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1
00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:10,112
Hey, Hazel!
Hey!
2
00:00:11,733 --> 00:00:15,759
Keep it down. We're trying to
watch "Oz" on HBO Ol?
3
00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:19,408
Prison love is
so much hotter in Spanish
4
00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,151
His manacles are saying, "no,"
5
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:24,114
but his eyes are saying
"si, si, si!"
6
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:26,856
Grace, you've got
popcorn all over your lap!
7
00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:28,014
Will, you don't have to--
8
00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:33,553
Whoa, whoa!
Oh, oh, oh!
9
00:00:34,257 --> 00:00:37,191
I spilled some, too
10
00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:41,967
All right, now-- Now
no more TV till you clean your room
11
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,528
You're a mean mom
12
00:00:45,528 --> 00:00:47,676
Look, Alison and Bob are
staying here this weekend
13
00:00:47,676 --> 00:00:52,073
and I'd just like to hide the fact
that we live like rats in a bowling alley
14
00:00:52,073 --> 00:00:54,691
Not Alison and Bob
15
00:00:54,691 --> 00:01:00,216
I hate Alison and Bob
Do I know Alison and Bob?
16
00:01:00,835 --> 00:01:02,977
Alison's my cousin from L.A
17
00:01:02,977 --> 00:01:05,000
She and her husband are gonna
get married here in New York
18
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,537
so they're flying in
to plan the wedding
19
00:01:07,537 --> 00:01:12,117
Ok
So, let me get this gay...
20
00:01:12,918 --> 00:01:16,143
you have people coming over
and they're staying here?
21
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:16,991
Yeah
22
00:01:16,991 --> 00:01:21,424
Yet when I have people come over
they can't stay here?
23
00:01:21,424 --> 00:01:23,445
- Right
- Am I crazy?
24
00:01:23,445 --> 00:01:27,168
Is any of this making sense
to anyone? Anyone?
25
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,042
It's simple, Jack
26
00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:30,433
My people are responsible
and respectful
27
00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:34,298
whereas your people have been
known to pee in the corner
28
00:01:35,614 --> 00:01:36,934
I'm sorry
29
00:01:36,934 --> 00:01:40,790
Unlike your thighs
that argument doesn't retain water
30
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:44,094
So now, here's your chance
to make it up to me
31
00:01:44,094 --> 00:01:46,420
I have an aunt
and uncle coming into town
32
00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:49,898
I'd put them up
but they're not attractive
33
00:01:49,898 --> 00:01:51,862
Can they stay here?
34
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,969
Like you even have to ask
35
00:01:53,969 --> 00:01:56,228
Of course not
36
00:01:56,228 --> 00:01:57,424
You know what?
I am sick of this!
37
00:01:57,424 --> 00:02:00,169
I don't know why I stay in
this abusive relationship
38
00:02:00,169 --> 00:02:03,679
Oh, well, you must be Alison
Pbbt!
39
00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:06,049
What was that?
40
00:02:06,049 --> 00:02:09,625
His mother accidentally dropped
him on his head when he was a baby...
41
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,626
and then again on purpose last week
42
00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:12,824
- Oh, ok
- Hey
43
00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:14,363
- How are you, buddy?
- Good to see you
44
00:02:14,363 --> 00:02:17,467
I've haven't seen you in so long
God, we have so much to catch up on
45
00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:19,543
- You still a lawyer?
- You still an agent?
46
00:02:19,543 --> 00:02:22,099
- Yeah
- Yeah
47
00:02:23,264 --> 00:02:24,900
And we're caught up
48
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,436
Let me get you a beer
Where's Alison?
49
00:02:26,436 --> 00:02:27,939
Oh, Ally can't fly for a couple days
50
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,958
Ear infection
Got it from the cat
51
00:02:29,958 --> 00:02:32,359
"Look, honey
Radford's licking my ear."
52
00:02:32,359 --> 00:02:34,886
Next thing you know
that ear is so full of pus that it's--
53
00:02:34,886 --> 00:02:36,855
Oh, pus, good
54
00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:39,248
Got it. Yeah, so you'll be-- You'll be
planning the whole thing by yourself?
55
00:02:39,248 --> 00:02:41,376
Yeah, I registered for the gifts
56
00:02:41,376 --> 00:02:43,056
Oh. Yeah
I'm really excited
57
00:02:43,551 --> 00:02:46,185
I'm so screwed
I'm clueless without her
58
00:02:46,394 --> 00:02:47,985
I need a woman to help me
59
00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:52,493
- Well, I'm pretty busy, but I can--
- No, I meant a woman with, you know
60
00:02:52,493 --> 00:02:54,374
- woman parts
- Right
61
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:57,473
Alison has taste
and class and style
62
00:02:57,473 --> 00:02:59,426
Where am I gonna
find a woman like that?
63
00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:01,665
Holy crap!
64
00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:05,836
I just found a huge ball of hair
and dust under my night stand
65
00:03:05,836 --> 00:03:09,110
It was like pulling out my own head
66
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,958
What?
67
00:03:13,958 --> 00:03:18,088
�� & ���̽� 4����
���Ǽҵ� 21 (Wedding Balls)
68
00:03:36,239 --> 00:03:37,925
- Is this your card?
- No
69
00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:39,219
- Is this your card?
- No
70
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,621
- Is this your card?
- No
71
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,793
- Is this your card?
- No
72
00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:43,046
- Is this your card?
- I can't remember
73
00:03:43,046 --> 00:03:43,797
Ta da!
74
00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:49,261
That is so freaky, Karen
How did you do that?
75
00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,526
Oh, sorry, honey
76
00:03:51,526 --> 00:03:56,719
A magician-- like a prostitute--
never reveals her tricks
77
00:03:58,324 --> 00:04:00,378
Karen, take me to lunch
78
00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:05,249
I'm in the mood for a Cobb salad
with a side of thousand-dollar shopping
79
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,259
Can't. Will's coming over
He's got something for me to sign
80
00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:10,401
Oh! Will!
81
00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:12,107
Do not say that name
I am furious with him
82
00:04:12,107 --> 00:04:14,219
Furious, I tell you!
83
00:04:14,742 --> 00:04:15,581
Why?
84
00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:19,938
I can sum it up in one word--
He doesn't respect me
85
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,017
Ooh, I've got a nice idea
86
00:04:22,017 --> 00:04:23,750
Why don't we be cold
and bitchy to him?
87
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:27,533
You know, like I was to the losers
on the playground when I was a kid...
88
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:31,027
and yesterday
at Olivia's kick ball game
89
00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:33,135
That's brill
90
00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:34,593
We'll freeze Will out
91
00:04:34,593 --> 00:04:36,036
God, Karen
sometimes I love you so much
92
00:04:36,036 --> 00:04:37,569
I could conk you over
the head with a coconut
93
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,309
and drag you into my fireplace!
94
00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:43,491
Oh, honey...
95
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:46,146
you're gonna make me
mnpretend to cry
96
00:04:46,604 --> 00:04:47,759
That's so sweet
97
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:49,996
Ladies
98
00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:52,000
- Hmm!
- Hmm!
99
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:52,851
Ok
100
00:04:53,315 --> 00:04:55,590
Karen, here's that paperwork
we talked about
101
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:57,396
It prevents your house staff
from making any legal claims
102
00:04:57,396 --> 00:04:58,581
against you for mistreatment
103
00:04:58,581 --> 00:05:01,888
So, as long as God's looking
the other way, we should be fine
104
00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:06,382
Oh, Jack
could you come here for a moment?
105
00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:10,963
What are you doing?
106
00:05:10,963 --> 00:05:12,880
Excuse me, we're talking!
107
00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:18,399
I hear all of Will's ties
are made out of boogers
108
00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:23,232
I hear he got a boredom woody
during study hall
109
00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:26,022
Oh, I get it
110
00:05:26,022 --> 00:05:28,421
You're bitchy school girls
trying to snub me
111
00:05:28,421 --> 00:05:31,244
If only there was some way
I could turn my pain into grim determination
112
00:05:31,244 --> 00:05:32,690
and become a wildly
successful lawyer
113
00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:36,849
while the two bitchy girls
grow up to become two bitchy women
114
00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:44,379
Someone's got a big vocabulary
and a little dictionary
115
00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:49,665
Just give me a signature
116
00:05:49,665 --> 00:05:50,860
The sooner you get that over with
117
00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:53,242
the sooner you two Heathers can
get back to your heathering
118
00:05:53,242 --> 00:05:55,244
Hey!
Listen!
119
00:05:55,244 --> 00:05:57,567
Don't you tell me what to do!
120
00:05:57,567 --> 00:06:01,572
Or I will rip you a new--
hold on a second
121
00:06:01,572 --> 00:06:03,546
You're reading
The Marriage of Equals?!
122
00:06:03,546 --> 00:06:05,770
So am I
123
00:06:05,770 --> 00:06:09,235
- You're reading The Marriage of Equals?
- Yes, honey, I love this book!
124
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,337
Look, I can't put it down
125
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,873
Me, neither!
126
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,687
Hmm!
127
00:06:14,687 --> 00:06:17,480
You know, I have been dying to
talk to somebody about this book
128
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,265
Oh
Me, too
129
00:06:19,265 --> 00:06:21,160
You know, I was gonna have
my staff read it
130
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,409
but I was worried that
knowledge leads to freedom
131
00:06:25,662 --> 00:06:28,955
You know, that is
so something Diane would say
132
00:06:31,388 --> 00:06:32,837
Look, I gotta go
133
00:06:32,837 --> 00:06:34,119
but, you know
if you ever want to get together
134
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:36,304
and talk about the book
you just call me
135
00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:36,992
You know, honey
136
00:06:36,992 --> 00:06:39,365
- I think I will
- Ok
137
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,889
Hmm! Hmm! Hmm!
138
00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:45,442
I think your poodle needs to piddle
139
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,431
Ok, here we go
140
00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:54,536
Why don't we start
with something simple
141
00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:57,174
like wine glasses
142
00:06:57,893 --> 00:07:00,170
- Come on, Bob
- Ok
143
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,609
You just--
just trust your instincts, ok?
144
00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:07,653
You know what Alison likes
You cannot make a mistake
145
00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:13,240
- I kind of like this set--
- Ooh
146
00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:14,523
What?
147
00:07:14,523 --> 00:07:16,531
Uh, nothing
148
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,459
Oh, maybe this one's better--
149
00:07:19,459 --> 00:07:21,408
I can't do it
Take this. Take it
150
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:25,361
This is exactly
why Alison doesn't like me
151
00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,394
Ok, but these are your gifts
152
00:07:28,394 --> 00:07:31,437
If there is anything that you do not like
you just-- you say it, ok?
153
00:07:31,437 --> 00:07:35,106
Ok. Ok
Now. Now, see
154
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,134
I-- I think these are nice
155
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:38,276
- What do you think?
- Yeah. Sure
156
00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:39,398
Ok
Great, see?
157
00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:43,545
Oh! Oh! That's good
Ok, um, and--
158
00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:45,250
and you need some salad plates
'cause they're the perfect size
159
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,842
- for Cinnabuns
- Ok
160
00:07:49,014 --> 00:07:50,590
Oh, serving plates?
Such a scam
161
00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,939
No one ever uses them
You need 6
162
00:07:56,013 --> 00:07:58,861
Ok. Ok
Oh! Ok
163
00:07:58,861 --> 00:08:04,333
Toaster , roaster coaster , shmo-ster
164
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,162
Ok, I'm not delusional
165
00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:08,771
I know it's a blender
I just had a thing going
166
00:08:08,771 --> 00:08:09,722
Ooh
167
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,960
Wrap him up
I'll take him to go
168
00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:25,928
Hey, Will
Hey, Grace
169
00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:31,091
Karen... this isn't Grace
This is a bag of garbage
170
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:37,363
Oh, silly me
How could I make that mistake...
171
00:08:37,363 --> 00:08:39,368
twice
172
00:08:40,665 --> 00:08:41,934
Hey, so where are you in the book?
173
00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:45,190
Oh! Diane just found out
about Mark's affair
174
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,893
- Wait till you find out who it's with
- Oh, honey, I know who it's with!
175
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,497
You think you do, but you don't
176
00:08:49,497 --> 00:08:50,456
- It's not--
- Uh-uh
177
00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:51,619
- Is it--
- Maybe
178
00:08:51,619 --> 00:08:55,409
Oh! You little book tease
179
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,070
No, but listen, though
I really have to ask you something
180
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,571
I did not understand the part
181
00:08:59,571 --> 00:09:02,106
where Diane blacked out
in the middle of an argument
182
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,163
and woke up spooning her maid
183
00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:05,391
What--?
184
00:09:07,091 --> 00:09:08,081
She didn't, you did
185
00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:15,528
Yeah, that makes more sense
186
00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:18,389
Hey... listen, you want to come in?
187
00:09:18,389 --> 00:09:21,676
I could open up a bottle of wine
talk about the book
188
00:09:22,148 --> 00:09:23,859
Honey, that's a nice idea
Thank you
189
00:09:23,859 --> 00:09:27,670
I'm coming down, anyway
so it'll make for a nice, soft landing
190
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,388
Oh, hey, Kar
Come on, let's go
191
00:09:30,388 --> 00:09:31,819
We're gonna go to
Bea Arthur's one-woman show
192
00:09:31,819 --> 00:09:34,875
and yell out "Maude!"
193
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,383
- Oh. Right
- That's ok. We'll do it another time
194
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:41,422
Oh, but honey, I'm dying to find out
about Diane and Mark
195
00:09:41,422 --> 00:09:42,595
It is so great
196
00:09:42,595 --> 00:09:45,094
At one point in the argument
I mean, you're totally on Diane's side
197
00:09:45,094 --> 00:09:48,684
And then it turns, and you find yourself
completely sympathizing with Mark
198
00:09:48,684 --> 00:09:52,480
It's exactly the way I felt about
the Meg Ryan/Dennis Quaid relationship
199
00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:56,187
God, are you guys still
talking about that stupid book?
200
00:09:56,187 --> 00:09:57,480
I swear, the way you go on about it
201
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,970
you'd think it had pictures of
naked men frolicking
202
00:10:01,432 --> 00:10:02,863
Does it?
203
00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,009
All right, I knew it was stupid
204
00:10:04,009 --> 00:10:04,848
Come on, Karen, let's go
We're gonna be late
205
00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:07,660
Honey, honey, honey
I'm gonna take a rain check, ok?
206
00:10:07,660 --> 00:10:10,304
I just really need to find out
about this one part
207
00:10:10,773 --> 00:10:12,595
But I don't want to
go the show alone
208
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:16,160
Well, uh, here, take Grace
209
00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,265
Ok, invitations?
Done
210
00:10:29,265 --> 00:10:30,783
Flowers?
Done
211
00:10:30,783 --> 00:10:32,266
And I've narrowed it
down to two bands--
212
00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:36,858
either a Kool and the Gang
tribute band or Kool and the Gang
213
00:10:38,461 --> 00:10:39,885
Now, about the cake?
214
00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:42,622
Yeah. Can we go back to
the flowers just for a second?
215
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:43,593
Why?
216
00:10:43,593 --> 00:10:45,345
I just wasn't sure
about the calla lilies
217
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,616
- I am
- Ok
218
00:10:47,616 --> 00:10:49,506
Ok, now, the cake
219
00:10:49,506 --> 00:10:51,851
I have samples from six bakeries
220
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,425
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Is there ice cream cake?
221
00:10:55,558 --> 00:10:59,171
Yeah. We're gonna have it
right under the piata
222
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,367
What is this, your 10th birthday?
223
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,007
No, no
You are going to love these
224
00:11:05,007 --> 00:11:08,615
Ok, here we go
225
00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:14,116
Mmm~~~
226
00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:21,693
- Oh, are they good?
- Oh, fantastic
227
00:11:21,693 --> 00:11:22,474
Oh!
228
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,958
Oh, my God
229
00:11:27,196 --> 00:11:31,142
Oh, carrot cake
Boo
230
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:37,008
Oh, hello, Will. Perfect timing
I'm picking out my cake!
231
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,267
Slow down there, Augustus Gloop
232
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,913
You don't want to get
sucked up into the pipe
233
00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:46,888
Sorry
234
00:11:46,888 --> 00:11:49,096
I say we go for the chocolate
235
00:11:49,096 --> 00:11:51,716
Oh, wait
Alison's allergic to chocolate
236
00:11:51,716 --> 00:11:54,983
They can make her a fruit plate
237
00:11:56,971 --> 00:12:01,479
Oh, that is so good
All right, I need milk
238
00:12:01,726 --> 00:12:04,964
- You, uh... you ok there, Bob?
- Oh, yeah, yeah
239
00:12:04,964 --> 00:12:08,753
Grace is amazing
Although she can get a little scary
240
00:12:08,753 --> 00:12:10,849
Don't tell her I said that
241
00:12:10,849 --> 00:12:13,122
Yeah, just hold on--
hold on a sec
242
00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:20,250
What?
I'm gonna finish it
243
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,000
You having fun planning the wedding?
244
00:12:23,416 --> 00:12:25,188
- Yeah
- You're doing a great job
245
00:12:25,188 --> 00:12:25,901
Thanks
246
00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,275
It's gonna be a lot easier
when Alison gets here
247
00:12:27,275 --> 00:12:29,729
- Who?
- That's what I thought
248
00:12:33,331 --> 00:12:34,505
I know it's just a book signing
249
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:37,080
but I had the hardest time
trying to figure out what to wear
250
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,456
I must have changed
my shirt, like, 8 times
251
00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:41,467
I guess I just want her to like me
252
00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:44,165
I don't know why
253
00:12:44,165 --> 00:12:45,156
What are you doing?
254
00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:49,765
Oh, I can't remember which one of these
I put the booze behind
255
00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,929
Karen, this isn't your home
this is--
256
00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:53,918
Oh, here we go
257
00:12:53,918 --> 00:12:58,693
Ahh, yes
Right here in self help
258
00:12:59,132 --> 00:13:01,808
Hi, everybody
I'm Rita Pigeon
259
00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:03,447
Thank you
260
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:06,577
And thank you for coming out today
and supporting my book
261
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:10,956
I hope you all appreciate the irony
of my title, The Marriage of Equals
262
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,884
My editor didn't think
it would sell as well
263
00:13:12,884 --> 00:13:17,377
if I used my original title
Women Are Just Better
264
00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:18,227
She's funny
265
00:13:18,227 --> 00:13:21,376
Now, before I read
are there any questions?
266
00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:23,916
Honey, I want to ask one
267
00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:24,437
Ok
268
00:13:27,063 --> 00:13:31,399
Hi, my name is Anastasia Beaverhausen
269
00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:37,299
Tell me, did you intend the reader
to have an erotic reaction
270
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:40,975
to the grizzly murder
of the well-muscled handyman?
271
00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:42,794
Did you have one?
272
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,766
I had 3
273
00:13:47,096 --> 00:13:49,528
- Then yes
- Ok
274
00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,381
Uh, sir, you had a question?
275
00:13:53,154 --> 00:13:54,182
Karen, what are you doing here?
276
00:13:54,182 --> 00:13:56,932
We had important plans
to go get bikini waxes
277
00:13:56,932 --> 00:13:58,716
- Poodle, not now
- Yes, now!
278
00:13:58,716 --> 00:14:01,811
I've been steaming
my genitals all day
279
00:14:01,811 --> 00:14:05,457
It cuts down
the irritation on my wenis
280
00:14:07,035 --> 00:14:07,716
Come on, let's go
281
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:09,310
- She wants to stay
- She wants to go
282
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,545
- She wants to stay
- She wants to go
283
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,324
She wants to stay
284
00:14:11,324 --> 00:14:15,109
Now, go faster and talk dirty
285
00:14:15,807 --> 00:14:16,617
- Shh!
- What?
286
00:14:16,617 --> 00:14:18,110
Oh, suddenly, you know
what's best for her?
287
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,687
What, you couldn't go find
a real person to hang out with
288
00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:20,482
so you get Karen?
289
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:21,264
Ah!
290
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:23,457
I'm sorry, sir
do you have a question?
291
00:14:23,457 --> 00:14:26,116
Yes, sir, I have a question
292
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,163
Why does your book
tear people apart?
293
00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:32,435
- I don't think it does
- I think it does, Maude!
294
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,192
Maybe you could be a little more
specific in your analysis
295
00:14:35,192 --> 00:14:38,607
Oh, don't try to confuse us
by speaking French
296
00:14:39,438 --> 00:14:40,678
Because of your book
297
00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:43,736
my two friends have formed
this sick little club...
298
00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,208
and I've tried everything
to get back with them
299
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:48,684
I even came this close to
reading the damn thing!
300
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:50,564
So tell me, sir
301
00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:52,924
how many more people's lives
do you intend to ruin
302
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:54,401
with your-- with your writing
303
00:14:54,401 --> 00:14:56,469
and your poorly selected jacket photo?
304
00:14:56,469 --> 00:14:59,254
- Jack--
- It's too late!
305
00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:06,120
Hey, Bob, it's me
306
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,872
I'm at the bridal shop
Where are you?
307
00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:11,858
Really?
What are you doing?
308
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,803
No
No morning coats
309
00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:16,588
No. No ascots
310
00:15:16,588 --> 00:15:18,577
No
No tails
311
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:20,025
Ok, sweetie?
312
00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:25,917
You pick out whatever you want
as long as it rhymes with regular tuxedo
313
00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,763
Ok. Bye
314
00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:28,688
Hi
315
00:15:28,688 --> 00:15:32,280
I am here to pick up
a veil--Alison Polette
316
00:15:32,789 --> 00:15:36,394
Here you go
They really did a lovely job
317
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,721
Yeah, they did
318
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:39,464
Want to try it on with the dress?
319
00:15:39,464 --> 00:15:41,913
Oh, I--I couldn't
That wouldn't be right
320
00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:44,256
I'm not even the--
Where's the dressing room?
321
00:15:44,256 --> 00:15:45,565
Right back there
322
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:50,132
- Oh, hi. Hi
- Hi
323
00:15:50,132 --> 00:15:53,185
Um, I'm Mona
and-- and this is Lucy
324
00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,270
And we're not sure
what her name is
325
00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:59,269
She got her jaw wired shut
so she could fit into her dress
326
00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:04,314
Um, uh, so where do I, uh--
327
00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:06,931
- Oh, oh. You go behind the screen
- Oh. Ok
328
00:16:08,461 --> 00:16:10,585
So, when's the wedding?
329
00:16:10,585 --> 00:16:14,603
Oh, August 10th
His mother's birthday
330
00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:17,911
And maybe we'll cut
the umbilical cord on that day, too
331
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,891
Oh, honey, I don't know
what we're gonna do about Jack
332
00:16:27,891 --> 00:16:29,915
What are you talking about?
He's a grown man
333
00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:33,347
He's just gonna have to accept
the fact that we're friends
334
00:16:35,355 --> 00:16:36,743
What?
335
00:16:37,272 --> 00:16:39,980
Honey, you called us friends
336
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,473
Well, we are friends
337
00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:46,505
Oh! Oh. Oh, that's rich
Come on!
338
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,793
A friend is someone
you gossip about
339
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:52,487
and make out with
when your husband's in the hospital
340
00:16:53,339 --> 00:16:55,502
We just read the same book
341
00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:56,601
What do you we were--
342
00:16:56,601 --> 00:17:00,060
we were hanging out, having fun
You showed me your boobs
343
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,603
Honey, I show everyone my boobs
344
00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:03,643
Ok?
345
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:07,273
I showed Ed Koch my boobs
at Starbucks the other day
346
00:17:07,673 --> 00:17:10,679
Back off, desperado!
347
00:17:11,982 --> 00:17:14,185
Well, maybe you were
too boozed out to notice
348
00:17:14,185 --> 00:17:16,129
but we had a relationship going!
349
00:17:16,129 --> 00:17:17,542
Save it, lady
350
00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:22,163
I wouldn't be friends with you
if you were the last woman on earth!
351
00:17:22,163 --> 00:17:23,923
Why am I even trying to
be friends with you, anyway?
352
00:17:23,923 --> 00:17:26,977
No matter how many uppers you take
you're still a downer
353
00:17:26,977 --> 00:17:28,343
- Bitch!
- Witch!
354
00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,822
- Ho!
- Mo!
355
00:17:50,647 --> 00:17:52,751
Will, thanks for
bringing me down here!
356
00:17:52,751 --> 00:17:54,259
I know I missed out on everything
357
00:17:54,259 --> 00:17:56,247
but at least I can get fitted
for my wedding dress!
358
00:17:56,247 --> 00:17:57,030
Yeah
359
00:17:57,030 --> 00:18:00,137
You're talking really loudly
I think your ears are still plugged
360
00:18:00,137 --> 00:18:02,078
What?!
361
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,805
Oh, my god!
That dress makes her look like a cow!
362
00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:08,110
Ok, now you're--
now--now you're screaming
363
00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,543
Everybody can hear you
364
00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:10,791
Uh, let me handle this
365
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:13,048
We're here to pick up
a veil for Alison Polette
366
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,215
Oh, Alison's here already
She's trying on a dress
367
00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:19,454
- Oh, jeez
- There's cheese here?
368
00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:23,864
Uh, Grace, are you in there
I hope you're not doing--
369
00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:26,344
--anything crazy
370
00:18:29,122 --> 00:18:29,642
Hi
371
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,458
- What do you think?
- You look beautiful
372
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:39,260
Really?
I think it needs to be taken in
373
00:18:39,872 --> 00:18:43,880
Yeah. Honey, I think maybe
you need to be taken in
374
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,726
Sweetie, look--
Look at me
375
00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:55,784
You're not getting married
376
00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:02,274
I know
377
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,589
I'm never gonna wear
one of these things, am I?
378
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,070
Oh. Sweetie
You're a beautiful, intelligent woman
379
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:14,635
and somewhere out--
380
00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:16,571
Don't give me the stock
best friend response
381
00:19:16,571 --> 00:19:18,544
Be honest
382
00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:22,472
This may never happen for me
383
00:19:23,014 --> 00:19:25,506
You know what?
It--It may not
384
00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:29,153
- Thank you for telling me the truth
- You're welcome
385
00:19:29,776 --> 00:19:32,778
Damn, that was harsh
What were you thinking?
386
00:19:33,678 --> 00:19:35,585
- What? But-- You just ask me to--
- I don't care
387
00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:36,821
You know me better than that
388
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,201
The next time I ask you
to tell me the truth
389
00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:41,029
you give me the stock
best friend response
390
00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:42,199
Ok
You're beautiful
391
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:44,789
you're gonna meet a doctor tomorrow
and you'll be married by the weekend
392
00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,338
Thank you
393
00:19:46,338 --> 00:19:49,782
Hi! You must be Grace
I'm Alison
394
00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:51,085
- Hi
- Hi
395
00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:54,993
Thank you so much for everything
Bob's pretty useless, isn't he?
396
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:57,395
Is that my dress?
397
00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:03,175
- Uh, yeah, I'm taking this right off--
- You know, it's ok, it's ok. I get it
398
00:20:03,175 --> 00:20:07,734
My older sister's single
I'll wait outside
399
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:13,988
So, are you gonna
take that off willingly
400
00:20:13,988 --> 00:20:17,274
or do I have to rip it off
you like a Benny Hill sketch?
401
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,692
Just two more minutes?
402
00:20:23,259 --> 00:20:24,991
Oh, sweetie...
403
00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:26,634
No
404
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,726
Thanks
29950
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