Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪

Look at that.

That's a gigantic plastic container.

I'm thinking of making a boat,

you know, tying some outriggers to it to help stabilize it.

Holy moley.

What am I doing out here?

I'm set up to be here for a long time.

You could have the best life in the world,

but if you're alone, then what's the point?

I needed to go for broke,

and find a good location, and live out here.

Oh, my God.

I just need to hurry up and set up a shelter.

[bleep]. Just a inch too short.

Damn it!

- Who are you when everything's been stripped away?

[bleep].

[yelping]

- It's scary out here in these woods.

- I have not had a serious meal in a week.

- If I can't get a fire, then I can't stay here.

- It's always in the back of your mind,

"Well, I could tap out."

- Putting up with this filming [ble

- Running into a predator, it's not an if.

It's a when.

Get the hell out of here.

I see you. Get out of here!

- I'm living a hand-to-mouth existence.

Yes! Ah!

- $500,000 is a lot of money.

- It's just gonna keep getting harder.

- It's not the world that needs to change.

It's me that needs to change.

[moans]

♪

♪

[sighs]

This is [bleep] ridiculous.

♪

I just woke up

to my sleeping bag being soaked through,

and I was like, "Well, that doesn't make any sense,"

and this is all water

right here where I was sleeping,

and it looks like it's ground water.

I guess it seeped through.

♪

Luckily, my backpack didn't get soaked...

♪

But...

♪

Just to give you an indicator,

that's my fire hole.

It is 100% full of water.

♪

I have no--

[sniffles]

I have no idea how that even happens.

I don't even know what I'm gonna do.

Um...

♪

I--I mean, there's no way that I can stay in here.

♪

It's [bleep] ridiculous.

♪

[exhales]

♪

[exhales]

I'm not mic'd up yet. It's morning.

You know, I figure, I might as well film this.

This is me trying to get up...

after not eating a bite of food in four days.

I...

this has been going on for about 20 minutes.

[laughing] I'm just sitting here

on the bed, you know?

I've got one sock on. Got a sock on.

That's--that's a-- that's progress.

I found the socks.

Got a sock on.

Yep.

Means I'm headed out the door.

♪

Now I've gotta put the other sock on.

♪

It is really hard to not allow

the extreme hunger to affect my emotional state.

I am here cold, hungry, and alone.

I've got to get

creatures that live out there into here.

End of discussion.

♪

I haven't been able to fish these waters

in close to a week or so.

Where my fishing hole was, I can see waves just bam,

just crashing against it.

There's no way I can get anything to eat

out of the ocean.

It's just too rough.

It would be really great

if I could get a hook in the water and get some fish,

but it-- they're not gonna be here.

If I was a fish, I would not hang out

in that washing machine,

getting banged against rocks and things.

The ocean just has to calm down more

before I'll be able to fish.

♪

Not very happy about it.

If you have experience in the bush,

it makes you humble.

You might swagger into the bush,

but you're gonna stagger out of the bush, you know,

and eventually you're gonna get your head handed to you.

Eventually, you're gonna get beaten.

Eventually, you're gonna fail out there

and have to leave

because this is too much.

♪

[tense music]

♪

So my sleeping bag's soaked.

♪

Ugh, this just sucks.

It really, really sucks.

So it comes a point of,

well, what am I doing?

Am I staying out here just to stay out here?

[dramatic music]

Am I accomplishing anything?

What's the point?

I'm at a low right now. [sighs]

♪

If there was a time that I wanted to hang I it up,

it's right now.

I mean, there's standing water...

♪

In my shelter.

♪

First problem is,

uh, sleeping bag is soaking wet,

so we're gonna address that

by laying in it... [sighs]

in my cook camp

and hopefully my body heat

combined with the heat from this, uh, fire

will slowly alleviate the problem.

Yeah, this is, uh, this is not fun

at all.

♪

My brain has been trying to convince me...

♪

Of quitting, so...

not only do I have to fight the elements,

and...the water table... [scoffs]

♪

On top of that,

I gotta fight my own damn mind

trying to tell me that it's okay to quit.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

So...

you know, what I thought about when I woke up this morning?

♪ I didn't have to wake up at 4:00 in the morning ♪

♪ I didn't have to wake up at 4:00 in the morning ♪

♪ I could get up whenever I want ♪

♪ I can get up whenever I want

Hey.

That's what I thought this morning.

♪

Emotionally, I'm doing good.

This new place just has all the resources.

It's got tidal wash,

and it looks like it's got some good fishing spots,

and it's got open areas.

I'm finding chantarelles everywhere.

♪

[chuckles] Look at the size of this one.

Some of this is rotten, but I can scrape that off,

and I can still see there's some white meat inside there.

I mean, it's on it's last legs,

but I can eat some of this for sure.

I mean,That's a big one.t legs,

♪

Look at this stream.

Isn't this beautiful?

Huh?

It's awesome.

It's all hard work,

and I won't be happy until I start bringing in fish,

but once I start bringing in some fish, man,

this place is gonna be gold.

♪

I've got my line set up, so I'm gonna go down

and check out what's going on down by the seashore.

This move is a complete game changer

so long as I can find food from the ocean,

but if I don't catch a fish on those lines,

I might not be able to survive here in this location.

♪

Well, I can basically see both of my sets right now,

both of my fishing sets,

and I'm really intrigued to see if I got anything.

♪

I really hope to catch some fish here, man.

♪

One's got a shell on it.

Two of 'em are stripped clean.

♪

Third one's stripped clean.

Dang.

No fish for me.

♪

That really sucks.

♪

I'm starting to get worried

that there's no fish in this area.

So I got my mushrooms.

I want to go harvest some limpets;

I'll set those aside for dinner.

♪

Well, I've got my sparse little dinner cooking.

I think it's getting close to boiling.

I tried out this new fireplace here.

♪

I made a hole through the top of this stump

and I would think that it should draw through the top...

♪

and I don't need a huge fire.

♪

Too huge a one and I'll catch my stump on fire.

♪

I gotta say, I'm a little bit frustrated

with the fishing here.

The other place, I think I caught fish

on every set that I put out just about.

Oh, my gosh, this is, like, the smallest meal

I've ever eaten in my life.

It's certainly a lot more

uplifting and nice here,

but I don't know what I'm gonna do about fishing.

♪

[water splashing]

♪

I can't believe that I did that.

I think I'm up for dumbass of the year award.

I woke up,

and the whole side of my shelter was glowing red.

and for a split second I thought,

"That's a hell of a fire,"

and then another split second I thought,

"There shouldn't be a hell of a fire,"

and I turned around and looked,

and my stump looked like a damn Roman candle

with sparks flying out.

The whole thing was basically engulfed.

I had my fire, like, right here,

and it traveled down-- made a huge hole,

♪

and traveled all the way down inside there.

This whole trunk has burned out.

♪

Look at that son of a bitch still smoke.

♪

Unbelievable.

♪

If I keep making these mistakes,

I don't know what's gonna happen.

♪

Hmm, so growing a gray beard.

♪

Man, I'm starting to look like an old fart.

[chuckles]

♪

Another day of boat building.

Making some good progress.

I can't wait to see her in the water.

It'll still be a--

a little while, a few days, but I-I sure hope

to be able to have her in the water soon

an--an--and, uh, in time to...

get to that salmon run, like I said before.

Finished both gunwales.

I'm hoping to start putting in the ribs today.

♪

The cedar branch,

it has a natural curve to it.

I have hopes for this material to be the ribs

Let's see what cedar can do.

I'll just whittle it as fine as I think is safe to do.

♪

I have to make every single piece

that goes in there by hand.

I'll refine it if it doesn't break,

and then comes the real chore,

which is bending the ribs.

I'm gonna put a bit of water

where the bends gonna be, especially the outside.

♪

We'll see if I can steam bend it

or basically hot-fire bend it.

I'm gonna play around with that a little bit.

♪

Here we go.

One big honking splinter here,

but it'll do.

First rib.

♪

Let's hope it fits into its place properly.

Actually should have tried the fit before.

[grunts] There goes one.

♪

12 more to go.

♪

This one here, nice,

but this one here was a complicated one,

and it came out perfect.

There's no visible splintering on the outside,

and that's a full bend.

Matter of fact, it's past full,

so this is probably the strongest testimony

to how well this method works.

I'm making a huge investment in time and energy.

Taking a huge gamble to build a boat to fish offshore.

Fishing from a boat out on the water,

I think, is gonna be much more productive.

I hope. It would suck if it didn't,

but that's--that, you know, that's the gamble right there.

♪

Almost finished.

Have to tie on those ribs now.

What I learned was building western Greenland kayaks,

so I'm applying that technology here as much as I can,

but everything there is lashed and pegged.

There's no screws, no nails.

They didn't have any. They didn't need any.

♪

So the ribs are fit in.

[sniffles]

Um, quite a bit of wonkiness here and there,

but at least something that

resembles a boat is under way.

♪

♪

I've got a limpet.

Limpets-- part of a complete breakfast.

Actually, limpet--it's the only thing I have for breakfast.

[dramatic music]

♪

If I ever see these on a menu,

I'm ordering two dozen of 'em

just to have the luxury of eating that many of 'em

in one sitting.

♪

The only thing that's bothering me right now

is the starvation

that just can't get enough to eat.

Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of limpets out there,

but there's not a lot of food on a limpet.

I need to get some big protein, big fish.

♪

I've got to finish my net.

♪

It's looking like a net.

None of the lines lay flat.

It's all kind of disorganized, a little bit,

which is kind of what you need for tangling a fish.

You want the net to be able to catch them,

and you want 'em to get in there and get stuck

and try to turn around and get out of it,

and thrash about.

I mean, I like the way it looks.

Ohg, fog, fog.

Is that on the outside?

[sniffles] No, you see that's internal,

and that's--

I got one minute left anyway on the battery.

Well, that's great.

♪

That's the part that doesn't get in the episodes.

We see all the footage that we're shooting and stuff,

but the real burden of being out here

is this other full-time job I have of being a cameraman.

♪

I'm out here surviving and trying to work,

and do all the things I need to do,

and I'm a cameraman.

♪

I'm gonna mount my home made gill net

as an extension on this gill net...

♪

And we'll see how it goes.

You know, I don't know if this'll work.

It's much more visible than the other one,

but the other one hasn't caught anything yet,

so it can't work worse than that.

Right?

♪

Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do

with the rest of my life after this.

I do--I don't know.

You know, it would be great if I had

a career to go back to.

[soft music]

There's gotta be something out there for me.

♪

All right, that is a bottle of crushed mussels

hanging on a gill net,

and if that doesn't attract fish to the net,

I don't know what else to do in this bay.

Seriously...

I'm kind of, like, at my wits end.

If this idea doesn't work,

I'm--I'm drawing a blank.

[sighs] And it's gotta catch something.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- All right, I've decided to quit moping around

like a little baby,

and...

♪

Get some stuff done.

[exhales]

I have to stay because I feel like

I need to set an example for veterans to--

to just not give up, you know?

To--to keep going, you know, even though it sucks,

and even though you want the pain

and everything else to go away,

you know, just keep going.

♪

All right, so the net

is not catching fish anymore.

It only caught one weird looking fish

that I think just flew the wrong way.

I have officially outworn my welcome

sleeping on the ground.

[soft music]

Since my net isn't doing really anything

as far as catching fish,

we're gonna turn it back into a hammock.

You constantly have to change your approach to things,

you know, 'cause just when you think something is going good,

it could change and go bad,

and then you gotta figure out something else to do.

Stuff happens. You're gonna have those things

that just kick you while you're down,

and you gotta get up and say, "Well, I got stuff to do."

[dramatic music]

Just really spent a lot of time building that shelter,

now it's flooded,

but I don't have the energy

to--to rebuild that thing

somewhere else.

Especially without food,

the calories and all that.

That's just not gonna work.

You know, I barely have the energy to split wood.

All right, so it's still soaked in here.

Smells like [bleep] seaweed...

Bad. Like, really bad.

If you allow yourself to adapt

and you allow yourself to--to change,

then you're capable of just amazing things.

[soft music]

That might just work.

♪

Other than the foul stench of seaweed.

[tense music]

♪

Well, good morning.

Day 21.

I'm thankful for this beautiful place.

I'm enjoying myself being here.

It's--it's brought out the best in me.

I've built a very beautiful camp.

I have a comfortable home here.

I can spend hours in my shelter...

♪

And I've got means and ways for getting food...

♪

And I've got things to occupy my time and my mind.

I cut dice.

Two blocks.

Kind of round off the corners,

so they roll better for my football game.

Sunday night football.

We have our two opposing teams,

the scallops and the stones.

The dice determine yardage and distance.

Yes, it's a pass.

Greater than ten yards?

No, all right,

so, let's roll to see how many yards we get,

and we just got two that time.

All right, second down.

The defense is holding.

You know, the projects keep me busy

throughout the day,

and so time just flies by because of that.

I did get the arapuca live box trap made.

Hopping along...

then he is caught.

The other day, I found that black buoy.

The perfect size for a bowling ball.

♪

Boom,

and I got the top one,

no problem.

Like it when the-- the time flies,

but...

I'm beginning to feel guilty

of wasting

time and space

that could be used in a better way,

and I feel like my journey is

becoming selfish and self-serving.

♪

I'm not growing more

and I'm not discovering new things about myself.

♪

And after thinking about it, praying about it...

I don't know how much longer I can do this.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

I woke up, uh, craving...

[rain pelting]

Cinnamon sugar donuts

and hot apple cider.

Mmm.

Fall.

♪

Still missing home a lot today.

♪

Over these last couple of days, I wanted to go home.

♪

I'm just having second thoughts about it.

You also have the expectations of other people.

My family's gonna be watching this.

You don't want to let anybody down.

So it's a tough one, you know?

It's really hard being alone.

I've never been alone for this long before.

♪

I have to figure out how long I want to stay here.

♪

So today I'm just gonna

build a little sweat lodge.

A sweat lodge is one of those things,

like, that feeds you more spiritually.

Just do a couple of rounds

and, you know, have a dip in the ocean

and get myself clean both physically and spiritually

before making the decision.

Biggest question I have is just: What am I doing this for?

♪

[axe thumping]

I have all of these cedar branches,

and then there's, like, a little circle

you can kind of see.

It's pretty small.

I don't know what the diameter is.

Maybe, like, six feet or something.

It's just for me, so it doesn't need to be crazy big.

♪

Think I got eight saplings,

and then I just dug 'em into the ground

and folded 'em over,

so that way they all are connected at the top,

and then you just tie them together.

♪

So after those rocks have been heated,

those'll go into that pit...

♪

And then pour water on top.

♪

So now I'm gonna put the tarp over it.

♪

Super simple.

♪

It looks good, actually.

♪

I got all the rocks in there.

I'll get the rocks, like, just super hot.

♪

Put 'em into the lodge

and then pour water on them,

and then sweat it out.

[soft music]

Maybe this will provide some insight.

♪

Oh, yes.

Mm.

♪

Oh, uh-huh.

♪

There's a certain

level of

content-ness and exhaustion

that comes from doing a good hot sweat.

It's like you are happy doing nothing.

♪

[steam hisses]

Mm.

[steam hisses]

[sighs]

[steam hisses]

[singing in foreign language]

♪

[soft dramatic]

A lot of things to look forward to.

Today's been a good day.

I'm really grateful to be here...

♪

And to be in this place that's so beautiful.

It's seriously an incredible,

powerful place.

♪

♪

My head was kind of out of it a bit this morning,

and I feel, actually, pretty good right now.

I feel really grounded.

♪

It's all a mental game, you know?

It's just about, like, pushing on

and--and adapting yourself to the situation.

A lot of staying calm for me is just,

like, looking around and being grateful for what I have.

♪

Every day I've been able to walk outside

and see something beautiful.

♪

I've come to my decision.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- It's not about: "How long can I last?"

"How far can you push yourself?"

"How much can you test your limits?"

It's not really about that.

- I'm in a quandary; I don't know what to do,

and I'm just gonna go ahead and say it,

I don't know if I can do this.

- The last two days have been mentally pretty rough.

You know, just going back and forth in my head

if it would be okay to quit.

I don't have to do this.

♪

- There's not enough caloric intake

in the meals that I can pull out of the ocean

to keep me from e That's the endgame for me..

♪

I know my goal all along

was to stay out here for the entire year,

but I just miss Barbara terribly.

♪

Being away like this, so long,

I'm afraid that it'll mess me up so bad

that I'll go home this thing that Barbara doesn't know.

♪

I have to admit

that I did not foresee

the heartache that I'm feeling.

Love that camp.

That's saying good-bye to a really good friend right there.

♪

I do not like saying good-bye.

♪

It feels like abandonment.

♪

Man, oh, man,

that is--that is something.

It's even more beautiful from here.

♪

♪

Tomorrow, day 22,

uh, I'm gonna climb up--

climb up this mountain behind me.

Um...

[soft dramatic music]

In, uh--in remembrance

of the 22 veterans a day

that are committing suicide iSo hopefully, y.

you know, somebody sees it

and is--is inspired

to--to keep fighting,

to keep going.

Um, so that's my hope.

That's my goal

in what I'm doing tomorrow.

♪

Today I have a lot of prep work to do.

Getting the camera gear ready and food

and you have to boil water,

which is huge

because that gives you the ability

to--to purify it enough

so I can get to the top of that mountain.

♪

If I can climb this mountain on day 22,

then I can do whatever.

♪

I think it's gonna recharge my batteries.

Gonna give me a little bit of-- of extra motivation...

♪

To go a little bit further.

♪

Water takes forever

to boil here.

It's been about an hour-- the last hour

boiling this water.

It's just such a--a pain in the ass.

♪

It's starting to rain...

♪

A little bit, so I'm gonna pull this inside here.

♪

[bleep]

You gotta be kidding me.

Oh, my God, man.

[exhales]

Wound up spilling

a majority of my [bleep] water.

[dramatic music]

♪

It was right there.

Right at a boil.

♪

And now I don't even know if I'll have enough

to fill up my water bottles.

♪

Mother[bleep].

♪

You know, I was, like,

so at peace with my decision,

but I don't know.

Gone back and forth on it.

[soft dramatic music]

Before I came out here, you know, I was in the process

of--of choosing whether or not I wanted to do this.

I decided not to.

♪

Called my dad up, "What do you think?"

And he had a really good perspective, you know?

Said this was a sort of, like,

once in a lifetime opportunity

to do something like this,

and to just remember,

like, how big this is.

♪

I'm torn between living here and going home.

♪

If I leave,

I'd be doing myself an injustice.

If I stay longer,

I'm gonna be alone.

♪

♪

♪

[satellite phone beeps]

Hey, Dan, this is Randy.

♪

- Hey, man, uh, I, uh--I wanted to call

because I'm ready to go.

I'm--I'm tapping out.

♪

♪

Physically, I felt capable of staying out here

a really long time,

but we're not just physical bodies,

and so I wasn't being fed mentally.

I wasn't being fed emotionally

because there's no interaction with other people.

I mean, don't get me wrong, like, I love living this way.

I want to live off the land.

♪

That's the ideal life for me,

but there's no way I could do it alone.

I am craving

human companionship like it's water.

♪

I wanted to just come out here

and just sort of, like, connect with the land...

♪

And I wanted it to teach me things,

and...

you know, it really made me appreciate my loved ones.

My sort of, like, community and tribe.

I mean, it-- it really opened my eyes

to how amazing the people in my life are...

but I'm really gonna miss this place a lot.

♪

I'm just craving

my loved ones,

and, you know,

I just--I way underestimated

that being the hardest part.

♪

♪

- Hi, good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

[soft dramatic music]

My name is Justin, and I'm reporting to you live

from the scene

of the set of the movie "Waterworld."

Everything is under water.

Holy [bleep].

There's about--oh, man,

at least six inches under water.

[sighs] I thought I had it bad earlier.

This is nuts.

I have no frickin' idea

what I'm gonna do

as far as shelter...

[dramatic music]

But you know what?

Today, that doesn't matter...

♪

Because today is day 22.

I decided that on day 22

I was gonna climb a mountain.

♪

Kind of--

kind of really at my--at the bottom of my rope right now,

and, uh...

so I need this.

I need--I need to get to the top of that mountain.

Um...

♪

'Cause when I come back down, I gotta start all over.

♪

Um...

♪

So... [exhales]

This is it.

♪

There's a lot of ups and downs in life,

and for every one step you take,

there's three things that pull you back down.

Over the course of time, that can drain on you.

Drain your soul.

Drain a person down to where they don't want to do anything.

They don't want to--

to deal with life anymore.

If one veteran that's hurting sees this and says,

"I can keep going,"

that, "It can get better,"

and, "That it will get better

"if you keep putting one foot in front of the other

and you keep climbing,"

then it's worth the risk.

♪

- I'm ready to put the skin on the kayak.

The tarp I have,

one good scratch on those barnacles,

and it's done with.

- I'm gonna climb this damn mountain.

This is extremely dangerous.

One wrong move here, and I'm done.

[grunts]

- Rough surf came in, destroyed both of my gill nets.

I'm wasting away in here.

If I don't get some solid food

out of that ocean, I'm not gonna make it.

There is a bear behind me.

It is at my net. What's it gonna do?

[whispering] Oh, it's coming my way.

Oh, my God.

♪