All language subtitles for Yes Minister S01E07 - Jobs for the Boys

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:49,226 What time is the Minister recording this broadcast? 2 00:00:49,387 --> 00:00:50,820 Two p.m., Sir Humphrey. 3 00:00:50,987 --> 00:00:53,979 Can't you stop him referring to the Solihull project? 4 00:00:54,147 --> 00:00:56,058 - There's not a hope. - Oh, God. 5 00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,866 "It's a shining example of collaboration 6 00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:01,177 between government and industry". 7 00:01:01,347 --> 00:01:04,305 - How could he think that? - You told him it was. 8 00:01:05,987 --> 00:01:07,739 Can a 74 million building project 9 00:01:07,907 --> 00:01:10,979 in the middle of a city, be swept under the carpet? 10 00:01:11,307 --> 00:01:14,982 - We'll use the Official Secrets - A secret? It's so huge. 11 00:01:15,147 --> 00:01:17,342 It's a big secret, Bernard. 12 00:01:17,507 --> 00:01:19,941 But you can't use the Official Secrets Act 13 00:01:20,107 --> 00:01:22,177 with something everybody knows about? 14 00:01:22,467 --> 00:01:27,336 The Official Secrets Act is not to protect secrets, but officials. 15 00:01:28,907 --> 00:01:31,137 Why haven't you allowed me to show 16 00:01:31,307 --> 00:01:34,982 the Solihull Report to the Minister, tell him the truth? 17 00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:36,780 He hasn't asked. 18 00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:39,939 Why bother a Minister if he doesn't want to know? 19 00:01:40,107 --> 00:01:42,462 But how could he ask if he doesn't know? 20 00:01:42,707 --> 00:01:44,060 Quite so. 21 00:01:44,227 --> 00:01:47,424 It's not that I'm questioning your judgment but... 22 00:01:47,587 --> 00:01:49,305 - But? - But why? 23 00:01:49,627 --> 00:01:52,699 Because, Bernard, the Solihull Report contained 24 00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:56,303 a paragraph casting doubt on the financial soundness 25 00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:59,664 of Michael Bradley and Sloane Enterprises Ltd. 26 00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:03,581 And the report's foresight had some insight in the light of hindsight? 27 00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:04,936 What? 28 00:02:05,187 --> 00:02:07,906 If it said that Michael Bradley was going to go bust? 29 00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:10,058 Please, Bernard, watch your language. 30 00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:14,381 The point is that, by the time the Report came out, I was so... 31 00:02:14,547 --> 00:02:17,778 or rather the Department was so committed to Bradley 32 00:02:17,947 --> 00:02:21,576 that it seemed worth taking the risk to see the project through. 33 00:02:21,747 --> 00:02:24,739 If the Minister knows this partner was going bust, 34 00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:27,467 he wouldn't make a broadcast about it. 35 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:31,865 Ministers should never know more than they need to know. 36 00:02:32,107 --> 00:02:33,586 Then they can't tell anyone. 37 00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:36,905 Like secret agents. 38 00:02:37,267 --> 00:02:38,859 They could be captured and tortured. 39 00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:40,380 By terrorists? 40 00:02:40,547 --> 00:02:42,458 By the BBC, Bernard. 41 00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:46,902 The bank doesn't know whether or not to foreclose. 42 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:50,343 I'll dine with Sir Desmond Glazebrook, their Chairman. 43 00:02:50,547 --> 00:02:52,299 We might manage to cook something up. 44 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:54,139 Why don't you go to a restaurant? 45 00:02:56,027 --> 00:02:58,336 Anyway, in the meantime, come what may, 46 00:02:58,507 --> 00:03:02,341 the Minister must not refer to the Solihull Project on the air. 47 00:03:02,507 --> 00:03:05,943 Sir Humphrey, this is a bit of a coverup, isn't it? 48 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,256 Certainly not. 49 00:03:07,427 --> 00:03:11,022 It is responsible discretion exercised in the national interest 50 00:03:11,187 --> 00:03:15,339 to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures 51 00:03:15,507 --> 00:03:19,705 in which untimely revelation could severely impair public confidence. 52 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,698 Oh, I see. It's like Watergate? 53 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:22,867 Bernard! 54 00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:28,177 If you wish to leave the Service and become a BBC interviewer, 55 00:03:28,347 --> 00:03:31,066 - you have only to apply. - I'm sorry, but... 56 00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:33,183 How was Watergate different exactly? 57 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:36,020 Watergate happened in America, Bernard! 58 00:03:36,827 --> 00:03:38,624 Oh yes, yes. I see. 59 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,137 - Good morning, Minister. - Good morning. 60 00:03:42,307 --> 00:03:44,104 Morning, Bernard. Sorry I'm late. 61 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,144 Put them on the desk, George. 62 00:03:46,307 --> 00:03:49,583 I don't want to be late at Broadcasting House. 63 00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:52,864 What's the broadcast all about? NATO, wasn't it? 64 00:03:53,027 --> 00:03:54,938 No, partnerships in industry. 65 00:03:55,427 --> 00:03:58,260 Oh, yes. I knew it was something like that. 66 00:03:58,787 --> 00:04:00,937 - Who else is in it? - It's all in there. 67 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,302 An Employer and a Trades Unionist. 68 00:04:03,747 --> 00:04:05,146 Joe Morgan? 69 00:04:05,307 --> 00:04:08,219 Wasn't he the TUC representative on the Solihull project? 70 00:04:08,387 --> 00:04:09,536 Er, Minister... 71 00:04:10,587 --> 00:04:11,736 Yes, Humphrey? 72 00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:15,536 You are not proposing to refer to the Solihull project on the air? 73 00:04:15,707 --> 00:04:18,175 Yes. It's a shining example of cooperation 74 00:04:18,347 --> 00:04:20,303 between the Government and industry. 75 00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:23,265 But I would be much happier if it were omitted. 76 00:04:23,427 --> 00:04:24,427 Why? 77 00:04:24,587 --> 00:04:27,147 Don't you think it's rather premature? 78 00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:29,867 Certainly not. Building started months ago. 79 00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:33,145 Exactly. Rather out of date, in fact. 80 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,218 Premature and out of date? 81 00:04:35,387 --> 00:04:37,218 Well, untimely. 82 00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:40,140 Would it be uninteresting to the general public? 83 00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:42,298 No. It's something that's going on. 84 00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:44,503 - Extremely interesting. - Yes. Quite so. 85 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,658 So interesting that there is a danger 86 00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:49,705 that it might obscure your main point, perhaps. 87 00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:51,545 What is my main point? 88 00:04:53,107 --> 00:04:55,541 Bernard, what's the Minister's main point? 89 00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:59,262 Private projects are more socially responsible with government money, 90 00:04:59,427 --> 00:05:02,624 and government projects are more efficient with private investment. 91 00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:05,062 You see? It underlines my main point. 92 00:05:05,227 --> 00:05:07,024 You really are a wet blanket. 93 00:05:07,187 --> 00:05:09,178 Just go about stirring up apathy. 94 00:05:09,427 --> 00:05:11,895 Minister, I must seriously advise you 95 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:14,422 with all the earnestness at my command, 96 00:05:14,587 --> 00:05:17,579 not to refer to the Solihull Project on the air. 97 00:05:17,747 --> 00:05:18,816 Why? 98 00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:21,064 - What? - I said, why? 99 00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:22,536 - Why? - Why? 100 00:05:23,147 --> 00:05:24,147 Well, Minister... 101 00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:27,299 Are you planning to take the credit for this yourself? 102 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,778 At the European Convention of Government administration. 103 00:05:30,947 --> 00:05:33,825 Your speech will make very good reading. 104 00:05:33,987 --> 00:05:35,864 Well, a few facts of life. 105 00:05:36,427 --> 00:05:39,897 Politicians are responsible ultimately to the people, 106 00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:43,184 and we get the credit. Not Civil Servants. 107 00:05:43,347 --> 00:05:47,386 I would be perfectly happy for you to have the "credit" for this project. 108 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:50,619 But, I must beg, beseech and implore you not today. 109 00:05:50,787 --> 00:05:53,904 No, it's no good. I'm not going to fall for it. 110 00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:56,865 I'm going to get all the political capital of this. 111 00:05:57,027 --> 00:05:58,983 I know a good thing when I see one. 112 00:05:59,147 --> 00:06:01,103 - Please, do listen to... - No. No. No. 113 00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,666 - Minister, p... - No, 114 00:06:03,427 --> 00:06:04,701 Humpy. 115 00:06:09,587 --> 00:06:10,940 - What? - What? 116 00:06:14,947 --> 00:06:18,144 If it had been up to me, I'd help out like a shot. 117 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:19,622 Quite so. 118 00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:22,255 It's not the bank's fault if some idiot Minister 119 00:06:22,427 --> 00:06:25,260 gets into bed with a kid, who runs with the money. 120 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,895 That Minister wasn't entirely to blame. 121 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,376 There were extenuating circumstances. 122 00:06:30,547 --> 00:06:33,857 This Bradley chap looked very sound at the time. 123 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,542 But you wouldn't have done a damn fool thing like that. 124 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,495 Would you? 125 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:43,217 When it looked like Bradley wanted a loan that was one thing. 126 00:06:43,387 --> 00:06:45,184 But now he can't pay his bills. 127 00:06:45,347 --> 00:06:46,700 Well, he is unlikely 128 00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:50,382 to fulfill his financial undertakings to Her Majesty's Government. 129 00:06:50,547 --> 00:06:52,265 Can't pay his bills, you mean. 130 00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:56,979 And Her Majesty's Government's undertakings go down with him. 131 00:06:57,147 --> 00:06:58,147 Yes. 132 00:06:58,307 --> 00:07:01,982 Unless a reputable bank were to take over the contract 133 00:07:02,147 --> 00:07:05,901 from Bradley with a view to participating in a project 134 00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:09,855 which Her Majesty's Government is determined to make profitable. 135 00:07:10,027 --> 00:07:11,027 Quite so. 136 00:07:11,187 --> 00:07:13,655 More Sancerre for Her Majesty's Government? 137 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,787 Well, like I say, it's up to my Board. 138 00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:19,983 Could go either way, quite frankly. 139 00:07:20,387 --> 00:07:22,218 - Could go either way. - I see. 140 00:07:23,507 --> 00:07:26,817 Incidentally, to change the subject completely, 141 00:07:26,987 --> 00:07:29,740 you remember the new Ministry Co-partnership 142 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,863 Commission you mentioned? 143 00:07:32,027 --> 00:07:33,142 Indeed. 144 00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:35,946 The Chairmanship hasn't been filled yet? 145 00:07:37,347 --> 00:07:40,464 - Not yet, Desmond. - Because if it were to be... 146 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,345 should one be offered... 147 00:07:42,547 --> 00:07:45,266 not for the money, I mean, what's 8,000 a year? 148 00:07:45,547 --> 00:07:48,061 160 a week. Part time. 149 00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:49,376 Quite. 150 00:07:49,867 --> 00:07:52,540 But it would be a fascinating... 151 00:07:52,707 --> 00:07:55,380 Has anything been decided, informally? 152 00:07:55,707 --> 00:07:58,346 You're looking around for a couple of quangos, 153 00:07:58,507 --> 00:07:59,940 and I can tell you, 154 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:04,744 in complete confidence, that your name is 155 00:08:06,907 --> 00:08:08,420 on the shortlist. 156 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,135 On the shortlist? 157 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:15,018 Quangos can't suddenly be in short supply, can they? 158 00:08:15,347 --> 00:08:17,736 There's report in today's Telegraph. 159 00:08:17,907 --> 00:08:19,386 "The Quango Jungle: 160 00:08:20,787 --> 00:08:23,779 There are still around 8,000 paid appointments 161 00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:27,576 within the gift of Ministers to Quasi Autonomous NGOs, 162 00:08:27,747 --> 00:08:30,898 - at five million pounds a year". - You'll have two or three spare. 163 00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,183 There's certainly a lot of them around, 164 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,907 the point is finding one that is appropriate. 165 00:08:36,187 --> 00:08:38,655 There has to be some reason to appoint you. 166 00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:44,378 What about the Advisory Committee of Dental Establishments? 167 00:08:44,707 --> 00:08:47,585 - Know anything about teeth? - I'm a banker. 168 00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:51,660 And that rules out the Milk Marketing Board, too. 169 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:52,867 Right. 170 00:08:53,747 --> 00:08:56,978 How about the Dumping at Sea Representations Panel? 171 00:08:57,147 --> 00:08:59,741 - Do you live near the sea? - Knightsbridge. 172 00:09:02,987 --> 00:09:04,420 Just behind Harrods. 173 00:09:06,107 --> 00:09:07,665 Not near enough. 174 00:09:07,907 --> 00:09:11,786 That more or less rules out the Clyde River Purification Board too. 175 00:09:12,107 --> 00:09:13,938 - Rump steak? - That's for me. 176 00:09:14,107 --> 00:09:16,382 Meat Marketing Board. Know anything about meat? 177 00:09:16,747 --> 00:09:18,021 I eat it. 178 00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,026 Not enough. 179 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,497 It rules out the Meat and Livestock Commission. 180 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,056 - Doversole. Sir? - White Fish Authority? 181 00:09:25,227 --> 00:09:26,227 Potatoes? 182 00:09:26,387 --> 00:09:28,298 Potato Marketing Board? 183 00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:32,902 The Governors of the National Vegetable Research Station? 184 00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,265 The National Biological Standards Board? 185 00:09:36,427 --> 00:09:38,782 Is that my salad. Thank you, Robert. 186 00:09:39,987 --> 00:09:43,423 The Arable Crops and Forage Board? 187 00:09:44,307 --> 00:09:47,265 The Food and Drink Training Board? 188 00:09:47,507 --> 00:09:49,463 Some French mustard, please? 189 00:09:49,627 --> 00:09:53,700 What about the Food Additives and Contaminants committee? 190 00:09:54,867 --> 00:09:57,427 I know very little about any of those. 191 00:09:57,867 --> 00:10:00,779 - Well, what do you know about? - Nothing. 192 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,056 Nothing really. I'm a banker. 193 00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:08,620 This is not easy. 194 00:10:12,587 --> 00:10:15,340 The Fire Services Examinations Board? 195 00:10:19,187 --> 00:10:20,905 St. John's Ambulance? 196 00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:24,537 - French mustard, sir. - Thank you. 197 00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:27,625 What about the Plant Varieties and Seeds Tribunal? 198 00:10:28,147 --> 00:10:30,263 Dammit, Humphrey, I'm a banker. 199 00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:31,781 Thank you. 200 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:35,899 There must be some minority group that you can represent. 201 00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:37,976 Bankers. 202 00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:42,143 You see, the ideal quango appointee is a black, Welsh, 203 00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,616 disabled woman Trade Unionist. 204 00:10:46,307 --> 00:10:49,026 We're all looking around for one of them. 205 00:10:49,427 --> 00:10:52,305 - You don't happen to know any? - No. 206 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,980 No. Well... 207 00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:58,379 It all boils down to the Industry Co-partnership Commission. 208 00:10:58,547 --> 00:11:00,458 I'd find that quite acceptable. 209 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,460 Well, it is within the gift of my Minister. 210 00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:06,780 And you need only put in appearances twice a month. 211 00:11:06,947 --> 00:11:08,175 Lots of papers? 212 00:11:08,347 --> 00:11:11,419 Yes, but it wouldn't be awfully necessary to read them. 213 00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:14,583 I wouldn't have anything to say at the meetings. 214 00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:17,898 Splendid. You're just the chap I'm looking for. 215 00:11:23,387 --> 00:11:25,423 Broadcasting House, please. 216 00:11:36,187 --> 00:11:38,257 Sorry to keep you, George. 217 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:41,578 When you drop me, please take Mr. Wooly on to the House. 218 00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:44,621 Why Humphrey wants to stop me 219 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,347 mentioning the Solihull Project on the air? 220 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:50,419 Didn't you think he gave 6 or 7 convincing reasons? 221 00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:51,986 No. Did you? 222 00:11:52,147 --> 00:11:54,024 I think he knows what he's doing. 223 00:11:54,187 --> 00:11:55,666 Sure he does. 224 00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,698 I only wish I knew what he was doing. 225 00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,939 I'm sure if Sir Humphrey advises something, then, 226 00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:03,905 whatever he does advise is advisable. 227 00:12:05,707 --> 00:12:08,221 - What do you advise? - It's not for me to advise, 228 00:12:08,387 --> 00:12:10,947 but I would advise you that you would be 229 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:14,224 well advised to follow Sir Humphrey's advice. 230 00:12:15,387 --> 00:12:16,387 Why? 231 00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,737 Well, it's just that... 232 00:12:18,907 --> 00:12:21,057 certain projects have certain aspects which, 233 00:12:21,227 --> 00:12:24,822 with sensitive handling, given reasonable discretion, 234 00:12:24,987 --> 00:12:29,299 when events permit, there is no prima facie reason why, 235 00:12:29,547 --> 00:12:33,256 with appropriate give and take, if if all goes well, 236 00:12:33,427 --> 00:12:37,784 in the fullness of time, when the moment is ripe, er... 237 00:12:39,187 --> 00:12:40,745 You're blathering. 238 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,146 - Yes, Minister. - Why are you blathering? 239 00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:45,865 It's my job, Minister. 240 00:12:47,107 --> 00:12:50,258 An example of this is going on up in Solihull now. 241 00:12:50,467 --> 00:12:52,423 Government money and private investment 242 00:12:52,587 --> 00:12:54,543 working together in a real partnership. 243 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:55,935 Claptrap. 244 00:12:56,107 --> 00:12:59,702 And it's symbolic of the way this Government is working. 245 00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:03,462 I've taken a personal interest in the Solihull Project because... 246 00:13:03,627 --> 00:13:07,586 Not just words, it is actually there in bricks and mortar. 247 00:13:07,947 --> 00:13:10,666 A concrete example, if I may put it like that, 248 00:13:10,827 --> 00:13:13,466 of the fact that our principles really work. 249 00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:17,103 Thank you, Minister. One last word, Mr. Conway? 250 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:21,380 There's nothing wrong with the principle of partnership... 251 00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:23,936 Provided that there's no interference 252 00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:27,656 in management decisions from the State or the workforce. 253 00:13:27,827 --> 00:13:29,977 Thank you, Mr. Conway. Joe Morgan? 254 00:13:30,187 --> 00:13:32,906 Dear, oh dear, oh dear. 255 00:13:33,587 --> 00:13:36,181 We all know that Mr. Conway is talking 256 00:13:36,347 --> 00:13:38,622 out of date capitalist claptrap. 257 00:13:39,547 --> 00:13:41,981 If partnership is to mean anything, it must mean 258 00:13:42,147 --> 00:13:45,935 an equal partnership between unions, government and industry. 259 00:13:46,107 --> 00:13:48,302 - In that order. - A final word, Minister? 260 00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:52,096 - There's no need to be offensive. - Gentlemen, please. 261 00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:54,065 We're all in agreement. 262 00:13:54,227 --> 00:13:57,378 We've shown that if we can work together 263 00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,663 we can forge a new Britain. 264 00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:03,536 And it's a pleasure to talk to two of the principal forgers... 265 00:14:03,707 --> 00:14:05,504 principal participants. 266 00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:06,747 Thank you. 267 00:14:06,907 --> 00:14:10,058 James Hacker, Minister for Administrative Affairs, 268 00:14:10,227 --> 00:14:14,459 was talking with George Conway, from the Construction Federation, 269 00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:18,984 and Joe Morgan, from the Commercial and Administrative Workers Union. 270 00:14:22,347 --> 00:14:25,384 Splendid. Thank you all. Jean will take you to Hospitality. 271 00:14:25,547 --> 00:14:27,981 - Was it really all right? - First class. 272 00:14:28,147 --> 00:14:29,819 Most interesting, Minister. 273 00:14:31,107 --> 00:14:35,180 Can we edit that awful Hacker waffle down to two and a half? 274 00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,099 Leave the Solihull bit. 275 00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:41,300 - Joe, see you later. - Yes, George. 276 00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:43,662 I hope you won't mind my mentioning it, 277 00:14:43,827 --> 00:14:45,897 Mr. Hacker, but could you put a word in 278 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:49,025 for my members' claim for a special Birmingham allowance? 279 00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:53,066 I don't think I can conduct Trade Union negotiations in a BBC studio. 280 00:14:53,347 --> 00:14:56,180 And that's a matter for the Employment... 281 00:14:56,347 --> 00:14:58,542 - But a word from you... - No, I'm sorry. 282 00:14:58,707 --> 00:15:02,382 We'd have a Manchester allowance, Plymouth allowance, 283 00:15:02,547 --> 00:15:04,299 Chipping Sodbury allowance... 284 00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:08,904 After this broadcast people might ask about the Solihull project, 285 00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:11,058 wanting to know more about it. 286 00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:12,376 I hope they do. 287 00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:17,177 But as we know, there are some things better not found out. 288 00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:20,977 I'm sure we understand one another. 289 00:15:22,627 --> 00:15:23,696 Do we? 290 00:15:24,547 --> 00:15:26,185 Something in your eye? 291 00:15:27,107 --> 00:15:29,382 - Just a gleam. - What? 292 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,464 Oh, come off it, Hacker. 293 00:15:31,627 --> 00:15:34,300 We've got you by the short and curlies. 294 00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:37,621 And I'm asking 10 % below London allowance, 295 00:15:37,787 --> 00:15:40,506 and we'll settle for 30 % below. 296 00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:42,817 Give you the credit for beating us down. 297 00:15:42,987 --> 00:15:46,297 No allowance. You'd better resign yourself to that. 298 00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:49,739 I'm not the one who will have to resign. 299 00:15:50,107 --> 00:15:52,860 - What are you talking about? - The Solihull Project. 300 00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:56,019 I could hardly believe you took all the credit for it. 301 00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:59,657 Great courage, of course, but whatever possessed you? 302 00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:03,024 "Cannons to the right of him, Cannons to the left of him, 303 00:16:03,187 --> 00:16:05,906 Into the Valley of death rode Mr. Hacker". 304 00:16:13,427 --> 00:16:14,860 How did it go, sir? 305 00:16:15,947 --> 00:16:18,222 Oh, very well. Very well. 306 00:16:18,747 --> 00:16:21,819 I was talking about government industry cooperation. 307 00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:25,539 There's a very interesting project in the Midlands. 308 00:16:25,707 --> 00:16:29,905 I don't suppose you'd have heard about it, but it's very interesting 309 00:16:30,827 --> 00:16:32,704 if you know the background. 310 00:16:32,907 --> 00:16:35,216 You don't mean the Solihull Project, sir? 311 00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:37,463 Yes. You have heard about it. 312 00:16:40,187 --> 00:16:42,576 - What are you laughing about? - Nothing, sir. 313 00:16:46,027 --> 00:16:48,416 - What have you heard? - Nothing really, sir. 314 00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:51,223 It's a shining example of collaboration 315 00:16:51,387 --> 00:16:53,343 between government and industry. 316 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,862 What do you know about all this? 317 00:16:58,027 --> 00:17:02,339 37 journeys between the Ministry and Mr. Michael Bradley's office, 318 00:17:02,507 --> 00:17:05,897 44 Farringdon Street, and 129 Birmingham Road, Solihull. 319 00:17:06,307 --> 00:17:07,865 37 journeys? Who with? 320 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,303 Your predecessor, sir, and Sir Humphrey, mostly. 321 00:17:13,987 --> 00:17:16,626 Very cheerful they were, on the first few trips. 322 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,620 They kept talking about shining examples 323 00:17:19,787 --> 00:17:22,426 of successful collaboration and such like. 324 00:17:22,947 --> 00:17:25,541 Then the gloom started to come down. 325 00:17:26,347 --> 00:17:29,225 - Gloom? - Well, no not gloom. 326 00:17:29,747 --> 00:17:31,863 More like desperation, really. 327 00:17:32,227 --> 00:17:34,138 Desperation? What about? 328 00:17:35,027 --> 00:17:37,222 You know the background, sir. 329 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:39,739 Well, yes, yes... 330 00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:43,705 Any bit of the background you were thinking of? 331 00:17:44,027 --> 00:17:47,906 No. When something's fishy, it's just fishy, isn't it? 332 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,986 You don't know which bit the smell's coming from. 333 00:17:51,347 --> 00:17:54,419 - Fishy? - Well, I don't really know. 334 00:17:54,827 --> 00:17:57,899 For all I know, Mr. Bradley may be quite kosher, 335 00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:01,184 despite everything Sir Humphrey said about him. 336 00:18:01,627 --> 00:18:04,016 You know more about all that than I do. 337 00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:05,461 I'm just the driver. 338 00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:07,700 Quite. Quite. 339 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,098 I'm just the Minister. 340 00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:14,422 An allowance for Morgan's union is out of the question. 341 00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:16,703 But how was the broadcast? 342 00:18:16,987 --> 00:18:19,023 Well, all right, I think. 343 00:18:19,187 --> 00:18:20,461 You think? 344 00:18:20,907 --> 00:18:23,740 I talked about the Solihull Project. 345 00:18:23,987 --> 00:18:26,421 And then I had second thoughts. 346 00:18:26,587 --> 00:18:28,305 Any particular reason? 347 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:33,383 No... Humphrey, is everything all right about the Solihull Project? 348 00:18:33,707 --> 00:18:34,856 Yes, Minister. 349 00:18:35,027 --> 00:18:37,382 The building works proceed satisfactorily. 350 00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:40,061 No, no, no, that's not what I meant. 351 00:18:40,707 --> 00:18:43,585 - Is something going on? - Building is going on. 352 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,021 No, no, Humphrey. 353 00:18:45,187 --> 00:18:47,064 Something's up, isn't it? 354 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,378 - Yes indeed, Minister. - What? 355 00:18:49,547 --> 00:18:51,981 The 1st floor is up, and the 2nd floor almost up. 356 00:18:52,147 --> 00:18:55,139 I'm talking about the whole basis of the thing. 357 00:18:55,307 --> 00:18:56,899 Oh, I see. 358 00:18:57,067 --> 00:19:00,503 - What can you tell me about? - As I understand it... 359 00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,101 The basis is an aggregate of gravel and cement on 360 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,258 six feet of best builders rubble. 361 00:19:05,427 --> 00:19:08,180 You know I am talking about the finance. 362 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:12,135 Our contract with the construction company you mean? 363 00:19:12,307 --> 00:19:15,265 The stage payments are in accordance with all the usual... 364 00:19:15,427 --> 00:19:17,782 Humphrey! What is it that I don't know? 365 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:22,501 - What precisely do you mean? - I don't know. 366 00:19:23,107 --> 00:19:25,223 That's just it, I don't know 367 00:19:25,387 --> 00:19:28,538 because I can't find what questions to ask you, 368 00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:31,665 and I don't know what to ask you because I don't know. 369 00:19:31,827 --> 00:19:33,545 What is it that I don't know? 370 00:19:33,787 --> 00:19:36,779 Minister, I don't know what you don't know. 371 00:19:37,267 --> 00:19:39,019 It could be almost anything. 372 00:19:39,187 --> 00:19:42,179 - You're keeping something from me. - Yes indeed. 373 00:19:42,387 --> 00:19:45,584 It is the Department's duty to protect the Minister 374 00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:48,466 from the great tide of irrelevant information 375 00:19:48,627 --> 00:19:51,858 that beats against the walls of this Department. 376 00:19:52,027 --> 00:19:54,063 There is something about the Solihull Project 377 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,502 that I know I don't know and I know you know. 378 00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,737 I know Bernard knows. Joe Morgan knows. 379 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,818 My own driver knows more than I do. 380 00:20:00,987 --> 00:20:04,423 Only poor Joe Soap who has to tell the public about it 381 00:20:04,587 --> 00:20:07,704 hasn't got a clue as to what's going on. 382 00:20:09,027 --> 00:20:11,257 Will you answer a simple question? 383 00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:13,856 Certainly, Minister. What is it? 384 00:20:14,587 --> 00:20:16,225 I don't know! 385 00:20:17,027 --> 00:20:19,097 If you tell me, I'll ask it! 386 00:20:19,507 --> 00:20:20,507 Well... 387 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:23,056 - Yes, Frank? - Our meeting. 388 00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:25,616 - About my quango paper. - Come on in. 389 00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:29,063 - You've read Frank's paper? - Yes indeed, Minister. 390 00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:33,256 What did you think about ending the ministerial patronage? 391 00:20:33,427 --> 00:20:35,577 All those thousands of jobs for the boys. 392 00:20:35,747 --> 00:20:38,181 Most original and imaginative. 393 00:20:38,627 --> 00:20:39,696 You liked it? 394 00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:43,223 Those are two of Humphrey's most damning criticisms. 395 00:20:43,507 --> 00:20:45,896 It would be a very popular political move. 396 00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:49,343 Hand the quango appointments over to Parliament. 397 00:20:49,507 --> 00:20:53,466 The best men for the job instead of old chums, party hacks. 398 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,458 It should be legislated. 399 00:20:55,627 --> 00:20:58,425 - It is a novel proposal... - That's the other killer. 400 00:20:58,587 --> 00:21:01,181 But when a system is working smoothly... 401 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,544 Smoothly! Look at this! Proposal for Chairman 402 00:21:04,707 --> 00:21:07,779 of the new Industrial Co-parthership Commission, 403 00:21:07,947 --> 00:21:10,336 Sir Desmond Glazebrook, I ask you! 404 00:21:10,507 --> 00:21:12,418 He's never been in industry, 405 00:21:12,587 --> 00:21:15,784 and he's said unpleasant things about this government. 406 00:21:15,947 --> 00:21:18,177 Is that a smoothly operating system? 407 00:21:18,347 --> 00:21:21,100 - He would be an excellent... - He's a blithering idiot! 408 00:21:21,267 --> 00:21:24,896 - Yes, but an excellent Chairman. - I'm sorry, Humphrey. 409 00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:27,979 I am not going to appoint Sir Desmond Glazebrook. 410 00:21:28,147 --> 00:21:30,536 - Minister, you must. - No, no, no... 411 00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:33,540 - Please, Minister... - No way. No Glazebrook. 412 00:21:33,707 --> 00:21:35,663 Over my dead body. Right? 413 00:21:35,907 --> 00:21:39,297 Minister, before you make your final decision 414 00:21:41,147 --> 00:21:43,980 I think perhaps you ought to see this. 415 00:21:46,307 --> 00:21:48,298 "Report on the Solihull Project". 416 00:21:48,467 --> 00:21:50,025 Why is it top secret? 417 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,865 "7.5 million pounds... 418 00:21:53,027 --> 00:21:55,063 probably bankrupt proceedings... 419 00:21:56,187 --> 00:21:58,542 imminent collapse of project"... well... 420 00:22:00,267 --> 00:22:02,542 Imminent collapse of project! 421 00:22:03,587 --> 00:22:05,145 Why didn't you tell me? 422 00:22:05,307 --> 00:22:08,265 I am conscious of the heavy burdens of your office. 423 00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:11,100 But this'll be all over the front pages. 424 00:22:11,267 --> 00:22:13,542 It's a public scandal, a disaster. It's... 425 00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:15,379 - It's appalling... - Jim. 426 00:22:15,547 --> 00:22:18,778 It is dated before the election. You're in the clear. 427 00:22:18,947 --> 00:22:21,939 Yes, but unfortunately under the convention 428 00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,940 of Ministerial responsibility, the blame must fall... 429 00:22:25,107 --> 00:22:27,575 - Everyone will know it wasn't Jim. - Quite so. 430 00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:31,262 The principle of democratic accountability requires 431 00:22:31,427 --> 00:22:33,463 the occasional human sacrifice. 432 00:22:34,067 --> 00:22:36,740 When the pack is baying for blood... 433 00:22:36,907 --> 00:22:39,262 - Isn't that right? - He'll point to the dates... 434 00:22:39,427 --> 00:22:43,306 Oh, a lesser man might try to wriggle out of it. 435 00:22:43,467 --> 00:22:46,459 But there is only one honourable course open. 436 00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:49,386 As the Minister is well aware. 437 00:22:49,987 --> 00:22:51,898 Frank might have a point? 438 00:22:52,107 --> 00:22:54,905 Only today you have publicly identified yourself 439 00:22:55,067 --> 00:22:56,944 with the success of the project. 440 00:22:57,307 --> 00:22:59,377 The broadcast! When's it going out? 441 00:22:59,547 --> 00:23:01,856 It's due for transmission about now. 442 00:23:02,027 --> 00:23:03,540 Get on to the BBC at once. 443 00:23:03,707 --> 00:23:05,698 - Stop it! - Stop what? Oh yes... 444 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:09,499 I wish you luck but you know what the BBC are like. 445 00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:12,101 This is a crisis, this is a scandal... 446 00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:15,816 If you were to put it like that, they might... 447 00:23:15,987 --> 00:23:18,979 - Might what? - Move it to peak listening time. 448 00:23:20,747 --> 00:23:21,862 Any luck? 449 00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:26,145 A perfect example of what can be done is going on up in Solihull. 450 00:23:26,307 --> 00:23:29,504 Government money and private investment in real partnership 451 00:23:29,667 --> 00:23:33,706 to me, symbolic of everything this Government is working for. 452 00:23:33,867 --> 00:23:37,382 I've taken a great personal interest in the Solihull project. 453 00:23:37,547 --> 00:23:41,460 It's not just words, it's actually there in bricks and mortar... 454 00:23:47,347 --> 00:23:50,419 "Symbolic of everything this Government is working for". 455 00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:53,781 How could you let me say all those things? 456 00:23:53,947 --> 00:23:55,903 Minister, I can only advise. 457 00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:58,535 I did advise. I advised most strongly. 458 00:23:58,707 --> 00:24:00,823 But when the adviser's advice is unheeded... 459 00:24:00,987 --> 00:24:02,705 All right, all right. 460 00:24:03,507 --> 00:24:05,304 Advise me now. 461 00:24:06,187 --> 00:24:07,700 Certainly, Minister. 462 00:24:07,987 --> 00:24:10,501 It is possible that the bank may take over 463 00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:13,101 the contract from Bradley and Sloane Enterprises Ltd. 464 00:24:13,267 --> 00:24:14,746 And all will be well. 465 00:24:14,907 --> 00:24:18,695 - The bank! Fine! Well... - The bank, however, is hesitant. 466 00:24:18,987 --> 00:24:21,820 But it so happens that the Director in charge 467 00:24:21,987 --> 00:24:24,376 is to retire next year and he's anxious 468 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:26,424 to find another appointment... 469 00:24:26,587 --> 00:24:28,976 a chairmanship of a quango, for instance. 470 00:24:29,147 --> 00:24:30,341 Give him one! 471 00:24:30,547 --> 00:24:33,107 Give him that one you were reserving for that idiot 472 00:24:33,267 --> 00:24:35,223 Sir Desmond Glazebrook. 473 00:24:36,107 --> 00:24:37,301 Who is the Director? 474 00:24:37,467 --> 00:24:38,616 Desmond Glazebrook. 475 00:24:43,027 --> 00:24:44,904 He's not a bad chap, really. 476 00:24:45,707 --> 00:24:47,823 He's always attacking the government. 477 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:52,060 It does us good sometimes to appoint our opponents. 478 00:24:52,227 --> 00:24:54,218 It's democratic, statesmanlike. 479 00:24:54,387 --> 00:24:56,901 Yes, that's a very good appointment. 480 00:24:57,067 --> 00:24:59,183 - But you can't. - Do shut up, Frank! 481 00:24:59,627 --> 00:25:01,265 Anybody else know about this? 482 00:25:01,427 --> 00:25:04,976 Apart from ourselves and the bank and Michael Bradley, 483 00:25:05,147 --> 00:25:07,103 the Union representative. 484 00:25:07,267 --> 00:25:08,825 Joe Morgan! Of course. 485 00:25:09,107 --> 00:25:12,816 That's what was behind his special Birmingham allowance claim. 486 00:25:13,147 --> 00:25:15,263 - Blackmail. - Quite so, Minister. 487 00:25:15,427 --> 00:25:17,418 Humphrey, I've been thinking. 488 00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:20,784 Desmond Glazebrook will need some support. 489 00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:22,340 A Deputy Chairman, 490 00:25:22,507 --> 00:25:25,226 someone with real experience of Industry. 491 00:25:26,307 --> 00:25:28,263 An excellent thought. 492 00:25:28,547 --> 00:25:32,745 Is there anyone you could advise me would be appropriate? 493 00:25:33,067 --> 00:25:35,740 A Trade Unionist, for example? 494 00:25:38,147 --> 00:25:40,502 What about Joe Morgan, Minister? 495 00:25:40,667 --> 00:25:42,066 Joe Morgan! 496 00:25:42,987 --> 00:25:45,421 What an excellent idea. Well done. 497 00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:47,862 It takes two to quango, Minister. 498 00:25:49,547 --> 00:25:51,856 Get on to them both immediately. 499 00:25:52,027 --> 00:25:54,905 This is what's wrong with the system! 500 00:25:55,067 --> 00:25:58,184 It's jobs for the boys, quid pro quo corruption. 501 00:25:58,347 --> 00:26:00,338 What about my quango abolition paper? 502 00:26:00,507 --> 00:26:03,738 Very good, Frank. Original and imaginative. 503 00:26:03,907 --> 00:26:05,135 - Novel. - Novel. 504 00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:08,422 I'm serious about it. What are you going to do? 505 00:26:11,827 --> 00:26:14,546 You're not going to suppress it. 506 00:26:14,707 --> 00:26:17,585 I'll get it adopted as party policy. 507 00:26:17,747 --> 00:26:20,022 If the Press were to get hold of this... 508 00:26:20,187 --> 00:26:23,065 Yes, if the Press were to get hold of this. 509 00:26:23,227 --> 00:26:25,821 - What a story! - Frank, I've been wondering. 510 00:26:25,987 --> 00:26:28,660 Have you ever thought of serving on a quango? 511 00:26:28,827 --> 00:26:30,624 You're not corrupting me. 512 00:26:30,787 --> 00:26:32,539 No, no, of course not. 513 00:26:32,707 --> 00:26:34,857 But perhaps better than abolishing 514 00:26:35,027 --> 00:26:37,985 the entire system would be to make it work. 515 00:26:38,467 --> 00:26:41,106 Humphrey and I were thinking, if we were to set up 516 00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,781 a special commission to investigate and report 517 00:26:43,947 --> 00:26:47,064 on the composition and activities of all quangos, 518 00:26:47,227 --> 00:26:48,979 that might be the answer. 519 00:26:49,147 --> 00:26:50,182 The answer! 520 00:26:50,347 --> 00:26:53,783 It would have to be very senior, mostly Privy Councillors. 521 00:26:54,787 --> 00:26:57,426 But it would need too some very able people 522 00:26:57,587 --> 00:26:59,259 who have studied quangos 523 00:26:59,427 --> 00:27:01,657 and knew the abuses of the system. 524 00:27:01,907 --> 00:27:05,024 And in the light of your knowledge and concern, 525 00:27:05,187 --> 00:27:07,826 Humphrey suggested your name. 526 00:27:09,547 --> 00:27:12,266 - Didn't you, Humphrey? - Mr. Weisel, I said. 527 00:27:12,787 --> 00:27:14,937 You're not going to change my opinions. 528 00:27:15,107 --> 00:27:17,940 - There is such a thing as integrity. - Of course. 529 00:27:18,107 --> 00:27:20,621 Your opinions and your integrity would make you 530 00:27:20,787 --> 00:27:22,857 such a valuable member of this quango. 531 00:27:23,027 --> 00:27:25,461 Mind you, it would be very hard work. 532 00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:28,985 Service to this Super Quango would involve you 533 00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:32,298 in some very arduous foreign travel, 534 00:27:33,787 --> 00:27:36,176 to see how these matters are managed 535 00:27:36,347 --> 00:27:38,542 in other important government centres. 536 00:27:39,147 --> 00:27:40,899 Japan, Australia, 537 00:27:41,227 --> 00:27:42,785 California, 538 00:27:43,347 --> 00:27:44,826 the West Indies... 539 00:27:45,467 --> 00:27:47,583 - Tahiti... - Tahiti. 540 00:27:49,947 --> 00:27:52,586 Yes, that would be fairly arduous. 541 00:27:52,747 --> 00:27:55,341 Dreadful. Dreadful. 542 00:27:55,947 --> 00:27:58,620 But serving the public's what it's all about, isn't it? 543 00:27:58,787 --> 00:28:00,425 - Absolutely... - Serving the public. 544 00:28:00,587 --> 00:28:02,100 Serving the public. 545 00:28:03,347 --> 00:28:05,019 And my quango paper? 546 00:28:05,187 --> 00:28:07,747 Invaluable, take it with you. 547 00:28:09,667 --> 00:28:14,218 I'll keep a copy, if I may, on the files. 548 00:28:14,747 --> 00:28:16,624 With the Solihull Report. 549 00:28:17,387 --> 00:28:18,786 Yes, Minister. 43179

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