All language subtitles for The Munsters S01E15 (Hermans Rival)

[Slurping]

No more, Kitty.

[Sighs]
You're getting
the appetite of a lion.

[Roars]

Marilyn? Marilyn?
Oh, it's terrible.

It's a disaster.
Well, what's wrong, Aunt Lily?

We'll be disgraced, ruined,
wiped off the face of the earth.

Your Uncle Herman
is overdrawn at the bank.

Uncle Herman?
I can't believe it.

Down through history
this only happened once before
in our family...

when Grandpa overdrew
his account at the blood bank.

Did Uncle Herman
say anything about this?

Oh, no. He's too proud.

Why, if he found out
that we knew he was broke,

he'd never be able to
look himself in the face again.

Well, maybe Grandpa could
help us out. He's very well off.

He was. He was.
But you know the expression
"You can't take it with you"?

Well, Grandpa did.

The only trouble was...

he forgot to bring it back.

Herman, say it isn't so.
Say I heard you wrong.

Grandpa, you heard me right.

Ah, I lent $5,000 to Lester.

You lent money
to my son, Lester?

Herman. Herman,

please help me sit down.

You look terrible.
All the blood's drained
out of your eyeballs.

Quick, Herman.
Mix me something.

There. Put in that stuff
in... in the blue beaker first.

Yeah. And then that little jar
with the green stuff.

Yeah. And... And then that...
that yellow stuff in the beaker.

A-And top it off
with that white stuff...
that white stuff in the jar. Yeah.

[Fizzing]

[Liquid Gurgles]

[Sighs]

Ooh. Oh, there's nothing like
a little celery tonic
to make you just right.

Grandpa,

do you think Lester would
lose that money?

It was an investment.
H-He said it was a sure thing.

Herman, you'd better not
let Lily hear about it.

She'll be furious.

That Lester is a born loser.

You remember that time
he was gonna promote
the Patriot of the Year Award...

for Benedict Arnold?

And that advertising slogan
he was gonna make
a million dollars with...

"Don't be half safe...
take the Titanic. '"

Grandpa,

are you trying to tell me
that your son Lester is...

somewhat lacking
in business acumen?

No, no.

I'm just trying to tell you
that he's a bum!

Aunt Lily, how noble of you to go out
and get a job to help Uncle Herman
when he's so broke.

Oh, Marilyn, the women of our family
have always stood behind our men.

We've always been ready
to put our head on the block
and our shoulder to the tombstone.

Well, what kind of job
are you gonna take, Aunt Lily?

Well, I found the address
of this employment agency
in the newspaper.

I thought I'd go down
and see what they have to offer.

Oh, and, Marilyn, be sure
not to say a word
to your Uncle Herman.

I don't want the poor lamb
ever to know.

Oh, I won't say a thing.

[Wind Howling]

Well, we'll notify you
if anything turns up.

Next.
[Door Opens]

Uh, won't you sit down, please?

Thank you.

Oh. Sorry.

Name?
Mrs. Lily Munster.

Lily...
But, uh, if you don't mind,

I'd rather use my maiden name.

Well, that's entirely up to you.
Uh, what is your maiden name?

Dracula.

Dracula?
That's a...

unusual name.

Not at all.
Back in the Old Country
the woods are full of them.

I don't want my husband
to know that I'm working.

Yes. Of course.

- Age?
- 137.

No, no. Not your weight.
Your age.

That is my age.

Uh, what, uh...

What kind of wor... uh...
work have you done before?

Well, during the war,
I did some volunteer work.

In a defense plant?
No, I was an airplane spotter.

Oh. Yes, you stood on the roof,
and you watched for planes
with binoculars.

No, I sat in the dungeon
and watched for planes
with a crystal ball.

Oh, it was quite exciting to help out.

Grandpa used to fly test patterns for us.

H-He had his own plane?

Why would he need a plane just to fly?

[Man]
Mr. Haggerty.

Mr. Haggerty,
a new job just came in.
Uh, I'll take it myself.

Calm yourself, Mr. Haggerty.
You're quivering.

Oh, no, no, no.
No, I'll... I'll be all right, Fred.

Now, uh, what about this new job?

Well, a gypsy tearoom called.
They want somebody to read palms.

I told them naturally we couldn't
fill a position like that...
You won't believe this, Fred, but...

I think we can handle it.

What?

Madam.

- Did you ever read palms?
- Read palms?

Why, of course.
Doesn't everybody?

You're leaving for the parlor
early today, pussycat.

Uh, we're going to have a meeting.
We've gotta go out and drum up
some new business.

Uh, no more of this waiting around
for people to drop over.

Don't worry, dear.
Everything will turn out just fine.

Remember, every silver cloud
has a dark lining.

Thank you, dear.
It's little inspirational thoughts
like that that keep me going.

He's gone.

Now, if I'm not home in time,
you put the cauldron on to boil.

Maybe I ought to quit school
and get a job too, Aunt Lily.
Oh, no. No, no.

You need an education.
You'd be surprised at the number of men
who will marry a girl for her brains.

Well, is the work hard at your job?

Very easy.
Why, I could read palms
with my eyes closed.

Ramon is very pleased with my work.
Ramon?

He's the owner of the tearoom.
Well, what is Ramon like?

Well, he looks a little bit
like Cary Grant. Poor man.

I better get going.
Now, I'll be home
before your Uncle Herman.

Well, now,
if Uncle Herman knew
you were working for a man,

don't you think
he'd hit the ceiling?

No, no.
He doesn't do that anymore.

The last time he did,
the rain came in, ruined the rug.

[Wind Howling]

[Door Closes]

Hi. Anybody home?

Oh.
What are you doing home?

I thought you just left
for the parlor.

I did, but things are
awfully quiet down there.

Uh, you can't tell the salesmen
from the customers.

So I decided to take the day off.
Well, that's the way it goes
in your business.

You know, you can't always
operate in the black.

Uh, Lily...

She's not home.

Where is she?

Uh, Herman...
[Clears Throat]
I'd like to talk to you.

Sit down.
Go ahead.

Now, Herman, I wasn't
going to tell you about this,

but I think it's best for all concerned
that it be brought out into the open.

Now, I've been watching Lily
for the past few days.

She's been leaving the house
just after you do...

and doesn't get back
until just before you come in.

Uh... Uh... Uh, where does she go?

Well, that's just it.
She doesn't say.

Well, she's probably just
going shopping or something.

Wearing her best clothes?
Her finest jewelry?

Her most exotic perfume...
Chanel Number 13?

Grandpa, I just couldn't believe
that Lily would do anything wrong.

Oh, I don't either,

but if you did suspect
something was wrong,

I have a little plan
that would enable both of us...

Grandpa!

A-Are you suggesting
that I would stoop so low as to...

check up on Lily?
That's just what I'm doing.

What's your plan?
Right.

Tomorrow morning
you leave for work just as usual.

And then I will be able
to go down outside...

Grandpa. Uh, uh, uh,
she just went by.

I know. I saw her.

Good morning, Ramon.
Buenos d�as, se�ora.

Herman, your wife just
went into that tearoom
with a man.

I know.
Doesn't that
strike you as strange?

Yes, it does.
She's never been a tea drinker.

Herman,
let's you and I sit down here
and have a little talk.

You know, Lily,
I can't tell you how pleased
my wife and I are...

at the way
you've been reading palms.

Oh, thank you.
You've both been so kind to me.
[Metal Clanking]

Look at that manhole cover.

I never saw that happen before.

I hope there's nothing down in there
getting ready to explode.

Lily, things are a little slow today.

I thought maybe if the passersby
saw you sitting here in the window
reading my husband's palm,

we might stir up a little action.

I'd be glad to.
I'll get you some hot tea.

Well, 20 years in the tearoom business
and I've never had my palm read. Huh?

Oh.
[Chuckles]
Well, now.

Let me see.

Can you see her?

Yeah. I can see her.

Can you see what they're doing?

Yes, I can see what they're doing.

- They're holding hands.
- Why would they be doing that?

Well, l... I don't think
they're exchanging fraternity grips.

I always like to check both hands.

Can you see
what they're doing now?

He's holding both her hands.

Grandpa. Uh... Uh, you...
you know something?

- What?
- They don't even have any tea on the table.

I've seen enough.
Let's get out of here.

It's okay with me.

[Crash]

What was that?
Uh, perhaps something did explode.

What did you have to
go and do that for?

Herman, this is no time
to be writing a letter to Dear Abby.

That tearoom Casanova
is moving in on your wife.

Uh... Uh... Grandpa,
let's keep a cool head.

It's just that I want to
give Lily a chance to come to me
and explain the whole story.

Uncle Herman,
you're here.

Yes, I'm here.
Why shouldn't I be?

Uh, this is still my house,
isn't it?

Yes, but I'm surprised to see you.

Oh, by the way,
Uncle Lester called,

and he's very anxious
to get in touch with you.

Oh? Uh, it's probably
about the, uh, m-o-n-e-y.

Uh, Marilyn, dear, we have
a more important matter
to discuss right now.

Uh, I'll talk to
Cousin Lester later.

[Door Opens]

Oh.
Aunt Lily.

Hello, Marilyn. Oh, I was so afraid
I wouldn't get home before Herman
that I practically ra...

Oh.

Well, hello, dear.

Can you spare it?

Uh, aren't you home rather early?

Uh, husbands are
apt to do that occasionally.

Come home unexpectedly.

Can I make a cup of tea for anybody?

Uh, Grandpa,
why don't you relax?

I'll go in right now
and fix some supper.

Uh, Lily.
Yes, Herman?

Uh, Lily, I'm not one to pry,

but I was just wondering
where you've been today.

Who, me?

Oh, well,
I just went downtown... shopping.

Oh, shopping.
Uh, did you see anything you liked?

Oh, my, yes. At this time of the year
there are all kinds of goodies
to catch a girl's eye.

[Clears Throat]
Well, I was just, uh...

I was just wondering if you did
anything unusual today.

No. No, I didn't do anything today
that I haven't done every day
for the past two weeks.

Come on, Marilyn.

Well, that does it.
I'm going right down
to that tearoom...

and have it out
with that home-wrecker
face-to-face.

Good boy.
Uh, but there's just
one thing, Grandpa.

This may lead to bloodshed.

Ooh, Herman.
This is no time to be looking
at the bright side.

Get down there.

[Chuckles]

Uh, just a moment.

Aunt Lily,
Cousin Lester's on the phone.

I wonder what he wants.

I haven't heard from him
since the last time
he went bankrupt.

Hello.
Lily, this is your brother, Lester.
Is Herman there?

No. He... He just went out
for a little walk.

Well, I guess it's all right
to tell you now, Lily.

A while back
Herman loaned me $5,000.

And now a big deal
has come through for me,
so I have the money to pay him back.

Herman loaned you $5,000?

That's right.
I'm coming right over there
with the money now.

Uh...

So that's why
our bank account is empty.

I'm gonna tell Grandpa.

Grandpa.
I'm busy down in the lab.!

Well, drop whatever you're doing
and come on up here.

[Explosion]

And so, thinking that
Herman was broke, I got this job
reading palms in the tearoom.

[Chuckles]
So that accounts for that fellow
we saw holding your hand.

Right.
[Laughs]

And all the time I was just
reading his palm.

Oh, the joke is on us.

Oh, no.
What's the matter,
Grandpa?

Herman is on his way over
to have it out with that fellow
you worked for.

Oh, that's terrible.
I'd better phone Ramon
and warn him.

[Phone Ringing]

Hello.

Oh, yes, Lily.

What?

Your husband's coming over
to do what?

Now, Lily... Now, now, now.
Lily, don't you worry.

No. My wife's gone home,
but, uh, I've handled
jealous husbands before.

Mmm. What sort of
a looking fellow is he?

Tall, good-looking,
average typical family man.

All right. Fine, Lily.
Lily. Lily, now don't you worry
about a thing.

Good-bye.

Is everything okay, Lily?
Well, he said
not to worry about a thing,

but I think we ought to
go over there just in case.

Aunt Lily, is something wrong?

We have to go out
for a while, Marilyn.

Now, when Cousin Lester comes,
you ask him to meet us
at the Golden Earrings Tearoom.

Chihuahua.

Uh, uh, please, sir,
I have to talk to you.

Uh, uh, please, sir.
I have an important matter
to discuss with you.

Now look here.
I just want to...

[Groans]

Oh, dear. Oh, my goodness.
I must have spoken too harshly to him.

Mister.

Mister?

Uh, uh, say, mister.

Uh, look.
Uh, uh, uh, mister...

We're too late.
Herman clobbered him.

Mister, uh,
I wouldn't have hurt you.

But, you see, I was a little upset.

And you'd be upset too
if your wife,

the loveliest person
in the whole world,

uh, uh, started
falling out of love with you...

and started chasing after
somebody else, you see?

We... Mister?

Uh, mister.

You're... You're not even listening.

Herman. Herman, I'm listening.

And believe me,
he doesn't mean anything to me.

I was just working for him...
reading palms.

Herman, Lily knows all about
you lending money to Lester,

but everything's okay now
because he's on his way over
to pay you back.

Well...

You mean you thought
I was broke?

Th-That's why
you came to work here?

That's right.

Lily.
Oh, Herman.

Baby doll.
Pussycat.

[Mutters]

Sister, dear.

I'm here!

Oh, Lester!
Lily!

Oh, my baby brother.
Herman!

Lester, you're a sight for sore eyes.

My boy!
Daddy!

[All Laughing]

[Groans]

And according to this line,
you will live a long and prosperous life
with the woman you love.

Golly.

Oh, uh... uh, don't quit now.

More fortune-telling?
No, more hand-holding.