Original subtitles

I'm so tired.

Yeah, being away really makes you appreciate coming home.

I cannot wait to lay down in our squeaky little bed.

I call dibs on the shower. [keys jingle]

[All scream]

Oh, no.

- [Electricity buzzing] - Oh, what?

Oh, no.

You know, it's raining in your apartment.

[Doorbell dings]

All: Hi.

[Upbeat music]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ *HOME ECONOMICS*

Season 03 Episode 02

So the water just came

from our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Ainsley.

She turned on the bathtub and straight-up died...

Her hair blonde and moved.

- Where'd she move? - Greece.

- Cool. - Nice save.

Our landlord said it should take a few weeks

to repair the damages.

Are you sure it's okay we stay that long?

It's fine. What's the point

of having a pad like this if I can't share it?

And I'm leaving later today anyway

for the annual Windmount Teachers' Retreat

at resort in Sonoma. [Gags]

Are we supposed to feel bad for you?

That sounds awesome.

You know, it sounded bad in my head,

but you're right. It's actually pretty sweet.

Well, Kel and Shamiah and Denise

will be having an absolute blast

at the Ritz-Connor ton.

If you guys need anything at all, just let me know.

- Oh, thank you. - Thanks.

Actually, let... let Lupe know.

- Sure. - Not me. Don't let me know.

I do feel bad imposing on Lupe and your brother.

Don't. We do it all the time.

Yeah, but you're usually here, too, imposing with me.

It's fine. You're over thinking it.

Okay.

Oh, don't worry, Lupe, we will be out of your hair.

You won't even notice us here.

We will not make a peep.

We're gonna be the perfect guests...

Okay, she's already gone.

So, uh, are we on for date night tonight?

Yes. It's been so long.

- Let's do something fun. - Yeah.

Did we remember to hire a babysitter?

- We did not. - Oh.

Wanna open a bottle of wine and pretend to watch a movie

- while we scroll on our phones? - Oh. Hell yeah.

- It's time for your 11:00. - Mm.

- What's your 11:00? - You.

To talk about your book launch.

I'll see you in my office in 30 seconds.

Clock's starting!

Have fun, Tom.

Mr. Hayworth will see you now.

Okay.

Thanks for coming in, Tom.

What's with the... What is this?

You like?

Now that I own your publishing house,

I decided to "publisher up" my vibe.

I got the glasses, the cardigan, even the books.

Yeah, I see you organized them by color.

As supposed to what? By height?

Now, let's talk launch strategy.

We got the release coming up.

Yeah. I'm so excited.

I can't believe it's finally happening.

When should I sit down with the marketing team?

You are!

I'm sorry, what?

Your old publishing company wasted so much money

on some super expensive marketing firm.

Who needs highly paid experts when you got me?

I do.

I-I-I-I do.

Tom, half of my success can be attributed

to sales and marketing.

You're looking at the guy

who turned Rivio Global Holdings

into a household name.

- I've never heard of that. - Don't worry, all right?

I've done a deep dive into the book industry.

I've come up with a real plan.

"Home Economics: Future Best-Seller."

Okay.

I've been poring over first-week sales

of debut novels.

It's not my debut novel.

- Might as well be. - Okay.

Now, phase one of our marketing plan

is just one simple word.

- Buzz. - Okay.

I was gonna say research.

Look at him go.

Did you animate that yourself?

No, I paid a lot of money for that thing.

Right.

Why does the kitchen smell like a salad?

Well, I cleaned the counters with vinegar.

It's eco-friendly and non-toxic.

What a fun tip. Thanks.

You're welcome. Just trying to help.

[light suspenseful music]

[♪ ♪]

[exhales]

And that, Tom,

is what we in the marketing circles

like to call a meme.

Yes. Thank you. I know what a meme is.

Have you lined up any interviews?

Glad you asked.

I got you on a Buzz Blitz.

We're talking podcasts, YouTube shows,

then we're gonna distribute those clips on TikTok,

which is totally disrupting the literary space right now.

We don't need to disrupt anything.

I just need to sell books.

- That's what disrupting does. - Okay.

Um, any TV shows or, uh, magazine interviews?

Whoa, that's phase two.

Right now, we're tackling phase one.

Just send out the manuscript.

Let the work speak for itself.

- [Beep] - Your 11:30 is here.

Send her in.

Who else are you meeting with?

My interior designer.

That's me. Hi, honey.

- What? - Gretchen's been bugging me

about redecorating her room, so I hired Marina.

- [Taps notepad] - It's my first gig.

Don't worry.

We shouldn't be more than an hour.

But, uh, what about book signings?

- I'll show you out. - And PR?

Thank you so much for asking me to do this.

I really wanna get my design business going,

and this is gonna be a huge help.

Yeah, of course.

You sure you have time with your job at the firm?

Oh, yeah. I am fully checked out at work.

- Love that. - Okay.

So today I'm gonna take a few measurements

and I will do a few mock-ups.

All I need is your budget.

- For Gretchen? - Mm-hmm.

Sky is the limit.

Oh, I love that for me.

Hey, you think you could have this done by next weekend?

As in this coming weekend?

Yeah, she's gonna get back from her mum's house.

I thought it'd be cool to surprise her.

Oh, that's a tight turnaround.

I have faith in you.

- Hmm. - I will show you out.

[Gasps]

So I checked out those podcasts

Connor has me going on.

One was literally hosted by a parrot.

Oh, that's great, honey.

- Marina. - Hmm?

I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to finish a brief for work

so that I have time to focus on this redesign.

[Sighs] Why did I ever decide to pursue my dreams?

- Dreams are exhausting. - [chuckles]

- Good night. - Good night.

[Both grunt]

[light clicks off]

Did I forget something?

[Crickets chirping]

Both: Date night.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. I've just been so busy.

Come on, me too.

I mean, can we just do it next weekend?

That's what we said last week.

What if we just do the end of date night?

Hmm. I'm not really in the mood for Maddow.

But, you know what? I can get there.

Oh, the end-end?

Oh, big fan of the end-end.

Oh, let me get... sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Ahh.

- Okay. - [yawns]

Sorry, I just took a melatonin.

[Yawn] Here I go. I took one too.

We just gotta rally.

Yup. Come on. Go time.

Heya, papi.

- [laughs] - Oh.

- Yeah? - Yes, yes, yes.

- How does that feel? - [snoring]

- Marina? - Hmm?

[Both moaning]

- [Snoring] - Tom, wake up.

I'm awake. I'm awake.

Should we lay down to do sex?

Oh, yeah.

[Moans] Don't worry.

I'm... I'm still...

[dramatic tone] [snorts] Awake.

- What happened? - I'm awake.

- [Baby crying] - Oh.

Oh, it's morning.

Next weekend?

Hells yeah.

Oh, how festive.

I hated the idea of you doing our laundry,

- so I hand-washed everything. - Uh-huh.

And then you hung it from the rafters

like we're in a regional production of "Annie"?

Oh, don't worry. It's gonna dry in, like,

eight to ten hours.

Okay. Here's the deal.

I have created a very careful system

to manage this house.

Oh, I get it. We have a system at home too.

[Thud] Oh.

Ours is more like a vibe.

While you are here, you need to respect the system.

I wash the clothes in the machine made for washing

and I dry them in the machine made for drying.

Okay, but I was gonna save some energy.

Or I could stick to your system.

Good. Now I'm going to take these down

before Connor gets tangled up in your sports bras.

Well, let me do that. I can throw it into the dryer.

Do you know where the laundry room is?

Of course I do.

It's... upstairs or downstairs?

Is this downstairs?

Goodbye.

Okay.

I have a few ideas to show you in my portfolio,

including the portfolio. It's new.

Ooh, that is quite a strong folio.

Okay. Let's talk color palette.

There's too much pink and purple.

I'm thinking cool neutrals like this dove gray.

- Hmm. - Modern with clean lines,

but still playful and inviting.

Hmm.

My overall goal is to make the room feel fun

and perfect for the modern pre-teen.

Hmm.

Any additional feedback?

I like it. I definitely like it.

But do I like it?

Oh. Okay.

Um, well, it's important that you do like it.

Yeah, you're my client, and I wanna make you happy.

Perfect. I love how easy this is.

Yeah. Let me give it a rethink,

and I'll show you some new ideas.

- Cool. - Is there anything

from this first pass that you would like to keep?

- From this first pass? - Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

I did say I like the folio, right?

You did.

And I meant it.

Sour Takes!

What up? It's your boy, Derek Chen,

and you are watching "Sour Takes."

Today we're with Tom.

He's the author of a new novel,

"Home Economics."

Tom, tell us about your book.

Well, it's a story inspired by my own family

and how we navigate the three distinct economic...

Tom. Tom. You gotta do that over again.

You gotta eat the lemon, man.

Right. The... lemon.

Yeah, that's why we sent you all the food.

It's called "Sour Takes" for a reason, dude.

Ah.

Whoa. Whoa!

All right. Um, well, it's a story...

Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's a story that's inspired... hmm, wow.

Spit it out, Tom.

[Coughs]

Aly, I'm so hungover.

I swear I'm sweating mezcal.

Ugh, I woke up in a downtown loft

in a unitard and a feather boa.

Sorry, are we recording?

This is our intro. We just talk about our nights.

- What'd you do? - Oh, me?

Uh, same, you know?

- Ragin', crashin'. - Nice.

- [Baby crying] - Yeah, mostly raging.

What the hell? Is that a baby?

Nope, that's two babies.

We got twins. Twins.

- Whoa. - Ew.

- Please stop. - I'm gonna vom.

Yeah, I get that. I get that.

So at the end of the day,

this book is about finding common ground...

[squawk] Common ground.

Between siblings who struggle with unique challenges.

- Unique challenges. - Yup.

It's not just about the siblings, right?

It's about...

Don't... slow down, Tom. Don't choke.

You were up at 3:00 a.m.?

[Chuckles] I was up at 3:00 a.m. too.

- Yeah, major blowout. - That's kinda cool.

And then 5:00 a.m. again popping bottles with the twins.

- It was sick. - So sick.

No, I'm saying I actually think

they were coming down with something.

Gross.

Ultimately, each of the siblings are grappling

with the concept of what's fair.

Cookie? Cookie.

Cookie, over here. Good.

The parents also play a pivotal role in the piece.

Whoo!

Tommy, boy, are you still with us?

I'm good. Yeah. My tongue's a little numb.

Has anyone ever died from this?

- You wanna take a break? - Nah, I'm fine.

- What's the next question? - When does the book come out?

Pass. Pass.

- [Wheezes] - Whoo!

Connor, these interviews are pointless

and incredibly demeaning.

I know, they've been great.

But we still don't have anything TikTok worthy.

We need to give you a blast of buzz.

I don't know what a blast of buzz is

or, honestly, what else I could even do.

Well, that's why you have me.

I got you an interview with Ninja.

- Is that another parrot? - Tom.

He's the number-one gamer on Twitch.

- Ah. - He has 17 million followers.

- This is a huge get. - No, no, no, no, no. Come on.

- I suck at video games. - I know.

It's like a weird nerd blind spot for you.

But don't worry, I've hired you a consultant.

What's up, Uncle T?

Were you just waiting outside this whole time?

Uncle Connor wanted to make it a surprise.

I love a good reveal.

Calvin's gonna help you out

so you don't completely humiliate yourself.

But I get paid either way, right?

- Yeah, yeah. For sure. - Come on.

All right, you guys have fun.

I got an 11:00 a.m. with your wife.

- What? - Love you, Tom. Bye.

What time are you gonna be back?

Okay, first of all...

what is your energy drink situation?

Oh, boy.

So I wanted to show you my new ideas

in the space, and I put away some old things.

That way, you could really visualize it.

I love these muted greens and blues together.

Mm, wow.

And I got this mid-century lamp.

It's one of a kind,

and I think it's gonna give the room

a touch of sophistication.

Sophistication.

Oh, and for the accent wall,

do you prefer brushed sage or ancient jade?

I don't like it.

- What? - Sorry.

I think what I meant to say was, um...

I hate it. Yeah.

Everything just feels wrong.

And I don't like it.

Okay, you already said that.

Yeah, maybe this was just a mistake.

I mean, Gretchen's only gone for a few days.

That's not enough time for this much change.

- Hmm. - It's my fault.

I'll still pay you for your time.

No, please, don't.

I didn't do the job.

Maybe I'm not really cut out for this, you know?

Marina, that's not true.

No, it's fine. I get it.

But I am gonna take this lamp

because I love it

- and the lady, she... - Oh.

She made it very clear that it's not refundable.

[Thud]

So, Tom, I hear you got this new book or something?

Yeah, Ninja, it's called "Home Economics,"

and it's based on my family.

- So... - It's X.

Sorry, hang on.

- Press X. - I am pressing X.

Oh, that X.

Yeah, okay. Oh, great. Thanks.

Yeah, the story centers on the financial differences

- between the siblings... - [snarls]

Ah! Oh, my God!

Tom, man, you gonna be okay there, bud?

No, it's all good.

This game's, like, different from when I was growing up.

- But, yeah, so three siblings... - Ha!

Ah! Oh, crap.

I'm sorry, that one, it just felt like it was

coming right out at me.

Yeah, you know they're not real, right?

Yes, thank you, Ninja. I am aware of that.

I'm just a writer...

Ah!

[Thuds] [game beeps]

This guy!

So Lupe doesn't want us messing with her system.

But we can help within her system.

- Fun. - Yeah. - [Mouths words]

So her schedule today is packed.

Steam Connor's tank tops.

- Gross. - Roll Connor's protein balls.

- Also gross. - And then...

Window cleaning.

We'll do the windows before Lupe gets in.

Do we get a say in this?

No.

Mum, the windows look worse than when we started.

We're too deep into it now.

- There's no going back. - But, Mum, it's everywhere.

Just keep scrubbing.

Maybe it'll look normal when it dries.

Morning!

Hey, so we saw that today was window day,

and we wanted to help with your system,

so we used...

We used window cleaner and sponges,

and we don't really know what happened,

and we're very, very sorry.

Who's "we"?

Damn, they're fast.

Window day is the day

the professional window cleaners

- come and clean the windows. - Oh.

They use a special solution

since these have a custom coating.

Of course rich people have different windows.

What is wrong? Why can't you let me do my job?

Because I feel bad you have to clean up after people.

My job doesn't bother me.

But it sounds like it bothers you.

[Dramatic music]

[♪ ♪]

- Hey, buzzy bee. - Tom, you're early.

- Look, if I had to be... - One sec.

Just gimme one second.

I didn't know you were gonna be here so early.

I think my approach just... Okay.

- I just... okay. - Just give me one second.

All right, I'm ready. Let's talk buzz.

No. No more buzz.

Twitch was a disaster. Teenagers can be really cruel.

They said I look like Kerri Strug.

- I see it. - That's not the point.

Look, Tom, the point is, it did numbers.

I mean, you're all over TikTok.

Why don't you just trust that you know what I'm doing?

Oh, well, I don't because you don't.

I can't believe I agreed to all these cheap stunts.

This was a stupid plan.

You think the plan is stupid, or you think I'm stupid?

I don't know, bro. If the buzz blitz fits.

[Phone ringing]

Go for Connor.

Hi, this is Becca.

I'm a producer with "Live with Kelly and Ryan,"

calling about one of your authors, Tom Hayward.

- That's a TV show. - I know it's a TV show.

Are you calling from the TV show?

I am.

We'd love Tom to come on and talk about his book.

Kelly read the first few chapters

and really took to it.

See? We just had to let the book speak for itself.

Kelly's son saw Tom's freakout on Twitch

and told his mum that he was "cringe

in a funny way."

She only read the book 'cause I got you on Twitch.

Yeah, but come on.

That means nothing without the writing.

Well, no one's reading the writing without the buzz.

Um, do you guys think you're on mute?

- No. No, we don't. - No.

But if I could just say, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- Hopefully we'll see you in the future. - And why don't you shoot over the deets,

and we'll take it from there?

- We'll take it from there. - Sounds good.

- Talk soon... - Perf.

I'm gonna be on "Kelly and Ryan"!

"Kelly and Ryan."

I can't believe your stupid plan worked.

Well, the stupid plan only worked

'cause you're stupid book's so good.

Look, man, I appreciate everything you've done.

I guess working with family can be complicated.

Tell me about it.

I think I might have crossed some serious boundaries

- with your wife. - [chuckles]

Wait, what?

I just gave it to her.

I mean, I really let her have it.

You're talking about the redesign, right?

Oh, in my daughter's room, of all places.

I should go upstairs and talk to her.

- She's probably still hurting. - Wait, she's here right now?

Connor, what the hell is going on?

[Knocking]

- Hey. - Hey.

Thought I would put the room back the way it was.

Hey, um...

Sorry I was so harsh the other day.

It's fine. You were just being honest.

For a while, Gretchen couldn't choose

between pink and purple as her favorite.

She insisted that everything be both colors.

That's cute.

Oh, that's Carrots.

Gretch wouldn't go to preschool without Carrots.

I guess she doesn't need him anymore.

Connor, do you think that maybe

you didn't want to change Gretchen's room

because it reminds you she's growing up?

I don't know, I just...

When I saw the room you designed,

it looked like a room for someone older.

But she is older.

She told me last week

she doesn't even like purple anymore.

Yeah, it goes by so fast.

Camilla used to call me Mami, and then Mum,

and now it's Mother, which feels like an attack.

Oof.

At least your twins are still little.

I always imagined having more kids.

Connor, you know, Gretchen may be growing up,

but she's still your little girl.

You know, now that I think about it,

- I'm feeling the ancient jade. - What?

For the accent wall. Still want the job?

I would really like that.

I was just wondering if I could...

You can keep the lamp.

Thank you. I love it so much.

Hey, Lupe.

About earlier, I just wanted to apologize for what I said.

I think I got caught up in trying to help

because I just didn't want to...

- exploit you. - Exploit me?

I'm pretty sure I make more money than you.

Well, we don't have to get into numbers.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to make you feel bad.

Connor even set me up with a 401k

and a SEP IRA with matching benefits.

Wow. And those are two different things?

Look, Denise, my job is not glamorous,

but I enjoy making Connor and Gretchen

and the whole family feel at home.

Thank you, Lupe.

So you'll stop trying to help?

Yes. For the next few weeks, I will literally do nothing.

Good.

How about I make you a cocktail?

Yes... and I will not help with that.

Hang on a second.

Did you say you're staying a few weeks?

Yeah, landlord said up to a month.

I'll make two.

Okay, Lupe, hit record.

I wanna get the big reveal.

You ready?

[Gasps]

Wow.

I love it. [Gasps]

The bed and the painting and the wallpaper.

Oh, my gosh. I love it.

- Thank you so much, Aunt Marina. - Oh.

Thank you.

Aw, you kept Carrots.

Well, you know, just trying to keep my clients happy.

I friggin' nailed this!

To your first satisfied clients.

To your upcoming TV appearance.

[Glasses clink]

[Romantic music]

Well, I don't think either of us have taken any melatonin.

Not a milligram.

[Clatter]

Oh, good ambience, honey.

- Did the twins help you do it? - Shh, you're ruining this.

You're getting me so hot.

[Fire alarm beeping]

[Doorbell rings]

All: Hi!

[Baby screaming]

Uh-oh. They are not great houseguests.

Subtitles Synchronized by srjanapala