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1
00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:18,545
Oh, honey, you don't look so good.
2
00:00:19,474 --> 00:00:21,051
You should stay home from brunch.
3
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,850
- Are you sure?
- Mmm.
4
00:00:22,977 --> 00:00:24,257
I really want to go.
5
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:26,310
You stay and rest.
6
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,970
You can see Grandma when we get back.
7
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,222
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
8
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,869
Wanna fuck me, baby?
9
00:01:39,212 --> 00:01:40,410
Oh, yes. Yeah.
10
00:01:40,505 --> 00:01:42,165
You wanna fuck me?
11
00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:50,172
Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?
12
00:01:50,264 --> 00:01:53,099
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
13
00:01:53,183 --> 00:01:56,018
All right. Go back to what you were doing.
14
00:01:57,729 --> 00:01:59,556
(LAWNMOWER WHIRRING)
15
00:01:59,856 --> 00:02:01,848
You wanna fuck me, baby?
16
00:02:06,695 --> 00:02:07,775
Yeah.
17
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,409
(WOMAN MOANING)
18
00:02:18,748 --> 00:02:20,990
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
19
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:22,792
Yes, please.
20
00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,662
Oh, do me, baby.
21
00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:27,828
Honey.
22
00:02:27,965 --> 00:02:29,791
Yeah, just like that.
23
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,168
Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.
24
00:02:33,344 --> 00:02:34,755
Oh, yeah!
25
00:02:37,014 --> 00:02:38,556
I told you I was paying.
26
00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,345
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
27
00:02:41,435 --> 00:02:43,013
Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.
28
00:02:43,103 --> 00:02:45,226
There's no way I'm letting you pay full price
29
00:02:45,314 --> 00:02:48,978
when there's a two-for-one coupon
sitting on the counter.
30
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,182
I'll be right out.
31
00:02:50,276 --> 00:02:52,399
I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.
32
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:53,566
I'll check on Erik.
33
00:02:53,654 --> 00:02:54,734
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
34
00:02:54,822 --> 00:02:56,565
Oh. Oh, that's good.
35
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,946
- You like that? I like that, too.
- Oh, yeah!
36
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,239
HARRY: Here we go.
37
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,359
MOTHER: Okay, Mom.
38
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,281
- Harder.
- Harder? Okay.
39
00:03:04,372 --> 00:03:05,487
Oh, yeah! So good.
40
00:03:05,582 --> 00:03:07,373
- Like this?
- Yeah, right there, babe.
41
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:08,739
- Like this? Like this?
- Yeah.
42
00:03:08,835 --> 00:03:10,377
Baby, do me just like that.
43
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:12,833
Okay, attagirl.
44
00:03:14,089 --> 00:03:16,082
- From behind?
- Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
45
00:03:16,175 --> 00:03:17,550
- Okay.
- All right.
46
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,968
- You wanna cum for me, baby?
- Oh, yeah.
47
00:03:20,053 --> 00:03:22,046
- Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
- I'm so close. I will.
48
00:03:22,138 --> 00:03:23,218
MOTHER: We're almost there.
49
00:03:23,306 --> 00:03:24,385
You're gonna cum for me?
50
00:03:24,474 --> 00:03:25,636
I'm about to. I'm about to.
51
00:03:25,725 --> 00:03:27,219
That's it, baby.
52
00:03:28,519 --> 00:03:30,725
(SCREAMING)
53
00:03:39,988 --> 00:03:41,612
Grandma. Grandma.
54
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,033
HARRY: Grandma.
55
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,611
ERIK: And that's the daymy grandmother died.
56
00:03:49,705 --> 00:03:52,955
And it's pretty much the story of my life.But let me back things up a little bit.
57
00:04:00,298 --> 00:04:03,334
That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.
58
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,219
That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.
59
00:04:08,305 --> 00:04:11,923
Everybody calls him Cooze'cause that's all he's ever interested in.
60
00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:15,468
Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' manand a legend in his own mind.
61
00:04:15,562 --> 00:04:16,890
Sometimes his methods are...
62
00:04:16,979 --> 00:04:18,355
(GROANS)
63
00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:19,898
questionable.
64
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:22,984
Very smooth.
65
00:04:23,652 --> 00:04:25,858
Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.
66
00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:27,025
Where's Ryan?
67
00:04:27,114 --> 00:04:28,145
I don't know.
68
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,866
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.
69
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:37,075
ERIK: That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.
70
00:04:37,957 --> 00:04:40,115
I don't know how he does it.
71
00:04:42,461 --> 00:04:45,497
See, I told you there was enough
for both of you.
72
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,833
He moved here in second grade.
73
00:04:46,923 --> 00:04:50,707
Believe it or not, back then,I was the one showing him the ropes.
74
00:04:50,802 --> 00:04:52,509
Now he's the quarterbackof the football team,
75
00:04:52,595 --> 00:04:54,836
and the coolest guy in school.
76
00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:58,097
Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale
so it won't upset your stomach.
77
00:04:58,183 --> 00:05:00,472
Oh, thanks.
78
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,514
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
79
00:05:04,189 --> 00:05:05,766
We met in Biology, junior year.
80
00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:08,811
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
81
00:05:09,568 --> 00:05:13,186
Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.
82
00:05:14,907 --> 00:05:15,986
Oh!
83
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,277
I don't know what she saw in me,
84
00:05:19,369 --> 00:05:23,580
but when I finally got up the nerveto ask her out, she said yes.
85
00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:28,250
And for some reason,she kept going out with me.
86
00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:31,786
It's like she totally gets me.
87
00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:35,832
And I try my best to get her.
88
00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:44,921
Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.
89
00:05:46,685 --> 00:05:47,848
(SIGHING)
90
00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:49,181
Screw it.
91
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,106
(HORSE NEIGHING)
92
00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,189
Oh!
93
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:01,363
Are you all right?
94
00:06:02,074 --> 00:06:05,359
I don't know.
Is it possible to break your ass?
95
00:06:05,619 --> 00:06:09,070
Okay, I promise I'll never make you
ride a horse again.
96
00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:14,079
Looks like she's perfect, right?There's just one problem.
97
00:06:16,504 --> 00:06:20,999
Tracy's not ready to have sex yet,so that makes me a virgin.
98
00:06:21,884 --> 00:06:25,133
Now, being one of the only virgins in schoolis bad enough,
99
00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,760
but it's even worse for me.
100
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:30,970
Yup.
101
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,382
I'm a Stifler.
102
00:06:33,144 --> 00:06:35,635
My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.
103
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:40,438
Steve, his brother, Matt,and our other cousin, Dwight.
104
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,940
You see, with my last namecomes responsibility,
105
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,733
a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.
106
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,524
Unfortunately, I've let down the family nameon more than one occasion.
107
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,898
What's your problem, Erik?
108
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,948
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
109
00:06:55,038 --> 00:06:58,656
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked that goat.
110
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:02,664
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy by now.
111
00:07:03,296 --> 00:07:04,541
ERIK: Stifler.
112
00:07:05,298 --> 00:07:09,081
My name, my legacy, my curse.
113
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:16,389
I can't believe you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
114
00:07:16,474 --> 00:07:18,134
The coroner's findings were inconclusive.
115
00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:20,977
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
116
00:07:21,062 --> 00:07:24,063
Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet
like a normal person?
117
00:07:24,148 --> 00:07:26,022
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
118
00:07:26,108 --> 00:07:29,062
after you spent the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
119
00:07:29,153 --> 00:07:31,394
Man, you are pathetic.
120
00:07:31,738 --> 00:07:34,407
You know who I blame for this? Tracy.
121
00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:35,985
What? Why?
122
00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:38,613
Because, if she would just give up
a little ass,
123
00:07:38,703 --> 00:07:42,996
then maybe you wouldn't be killing
your relatives with your money shot.
124
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,958
Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin.
For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler.
125
00:07:57,595 --> 00:07:59,753
Hey, sweetie. How was your math class?
126
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:02,254
It was all right. How was English?
127
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,388
Pretty interesting, actually.
128
00:08:04,476 --> 00:08:06,053
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?
129
00:08:06,144 --> 00:08:09,311
- He was doing that pencil thing all...
- That's cool.
130
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:11,971
You okay?
131
00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:13,525
Yeah, I'm fine.
132
00:08:15,152 --> 00:08:19,363
Erik, we've been dating for two years.
I know when something's bothering you.
133
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:20,728
Nothing's wrong.
134
00:08:20,824 --> 00:08:23,575
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability to read me.
135
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,032
Because I do. What is it?
136
00:08:26,996 --> 00:08:30,163
You're gonna think I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.
137
00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:33,914
Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me
about anything.
138
00:08:35,462 --> 00:08:36,873
All right.
139
00:08:42,051 --> 00:08:43,629
It's the sex.
140
00:08:44,887 --> 00:08:45,966
I mean,
141
00:08:46,055 --> 00:08:49,258
we've been together for two years.
Two years, Trace.
142
00:08:49,350 --> 00:08:51,722
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
143
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:53,470
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
144
00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:56,053
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
145
00:08:56,148 --> 00:08:58,140
I mean, people are dying.
146
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,108
I told you, I'm not ready yet.
147
00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:03,233
I am so ready.
148
00:09:03,571 --> 00:09:05,859
Can't I be ready enough for the both of us?
149
00:09:05,948 --> 00:09:07,857
It doesn't work that way.
150
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,527
It should.
151
00:09:10,077 --> 00:09:12,567
I'm sorry, Erik.
I know how patient you've been.
152
00:09:12,662 --> 00:09:14,987
I know. It's just sometimes...
153
00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:16,529
What?
154
00:09:16,833 --> 00:09:20,700
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin
155
00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:23,712
because the longer you stay a virgin,
the more pure and innocent you seem.
156
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,173
The longer I stay a virgin,
157
00:09:25,257 --> 00:09:28,839
the more I become the laughingstock
of the entire school.
158
00:09:30,345 --> 00:09:32,219
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
159
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,132
I'm sorry I brought it up.
160
00:09:34,265 --> 00:09:35,925
(BELL RINGING)
161
00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:38,389
I gotta go. I'll see you after school.
162
00:09:40,562 --> 00:09:41,642
Okay.
163
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:45,013
Bye.
164
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:54,114
I'm telling you, his dick was this big.
165
00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:58,234
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
166
00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,285
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
167
00:10:00,372 --> 00:10:01,403
Whatever.
168
00:10:02,457 --> 00:10:05,209
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size from dry humping.
169
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:06,621
Brooke, that's mean.
170
00:10:06,711 --> 00:10:09,747
Just because I don't have a catalog
of the school's dick sizes like you,
171
00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,878
doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two.
172
00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:14,883
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
173
00:10:17,596 --> 00:10:18,675
See? Told you.
174
00:10:18,764 --> 00:10:20,139
Come on, Brooke.
175
00:10:20,223 --> 00:10:21,717
It's not like that with us.
176
00:10:21,808 --> 00:10:24,096
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.
177
00:10:24,185 --> 00:10:26,224
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
178
00:10:26,312 --> 00:10:28,933
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
179
00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:30,519
Erik would never do that.
180
00:10:30,608 --> 00:10:32,232
Yeah, that's what you said about Trent.
181
00:10:32,317 --> 00:10:35,816
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
182
00:10:35,904 --> 00:10:38,905
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
183
00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:43,488
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up with Holly.
184
00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:48,539
Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
185
00:10:48,999 --> 00:10:51,490
He's a guy, and guys have certain needs.
186
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:55,416
They really do.
It's like a caveman thing or something.
187
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:59,039
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up this long.
188
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:02,126
Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to?
189
00:11:02,219 --> 00:11:03,298
Who?
190
00:11:03,387 --> 00:11:05,426
Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan.
191
00:11:05,514 --> 00:11:06,925
Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight?
192
00:11:07,015 --> 00:11:09,091
Oh, we talk all the time.
193
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:10,559
What? We have a lot in common.
194
00:11:10,644 --> 00:11:12,470
What's that crazy bastard up to?
195
00:11:12,562 --> 00:11:16,310
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is drink and fuck.
196
00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:19,150
And it just so happens that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
197
00:11:19,235 --> 00:11:20,314
for the Naked Mile.
198
00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:21,517
What's the Naked Mile?
199
00:11:21,612 --> 00:11:23,403
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
200
00:11:23,489 --> 00:11:24,864
run naked through campus.
201
00:11:24,948 --> 00:11:27,154
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.
202
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,033
Thousands of naked chicks?
203
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:32,119
Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic.
204
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:34,363
Bottom line is, this place is played out.
205
00:11:34,457 --> 00:11:35,785
High school's over for us.
206
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,832
It's time to plant our flag in a new land.
207
00:11:38,252 --> 00:11:41,786
Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother,
grounded forever?
208
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:42,959
Don't worry.
209
00:11:43,048 --> 00:11:46,333
Just tell your parents that, you know,
you're thinking about going to school there.
210
00:11:46,426 --> 00:11:48,335
- I don't know, man.
- Oh, please.
211
00:11:48,428 --> 00:11:51,049
Your mom cried when you told her
you were going to school in Boston.
212
00:11:51,138 --> 00:11:53,843
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you close to home.
213
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,177
I'll help you pack.
214
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:56,929
I'll make sandwiches.
215
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,140
Chicken salad?
216
00:11:58,228 --> 00:11:59,307
Of course.
217
00:11:59,396 --> 00:12:01,388
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
218
00:12:01,481 --> 00:12:04,351
Yeah. We might stop by and say hello.
219
00:12:04,442 --> 00:12:07,312
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
220
00:12:07,403 --> 00:12:09,775
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load on his family.
221
00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:11,607
- Harry, please.
- HARRY: I don't understand.
222
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:14,901
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck in poontang.
223
00:12:15,243 --> 00:12:17,450
I didn't have time to spank my monkey.
224
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,906
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
225
00:12:20,999 --> 00:12:24,866
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home and pull dick.
226
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,075
We cut class to get ass.
227
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:28,542
Yes, I know.
That saying is on our family crest.
228
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:30,504
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
229
00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:31,919
You know, just in case you get diarrhea.
230
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:33,918
- Mom.
- I am so excited.
231
00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:35,041
Aren't you excited, Harry?
232
00:12:35,136 --> 00:12:36,844
I'm very excited.
233
00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:39,465
Don't you get excited.
234
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:40,932
ERIK: It workedjust like you said.
235
00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:43,970
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us sandwiches.
236
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:45,520
- Chicken salad?
- Yup.
237
00:12:45,604 --> 00:12:46,719
Sweet.
238
00:12:46,814 --> 00:12:48,557
See, I told you. Never doubt me.
239
00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:52,356
RYAN: Man, this weekend is gonna be tits.I can't wait to see Stifler.
240
00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:55,821
Hey, how come you never call me Stifler?
241
00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:57,816
You're more of an Erik.
242
00:12:57,949 --> 00:12:59,063
(BEEPING)
243
00:12:59,158 --> 00:13:00,403
Hold on.
244
00:13:01,118 --> 00:13:02,577
That's Tracy. I'd better take it.
245
00:13:02,661 --> 00:13:03,740
All right, later.
246
00:13:06,748 --> 00:13:09,156
Hey, sweetie.
Listen, about today, I'm really...
247
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,373
Erik, I wanna have sex.
248
00:13:12,295 --> 00:13:13,374
Excuse me?
249
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,121
TRACY: I wanna have sex.
250
00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:17,330
Are you serious?
251
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:18,753
Absolutely.
252
00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:22,463
Do you have me on a conference call?
Because if you do, that is so not cool.
253
00:13:22,554 --> 00:13:24,214
Erik, this isn't a joke.
254
00:13:24,848 --> 00:13:27,089
I want to have sex.
255
00:13:28,643 --> 00:13:31,216
Yes! Yes, yes.
256
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:32,850
TRACY: Tonight.
257
00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:34,018
What?
258
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:36,514
Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight.
259
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,603
How am I supposed to get out of my house?
260
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,104
That's up to you.
261
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,985
But at midnight, I'll be in my basement
262
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,698
waiting to be ravished.
263
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,404
I'll be there.
264
00:14:09,638 --> 00:14:10,966
Hypocrite.
265
00:14:13,016 --> 00:14:15,803
So you get the beer and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
266
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:17,767
You got it. What's Erik bringing?
267
00:14:17,854 --> 00:14:19,016
Sandwiches.
268
00:14:19,105 --> 00:14:22,723
Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy.
269
00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:24,441
My favorite combination.
270
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:26,318
Yeah, well, at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.
271
00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:27,566
Ow.
272
00:14:27,654 --> 00:14:29,481
Hey, what do you think Erik's doing
right now?
273
00:14:29,573 --> 00:14:31,779
Probably beating off to dumpster porn.
274
00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:36,026
No more beating off to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
275
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,445
Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man.
276
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:17,357
- Hi.
- Come on in.
277
00:15:25,582 --> 00:15:26,826
- All right, listen.
- No.
278
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:29,077
No talking.
279
00:15:33,797 --> 00:15:35,624
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
280
00:15:55,442 --> 00:15:56,521
Wait.
281
00:15:56,609 --> 00:15:57,689
What?
282
00:15:57,777 --> 00:15:59,188
Did you hear something?
283
00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:02,943
No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out.
284
00:16:05,326 --> 00:16:08,196
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
285
00:16:08,996 --> 00:16:11,569
Here, I'll help you relax.
286
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,426
You brought something, right?
287
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,763
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
288
00:16:34,435 --> 00:16:36,475
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
289
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,100
No, no, don't worry. I've got one.
290
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,309
Do you wanna put it on or should I?
291
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,361
Let's put it on together.
292
00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:06,583
Are you ready?
293
00:17:07,423 --> 00:17:08,454
Yeah.
294
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,878
(DOOR OPENING)
295
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:13,675
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar. Now!
296
00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,729
Honey, what are you still doing up?
297
00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:29,932
Yoga.
298
00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:31,689
I ate too much at dinner.
299
00:17:31,778 --> 00:17:33,237
Why don't you take an Alka-Seltzer?
300
00:17:33,322 --> 00:17:35,065
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
301
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,615
I just need a nightcap.
302
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,814
(FARTING)
303
00:17:39,953 --> 00:17:41,281
Excuse me.
304
00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,577
Sounds like you could use an Alka-Seltzer.
305
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,787
Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink.
306
00:17:45,874 --> 00:17:47,997
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
307
00:17:48,085 --> 00:17:49,709
No, Daddy, I really want to.
308
00:17:49,795 --> 00:17:52,879
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
309
00:18:05,559 --> 00:18:06,673
(RUSTLING)
310
00:18:07,894 --> 00:18:09,472
What was that?
311
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:11,434
What was what?
312
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,721
I didn't hear anything.
313
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:16,525
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
314
00:18:46,221 --> 00:18:47,501
I must be hearing things.
315
00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:50,882
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
316
00:18:51,350 --> 00:18:52,630
(FARTING)
317
00:18:54,186 --> 00:18:55,265
What the...
318
00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:02,109
(GROANING)
319
00:19:04,028 --> 00:19:05,688
(SCREAMING)
320
00:19:11,535 --> 00:19:13,195
You all right, baby?
321
00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:14,781
I'm fine, Daddy.
322
00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:31,710
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
323
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,054
I'm calling the police.
324
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,428
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
325
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,812
Ryan? Ryan?
326
00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:54,945
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
327
00:19:55,032 --> 00:19:56,574
What the fuck?
328
00:19:56,659 --> 00:19:58,283
It's me. It's Erik.
329
00:19:58,369 --> 00:20:01,239
Dude, why are you naked in my room?
330
00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,031
And with a rubber on your dick.
331
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:07,201
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
332
00:20:08,128 --> 00:20:11,081
Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay?
I need your help.
333
00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:12,370
(SNIFFING)
334
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:14,756
What's that smell?
335
00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:17,168
Did you step in dog shit?
336
00:20:17,845 --> 00:20:19,125
Yeah.
337
00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:23,180
Hey, man, thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.
338
00:20:23,266 --> 00:20:26,101
No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them?
339
00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:27,845
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
340
00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:30,392
Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in.
341
00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:32,771
NEWSREADER: If the allegedimproprieties are confirmed,
342
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:35,147
it could be devastating for the White House.
343
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,979
Sources near theadministration would neither
344
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,312
confirm nor deny the allegations.
345
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:43,071
And in local news, a masked burglar brokeinto an area residence,
346
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:47,453
defecated in the family dryer,and then exposed himself to a teenage girl.
347
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,032
Police are continuing the search,
348
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,993
but the whereabouts andidentity of the perpetrator are unknown.
349
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,708
What is wrong with these people?
350
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,371
And now, Dakota Snowwith the weekend forecast.
351
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,541
I don't know.
352
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:06,210
You scared me.
353
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:07,550
Sorry.
354
00:21:08,015 --> 00:21:09,129
Listen, about last night...
355
00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:12,807
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather not talk about it.
356
00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:15,095
I really think that we should.
357
00:21:15,939 --> 00:21:18,939
Erik, you took a crap in my dryer.
358
00:21:19,066 --> 00:21:21,557
Your dad scared the shit out of me.
359
00:21:22,194 --> 00:21:23,475
- Wait.
- You know, let's just...
360
00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:25,646
Let's forget about it, okay?
361
00:21:27,866 --> 00:21:30,439
Okay, but what about the other thing?
362
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:34,693
The sex?
363
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:38,030
I'm taking last night as a sign from above.
364
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:39,994
But maybe...
I mean, if your dad didn't come down...
365
00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:43,086
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
366
00:21:43,589 --> 00:21:45,166
I'm not ready yet.
367
00:21:45,757 --> 00:21:46,955
Really?
368
00:21:48,510 --> 00:21:49,708
Really.
369
00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:53,261
But I also realized just how ready you are.
370
00:21:54,181 --> 00:21:56,304
I don't wanna break up over sex.
371
00:21:56,392 --> 00:21:58,218
I don't think we have to.
372
00:21:59,186 --> 00:22:03,598
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me to keep you tied down.
373
00:22:05,442 --> 00:22:07,932
So, this is what I'm proposing.
374
00:22:09,237 --> 00:22:11,525
A guilt-free pass for this weekend.
375
00:22:11,614 --> 00:22:14,780
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
376
00:22:15,075 --> 00:22:17,198
with no consequences.
377
00:22:18,995 --> 00:22:20,739
You're sure about this?
378
00:22:20,997 --> 00:22:24,580
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
379
00:22:25,543 --> 00:22:27,500
so I'm okay with this.
380
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,123
One weekend. Get it out of your system,
381
00:22:32,508 --> 00:22:34,299
and come back to me.
382
00:22:35,802 --> 00:22:37,676
Is this some kind of a test?
383
00:22:38,930 --> 00:22:40,258
Not at all.
384
00:22:47,688 --> 00:22:49,431
- RYAN: and one of bomb beer.
- COOZE: Yes.
385
00:22:49,523 --> 00:22:50,768
See, this is perfect.
386
00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:53,274
Hey, we all set?
387
00:22:53,527 --> 00:22:54,985
I don't know.
388
00:22:55,070 --> 00:22:56,149
I told you he'd puss out.
389
00:22:56,237 --> 00:22:59,155
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
390
00:22:59,323 --> 00:23:01,067
What's the problem?
391
00:23:01,158 --> 00:23:02,866
There is no problem.
392
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,532
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass for the weekend,
393
00:23:05,621 --> 00:23:08,028
which means I can do anything I want.
394
00:23:08,123 --> 00:23:09,403
Anything?
395
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,875
You mean...
396
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,791
Yeah, she said
that love and sex don't have to be linked.
397
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,540
She wants me to get it out of my system.
398
00:23:17,632 --> 00:23:22,459
Dude, your girlfriend just went from
the lamest to the coolest in one shot.
399
00:23:23,303 --> 00:23:25,426
You guys think it could be, like,
some sort of a test?
400
00:23:25,514 --> 00:23:27,755
- No, no.
- No, no.
401
00:23:27,849 --> 00:23:29,308
Tracy's a smart girl.
402
00:23:29,392 --> 00:23:31,100
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
403
00:23:31,185 --> 00:23:33,593
- Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.
404
00:23:33,688 --> 00:23:34,767
You think so?
405
00:23:34,855 --> 00:23:36,266
Absolutely.
406
00:23:37,233 --> 00:23:38,264
You're driving.
407
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,849
Now get in the car
so we can go get you some random pussy.
408
00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:45,646
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
409
00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:48,065
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
410
00:23:48,159 --> 00:23:50,484
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
411
00:23:50,578 --> 00:23:53,116
And I am too drunk to drive.
412
00:23:54,248 --> 00:23:55,279
Hit it.
413
00:23:56,250 --> 00:23:58,456
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
414
00:24:16,893 --> 00:24:19,016
You sure this shit's safe?
415
00:24:19,145 --> 00:24:22,977
It's as safe as any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
416
00:24:26,152 --> 00:24:27,895
Look at the size of that fucking chicken.
417
00:24:27,987 --> 00:24:29,018
Where?
418
00:24:29,113 --> 00:24:30,393
(TIRES SCREECHING)
419
00:24:31,990 --> 00:24:34,481
- RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
- What fucking chicken?
420
00:24:34,618 --> 00:24:36,859
Relax, he's hallucinating.
421
00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:40,071
Are you out of your fucking mind?
422
00:24:40,164 --> 00:24:42,999
Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking?
423
00:24:43,084 --> 00:24:45,788
But you guys told me
I had to give him a reason to stick around.
424
00:24:45,878 --> 00:24:47,751
Yeah, you give him a reason,
425
00:24:47,838 --> 00:24:50,293
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
426
00:24:50,382 --> 00:24:51,710
You've got to stop this.
427
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,215
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's gonna happen?
428
00:24:55,303 --> 00:24:56,548
That it will get it out of his system.
429
00:24:56,637 --> 00:24:58,381
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.
430
00:24:58,472 --> 00:25:00,797
He's gonna go from
getting laid back to dry humping.
431
00:25:00,891 --> 00:25:02,551
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
432
00:25:02,643 --> 00:25:06,058
Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally.
433
00:25:06,855 --> 00:25:11,184
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet on the inside of the box,
434
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:15,024
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick on the outside of the lid.
435
00:25:15,112 --> 00:25:16,904
Never thought of it like that.
436
00:25:16,989 --> 00:25:19,195
Tracy, men are like dogs
437
00:25:19,283 --> 00:25:21,987
that run around and hump
anything they see.
438
00:25:22,077 --> 00:25:25,078
Now go and get your dog back on its leash.
439
00:25:41,678 --> 00:25:43,587
(CELLPHONE BUZZING)
440
00:25:48,226 --> 00:25:49,720
Come on, Erik.
441
00:25:55,982 --> 00:25:58,438
I knew it was too good to be true.
442
00:26:03,948 --> 00:26:06,783
Sorry, kids. It's for the best.
443
00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:34,804
Tracy?
444
00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:37,008
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
445
00:26:37,103 --> 00:26:38,265
- Hi.
- Hi.
446
00:26:38,354 --> 00:26:40,181
You're back for more yoga.
447
00:26:40,272 --> 00:26:41,766
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
448
00:26:41,857 --> 00:26:46,815
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible, we can try some new...
449
00:26:48,405 --> 00:26:52,236
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
450
00:26:54,076 --> 00:26:55,108
No.
451
00:26:55,578 --> 00:26:57,451
Oh, well, my wife just got it,
452
00:26:57,538 --> 00:27:01,286
and there's some stuff in there that requires
some serious stretching,
453
00:27:01,375 --> 00:27:03,414
if you know what I mean.
454
00:27:04,002 --> 00:27:07,205
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
455
00:27:07,797 --> 00:27:10,751
Oh, you know, just some boyfriend stuff.
456
00:27:10,842 --> 00:27:13,048
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
457
00:27:13,636 --> 00:27:16,127
Well, if there's anything I can do.
458
00:27:17,055 --> 00:27:20,720
No offense or anything,
but I don't think you'd understand.
459
00:27:21,351 --> 00:27:22,726
Oh, I see.
460
00:27:23,728 --> 00:27:26,100
You know, my son had his fair share
461
00:27:26,189 --> 00:27:29,937
of relationship/sexual/
462
00:27:31,610 --> 00:27:33,852
pastry-related difficulties,
463
00:27:33,946 --> 00:27:38,358
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
464
00:27:39,868 --> 00:27:43,532
Well, do you have any advice for a girl
dumb enough to give her virgin boyfriend
465
00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:46,112
a guilt-free pass for the weekend?
466
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,666
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
467
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,335
That means he could do whatever he wants
this weekend with no consequences.
468
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:55,331
Oh my!
469
00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:58,633
Well, that certainly sounds progressive,
470
00:27:59,302 --> 00:28:04,259
and a safe bet on what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
471
00:28:06,058 --> 00:28:08,631
He's at the Naked Mile this weekend.
472
00:28:08,810 --> 00:28:13,057
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass
to the Naked Mile? Are you kidding me?
473
00:28:13,148 --> 00:28:16,433
Tracy, the Naked Mile is insane. You...
474
00:28:16,526 --> 00:28:20,190
From what I hear.
I wouldn't know from personal experience
475
00:28:20,279 --> 00:28:24,691
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
476
00:28:24,783 --> 00:28:27,404
But, look, Tracy,
477
00:28:27,494 --> 00:28:30,744
even if your boyfriend is at this Naked Mile,
478
00:28:30,830 --> 00:28:33,831
it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything.
479
00:28:35,084 --> 00:28:36,163
Really?
480
00:28:36,252 --> 00:28:39,336
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
481
00:28:40,589 --> 00:28:43,625
Relationships are all about trust.
482
00:28:46,845 --> 00:28:49,252
Yeah, I guess you're right.
483
00:28:50,056 --> 00:28:52,926
Well, namaste.
484
00:28:53,434 --> 00:28:54,679
Namaste.
485
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:14,699
Hey, have you seen my phone?
486
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:15,949
No.
487
00:29:16,038 --> 00:29:17,995
Maybe you left it back at school.
488
00:29:18,081 --> 00:29:20,038
No, no, I thought I put in my backpack.
489
00:29:23,878 --> 00:29:27,081
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead? I gotta take a piss.
490
00:29:27,173 --> 00:29:29,580
Just piss in a can or something.
491
00:29:31,093 --> 00:29:33,085
Man, I could cut my dick on the lip.
492
00:29:33,178 --> 00:29:34,637
Well, piss out the window.
493
00:30:01,412 --> 00:30:04,615
Love that breeze off the lake.
494
00:30:17,343 --> 00:30:19,549
COOZE: This place is incredible.
495
00:30:19,803 --> 00:30:22,887
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
496
00:30:22,973 --> 00:30:25,843
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
497
00:30:25,934 --> 00:30:28,769
Fuck off.
I told you, I got in on my SAT scores.
498
00:30:28,853 --> 00:30:31,309
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
499
00:30:31,397 --> 00:30:33,140
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
500
00:30:33,232 --> 00:30:35,723
Whatever. Still got in.
501
00:30:36,902 --> 00:30:38,978
Hey, why does it smell like piss back here?
502
00:30:42,073 --> 00:30:44,232
RYAN: This is it. Beta Delta Xi.
503
00:30:44,325 --> 00:30:46,152
- ERIK: This is the house?
- RYAN: Yeah.
504
00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:47,275
Cool.
505
00:30:49,205 --> 00:30:50,236
Whoa.
506
00:30:56,753 --> 00:30:57,998
What's going on here?
507
00:30:58,088 --> 00:30:59,712
I have no idea.
508
00:31:07,805 --> 00:31:11,339
ALL: Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
509
00:31:16,479 --> 00:31:18,436
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
510
00:31:18,523 --> 00:31:19,602
Hold your drink!
511
00:31:23,486 --> 00:31:24,766
MAN: Whoa.
512
00:31:31,118 --> 00:31:32,825
MAN: Okay.
513
00:31:33,453 --> 00:31:34,864
Yeah.
514
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:40,996
How you feeling there, Stretch?
515
00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:42,705
Little dizzy?
516
00:31:44,213 --> 00:31:45,623
'Cause guess what?
517
00:31:45,923 --> 00:31:49,967
Stifler can drink this shit all day long.
518
00:31:52,470 --> 00:31:53,845
(ALL CHEERING)
519
00:31:55,348 --> 00:31:56,723
ALL: Stifler!
520
00:31:58,184 --> 00:32:00,472
Your cousin is my hero.
521
00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:03,145
(MAN WHISTLING)
522
00:32:03,230 --> 00:32:05,803
- All right, everybody freeze!
- Oh, shit.
523
00:32:05,899 --> 00:32:07,476
Campus security.
524
00:32:08,443 --> 00:32:10,352
Nobody takes another drink...
525
00:32:14,573 --> 00:32:17,823
...till I got my bet down. I got $200 on Stifler!
526
00:32:22,455 --> 00:32:25,409
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
527
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,208
OFFICER: Let's do it. Do it!
528
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:28,324
Yeah.
529
00:32:45,101 --> 00:32:48,351
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
530
00:32:48,437 --> 00:32:50,097
But you're no match for the Stif-man.
531
00:32:52,107 --> 00:32:53,850
Fuck you, Stifler.
532
00:32:55,735 --> 00:32:56,850
Yeah.
533
00:32:58,613 --> 00:32:59,728
Yeah.
534
00:33:03,117 --> 00:33:04,741
(ALL MURMURING)
535
00:33:04,910 --> 00:33:06,239
What's the matter, Boy Band?
536
00:33:06,328 --> 00:33:09,115
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
537
00:33:11,249 --> 00:33:12,708
(BELCHING)
538
00:33:16,045 --> 00:33:17,705
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
539
00:33:17,797 --> 00:33:19,042
(BLOWING)
540
00:33:19,132 --> 00:33:21,539
Yeah, take in the Stifler essence.
541
00:33:22,218 --> 00:33:24,340
Mighty pungent.
542
00:33:24,428 --> 00:33:26,005
(ALL YELLING)
543
00:33:34,437 --> 00:33:35,516
Yeah!
544
00:33:35,605 --> 00:33:39,305
And still Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,
545
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:44,394
Dwight "The Iron Liver" Stifler!
546
00:33:44,488 --> 00:33:45,946
(ALL CHEERING)
547
00:33:46,656 --> 00:33:49,859
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
548
00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:56,367
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
549
00:33:57,583 --> 00:33:59,456
He's okay. He's okay.
550
00:34:06,341 --> 00:34:08,333
Hey, cousin.
551
00:34:09,844 --> 00:34:11,219
How you doing?
552
00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:14,715
I'm fine, Dwight. Are you okay?
553
00:34:15,307 --> 00:34:16,635
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
554
00:34:17,809 --> 00:34:19,054
I'm fine.
555
00:34:19,561 --> 00:34:23,345
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
556
00:34:25,316 --> 00:34:26,644
That sucks, man.
557
00:34:31,905 --> 00:34:33,316
Should we take him to the hospital?
558
00:34:33,407 --> 00:34:35,067
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
559
00:34:35,158 --> 00:34:38,029
He told me he does this, like, once a month.
560
00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:43,372
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
561
00:34:50,464 --> 00:34:52,172
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
562
00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:02,553
So, when are we gonna start partying?
563
00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:05,092
Oh, someone's feeling a little frisky.
564
00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:08,935
Let's just say I finally decided
to live up to the family name.
565
00:35:10,899 --> 00:35:14,102
Stifler? We got a serious problem, man.
566
00:35:14,902 --> 00:35:18,105
Mike and the guys just got arrested
trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.
567
00:35:19,782 --> 00:35:22,699
So what's the problem?
Just take the money out of my bail fund.
568
00:35:22,785 --> 00:35:24,991
They're almost half our football team.
569
00:35:25,078 --> 00:35:27,913
We gotta put a team
on the field, man, or we're done.
570
00:35:27,998 --> 00:35:30,323
- Why?
- 'Cause we're already on probation.
571
00:35:30,667 --> 00:35:33,336
We gotta participate in every intermural event
572
00:35:33,544 --> 00:35:35,750
or we're kicked off campus, man.
573
00:35:35,921 --> 00:35:37,499
We're four guys short.
574
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:43,340
I play football.
575
00:35:44,429 --> 00:35:46,421
I played freshman year.
576
00:35:48,141 --> 00:35:49,421
What about you?
577
00:35:50,309 --> 00:35:51,720
A little Nerf here and there.
578
00:35:51,811 --> 00:35:54,099
Good enough. Stifler?
579
00:35:54,188 --> 00:35:55,302
Mmm?
580
00:35:55,397 --> 00:35:58,232
Can you play?
581
00:36:04,197 --> 00:36:08,064
Don't ever
582
00:36:08,159 --> 00:36:10,151
ask if Stifler can play.
583
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:21,999
I'm good.
584
00:36:25,174 --> 00:36:29,421
The team we're playing's
been undefeated five straight years.
585
00:36:29,511 --> 00:36:31,717
These guys must be pretty serious.
586
00:36:31,805 --> 00:36:34,047
Fucking-A-right, they're serious.
587
00:36:34,266 --> 00:36:36,388
Lambda Pi Gamma.
588
00:36:36,476 --> 00:36:39,927
They're our arch rivals in everything:
Sports, women, booze.
589
00:36:40,980 --> 00:36:43,767
These guys are fucking evil.
590
00:36:45,317 --> 00:36:46,515
MAN 1: Get ready!
591
00:36:46,610 --> 00:36:47,938
MAN 2: Come on!
592
00:36:48,445 --> 00:36:49,856
Down!
593
00:36:50,697 --> 00:36:52,903
Blue 42.
594
00:36:53,158 --> 00:36:54,237
They're midgets.
595
00:36:54,325 --> 00:36:55,404
Hut, hut!
596
00:36:59,288 --> 00:37:01,281
Don't let their size fool you.
597
00:37:01,373 --> 00:37:05,121
These guys are fucking animals.
598
00:37:05,252 --> 00:37:08,288
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
599
00:37:08,546 --> 00:37:13,042
Those rich midgets from those infomercials
gave the school some huge grant,
600
00:37:13,134 --> 00:37:16,834
and started a school
for the vertically challenged and a fraternity.
601
00:37:16,929 --> 00:37:19,680
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
602
00:37:19,765 --> 00:37:20,796
Hot feet!
603
00:37:20,891 --> 00:37:21,970
DWIGHT: That's right.
604
00:37:22,059 --> 00:37:23,090
Breakdown.
605
00:37:23,185 --> 00:37:25,722
These guys are the best of the best.
606
00:37:26,980 --> 00:37:28,522
ROCK: Well, well, well.
607
00:37:29,190 --> 00:37:33,139
If it isn't the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
608
00:37:33,235 --> 00:37:35,144
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
609
00:37:36,113 --> 00:37:38,983
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass stomped, Toto.
610
00:37:39,074 --> 00:37:40,153
(LAUGHING)
611
00:37:40,242 --> 00:37:43,693
Toto was the dog, you fucking idiot.
612
00:37:43,828 --> 00:37:47,197
Lick my balls, big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
613
00:37:47,290 --> 00:37:49,163
It's little person, fuck-nut.
614
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:53,118
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
615
00:37:53,420 --> 00:37:54,665
You little...
616
00:37:54,796 --> 00:37:56,374
(ALL YELLING)
617
00:37:58,883 --> 00:38:02,003
- You want it? You want it? Come on.
- Take it easy.
618
00:38:02,095 --> 00:38:03,553
Whoa. Whoa.
619
00:38:03,763 --> 00:38:05,471
Out of my way, assholes.
620
00:38:08,809 --> 00:38:10,766
ERIK: What's that guy's problem?
621
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:13,260
That's Rock. He's fucking crazy.
622
00:38:13,355 --> 00:38:14,932
- He plays dirty.
- ROCK: Out of my way, you fucking idiot.
623
00:38:15,023 --> 00:38:17,561
Last year, he bit a chunk out of my thigh.
624
00:38:17,650 --> 00:38:19,061
COOZE: Jesus!
625
00:38:19,736 --> 00:38:21,858
COOZE: Hey, his girlfriend's pretty hot.
626
00:38:22,988 --> 00:38:26,772
Yeah. And what's with that regular-size guy?
627
00:38:27,242 --> 00:38:31,619
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in. Legacy.
628
00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:36,327
What a douchebag.
629
00:38:37,084 --> 00:38:38,247
Can he play?
630
00:38:38,919 --> 00:38:41,873
No, he sucks.
631
00:38:41,964 --> 00:38:43,043
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
632
00:38:46,259 --> 00:38:47,919
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
633
00:38:53,474 --> 00:38:54,637
Hey, keep your head up.
634
00:38:54,725 --> 00:38:57,263
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
635
00:38:57,353 --> 00:38:58,633
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
636
00:39:06,694 --> 00:39:07,975
(SCREAMING)
637
00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:11,151
(GROANING)
638
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:12,319
Holy shit!
639
00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:24,329
Keep your head up, bitch.
640
00:39:29,799 --> 00:39:33,499
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate these little bastards.
641
00:39:35,220 --> 00:39:36,500
Down!
642
00:39:36,596 --> 00:39:37,972
Set!
643
00:39:38,515 --> 00:39:39,546
Hut!
644
00:39:43,311 --> 00:39:44,853
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
645
00:39:45,688 --> 00:39:47,479
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
646
00:39:57,866 --> 00:39:59,408
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
647
00:39:59,742 --> 00:40:00,987
Yeah!
648
00:40:21,178 --> 00:40:23,336
(GROANING)
649
00:40:23,430 --> 00:40:25,339
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
650
00:40:42,114 --> 00:40:43,905
- Beta!
- Come on!
651
00:40:43,990 --> 00:40:46,197
Let's go, fellas. Get on the line.
652
00:40:46,868 --> 00:40:48,611
Down!
653
00:40:49,287 --> 00:40:50,781
How you feeling, Stifler?
654
00:40:50,872 --> 00:40:53,493
I'm 6'1", Frodo. How about you?
655
00:40:57,586 --> 00:40:58,617
Hut!
656
00:41:01,590 --> 00:41:02,788
(SCREAMING)
657
00:41:02,882 --> 00:41:04,791
The little fucker's biting me again.
658
00:41:05,468 --> 00:41:07,176
(SCREAMING)
659
00:41:11,932 --> 00:41:13,426
Not in my eye!
660
00:41:17,521 --> 00:41:19,098
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
661
00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:24,651
Funny, you don't look 6'1" from here,
shit stain.
662
00:41:32,659 --> 00:41:34,284
(I WISH PLAYING)
663
00:41:54,387 --> 00:41:55,502
DWIGHT: God,
664
00:41:56,264 --> 00:41:58,470
I hate that fucking guy.
665
00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:00,265
I'm getting killed out there.
666
00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:01,596
I can't get loose.
667
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:04,805
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
668
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:07,055
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
669
00:42:07,149 --> 00:42:10,849
I just got a hunk taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
670
00:42:10,944 --> 00:42:12,687
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.
671
00:42:12,779 --> 00:42:16,942
Let's go out there and show these little sons
of bitches what being a Beta's all about.
672
00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:18,859
- You understand what I'm saying, fellas?
- Yeah, yeah.
673
00:42:18,951 --> 00:42:20,742
All right, Beta on three.
674
00:42:21,370 --> 00:42:23,078
- One, two, three, Beta!
- ALL: Beta!
675
00:42:24,331 --> 00:42:25,529
- Down!
- Set!
676
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:27,447
DWIGHT: Hut!
677
00:42:32,964 --> 00:42:33,995
Go!
678
00:42:37,968 --> 00:42:39,083
Go!
679
00:42:39,803 --> 00:42:41,262
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
680
00:42:44,057 --> 00:42:45,468
(ALL CHEERING)
681
00:43:25,261 --> 00:43:26,719
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.
682
00:43:28,138 --> 00:43:30,214
All right, we got five seconds left, guys.
683
00:43:30,307 --> 00:43:33,391
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it to the nearest guy.
684
00:43:33,476 --> 00:43:35,385
It's our only chance.
685
00:43:35,478 --> 00:43:38,183
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
686
00:43:38,272 --> 00:43:39,304
- Beta on three.
- Who's with me?
687
00:43:39,398 --> 00:43:41,889
- One, two, three, Beta!
- ALL: Beta!
688
00:43:50,283 --> 00:43:51,658
Down!
689
00:43:54,954 --> 00:43:57,196
Set!
690
00:44:10,885 --> 00:44:11,916
Hut!
691
00:44:13,095 --> 00:44:15,088
(MY HERO PLAYING)
692
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:47,995
(WHOOPING)
693
00:44:52,714 --> 00:44:54,458
(ALL CHEERING)
694
00:45:06,810 --> 00:45:08,186
(GROANING)
695
00:45:13,191 --> 00:45:14,982
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
696
00:45:15,068 --> 00:45:16,645
(CHEERING)
697
00:45:18,446 --> 00:45:19,857
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
698
00:45:19,947 --> 00:45:21,026
(GROANS)
699
00:45:21,782 --> 00:45:24,451
You're still my bitch, Stifler.
700
00:45:26,453 --> 00:45:27,864
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
701
00:45:37,046 --> 00:45:39,418
I can't believe we lost to midgets.
702
00:45:40,049 --> 00:45:42,919
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
703
00:45:43,218 --> 00:45:47,346
Right now, we have more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.
704
00:45:47,806 --> 00:45:50,012
From what I understand,
705
00:45:50,099 --> 00:45:53,349
my cousin has a guilt-free pass
706
00:45:53,436 --> 00:45:56,769
to bang all the girls he can find.
707
00:45:57,273 --> 00:45:58,648
That I do.
708
00:45:58,732 --> 00:46:01,567
Oh, that is good news.
709
00:46:02,777 --> 00:46:05,399
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think you were adopted.
710
00:46:05,530 --> 00:46:07,190
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
711
00:46:08,116 --> 00:46:10,025
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
712
00:46:16,081 --> 00:46:17,409
Gentlemen,
713
00:46:18,834 --> 00:46:22,701
welcome to paradise.
714
00:46:30,511 --> 00:46:32,053
Boys and girls,
715
00:46:32,137 --> 00:46:34,842
we have a celebrity in our midst.
716
00:46:34,931 --> 00:46:38,715
The Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,
717
00:46:38,810 --> 00:46:42,759
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
718
00:46:42,855 --> 00:46:44,397
(ALL CHEERING)
719
00:46:51,154 --> 00:46:52,352
(WHOOPS)
720
00:46:52,864 --> 00:46:56,067
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find some lady friends.
721
00:46:56,159 --> 00:46:59,362
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
722
00:47:01,664 --> 00:47:05,246
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
723
00:47:05,334 --> 00:47:07,373
You're nuts. Jimmy's party had two kegs
724
00:47:07,461 --> 00:47:10,794
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other on the pool table
725
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,505
in front of everybody.
726
00:47:12,590 --> 00:47:14,001
What the hell are you two talking about?
727
00:47:14,092 --> 00:47:15,171
What?
728
00:47:15,259 --> 00:47:18,343
Two kegs, theater chicks. Well, guess what?
729
00:47:18,429 --> 00:47:21,299
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze and pussy,
730
00:47:21,390 --> 00:47:24,841
and we're sitting
at the bar talking about high-school parties.
731
00:47:31,899 --> 00:47:35,398
Ryan? Ryan! What's your problem?
732
00:47:35,486 --> 00:47:37,229
That Great Falls attitude.
733
00:47:37,321 --> 00:47:39,479
All you guys do is talk about Great Falls
734
00:47:39,573 --> 00:47:41,565
like it's the end-all and be-all of existence.
735
00:47:41,658 --> 00:47:45,241
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why I'm going to California.
736
00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:46,787
I'm not gonna get stuck like the rest of them.
737
00:47:46,871 --> 00:47:48,246
Yeah, I know. I think that's great.
738
00:47:48,331 --> 00:47:51,996
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is about for me.
739
00:47:52,334 --> 00:47:54,161
- What do you mean?
- To see if I can do it.
740
00:47:54,253 --> 00:47:57,787
If I can start over
and accept being low man on the totem pole.
741
00:47:57,881 --> 00:47:59,340
Ryan, it's just a weekend, man.
742
00:47:59,424 --> 00:48:02,259
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
743
00:48:04,971 --> 00:48:06,465
Man, I sound like a chick.
744
00:48:06,556 --> 00:48:07,587
Mmm-hmm.
745
00:48:07,682 --> 00:48:09,140
I really need to go get some pussy.
746
00:48:09,225 --> 00:48:10,304
Yeah.
747
00:48:13,395 --> 00:48:14,474
Oh, shit.
748
00:48:14,563 --> 00:48:16,354
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
749
00:48:16,565 --> 00:48:20,229
- No, no, no, no. It's fine.
- I can't believe I did that.
750
00:48:20,318 --> 00:48:21,729
Here, come with me.
751
00:48:22,487 --> 00:48:24,360
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
752
00:48:24,447 --> 00:48:25,561
Quick, take off your shirt.
753
00:48:25,656 --> 00:48:26,819
Excuse me?
754
00:48:26,907 --> 00:48:29,363
- Well, I just... I wanna get the stain out.
- Oh, yeah, right.
755
00:48:29,451 --> 00:48:30,910
I knew that.
756
00:48:34,414 --> 00:48:35,659
Are we allowed to be back here?
757
00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:37,575
Oh, yeah, don't worry. I used to bartend here.
758
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:38,912
Cool.
759
00:48:39,460 --> 00:48:42,461
Look, I'm really,
really sorry about this. Right.
760
00:48:45,049 --> 00:48:46,708
Accidents happen.
761
00:48:47,301 --> 00:48:49,423
- I'm Brandy, by the way.
- I'm Erik.
762
00:48:49,511 --> 00:48:52,262
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite my head off right now
763
00:48:52,347 --> 00:48:53,627
if I spilled a drink on him.
764
00:48:53,723 --> 00:48:54,754
I'm...
765
00:48:56,726 --> 00:48:58,184
I'm not in a fraternity.
766
00:48:58,269 --> 00:49:00,345
Oh, you're not? So you're independent?
767
00:49:00,437 --> 00:49:01,517
What's that?
768
00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:03,514
You know, a student who's not Greek.
769
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:07,642
No, I'm just visiting for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
770
00:49:07,736 --> 00:49:08,850
High school?
771
00:49:08,945 --> 00:49:10,190
Yeah.
772
00:49:11,656 --> 00:49:13,115
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
773
00:49:13,199 --> 00:49:16,318
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls when I say that.
774
00:49:16,410 --> 00:49:18,319
Why? It's hysterical.
775
00:49:18,412 --> 00:49:20,784
That's what I say. What are your names?
776
00:49:20,873 --> 00:49:22,699
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
777
00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:25,460
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.
778
00:49:25,543 --> 00:49:27,002
- Hey, Ryan.
- Hey, Ryan.
779
00:49:27,086 --> 00:49:28,462
Hey, ladies.
780
00:49:29,130 --> 00:49:32,249
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind of rock band?
781
00:49:33,467 --> 00:49:36,918
It's an organization that works to protect
human rights all over the world.
782
00:49:37,012 --> 00:49:38,091
Oh, yeah.
783
00:49:38,180 --> 00:49:40,386
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
784
00:49:41,224 --> 00:49:43,051
Down here, asshole.
785
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:44,840
What the hell do you want?
786
00:49:44,936 --> 00:49:46,015
Just what he said.
787
00:49:46,104 --> 00:49:48,392
For you two to get away from our dates.
788
00:49:48,481 --> 00:49:50,438
In your dreams, Willow.
789
00:49:50,524 --> 00:49:53,525
There is no way these girls are here with you.
790
00:49:55,570 --> 00:49:56,815
Are you?
791
00:49:59,157 --> 00:50:00,984
- But why?
- They're cool.
792
00:50:01,075 --> 00:50:02,238
And sexy.
793
00:50:02,952 --> 00:50:04,945
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
794
00:50:05,037 --> 00:50:06,068
(GROANS)
795
00:50:06,163 --> 00:50:08,156
Ain't nobody kidding around here, punk.
796
00:50:08,249 --> 00:50:10,455
If you got a problem,
we could settle this right here.
797
00:50:10,542 --> 00:50:12,120
Oh, I would love to.
798
00:50:12,210 --> 00:50:14,084
Okay, stop it, you guys.
799
00:50:14,921 --> 00:50:19,334
Listen, it was really nice meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.
800
00:50:20,218 --> 00:50:22,293
Come on, baby, let's dance.
801
00:50:33,313 --> 00:50:35,305
That did not just happen.
802
00:50:39,985 --> 00:50:44,149
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
803
00:50:46,950 --> 00:50:51,861
Oh, get sexy, ladies, I love it.
Oh, I feel a stirring in my loins.
804
00:50:57,168 --> 00:50:58,875
You've gotta meet my roommate.
805
00:51:00,712 --> 00:51:03,001
I would love to.
806
00:51:03,465 --> 00:51:06,252
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
807
00:51:06,342 --> 00:51:07,718
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.
808
00:51:07,802 --> 00:51:12,547
I told you guys,
don't underestimate those little bastards.
809
00:51:13,349 --> 00:51:16,764
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
810
00:51:19,062 --> 00:51:20,141
Slut!
811
00:51:20,230 --> 00:51:22,139
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.
812
00:51:24,275 --> 00:51:25,817
Holy shit!
813
00:51:26,652 --> 00:51:30,235
I thought this place had a no-loser policy.
What are you assholes doing here?
814
00:51:30,322 --> 00:51:31,733
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
815
00:51:31,824 --> 00:51:35,524
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it short and thick,
816
00:51:35,619 --> 00:51:37,742
rather than tall and skinny.
817
00:51:40,915 --> 00:51:44,699
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like a roller coaster.
818
00:51:44,835 --> 00:51:46,413
Yeah, it has a height requirement,
819
00:51:46,504 --> 00:51:50,631
- and I'm afraid you just don't measure up!
- Motherfucker.
820
00:51:52,259 --> 00:51:54,797
- Easy! Easy! Easy!
- Whoa!
821
00:51:54,886 --> 00:51:56,167
This isn't over, Shitler.
822
00:51:56,262 --> 00:51:58,136
Oh, you got that right!
823
00:51:59,891 --> 00:52:02,678
Never get in my way, woman.
824
00:52:10,942 --> 00:52:12,318
What's up?
825
00:52:17,448 --> 00:52:18,611
Bitch.
826
00:52:21,285 --> 00:52:22,447
BRANDY: That did not happen.
827
00:52:22,536 --> 00:52:25,739
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets with nylons on my head
828
00:52:25,831 --> 00:52:27,823
and the condom still on.
829
00:52:28,166 --> 00:52:29,874
I can't believe I just told you that story.
830
00:52:29,959 --> 00:52:31,335
I think it's great.
831
00:52:31,419 --> 00:52:35,037
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget your first time.
832
00:52:35,131 --> 00:52:36,755
Well, it wasn't...
833
00:52:37,049 --> 00:52:38,164
Technically...
834
00:52:38,259 --> 00:52:39,753
Oh, no, wait.
835
00:52:39,843 --> 00:52:43,342
- You mean you didn't even get to...
- He came down too fast.
836
00:52:43,930 --> 00:52:47,216
Thank you.
Thank you for laughing at my misfortune.
837
00:52:48,226 --> 00:52:51,974
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
838
00:52:53,147 --> 00:52:54,522
This is me.
839
00:52:56,025 --> 00:52:57,934
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
840
00:52:58,026 --> 00:53:01,561
I don't know. There's something about
running naked down the street
841
00:53:01,655 --> 00:53:03,612
while you're still a virgin...
842
00:53:03,698 --> 00:53:05,157
Didn't stop you before.
843
00:53:05,241 --> 00:53:06,700
Touch�.
844
00:53:07,035 --> 00:53:09,739
You never know, that virgin thing,
845
00:53:10,371 --> 00:53:13,574
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
846
00:53:16,084 --> 00:53:17,709
Thanks for walking me home.
847
00:53:40,148 --> 00:53:42,983
What the hell happened to you last night?
848
00:53:44,151 --> 00:53:45,314
What's up, fellas?
849
00:53:45,402 --> 00:53:46,600
What's up?
850
00:53:46,695 --> 00:53:50,278
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some midgets at the bar.
851
00:53:50,365 --> 00:53:53,449
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
852
00:53:53,702 --> 00:53:58,244
Well, Mother,
if you must know, I was with a girl.
853
00:54:02,001 --> 00:54:03,708
Bullshit. What girl?
854
00:54:03,794 --> 00:54:06,367
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority and she's hot,
855
00:54:06,463 --> 00:54:08,870
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
856
00:54:09,591 --> 00:54:11,382
Dude, I don't get it.
857
00:54:11,551 --> 00:54:15,844
We come to college,
we get blown off by chicks for midgets,
858
00:54:15,930 --> 00:54:18,800
and you're hanging out with a sorority girl?
859
00:54:18,891 --> 00:54:21,298
What the fuck is going on here?
860
00:54:21,685 --> 00:54:24,057
So, what are you gonna do?
861
00:54:25,021 --> 00:54:27,975
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
862
00:54:29,651 --> 00:54:30,931
Aren't you?
863
00:54:31,027 --> 00:54:32,307
What?
864
00:54:34,780 --> 00:54:35,895
Yeah.
865
00:54:36,156 --> 00:54:39,857
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass, why wouldn't I?
866
00:54:39,952 --> 00:54:41,908
Why the hesitation, man?
867
00:54:42,913 --> 00:54:45,997
- Oh, shit! You're not gonna do it.
- I said I'll do it.
868
00:54:46,082 --> 00:54:49,782
Erik, you've been given a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.
869
00:54:49,919 --> 00:54:51,033
I won't.
870
00:54:51,128 --> 00:54:52,243
Yes, you will.
871
00:54:52,338 --> 00:54:53,369
No.
872
00:54:54,089 --> 00:54:56,331
I... I gotta get out of here.
873
00:55:12,022 --> 00:55:13,433
(BEEPING)
874
00:55:16,109 --> 00:55:17,603
(PHONE RINGING)
875
00:55:17,694 --> 00:55:18,808
Hello?
876
00:55:18,903 --> 00:55:20,528
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
877
00:55:22,573 --> 00:55:24,400
Calling to see how you're doing.
878
00:55:24,492 --> 00:55:25,736
I'm fine,
879
00:55:25,826 --> 00:55:27,949
- I'm just studying.
- Okay.
880
00:55:29,663 --> 00:55:30,694
Cool.
881
00:55:30,789 --> 00:55:34,074
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run in the Naked Mile?
882
00:55:34,793 --> 00:55:38,292
No, not yet.
But you know me, I'll probably just wimp out.
883
00:55:38,588 --> 00:55:40,165
I mean, you don't have to.
884
00:55:40,965 --> 00:55:42,293
Yeah, I know.
885
00:55:43,008 --> 00:55:45,464
Are you okay?
I mean, you sound a little weird.
886
00:55:46,011 --> 00:55:47,291
I'm fine.
887
00:55:48,388 --> 00:55:50,879
I'm fine. I just wanted to call and say hello.
888
00:55:50,974 --> 00:55:55,635
Thanks, but you don't need to check in.
I mean, go, have fun.
889
00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:58,100
That's what this weekend's all about.
890
00:55:59,481 --> 00:56:00,726
You're the greatest.
891
00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:08,572
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
892
00:56:12,785 --> 00:56:14,196
Erik Stifler.
893
00:56:17,748 --> 00:56:20,155
- Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
- Hello, Erik, good to see you.
894
00:56:20,250 --> 00:56:23,868
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents' New Year's party, right?
895
00:56:23,962 --> 00:56:27,745
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in the new year.
896
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:31,707
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie in front of everybody.
897
00:56:31,802 --> 00:56:35,087
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
898
00:56:35,180 --> 00:56:37,636
and strangely enough, I enjoy it.
899
00:56:40,894 --> 00:56:43,266
So, what are you doing up here?
900
00:56:44,397 --> 00:56:47,066
Oh, well, I went to school here
901
00:56:47,149 --> 00:56:50,933
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
902
00:56:51,403 --> 00:56:52,862
and check out the campus.
903
00:56:52,946 --> 00:56:57,157
That's the only reason I'm here.
No other reason that I can think of.
904
00:56:57,242 --> 00:57:00,029
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
905
00:57:00,536 --> 00:57:02,612
Actually, it's kind of personal.
906
00:57:02,705 --> 00:57:05,030
- Oh. Well, say no more.
- Okay.
907
00:57:05,124 --> 00:57:06,286
Okay, listen, good seeing you.
908
00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:08,118
Yeah, for sure.
909
00:57:13,923 --> 00:57:16,165
Mr. Levenstein, you were a counselor
910
00:57:16,259 --> 00:57:18,465
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?
911
00:57:18,553 --> 00:57:22,004
Yes. Yes, I was. And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
912
00:57:22,098 --> 00:57:25,881
- Yeah.
...I might add. I gave him some advice.
913
00:57:25,976 --> 00:57:28,930
Advice. Do you think I could
914
00:57:31,439 --> 00:57:33,432
confide something in you?
915
00:57:33,733 --> 00:57:36,568
Well, sure. Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.
916
00:57:36,652 --> 00:57:37,815
Okay.
917
00:57:38,696 --> 00:57:39,727
I'm a virgin.
918
00:57:39,822 --> 00:57:41,150
Okay, can I stop you there?
919
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,406
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
920
00:57:45,952 --> 00:57:47,067
Yeah.
921
00:57:49,038 --> 00:57:52,489
Well, so you're a virgin. What's the big deal?
922
00:57:53,251 --> 00:57:57,793
Well, the other night, my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
923
00:57:59,923 --> 00:58:03,422
Right. But her father
came down before we had the chance to.
924
00:58:03,510 --> 00:58:05,835
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
925
00:58:05,929 --> 00:58:09,013
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
926
00:58:09,098 --> 00:58:11,423
You got the guilt-free pass?
927
00:58:13,060 --> 00:58:14,684
What do you mean?
928
00:58:14,937 --> 00:58:19,894
Well, I mean,
you've got the old guilt-free pass dilemma.
929
00:58:20,108 --> 00:58:21,768
- Yeah.
- It's a tough one.
930
00:58:21,860 --> 00:58:24,066
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
931
00:58:24,153 --> 00:58:27,237
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
932
00:58:28,824 --> 00:58:31,611
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
933
00:58:31,702 --> 00:58:35,367
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl all over me.
934
00:58:36,456 --> 00:58:39,623
Well, you know, my son Jim
935
00:58:39,709 --> 00:58:41,915
went through kind of a similar dilemma.
936
00:58:42,003 --> 00:58:43,876
He was going out with this very attractive
937
00:58:43,963 --> 00:58:45,920
foreign-exchange student named Nadia.
938
00:58:46,006 --> 00:58:49,422
Right, right, yeah. That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?
939
00:58:49,510 --> 00:58:50,624
- Yes.
- Twice.
940
00:58:50,719 --> 00:58:52,047
- Yes.
- Over the Internet.
941
00:58:52,137 --> 00:58:53,797
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah.
942
00:58:53,889 --> 00:58:57,222
Well, blowing loads aside...
943
00:58:57,308 --> 00:58:58,387
Yeah.
944
00:58:58,476 --> 00:59:00,801
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
945
00:59:00,895 --> 00:59:02,353
and he turned her down
946
00:59:02,438 --> 00:59:05,807
because he had fallen in love with Michelle,
947
00:59:06,650 --> 00:59:10,647
who he later married,
and is now the mother of my grandchild.
948
00:59:11,946 --> 00:59:15,730
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up with this sorority girl?
949
00:59:16,075 --> 00:59:19,242
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer to that, Erik.
950
00:59:21,830 --> 00:59:23,408
Well, gotta run.
951
00:59:26,459 --> 00:59:30,124
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
952
00:59:49,230 --> 00:59:51,139
Last night was amazing.
953
00:59:51,691 --> 00:59:53,730
Yeah, it was.
954
00:59:53,817 --> 00:59:56,735
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
955
00:59:57,112 --> 00:59:58,487
Definitely.
956
01:00:00,782 --> 01:00:02,157
Definitely.
957
01:00:09,415 --> 01:00:13,080
Hey, buddy.
You know how to get to Murray Street?
958
01:00:13,168 --> 01:00:16,619
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland, down to...
959
01:00:17,297 --> 01:00:18,708
What the...
960
01:00:20,675 --> 01:00:22,134
What is this? Enter the Midget?
961
01:00:22,218 --> 01:00:24,887
It's little people, asshole.
962
01:00:26,514 --> 01:00:28,221
Come get some.
963
01:00:29,266 --> 01:00:31,555
Come get some, baby!
964
01:00:32,060 --> 01:00:33,768
(SCREAMING)
965
01:00:39,901 --> 01:00:41,692
(PANTING)
966
01:00:41,861 --> 01:00:43,734
Midgets jumped Stifler.
967
01:00:43,821 --> 01:00:45,066
- What?
- What?
968
01:00:46,073 --> 01:00:48,231
The midgets jumped Stifler.
969
01:00:48,700 --> 01:00:50,443
He's in the hospital right now.
970
01:00:55,373 --> 01:00:56,701
Oh, shit.
971
01:00:56,791 --> 01:00:58,534
Holy shit.
972
01:00:59,543 --> 01:01:01,417
Man, he is fucked up.
973
01:01:02,379 --> 01:01:03,838
First Grandma, and now this.
974
01:01:03,922 --> 01:01:05,297
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
975
01:01:05,382 --> 01:01:06,461
Yeah, man.
976
01:01:06,550 --> 01:01:10,049
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will you?
I got a huge fucking headache.
977
01:01:10,136 --> 01:01:12,259
We thought this guy was you.
978
01:01:13,347 --> 01:01:14,592
Fuck, no.
979
01:01:15,516 --> 01:01:16,761
I don't know what happened to that pussy.
980
01:01:17,726 --> 01:01:19,683
Hey, man, what the hell happened?
981
01:01:19,770 --> 01:01:23,518
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black and ski masks.
982
01:01:23,607 --> 01:01:25,017
Like I wouldn't know it was them.
983
01:01:25,108 --> 01:01:28,393
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able to run in the Mile?
984
01:01:28,486 --> 01:01:29,766
Doesn't look like it.
985
01:01:30,404 --> 01:01:33,903
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be laid up
for at least a couple of more days.
986
01:01:33,991 --> 01:01:36,233
Hey, don't worry.
We will find those little fuckers.
987
01:01:36,326 --> 01:01:41,202
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
988
01:01:41,831 --> 01:01:45,366
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,
989
01:01:45,460 --> 01:01:47,499
and run naked
990
01:01:47,587 --> 01:01:51,536
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
991
01:01:51,632 --> 01:01:52,830
You understand?
992
01:01:52,925 --> 01:01:54,039
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
993
01:01:54,134 --> 01:01:57,834
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get some sleep.
994
01:02:02,934 --> 01:02:05,425
Hey, Erik, stick around for a second.
995
01:02:05,519 --> 01:02:06,551
Yeah.
996
01:02:07,730 --> 01:02:09,936
Listen, I know what you're going through.
997
01:02:10,566 --> 01:02:13,519
- You do?
- Sure, yeah. I had the same problem
998
01:02:13,777 --> 01:02:15,900
when I was in middle school.
999
01:02:16,362 --> 01:02:19,696
But living up to
the family name is not an easy thing, man.
1000
01:02:19,782 --> 01:02:22,355
Yeah. What did you do?
1001
01:02:24,495 --> 01:02:28,278
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class, stole the principal's car,
1002
01:02:28,373 --> 01:02:29,951
and then I fucked a lunch lady.
1003
01:02:30,584 --> 01:02:31,615
Oh.
1004
01:02:32,085 --> 01:02:33,579
But, hey, that's me.
1005
01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,455
What do you think I should do?
1006
01:02:36,547 --> 01:02:41,125
It's not for me to decide or advise.
You gotta figure that out on your own.
1007
01:02:41,343 --> 01:02:45,008
But I will say this.
We got a pretty fucked-up family,
1008
01:02:45,722 --> 01:02:48,260
and it's nice having a guy like you around.
1009
01:02:51,728 --> 01:02:53,387
Now, seriously, go.
1010
01:02:57,733 --> 01:02:59,560
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1011
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,523
All I have to say is,
1012
01:03:06,616 --> 01:03:09,985
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass into this school.
1013
01:03:15,874 --> 01:03:19,457
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1014
01:03:29,679 --> 01:03:32,004
ROCK: Look who decided to show up.
1015
01:03:32,097 --> 01:03:34,220
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1016
01:03:34,308 --> 01:03:35,470
I guess I was right.
1017
01:03:35,726 --> 01:03:39,094
Check it out. They still got their clothes on.
1018
01:03:42,190 --> 01:03:47,147
Where is old Shitler? I guess the king of
the Naked Mile didn't make it this year.
1019
01:03:48,195 --> 01:03:51,528
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1020
01:03:52,115 --> 01:03:53,657
(ALL CHEERING)
1021
01:04:03,709 --> 01:04:07,753
The king has arrived! Bring out your titties!
1022
01:04:10,841 --> 01:04:14,755
You really think that little beating
you gave me could keep me away?
1023
01:04:14,844 --> 01:04:17,880
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch of five-year-olds.
1024
01:04:17,972 --> 01:04:20,723
This is my fucking school.
1025
01:04:24,019 --> 01:04:25,182
Guys.
1026
01:04:26,271 --> 01:04:29,355
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1027
01:04:29,441 --> 01:04:31,848
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1028
01:04:33,152 --> 01:04:36,735
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have your clothes on?
1029
01:04:37,490 --> 01:04:39,281
Listen, Stifler, we were talking and...
1030
01:04:39,366 --> 01:04:41,489
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.
1031
01:04:43,245 --> 01:04:44,739
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1032
01:04:45,956 --> 01:04:48,197
Looking sexy as always.
1033
01:04:48,291 --> 01:04:49,915
Heard you were in the hospital.
1034
01:04:50,460 --> 01:04:52,915
Just a little beating by a bunch of midgets.
1035
01:04:53,004 --> 01:04:54,414
Hey, Cooze.
1036
01:04:54,505 --> 01:04:58,253
Jill the Thrill. Back on the Cooze radar.
1037
01:04:59,092 --> 01:05:01,215
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1038
01:05:02,971 --> 01:05:04,085
Hey, Erik.
1039
01:05:04,806 --> 01:05:05,837
Hey, Brandy.
1040
01:05:06,140 --> 01:05:07,848
- Ryan.
- Alexis.
1041
01:05:07,934 --> 01:05:10,175
So, you ladies ready to run this Mile
1042
01:05:10,269 --> 01:05:13,435
and get extra fucking sexy?
1043
01:05:13,605 --> 01:05:14,685
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!
1044
01:05:14,815 --> 01:05:16,357
What about you guys?
1045
01:05:16,441 --> 01:05:18,350
Yeah, what are you guys doing still dressed?
1046
01:05:18,652 --> 01:05:20,810
Well, we figured we'd just watch the Mile
1047
01:05:20,904 --> 01:05:22,528
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1048
01:05:22,614 --> 01:05:26,231
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1049
01:05:26,367 --> 01:05:28,905
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1050
01:05:28,994 --> 01:05:30,488
Absolutely out of control.
1051
01:05:47,553 --> 01:05:50,506
Yeah! That's what
I'm fucking talking about, boys.
1052
01:05:50,597 --> 01:05:53,882
Set the cocks free!
1053
01:05:53,975 --> 01:05:56,300
Let's huddle up over here. Come on, fellas.
1054
01:05:57,562 --> 01:05:58,641
Cock huddle.
1055
01:05:58,854 --> 01:06:00,183
All right, bitch tits.
1056
01:06:00,815 --> 01:06:02,973
I got a little surprise for you fuckers.
1057
01:06:03,067 --> 01:06:04,098
What do you got?
1058
01:06:05,319 --> 01:06:08,522
Just a little pharmaceutical delight for later.
1059
01:06:09,614 --> 01:06:12,187
JACKSON: Stifler! You uncircumcised twat!
1060
01:06:12,283 --> 01:06:14,691
Jackson, you little-dicked motherfucker.
1061
01:06:14,786 --> 01:06:15,865
What is this?
1062
01:06:15,953 --> 01:06:17,328
It looks like some kind of E.
1063
01:06:17,413 --> 01:06:19,654
- Should we take it now?
- He said save it for later.
1064
01:06:19,748 --> 01:06:22,073
Fuck that!
I'm about to run naked through the streets.
1065
01:06:22,292 --> 01:06:24,249
I need all the drug-induced courage
I can get.
1066
01:06:27,172 --> 01:06:28,915
I'm so glad you guys decided to run.
1067
01:06:29,007 --> 01:06:30,750
You must work out.
1068
01:06:30,842 --> 01:06:32,964
Yeah, well, I play football.
1069
01:06:33,052 --> 01:06:35,128
I love football players.
1070
01:06:35,304 --> 01:06:37,296
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1071
01:06:38,307 --> 01:06:39,338
That guy's a prick!
1072
01:06:39,808 --> 01:06:42,215
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1073
01:06:42,644 --> 01:06:43,723
What E?
1074
01:06:44,229 --> 01:06:45,972
The pills you gave us.
1075
01:06:46,939 --> 01:06:48,434
Oh, shit! You retards.
1076
01:06:48,649 --> 01:06:51,816
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour hard-on drug.
1077
01:06:51,944 --> 01:06:53,853
- Oh, shit.
- DWIGHT: I scored some at the hospital.
1078
01:06:53,946 --> 01:06:56,401
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1079
01:06:56,740 --> 01:06:58,649
- Oh, God.
- Holy fuck, you didn't...
1080
01:06:58,742 --> 01:07:00,284
Holy shit!
1081
01:07:00,660 --> 01:07:04,871
I don't think I can talk this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1082
01:07:05,039 --> 01:07:07,612
Hey, do not run behind me. Okay?
1083
01:07:08,292 --> 01:07:10,865
It's... It's just that we thought that it was...
1084
01:07:10,961 --> 01:07:13,250
Honey, don't apologize.
1085
01:07:13,338 --> 01:07:15,414
Yeah, you guys are running with us.
1086
01:07:15,507 --> 01:07:19,635
Oh, man!
This is going to be the best Naked Mile ever!
1087
01:07:19,928 --> 01:07:21,172
Good evening...
1088
01:07:21,262 --> 01:07:23,171
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
1089
01:07:23,764 --> 01:07:25,139
(BEEPING)
1090
01:07:25,224 --> 01:07:26,303
Who is that guy?
1091
01:07:26,392 --> 01:07:30,140
That is big, bad Noah Levenstein.
1092
01:07:31,104 --> 01:07:35,184
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1093
01:07:35,275 --> 01:07:36,899
My bad. My bad. Welcome to the Naked Mile.
1094
01:07:36,985 --> 01:07:38,479
(ALL CHEERING)
1095
01:07:42,615 --> 01:07:45,236
Yes, you know, when I started this racemany, many...
1096
01:07:45,325 --> 01:07:47,318
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1097
01:07:47,411 --> 01:07:50,577
...many years ago.It was just... Just a passive protest.
1098
01:07:50,830 --> 01:07:54,958
Just a way to "stick itto the man," so to speak.
1099
01:07:56,335 --> 01:07:58,126
Right on. Right on.
1100
01:07:58,671 --> 01:08:02,585
But over the years,it's become somewhat less political.
1101
01:08:02,758 --> 01:08:06,043
And now, it's just
1102
01:08:06,136 --> 01:08:08,805
some sort of Roman orgy,
1103
01:08:09,055 --> 01:08:11,842
which I'm down with, by the way.
1104
01:08:12,266 --> 01:08:14,472
But let's keep one thing in mind.
1105
01:08:14,769 --> 01:08:19,181
This is aboutshowing the world your youthful exuberance,
1106
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:22,855
and your unabashed commitmentto higher learning,
1107
01:08:22,943 --> 01:08:25,398
and having fun while you're doing it,
1108
01:08:25,487 --> 01:08:29,484
which is where the naked part comes in.
1109
01:08:29,574 --> 01:08:31,198
ALL: Yeah!
1110
01:08:35,162 --> 01:08:38,198
And being completely naked is, of course,
1111
01:08:38,290 --> 01:08:40,329
a perfectly natural thing.
1112
01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:44,200
There's not one part of one's body
1113
01:08:44,295 --> 01:08:46,501
one should be ashamed of,
1114
01:08:46,589 --> 01:08:51,215
be it one's pubic region
1115
01:08:51,385 --> 01:08:53,673
or one's breasts,
1116
01:08:54,012 --> 01:08:56,170
as in the case with you young ladies...
1117
01:08:56,389 --> 01:08:57,931
(ALL CHEERING)
1118
01:09:00,768 --> 01:09:04,184
...and a couple of you young men.
1119
01:09:06,690 --> 01:09:09,976
But you should all just revelin the glory of being seen
1120
01:09:10,193 --> 01:09:12,316
as the people you are.
1121
01:09:12,529 --> 01:09:14,071
Incidentally, if anyone has anything...
1122
01:09:14,155 --> 01:09:16,148
Come on, let's fucking do this!
1123
01:09:19,577 --> 01:09:21,320
I second that motion, young man.
1124
01:09:21,620 --> 01:09:24,158
Okay, everybody ready.
1125
01:09:26,291 --> 01:09:27,951
Get set...
1126
01:09:57,695 --> 01:09:59,023
Still going?
1127
01:09:59,113 --> 01:10:00,986
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1128
01:10:02,032 --> 01:10:03,905
You love the Boss Hogg!
1129
01:10:05,827 --> 01:10:07,285
(WHOOPING)
1130
01:10:20,924 --> 01:10:24,423
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1131
01:10:24,510 --> 01:10:28,887
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies,
and my balls are scraping the pavement.
1132
01:10:28,973 --> 01:10:30,052
Oh, heads up.
1133
01:10:33,894 --> 01:10:35,767
Look, its the boner guys.
1134
01:10:37,022 --> 01:10:38,681
Nice cocks.
1135
01:10:38,773 --> 01:10:40,730
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1136
01:10:40,817 --> 01:10:42,893
Dude, you have serious issues.
1137
01:11:25,941 --> 01:11:28,147
Hey, naked people only!
1138
01:11:28,234 --> 01:11:29,610
(LAUGHING)
1139
01:12:02,307 --> 01:12:03,967
Are you all right?
1140
01:12:04,058 --> 01:12:05,517
I'm fine.
1141
01:12:05,768 --> 01:12:07,808
Come on, sweetie. Let's finish this thing.
1142
01:12:17,445 --> 01:12:20,861
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud, but strange tradition
1143
01:12:20,949 --> 01:12:22,147
called the Naked Mile.
1144
01:12:22,241 --> 01:12:23,617
Ever year after exams
1145
01:12:23,701 --> 01:12:26,073
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1146
01:12:26,162 --> 01:12:28,201
in nothing more than their birthday suits.
1147
01:12:29,748 --> 01:12:31,326
(LAUGHING)
1148
01:12:32,459 --> 01:12:35,543
This is the greatest thing ever!
1149
01:12:35,628 --> 01:12:37,668
Hell, yeah!
1150
01:12:37,755 --> 01:12:39,878
I can't believe we did this!
1151
01:12:40,132 --> 01:12:43,382
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1152
01:12:43,844 --> 01:12:46,002
Beta House fucking rules!
1153
01:12:52,894 --> 01:12:56,938
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1154
01:12:58,399 --> 01:13:00,391
I did it. I really did it.
1155
01:13:02,111 --> 01:13:05,064
Way to go, Coz. That's my cousin.
1156
01:13:06,490 --> 01:13:08,778
DWIGHT: Yeah, buddy!
1157
01:13:09,075 --> 01:13:11,068
Some people call it lewd behavior,
1158
01:13:11,244 --> 01:13:14,114
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1159
01:13:14,413 --> 01:13:15,528
And maybe,
1160
01:13:19,668 --> 01:13:20,948
find love.
1161
01:13:21,336 --> 01:13:23,874
This is Hal Michaels,reporting from the Naked Mile.
1162
01:13:34,682 --> 01:13:36,721
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1163
01:14:00,288 --> 01:14:03,123
Stifler has arrived!
1164
01:14:09,838 --> 01:14:11,546
(HOWLING)
1165
01:14:12,132 --> 01:14:13,840
Yeah! Yeah!
1166
01:14:15,135 --> 01:14:18,005
Holy shit! Is this even the same house?
1167
01:14:22,183 --> 01:14:24,970
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1168
01:14:25,394 --> 01:14:26,639
It's those guys.
1169
01:14:31,942 --> 01:14:33,139
And ended like that.
1170
01:14:33,234 --> 01:14:34,563
Wow, taking those pills
1171
01:14:34,652 --> 01:14:37,653
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did for your social lives.
1172
01:14:37,738 --> 01:14:38,853
Oh, yeah.
1173
01:14:39,281 --> 01:14:40,361
You wanna dance?
1174
01:14:41,158 --> 01:14:44,693
Is my dick hard?
Of course the Cooze wants to dance.
1175
01:14:44,828 --> 01:14:46,156
(SCREAMS)
1176
01:14:47,664 --> 01:14:49,241
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1177
01:14:49,332 --> 01:14:51,740
Or are you one of those
football players who's too cool to dance?
1178
01:14:51,834 --> 01:14:54,954
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1179
01:15:00,592 --> 01:15:02,086
Come on, cutie.
1180
01:15:02,719 --> 01:15:04,094
What a bastard.
1181
01:15:04,179 --> 01:15:07,429
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1182
01:15:07,891 --> 01:15:10,049
I'm so sorry, honey.
1183
01:15:10,351 --> 01:15:12,225
Is there anything we can do for you?
1184
01:15:12,812 --> 01:15:14,887
No, I think I just want to be alone.
1185
01:15:14,980 --> 01:15:18,147
No way. We are not leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.
1186
01:15:18,233 --> 01:15:21,020
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad about it now.
1187
01:15:21,111 --> 01:15:24,064
Would you quit being so logical, Tracy?
We're girls.
1188
01:15:24,155 --> 01:15:26,444
Boys should know better
than to trust us to be rational.
1189
01:15:26,532 --> 01:15:27,611
It's not in our nature.
1190
01:15:27,700 --> 01:15:29,324
It's really not.
1191
01:15:29,410 --> 01:15:33,110
So, you are going to get dressed.
1192
01:15:33,205 --> 01:15:34,948
Then, we're going to Allison's party.
1193
01:15:35,540 --> 01:15:37,782
That will get your mind off of Erik.
1194
01:15:37,876 --> 01:15:39,536
I don't want to.
1195
01:15:39,627 --> 01:15:43,043
Well, you don't have a vote in this.
Now get dressed.
1196
01:15:55,350 --> 01:15:58,600
Check out our boy.
Think he's going to lose it tonight?
1197
01:15:58,686 --> 01:16:02,553
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off in the bathroom.
1198
01:16:02,648 --> 01:16:04,226
I'll bet 20 bucks says he nails her.
1199
01:16:04,316 --> 01:16:05,395
(SCOFFS)
1200
01:16:05,484 --> 01:16:06,682
Oh, you're on.
1201
01:16:10,030 --> 01:16:12,022
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1202
01:16:12,115 --> 01:16:15,531
Do you guys have any idea how much
everybody here has been talking about you?
1203
01:16:15,618 --> 01:16:17,243
I was getting that feeling.
1204
01:16:17,328 --> 01:16:18,407
Yeah!
1205
01:16:19,455 --> 01:16:21,946
Okay, listen up, 'cause I got a plan
1206
01:16:22,041 --> 01:16:25,955
that's gonna make you guys legends.
1207
01:16:32,216 --> 01:16:33,960
Ladies and gentlemen!
1208
01:16:34,260 --> 01:16:38,672
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1209
01:16:38,973 --> 01:16:43,800
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1210
01:16:43,894 --> 01:16:45,767
Yeah, Cooze!
1211
01:16:45,854 --> 01:16:47,348
(ALL CHEERING)
1212
01:16:49,649 --> 01:16:53,100
Tonight is the dawning of a new era
1213
01:16:53,194 --> 01:16:55,316
in meaningless male competition.
1214
01:16:55,404 --> 01:17:00,362
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1215
01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:08,071
For the first phase of the competition,
1216
01:17:08,166 --> 01:17:11,617
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each of our contestants.
1217
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:15,044
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1218
01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:19,080
First person to drop the bucket is the loser.
1219
01:17:19,175 --> 01:17:20,551
(ALL BOOING)
1220
01:17:20,802 --> 01:17:22,841
So let the penis games begin!
1221
01:17:34,648 --> 01:17:37,981
Commence the pouring!
1222
01:17:44,198 --> 01:17:45,360
You like that?
1223
01:17:45,449 --> 01:17:46,860
Oh, yeah, baby!
1224
01:17:49,119 --> 01:17:50,578
(GROANING)
1225
01:18:05,050 --> 01:18:08,335
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1226
01:18:12,098 --> 01:18:13,473
Still good.
1227
01:18:30,740 --> 01:18:32,981
Next competition.
1228
01:18:35,369 --> 01:18:37,326
The ring toss.
1229
01:18:37,871 --> 01:18:39,745
- Let's have it, girls.
- Come on.
1230
01:18:44,252 --> 01:18:46,624
That's right! On that penis!
1231
01:18:46,713 --> 01:18:48,705
Come on, baby, just like Six Flags.
1232
01:18:51,801 --> 01:18:53,176
Wrong head!
1233
01:18:57,472 --> 01:18:59,299
Ring around the cocksy.
1234
01:19:01,309 --> 01:19:03,432
You needed an extra inch on that one.
1235
01:19:13,153 --> 01:19:14,695
Can you believe this?
1236
01:19:15,614 --> 01:19:17,273
Do not let Cooze win.
1237
01:19:21,828 --> 01:19:23,737
Next competition!
1238
01:19:30,127 --> 01:19:32,499
I got a nine-inch strike zone, baby.
1239
01:19:32,587 --> 01:19:35,125
- You cocky prick.
- You can't miss it!
1240
01:19:40,928 --> 01:19:42,422
It's a hardball, son!
1241
01:19:42,513 --> 01:19:43,923
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1242
01:19:44,473 --> 01:19:45,801
Swing, boner!
1243
01:19:45,891 --> 01:19:47,433
Deep center, baby!
1244
01:19:53,189 --> 01:19:54,897
Foul ball!
1245
01:20:09,078 --> 01:20:10,110
Bunt.
1246
01:20:20,797 --> 01:20:23,632
That is it. We're calling it a tie.
1247
01:20:23,717 --> 01:20:26,338
Your Co-Hard-on Champions of the World,
1248
01:20:26,427 --> 01:20:30,176
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1249
01:20:30,431 --> 01:20:32,055
(ALL CHEERING)
1250
01:20:47,071 --> 01:20:51,400
Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...
1251
01:20:56,663 --> 01:20:59,118
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?
1252
01:22:18,153 --> 01:22:19,647
BROOKE: Boys are a bad influence.
1253
01:22:19,738 --> 01:22:23,023
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing or who he's doing it with.
1254
01:22:23,116 --> 01:22:25,951
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1255
01:22:26,035 --> 01:22:29,949
The bottom line is this. You two will never be
on the same level again.
1256
01:22:30,039 --> 01:22:33,454
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1257
01:22:34,042 --> 01:22:36,118
So, what?
I'm supposed to break up with him?
1258
01:22:36,211 --> 01:22:38,915
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.
1259
01:22:40,381 --> 01:22:43,050
You need to sleep with somebody. Tonight.
1260
01:22:43,134 --> 01:22:45,257
- Brooke.
- Shut up, Natalie.
1261
01:22:45,344 --> 01:22:48,049
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1262
01:22:48,138 --> 01:22:49,882
you decide to do it with Erik.
1263
01:22:49,973 --> 01:22:54,101
All you're going to be thinking is that he's
already had sex with some other girl.
1264
01:22:54,185 --> 01:22:56,890
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1265
01:22:56,980 --> 01:22:59,470
Oh, look. There's Trent.
1266
01:23:01,233 --> 01:23:03,142
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1267
01:23:05,279 --> 01:23:06,477
Perfect.
1268
01:23:16,747 --> 01:23:19,534
Hey, cool. A pool table. Do you play?
1269
01:23:20,876 --> 01:23:22,370
Sometimes.
1270
01:23:22,669 --> 01:23:24,543
Well, what do you want to play?
1271
01:23:24,630 --> 01:23:25,958
I don't care.
1272
01:23:26,047 --> 01:23:30,045
Okay. Well, how about nine-ball?
Look, nine-ball.
1273
01:23:30,385 --> 01:23:34,003
It's... It's easy. You just have to get the balls
in order from one through nine.
1274
01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:38,841
I'll show you. I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1275
01:23:41,561 --> 01:23:42,972
- Erik.
- Yeah.
1276
01:23:43,063 --> 01:23:44,343
(CRASHING)
1277
01:23:45,940 --> 01:23:47,316
Come here.
1278
01:24:02,247 --> 01:24:06,955
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend, this night?
1279
01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:09,538
- Erik?
- Yes?
1280
01:24:09,837 --> 01:24:12,244
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1281
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:17,085
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt I'll be very good.
1282
01:24:17,177 --> 01:24:20,296
Don't worry.
I know how to handle guys like you.
1283
01:24:21,472 --> 01:24:22,753
Guys like me?
1284
01:24:22,849 --> 01:24:24,426
Virgins.
1285
01:24:24,725 --> 01:24:26,848
I can take care of virgins.
1286
01:24:28,270 --> 01:24:30,761
You mean, I'm not your first virgin?
1287
01:24:31,273 --> 01:24:33,479
I have a bit of a confession.
1288
01:24:34,567 --> 01:24:37,438
Some girls like blonds, some like muscles.
1289
01:24:38,780 --> 01:24:40,322
I like virgins.
1290
01:24:42,616 --> 01:24:45,072
Are you ready for a special night?
1291
01:24:47,496 --> 01:24:49,239
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1292
01:25:01,508 --> 01:25:05,292
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you here tonight.
1293
01:25:05,721 --> 01:25:08,425
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1294
01:25:08,515 --> 01:25:12,097
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know anything about it.
1295
01:25:12,185 --> 01:25:14,510
You're not just here to set me up?
1296
01:25:14,604 --> 01:25:18,103
I would never want
to let anything happen to that gorgeous face.
1297
01:25:20,484 --> 01:25:24,149
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy territory like this?
1298
01:25:24,237 --> 01:25:27,902
I dance where I want, with who I want.
1299
01:25:29,617 --> 01:25:31,277
I like your style.
1300
01:25:33,412 --> 01:25:34,871
And your ass.
1301
01:25:48,301 --> 01:25:50,507
You know, I don't usually go for
1302
01:25:50,594 --> 01:25:53,761
suburban, jock, Abercrombie clones,
1303
01:25:53,889 --> 01:25:56,558
- but there is something about you.
- Yeah?
1304
01:25:56,641 --> 01:26:00,425
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist, vegan bisexuals.
1305
01:26:11,029 --> 01:26:13,520
This guy's got good taste.
1306
01:26:13,907 --> 01:26:17,026
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident downstairs?
1307
01:26:17,118 --> 01:26:21,945
They don't call me "Everhard" because
I've only got one bullet in the chamber.
1308
01:26:22,039 --> 01:26:23,866
But just to be sure...
1309
01:26:24,416 --> 01:26:26,741
Should you be taking more of that?
1310
01:26:26,877 --> 01:26:30,459
More? I didn't take it the first time.
1311
01:26:32,507 --> 01:26:34,630
- You mean...
- That's right, baby.
1312
01:26:34,717 --> 01:26:37,290
We're gonna have a good time tonight.
1313
01:26:39,096 --> 01:26:44,007
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1314
01:26:44,726 --> 01:26:46,102
Excuse me?
1315
01:26:46,186 --> 01:26:48,178
I said, get on the bed
1316
01:26:48,271 --> 01:26:50,228
you worthless peasant!
1317
01:26:51,191 --> 01:26:54,191
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1318
01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:57,194
- Oh, God!
- I said, get on the bed,
1319
01:26:57,947 --> 01:27:00,022
and I meant it.
1320
01:27:01,617 --> 01:27:05,068
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1321
01:27:06,162 --> 01:27:07,787
And I'm into it.
1322
01:27:08,665 --> 01:27:09,863
Shut up!
1323
01:27:10,124 --> 01:27:11,618
(SCREAMING)
1324
01:27:13,127 --> 01:27:15,618
All right! All right! All right!
1325
01:27:33,604 --> 01:27:34,849
Brandy.
1326
01:27:36,148 --> 01:27:39,931
Look, I can't do this. I'm really sorry, okay?
1327
01:27:40,360 --> 01:27:42,399
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1328
01:27:42,487 --> 01:27:44,812
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1329
01:27:44,906 --> 01:27:47,823
would love to sleep with you, including me.
1330
01:27:48,158 --> 01:27:49,818
But I just can't.
1331
01:27:52,037 --> 01:27:53,448
I'm in love.
1332
01:27:56,958 --> 01:27:59,709
I hope this girl knows how lucky she is.
1333
01:27:59,794 --> 01:28:01,253
I seriously doubt that.
1334
01:28:12,555 --> 01:28:15,675
Got to say it again. It's a very nice surprise.
1335
01:28:16,684 --> 01:28:18,262
What can I say? I'm full of them.
1336
01:28:18,352 --> 01:28:19,681
So, what about Erik?
1337
01:28:20,688 --> 01:28:23,143
We're on a weekend guilt-free pass.
1338
01:28:23,690 --> 01:28:26,228
We can do anything we want.
1339
01:28:26,610 --> 01:28:28,318
Anything?
1340
01:28:28,612 --> 01:28:29,643
Anything.
1341
01:28:29,738 --> 01:28:31,148
I like the sound of that.
1342
01:28:48,004 --> 01:28:49,249
Is this your room?
1343
01:28:49,339 --> 01:28:51,960
Why, yes, it is, my diminutive goddess.
1344
01:28:53,467 --> 01:28:57,215
Good, because we are going to need
1345
01:28:57,304 --> 01:28:59,095
a little bit of privacy.
1346
01:29:03,685 --> 01:29:05,345
(MOANING)
1347
01:29:10,107 --> 01:29:13,310
That's it, you pathetic slave. Keep doing that.
1348
01:29:14,236 --> 01:29:16,691
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1349
01:29:16,780 --> 01:29:19,781
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1350
01:29:19,866 --> 01:29:21,574
I didn't mean we had to stop.
1351
01:29:21,659 --> 01:29:25,277
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1352
01:29:26,414 --> 01:29:28,240
You ready to get kinky?
1353
01:29:28,332 --> 01:29:30,289
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1354
01:29:31,168 --> 01:29:32,710
Not even close.
1355
01:29:36,923 --> 01:29:38,666
What is that noise?
1356
01:29:40,760 --> 01:29:41,839
(MOANING)
1357
01:29:44,180 --> 01:29:45,757
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1358
01:29:46,140 --> 01:29:47,634
What the hell?
1359
01:29:53,730 --> 01:29:55,722
You got to be kidding me.
1360
01:30:16,250 --> 01:30:17,661
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1361
01:30:25,175 --> 01:30:27,666
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1362
01:30:30,263 --> 01:30:32,800
Yeah, I do.
1363
01:30:40,480 --> 01:30:42,058
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1364
01:30:45,944 --> 01:30:47,319
(PANTING)
1365
01:30:47,737 --> 01:30:50,773
Hi, Mr. Sterling. Is Tracy home?
1366
01:30:51,365 --> 01:30:53,488
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1367
01:30:53,701 --> 01:30:56,737
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1368
01:30:56,828 --> 01:30:57,859
Oh.
1369
01:30:58,872 --> 01:31:01,872
Okay. Well, sorry to disturb you, then.
1370
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,286
Have a good night!
1371
01:31:07,963 --> 01:31:09,707
Crazy little fucker.
1372
01:31:15,053 --> 01:31:17,460
We gotta find Tracy. We gotta find Tracy.
1373
01:31:17,555 --> 01:31:20,011
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1374
01:31:20,600 --> 01:31:23,850
I don't think sex has to be just one-on-one.
1375
01:31:23,936 --> 01:31:24,967
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1376
01:31:25,062 --> 01:31:26,556
What the hell?
1377
01:31:28,440 --> 01:31:31,394
Tracy!
1378
01:31:33,028 --> 01:31:34,059
Hey!
1379
01:31:37,698 --> 01:31:38,861
Trace!
1380
01:31:39,200 --> 01:31:40,694
What the hell are you doing here?
1381
01:31:40,785 --> 01:31:42,658
And on a horse!
1382
01:31:42,870 --> 01:31:44,862
Where's Tracy? I have to see her.
1383
01:31:44,955 --> 01:31:47,706
We think it's best if you just leave her alone.
1384
01:31:47,791 --> 01:31:49,250
What? Why?
1385
01:31:49,334 --> 01:31:52,204
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1386
01:31:52,295 --> 01:31:56,162
- What are you talking about?
- She saw you kiss that girl on TV.
1387
01:31:56,632 --> 01:32:00,297
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1388
01:32:00,386 --> 01:32:03,090
Wake up, Erik. There is no such thing.
1389
01:32:04,139 --> 01:32:05,170
Where is Tracy?
1390
01:32:05,265 --> 01:32:09,345
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1391
01:32:13,397 --> 01:32:15,390
Tracy! Trace!
1392
01:32:19,861 --> 01:32:22,696
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1393
01:32:22,781 --> 01:32:25,947
I think she went upstairs with Trent a little...
1394
01:32:26,409 --> 01:32:27,572
Tracy!
1395
01:32:29,370 --> 01:32:30,568
Tracy.
1396
01:32:35,042 --> 01:32:36,785
(WOMAN MOANING)
1397
01:32:36,877 --> 01:32:39,664
Trace, can you hear me? Are you in there?
1398
01:32:39,879 --> 01:32:42,714
Trace, if you can hear me, I am sorry.
1399
01:32:42,799 --> 01:32:44,922
I am really sorry about everything, okay?
1400
01:32:45,009 --> 01:32:48,259
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1401
01:32:48,429 --> 01:32:50,801
I mean I did use it,
but it was only for a few seconds.
1402
01:32:50,889 --> 01:32:54,175
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking for you, okay?
1403
01:32:54,267 --> 01:32:57,517
Look, I don't care about the sex.
I really don't.
1404
01:32:58,229 --> 01:33:01,064
It's not the most important thing. You are.
1405
01:33:01,607 --> 01:33:03,516
Trace, I love you.
1406
01:33:05,069 --> 01:33:06,646
Can you hear me? I love you!
1407
01:33:06,737 --> 01:33:09,488
Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here.
1408
01:33:12,492 --> 01:33:14,485
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1409
01:33:23,836 --> 01:33:26,920
When I heard her, I thought...
1410
01:33:28,006 --> 01:33:29,999
I couldn't do it, either.
1411
01:33:33,595 --> 01:33:35,219
I love you, too.
1412
01:33:48,691 --> 01:33:50,483
(ALL CHEERING)
1413
01:34:03,038 --> 01:34:04,366
Should we?
1414
01:34:19,511 --> 01:34:21,883
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1415
01:34:57,420 --> 01:34:58,997
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1416
01:35:14,018 --> 01:35:16,058
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1417
01:35:16,145 --> 01:35:20,225
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be right here.
1418
01:35:20,983 --> 01:35:22,643
Where the hell is Erik?
1419
01:35:22,734 --> 01:35:26,399
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1420
01:35:28,156 --> 01:35:29,436
Somebody call a taxi?
1421
01:35:29,532 --> 01:35:30,991
Where the fuck did you go?
1422
01:35:31,075 --> 01:35:32,190
To get some breakfast.
1423
01:35:32,285 --> 01:35:34,361
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.
1424
01:35:39,666 --> 01:35:40,947
(GROANING)
1425
01:35:41,668 --> 01:35:43,127
I take it you guys had a good night.
1426
01:35:43,211 --> 01:35:45,204
Oh, completely out of hand, bro.
1427
01:35:45,296 --> 01:35:46,956
Where are the girls?
1428
01:35:47,048 --> 01:35:50,997
They all split this morning. Said they had to
drive to State for some big party.
1429
01:35:51,093 --> 01:35:52,718
That must make you feel pretty special.
1430
01:35:52,803 --> 01:35:55,175
"Special"? Who cares about special?
1431
01:35:55,264 --> 01:35:57,386
All I care about is the sex.
1432
01:35:57,474 --> 01:36:01,518
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.
1433
01:36:01,978 --> 01:36:04,813
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1434
01:36:04,897 --> 01:36:07,388
I don't wanna talk about it. Ever.
1435
01:36:09,735 --> 01:36:14,444
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal with that Brandy chick?
1436
01:36:16,950 --> 01:36:18,230
No.
1437
01:36:18,326 --> 01:36:20,283
I told you. Pay up.
1438
01:36:21,037 --> 01:36:23,824
But I did have sex with Tracy last night.
1439
01:36:28,127 --> 01:36:29,325
What are you talking about?
1440
01:36:29,420 --> 01:36:30,878
Tracy.
1441
01:36:31,213 --> 01:36:33,704
I drove home
in the middle of the night, I ran out of gas,
1442
01:36:33,798 --> 01:36:37,001
stole a horse, rode over to Allison's party...
1443
01:36:37,093 --> 01:36:39,251
- We had sex in the guest room.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1444
01:36:39,345 --> 01:36:41,053
- You stole a horse?
- Yup.
1445
01:36:41,138 --> 01:36:42,965
A real horse?
Like the kind you ride and shit?
1446
01:36:43,057 --> 01:36:44,467
Yeah, a real horse.
1447
01:36:44,558 --> 01:36:45,838
That's fucking fantastic.
1448
01:36:45,934 --> 01:36:47,761
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1449
01:36:47,853 --> 01:36:50,344
- Neither did I.
- Where did you find a horse?
1450
01:36:50,438 --> 01:36:52,597
Are there horses in Great Falls?
1451
01:36:54,776 --> 01:36:56,234
Proud of you,
1452
01:36:57,236 --> 01:36:58,434
Stifler.
1453
01:36:59,989 --> 01:37:03,073
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1454
01:37:11,916 --> 01:37:14,833
- RYAN: So, how do you feel?
- Best night of my entire life.
1455
01:37:14,919 --> 01:37:17,326
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1456
01:37:33,519 --> 01:37:35,262
Mail call, bitches.
1457
01:37:36,855 --> 01:37:38,018
Scooter.
1458
01:37:39,191 --> 01:37:40,389
Scratchy.
1459
01:37:41,484 --> 01:37:42,682
Tripod.
1460
01:37:48,032 --> 01:37:49,111
What the hell?
1461
01:37:49,200 --> 01:37:50,658
What is it, man?
1462
01:37:51,619 --> 01:37:53,077
I don't know.
1463
01:38:04,964 --> 01:38:07,040
Smile for the camera, baby.
1464
01:38:15,432 --> 01:38:18,101
Oh, man. That is fucked up.
1465
01:38:21,020 --> 01:38:22,514
Stifler!
107763
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