All language subtitles for The Munsters S01E20 (Bats of a Feather)

But I tell you, Herman.
If it has to be a pet,
our cat would be ideal.

Lily, you're just being stubborn.

If Eddie is going to enter
anything at the school pet fair,
Spot is just the animal.

He's a typical boy's pet.

Oh, Spot. There's nothing
clever about him.

Just tell me one thing
he can do besides chase trains.

Well, let's put it
up to Grandpa. Grandpa,

uh, which one of our pets
do you think Eddie should take
to the pet fair playground?

There's no question about it.

Our cat.
Or Spot?

Neither. Igor.

Igor? A bat?

Certainly. Didn't Eddie say
that one of the prizes
was for intelligence?

[Chuckles]
Does that Spot have sense enough
to hang from the rafters by his toes?

Can that cat fly down
to the corner store
for the evening newspaper?

Spot must be intelligent.

L-lf not, why isn't he extinct
like the rest of his species?

But don't forget, Herman.
One of the things they judge
the children's pets on is good grooming.

Spot can win that too.
I told Eddie to work on him
and make him look his very best.

Hey, Dad. I don't think Spot
wants to be entered
in the school fair.

He's hiding under the stairs
and won't come out.

- Now, Eddie, please.
- Can't you do something,
Uncle Herman?

- Marilyn...
- Will you forget about Spot?
He's nothing but a big, stupid baby.

- Just a minute, Grandpa.
- Yes. Now, wait a minute, everybody.

You can handle this, Herman dear.
You coax him out.

You all seem to be forgetting.
I have a way with animals.

Hmm.

Come on, Spot.
Come on out, Spot.

[Growls]
Come on, Spot.
Be a good boy.

- This is your Uncle Hermie.
- [Growls]

Now, Spot, come on out of there.

Come on out of there.
Spot, you're being a very bad boy.

You want to go to
the school pet fair with Eddie,
don't you? Poopsy?

[Roars]

Well, I guess he seems to be
a little bit reluctant.

But, gee, I gotta have
a pet to take to school.

Eddie, if we leave
Spot alone for a while,

sooner or later
he'll get hungry and come out
looking for somebody.

Herman, I don't care what you do.

You'll never be able to get Spot
to behave himself in school.

Eddie, I still think
you should take our cat.

But, gee,
he couldn't win anything.

He's just a plain, old
everyday house cat.

- [Roars]
- Well, I guess you're right.

In my opinion, Eddie,
you ought to take Igor
to the pet fair.

Oh, that bat
is the most beautiful
thing that flies.

Well, okay,
now that I think of it,
Igor would be good.

He'd be smaller.

How do we know he'll go for this?
You know what happened that time
we took him duck hunting.

That was terrible.
He tried to fly south
with that flock of mallards.

Six weeks later,
he came walking home
with his wings full of buckshot.

Good morning, Eddie, Grandpa.
[Chuckles]

Man, am I excited.

I bet I'll be the only kid
with a real, live, honest-to-goodness
Transylvanian bat.

Well, as long as we couldn't
talk Spot into entering,

I guess we'll have to settle
for this silly fly-by-night.

[Squeaking]

You big dummy!

Igor, come back!

Goodness me.
What happened to him?

Wh-What happened to him?
You insulted him.
That's what happened to him.

Igor. Mom! Mom!

[Squeaking]

Mom.! Mom.!

There he goes.
Oh, Eddie,
what's the matter?

Pop said mean things about Igor,
and he ran away.

I can't be the only kid in school
without a pet for the fair.

Oh, don't blame
your father too much.

Igor's always throwing tantrums.

Sometimes I think he's nothing
but a spoiled bat.

I can't go to school today.

All the kids are gonna
make fun of me.

Grandpa, I'm really
ashamed of myself.

I shouldn't have
opened my big mouth.

I let my boy down.

I'm a miserable excuse
for a father.

You know, Herman,
there's a lot of ham in you.

Don't blame me.
They had to use
what was available.

Don't you worry, Herman.
Eddie will not be disappointed.

He's going to have a pet
to take to that fair.
[Chuckles]

In that case I'd like to
ask you one question.

- What?
- Not what.

Who.

Who?
Me. That's who.

[Squeaking]

[Laughing]

Grandpa, I have to admit it.

You're the greatest.

[Laughing]

Father, I am deeply touched.

It's not every grandfather that would
do what you did for Eddie.
[Door Closes]

Shh. Here he comes now.

Oh. Here you go, son.

Now, handle it very carefully.

Igor isn't as young
as he used to be.

Good luck, Eddie.
And bring home a blue ribbon.

I bet I win first prize
for the most intelligent pet.

Well, I wouldn't
count on that too much.

Igor isn't as intelligent
as he used to be either.

[Squeaking]
You better hurry now, dear.

Say, where's Grandpa?

He's, uh, uh,

hung up in an experiment.

Uh, but he'll be with you
in spirit all the time.

Now you be a good boy.
Okay. Come on, Igor.
Good-bye, everybody.

Good-bye.
[All]
Good-bye.

Good luck.
Good luck, both of you.

You know, there's only
one bad feature about this.

If Grandpa does win
over that bunch of
goldfish and hamsters,

there'll be no living with him.

Children, you've all brought
such interesting pets.

I'm sure your principal's going to
have trouble in choosing a winner.

Aren't you, Mr. Hazlett?
Yes, indeed, Miss Guthrie.

Oh, what lovely doves.

Johnny, that's just lovely.
Look at that squirrel.

Isn't he a cute little fellow?

Well, and what is it
we have here?

- It's me, Mr. Hazlett.
- No, Eddie. I mean in the cage.

Oh. It's my pet, Igor.

[Squeaking]
Oh.

Why, it's a bat.
Boy, what a neat pet.

Hey, Eddie, does it catch rats?
Only when it feels like dancing.

That's very nice, Eddie.

Uh, suppose you put the cover
back on the cage now.

But, gee, Mrs. Guthrie,
Igor hasn't done any of his tricks.

Well, what kind of tricks
can he do?

My pet, Igor,
will fly out of his cage,

circle the room twice
and return back to his cage
on command.

Go, Igor.

Oh, my goodness.

[Children Laughing]

[Screams]

[Squeaking]

Oh, I bet Eddie
is proud of his pet.

And I'm sure Grandpa is doing things
that Igor wouldn't have
the intelligence to think of.

I must say, I have to
take my hat off to Grandpa...

for changing himself
into a bat for Eddie's sake.
[Chuckles]

I know I wouldn't like to
go out in public
looking grotesque.

But we don't want Grandpa
giving Eddie a false sense
of values...

by catering to his every whim.

Well, Eddie doesn't know it's Grandpa.
He thinks it's Igor.
[Door Closes]

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hello, Eddie.
Hi, son.

Well, how did you do
at the pet fair?

How would you like to look
at the prizewinner
for the most intelligent pet...

at Mockingbird Heights School?

Look.

[Squeaking]

Father, what have you done now?

[Chuckles]
Where's Igor?

Igor? Oh, I traded him off
to Timmy Brubaker for the squirrel.

Isn't he neat?
Oh!

Oh! Eddie, you naughty,
naughty boy.

You traded your grandfather
for a squirrel?

There, there, Aunt Lily.
Now don't you worry.

I'm real sorry, Mom,
but I didn't know it was Grandpa.

Anyway, we only traded
for the weekend.

I'm sure he'll be all right, Lily.

Sure. He'll be home in no time.

Boy, you should have seen him
flying after Miss Guthrie. Vroom!

Or he'll just change himself
back into his old self...

and walk home.
[Chuckles]

He can't change back to himself
in that small cage.
There's no room.

Oh, Herman,
what are we gonna do?

I didn't live all these years to...
to end up as the daughter
of a squirrel.

I hope those Brubakers don't feed him
peanuts and popcorn.

They always give Grandpa heartburn.

No cause for concern. Eddie.

Yeah, Dad?
Why don't you go call
your little friend,

tell him the deal is off
and that he can have
his squirrel back for your bat.

Okay, Dad.

Herman, don't you think
you better call the Brubakers?

No, dear.
It'll teach Eddie self-reliance...

and how to handle little problems
like this when they come up later on
in life with his own family.

Poor Grandpa.
He was only trying to do
the right thing.

Come on.

Hello? Mrs. Brubaker?
Is Timmy there?

Oh, well, this is Eddie Munster.
You probably don't remember me.

Oh, you do remember me.

Gosh. I was only
over at your house once.

Well, I'm calling about the bat
I traded to Timmy today.

- You see, I have to
get it back. It's my grandfather.
- Eddie.

Don't tell them that.
They might jack up the price.

I mean, it's a...
a favorite of my grandmother's.

Oh, it's not there.
Golly. They sold him.

- Sold him?
- Yeah. Timmy
sold him to his father for 65 cents.

And Mr. Brubaker took him down
to where he works.

Where? Where?
Ask her where he works.

Where does Mr. Brubaker work?

Oh, that's nice.
He likes laboratories.

Oh, where is this laboratory?

Thanks a lot, Mrs. Brubaker.

Don't worry.
There's nothing that can
hurt Grandpa.

Mr. Brubaker's a rocket expert
and works at a top secret space lab.

Oh. Well, that's simple.

We'll just go down to the lab
and pick him up.

Where is the lab, Eddie?

Washington, D.C.

[Chittering]

Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Doctor.

Yes, Bruba...
Here's a new customer
for our travel agency.

L... Just in time too, Brubaker.
Yes.

I brought him in on the plane with me
this morning. And guess what.
What?

I bought him from my son
for 65 cents.

Sixty...
[Laughs]

Let's put him
over here, Brubaker.
Yes.

He certainly is
a woolly one, isn't he?
Yes.

I've always wanted to
send a bat into orbit.

[Squeaking]
Ah.
[Chuckles]

Listen to that.
It's almost as if he understood us.

He's so eager to go.

We've known for some time
that bats, uh, possess
some sort of radar.

Now we want to find out
if their signals can be picked up
by our own equipment.

Ah. We're going to
send this little fellow into orbit,

and then we'll track him
with our equipment.
Right.

You know what?
I think we'll send him up
on that Thermal 2...

that's, uh, scheduled to be
blasted off tomorrow morning.

Oh, but, Dr. Grant,
we haven't yet succeeded
in recovering a Thermal 2.

Oh, I know. But the, uh, success
of the experiment doesn't depend
on that particular bat.

We can always
get another one, you know.

Poor bat.

This is peculiar, Doctor.
What's that?

Have you ever known
a bat to faint?

ByJove, it is peculiar,
isn't it?

Herman, don't press your nose
against the glass.

You'll get your face
all out of shape.

I'm sorry, Lily.
It's just that it's my first plane trip,
and I'm so excited.

[Laughs]
I'm worried about Grandpa.

Now, Lily, we'll be in Washington
in less than an hour.

Just settle back
and enjoy the trip the way I am.

[Sighs]

Herman, what are you doing?
Lily,

Marilyn, Eddie...
everybody out.

The propellers!
The propellers are gone!

Take it easy, Pop.
This is a jet plane.

Oh.

Of course.

You know, there is
something strange, Lily.

Before we took off,
this airplane was filled with people.

As soon as we came on and sat down,
they all got up and left.

Well, l... I guess maybe
they just came
to see somebody off.

I wonder where the stewardess is.

She hasn't come near us
since we took off.

I think she's probably
new on the job
and a little nervous about flying.

Remember back at the airport
those two men had to shove her on
and slam the door behind her?

Hey, Pop.
Here comes the girl
with the food.

She's gotten over
her nervousness.

Miss, uh, uh, you're trembling.

Uh, if it's the fact
that there are no propellers,
uh, you needn't worry.

It's a jet.

Thank you.

Slow down, Eddie.

Don't bolt your food.
Okay.

Herman, she didn't
bring us any salt.

Oh. I'll call her.

Uh, miss? Uh, stewardess,
would you bring the salt, please?

Here you are, sir.

Hmm. You know, Lily,

I don't think
that young lady has the stuff
to make a good stewardess.

Has that bat come to yet?
Hmm?

Has that bat come to yet?

Oh. No.

But I put something
in the cage next to him
that should bring him around...

a female bat.

Oh.

I thought they might as well
get used to one another.

I mean, after all,
tomorrow they blast off
together.

Oh, that's such a good idea.

Let's leave them alone.
Okay.

[Squeaking]

[Squeaking]

Hey, buddy,
you been here long?

Got here Tuesday.
You're new, aren't you?

Yeah, just pulled in today.

What goes on in there anyway?

From what I hear,
you just wouldn't believe
the weird things they build in there.

All kinds of kooky things
they send into outer space.

What do they look like?
Look like?

You don't think
they'd actually let us
see 'em, do ya?

No, and I'm not sure
I want to anyway.
[Vehicle Approaching]

Well, here we are.

It's a shame we had to spend
all that money on a rented car.

It was impossible
to get a taxi at the airport.

I think the taxis are on strike.

When I hailed them,
some of the drivers abandoned their cabs
right in the middle of the street.

Well, this is the space lab, Pop.

But that signs says keep out.

And look at those guards.
So fierce-looking.

[Door Closes]

My gosh! So that's what
they're building in there.

Yeah. One of them
must have got out.

They must have built it
to send to outer space.
Send out?

It looks more like something
they brought back.

Uh, pardon me.
You'd better get
right back in there, mister.

Uh, m-master. Uh, sir.

They'll be looking for you.
Inside? In the laboratory?

Right this way, please.

We're... We're your friends, you know.
Thank you.

Uh, you dogfaces are very polite.

See? See?
[Chuckles]

I told you. Your uncle can
charm the vultures out of the trees
when he wants to.

Are you sure we'll be able to accomplish
the experiment tomorrow?
Yes.

Excuse me.
Yes, please.

Uh, gentlemen...
Oh, dear.

I do believe that you have a...
Uh, gentlemen?

Oh, my. Oh!

No.

That's odd.

Well, genius.

[Squeaking]

Oh. There you are, Grandpa.

Come along.
[Chuckles]

You've been
very, very, very, very naughty.

[Wheezing Laugh]
[Squeaking]

Say, Brubaker. Not a scratch.

[Sighs]

[Glass Particles Rattling On Floor]

That thing certainly
gave me a fright
walking in here like that.

Yes, but then I realize
that must be what Dr. Schweinhart
and his associates...

have been working on
in such secrecy.

He always gets
the most interesting projects.
Yes.

Oh, well.
We have our own work to do.
Right.

Back to our bats.
Yes.

[Clears Throat]

I say, Brubaker,
one of them's missing.

That thing of Schweinhart's
must have taken it.

But why?
Because Schweinhart must have
programmed him to do it.

That's his quaint idea
of humor, you know. Hmph.

Very unprofessional.
Yes.

However, I only need this one
for the moment.
Mmm.

I want to test his reflexes.

I say, Brubaker,
what's he doing?

I'm not sure.
But if he were a human being,
I'd say that he was having a tantrum.

Uh-uh-uh.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Temper. Temper.

Easy, boy. Easy, easy, easy, easy.

That's it. Yeah.

He's a nice guy, isn't he?
[Chuckles]

Easy. I want to show you
something, Brubaker.

This over here will do fine.
[Squeaking]

You know, I'm really going to miss him.
Oh.
[Chuckles]

I want you to watch
how his radar works now.

I'm going to head him
towards the wall.

He'll fly to within inches of it,
then wheel off gracefully
and avoid it.

Are you ready?
Of course.

Here we go.

Well, Brubaker, it looks like
we got stuck with the stupid one.

Quick, Brubaker!
Grab him!

Say, are you lookin' for a bat?

Yes.
Uh... Oh.

He went that way.

That way.

[Chuckles]
Modern science.

Uh, I say there, Corporal.
Yes, sir!

Uh, would you mind
calling a cab for me
for the airport?

I'm taking a plane home.

I'd fly there myself,
but I've had a very trying day.

Yes, sir!

Who's the V.I.P.?
I don't know,
but he wants a cab.

Get a load of the outfit on him.
Yeah, but you know
how the air force is.

It must be
their new dress uniform.

[Squeaking]
Will you come out of there, Grandpa,
and change back into yourself?

He's probably sulking
because the airline made him ride
back in the baggage compartment.

Please, Grandpa,
I'll never trade you
for a rotten, old squirrel again.

Maybe we should give him
a piece of cheese.

Maybe we oughta give her
a piece of cheese.

It's not a her. It's a him.
Will you keep out of it?
We know what we're doing.

[Herman]
Grandpa.

How can you be there
when you're here?

Well, I just flew in
from Washington.

Herman, you grabbed the wrong bat
out of the laboratory.

That's Cleo, a female bat...

who they were gonna send up
into orbit with me.

Gee, Grandpa.
It's nice to have you back.

Oh, Grandpa,
we're glad you're home.
[Laughs]

You're telling me.
You know, I'm as patriotic
as the next fellow,

but I'm not anxious
to be the first bat on the moon.

[Squeaking]

Look! Igor's back.

[Laughing]

[Squeaking]

[Chortles]

Well, look how that
old rascal's going for Cleo.

[Marilyn]
Isn't it romantic?

I always thought that bat
was part wolf.

Grandpa, what are they talking about?

Well...
[Clears Throat]
Excuse me, Eddie.

Herman,

I think it's about time you had
a little father-and-son talk
with Eddie here.

You know, about the, uh,
bats and the bees.

[Mouthing Words]

[Whispering]