Original subtitles

Hold the door Hold the door!

Sorry about that

It's just it's my parents' anniversary

and I want to get up to the Rainbow Room

before they do

and my friend's moving a little slow Come on, Grace!!

She can't walk in heels

She thinks she can but she can't

Ok

These shoes!

How's a woman supposed to walk in these things?

I blame "Sex in the City" for this

I want it off

- Come on, help me - Oh, I'm-- Ahh!

Could you just hold it for one more second?

I'd hold it, but you don't want to get near her feet

Hey, hey, hey Wow, wow

I asked you to hold it! What's the matter with you?

- What kind of person does that? - Yeah. You really blew it

If you'd been a nicer person you could have had one of these

More than that

I once made out with a stranger in an elevator

But now you can forget about it

You still got a pretty good shot

Will's parents are gonna love this cake, Kare

Baker did such a good job

I love the little scalloped edges

Oh

Those aren't scallops, honey Those are Rosario's teeth marks

I finally had to hold her head like a can opener

and let her go all the way around

Made a cute pattern, though

I hope there's someone cute on the elevator

I'd love a deep, committed relationship for 30 floors or so

Honey, we're not taking that elevator

But this is the only one that goes up to the Rainbow Room

Ubba dibba wubba dubba dubba dah gah gagga!

We're takin' the stairs Come on!

What are you talking about?

Bad experience on that elevator

Horrible!

If my brain could still send signals to my face

you could see the terror in my eyes

Don't want to talk about it Don't make me talk!

It's like 65 floors up!

I ain't walkin' that!

Damn you! why don't I have my own money?

This matchbook isn't working Maybe we should move to another table

- No. It's fine - But it's wiggling!

Here

What are you gonna do with the other one?

I used it already to wrap my gum in

I'm sorry

I just want everything to be perfect you know, for when I give them their gift

Are you sure about this whole cruise idea?

I mean, your parents can't stand being in the same room together

Now you want to lock them on a boat for two weeks?

Look, I know they've had their problems in the past

but, lately, things have been different

I'll believe it when I see it

Oh! Oh, no, no. No Stop. Stop

We're in public

Oh, and your child is watching!

Hey!

George, Marilyn happy anniversary!

Hey, hey, kiddo

Give me a hug Not too hard

I got a little Korean trainer who's mad at the world

Can you believe that your father's working out?

I've got to keep up with you

Look at her, will you?

She's the same size as the day I met her

- Show me your stuff - Come on. Get out

Oh, we're going to check my wrap

- If we're not back in five minutes... - Don't you come lookin' for us

You see?

With the touching and the grabbing?

Yeah Wow

The only way my mother could get my father to do that is

if she hid the remote in her track suit

Well, what do you think's gotten into those two?

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

My father must have ended his affair with Tina

You think?

Oh...

A married man

ending his affair with his mistress and going back to his wife

What is more romantic than that?

Now, tell me what you see

- Be honest - Ok

Your left cheek is lifting nicely

Ooh, your right one comes up to meet it, a nice kiss in the middle

Oh, yeah Beautiful

I give that ass an A-plus

It's nice

Uh, you may want to give it a lower grade

I don't want my ass to get a big head

Oh! Before we go up can you just do it one more time?

Honey, I said no

I did it for you four times before we left the house

Please! Just one more time

All right

Liza with a "Z"!

Oh, by the way, Will

that guy that just made partner at my firm-- Brian

He's gay

Really? The Canadian guy?

Oh, jeez, that was it-- Canadian

He's gonna call ya anyway

- Oh, Will, stop tickling me - I'm not tickling you

Oh, I'm so sorry, Grace

My goodness that's a thick stubble

I thought that was George's leg

Will was rushing me

- I didn't have time to-- - Oh, don't apologize, darling

I appreciate the feminist statement

I went through that myself in the sixties

burned my bra and everything

Just made me feel hairy and saggy

I think I rented that one: When Hairy Met Saggy

Help me

Ok, I can't wait any longer I've got to give you you present

- Ok, close your eyes - All right

And... Open 'em

Tada!

Oh, sweetheart you shouldn't have!

- It's so beautiful - We love it

Guys...

Open the envelope

Oh! William, a cruise Oh, golly, I can't believe it

You're going to the South Pacific

This is fantastic

I've always wanted to go on a cruise

and you know your mom likes any excuse to take anti-nausea medication

Oh, my God Mar, look at this--

Lou Ferrigno's doin' Give 'Em Hell Harry in the Jubilee Theater

Come on, Grace Let's go tinkle

Um, heh heh... Marilyn, I'm a grown woman

I think I know when I have to tinkle

I have to tinkle

Eh?

I don't know what to say This is so-- so generous of you

It's so thoughtful

Makes me happy to make you happy

Well, you know speaking of that

h-how how how booked is the cruise?

What do you mean?

Well, like, extra rooms like if I, you know, if I kinda...

If somebody extra wanted to come along

Like who?

Well, like a buddy or some... Don't make me say it

Tina?!

Are you actually asking me

if you can bring your mistress along on your anniversary cruise?

You said you wanted me to have fun

Ok...

- Only 20 more flights - Hold on a second

I gotta sit down for a minute

You know, I'm not as young as I used to be

Although, I am younger than I was ten years ago

What are you complainin' about?

I had to carry the cake all the way up here

Kehh!

What cake?

This cake!

Oh, my God!

- I must have set it down! - Honey, honey, honey

come here Come here. Come here

A little bit closer Listen

I'm too tired to slap you

Bash your face against my palm, would ya?

I totally deserve that

Now, think! Where did you leave it?

Ok, ok, ok....

Wait a minute

What floor were we on when I pantsed you?

The 21st floor

Are you sure?

Positive 'cause I remember thinking

"Here I am on the 21st floor with no pants on!"

"Again...."

Ok, well, then, that's it Let's go. come on

Let's go back down and get it

Honey, why do I have to go with you?

Well, I sure as hell ain't gonna pants myself

What? Do you think I'm an idiot? Let's go!

Grace?

What? I'm busy

Your mother's making me wipe off some of my blush

or, as she put it

"I want to see the girl under the clown."

My father is still seeing Tina

What?

We're sitting at the table We're talking about the cruise

then all of a sudden, he's like

"can I bring a buddy?"

He wants to bring Tina!

- So, what do you want me to do? - Just... act normal

Grace?

Ok

Time to send in the clown

Oh, there you are, darling

Could you ask Will something for me?

Sure Anything

How booked is that cruise? 'Cause I'd sort of like to bring a buddy

Wow Heh...

Does--Does--Does George know that you're having an affair?

No! No oh, please don't put it like that

It sounds so tawdry "Affair."

Well, how would you put it?

Well, let's see, um...

I'm having a consensual adult relalationship with a man

who's not my husband

And it's raunchy as hell

My mother has a similar relationship with pastrami

His name is Tim, and oh... He's a yoga instructor

Oh, Lord, I have never...

I've just never been so in touch with my body and...

And I enjoy classes, too

Ok! O! K! This has been fun

You shared I shared

Well, I didn't really share I'm gonna share now

You're making me really uncomfortable, so I gotta go

Oh, no. No, no Grace, please?

I'm dying to talk to you I can't talk to my friends

They're so sophisticated and elegant and you're, uh, you're, uh...

Well, you're one of the people

I just... Oh, please

Just ask me

Ask me something kinky and uh, personal about Tim, hmm?

Ok... Um...

Come on

Is... Tim...

Short for "Timothy"?

Tim's not short for anything

You see? And I thought I was being safe there

How did this even...start?

Well, let's see

I was complaining to George that he was never at home

and he said

"well, get a hobby." So I did

And then when I turned out that my tennis pro was homosexual

I got another hobby

- Forgot the cake - Afraid of an elevator

- Forgot the cake - Afraid of an elevator

- Cake forgetter! - Elevator afraider!

My feet are killing me

If I knew we were gonna do all this walking

I would've worn flats

Yeah?

Well, if I'd known we were gonna do all this walking

I would've saddled up Rosario like when we go to Greece

There's your damn cake!

Now we have to walk all the way back up

This is so stupid!

Whatever made you afraid of an elevator anyway?

I'll never forget it

My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch

and, suddenly...

The lights went out the elevator dropped, and...

Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met

I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out

Karen, that wasn't you That was the opening scene of Speed

Oh

You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised

You think you're going to see a feel-good movie

about amphetamines

and, suddenly you're on a bus?

Wh--?

Wait

So you're not afraid of elevators?

Guess not

So we walked all the way down the stairs for nothing?

Guess so Heh heh...

I can't believe this I feel like such an idiot!

Well...

- We better start up again - I'll lead the way

What?

You brought me here

I know I'm stalling for time

I have something to tell you and it's really hard

- Well, ease into it, then - Your mother's having an affair

And where was the easing into that?

- She is, Will - She is not

What were her exact words?

- "Can I bring a buddy?" - Oh, my God, she's having an affair

Who is it? What? Her tennis pro?

No He's gay

Peter? Really?

So, who is it?

Her yoga instructor-- Tim who isn't short for anything

Fantastic

Everybody's cheating on everybody!

Suddenly, my parents are Fleetwood Mac (�ø�Ʈ��� ��: ������ ��� ��ü�� �� ������ ���罺 ���)

What am I gonna do about this?

You're not gonna do anything

They're fine

They each have someone now

They're even so just leave it alone

It's like a scab Don't pick at it

Oh, what are you talking about? You always pick at scabs

You scratch yourself just so you'll have a scab to pick at

I have changed I've learned

Please

We've never changed or learned anything in our lives

Will, I'm telling you and I'm not saying that I understand it

But this is what works for your family

And, just look at them

They do look pretty happy

They are happy

Ok, but I'm not comfortable with this

Then, again, I'm not comfortable with Jim Carrey in dramatic roles

but...

I guess that's just one more thing I'm gonna have to get used to

Whoo! Oh, boy. Oh!

- Hi, you guys - Hey

Where have you guys been?

We were expecting you to be here, like, an hour ago

Ahh... Well... The first time

we took the stairs 'cause Karen was afraid of the elevators--

Ha!

And then the second time we took the stairs because...

Oh!

This cruise is unbelievable

You can have lunch any time of the day

I guess I can do that anyway

but for some reason it's more exciting on a boat

And there is so much to do Oh, look at that

Ice-skating lessons with Michelle Kwan

To be fair

when he bought the tickets that seemed like a much bigger deal

Hey, they've got a driving range on this boat

You know

I just may grab my balls and my club and sneak off and play a little

All right

Well, while you're sneaking off doing that

maybe I'll just sneak off and um...

Do a little yoga

Why don't you two just say what's really going on?

Scab

You're still seeing Tina

and you're seeing some guy named Tim

And it's been picked

Tim? What's a Tim?

You're having an affair with a guy named Tim?

What does he wear, a propeller hat?

Well, I wouldn't call it an affair, exactly

It's really just uh, it's kind of a--

Oh, the hell with it It is an affair

All right, I said it! It's an affair!

I don't believe what I'm hearing

Did you hear what-- You want-- Am I supposed to--

I can't even finish a thought

Happy anniversary!

Happy anniversary~ Happy anniversary~

Would you get the hell outta here?

No!

We hauled this cake up 80 flights of stairs!

It has our blood, sweat and tears in it, literally

Now, you're gonna eat the cake and you're gonna like the cake!

Yeah

We're exhausted and we're not going anywhere

Hey, look, the bar's open and a homo

See ya

I'm gonna leave you two to talk about this

Come on, Grace We'll wait over here

But the cake's that way

Oh, my God They're holding hands

This could turn out to be a good anniversary after all

You know, they talk it out clear the air

maybe discover some of the things they loved about each other to begin with

This cruise could be like a second honeymoon, you know?

Unlike the first, she won't be pregnant with my stupid brother

- Oh, darling, hello - So, uh... Well?

Well, we talked it out

Great

And I think for the first time in a really long time

we really heard each other

I'm so glad

- And we're separating - What?

We think it's for the best, darling

I'm so sorry, kiddo

I mean, you planned this nice dinner

and you spent all that money on the cruise

I don't care about the cruise

Look, I don't want you to do this Please don't do this

You should not do this

You're doing this

Oh, Grace I found this under the table leg

I think it's yours

Well, sweetie, looks like you and I are goin' on a cruise--

Sun, sand

Oh, look

Wednesday night in the Horizon Room Sinbad's appearing in Man of La Mancha

You know this can actually be great

We could use a fun vacation

I'll put on my Greek fisherman's cap

and you'll make me take it off

and you know I love any excuse to take anti-nausea medication

This is gonna be fantastic

- Will... - I know

Come on, Jack We should go

Yeah

but let's stretch first We got a long walk down

Yeah Ooh!

Come on

Dig in

Obviously, I'm not gonna be able to finish this on my own

Oh, who are you kidding?

Ah, is it ridiculous to go on this cruise?

Do I really want to mope around being the saddest one on the boat?

Oh, sweetie

You're not gonna be the saddest one there

What?

Oh, right

Michelle Kwan