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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,445 --> 00:00:05,312 Hayley. Hayley, wake up. 2 00:00:05,314 --> 00:00:06,981 It's a horrible family emergency! 3 00:00:06,983 --> 00:00:08,048 What?! God what?! 4 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,584 The emergency is your life isn't going anywhere, 5 00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:12,319 so we're going to get you some drive. 6 00:00:12,321 --> 00:00:14,188 We're going for a drive? 7 00:00:14,190 --> 00:00:15,322 In a car? 8 00:00:15,324 --> 00:00:17,324 No, we're going for a walk. 9 00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,726 In our bodies. 10 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,062 As you know, every day I leap out of bed 11 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,530 and fly into my slippers. 12 00:00:23,532 --> 00:00:25,265 Of course, your "leap of faith." 13 00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:26,600 It shakes the whole house. 14 00:00:26,602 --> 00:00:29,804 But what you don't know is every morning before my leap, 15 00:00:29,806 --> 00:00:32,739 I take a brisk walk around Langley's historic 16 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,009 Gaslamp district to get the blood up 17 00:00:35,011 --> 00:00:36,543 and the laziness down. 18 00:00:36,545 --> 00:00:38,745 You go on this walk and then get back in bed? 19 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,681 This healthy routine gives me the drive 20 00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:42,616 I need to have a successful career. 21 00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:44,151 I want that for you, too. 22 00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:47,021 But I already have a successful career at Subhub. 23 00:00:47,023 --> 00:00:49,556 They even trust me enough to let me have a key. 24 00:00:49,558 --> 00:00:50,957 A key to where? 25 00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:52,426 The bathroom. 26 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,828 Just as I feared. 27 00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:55,762 The room so awful it's where we hide 28 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,364 our disgusting toilets. 29 00:00:57,366 --> 00:00:59,099 Hayley, Subhub is not a career. 30 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,902 It's a dead-end. But I'm showing you a way out, 31 00:01:01,904 --> 00:01:04,170 complete with breakfast at a little place 32 00:01:04,172 --> 00:01:05,305 I like to call... 33 00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:08,242 Johnny Fifties! 34 00:01:08,244 --> 00:01:09,844 I remember this place! 35 00:01:09,846 --> 00:01:11,512 We used to come here all the time. 36 00:01:11,514 --> 00:01:12,646 Johnny, my man! 37 00:01:12,648 --> 00:01:13,980 Gimme a piece of toast, 38 00:01:13,982 --> 00:01:15,716 and mash up these peas for me. 39 00:01:15,718 --> 00:01:18,785 But only if you promise not to charge me for the peas. 40 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,186 They're my property, Johnny. 41 00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:23,790 I won't pay for what's already mine, Johnny. 42 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,793 Again, Stan, my name is Sal. 43 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,595 The restaurant is Johnny Fif... 44 00:01:28,597 --> 00:01:29,730 Ooh, I'll have a shortstack of pan... 45 00:01:29,732 --> 00:01:31,198 No, the food is terrible. 46 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,468 You just come to soak up that authentic 1990s-style 47 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,802 '50s atmosphere. 48 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,872 Stan, I've got some bad news. 49 00:01:37,874 --> 00:01:39,005 We're closing. 50 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,741 Closing?! How could this be?! 51 00:01:40,743 --> 00:01:44,545 Well, people just don't care about 1950s nostalgia anymore. 52 00:01:44,547 --> 00:01:47,614 Or maybe we'd have survived if, I dunno, every day 53 00:01:47,616 --> 00:01:49,616 you bought something more expensive than toast. 54 00:01:49,618 --> 00:01:51,418 Johnny, 86 the toast. 55 00:01:51,420 --> 00:01:52,619 You can't expect people to eat 56 00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:54,889 after getting terrible news like that! 57 00:01:54,891 --> 00:01:56,690 ♪♪ 58 00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:58,559 STAN: No! No! Stop the music! 59 00:01:58,561 --> 00:02:00,627 Not today, big brass band! 60 00:02:00,629 --> 00:02:01,962 Shut up! Shut up! 61 00:02:01,964 --> 00:02:03,764 You okay up there, Mr. Smith? 62 00:02:03,766 --> 00:02:05,966 Johnny Fifties is going under. 63 00:02:05,968 --> 00:02:08,635 It's bad news, or to put it in terms 64 00:02:08,637 --> 00:02:10,771 you'll understand, bad music. 65 00:02:10,773 --> 00:02:12,506 Well, if you love the place so much, 66 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,174 maybe you could give them a loan? 67 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,443 I just don't know where I'd find the money. 68 00:02:16,445 --> 00:02:18,845 Anyway, you and the boys take the rest of the week off, 69 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,648 fully paid of course. 70 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,450 Well it's official, gang. 71 00:02:23,452 --> 00:02:25,652 I have hep C. 72 00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:27,922 I think it's time for some major lifestyle changes... 73 00:02:27,924 --> 00:02:29,656 Red alert! Family emergency! 74 00:02:29,658 --> 00:02:31,057 What?! God what?! 75 00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:33,660 I'm too upset to say what the emergency is. 76 00:02:33,662 --> 00:02:36,063 I must carve it. 77 00:02:38,935 --> 00:02:40,867 J... 78 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,536 O... 79 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,871 Oh, it's about Johnny Fifties closing. 80 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,607 I heard him tell the bandleader. 81 00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:49,276 Oh, yeah, Johnny Fifties! 82 00:02:49,278 --> 00:02:51,278 Their food sucks. 83 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:52,679 And no shock top. 84 00:02:52,681 --> 00:02:54,481 Okay, my fingers hurt. 85 00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:55,950 It's Johnny Fifties. 86 00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:58,152 I cannot let this restaurant close. 87 00:02:58,154 --> 00:02:59,553 - Why? - Well, for one thing, 88 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,288 it's part of my morning routine. 89 00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:02,823 But also, let's be honest. 90 00:03:02,825 --> 00:03:04,558 I'm a '50s kind of guy. 91 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,426 Exhibit A... my suit. 92 00:03:06,428 --> 00:03:09,764 Oh, yeah, your suit is sort of '50s. 93 00:03:09,766 --> 00:03:12,166 For a '50s guy like me, letting Johnny Fifties 94 00:03:12,168 --> 00:03:14,835 close would be like admitting the '50s were over. 95 00:03:14,837 --> 00:03:17,237 TOGETHER: But the '50s are over! 96 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:20,107 Don't you get it?! If you're truly nostalgic, 97 00:03:20,109 --> 00:03:21,508 nothing is ever over! 98 00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:23,377 As someone who was alive back then 99 00:03:23,379 --> 00:03:26,313 with a Wolfman Jack-type radio DJ persona 100 00:03:26,315 --> 00:03:29,650 and a number-one doo wop hit, I think Stan's onto something. 101 00:03:29,652 --> 00:03:31,518 Look around this house, guys. 102 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,787 Not a lot of love for the '50s. 103 00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:34,655 He's right. No jell-o molds. 104 00:03:34,657 --> 00:03:36,056 No hula hoops! 105 00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:39,860 Plus, you're not watching TV while you eat! 106 00:03:39,862 --> 00:03:42,863 And even if you were, "Happy Days" is never on! 107 00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,665 Uhp, there it is, but it's a bad one, 108 00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,000 doesn't count... too much Potsie. 109 00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:47,601 That's it! If I'm going to 110 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,669 save the restaurant... 111 00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:50,070 You have to improve the food? 112 00:03:50,072 --> 00:03:53,140 I need to get people to love the '50s again! 113 00:03:53,142 --> 00:03:55,075 There's no time to lose! 114 00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:58,679 Did you know glory holes were much, much larger in the '50s? 115 00:03:58,681 --> 00:04:00,614 One time me and both Everly Brothers 116 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:02,149 stuck our junk in one together 117 00:04:02,151 --> 00:04:03,350 all at the same time. 118 00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:04,819 And you know who was on the other side? 119 00:04:04,821 --> 00:04:06,220 The Big Bopper. 120 00:04:06,222 --> 00:04:08,288 At least that's what it felt like, I never saw him. 121 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,556 - Aah! Aah! - Aah! Aah! 122 00:04:09,558 --> 00:04:12,193 What? Never seen a successful person before? 123 00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:14,829 Is this supposed to be like dad's 124 00:04:14,831 --> 00:04:16,563 "leap of faith" out of bed? 125 00:04:16,565 --> 00:04:18,899 It's a natural expression of drive. 126 00:04:18,901 --> 00:04:20,901 The regional manager's coming to Subhub today 127 00:04:20,903 --> 00:04:23,303 and I am gonna show him, and dad, 128 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,606 that I've got what it takes to get ahead. 129 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,710 Mr. S throws our food on the ground 130 00:04:29,712 --> 00:04:31,846 and she jumps all over the table? 131 00:04:31,848 --> 00:04:34,180 Someone's gotta say it. 132 00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:37,685 They made a mockery of breakfast. 133 00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:42,322 As your regional manager, I'm here 134 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,191 because by now, most of you have seen the leaked documents 135 00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:47,794 referring to your positions as "dead-end jobs." 136 00:04:47,796 --> 00:04:49,263 Uh, what documents? 137 00:04:49,265 --> 00:04:50,397 It doesn't matter. 138 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:54,068 The point here is your jobs are not dead-ends. 139 00:04:54,070 --> 00:04:55,402 Yes, dead-ender in the back. 140 00:04:55,404 --> 00:04:56,670 So are we allowed to drink 141 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,272 the oranginas or what? 142 00:04:58,274 --> 00:04:59,606 Give me a promotion! 143 00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,007 I've got the keys to success! 144 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,744 Or should I say the bathroom? 145 00:05:03,746 --> 00:05:07,013 Pee pee? Poo pee? What's your pleasure? 146 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,815 Tell me what you need, what Subhub needs, 147 00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,217 and I am on it. 148 00:05:10,219 --> 00:05:12,819 Well, we would like to open a new location 149 00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:14,889 in the hugely-desirable- nearly-impossible-to-find- 150 00:05:14,891 --> 00:05:17,091 an-open-space-in Gaslamp district. 151 00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:20,895 [GASPS] I know just the place. 152 00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:25,099 Johnny Fifties is closing and Subhub can take its place! 153 00:05:25,101 --> 00:05:26,366 Great idea! 154 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,634 You're promoted! 155 00:05:27,636 --> 00:05:29,169 The rest of you... demoted! 156 00:05:29,171 --> 00:05:32,372 You live here now and get paid in pepperoni. 157 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,707 According to math, 158 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,243 Johnny Fifties can stay afloat for eight weeks. 159 00:05:36,245 --> 00:05:37,844 And we're gonna need every minute of it 160 00:05:37,846 --> 00:05:39,846 to get people to love the '50s again. 161 00:05:39,848 --> 00:05:41,381 'Cause you really have to love the '50s 162 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:44,651 to stomach your signature nauseating burgers. 163 00:05:44,653 --> 00:05:45,920 I mean you no disrespect, Johnny. 164 00:05:45,922 --> 00:05:47,187 My name is Sal. 165 00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:49,990 I call it "Operation '50s heat up: 166 00:05:49,992 --> 00:05:53,727 Get 'em interested in the '50s and save Johnny Fifties!" 167 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,931 What if we call it "Operation '50s fever"? 168 00:05:56,933 --> 00:05:59,866 Horrible idea. Klaus, you're going to Milwaukee 169 00:05:59,868 --> 00:06:02,202 to get the statue of Arthur Fonzarelli, 170 00:06:02,204 --> 00:06:03,938 aka the Bronze Fonz. 171 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,806 I need it! Go now! 172 00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:08,342 [DOOR CLOSES] 173 00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:10,144 I don't really need the Fonz statue. 174 00:06:10,146 --> 00:06:11,678 We just can't have Klaus around 175 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,347 sloshing his bowl water all over 176 00:06:13,349 --> 00:06:14,615 everyone's classic cars. 177 00:06:14,617 --> 00:06:16,951 Everyone will have classic cars? 178 00:06:16,953 --> 00:06:18,753 And more! Here's some concept art 179 00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:20,687 I had made to inspire us. 180 00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:24,358 Cruisin' cars, lawn darts, asbestos chunks, 181 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,828 Johnny Fifties bursting with hungry Fonzie impersonators. 182 00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:31,231 Stan, you seem to be leaning pretty heavily on Fonzie. 183 00:06:31,232 --> 00:06:34,392 Um, people also like, I don't know, Elvis? 184 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,995 Oh, you mean singing Fonzie. Good idea! 185 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,131 I always wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe 186 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,600 and have an air vent blow my dress up! 187 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,735 You'll do it! And Roger, you do your old 188 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,537 Wolfman Jack DJ persona. 189 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,006 That persona was unforgettable. 190 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,008 What was his name again? Wolfman Puck? 191 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,276 No, that's not it. Don't worry, 192 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,677 it'll come to me on the air. 193 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,012 Jeff, you're a beatnik, 194 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,949 and Steve, you can be a nerd or "square." 195 00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:59,351 Easy. True to the time period, 196 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:02,621 I'll put tape on my glasses to make them appear broken... 197 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,756 No need! 198 00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:06,491 Just like James Dean, I pulled my punch 199 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:07,892 so I only hurt the glasses. 200 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,027 No you didn't! 201 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,163 Hayley, you can be Spudnik. 202 00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:13,498 He was a very famous potato. 203 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,969 Dad, you won't believe this. Your walk gave me drive. 204 00:07:16,971 --> 00:07:20,839 And that drive got me a job as manager of a new Subhub 205 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,707 opening where Johnny Fifties used to be! 206 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:25,778 But Johnny Fifties is where Johnny Fifties used to be. 207 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,512 Not for long. After I told them 208 00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,715 it was closing, Subhub sweet-talked the landlord 209 00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:33,185 into taking over the lease in two days! 210 00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,988 But two days isn't nearly enough time for my plan! 211 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,456 Aren't you happy for me? 212 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,257 Happy? You betrayed me. 213 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,660 You're trying to destroy a place I love. 214 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,261 So, you don't like it when I don't have drive, 215 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,597 and you don't like when I do have drive. 216 00:07:46,094 --> 00:07:48,933 What even is this? Operation '50s fever? 217 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,803 My original idea Klaus was never here. 218 00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:52,805 Blueprints for a leather jacket? 219 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,808 A list of places for beaver to leave it? 220 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:58,943 This plan is so stupid. 221 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,213 Thank God I commissioned concept art 222 00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:03,415 for every possible betrayal. 223 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,951 This is exactly how I feel, right down to my giant ass! 224 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,487 I can't let her do this to me. 225 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:09,688 New plan! 226 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,956 Oh, good, that one was kinda stupid... 227 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,826 The old plan, faster! 228 00:08:13,828 --> 00:08:17,362 We'll do Operation '50s fever in 48 hours! 229 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,032 Why have I pinned my hopes on this fool? 230 00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,901 Would a fool get concept art of himself 231 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,170 dressed as a court jester pleading with the king 232 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,439 not to cut his head off for not having enough bells 233 00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:28,640 on his jester hat? 234 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,510 I'm a goner! Welp, lesson learned. 235 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,212 Shoulda had more bells. 236 00:08:33,855 --> 00:08:35,956 Y Stan needs Langley to catch 237 00:08:35,958 --> 00:08:37,958 a baaad case of '50s fever 238 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,493 or else Hayley will be proven right 239 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:42,029 that Stan's plan to save Johnny Fifties 240 00:08:42,031 --> 00:08:44,564 is a stupid, stuuuupid plan. 241 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,900 You heard it from me, uh... 242 00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,101 What's my name again? 243 00:08:48,103 --> 00:08:49,769 The '50s was so long ago. 244 00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:52,106 Wolfboy... George? 245 00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:55,076 Did I mention Hayley thinks Stan's plan is stupid? 246 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,647 Gah! I feel betrayed by Hayley all over again! 247 00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:01,315 - And by you! - Why me?! 248 00:09:01,317 --> 00:09:03,183 Because you're here talking my ear off 249 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,918 when you should be buying extra food 250 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,421 for when I ignite '50s fever! 251 00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:10,124 But Stan, I'm bankrupt... 252 00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:12,259 You don't say you're "bankrupt," Daddy-O. 253 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,328 You say you're "on the skids." 254 00:09:16,466 --> 00:09:17,998 I like your plan. 255 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,968 And I love not wearing seatbelts. 256 00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,002 Aah! 257 00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:23,537 The CIA's Cuban operations 258 00:09:23,539 --> 00:09:26,740 really came through with these classic cars on short notice. 259 00:09:26,742 --> 00:09:28,208 Paging Mr. Bega, 260 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:31,479 can you say "Mambo number '50s"? 261 00:09:31,481 --> 00:09:32,812 [LAUGHS] 262 00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:33,881 [GAGS, COUGHS] 263 00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:35,415 Plenty more where that came from. 264 00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:36,950 Like a Greaser, I've got goodies 265 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,819 rolled up all over my body. 266 00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:39,887 Pack of raisins. 267 00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:42,289 Box of Goobers in my waistband. 268 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,827 FRANCINE: Aah! 269 00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:49,763 Where are all the contestants?! 270 00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:51,965 You had one simple job, Steve. 271 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:54,368 To gather 500 to 600 professional 272 00:09:54,370 --> 00:09:56,570 Fonzie impersonators on an hour's notice. 273 00:09:56,572 --> 00:09:58,772 How was I supposed to get the word out? 274 00:09:58,774 --> 00:10:00,440 You won't let me use my computer! 275 00:10:00,442 --> 00:10:01,909 Before there was e-mail, 276 00:10:01,911 --> 00:10:04,244 there was just plain tell-e-grams. 277 00:10:04,246 --> 00:10:07,715 And we attached them to the infamously dangerous lawn darts. 278 00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:11,051 Infamously dangerously fun. 279 00:10:11,053 --> 00:10:12,252 [DART IMPACTS, MAN SCREAMS] 280 00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:14,788 Have faith, son. Trends always start with 281 00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:17,257 one single brave cool guy. 282 00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,527 But this time it's not James Dean. 283 00:10:19,529 --> 00:10:21,529 It's James me... 284 00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,463 [GAGGING] 285 00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:25,265 Enough of these faulty toothpicks! 286 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:29,203 It's time to show Hayley just how wrong she is. 287 00:10:29,205 --> 00:10:30,670 Okay, one more try. 288 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,339 [GAGGING] 289 00:10:33,409 --> 00:10:35,743 ♪♪ 290 00:10:35,745 --> 00:10:37,077 Oh, Marilyn! 291 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:39,679 Time to walk over that normal vent! 292 00:10:40,416 --> 00:10:42,750 I'm in a hurry! Outta my way! 293 00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:45,685 Whoa, the air's so hot! 294 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:46,887 My genitals! 295 00:10:46,889 --> 00:10:48,789 Aaaaaaagh! 296 00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:54,328 Hey, let's play chicken! 297 00:10:55,565 --> 00:10:57,164 Whoa! 298 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:59,233 Someone shred that guy and slather him 299 00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:00,834 in hot mayonnaise and marshmallows, 300 00:11:00,836 --> 00:11:02,169 because he's a chicken, 301 00:11:02,171 --> 00:11:04,805 and that's my recipe for Chicken Ambrosia. 302 00:11:08,177 --> 00:11:11,311 Here's one that never fails to spark '50s fever... 303 00:11:11,313 --> 00:11:14,081 Passing a milkshake between cars. 304 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,916 I can't reach you! 305 00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:17,918 I like bongos! 306 00:11:20,122 --> 00:11:21,255 Too thick! 307 00:11:21,257 --> 00:11:23,257 The way it used to be! 308 00:11:23,259 --> 00:11:24,324 Aah! 309 00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:25,926 [CRASH, HORN BLARING] 310 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:30,931 Ribs broken by steering column... 311 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,234 The way it used to be. 312 00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:36,403 HAYLEY: Yes! 313 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,538 Yay! 314 00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:40,474 With '50s fever failing to catch, 315 00:11:40,476 --> 00:11:43,477 it looks like Subhub's new location is all 316 00:11:43,479 --> 00:11:46,213 but a certainty, which means... 317 00:11:46,215 --> 00:11:48,081 I'm really gonna be a manager! 318 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,017 With a manager's salary. 319 00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:53,020 And a manager's mansion. 320 00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:55,623 Who is this concept artist everyone's using? 321 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,892 None of this would be possible without you. 322 00:11:58,894 --> 00:11:59,960 [FLAMES BURSTING] 323 00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,295 My rod is too hot! 324 00:12:01,297 --> 00:12:03,163 And the Goobers in my pants melted! 325 00:12:03,165 --> 00:12:05,165 [LAUGHTER] 326 00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:06,566 Yeah. 327 00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:08,502 None of this would be possible without me. 328 00:12:08,504 --> 00:12:11,105 You feel bad for a man who doesn't want his daughter 329 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:12,640 to live in a mansion? 330 00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:13,974 The best type of house?! 331 00:12:13,976 --> 00:12:16,510 It's all Hayley's fault! 332 00:12:16,512 --> 00:12:18,712 I should've known she'd mess up having drive 333 00:12:18,714 --> 00:12:22,382 like she has everything else in her life. 334 00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:23,984 That's it. 335 00:12:23,986 --> 00:12:26,654 You're live on the air with... 336 00:12:26,656 --> 00:12:27,721 some kinda wolf... 337 00:12:27,723 --> 00:12:29,323 Dad, I know you're listening, 338 00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:30,524 and I want you to know 339 00:12:30,526 --> 00:12:32,993 I'm with people who appreciate my drive 340 00:12:32,995 --> 00:12:35,062 so much I'm getting a mansion. 341 00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:37,197 Wow. For our listeners who don't know, 342 00:12:37,199 --> 00:12:39,066 that's the best type of house. 343 00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:42,202 So just give up now and stop embarrassing yourself! 344 00:12:42,204 --> 00:12:43,337 [CELLPHONE RINGS] 345 00:12:43,339 --> 00:12:45,339 - [WOLF HOWLS] - Another caller! 346 00:12:45,341 --> 00:12:46,806 This isn't over, Hayley. 347 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,342 The fever is catching. 348 00:12:48,344 --> 00:12:50,077 WOMAN: It's the loser '50s guy! 349 00:12:50,079 --> 00:12:52,212 He's cheating and using a cellphone! 350 00:12:52,214 --> 00:12:54,748 Loser? Maybe free asbestos 351 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,016 will change your mind! 352 00:12:56,018 --> 00:12:58,418 The miracle molecule of the '50s! 353 00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,354 - Ugh! - And, uh... 354 00:13:00,356 --> 00:13:03,623 It's only gonna get more feverish when people see, 355 00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:06,293 uh... 356 00:13:06,295 --> 00:13:08,095 a James Dean type like me 357 00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:11,565 in a classic teenage knife fight up at the old observatory! 358 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:14,168 DJ, play a song of betrayal. 359 00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:16,704 I wanna dedicate it to my daughter. 360 00:13:17,761 --> 00:13:20,374 ♪ Betrayal is a terrible thing ♪ 361 00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:22,576 ♪ The pain can last so long ♪ 362 00:13:22,578 --> 00:13:25,645 ♪ Oh, the devil's gonna poke you in your giant ass ♪ 363 00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:29,249 ♪ And your daughter's gonna cheer him on ♪ 364 00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:32,252 [TIRES SCREECH] 365 00:13:32,254 --> 00:13:33,521 Watch out, teens! 366 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:37,591 This rebel's gonna cause you to love the '50s! 367 00:13:37,593 --> 00:13:38,726 [TEENS GASP] 368 00:13:38,728 --> 00:13:40,260 - [SCREAMING] - Oh, my God! 369 00:13:40,262 --> 00:13:41,729 You stabbed me! 370 00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:43,531 It's just a nick! Please like this 371 00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:45,865 so I can prove my daughter wrong! 372 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,201 Please, I beg you! 373 00:13:47,203 --> 00:13:48,335 I'm not crazy! 374 00:13:48,337 --> 00:13:50,670 I just really love a restaurant. 375 00:13:50,672 --> 00:13:51,872 [SOBBING] 376 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,408 That's him! The bowzer from Sha Na Na lookalike 377 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,076 who pooped his pants! 378 00:13:56,078 --> 00:13:58,345 James Dean... Goobers. 379 00:13:58,347 --> 00:13:59,947 Yeah, that's what they all say. 380 00:13:59,949 --> 00:14:03,617 We've got a warrant for your arrest and plenty of witnesses. 381 00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:07,221 ♪♪ 382 00:14:07,223 --> 00:14:10,157 Before you arrest me, I just want to say 383 00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:12,226 none of that stuff I did was wrong 384 00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:14,428 in the '50s. You could get away with 385 00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:17,231 all kinds of crazy stuff because... 386 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,900 ♪ We didn't know that was bad yet ♪ 387 00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:22,470 ♪ We didn't know that could kill ya ♪ 388 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,374 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age ♪ 389 00:14:27,376 --> 00:14:29,509 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong ♪ 390 00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,511 You threw a lawn dart in my skull! 391 00:14:31,513 --> 00:14:33,313 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong! ♪ 392 00:14:33,315 --> 00:14:34,382 You stabbed my son! 393 00:14:34,384 --> 00:14:36,116 ♪ We didn't know, we didn't know ♪ 394 00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:37,451 You threw asbestos in my face! 395 00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:39,119 ♪ Now you're insulated, dude ♪ 396 00:14:39,121 --> 00:14:40,320 My genitals! 397 00:14:40,322 --> 00:14:41,855 ♪ Wow, you're howdy doody smooth ♪ 398 00:14:41,857 --> 00:14:44,724 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age ♪ 399 00:14:44,726 --> 00:14:47,261 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong ♪ 400 00:14:47,263 --> 00:14:48,596 But what if someone gets hurt? 401 00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:50,664 The nurses all wear funny hats! 402 00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:53,333 What about the rampant sexism and racism? 403 00:14:53,335 --> 00:14:54,734 It was wrong then and it is wrong now 404 00:14:54,736 --> 00:14:56,270 and in our new '50s, it isn't allowed! 405 00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:57,671 [ALL CHEERING] 406 00:14:57,673 --> 00:14:59,206 The Fonzies came! 407 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,474 - ♪ Ay ♪ - ♪ Ay ♪ 408 00:15:00,476 --> 00:15:01,875 - ♪ Ay ♪ - ♪ Ay ♪ 409 00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:04,945 ♪ We're Fonzies and we're here to say ♪ 410 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,413 - ♪ Ay ♪ - ♪ Ay ♪ 411 00:15:06,415 --> 00:15:07,681 - ♪ Ay ♪ - ♪ Ay ♪ 412 00:15:07,683 --> 00:15:11,085 ♪ '50s fever's here to stay ♪ 413 00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:12,486 I get it! 414 00:15:12,488 --> 00:15:14,488 The '50s were about willful ignorance! 415 00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,156 Now you're razzin' my berries! 416 00:15:16,158 --> 00:15:18,225 So I don't have to go to school? 417 00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:19,759 ♪ That was the opposite of cool ♪ 418 00:15:19,761 --> 00:15:21,228 And I can litter on the ground? 419 00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:22,896 ♪ I call it nature's lost and found ♪ 420 00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:24,031 And I can eat trans fats? 421 00:15:24,033 --> 00:15:25,499 ♪ Some say that's where the flavor's at ♪ 422 00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:26,834 So I can stab my son? 423 00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,502 ♪ It's just a Nick, and yes, it's fun! 424 00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:29,903 So I can drink and drive? 425 00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:31,439 ♪ Fonzie did it all the time ♪ 426 00:15:31,441 --> 00:15:32,973 - Ay! Ay! - Ay! Ay! 427 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,443 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age ♪ 428 00:15:35,445 --> 00:15:38,178 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong ♪ 429 00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:39,980 [CROWD CHEERING] 430 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:43,250 Now that you've ignited '50s fever, what's next, Stan? 431 00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:46,220 Going to Johnny Fifties, saving it at long last? 432 00:15:48,344 --> 00:15:51,258 Too soon. These people aren't hungry enough yet to choke down 433 00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,459 that wretched slop. 434 00:15:52,461 --> 00:15:54,394 Everyone, to the sock hop! 435 00:15:54,396 --> 00:15:56,196 It's over, Hayley. 436 00:15:56,198 --> 00:15:58,198 Everyone can't have '50s fever. 437 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,334 My God, it's happening in here! 438 00:16:00,336 --> 00:16:03,403 Wail on that black forest ham, Big Daddy! 439 00:16:03,405 --> 00:16:04,404 ["TEQUILA" PLAYING] 440 00:16:04,406 --> 00:16:06,206 Welp, we're throwing in the towel. 441 00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:09,409 Subhub corporate is as quick to give up as we are to celebrate. 442 00:16:09,411 --> 00:16:11,345 Why would he do this to me? 443 00:16:11,347 --> 00:16:14,014 He wanted me to have drive. 444 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,215 Wait... 445 00:16:15,217 --> 00:16:16,484 Drive... 446 00:16:16,486 --> 00:16:19,953 Time to fight '50s with '50s. 447 00:16:19,955 --> 00:16:26,093 ♪♪ 448 00:16:26,095 --> 00:16:28,095 FRANCINE: Aah! 449 00:16:28,097 --> 00:16:30,364 Now that you've danced yourselves ravenous 450 00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:33,901 and would eat trash like wild boars, let's go... 451 00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:35,235 save Johnny Fift... 452 00:16:35,237 --> 00:16:37,971 I challenge you to a drag race! 453 00:16:37,973 --> 00:16:39,106 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 454 00:16:39,108 --> 00:16:40,307 If I win the race, 455 00:16:40,309 --> 00:16:43,443 Subhub takes over Johnny Fifties. 456 00:16:43,445 --> 00:16:44,978 Ha! Why would I accept that 457 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,114 when I already have everything I want? 458 00:16:47,116 --> 00:16:50,584 Because... '50s honor demands it. 459 00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:54,454 AUDIENCE CHANTING: '50s honor! '50s honor! 460 00:16:54,456 --> 00:16:55,655 Okay! Okay! 461 00:16:55,657 --> 00:16:57,925 '50s honor, which I've just heard of, 462 00:16:57,927 --> 00:16:59,859 is everything to me! 463 00:16:59,861 --> 00:17:01,261 Let's drag! 464 00:17:01,263 --> 00:17:02,396 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 465 00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:05,933 Everyone's finally tuning into me, Dogboy Chuck, 466 00:17:05,935 --> 00:17:09,336 as we all wonder who will win the big drag race. 467 00:17:09,338 --> 00:17:11,004 It's Stan vs. Hayley, 468 00:17:11,006 --> 00:17:12,940 Johnny Fifties vs. Subhub, 469 00:17:12,942 --> 00:17:14,474 past vs. future, 470 00:17:14,476 --> 00:17:16,877 today's glory holes vs. giant '50s 471 00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:18,612 "Looney Tunes"-sized glory holes 472 00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:20,548 where you can just wave at the guy or the gal 473 00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:22,015 on the other side. 474 00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:24,952 [ENGINES STARTING] 475 00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:27,087 Hayley, before I win, 476 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,289 I should finally be honest with you. 477 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,291 I wish Fonzie was my daughter. 478 00:17:31,293 --> 00:17:32,626 You're sick, Dad. 479 00:17:32,628 --> 00:17:35,162 And Fonzie is really more of a '70s icon! 480 00:17:35,164 --> 00:17:37,832 Fonzie, Chachi, Potsie, Richie, Fonzie, Chachi, Potsie, Richie! 481 00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:42,369 Don't! These cars are death traps! 482 00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,837 Don't worry, Steve. 483 00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:45,906 I've had my mechanics working all night. 484 00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:47,441 Show 'em, boys! 485 00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,243 - Ay! - Ay! Ay! 486 00:17:49,245 --> 00:17:51,044 Safe enough for ya, Steve? 487 00:17:51,046 --> 00:17:55,048 And I'm DJ Apeman Snack, the voice of a generation 488 00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:56,650 and the face of a genera... 489 00:17:56,652 --> 00:17:58,718 Damn it, you can't see my face on the radio. 490 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,520 I'll text you all a picture of my face 491 00:18:00,522 --> 00:18:02,390 using Amber alert technology. 492 00:18:02,392 --> 00:18:04,325 Look at it even if you're driving. 493 00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:07,727 Sorry if my dick is also in the picture. 494 00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:09,263 Don't let that shock you off the road. 495 00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:11,665 And take off those seatbelts, it's the '50s! 496 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:14,735 Vietnam's around the corner and it's gonna git ya! 497 00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:20,808 And now the song you've all been waiting for, 498 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:24,278 my very own number-one hit from 1958, 499 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,146 "Drag Race Angels"! 500 00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:29,549 This one's dedicated to Stan and Hayley. 501 00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:32,286 ♪ Drag race angels ♪ 502 00:18:34,556 --> 00:18:36,290 ♪ A father who's mean ♪ 503 00:18:36,292 --> 00:18:38,826 ♪ Drag race angels ♪ 504 00:18:41,097 --> 00:18:42,830 ♪ A daughter who dreams ♪ 505 00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,032 Wait a second, I know this song. 506 00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:46,901 It was our song! 507 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,906 ♪ Remember when Hayley ♪ 508 00:18:52,908 --> 00:18:56,444 ♪ Was just a little girl? ♪ 509 00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:59,779 ♪ You'd eat at Johnny Fifties ♪ 510 00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:02,582 ♪ And drink a malt with two straws ♪ 511 00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:04,118 ♪ You love these memories ♪ 512 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:07,054 ♪ Not the '50s, you crazy drag race angel ♪ 513 00:19:07,056 --> 00:19:09,857 Wow. This song really takes me back. 514 00:19:09,859 --> 00:19:12,926 And a lot of the lyrics make more sense now than ever. 515 00:19:12,928 --> 00:19:15,663 I loved Johnny Fifties because of the time 516 00:19:15,665 --> 00:19:17,397 I spent there with Hayley. 517 00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:19,599 But I can spend time with her now! 518 00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:21,802 Must kill Dad! 519 00:19:21,804 --> 00:19:23,937 Eesh. Or maybe I can't. 520 00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:26,540 Man, how would Fonzie fix this? 521 00:19:27,743 --> 00:19:29,443 Ay! 522 00:19:31,347 --> 00:19:33,413 Nay! 523 00:19:33,415 --> 00:19:40,287 ♪♪ 524 00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:42,356 The Bronze Fonz, Stan! 525 00:19:42,358 --> 00:19:43,691 I took some '50s-style benzos 526 00:19:43,693 --> 00:19:46,293 and drove to Milwaukee and back in one day! 527 00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:50,830 ♪♪ 528 00:19:50,832 --> 00:19:53,367 Johnny Fifties is saved! 529 00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:03,843 Oh, my God! Dad, are you okay? 530 00:20:03,845 --> 00:20:05,379 Oh, Hayley, forgive me. 531 00:20:05,381 --> 00:20:08,115 I haven't been James Dean or James me. 532 00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:10,584 I've been plain old James mean. 533 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,986 Dad, you... you might have brain damage. 534 00:20:12,988 --> 00:20:14,988 One of your pupils is so big. 535 00:20:14,990 --> 00:20:18,192 That's because I'm looking at someone I love so big. 536 00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:20,594 Hayley, I want you to know I support you 537 00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:22,930 wherever your drive takes you next, 538 00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,665 Subhub or no Subhub. 539 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,068 The toothpicks are back! 540 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:31,471 I'm gonna drive you to the hospital. 541 00:20:31,473 --> 00:20:34,074 I spy with my little eye... 542 00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:35,275 a table! 543 00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:38,145 Aww, it's our table! 544 00:20:38,881 --> 00:20:41,148 ROGER: ♪ Table angels ♪ 545 00:20:43,419 --> 00:20:44,818 ♪ They love each other now ♪ 546 00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:48,889 ♪ Don't worry about Sal ♪ 547 00:20:48,891 --> 00:20:51,425 ♪ He sells Chicken Ambrosia, wow ♪ 548 00:20:51,427 --> 00:20:52,492 ♪ He's a billionaire ♪ 549 00:20:52,494 --> 00:20:56,163 ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 550 00:20:56,165 --> 00:20:58,132 Bye-bye! See you soon! 551 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,994 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 39228

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