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PILOT: Alright, everybody.
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00:00:01,466 --> 00:00:04,002
We should be arriving
at Langley International
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00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,203
in just a few hours.
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00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,471
Thank you for booking your trip
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00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,740
with ValueVacay package vacations.
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00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,008
ValueVacay...
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We don't offer refunds,
but we do offer apologies.
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I'm sorry for the smell.
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00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,552
Did you have a nice vacation, dear?
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00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,754
No!
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00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:24,423
My cheap ass husband booked
an all-inclusive trip
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00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:28,693
with ValueVacay to some Cancun shithole!
13
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,362
The trip didn't have to be bad!
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,431
It's these lousy kids that ruined it!
15
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,566
Like when Steve left the
door open and all those
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black spiny-tailed iguanas
came into the room.
17
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:40,773
I was airing things out because
Hayley blew up the bathroom!
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00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:41,784
I was sick!
19
00:00:41,786 --> 00:00:44,042
That monkey put its finger in my mouth!
20
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,311
You sucked on that monkey's finger!
21
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,246
Mom told me to do it!
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I thought it was one of
those marketing monkeys
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00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:52,785
that promote new salsa flavors!
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00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:55,654
Speaking of monkeys,
I don't wanna monkey around
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00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,323
with those black clouds in front of us.
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Then don't do it!
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It's too late, I'm sorry.
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00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:09,734
♪♪
29
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:10,742
Francine...
30
00:01:10,744 --> 00:01:12,136
About our argument before...
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I booked this extremely
budgeted vacation package.
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It's my fault.
33
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:20,012
So I just want to say,
if we don't survive...
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00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:23,348
you also made a lot of
mistakes before this trip,
35
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,749
and I don't forget that.
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Are you gonna bring up the
little Matt Damon movie...
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"Downsizing".
38
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You forgot to buy me a ticket,
so I had to sit by myself.
39
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You forgave me for that!
40
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I did forgive you.
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I'm just remembering it now.
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I watched from across the theater
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while you and the kids
laughed your asses off!
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00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:41,366
We weren't laughing!
45
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:43,768
I don't think that movie
was supposed to be funny.
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It was hysterical.
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Matt Damon was so small!
48
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It was pretty thoughtless, Mom.
49
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,843
Oh, you're calling Mom
thoughtless, Steve?
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You let my Sims family
[BLEEP] die in a house fire!
51
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I was five!
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They said the saddest
nonsense as they burned.
53
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Let it go, Hayley.
54
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:03,922
When you were five,
you poked a hole in my diaphragm,
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to disastrous result!
56
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Five? Do you mean me?
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I'm a disastrous result?
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00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,463
I like you now!
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00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:15,800
Please, we're all very scared,
and you're fighting so loudly.
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00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,736
Why don't you just die, old lady!
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00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,204
[GASPS]
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PILOT: The engines are out!
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We're gonna be okay!
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00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,545
- [ENGINE WHINES]
- We're definitely going to die!
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00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:31,550
Sweet, sweet lightning,
I knew you would save me!
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00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,419
I'm declaring this bird a no-fly!
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Everyone head to the back!
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00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,690
Francine, the week we were married,
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you ate all the Golden Grahams.
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Excuse me?
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00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,962
These are your parachutes!
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00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,697
You open them like this.
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Oops!
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I'm sorr...
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[SCREAMING]
76
00:02:56,077 --> 00:02:57,609
[GASPING BREATH]
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Mom? Dad?
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00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,147
Hayley!
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00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:07,352
♪♪
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00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,889
[COUGHING]
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Steve!
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Oh, thank God we're all okay.
83
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,697
There's a lighthouse there.
Let's see if someone's inside.
84
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:23,168
I hope they speak Portuguese.
I'm two days in on Duolingo.
85
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,039
Holaaaa?
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Which is "hello?"
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Seems like no one's been
here for a long time.
88
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Lots of drinking water,
89
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:37,983
and about a thousand
cans of pumpkin pie mix.
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All those canned food drives
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00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,921
where I gave delicious pumpkin pie mix,
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was that all going to...
93
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,325
lighthouse keepers?
94
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,726
Gross.
95
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,594
This radio doesn't work.
96
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,930
Somebody's bound to come look for us.
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00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,133
Maybe once this fog clears.
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00:03:54,135 --> 00:03:55,334
Could be a long wait.
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00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:58,137
A chance to have some
quality time together!
100
00:03:58,139 --> 00:04:00,071
I can't say I liked the plane crash,
101
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,142
but at least it put a stop
to all that silly fighting.
102
00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:06,411
I, for one, am glad that we've
stopped all that silly fighting.
103
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,413
I'll tell you what isn't silly...
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00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,881
our love for each other.
105
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,617
A hundred percent. The message is clear.
106
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,219
And yet...
107
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:17,622
I still remember the things
you all did that made me mad.
108
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,024
I'm thinking about them right now.
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I'm thinking only of those things.
110
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,829
Right, it's like,
I'm glad you're all alive,
111
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:27,833
I just wish my Sims family
was alive too, you know?
112
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,501
My Golden Grahams.
113
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,637
I cannot be here with you people!
114
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,773
There's not a single book or magazine
115
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,643
or 4,300-piece limited edition
Lego London Tower bridge?
116
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:41,312
We have to sit around
staring at each other?
117
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,782
We don't have to look
at each other at all!
118
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,052
There's a TV/VCR combo.
119
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,119
And a tape!
120
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,121
Yessss. Wait, what's on it?
121
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,491
Some episodes of "Murphy Brown".
122
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:57,328
Oh, this news magazine is run by idiots!
123
00:04:57,330 --> 00:05:00,866
[LAUGH TRACK, APPLAUSE]
124
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,267
Whoa, Gold Top Nuts?
125
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:04,269
I want it to be a nice party.
126
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,737
It is the big game.
127
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,671
[DOORBELL RINGS]
128
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,073
My brother is here!
129
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,475
But he roots for the opposite team!
130
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,810
My team's gonna win!
131
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,144
[DOORBELL RINGS]
132
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,546
Hey, Mom, that's Tiffany.
133
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,947
I invited her over for the big game!
134
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:19,084
Tiffany's here?
135
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,220
Hi! I brought my boyfriend.
136
00:05:21,222 --> 00:05:22,554
Man!
137
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,957
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Honey, your boss is here!
138
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,226
Sorry to interrupt the big game,
139
00:05:27,228 --> 00:05:29,895
but I came to tell you you're fired.
140
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,763
Oh, and give me that Gold Top.
141
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,899
[CHEERING]
142
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:38,369
I had a second can of Gold Top.
143
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:39,504
Gold Top nuts.
144
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,707
Give yourself the best.
145
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,309
That's all that's on the tape?
146
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,177
Aaand Murphy.
147
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,246
Cue Murphy.
148
00:05:47,248 --> 00:05:48,447
Where Murphy Brown?
149
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,716
Ughh, we gotta get off this island.
150
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,584
I'm gonna see if I can fix the radio.
151
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,985
That's a dumb idea.
152
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,454
I'll just fix the big light.
153
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,323
I'm gonna write an SOS message
on the beach with rocks.
154
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,991
And I'll help.
155
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,745
Ugh. Don't talk to me while we do it.
156
00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:04,997
You don't talk to me first!
157
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,999
_
158
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,802
[HAUNTING PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:15,274
♪♪
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00:06:15,276 --> 00:06:23,548
♪♪
161
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:31,823
♪♪
162
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:40,299
♪♪
163
00:06:40,301 --> 00:06:43,034
- Hey.
- Yeah?
164
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,636
Were you gonna say something?
165
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,371
I, uh,
166
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,573
I don't remember.
167
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,376
Was I gonna say something?
168
00:06:51,112 --> 00:06:54,379
[HAUNTING MUSIC CONTINUES]
169
00:06:54,381 --> 00:07:01,386
♪♪
170
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:08,393
♪♪
171
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:15,300
♪♪
172
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,676
Who are you?
173
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,812
Who am I?
174
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,880
Who are we?
175
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,816
The only question, really...
176
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,885
in addition to all the others.
177
00:07:34,981 --> 00:07:37,455
So none of us knows who we are.
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00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,324
But we are.
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We exist.
180
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:44,196
Agreed. Our existence is unquestionable.
181
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Listen to the sound of my
existence upon the ground.
182
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,269
And I know that I am human, that we...
183
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,604
are humans.
184
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,673
But what does it mean to be humans?
185
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:58,076
I would like to posit something.
186
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,278
There is a lighthouse over there.
187
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,681
If it contains other humans,
they might know who we are.
188
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,751
Or why we are.
189
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,267
Sure.
190
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,089
No one is here.
191
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,958
Someone was just here.
192
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,161
They were eating some sort of food.
193
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:17,932
Mm.
194
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:22,968
This is the only,
and therefore best food I've ever had.
195
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,237
They were building some sort of device.
196
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:26,838
- And look at this.
- Look at what?
197
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,907
Seems like they go like this.
198
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,308
They're making everything blurry.
199
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,310
That's how everything is to me.
200
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:35,180
Then now, I am like you.
201
00:08:38,386 --> 00:08:39,918
[WAVES LAPPING]
202
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,719
Not much to see.
203
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,989
Where did all the people go?
204
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,457
Look at that!
205
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:47,325
"H and E."
206
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,727
Who is "he"?
207
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:52,130
What if someone was interrupted
while writing "heaven"?
208
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,600
- Ooh.
- Ahh.
209
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,867
Or "hell".
210
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,936
- Hmm.
- Uh-oh.
211
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,605
Or "heggo"?
212
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:00,806
What is "heggo"?
213
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,408
A third option.
214
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,210
Ugh!
215
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,613
I don't understand what
any of this stuff is.
216
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,682
But how are we going to get
answers to our questions?
217
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,950
Who are we?
218
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,885
Why are we here?
219
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,754
What does it mean to be human?
220
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,690
I hunger in my despair.
221
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,627
Where is can?
222
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,894
...Idiots!
223
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,030
[LAUGH TRACK]
224
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,232
- Whoa, Gold Top nuts?
- People!
225
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,234
I want it to be a nice party.
It is the big game.
226
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,436
[DOORBELL RINGS]
227
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:31,903
Honey, your boss is here.
228
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,371
Sorry to interrupt the big game,
229
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,707
but I came to tell you you're fired.
230
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,109
This is humanity.
231
00:09:37,111 --> 00:09:38,576
This is culture.
232
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,911
Gold Top nuts.
233
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,513
Give yourself the best.
234
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,117
Again.
235
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:47,185
Whoa, Gold Top nuts?
236
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,322
I want it to be a nice party.
It is the big game.
237
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:51,789
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- My brother is here!
238
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:52,991
My team's gonna win!
239
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,592
I had a second can of Gold Top.
240
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,194
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- My brother is here!
241
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,863
But he roots for the opposite team!
242
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,798
[FAST FORWARDING]
243
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,133
Tiffany's here?
244
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:02,800
Hi! I brought my boyfriend.
245
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:03,935
Man!
246
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,713
Tiffany's boyfriend is something bad.
247
00:10:06,748 --> 00:10:08,740
Gold Top is something good.
248
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,342
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- My brother is here!
249
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,410
But he roots for the opposite team!
250
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,014
Give yourself the best.
251
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,183
They have covered their bodies.
252
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,058
We look just as they now.
253
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,760
Give yourself the best.
254
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,029
Gold Top nuts.
255
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,097
The best, correct?
256
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,032
They are everything. They are all.
257
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,835
How can we carry on without them?
258
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:40,039
All we have is the pumpkin pie mix,
but...
259
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:46,845
Gold Top!
260
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,981
Gold Top! Gold Top! Gold Top!
261
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,118
- Gold Top! Gold Top!
- Look how human we're being!
262
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,920
Tiffany is a name.
263
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,121
And what a name!
264
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,056
We need names.
265
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,991
My name is Can.
266
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,060
My name is Lighthouse.
267
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,729
My name is Lighthouse.
268
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,130
My name is Can.
269
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,398
We're doing it!
270
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,466
Gold Top! Gold Top...
271
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,535
Stop!
272
00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:11,203
Is it Gold Top?
273
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:13,004
Are these names for people?
274
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,006
Let us turn to the tape!
275
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,942
It is the big game.
276
00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:18,610
The one who puts out the Gold Top first
277
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:21,547
is always standing, like I am now.
278
00:11:21,549 --> 00:11:23,081
They are called Mom.
279
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,550
I take this name.
280
00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:27,886
The one who is fired,
Mom calls it "honey".
281
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,487
I like this sound for myself.
282
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,423
I still like Can. Call me Can.
283
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,359
- Call me...
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
284
00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:35,561
Murphy Brown.
285
00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:40,632
Hi! I brought my boyfriend.
286
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:41,833
- Booo!
- Hisss!
287
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,635
- [BURPS]
- Ugh.
288
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:47,239
Your rude belch has entered the
room like Tiffany's boyfriend.
289
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:49,241
- It is the big game.
- _
290
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,176
Can, what is "the big game"?
291
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,779
It came to me in a dream, Mom.
292
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,081
Are you ready to see the big game?
293
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:03,989
Ahh!
294
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,190
[CHEERING]
295
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,460
Excellent big game, Can.
296
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:11,329
You know what this fire reminds me of?
297
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,864
The fireplace that you
see in the background
298
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,200
when the dreaded Tiffany's
boyfriend comes in the door?
299
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,334
Yes!
300
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,736
The light in the sky,
301
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,005
that flashes like the
magnificent Gold Top seal,
302
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,206
has gone.
303
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,208
But the small lights...
304
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,877
I think they can only be one thing.
305
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,479
Other lighthouses.
306
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:30,415
What about the water that
is in every direction?
307
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,550
How could we ever get
up to those lighthouses?
308
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,553
Obviously,
the world is an inverted, wet bowl,
309
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,355
dotted with lighthouses.
310
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,624
The further out you go,
311
00:12:38,626 --> 00:12:41,493
the higher you climb
up the watery walls.
312
00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:44,630
To understand the
universe is to control it.
313
00:12:44,632 --> 00:12:45,897
[CLEARS THROAT]
314
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,565
I have written a new story.
315
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:51,036
Once, there was a dark-haired
person whose name was Mom,
316
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:53,305
and she wanted to make a nice party,
317
00:12:53,307 --> 00:12:55,441
for it was the big game, after all...
318
00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,443
[QUIETLY] Another good one from Can.
319
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,648
A beautiful Gold Top day.
320
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:04,516
[RATTLING]
321
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,720
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
322
00:13:09,323 --> 00:13:11,256
Look at this!
323
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,790
Look at this!
324
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,127
[COMMERCIAL PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
325
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,731
Also, look at this!
326
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:23,068
The pain is a hundred
Tiffany's boyfriends!
327
00:13:24,231 --> 00:13:27,939
One thing's clear...
this rock is a very important rock.
328
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,407
Ooo, Gold Top's on!
329
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,076
Sorry to interrupt the big game...
330
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,744
[SOUND DISTORTING]
331
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,780
- No! No!
- What is happening?
332
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:39,885
It is gone.
333
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,487
This is a sign.
334
00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,821
- It is time to go.
- To where?
335
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,024
To the other lighthouses.
336
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,425
Murphy Brown is right.
337
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,227
There must be other lighthouses,
338
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,829
and they must contain other people.
339
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:54,099
And maybe they don't have
our knowledge of Gold Top.
340
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,567
We must teach them.
341
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,369
We must... rule them?
342
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,570
Easy, Can.
343
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,372
It likely won't come to that.
344
00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,141
It probably will, though.
345
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:04,976
It's ready.
346
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:08,580
To new, identical worlds!
347
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:11,717
The waters ahead may hold untold bosses
348
00:14:11,719 --> 00:14:14,386
who seek to put us into fire.
349
00:14:14,388 --> 00:14:16,454
But by Tiffany herself,
350
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:22,060
we will have the second can,
and it will be a nice party!
351
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,595
So long, lighthouse.
352
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:25,130
You've been good to us.
353
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:28,200
Now, we must ration cans,
for it will be a long journey...
354
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:30,135
Another lighthouse!
355
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:33,339
Told ya!
356
00:14:33,341 --> 00:14:35,473
We bring word of Gold Top!
357
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,410
Kneel before Gold Top, you heathens!
358
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,549
Uh, welcome to the Beacon Diner,
359
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:47,819
home of the best seafood
on the Langley waterfront.
360
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:49,354
Stan Smith, rewards member.
361
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,957
Need a no-reservation table for...
362
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,892
my family.
363
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:55,693
Oh, my God.
364
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,429
Oh. Right.
365
00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:59,665
Tiffany's boyfriend,
this is embarrassing.
366
00:15:02,124 --> 00:15:04,503
SUZE: It's the fourth hour
of "Morning Mimosa,"
367
00:15:04,505 --> 00:15:06,838
and Trish has fallen
asleep in her chair,
368
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,041
so it's time for
"Liquid Lunch with Suze"!
369
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:13,645
They're the local Langley family
that everyone's talking about,
370
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,847
surviving a harrowing plane crash
371
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:17,849
and ending up on an abandoned island
372
00:15:17,851 --> 00:15:20,786
where magnetic bedrock
erased their minds.
373
00:15:20,788 --> 00:15:24,589
What they got up to then has
had the whole nation laughing.
374
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,659
My guests today,
for their first television interview,
375
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:32,395
the Smiths, or as they've come
to be known, the Nuts family.
376
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,799
One of our conditions in coming here
377
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,534
was that you not use that name!
378
00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:37,468
You survived a plane crash!
379
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,937
Which is incredible.
380
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,139
Thank you.
381
00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:41,540
All the other crash survivors
382
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:43,274
swam the short distance to shore.
383
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:47,679
Now, why on Earth did you
choose to swim to Magnet Island,
384
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:48,880
famously shut down for making
385
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:51,482
all those lighthouse keepers go insane?
386
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,952
We... We didn't know
the island was magnetic,
387
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,021
and we couldn't see
anything with all the mist!
388
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:58,490
Yes, yes,
before the island's magnetic properties
389
00:15:58,492 --> 00:16:00,091
were discovered,
it was called Misty Island.
390
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,227
- Everyone knows that.
- They do?
391
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,563
Let's skip to the ridiculous things
392
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:06,698
you came to believe on the island.
393
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,434
Well, we couldn't remember
what society was,
394
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:13,038
or who we were,
so we tried to figure it out.
395
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,174
By watching what?
396
00:16:15,176 --> 00:16:16,842
This is the best part.
397
00:16:16,844 --> 00:16:18,777
An old commercial for Gold Top nuts...
398
00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:22,848
An old commercial for Gold Top nuts!
399
00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:25,517
[LAUGHTER]
400
00:16:25,519 --> 00:16:27,052
It's all we had to go on.
401
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,454
Let's watch the commercial now,
and then we'll get into
402
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,657
the frankly hilarious
things you took from it.
403
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,526
Whoa, Gold Top nuts?
404
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:36,528
This is great. So funny.
405
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:37,996
Let's go over your dumb slang,
406
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,531
like the Tiffany's boyfriend stuff,
407
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:40,599
and then maybe talk about thinking
408
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,333
the sun is a Gold Top seal,
409
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,602
and then maybe the kids can demonstrate
410
00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:46,205
that cuckoo "big game" you made up.
411
00:16:46,207 --> 00:16:47,672
Dad, I don't want to do that.
412
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,541
Give yourself the best.
413
00:16:49,543 --> 00:16:53,212
So you guys watched this
commercial and your response
414
00:16:53,214 --> 00:16:55,414
was to start worshipping cashews?
415
00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:56,948
You're making fun of us!
416
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,780
How about you wear your
daughter's headband as a diaper,
417
00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:01,620
and we'll feed you some
of these for the camera.
418
00:17:01,622 --> 00:17:03,288
Have you had these yet?
419
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,023
None of that stuff matters to us now!
420
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,758
You're being such a brother-in-law,
421
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,672
like you're rooting
for the opposite team.
422
00:17:08,707 --> 00:17:09,228
- [GASPS]
- [LAUGHTER]
423
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,496
This interview is over!
424
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,364
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS]
425
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:17,302
Up next, we have a marketing
monkey from Pace Picante,
426
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:20,439
and "Tin Cup" star Rene Russo is here
427
00:17:20,441 --> 00:17:24,009
to lick their spicy,
new salsa off his finger!
428
00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:27,312
That. Was. Horrible.
429
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:30,449
We are famous for being weirdos!
430
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,453
Hey, Nuts family.
431
00:17:34,455 --> 00:17:36,922
[TIRES SQUEAL]
432
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:41,326
Hey, looney birds,
you like nuts so much,
433
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,328
how 'bout you [BLEEP] on these!
434
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,396
Do you even have nuts?
435
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,598
How dare you!
436
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,500
[CRASHING]
437
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,003
That's it. No more TV appearances.
438
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:53,672
It's time to get back to our lives
439
00:17:53,674 --> 00:17:55,474
and put this nonsense behind us.
440
00:17:55,476 --> 00:17:57,676
But I can't stop thinking about it.
441
00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,745
Why did any of it, the plane crash,
442
00:17:59,747 --> 00:18:03,348
the memory wipe, the commercial,
why did any of it happen?
443
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:04,749
That's island talk.
444
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,752
The word "why" is now forbidden.
445
00:18:06,754 --> 00:18:08,887
Why, you ask? Ya don't!
446
00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:09,955
Stan's right.
447
00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:11,757
We have to move on with our lives.
448
00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:13,759
Forget it ever happened.
449
00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:15,627
And no nodding uneasily!
450
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,332
[BUBBLING]
451
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:30,109
♪♪
452
00:18:30,111 --> 00:18:37,983
♪♪
453
00:18:37,985 --> 00:18:45,791
♪♪
454
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:53,465
♪♪
455
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,534
[THUD]
456
00:18:56,737 --> 00:19:00,405
I know, I know. I'm making it worse.
457
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:09,480
♪♪
458
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,684
♪♪
459
00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:15,020
[HAUNTING PIANO MUSIC]
460
00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:18,023
♪♪
461
00:19:18,025 --> 00:19:19,158
So.
462
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,026
None of us can stop thinking about
463
00:19:21,028 --> 00:19:23,762
what happened on the island.
464
00:19:23,764 --> 00:19:27,766
Steve you asked "why?",
and I think I know now.
465
00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:30,836
Before the island,
we were fighting so much.
466
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:32,904
We thought we couldn't
forgive each other
467
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,973
because we couldn't forget.
468
00:19:34,975 --> 00:19:37,709
But it turns out, if you forget,
469
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:40,645
then there can be no act of forgiveness.
470
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,849
The answer,
as much as we've tried to deny it,
471
00:19:43,851 --> 00:19:49,188
as embarrassing and strange
as it may be, was on that tape.
472
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:53,792
If we can't fully forgive
and we can't fully forget,
473
00:19:53,794 --> 00:19:59,464
then all we can do is offer
each other more kindness.
474
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,601
We have to offer each other...
475
00:20:02,603 --> 00:20:04,469
the best.
476
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,672
How I used to treat all of you.
477
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,875
How I will treat you from now on.
478
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:12,811
I'll put out the good nuts for you.
479
00:20:12,813 --> 00:20:15,146
I'll put out the good nuts for you.
480
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,549
I'll put out the good nuts for you.
481
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,951
I'll put out the good nuts for you.
482
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:24,689
♪♪
483
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,559
Gold Top, Gold Top...
484
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,895
[GROWING LOUDER] Gold Top, Gold...
485
00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:31,738
I'm up in my room,
thinking about ice cream,
486
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,765
wanting ice cream,
and then I remember we have
487
00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:36,235
that four-year-old Soy Delicious.
488
00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:37,836
Lotta frost on there.
489
00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:40,839
Hey, I'm glad you didn't die
on that island or whatever.
490
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:44,943
Mm.
491
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,245
Wow.
492
00:20:46,247 --> 00:20:48,513
These are actually incredible.
493
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,249
You should go buy some right now.
494
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:51,917
This has been a paid
advertisement for Gold Top Nuts.
495
00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:53,785
WOMAN: ♪ Gold Top nuts ♪
496
00:20:53,787 --> 00:20:56,722
♪ You deserve the best ♪
497
00:20:58,459 --> 00:20:59,858
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
498
00:21:02,401 --> 00:21:04,204
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34487
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