Original subtitles

Hey, you excited to set up

your very first savings account, Gordo?

Doing chores ain't easy, but I do it for the bread.

I'm a hustler, Daddy.

George, are you also excited to set up

your very first savings account?

I'm a hustler, Daddy!

Turns out if you don't spend your beer money on beer,

it's just money.

- I'm proud of you, Dad. - Thank you.

I got margarine moolah. I got Bustelo bucks.

Gordo, help me fine my chancla change.

I'm here.

But if anyone asks, I was never here.

Care to let us in on what kind of crime

we're helping you cover up?

The house I live behind of has been vacant for years.

Now the landlords want to rent it out.

I can't have strangers around while I sunbathe.

This body wasn't built for tan lines.

I found my Powerade pesos.

I can't open it.

Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. I'ma open it for you, big guy.

What's so funny?

This is like when the nerd saves you

before he turns into Superman.

All week Dad's been an emotional wreck.

He's newly sober and he is feeling his feelings.

'Cause when he was drinking, he only had one emotion, thirst.

This is normal.

You're not the one with him all day at work.

Yesterday he had road rage.

Literally, he got out of the truck

and yelled at the asphalt.

I'm gonna force him to see a therapist.

That's not gonna work.

It has to be George's choice to get help.

You two shouldn't get involved.

Okay, I'm...

I'm sorry, you know, I got a little bit weird,

but I'm sure I'll feel better once I pet

my emotional support cat, Mr. Ping-Ping.

You don't own an emotional support cat.

Why don't I?

Mr. Ping-Ping!

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

Thank you for redecorating my home

with all your disgusting junk.

You are not the first person to ask me to scare off tenants.

In high school, I was voted most likely to lower property values.

Good.

'Cause there is a couple looking at the house now.

And they're coming over,

so just make sure you give them the full Oscar.

Hi, Rosie. I'm Kylie and this is Jack.

Please come in.

Wow, this is... a vibe.

What did you think of the house?

We love it.

I'm so excited to live next to a Cuban woman,

I have a great recipe for "cro-ket-as."

That pool, perfect for blasting John Mayer

and racing my RC boats.

My roommate uses the pool all the time.

Oh, he loves floating on his inflatable girlfriend.

Actually, she left me.

One day she just up and...

How do you guys feel about throuples?

That's not really our thing.

Good, 'cause there's four of us.

Five if I get my girlfriend out of that tree.

We've got a lot of other places to see.

I'm sorry they left before I could do anything weird.

I'm really worried about Dad.

Thanks for helping me find someone for him to talk to

and not telling Quinten.

I knew he wouldn't talk to a real therapist.

He'd be all like, "I'm not talking to some fancy high school graduate

with a degree in feelings.

What? She thinks she's better than me?"

This doesn't look like a Krispy Kreme.

Why'd you bring me here?

We think you should see someone

about all the new emotions you're having.

So you lured me here with the promise of some treats

like some kind of perv in a van.

We thought you'd feel comfortable talking to a man

with a similar background.

You remember my curandero Carlos?

Oh, man, not that charlatan.

You're gonna cry? I'm your guy.

Full of rage? We'll burn some sage.

Kiss my butt, I'm getting a donut.

Ah, no, no, Dad.

It's not healthy for you or us,

so it's either this or my therapist, Dr. Glenda Brenda.

I'm not gonna talk to some fancy high school graduate

with a degree in feelings.

What? She thinks she's better than me?

You know what? I'ma give your guy a try.

Come on, Chicano Buddha, let's do it.

Not now, Freddie.

Come in, George.

- Have a seat. - All right.

Ow. Oh!

My back.

Ay, did you hear that?

You look like Bethel Reynolds on a bearskin rug.

Just relax,

and whatever emotions you brought in here with you,

let it go.

Hey!

Is it last call already?

Oh, man, you know what, Carlos?

Oh, this isn't for me, bro. I can't...

There's no pretty way to do this. Can you turn around?

No, wait, wait, the spirits are telling me

that you're somebody special.

Well, the spirits think I'm special?

Are any of 'em hot?

Well, Irma keeps it pretty tight.

She used to work in a saloon.

But they're saying that you have massive potential for change,

if you follow my teachings and learn how to control your emotions.

Yeah, I don't know, Carlos.

I mean, I'm already doing the work in AA.

- It's a lot, man. - There's no work in my teachings.

You just meditate on what you want

and let the rest go.

Doing nothing is kind of my favorite thing in life.

I almost forgot the hot fudge!

And here I was, just using ketchup,

like a fool.

Churro, don't eat that.

Churro, you giant rat!

Oh.

Gotta let it go.

The hot dog that is meant for me will simply find me.

This Carlos stuff is great.

Who's Carlos?

You said I shouldn't force him to see a therapist.

So I forced him to see a curandero instead.

Man, if I feel this good after one session,

I imagine when I start seeing Carlos every day.

Hey, Mayan, thank you for setting me up with Carlos.

I love you, Mayan.

To be clear, you said Mayan, not mayo, right?

Did you hear that? My dad said he loved me.

And I didn't have to trick, guilt, or bribe him to do it.

Hope you all come back for Weed Wednesday,

Tokin' Thursday and Friday High-Day.

We've scared off a dozen tenants already.

Oh, no one is going to feel at home

living next to a beanie-wearing weirdo

that smokes weed all day.

Hey, man.

Oh, cool beanie, man.

That house is rad, man.

Are you gonna be my new neighbor?

I think so.

Hey, I met that chick in the tree, man.

Hey, she looked like she could party, dude.

Her name's Jasmine, man.

Yeah, I know, she told me.

Oh, wow.

Hey, I think I'm gonna like living here, dude.

Wow.

I don't want to get emotional, but...

I think he might be my father.

I can't have Oscar's new bud buddy living next door.

If I don't fix this, I'm gonna have to move in here

and sleep on your couch.

If you don't want me to move in, just say so.

You don't have to get rid of all your furniture.

We didn't.

Hello, Earth stars.

Where's our furniture?

I let it go.

It was all material possessions that I... do not need.

Yeah, because they're ours!

Carlos couldn't pay the rent at his botanica,

so I'm hosting some of his followers here.

Well, Brother George,

are you ready to release some oms, holmes?

Just call me Chakra Khan.

I always expected men in white to come for George,

but I thought they'd be from an asylum.

One, two, tres, four.

Brother George,

I know that you are very eager to learn the sound bowl,

- but you must be patient. - All right.

- And let it go. - All right.

- Let it go. - Let it go.

Why are we doing this again?

I'm doing it because my dad loves me now.

You're doing it because I won't love you if you don't.

And Chance and Churro look so cute.

School is a waste of time when you have a face like mine.

I've attained enlightenment.

Bye!

I know how groups like this work.

First, they invite you to a meeting,

then you're all wearing the same outfit

and they've taken all your money.

And before it, you've got 250 boxes of Thin Mints

and your home is more cookie than house.

You were in the Girl Scouts?

The amazing part isn't that I was in the Girl Scouts.

It's that I got out.

Shut up!

You continue to be disruptive,

we're gonna have to ask you to leave.

George is right. You're killing the vibe, man.

This is helping me forget about my rental situation.

There you are, roomie.

We missed you.

Mind if we crash your meditation sesh?

So, when do you guys start levitating?

Whoa! It started.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Yeah, here.

Brother, would you like to hit a bowl?

Yes, I would love to hit a bowl.

Not that bowl.

Bye.

And thanks once again to our generous host,

but, Brother George, let me remind you

that meditation is not an opportunity

to play Duck, Duck, Goose.

Said the slowest goose in the room.

Thank you for showing me how to let go of my worries

and my cares and my chonies.

Since I've been wearing this,

man, I have freed my mind and my nalgas.

Enlightenment comes calling when you're free-balling.

I'm so happy you found a support system, Dad.

Carlos, you're welcome to hold your sessions here any time.

You're also welcome to bring our furniture back.

Oh, good news, the botanica is saved.

We just got a gift covering the next six months of rent

from a generous anonymous donor.

That's me!

I'm anonymous.

♪ Ah ♪

Empty.

Oh, there's margarine in the margarine container.

How could my dad give all of his money to Carlos?

Okay, the better question is,

"Why don't I listen to Quinten?"

For the first time in his life, my dad had savings,

and now it's gone.

Oh, you were right. He's in over his giant head.

I thought I'd found another hot dog in my pocket,

and then I remembered, nope, I'm not wearing any underwear.

Dad, we're concerned

with how involved you're getting with Carlos.

Okay, you wanted me to find something to help me

with my feelings and I did that, okay?

You were happy for me.

I'd be happier if you hadn't given away all your savings.

My money is helping a whole group of people, okay?

People who accept me for who I am

and have welcomed me in with open arms.

We would too if you paid our rent for six months.

You're not getting to the bottom of your emotional problems.

You're just being taken advantage of, Dad.

No matter what I do,

this family is always disappointed in the choices that I make.

So I'm gonna go and be with my new family.

And to quote one of our great spiritual gurus of this time,

"I can never do nothing in this house!"

I'm sorry I wasn't able to scare away everybody.

You can take it out on me

by exploiting my body sexually if you have to.

Yep, that's why the balloon left you.

Hey, lady.

Hey, man, the landlord said to email the lease.

But I don't have an email, man,

'cause that's how they track you.

- The government? - The aliens.

Ohh.

They got me once, man,

but they're never gonna get me again.

- I'll fax it for you. - Oh.

Yeah.

Hey, I think that fax machine's broken, man.

That's okay. I got a lot of copies.

'Cause I couldn't figure out how to turn the printer off.

I guess I'll move in to Mayan's.

I just hope Jesus forgives me

for living in my unmarried daughter's house of sin.

You know, too bad you don't own this place,

so then you could decide who lives here.

Ooh, better idea.

What if you moved in with me in George's truck?

He can't say nothing, 'cause I got squatter's rights.

Come to think of it, maybe I should just squat here.

You know, my shredder crushes bones.

It's been a week since my dad has been living here

with Carlos and his followers.

He must be in deep.

It could be hard to get him out.

That's why we need to remind him of all the things

he left behind that he loves.

So I got a picture of Chance,

the TV remote,

pack of hot dogs.

What about me?

Yeah, you better hang back.

Yeah!

What are you doing here?

We're here to bring you home.

Think of the boy.

I'm not leaving.

Do you think I'm the type of person that would abandon his family?

Then think of the hot dogs.

I can have hot dogs with my new family.

We're vegan.

About that, Carlos.

You know, as the largest donor,

you know, maybe we could adjust that a little bit.

I mean, I'm already marinating your chicken.

Not Freddie!

All right, that's enough! I've had it!

You've been driving us crazy all week!

But I'm special, man. The spirits said so!

Well, they were wrong!

This is gonna be a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be.

- You're kicking me out? - No, we're...

we're letting you go.

But you took all of his savings.

Well, we're giving it back.

And take anything you want from the botanica.

Just... just leave, please.

I don't think this looks right.

Hey, I'm sorry I got a little out there

with Carlos and the group, you know.

You guys might find this a little hard to believe,

but I got kind of an addictive personality.

Still, you took steps toward self-improvement.

That's a big deal. I love you, Dad.

I'm here!

And I'm a homeowner.

I just bought my property.

That's amazing! How?

Well, I called my landlords

and threatened to squat if they didn't sell it to me.

God bless this country and its bizarre laws.

Is there something different here?

♪ Mexican-Americans ♪

♪ Don't like to just get into gang fights ♪

♪ They like flowers and music ♪

♪ And white girls named Debbie too ♪

♪ Mexican-Americans are named Chata and Chella ♪

♪ And Chemma, and Little Chemma ♪

♪ And have a son-in-law named Jeff ♪

♪ Mexican-Americans ♪

♪ Don't like to get up early in the morning ♪

♪ But they have to, so they do it real slow ♪

♪ Mexican-Americans love education ♪

♪ So they go to night school ♪

♪ And they take Spanish and get a B ♪

♪ Mexican-Americans love their nanas ♪

♪ And their ninos, and their ninas, and their nonos ♪

♪ Nana, nana, nina, nono ♪

♪ Mexican-Americans make TV shows ♪

♪ And cast their friends to sing classics ♪

♪ From back in the day ♪

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --