Original subtitles

The automatic steam person.

He's daily, Jo.

It's just a toy.

Is this a toy, too?

Nade it.

But it's the Cardinal's Charion.

Stop right there, sir.

We have business to settle.

The same machine you worked on for Cardinal LaChasiana.

Well, I send it that machine away.

We're talking about national security here.

No, Lord.

It's for the army.

They gave you the stuff to make my model into a real machine.

It's got bullets from shutters and guns and everything.

Any great?

And that boy has genius for making deadly weapons.

What have we done?

They're the full man, Lord!

It's working, Mr. Coward, it's gardening!

We've just condemned that for the death.

That's how we have.

You sabotaged my fight machine?

There's a damage to steer.

What?

You killed the soul!

You maniac!

What's next on the agenda?

Getting rid of that appalling machine, my dear cousin.

Not something I think one could just leave lying around.

MUSIC

I'm sick of just killing people, Jesse.

I want a problem, too.

Still whatever they got!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

MUSIC

Well, look at here!

MUSIC

Ain't nothing but papers here, Cat.

I'm telling you, jest.

I'm about ready for complete career change.

Captain!

Coward, come in!

See what I mean?

Give me that I gotta put up with!

Come on, boss! Move it!

This dimension, this dimension!

Your imagination never ceases to amaze me, van.

Why not the fifth dimension?

Yes.

Boss-Bottou managed to make the original version disappear.

I merely seem to disappear. My boat is to sink the damp thing in the Mississippi as planned.

If I realign the hemisphere so it goes out in the universe, we can forget it ever existed.

Well, just do it before 3.15 when the Memphis Bell arrives, otherwise we won't reach Larkspur Island in time to meet the Aurora.

If the Memphis Bell is on time, and if Boss-Bottou managed to catch the Baltimore train.

Well, of course he did this one that leaves every Monday at 11.10.

I've got it. Go on.

Yes, see?

All it needs is a 6.3 degree realignment.

That's simple, huh?

The mighty Mississippi.

Home of best waterborne gambling on Earth.

This is working out rather well.

Now, Memphis Bell, should arrive in approximately 62 seconds.

You and Jules and your total confidence in little bits of paper.

There.

There.

You see?

Yes.

Even on the frontier, there are people who care about punctuality.

Got it!

It's working.

Come on, wait. Let's get out of here.

No, no, no. This is my brother.

She said it too loudly, but she thought it was me, so she turned to me and said,

sir, if I were your wife, I would feed you arsenic, which I replied madam.

If I were your husband, I would take it.

I'd take it.

Seems remarkably well recovered.

That's hard, this is ever.

All he needs now is his valet and his dirigible.

Yes, the necklace, old, bad habits.

Well, there is nothing that needs reform and more than other people's habits.

A very witty, happy medal.

Same Clemens.

Rebecca Fogg, and this is Mr. Jules Verne.

Would you permit me the same man that you are a very beautiful woman?

Yes.

I believe me, I never lie.

Except for practice.

Well, this does surprise me.

Usually if you tell the English something humorous, well, they didn't crack a smile,

but the next day they'll burst out laughing.

Or did you say that to the pilot?

Ah, yes, well, he is an old friend of mine, so he had to listen.

I used to be a pilot myself, but don't tell anybody.

Why not?

Well, if the government would have found out they would draft me into the Navy

and make me fight in a war that I do not believe in,

and besides, I'm not much interested in killing people that I ain't been interested.

Well, that's a very moral start.

Well, I am a very moral man.

I would never do anything wrong, especially if somebody was watching.

And that is why I became the newspaper man.

So, did I hear you say something about having a derigible airship?

No, we don't. He does.

His valet is coming from Baltimore to pick us up.

Oh, now he's not your husband, is he?

Maybe a distant cousin.

Well, that is very good news.

Say, what are the chances of a hitch in a ride on this interesting machine?

I think it would make for a great story for a young, ambitious newsman such as myself.

It's a great story for any writer, but I'm not sure that Philly's fog wants that much publicity right now.

You never can tell.

I see. We ask him.

Mm, I'd advise against it.

He's not fond of being interrupted, especially when he's decimating his opponents.

Gambling?

It is the one activity that proves that horses are smarter than men.

Well, you never did hear a horse going, bro, bet none of them men.

Oh, Mr. Paul, it brings you out to the frontiers of civilization.

But this unit pleasure, Mr. Conchreil.

But it's got a long way ahead of you. You come looking for it out here.

It's like pleasure is the simple ones, Mr. Conchreil.

Didn't you agree, my dear?

And will certainly include good-gun cards.

You, sir?

Well, raise your 20.

No.

Come on.

Three sevens.

This one thing would you do for a living, is it, sir?

Lord, no. Not too much like hard work.

And you, sir?

You're still professional.

I'm an accountant.

And is there much need for accountancy on the frontiers?

Oh, there's more accounts, settled air, sir, than the rest of the US have I put together.

That's one flying ship.

Right on schedule.

We're going to have some fun.

I'm out.

I don't think we're going to get one.

Two cards.

I don't think you can.

Any up, any up.

All right.

Cool.

Here we go.

We got a winner.

We got a winner.

Who has?

Three some tears.

Well, gentlemen, that seems to be that.

Does anyone wish to stake anything else?

I don't think many of us got much left to stake, Mr. Fogg.

Well, why don't I complete the proceedings and treat you all to a glass of champagne?

Great, you can't afford it, Mr. Fogg.

The biggie button.

You just played poker with the wrong man.

Get over there.

Members of my organization will be passing among you to take your contributions.

Now we reckon all about everything you have will be enough.

You'll never get away with this concert, though.

I'll arrest you as soon as a steamboat lands.

Well, we plan to get out there at Mr. Fogg.

We're going to travel by here, she.

Do you really think that you and these are just capable of flying my dirigable?

No.

Probably not.

That's why we're taking the driver.

Who is there you called us?

Say it again.

I said it. Say it again.

Horns waggling dooties.

I love the way he says that.

Did I kill him now?

As soon as you learn to fly this day, land it, repair it and fuel the engines,

you can do what you'll like with him.

But not till then.

Did I kill him instead?

No, I can. It's the captain.

Get out of here, Ox.

That brother he hurts.

He's becoming an embarrassment.

Keep him under control.

Yeah.

What does this thing go in your faster?

It is maximum doh to doh hold.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, there's a string of towns here with nice, bad banks.

And however long it takes, we're going to pay a visit to H in every one of them.

I am not a bank robber, Captain.

Oh no, must be, huh?

You're the getaway driver.

Huh?

Any sign of them, Julius?

None? How fast did this day ship of yours go, fog?

Too fast.

The only chance of catching them is if they touch down somewhere.

I'm worried they've changed course since leaving the island.

There's no point in worrying about that, Rebecca.

We just have to work on the assumption we know where we're going.

Ha! Ha!

Your cousin is a man of considerable determination.

You know, you don't have to come with us.

No one would think any of the less of you if you stayed behind.

Wanting to deprive myself of a great store to tell?

Yes!

Places filled with junk.

Who is this?

That's not junk you fool.

This here's artillery.

Look this on the phone of the ship.

We could take over in a town in the west.

Ha! Ha!

Go see what that idiot brother of yours is up to.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I told you Frank, that is not how we open windows.

Steely Joel will not like this.

Who the hell's Steely Joel?

Steely Joel was a sheriff.

Tried to stop Robert in a silver mine.

Out, he'll pass away.

Tried him to the mine.

To face him down in front of the old boiler.

Robert shooting fast and missing.

But hitting the steaming boiler.

The boiler.

And all the metal.

Right through Steely Joel.

Turn him into a metal man.

Come on, that ain't possible.

Not possible for a living man.

But Steely Joel, not a living man.

He roamed the west.

Like the tumbler weed.

Always looking for the...

For the almos.

No one knows where he comes from.

No one knows where he goes.

No bad man can fight him for his aim.

He's straight like a ruler.

He's just...

He's hard.

Like steel.

And there's smoke coming out from the top of his head.

Like the fires of hell.

But the worst pant is...

Oh, it is rather like evil.

Yes, except...

Well, we're not dressed for it.

Oh, I should hope.

Clement! Clement!

If it comes to a showdown with the outlaws, you up, Rit.

Well, I don't know, Mr. Fogg.

I'm not exactly made of the kind of stuff that heroes are made of.

Billius Fogg is pretty good at finding that stuff in People's Ham.

Whether they want him to or not.

There she is!

Come on!

Hello, eclunking into the Sunday desert.

All his mission to bringing justice into the lawless west,

which is ending the legend of steel trouble.

Hey!

Where the hell do you think you're going?

Oh!

Oh, man, this can't be good.

Wake up, you drunken fool!

Wake up, and help me here!

Hey!

Hey!

We're all gonna die!

Hey!

Hey!

What are you fools looking at?

I ain't she never had any visitors before!

Run my little rat and bring him to me!

Don't shoot!

They are very bad people after me.

You the little rat?

Terrorists play the part! You'll find them!

Reckon we better hide you then.

Check upstairs! Not you, Jesse!

Come on, boys.

I must take home.

What do they want?

Barman?

Yes, sir.

Set up some drinks from my boys.

And let's have some music!

Give me the bottle.

Get up there!

Robbie's stuck in one of them windows and when we came in.

It won't be a fault.

You better not.

What's your name, man, and sweetie?

All right, so real, get away, you got yourself there, Frank.

Oh, very nice.

But, uh, kind of cute, huh?

Now, that's enough horsing around, boys.

We got some business to discuss.

Now, we got ourselves a unique opportunity here.

No more load no horses, but whatever they can carry.

We got us an airship, and we can fill it full of every damn thing we're stealing!

Yeah, boys! We're gonna rob this town back!

Strip it, Jesse! Strip it!

I want the money hidden in every mattress, the silver spoons, and every drawer.

I want you to break the little piggy banks, boys, because for once we got the means to take it all with us!

Yeah!

We're not going anywhere, come.

Hey, boys, you ain't taking nothing with you.

Ooh.

Now, why don't you just put your guns down, and come on out?

Well, give up our guns.

Why we want to do that, sir?

Because I said so, and I'm the law around here.

I will. It be in that case.

All right.

Okay.

Okay.

Right now?

Right now.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

It's never time, don't it?

Well done, boys!

Yeah.

Send him up, Harlan!

Yeah!

You'll pass the crowd down here, but the force you hide there to like him can get you.

I like it.

It's better than you.

Congratulations, Cap.

It's like Vatuel's got his help and new chair.

Well, I always want to be, you know, man.

Master!

You're getting back!

For me!

Hi!

That's my two.

What have you been up to?

Escaping very bad, man.

They wanted to kiss me.

Then, then as soon as we leave, the better.

They have shocked the sheriff.

That's the kind of thing that bad men do in the West.

The passport to Mayor introduce Mr. Sam Clemens of Hannibal, Missouri.

My greeting to you.

Hi, Doth.

Usually dressing like this.

Well, that's very wise, because Burgundy is not your color.

How badly damaged is your rule, Ruhr, possibly?

And how many men this quantral have left on guard?

Can we take them on?

Oh, no.

You have not men that you want to take on.

These are men that you want to leave in far, far behind.

No, no!

That's the lady from the saloon!

She's saving me!

Friends of yours.

Yes.

This is my master, Helios Foy.

He has come to take back his stolen airship.

How'd you do?

Quantral and his boys are blood simple, Mr. Fogg.

Patuels needs your help.

And we've delighted to settle matters with Captain Quantral.

Madam?

Lily.

Where might it be found?

Oh, no, no.

It ain't that easy.

You try to stop him.

He's going to start killing innocent people.

That whole gang. I've seen him do it.

And if you try to shoot out with the captain, his outlaws are going to shoot first.

I've seen it.

I think we should approach it scientifically.

They've reconused technology against them.

It's their minds that we have to get at.

That's how we'll win.

They're a story. All of the detailing them a story.

And they were very frightened.

My grandmother used to say that if you can't win the war,

then you have to convince the other side to lose it.

Now this is what I call Robert M. Stah.

You reckon people take me for a gentleman these dirt sickers?

Not in a million years, just.

The police won't be annoyed.

That waistcoat was a present from the Alga Khan.

I always wanted doing that, Miss Yever.

And this is going to be my piece of resistance.

There's no reason why machines can't spend the laws

well as humans passport to.

But can machines be having a mind of their own?

They can.

You forget a way to build them.

Well, I presume country's men can actually read.

Well, as I understand it, an outlaw's favorite activity is to

peruse for stories about themselves in the newspaper.

They say you should let sleeping dogs lie.

But I say, why bother?

When you can get a newspaper to do it for you.

Do you ever stop joking, Sam?

Ah. Only when my audience has had enough.

Your audience?

Is that how you think of me?

No, Rebecca. I think of you as the most beautiful woman

that I have ever laid eyes on.

There.

One whole sentence without a single joke anywhere.

Sam Clemens, you are a great fool.

For you, Rebecca.

The biggest.

The biggest.

What's the matter with you?

Not this.

The newspaper.

Steely Joe strikes again.

Outlaws gun it down by a metal metal.

Outlaws gunned down by a middle man near Apache Wales.

When will the iron go strike again?

That makes the hairs on your neck stand up, don't it?

Only if you're an idiot.

Can't you see it's just a story?

It's a newspaper cap.

Don't make it true, you're a long kid.

Now pull yourself together.

No, shut your pie hole.

Now you go out there and you find the little rat

who knows how to fly the damn dirt about!

Amazing, the power of the printed wood.

You soon handle that gun like a...

Oh, a real professional, Mr. Fogg.

But I insist on my own estate as Lily.

Uh-huh.

Hell, amateur status is a mighty fine thing.

You can afford it.

Now I'm not complaining.

You pull this town except me, professional.

It's important.

You'll be accepted anywhere, Lily.

A real charmer, you know that, Lily, is full?

I should have met someone like you a long time ago.

Well, the front here's not my usual stamping ground.

What drew you at worst?

Oh, the lure of respectability.

You lose your reputation as small town back east is pretty hard to find it again.

So I married a pie in here.

We were...

We even had a little name picked up for our farm in this free.

In this free?

This is very romantic.

So the oxen, the covered wagon, little house in the prairie, that kind of thing.

Three weeks after we crossed the Mississippi, we were dry gauched by desparados.

They killed Harry, they took every penny we had.

That was the last of the farm.

Sorry to hear that.

But you survived?

Oh, yeah.

The men are speaking.

Sometimes you make choices you regret.

Nothing's fixed, Lily.

Oh, Mr. Fogg, everything is fixed.

Come on, you're a gambler. You should know that.

Oh, hmm.

I'm gonna get you a little secret about gunfiting.

It ain't how fast you draw.

It's how true you aim.

Ah!

What can we do for you?

Actually, Fogg is what Madam Lily can do for us.

We need something from the saloon.

But it's...

Might be dangerous.

You get out of here.

You look like you could use a little sooth and...

You say that again?

I'm surrounded by peep brains!

I need a drink.

But y'all come have one with me.

Well, ain't exactly a drink I'm looking for.

Well, what are you looking for, Lily?

Why don't you come and find her?

I'm not so fast, Captain.

I think you'll find if we draw this out a little.

Go and enjoy yourself a whole lot more.

Can you help me with my class?

I'm so tired.

Why don't you go over here?

You're right here and you just sit down.

Yeah.

If there's a... I am tired.

Just put up your feet there.

Make yourself comfortable and I'm going to be right back.

Once me and the boys got the airship going,

we're going to usher in a whole new criminal era.

All is going to be great.

Not for the honest folk though, huh?

Honest people are boring.

Even themselves.

They want to reach stories in the papers about people like me.

You got some explaining to do, lady.

Well, I hope this is worth it.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

You got some explaining to do, lady.

Well, I hope this is worth it.

I hope this is worth it.

It's perfect.

Thank you for it.

It's going to slide right in, Passport too.

Yes.

It's just what he is having.

You have done him a good time.

He will be so grateful.

I don't say.

In the meantime, I want to find out what's going on with Lily

and that damn scoundrel contral.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Hey!

More than I said!

Now we've got Madame Lily here.

We're planning to blow her brains out.

Now you all want to come once.

Now I'm going to count to ten.

And then she dies.

One, two, three.

More!

We're going to put that gun down.

Captain contral.

Well, really asked for.

She's known you behind all this.

Naturally.

And in addition to Madame Lily,

I should like you to return my dirigible and my money.

Your dirigible and your money ain't yours anymore, I'm afraid.

Mine!

You seem to lack any understanding of the concept of property.

I suppose I shall have to educate you about that.

Can I kill them now?

And waste all the fun in one go.

No.

This here's one we can spin out for a long time.

Is that a challenge?

Mr. contral.

Well, ain't you the European gentleman.

What you want me to do?

Throw down my glove and call for my seconds.

Now you see we have more of the idea of tying you to a wild horse.

Getting it to run up and down Main Street here while we...

...go you full of holes.

I say, Mr. contral here is afraid.

Afraid to fight me.

Man to man.

Afraid of you.

You damn hoarded, hoarded pop!

I could shoot you down with my eyes closed.

Well, I'd kind of like to see that.

Well, right.

You won't fight.

Let's fight.

You landed.

Cut them down boys!

Cut them down boys!

Good now!

Actually, Mr. contral.

I'd rather they didn't.

Because if they do, we'll shoot you.

Seems fair to me, contral.

Sort of tip for tad like.

It's in front of me so, Francis.

There's more of us than there is to you.

See, I always out-figure the odds.

Boy, you get yourself bummed something like this.

Once you're able to wind up dead.

Ah, but remember the newspapers, Jesse.

They did her against you too.

Maybe more than a man who cannot die.

The little has come from the fires of hell for the outlaws.

He has come to bring back justice in the lawless west.

Good.

Take your damn cards down!

Let's get down out of here!

Well, that seems to be that, doesn't it?

Yes, I'd rather think it does.

Thanks for your intervention.

Splendid timing.

Ah, what time on this Mars special, too?

And past my two!

What have you done, indeed?

Ilijo!

Come back!

I'm good, my friend.

This job is done.

Where is he going?

Marching into the legend, it's what the West is all about.

Ilijo!

Steely Joe wasn't the only legendary figure in Apache Wells that day.

Sam Clemens went on to become a literary legend by the name of Mark Twain.

And as for Filius Vlog and Passper II, I had the feeling they also were going to end up among the Immortals.

Somehow or other.