You're the one who's too tight
with a penny

to buy himself a pair of spectacles.

-Come! Come and...
-Hello?

No, I'm sorry.
I think you have the wrong number.

Well, Merry Christmas to you, too.
Goodbye.

LUCY: Who is it? Who's there?

-Is that you, Joe?
-(music on radio) ♪ Holy infant ♪

Well, what do you think?

-Joseph.
-Hey, I know it's a little crooked--

not to mention being a dwarf,

but it was practically
the last one left in town.

I grabbed it at Manggiotta's two minutes
before they closed.

It's really beautiful.

It really is.

So, how about some eggnog?

-Come on, Luce. What are you crying for?
-LUCY: Don't ask such stupid questions.

What's with the extra blankets?

JOE: I slipped the orderly a ten-spot
so he'd let me spend the night.

What, did you think I was gonna let you
spend Christmas Eve by yourself?

I'll just pull up a couple of chairs.

The hell you will.

Come here.

Come here and give me a hug.

♪ Christ our savior ♪

♪ Is born ♪

-♪ Christ our savior ♪
-JOE: Merry Christmas, Luce.

-LUCY: Merry Christmas, Joe.
-♪ Is born ♪

(closing theme playing)