All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S04E22 - Wedding Balls (480p DVD x265 Silence)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:10,112 Hey, Hazel! Hey! 2 00:00:11,733 --> 00:00:15,759 Keep it down. We're trying to watch "Oz" on HBO Ol? 3 00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:19,408 Prison love is so much hotter in Spanish 4 00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,151 His manacles are saying, "no," 5 00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:24,114 but his eyes are saying "si, si, si!" 6 00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:26,856 Grace, you've got popcorn all over your lap! 7 00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:28,014 Will, you don't have to-- 8 00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:33,553 Whoa, whoa! Oh, oh, oh! 9 00:00:34,257 --> 00:00:37,191 I spilled some, too 10 00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:41,967 All right, now-- Now no more TV till you clean your room 11 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,528 You're a mean mom 12 00:00:45,528 --> 00:00:47,676 Look, Alison and Bob are staying here this weekend 13 00:00:47,676 --> 00:00:52,073 and I'd just like to hide the fact that we live like rats in a bowling alley 14 00:00:52,073 --> 00:00:54,691 Not Alison and Bob 15 00:00:54,691 --> 00:01:00,216 I hate Alison and Bob Do I know Alison and Bob? 16 00:01:00,835 --> 00:01:02,977 Alison's my cousin from L.A 17 00:01:02,977 --> 00:01:05,000 She and her husband are gonna get married here in New York 18 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,537 so they're flying in to plan the wedding 19 00:01:07,537 --> 00:01:12,117 Ok So, let me get this gay... 20 00:01:12,918 --> 00:01:16,143 you have people coming over and they're staying here? 21 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:16,991 Yeah 22 00:01:16,991 --> 00:01:21,424 Yet when I have people come over they can't stay here? 23 00:01:21,424 --> 00:01:23,445 - Right - Am I crazy? 24 00:01:23,445 --> 00:01:27,168 Is any of this making sense to anyone? Anyone? 25 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,042 It's simple, Jack 26 00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:30,433 My people are responsible and respectful 27 00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:34,298 whereas your people have been known to pee in the corner 28 00:01:35,614 --> 00:01:36,934 I'm sorry 29 00:01:36,934 --> 00:01:40,790 Unlike your thighs that argument doesn't retain water 30 00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:44,094 So now, here's your chance to make it up to me 31 00:01:44,094 --> 00:01:46,420 I have an aunt and uncle coming into town 32 00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:49,898 I'd put them up but they're not attractive 33 00:01:49,898 --> 00:01:51,862 Can they stay here? 34 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,969 Like you even have to ask 35 00:01:53,969 --> 00:01:56,228 Of course not 36 00:01:56,228 --> 00:01:57,424 You know what? I am sick of this! 37 00:01:57,424 --> 00:02:00,169 I don't know why I stay in this abusive relationship 38 00:02:00,169 --> 00:02:03,679 Oh, well, you must be Alison Pbbt! 39 00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:06,049 What was that? 40 00:02:06,049 --> 00:02:09,625 His mother accidentally dropped him on his head when he was a baby... 41 00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,626 and then again on purpose last week 42 00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:12,824 - Oh, ok - Hey 43 00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:14,363 - How are you, buddy? - Good to see you 44 00:02:14,363 --> 00:02:17,467 I've haven't seen you in so long God, we have so much to catch up on 45 00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:19,543 - You still a lawyer? - You still an agent? 46 00:02:19,543 --> 00:02:22,099 - Yeah - Yeah 47 00:02:23,264 --> 00:02:24,900 And we're caught up 48 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,436 Let me get you a beer Where's Alison? 49 00:02:26,436 --> 00:02:27,939 Oh, Ally can't fly for a couple days 50 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,958 Ear infection Got it from the cat 51 00:02:29,958 --> 00:02:32,359 "Look, honey Radford's licking my ear." 52 00:02:32,359 --> 00:02:34,886 Next thing you know that ear is so full of pus that it's-- 53 00:02:34,886 --> 00:02:36,855 Oh, pus, good 54 00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:39,248 Got it. Yeah, so you'll be-- You'll be planning the whole thing by yourself? 55 00:02:39,248 --> 00:02:41,376 Yeah, I registered for the gifts 56 00:02:41,376 --> 00:02:43,056 Oh. Yeah I'm really excited 57 00:02:43,551 --> 00:02:46,185 I'm so screwed I'm clueless without her 58 00:02:46,394 --> 00:02:47,985 I need a woman to help me 59 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:52,493 - Well, I'm pretty busy, but I can-- - No, I meant a woman with, you know 60 00:02:52,493 --> 00:02:54,374 - woman parts - Right 61 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:57,473 Alison has taste and class and style 62 00:02:57,473 --> 00:02:59,426 Where am I gonna find a woman like that? 63 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:01,665 Holy crap! 64 00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:05,836 I just found a huge ball of hair and dust under my night stand 65 00:03:05,836 --> 00:03:09,110 It was like pulling out my own head 66 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,958 What? 67 00:03:13,958 --> 00:03:18,088 �� & �׷��̽� 4���� ���Ǽҵ� 21 (Wedding Balls) 68 00:03:36,239 --> 00:03:37,925 - Is this your card? - No 69 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:39,219 - Is this your card? - No 70 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,621 - Is this your card? - No 71 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,793 - Is this your card? - No 72 00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:43,046 - Is this your card? - I can't remember 73 00:03:43,046 --> 00:03:43,797 Ta da! 74 00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:49,261 That is so freaky, Karen How did you do that? 75 00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,526 Oh, sorry, honey 76 00:03:51,526 --> 00:03:56,719 A magician-- like a prostitute-- never reveals her tricks 77 00:03:58,324 --> 00:04:00,378 Karen, take me to lunch 78 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:05,249 I'm in the mood for a Cobb salad with a side of thousand-dollar shopping 79 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,259 Can't. Will's coming over He's got something for me to sign 80 00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:10,401 Oh! Will! 81 00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:12,107 Do not say that name I am furious with him 82 00:04:12,107 --> 00:04:14,219 Furious, I tell you! 83 00:04:14,742 --> 00:04:15,581 Why? 84 00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:19,938 I can sum it up in one word-- He doesn't respect me 85 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,017 Ooh, I've got a nice idea 86 00:04:22,017 --> 00:04:23,750 Why don't we be cold and bitchy to him? 87 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:27,533 You know, like I was to the losers on the playground when I was a kid... 88 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:31,027 and yesterday at Olivia's kick ball game 89 00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:33,135 That's brill 90 00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:34,593 We'll freeze Will out 91 00:04:34,593 --> 00:04:36,036 God, Karen sometimes I love you so much 92 00:04:36,036 --> 00:04:37,569 I could conk you over the head with a coconut 93 00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,309 and drag you into my fireplace! 94 00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:43,491 Oh, honey... 95 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:46,146 you're gonna make me mnpretend to cry 96 00:04:46,604 --> 00:04:47,759 That's so sweet 97 00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:49,996 Ladies 98 00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:52,000 - Hmm! - Hmm! 99 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:52,851 Ok 100 00:04:53,315 --> 00:04:55,590 Karen, here's that paperwork we talked about 101 00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:57,396 It prevents your house staff from making any legal claims 102 00:04:57,396 --> 00:04:58,581 against you for mistreatment 103 00:04:58,581 --> 00:05:01,888 So, as long as God's looking the other way, we should be fine 104 00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:06,382 Oh, Jack could you come here for a moment? 105 00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:10,963 What are you doing? 106 00:05:10,963 --> 00:05:12,880 Excuse me, we're talking! 107 00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:18,399 I hear all of Will's ties are made out of boogers 108 00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:23,232 I hear he got a boredom woody during study hall 109 00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:26,022 Oh, I get it 110 00:05:26,022 --> 00:05:28,421 You're bitchy school girls trying to snub me 111 00:05:28,421 --> 00:05:31,244 If only there was some way I could turn my pain into grim determination 112 00:05:31,244 --> 00:05:32,690 and become a wildly successful lawyer 113 00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:36,849 while the two bitchy girls grow up to become two bitchy women 114 00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:44,379 Someone's got a big vocabulary and a little dictionary 115 00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:49,665 Just give me a signature 116 00:05:49,665 --> 00:05:50,860 The sooner you get that over with 117 00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:53,242 the sooner you two Heathers can get back to your heathering 118 00:05:53,242 --> 00:05:55,244 Hey! Listen! 119 00:05:55,244 --> 00:05:57,567 Don't you tell me what to do! 120 00:05:57,567 --> 00:06:01,572 Or I will rip you a new-- hold on a second 121 00:06:01,572 --> 00:06:03,546 You're reading The Marriage of Equals?! 122 00:06:03,546 --> 00:06:05,770 So am I 123 00:06:05,770 --> 00:06:09,235 - You're reading The Marriage of Equals? - Yes, honey, I love this book! 124 00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,337 Look, I can't put it down 125 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,873 Me, neither! 126 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,687 Hmm! 127 00:06:14,687 --> 00:06:17,480 You know, I have been dying to talk to somebody about this book 128 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,265 Oh Me, too 129 00:06:19,265 --> 00:06:21,160 You know, I was gonna have my staff read it 130 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,409 but I was worried that knowledge leads to freedom 131 00:06:25,662 --> 00:06:28,955 You know, that is so something Diane would say 132 00:06:31,388 --> 00:06:32,837 Look, I gotta go 133 00:06:32,837 --> 00:06:34,119 but, you know if you ever want to get together 134 00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:36,304 and talk about the book you just call me 135 00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:36,992 You know, honey 136 00:06:36,992 --> 00:06:39,365 - I think I will - Ok 137 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,889 Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! 138 00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:45,442 I think your poodle needs to piddle 139 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,431 Ok, here we go 140 00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:54,536 Why don't we start with something simple 141 00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:57,174 like wine glasses 142 00:06:57,893 --> 00:07:00,170 - Come on, Bob - Ok 143 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,609 You just-- just trust your instincts, ok? 144 00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:07,653 You know what Alison likes You cannot make a mistake 145 00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:13,240 - I kind of like this set-- - Ooh 146 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:14,523 What? 147 00:07:14,523 --> 00:07:16,531 Uh, nothing 148 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,459 Oh, maybe this one's better-- 149 00:07:19,459 --> 00:07:21,408 I can't do it Take this. Take it 150 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:25,361 This is exactly why Alison doesn't like me 151 00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,394 Ok, but these are your gifts 152 00:07:28,394 --> 00:07:31,437 If there is anything that you do not like you just-- you say it, ok? 153 00:07:31,437 --> 00:07:35,106 Ok. Ok Now. Now, see 154 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,134 I-- I think these are nice 155 00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:38,276 - What do you think? - Yeah. Sure 156 00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:39,398 Ok Great, see? 157 00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:43,545 Oh! Oh! That's good Ok, um, and-- 158 00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:45,250 and you need some salad plates 'cause they're the perfect size 159 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,842 - for Cinnabuns - Ok 160 00:07:49,014 --> 00:07:50,590 Oh, serving plates? Such a scam 161 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,939 No one ever uses them You need 6 162 00:07:56,013 --> 00:07:58,861 Ok. Ok Oh! Ok 163 00:07:58,861 --> 00:08:04,333 Toaster , roaster coaster , shmo-ster 164 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,162 Ok, I'm not delusional 165 00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:08,771 I know it's a blender I just had a thing going 166 00:08:08,771 --> 00:08:09,722 Ooh 167 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,960 Wrap him up I'll take him to go 168 00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:25,928 Hey, Will Hey, Grace 169 00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:31,091 Karen... this isn't Grace This is a bag of garbage 170 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:37,363 Oh, silly me How could I make that mistake... 171 00:08:37,363 --> 00:08:39,368 twice 172 00:08:40,665 --> 00:08:41,934 Hey, so where are you in the book? 173 00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:45,190 Oh! Diane just found out about Mark's affair 174 00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,893 - Wait till you find out who it's with - Oh, honey, I know who it's with! 175 00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,497 You think you do, but you don't 176 00:08:49,497 --> 00:08:50,456 - It's not-- - Uh-uh 177 00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:51,619 - Is it-- - Maybe 178 00:08:51,619 --> 00:08:55,409 Oh! You little book tease 179 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,070 No, but listen, though I really have to ask you something 180 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,571 I did not understand the part 181 00:08:59,571 --> 00:09:02,106 where Diane blacked out in the middle of an argument 182 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,163 and woke up spooning her maid 183 00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:05,391 What--? 184 00:09:07,091 --> 00:09:08,081 She didn't, you did 185 00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:15,528 Yeah, that makes more sense 186 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:18,389 Hey... listen, you want to come in? 187 00:09:18,389 --> 00:09:21,676 I could open up a bottle of wine talk about the book 188 00:09:22,148 --> 00:09:23,859 Honey, that's a nice idea Thank you 189 00:09:23,859 --> 00:09:27,670 I'm coming down, anyway so it'll make for a nice, soft landing 190 00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,388 Oh, hey, Kar Come on, let's go 191 00:09:30,388 --> 00:09:31,819 We're gonna go to Bea Arthur's one-woman show 192 00:09:31,819 --> 00:09:34,875 and yell out "Maude!" 193 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,383 - Oh. Right - That's ok. We'll do it another time 194 00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:41,422 Oh, but honey, I'm dying to find out about Diane and Mark 195 00:09:41,422 --> 00:09:42,595 It is so great 196 00:09:42,595 --> 00:09:45,094 At one point in the argument I mean, you're totally on Diane's side 197 00:09:45,094 --> 00:09:48,684 And then it turns, and you find yourself completely sympathizing with Mark 198 00:09:48,684 --> 00:09:52,480 It's exactly the way I felt about the Meg Ryan/Dennis Quaid relationship 199 00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:56,187 God, are you guys still talking about that stupid book? 200 00:09:56,187 --> 00:09:57,480 I swear, the way you go on about it 201 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,970 you'd think it had pictures of naked men frolicking 202 00:10:01,432 --> 00:10:02,863 Does it? 203 00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,009 All right, I knew it was stupid 204 00:10:04,009 --> 00:10:04,848 Come on, Karen, let's go We're gonna be late 205 00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:07,660 Honey, honey, honey I'm gonna take a rain check, ok? 206 00:10:07,660 --> 00:10:10,304 I just really need to find out about this one part 207 00:10:10,773 --> 00:10:12,595 But I don't want to go the show alone 208 00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:16,160 Well, uh, here, take Grace 209 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,265 Ok, invitations? Done 210 00:10:29,265 --> 00:10:30,783 Flowers? Done 211 00:10:30,783 --> 00:10:32,266 And I've narrowed it down to two bands-- 212 00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:36,858 either a Kool and the Gang tribute band or Kool and the Gang 213 00:10:38,461 --> 00:10:39,885 Now, about the cake? 214 00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:42,622 Yeah. Can we go back to the flowers just for a second? 215 00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:43,593 Why? 216 00:10:43,593 --> 00:10:45,345 I just wasn't sure about the calla lilies 217 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,616 - I am - Ok 218 00:10:47,616 --> 00:10:49,506 Ok, now, the cake 219 00:10:49,506 --> 00:10:51,851 I have samples from six bakeries 220 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,425 Whoa, whoa, whoa Is there ice cream cake? 221 00:10:55,558 --> 00:10:59,171 Yeah. We're gonna have it right under the piata 222 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,367 What is this, your 10th birthday? 223 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,007 No, no You are going to love these 224 00:11:05,007 --> 00:11:08,615 Ok, here we go 225 00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:14,116 Mmm~~~ 226 00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:21,693 - Oh, are they good? - Oh, fantastic 227 00:11:21,693 --> 00:11:22,474 Oh! 228 00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,958 Oh, my God 229 00:11:27,196 --> 00:11:31,142 Oh, carrot cake Boo 230 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:37,008 Oh, hello, Will. Perfect timing I'm picking out my cake! 231 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,267 Slow down there, Augustus Gloop 232 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,913 You don't want to get sucked up into the pipe 233 00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:46,888 Sorry 234 00:11:46,888 --> 00:11:49,096 I say we go for the chocolate 235 00:11:49,096 --> 00:11:51,716 Oh, wait Alison's allergic to chocolate 236 00:11:51,716 --> 00:11:54,983 They can make her a fruit plate 237 00:11:56,971 --> 00:12:01,479 Oh, that is so good All right, I need milk 238 00:12:01,726 --> 00:12:04,964 - You, uh... you ok there, Bob? - Oh, yeah, yeah 239 00:12:04,964 --> 00:12:08,753 Grace is amazing Although she can get a little scary 240 00:12:08,753 --> 00:12:10,849 Don't tell her I said that 241 00:12:10,849 --> 00:12:13,122 Yeah, just hold on-- hold on a sec 242 00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:20,250 What? I'm gonna finish it 243 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,000 You having fun planning the wedding? 244 00:12:23,416 --> 00:12:25,188 - Yeah - You're doing a great job 245 00:12:25,188 --> 00:12:25,901 Thanks 246 00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,275 It's gonna be a lot easier when Alison gets here 247 00:12:27,275 --> 00:12:29,729 - Who? - That's what I thought 248 00:12:33,331 --> 00:12:34,505 I know it's just a book signing 249 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:37,080 but I had the hardest time trying to figure out what to wear 250 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,456 I must have changed my shirt, like, 8 times 251 00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:41,467 I guess I just want her to like me 252 00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:44,165 I don't know why 253 00:12:44,165 --> 00:12:45,156 What are you doing? 254 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:49,765 Oh, I can't remember which one of these I put the booze behind 255 00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,929 Karen, this isn't your home this is-- 256 00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:53,918 Oh, here we go 257 00:12:53,918 --> 00:12:58,693 Ahh, yes Right here in self help 258 00:12:59,132 --> 00:13:01,808 Hi, everybody I'm Rita Pigeon 259 00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:03,447 Thank you 260 00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:06,577 And thank you for coming out today and supporting my book 261 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:10,956 I hope you all appreciate the irony of my title, The Marriage of Equals 262 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,884 My editor didn't think it would sell as well 263 00:13:12,884 --> 00:13:17,377 if I used my original title Women Are Just Better 264 00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:18,227 She's funny 265 00:13:18,227 --> 00:13:21,376 Now, before I read are there any questions? 266 00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:23,916 Honey, I want to ask one 267 00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:24,437 Ok 268 00:13:27,063 --> 00:13:31,399 Hi, my name is Anastasia Beaverhausen 269 00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:37,299 Tell me, did you intend the reader to have an erotic reaction 270 00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:40,975 to the grizzly murder of the well-muscled handyman? 271 00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:42,794 Did you have one? 272 00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,766 I had 3 273 00:13:47,096 --> 00:13:49,528 - Then yes - Ok 274 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,381 Uh, sir, you had a question? 275 00:13:53,154 --> 00:13:54,182 Karen, what are you doing here? 276 00:13:54,182 --> 00:13:56,932 We had important plans to go get bikini waxes 277 00:13:56,932 --> 00:13:58,716 - Poodle, not now - Yes, now! 278 00:13:58,716 --> 00:14:01,811 I've been steaming my genitals all day 279 00:14:01,811 --> 00:14:05,457 It cuts down the irritation on my wenis 280 00:14:07,035 --> 00:14:07,716 Come on, let's go 281 00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:09,310 - She wants to stay - She wants to go 282 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,545 - She wants to stay - She wants to go 283 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,324 She wants to stay 284 00:14:11,324 --> 00:14:15,109 Now, go faster and talk dirty 285 00:14:15,807 --> 00:14:16,617 - Shh! - What? 286 00:14:16,617 --> 00:14:18,110 Oh, suddenly, you know what's best for her? 287 00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,687 What, you couldn't go find a real person to hang out with 288 00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:20,482 so you get Karen? 289 00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:21,264 Ah! 290 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:23,457 I'm sorry, sir do you have a question? 291 00:14:23,457 --> 00:14:26,116 Yes, sir, I have a question 292 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,163 Why does your book tear people apart? 293 00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:32,435 - I don't think it does - I think it does, Maude! 294 00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,192 Maybe you could be a little more specific in your analysis 295 00:14:35,192 --> 00:14:38,607 Oh, don't try to confuse us by speaking French 296 00:14:39,438 --> 00:14:40,678 Because of your book 297 00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:43,736 my two friends have formed this sick little club... 298 00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,208 and I've tried everything to get back with them 299 00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:48,684 I even came this close to reading the damn thing! 300 00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:50,564 So tell me, sir 301 00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:52,924 how many more people's lives do you intend to ruin 302 00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:54,401 with your-- with your writing 303 00:14:54,401 --> 00:14:56,469 and your poorly selected jacket photo? 304 00:14:56,469 --> 00:14:59,254 - Jack-- - It's too late! 305 00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:06,120 Hey, Bob, it's me 306 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,872 I'm at the bridal shop Where are you? 307 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:11,858 Really? What are you doing? 308 00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,803 No No morning coats 309 00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:16,588 No. No ascots 310 00:15:16,588 --> 00:15:18,577 No No tails 311 00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:20,025 Ok, sweetie? 312 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:25,917 You pick out whatever you want as long as it rhymes with regular tuxedo 313 00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,763 Ok. Bye 314 00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:28,688 Hi 315 00:15:28,688 --> 00:15:32,280 I am here to pick up a veil--Alison Polette 316 00:15:32,789 --> 00:15:36,394 Here you go They really did a lovely job 317 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,721 Yeah, they did 318 00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:39,464 Want to try it on with the dress? 319 00:15:39,464 --> 00:15:41,913 Oh, I--I couldn't That wouldn't be right 320 00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:44,256 I'm not even the-- Where's the dressing room? 321 00:15:44,256 --> 00:15:45,565 Right back there 322 00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:50,132 - Oh, hi. Hi - Hi 323 00:15:50,132 --> 00:15:53,185 Um, I'm Mona and-- and this is Lucy 324 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,270 And we're not sure what her name is 325 00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:59,269 She got her jaw wired shut so she could fit into her dress 326 00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:04,314 Um, uh, so where do I, uh-- 327 00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:06,931 - Oh, oh. You go behind the screen - Oh. Ok 328 00:16:08,461 --> 00:16:10,585 So, when's the wedding? 329 00:16:10,585 --> 00:16:14,603 Oh, August 10th His mother's birthday 330 00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:17,911 And maybe we'll cut the umbilical cord on that day, too 331 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,891 Oh, honey, I don't know what we're gonna do about Jack 332 00:16:27,891 --> 00:16:29,915 What are you talking about? He's a grown man 333 00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:33,347 He's just gonna have to accept the fact that we're friends 334 00:16:35,355 --> 00:16:36,743 What? 335 00:16:37,272 --> 00:16:39,980 Honey, you called us friends 336 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,473 Well, we are friends 337 00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:46,505 Oh! Oh. Oh, that's rich Come on! 338 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,793 A friend is someone you gossip about 339 00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:52,487 and make out with when your husband's in the hospital 340 00:16:53,339 --> 00:16:55,502 We just read the same book 341 00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:56,601 What do you we were-- 342 00:16:56,601 --> 00:17:00,060 we were hanging out, having fun You showed me your boobs 343 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,603 Honey, I show everyone my boobs 344 00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:03,643 Ok? 345 00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:07,273 I showed Ed Koch my boobs at Starbucks the other day 346 00:17:07,673 --> 00:17:10,679 Back off, desperado! 347 00:17:11,982 --> 00:17:14,185 Well, maybe you were too boozed out to notice 348 00:17:14,185 --> 00:17:16,129 but we had a relationship going! 349 00:17:16,129 --> 00:17:17,542 Save it, lady 350 00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:22,163 I wouldn't be friends with you if you were the last woman on earth! 351 00:17:22,163 --> 00:17:23,923 Why am I even trying to be friends with you, anyway? 352 00:17:23,923 --> 00:17:26,977 No matter how many uppers you take you're still a downer 353 00:17:26,977 --> 00:17:28,343 - Bitch! - Witch! 354 00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,822 - Ho! - Mo! 355 00:17:50,647 --> 00:17:52,751 Will, thanks for bringing me down here! 356 00:17:52,751 --> 00:17:54,259 I know I missed out on everything 357 00:17:54,259 --> 00:17:56,247 but at least I can get fitted for my wedding dress! 358 00:17:56,247 --> 00:17:57,030 Yeah 359 00:17:57,030 --> 00:18:00,137 You're talking really loudly I think your ears are still plugged 360 00:18:00,137 --> 00:18:02,078 What?! 361 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,805 Oh, my god! That dress makes her look like a cow! 362 00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:08,110 Ok, now you're-- now--now you're screaming 363 00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,543 Everybody can hear you 364 00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:10,791 Uh, let me handle this 365 00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:13,048 We're here to pick up a veil for Alison Polette 366 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,215 Oh, Alison's here already She's trying on a dress 367 00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:19,454 - Oh, jeez - There's cheese here? 368 00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:23,864 Uh, Grace, are you in there I hope you're not doing-- 369 00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:26,344 --anything crazy 370 00:18:29,122 --> 00:18:29,642 Hi 371 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,458 - What do you think? - You look beautiful 372 00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:39,260 Really? I think it needs to be taken in 373 00:18:39,872 --> 00:18:43,880 Yeah. Honey, I think maybe you need to be taken in 374 00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,726 Sweetie, look-- Look at me 375 00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:55,784 You're not getting married 376 00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:02,274 I know 377 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,589 I'm never gonna wear one of these things, am I? 378 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,070 Oh. Sweetie You're a beautiful, intelligent woman 379 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:14,635 and somewhere out-- 380 00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:16,571 Don't give me the stock best friend response 381 00:19:16,571 --> 00:19:18,544 Be honest 382 00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:22,472 This may never happen for me 383 00:19:23,014 --> 00:19:25,506 You know what? It--It may not 384 00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:29,153 - Thank you for telling me the truth - You're welcome 385 00:19:29,776 --> 00:19:32,778 Damn, that was harsh What were you thinking? 386 00:19:33,678 --> 00:19:35,585 - What? But-- You just ask me to-- - I don't care 387 00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:36,821 You know me better than that 388 00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,201 The next time I ask you to tell me the truth 389 00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:41,029 you give me the stock best friend response 390 00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:42,199 Ok You're beautiful 391 00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:44,789 you're gonna meet a doctor tomorrow and you'll be married by the weekend 392 00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,338 Thank you 393 00:19:46,338 --> 00:19:49,782 Hi! You must be Grace I'm Alison 394 00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:51,085 - Hi - Hi 395 00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:54,993 Thank you so much for everything Bob's pretty useless, isn't he? 396 00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:57,395 Is that my dress? 397 00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:03,175 - Uh, yeah, I'm taking this right off-- - You know, it's ok, it's ok. I get it 398 00:20:03,175 --> 00:20:07,734 My older sister's single I'll wait outside 399 00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:13,988 So, are you gonna take that off willingly 400 00:20:13,988 --> 00:20:17,274 or do I have to rip it off you like a Benny Hill sketch? 401 00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,692 Just two more minutes? 402 00:20:23,259 --> 00:20:24,991 Oh, sweetie... 403 00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:26,634 No 404 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,726 Thanks 29950

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