Original subtitles

Yeah, I'm tough

Tough like yellow cashmere

You're gonna have to change that Look We look like a Perry Como special

Besides, this is a woman's scarf

It is not! It's unisex

Sweetie, that's what gay men always say when they want to wear women's clothing

What difference does it make anyway? We're not going out together

Yeah, uh-huh, we are

Nuh-uh, we're not I've got plans

I know, with your secret lover I'm coming with

I don't have a secret lover

Well, your secret day planner begs to differ

-Give-- -Whoo-hoo!

Ha ha! "Dinner with Robert Movie with Robert" I think you're seeing someone named Robert!

Damn it! You cracked my secret code with disguising his real name with his real name

Aha! So you admit he exists

His name is Robert That's all you get

Oh, come on Why the big mystery?

What's wrong with him? Weird lip? Monkey eye?

It's a new relationship It's very fragile

It's like in 7th-grade science class, you know, when we had to grow that little bean in a cup?

I don't know I was still trying to grow breasts

You'd wait for it to sprout, then you bring it out into the light,

and it would grow into a great big bean stalk?

So what are you saying, Robert's a giant?

He's freakishly tall?

Are you having your stroke in installments?

Then-- Then what are you embarrassed about?

I'm not embarrassed! He's terrific

We just want to get to know each otherbetter a little before we start meeting the friends

Clubfoot? Little pee-pee? Hamster hands?

Cut it out! You're not coming

Oh, pooh on you

How are you gonna know if you really like this guy

if you don't introduce him to me?

All right Oh, damn, didn't you lock the door?

I'll check Yeah, we're ok

Ooh, sorry I can't-- I don't know how--

�� & �׷��̽� 4���� ���Ǽҵ� 11 Jingle Balls

Oh, come on, Grace Why can't we have an office Christmas party?

Last year's was a disaster

You got drunk, told me you loved me, and then kissed me in the service elevator

I thought that was Valentine's Day

No On Valentine's Day,

you got drunk and felt me up in the swatch room

Mmm Well I'm a sucker for the holidays

Hey, Jack!

Pshh-kuh! pshh-kuh! Pshh!

I can't play with you guys right now

My boss Dorleen is tipsy with crazy

Cheese it! Here she comes Hi, Dorleen

You look pretty You look gorgeous You look beautiful

That dress is a total booby trap

You can't borrow it

Um, are they anybody, or are they just customers?

Oh, these are customers

This is Karen She's a rich-pricey-item type

And this is Grace

She's a one-good-basic- and-lots-of-crap type

Hi I've just forgotten your namesand faces

honey, you just gave me a great idea what to get Rosario for Christmas

A new face

Yeah I'm gonna call plastic surgeon and see if he can give her cat eyes

Maybe she won't look so weird scratchin' to get in

Heh heh heh heh! Isn't she great?

No Ahh, nothing's great

My window designer Simon threw a sissy fit and took off to Belize

Ugh Gays They're just as bad as women

Wait a minute

You need a designer to do a Barney's Christmas window?

That's like a dream job

Let me handle this before you screw it up

Dorleen, you may not know it,

but at this very moment,

you are standing in front of one of the best designers on the planet

Oh, well Maybe top five

Who is it?

Well, isn't it obvious? Me

What?

Oh, what the hell? I'm desperate,

and it's one of the smaller windows on the part of the sidewalk that smells like urine and pretzels

You're hired

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much

Don't If this window isn't brill,

I will go carnival-freak crazy on your ass

I'm serious I will scratch your eyes out

I can't believe this is happening

Is this really happening? Somebody pinch me!

Robert? Hey

Oh, you weren't actually watching us rehearse, were you?

'Cause in that last section I did a rond-de-jambe

when I meant to grand-jet? It was so embarrassing

I know what you mean

I once filet-mignoned when I should have steak-dianed

Speaking of which, are you ready to go to lunch?

Yeah Let's have something light, ok? Grace is cooking us pot roast tonight

Ok, back up I know nothing of dinner with Grace

You don't even know who Grace is,

and you certainly don't want her pot roast

It's like tire tread without the flavor

Well, I called looking for you, she picked up and invited me over for dinner

-Is that a problem? -Yes! Eh, uh, no It's just, like

I thought we were doin' the bean thing,

you know? We're growing it in a small cup?

Yeah I never really understood what that was about

I mean, God, what is it? Do I embarrass you?

N-no No, of course you-- No

Well, then, what's the big deal?

You know what? There is no big deal

You're right Come to dinner

Lunch and dinner with you on the same day? Yay!

Ooh, hey! Easy! Easy

Here we are I'm designing a Barney's window

Oh, Karen, I feel so artistic

Gosh, I have so many ideas, I could just pee!!

Oh, honey, you're a regular Leonardo

You know, even with the extra LB's, he's still my favorite actor

And I really think that this window is gonna be your Titanic

Thank you, Karen

So what can I do? How can I help? What are we drinking?

Well I was thinking you could be my assistant

A designer's assistant? Wow!

Oh, honey, that-- That's something I've always dreamed of doing

Now, hold on, Karen If you're gonna be my assistant,

it's not gonna be all boozing and cruising Well, maybe just a little bit

Maybe a little bit Little bit Just a little bit Just a little bit

But you're also gonna have to coordinate, facilitate, schedulate, ovulate--

Ooh! Sounds like we've got a lot to do and not much time to do it in

Say, why don't I help you by taking you to lunch at the Russian Tea Room?

Genius

Ok, before you get mad at me--

I'm not mad

Of course you are

I found out about your secret lover by reading your secret day planner

I invited him over I ruined your favorite sweater

when I wore it to the gym

Not my black V-neck!

Stay focused You're mad at me about Robert Go with it

Grace, it's fine

Once again, your inappropriateness has paved the way for a personal breakthrough

So, really, why didn't you want me to meet Robert?

Hunchback? Does he have fins?

I guess I was just afraid of what you might think

And then I thought, I like him, you're gonna like him

And even if you don't like him, it doesn't matter 'cause I like him

Good 'Cause I was starting to think that maybe you were embarrassed by him or something

No What would I have to be embarrassed about?

Hey, Will

One second

All I'm asking is that you don't judge

I don't judge

'Cause the temptation will be to jump to conclusions

Will, open the door

Robert, this is Grace

Sorry I'm doing The Nutcracker, and--

Oh! You're a dancer

What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

He bends over any farther, there'll be chestnuts roastin' on an open fire

- What's he doing? - He's stretching, Grace

What kind of a question is that? What does it look like he's doing?

He looks like he's doing something that would render you unnecessary

Oh, relax I like him

Well, good I like him, too

You like him I like him Everybody likes him

Would you please knock off that stretching, Robert

You're freaking Grace out

Oh, sorry I didn't mean to make you guys uncomfortable

You didn't If anything I'm jealous

If I could do that, it would render a date unnecessary

Oh! Ha ha ha!

How embarrassing for you

So I repeated the joke

When you discovered "Hold me closer, Tony Danza,"

you rode that till the wheels fell off

Grace, you look like you'd be a good dancer

Oh Oh Heh heh! Oh, no I am not blessed with the dance

Oh, come on What are you talking about? Everybody's a dancer

Every movement we make is a dance We just have to find it

Huh

Oy

Now, take a simple action, like clearing the table

See? You can find the dance in everything, even clearing a dish

Wow Well, maybe next you can find the dance in doing my laundry

Oh ho ho!

No one thinks you're funny

You know, Will and I have a dance

You do?

- No, we don't - Yes, we do!

Get your cute little butt over here, and let's show Grace the dance I taught you

I really don't want to--

No, you have to I have to see it now Come on

You're doing it, mister And five, six, seven, eight

Ok, that's fine That's good

We're done finding the dance

We'll look in the morning when there's more light

We may even find your sleeves

- That was so-- - I said don't

Ok Heh! Will, I gotta go

I guess I'll see you later Grace, it was great to meet you

It was so great meeting you, Robert

I'll walk you out

Ok

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

What?! I already admitted I was a bad dancer!

You had to pick him apart! You had to ruin it for me!

What? What are you talking about? How did I ruin it?

The minute he walked in the door,

you were all like, "Oh, he's a dancer"

He is a dancer I didn't know he was a dancer

When I found out he was a dancer, I said, "Oh, you're a dancer"

You didn't say, "Oh, you're a dancer"

You said--you said, "Oh, you're a dancer"

There's no difference

Yes, there is! One of them is riddled with judgment

And you know very well, the minute one of us judges the other person's new person, it's over

It's a sick fact, but it's true

"Oh, you're a dancer" "Oh, you're a dancer" I see no difference

Every time I look at him, I'll see your face hovering above, going, "Oh, he's a dancer"

He is a dancer

Oh, wow! Now you are just throwing it in my face!

Will, I liked him

Maybe you're the one who has a problem with him

Is that possible Hecter Projector?

Don't you try turning this back on me

when I am right in the middle of turning it on you

You have never been more wrong, and to prove it to you,

I'm going to keep seeing Robert

I may even fall in love with him

We'll move in together We'll have kids

And through it all, Grace We will have the dance

This better be important, Jack I was on the roof chain-smoking

Ok, Dorleen, you know how you said you wanted something edgy?

Well, hold on to your yellow teeth because here it is

The theme to my Barney's Christmas window is

Somebody's been naughty

Dorleen, this is Santa's ho ho ho

What?

It's fabulous, right?

Oh, wait! And for reindeer,

we're gonna have eight little buff men in boxer briefs on all fours with antlers

Can you see it? Can you see it? Do you bit! Do your bit, Karen

I've been on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner,

but not on Blitzen He likes to watch, ok?!

And that's just the beginning

Tomorrow I'm holding a casting session for the three not-so-wise but very hot men

Ok, I'm gonna stop talking now You go

You better be kidding me with this crap

This isn't a window for Barney's New York, New York

This is a window for

the Fairies-who-are-going-to- get-their-eyes-scratched-out Store!

Now, you have 24 hours to get this right, or not only will I fire you,

I will rehire you, pull your hair, and fire you again!

Oh hey, honey Wow, I love your new bag

It's garbage

Thank God you said it

Phew! Ok, listen to me I need you to do me a favor

I, I need you to help Jack out with that window He's in a real pickle

Jack wanted to do the job Let him do it

Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake

Think about the baby Jesus

Up in that tower lettin' his hair down

so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel

and see if there's six more weeks of winter Think about that

Where'd you get that from? The Bartender's Bible? Forget it

All right, honey I can't change your mind, I can see that,

but, uh, we're still friends, right? Come on Let's shake on it

What is this? Karen, keep your money

Jack's on his own

What are the holidays comin' to

when you can't even bribe a friend to help a friend who screwed that friend over?

Santa, it's Jackie

First of all, I just wanna say I'm sorry about the time

when I was 11 and told Timmy Woods that you didn't exist

I was just tryin' to make him cry so I could hug him

But now I really need your help

This Barney's window, it It's a disaster

I guess I deserve it for screwin' my friend over

But I'm really scared I'm gonna lose my job,

so, Santa, if you help me,

I promise I'll never ask for anything ever, ever, ever again, ever

Amen Love Jack

PS, um I know I just said that thing about never asking for anything ever, ever again,

but, um, if you're feeling generous, I would like some leather pants,

umhair extensions, and the ability to fly Heh heh!

Ok, donkey boy, it's your turn Let's see your window

Um, uh, you know, wouldn't it be better to keep it covered up for a while?

I mean, very mysterioso, very curioso, very Rene Russo

No

But I need more time, please? Please?!

Quit begging you're acting like a homeless person

If you don't shut up, I'll throw my hot coffee on you, too

Babs, open window five

So, did Grace say anything about me?

She liked you

But you know what? It doesn't matter what she thinks 'cause I like you

I'm glad Oh, my God! It's snowing! Oh! oh

I love to catch the flakes on my tongue! They're like God's little appetizers

Look how they flutter to the ground

Andwe're breakin' up

Ok, just so you know where I was coming from,

I call this, "nothing for Christmas"

I love it

What?

It's dark It's glam It's sad It's Christmas

Mary-Kate and Ashley, it's beautiful

Don't stroke yourself It's a real turnoff

Nice You do good work, Jack

Thank you Grace, oh, my God

Oh I can't take credit for this We both know that this wasn't me

I don't have the talent or the vision for something this good

You think it's that good?

It's magnificent

Well, maybe the next time you'll be more willing to ask for some help

I did ask for help

No, you didn't

Yes, I did I got down on my knees and everything

I mean, I didn't even think there was a Santa, but

Santa? You think Santa did this?

Well, I don't know how else to explain it Do you?

Nope Must be Santa

Listen, do me a favor You're the only one who knows about this,

so if anyone asks, just tell them I did it, ok?

I promise

Hey

Hey! Where's Robert?

He's gone He had to go

Thought that might happen

Looks like it's just you and me for Christmas this year

Well, we could invite some friends over

Grace, we can't sit around in our underwear and cry in front of friends

Why not? We did last year

That is one spectacular window, Grace

Thanks Jack thinks Santa did it

That's my boy