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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:20,029 --> 00:00:24,227 You can run, but you can't hide from the Lord. 4 00:00:27,438 --> 00:00:29,998 You can never judge a woman with bad... 5 00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:14,108 Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful person. 6 00:01:15,184 --> 00:01:20,122 Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual talent. 7 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:25,254 Sarah Rose knows you're a teenage girl. 8 00:01:25,296 --> 00:01:28,093 And she definitely knows... 9 00:01:28,132 --> 00:01:32,865 that you are ready for the ultimate in teen glamour. 10 00:01:35,004 --> 00:01:39,441 The American Teen Princess Pageant! 11 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,240 And now, a few words from last year's host... 12 00:01:42,278 --> 00:01:44,644 Mr. Adam West! 13 00:01:44,682 --> 00:01:47,173 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 14 00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:53,087 has been enriching the lives of American-made girls since 1945. 15 00:01:53,122 --> 00:01:55,750 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 16 00:01:55,793 --> 00:02:00,287 provides personal growth, scholarship, travel! 17 00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:04,165 And you might even meet a few celebrities. 18 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,497 Yes! 19 00:02:05,536 --> 00:02:07,003 At the national level... 20 00:02:07,036 --> 00:02:10,564 thousands of seventeen-year-old girls like yourselves... 21 00:02:10,641 --> 00:02:13,610 compete around the country in places like... 22 00:02:13,644 --> 00:02:16,078 beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota... 23 00:02:16,112 --> 00:02:20,106 and make it all the way here to Lincoln, Alabama... 24 00:02:20,149 --> 00:02:24,280 to compete for the title of American Teen Princess. 25 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,757 So which one of you will it be? 26 00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:33,559 Like sands through the hourglass so are the "Days Of Our Lives. " 27 00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:39,028 God, Iris, you taped your shows over it. 28 00:02:39,068 --> 00:02:40,400 I'm sorry. 29 00:02:46,043 --> 00:02:48,773 Now, ladies, the rest of the tape... 30 00:02:48,811 --> 00:02:51,245 which is now gone forever... 31 00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:54,545 goes on about starting that great journey... 32 00:02:54,585 --> 00:02:57,713 which we call the American Teen Princess Pageant. 33 00:02:57,755 --> 00:02:59,484 So any of you young ladies... 34 00:02:59,522 --> 00:03:01,252 who'd like to start on that journey... 35 00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:03,691 you just come right down here and sign up. 36 00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,627 And, please, help yourself to some coffee and bars. 37 00:03:08,399 --> 00:03:10,333 Showtime. 38 00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,265 Do you think most people would say... 39 00:03:13,303 --> 00:03:15,601 that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? 40 00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,071 Oh, yeah, sure. 41 00:03:17,106 --> 00:03:18,767 I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin'... 42 00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:21,309 hairy-legged women libbers might say. 43 00:03:21,345 --> 00:03:22,811 They might say that a pageant... 44 00:03:22,845 --> 00:03:25,211 is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls. 45 00:03:25,249 --> 00:03:27,274 What's sick is women dressing like men. 46 00:03:27,317 --> 00:03:28,909 You betcha, Iris. 47 00:03:28,952 --> 00:03:30,919 No, I think you boys are going to find something... 48 00:03:30,954 --> 00:03:32,717 a little bit different here in Mount Rose. 49 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:35,121 For one thing, we're all God-fearin' folk. 50 00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,888 Every last one of us. 51 00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:41,295 And you will not find a "back room" in our video store. 52 00:03:41,331 --> 00:03:44,459 No, that filth is better left to the sin cities. 53 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,560 A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul. 54 00:04:09,293 --> 00:04:10,760 Oh, yeah, sure. 55 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,226 Freda, sure. 56 00:04:12,261 --> 00:04:14,593 She was the oldest living Lutheran. 57 00:04:14,631 --> 00:04:17,360 Now she's as dead as a doornail. 58 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,925 It's the damn Shriners who won't take down... 59 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,699 that goddamn sign, the lazy sons of bitches. 60 00:04:22,772 --> 00:04:25,707 Every year... every damn year, I tell 'em... 61 00:04:25,742 --> 00:04:28,210 "Take down the goddamn Freda sign... 62 00:04:28,278 --> 00:04:29,745 "you lazy sons of bitches!" 63 00:04:43,393 --> 00:04:47,159 Today's "to do" list includes a trip to the Mall of America... 64 00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:49,164 where we are going to be buying outfits... 65 00:04:49,198 --> 00:04:50,563 for the physical fitness number. 66 00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:51,625 Nothing too showy. 67 00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:53,260 No. You betcha, Iris. 68 00:04:53,303 --> 00:04:55,703 We need that third judge. Gosh, don't let me forget... 69 00:04:55,772 --> 00:04:56,966 We need to think of a theme. 70 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,440 Gladys, look out! 71 00:04:59,475 --> 00:05:01,443 Gosh darn it. Hello, Father Dunegan. 72 00:05:01,512 --> 00:05:03,241 Sidewalks? Sidewalks? 73 00:05:04,814 --> 00:05:07,375 Iris, stop it. It's not his fault. 74 00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:10,977 The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them. 75 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,487 That's why we Lutherans use grape Kool-Aid... 76 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:13,888 for the blood of Christ. 77 00:05:13,923 --> 00:05:16,791 There's a parking space over there. 78 00:05:16,826 --> 00:05:18,885 Oh, no. That's just a compact. Sorry. 79 00:05:18,928 --> 00:05:20,691 You'd think they'd have the parking lot of America... 80 00:05:20,731 --> 00:05:22,322 to go with the Mall of America. 81 00:05:22,366 --> 00:05:25,096 It's a $200 fine! 82 00:05:25,134 --> 00:05:28,104 I told you I would move the car if a cripple came. 83 00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:31,368 Now just run in the store and pick out some outfits. 84 00:05:31,441 --> 00:05:32,465 All right, let's go. 85 00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:34,010 Wait, wait, wait. 86 00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:35,305 What? 87 00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:37,039 I think I just thought of the theme. 88 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,775 Oh, what? 89 00:05:39,816 --> 00:05:42,410 "Proud to be an American. " 90 00:05:42,452 --> 00:05:45,751 So, what was the theme of the pageant last year? 91 00:05:45,788 --> 00:05:48,553 Oh, that was "Buy American. " 92 00:05:48,591 --> 00:05:50,354 And the year before that was... 93 00:05:50,394 --> 00:05:52,589 "U.S.A. Is A-OK!" 94 00:05:52,629 --> 00:05:55,393 And can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? 95 00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:57,423 Can I? 96 00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:59,263 "Amer-I Can!" 97 00:06:00,671 --> 00:06:02,797 People ask me where I get this. 98 00:06:02,872 --> 00:06:05,272 I don't know. A gift from God or something. 99 00:06:16,452 --> 00:06:17,613 Hi. 100 00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:21,317 Just introduce yourself and tell us why... 101 00:06:21,357 --> 00:06:22,824 you're signing up for the pageant. 102 00:06:22,859 --> 00:06:25,019 OK. Hi. Hi. 103 00:06:25,062 --> 00:06:27,655 I'm Leslie Miller. 104 00:06:27,698 --> 00:06:31,327 I'm signing up 'cause, you know... 105 00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:33,427 I always watch the pageants on TV... 106 00:06:33,469 --> 00:06:36,633 and my boyfriend thinks I'll win. 107 00:06:36,707 --> 00:06:38,265 For my talent, I'm going to be doing... 108 00:06:38,342 --> 00:06:39,933 You've been talking to this guy long enough. 109 00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:42,001 I'm trying to tell him... 110 00:06:42,078 --> 00:06:43,273 Now? 111 00:06:49,185 --> 00:06:50,652 Hi, Pat. 112 00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:52,177 Go Muskies! 113 00:06:54,992 --> 00:07:00,293 Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm signing up... 114 00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:03,025 'cause my two favorite people in the whole world... 115 00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,091 competed in pageants... 116 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,933 my mom and Diane Sawyer. 117 00:07:07,971 --> 00:07:09,438 Course, I hope I end up... 118 00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:11,906 a little more like Diane Sawyer than my mom. 119 00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:25,120 Do you do any of the embalming? 120 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:27,680 Oh, my God, no. Oh, God. 121 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,658 I just do the hair and makeup on the deceased. 122 00:07:31,861 --> 00:07:33,328 I'm lucky I have an afterschool job... 123 00:07:33,363 --> 00:07:34,830 where I can practice my talent. 124 00:07:39,302 --> 00:07:42,759 Oh, yeah, sure. Every pageant is special... 125 00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:48,174 but this one is extra-super-special to me. 126 00:07:48,211 --> 00:07:51,578 When I was seventeen... I don't know if you know this... 127 00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:57,884 I was crowned Mount Rose's American Teen Princess... 128 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,081 and this year... 129 00:08:00,123 --> 00:08:02,852 drumroll, please... 130 00:08:02,892 --> 00:08:07,956 my lovely daughter Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing. 131 00:08:09,565 --> 00:08:10,827 Is this my mark? 132 00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:16,762 Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman, and I believe this pageant... 133 00:08:16,839 --> 00:08:18,705 is an important experience for every young woman. 134 00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,868 It... 135 00:08:20,944 --> 00:08:23,912 Well, it teaches you what's really important in life... 136 00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:26,915 and it has the power to change you... 137 00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:28,940 in ways you've never dreamed of. 138 00:08:38,594 --> 00:08:41,927 My mom gave me this nine-mill for my thirteenth birthday. 139 00:08:41,965 --> 00:08:44,661 Yeah. I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. 140 00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:46,726 "Jesus loves winners. " 141 00:08:46,769 --> 00:08:50,228 That's why no matter what I do, I aim to win. 142 00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:59,541 Why? Well, it's kinda like asking... 143 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:03,348 why all the guys chew Copenhagen, you know? 144 00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:04,944 If you're seventeen... 145 00:09:04,988 --> 00:09:08,718 and you're not a total fry, it's just what you do. 146 00:09:10,226 --> 00:09:12,786 Have you decided what your talent is going to be yet? 147 00:09:12,829 --> 00:09:16,128 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna sing and dance... 148 00:09:16,165 --> 00:09:18,360 to "New York, New York. " 149 00:09:18,401 --> 00:09:21,164 I just fell in love with the Big Apple last summer... 150 00:09:21,204 --> 00:09:23,603 when I was visiting my brother Peter there. 151 00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:26,641 He followed his dream all the way to New York. 152 00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:29,974 Wait. 153 00:09:30,013 --> 00:09:33,914 Here's Peter as... Liza! 154 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,975 Here's him as Madonna. 155 00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:42,680 As Barbara. 156 00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:51,325 I don't know what my talent's gonna be yet. 157 00:09:52,535 --> 00:09:55,936 Kenny! Kenny, come. Come, Kenny. 158 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:59,100 Oh, Kenny! Oh, this is Kenny. 159 00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:00,803 Spike, my German shepherd... 160 00:10:00,877 --> 00:10:03,437 he went to live with a nice family on a farm... 161 00:10:03,513 --> 00:10:05,276 after he attacked me... 162 00:10:05,315 --> 00:10:07,748 but it wasn't his fault, was it, Kenny? No. 163 00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:10,617 I had beef jerky in my front pocket. 164 00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:18,355 They remade my belly with skin from my butt. 165 00:10:18,394 --> 00:10:23,731 I was Mount Rose American Teen Princess in 1945. 166 00:10:23,766 --> 00:10:28,170 We were at war with the Japs. 167 00:10:28,204 --> 00:10:30,399 Didn't even get to keep my damn tiara. 168 00:10:30,472 --> 00:10:34,034 I had to turn it in for scrap. 169 00:10:40,115 --> 00:10:45,577 So we adopt Molly three year ago when we come to America... 170 00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:49,149 to help acclimate us to American. 171 00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:51,421 To America, Dad. 172 00:10:53,997 --> 00:10:56,362 She all-American girl. 173 00:10:56,399 --> 00:10:59,094 She our Teen American Princess. 174 00:10:59,134 --> 00:11:00,362 Oh, Ma. 175 00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,044 English! 176 00:11:09,112 --> 00:11:11,580 Speak English, you stupid little retard! 177 00:11:11,614 --> 00:11:16,484 So, Molly, tell movie man what you talent do. 178 00:11:16,518 --> 00:11:18,452 I'll be line dancing. 179 00:11:18,488 --> 00:11:20,854 Country western! 180 00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:22,859 Clint Black, ruff! 181 00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:26,453 Hey, what he got that I not got? 182 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,066 So have you decided what your talent is going to be... 183 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,465 for the pageant yet? 184 00:11:32,502 --> 00:11:36,597 Yeah. I'll be doing a dramatic monologue... 185 00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:40,665 and right now I'm thinking "Othello... " 186 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,541 or "Soylent Green... " 187 00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:45,843 Well, my own version of it. 188 00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:48,509 You know, a lot of girls make a smooth transition... 189 00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:49,915 from pageants into acting. 190 00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:51,545 Competing for the title... 191 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:56,024 of Minnesota's American Teen Princess sure was exciting... 192 00:11:56,059 --> 00:11:58,026 but I never could have won... 193 00:11:58,061 --> 00:12:01,052 without my Saint Paul pork products. 194 00:12:01,097 --> 00:12:05,328 I've been enjoying Saint Paul pork products for years. 195 00:12:05,368 --> 00:12:08,201 I grew up right next to these stockyards. 196 00:12:08,237 --> 00:12:11,002 It's still the same family-run business... 197 00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:15,204 that Walter and Vera Pularski started in 1920... 198 00:12:15,278 --> 00:12:18,714 when they raised and slaughtered their first pig. 199 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:26,448 I just love Saint Paul pork products. 200 00:12:26,488 --> 00:12:29,481 In fact, I love 'em so much... 201 00:12:29,525 --> 00:12:31,858 I work here now! 202 00:12:33,529 --> 00:12:36,362 Oh, help yourself. 203 00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:41,499 Thanks. 204 00:12:41,537 --> 00:12:43,062 You're welcome. 205 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,130 My talent will be... 206 00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:46,573 an interpretive... 207 00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:51,242 dance... 208 00:12:51,281 --> 00:12:53,840 while I sign... 209 00:12:53,882 --> 00:12:56,784 "Through the Eyes of Love. " 210 00:12:56,819 --> 00:13:00,084 Yeah. Well, see... 211 00:13:00,123 --> 00:13:02,215 I have a dream... 212 00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:05,488 of spreading sign language... 213 00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:08,088 around the world. 214 00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:14,762 Mom, will you be so kind? 215 00:13:23,079 --> 00:13:25,104 Tammy Curry... 216 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,045 and I'm signing up for the pageant... 217 00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,242 'cause of the scholarships and all. 218 00:13:28,283 --> 00:13:30,252 This one's for varsity soccer. 219 00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:31,684 I'm captain. 220 00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:35,247 I run track, and right here I'm the new president... 221 00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:36,780 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 222 00:13:36,825 --> 00:13:39,225 Love that one. 223 00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:46,200 Would you say... 224 00:13:46,235 --> 00:13:48,295 you have a good chance to win this pageant? 225 00:13:48,338 --> 00:13:50,305 Yeah. You bet I do. 226 00:13:50,340 --> 00:13:53,935 I mean, maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant... 227 00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:56,274 but other people didn't think I could beat out... 228 00:13:56,311 --> 00:14:00,772 Becky Leeman for president of the gun club, either, and I did. 229 00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:03,216 It's just like Anthony Robbins says... 230 00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:04,481 "I'm a winner. 231 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,285 "Nobody can stop me but me. " 232 00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:21,458 Well, you know, I think everybody's doing really well... 233 00:14:21,503 --> 00:14:23,870 considering the fact she was so young. 234 00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:25,634 It's always hard to see the young ones called home. 235 00:14:25,707 --> 00:14:28,700 Especially on an exploding thresher. 236 00:14:28,777 --> 00:14:32,236 It's just so odd and gross. 237 00:14:32,315 --> 00:14:33,782 You know, sometimes... 238 00:14:33,816 --> 00:14:37,048 it's hard to understand God's great plan. 239 00:14:38,855 --> 00:14:40,822 But the show must go on. 240 00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:42,688 I gotta get ahold of Ted... 241 00:14:42,724 --> 00:14:44,749 and ask him if we can use that barn light as a spot again... 242 00:14:44,793 --> 00:14:46,955 so you watch the Jell-O salad, OK? 243 00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,190 You girls gonna sign up for the pageant this year? 244 00:14:49,232 --> 00:14:51,222 I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant. 245 00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,235 Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl. 246 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,292 Tammy Curry? 247 00:14:54,337 --> 00:14:56,566 Yeah. Everyone says this is a big accident? 248 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,607 She got iced because she wins everything... 249 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,665 and this time someone didn't want her to win. 250 00:15:00,742 --> 00:15:02,267 This pageant's like a Roach Motel. 251 00:15:02,345 --> 00:15:04,312 Girls check in, but they don't check out. 252 00:15:04,379 --> 00:15:07,314 Yeah, and they say smoking's bad for your health. 253 00:15:11,653 --> 00:15:15,589 And... tendu, close. Tendu, close. 254 00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:18,218 Tendu, close, plié. 255 00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:19,488 And repeat. 256 00:15:19,529 --> 00:15:20,790 Tendu... 257 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,855 Suck in the bellies, girls! 258 00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,957 And tuck in the tushes! 259 00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:26,468 Close those legs. 260 00:15:26,502 --> 00:15:29,370 You look like a bunch of bowlegged cows. 261 00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,930 Other side! 262 00:15:32,008 --> 00:15:35,444 And tendu, close. Tendu, close. 263 00:15:35,511 --> 00:15:36,843 Tendu, close, plié. 264 00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:39,677 Yeah, you boys sure picked a good year. 265 00:15:39,716 --> 00:15:41,683 If I was a betting woman... 266 00:15:41,718 --> 00:15:43,150 and there was a line on this in Vegas... 267 00:15:43,186 --> 00:15:45,916 I'd lay down ten to one that it all comes down... 268 00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:48,184 to Amber Atkins and Becky Leeman. 269 00:15:48,223 --> 00:15:50,054 Oh, sweet Jesus. 270 00:15:50,093 --> 00:15:51,583 What a showdown this should be. 271 00:15:51,628 --> 00:15:53,562 If Cain and Abel... 272 00:15:53,595 --> 00:15:55,757 Oh, God! 273 00:15:55,797 --> 00:15:57,526 That's so embarrassing. 274 00:16:03,906 --> 00:16:08,503 My winning the Mount Rose... 275 00:16:08,578 --> 00:16:14,812 American Teen Princess Pageant really changed my life. 276 00:16:14,851 --> 00:16:19,082 Amber does my hair once a week. 277 00:16:19,122 --> 00:16:21,385 Well, it's the least I can do... 278 00:16:21,424 --> 00:16:26,327 for the reigning Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 279 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,659 - Oh, God. - What? 280 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:31,599 Oh, just a little snarl. 281 00:16:31,633 --> 00:16:33,294 Don't tell. 282 00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,695 What? Oh, my God. 283 00:16:37,774 --> 00:16:41,641 Lights, camera, and me without a stitch of makeup on. 284 00:16:41,678 --> 00:16:43,703 What are you guys doing here? 285 00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:45,474 What are you doing here? 286 00:16:45,515 --> 00:16:50,747 Oh, Amber, like you're the only one who visits Mary? 287 00:16:50,787 --> 00:16:53,016 Who are you? 288 00:16:53,056 --> 00:16:57,425 "Who are you?" Oh, Mary, you kill me. 289 00:16:57,459 --> 00:16:59,324 She always says that. 290 00:16:59,362 --> 00:17:01,990 It's a little game we play every week. 291 00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:04,124 Same dippy little look on her face. 292 00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,566 "Who are you? Who are you?" 293 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:08,070 Just like that. 294 00:17:08,104 --> 00:17:10,697 It's me... Becky. 295 00:17:10,772 --> 00:17:14,402 And I brought your favorites. 296 00:17:14,476 --> 00:17:17,275 Real nice, Becky. She's anorexic. 297 00:17:17,312 --> 00:17:21,271 She's skinny, Amber, not deaf. 298 00:17:43,538 --> 00:17:47,407 So, beyond this pageant you must have certain dreams... 299 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,411 and certain things you aspire to, yeah? 300 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:52,778 Yeah, I got dreams. 301 00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:56,746 Sometimes I dream of winning. 302 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,413 I dream of getting out of Mount Rose... 303 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:02,116 and being a big-time reporter like Diane Sawyer. 304 00:18:02,157 --> 00:18:05,024 I mean, guys get out of Mount Rose all the time... 305 00:18:05,061 --> 00:18:07,791 for hockey scholarships... 306 00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:09,229 or prison. 307 00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:12,631 Yeah, 1963. 308 00:18:12,669 --> 00:18:14,295 Her beauty worked against her... 309 00:18:14,337 --> 00:18:17,635 when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. 310 00:18:17,707 --> 00:18:19,298 Those were different times. 311 00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:22,535 That's my mom. 312 00:18:22,612 --> 00:18:24,374 Hey, Amber, did you get my smokes? 313 00:18:24,414 --> 00:18:26,847 Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec. 314 00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:29,010 Aw, shit. 315 00:18:29,052 --> 00:18:30,417 They're from Los Angeles. 316 00:18:30,452 --> 00:18:32,717 They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. 317 00:18:32,754 --> 00:18:35,848 Yeah, well, if they ask you to take your top off... 318 00:18:35,892 --> 00:18:37,882 get the money first. 319 00:18:37,926 --> 00:18:39,895 And go get my smokes! 320 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,005 Hey, hey, you like it? 321 00:19:01,049 --> 00:19:02,516 - Open it. - This? 322 00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,019 Yeah, the globe. 323 00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:05,781 Go on, pull on the North Pole there. 324 00:19:05,822 --> 00:19:07,016 Here, watch. 325 00:19:07,055 --> 00:19:08,114 Honey, this isn't a showroom. 326 00:19:08,156 --> 00:19:10,420 See, this holds three full-size booze bottles. 327 00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:12,758 Tape cassette comes out of Afghanistan. 328 00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:16,765 All right, all right. 329 00:19:16,798 --> 00:19:19,597 How quickly they forget where this all comes from. 330 00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:21,102 Taiwan. 331 00:19:21,136 --> 00:19:23,765 That's enough, young lady. 332 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,807 I beg your pardon. Would you like a drink? 333 00:19:25,842 --> 00:19:27,673 Lmpartial? 334 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,338 When I'm outside these walls, I am Gladys Leeman... 335 00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:32,746 president Civil Servettes, impartial as the day is long. 336 00:19:32,781 --> 00:19:34,807 But I'm in my house now, and I gotta warn you... 337 00:19:34,851 --> 00:19:37,080 I'm wearing my wife apron and my mom hat... 338 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,019 so I can safely say that I am the mother... 339 00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:42,046 of the most talented contestant Mount Rose has ever had. 340 00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:44,059 Oh, gosh, she's been singing and dancing... 341 00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:45,855 since she was knee-high to a pig's eye. 342 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:48,056 Yeah, she's damn near as good as... 343 00:19:48,096 --> 00:19:50,065 you know, that little... that black fellow... 344 00:19:50,098 --> 00:19:51,656 the one with the glass eye... 345 00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:52,826 the Candy Man... 346 00:19:52,869 --> 00:19:55,337 - Sammy Davis, Jr. - Yeah, the Jew. 347 00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:57,099 Nice one, Dad. He's dead. 348 00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:10,915 Yeah. Then we have the Judges Interview. 349 00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,921 Where each girl has a little ten-minute get-together... 350 00:20:13,955 --> 00:20:16,389 with the judges prior to the pageant. 351 00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:17,893 Then we have the... 352 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:23,859 Hello, Tony. 353 00:20:27,135 --> 00:20:28,261 Hey to the folks. 354 00:20:28,303 --> 00:20:29,635 Yeah, all right. 355 00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:31,399 Gladys, the Judges Interview. 356 00:20:38,847 --> 00:20:42,146 So you've judged a lot of pageants over the years? 357 00:20:42,185 --> 00:20:44,551 No. No. No way. No. 358 00:20:44,586 --> 00:20:46,555 Never judged a pageant before in my life. 359 00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:50,081 No way. 360 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,117 Never been around young girls. 361 00:20:56,498 --> 00:20:59,229 I mean, even if I was... 362 00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:01,395 I mean, why would I want to be, you know? 363 00:21:01,436 --> 00:21:03,165 I don't get off on that kind of thing. 364 00:21:03,238 --> 00:21:04,934 That's really why you're asking, right? 365 00:21:08,343 --> 00:21:09,777 Someone say something? 366 00:21:18,588 --> 00:21:19,849 Do you judge the pageant every year? 367 00:21:19,888 --> 00:21:22,221 No. I've never judged nothin' before. 368 00:21:22,257 --> 00:21:25,090 Harold, are we on "Cops"? 369 00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:26,286 Are we on "Cops," Harold? 370 00:21:26,329 --> 00:21:27,659 Shut up, Hank. This here's business. 371 00:21:30,465 --> 00:21:32,592 Harold, Mom said not in the head! 372 00:21:32,634 --> 00:21:35,160 Well, Mom's dead, so shut your flytrap. 373 00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:37,729 I will if you shut your piehole. 374 00:21:47,617 --> 00:21:49,084 Don't make me... 375 00:21:49,117 --> 00:21:50,311 Don't make me kick you where the good Lord... 376 00:21:50,353 --> 00:21:52,378 Don't make me split you where you... 377 00:21:52,421 --> 00:21:54,115 Come on! You want some of this! 378 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,586 So, are you excited? 379 00:21:57,627 --> 00:21:59,060 Oh, you bet. 380 00:21:59,095 --> 00:22:01,585 We're happier than the day Hankie got acquitted. 381 00:22:01,631 --> 00:22:04,428 I get made a judge, then the furniture store hires us... 382 00:22:04,466 --> 00:22:06,560 to paint the whole damn thing. 383 00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:08,569 We're going to use the money... 384 00:22:08,603 --> 00:22:10,594 to get our mom a proper headstone... 385 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,972 and to move her out to the cemetery. 386 00:22:18,014 --> 00:22:20,209 Listen, guys, if you see anything you like... 387 00:22:20,248 --> 00:22:23,240 you just let me know because I happen to know the owner. 388 00:22:23,286 --> 00:22:25,446 So, here we are. 389 00:22:25,487 --> 00:22:27,785 My place of business, my little house of worship... 390 00:22:27,823 --> 00:22:30,587 the world's largest Conestoga wagon. 391 00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,456 Right here, we have a very attractive unit. 392 00:22:33,462 --> 00:22:35,326 Farmers like that one. 393 00:22:35,364 --> 00:22:38,060 OK, showtime. 394 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:41,000 Hey, Tim, Carla, listen... 395 00:22:41,037 --> 00:22:43,528 you two don't Jew me down too much on that dinette... 396 00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:45,971 I'll throw in a hutch for free, OK? 397 00:22:46,008 --> 00:22:47,998 See, that's my specialty. 398 00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:51,807 You don't pay less, I give you more. 399 00:22:51,847 --> 00:22:55,613 The secret is... the hutch is included in the price. 400 00:22:55,651 --> 00:22:58,313 Ain't that right, Jean? 401 00:22:58,353 --> 00:23:00,651 Take a memo, sweetheart. 402 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:16,234 Five, six, seven... and one... 403 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,466 Get that tempo right. Kick it! 404 00:23:18,540 --> 00:23:19,666 Come on, kick it! 405 00:23:26,983 --> 00:23:29,746 Just watching the young girls. 406 00:23:29,785 --> 00:23:32,083 Contestants. You know... 407 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,611 like the rest of my friends and neighbors. 408 00:23:39,561 --> 00:23:41,028 Are you getting her? 409 00:23:41,063 --> 00:23:42,586 The third one, the blond one. 410 00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:44,361 Leave him alone. It's OK. 411 00:23:50,439 --> 00:23:54,500 It's just a camera I keep in the glove compartment... 412 00:23:54,576 --> 00:23:58,741 for... car accidents. Insurance. 413 00:24:01,683 --> 00:24:03,652 I mean, you guys got a camera... 414 00:24:03,685 --> 00:24:05,779 and no one's accusing you of anything, right? 415 00:24:23,739 --> 00:24:26,707 So, Brett, you want to go to the lake with me on Thursday? 416 00:24:26,742 --> 00:24:30,370 Actually, I got practice on Thursday. 417 00:24:30,445 --> 00:24:31,935 Well, maybe Friday then. 418 00:24:32,014 --> 00:24:34,447 A bunch of us were going cow tipping. 419 00:24:34,483 --> 00:24:37,145 Well... 420 00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:39,153 I'm kind of busy on Friday. 421 00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:53,933 Give her your tray, Brett. 422 00:24:53,969 --> 00:24:56,233 You're holding up the line. 423 00:24:58,074 --> 00:24:59,734 Give it to her. 424 00:24:59,808 --> 00:25:01,709 Here, I'll take it. It's my job. 425 00:25:01,743 --> 00:25:03,974 No. It's all right. Don't worry about it. 426 00:25:04,012 --> 00:25:06,776 Well, you're supposed to put it in the... 427 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,514 Aw, man. 428 00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:16,752 You got some lutefisk in your hair. 429 00:25:16,792 --> 00:25:18,555 Then it must be Wednesday. 430 00:25:20,495 --> 00:25:24,864 Lutefisk is codfish that's been salted... 431 00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:27,595 and soaked in lye for a week or so. 432 00:25:30,106 --> 00:25:32,472 It's best with lots of butter. 433 00:25:32,507 --> 00:25:36,376 I'm not really busy on Friday. 434 00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:38,879 I was just saying that, you know? 435 00:25:38,947 --> 00:25:40,073 I know. 436 00:25:40,115 --> 00:25:41,674 Well... 437 00:25:41,717 --> 00:25:44,241 if you wanted to do something... 438 00:25:44,286 --> 00:25:47,414 Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet. 439 00:25:47,456 --> 00:25:48,923 Oh, crap. 440 00:25:48,957 --> 00:25:50,949 I probably gotta work at the funeral home. 441 00:25:50,993 --> 00:25:52,983 We're real busy this time of year. 442 00:25:53,028 --> 00:25:55,462 Hunting season. 443 00:25:55,497 --> 00:25:58,228 Well, I'm cutting out of here early today... 444 00:25:58,266 --> 00:25:59,962 and doing a little duck hunting... 445 00:26:00,002 --> 00:26:01,798 but maybe I could call you tonight? 446 00:26:01,837 --> 00:26:02,996 Yeah, sure. 447 00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:05,433 - All right. - Fine. 448 00:26:20,689 --> 00:26:22,280 Oh, God. 449 00:26:22,324 --> 00:26:25,054 You don't think Becky saw you guys, do you? 450 00:26:25,093 --> 00:26:26,924 Look, you shouldn't be in here. 451 00:26:26,962 --> 00:26:28,327 Doreen gave us hair nets. 452 00:26:28,363 --> 00:26:31,093 No, listen. We shouldn't talk here. 453 00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:34,226 Stop by my house tonight, OK? 454 00:26:35,771 --> 00:26:36,930 Go. 455 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,078 They take out her butt? 456 00:26:53,121 --> 00:26:55,681 Oh, Jesus H. Christ. 457 00:26:55,724 --> 00:26:57,351 Oh, are we on "Cops" again? 458 00:26:57,392 --> 00:26:59,155 OK, be quiet. 459 00:27:00,228 --> 00:27:02,527 It's just the guys that are, you know... 460 00:27:02,564 --> 00:27:04,465 making the movie about the pageant. 461 00:27:04,499 --> 00:27:06,559 I told you all about 'em. This here's Loretta. 462 00:27:06,601 --> 00:27:09,161 I tell Annette, you talk to me during my stories... 463 00:27:09,204 --> 00:27:11,263 you might as well be talking to the wall. 464 00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:12,772 You guys want a beer? 465 00:27:12,808 --> 00:27:14,866 No, thank you. Is Amber here? 466 00:27:14,943 --> 00:27:16,308 Oh, no. You just missed her. 467 00:27:16,345 --> 00:27:18,745 She got called down to the bone gardens. 468 00:27:18,780 --> 00:27:20,611 She's in a hell of a mood today. 469 00:27:20,649 --> 00:27:22,445 Say, you boys been to the Leemans'? 470 00:27:22,483 --> 00:27:23,711 Shut it, Loretta. 471 00:27:23,752 --> 00:27:26,186 If so, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. 472 00:27:26,221 --> 00:27:27,347 - Shut it. - It's true. 473 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:34,692 Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber. 474 00:27:34,730 --> 00:27:38,165 Why don't you just paint a target on your ass? 475 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,064 Best damn tapper, the most smartest. 476 00:27:40,102 --> 00:27:41,228 Most smartest? 477 00:27:41,269 --> 00:27:43,738 Oh, that's great. You're real educated. 478 00:27:43,805 --> 00:27:46,103 "Most smartest. " Get a picture of that. 479 00:27:46,174 --> 00:27:47,574 Most smartest. 480 00:27:47,609 --> 00:27:48,941 I'm cutting you off and sending you home. 481 00:27:48,977 --> 00:27:52,174 Excuse me, but I'm bragging up your kid here. 482 00:27:52,214 --> 00:27:53,544 I know. Come on, let's go. 483 00:27:53,582 --> 00:27:55,378 Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, you know. 484 00:27:55,417 --> 00:27:56,782 They're making a movie here. 485 00:27:56,818 --> 00:27:58,718 All right, they're making a movie. 486 00:27:58,754 --> 00:28:00,984 What makes you think that Becky's going to win? 487 00:28:01,023 --> 00:28:02,216 Why do I think Becky'll win? 488 00:28:02,257 --> 00:28:03,849 You're talking... Don't pinch. 489 00:28:03,892 --> 00:28:06,292 You're talking about the richest family in a small town. 490 00:28:06,328 --> 00:28:08,955 It's front-page news when one of 'em takes a shit. 491 00:28:08,997 --> 00:28:10,191 Oh, great. 492 00:28:12,134 --> 00:28:13,795 Can one of you boys give me a ride home? 493 00:28:13,835 --> 00:28:15,064 Don't fall for it. 494 00:28:15,103 --> 00:28:16,570 She lives two trailers down. 495 00:28:16,638 --> 00:28:17,832 So? Be real easy. 496 00:28:17,906 --> 00:28:19,340 Go on home, Loretta. 497 00:28:19,374 --> 00:28:21,536 Go on. The party's over. 498 00:28:31,453 --> 00:28:32,818 Oh, my God! 499 00:28:32,854 --> 00:28:35,790 Jesus Christ on a cross! 500 00:28:35,823 --> 00:28:38,690 Look, number one rule in a funeral home... 501 00:28:38,727 --> 00:28:40,956 Never sneak up on the living. 502 00:28:40,996 --> 00:28:42,622 You never know who could have an embalming needle... 503 00:28:42,664 --> 00:28:44,564 or a skull saw in their hand. 504 00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:46,965 Mr. Larson's son learned the hard way. 505 00:28:47,002 --> 00:28:49,129 He's buried next to my grandpa. 506 00:28:55,510 --> 00:28:57,068 Are you upset about Brett? 507 00:28:57,145 --> 00:28:59,011 Upset about Brett? 508 00:28:59,047 --> 00:29:02,346 Nah. Hazard of the trade. 509 00:29:03,452 --> 00:29:07,286 I don't really have time for guys anyways. 510 00:29:07,322 --> 00:29:08,585 It's weird, though. 511 00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:11,457 He took it right between the eyes. 512 00:29:12,761 --> 00:29:14,319 Don't often see that. 513 00:29:16,398 --> 00:29:19,161 So, you know, Brett just got shot in the head. 514 00:29:19,201 --> 00:29:20,428 He did? 515 00:29:20,469 --> 00:29:22,368 Well, hunting's dangerous. 516 00:29:23,538 --> 00:29:26,098 So, anyways, my mom gave me this thirty-aught... 517 00:29:26,174 --> 00:29:27,664 for my sixteenth birthday. 518 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,373 I need Stella now. 519 00:29:34,416 --> 00:29:36,406 The family's steaming like a cow pie in July. 520 00:29:36,451 --> 00:29:38,919 Said she doesn't look nothin' like the picture they gave you. 521 00:29:38,954 --> 00:29:41,012 Sorry. I just thought she might not want to meet her maker... 522 00:29:41,056 --> 00:29:42,647 looking like a cheap whore. 523 00:29:42,691 --> 00:29:45,625 Well, this cheap whore is that family's loving mother. 524 00:29:45,661 --> 00:29:48,186 The Clemens said to make him look... 525 00:29:48,230 --> 00:29:49,993 like he just came in from snowmobiling. 526 00:29:50,032 --> 00:29:51,464 Pink cheeks and... 527 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:53,866 Red nose and ears. I know, I know. 528 00:30:09,051 --> 00:30:13,249 Sorry I couldn't talk to you before in the cafeteria. 529 00:30:13,287 --> 00:30:15,050 I was scared, OK? 530 00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:18,684 I open my locker today after first period... 531 00:30:18,727 --> 00:30:23,187 and there's a picture of Tammy Curry taped inside. 532 00:30:23,231 --> 00:30:25,291 This was written on the back: 533 00:30:27,402 --> 00:30:30,395 Oh, yeah, hell of a way to go, there. 534 00:30:30,472 --> 00:30:33,167 After some thorough investigating... 535 00:30:33,241 --> 00:30:36,677 we determined that the Curry girl... 536 00:30:36,745 --> 00:30:39,407 must have been smoking and driving. 537 00:30:39,448 --> 00:30:42,245 Well, yeah, Tammy liked to drive her dad's thresher... 538 00:30:42,284 --> 00:30:44,377 but, I mean... 539 00:30:44,419 --> 00:30:46,614 She said the heavy vibration helped her think. 540 00:30:46,655 --> 00:30:50,181 But I know for a fact Tammy only smoked after a good drive. 541 00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:53,854 You ask me or anyone else who isn't scared to talk about it... 542 00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:55,863 Tammy was murdered. 543 00:30:57,799 --> 00:31:00,735 I bet Diane Sawyer never had to deal with crap like this. 544 00:31:01,770 --> 00:31:03,930 If it's another stray bullet to the head... 545 00:31:04,006 --> 00:31:05,303 I'm gonna need more caps. 546 00:31:05,374 --> 00:31:06,602 You have to go home. 547 00:31:06,675 --> 00:31:08,700 There's some kind of emergency at the trailer park. 548 00:31:08,777 --> 00:31:09,936 Relax. That's my ma's code... 549 00:31:10,012 --> 00:31:11,479 for bring home milk and a carton of Lucky... 550 00:31:11,546 --> 00:31:14,743 No. Loretta called. There's been a fire. 551 00:31:19,153 --> 00:31:20,677 Oh, my God. 552 00:31:41,209 --> 00:31:43,473 Hey, hey, hey! Family? 553 00:31:43,512 --> 00:31:46,480 No, she's just screaming "Mom" because she's got Turret's. 554 00:31:46,547 --> 00:31:47,879 She's Annette's kid, dipshit. 555 00:31:47,915 --> 00:31:50,817 She's alive, sweetie. She's right over there. 556 00:31:56,258 --> 00:31:58,316 I'll be right behind you in the hearse, OK? 557 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,453 Don't let that worry you, Annette! 558 00:32:11,540 --> 00:32:16,477 So, Doctor, is this sort of an unusual injury? 559 00:32:16,511 --> 00:32:18,877 This was a doozie. 560 00:32:18,914 --> 00:32:22,314 Right now our chief concern is to stabilize Annette here... 561 00:32:22,351 --> 00:32:25,013 and then in surgery... 562 00:32:25,052 --> 00:32:26,519 remove this. 563 00:32:26,555 --> 00:32:29,079 Oh, God. 564 00:32:29,124 --> 00:32:30,784 Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. 565 00:32:30,826 --> 00:32:33,726 Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-Ons. 566 00:32:33,762 --> 00:32:37,891 Well, I sat down to have a beer, and kablooey. 567 00:32:37,933 --> 00:32:39,400 Next thing I know... 568 00:32:39,433 --> 00:32:41,868 something blows through my kitchen window... 569 00:32:41,903 --> 00:32:45,703 and I'm ass-up in somebody's flower bed. 570 00:32:45,774 --> 00:32:48,833 Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking around with the camera. 571 00:32:48,910 --> 00:32:50,208 Just put another book under it. 572 00:32:50,244 --> 00:32:51,439 Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. " 573 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,915 Mom's got the window open. We gotta hurry up, though... 574 00:32:54,982 --> 00:32:57,109 because we only got three frickin' minutes on the battery. 575 00:32:57,151 --> 00:32:58,414 All right, ready. 576 00:32:58,452 --> 00:32:59,613 One, two... 577 00:32:59,655 --> 00:33:00,781 One, two, three! 578 00:33:05,060 --> 00:33:06,185 Shit! 579 00:33:06,228 --> 00:33:07,525 Let's get out of here! 580 00:33:11,899 --> 00:33:14,129 I shoved your tap shoes in my panties... 581 00:33:14,168 --> 00:33:16,330 before I was blown out of the house. 582 00:33:16,370 --> 00:33:18,703 You go find the guy who cut 'em off. 583 00:33:18,774 --> 00:33:19,865 He'll give 'em to you... 584 00:33:19,941 --> 00:33:23,343 so you can practice for the pageant. 585 00:33:26,081 --> 00:33:27,377 About that... 586 00:33:30,452 --> 00:33:32,545 I... Oh, my God! 587 00:33:35,022 --> 00:33:38,288 Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 588 00:33:38,327 --> 00:33:40,590 She's pregnant! 589 00:33:40,629 --> 00:33:42,493 Oh, Amber, wait! 590 00:33:42,531 --> 00:33:45,022 Come back here. Mommy wants to talk to you. 591 00:33:45,067 --> 00:33:46,761 And then kill you! 592 00:33:46,802 --> 00:33:48,929 Why don't you see if there's any more beer... 593 00:33:48,970 --> 00:33:50,870 left in that can and relax a bit? 594 00:33:52,873 --> 00:33:55,603 - I'm quitting the pageant. - You're what? 595 00:33:55,676 --> 00:33:57,268 I'm quitting the pageant. 596 00:33:57,346 --> 00:34:01,180 I was just trying to scare you into changing your mind. 597 00:34:01,215 --> 00:34:03,116 Christ, the woman clung to your tap shoes... 598 00:34:03,150 --> 00:34:05,641 while flying through the air like a goddamn lawn dart. 599 00:34:05,686 --> 00:34:06,914 I know, I know. 600 00:34:06,954 --> 00:34:10,082 Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants and her friend Serious Sally. 601 00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:11,785 How about some nice cool mints... 602 00:34:11,827 --> 00:34:14,351 to turn those frowns upside down? 603 00:34:15,764 --> 00:34:17,732 Do you think a nice cool mint would help... 604 00:34:17,766 --> 00:34:20,359 if I shoved your head up your ass? 605 00:34:23,437 --> 00:34:24,802 So what do I say? 606 00:34:24,872 --> 00:34:26,773 Simple, just say... 607 00:34:30,278 --> 00:34:32,246 I know you sacrificed everything... 608 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,408 relationships, dreams... 609 00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:35,915 your tummy, ass, and thighs... 610 00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:37,418 all to bring me into this world... 611 00:34:37,451 --> 00:34:40,352 all so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant... 612 00:34:40,389 --> 00:34:42,913 the same one you were in, but you know what? 613 00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:44,152 I'm quitting. 614 00:34:44,191 --> 00:34:46,717 There. Easy as pie. 615 00:34:46,762 --> 00:34:48,821 Oh, my God. I am so dead. 616 00:34:48,864 --> 00:34:49,888 Yeah, you betcha. 617 00:34:50,898 --> 00:34:52,230 Go on, get out! 618 00:34:52,266 --> 00:34:55,497 Next one in here without a pack of Luckys in her hand dies! 619 00:34:55,536 --> 00:34:58,733 Yeah, sure. You have a super day, too. 620 00:34:58,807 --> 00:35:00,398 Get out! 621 00:35:01,542 --> 00:35:03,942 Mom, look. Don't talk. 622 00:35:03,979 --> 00:35:07,607 First of all, I'm not pregnant, OK? 623 00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:10,845 I am not letting go until you tell me what's up. 624 00:35:10,886 --> 00:35:14,685 Amber, I am reaching a point where I would kill someone... 625 00:35:14,723 --> 00:35:16,314 for the nicotine under their fingernails. 626 00:35:16,358 --> 00:35:17,517 You hear me, Loretta? 627 00:35:17,558 --> 00:35:19,856 OK, OK... 628 00:35:19,895 --> 00:35:22,692 yesterday I got this picture... 629 00:35:22,731 --> 00:35:26,167 so I'm thinking about... 630 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,667 you know... 631 00:35:27,703 --> 00:35:29,466 I'm gonna quit the pageant. 632 00:35:29,503 --> 00:35:30,970 What? 633 00:35:31,038 --> 00:35:32,734 Oh, excuse us, guys. 634 00:35:32,808 --> 00:35:35,674 Would you excuse us for a moment? 635 00:35:35,711 --> 00:35:37,941 Loretta, get out of here! Go on, get out. 636 00:35:37,978 --> 00:35:39,139 What's your problem? 637 00:35:39,181 --> 00:35:42,172 What's my problem? Sit your skinny little ass down. 638 00:35:42,216 --> 00:35:43,706 Nice, Ma. Real nice. 639 00:35:43,752 --> 00:35:45,185 Nice mouth you got there... 640 00:35:45,219 --> 00:35:47,153 but I'm not going through this again. 641 00:35:47,189 --> 00:35:49,418 You? You're not going through it again? 642 00:35:49,458 --> 00:35:52,426 You're not the one that knows how Jiffy Pop feels, missy. 643 00:35:52,461 --> 00:35:54,053 Oh, come on, Mom. 644 00:35:54,096 --> 00:35:56,587 First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemmens, and now this? 645 00:35:56,630 --> 00:35:58,098 It's scary. 646 00:35:58,133 --> 00:36:00,259 Scary? Let me tell you scary. 647 00:36:00,302 --> 00:36:02,327 Look here. Look at me. 648 00:36:02,371 --> 00:36:04,565 You want to look like you've been rode hard... 649 00:36:04,638 --> 00:36:06,606 and put away wet when you're my age? 650 00:36:06,675 --> 00:36:07,834 I'm a lifer here. 651 00:36:07,908 --> 00:36:09,273 Best thing I got to look forward to... 652 00:36:09,311 --> 00:36:11,301 is to end up in some decent raisin ranch... 653 00:36:11,380 --> 00:36:13,848 where they change me twice a day. 654 00:36:17,386 --> 00:36:18,943 Honest to God, honey. 655 00:36:18,986 --> 00:36:22,081 If I had it to do over... 656 00:36:22,124 --> 00:36:24,422 I'd start walking out of this town... 657 00:36:24,458 --> 00:36:26,756 the minute I could take my first step. 658 00:36:26,795 --> 00:36:28,728 You know, practically... 659 00:36:28,764 --> 00:36:32,256 the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you. 660 00:36:35,036 --> 00:36:38,437 God, I hope that's you and not your concussion talking. 661 00:36:38,507 --> 00:36:39,701 It's me. 662 00:36:39,775 --> 00:36:44,507 I just don't want this to be the thing that you do over. 663 00:36:44,545 --> 00:36:47,913 Now, this pageant's your ticket out of here... 664 00:36:47,948 --> 00:36:50,610 and I know you can win. 665 00:36:50,651 --> 00:36:52,813 Come here. 666 00:36:52,853 --> 00:36:54,946 Oh, I love you much. 667 00:36:54,990 --> 00:36:56,480 I love you much. 668 00:36:56,525 --> 00:36:58,356 And you're gonna win. 669 00:36:58,392 --> 00:37:00,190 She's gonna win. 670 00:37:00,227 --> 00:37:01,388 Isn't she gonna win, Loretta? 671 00:37:01,430 --> 00:37:02,658 You bet. 672 00:37:02,697 --> 00:37:03,720 You'll see. 673 00:37:03,764 --> 00:37:05,891 Hell no, she ain't quitting. 674 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:07,367 No. Mom said if I did... 675 00:37:07,401 --> 00:37:09,335 she'd look up my dad and marry him. 676 00:37:09,371 --> 00:37:12,066 So, has your mom kept your dad's life a secret? 677 00:37:12,139 --> 00:37:13,731 No, she never hid the fact... 678 00:37:13,809 --> 00:37:16,369 that my dad picked his career over us. 679 00:37:16,445 --> 00:37:17,877 What did she used to say? 680 00:37:17,913 --> 00:37:19,539 Once a carny, always a carny. 681 00:37:19,580 --> 00:37:22,105 Mom still cries when she sees a tilt-a-whirl... 682 00:37:22,149 --> 00:37:24,242 or a fat lady in a tube top. 683 00:37:24,286 --> 00:37:26,253 The Atkins fire. 684 00:37:26,288 --> 00:37:29,121 Foul play? Shit, no. 685 00:37:29,156 --> 00:37:31,056 After some extensive investigating... 686 00:37:31,092 --> 00:37:34,220 we determined that it must have been bad wiring. 687 00:37:34,261 --> 00:37:36,058 Bad wiring? 688 00:37:36,097 --> 00:37:38,565 That's the biggest crock of shit I ever heard. 689 00:37:39,935 --> 00:37:42,768 What, they have a sale on dull needles at K-Mart? 690 00:37:42,803 --> 00:37:45,294 I just need one more do-over. 691 00:38:03,325 --> 00:38:07,523 Now, we need to remember the three most important parts... 692 00:38:07,561 --> 00:38:10,462 to give a really good interview... 693 00:38:10,499 --> 00:38:12,227 Listen up, number one. 694 00:38:12,266 --> 00:38:14,131 Number one. 695 00:38:14,168 --> 00:38:16,636 American Teen Princesses... 696 00:38:16,670 --> 00:38:18,661 do not cross their legs like streetwalkers. 697 00:38:18,707 --> 00:38:20,800 Excuse me, "Miss Penthouse '98... " 698 00:38:20,876 --> 00:38:22,468 put your knees together. 699 00:38:22,543 --> 00:38:23,942 I could drive a boat show in there. 700 00:38:23,979 --> 00:38:25,469 Ankles together. 701 00:38:25,546 --> 00:38:28,242 Hands resting lightly on your laps. 702 00:38:28,282 --> 00:38:30,615 Good. Sit up straight. Smile. 703 00:38:30,651 --> 00:38:32,643 All right, number two. 704 00:38:32,686 --> 00:38:35,849 The judges are just as nervous as you are. 705 00:38:43,098 --> 00:38:44,496 So, are you about ready... 706 00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:47,592 to start the judging, start the interview there? 707 00:38:50,971 --> 00:38:53,497 I guess I could answer that. 708 00:38:53,574 --> 00:38:55,008 Yeah, we're ready. 709 00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:58,308 So we should probably get the young girls in here, then. 710 00:38:58,345 --> 00:39:01,337 You know, to start the interviews. 711 00:39:02,918 --> 00:39:06,182 If you could be any tree in the woods... 712 00:39:08,055 --> 00:39:09,886 what kind of tree would you be? 713 00:39:12,127 --> 00:39:13,252 Dogwood. 714 00:39:13,295 --> 00:39:14,625 Bonsai. 715 00:39:14,663 --> 00:39:15,993 Green? 716 00:39:16,031 --> 00:39:18,021 I can be any kind of tree you want. 717 00:39:18,065 --> 00:39:19,761 Just give me a minute to warm up. 718 00:39:25,774 --> 00:39:29,709 One with strong roots in a community like Mount Rose... 719 00:39:29,778 --> 00:39:32,837 a solid Christian trunk... 720 00:39:32,913 --> 00:39:36,680 and long leafy branches to provide shade... 721 00:39:36,717 --> 00:39:39,208 for handicapped kids on a hot summer day. 722 00:39:39,253 --> 00:39:42,417 You guys know the retard's pants are open? 723 00:39:43,858 --> 00:39:46,849 I don't want to see that. 724 00:39:48,262 --> 00:39:50,697 Who would you pick to be the president, dead or alive? 725 00:39:51,732 --> 00:39:53,530 Emperor Hirohito. 726 00:39:53,567 --> 00:39:54,829 Brett Favre. 727 00:40:02,711 --> 00:40:06,545 My mother, 'cause she could solve world hunger... 728 00:40:06,580 --> 00:40:09,573 with one of her blue-ribbon rhubarb pies... 729 00:40:09,618 --> 00:40:12,848 create world peace with one of her prayers... 730 00:40:12,887 --> 00:40:15,411 and still find time to look beautiful... 731 00:40:15,457 --> 00:40:18,118 for my dad, Lester Leeman. 732 00:40:18,159 --> 00:40:19,649 Do you like to swim? 733 00:40:20,729 --> 00:40:22,754 Yeah, I love to swim. 734 00:40:22,797 --> 00:40:24,764 When I was in New York, I met Greg Louganis... 735 00:40:24,799 --> 00:40:26,460 at one of my brother's shows. 736 00:40:40,347 --> 00:40:42,942 The tard's pants are completely off. 737 00:40:46,921 --> 00:40:48,115 Close up shop. 738 00:40:50,624 --> 00:40:52,957 Are you Amber Atkins? 739 00:40:52,993 --> 00:40:55,154 Yes, yes, I am. Hello. 740 00:40:58,299 --> 00:41:00,698 Name and spell all the United States... 741 00:41:00,735 --> 00:41:02,099 in alphabetical order. 742 00:41:04,238 --> 00:41:06,069 Seriously? 743 00:41:13,048 --> 00:41:15,482 Well... 744 00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:18,611 Alabama. 745 00:41:18,652 --> 00:41:21,417 A- I-a-b-a-m-a. 746 00:41:21,455 --> 00:41:22,855 Alaska. 747 00:41:22,890 --> 00:41:26,884 A- I-a-s-k-a. 748 00:41:29,030 --> 00:41:32,192 Arizona. 749 00:41:32,233 --> 00:41:35,532 A- r-i-z-o-n-a. 750 00:41:35,569 --> 00:41:37,230 West Virginia. 751 00:41:37,304 --> 00:41:41,331 W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a. 752 00:41:41,409 --> 00:41:43,740 Wisconsin. 753 00:41:43,778 --> 00:41:47,474 W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n. 754 00:41:47,515 --> 00:41:48,641 Wyoming. 755 00:41:48,682 --> 00:41:51,651 W- y-o-m-i-n-g. 756 00:41:55,656 --> 00:41:58,318 Well, OK. 757 00:42:02,596 --> 00:42:05,394 With two weeks until the pageant... 758 00:42:05,433 --> 00:42:12,930 I was practicing my talent, finishing my costume... 759 00:42:13,007 --> 00:42:15,908 brushing up on current events... 760 00:42:15,943 --> 00:42:22,143 and running eighteen miles a day on about four hundred calories. 761 00:42:22,183 --> 00:42:24,275 I was ready. 762 00:42:36,464 --> 00:42:38,260 Girls, couple of things. 763 00:42:38,299 --> 00:42:39,789 All right, very important. 764 00:42:39,834 --> 00:42:43,326 Gladys wants us to all go in show order today. 765 00:42:43,371 --> 00:42:46,431 All right, so very important, don't forget that. 766 00:42:48,809 --> 00:42:51,404 Oh, yeah, really nervous. 767 00:42:52,446 --> 00:42:54,380 It's been about two months. 768 00:42:55,383 --> 00:42:58,250 I haven't told my boyfriend yet. 769 00:42:58,285 --> 00:42:59,810 How did you know? 770 00:42:59,854 --> 00:43:02,754 I meant nervous about the pageant. 771 00:43:02,791 --> 00:43:06,249 Oh, nervous about the pageant. 772 00:43:07,328 --> 00:43:09,421 There are eight thousand sequins... 773 00:43:09,463 --> 00:43:12,398 and fifteen hundred beads on the skirt alone. 774 00:43:12,433 --> 00:43:15,061 My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it. 775 00:43:15,102 --> 00:43:18,266 She's one of my father's many Mexican workers. 776 00:43:18,339 --> 00:43:21,796 He lifts them from the poverty they know in Mexico. 777 00:43:21,876 --> 00:43:24,811 Yeah, all my mom's clothes melted onto mine. 778 00:43:24,845 --> 00:43:28,612 Forming, like, this big polyester meteor in our closet. 779 00:43:28,649 --> 00:43:31,311 But in some kind of weird miracle... 780 00:43:31,352 --> 00:43:32,819 our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen... 781 00:43:32,853 --> 00:43:35,084 found my tap costume on the roof of their trailer... 782 00:43:35,122 --> 00:43:37,613 while he was setting coon traps for his dad. 783 00:43:37,658 --> 00:43:38,886 Here's the weird part. 784 00:43:38,926 --> 00:43:41,394 It was still on the hanger. 785 00:43:42,430 --> 00:43:44,624 This is my lucky bolt. 786 00:43:44,665 --> 00:43:47,327 They think that it fell from a DC-10. 787 00:43:47,368 --> 00:43:50,962 The doctor said I was really lucky the flat side hit me. 788 00:43:51,038 --> 00:43:53,871 'Cause otherwise it could have gone right through my head. 789 00:43:53,908 --> 00:43:57,138 I know, I know. Gives me the willies, too. 790 00:43:58,913 --> 00:44:02,280 Can we switch numbers? 791 00:44:02,316 --> 00:44:08,847 My cousin just had a deaf baby, and I get to go see it. 792 00:44:08,889 --> 00:44:10,289 I need to go first. 793 00:44:10,324 --> 00:44:13,419 Yeah, sure. It's my lucky number anyway. 794 00:44:13,461 --> 00:44:16,429 Diane Sawyer has number eight at her local. 795 00:44:17,431 --> 00:44:19,558 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 796 00:44:21,102 --> 00:44:26,301 I can see what's mine now 797 00:44:27,441 --> 00:44:32,778 Finding out what's true 798 00:44:33,814 --> 00:44:39,548 Since I found you 799 00:44:39,587 --> 00:44:44,251 Looking through the eyes 800 00:44:44,291 --> 00:44:46,590 Of... 801 00:44:46,627 --> 00:44:48,288 I'm gonna be honest. 802 00:44:48,329 --> 00:44:50,456 This is a hard time for me... 803 00:44:50,498 --> 00:44:53,729 because this is the time in the pageant... 804 00:44:53,768 --> 00:44:56,133 when you realize that tomorrow night... 805 00:44:56,170 --> 00:44:59,264 all but one of these girls is gonna walk away a loser. 806 00:44:59,340 --> 00:45:00,637 To be 807 00:45:00,708 --> 00:45:01,639 It's just really hard... 808 00:45:01,709 --> 00:45:04,575 for me to know what that would feel like. 809 00:45:04,612 --> 00:45:06,408 It can't feel good. 810 00:45:08,416 --> 00:45:10,576 Oh, my God, oh, my God. 811 00:45:10,618 --> 00:45:12,108 Don't touch her. 812 00:45:14,255 --> 00:45:16,450 Don't move the body. Don't touch the body. 813 00:45:16,490 --> 00:45:17,980 She could be paralyzed from the neck down... 814 00:45:18,025 --> 00:45:19,253 and you wouldn't know it. 815 00:45:19,293 --> 00:45:20,852 Someone call nine-one-one. 816 00:45:20,895 --> 00:45:22,953 Don't say anything... 817 00:45:22,997 --> 00:45:25,624 'cause it might be a hypnotic suggestion. 818 00:45:26,867 --> 00:45:28,698 Don't you get it? 819 00:45:28,736 --> 00:45:29,861 I was supposed to go first. 820 00:45:29,904 --> 00:45:32,303 I was contestant number one. 821 00:45:32,373 --> 00:45:35,136 That light was meant for my head. 822 00:45:35,208 --> 00:45:38,178 If Jenelle hadn't wanted to go first... 823 00:45:39,212 --> 00:45:41,737 I owe my life to that deaf baby. 824 00:45:44,852 --> 00:45:46,479 Hey, that was your mom. 825 00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,512 She wanted you to have this. 826 00:45:51,659 --> 00:45:53,217 Really, Loretta? 827 00:45:53,260 --> 00:45:54,454 You bet. 828 00:45:56,897 --> 00:45:58,990 My mom wanted me to have this? 829 00:46:00,835 --> 00:46:01,893 Oh, shut up. 830 00:46:01,936 --> 00:46:03,926 I thought it might help you get some sleep. 831 00:46:03,971 --> 00:46:06,304 Loretta, never have kids. 832 00:46:08,008 --> 00:46:11,034 Well, God love you for thinking I still could. 833 00:46:11,112 --> 00:46:13,079 Your ma did want you to have this, though... 834 00:46:13,147 --> 00:46:14,580 since your other one got toasted. 835 00:46:14,614 --> 00:46:17,105 It's just like Diane Sawyer's! 836 00:46:18,185 --> 00:46:19,710 Of course, it's not a size ten. 837 00:46:19,754 --> 00:46:21,221 Diane was a little hippy then. 838 00:46:21,254 --> 00:46:22,813 - Not our girl. - Oh, no. 839 00:46:34,435 --> 00:46:35,868 Pain meds. 840 00:46:35,902 --> 00:46:37,733 Hope this thing ends before they do. 841 00:46:40,775 --> 00:46:42,503 We have excitement. 842 00:46:42,576 --> 00:46:43,976 Big excitement. 843 00:46:44,011 --> 00:46:45,205 Go, Molly! 844 00:46:45,246 --> 00:46:46,975 Go. 845 00:46:47,014 --> 00:46:49,380 Leslie Miller kicks Teen Princess ass! 846 00:46:49,417 --> 00:46:51,476 Whoo! Go, Muskies! 847 00:47:08,402 --> 00:47:09,563 Oh, gotta go. 848 00:47:21,415 --> 00:47:23,941 Thank you, thank you. 849 00:47:23,984 --> 00:47:25,452 Oh, my. 850 00:47:25,486 --> 00:47:28,455 Is that for me or my gown? 851 00:47:33,127 --> 00:47:36,994 Welcome to the Mount Rose American Teen Princess Pageant. 852 00:47:37,031 --> 00:47:39,522 While every contestant... 853 00:47:39,567 --> 00:47:42,194 you'll meet here tonight is special and unique... 854 00:47:42,235 --> 00:47:45,228 they all have one thing in common. 855 00:47:45,306 --> 00:47:50,368 They are all proud to be an American. 856 00:48:30,518 --> 00:48:32,576 I chose Mount Rushmore... 857 00:48:32,620 --> 00:48:34,416 because to live in a country... 858 00:48:34,455 --> 00:48:36,252 where you can take an ugly old mountain... 859 00:48:36,289 --> 00:48:39,282 and put faces on it, faces of great Americans... 860 00:48:39,326 --> 00:48:42,318 who did so much to make our country super great... 861 00:48:42,363 --> 00:48:45,331 well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman... 862 00:48:45,366 --> 00:48:47,391 proud to be an American. 863 00:48:47,435 --> 00:48:52,031 I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud to be an American... 864 00:48:52,106 --> 00:48:54,006 because living in a country where Lady Liberty... 865 00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,941 always keeps her flame burning bright... 866 00:48:58,411 --> 00:49:02,438 She always keeps her flame burning bright. 867 00:49:02,483 --> 00:49:04,882 It makes me proud to be an American. 868 00:49:04,919 --> 00:49:06,045 God. 869 00:49:06,087 --> 00:49:07,986 The Washington Monument... 870 00:49:08,022 --> 00:49:10,717 Oh, yeah, baby! 871 00:49:10,758 --> 00:49:11,746 Makes me... 872 00:49:11,791 --> 00:49:14,988 Leslie Miller, proud to be an American. 873 00:49:16,796 --> 00:49:19,766 Living in a country where no matter who you are... 874 00:49:19,799 --> 00:49:22,792 or where you come from, you can grow up... 875 00:49:22,837 --> 00:49:26,567 and become what you've always dreamed of makes me... 876 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,734 Amber Atkins, proud to be an American. 877 00:49:29,809 --> 00:49:33,337 Atomic power makes me, Molly Howard... 878 00:49:33,414 --> 00:49:35,813 proud to be an Asian-American. 879 00:49:35,850 --> 00:49:39,513 My uncle Phil's world's-largest ball of twine... 880 00:49:39,553 --> 00:49:41,488 in Bundy, Minnesota... 881 00:49:41,522 --> 00:49:44,854 it makes me proud I'm American. 882 00:49:44,891 --> 00:49:48,328 I kind of misunderstood the assignment. 883 00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:56,167 A couple of notes from yesterday's dress rehearsal. 884 00:49:56,203 --> 00:49:57,568 Gladys says a couple of youse... 885 00:49:57,605 --> 00:49:58,866 are getting sexy with your hips... 886 00:49:58,939 --> 00:50:01,101 during the physical fitness routine. 887 00:50:01,175 --> 00:50:03,642 Oh, my God, my tap costume's gone. 888 00:50:03,677 --> 00:50:07,079 Amber, we are not putting on our talent costume. 889 00:50:07,113 --> 00:50:09,411 You need to put on your physical fitness outfit. 890 00:50:09,450 --> 00:50:11,440 Let's shake a leg, ladies! 891 00:50:11,484 --> 00:50:13,952 It was here before the opening number. 892 00:50:15,655 --> 00:50:17,214 Wait. 893 00:50:17,258 --> 00:50:19,589 What am I saying? 894 00:50:19,627 --> 00:50:22,460 I should just ask you, Becky. 895 00:50:22,495 --> 00:50:24,224 Where is it? 896 00:50:24,265 --> 00:50:25,459 What? 897 00:50:25,498 --> 00:50:27,989 You heard me. Where is it? 898 00:50:29,336 --> 00:50:32,204 If you're getting at something, you'd better just say it. 899 00:50:32,273 --> 00:50:34,365 I just did. 900 00:50:34,442 --> 00:50:36,238 Well, then you'd better be willing to back it up... 901 00:50:36,277 --> 00:50:37,709 because you're talking crazy. 902 00:50:37,745 --> 00:50:40,475 You bring me on some of that snotty attitude. 903 00:50:40,513 --> 00:50:41,639 Bring it on! 904 00:50:41,681 --> 00:50:43,444 Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner... 905 00:50:43,484 --> 00:50:44,576 come and get it! 906 00:50:44,618 --> 00:50:46,018 I'll get it! 907 00:50:46,052 --> 00:50:47,178 I might even take seconds! 908 00:50:47,220 --> 00:50:49,984 If you want seconds, I'll make sure you get them! 909 00:50:50,024 --> 00:50:51,422 Give me your stringy ass! 910 00:50:53,994 --> 00:50:55,962 I think that you guys should leave. 911 00:50:55,996 --> 00:50:57,760 The girls are changing. I think you should leave. 912 00:50:57,797 --> 00:50:59,264 All right, let's go. 913 00:50:59,300 --> 00:51:01,768 - I hate her! - We all do. Let's go. 914 00:51:01,801 --> 00:51:03,793 Let's give a big round of applause... 915 00:51:03,838 --> 00:51:06,329 for last year's American Teen Princess... 916 00:51:06,407 --> 00:51:08,636 in her farewell performance. 917 00:51:08,708 --> 00:51:10,677 Who could ever forget her lip-synching... 918 00:51:10,710 --> 00:51:14,271 to "Don't Cry Out Loud" by Melissa Manchester? 919 00:51:14,315 --> 00:51:16,044 And here she is... 920 00:51:16,082 --> 00:51:17,811 Mary Johanson. 921 00:51:26,993 --> 00:51:32,432 Don't cry out loud 922 00:51:32,465 --> 00:51:35,094 Just keep it inside 923 00:51:35,136 --> 00:51:39,732 And learn how to hide your feelings 924 00:51:39,807 --> 00:51:45,335 Fly high and proud 925 00:51:45,413 --> 00:51:48,506 And if you should fall 926 00:51:48,548 --> 00:51:51,073 Remember you almost 927 00:51:51,117 --> 00:51:55,987 Had it all 928 00:51:58,658 --> 00:52:00,853 All right, why don't we pick up the stepladders... 929 00:52:00,895 --> 00:52:02,021 for the physical fitness number? 930 00:52:02,063 --> 00:52:03,189 There we go. 931 00:52:03,229 --> 00:52:04,629 They're wet. 932 00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:05,790 What? 933 00:52:05,833 --> 00:52:07,322 My hands are stuck. 934 00:52:08,369 --> 00:52:10,030 I'm kind of dizzy from the fumes. 935 00:52:10,071 --> 00:52:11,299 You know what, girls? 936 00:52:11,372 --> 00:52:13,863 Keep them away from you so they don't get on the outfits. 937 00:52:13,940 --> 00:52:15,033 There we go. 938 00:52:15,109 --> 00:52:17,009 Let's form a line. 939 00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:20,974 What kind of a mental retard... 940 00:52:21,015 --> 00:52:22,915 paints stepladders right before a pageant? 941 00:52:22,949 --> 00:52:24,814 I'm the judge! 942 00:52:25,985 --> 00:52:29,250 Back, you cuddly retard. 943 00:52:29,290 --> 00:52:30,620 Go, Hank! 944 00:52:30,658 --> 00:52:33,126 It's OK. 945 00:52:33,159 --> 00:52:34,285 My dress is fine. 946 00:52:35,428 --> 00:52:38,363 All right, so... 947 00:52:38,399 --> 00:52:40,525 our other judges are... 948 00:52:40,568 --> 00:52:42,126 Jean Kangas... 949 00:52:42,168 --> 00:52:43,568 and John Dough... 950 00:52:43,603 --> 00:52:46,505 Opening number looked good... 951 00:52:46,574 --> 00:52:50,009 solid, but now you're going to have to actually dance. 952 00:52:50,076 --> 00:52:53,513 So, here, put a dab of this on the old choppers, ladies. 953 00:52:53,581 --> 00:52:55,275 It'll help you smile... 954 00:52:55,316 --> 00:52:57,306 and when they're looking at your teeth, God willing... 955 00:52:57,350 --> 00:52:59,216 they won't be looking at your feet. 956 00:54:19,999 --> 00:54:22,024 Hurry up. 957 00:54:22,068 --> 00:54:23,467 OK, I think we all got some. 958 00:54:23,504 --> 00:54:25,131 Just take it off. 959 00:54:25,206 --> 00:54:27,606 Here, I didn't... 960 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,109 I think it went really well. 961 00:54:30,144 --> 00:54:31,771 Don't go in the bathroom. 962 00:54:31,846 --> 00:54:33,745 Tess blew chunks all over. 963 00:54:33,781 --> 00:54:36,476 She ate a really large dinner. 964 00:54:36,517 --> 00:54:38,746 Maybe she should've shoved that lucky bolt... 965 00:54:38,786 --> 00:54:40,276 down her throat for dessert. 966 00:54:41,454 --> 00:54:44,480 And the winner of the spirit award goes to... 967 00:54:44,557 --> 00:54:48,049 I'd like to take you back seventeen years... 968 00:54:48,094 --> 00:54:51,496 when a peanut farmer was in the White House... 969 00:54:51,531 --> 00:54:53,796 a group of boys calling themselves Queen... 970 00:54:53,833 --> 00:54:55,596 topped the record charts... 971 00:54:55,635 --> 00:54:57,627 and Gladys Leeman was Gladys Wood... 972 00:54:58,772 --> 00:55:02,367 and she was Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 973 00:55:09,549 --> 00:55:11,984 Thank you very much. 974 00:55:12,018 --> 00:55:16,479 You know, seventeen years ago, I won the talent contest... 975 00:55:16,524 --> 00:55:17,718 by sewing... 976 00:55:18,726 --> 00:55:19,988 these culottes... 977 00:55:20,026 --> 00:55:22,051 Butterick pattern seven-four-three-two. 978 00:55:22,096 --> 00:55:23,996 And can you believe it? 979 00:55:24,030 --> 00:55:25,191 They still fit. 980 00:55:25,231 --> 00:55:28,099 She had a big ass then, she's got a big ass now. 981 00:55:28,134 --> 00:55:30,602 Our next contestant is ready, so let's welcome her... 982 00:55:30,638 --> 00:55:32,070 Tess Weinhaus. 983 00:55:37,310 --> 00:55:39,040 Yeah, it's just gone. 984 00:55:41,314 --> 00:55:42,440 I mean... 985 00:55:42,483 --> 00:55:45,610 I just wanna tap, you know? 986 00:55:45,653 --> 00:55:50,282 I'm not saying I'm the best or that I'd even win, but... 987 00:55:50,323 --> 00:55:52,450 shouldn't I at least get a chance to compete? 988 00:55:52,493 --> 00:55:56,293 The beagle is known for its howl. 989 00:56:00,301 --> 00:56:02,928 I just wanted my mom to see me dance. 990 00:56:02,969 --> 00:56:05,700 Amber, Amber, come here. 991 00:56:05,773 --> 00:56:08,401 Please. I got so much Vaseline on my teeth... 992 00:56:08,475 --> 00:56:10,500 I'm going to be smiling for a year. 993 00:56:10,578 --> 00:56:12,136 No. Here. 994 00:56:12,212 --> 00:56:13,473 It's nothing special... 995 00:56:13,514 --> 00:56:16,506 but talent like yours doesn't need to hide behind sequins. 996 00:56:16,549 --> 00:56:17,982 Oh, Miss K. 997 00:56:18,017 --> 00:56:19,349 Oh, look. 998 00:56:19,385 --> 00:56:24,755 But none can compare to the greatest bark of all... 999 00:56:24,792 --> 00:56:27,056 the German shepherd. 1000 00:56:29,597 --> 00:56:33,158 Aw, hell, go out there and kick some Leeman ass. 1001 00:56:34,401 --> 00:56:36,664 Not so hard, sweetie. I heard something snap. 1002 00:56:36,704 --> 00:56:38,568 Roll him over! 1003 00:56:38,638 --> 00:56:39,606 Lay him flat! 1004 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,370 Pin his shoulders! 1005 00:56:42,443 --> 00:56:43,966 To the mat! 1006 00:56:45,011 --> 00:56:46,570 Roll him over! Lay him flat! 1007 00:56:46,646 --> 00:56:48,615 Pin their shoulders to the mat! 1008 00:56:48,681 --> 00:56:50,239 Go... 1009 00:56:50,283 --> 00:56:51,649 Muskies! Yeah! 1010 00:57:01,761 --> 00:57:02,751 Fade in. 1011 00:57:04,030 --> 00:57:07,364 The year... 2024. 1012 00:57:08,968 --> 00:57:10,697 Planet... Earth. 1013 00:57:11,905 --> 00:57:13,872 The question on everyone's mind? 1014 00:57:15,175 --> 00:57:16,767 What is... 1015 00:57:16,844 --> 00:57:18,402 Soylent Green? 1016 00:57:23,416 --> 00:57:26,010 Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? 1017 00:57:26,052 --> 00:57:28,021 Why are you pretending you don't know what's going on? 1018 00:57:28,054 --> 00:57:30,079 Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. 1019 00:57:30,124 --> 00:57:31,590 But you know the rules. 1020 00:57:31,624 --> 00:57:33,559 All talent costumes have to be OK'd... 1021 00:57:33,593 --> 00:57:34,959 by Gladys before the pageant. 1022 00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:36,552 But doesn't someone taking your costume... 1023 00:57:36,596 --> 00:57:39,064 so you can't compete overrule that rule? 1024 00:57:39,099 --> 00:57:41,158 Amber, I'm sorry. I don't make up the rules. 1025 00:57:41,201 --> 00:57:42,724 Oh, this... 1026 00:57:42,770 --> 00:57:44,361 this is bullshit! 1027 00:57:44,405 --> 00:57:47,567 Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language. 1028 00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,609 Good, because this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant. 1029 00:57:50,643 --> 00:57:52,635 This is... this is... 1030 00:57:52,712 --> 00:57:54,681 this is Nazi Germany! 1031 00:57:58,451 --> 00:58:00,180 Where do they get this stuff? 1032 00:58:08,328 --> 00:58:10,386 I'm wearing this tap costume. 1033 00:58:10,431 --> 00:58:12,797 I'm going to do my talent tonight. 1034 00:58:12,832 --> 00:58:14,061 Oh, really? 1035 00:58:14,100 --> 00:58:15,590 I don't think so. 1036 00:58:19,073 --> 00:58:21,337 I hate to be the bearer of bad news... 1037 00:58:21,408 --> 00:58:24,070 but you know the rules state that a costume has to be OK'd... 1038 00:58:24,144 --> 00:58:26,134 at least a week in advance. 1039 00:58:26,212 --> 00:58:29,740 I couldn't let you go out there in that skimpy little thing. 1040 00:58:29,783 --> 00:58:31,340 We've got kids in the audience. 1041 00:58:31,384 --> 00:58:33,409 I hope you understand. 1042 00:58:33,454 --> 00:58:35,012 But you... I mean... 1043 00:58:35,054 --> 00:58:37,614 It's not my fault. Please. 1044 00:58:37,657 --> 00:58:39,751 I didn't do anything wrong. 1045 00:58:39,793 --> 00:58:42,284 I know the truth, that's why. 1046 00:58:42,328 --> 00:58:43,660 I must say... 1047 00:58:43,696 --> 00:58:45,857 Soylent Green... 1048 00:58:45,899 --> 00:58:47,957 is people! 1049 00:58:51,671 --> 00:58:53,572 Now, that's my cue. 1050 00:59:33,713 --> 00:59:36,477 I just wanted to compete. 1051 00:59:38,284 --> 00:59:41,618 I can't believe this is happening. 1052 00:59:41,654 --> 00:59:44,180 I can't believe she said... 1053 00:59:52,732 --> 00:59:53,858 Here. 1054 00:59:53,900 --> 00:59:55,390 Here? What? 1055 00:59:55,435 --> 00:59:56,993 My jacket. 1056 00:59:57,036 --> 00:59:59,437 Take it, because I got my costume OK'd a month ago... 1057 00:59:59,506 --> 01:00:01,098 before the pageant. You can wear it. 1058 01:00:01,175 --> 01:00:02,641 Put it on. 1059 01:00:02,709 --> 01:00:03,801 Oh, wow. 1060 01:00:03,877 --> 01:00:05,571 Lisa, I don't think you should do this. 1061 01:00:05,612 --> 01:00:07,375 They're never going to let you perform naked. I asked. 1062 01:00:07,414 --> 01:00:09,574 Shut up, you guys. 1063 01:00:09,616 --> 01:00:12,380 Listen, Amber... 1064 01:00:12,419 --> 01:00:15,216 I'm not going to win. 1065 01:00:15,255 --> 01:00:17,815 And let's be honest, the family only needs one Liza... 1066 01:00:17,857 --> 01:00:20,656 and Peter's got much better legs than me, OK? 1067 01:00:20,693 --> 01:00:22,058 Your parents will kill you. 1068 01:00:22,095 --> 01:00:24,790 Ah, come on. I love them... 1069 01:00:24,832 --> 01:00:28,426 but they only had me because Peter needed that kidney. 1070 01:00:34,107 --> 01:00:35,232 Thank you. 1071 01:00:38,778 --> 01:00:39,904 Now... 1072 01:00:39,946 --> 01:00:41,505 it is with overwhelming pride... 1073 01:00:41,581 --> 01:00:44,142 that I introduce to you contestant number six... 1074 01:00:44,184 --> 01:00:47,050 who is also the president of her class two years running... 1075 01:00:47,087 --> 01:00:49,612 an honor roll student, and the new president... 1076 01:00:49,656 --> 01:00:51,885 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 1077 01:00:51,925 --> 01:00:53,152 Ladies and gentlemen... 1078 01:00:53,193 --> 01:00:55,491 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1079 01:01:03,303 --> 01:01:04,826 You know what? 1080 01:01:04,871 --> 01:01:06,361 The rumors are true. 1081 01:01:07,474 --> 01:01:10,931 I do have a special fella in my life... 1082 01:01:12,045 --> 01:01:14,478 and if nobody minds... 1083 01:01:14,514 --> 01:01:18,245 I'd like to sing a little song just for him. 1084 01:01:21,187 --> 01:01:25,124 You're just too good 1085 01:01:25,158 --> 01:01:26,317 To be true 1086 01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:30,155 Can't take my eyes 1087 01:01:30,196 --> 01:01:31,255 Off of you 1088 01:01:31,297 --> 01:01:32,424 Bullshit. 1089 01:01:32,465 --> 01:01:34,900 You'd be like heaven 1090 01:01:34,934 --> 01:01:36,959 To touch 1091 01:01:37,003 --> 01:01:38,733 I wanna hold you 1092 01:01:38,805 --> 01:01:40,636 So much 1093 01:01:41,741 --> 01:01:43,299 At long last 1094 01:01:43,376 --> 01:01:46,573 Love has arrived 1095 01:01:46,613 --> 01:01:49,104 And I thank God 1096 01:01:49,182 --> 01:01:50,341 I'm alive 1097 01:01:51,851 --> 01:01:54,217 You're just too good 1098 01:01:54,254 --> 01:01:56,244 To be true 1099 01:01:56,289 --> 01:01:58,986 Can't take my eyes 1100 01:01:59,025 --> 01:02:00,492 Off of you 1101 01:02:01,628 --> 01:02:04,152 I love you, baby 1102 01:02:04,197 --> 01:02:05,857 And if it's quite all right 1103 01:02:05,899 --> 01:02:07,957 I need you, baby 1104 01:02:08,001 --> 01:02:10,196 To warm the lonely night 1105 01:02:10,236 --> 01:02:12,864 I love you, baby 1106 01:02:12,939 --> 01:02:14,964 Trust in me when I say 1107 01:02:15,041 --> 01:02:17,567 Lisa, come on, you're next. 1108 01:02:17,644 --> 01:02:19,202 Nah, I quit. 1109 01:02:19,279 --> 01:02:21,974 And since my costume was OK'd a month ago... 1110 01:02:22,015 --> 01:02:23,174 I'm giving it to Amber. 1111 01:02:26,853 --> 01:02:29,344 Let me love you, baby 1112 01:02:29,389 --> 01:02:32,323 Let me love you 1113 01:02:47,540 --> 01:02:49,974 Oh, boy, I'd hate to follow that act. 1114 01:02:50,009 --> 01:02:52,706 The voice of an angel, that one. 1115 01:02:58,485 --> 01:03:01,647 I have just been notified that contestant number seven... 1116 01:03:01,688 --> 01:03:04,656 Lisa Swenson has dropped out of the pageant. 1117 01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:09,355 I know, but these things happen... 1118 01:03:09,395 --> 01:03:12,831 and we still have one more contestant... number eight. 1119 01:03:12,866 --> 01:03:14,094 Amber Atkins. 1120 01:04:48,928 --> 01:04:50,897 Thank you. 1121 01:05:04,778 --> 01:05:05,744 Well... 1122 01:05:07,180 --> 01:05:09,148 The time has finally come... 1123 01:05:10,817 --> 01:05:13,979 where we say good-bye to the judges... 1124 01:05:14,019 --> 01:05:18,046 so that they can go off and make the toughest decision... 1125 01:05:18,091 --> 01:05:19,285 of their lives. 1126 01:05:25,532 --> 01:05:26,931 So, who gets the crown? 1127 01:05:26,966 --> 01:05:28,160 How are you going to figure this all out? 1128 01:05:28,201 --> 01:05:30,761 Well, you know, we'll... 1129 01:05:30,804 --> 01:05:33,431 compare scores and figure out a winner... 1130 01:05:33,506 --> 01:05:35,907 because, I mean, we don't know who the winner is yet. 1131 01:05:35,941 --> 01:05:38,911 I mean, I have no idea who Jean picked... 1132 01:05:38,944 --> 01:05:40,503 or Harold. 1133 01:05:40,579 --> 01:05:42,046 - No. - No idea. 1134 01:05:43,850 --> 01:05:46,284 I know who the winner is. 1135 01:05:46,318 --> 01:05:48,081 I know who the winner... Harold. 1136 01:05:48,121 --> 01:05:49,850 I know who the winner is. 1137 01:05:49,889 --> 01:05:51,289 That's it. 1138 01:05:51,323 --> 01:05:55,317 You shut your goddamn mouth, you goddamn retard! 1139 01:05:55,361 --> 01:05:58,353 I've had your shit for two weeks now! 1140 01:05:58,398 --> 01:05:59,422 Come on. 1141 01:06:01,066 --> 01:06:03,432 Back off, college boy! Now listen! 1142 01:06:05,138 --> 01:06:08,106 Hank can't help it if he's born crazier than a shit-house rat! 1143 01:06:08,141 --> 01:06:11,872 For fuck's sake, why didn't you leave him with a sitter? 1144 01:06:16,783 --> 01:06:18,079 Nice, John. 1145 01:06:18,118 --> 01:06:19,346 That's real nice. 1146 01:06:19,385 --> 01:06:22,219 You know the baby-sitter's dead. 1147 01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:28,392 So... 1148 01:06:28,428 --> 01:06:30,361 Anyone talk to Jenelle lately? 1149 01:06:30,396 --> 01:06:33,093 Oh, yeah. I brought her some flowers this morning. 1150 01:06:33,133 --> 01:06:35,533 Yeah. She's in the room next to my mom. 1151 01:06:35,568 --> 01:06:37,695 Oh, she's super happy. 1152 01:06:37,736 --> 01:06:38,964 She's happy? 1153 01:06:39,038 --> 01:06:41,269 Oh, the blow to her head made her deaf. 1154 01:06:41,341 --> 01:06:42,500 Oh, God. 1155 01:06:42,575 --> 01:06:44,600 - Isn't that great? - Oh, that's great. 1156 01:06:44,677 --> 01:06:46,543 She's so happy. 1157 01:06:48,113 --> 01:06:49,944 Jesus Christ! 1158 01:06:49,983 --> 01:06:52,918 What are they doing, letting the retard count the votes? 1159 01:06:53,919 --> 01:06:55,750 Ladies, it's time. 1160 01:07:15,108 --> 01:07:17,507 Welcome back, everybody... 1161 01:07:17,544 --> 01:07:18,635 and judges. 1162 01:07:18,711 --> 01:07:20,736 Oh, gosh. 1163 01:07:20,814 --> 01:07:23,680 We are so darn close to that moment... 1164 01:07:23,716 --> 01:07:26,311 we have all been waiting for. 1165 01:07:26,352 --> 01:07:29,185 And now, our second runner-up... 1166 01:07:29,222 --> 01:07:31,519 and winner of a fifty-dollar scholarship... 1167 01:07:31,558 --> 01:07:34,925 for the vo-tech of her choice is... 1168 01:07:37,329 --> 01:07:38,490 Leslie Miller. 1169 01:07:43,636 --> 01:07:45,194 You rule, Leslie! 1170 01:07:58,250 --> 01:08:00,081 Envelope, please. 1171 01:08:03,523 --> 01:08:06,582 Our next prize, a seventy-five- dollar scholarship... 1172 01:08:06,625 --> 01:08:09,651 will be awarded to the first runner-up. 1173 01:08:09,696 --> 01:08:11,789 The first runner-up is... 1174 01:08:16,136 --> 01:08:17,932 Amber Atkins. 1175 01:08:44,364 --> 01:08:47,958 And now, finally the moment... 1176 01:08:48,001 --> 01:08:49,991 that I know I've been waiting for. 1177 01:08:50,035 --> 01:08:52,368 With a scholarship of five hundred dollars... 1178 01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:55,874 courtesy Leeman Furniture, and an all-expense-paid trip... 1179 01:08:55,909 --> 01:08:59,106 next weekend, when she will be competing for the title... 1180 01:08:59,144 --> 01:09:00,544 of Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1181 01:09:00,579 --> 01:09:03,514 Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1182 01:09:09,988 --> 01:09:11,615 Our new... 1183 01:09:11,658 --> 01:09:15,321 Mount Rose American Teen Princess is... 1184 01:09:16,863 --> 01:09:18,592 contestant number... 1185 01:09:19,598 --> 01:09:21,328 You know what? It's my daughter... 1186 01:09:21,367 --> 01:09:23,859 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1187 01:09:37,182 --> 01:09:39,242 Oh, thank you so much. 1188 01:09:41,820 --> 01:09:43,720 Bitch. 1189 01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,002 Here she is 1190 01:10:04,077 --> 01:10:05,510 Our Mount Rose 1191 01:10:05,545 --> 01:10:08,012 American Teen Princess 1192 01:10:08,081 --> 01:10:10,174 Look at her 1193 01:10:10,215 --> 01:10:12,377 Doesn't she look fine? 1194 01:10:12,419 --> 01:10:15,683 Our heart swells big 1195 01:10:15,722 --> 01:10:18,121 As we look at her 1196 01:10:18,158 --> 01:10:19,351 Our Mount Rose 1197 01:10:19,391 --> 01:10:24,055 American Teen Princess 1198 01:10:24,097 --> 01:10:25,688 One, two, three. 1199 01:10:26,733 --> 01:10:28,700 - You got her there? - Yeah, I got her. 1200 01:10:28,735 --> 01:10:31,169 We was robbed. We was robbed. 1201 01:10:31,204 --> 01:10:33,535 It's OK. They're just giving her a ride back. 1202 01:10:33,605 --> 01:10:36,200 She almost blew out of Loretta's pickup on the way over. 1203 01:10:36,276 --> 01:10:37,743 Thank God for bungee cords. 1204 01:10:39,012 --> 01:10:41,037 I got second runner-up. 1205 01:10:41,114 --> 01:10:42,479 I got second place. 1206 01:10:42,514 --> 01:10:44,312 - Third. - Huh? 1207 01:10:44,349 --> 01:10:46,045 - Third. - Bye. 1208 01:10:52,292 --> 01:10:55,659 Are you disappointed about not winning? 1209 01:10:55,694 --> 01:10:58,288 Yeah, well, no. 1210 01:10:58,330 --> 01:11:03,529 At least I got to compete, and my mom got to see me dance. 1211 01:11:03,570 --> 01:11:06,061 I guess number eight only worked for Diane Sawyer. 1212 01:11:06,139 --> 01:11:07,572 Oh, stop. 1213 01:11:07,606 --> 01:11:08,699 Let's go home. 1214 01:11:08,775 --> 01:11:10,265 I'll let you drive. 1215 01:11:12,244 --> 01:11:13,472 I hope it was worth it. 1216 01:11:13,513 --> 01:11:15,503 No, Dad, it was worth it. 1217 01:11:15,582 --> 01:11:16,912 Amber should've won. 1218 01:11:16,950 --> 01:11:18,109 I tell you one thing... 1219 01:11:18,151 --> 01:11:19,674 Peter never would've pulled a shenanigan like that. 1220 01:11:19,718 --> 01:11:21,983 Well, you know what, Dad? 1221 01:11:22,020 --> 01:11:24,012 You know what? Peter's gay. 1222 01:11:25,425 --> 01:11:26,584 Gay! 1223 01:11:28,228 --> 01:11:29,387 What? 1224 01:11:30,964 --> 01:11:32,123 So, Becky, how does it feel? 1225 01:11:32,165 --> 01:11:33,655 Oh, well... 1226 01:11:33,700 --> 01:11:36,430 I mean, it's all happening so fast. 1227 01:11:36,468 --> 01:11:38,562 I'm so excited. 1228 01:11:38,605 --> 01:11:41,335 I mean, I won. 1229 01:11:41,406 --> 01:11:45,173 I'm the winner, and I'm going to state. 1230 01:11:45,210 --> 01:11:48,407 She's the winner, and we're going to state. 1231 01:11:48,448 --> 01:11:49,744 What a surprise. 1232 01:11:49,782 --> 01:11:51,510 Gladys Leeman's finally going to go to state... 1233 01:11:51,551 --> 01:11:53,017 and she'll probably ride on Becky's ass... 1234 01:11:53,051 --> 01:11:54,678 all the way to nationals, too. 1235 01:11:54,721 --> 01:11:56,711 Wonder how she's going to fix that one. 1236 01:11:56,755 --> 01:11:59,053 Are you ladies going to the parade? 1237 01:11:59,092 --> 01:12:01,958 Nah. I think I'm, like, due or something. 1238 01:12:21,580 --> 01:12:24,744 Beautiful as a whore's ass today, huh, boys? 1239 01:12:27,186 --> 01:12:29,517 Do you need help with the cooler? 1240 01:12:49,908 --> 01:12:52,901 See, Gladys had me get that special-made from Mexico... 1241 01:12:52,978 --> 01:12:54,173 in case Becky won. 1242 01:12:54,213 --> 01:12:56,147 You know, I do a lot of business down there... 1243 01:12:56,181 --> 01:12:58,173 always offer to pay them off in tacos. 1244 01:12:59,551 --> 01:13:01,109 Oh, they love that. 1245 01:13:01,154 --> 01:13:02,450 Keep on moving through. 1246 01:13:05,592 --> 01:13:07,184 Let's get this straight right now. 1247 01:13:07,226 --> 01:13:08,887 We wouldn't have been late at all if not for you. 1248 01:13:08,927 --> 01:13:11,988 I want to have the big bag of little doughnuts. 1249 01:13:12,030 --> 01:13:13,157 You get nothing, Hank. 1250 01:13:13,198 --> 01:13:15,496 I want to eat a big bag of little doughnuts. 1251 01:13:15,535 --> 01:13:17,560 There's your paint can. 1252 01:13:17,604 --> 01:13:19,127 The next time you drink window cleaner... 1253 01:13:19,172 --> 01:13:21,401 I'm just going to leave it in you. 1254 01:13:26,079 --> 01:13:27,444 My pants are... 1255 01:13:43,730 --> 01:13:45,526 You rule! 1256 01:14:00,279 --> 01:14:01,336 Rebecca Ann Leeman. 1257 01:14:01,381 --> 01:14:04,111 You are the one that wanted this. 1258 01:14:04,149 --> 01:14:05,343 Now get up there. 1259 01:14:05,385 --> 01:14:08,479 I don't care if you have to ride this thing sidesaddle. 1260 01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:09,646 Get up there. 1261 01:14:09,688 --> 01:14:12,214 It smells funny... like gasoline. 1262 01:14:12,257 --> 01:14:14,919 Everything smells like that in Mexico. 1263 01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:16,758 My dress will reek, Mother. 1264 01:14:16,795 --> 01:14:18,160 You listen to me now, missy. 1265 01:14:18,197 --> 01:14:19,891 This thing cost your dad a pretty penny... 1266 01:14:19,932 --> 01:14:21,524 so you get your ass up there. 1267 01:14:21,567 --> 01:14:24,364 And show me some teeth. 1268 01:14:24,404 --> 01:14:26,462 Love you, baby. 1269 01:14:37,150 --> 01:14:38,912 You rule! 1270 01:14:41,120 --> 01:14:42,246 Stop it! 1271 01:14:42,287 --> 01:14:44,949 You are a bad kid! 1272 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:03,565 You rule! 1273 01:15:07,579 --> 01:15:09,672 If I die from these fumes... 1274 01:15:09,716 --> 01:15:11,706 you'll make sure and cover up the hickeys on my neck? 1275 01:15:14,219 --> 01:15:16,984 And the bite marks on my ears. 1276 01:15:17,022 --> 01:15:18,512 Yeah, sure. 1277 01:15:18,558 --> 01:15:22,460 And I know it won't show, but on my inner thighs... 1278 01:15:22,494 --> 01:15:23,928 Yes, Leslie, OK. 1279 01:15:23,962 --> 01:15:25,555 Help! 1280 01:15:36,141 --> 01:15:37,939 OK, I designed the float. 1281 01:15:37,976 --> 01:15:44,540 And what's going to happen here is that this is going to look... 1282 01:15:44,583 --> 01:15:48,246 like a glistening lake beneath the swan. 1283 01:15:49,421 --> 01:15:50,786 We need more bars. 1284 01:15:50,823 --> 01:15:52,084 This is... What? 1285 01:15:52,125 --> 01:15:53,319 Enid ate a whole pan. 1286 01:15:53,358 --> 01:15:54,723 She can't do anything by herself. 1287 01:15:56,195 --> 01:15:58,425 This is exactly how I pictured it... 1288 01:15:58,464 --> 01:16:00,295 Choking on swan gas. 1289 01:16:02,601 --> 01:16:04,627 Oh, great. 1290 01:16:12,978 --> 01:16:14,445 Oh, my God. 1291 01:16:17,583 --> 01:16:19,813 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1292 01:16:19,852 --> 01:16:20,978 Oh, my God. 1293 01:16:21,019 --> 01:16:22,544 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1294 01:16:36,835 --> 01:16:39,303 Oh, my baby! 1295 01:16:39,371 --> 01:16:41,134 Oh, my God! 1296 01:16:41,206 --> 01:16:43,868 The swan ate my baby! 1297 01:16:45,310 --> 01:16:49,372 Becky, baby, get up! 1298 01:16:49,414 --> 01:16:51,746 We got to go to state! 1299 01:16:53,685 --> 01:16:56,245 Gladys, let her go. 1300 01:16:56,288 --> 01:16:57,449 No. She's not getting up. 1301 01:16:57,489 --> 01:17:00,083 We got to... Get off of me, you cow! 1302 01:17:03,428 --> 01:17:06,296 What are you looking at, huh? 1303 01:17:06,331 --> 01:17:09,028 A whole goddamned town full of losers... 1304 01:17:09,067 --> 01:17:10,660 that's what I'm looking at! 1305 01:17:12,905 --> 01:17:14,031 And you... 1306 01:17:15,641 --> 01:17:17,472 You piece of shit trailer trash! 1307 01:17:17,509 --> 01:17:20,273 That should've been you in there! 1308 01:17:20,312 --> 01:17:22,610 Damn it, I should've killed you when I had a chance... 1309 01:17:22,648 --> 01:17:24,673 just like your little friend! 1310 01:17:24,716 --> 01:17:29,211 Tammy was one crispy critter up on that thresher! 1311 01:17:29,254 --> 01:17:31,883 Ding! Fries are up! 1312 01:17:33,025 --> 01:17:34,492 Stop it! Stop it! 1313 01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:42,526 Take it easy. 1314 01:17:42,568 --> 01:17:44,364 Let go of me! 1315 01:17:44,403 --> 01:17:45,801 Oh, my God, it's "Cops. " 1316 01:17:45,872 --> 01:17:47,361 He sells reproductions! 1317 01:17:47,439 --> 01:17:50,409 His furniture's as fake as my orgasms. 1318 01:17:50,442 --> 01:17:51,909 Hey, how you doing? 1319 01:17:51,944 --> 01:17:53,411 Hey. What's up, Scott? 1320 01:17:53,445 --> 01:17:55,073 You remember Bruce, right? 1321 01:17:55,114 --> 01:17:57,582 Bruce, that's Roy. Roy, Bruce. 1322 01:17:59,118 --> 01:18:02,781 And that's why, dear Lord, it's with such great sorrow... 1323 01:18:02,821 --> 01:18:05,450 we turn over to you this young woman... 1324 01:18:05,491 --> 01:18:07,789 whose dream of riding on a giant swan... 1325 01:18:07,826 --> 01:18:10,057 has brought about her untimely death. 1326 01:18:10,095 --> 01:18:15,625 Maybe it's your way of telling us to buy American. 1327 01:18:16,668 --> 01:18:17,930 That's right. 1328 01:18:19,705 --> 01:18:21,605 As acting president... 1329 01:18:21,640 --> 01:18:23,836 of the Mount Rose Civil Servettes... 1330 01:18:23,909 --> 01:18:25,537 it is my duty... 1331 01:18:25,611 --> 01:18:31,208 to make you Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1332 01:18:33,385 --> 01:18:35,354 Turn around for the picture. 1333 01:18:35,387 --> 01:18:36,377 You look good. 1334 01:18:40,392 --> 01:18:42,190 What is wrong with you? 1335 01:18:42,227 --> 01:18:43,353 I don't know. 1336 01:18:43,395 --> 01:18:44,954 I didn't wanna win like this. 1337 01:18:44,997 --> 01:18:46,861 You stop right there. 1338 01:18:46,899 --> 01:18:48,366 You are a good person. 1339 01:18:48,400 --> 01:18:50,868 Good things happen to good people. 1340 01:18:50,903 --> 01:18:52,029 Really? 1341 01:18:52,070 --> 01:18:54,561 No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie. 1342 01:18:54,606 --> 01:18:57,371 You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. 1343 01:18:57,443 --> 01:18:59,069 Let's get you a root-beer float. 1344 01:18:59,144 --> 01:19:01,306 You guys want some shots? I'm buying. 1345 01:19:02,314 --> 01:19:05,773 I never liked her, but she didn't deserve... 1346 01:19:05,818 --> 01:19:08,286 to die in the belly of a swan like that. 1347 01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:13,155 The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time. 1348 01:19:14,326 --> 01:19:16,295 This came for you, sweetie. 1349 01:19:16,328 --> 01:19:17,956 Hi, guys. 1350 01:19:17,996 --> 01:19:19,793 It's from the state! 1351 01:19:19,832 --> 01:19:21,322 Yeah. Open it up. 1352 01:19:22,334 --> 01:19:24,802 It's all the stuff I get to do. 1353 01:19:25,838 --> 01:19:27,168 OK, let's see. 1354 01:19:28,407 --> 01:19:31,843 We get a personal consultation with a makeup artist. 1355 01:19:33,045 --> 01:19:36,013 Oh, there'll be a choreographer to the stars. 1356 01:19:36,048 --> 01:19:37,515 - Choreographer. - The stars. 1357 01:19:38,550 --> 01:19:40,017 Oh, my God. 1358 01:19:40,052 --> 01:19:41,848 No way. Oh, my God. 1359 01:19:41,887 --> 01:19:44,354 For Christ's sakes, spit it out, Amber. 1360 01:19:44,389 --> 01:19:47,358 We'll be staying overnight at... 1361 01:19:47,392 --> 01:19:49,189 the Airport Howard Johnson! 1362 01:19:49,228 --> 01:19:50,695 Right by the airport! 1363 01:19:50,729 --> 01:19:51,855 Oh, Amber! 1364 01:19:51,897 --> 01:19:53,865 God, that's so great! 1365 01:19:55,400 --> 01:19:57,869 Oh, crap. I only got four weeks to practice. 1366 01:19:57,903 --> 01:19:59,369 Let's go, let's go! Right now! 1367 01:19:59,404 --> 01:20:00,531 I'm gonna call your mom. 1368 01:20:31,470 --> 01:20:33,597 All right, say, "airport hotel. " 1369 01:20:33,671 --> 01:20:34,639 Airport hotel! 1370 01:20:34,672 --> 01:20:36,641 Coffee and doughnuts. 1371 01:20:40,512 --> 01:20:42,481 Yeah, why don't you take a picture? 1372 01:20:42,514 --> 01:20:43,482 It lasts longer. 1373 01:20:43,515 --> 01:20:44,574 Loretta, don't do that. 1374 01:20:44,616 --> 01:20:45,981 All right. I'm sorry. They're just staring. 1375 01:20:46,018 --> 01:20:47,485 I gotta work with these girls. 1376 01:20:47,519 --> 01:20:48,680 OK, I'm sorry. 1377 01:21:15,447 --> 01:21:16,914 And you are... 1378 01:21:16,949 --> 01:21:19,417 Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1379 01:21:19,451 --> 01:21:21,443 Funny, you don't look dead. 1380 01:21:25,290 --> 01:21:27,259 - OK, ladies! - Girls, come on. 1381 01:21:27,292 --> 01:21:29,920 Ladies, listen up. I'm Colleen Douglas. 1382 01:21:29,962 --> 01:21:33,261 And this raven beauty on my right is Terry Macy. 1383 01:21:33,298 --> 01:21:34,459 Hi there. 1384 01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:37,094 And we're your Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1385 01:21:37,136 --> 01:21:38,397 state board. 1386 01:21:38,437 --> 01:21:39,767 That's right. 1387 01:21:39,805 --> 01:21:42,602 We're also the cofounders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. 1388 01:21:42,674 --> 01:21:44,471 Yep. And you can get your applications... 1389 01:21:44,510 --> 01:21:45,977 over here at the tiki bar... 1390 01:21:46,010 --> 01:21:47,979 and we will wave the fifty-dollar application fee... 1391 01:21:48,012 --> 01:21:50,480 if you list a friend and put down her address. 1392 01:21:51,850 --> 01:21:53,147 So... 1393 01:21:53,185 --> 01:21:54,344 you're cute. 1394 01:21:55,354 --> 01:21:56,719 Oh, I see you're married. 1395 01:21:56,754 --> 01:22:00,155 If you catch this in your mouth, I'll give you a present. 1396 01:22:00,192 --> 01:22:02,056 All right? Open wide. 1397 01:22:03,061 --> 01:22:04,858 Oh, God, you got that on the first try. 1398 01:22:04,897 --> 01:22:06,864 Come here. 1399 01:22:06,899 --> 01:22:08,730 Oh, you are cute. 1400 01:22:08,766 --> 01:22:10,358 OK, due to budgetary cutbacks... 1401 01:22:10,401 --> 01:22:11,868 And the fact... 1402 01:22:11,904 --> 01:22:13,871 that the national didn't cough up a goddamn nickel... 1403 01:22:13,939 --> 01:22:15,736 You won't be staying overnight. 1404 01:22:15,808 --> 01:22:17,365 So everybody pay attention. 1405 01:22:17,443 --> 01:22:20,173 You've got about eight hours till showtime. 1406 01:22:20,212 --> 01:22:21,941 Remember to count, ladies. 1407 01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:24,916 Cross on the left and arms up on eight. 1408 01:22:24,949 --> 01:22:26,975 On the beat, on the beat, on the beat! 1409 01:22:27,019 --> 01:22:29,510 Keep on. Keep moving it. 1410 01:22:29,555 --> 01:22:31,022 Come on, Miss Forest Lake... 1411 01:22:31,055 --> 01:22:32,853 take that stick out of your ass or I will! 1412 01:22:32,891 --> 01:22:34,552 All right. Very nice. 1413 01:22:34,593 --> 01:22:35,787 Now come on. 1414 01:22:35,828 --> 01:22:37,385 Mom's out here in the front row. 1415 01:22:37,428 --> 01:22:38,554 Come on. Sell it! 1416 01:22:38,597 --> 01:22:40,461 That's very nice. 1417 01:22:40,499 --> 01:22:41,795 Remember, figure eights, ladies. 1418 01:22:41,834 --> 01:22:48,262 I can sum up our entire philosophy with this glass. 1419 01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:50,433 I can look at it and see... 1420 01:22:50,509 --> 01:22:52,100 it's half full. 1421 01:22:52,177 --> 01:22:54,839 Which in the beauty pageant biz means... 1422 01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:56,471 "Where the hell is my waiter?!" 1423 01:22:56,515 --> 01:22:58,641 - Marco! - Polo! 1424 01:22:58,684 --> 01:23:01,846 Stop with the friggin' Marco Polo, or I'll come over there... 1425 01:23:01,887 --> 01:23:03,445 and rip your fat little heads off! 1426 01:23:12,730 --> 01:23:15,392 Miss Burnsville, you're up next. 1427 01:23:20,939 --> 01:23:23,407 I have a little secret weapon of my own. 1428 01:23:24,443 --> 01:23:25,569 Don't tell anyone. 1429 01:23:38,389 --> 01:23:40,358 Oh, I don't eat shellfish. 1430 01:23:40,391 --> 01:23:42,087 Ma always says, "Don't eat anything... 1431 01:23:42,126 --> 01:23:43,593 "that can carry its house around with it. 1432 01:23:43,629 --> 01:23:45,619 "Who knows the last time it's been cleaned?" 1433 01:23:45,663 --> 01:23:47,632 I've done about thirty-five pageants. 1434 01:23:48,700 --> 01:23:50,429 I guess my most memorable one... 1435 01:23:50,469 --> 01:23:52,937 would have to be Miss Teen America 1995... 1436 01:23:53,005 --> 01:23:54,472 'cause it was in Vegas. 1437 01:23:55,506 --> 01:23:57,134 And my roommate did Adam West. 1438 01:23:57,209 --> 01:24:00,474 She said he was so horny. 1439 01:24:12,825 --> 01:24:14,053 Oh, my God. 1440 01:24:31,442 --> 01:24:33,842 I should just go home now. 1441 01:24:34,947 --> 01:24:36,414 OK, real good. 1442 01:24:36,447 --> 01:24:37,914 One suggestion, sweetie. 1443 01:24:37,950 --> 01:24:40,577 Why don't you hike up your skirt a little bit then, OK? 1444 01:24:41,619 --> 01:24:42,780 Next! 1445 01:24:44,957 --> 01:24:46,924 Oh, my God. 1446 01:24:46,959 --> 01:24:48,426 I gotta go! 1447 01:24:48,459 --> 01:24:50,927 You better do something about those nerves, sweetie. 1448 01:24:50,963 --> 01:24:52,430 Thirty million people aren't gonna wait for you... 1449 01:24:52,463 --> 01:24:53,930 while you run to the john. 1450 01:24:53,966 --> 01:24:55,433 That's true. 1451 01:24:57,635 --> 01:25:00,002 Will somebody get a mop and a bucket? 1452 01:25:00,072 --> 01:25:03,166 Today, a beauty pageant turned ugly. 1453 01:25:06,277 --> 01:25:07,643 Did I win? 1454 01:25:07,679 --> 01:25:09,340 Honey, if I was a good lover... 1455 01:25:09,380 --> 01:25:11,405 Oh, for crap sake. 1456 01:25:11,450 --> 01:25:12,917 A salmonella dysentery outbreak... 1457 01:25:12,950 --> 01:25:15,612 now traced to improperly refrigerated shellfish... 1458 01:25:15,653 --> 01:25:18,214 was believed to be the cause. 1459 01:25:24,062 --> 01:25:26,759 Oh, my God. Do you think they heard us? 1460 01:25:26,799 --> 01:25:30,359 Oh, for Christ's sake! Call an ambulance! 1461 01:25:30,401 --> 01:25:31,527 An ambulance? 1462 01:25:31,570 --> 01:25:33,367 Call a priest, for Christ's sake! 1463 01:25:34,772 --> 01:25:36,866 Joining us now is David Richardson... 1464 01:25:36,941 --> 01:25:40,378 a member of a documentary crew filming the pageant. 1465 01:25:40,446 --> 01:25:43,073 He was there when tragedy struck. 1466 01:25:44,283 --> 01:25:47,411 Fuckin' beauty queens blowin' chunks everywhere. 1467 01:25:47,453 --> 01:25:51,252 I've never seen anything like it before, and... 1468 01:25:51,290 --> 01:25:52,587 I live in L.A. 1469 01:25:52,623 --> 01:25:53,955 Oh, hey, Ed. 1470 01:25:54,959 --> 01:25:56,426 That's our sound guy. 1471 01:25:56,462 --> 01:25:58,429 Could you tell us anything about the controversy? 1472 01:25:58,464 --> 01:25:59,931 Is there a controversy here? 1473 01:25:59,964 --> 01:26:01,330 Has there been sabotage? 1474 01:26:01,366 --> 01:26:02,299 Wait a minute. 1475 01:26:02,333 --> 01:26:04,302 While we haven't ruled out sabotage... 1476 01:26:04,335 --> 01:26:05,996 from neighboring state pageants... 1477 01:26:06,038 --> 01:26:07,699 Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota. 1478 01:26:07,773 --> 01:26:09,035 Yeah, that's right. 1479 01:26:09,107 --> 01:26:11,075 Ohio. 1480 01:26:11,110 --> 01:26:12,076 That bitch from Wisconsin. 1481 01:26:12,111 --> 01:26:13,099 All right then. 1482 01:26:13,177 --> 01:26:15,339 The important thing is we have a winner! 1483 01:26:15,380 --> 01:26:16,541 - Yes, we do. - OK. 1484 01:26:16,582 --> 01:26:18,845 The Minnesota Modeling Academy is proud to present... 1485 01:26:18,884 --> 01:26:20,681 Along with Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1486 01:26:20,718 --> 01:26:21,844 Amber Atkins... 1487 01:26:23,454 --> 01:26:26,356 The new Minnesota American Teen Princess! 1488 01:26:26,391 --> 01:26:27,552 That's Amber Atkins. 1489 01:26:27,593 --> 01:26:29,560 That's right. From Mount Rose. 1490 01:26:29,595 --> 01:26:32,495 Amber, how do you feel? 1491 01:26:32,531 --> 01:26:33,997 Well, I... 1492 01:26:34,031 --> 01:26:36,364 I feel like I need to take a shower. 1493 01:26:37,536 --> 01:26:39,367 Honey, is this the best day of your life? 1494 01:26:39,404 --> 01:26:42,396 Yeah. I wish my mom was here, though. 1495 01:26:42,441 --> 01:26:43,908 Wave hi to her. 1496 01:26:43,941 --> 01:26:45,408 Hi, Mom. 1497 01:26:45,476 --> 01:26:46,943 Hey, you hear that? 1498 01:26:46,979 --> 01:26:48,446 Hi, monkey. 1499 01:26:48,479 --> 01:26:50,277 I got some. 1500 01:26:52,316 --> 01:26:54,784 Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no. 1501 01:26:54,820 --> 01:26:57,084 You know, I still don't want to be on camera. 1502 01:26:57,121 --> 01:26:59,419 I just wanna say... 1503 01:26:59,458 --> 01:27:01,789 that little bitch better watch her back... 1504 01:27:01,827 --> 01:27:03,454 at the nationals... 1505 01:27:03,494 --> 01:27:05,962 'cause I am making friends on the inside. 1506 01:27:05,998 --> 01:27:08,125 Yeah. Darn good friends. 1507 01:27:08,167 --> 01:27:10,294 Friends who have friends on the outside. 1508 01:27:10,334 --> 01:27:12,496 Get your sweet ass off the phone, Cinnamon. 1509 01:27:12,538 --> 01:27:13,697 Gotta go. 1510 01:27:15,007 --> 01:27:15,973 Oh, yeah. 1511 01:27:16,008 --> 01:27:17,475 I just can't believe it. 1512 01:27:17,508 --> 01:27:19,339 I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess. 1513 01:27:19,378 --> 01:27:21,345 Our baby's going to nationals. 1514 01:27:21,380 --> 01:27:23,314 Lincoln, Alabama, look out! 1515 01:27:24,882 --> 01:27:27,113 I'm gonna be on TV just like Diane Sawyer. 1516 01:27:31,390 --> 01:27:32,857 Annette, just use your hand. 1517 01:27:32,890 --> 01:27:34,482 They told me to practice. 1518 01:27:47,773 --> 01:27:49,263 I did it. 1519 01:27:49,340 --> 01:27:50,864 OK. Ready? 1520 01:27:50,943 --> 01:27:53,911 Here's the signal I'm gonna give Mom when I'm on TV. 1521 01:27:55,781 --> 01:27:58,215 My little Carol Burnett. 1522 01:27:58,250 --> 01:27:59,716 Here she is... 1523 01:27:59,750 --> 01:28:02,014 Minnesota's American Teen Princess... 1524 01:28:02,054 --> 01:28:03,521 and soon to be... 1525 01:28:03,554 --> 01:28:07,046 the next America's American Teen Princess... 1526 01:28:07,091 --> 01:28:08,922 our little Amber. 1527 01:28:31,048 --> 01:28:33,347 So after Frank dusts the crops... 1528 01:28:33,384 --> 01:28:36,354 he's taking her to Lincoln, Alabama. 1529 01:30:59,897 --> 01:31:01,297 Come on out... 1530 01:31:01,332 --> 01:31:04,860 you little blond piece of trailer-park trash! 1531 01:31:10,274 --> 01:31:13,368 We're here in the sixth hour of a shootout between... 1532 01:31:19,617 --> 01:31:21,084 This is Amber Atkins... 1533 01:31:21,118 --> 01:31:24,418 reporting live from the Food Shack for KRLH News. 1534 01:31:24,455 --> 01:31:26,424 One of our reporters has just been shot. 1535 01:31:26,457 --> 01:31:29,450 Paramedics are working on her right now... 1536 01:31:32,798 --> 01:31:34,389 I'm Peter Atchison. 1537 01:31:34,433 --> 01:31:35,900 And I'm Amber Atkins. 1538 01:31:35,933 --> 01:31:38,095 For WAZB News, good night. 102348