All language subtitles for Yes Minister S01E03 - The Economy Drive

- You've read it?
- I've read it.

- Have you read this?
- He's read it.

- Let me read it to you!
- We've read it.

"Let's get rid of Jim Hacker",
by John Pilgrim.

The Right Honourable
Jim Hacker, promised

to slim down the Civil Service,
and to wipe out the interference

from the Whitehall
and Town Hall busybodies.

But how many people realise that

more people serve in the Inland
Revenue than the Royal Navy?

- Is it true?
- I believe it is, Minister.

- "Perhaps a tax is the best defence".
- Oh, that's rather witty.

- And have you read this bit?
- I have read it.

"No less than four ministries

check the supply
of the same army uniforms.

Defence checks to see
they get what they ordered.

Industry checks to see they are
manufactured as per regulations.

The Treasury checks the bills.

And Jim Hacker's mob
checks up on everyone else.

Jim Hacker is the most obvious case
of overmanning in Whitehall.

Let's get rid of him
and save at least one salary...

Frank, why did you read me that?
I told you I'd read it.

Because I'm your political advisor.

This is politically damaging for you.

Good morning, Minister.

- Have you read this?
- Yes! Yes! Yes!

I have read it!
You have read it, he has read it!

We have all bloody read it,
do I make myself clear?

Abundantly, Minister.

I'm sorry. Sit down.

Humphrey, we have got
to slim down the Civil Service.

How many people have we got
in this department?

This department?
Oh, we're very small.

Small? How small?

I don't know...

2,000?

3,000?

Um... about 23,000,
I think, Minister.

23,000?

In Administrative Affairs?

23,000 people just administering
other administrators?

We'll have to do a study
to see who we can get rid of.

- We did one of those last year.
- And?

It transpired we needed
another 500 people.

However, we could always close
your Bureaucratic Watchdog Office.

No. It's the one thing I've done
since I got here.

But it has been criticised
as a trouble maker's letterbox.

I know.
It's very popular with the voters.

They help us find ways
to stop wasting government money.

We are the experts about
wasting government money...

That's not what I meant.

Well, the Bureaucratic
Watchdog Office stays.

Well, offhand I can't think
of what else to suggest.

Are you seriously telling me
there is no way we can cut down?

I suppose we could lose
one or two of the tea ladies.

Oh, Humphrey, I do wish
you'd take this seriously.

Tea ladies!
I want the facts.

I want to know who works here,
what they do,

what buildings we have,
what goes on in them.

Then we'll know where to cut costs,
cut staff, cut procedures...

The Civil Service, Minister,
exists to implement

legislation enacted
by Parliament.

As long as Parliament continues
to legislate, the Civil Service...

However, I am fully seized
of your requirements,

and I'll go and set
the wheels in motion.

Thank you.

- Good morning, Mr. Weasel.
- Weisel.

Did you know that
a Regional Controller

has achieved cuts of 32 million
in his region alone?

And that the Civil Service
is suppressing the story?

- Is it true?
- If it is, I'm aghast!

- Why?
- If he can save, everyone else can.

Why don't you look into it,
have a bit of a ferret around?

Do you think I could?

I think that's a very good idea,
Mr. Ferret er.. Weasel.

- He told you 32 million pounds?
- Yes, Sir Humphrey.

- I'm aghast!
- So I was.

It's incredible
we didn't know about it.

- I knew about it.
- Then why are you aghast?

I'm aghast that it got out.

We'll get less money
from the Treasury next year.

Oh, it's after half past five.
Sherry?

Oh, er, yes. Thank you.

- You still look worried, Bernard.
- Well... yes.

I mean, surely we want
to save money.

You know perfectly well
there has to be some way

to measure success
in the Civil Service.

British Leyland
measure their success

by the size of their profits,
or, to be more accurate,

they measure their failure
by the size of their losses.

We don't have profits and losses.

We have to measure our success

by the size of our staff
and our budget.

By definition, Bernard,

a big department
is more successful.

Are you saying that
the Regional Controller

boobed by saving so much money?

Well, of course.
Nobody asked him to.

Suppose everybody did it!

Suppose everyone
went around saving money

irresponsibly all over the place.

That's what the Minister wants,
isn't it?

Do sit down, Bernard.

Ministers come and Ministers go.

The average Minister lasts less
than 11 months in any department.

You see, Bernard, it is our duty
to assist the Minister

to fight for the Department's money
despite his own panic reactions.

You mean help him
overcome his panic.

No. No. No.
No, we must let him panic.

Politicians like to panic.
They need activity.

It's their substitute
for achievement.

We must just ensure
that it doesn't change anything.

But they are the people's
representatives,

democratically chosen.

MP's aren't chosen by the people,
but by their local party.

35 men in grubby raincoats
or 35 women in silly hats.

But the government are selected
from the best of them.

Bernard, there are only 630 MP's.

If one party has just over 300
it forms a government.

Of that 300, one hundred
are too old and too silly,

one hundred too young
and too callow

which leaves just about
a hundred MP's to fill

one hundred governmental posts.

There's no choice at all.

They've had no selection,
no training.

We have to do the job for them.

But how can we explain saving
32 million to the Minister?

We can explain they've changed
their accounting systems.

Or that they've redrawn
the regional boundaries

so that the current figures
aren't operable.

There are all sorts
of possibilities.

I see.

Useful chat, Bernard,
good job it never took place.

Yes. Yes. Of course.

So what else is
our friend Weasel up to?

Oh, he's ferreting.

Ferretting? Where?

It's a roving brief.

Then we shall have to provide Rover
with a government car.

So that we'll know
where he's digging.

How... how are you getting on
with your Minister, Humpy?

Got this economising
nonsense under control?

Yes, I think so, Jumbo...
more or less.

- What do you mean more or less?
- Well... yes and no.

Presumably it's like all the other
government economy drives?

Three days of press releases,
three weeks of memos,

a crisis in the Middle East
and back to normal?

This one's slightly different.

He's beginning to see
slimming down the Service

as his main task.

Dammit, we don't need slimming!

I think you might have to conduct
another Operation HairShirt.

Operation HairShirt.
What a good idea.

Guide him towards painful
personal economies.

Yes, you know.

"Economy begins at home, Minister".

"Set an example, Minister".

"Can't expect others to do what
we can't do ourselves, Minister".

Yes, yes. Just what he needs,
self denial.

Splendid.

Right. Item 3. The economy drive.

Frank has come up
with some startling indications

of wastage in our very midst.

- Has he really?
- You'll be surprised.

These facts are
a frightening indictment

of bureaucratic sloppiness
and self indulgence.

Dear, dear.

But as you'll see,
they do give us enormous scope

for some really dramatic economies.

Good show!

Now, I have here two files:
One on manpower, one on buildings.

Let's start with the buildings.

Chadwick House,
West Audley Street.

- A handful of people working there.
- Yes, 20...

I do happen to know
about Chadwick House.

- What do you know?
- It's underused,

but it is the office for the new
Commission for the Environment.

We're wondering if it's going
to be big enough for all the staff.

O.K. What about Ladysmith
Buildings, Walthamstow.

- Apparently that's empty.
- Of course.

- What do you mean, of course?
- Security, I can say no more.

Do you mean MI6?

What's that supposed to mean?

We do not admit that MI6 exists.

- Everybody knows it exists.
- Nevertheless, we do not admit it.

Not everyone round this table
has been vetted.

I thought that was something
you do cats.

Yes, indeed.
But not ferrets, Minister.

Ladysmith House is top secret.

How can a seven storey building
in Walthamstowbe top secret?

Where there's a will
there's a way.

What about Wellington House
and Westminster Old Hall?

Wellington House, Hyde Park Road,
estimated value 7.5 million pounds.

Westminster Old Hall,
Sackville Square,

estimated value
11 million pounds.

Each building with a tiny staff,
and both filled

entirely with filing cabinets.

- The source of these valuations?
- Going rate for property.

But neither of them would fetch
the going rate.

Wellington House has
no fire escape or fire doors

and the building
wouldn't stand the alteration.

- It can't be used as offices.
- How are you able to use them?

Government buildings do not
require fire safety clearance.

Why not?

Well, perhaps because Her Majesty's
Civil Servants are not easily inflamed.

What about Westminster Old Hall?

Class one Registered Building.

Can't change current
user designation.

I see. 3 to 17 Beaconsfield Street?

Ah, yes. Now, that has a three level
reinforced concrete basement.

So?

It is there in case.

In case?

Well, you know, Minister.

Emergency Government
Headquarters, if and when.

If and when what?

If and when... you know what.

- What?
- If and when you know what.

I don't know what. What?

What do you mean,
if and when you know what?

When the chips are down,

the balloon goes up
and the lights go out...

There has to be somewhere
to carry on government,

even if everything else stops.

Why?

Government doesn't stop just because
the whole country's been destroyed.

Annihilation's bad enough,

without anarchy
to make things even worse.

You mean you'd have
a lot of rebellions cinders?

Who would be there
for you to govern?

Well, there're bound to be
some ordinary people around.

- What about Central Registry?
- No planning permission.

How does he know all this?
You knew where I'd been.

Obviously we knew
where he'd been.

Was he supposed to be spying?

We do believe in open enquiries,
don't we?

Let us turn to manpower.

Yes, let's!

Apparently there are
90 Civil Servants in Sunderland

duplicating the work
of 90 more here in Whitehall.

That stems
from a Cabinet decision.

- Job creation in the North East.
- Let's get rid of them.

We'd get rid of 90 Civil Servants
at a stroke.

Yes, or indeed, at a strike.

Yes. What?

I would be wholeheartedly
in favour of such a move.

It would be a splendid economy.

And show great political courage
to sack staff

in depressed
marginal constituencies.

There is nowhere
we can cut down.

- I see waste everywhere.
- I agree with you, Minister.

- There is scope for economy...
- Well, where?

Well. I sometimes feel
that the very way we do things

is on too lavish a scale.
You know, cars, furnishings...

entertainments,
private office staff...

- Duplicating machines...
- Yes. Yes. Yes. Fine. Yes.

That's where we'll start.
Magnificent!

- Unfortunately there is a difficulty.
- I knew it!

It does cause
profound resentment

if those at the top continue
to enjoy the comforts

they withdraw
from those below them,

not to mention
the deeply damaging publicity...

You mean you and I should...

Set a personal example?

Economy begins at home?

We can't expect others to do
what we don't do ourselves, can we?

- Would it really save all that much?
- Well, not directly, no.

But, as an example to the whole
public service... incalculable.

Well, I don't know...

Jim, there'd be
a lot of great publicity in it:

"The Minister shows the way".

"Slimline Government".

"Hacker sets an example".
"Save it" says Jim.

Yes. Yes, that's it.

Great, where do we start?

- Oh! Turn the...
- Sorry. Were you asleep?

Yes.

I missed my train.

Had to walk all the way to Euston.

What happened to the
chauffeur-driven car?

- Got rid of it.
- Why?

Got rid of the chauffeur too,
and all that office furniture,

drinks cabinet, half the staff
in my private office.

- You've been sacked.
- No, no...

- Then why?
- It's an economy drive.

I'm setting an example.
No luxuries, no frills, no privileges...

You're mad...

For 20 years you've complained
you had no facilities.

- Now you're throwing them away.
- But, darling...

20 years you've wanted
to be a success.

Why, if it brings no greater
comfort than failure?

You don't really understand
politics.

This way it's going to bring me
much more power in the end.

And how are you going to travel
when you are Prime Minister.

Hitch hike?

- Bernard, our diary session.
- As soon as I've done this typing.

- Can't you get...?
- Not really, it's rather urgent.

And since the cutbacks
there's just the two of us.

Well, I must talk to you.

- Mandy! Mandy!
- Yes?

Where's W?

Top left.

Bernard! Come in here!

Now!

I was double booked this morning.
I was late for that thing.

- What thing?
- The Business Efficiency Exhibition!

I do apologise,
but what with the...

staff economies
in your private office,

it is awfully difficult
to keep track.

- What's happening this afternoon?
- I'll get the diary.

Not now, dear!

Not now!

- Morning, duck.
- Do you have to do that now?

Yes. Yes. They've cancelled
the night shift.

Some idiot's started another
of those economy drives.

- I'm Nellie.
- Good. Well, the point is...

Who are you?

I'm the Minister.

Oh, really?

Oh, I'm ever so pleased to meet you.
I voted for you.

Oh, good. Thank you.

You can call me Nellie.

Thank you.

- What do I call you?
- Er... Jim.

Here's the diary, Minister.

Right.
Turn that off, would you, dear?

Turn it... Nellie!

What?

Would you excuse us?
This is confidential.

I've got to get on you know, Jim.

So have I.

Jim?

Well, I won't use the hoover.

I'll tiptoe, you'll never notice me.

- Go please.
- I'm light as a feather.

Go! Now!

All right, Jim.

I can take a hint.

It's just Mr. Brough this morning,
our Director of Manpower Planning.

- Brough?
- Yes, staff reductions.

- Oh, yes.
- And then straight to the House.

At 8 o'clock the French Prime
Minister's reception at his Embassy.

I must take the schedules down
to the Whips Office.

- Bernard...
- Yes, Minister?

It is worth it, you know...

Centre page spread
and three pictures.

Yes, I have read it, Minister.

See this one of me, with a cheese roll
on a cardboard plate?

"No luxury lunches in Hacker's
new austerity regime".

"Economy begins at home"
said Jim Hacker today,

as he set an example
to Britain's pampered army

of bowlerhatted bureaucrats...

- Terrific, isn't it?
- You have read it to me already.

- Great, isn't it?
- Yes, Minister.

Economise on the beaches...

- Excuse me.
- Yes? Yes?

- I'd like to see the Minister.
- Do you have an appointment?

Ron Watson, General Secretary

of the Union of Civil Service
Transport Workers.

- Yes, Mr. Watson.
- We're disturbed about rumours

of redundancies
affecting our members...

I'm sorry, you must have
an appointment.

- Phone me tomorrow.
- Why can't I arrange it now?

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, really!

Mandy, make an appointment
for Mr. Watson for nextweek.

Next week?

Hello... Mr. Brough.

Yes, we're expecting
Mr. Brough now.

When's it due in at Euston?

We'll just have to cancel it
for today then.

Yes, yes, I'll tell him.
Goodbye.

Sorry to keep you.

Now, about your appointment.
When would be convenient...

- The meeting's cancelled then?
- Yes.

- So I can see him now?
- I'm afraid not, you see...

Would you excuse me
just a moment?

Yes?
No. He's not here.

He's gone over to the Whips Office.
Would you like the extension?

Ah, Mr...

Brough?

Mr. Brough's
had to cancel the meeting.

My name's Ron Watson. I'm...

I'm glad
you could get here instead.

- Do sit down, won't you.
- Oh, thank you.

Now, Mr. Er...

Watson.

Before we start there's one thing
I must make absolutely clear.

This must not get out.

If the unions
were to get to hear of this

all hell would be let loose.

Oh, yes.

Of course there'll be redundancies.
You simply...

You simply can't slim down

a giant bureaucracy like this
without getting rid of people.

Ultimately, a lot of people.

Won't you be holding discussions
with the Unions first?

We'll go through
the charade of discussions,

but you know
what Trade Unionists are like;

thick as two short planks
and bloody minded.

All of them?

Pretty well.
Good lord, you should know.

They're interested in poaching
each other's members

and they can't keep
their big mouths shut.

What about drivers
and transport service staff?

First to go.

We waste a fortune
on cars and drivers.

- And they're all on the fiddle.
- Oh, I see.

Because, as I was trying to explain,
I'm not Mr. Brough's deputy.

I'm the General Secretary of the Union
of Civil Service Transport

and Associated Government Workers.

Ah. I...

I came here to check there was
no truth in the rumours

of redundancies for my members.

Well... I... I...

All I meant was...

Oh, God.

He quotes me, word for word:

"Of course there will be
redundancies. Lots!"

I'm most terribly sorry.

- Are all the drivers on strike?
- 100 % response.

How could you allow this
to happen?

C.B.E., Minister.

C.B.E?

Can't be everywhere.

Of course,
in normal circumstances...

Yes. Yes. I know, I know.

You and Mrs. Hacker are due
at the French Embassy at 8.

Oh, yes.
Get me the car, will you?

Oh... Better ring Mrs. Hacker,
ask her to bring our car into town.

Mrs. Hacker says she has
to drop it off at the garage.

She'll have to do that tomorrow.

It'll get us as far as Kensington.

At least there are
no problems about that.

Annie, it's no good.
We'll have to walk.

- Have you got the umbrella?
- No, haven't you?

Terrific.

- You're going the wrong way.
- I'm not, I'm going home.

Annie! I think I've found
what's wrong.

I know I have!

Oui, Monsieur?

Her Majesty's Minister
for Administrative Affairs.

My car broke down.

Mr. Hacker, you look
as if you need some champagne.

I do. Lots!

Mr. Hacker?

Hello.

Thanks, mate.

Gutterpress!

All right, what do they say?

"Mr. Economy falls down in gutter
after champagne party".

- Oh, my God!
- This one is better.

"Hacker tired and emotional
after Embassy reception".

- Is that better?
- It's different.

Do any of them say anything other
than "tired and emotional"?

William Hickey said you were
overwrought, Minister.

- Nothing about being drunk?
- Just "overwrought".

"Overwrought as a newt",
actually.

It couldn't really be any worse.

I don't want to depress you...

but there is just this lead story
in The Times.

It is worse!

"Hacker recruit 400 new Civil Servants
in, quote, "economy drive"!

- 400 more Civil Servants?
- You asked for them.

You demanded a complete study,
facts and figures.

These measures cannot be taken
with non people.

If you create more jobs,
more people have to be employed.

It's common sense.

If you persist with the
Bureaucratic Watchdog Office,

there'll be another 400 new jobs
there as well.

- What are we going to do?
- Well, Minister...

If we were to end
the economy drive

and close the Bureaucratic
Watchdog Office,

we could issue
a press announcement

that you'd axed 800 jobs.

Now, if you'd care to glance
at this draft proposal...

But nobody's doing those jobs.

An even greater economy, we've
saved 800 redundancy payments.

But that's phoney, it's cheating
it's dishonest, it's just...

pulling the wool
over people's eyes.

A Government Press release,
in fact.

But what are we actually going
to do slim down the Civil Service?

Perhaps you'd care to glance
at this entirely fresh proposal.

"Proposal for the Reduction
of the Number of

Tea Ladies".