Original subtitles

Previously on Velma...

The military used Uncle Scoobi's photos of Dr. Perdue's journal pages

to create an invincible super soldier

to infiltrate groups of meddling kids.

But it went bad.

I see you, ghost.

Velma! Velma, where are you?

- Help! - Velma!

When I was little, it was easy to spot a villain.

He had an unironic, handlebar mustache,

and you knew who to root against.

But over time villains have gotten more complicated.

Oh, God, who are you? And what are you?

Nowadays, when judging villains, we have to ask,

"Do people hate you because you're bad?"

Or "Are you bad because people hate you?"

Hello, Velma.

I'm Scrappy.

Okay. Every student has been accounted for except two.

Velma Dinkley and Theodore P. Butt-Sack,

whom, I just realized, is on here as a joke.

Velma was dragged away by the serial killer.

Who's gonna solve this mystery now?

Don't worry, everyone!

Don and the military are going to find Velma!

And the police will gladly work with them so they're not slowed down

by some action movie-style jurisdictional pissing match.

Remain calm, everyone.

The private sector has arrived to find Velma.

Back off, William. This is a military matter.

What's that? I can't hear you without a megaphone!

I said the private sector is no match for the United States military.

And I'll be damned if my ex-wife's rich boyfriend

finds my daughter before me,

Especially since William already showed up Aman

by proposing to Diya before Aman proposed to me.

Which he still hasn't done. Even though I bore him a child.

Stop! This is silly.

The only thing that matters right now is saving Velma.

And William has the biggest megaphone!

So the day may come when a mystery in this town is solved by adults.

But today is not that day.

We're clearly gonna have to find Velma ourselves.

So you're the evil super soldier?

A talking dog named Scrappy? How is that even possible?

How is it possible?

Puppy Power!

And cutting-edge technology.

Mostly, cutting-edge technology, if I'm honest.

The speaker from the Baby Babble Box!

I was right. The military connected it to your evil brain!

Yes. But I'm not evil. I didn't kill those men!

Scrappy Dappy Doo!

But those weird outbursts are making me very uncomfortable,

the same complaint the victims had before they were murdered.

I know, but they're not weird outbursts.

- They're catchphrases, baby. - Catchphrases?

Yes. You see, Project SCOOBI built me

to appeal to meddling kids so I could infiltrate them.

Okay, but you live in a literal lair,

complete with a strung-out woman lounging in the background.

That's classic villain-ish.

She's not strung-out. She's recovering from the bus accident.

No one was supposed to get hurt.

I just wanted to get your attention.

What? Why?

Because you've already caught one serial killer,

and I need help catching the person framing me.

Sergeant Don, Gigi's father.

Don? Please. No one loves a good twist more than me.

But there are not enough flashbacks in the world

to make me believe Don's the killer.

I can do it in four.

But to prove to you that I'm innocent, you're free to go.

All I ask is you remember that there was a time

no one believed you, that your mom was kidnapped...

Help!

I'm stuck again.

That's the same spot you were stuck in before. We're going in circles.

Why is Fred in the lead?

I don't want to be. But when I try to fall back,

someone keeps pushing me to the front.

What? No, we don't.

Someone's there. Velma?

You know, I think jump-scares are cheap!

- There you are! - Grandma?

This manhunt for Velma has the military sniffing around the asylum.

I need to move out now!

Fred, is my old lab in your basement still there?

Or, can I assume it's a sex dungeon?

I mean, the staff has sex down there, but they say it's nice.

How did you even find us out here?

- I told her where we were. - What?

I've been secretly working for Dr. Perdue.

Because Fred's mom is a ghost!

I thought Norville was just hallucinating.

It was, like, a whole thing.

Oh, God! I'm lost and I'm gonna die out here!

Do you want some water?

Just kill me already. Please.

All I want is for you to listen to my...

Side of the story.

Fine. But there's nothing you can say that will make me be like

"Oh, snap! That changes everything."

I understand. My story begins two years ago...

When an undercover operative, named Uncle Scoobi,

took photographs of my mom reading Dr. Perdue's journals.

Don told me.

And did Don tell you Uncle Scoobi is now missing?

Snap. I mean, continue.

So two years ago,

Uncle Scoobi convinced the military,

a precocious, catchphrase-spouting puppy

would be the perfect way to infiltrate and monitor meddling kids.

Everyone pitched on other personality traits

that would make kids instantly love me.

But there was dissension among the ranks.

Are we sure invincibility is a good idea?

Oh, no, you're right.

A super soldier that's easy to kill makes a lot more sense.

And so from the scraps of Dr. Perdue's journals,

I was born.

Okay, leash time!

So that's why you're called Scrappy.

No, Scrappy is a portmanteau of "shitty" and "crappy".

Don gave it to me as we got off on the wrong foot.

Literally! I ate his sneakers.

Oh, come on!

I was ordered my own pairs to chew on.

I have that form,

but if these are the same as Don's sneakers...

Is he the one who tackled me in the graveyard?

Yes. Sure. Don was annoyed I chewed his sneakers.

But the fact that everyone else loved my catchphrases,

invincibility and spunky energy, slowly drove him crazy.

Until Don pressured the others to sign a petition to get rid of me.

So it was Don who made the men uncomfortable, not you!

Which is why he would've old my dad not to take the case.

But when everyone refused to sign his petition

to get rid of me, Don snapped.

And decided to kill them and frame me.

Which isn't surprising.

When it comes to guys making people uncomfortable,

where there's smoke...

There's fire. Yes, but was that enough to frame you for murder?

Velma! Where are you? I'm scared!

William will find you first!

Remember, Velma, you don't have to help me.

If you don't believe me, you're free to go.

I thought we already decided Mother wasn't a ghost at the seance.

And how do you two know each other?

Wait. Is there an app to make friends with old people?

No. In my brain research, I've long suspected

human consciousness detaches from the brain and continues after death.

So when I put my brain in Daphne and Amber could tell,

I hired them to try to see if your hallucinations were,

in fact, Victoria's detached consciousness,

aka, a ghost.

Oh, snap!

Mother? Quick, how's my hair?

False alarm! It's only Velma.

- Wait! - Velma!

Velma, I found you! First! Thank God!

- I have to go now. - Get Dr. Perdue to Fred's basement.

I'll stay with Velma. Velma, what happened?

Velma!

Well, everything seems normal, thank goodness.

Now, how did you escape the killer?

Killer? After the accident, I just wandered the woods in a daze,

like I was in a perfume commercial.

Okay, well, not great that the killer is still on the loose,

but now it's time to focus on what's important.

I found Velma first. And wasn't shown up by William.

Sure. Not this time, at least.

Not anytime! Diya said "no" to his proposal.

Actually, now might not be the best time,

but after watching William's search for Velma

like she was his own child...

More than my own child!

Fred spent a month lost in our own hedge maze.

Well, the point is William, if the offer still stands,

and Velma is okay with it, I accept your proposal.

Velma, remember, you can say "no."

Well?

Actually, Mom, if William makes you happy, I say go for it.

Velma, come with us!

We'll get boba if you let me interrogate you.

I mean, talk to you more.

Thanks, but I'm going with my mom.

She just got engaged and has zero friends to bore with the news.

Mom, I'm gonna head home with Dad and Don.

A three-hour explanation of why the NBA was better in the '80s

will help me sleep.

Velma, what's really going on?

And how are you so chill about your mom marrying William?

You said the only stepfather you'd ever accept was Rahul Kohli.

Because her marriage will help me help my new friend clear his name.

New friend?

Hello!

I can't believe you've had a brain-swapping machine

and we haven't done more with it.

Maybe it's because you've been too busy hiding a ghost from us!

I'm not hiding anything, it's just a theory.

Hey, my dad and Diya got engaged!

What?

So you're saying Don's the actual killer,

but is trying to frame this invincible talking dog?

- Snap, right? - Not "Oh, snap". It makes no sense.

If Don wanted to frame Scrappy, why would he first frame

the witches, and then just women in general?

- I'm the serial killer. - I hadn't thought of that.

Before you "Oh, snap" I can explain.

See, Don didn't convince the military I was the killer

until the coroners were dead.

That's when Uncle Scoobi and I fled.

While the military blamed the murders on witches and women

to keep anyone from tracing them back to their top-secret project.

Okay, but just one question. Who is Uncle Scoobi?

That's the thing. I never saw their face.

But I didn't think twice about it because I'm a dog.

I see with my nose.

Yeah! Okay. Sure.

Velma, this is crazy.

Scrappy is clearly the killer. How can you believe him?

Because I've been him.

No one believed me when I said my mom was kidnapped.

Or when I said I didn't kill Brenda.

Okay.

Hey, just an FYI, I can still hear you. I'm a dog.

So the plan is to get Don away from his guards

in order to make him admit he's the killer

and tell us where Uncle Scoobi is.

But Scrappy is invincible. Why not just grab Don right now?

Because Don's guards are armed with...

My one weakness.

Vacuum cleaners.

Of course. Anyway, thanks to my mom getting engaged,

I think we might be able to isolate Don

at the one thing all true sociopaths love.

- A bachelor party. - For William?

No. Not William's bachelor party.

My dad's. We're gonna get him to finally propose to Sophie.

Can I come? I love proposals.

They combine my two favorite things,

romance and competing for likes on social media.

Actually, I need you to...

- Stay here with me. - What? Why?

In case, Velma does something stupid,

like try and rat me out to those guards.

Dogs can sense energy, you know?

And you're both making me nervous.

I totally get it. Hour tops.

Velma, wait! I don't know about this.

Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Oh, yeah, you totally will.

If she's back in time.

You were haunting me?

As if a living white woman don't already haunt me enough?

Yes, but only because I thought I was a hallucination.

But once I realized I was a ghost,

I decided to make Fred the man he's meant to be.

Before I moved on.

Which is why you pushed me to leave the gang in the woods

and to make friends with smart, competent people,

like Norville in Sacramento.

Yes, but nothing's worked,

and now your father is marrying that softie, Diya.

You're doomed, Fred. And thus so am I.

Well, if you really want to prepare me for the world,

I know one thing that might work.

A hug.

Dad, what I'm about to say is going to sound crazy.

But with Mom's engagement, you need to propose to Sophie. ASAP.

I know! Obviously I can't let William show me up like this.

But I did just propose and she said no.

You like green apple? You want this candy ring?

No. And why wouldn't she accept?

Because of you, Velma.

Somehow I've come to genuinely care about you.

- What? - I'm as surprised as you are.

I always thought I'd be fine being a hated, evil stepmother.

But now, before I marry into this family,

I need to know you care about me, too.

So what? You want like an e-card from a free e-card service?

Done! Now, let's talk bachelor party.

No. I had Aman draw up an "emotional prenup" for you to sign.

What's taking so long?

So this is real, Sophie?

You always struck me as a dodging prenup type.

Item one, no more rude comments.

But that's our whole dynamic!

Can you both live with one rude comment per day?

- Two, if she gets a bad haircut. - Agreed.

Item two, when Sophie's relatives call,

you'll say, "She's not available" instead of, "Dead."

I don't have time for this! Just "Yes" to everything.

- Really? - Yes.

So you'll no longer toss empty soda cans at Sophie's head?

- No! - Or refer to her as my goomar?

- No. - Or scream-sneeze?

Or use the words "basic" "norm-core" or "busted".

- Only if I catch her cheating on you. - I can live with that.

And finally, you will no longer make jokes

about Sophie's wacky clock collection.

- Yes! - Then yes! Yes! I'll marry you.

But it has to be before William and Diya get married.

- Don, she said "Yes"! - That is amazing.

Congratulations on no longer being shown up by a rich man.

Now let's talk bachelor party.

Velma, you're not throwing my bachelor party.

Do you even have a cocaine hookup?

The only way you're having a bachelor party is if Velma plans it.

Oh, man!

Sorry that took so long.

But the bachelor party is a go. And look, everything's fine.

Because Scrappy is not the killer.

Then why is he looking at me like I'm a chicken leg?

Because chicken bones kill dogs, Daphne, he's scared!

Okay, well, if my life is done being used as collateral,

I'm gonna hop. Good luck.

Daphne, don't be like that!

You were never in danger because Scrappy is innocent.

Thank you, Velma. I'm gonna call you worm medicine.

'Cause you really know how to put my heart at ease.

A hug? Oh, Fred, that was funny. Don't be funny.

It's desperate. And I've told you hugs make children weak.

No, no, that's not true! Dad and I hug all the time now,

and I've never felt more confident!

Seriously, all I want for Christmas is a mesh shirt.

Really? Well, even if I were willing, there's one problem.

- But you were able to push me. - And I guess that felt important.

Wait. What if you used my body?

Maybe if you possess me, you can hug him.

And then spider-walk me across the ceiling. I need a new profile pic.

That's worth a shot, I guess. Nothing else I've tried has worked.

And I want to pass on already.

Silvio Berlusconi owes me a drink.

Wait, wait, wait. I got to get a vid, so I can recreate it

with pillows whenever I want.

What's happening?

What just happened?

Wait. Of course. If a ghost is just a consciousness,

maybe a brain can't handle two of them at once.

It overloads the system.

Same reason we'll never get a Beyonce, Rihanna collab.

Yes, that's it!

If a brain can only have one consciousness,

I know how I can finally make you a man, Fred.

Wait! Mother, what are you doing?

Did I need this!

I'm always with my security detail, at the Project SCOOBI Labs.

Or worst of all, talking to my family.

- Totally. But where are we? - Where are we?

- The strip club! - The strip club?

Velma, you're my daughter. It's weird at best and lazy at worst.

- We've already done this. - No, Dad. This time it's different.

Cocktails, lap dances, a sexy girl pops out of a giant cake...

Hold on! Cake?

Sophie already has me on a wedding diet.

We're in!

Hey, forget the dancing! Daddy wants cakey.

Ooh, mamma. I can see the red velvet poking out

from behind the frosting.

Revenge time!

Shitty-Crappy? Velma, what did you do?

Scrappy, stop! We're just supposed to get a confession

and learn where Uncle Scoobi is.

Sorry, Velma. Turns out, I am the killer.

But it's not my fault.

Project SCOOBI made me who I am.

So I ask, who's really the villain here?

Them? Or me?

You are. You bit their dicks off.

Okay. But without them, there's no me.

Yeah, no, I get it!

I'm just really bumping on the dick biting.

Well, do you at least feel bad for me?

Not at all. You're a monster.

Not a Frenchman stealing bread to feed his family.

And I've known it all along.

So stop whining and let me enjoy your downfall

with no moral ambiguity.

Girls, hit it!

What? No!

No, no, no, no, no! Make it stop! Or kill me!

Oh, please kill me!

For the love of God, can somebody please explain what's happening?

Am I getting cake or not?

Mother, what are you doing?

Instead of trying to make myself disappear,

I'm going to get rid of you. I'm taking over your body.

You can be a ghost!

And I'll be the man you're meant to be!

And you're gonna like it!

No, I won't like it! I'll hate it!

Because I hate you!

I've always hated you!

You don't get to control me anymore.

I'm my own man in my own body!

So get out!

- Why are you smiling? - Because you did it.

I finally feel ready to move on.

If you can stand up to me, you can do anything, Freddie.

Today you are a man.

So long, my sweet prince.

Oh, God, what's happening?

It burns.

Make it stop, this is all your fault, Fred!

Okay, well, I need to unpack.

So you planned all of this, Velma?

And yet you can't ever remember Father's Day?

Yes. See, from the moment I saw Scrappy, I knew he was evil.

I even told him, his lair, his outbursts,

his mouth full of Occam's razors,

and most damning of all, Scrappy made me uncomfortable.

But to get away, I needed him to trust me.

That's where I came in.

- Daphne, how? - How? It was easy.

Velma fainted as a cover to tell me what was going on.

Once Velma figured out her bachelor party plan,

It became my job to doubt her.

So she could prove to Scrappy she believed him.

So now all that's left is for you to say,

"oh, snap" before the police throw your ass in jail.

That's what you think, Velma. See, I have friends on the inside.

So as much as you want to enjoy my downfall, that won't happen.

Yeah, I'll go to jail now, but soon you'll see

everything from your kidnapping to making Don confess,

was just a big diversion to get what I need to escape

with Uncle Scoobi for good, never to be found again.

Oh, snap.

Or should I say, Oh, Snappy Dappy Doo!

Hey, dudes, I'm here for the bachelor party.

Cake! Nice.

I see you found the place easily enough.

And who said the bodies are too far gone?

You tell Scrappy that with a little work,

I'll have no problem transferring his brain into one of these girls.