Original subtitles

Previously on Velma...

Fred, this is my living grandmother, Dr. Edna Perdue.

What?

Oh, God. No. My mother really was a killer.

Wait. What's going on? What am I?

Velma, I have to tell you something.

I really like Amber.

Okay...

But I like you more. And that's it.

That's all I have to tell you.

So not only were all the victims aware of Project SCOOBI,

they took a meeting with a lawyer at the hospital.

Do you remember what he looked like?

Yes. It was your dad.

What?

Spend enough time solving mysteries,

and you learn that everyone's hiding something.

I don't know nothing about no murders.

Well, we tried. Can't blame us for asking.

You also learn that people hate hiding things.

Okay, fine. You got me. I'll tell you everything I know.

Telling the truth always feels better, which is great,

because in addition to saving lives and helping people,

another reason I love solving mysteries

is to hear people's messed up junk.

Stop. This messed up junk is classified.

I'm shutting this interrogation down on behalf of the US military.

But just like a man with a big, expensive car,

you can't keep your messed up junk hidden forever.

Secure the area. No one gets in or out.

You have to tell Velma what you know.

And stop making toilet wine.

You're under military house arrest, not in jail.

Telling Velma would only make things worse.

Also did you put my shiv in the dishwasher?

Telling me what? How you know about the murders?

How you're the link between all the victims?

- Why the toilet is stained purple? - I can't talk about the murders, Velma.

The army would disappear me forever.

Sophie wants me to tell you that the night after the seance...

Daddy and I saw Daphne cheat on you.

What? Give me your shiv.

Oh, God. See, this is why we don't do chores, Amanda.

So that's what my dad said happened.

And now, I don't know what to do. Do I break up with her?

Or do I hold it against her and use it as an excuse

for every bad thing I do for the rest of my life?

You came to the right place.

As popular girls, we're experts in cheating and getting cheated on.

And this is really bad. I mean, you didn't just get cheated on.

You got cheated on before tomorrow's field trip to Sacramento.

It's a six-hour bus ride to the city

equivalent of a six-hour bus ride.

You know what that means.

Oh, no. Bus gossip. Rumors expand to fill the boredom,

destroying innocent reputations just for fun.

Mary Louis had to get an emotional support dog

just because kids said she put her mouth on the water fountain.

And it wasn't even her. It was me.

Okay. But won't everyone just be focused on the fact

Gigi's dad has my dad under house arrest in connection to the murders?

Only if we fight about it.

And as always, my dad promised me a new phone

if I swallowed my questions about his work.

- So I'm good if you are. - I am.

But how do I keep people from seeing things aren't normal

between Daphne and me and spreading mean rumors?

Maybe we just need to talk it out. Womano a womano.

Talk it out? This isn't Camp David, Velma!

And it's not just your reputation on the line.

If Daphne doesn't pay, she'll cheat on you again.

I know I would!

So the plan is you'll become the best girlfriend ever.

Like, take her podcast recommendations level girlfriend,

but also keep her at a distance to make her want you like crazy.

Then when you have her in the palm of your hand,

you confront her about cheating

in the middle of the State Capitol building rotunda.

The only thing people will gossip about after that

is where we should hold Daphne's social funeral.

So the only way to keep from being destroyed socially by rumors

is to destroy Daphne first?

Exactly. You're, like, so good at being popular.

Okay, if that's how it has to be.

Good morning, class. It's field trip time.

As devoted mothers, we'll be your chaperones.

And as victims of education budget cuts,

we'll also be your tour guides.

So today, we'll see the Capitol,

learn Leland Stanford was a monster...

And then end the day by forgetting all our troubles

at the amusement park.

Wait. Why aren't you cheering? We're kids.

Amusement parks were made for us and adults with bad personalities.

Do we tell him?

He might go "minorly-inconvenienced teenager" on us.

Sweetie, look around. You're not in middle school anymore.

The only roller coaster these kids care about

is the emotional roller coaster of hooking up.

What? That can't be true.

- Did you bring it? - One blanket to cover us.

People will think we're napping, but really, we're hooking up.

Brilliant. Just one thing.

Have you thought about how we hook up?

I'm down for anything. I just don't want to get a concussion.

Okay, well, tell me if I'm moving too fast.

But I thought maybe we could read to each other

from the classic, erotically charged novel,

Portnoy's Complaint?

Oh, Norville!

Okay. I spent all night imagining Daphne's make out sesh with Amber

to psych myself up to destroy her.

- Wait. No. I'm starting to cry. - Velma, play it cool.

Bus gossip is a terrible beast, and it feasts on tears.

We haven't even left yet and we already have a crier.

- Oh, no. - Hey, Velma. what's wrong?

Nothing, nothing.

I'm just overwhelmed by this opportunity to hug you.

Damn it. False alarm.

Well, then, good thing I brought a blanket.

But I actually have to sit next to Gigi.

As long as we seem good with her dad detaining my dad,

the kids won't be interested in gossip.

And we are good. Thanks to my dad's preference to bribe me

rather than just tell me what the hell is going on.

- It's all good. - Are you sure?

I always thought that when I was on the California 33 North,

it would be with my girlfriend,

spreading mean rumors to pass the time.

I know. But since we can't sit together,

I made you this care package.

Face lotion and body lotion.

And hand lotion.

Is it all lotion? Because that's my dream gift.

- Why are you acting weird, Velma? - You're acting weird, Amber.

- Drama. - I mean, see you on the bus.

Well, this care package makes me feel even worse, Amber.

We have to tell her what we did,

even if it threatens your moral superiority.

What we did? That was all you.

And I'll always be morally superior.

I'm the only one in school not looking at Brenda's nudes.

- That's an MRI. - I don't have time for this.

I have to talk to Fred.

Fred. Hey, I have something that might interest you.

And not just the novelty of a pairing we haven't seen before.

Sacramento is a deeply haunted place.

Want to catch a ghost?

Nah. Now that I know that my mom wasn't possessed,

I don't believe in ghosts. Except for the ghost of my childhood.

Look who's trying to claw their way

back up the social ladder after the seance.

I don't know what you're talking about,

But given the number of ghosts in the Capitol,

by the end of this field trip, you'll be begging me to do a seance.

Ghosts?

Norville, you're not hooking up.

You're just reading about the Jewish American experience.

Like me, you must be saving your body

for the amusement park.

Please. I can't even go.

The park says I count as a beverage in a glass container.

And why are you even talking to us?

Aren't you mad that I forced you to meet my grandmother

and accept your mom's a serial killer?

No. Now that I have the truth, I can finally move on.

Plus, we're about to be in coaster heaven.

They call it that 'cause of all the people who've died there.

Now, since you're not doing anything,

what are your top 50 favorite rides?

What's the bus gossip? Anything about me?

Billy's losing his virginity on this trip.

Portnoy masturbated with a liver.

I, like, heard Daphne...

- What? - Shh! I didn't get it.

I also heard Daphne...

I keep missing it. Help me.

Are you guys talking about how sad Daphne is

that Velma is sitting with Gigi?

No one suspects that Daphne cheated on me.

- Your plan is working great. - What plan?

My plan to sound totally unsuspicious.

Okay.

I got passed a note that someone wants to see you at the back of the bus.

There's no one here. So who wrote this?

It was me.

Dad? You escaped house arrest and you're here?

I'd rather you be the serial killer than a bus perv.

I'm not a bus perv or the serial killer.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on.

And Don will never suspect

I escaped house arrest to go to Sacramento.

It's a lateral move. Now pay attention.

This flash drive contains top secret military info

I ripped off of Don's laptop this morning

as he exercised like a chump.

It might explain why men connected to Project SCOOBI are dying,

but we need to find a computer at the Capitol

and print whatever info was on this drive.

But someone will need to use the bathroom.

Sure, they're under their blankets now,

but some of these kids will want to enter the eight-foot high club.

And I need you to make sure that no one comes in here.

No. Please, Dad. You don't know what you're asking.

The gossip will destroy me before I can destroy Daphne.

Velma, I don't know what that means, but lives are at stake.

Okay.

Nobody go in there for the rest of the ride.

If you know what I mean.

Oh, man. Velma destroyed the bathroom.

Everyone, gossip.

I also heard it was her mouth that touched the water fountain,

and she liked it.

I meant you should put up an out of order sign.

What have I done?

Hey, guys, wait for me.

No! We don't know you, Velma.

Velma, over here!

Dad, you can't be out in the open.

Don't worry. I have a disguise.

As long as I hit this vape every 30 seconds, we are good.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever...

Excuse me, familiar seeming teenager.

Have you seen Lola and Norville?

They're over there, son.

- I mean peer. - Thanks.

And Velma, sorry, but I can't be seen with you.

You're as unpopular as water restrictions in the Central Valley.

I'm really learning a lot on this trip.

I can't believe Fred talked the whole bus ride.

Nobody should know that much about churros.

Well, at least we can get back on the bus and hook up now.

Spooky.

They're over here, Fred. By the haunted statue of Jerry Brown.

Oh, wait. No, that's just Jerry Brown.

Cap and trade!

Thanks, but I still don't want to hunt ghosts with you.

And I have to tell Lola and Norville

the hottest souvenir roller coaster photo poses.

Let's just say finger guns are back, baby.

Norville, wait up.

Haunted statue?

Your attempts to befriend Fred are getting pathetic.

You were saying?

Stay back, sad Sacramento-an!

Hey, Daphne. Sup?

"Sup"? You committed social suicide on the bus.

And I wanted to make sure you're okay.

I'm fine.

Oh, who am I kidding?

If you cared about me, you wouldn't have kissed Amber.

- What? - Yeah, I know.

And worse, I had to find out about it from my dad.

Not even weird looks in the halls from strangers.

I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you,

but I knew how bad it would be.

That time I didn't text you back for a day,

you threw my bike off a cliff.

So how could you do this? If we'd been together ten years,

sure, married, not buried, I get it.

- But it's been like three weeks. - I know.

I was just so hurt after what you said at the seance,

and I made the biggest mistake of my life.

Can you forgive me?

No. Rot in hell. Actually, wait. This is weird.

I don't think I want you to rot in hell.

That can't be right. Rot in hell!

Nope. What's going on? Where's my anger?

I don't know. That's weird. But sometimes,

getting things out in the open can make you feel better.

I don't feel better, Daphne. I just don't want you to rot in hell.

- And it was just a kiss, right? - It was just a kiss.

You sure? Because I can ask my dad right now.

He snuck aboard our bus to give me top secret military info.

Velma, what's wrong with you? You just implicated Daphne.

If we're caught, she could go to jail.

It's fine. I'm not one of those high-maintenance girlfriends

who gets mad at things like being implicated in crimes.

See, this is why I can't stay mad at you.

And then Leland Stanford used the fortune he'd made

exploiting the Chinese immigrants he hated

to build Stanford University.

- The end. - Roller coaster time.

Shit. He still wants to go.

Fred, look. We didn't want to tell you earlier,

but there's been budget cuts.

Great, teachers make too much as it is.

This day just gets better.

No. They cut the amusement park.

We're really sorry.

What? No, they can't do this.

My father paid for the governor's campaign and his new chin.

I demand to speak to him.

See? Everyone agrees with me.

No. We demand to speak with the governor

so we can thank him.

Now that we don't have to go to the amusement park,

we have more time on the bus to hook up.

Wait, what? No, no. Listen to me.

You're all making a huge mistake.

Look, I get the urge to hook up.

The whole point of being a teenager is losing your innocence.

But trust me, once it's lost, you'll miss it.

'Cause it's not just about learning people can be fun to squeeze.

It's also about learning that people, even mothers,

can be monsters.

And that's why amusement parks are important.

They're the only place you can be a kid

whose only fear is getting decapitated on a ride.

We can't let the governor take that from us.

Who's with me?

Okay, okay. Fred's right.

And they can't keep cutting our budget.

Soon, school will just be a lunch lady

handing out flash cards and guns.

Worse. If they cut the amusement park,

they might cut the chorus overnight.

- And that's the real hook up trip. - Oh, God, no!

Not the chorus overnight!

Wow. Thank you, Norville.

Thank Lola. I wanted to get busy on the bus,

but she nudged me to speak up.

No, I didn't. I was pushed.

Wait. But who pushed her?

There was no one around her.

Exactly.

Okay. It might take a second for these documents to download.

These are state government computers.

Well, in the meantime, tell us what you know about the murders.

It's not much.

As you know, I handle a lot of shady illegal work for the military.

Well, a couple of months ago, Mr. S came to see me.

It turns out, he, the coroners

Father O'Rourke and Sheriff Cogburn

all secretly worked for Project SCOOBI.

Wait, really? Cogburn, Mr. S and the other victims

had second jobs working for Project SCOOBI?

The things you can do when you don't have kids, right?

Tell me about it. But their lives were far from perfect.

Mr. S also told me something I'm still struggling to believe.

Apparently a fellow soldier

was creating an uncomfortable work environment

at Project SCOOBI.

An uncomfortable work environment?

And let me guess, you struggle to believe that

because most guys don't believe that's an actual thing.

Bingo. Regardless, I agreed to meet with Mr. S

and the others off-site.

But before I got any more details, Don told me to drop it.

Hey, Don. What's up?

Drop it? You got it, buddy.

So I did. But then when guys started turning up dead,

Don refused to talk to me.

Okay, but who is the soldier who made them uncomfortable?

- He has to be the killer. - I never got a name.

So last night, when Don stepped away from his laptop,

I searched for Project SCOOBI.

One soldier was listed by only their service number,

and it appeared in these documents.

But these are just a reprimand for missing Fourth of July festivities.

And requisition forms for some electrical components

and white sneakers. Hold on.

These are the same sneakers my attacker in the cemetery wore.

So the killer hates the Fourth of July,

likes electronics and wears comfortable sneakers.

Jeez, are we looking for a soldier or a grandpa?

Thanks, Daph. I knew it was funny,

but not like Vegas magician funny.

Hey, Daphne, could you grab this from the printer for us?

She's still hiding something.

What? Sorry, I was just thinking about

what a good girlfriend Daphne is.

Velma, as a former cheater,

I know cheaters, and she's being way too nice.

- Our relationship isn't like that. - Here's the document.

And I got you this cute stuffed cow from some lobbyists.

All I had to do was agree to be the spokesperson

for meat-based vegetables.

- No funnel cake. - No peace.

Oh, God. A ghost.

No. The cops are locking us in to break up our protests.

And we don't have any flowers to stick in their gun barrels for photo ops.

- So, run! - No! Come back.

The cops coming means it's working.

Amber, I'm sorry I doubted you.

Make the ghost go away,

and I'll forgive you for hooking up with Daphne.

What? I didn't hook up with Daphne.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Stop doubting me.

That's Velma's thing. And yes, I'm so mad at her,

I want to put a curse on her.

What? You put a curse on me?

And instead of telling me, you just let me think you cheated on me?

Told you she was hiding something.

And also, we got to get out of here.

Those aren't cops.

Aman. We know you're here.

- Dad? - Gigi?

That's it. You tell me what the hell is going on right now,

or I will have everyone on the bus gossiping about this,

and it will ruin you.

Gigi, I hear you. So, I'm gonna offer you

two phones to not do that.

Totally. Deal.

- Same seats, same seats. - Everybody sit down and hold on.

Okay. Tell me what the curse was. I can take it.

As long as it wasn't a career in marketing.

I put a curse on you so no one could love you and you'd die alone.

I was wrong. I can't take it.

- Why? - What do you care?

You don't even believe in curses.

I don't believe in Santa Claus either.

But I'd still be mad if he and Amber put a curse on me.

Stop arguing and hold on.

Oh, my God. We're gonna drown.

The river's empty. Thank God for climate change.

What are you doing?

Forgetting about the horrors of the adult world. Come on.

Aman, pull over.

- Never. - I hear you, but you're over 40.

You're gonna need to get out and stretch in the next hour anyway.

Velma, it's over.

Aman, I am only here to help you.

So just come home with me now

and we forget this whole thing happened.

How can we trust you? You said Project SCOOBI was dead.

For your own safety.

The same reason I put your dad under house arrest.

You see, the truth is,

after Dr. Edna Perdue was institutionalized,

Project SCOOBI switched focus

from putting soldiers' brains in meddling kids

to merely keeping tabs on them.

Anywhere meddling kids gathered,

we installed our people to watch them.

Until one day, before your mom was kidnapped,

one of our operatives came across her

reading Dr Perdue's missing journals and took pictures.

My mom? Which operative?

And did they get any candids of me?

- Because those are great. - But that's just it.

The operative hid their identity

and only went by the code name Uncle Scoobi.

Regardless, the military used

Uncle Scoobi's photos of Dr. Perdue's journal pages

to create an invincible super soldier

to infiltrate groups of meddling kids.

But it went bad.

Like, instantly.

Of course it did. Playing God always goes bad,

just like how real God created crocodiles and shit.

Well, this was worse than anything we ever could have imagined.

The super soldier made the men feel uncomfortable at work.

So this super soldier killed the men he made uncomfortable.

Maybe now guys will realize

that where there's smoke, there's always fire.

Maybe.

Thankfully, the fact Aman's alive means

the super soldier is not interested in you.

- Still, we should get you home. - Okay, but real quick.

Are the three dead bodies I saw on the base more victims?

No. Those are the bodies of the hot girls.

Project SCOOBI tried to restore them for the brains,

but sadly they are too far gone.

- The hot girls? - Yes.

Dad! The phone store closes at 6:00 PM.

And stop trying to find the killer. He's dangerous.

You guys don't have to sit with me.

I just needed some help taking my mind off things.

- And this bus chase really did it. - No, you were right, Fred.

As much as we want to grow up,

sometimes it's good to find ways to stay a kid.

For instance, I thought I was too old to make new friends,

but after everything today, I think that's exactly what we did.

And it wouldn't have happened without slamming doors and a push.

I see you, ghost.

Why did you call me a ghost?

And why is that dog barking at me?

Oh, God. Am I the ghost?

Hey! Quiet that dog down!

Velma's resolving something with Daphne. I want to eavesdrop.

As I was saying,

you were just so mean to me after this seance,

I wanted the universe to make it impossible to love you

so that I could stop loving you.

Wait, Daphne, that's...

I know, the most horrible thing ever. That's why I put myself in the jar.

I couldn't believe I was the kind of person

who would do that to someone I cared for.

I was going to say that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

What?

Wanting me to die alone isn't great, but loving me hurt you so much,

you did everything in your power to stop, and you couldn't.

That's beyond romantic.

I feel like a girl in a '90s R&B song.

That's a very positive spin.

I know. So just promise that from now on,

you'll tell me what you've done before you put your brain in a jar.

If I wanted to date someone who'd rather risk their life

than communicate, I'd be straight.

I promise.

Get it away.

Wait. Hold on. That's it.

The killer loves sneakers,

hates the Fourth of July

and the attacks were all low on the body.

But why electronics?

This is the same speaker that's in a Baby Babble Box,

which Don's wife said came from Project SCOOBI.

Daphne, what if the super soldier isn't human?

What if the military built a...

A what?

- A talking... - A talking what?

Velma!

Velma, where are you?

Help!

Velma!

As cops, we don't know how your chaperones

could let Velma go missing.

As you chaperones, we're doing our best, God damn it.

- Hey. - I'm watching the news.

- Was it Victoria... - Who flipped the bus?

I don't know.

Stay close to Fred until you do know.

Remember, you work for me now.

I know. Speaking of, I still haven't been paid.

And it would be really...